Vanity Project

First, a disease befell us, and then She cast her spell (chant with us), ABRACADABRA AMOR-OO-NA-NA… Vanity Project put their paws up one more time for Lady Gaga's seventh studio album, Mayhem. This time we are joined by a very special guest, longtime Little Monster and boyfriend of the pod Caleb Bunselmeyer.Together, we come home to Mother Monster and cast our collective memory to the music that soundtracked our most shameful moments. We speculate on the effect of third fiancé Michael Polansky, of the side effects of anti-psychotic Olanzapine, and of listening to Gaga music alone. Truthfully, the lie of it all is much more honest…

Vanity Project are proud to present the first in the forthcoming trilogy of THREE COLOURS: White. In their first ever multi-episode saga Vanity Project daringly go where the likes of Aristotle and an exploratory lone monkey have gone before: to the White Material that made you. It's an episode about semen, and the perfect recipe for how to increase your load. Through a textual and cultural analysis semen is the fulcrum for a new discourse on race, the cultivation of male sexuality, and the last funny movie, Bridesmaids. We brave The Colonial Cumshot, Images of Bliss, and Edmund White on Robert Maplethorpe. We ask, is cum kind of a gay guy thing? Where were you when Diddy threw the first White Party?

Who is the most famous Laura? It's not the one in Vanity Project! In our Actress Double Feature reprise all eyes are on birthday girl Laura Dern. Four-time Academy-Awarded Best Actress Katherine Hepburn once said: "Show me an actress who isn't a personality, and you'll show me a woman who isn't a star." But what of a Best Supporting Actress?The supporting material this week is the holey epic Inland Empire (2006), the late David Lynch's last feature, and confounding literary bio-flick JT Leroy (2018). What's in a name? Laura and Charles attempt naming the unnameable genius of facial contortionist Laura Dern. When was the Dernaissance exactly? With Dern's pre-historic Hollywood pedigree, she's fought worse Dinosaurs for years in Tinseltown!

Vanity Project are back! And this year they're finally cleaning up their act! For the first time in a long time, Laura and Charles are fully clothed and somewhat researched. Following their threesome themed third birthday, they return with a speculative ficto-critical question that demands an answer… The question at hand? …How can we imagine the world without internet porn? Is it a porno-utoptia? Are we having more sex? Where's Kim Kardashian? Is anybody listening to Vanity Project? It's an X Rated Four Corners special, and VP have ventured into the unknown. Are they on the edge of something great, or are they just edging? Who's to say!

This is Vanity Project's most UNIQUE episode so far. Fierce contender for the coveted Third spot, Lottie World, joins the podcasters and takes them to a very special place… A place where Phallic Mothers meet Vaginal Fathers and we all sing Kumbaya. Star singer, entertainer, and storyteller Lottie asks us, where did the megafauna go? How are you feeling about Liam Payne's death? Should we bleep my ex housemate's name? Tickets on sale now to join us in Lottie's perfect, voluptuous, effervescent, phallic, vaginal, UNIQUE! World on November 1st and 2nd for Vanity Project: Looking For A Third. https://events.humanitix.com/vanity-project-looking-for-a-third?_gl=1*1cuppqi*_gcl_au*ODI4ODcxMzEzLjE3Mjc0MDM2NzM.*_ga*NDg2NTUzMTg4LjE3Mjc0MDM2NzM.*_ga_LHKW5FR9N6*MTcyOTIxODQxOS40LjAuMTcyOTIxODQ1OC4yMS4wLjA.

Vanity Project are Looking For A Third, and the final judge to help them is none other than Janet Anderson! For the unitiated, Janet is a star of the stage and screen, occasional nightlife icon, and permanent effervescent beauty. Did you ever watch Glee? Or judge a fashion show in the Bronx? Have you ever imagined yourself on your hands and knees at your own star on the Hollywood walk of fame? Us neither! But Janet has all that and more. To see her help Vanity Project pick their perfect third buy your tickets now for November 1st and 2nd! https://events.humanitix.com/vanity-project-looking-for-a-third?_gl=1*1cuppqi*_gcl_au*ODI4ODcxMzEzLjE3Mjc0MDM2NzM.*_ga*NDg2NTUzMTg4LjE3Mjc0MDM2NzM.*_ga_LHKW5FR9N6*MTcyOTIxODQxOS40LjAuMTcyOTIxODQ1OC4yMS4wLjA.

