How to Survive

This episode was originally released as a Patreon bonus. To find out more, head to Patreon.com/howtosurvivepod It's time for the long-awaited 300th Episode Spectacular! It's a bumper session, filled with correspondence and reflections - and we couldn't be more grateful to everyone who has been part of the fun. You can also expect a few announcements about upcoming features - including a return to covering not one but TWO franchises. Thanks for all your support. It means a huge amount that you've listened to, enjoyed, and kept listening to How to Survive over the years.  Love, Chris and Joe xx

How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod to get every episode one week early, plus monthly bonus episodes and more. It's episode 299…My mommy always said there were no monsters. No real ones. But there are. Alien Resurrection (1997) is the concluding chapter in the Alien Quadrilogy, and introduces Ripley 8, a supercharged Xeno-human hybrid of Ellen Ripley, cloned in a lab to act as a genetic vessel to recover the Xenomorphs from the annals of history 200 years after both they and Ripley were obliterated in molten lava at the end of Alien 3. It really is as simple as that. We settle some unfinished business with the lesser-loved film in one of our favourite franchises, talk about the pros and cons of 90s cool girl action, query the logic of bringing a ticking time bomb along as a passenger, and indeed the logic of firing a continent-sized bomb at Earth to save lives, and marvel at the biggest and best shoulder hair ever captured on film. All of which leads to one question: How would you survive? Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: Ellen Ripley died trying to wipe this species out. For all intents and purposes, she succeeded! Next time on the Patreon, we're covering Jacob's Ladder, ahead of our big episode 300 triple bill on the Fear Street trilogy.  

How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod to get every episode one week early, plus monthly bonus episodes and more. It's episode 298…and at 50, it all stops. The Substance (2024) follows Elisabeth Sparkle, a fading Hollywood star who is fired from her TV fitness show when she reaches 50. Learning of ‘The Substance', a black market pharmaceutical product that promises to create ‘a better version of you', she signs up, producing Sue - a younger, idealised version of herself who soon finds the stardom Elisabeth has lost. But, despite being the same person, Elisabeth and Sue become increasingly fractious roommates, and as their contempt for one another grows, disaster ensues. We break down one of the best films of the last year, a tour-de-force of body horror maximalism, featuring a million shots of an arse, disgusting eating sounds and jaw-dropping prosthetic effects. But is it good? Does it, while highlighting the objectification of women, objectify women in turn? And how much arse is too much arse? All this and more to come. All of which leads to one question: How would you survive? Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: Everything comes from you. Everything is you. This is simply a better version of yourself.    

Anyone can feel strong hiding behind a piece of metal. I prefer to know my own strength. Love Lies Bleeding (2024) tells the story of Lou, a gym owner who falls in love with Jackie, a gym user who plans to enter a bodybuilding contest. As they fall deeper in love, they become tied up in violence, deception and crime - all thanks to Lou's family and their violent, deceitful, criminal ways.  We offer investigation tips to the FBI, question whose perspective you can really trust, and question the true romantic intention in giving someone drugs the moment you meet them.  All of which leads to one question: How would you survive? Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: It's the ones you love the most who always disappoint you in the end.

How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod to get every episode one week early, plus monthly bonus episodes and more. It's episode 296…and you'd be surprised what the human brain can edit out when it can't handle the truth. Censor (2021) follows Enid, a censor at the BBFC during the moral panic around ‘Video Nasties' - a 1980s proliferation of graphic horror movies flooding the new frontier of VHS home entertainment. Enid acts as a kind of moral guardian, exposing herself to these films so the wider public don't have to, but when one film unearths her past trauma, Enid begins a spiral that will lead her to some very real horror. We discuss a slightly muddled treatise on trauma and media influence, praise the immaculate vibes of 1980s film logos, question the security setup of low-budget film shoots and wonder whether stunt weapons are a necessity, or simply health and safety gone mad. All of which leads to one question: How would you survive? Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: Horror is already out there, in all of us. It's in you. Next time, we begin ‘Better Body Horror' season with Rose Glass' Love Lies Bleeding (2023).  

