Podcasts about sex addicts trauma specialists

Have you ever found yourself trapped in a whirlwind of emotions after betrayal, leaving you torn between the instinct to stay close to someone who has hurt you and the deep knowledge that you deserve better?In this episode, Heidi Dike Kingston and I explore the complex dynamics of betrayal trauma, the effects it has on your nervous system, and the steps to begin healing so you can move toward a life of safety and emotional freedom (this is part 2 to Heidi's story).By listening to this episode, you will:Understand why betrayal trauma feels so overwhelming and confusing - like life or deathLearn how attachment systems play a role in keeping you second guessing your decision to leave and/or going backDiscover the physiological effects betrayal trauma has on our body and steps to take today to begin to healHit play now to uncover actionable steps and heartfelt insights that will empower you to heal from betrayal trauma and reclaim your emotional strength!MENTIONED:EP 66: How Unhealed Attachment Wounds Lead to Addictive Toxic Relationships with Heidi Dike Kingston (Part 1)Heidi's website: http://heidikingston.comAssociation of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists: https://www.apsats.org/#!event-listAdult Children of Alcoholics & Dysfunctional Families (ACA): https://adultchildren.orgSex & Love Addicts Anonymous (SLAA): https://slaafws.orgRESOURCES FOR YOUR HEALING:❤️ For more resources on healing from the mindf*ck of confusing relationships so you can securely attach + experience healthy love: ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.brewolta.com⁠⁠⁠⁠

Have you ever wondered why you keep repeating unhealthy relationship patterns despite your best efforts to move forward?This episode dives deep into the ‘why' behind our unmanageable cycles of seeking connection or staying in harmful relationships, and how we can make sense of it all.Listen as Heidi Dike Kingston shares her personal journey of love addiction recovery in this part 1 of 2.In this episode you will:Understand the key family dynamics that effect our ability to attach in adult relationships (and how to heal yours)Finally recognize where the core belief, “I can't be alone” comes from and how it can lead to a trauma bonded relationshipLearn how holding onto someone's potential keeps you stuck in toxic relationships & impacts real intimacyClick play to uncover the roots of your relationship patterns and take the first step toward breaking free and building the love life you deserve.MENTIONED:Part 2 of Heidi's episode coming next Wednesday! Ep. 67 How Betrayal Trauma Hijacks Your Brain & Nervous System - And How To Break Free With Heidi Dike Kingston (Part 2)Heidi's website: http://heidikingston.comAssociation of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists: https://www.apsats.org/#!event-listAdult Children of Alcoholics & Dysfunctional Families (ACA): https://adultchildren.orgSex & Love Addicts Anonymous (SLAA): https://slaafws.orgRESOURCES FOR YOUR HEALING:❤️ For more resources on healing from the mindf*ck of confusing relationships so you can securely attach + experience healthy love: ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.brewolta.com⁠⁠⁠⁠

According to Beyond the Porn Phenomenon, women are 3x more likely to say porn use of a partner makes them feel that their spouse doesn't care about them. Dr. Barbara Steffens helps break down why porn use connects so acutely to the relationship for women, shares advice you would give to create change, and why pornography use by one spouse is not a marriage issue but rather an issue that impacts and wounds the marriage. Dr. Barbara Steffens, the founding President of the Association for Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists.Resources:Order ‘Beyond The Porn Phenomenon Now!'Barna WebsiteGet Dr. Barb's BookDr. Barb's WebsiteAPSATS Website GET STARTEDFree eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal TraumaFree eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From PornSchedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling ConsultationJoin A Pure Desire Online Group SOCIALSFollow us on FacebookFollow us on InstagramFollow us on X (Twitter)

*DISCLAIMER* This episode includes adult content and is not intended for young ears. Story of Healing from Sexual Betrayal in Marriage: An Interview with Bonny Burns Luke 8:17 (NIV) "For there is nothing hidden that will not be disclosed, and nothing concealed that will not be known or brought out into the open." Questions We Discuss: Will you share your journey with us? Will you teach us what we may not be aware of for people who struggle with pornography addiction? What are lies or myths women are tempted to believe when they have been sexually betrayed? Bonny Burns is an APSATS certified partner coach (Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists, apsats.org.) She has been writing and researching God's design of sexual intimacy since 2012 on the blog OysterBed7.com and has been speaking about godly sexual intimacy on the popular podcast, forchristianwives.com. She can also be found at strongwives.com. Strong Wives Website Sex Chats for Christian Wives Podcast Bonny Burns' Website Bonny Burns on Facebook Book with Bonny as your Coach Thank You to Our Sponsors: Chick-fil-A East Peoria and The Savvy Sauce Charities (and donate online here)   Connect with The Savvy Sauce through Our Website Gospel Scripture: (all NIV) Romans 3:23 “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,” Romans 3:24 “and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.” Romans 3:25 (a) “God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood.” Hebrews 9:22 (b) “without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness.” Romans 5:8 “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:11 “Not only is this so, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.” John 3:16 “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” Romans 10:9 “That if you confess with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.” Luke 15:10 says “In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.” Romans 8:1 “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” Ephesians 1:13–14 “And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation. Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God's possession- to the praise of his glory.” Ephesians 1:15–23 “For this reason, ever since I heard about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all the saints, I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers. I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his mighty strength, which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every title that can be given, not only in the present age but also in the one to come. And God placed all things under his feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church, which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way.” Ephesians 2:8–10 “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God – not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God‘s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.“ Ephesians 2:13 “But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near through the blood of Christ.“ Philippians 1:6 “being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”

Jeanne Vittoni is the president of APSATS (Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists) and joins the podcast to discuss the vital role of partner care in sex addiction recovery. With over 25 years of experience working with trauma survivors, Jeanne unpacks how understanding trauma symptomatology, setting up safe support systems, and getting proper training can accelerate the healing process.Jeanne shares her insights on trauma recovery for betrayed partners, why it's important to address both the addict's and the partner's healing, and how proper trauma care can transform a relationship. Whether you're a struggling addict, a betrayed partner, or a professional wanting to offer better support, this episode will provide valuable strategies for navigating the road to recovery together.Resources:Full Episode On YoutubeAPSATS WebsiteAPSATS PodcastYour Sexually Addicted Spouse BookBetrayal Trauma Religious Leaders (BTRL) TrainingFREE Pure Desire Counseling Consultation  GET STARTEDFree eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal TraumaFree eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From PornSchedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling ConsultationJoin A Pure Desire Online Group SOCIALSFollow us on FacebookFollow us on InstagramFollow us on X (Twitter)

What are the 3 phases of healing from sexual betrayal? In part 2 of our series with Dr. Barbara Steffens and Lyschel Burket, you'll get a helpful overview of the Multidimensional Partner Trauma Model (MPTM). You'll also learn the difference between forgiveness vs. reconciliation vs. trust and how to avoid "good boy syndrome" while working on rebuilding trust.Dr. Barbara Steffens is the founding president of APSATS, the Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists. She has specialized in providing help for the partners of sexual addicts since 1999. Dr. Steffens is a recognized expert in the field, and is now accepting speaking engagements for churches and professional organizations. Learn more and connect with Barb at drbarbarasteffens.comBuy Barb's book (this is a paid link):Your Sexually Addicted Spouse: How Partners Can Cope and HealLyschel Burket is the Lead Hope Caster and Founder of Hope Redefined. She is also a current APSATS Board Member and the committee lead for BTRL (Betrayal Trauma Religious Leader Training). Lyschel has been working with women since 2008 by helping them navigate the road of betrayal by sexual infidelity. She knows all too well the isolation, shame, fear, and trauma that betrayal causes. More than anything, Lyschel wants women to know that they don't have to walk this road alone, so she provides a safe community where each one can find healing and hope.Learn more about Lyschel and Hope Redefined at hoperedefined.orgMore resources for women from Hope Redefined:private online communityonline support groupsintensive retreats1:1 coachingListen to the Hope For Wives podcast at hopeforwives.com!Get trained by Dr. Barbara Steffens and Lyschel Burket through BTRL (Betrayal Trauma Religious Leader Training). Learn more here.Take the Husband Material Journey... Step 1: Listen to this podcast or watch on YouTube Step 2: Join the private Husband Material Community Step 3: Take the free mini-course: How To Outgrow Porn Step 4: Try the all-in-one program: Husband Material Academy Thanks for listening!

What happens to the brain and body of a wife who discovers her husband's relationship with porn? This is part 1 of our 2 part series on the trauma of sexual infidelity taught by Dr. Barbara Steffens and Lyschel Burket. You'll learn why wives react the way they do, how to tell the difference between wives expressing anger vs. engaging in abusive behavior, how to set appropriate boundaries while practicing empathy, and what wives really want from their husbands in the healing process (VOWS). This teaching is absolutely brilliant. Take notes!Dr. Barbara Steffens is the founding president of APSATS, the Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists. She has specialized in providing help for the partners of sexual addicts since 1999. Dr. Steffens is a recognized expert in the field, and is now accepting speaking engagements for churches and professional organizations. Learn more and connect with Barb at drbarbarasteffens.comBuy Barb's book (this is a paid link):Your Sexually Addicted Spouse: How Partners Can Cope and HealLyschel Burket is the Lead Hope Caster and Founder of Hope Redefined. She is also a current APSATS Board Member and the committee lead for BTRL (Betrayal Trauma Religious Leader Training). Lyschel has been working with women since 2008 by helping them navigate the road of betrayal by sexual infidelity. She knows all too well the isolation, shame, fear, and trauma that betrayal causes. More than anything, Lyschel wants women to know that they don't have to walk this road alone, so she provides a safe community where each one can find healing and hope.Learn more about Lyschel and Hope Redefined at hoperedefined.orgMore resources for women from Hope Redefined:private online communityonline support groupsintensive retreats1:1 coachingListen to the Hope For Wives podcast at hopeforwives.com!Get trained by Dr. Barbara Steffens and Lyschel Burket through BTRL (Betrayal Trauma Religious Leader Training). Learn more here.Take the Husband Material Journey... Step 1: Listen to this podcast or watch on YouTube Step 2: Join the private Husband Material Community Step 3: Take the free mini-course: How To Outgrow Porn Step 4: Try the all-in-one program: Husband Material Academy Thanks for listening!