Now three years and 100 episodes in, Vanity Project receive a mysterious unmarked letter, sealed with a loving kiss from The Queen. What happens at 100? Few dare to dream of reaching the milestone, fewer have the honour of telling the tale… It doesn't matter if you joined Vanity Project at their “Go Piss Girl” or their “Neuter Naarm vs Sex Sydney” or in “New York City: The Lost Tapes” … they're just glad you're here. Celebrate with them as they look back to 100 years ago, and make some new commitments too. Help Vanity Project celebrate at their third birthday on November 1st and 2nd: https://events.humanitix.com/vanity-project-looking-for-a-third?_gl=1*1cuppqi*_gcl_au*ODI4ODcxMzEzLjE3Mjc0MDM2NzM.*_ga*NDg2NTUzMTg4LjE3Mjc0MDM2NzM.*_ga_LHKW5FR9N6*MTcyOTIxODQxOS40LjAuMTcyOTIxODQ1OC4yMS4wLjA.

Charles and Laura and joined by not one, but TWO potential candidates for their lucky third. Vanity Project has been graced by the talents that are Gus McGrath and Marcus Whale in a four-way verbal spar that has you asking, who's sitting in whose lap? You may know Gus and Marcus from their FBI Radio show, Sleepless in Sydney, their band, Perfect Actress, or their epic solo writing and music practices. Once and for all we clear the air on which member of Vanity Project is Gus and which is Marcus? Can we four-way seal it with a loving kiss? It's time to buy your tickets to the live show, Vanity Project: Looking For A Third for November 1st and 2nd https://events.humanitix.com/vanity-project-looking-for-a-third

Good things come in threes, and in this week's ménage a trois Vanity Project is joined by part-time Donatella Versace impersonator, full-time Darlinghurst correspondent Theo Lathouras! Now, a mere three weeks away from Vanity Project: Looking for a Third, Laura and Charles are joined by their third guest - how auspicious! Theo is the perfect VP candidate; with the sex-appeal of Monica Belluci, the knowledge of Miranda Priestly, the attitude of Germaine Greer, and the wiles of Lydia Tár! Will Theo find himself sandwiched between VP once more, find out on the 1st and 2nd of November! GET YOUR TICKETS: https://events.humanitix.com/vanity-project-looking-for-a-third?_gl=1*1t4oqu9*_gcl_au*ODI4ODcxMzEzLjE3Mjc0MDM2NzM.*_ga*NDg2NTUzMTg4LjE3Mjc0MDM2NzM.*_ga_LHKW5FR9N6*MTcyODYwMTg5NS4zLjAuMTcyODYwMTg5Ni41OS4wLjA.

Charles and Laura are joined by the second judge of Looking For A Third, Lily Golightly! Many have tried to wrangle Lily Golightly behind a mic, few have succeeded. But now that Vanity Project has her hostage, you'll be begging “Lily GoHarder!” Lily makes Vanity Project into Woo girls as they talk fondling, writing, bussing, and painting. We ask our favourite DIY school and publisher, Flower Books, what does she think about sex in a jacuzzi? Who is your favourite couple right now? When did you break your hymen? Vanity Projectors, these are your captains speaking, and we're going to land this mother-fucking-plane. It's time to buy your tickets to the live show, Vanity Project: Looking For A Third for November 1st and 2nd: https://ticketing.humanitix.com/tours/the-flying-nun-by-brand-x

Vanity Project are breaking their silence on threesomes, virgins, and their third birthday (you're invited), with none other than Michael Sun! Michael is not afraid to say it like it is, which is why he will be the perfect adjudicator of Vanity Project's perfect third. Listen to Michael's waxing lyrical on sunning your yoni, Raecism, and why at a young age you need the guidance of a bossy gay boy a few years your senior. Michael Sun bears it all between Vanity Project and in front of the mic… to see live and in person buy your tickets Vanity Project: Looking For A Third for November 1st and 2nd: https://ticketing.humanitix.com/tours/the-flying-nun-by-brand-x

This week, Vanity Project went to Queer Ppt at AGNSW, so that you didn't have to! We are instructed: one must imagine your grandmother horny...which brings us to McKenzie Wark! We all remember where we were on 9/11, right? Well not Vanity Project, we were too young. But this year ex-Novacastrian, now New Yorker came back to the antipodes to export the post-ethnography of the transgender raves of Bushwick. Yes, McKenzie Wark is still talking about raving and we're back to raving about her. From ground zero, to the first death-drop — we mean dip — that you ever saw at Addison Road, Vanity Project's reportage skirts the life cycle of a boner, the ethics of White Lesbianism, and Law Roach's role in ballroom academia. What was the most eusexual we've ever been? Tune in to find out. Pledge allegiance to the struggle: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/vanity_project

