Hope For Wives

With your co-hostesses: Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com Support HFW through a donation Listen now: Today, we continue our discussion with Natalie Hoffman. Natalie is the author of, “Is it Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage: A Christian Woman's Guide to Hidden Emotional and Spiritual abuse,” and “All the Scary Little Gods.” She's also the host of the Flying Free Podcast. She is a passionate advocate for Christian women in abusive homes and churches. Through the Flying Free Sisterhood, she empowers Christian women to use their voices and gifts for their spiritual, emotional, and physical wellbeing. We Will be Discussing: Discussion around the roles within a system with emotional and spiritual abuse. If she chooses, how can she shift her role? Lyschel's wrestle and decision What does the path from emotional and spiritual abuse look like? Resources mentioned in this show: “Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage: A Christian Woman's Guide to Hidden Emotional and Spiritual Abuse” “All The Scary Little Gods: A Memoir” Flying Free Sisterhood Community Episode 59: “So What, Lord?”

With your co-hostesses: Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com Support HFW through a donation Listen now: Today, we welcome Natalie Hoffman to the podcast. Natalie is the author of, “Is it Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage: A Christian Woman's Guide to Hidden Emotional and Spiritual abuse,” and “All the Scary Little Gods.” She's also the host of the Flying Free Podcast. She is a passionate advocate for Christian women in abusive homes and churches. Through the Flying Free Sisterhood, she empowers Christian women to use their voices and gifts for their spiritual, emotional, and physical wellbeing. We Will be Discussing: Can you share the key signs of covert emotional and spiritual abuse?  How can women see these subtle tactics in their marriage or environment? Has he always been this way and I just didn't see it? What are some of the key things you need that an abusive relationship cannot provide? What hope can we offer our listeners? Resources mentioned in this show: Emotional Abuse Quiz Is it Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage: A Christian Woman's Guide to Hidden Emotional and Spiritual Abuse All the Scary Little Gods: A Memoir Natalie's Website, Flying Free Now

With your co-hostesses: Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com Support HFW through a donation Listen now: Today, we continue our conversation with Cat Etherington. Cat Etherington is the Director of Recovery for Naked Truth Project, an international Christian charity opening eyes and freeing lives from the damaging impacts of pornography and other problematic sexual behaviours.  We Will be Discussing: What support do you offer globally? How can we empower global listeners to advocate for themselves to uneducated support people? Is no support better than damaging support? Resources mentioned in this show: Naked Truth Recovery cat@nakedtruthrecovery.com

With your co-hostesses: Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com Support HFW through a donation Listen now: Cat Etherington is the Director of Recovery for Naked Truth Project, an international Christian charity opening eyes and freeing lives from the damaging impacts of pornography and other problematic sexual behaviours.  We Will be Discussing: The importance of grief in the recovery process. What happens if you try to skip the grief process? What grief does the betrayer experience? How do you help couples get “un-stuck” and move into mourning? Resources mentioned in this show: Naked Truth Project

With your co-hostesses: Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com Support HFW through a donation Today, we are concluding our discussion around the tender topic of forgiveness after betrayal. We Will be Discussing: What about when we are reminded from Matthew 6:14-15,”For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins?” What about intellectual forgiveness versus a felt sense (embodied) of forgiveness?

With your co-hostesses: Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com Support HFW through a donation Today, we are moving solidly into the second phase of healing by discussing all the ramifications of forgiveness. We Will be Discussing: What are some definitions of forgiveness? What are some myths about forgiveness? Resources mentioned in this show: What is a Full Therapeutic Disclosure? Full Therapeutic Disclosure (part 2) Scripture references: 2 Peter 3:9 2 Chronicles 7:14

With your co-hostesses: Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com Support HFW through a donation Today, we continue our discussion with Dr. Christy Bauman. Christy is an author, teacher and psychotherapist. A mother of 4, fierce dreamer and passionate about advocating for women. Christy received her Bachelors degree in Communication at Texas A&M in 2002 and then her Masters in Counseling at Reformed Theological Seminary in 2007. She published the book Unearth in 2008, A Brave Lament in 2018, and Her Rites in 2024. She is certified in Medical Family Therapy and Trauma and Abuse. She earned her doctorate at Seattle Pacific University. Her dissertation topic was Shame and Sexuality in Women. We Will be Discussing: Overcoming the shame of female sexuality What's the first practical thing I can do to overcome shame? Resources mentioned in this show: Her Rites by Dr. Christy Bauman Safe Church Book , Safe Church Conference

With your co-hostesses: Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com Support HFW through a donation Today, we are talking with Dr. Christy Bauman about the female body, sexuality, and theology with the added layer of trauma. Christy is an author, teacher and psychotherapist. A mother of 4, fierce dreamer and passionate about advocating for women. Christy received her Bachelors degree in Communication at Texas A&M in 2002 and then her Masters in Counseling at Reformed Theological Seminary in 2007. She published the book Unearth in 2008, A Brave Lament in 2018, and Her Rites in 2024. She is certified in Medical Family Therapy and Trauma and Abuse. She earned her doctorate at Seattle Pacific University. Her dissertation topic was Shame and Sexuality in Women. We Will be Discussing: What would you want a betrayed woman to know about her identity as being a woman? Anger is misunderstood. Rootedness – Our Identity Resources mentioned in this show: Contact Dr. Christy Bauman Book: Her Rites: A Sacred Journey for the Mind, Body, and Soul

With your co-hostesses: Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com Support HFW through a donation Today, we are continuing our conversation around relational safety with Matthew and Joanna Raabsmith. From their website, “It is a privilege that we get to use our experience, training, and talents to help others find what they have been desperately searching for: safe and supportive relationships which empowers them to not just survive, but thrive. Our growing team represents a community of dedicated professionals who passionately pursue a greater mastery of the very best tools and techniques to serve our clients faithfully.” We Will be Discussing: Personal responsibility for each spouse Can she use her voice? How? What is a realistic healthy relationship? Core values and boundaries Resources mentioned in this show: Building True Intimacy by Dan Drake, Joanna and Matthew Raabsmith Connect with Matthew and Joanna's Couples Work Here Free Resource Material from the Raabsmiths!