Shane offers ideas and resources for healing and recovery based on his 15 years of experience in this specialty and the recent training he did with APSATS (Association of Partner's of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists). He gives best practices for each of the main stages of healing:  1. Shock and Crisis Stage2.  Safety and Stabilization3. Remembering and Mourning

Women need and employ a lot of resilience. There is truly a limitless power of women that exists in the world. But despite these truths, we can still struggle to feel deserving of money, deserving of success, deserving of getting what we want out of life. In this shared episode, I'm honored to be the one interviewed. Lindsay Poelman invited me on her podcast, Become A Trauma Informed Coach, to talk about my experiences, about changing our ingrained beliefs as women, and so much more. As always, I found my time with Lindsay extremely encouraging, and hope you do as well.  “[If] you are struggling… feeling low… doubting yourself, it's NOT an indication of what is possible for you. Because we all feel that way. Period.” – Molly Claire What You'll Learn Connecting to true self Gift of resilience Recognizing your contributions Why you are deserving Pay attention to your calling Contact Info and Recommended Resources Master Coach Training 2024 REGISTRATION LAST CHANCE! This all-in-one training includes numerous holistic approaches, relationship coaching, coaching ethics, and much, much more. Molly is personally enrolling people, so set up a call with her to discuss the training and get registered before registration is full. There is a limit of 20. mollyclaire.mykajabi.com/master-coach-training. Everything kicks off January 10, 2024. Connect with Lindsay Poelman Lindsay Poelman is a specialized Trauma Coach who trains other coaches to become Trauma-Informed. A graduate of The Life Coach School, she also holds certifications and associations in the areas of Sexual Addiction Betrayal Trauma, Faith-Based Coaching, Feminist Coaching and APSATS (The Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists). lindsaypoelmancoaching.com  Facebook  |  Instagram Lindsay's podcast: Become A Trauma Informed Coach  Connect with Molly Claire Create A Killer Program For Your Clients: Registration fills fast so get on the January 2024 waitlist! This interactive workshop-style Masterclass teaches you: How the right program can fuel your marketing and sales efforts 3 key ingredients to effective coaching programs How to build a program that will set you apart as an expert Masterful Coach Foundations + The 10K Accelerator Method: Designed for mission-centered Life Coaches who are ready to build a profitable and purposeful business? mollyclaire.com/foundations.   Have a question or thoughts about the podcast? Don't hesitate to contact Molly at:  Instagram | Molly Claire Coaching IG  molly@mollyclaire.com Facebook Molly's book: The Happy Mom Mindset: mollyclaire.com/book  Please help Molly reach even more like-minded individuals! Simply post a review of the podcast on your favorite platform (or two). It is so appreciated. Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify | iHeart Radio | Amazon Music | RSS

Holistic approaches to coaching are becoming more and more mainstream because of how effective they are. When we, as coaches, have a higher level view of how everything in the human mind and body is connected, we can bring a higher level of care to our clients. We can serve and help them more fully, in addition to our speciality or main coaching focus. That's why I'm bringing together coaches like Leah Davidson, Lindsay Poelman and Melanie Fay for my brand new Masterful Coach Training Advanced Training, which begins in 2024. And for this episode, we've come together to both give a sneak peek of the program and to share numerous good thoughts around holistic approach to coaching. “As coaches, when we can support our clients in feeling those emotions in a healthy way and guiding them to learn a new way of processing and feeling, and all of that, it really is creating a new pathway, a new plan, a new protocol.” – Molly Claire What You'll Learn Reactivating compassion for self and others Removing roadblocks Intuition safety Why holistic Nervous system activation for big emotions Creating supported space Why changing thoughts needs activation Authentic connections Care for self to bring better care to clients Line between coaching and training and ethics in coaching Contact Info and Recommended Resources The NEW 2024 Masterful Coach Training waitlist is NOW OPEN at mollyclaire.com. In this training, you'll learn about numerous holistic approaches, relationship coaching, coaching ethics, and so much more. It's truly an all-in-one training. Don't delay, get on the waitlist!  Connect with Leah Davidson Leah Davidson is a  registered Speech-Language Pathologist (SLP) and a certified Life Coach (through the Life Coach School). Through her extensive training, she is also a Forward Facing Trauma Informed Health and Wellness Coach, a Forward Facing Professional Resilience Coach and Consultant, a Revelation Breathwork Facilitator, an EFT Practitioner, and is working toward even more certifications. leahdavidsonlifecoaching.com Instagram | @leahdavidsonlifecoaching  Connect with Lindsay Poelman Lindsay Poelman is a specialized Trauma Coach who trains other coaches to become Trauma-Informed. A graduate of The Life Coach School, she also holds certifications and associations in the areas of Sexual Addiction Betrayal Trauma, Faith-Based Coaching, Feminist Coaching and APSATS (The Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists).  lindsaypoelmancoaching.com  Instagram | @lindsaypoelmancoaching Connect with Melanie Fay Melanie Fay is a certified EFT practitioner and professional artist based in New York. While passionate about approaching a large variety of issues with EFT, she specializes in confidence, self esteem, anxiety, blocks to self expression and creative expression, performance fears, and shame. Melanie works with clients world wide though Zoom. melaniefay.com Instagram | @melaniewillsfay  Connect with Molly Claire Create A Killer Program For Your Clients: Registration fills fast so get on the January 2024 waitlist! A bit more about the Create A Killer Program For Your Clients program…  Don't you love the idea of leading your business with service and results? Let's face it, when you're not confident in your program, you're not clear with your offer either.  When you lack confidence and clarity - you WON'T grow your business. In this interactive workshop-style Masterclass with Molly you will learn: How the right program can fuel your marketing and sales efforts 3 key ingredients to effective coaching programs How to build a program that will set you apart as an expert If you're ready to fall in love with coaching again and get *excited* about changing your clients' lives - this is your chance! Masterful Coach Foundations: Are you a mission-centered Life Coach ready to build your profitable + purposeful business? Masterful Coach Foundations + The 10K Accelerator Method is designed just for you: mollyclaire.com/foundations. Reach out with your questions or thoughts:  Instagram | Molly Claire Coaching IG  molly@mollyclaire.com Facebook Get my book: The Happy Mom Mindset: mollyclaire.com/book  I am truly thankful for feedback and rating of the podcast: When you leave a review of The Masterful Coach on your favorite platform, it increases the reach of the podcast to help more people! Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify | iHeart Radio | Amazon Music | RSS

No matter what kind of coaching we do, we're going to encounter clients who've experienced some form of trauma. There are simply varying degrees and types. As we do, we may find we need a deeper understanding and skill set around being a trauma informed coach. And we may even find we need to delve into trauma healing for ourselves. Since this is such a sensitive and important topic, I wanted to interview Lindsay Poelman, a specialized Trauma Coach who trains other coaches to become Trauma-Informed.. As Lindsay and I talked, we discussed the stress around starting a business, blending the cognitive and the intuitive, and returning to yourself. Lindsay also shared about getting to safety, redirecting from external to internal, and the benefits of being trauma informed.  “We can move through the emotions that maybe aren't as pleasant. Learning the ability to access that and move through those can really access those ones we all dream of having. And you can experience joy and ecstasy from a settled place.” – Lindsay Poelman What You'll Learn Stress of starting a business Blending cognitive and intuitive Returning to yourself Getting to safety Redirecting from external to internal Being trauma informed Honoring yourself betters society Contact Info and Recommended Resources FREE Webinar Masterclass with Molly:  How to Create a Killer Program for your Clients that Creates Results Monday, August 7 at 11 CT Don't you love the idea of leading your business with service and results? Let's face it, when you're not confident in your program, you're not clear with your offer either.  When you lack confidence and clarity - you WON'T grow your business. In this interactive workshop-style Masterclass with Molly you will learn: How the right program can fuel your marketing and sales efforts 3 key ingredients to effective coaching programs How to build a program that will set you apart as an expert If you're ready to fall in love with coaching again and get *excited* about changing your clients' lives - this is your chance! I highly recommend you listen to every episode of my Foundations for Your Coaching Business series: mollyclaire.com/the-masterful-coach. Connect with Lindsay Poelman Lindsay Poelman is a specialized Trauma Coach who trains other coaches to become Trauma-Informed. A graduate of The Life Coach School, she also holds certifications and associations in the areas of Sexual Addiction Betrayal Trauma, Faith-Based Coaching, Feminist Coaching and APSATS (The Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists).  Lindsay's journey began upon experiencing her own Betrayal Trauma 7 years ago—while simultaneously supporting her husband through his recovery from non-functioning anxiety and depression, betrayal trauma, and in his recovery as a victim of childhood sexual abuse. Through it all, she became so passionate about the resources she found to support herself that she left her career in public and derivative accounting to become a life coach.  After seeking additional training and working with women in trauma for over 5 years, she now trains coaches to do the same—so that they too can provide the deep and safe healing possible for clients across the board who have experienced trauma. She runs an Advanced Relationship Trauma Certification Program for Coaches with a curriculum she put together with a Trauma Therapist. Lindsay has a vision of the whole world being trauma-informed in order to better support personal healing, clients, abuse victims seeking support from families, clergy, and friends for help after being victimized.  She currently lives in the South of France with her husband and three children. Her husband used to work as a dentist, and is now a life coach for men who want to stop looking at porn. She loves the sun, the sea, French cuisine, being outside in nature, Mary Magdalene, traveling, and more. She sometimes says that if she came back in another life she'd be a tour guide because she loves exploring with people she loves. Website: lindsaypoelmancoaching.com  Podcast: lindsaypoelmancoaching.com/podcast  Get Lindsay's FREE OFFER: Ten Things To Know About Trauma. You'll get 10 videos and 10 emails: lindsaypoelmancoaching.com/free  Facebook  Instagram Connect with Molly Claire Masterful Coach Foundations: Are you a mission-centered Life Coach ready to build your profitable + purposeful business? Masterful Coach Foundations + The 10K Accelerator Method is designed just for you: mollyclaire.com/foundations. Drop me a comment or question:  Instagram | Molly Claire Coaching IG  molly@mollyclaire.com Facebook I appreciate your feedback and rating of my podcast: Please head on over to your favorite podcast platform and leave a review of The Masterful Coach. This easy task truly helps! Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify | iHeart Radio | Amazon Music | RSS Work with me:  mollyclaire.com/coaching Get my FREE 10K Goal Tracker: This free goal tracker will help you organize your plan so you can make money + make a difference, one client at a time. Request your instant access copy today! mollyclaire.com/make-your-first-10k-goal-tracker Feeling stuck in your coaching business? It's not your fault. To help you get unstuck, I have 5 Tips No One Ever Told You. Get them for FREE at mollyclaire.com. Get my book: The Happy Mom Mindset: mollyclaire.com/book