When did Charles become a fag? When did Laura become a hag? Together, Vanity Project explore a sexless, but very sexy dialectic: this time, in the form of an introductory reading for the “Fag/Hag” launch. The new book by Max Fox and Madeline Laine-MicKinley published by Rosa Press and launched on Monday the 26th of August in Sydney. “I've always had a fascination for gay boys, lesbians, and transgender people,” Laura confesses as she asks the question, is it more desperate for a hag to need her fag? Or the other way round? After Freedom! ‘90 comes the animated aughts. Modern Family, Glee, Prince Charming. Vanity Project were born this way, baby! And they wave the Fag/Hag Flag with pride! Pledge allegiance to the struggle: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/vanity_project

Laura and Charles address the last vanguard of perversion in our society in the form of a recently leaked sex tape. Pledge allegiance to the struggle: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/vanity_project

It's no secret Vanity Project has been taking frequent trips to the sauna, not least of all the one at Ian Thorpe Aquatic Centre in the heart of steamy sex sydney! Come join Charles and Laura as they uncover the mystery of the Man-Hole, and find themselves in a sticky situation with one of Australia's most awarded gay Olympians. Vanity Project finds that the Ex-Olympian turned bored-of-Qtopia member shares their penchant for perversity. Your favourite podcasters run the risk of entering the Syphilitic Games, if only there was a way out of this sticky situation…Consider this Vanity Project's Sex Olympics coverage! Pledge allegiance to the struggle: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/vanity_project

Vanity Project takes a trip down the golden mile, down the mineshaft, and into the trough (Proudly Presented to you by 357). Yes, Vanity Project visited the gay museum. Yes, there's a gay museum in Sydney. What can you see through the arch window? The peep hole? The glory hole? Qtopia invokes police brutality, high school bullying, and the periodic table as a confused metaphor for the multiplicity of gay identity in our city of sex today. Vanity Project chooses political lesbianism, they choose the public restroom, and they DO NOT choose the pill that cures homosexuality because they were # Born This Way and # Proud! Pledge allegiance to the struggle: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/vanity_project

It's “The Met” as in “The Metropolitan Museum of Art” and not “The Met Gala,” you f****t. On the first Tuesday of May we turn our attention to the attendees of Vogue's reason for the season. This year it opened an exhibition called The Garden of Time, based on a short story of the same name in which aristocrats are overrun by “an immense rabble.” Sound familiar? Vanity Project turn their attention to protesters, who, in solidarity with Palestine tore down barricades to the Met, and were arrested on Madison Avenue. But never mind that, Rita Ora is wearing beads that are older, we think, than anyone, EVER! Pledge allegiance to the struggle: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/vanity_project

This week, Vanity Project recover lost tapes from one of their perfect days in New York City. Laura and Charles are in need of a fresh perspective (one that isn't looking down at the crotch!). What can be said about the city that never sleeps? Join Vanity Project as they traverse the island of Manhattan, from celebrity spotting in the meat-packing district, meeting Marc Jacobs and his peers at the Piers, all the way to the bathhouse on Gay Mens Only Day. Vanity Project just keep saying “yes, and!” to mounting the crap on the street in Brooklyn, and you'll never guess where it takes them… Pledge allegiance to the struggle: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/vanity_project

Vanity Project split up! Last week a scene war was waged. One audience was divided over two venues. In a single evening more than sixteen tortured poets sang their sonnets (Jerk Off Instructions) between the Nicholson Building of Haymarket and the barren art school campus of Paddington. As dutiful correspondents, Charles and Laura attended the two events in order to bring you this very special coverage. In the east, Laura reported from Syd's first Fatal Crush for the new issue of Framework: Return. Meanwhile, in Chinatown, Charles arrived at the scene of Flower Books latest event, presented by Lily at RTTS.Land. Who is more tortured? Does anybody still use a typewriter? What follows are the eyewitness accounts of two departments unfurling...