How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod to get every episode one week early, plus monthly bonus episodes and more. It's episode 295…and what big eyes you have, what big hands you have. Ghostwatch (1992) was broadcast ‘as live' on BBC 1, on Halloween night in 1992, and saw TV stalwarts Michael Parkinson and Sarah Greene trying to prove the existence of the paranormal by taking a camera crew to ‘the most haunted house in Britain'. While the show documented the Early family's suffering at the hands of Mr Pipes, the poltergeist, the real story began after the show's broadcast, where tens of thousands felt duped by its immaculate recreation of 1990s live broadcasting tropes. We break down an underrated shout for the most influential horror movie of all time, discuss a directorial tour-de-force that left a nation unable to trust some of its most beloved presenters, ponder the various reasons for the furore that followed its broadcast and wonder whether Ghostwatch could ever be made today. All of which leads to one question: How would you survive? Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: the studio's...completely dark. Just... just blackness. Next time on the main feed, we're watching Censor (2021), while on the Patreon we're looking at cult classic Possession (1981).

How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod to get every episode one week early, plus monthly bonus episodes and more. It's episode 294…and you've made it to the belly of the beast, congratulations, very few come this far. MaXXXine (2024) concludes Ti West's X trilogy, following Maxine Minx in her journey to Hollywood stardom. But as she's pursued by a mysterious leather-clad stalker, it's not long before Maxine's friends and colleagues start turning up dead. Is Maxine's bloody past catching up to her, or is something even more sinister at play? We break down an uneven conclusion to a nonetheless excellent horror movie trilogy, the gigawatt star power of Mia Goth, the corrupting influence of various forms of media across fifty years of American history, the dos and don'ts of car surveillance and the potential legality of head-crushing. All of which leads to one question: How would you survive? Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: Do you know what happened to the last person who tried to kill me? I crushed her fucking head. Next time we journey back to a golden moment in British TV history with Ghostwatch (1992).  

How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod to get every episode one week early, plus monthly bonus episodes and more. It's episode 294…and I'm sorry, it seems I wore my long legs today. Longlegs (2024) follows FBI agent Lee Harker, who is assigned to the case of a serial killer who is apparently responsible for compelling several patriarchs to murder their families across multiple decades, with the only trace being cryptic letters signed ‘Longlegs'. Can Agent Harker prevent more murders, and will Longlegs' origins prove to be closer to home than she thinks?  We talk about the horror movie dubbed ‘the scariest film of the decade', the highs and lows of a film that wants to be both arthouse and popcorn, a creepy character that evokes Old Gregg and Jennifer Coolidge, the importance of getting out of the car and whether investigating your own mum counts as a conflict of interest. Plus, isn't it annoying when Satan inverts a trend? All of which leads to one question: How would you survive? Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: Our prayers protect us from the devil. Next time on the main feed, it's the concluding part of Ti West's X trilogy with MaXXXine (2024), while over on the Patreon we're watching I Saw The TV Glow (2024).  

aka Vermines (2023) It's episode 292…and are you interested in animals? Infested/Vermines (2023) tells the story of Kaleb, a young man with a passion for selling sneakers and buying bugs. Living in a multicultural melting pot of a tower block, his friendships have become strained following the death of his mother. Can he reconnect with his Jordy, his childhood best friend, and reconcile with his sister Manon? Anything is possible if you move forward with grace and acceptance. Oh, and he also bought a new spider and it's escaped. Probably fine. We talk about a genuinely horrific set of spiders doing spider-y things, rave about the best bathroom scene since Mandy, pull apart the potential of PPE and wonder whether an armed policeman shouldn't be more ‘yes and' in his approach to life. All that, and the question on everybody's lips - who would survive the spider tower best out of Batman, Spider-Man and the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? All of which leads to one question: How would you survive? Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: something that kills that fast is impossible. Next time on the main feed we're catching up with the 2024 horror on everybody's pale painted lips: Longlegs (2024).  