*DISCLAIMER* This episode includes adult content and is not intended for young ears.   Top Ten from 2022: #5 Orgasmic Potential, Pleasure, and Friendship: An Interview with Bonny Burns   Genesis 4:1a (KJV) "And Adam knew Eve his wife;"   Questions We Discuss:   What are some practical ways we can enhance our spiritual, emotional, and sexual connection in marriage? Will you teach us more of the scientific findings of sex that we may be unaware of? What are some other fascinating findings you've discovered as it relates to the sexual intimacy and pleasure in marriage?   Bonny Burns is an APSATS certified partner coach (Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists, apsats.org.) She has been writing and researching God's design of sexual intimacy since 2012 on the blog OysterBed7.com and has been speaking about godly sexual intimacy on the popular podcast, forchristianwives.com. She can also be found at strongwives.com.   Strong Wives Website Sex Chats for Christian Wives Podcast Bonny Burns' Website Bonny Burns on Facebook Book with Bonny as your Coach   Thank You to Our Sponsor: WinShape Marriage   Connect with The Savvy Sauce on Facebook or Instagram or Our Website   Also, check out our Patreon Page to find out how to gain access to additional podcasts and goodies!   Gospel Scripture: (all NIV)   Romans 3:23 “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,”   Romans 3:24 “and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.”   Romans 3:25 (a) “God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood.”    Hebrews 9:22 (b) “without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness.”    Romans 5:8 “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”    Romans 5:11 “Not only is this so, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.”    John 3:16 “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.”   Romans 10:9 “That if you confess with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.”    Luke 15:10 says “In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.”   Romans 8:1 “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus”   Ephesians 1:13–14 “And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation. Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God's possession- to the praise of his glory.”   Ephesians 1:15–23 “For this reason, ever since I heard about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all the saints, I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers. I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his mighty strength, which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every title that can be given, not only in the present age but also in the one to come. And God placed all things under his feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church, which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way.”   Ephesians 2:8–10 “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God – not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God‘s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.“   Ephesians 2:13 “But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near through the blood of Christ.“   Philippians 1:6 “being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”  

Got an idea for a guest or topic? If you would like to share your own story, complete the form on OCF's “Be a Guest” webpage. Alternatively, if you have an idea for a guest or topic I should consider for a future episode of the show, send an email to podcast@ocfusa.org.   Show Notes: CAPT Brent & Nicole Breining, USN (Ret.), return to the podcast today to continue our series on pornography and sexuality. If you haven't listened to the first episode in this series, I encourage you to check out that episode first, get to know Brent and Nicole's story, then return to hear today's episode as we dive into the nature of addiction.  We discuss statistics and real-world case studies regarding the pornography industry that reveal the magnitude of its harmful effects on society and on individuals alike. Brent and Nicole then unpack terms and concepts such as the cyclone of addiction, the shame cycle, and neurochemistry of the brain that all point to God's intricate design for His creation. Check out the various resources mentioned throughout this episode: ·      Restoring the Soul podcast: Part 1 with Tony Anderson, and Part 2 with Tony Anderson ·      Fight the New Drug ·      The Social Dilemma ·      Pure Desire Ministries, through which Brent and Nicole help men and women heal from unwanted sexual behaviors and their repercussions   As you listen to this conversation with Brent and Nicole, here are a few questions to ponder in your personal time, with a small group, or with a mentor: We refer to the statistic that 49% of rescued sex trafficking victims were forced to participate in the production of pornographic material. How ought that knowledge affect decisions to consume that pornographic material?   How does the pornography industry harm our perceptions of others as individuals made in the image of God? Why might “rigid, disengaged homes,” per Brent's description, often become an environment in which many individuals become sex addicts? What habits can you establish to “live in this world of technology… but do it in a healthy manner,” as Brent says? What sin struggles have prompted you to feel shame and hide from God and from fellow believers?   Loads of Additional Resources on this topic Problematic Sexual Behavior (Men): Books: Laaser, M. (2004). Healing the Wounds of Sexual Addiction (3rd ed.). Zondervan. Roberts, T. (2008). Pure Desire: How one man's triumph can help others break free from sexual temptation. Regal. Roberts, T. (2021). Seven Pillars of Freedom (5th ed.). Pure Desire Ministries International. Stringer, J. (2018). Unwanted: How sexual brokenness reveals our way to healing. NavPress. Podcasts: https://puredesire.org/podcasts/ Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2021, January 19). What If My Betrayed Spouse Doesn't Want Healing? (No. 185) [Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast. https://puredesire.org/podcasts/what-if-my-betrayed-spouse-doesnt-want-healing/ Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2022, March 8). How To Help Your Spouse Heal From Your Sexual Betrayal (No. 244) [Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast. https://puredesire.org/podcasts/how-to-help-your-spouse-heal-from-your-sexual-betrayal/ Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2022, November 22). The Impact of Sexual Addiction w/ Dr. Adrian Hickmon (No. 281) [Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast. https://puredesire.org/podcasts/the-impact-of-sexual-addiction-w-adrian-hickmon/ Video Series: Kolb, H. [Editor]. (2020). Sexual Integrity 101 [Video series]. Pure Desire Ministries International. Ward, G., Wiles, J., & Wiles, T. [Executive Producers]. (2013). Conqueror Series: The battle plan for purity [Video series]. KingdomWorks Studios.   Problematic Sexual Behavior (Women): Books: Kolb, H. [Editor]. (2019). Unraveled: Managing love, sex, and relationships. Pure Desire Ministries International. Stringer, J. (2018). Unwanted: How sexual brokenness reveals our way to healing. NavPress. Podcasts: https://puredesire.org/podcasts/ Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2020, October 20). The Female Addict and Unraveled (No. 172) [Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast. https://puredesire.org/podcasts/the-female-addict-unraveled/ Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2021, January 19). What If My Betrayed Spouse Doesn't Want Healing? (No. 185) [Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast. https://puredesire.org/podcasts/what-if-my-betrayed-spouse-doesnt-want-healing/ Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2022, March 8). How To Help Your Spouse Heal From Your Sexual Betrayal (No. 244) [Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast. https://puredesire.org/podcasts/how-to-help-your-spouse-heal-from-your-sexual-betrayal/ Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2022, November 22). The Impact of Sexual Addiction w/ Dr. Adrian Hickmon (No. 281) [Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast. https://puredesire.org/podcasts/the-impact-of-sexual-addiction-w-adrian-hickmon/ Video Series: Kolb, H. [Editor]. (2020). Sexual Integrity 101 [Video series]. Pure Desire Ministries International.   Betrayal Trauma: Books: Kolb, H., Jameson, A., & Roberts, D. (2022). Betrayal & Beyond: Healing the trauma of sexual betrayal (3rd ed.). Pure Desire Ministries International. Pure Desire Ministries. 7 Keys to Understanding Betrayal Trauma (ebook). https://puredesire.org/free-ebook-7-keys-to-understanding-betrayal-trauma/ Steffens, B. & Means, M. (2021). Your Sexually Addicted Spouse: How Partners Can Cope and Heal (2nd ed.). Armin Lear Press Inc. Podcasts: https://puredesire.org/podcasts/ Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2020, November 3). Boundaries in Recovery (No. 174) [Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast. https://puredesire.org/podcasts/boundaries-in-recovery/ Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2021, May 11). What If My Struggling Spouse Doesn't Want Healing? (No. 201) [Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast. https://puredesire.org/podcasts/what-if-my-struggling-spouse-doesnt-want-healing/ Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2021, July 13). Hope for Betrayed Men (No. 210) [Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast. https://puredesire.org/podcasts/hope-for-betrayed-men/ Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2021, July 27). 7 Keys to Understanding Betrayal Trauma (No. 212) [Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast. https://puredesire.org/podcasts/7-keys-to-understanding-betrayal-trauma/ Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2022, February 1). Women's Takeover #1: Healing From Betrayal w/ Dr. Barbara Steffens (No. 239) [Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast. https://puredesire.org/podcasts/womens-takeover-1-healing-from-betrayal-w-dr-barbara-steffens/   Healthy Sexuality: Books: Gregoire, S. (2022). The Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex (2nd ed.). Zondervan Books. Gregoire, S. & Gregoire, K.  (2022). The Good Guy's Guide to Great Sex. Zondervan Books. Roberts, T. & Roberts, D. (2010). Sexy Christians: The Purpose, Power and Passion of Biblical Intimacy. Baker Books. Slattery, J. (2018). Rethinking Sexuality: God's Design and Why It Matters. Multnomah. Podcasts: https://puredesire.org/podcasts/ Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2019, July 9). Soul Ties (No. 105) [Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast. https://puredesire.org/podcasts/soul-ties/ Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2019, July 30). Sexual Discipleship w/ Juli Slattery (No. 108) [Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast. https://puredesire.org/podcasts/sexual-discipleship-w-juli-slattery/ Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2022, April 26). The Good Guide to Great Sex w/ Dr. Keith and Sheila Wray Gregoire (No. 251) [Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast. https://puredesire.org/podcasts/the-good-guide-to-great-sex-w-dr-keith-sheil-wray-gregoire/ Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2022, November 1). The Four Pillars of Sexual Love w/ Dr. Juli Slattery (No. 278) [Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast. https://puredesire.org/podcasts/the-four-pillars-of-sexual-love-w-dr-juli-slattery/   Young Adults/College Age: Books (Young Men): Bennett, B., Butcher, B., & Roberts, T. (2016). Living Free. Pure Desire Ministries International. Books (Young Women): Bradley R. & Roberts, D. (2012). Behind the Mask: Authentic living for young women. Pure Desire Ministries International. Podcasts: https://puredesire.org/podcasts/  Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2018, January 30). Living Free w/Ben Bennett (No. 30) [Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast. https://puredesire.org/podcast/living-free/ Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2019, September 17). Love, Sex, and Dating (No. 115) [Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast. https://puredesire.org/podcasts/love-sex-and-dating/ Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2020, March 31). Getting Healthy Before Marriage w/ Drew Boa (No. 143) [Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast. https://puredesire.org/podcasts/getting-healthy-before-marriage-w-drew-boa/ Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2021, January 12). Groups for Young Women (No. 184) [Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast. https://puredesire.org/podcast/groups-for-young-women/   Parents: Books: Roberts, B. & Kolb, H. (2018). Digital Natives: Raising an Online Generation. Pure Desire Ministries International. Wright, R. & Wright, T. (2020). How to Talk with Your Kids About Sex. Pure Desire Ministries International. Podcasts: https://puredesire.org/podcasts/ Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2019, August 13). What Parents Need to Know about Porn (No. 110) [Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast. https://puredesire.org/podcasts/what-parents-need-to-know-about-porn/ Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2021, August 3). The Effects of Pornography w/ Josh McDowell (No. 213) [Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast. https://puredesire.org/podcasts/the-effects-of-pornography-w-josh-mcdowell/   Pastors/Chaplains/Churches: Books: Laaser, M. (2004). Healing the Wounds of Sexual Addiction (3rd ed.). Zondervan. Roberts, T. (2008). Pure Desire: How one man's triumph can help others break free from sexual temptation. Regal. Stumbo, N. (2017). Safe: Creating a Culture of Grace in a Climate of Shame. Pure Desire Ministries International. Podcasts: https://puredesire.org/podcasts/ Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2021, August 3). The Effects of Pornography w/ Josh McDowell (No. 213) [Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast. https://puredesire.org/podcasts/the-effects-of-pornography-w-josh-mcdowell/ Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2020, October 27). No Shame Churches (No. 173) [Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast. https://puredesire.org/podcasts/no-shame-churches/   Singles: Books: Gregoire, S. (2022). The Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex (2nd ed.). Zondervan Books. Gregoire, S. & Gregoire, K.  (2022). The Good Guy's Guide to Great Sex. Zondervan Books. Slattery, J. (2018). Rethinking Sexuality: God's Design and Why It Matters. Multnomah. Podcasts: https://puredesire.org/podcasts/ Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2019, September 17). Love, Sex, and Dating (No. 115) [Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast. https://puredesire.org/podcasts/love-sex-and-dating/ Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2020, March 31). Getting Healthy Before Marriage w/ Drew Boa (No. 143) [Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast. https://puredesire.org/podcasts/getting-healthy-before-marriage-w-drew-boa/ Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2022, July 26). Unmet Longings & Unhealthy Behaviors w/ Ben Bennett (No. 264) [Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast. https://puredesire.org/podcasts/unmet-longings-unhealthy-behaviors-w-ben-bennett/   Miscellaneous: Books on Trauma: Falk, K. & Goldberg, J. (2018). Struggle Well: Thriving in the Aftermath of Trauma. Lioncrest. Van Der Kolk, B. (2014). The Body Keeps the Score. Penguin Books.   Websites: Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists: https://www.apsats.org/ Authentic Intimacy: https://www.authenticintimacy.com/ Pure Desire Ministries International: https://puredesire.org.