After their controversial municipal polemic Sex Sydney vs. Neuter Naarm, Vanity Project cross the pacific to form a definitive thesis about Los Angeles. Vanity Project look beyond Tinseltown and towards Nowhere. Sitting at erewhoN sipping on their Kin Euphorics, Vanity Project make like Baudrillard with their inciscive treatise on LA County. America has a problem, and the problem is… Nowhere is safe in LA. A hypothetical hyperreal trip to Gay Obese Disneyland leads Vanity Project straight back to Azealia Banks. It would seem that Miss Cheapy was right once again, ashwaganda and sea moss are the only road to wellness in food apartheid California. "You see, the difference between us and them is that they are corn-fed and we are grass-fed,” Laura explains fatty deposits to Charles as they board the plane to LAX. Welcome to the land of fame excess! There's no place like home, there's no place like home, they chant to the click of the new tasers they picked up at Santee Alley. "We're not in Kansas anymore, Toto".

"Who's Melly Meldrum?" the Queen of Melrose asked Vanity Project after the Madonna show. All rise for Queen Cosmo, LA icon, internet sensation, fashionista, Madonna-truther and friend of the pod. When Vanity Project met Cosmo in the line for the Kia Forum coatcheck, they didn't know what hit them. Like Big Ange, she empowered us with her motherly spirit. Like Gwenyth Paltrow, she taught us what her vagina smells like. Like Molly Meldrum, she knows how to ask for a lap dance. Vanity Project visit Melrose Avenue on their triumphant return to Tinseltown to discuss the crown jewels, mother Madonna and answer the million dollar question; Who the fuck is Melly Meldrum?! Pledge allegiance to the struggle: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/vanity_project

In sunny Los Angeles, Vanity Project are finally ready to relive the night they died and were reborn! In early March, VP donned their individually stoned MOTHER F★CKER tank tops and high tailed it to Tinseltown to see Madonna live in concert. This is their definitive Madonna Celebration Tour review. Charles and Laura are armed with insider info about exploded implants, viral concert coverage, and bacterial infections. If you Wanna Be Startin' Something, then come join the party, it's a Celebration! Let's be clear about one thing: Vanity Project was victim to attempted vehicular homicide after the show. And still, they have ABSOLUTELY NO REGRETS. Everybody comes to Hollywood, but nobody told them it still hurts you when you look this good.

This week we ask, what does Daily Male mean when they say “Make Oxford St Great Again”? How do you get Cancelled Twice

This week, Vanity Project is asking what's in a name? We have a sweet tooth, and we're double dipping in Hard Candy (2005, 2008). In the countdown to their adventure to Tinseltown for the Madonna Celebration tour we remember the album Madonna has chosen to forget, and the infamous pedo revenge thriller of the same name. We ask, are all gyms gay? What is to be made of the now-gone but not-forgotten global Hard Candy Fitness agenda? Can I have another screwdriver? A tight screw? Would “thonggirl14” by any other name be so obviously an underage Elliot Page? MILF Madonna is luring us into her store with candy galore! and to that, we say, Give It 2 Me! Pledge allegiance to the struggle: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/vanity_project

We are Vanity Project, whom no man will ever possess! We would be only too happy to become world dictators if only to fulfill our mission: the destruction of the last vestigial traces of traditional manhood in the race to realign the sexes, thus reducing population, while increasing human happiness and preparing humanity for its next stage. Charles and Laura are back with a bookish transvestigation of none other than the book that sent shockwaves through 1968, 'Myra Breckinridge'. Gore Vidal's incisive and divisive novel on the perils of modern media, Hollywood, and the Rape Revenge trope. This countercultural expedition through gender subversion asks and answers all of Vanity Project's core questions, and demands that they make their stance on circumcision public. Your foreskin will not protect you! Pledge allegiance to the struggle: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/vanity_project

In this Patreon exclusive Vanity Project use Poor Things (2023) to finally talk about the big topics. Sure, Lanthimos' new film might be about a Frankensteinian pedophilia problem, but Charles and Laura want to talk about the Ball Drop. While we're still in a festive mood from New Years we're celebrating joyful semen! Poor Things helps us to ask, is Fully Automated Luxury Communism compatible with Political Lesbianism? Is Laura finally giving up on fags? If an adult baby learns how to jerk off on the silver screen, is that ok to watch with your mum? Are we just like this because we were made to tap dance to LoveGame as children? Pledge allegiance to the struggle: ⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/vanity_project