How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod to get every episode one week early, plus monthly bonus episodes and more. It's episode 291…and would anyone object if I tore this floor out? Arachnophobia (1990) takes us to the sleepy Californian town of Canaima, via the jungle sinkholes of Venezuela, to follow the story of the newly arrived family physician Dr Ross Jennings. When townsfolk begin dropping dead in mysterious circumstances, Jennings suspects foul play of the eight-legged variety, but is it just his Arachnophobia talking? No, as we've seen the spider, and it's been biting and killing people.  Death comes to a Spielberg-inflected sleepy suburbia as we talk about spiders vs. dead mammals, another in a long line of creepy coroners with bad food hygiene, programmes you'd take your phone off the hook for and why an entomologist suddenly becomes a spider-freak. All of which leads to one question: How would you survive? Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: A web would indicate an arachnoid presence. Next time on the main feed, it's Spider season, with creepy-crawly classic Vermines/Infested (2023), meanwhile it's Shyamalan time on the Patreon with Knock at the Cabin (2023).

How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod to get every episode one week early, plus monthly bonus episodes and more. It's episode 290…and the Internet and dreams are similar. They're areas where the repressed conscious mind escapes. Paprika (2006) follows its titular dream-based protagonist, and her real-life alter ego Dr Atsuko Chiba, as she administers a futuristic form of therapy using a prototype device called the DC Mini. However, when so-called ‘Dream Terrorists' steal the devices and use it to run rampant through other people's dreams with disastrous results, it's up to Dr Chiba and her motley crue of scientists to find them before it's too late. We break down the second half of Anime horror/Satoshi Kon/'films that Hollywood sort of remade with just enough changes to avoid a lawsuit' season (what could this film about a device that allows you to invade other people's dreams have inspired I wonder?) and discuss the joys and pains of a creative portrayal of limitless dreamspace, characters both paper thin and fatphobic, and rank spices/condiments based on Joe's usage relative to Ketchup and Mayo. Plus, what would make Chris finally commit to buying a neuralink? All of which leads to one question: How would you survive? Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: The shade of the tree with the flowers that bloom at night is where the residents of darkness rest. The people of daytime are not allowed! Next time on the main feed, it's Spider season, with creepy-crawly classic Arachnophobia (1990).

How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod to get every episode one week early, plus monthly bonus episodes and more. It's episode 289…and you're tarnished and filthy. Perfect Blue (1997) follows the story of Mima, a Japanese pop idol who gives up singing at the advice of her management in order to pursue an acting career instead. What follows is a descent into paranoia and doubt as Mima begins to lose track of who she is, all as mysterious murders occur in her vicinity. Part one of Anime Horror/inspiration for legally distinct Hollywood movie season kicks off with a bang, as we discuss an artful treatise on the nature of identity, the often problematic sexualisation of young women in Japanese media, whether truck drivers should be more urgent with braking and well-trodden path of Disney actor to sexually explicit pop star. All of which leads to one question: How would you survive? Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: illusions can't come to life. Next time on the main feed, we're watching another Satoshi Kon staple with Paprika (2006), while it's Red Dot (2021) on the Patreon bonus feed.

How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod to get every episode one week early, plus monthly bonus episodes and more. It's episode 288…and we have travelled further into space than any humans before us. Aniara (2018) follows a titular ship of evacuees escaping a climate-ravaged Earth as they set out for a new life on Mars. When a collision with some space debris results in the ship losing all control, the Aniara begins to drift further out into deep space. As weeks turn into years, we see isolation, terror and nihilism overwhelm the passengers. Is there any salvation? We reach peak bleak, discuss sex cults and eating algae, break down a painfully resonant allegory for climate nihilism while making the case for radical optimism, and try against all the odds to find a survival method in an unsurvivable situation. All of which leads to one question: How would you survive? Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: Once the passengers get used to eating algae, we'll go public with the situation. Next time on the main feed, we're watching Perfect Blue (1997) as part of a season of Anime Horror films. Got a suggestion for great anime horror? Send it our way via our Patreon.

Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod

How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod to get every episode one week early, plus monthly bonus episodes and more. It's episode 287…and you mean more to me than any scientific truth. Solaris (1973) sees psychologist Kriss Kelvin dispatched to a space station orbiting the titular planet to see if the skeleton crew's reports of strange goings on and mysterious 4 metre tall babies are to be believed, or whether it's a simple case of space madness. While there, he is disturbed by the presence of unexpected ‘guests' on the station, not least the appearance of his wife Hari, who died a decade earlier. We talk about a Soviet science fiction classic, discuss what it means to be human, whether Solaris is just a planet-sized printer, draw up a cost/benefit analysis of firing antique oak bookshelves into space and finally find out the question on everyone's lips - can you eat a burger made out of neutrinos? Plus, a heartwarming story about Joe's young son being obsessed with going to the moon. All of which leads to one question: How would you survive? Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: Whenever we show pity, we empty our souls. Next time on the main feed it's more Space Madness with Aniara (2018), while over on the Patreon it's the turn of Twilight (2008), our monthly bonus film.

How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod to get every episode one week early, plus monthly bonus episodes and more. It's episode 286…and I will make the land desolate so that your enemies who settle it shall be appalled by it. Mad God (2021) is the singular vision of Phil Tippett, the stop motion genius behind Star Wars' AT-ATs and RoboCop's ED-209. Over the course of 30 years he slowly created what some believe to be his opus–Mad God–a nightmarish film with very little clear story, but an awful lot of grotesque imagery. We talk about a film that is both an impressive technical exercise and a hollow procession of misery, the nauseating levels of skill required to produce it, whether we'd be sad if Gromit died and whether the individual behind dozens of screens showing a babbling baby's face should give more thought to workplace safety. All of which leads to one question: How would you survive? Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: Your land shall become a desolation and your cities a ruin. Next month, we're watching a couple of ‘Space Madness' films - Solaris (1972) and Aniara (2018).

It's episode 385! And I'd rather kill myself than work here. Stopmotion (2024) tells the story of Ella, a Stopmotion Artist, who is pouring her heart and soul into creating something truly outstanding. Stepping out from her Stopmotion Artist mother's shadow, Ella is tempted by opportunities to be a Stopmotion Artist at an advertising agency, urged to slow her down her Stopmotion Artist lifestyle - but it may just be too little too late. We talk about the productivity-gains that come from slowing down; the commercial impact of using rotten meat girls to advertise your products; and thoughts of Nick Park sharing a hovel with Wallace and Gromit. All of which leads to one question: How would you survive? Next time on Patreon.com/howtosurvivepod, it's The Green Knight!

It's Episode 284 and congratulations to Emma Jones in Monkeys Running the Zoo III. Candyman (1992) tells the story of Helen, a grad-student investigating urban legends - or more specifically one urban legend about 'Candyman' - a hook-handed slasher who appears if you say his name five times in a mirror - and promptly disembowels you. Not much of an incentive to summon him overall, but what a premise! We talk about correct police procedures; optimal concussion care; and rubbish foreplay - all before alighting on one major question: how would you survive? Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: We're going to Disneyland! Find more episodes at patreon.com/howtosurvivepod.  See you next month!

It's Episode 283 and congratulations to Repeat Repeat in Monkeys Running the Zoo III.   When Evil Lurks (2023) tells the story of brothers Pedro and Jaime. When a neighbour in their rural town comes down with a case of Demonic Possession, they begin a series of increasingly desperate (and ill-advised) methods to contain the monster before it can wreak havoc.   We talk about inadequate public health messaging; the wonders of modern technology; and the benefits of keeping a low profile.   Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: Evil loves children. And children love evil.   Next up: Deadstream (2022) over at Patreon.com/howtosurvivepod