When a couple experiences the fallout of sexual brokenness and betrayal trauma, we desire healing and restoration of their marriage. Yet, we know in some cases, separation is necessary. And sometimes, divorce happens. We're joined by Andrea Rogers, a Certified Life Coach who is passionate about helping people reach their full potential. Andrea is also a Certified Partner Coach with APSATS (Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists), trained in using the Multidimensional Partner Trauma Model, which was instrumental in her healing from betrayal trauma. On today's episode, we talk about divorce—when to consider it, what boundaries are needed, how to help kids through the effects of divorce, and more.

Got an idea for a guest or topic? If you would like to share your own story, complete the form on OCF's “Be a Guest” webpage. Alternatively, if you have an idea for a guest or topic I should consider for a future episode of the show, send an email to podcast@ocfusa.org.   Show Notes: In January 2023, Pensacola OCF hosted a one-day workshop to discuss sexual brokenness and unwanted sexual behaviors like pornography addiction and to introduce solutions for healing and wholeness. CAPT Brent & Nicole Breining, USN (Ret.), led sessions throughout that one-day workshop, and they join me today on the podcast as we begin a series of episodes focusing on similar topics. Brent and Nicole share their story and the impact that porn had on their marriage in this episode, and their remaining three Crosspoint episodes will cover topics such as the nature of addiction, the shame cycle, and the neurochemistry of the brain. Having reached a breaking point in their marriage in 2012 and recovered since then by God's grace, Brent and Nicole talk about why that addiction placed such a strain on their marriage, how God worked through accountability partners in their healing process, and more. Above all, their desire is for listeners to understand there is hope and that God can restore anyone struggling with problematic sexual behaviors. Brent retired from the Navy in 2017 after a distinguished 27-year career, and he currently serves as a Foursquare Institutional Chaplain with Pure Desire Ministries, through which he helps men walk in sexual purity and break free from unwanted sexual behaviors. Nicole received a Bachelor of Science in biochemistry from the University of Illinois and a Doctor of Pharmacy from the University of Illinois at Chicago, going on to work as a hospital pharmacist for 25 years. Nicole also has been working with Pure Desire Ministries, leading their betrayal and beyond groups for spouses for about three years. Both Brent and Nicole are accredited pastoral professionals. As you listen to this conversation with Brent and Nicole, here are a few questions to ponder in your personal time, with a small group, or with a mentor: How can the church establish a culture of grace, especially as applies to this topic of addiction? Brent refers to Ephesians 5:25, which says “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” How does this verse shape your view of emotional intimacy in marriage? Brent talks about the iPhone's contribution to an increased accessibility to pornography in recent years. What steps can you take to ensure your own devices aren't contributing to addictive behaviors? How does our freedom in Christ set us free from the shame of our secrets? Nicole talks about realizing her husband's struggles with pornography prompted her to react in sin as well. If you've been hurt by someone else's sin, what's the value of not using their sin as license to sin in response? If you're struggling with addictive behaviors, sexual or otherwise, what positive habits can you establish to replace those behaviors? Why is assessing your heart posture in all things so critical?   Loads of Resources on this topic Problematic Sexual Behavior (Men): Books: Laaser, M. (2004). Healing the Wounds of Sexual Addiction (3rd ed.). Zondervan. Roberts, T. (2008). Pure Desire: How one man's triumph can help others break free from sexual temptation. Regal. Roberts, T. (2021). Seven Pillars of Freedom (5th ed.). Pure Desire Ministries International. Stringer, J. (2018). Unwanted: How sexual brokenness reveals our way to healing. NavPress. Podcasts: https://puredesire.org/podcasts/ Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2021, January 19). What If My Betrayed Spouse Doesn't Want Healing? (No. 185) [Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast. https://puredesire.org/podcasts/what-if-my-betrayed-spouse-doesnt-want-healing/ Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2022, March 8). How To Help Your Spouse Heal From Your Sexual Betrayal (No. 244) [Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast. https://puredesire.org/podcasts/how-to-help-your-spouse-heal-from-your-sexual-betrayal/ Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2022, November 22). The Impact of Sexual Addiction w/ Dr. Adrian Hickmon (No. 281) [Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast. https://puredesire.org/podcasts/the-impact-of-sexual-addiction-w-adrian-hickmon/ Video Series: Kolb, H. [Editor]. (2020). Sexual Integrity 101 [Video series]. Pure Desire Ministries International. Ward, G., Wiles, J., & Wiles, T. [Executive Producers]. (2013). Conqueror Series: The battle plan for purity [Video series]. KingdomWorks Studios.   Problematic Sexual Behavior (Women): Books: Kolb, H. [Editor]. (2019). Unraveled: Managing love, sex, and relationships. Pure Desire Ministries International. Stringer, J. (2018). Unwanted: How sexual brokenness reveals our way to healing. NavPress. Podcasts: https://puredesire.org/podcasts/ Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2020, October 20). The Female Addict and Unraveled (No. 172) [Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast. https://puredesire.org/podcasts/the-female-addict-unraveled/ Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2021, January 19). What If My Betrayed Spouse Doesn't Want Healing? (No. 185) [Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast. https://puredesire.org/podcasts/what-if-my-betrayed-spouse-doesnt-want-healing/ Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2022, March 8). How To Help Your Spouse Heal From Your Sexual Betrayal (No. 244) [Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast. https://puredesire.org/podcasts/how-to-help-your-spouse-heal-from-your-sexual-betrayal/ Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2022, November 22). The Impact of Sexual Addiction w/ Dr. Adrian Hickmon (No. 281) [Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast. https://puredesire.org/podcasts/the-impact-of-sexual-addiction-w-adrian-hickmon/ Video Series: Kolb, H. [Editor]. (2020). Sexual Integrity 101 [Video series]. Pure Desire Ministries International.   Betrayal Trauma: Books: Kolb, H., Jameson, A., & Roberts, D. (2022). Betrayal & Beyond: Healing the trauma of sexual betrayal (3rd ed.). Pure Desire Ministries International. Pure Desire Ministries. 7 Keys to Understanding Betrayal Trauma (ebook). https://puredesire.org/free-ebook-7-keys-to-understanding-betrayal-trauma/ Steffens, B. & Means, M. (2021). Your Sexually Addicted Spouse: How Partners Can Cope and Heal (2nd ed.). Armin Lear Press Inc. Podcasts: https://puredesire.org/podcasts/ Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2020, November 3). Boundaries in Recovery (No. 174) [Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast. https://puredesire.org/podcasts/boundaries-in-recovery/ Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2021, May 11). What If My Struggling Spouse Doesn't Want Healing? (No. 201) [Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast. https://puredesire.org/podcasts/what-if-my-struggling-spouse-doesnt-want-healing/ Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2021, July 13). Hope for Betrayed Men (No. 210) [Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast. https://puredesire.org/podcasts/hope-for-betrayed-men/ Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2021, July 27). 7 Keys to Understanding Betrayal Trauma (No. 212) [Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast. https://puredesire.org/podcasts/7-keys-to-understanding-betrayal-trauma/ Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2022, February 1). Women's Takeover #1: Healing From Betrayal w/ Dr. Barbara Steffens (No. 239) [Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast. https://puredesire.org/podcasts/womens-takeover-1-healing-from-betrayal-w-dr-barbara-steffens/   Healthy Sexuality: Books: Gregoire, S. (2022). The Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex (2nd ed.). Zondervan Books. Gregoire, S. & Gregoire, K.  (2022). The Good Guy's Guide to Great Sex. Zondervan Books. Roberts, T. & Roberts, D. (2010). Sexy Christians: The Purpose, Power and Passion of Biblical Intimacy. Baker Books. Slattery, J. (2018). Rethinking Sexuality: God's Design and Why It Matters. Multnomah. Podcasts: https://puredesire.org/podcasts/ Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2019, July 9). Soul Ties (No. 105) [Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast. https://puredesire.org/podcasts/soul-ties/ Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2019, July 30). Sexual Discipleship w/ Juli Slattery (No. 108) [Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast. https://puredesire.org/podcasts/sexual-discipleship-w-juli-slattery/ Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2022, April 26). The Good Guide to Great Sex w/ Dr. Keith and Sheila Wray Gregoire (No. 251) [Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast. https://puredesire.org/podcasts/the-good-guide-to-great-sex-w-dr-keith-sheil-wray-gregoire/ Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2022, November 1). The Four Pillars of Sexual Love w/ Dr. Juli Slattery (No. 278) [Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast. https://puredesire.org/podcasts/the-four-pillars-of-sexual-love-w-dr-juli-slattery/   Young Adults/College Age: Books (Young Men): Bennett, B., Butcher, B., & Roberts, T. (2016). Living Free. Pure Desire Ministries International. Books (Young Women): Bradley R. & Roberts, D. (2012). Behind the Mask: Authentic living for young women. Pure Desire Ministries International. Podcasts: https://puredesire.org/podcasts/  Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2018, January 30). Living Free w/Ben Bennett (No. 30) [Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast. https://puredesire.org/podcast/living-free/ Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2019, September 17). Love, Sex, and Dating (No. 115) [Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast. https://puredesire.org/podcasts/love-sex-and-dating/ Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2020, March 31). Getting Healthy Before Marriage w/ Drew Boa (No. 143) [Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast. https://puredesire.org/podcasts/getting-healthy-before-marriage-w-drew-boa/ Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2021, January 12). Groups for Young Women (No. 184) [Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast. https://puredesire.org/podcast/groups-for-young-women/   Parents: Books: Roberts, B. & Kolb, H. (2018). Digital Natives: Raising an Online Generation. Pure Desire Ministries International. Wright, R. & Wright, T. (2020). How to Talk with Your Kids About Sex. Pure Desire Ministries International. Podcasts: https://puredesire.org/podcasts/ Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2019, August 13). What Parents Need to Know about Porn (No. 110) [Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast. https://puredesire.org/podcasts/what-parents-need-to-know-about-porn/ Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2021, August 3). The Effects of Pornography w/ Josh McDowell (No. 213) [Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast. https://puredesire.org/podcasts/the-effects-of-pornography-w-josh-mcdowell/   Pastors/Chaplains/Churches: Books: Laaser, M. (2004). Healing the Wounds of Sexual Addiction (3rd ed.). Zondervan. Roberts, T. (2008). Pure Desire: How one man's triumph can help others break free from sexual temptation. Regal. Stumbo, N. (2017). Safe: Creating a Culture of Grace in a Climate of Shame. Pure Desire Ministries International. Podcasts: https://puredesire.org/podcasts/ Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2021, August 3). The Effects of Pornography w/ Josh McDowell (No. 213) [Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast. https://puredesire.org/podcasts/the-effects-of-pornography-w-josh-mcdowell/ Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2020, October 27). No Shame Churches (No. 173) [Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast. https://puredesire.org/podcasts/no-shame-churches/   Singles: Books: Gregoire, S. (2022). The Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex (2nd ed.). Zondervan Books. Gregoire, S. & Gregoire, K.  (2022). The Good Guy's Guide to Great Sex. Zondervan Books. Slattery, J. (2018). Rethinking Sexuality: God's Design and Why It Matters. Multnomah. Podcasts: https://puredesire.org/podcasts/ Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2019, September 17). Love, Sex, and Dating (No. 115) [Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast. https://puredesire.org/podcasts/love-sex-and-dating/ Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2020, March 31). Getting Healthy Before Marriage w/ Drew Boa (No. 143) [Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast. https://puredesire.org/podcasts/getting-healthy-before-marriage-w-drew-boa/ Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2022, July 26). Unmet Longings & Unhealthy Behaviors w/ Ben Bennett (No. 264) [Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast. https://puredesire.org/podcasts/unmet-longings-unhealthy-behaviors-w-ben-bennett/   Miscellaneous: Books on Trauma: Falk, K. & Goldberg, J. (2018). Struggle Well: Thriving in the Aftermath of Trauma. Lioncrest. Van Der Kolk, B. (2014). The Body Keeps the Score. Penguin Books.   Websites: Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists: https://www.apsats.org/ Authentic Intimacy: https://www.authenticintimacy.com/ Pure Desire Ministries International: https://puredesire.org.