Vanity Project is back. And this time they are on the loose! The team at Beare Park gave the girls special media access to cover the first ever fashion show at Elizabeth Bay's most beautiful pleasure playground! As they retrace their steps through the notorious beat, the girls are forced to remember what really took place on NYE. They soon find themselves debating the moral pertinence of fur and sexual exploitation, leading them to question the gay cabal that brought them back to Beare Park to rub shoulders with the Australian fashion elite! Lions and tigers and Bears, oh my! Pledge allegiance to the struggle: ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/vanity_project

It's no secret Vanity Project are obsessed with Sydney and this week, they are fortunate enough to sit down with legendary performance artist Sydney Jarrett of Post Poems Collective. Their reappearance is a long time coming, and this time we're here to say: Butch Is Not A Dirty Word! They trace a history of deep and abiding camaraderie, from the working class history of Stone Butch Blues, to activist-sadomasochist Bloodsisters. They ask each other, where are you on the butch/femme scale? How ethical is it to share an ethical lesbian porn subscription with your ex? What does pre-workout and creatine have to do with it? Are lesbians really that unfunny? Ellen put it simply: Yep, I'm gay! Pledge allegiance to the struggle: ⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/vanity_project

Vanity Project's new treatise is as follows: if you are thinking about giving a standing ovation, vomit. If you are a little too drunk, vomit. Do you believe in bulimia? Vomit. Are you an exhibitionist looking for a new act? Get vomited on. That's what's known in these parts as a Roman Shower! We've done piss, we've done smell, and this time we're espousing an abject-driven cultural study with a new subject: barf.  Sure, our compulsion to talk could be likened to word vomit, like a cultural hangover you get from gluttonous over-indulging. The girls sit over the toilet-bowl-cum-microphone and tickle the tonsils in the hope of bringing up something worthwhile. Such sites include pregnancy-induced vomit scenes in Wild at Heart (1990), erotic vomiting scenes in Sex In Public (1998), Lady Gaga and Millie Brown at SXSW (2014), Dodie Bellamy clogging Eileen Myles' toilet (2015), Laura in Spewcastle, and American Horror Story: Delicate (2023). Emetophobics need not apply...this may well be our messiest episode yet... Vanity Project is moving to fortnightly paywalled content. Pledge allegiance to the struggle: ⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/vanity_project

"What turns you on?" Laura asks Charles. "Oh my god...so much!" There is a spectre haunting the consciousness of gay people and this week the girls are speculating about the size of that spectre. In this Patreon exclusive, Vanity Project takes on Troye Sivan's new album, Something To Give Each Other.  The album is surprisingly dense with provocation. Rush, the song about amyl-infused chemsex, naturally stimulated discourse about body positivity (see also: Lizzo) and got the girls to loosen their lips about Australia's sweetheart. The album's promotion had some inciting remarks from Sivan about his own unbelievable positionality (see: topping and bottoming), and the music video for One Of Your Girls awakened something in Laura that she may never recover from. Vanity Project's unique perspective is the only one that can decode it all. This is actually something we wanted to clear up. We think that, in the sort of consciousness of gay people, we're some crazy power bottoms or something, which is just...not the case. Vanity Project is moving to fortnightly paywalled content. Pledge allegiance to the struggle: ⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/vanity_project

Laura and Charles sit down with new friend, writer, and illustrator, Indigo Bailey (recently published in Kill Your Darlings, Island Magazine, and editor of Voiceworks) for the latest instalment of our long tradition of Diva Double Features. This time we take aim at one-miss Juliette Binoche. The latest, but not last, of this fabulous cohort of VP-adored women, is gently and thoroughly celebrated in this new edition. Laura gushes about the deeply evocative and kinda lesbian Clouds of Sils Maria (2014) while also wrestling with the high vs. low-brow casting of Chloë Grace Moretz. We rewind time to Binoche's early career, revisiting the deeply whimsical and still potent Mauvais Sang (1986), where in Paris, the new sexually transmitted virus STBO is ravaging the young and loveless sex-havers. Vanity Project says: this is a crisis! Vanity Project is moving to fortnightly paywalled content. Pledge allegiance to the struggle: ⁠https://www.patreon.com/vanity_project

Vanity Project is moving to fortnightly paywalled content. Pledge allegiance to the struggle: ⁠https://www.patreon.com/vanity_project International Lesbian Day may have passed us by, but we did watch the movie Bottoms (2023), and even still no one wants to say The L Word. They don't even say the ‘b' word... We finally thank Janey Jacke for letting us talk about ‘topping and bottoming', and what it means to be a card-carrying member of the Topping and Bottoming Union. We traverse prostrating at Beare park, preying and being predated, prostridation, and the location of the prostridate. The gay vs lesbian topping and bottoming reversal could be the thing that drives us apart. Or it could be the thing that finally draws us that much closer. Keep going! I'm so close!