With your co-hostesses: Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com Support HFW through a donation Today, we discuss the very important topic of relational safety with Matthew and Joanna Raabsmith. We Will be Discussing: Definition around relational safety A scenario to explain relational safety more in depth How to unpack an episode of disconnect/conflict Practical ideas to grow self-awareness Resources mentioned in this show: Building True Intimacy by Dan Drake, Joanna and Matthew Raabsmith Connect with Matthew and Joanna's Couples Work Here

With your co-hostesses: Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com Support HFW through a donation Listen now: Today we discuss the upcoming Christmas season and how to, “Experiencing Christmas Well.” We Will be Discussing: What are some things you navigated or things you've heard you clients navigate during Christmas while trying to heal from betrayal? What are some ways you or your clients have navigated Christmas and found peace? What hope would you like to leave our listeners? Resources mentioned in this show: The Hidden Wounds Behind Triggers (ep. 27) The Spectrum of Triggers (ep. 28) Navigating the Holidays after Betrayal Scripture references: Matthew 12:20

With your co-hostesses: Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com Support HFW through a donation Listen now: Today, we are talking with Stacey Smith, Chief Clinical Officer at Daring Ventures, about attachment and its role in healing.  Stacey is an EMDR Certified Therapist and a Trainer for The Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists (APSATS) Multi-Dimensional Partner Trauma Model (MPTM). In this 4-Day training she teaches coaches and clinicians how to ethically treat partners of sex addicts who are suffering from betrayal trauma. She is also a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist (CSAT) Candidate as well as PACT level one trained.  Stacey also speaks to groups on topics like betrayal trauma, single womanhood, divorce and intimacy in marriage. Her first book, Understanding and Loving Your Child as a Single Parent, co-authored with Steve Arterburn, was published in 2022. She received her undergraduate degree from Texas State in 1988. Her graduate degree is from Liberty University in Lynchburg, Virginia. She became an LPC in late 2010. She is recently married and lives in Galveston, Texas and spends her spare time fishing & enjoying the beach. We Will be Discussing: Does attachment styles affect all kinds of relationships? How do you see a woman working on her identity in Christ help her to move toward a healthy attachment style? How does our attachment style relate to our attachment to the Lord? How can I self-assess to find my attachment style? What's the goal when it comes to attachment? Resources mentioned in this show: Love Sculpture by Alexander Milov (Ukranian) Attached to God: A Practical Guide to Deeper Spiritual Experience by Krispin Mayfield Attachments: Why You Love, Feel, and Act the Way You Do by Dr. Tim Clinton and Dr. Gary Sibcy

With your co-hostesses: Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com Support HFW through a donation Today, we are approaching another type of betrayal we hear far too often from women navigating their healing journey, being missed when going to their community of faith after betrayal. We thought we would approach this conversation a little differently and encourage faith communities.  Many of us don't know what we don't know. When we learn and know better we can do better.  Dr. Barb Steffens is joining us today and helping us understand how a faith community can be a safe and responsive community for betrayed partners.  We Will be Discussing: What are some common experiences for women being “missed” by their faith community.  What should a care pastor/faith leader/community do when meeting with a betrayed wife or the couple after discovery? What to do when they want you to fix it?  What resources can they offer? What do you do when a woman doesn't understand her impact, yet? What if a woman reaches a brick wall with getting support from her faith community, should she stay where is, or to seek a new faith community? Other options? What hope can we leave for our listeners today?  Resources mentioned in this show: Your Sexually Addicted Spouse: How Partners Can Cope and Heal by Dr. Barb Steffens   Scripture references: Deuteronomy 31:8 Philippians 1:6

With your co-hostesses: Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com Support HFW through a donation Listen now: In episode 12, we first explored the concept of therapeutic or healing separations. Since two years has passed since we published that episode, we want to revisit this topic and share a little more around a couple of questions. We Will be Discussing: She kicked him out in the heat of the moment and now she wants to transform the separation into therapeutic, what would you say to her? How is a therapeutic separation a form of mental health care? What do you tell the kids about the separation? What hope can we leave? Resources mentioned in this show: Episode 12: Therapeutic or Healing Separation Separation Documents and Guides to purchase by Shawna Meek Healing Separation Document example – pdf Covenant Eyes blog – Can A Therapeutic Separation Help?