Episode at a Glance On this episode of Melody and Friends, we are diving into the mission field of Trauma with certified pastoral sex addiction specialist, Donna Dixon. Donna shares her personal story of dealing with trauma. From dealing with a faultering relationship and deaths in the family, to receiving counseling that was not the best for her, sent her into a spiral of depression. However through years of finding the right therapy and walking with God, she opened a new door of hope in her life. Walking forward through that open door of hope led to her decision to become certified as a life coach, followed by certification as a Certified Pastoral Sex Addiction Specialist as well as completing the highly respected Multidimensional Partner Trauma Model training through the Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists. Who is Donna Dixon? Donna Meredith Dixon is passionate about creating safe places within the Christian community for healing from the impact of sexual brokenness. Donna lives out that passion, in part, by collaborating with others to train partners of sex addicts to effectively facilitate groups. During her 17 years in the medical field, Donna created curriculum and training experiences that met or exceeded federal and state standards as well as health-care accrediting organizations. Donna is a certified life and relationship coach, certified pastoral sex addiction specialist (IACSAS/C-SASI), has completed the APSATS training, and has served on the board of IACSAS/C-SASI since 2014. Things We Talk About In This Episode: What is "post-discovery" in a marriage and what is the hardest part about going through it? How do you approach someone who has been struggling their entire life with sexual addiction? What is a trauma-informed approach to training couples through sexual addiction? Resources: Our listeners can learn more about Donna's workshops, get resources on trauma and get in touch with her by visiting her website: www.lifeisahead.com Thank you so much for listening to this episode of Melody and Friends! If you haven't already please take the time to leave us a rating and review on our iTunes page as it helps us get more great episodes like this to you!

*DISCLAIMER* This episode includes adult content and is not intended for young ears.   Sex Series: Orgasmic Potential, Pleasure, and Friendship: An Interview with Bonny Burns   Genesis 4:1a (KJV) "And Adam knew Eve his wife;"   Questions We Discuss:   What are some practical ways we can enhance our spiritual, emotional, and sexual connection in marriage? Will you teach us more of the scientific findings of sex that we may be unaware of? What are some other fascinating findings you've discovered as it relates to the sexual intimacy and pleasure in marriage?   Bonny Burns is an APSATS certified partner coach (Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists, apsats.org.) She has been writing and researching God's design of sexual intimacy since 2012 on the blog OysterBed7.com and has been speaking about godly sexual intimacy on the popular podcast, forchristianwives.com. She can also be found at strongwives.com.   Strong Wives Website Sex Chats for Christian Wives Podcast Bonny Burns' Website Bonny Burns on Facebook Book with Bonny as your Coach   Thank You to Our Sponsor:  Justin Maust, EOS Implementer and Speaker   Connect with The Savvy Sauce on Facebook or Instagram or Our Website   Gospel Scripture: (all NIV)   Romans 3:23 “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,”   Romans 3:24 “and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.”   Romans 3:25 (a) “God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood.”    Hebrews 9:22 (b) “without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness.”    Romans 5:8 “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”    Romans 5:11 “Not only is this so, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.”    John 3:16 “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.”   Romans 10:9 “That if you confess with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.”    Luke 15:10 says “In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.”   Romans 8:1 “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus”   Ephesians 1:13–14 “And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation. Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God's possession- to the praise of his glory.”   Ephesians 1:15–23 “For this reason, ever since I heard about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all the saints, I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers. I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his mighty strength, which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every title that can be given, not only in the present age but also in the one to come. And God placed all things under his feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church, which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way.”   Ephesians 2:8–10 “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God – not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God‘s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.“   Ephesians 2:13 “But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near through the blood of Christ.“   Philippians 1:6 “being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”  

Carol Juergensen Sheets, widely known as Carol the Coach, is our fabulously audacious guest today.She is a legend in the community of recovery from sex addiction and working with partners of sex addicts. She's one of my personal sheroes and I'm honored and thrilled to have her on the Beauty After Betrayal Podcast.Carol is a mental health therapist who has been treating individuals and couples for over 41 years. She is a certified sexual addictions counselor and certified partners of sexual addiction trauma specialist.She trains clinicians and coaches nationally and internationally, and believes that her partner-sensitive treatment approach enhances treating sexual addiction and partner trauma in the relationship.Her style assists couples in healing the shame and pain of sexual addiction and she uses post-traumatic growth to emphasize a client's strengths.Carol hosts podcasts and YouTube channels, and has just released her third book called Help. Them. Heal. Teaching You Both How to Heal Your Relationship After Sexual Betrayal.Her latest book informs couples on the methodology behind ERCEM – Carol's revolutionary Early Recovery Couples Empathy Model – to help the couple heal together. Carol the Coach has decades of wisdom to share with us.We discuss what led each of us to APSATS (The Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists), which Carol is now both Treasurer of their board and Supervisor to clinicians and coaches.  Carol joined APSATS after making a profound observation of her clients:"... My sex addicts were getting better and my partners weren't, and I just said, 'you know what - we have got to change up this field and we've got to get them more resources'...And what do you do when you want to change the world? You change yourself."~ Carol the CoachWe talk about the different healing phases from partner betrayal, and how Carol works with couples to heal from sexual betrayal.You won't want to miss this fascinating conversation from one of the leaders in the betrayal trauma space.  xoxo, Jenni-----------------------------Connect with Carol:Purchase Carol's new book Help. Them. Heal. Teaching You Both How to Heal Your Relationship After Sexual Betrayal  here. Learn more about the work that she does here.Podcast: Sex Help with Carol the CoachYouTube: Sex Help with Carol the CoachConnect with Jenni:Do You Have Betrayal Trauma From a Romantic Relationship?  Take the quiz that meets you where you are so you can get the support you need right now.Are you ready to embrace your right to big love, great sex, and a pleasure full life? Join the private community of sisterhood with Jenni's Facebook group  A Pleasure Full Life.Looking for sisterhood and support to help you heal from betrayal trauma?  Join the private Facebook group Beauty After Betrayal.Follow Jenni on Instagram and Facebook.  