Between us down there Vanity Project is joined by a real-life Angel. This is the Spring Summer 24 crescendo, and we're finishing with one night in Paris. Angel Robertson offers insight into the exquisite pain of designing, and the slightly less exquisite agony of a bug infestation in the beds of the city of love.  We talk Balenciaga and being someone else, Vaquera and doing yourself, and Rick Owens and the perfect mourning attire. How do you put persona in a tchotchke? And isn't the exquisite pain of correctly pronouncing trompe l'oeil better when you can just ask someone else to do it for you? Vanity Project is moving to fortnightly paywalled content. Pledge allegiance to the struggle: https://www.patreon.com/vanity_project

Vanity Project is moving to fortnightly paywalled content. Pledge allegiance to the struggle: https://www.patreon.com/vanity_project The girls are back with bestie-of-the-pod Carmencita! Like a hard cock, they reluctantly rise to the occasion and continue to talk about fashion week in Milan. Over a couple of wines, the girls are suddenly seduced by slippery gossip, desperately derailing what is usually sartorially focussed and semiotically incisive discourse. Sorry! It's bisexual awareness week, and we're raising consciousness by Dressing For Pleasure. If New York was about bondage, and London was about flogging, then Milan is the city of Body Inflation. We horse around with cabbage patch dolls, Gigi Hadid, and Alex Consani in Blumarine, and get stuck at AVAVAV. Laura is for once, on the pod, brutally honest. About the clothes this time, she says: "I'm sorry. I can't. Don't hate me".

Australia's very own Tr*nny and Susannah are back behind the mic reporting on the inner-beauty pageant that is London Fashion Week. They discuss the relevance of London and the UK as a fashion metropole for global fashions. God only knows why FKA Twigs and Cara Delevigne are raising consciousness (kissing) on the West End at Vogue World! If 4 slim people equals two multi-racial models then how many c-sections does it take to neuter the Mowalola show? This is the place where Caravaggio and Cronenberg convene at the naval-height altar of the low-rise mini skirt. Stefan Cooke is waving his freak flag with more hardcore craft and softcore BDSM on the runway, while JW Anderson is un-stuffing his stuff and molding Play-Doh clothing for fun. Fashion is child's-play! Surely Freud would agree: you can't spell artisanal without anal! Vanity Project is moving to fortnightly paywalled content. Pledge allegiance to the struggle: https://www.patreon.com/vanity_project

To paraphrase Collina Strada, “Everything sucks. We're all doomed. The world's on fire, but we're doing another episode about fashion shows because that's what we know how to do”. Strap in for the first episode of four weeks of epic fashion week coverage and conversation recorded on the anniversary of 9/11. Remember, every flight starts on a runway... This week, the girls discuss seatbelts and safety at Helmut Lang, Collina Strada and her x-static X-men, the abject hideousness of the image, pubes at Dion Lee, the Hari Nef Method, offense, defense, and the skin wars at Coach. This may be Vanity Project's most explosive fashion pod yet… Vanity Project is moving to fortnightly paywalled content. Pledge allegiance to the struggle: https://www.patreon.com/vanity_project

After a few too many trips to Melbourne, Laura and Charles ask one another "Are you having fun down there?" The girls inflame the age-old rivalry between the two Australian cities, insisting that nobody in Naarm is getting any. Sydney is the city of sex and Vanity Project Knows Good Sex. This episode is no limits! Topping and bottoming! Undress! Dental dams and dog dongs! Feel the rush as we engage in harmful hearsay about Troye Sivan and what is (not) happening in his sexy Architectural Digest house... Vanity Project are here to tell you that we like it raw! For more paywalled content head over to the patreon: https://www.patreon.com/vanity_project

Charles and Laura sit down with Gertrude Studio artist and man who wears many hats, Francis Carmody, in a new commission for un Extended. They dive deep into Francis' practice and reveal the man behind the alibi. Francis' compulsion to curiosity suits Vanity Project just fine, after all, we have podcasted from far more precarious places! We follow Francis' deep curiosity into dentist appointments with happy endings, cold calls with scientists, and reinterpretations of the myth of Atlas, whose job -- for those of us who don't know -- is to carry the weight of the world. The job of an artist at Gertrude Contemporary isn't so different!