With your co-hostesses: Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com Support HFW through a donation Listen now: Today, Lyschel and Kathy Reynolds, APSATS-cpc/PSAP, finish their discussion around the shame a wife experiences, whether she stays or goes. We Will be Discussing: What about stay shame? What if your decision changes? What hope can we offer our listeners? Resources mentioned in this show: Recalibrate Coaching Services with Kathy and Conrad Reynolds Serenity Prayer Scripture references: Psalm 18:1-2

Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com Support HFW through a donation Listen now: Today, Lyschel and Kathy Reynolds are talking about the shame a wife experiences, whether she stays or goes. Kathy is our special guest today! Her training under renowned professionals such as Dr. Barbara Steffens and Dr. Jake Porter has equipped her with expertise in the APSATS Multidimensional Partner Trauma Model and the Couple-Centered Recovery Model. She also holds certification as a Pastoral Sex Addiction Professional (PSAP) through the International Institute for Trauma and Addiction Professionals (IITAP). Her work includes facilitating therapeutic disclosure intensives, grief work intensives for couples, individual coaching for betrayed partners, and couples coaching with her husband, Conrad. Kathy is also the lead facilitator of ‘Returning to You,' an innovative and intensive week-long program for betrayed partners hosted at Daring Ventures' beautiful retreat center, The Magnolia House. Kathy is passionate about empowering and equipping betrayed partners with the tools to heal, grow, and reclaim their shattered lives with grit and grace. We Will be Discussing: What is “stay shame” and “go shame” and how will a woman know she's experiencing one of these? What was Kathy's defining moment where she let go of that shame? Join us next week for part 2! Resources mentioned in this show: Recalibrate Coaching Services with Kathy and Conrad Reynolds

With your co-hostesses: Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com Support HFW through a donation Listen now: Today, we are talking with Crystal Botero-Rand and her work supporting partners whose husbands are attending Boulder Recovery, 14-Day healing intensive. Crystal lives in the Chicago suburbs with her husband Jon. She is a betrayal trauma coach, trained through the Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists (APSATS). She group coaches the wives/partners of men undergoing intensives at Boulder Recovery, a Christ-Centered sex addiction treatment program. She also coaches women one on one in her private practice, Rooted and Established Coaching. Her passion for working with betrayed women began with her own healing journey and has grown as she has coached many women. She is honored to help her clients connect to their worth, make sense of their story, and set the healthy boundaries. She is deeply rooted in her Christian faith, and so are many of her clients, but not all. She helps them through crises of faith or breakdowns in their faith community, which are so common in this experience. Helping women understand their story and put one step in front of the other is her most worthwhile pursuit. We Will be Discussing: What is Boulder Recovery? What are the pros and cons of a husband doing an intensive? Does Boulder do any assess the betrayed partner? Do you prep her to understand to it might not have a positive outcome? What can a wife expect of herself while he is gone in the program and when he gets back? While he is gone is there any contact between husband and wife? What hope can we leave? Resources mentioned in this show: The Boulder Recovery 14-Day Christian Intensive TINSA: A Neurological Approach to the Treatment of Sex Addiction Partner's Healing 5-Day Intensive Scripture references: John 1:5

With your co-hostesses: Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com Listen now: Support HFW through a donation Today, we are continuing our discussion with Vicki Tiede. Vicki is a certified APSATS partner coach whose specialty is walking with wives who have same sex attraction in their story with their sexually addicted spouse. Vicki is a betrayal trauma recovery coach, speaker, and the author of “When Your Husband is Addicted to Pornography: Healing Your Wounded Heart.” Vicki has a passion for helping women navigate the pain of betrayal, particularly in relationships impacted by infidelity and pornography. She has a particular interest in supporting women whose husbands struggle with same-sex attraction. Vicki and her husband Mike also work with couples ready for relationship restoration.   We Will be Discussing: What is the value of being in community with other women who have this aspect in their story? What hope can we leave our listeners this week? Resources mentioned in this show: Life Renovation Counseling and Coaching – Learn more about Vicki and/or make an appointment through this website. When Your Husband is Addicted to Pornography: Healing Your Wounded Heart by Vicki Tiede. Homosexuality and the Christian by Mark Yarhouse.

With your co-hostesses: Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com Support HFW through a donation Listen now: Today, we are talking through a specific betrayal for many women. Over the course of the 10+ years I have been walking through betrayal stories with other women, many have a story that includes Same Sex Attraction.  During discovery or disclosure women learn that their husband has been acting out with men or viewing same sex pornography. Typically, we approach our topics with a broad stroke to discuss betrayal as a whole. Today we wanted to sit with author and recovery coach, Vicki Tiede, who has walked this path and bring hope to women who are trying to heal from their husbands' SSA and addiction. Vicki is a betrayal trauma recovery coach, speaker, and the author of “When Your Husband is Addicted to Pornography: Healing Your Wounded Heart.” Vicki has a passion for helping women navigate the pain of betrayal, particularly in relationships impacted by infidelity and pornography. She has a particular interest in supporting women whose husbands struggle with same-sex attraction. Vicki and her husband Mike also work with couples ready for relationship restoration. We Will be Discussing: What are some of the fears that come up for a partner when they discover same-sex attraction and their husband's story Does recovery look different for women whose stories involve same-sex addiction? Resources mentioned in this show: Life Renovation Counseling and Coaching – Learn more about Vicki and/or make an appointment through this website. When Your Husband is Addicted to Pornography: Healing Your Wounded Heart by Vicki Tiede. Homosexuality and the Christian by Mark Yarhouse.