On this week's episode of Melody and Friends, Melody speaks with Dr. Barbara Steffens about breaking the stigma and shame that partners often experience when going through betrayal trauma with their spouse's sexual addiction. Both addicts and their partners may suffer in isolation, ashamed and afraid, not knowing where to turn for help. Dr. Steffens talks about what trauma truly looks like in a relationship, what steps women can take, and how communities provide understanding for sexual addicts and their partners.  Barbara Steffens' groundbreaking research was the first to show that partners are not co-addicts but post-traumatic stress victims. Our listeners can learn more about Dr. Steffens' book, coaching and more by visiting www.drbarbarasteffens.com. Another resource she highly recommends is www.apsats.org.   Who is Dr. Barbara Steffens? Barbara Steffens, PhD, LPCC, CCPS, CPC specializes in helping women recover from sexual betrayal and is a sought-after speaker and presenter on special issues related to partners of sexual addicts. She was the founding President of the Association for Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists, an organization that provides training and certification of Clinical Partner Specialists and Partner Trauma Coaches.  She has counseled and coached betrayed spouses/partners for over twenty years and her research on trauma after betrayal has changed the field. Barbara also consults with other professionals and provides training for those who want to help partners heal. Things We Talk About in this Episode The dangers of the codependency model and calling women co-addicts when they discover their husband has an addiction to sex or pornography. What trauma looks like for spouses that are in a relationship with someone who is a sex addict How to determine if an addict is in a good place after recovering from the original trauma of betrayal and why it can often take a while to figure that out. What to do if your spouse doesn't begin to exhibit those signs of reform or doesn't respect your requests for boundaries and safety. How Dr. Steffens wrote Your Sexually Addicted Spouse: How Partners Can Cope and Heal and how she began rewriting the way people recognize betrayal trauma. Where do women go next after experiencing betrayal trauma and how can counselors be better informed to treat sex addicts and the trauma their spouses experience.

When we experience betrayal, it seems as though our world has been turned upside down. This type of trauma can leave us feeling paralyzed and alone, unsure of what's happening to us and if healing is even possible. On today's episode, we are honored to have Dr. Barbara Steffens as our guest. She is the author of Your Sexually Addicted Spouse: How Partners Can Cope and Heal and the founding President of APSATS: The Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists. Dr. Steffens walks us through what it looks like to find healing from betrayal trauma. 

In this episode we discuss Discovery Day, one of the most painful days in the life of a wife who discovers her husband has been viewing pornography or is compulsively acting out sexually. The day of discovery is typically called D-Day, because just like the Normandy Beach invasion during WWII, this day is full of death, wounding, and trauma. D-Day is not the end of the story, though! We will leave you with hope. Your hosts are: Pam Blizzard of Recovered Peace Lyschel Burket of Hope Redefined Bonny Burns of Strong Wives We will be discussing: What comes to mind for each of us personally as we think of Discovery Day? What patterns do we see in partners immediately after discovery? What is the best thing a wife can do for herself immediately after discovering her husband's problematic sexual behavior? What hope can we leave our listeners with? Resources: APSATS.org - The Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists  Find a specially trained therapist or coach who understands betrayal, trauma and recovery. Moving Beyond Betrayal: The 5-Step Boundary Solution for Partners of Sex Addicts Boundaries Updated and Expanded Edition: When to Say Yes, How to Say No To Take Control of Your Life A Door of Hope A Door of Hope Peer Facilitator Training Community Thank you for sitting in with us today. Our deepest desire is that you will find encouragement, insight, and maybe even a laugh or two in the many episodes to come. We will talk with you again in two weeks. We all offer 1 to 1 coaching, groups, and other resources on our individual websites. Check us out and get to know us better! Transcript Hope for Wives Episode 2

I am fangirling so hard this week because I had the honor of interviewing one of my personal heroes for this one.Dr. Barbara Steffens literally wrote the book on how to work with partners of sex addicts.Your Sexually Addicted Spouse: How Partners Can Cope and Heal, has dramatically changed the lives of survivors of betrayal trauma, not to mention the professionals who are trained to serve them (like myself)!She has specialized in sex addiction and helping partners of sex addicts for more than two decades.She was one of the founders of APSATS (Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists), a non-profit organization dedicated to the training, certification, education, research and advocacy for treatment of relational and betrayal trauma.Dr. Steffens is a hero for anyone healing from betrayal trauma.In this episode, we talk about what led her to the front lines of inspiring such massive change in this field.  Like many of us, her journey started with her own betrayal trauma.When seeking guidance, she kept finding professionals and material that emphasized victim blaming and used terminology such as "co-addict" and "co-dependent". Dr. Steffens quickly recognized that there was an enormous opportunity for growth in both the understanding of, and the treatment of, betrayal trauma.She went back to school and earned her PhD so she could lean into this work on a much deeper level, and she ended up helping revolutionize the way that we talk about betrayal trauma, and how we help those going through it.Join us for this thought-provoking and inspirational conversation with the one and only Dr. Barbara Steffens, as she offers us professional support, guidance and understanding of how we look at betrayal trauma today.xoxo, Jenni--------Connect with Dr. SteffensLearn more about Dr. Barbara Steffens and the work she does. Purchase Your Sexually Addicted Spouse: How Partners Can Cope and Heal.Learn more about APSATS. Connect with JenniJenni's Facebook community is a private group for women reclaiming their lives after experiencing betrayal trauma.Connect with Jenni on Instagram.

When we form intimate partnerships in life, it goes far beyond love. The relationship becomes our home, our social circle, our sense of safety, and our way of living.   That's why betrayal in intimate relationships, whether infidelity or lying, is so hurtful. It doesn't just cause emotional pain, but it also shakes our entire sense of safety and reality. It's a true multi-layered trauma that is not nearly as simple as breaking up and moving on or deciding to forgive and stay together.   The betrayed partner often faces feelings of confusion, self-doubt, shame, hurt, distrust and even PTSD. And the betrayer often has an addiction or attachment wound that underlies the betrayal. Both partners need support and healing, whether they choose to repair the relationship or step into a new chapter.   My guests today, Duane Osterlind and Marnie Breecker, both specialize in helping people heal after infidelity and betrayal by looking at it through a holistic lens that takes into account all the various forms of trauma that the betrayal has caused. In this episode, they share such important information about why betrayal is such a big deal, the different ways it affects us and how to rebuild safety and trust in a relationship if both partners decide they want to stay together. This is such an insightful show that sheds light on how attachment works, how trust forms, what trauma is and the deeper story behind betrayal.   Listen to discover: The six dimensions of betrayal trauma Why betrayal trauma can lead to PTSD How you can rebuild trust after a betrayal The importance of the "second brain" What the betrayed partner needs Where to find support The true source of affairs At the end of the day, each one of us is seeking connection. When a betrayal occurs, it's often an unhealthy way of getting the connection we all crave. It is possible to rebuild a sense of safety, trust, secure attachment and connection after betrayal — whether you choose to rebuild that with the same partner or for yourself and in future relationships. “We're talking about a lot of complex systems in the brain. We're talking about attachment. We're talking about where we are in this life.” - Duane Osterlind   “When intimate relationships are betrayed, it impacts the primary feeling of safety that a person has in their life structure.” - Duane Osterlind   “This is an existential crisis and an attachment trauma for the partner, and all systems of meaning have been shattered." - Marnie Breecker   "Our nature is to trust the person we're living with." - Michelle Chalfant   "We were wired to connect, and in order to connect, we have to be able to trust." - Marnie Breecker   "We don't know how to communicate in a healthy way with other people." - Michelle Chalfant   Resources   Helping Couples Heal (Duane and Marnie Website) https://helpingcouplesheal.com/   Helping Couples Heal Podcast https://helpingcouplesheal.com/podcasts/   Novus Mindful Life Institute (Duane Website) https://novusmindfullife.com/   Center for Relational Healing (Marnie Website) http://lacrh.com/   APSATS (The Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists) https://www.apsats.org/   IITAP (International Institute for Trauma and Addiction Professionals) https://iitap.com/   The Adult Chair® Workshop - Charleston https://theadultchair.com/charleston/   P&G Hair Food https://hairfood.com/ Or find at Bed Bath & Beyond, Amazon, Target or Walmart   More Adult Chair   The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com    The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/   The Adult Chair® Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/   The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/   TAC Circles® https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/   Stay Connected   Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant   Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/   The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/   YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant   ***   EPISODE CREDITS:   If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Danny Ozment. He helps thought leaders, influencers, executives, HR professionals, recruiters, lawyers, realtors, bloggers, coaches, and authors create, launch, and produce podcasts that grow their business and impact the world. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com

Emotional abuse can have devestating affects on partners. They are so vulnerable and their self esteem is already fragile from betrayal and then they experience the emotional abuse and they question theirselves and their reality.  Raquel Custer is currently a Bloom for Women betrayal trauma coach at Addo Recovery. She is a certified life coach specializing in betrayal trauma, mindfulness practices, and family life. She is trained through APSATS, the Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists and has her own private practice, The Healer's Art, LLC. Mindfulness, meditation and body work have all been integral parts of her healing and she incorporates them into her work as a coach. Raquel has spent the last three years learning MBSR, mindfulness based stress reduction and will give us a brief introduction to the benefits of mindfulness meditation and self compassion as tools for healing trauma from betrayal. She believes that it is self compassion that helps you heal from emotional abuse.

Emotional abuse can have devestating affects on partners. They are so vulnerable and their self esteem is already fragile from betrayal and then they experience the emotional abuse and they question theirselves and their reality.  Raquel Custer is currently a Bloom for Women betrayal trauma coach at Addo Recovery. She is a certified life coach specializing in betrayal trauma, mindfulness practices, and family life. She is trained through APSATS, the Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists and has her own private practice, The Healer's Art, LLC. Mindfulness, meditation and body work have all been integral parts of her healing and she incorporates them into her work as a coach. Raquel has spent the last three years learning MBSR, mindfulness based stress reduction and will give us a brief introduction to the benefits of mindfulness meditation and self compassion as tools for healing trauma from betrayal. She believes that it is self compassion that helps you heal from emotional abuse.