Is there anything sexy about an Amazon Prime made-for-streaming adaptation of a Young Adult novel? And what if it was an independent Arthouse film about the Republic of France topping the monarchy of The Netherlands? This is the definitive ruling on the latest homonationalist propaganda movie 'Red, White, and Royal Blue' (2023). This is Vanity Project at its finest. We cover topping, bottoming, and penis sizes as they pertain to racial physiognomies and the blonde/brunette dichotomy, and ask, is calling Prince George gay as bad as being a pedophile? How do you come out to your mum as a bi-top, and what if your mum, POTUS, is Uma Thurman? Really, we just want Uma Thurman to take us out of the closet, and into the Oval Office so we can make some hot pharmacopornography. For more paywalled content head over to the patreon: https://www.patreon.com/vanity_project

This week, the girls have invited the gorgeous dancer and writer Belle Beasley to chat about the infamous, and now arguably well-loved Showgirls (1995). Vanity Project says, Showgirls won the culture war! Fix yourself a plate of doggie chow and enjoy this hour-long lap dance. Hide your pearls boys and girls, jewels are a killer in this industry! We ask all the difficult questions, which Showgirls version is superior, cut or uncut? What are you willing to do? Are your nipples hard? "Of course, only I can make your nipples hard!" For one night only, Vanity Project is Goddess. For more paywalled content head over to the patreon: https://www.patreon.com/vanity_project Belle Beasley is a dancer, dancemaker, and writer with a background in classical ballet. She is currently based in Newcastle / muloobinba, and soon Paris. Her recent curatorial project CAKE, a performance art event co-curated and produced with Henry Dooner, saw Vanity Project debut aesthetic thesis HARDsoft, as part of a multi-disciplinary program of performance, sound, discourse, and visual art. @belleysbutton

For this tell-all interview, Laura and Charles join the one and only Joan Rivers under the covers for one last episode of her online mini-series 'In Bed with Joan'. And because the girls are such generous power-bottoms, they've allowed their extra-special guest the chance to interview them! R.I.P. Joan, you would've hated Vanity Project.

Tentatively, Laura asks Charles, “…did you… like dolls?” It's another transexually charged podcast. We have returned from the only city to cut off its own Penis-Tower, Newcastle, to give our definitive reading of the Barbie movie.  Charles pronounces “Baudrillard” properly, and reads an excerpt of his upcoming text “Good For Drag”, which is actually about being Birkenstock-pilled, and Laura womansplains Lacan and the Mirror Stage. We beach-each-other-off with our greatest hits about Global Pedophile Culture, Feminism being actually good, and homophobia being actual misogyny. To borrow from the pussy (or lack thereof) discourse of our foremothers: let us quote the legendary Jasmine Masters, “we don't want to see your barbie doll mannequin pussy. Panties, bitch.” For more paywalled content head over to the patreon: https://www.patreon.com/vanity_project

In the grand tradition of actress studies and diva-worship, the girls are back with another very special Double Feature Pod. This time, they are talking about the cinematic exploits and successive slidings of pleasure as depicted by one miss Isabelle Huppert. Laura and Charles watch The Piano Teacher (2001) and Ma Mère (2004) so that you don't have to! They discuss the problématiques of the two films, which bear a striking resemblance, and recall getting kicked out of the Freud Musuem in Vienna. Is it okay to kiss your mother on the lips if she's Isabelle Huppert and is Huppert allowed to kiss her own mother on the lips? Vanity Project are asking all the questions you don't want answered! For more paywalled content head over to the patreon: https://www.patreon.com/vanity_project

Charles and Laura are back in the closet [recording studio] to talk about transgender ideation [crossdressing fantasy]. We giggle nervously while we speak very, very openly about the ways we love and adore trans people, culture, aesthetics and ideology.  Through Viscose's newest issue “trans”, the movie Dressed To Kill (1980), and the documentary Disclosure (2020), we ask: is there an international agenda by gay men that conspire to make cis women clocky? Were you really ‘born this way'? What's the opposite of castration envy? In our most brave episode yet, we say to our transgender listeners: I'm sorry, and I love you. For more paywalled content head over to the patreon: https://www.patreon.com/vanity_project