  With your co-hostesses: Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com Support HFW through a donation Listen now: Today, we are discussing and important piece of coupleship recovery, grieving together. We Will be Discussing: What place does grief have in trauma healing? What place does grief have in coupleship healing? What are some practical tips or suggestions to help couples understand mourning and grieving as a couple? Resources mentioned in this show: Episode 15: Full Therapeutic Disclosure Daring Ventures – Grieving Together Webinar  

With your co-hostesses: Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com Support HFW through a donation Listen now: Welcome to another episode of Hope For Wives. Before we get started, we just want to make sure to say that we are not licensed therapists. We are ethically credentialled coaches. As coaches, we pick up on patterns. One of the patterns we see in recovering couples is that the person with problematic sexual behavior exhibit being avoidant of connecting with his wife. We Will be Discussing: What are some reasons the person with problematic behavior avoids? How does a woman experience living with a man who is in very early recovery and avoids intimacy. How does she stay sane when living with a man who does not want or does not have the skill set, yet, to connect with her in a way that is meaningful to her? 

With your co-hostesses: Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com Support HFW through a donation Listen now: Today, we are continuing our discussion around how trauma negatively impacts our self-confidence, self-esteem, self-worth. We are going to explore ways to gain the confidence you lost after discovery and empower yourselves in truth. We Will be Discussing: What are some ways you personally found your way to empowerment? What are some other practical tools we can offer our listeners in order for them to grow in empowerment? What hope can we leave? Resources mentioned in this show: God's Love Letter Episode 59, “So What, Lord?” Pete and Geri Scazzero Books Susie Larson Books  Robert S. McGee Books  Brene Brown Books   Scripture references: Zephaniah 3:17 Jeremiah 17:14-18

With your co-hostesses: Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com Support HFW through a donation Listen now: Today, we are discussing why and how a betrayed partner's self-esteem decreases after discovery. Self-esteem is your sense of overall personal worth or value. Similar to self-respect, it describes your level of confidence in your abilities and attributes.  One of the criteria for post traumatic stress in the DSM-5 is “Persistent and exaggerated negative beliefs or expectations about oneself, others, or the world.” So, it makes sense that a large percentage of betrayed wives experience this drastic drop in their confidence. We Will be Discussing: What are some experiences betrayed partners have with loss of self-esteem? How does this lack of self-esteem affect recovery from betrayal trauma? What hope can we leave? Resources mentioned in this show: Lauren Daigle – You Say God's Love Letter to You

With your co-hostesses: Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com Support HFW through a donation Listen now: We are continuing our exploration of how to navigate when friends or family in this episode.  Today, we are sharing practical tools and tips when friends and family are unintentionally insensitive to complexities of pain involved in betrayal from sex addiction. We Will be Discussing: What can a betrayed wife put in place or think about before she interacts with friends and family to pro-actively care for herself if this kind of situation comes up? What are some other practical tips or tools we can share that have worked for you or your clients in navigating insensitive friends and family? What hope can we leave? Resources mentioned in this show: 3C Family and Friends Understand BT 2B PSB Family and Friends Understand PSBSA (1) P Affects Community Family and Friends Understand Clarity and Peace with Boundaries (Pam Blizzard Scripture references: Philippians 4:7-9

With your co-hostesses: Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com Support HFW through a donation We Will be Discussing: Today, we are exploring the reality of the insensitivity of some friends or family to complexities of pain involved in betrayal from sex addiction. What are some experiences either you or your clients have shared regarding insensitive friends and family? Why is this kind of situation so uncomfortable? What hope can we leave? Resources mentioned in this show: Visit episode 68's website at hopeforwives.com for access to two PDFs. Facts sheets that explains simply the reality of betrayal trauma and problematic sexual behavior.

With your co-hostesses: Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com Support HFW through a donation Today, Lyschel and Bonny continue the discussion, because Pam is away with other obligations, about Option C.  We talk about staying well through choice, change, the complexities, and Christ. We Will be Discussing: How do we stay well in Option C? What if she starts to feel hopeless? What hope can we leave? Resources mentioned in this show: “Do I Stay Well or Leave Well?” –  Blog Post “‘Staying Well,' Is it even possible?”  

With your co-hostesses: Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com Help Us Help Others Listen now: Today, we are discussing what it means to stay while waiting in the hallway between pre-discovery and true solid recovery in the betrayer. Option C includes choice, change, complexity, and Christ. We Will be Discussing: What is Option A and Option B? What is Option C? What hope can we leave? Resources: https://leslievernick.com/blog/do-i-stay-well-or-leave-well/ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FpsBx-rWHtw

With your co-hostesses: Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com Help Us Help Others Listen now: Lyschel and Pam had other obligations, so I, Bonny will be speaking with a special guest today –  Dr. Barb Steffens! Barb is the retired founder of the association of partners of sex addicts trauma specialists, or APSATS. APSATS was a response to her empirically supported work that betrayed partners are traumatized by the discovery of their spouses problematic sexual behavior and should be supported through the lens of trauma, not co-dependence. Barb now focuses on helping better equip religious leaders to care for marriages that are struggling through the discovery of problematic sexual behavior. Today, our topic is “How Religious Leaders Can Serve Betrayed Couples Well.” We Will be Discussing: What is institutional trauma or institutional betrayal? What are some things that religious leaders could do to minimize spiritual trauma when they are working with a marriage that has deceptive sexuality? What are some obstacles that keep religious leaders from following up with a couple where the wife has newly discovered sexually problematic behavior? What are some resources that religious leaders could tap into to learn more? What hope can we leave our listeners? Resources mentioned in this show: “Your Sexually Addicted Spouse: How Partners Can Cope and Heal,” by Dr. Barb Steffens and Marsha Means. Why did God let this Happen? Assessing the Spiritual Impacts of Sexual Addiction on Intimate Female Partners: A Qualitative Investigation Betrayal Trauma Religious Leader Training Information (July, 2024, dates) “The Healing Church: What Churches Get Wrong about Pornography and How to Fix It,” By Sam Black. “Suffering and the Heart of God: How Trauma Destroys and Christ Restores,” by Dr. Diane Langberg. Coming November, 2024 – “When the Church Harms God's People: Becoming Faith Communities That Resist Abuse, Pursue Truth, and Care for the Wounded,” by Dr. Diane Langberg.