Kimberly Day graduated from BYU with a Bachelors in Psychology, served a mission to Temple Square in Salt Lake City, and then went back to school to earn a Masters Degree from Washington State University in Counseling Psychology, where she also taught seminary and then Institute. She worked in higher education and later at a financial planning firm, but eventually felt the call to come back to her love for counseling and working with people through life's challenges. Kimberly's focus is working with individuals suffering from betrayal trauma or other types of complex relationship traumas, and she is trained in the Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists' Multidimensional Partner Trauma Model (M-PTM). She lives in Olympia, Washington with her husband and four kids. Highlights 5:30 Kim's experience counseling around and studying abuse and healthy/unhealthy patterns of behavior 8:00 The word "abuse" 9:30 Catching negative patterns and recognizing their impact 10:30 Three ways to define abuse: the impact on the victim, the actual interaction in a relationship, or the intent Can be damaging even without intent Gaslighting 15:30 A shift in power and control in the relationship 18:30 Honoring the impact of what the victim is experiencing even when the intent is not to abuse 24:20 The subtle messages that perpetuate trauma, create isolation, and threaten her safety 25:50 The myth that the spouse needs to step up to meet his needs 27:50 When there is an intent for power and control 29:00 Men are receiving an education in dehumanizing women and it becomes a belief about how the world works Book of Mormon example of the conflict between Laman & Lemuel and Nephi: abusive behaviors from a sense of entitlement to power and control, perpetuated across generations A trick Satan has been using for a long time The spectrum of unrighteous dominion This model of power and control applies across a range of relationships and situations 39:00 Reprogramming of the brain Teach them to be aligned to God and if they are tuned-in, He will correct them 45:50 Recognize that the learning remains and continues to cause problems in relationships 50:00 The lens of impact on women Women don't recognize the impact and don't use/accept the word abuse in these dynamics Most couples don't have the language to address it Setting boundaries can lead to retaliation 56:50 Next steps to learn more Abuse is seldom apparent to other men Know your local resources (outside the Church) 59:20 Be willing to be open and address puzzling situations without needing to have answers Links Life Changing Services Church Handbook section about abuse (28.6.2) Why Does He Do That?, by Lundy Bancroft What Every Bishop Needs to Understand About Betrayal Trauma Have We Forgotten the Betrayed When the Sinner Confesses? 6 Things I Wish Bishops Knew About Addiction | Guest Post by Steven Shields (Recovering Addict) Supporting Victims of Sexual Assault | An Interview with the Staff of The Refuge Recognizing Abuse in a Relationship Read the TRANSCRIPT of this podcast. Note: This transcript was machine-produced. We would be grateful for help correcting errors. You can help! Simply copy/paste the transcript text into a document, make the corrections, and then copy/paste the corrected text into a comment on the page (below) and we will get the corrected text published!

Kimberly Day graduated from BYU with a Bachelors in Psychology, served a mission to Temple Square in Salt Lake City, and then went back to school to earn a Masters Degree from Washington State University in Counseling Psychology, where she also taught seminary and then Institute. She worked in higher education and later at a financial planning firm, but eventually felt the call to come back to her love for counseling and working with people through life’s challenges. Kimberly's focus is working with individuals suffering from betrayal trauma or other types of complex relationship traumas, and she is trained in the Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists' Multidimensional Partner Trauma Model (M-PTM). She lives in Olympia, Washington with her husband and four kids. Highlights 5:30 Kim's experience counseling around and studying abuse and healthy/unhealthy patterns of behavior 8:00 The word "abuse" 9:30 Catching negative patterns and recognizing their impact 10:30 Three ways to define abuse: the impact on the victim, the actual interaction in a relationship, or the intent Can be damaging even without intent Gaslighting 15:30 A shift in power and control in the relationship 18:30 Honoring the impact of what the victim is experiencing even when the intent is not to abuse 24:20 The subtle messages that perpetuate trauma, create isolation, and threaten her safety 25:50 The myth that the spouse needs to step up to meet his needs 27:50 When there is an intent for power and control 29:00 Men are receiving an education in dehumanizing women and it becomes a belief about how the world works Book of Mormon example of the conflict between Laman & Lemuel and Nephi: abusive behaviors from a sense of entitlement to power and control, perpetuated across generations A trick Satan has been using for a long time The spectrum of unrighteous dominion This model of power and control applies across a range of relationships and situations 39:00 Reprogramming of the brain Teach them to be aligned to God and if they are tuned-in, He will correct them 45:50 Recognize that the learning remains and continues to cause problems in relationships 50:00 The lens of impact on women Women don't recognize the impact and don't use/accept the word abuse in these dynamics Most couples don't have the language to address it Setting boundaries can lead to retaliation 56:50 Next steps to learn more Abuse is seldom apparent to other men Know your local resources (outside the Church) 59:20 Be willing to be open and address puzzling situations without needing to have answers Links Life Changing Services Church Handbook section about abuse (28.6.2) Why Does He Do That?, by Lundy Bancroft What Every Bishop Needs to Understand About Betrayal Trauma Have We Forgotten the Betrayed When the Sinner Confesses? 6 Things I Wish Bishops Knew About Addiction | Guest Post by Steven Shields (Recovering Addict) Supporting Victims of Sexual Assault | An Interview with the Staff of The Refuge Recognizing Abuse in a Relationship Read the TRANSCRIPT of this podcast. Note: This transcript was machine-produced. We would be grateful for help correcting errors. You can help! Simply copy/paste the transcript text into a document, make the corrections, and then copy/paste the corrected text into a comment on the page (below) and we will get the corrected text published!

Infidelity can feel as crushing and disorienting as an earthquake. Sexual Betrayal is trauma. To help us navigate the aftershocks of discovery and pain; we’ve invited Dr. Barbara Steffens to the podcast. The Earthquake of Sexual Betrayal.As the founder of the APSATS, the Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists, Dr. Steffens points out this is more than relationship counseling. She walks us through sexual betrayal with both the expertise of a trained clinician and the heart of a woman who has been betrayed. The earthquake of infidelity is unexpected. In the midst of your disorientation; we hope you’ll take this unique and deep offering as a first step to understanding your pain in a new way.  And then, use it as a launching point to move you in your next steps to “Becoming Whole.”If you want to read more on this topic, you can at Why You’re Still Angry at Your Recovering Spouse.Highlights:If we don’t understand it as trauma, what had been happening is that the focus goes onto the betrayed partner that says, “What was wrong with you that you would choose someone who would do this to you?”If Christians begin to practice thinking and talking about sex as a form of self-giving love, that’s what sex is designed to be.Once we understand that this is trauma it provides hope because we know how to heal. This is my body given for you - given is the operative wordThe aftershocks are usually finding out more information and the partner will ask questions. What does it lookIf Sex is an act of self-giving love, then tonight we didn’t reach climax but I’m going to love you where you are tonight. I’m going to love you in this space.Homework:Here are some professional options to explore: “Therapeutic Disclosure “ – a process facilitated by a trained professional for your spouse (if willing) to offer a planned, intentional way to disclose the truth.Couples Crisis InterventionGroup TherapyResources:“Your Sexually Addicted Spouse: How Partners Can Cope and Heal” by Dr Barbara Steffens, Ph.D., LPCChttps://www.drbarbarasteffens.comOther resources we recommended for Marriage Recovery.Transcription:Full Transcription Available hereOriginal music by Shannon Smith. Audio engineering by Gabriel @ DelMar Sound Recording.Support Becoming Whole

This episode was hands-down one for the books! Kelsi and I learned so much from Rebecca Ray about what intimate partner betrayal is, how it impacts both partners in a relationship, and how the healing process is facilitated through concrete action steps. We explored the differences between sex addiction and addiction to alcohol/drugs, the intersection of trauma wounds and so much more!⁣ Resources from Rebecca on the topic:⁣ -

In this episode I interview Kimberly Day, LMHCA, about how to better diagnose and confront abuse in marriage. Kim says that when we think of betrayal trauma and really understand the dynamics of a relationship when one partner is addicted to porn or sex, it's important to look at all abuse dynamics to get a complete picture. Abuse is an important and often underappreciated dimension in a multi-dimensional problem. Download the graph that corresponds with this episode (https://geoff-steurer.mykajabi.com/abuse-download?preview_theme_id=3204962) and you'll see that one axis is our typical 'addict-mode' behaviors: acting out, lying, even gaslighting (even though that is abuse), etc.- these are behaviors that rise out of the compulsions to act out, keep it secret, addict-mode thought distortions, etc. Along this axis is where most all addiction and betrayal trauma is assessed and treated. But there is another dimension that helps us explain and more deeply understand and support a lot of people - that is the dimension of the Abusive Attitudes and Beliefs held by the addicted partner, including entitlement and superiority, out of which abuses of power and control, objectification of family members, and other forms of dehumanizing treatment arise. These are the underlying currents of devaluing and dehumanizing the partner that are the source of a lot of trauma, though they are very rarely fully recognized or addressed. This perspective/model helps us to explain some of the confusion that both practitioners and partners experience when the "acting out" is dealt with, but the treatment toward the partner does not improve. In this episode, we dialogue around what it might look like in each of the four quadrants and how the experience and the sources of trauma and safety/lack of safety may be different in each. We contrast the "Acting out High/Abusive Attitudes Low" quadrant from the "Acting out Low/Abusive Attitudes High"- this type of differentiation is what Kim believes is being missed when we blanket cover all addiction as abuse, or when we ignore so many other forms of abuse and clump them all into addict-mode behavior. Download the chart here: https://geoff-steurer.mykajabi.com/abuse-download?preview_theme_id=3204962 Kimberly Day Bio: Kimberly graduated from BYU with a Bachelors in Psychology, served an LDS mission, and then went back to school to earn a Masters Degree from Washington State University in Counseling Psychology in 2007. She loves to read, cuddle with her kiddos, eat ice cream, and trade stock derivatives. Despite her degrees, she took a fairly circuitous route into the professional counseling field. She worked in Higher Education for several years, at University of Idaho for Student Support Services (while earning her degree), and also Washington State and Boise State Universities in Financial Aid. Later she worked at a financial planning firm where she worked mainly with clients around retirement. But, as thrillingly predictable as risk analyses and investment return calculations, she felt the call to come back to her love for counseling and working with people through life’s challenges. Her focus is working with individuals suffering from Betrayal Trauma, or other types of complex relationship traumas. She is action and results focused, and believes strongly in each individual’s innate abilities to move them toward healing and growth. She believes in the importance of establishing positive interpersonal connections, practicing healthy relationship patterns, and in owning your own story and personal empowerment as being critical to healing from traumatic life events. *** This therapist is recognized by the Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists as being trained in the Multidimensional Partner Trauma Model (M-PTM). Visit www.geoffsteurer.com for online courses and other supportive resources.