Finally, it's just us girls, and Charles, just off the plane from Tokyo, is bursting with secrets. One listener asks “Charles, can I ask you a personal question? …What's the craziest thing you did on your holiday?”  This week we're aligning our heart, pussy, and boner chakras the old-fashioned way: in the bathhouse, where we make a return to form. That form? Hard-ons, naturally. Shall I compare thee to a sodomised goat? We ask, as an afterthought about female sexuality. The girls find the safe place between men's crotches, arousal and distress, and quote-unquote “personal style” between me down there in the land of the rising sun. For more paywalled content head over to the patreon: https://www.patreon.com/vanity_project

While Charles enjoys a writer's strike of sorts on holiday in Tokyo, Laura sits down with Drew in the studio to talk everything art and AI. Laura and Drew, yes, probably could have just created an AI Charles to join them, but isn't there something nice about a human touch?  We talk creativity and labour, the limits of censorship in image- and text-generating software, the limitations of the form, the problem of promptism and trying to remember how to spell the word “vagina,” and if AI portraits make good imaginary friends. 

The girls are back on the mic after their triumphant second birthday party on June 7th! For those of you that have been living under a rock, Vanity Project is now officially two years old and they're finally putting on their big girl panties! This week, Laura and Charles recap the night that was and share their sensuous collaborative Birthday-Suit text once again for your consideration (and pleasure). This is your trigger warning! And that, Salvosfit — just so you will know — and your children will someday know ---is the night the lights went out in Goodspace Gallery! Visit our digital room sheet: https://vanityproject.cargo.site Listen to our official VPT2 playlist courtesy of our Lady Deejay in absentia, Chanel: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3GrQBz2Ae5VwQticncuVLD?si=AQKboJLKQzilpSft5oPKQg For more paywalled content head over to the patreon: https://www.patreon.com/vanity_project

This week, for the fifth and final VPT2 interview, the girls are joined by the one and only Miski! Vanity Project: Terrible Twos is just one sleep away! It's so close we can taste it! This is a masterclass in talking courtesy of #voicesbymiski. The girls chitchat about birthdays, stand-up, comedy, funny ha-ha jokes, playing-it-straight, writing as practice, and so-called apophenia! Here come the drums, here come the drums! Repeat after us: Miski. Is. Our. Supreme. Leader. For more paywalled content head over to the Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/vanity_project

This week the girls sit down with artist, poet, and proud horse girl Elisabeth Sulich for the fourth installment of VPT2 interviews in the lead-up to June 7th! They wax lyrical about mother's milk and arrive back at the platitude that god is a woman after all. And so they are left asking the brave questions: does god have traction alopecia? Does she listen to Ariana Grande music on purpose? Was she raised on baby formula? Did she grow up in a household without a TV? They discuss the movies that shaped their childhoods: Baby Mama (2008) and Daddy Day Care (2003) and soon realise that all roads lead to Bondi Junction car park. As Nigella Lawson once said: You could probably get through life without knowing how to roast a chicken, but the question is, would you want to? For more paywalled content head over to the Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/vanity_project

We are graced with HRH, the People's Princess, proprietor of Sugondèse Film Festival, and proud owner of Triple F tits, Kate McGuinness. In the third of our series of EXCLUSIVE interviews we have the distinct pleasure of sitting across from another cofa alum, an ex-performance artist and comedienne on her artworld journey to and from seriousness, humour, and Parramatta. We discuss Kate's love for filmmaking, her return to trekking the entirety of Parramatta Road, and if it's more Bear Grylls or Marina and Ulay of her, and… yeah! Hold tight through the ex-head-of-sculpture's bum-hole… we're taking a sharp left at Granny's vagina, all in the lead up to Kate's performance on JUNE 7th! For more paywalled content head over to the Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/vanity_project

This week, for another very special VPT2 interview, the girls are joined by the fabulous Joel AKA Billie Posters AKA Berlin Joel. Ceramicist, filmmaker, performance artist, reformed lawyer and Kitkat-enjoyer sits down between us to chat everything from cofa to UDK and back. We open up in an anti-circle-jerk of sorts regarding our troubles with institutions, the Sydney art market, and painting. Attention to form is key: whether it's art school or the sex club we're searching together for divine inspiration, like Fiona Apple holding a coat hanger to the sky and waiting for it to strike. There's some kind of cultural interchange happening between Berlin and Sydney… and we can feel it in our panties! For more paywalled content head over to the Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/vanity_project