With your co-hostesses: Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com Help Us Help Others Listen now: We are continuing to tenderly discussing sexual abuse in marriage and today we are moving into the intense end of the spectrum and will be talking about marital rape.   So, again, we invite you to check in with yourself. Are you in a grounded enough place to listen to this conversation? If you are not, please come back another time and listen. If you choose to stay, please take some grounding breaths and hold yourself in compassion and love, knowing Jesus is sitting with you right now. In our last episode we talked about your right to give consent to sexual engagement in marriage. Marriage does not nullify your right to say yes or no to having sex with your husband. It was only 31 years ago that marital rape became illegal in all 50 states. And today, in 2024, 9 states still have legal loopholes that allow rapist husbands to receive as little as probation as a punishment for this heinous crime. These states are Idaho, Nevada, California, Oklahoma, Mississippi, South Carolina, Virginia, Ohio, and Michigan (https://www.newsweek.com/spousal-rape-loophole-map-1892924 ) . I'm talking about the US because that is where we are based. Worldwide, 150 countries have criminalized marital rape and 48 countries it is not criminalized and 6 it is unclear. So, women around the world are still fighting against archaic laws that harken back to when women were considered property. (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marital_rape_laws_by_country ) We Will be Discussing: When does sexual coercion cross the line into marital rape? What would you say to the woman listening who has experienced marital rape? How does Jesus see women, especially those who are abused? What hope can we leave our listeners? Scripture references: Luke 1:38

With your co-hostesses: Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com Help Us Help Others Listen now: The next two episodes we are tenderly discussing topics around sexual abuse in marriage. So, we invite you to assess whether you are in a grounded enough state to listen to this conversation. If you are not, please come back another time and listen. If you choose to stay, please take some grounding breaths and hold yourself in compassion and love, knowing Jesus is sitting with you right now.   It's hard to consider that sexual abuse can happen in marriage, and yet it does. It is one of the most confusing and distressing things a wife can process. It is a double betrayal.Sexual abuse is not uncommon in marriages where the spouse with problematic sexual behavior has not embraced the reality of their damaging behaviors. Sexual abuse can fall on a spectrum from objectification and light coercion on one end to marital rape on the other end.   Today, we are discussing consent and sexual coercion.   According to The Law Insider website, sexual coercion is defined as the use of unreasonable pressure in an effort to compel another individual to initiate or continue sexual activity against the individual's will. Sexual coercion wrongfully impairs the other individual's freedom of will (like using threats, making them pay afterwards with pouting behavior or abandonment for a time, drugs and alcohol to inhibit them from refusing) or impairs their ability to choose whether to engage in sexual activity (an example of this is having sex with someone who is asleep or is so sick or unhealthy and cannot stop what is happening, this to me, borderlines on rape, but that's for our next episode). We Will be Discussing: What is consent? What are some faulty messages women have received about her right to say no to sex in marriage? (faulty messages from church and culture) So thinking back to the faulty message, how have these faulty messages enabled sexual coercion in marriage? What is the truth for a woman who has been coerced? What grace can she give herself? What hope can we leave our listeners? Resources mentioned in this show: How Not to be an A** by Andrew J. Bauman The Sexually Healthy Man by Andrew J. Bauman Practicing Full Consent – blog post by Andrew J. Bauman Authentic Intimacy ministry with Dr. Juli Slattery Rethinking Sexuality by Dr. Juli Slattery Sexual Clarity for Christian Women – class led by Bonny Logsdon Burns (Strong Wives)   Scripture references: 1 Corinthians 7:4-5

With your co-hostesses: Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com Help Us Help Others Listen now: We often work with women who experience a lack of understanding from their husbands on what it takes to heal from sexual betrayal trauma. So, today, we are discussing, “When the husband is frustrated with her slow healing process.”  We Will be Discussing: Let's revisit the definition and experience of betrayal trauma. What are the definitions and how betrayal trauma impacts a woman's functioning? How long, typically, does a woman take to heal from betrayal trauma? What is important for a husband to know when he experiences frustration due to her healing process? (Can address him trying to control her recovery here.) What hope can we leave our listeners? Resources mentioned in this show: Adding Attunement to Empathy (APSATS radio) What is EMDR to help memories fade? How Betrayal Trauma Manifests Itself with Dr. Kevin Skinner   Scripture references: 2 Timothy 1:6-7 Jeremiah 29:11-14