Ready to take that next step and reach out for your own support ? This could be just what you have been looking for. Today I interview Lyschel Burket. She has been working with women since 2008 as they take steps toward healing and their pursuit of God as they face sexual betrayal in their marriage. She has facilitated support groups specific to partners since 2013 both locally in Knoxville, TN and online through Vicki Tiede Ministries. After serving in these two spaces for almost 5 years Lyschel returned to school and obtained her coaching certification in recovery work. Lyschel is a Professional Coach, and Certified Partner Coach with APSATS (The Assoc of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists). Lyschel is the Lead Hope Caster and Founder of Hope Redefined. She desires to be a part of something so much bigger than herself as she continues to expand the reach of support for women who are facing similar things to her own recovery story. She and her husband Garren live in Knoxville, TN with their 5 kiddos. Lyschel and Garren have been on the road of recovery since 2006. Hope Redefined is 501(c)3 not for profit that supports women facing sexual betrayal. They offer online support groups, one to one coaching, an intensive healing retreat, a private online community, and community education. This ministry is a community for women to link arms and walk their paths of healing. You can learn more about Hope Redefined on their website at http://www.HopeRedefined.org

Carol the Coach will be interviewing Gaelyn Emerson who is a full-time life, relationship and divorce recovery coach, “down in the trenches” with men, women and couples reeling (and healing!) together from the traumatic impact of sexual betrayal. In addition to her work with recovering couples, Gaelyn is a uniquely passionate advocate for women whose relationships DON'T survive, creating programs for divorced, divorcing and/or separated partners of sex addicts. Gaelyn is credentialed through Impact Coaching Academy, the International Coach Federation and the Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists. She also utilizes advanced training in problematic sexual behavior, abandonment, abuse, grief, trauma and peer facilitation. Gaelyn coaches clients through her private practice, Women Ever After, LLC (womeneverafter.com) and is also onstaff at CORE Relationship Recovery. Gaelyn will be talking about helping partners deal with the transition of separation and divorc

Carol the Coach will be interviewing Gaelyn Emerson who is a full-time life, relationship and divorce recovery coach, “down in the trenches” with men, women and couples reeling (and healing!) together from the traumatic impact of sexual betrayal. In addition to her work with recovering couples, Gaelyn is a uniquely passionate advocate for women whose relationships DON'T survive, creating programs for divorced, divorcing and/or separated partners of sex addicts. Gaelyn is credentialed through Impact Coaching Academy, the International Coach Federation and the Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists. She also utilizes advanced training in problematic sexual behavior, abandonment, abuse, grief, trauma and peer facilitation. Gaelyn coaches clients through her private practice, Women Ever After, LLC (womeneverafter.com) and is also onstaff at CORE Relationship Recovery. Gaelyn will be talking about helping partners deal with the transition of separation and divorc  

PornKills Conference 2018: Day 2 0:00 - Welcome: Pastor Bob O'Bannon(New Life Presbyterian Church) 2:50 - Partner Trauma: Laurie Hall (Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists) 55:22 - Testimony: Brock (Student) 1:05:54 - Parenting in a Pornified Culture: Alyssa Smith (Personal Strategy and Parenting Coach) 1:40:17 - Resurrection and Recovery: Josh Holowell (City Hope Fellowship) 2:15:08 - Q&A Panel *PornKills Conference 2018: Day 1 recording not available

Carol Juergensen Sheets, aka “Carol the Coach”, has a passion for understanding trauma, disconnection and isolation, and using her gifts to help both sex addicts and betrayed partners through their darkest moments and into the light of healing. She also loves to use media and broadcasting to spread her message to millions, in a judgment and blame freeway. Today, she talks with Rob about her work in partner focused treatment, her radio show on Blog Talk Radio that receives more than half a million listeners weekly, the concept of blame, guilt and remorse in addiction and the shift she has seen in the field over the past decade. Carol has a deep enthusiasm for her work, and it is apparent in her work as a therapist, coach, media personality or caring member of the community.   TAKEAWAYS: [3:32] Carol has an affinity for disseminating information to the public on a wide scale. Her podcast is one of the oldest, and now has half a million downloads per week. She helps people globally, interviews leading experts and helps colleagues and clinicians gather cutting edge education to bring back in their work.   [7:26] Carol compiled a book in sex addiction, Sexual Addiction: Wisdom from the Masters, that she donated to the American Federation of Research. This body of work served to share the wisdom on a wide range of topics on addiction, compulsion and partner betrayal.   8:16] When Dr. Patrick Carnes appeared on Carol’s radio show, he brought up the notion that suffering and trauma of addiction and betrayal can actually be a precursor for growth, healing and connection.   [9:46] If a partner is acting out and is in a deep and enduring relationship, there is a higher chance they will feel remorse than an individual that is unable to connect. Relationships provide a depth of learning, and isolation continues the process of sexual addiction.   [10:45] It it often helpful for partners to hear that the compulsions and of their sex addict partner started earlier than their relationship. This may help take a large burden of remorse off their backs, and realize they did not cause the behavior and it was present long before their coupling.   [12:18] Carol shares how she noticed a shift in the field around 2007 in how the partners were acknowledged in their deep pain, and not blamed from a model of codependence and causation. She began in to invite them in to her sessions, and realized they needed their own specialized help. She got involved with APSATS, The Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists, and within a year was training her own colleagues. Partner betrayal is still seen as a deficit area, and Carol supports crisis management both separately AND together between the partner and the addict.   [17:01] Conflict breeds intimacy when partners are able to work through their grief and restore and develop a foundation of safety and stabilization. Once there is full disclosure in the early couples recovery work, couples can begin to work on empathy. The addict must acknowledge the issues, validate the partner’s feelings and reassure the partner that he or she can begin to feel safe. Partners  also must work through their shame, or the blame from others around them from staying with a sex addict.   [21:55] Carol speaks upon an older model that looked at partners with the same need for confrontation as their sex addict partners, even adding the label of codependence. Now, we realize that this is a person in crisis reacting to the betrayal trauma, and they need support rather than blame.   [29:27] Remorse is a natural part of grief, and it is common for the spouse to already blame themselves on some level for their partner’s betrayal. Carol works with her clients on building up their sense of worth and belief that they are deserving of honesty, truth and love.   RESOURCES Sex and Relationship Healing @RobWeissMSW Sex Addiction 101 Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency APSATS American Federation of Medical Research Your Sexually Addicted Spouse: How Partners Can Cope and Heal Sex Addiction: Wisdom from the Masters Esther Perel Carol the Coach carol@carolthecoach.com Sex Help with Carol the Coach Sex Help with Carol the Coach - You Tube Blog Talk Radio - Sex Help with Carol the Coach Betrayal Recovery Radio   QUOTES: “With sexual addiction and partner trauma, we aren’t going to get as far as we need to go unless we have the research to substantiate what we know to be true.”   “Suffering can be the precursor for post traumatic growth.” “Isolation is at the root of sexual addiction.” “The addict carries the shame, but the partner carries the pain.” - Esther Perel In any coupleship, there are issues that both people contribute towards or contaminate. Sexual addiction is not one of them.” “Connection is the antidote to suffering.”

Dr. Barbara Steffens joins Rob to talk about betrayal trauma and her many extensive years of work within the field. She looks at addiction and infidelity through both the lens of the addict and the partner and works to normalize all parts of what occurs in the addiction and healing process. She and Rob discuss what betrayal trauma is, why some partners may decide to stay, and how they can eventually begin to possibly trust again.   Dr. Steffens founded and is President of The Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists, and helps clients and also therapists work with people experiencing profound trauma and betrayal. She is also the author of Your Sexually Addicted Spouse.   TAKEAWAYS: [0:49] Dr. Barbara Steffens has been a specialist in sex addiction and partners of sex addiction since 1999. Her book Your Sexually Addicted Spouse is a lifeline to help partners cope and heal after betrayal trauma. [2:22] Often times people first associate a trauma with abuse, either physical or mental, but there is also a trauma that goes along with a betrayal within a relationship. When there is an expectation of trust, safety, and security that is violated, it can have a profound effect. [10:43] The partner acting out still can have love, attachment and a connection, but the quality of how deep their intimacy can actually be changes over time as they must compartmentalize in order to not feel too much guilt over their behavior. It’s an internal split for the addict, and hard for the partner to understand how the addict can say they love them and yet still betray their trust. [16:15] It is another betrayal when partners are not heard for what has just happened to them, and the addict may even blame some of their behavior on the spouse. [18:12] Dr. Steffens had to first go to the infidelity field to learn about betrayal trauma from the partner’s point of view, as the addict field just focused primarily on the needs of the addict. [19:32] While partners may not be able to trust the way they once did, they can develop an ability to trust the heart, intent and the behaviors they observe along with their own ability to detect lies and deceit. [23:01] Dr. Steffens tells partners that they did not make their partner cheat, and they don’t have the power over how someone else responds. She encourages them to work with their own emotions and speak their truth rather than prescribing a one size fits all protocol. [32:36] Partners sometimes stay with an addict when there is a relapse due to not wanting to ruin the stability and course of what they have built in their life. Dr. Steffens knows every partner has the choice to decide what is right for them, and takes the judgement away from those no matter what they deem tolerable.   RESOURCES Sex and Relationship Healing @RobWeissMSW Sex Addiction 101 Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Dr. Barbara Steffens Your Sexually Addicted Spouse Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists https://twitter.com/APSATSOrg   QUOTES: “The best thing that the field can do is really listen to the partner as an individual.” “Over time that ability to attach and connect when somebody is engaging in other behaviors has to loosen because so much of the attachment and attention goes to the addiction.” “There’s no intimacy when there are secrets.” “Traumatized people look messy because they are - their life has just exploded.” “Addicts can look very slick and together, even when they are not.” “The greatest gift we can give to partners when we are helping them is the ability for them to trust themselves again.” “There is no pain-free way to deal with this situation. It’s just what kind of pain and how true to yourself are you going to be.”