With your co-hostesses: Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com Help Us Help Others Listen now: If you've been with us from the beginning, or have binged us up until this point, you'll know that we have purposely laid out content to follow a trajectory from first discovery, through safety and stability, grief and mourning, and at some point we will move through post-traumatic growth. The past episode and this one deal with coupleship recovery and lands in the space of when you feel safe enough, especially if your husband has jumped into recovery with a full commitment. We know that some husbands take a longer time to come out of denial to embrace recovery and some never get there. Today, Pam and I are talking about 3 more keys to coupleship recovery. We Will be Discussing: What is coupleship recovery? When can a couple start recovery? What importance does friendship have in recovery? What other couple resources are out there? What hope can we leave our listeners? Resources mentioned in this show: Learn Empathy: Help Your Betrayed Wife Heal by Marsha Means Help Her Heal by Carol J. Sheets and Allan J. Katz Help Them Heal by Carol J. Sheets Daring Ventures' Couples Centered Recovery 7 Principles for Making Marriage Work by the Gottmans (NOT betrayal focused, general audience) Podcast – Helping Couples Heal (secular, great content) Podcast – Human Intimacy Podcast with Dr. Kevin Skinner Podcast – From Crisis to Connection with Geoff & Jody Steurers Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love by Dr. Sue Johnson Build True Intimacy by Matthew and Joanna Raabsmith and Dan Drake   Scripture references: Malachi 4:2 Proverbs 27:17

With your co-hostesses: Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com Help Us Help Others Listen now: Pam and Bonny discuss 3 Keys to Coupleship Recovery – Safety/stability, Prioritizing the Relationship, and Radical Honesty. We Will be Discussing: What would you like couples to know about safety and stability? What does it mean to prioritize the relationship? What's the definition of Radical Honesty and how does it play out? What hope can we leave our listeners? Scripture references: 2 Corinthians 5:17, "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!"  

With your co-hostesses: Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com Help Us Help Others Listen now: Today, Lyschel and Bonny discuss, "So What, Lord?" or Prove it, Lord. This isn't our typical episode. It's a conversation as Lyschel shares a devotional she recently connected with on a deeper level and wants to share with you. We Will be Discussing: What attribute of God has meaning for the emotions in our story. What does a praise party look like? What hope can we leave our listeners? Resources mentioned in this show Subscribe to The Father's Business for more devotionals like this. The I AM For Your Every Need Sooner or later, everyone will be beaten up, battered, bruised, and burned out by the dailies of life. Good news! God is the Lord of all of your life. List every need and emotion that you are feeling, no matter how small they seem. After you have acknowledged all your emotions and needs, go through the names of God until you find the expression of His character that meets each need. For every need, there is a corresponding attribute of God. Affirm that God is still God, no matter how you feel. Have a praise party, not a pity party, for your loving Father is a big God. He is able to do much more than you need or can think or ask. He is the I AM for our needs He is Abba Father when we need fathering. He is acceptance when we feel unwanted. He is adequacy for our inadequacy. He is all-sufficient in our hardest situations. He is the Amen, the true witness. He is the Answer for our uncertainty and questions. He is the Author of faith for our unbelief or doubt. He is the Bread of life for our spiritual hunger. He is broken and spilled out for us when we've been used. He is the Burden-bearer when we are heavy laden. He is before all things when we're surprised. He is cleansing for our defilement and shame. He is closer than a brother when we are lonely. He is our Comforter who wipes away tears in our griefs and sorrows. He is our Defender when we are under attack. He is our Deliverer from our bondage or captivity. He is our Door-opener when it looks like there's no way out. He is our sure Foundation, when we're insecure. He is our Faithful Friend when friends fail us. He is Fullness when we're empty. He is God of love when we feel unloved and need a hug. He is God who is there when we feel alone or abandoned. He is our Guide and the Way when we're confused and need direction. He is grace when we're too hard on ourselves or others. He is our Healer for woundedness, rejection, and sickness. He is Hope when we are discouraged and want to quit. He is Humility for our pride. He is Joy when we are depressed. He is our Keeper and Protector when we are vulnerable. He is the Lifter of our heads when we feel weighed down. He is long-suffering, slow to anger when we have blown it again. He is Mercy for criticism and unkindness. He is Mighty God, our strength for our weakness or temptation. He is Never-failing, always the same when we are fickle and faithless. He is Overcoming victory for defeat and depression. He is the Plumb Line to stand against the world's situational ethics. He is the Prince of peace when we are stressed, worried, and confused. He is the Provider for every financial need. He is the Quieter of the storm for afflictions without and struggles within. He is Reconciliation for breaches in relationships. He is Rest when we're tired. He is the Restorer of our souls when we're bruised and beaten down. He is the Reviver, living water when we are depleted and thirsty. He is Satisfaction when we've tried everything and come up empty. He is the Song, our praise when we're joyless and heavy of heart. He is the Spirit of the Lord when we need to be set free. He is our Strength when we're weak. He is Truth for the world's warped opinions. He is True Riches when we're tempted to covet the world's wealth. He is Vengeance when we are angry and wronged. He is Wisdom for our hard choices. This is only a beginning. Make your own list as a personal affirmation that God is your Need-meeter. He is the Most High God who reigns over all. To whom else would we go? He alone is the Word of eternal life. Taken from Prayer Portions, ©1991 and from For The Family ©1995 by Sylvia Gunter. Available at www.thefathersbusiness.com. An archive of past devotionals is available on the website.

With your co-hostesses: Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com Help Us Help Others Listen now: Today, we are discussing faulty messages women have received from church or society's teachings and how these teachings have impacted betrayed wives. Proverbs 31:8-9 in the message says, “Speak up for the people who have no voice, for the rights of the down-and-outers. Speak up for justice, for the poor and needy!” That's what this episode is about, giving you words and a voice to move toward clarity. We Will be Discussing: What are some faulty teachings women have been exposed to? How do these faulty teachings influence a woman? What is the truth that counters these faulty teachings? (Suggestion – find scripture that refutes the faulty teachings) What hope can we leave our listeners? Resources mentioned in this show: Redemptive Divorce: A Biblical Process that Offers Guidance for the Suffering Partner, Healing for the Offending Spouse, and the Best Catalyst for Restoration by Mark W. Gaither Redeeming Power understand authority and abuse in the church by Dr. Diane Langberg The Making of Biblical Womanhood: How the Subjugation of Women Became Gospel Truth by Beth Allison Barr Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage: A Christian Woman's Guide to Hidden Emotional and Spiritual Abuse by Natalie Hoffman Leslie Vernick Blog Juli Slattery - Java with Juli Podcast Scripture references: Jeremiah 29:11 Galatians 3:28 Genesis 2:18

With your co-hostesses: Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com Listen now: Today, we are continuing our discussion around, “How to Make Time for Healing.” In the last episode, we walked through how she can care for herself through the first phase of healing, safety and stability. Our incredible guest, Casey Allison, is back with us today!   In our questions now, we will focus on the second stage of healing, remembering and mourning. We Will be Discussing: 1.What are some experiences busy women have when they enter into grief? 2. What are some practical tools we can offer women in this season? 3. What hope can we leave our listeners today? Resources mentioned in this show: Episode 20: Healing from the Impact of Sexual Betrayal Through Grief Come Awake with Coach Casey Allison Help Us Help Others

With your co-hostesses: Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com Listen now: Today, we are discussing how to make time for healing, especially when you are a busy, maybe you're a mom with a full-time career, or a woman who runs her own small business, or a woman who has a passion for volunteering. We Will be Discussing: What are some experiences busy women have when first discovery rocks her world? What are some first steps for her to consider to move toward stability and safety? What hope can we leave our listeners today? Resources mentioned in this show: Come Awake with Casey Allison So Help Me God by Benjamin Hastings Scripture references: 1 Peter 5:7 Romans 5:3-5 Help Us Help Others

With your co-hostesses: Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com Listen now: Today, Lyschel has a conversation with Kim Hansen Petroni around the question of divorce. Kim is an APSATS certified partner coach and has experienced divorce. She is in the process of becoming a certified divorce coach. We Will be Discussing: What should a wife ask herself when she's struggling around the decision of divorce? What about the tension between the grief/the emotions and the next right thing? What are some free or cost-friendly legal resources? What are some free or cost-friendly resources for women who have already divorced? What is the number one thing a woman needs to heal? What does God really say about divorce? Resources mentioned in this show: To find all of Kim's resources and blog posts, check out her website, Coaching Hope 4 U. Help Us Help Others

With your co-hostesses: Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com Listen now: Today, Pam and I are finishing our conversation around “How Do I Know That I'm Healing.” (Lyschel still isn't with us, but she will be back soon!   We have a practical conversation, about things you can do to assess are you healing or stuck? We Will be Discussing: What can she practically do to help her move forward in her healing and recovery? What hope can we leave our listeners? Resources mentioned in this show: Writing to Heal by James Pennebaker, Ph.D Clearing Cognitive Distortions by Pam Blizzard 22 Examples of Cognitive Distortions and Worksheet from Positive Psychology Scripture references: 2 Corinthians 10:5 Help Us Help Others

With your co-hostesses: Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com Listen now: Today, Pam and I are discussing, “How Do I Know I'm Healing?” (Lyschel isn't here because she is taking a very small sabbatical because her plate is very full at the moment. She will be back soon, promise! I know we will all miss her!)   Back to our topic, “How Do I Know I'm healing?” sometimes, in the worst of the pain or when we have a day full of triggers it can feel like we are going to be raw and seeping for the rest of our lives. We want to give you validate your experience and give perspective on how healing happens. We Will be Discussing: What can a woman experience that makes her feel stuck? What questions can she ask herself to assess if she is in fact stuck? What hope can we leave our listeners? Help Us Help Others

With your co-hostesses: Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com Today we are continuing our discussion around, “When Your Husband Keeps Lying,” adding practical tools to care for yourself while navigating continued deception.   So, the scenario is, she keeps discovering his deception (and possibly it is not deception about his acting out behaviors, it can be deception about anything), whether it's through words or actions. We Will be Discussing: What are some things she should ask herself? What are some practical strategies to help her stay sane? What is some hope we can leave her? Resources mentioned in this show: For Hope Redefined's small group listing and retreat information go to: Hope Redefined For Strong Wives' Sexual Clarity Class go to: Sexual Clarity Class Help Us Help Others

With your co-hostesses: Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com   Today we discuss, "When Your Husband Keeps Lying."   We understand that experiencing constant deception is not only emotionally exhausting, but can keep us in a state of complex trauma.  . We Discuss: Let's talk about what women are desiring when it comes to honesty in their marriage relaitonship. What is complex trauma and how does continual deception promote it? What hope can we leave? Resources Episode 6: Boundaries for Partners of People with Unwanted Problematic Sexual Behavior Episode 21: Q&A - Boundaries and Why do I Stay? Building True Intimacy by Dan Drake and Matthew & Joanna Raabsmith Help Us Help Others

With your co-hostesses: Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com   Today, Bonny continues her conversation with Jessica Eidens, a betrayed families specialist. We Discuss: How does a betrayed partner (wife) navigate when the person with SA has been objectifying their own child (not in a physical manner, just in the brain). What does a healthy family in recovery look like? What hope can we leave our friends? Resources You can find Jessica through her practice's website: https://www.eidenstherapy.com/jessica-eidens-lmhc-cmhs-csat-ccps “Come As You Are,” Emily Nagoski, book. “Before the Sex Talk,” by Linda Noble and Linda Stewart, book. Help Us Help Others

With your co-hostesses: Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com   Our previous episode, “What about the kids?” is one of our most downloaded episodes. This tells us there is a need for more insight and understanding around how problematic sexual behavior affects the family. So, today, I'd like to welcome Jessica Eidens, a betrayed families specialist. We Discuss: What are the red flags children exhibit from the dynamics of a marriage in conflict over problematic sexual behavior? What are some tools for children to learn how to navigate their emotions? What is a family disclosure and when is it appropriate? Resources You can find Jessica through her practice's website: https://www.eidenstherapy.com/jessica-eidens-lmhc-cmhs-csat-ccps Big Little Feelings  Gottman Emotion Coaching Raising an Emotionally Healthy Child by Dr. John Gottman Help Us Help Others

With your co-hostesses: Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com   Today, we continue our discussion around how a wife can heal even when her husband is not in good emotional and behavioral health, yet. We will be focusing on practical tools and ideas you can use to care for yourself and move into personal growth in spite of her husband's lag in recovery. We Discuss: Why should a wife focus on herself in this season? What are some ways a wife can care for herself in this tough season? (Self-assess your safety, get into a support group for validation and education, do your own personal therapy work for childhood trauma, join a boundaries group if boundaries are hard for you) What hope can we leave our listeners? Resources Episode 8: Self Care with Practical Ideas Episode 33: Why are Cognitive Distortions Important to Understand when Healing from Betrayal Trauma? Episode 34: How Do We Navigate or Heal From Cognitive Distortions Pam's Clarity and Peace with Boundaries Group Lyschel's Hope Redefined Boundaries Group Help Us Help Others

With your co-hostesses: Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com   In today's episode, we are discussing how your healing is not dependent on your husband's recovery. This conversation has wives in mind that have been on this road for several years now and there is still a good bit of relational conflict in the marriage.  In our next episode, we will talk about practical tools you can consider to care for yourself while he is still moving toward solid emotional health. For today, we are talking about what it means for you, that your healing is not dependent on his recovery. We Discuss: What kind of situations and feelings can come up for a wife when his recovery is slow going? Let's talk about the concept that a wife's healing is not dependent on his recovery. What hope can we leave a wife who is in this situation? Help Us Help Others

With your co-hostesses: Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com   With the holidays right around the corner, we talk about how to navigate this season that can be tricky for betrayed wives. We Discuss: What makes the holidays hard to navigate after a recent discovery? What are some practical tools for finding stability and sanity during a holiday season? What hope can we leave our listeners? Resources mentioned in this show: True Cotton Etsy Store The Huberman Lab: The Science of Gratitude and How to Build a Practice of Gratitude The Shepherd from The Chosen series Help Us Help Others

With your co-hostesses: Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com   Today, we continue our discussion of how sobriety isn't enough to build a mutually connected relationship in marriage. We Discuss: What can a wife do to help him in his recovery? What are some practical tools a wife can implement if her husband is sober and still displaying dysfunctional ways of coping and relating to others? What hope can we leave our listeners? Resources mentioned in this show: Clarity and Peace through Boundaries with Pam Blizzard Help Us Help Others

Help Us Help Others With your co-hostesses: Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com   Today, we unpack recovery just a little more. In episode 35 we had an insightful discussion with Dr. Jake Porter about the three legged stool of recovery - her recovery, his self-discovery, and the coupleships relational repair and growth.   We are calling this episode sobriety isn't enough because we are exploring a wife's experience with a husband who may be sober but is not in a space of self-discovery. We Discuss: What's a quick understanding of sobriety versus recovery? What perspectives have you had or heard from your clients about a husband who is not in a place of recovery? (i.e. no skills to cope and no capacity, window of tolerance) What hope can we leave a wife who is in this situation? Resources mentioned in this show: Episode 35: A Recovery Conversation with Dr. Jake Porter Scripture references: James 1:16 Romans 15:13

With: Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com Today: We have our special friend back, Shawna Meek. She shares her own recovery journey and wisdom/training around neurodivergent couples. "Here's what my husband would say, 'Neurodivergence is not an excuse. It's an insight,'" Shawna Meek. We discuss: What is neurodiversity? What are some common concerns in neurodiverse couples' dynamics? What are some of the challenges a neurodiverse couple will face? How does a couple go around getting testing for the person who appears neurodiverse? What hope can you leave for our listeners? Resources mentioned: ASD Couples Tools ASD Resource List Help Us Help Others

Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com Today, we are continuing the discussion around sexual experience for wives healing form betrayal. Sexual intimacy is a part of a healthy marriage. However, how can a wife want to engage sexually after infidelity or betrayal. We discuss: Let's talk about what a wife should ask herself before considering whether to engage sexually with her husband in recovery? What hope can we leave our listeners? Resources mentioned: Disclaimer: The following recommendation was written for the general population and general marriages. Pillow Talk: 40 Conversations about Sex for Married Couples The Couple's Guide to Intimacy: How Sexual Reintegration Therapy Can Help Your Relationship Heal Scripture references: 1 Corinthians 7:1-6 Help Us Help Others