How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod to get every episode one week early, plus monthly bonus episodes and more.   It's episode 282...and a shower and a change of clothes wouldn't hurt.   Shin Godzilla (2016) serves as a rebooting of the classic Japan-set Godzilla movies in the modern day. When a gigantic monster emerges from the sea, the slow-moving cogs of Japan's bureaucratic machinery begin to turn, but in the face of a walking natural disaster and threats of international military action, can a crack team of weirdos band together to save the day?   We discuss a kaiju movie through as seen through the eyes of incompetent politicians, monsters of scale with atomic scales, put forward two opposing views on the fun and frustrations of seeing political machinations rather than a big dinosaur and discuss turning the world's biggest frozen lizard into a tourist attraction.   All of which leads to one question: How would you survive?   Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: There is no precedent.   Next time, if you're a Patreon, it's February's bonus pick with Dog Soldiers (2002), otherwise we'll be back in a few weeks' time for Godzilla Minus One (2023).

How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod to get every episode one week early, plus monthly bonus episodes and more.   It's episode 281...and I'M GONNA BE A STAR AND THE WHOLE WORLD'S GONNA KNOW MY NAME!   Pearl (2022) tells the story of Pearl - a young woman who is unhappily stuck on the family farm while her husband is away at war. Pearl dreams of life as a dancer in the pictures, but must overcome a forebearing mother, ailing father, societal barriers and her own unsettled outlook. We talk about the best way to escape a lumbering axe-wielder, weigh up the risks of germ-loads; and wonder when it's time to just leave.   All of which leads to one question: How would you survive?   Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: What did I do? What is wrong with me? Please just tell me so I can get better.

It's Boxing Day (ish), and that can only mean one thing...These broads would hump the Leaning Tower of Pisa if they could get up there!   Black Christmas (1974) tells the story of a sorority house beset by threatening phone calls in the days before Christmas break. When one of their number go missing, it's a race against time to find her, and the person responsible, but perhaps they should be looking closer to home?   We talk about a film that serves as the origin of the slasher genre and the on-screen debut of a classic horror trope, a set of brilliantly written characters and surprisingly thoughtful politics, critique the performance of incompetent police and share stories of sharing drinking vessels.   All of which leads to one question: How would you survive?   Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: I wouldn't wear this to have my liver out!   This film was chosen by two of our lovely patrons - Steve Thone and Clyde Griffiths. If you want to help us decide the films we cover, head to Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod and sign up to unlock bonus episodes, early access and more!   Our next episode, on Pearl, will be out very soon, as we continue to play catch up.   Get in touch! HowtoSurviveShow@gmail.com

A quick note - our Boxing Day podcast on Black Christmas, and our episode Pearl, will unfortunately be a bit delayed due to illness. Sorry about that.   How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod to get every episode one week early, plus monthly bonus episodes and more.   It's Christmas Eve, and that can only mean one thing...I thought everything was fine until I saw you last night. Then I knew there must be something between us, even if it's only an ocean.   An Affair To Remember (1957) tells the story of a classic swooning romance between Nickie and Terry, star-crossed lovers who fall in love on a cruise ship and agree to meet at the Empire State Building in 6 months time to be together. But, as we all know, the path to true love is not always straightforward, and one should always look both ways before crossing it.   We break down a romantic drama classic, discuss the exercise regimes of 1950s men, talk about gangplanks, jaywalking and creepy kids, and advise against spiking the camera if you hope to have a long career in film.   All of which leads to one question: How would you survive?   This film was chosen by one of our lovely patrons - Rosie PK. If you want to help us decide the films we cover, head to Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod and sign up to unlock bonus episodes, early access and more!   Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: Anything can happen, don't you think?   Get in touch! HowtoSurviveShow@gmail.com

How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod to get every episode one week early, plus monthly bonus episodes and more. It's episode 280...and whoever we contacted, they followed us. Talk To Me (2023) follows Mia, a teenager struggling to move on following the overdose-related death of her mother. When her school friends discover how to summon spirits using a mysterious embalmed hand, Mia becomes obsessed with contacting the dead, and even allowing them to take possession of her. What could go wrong? Let us in and hear us talk about the apparent fully-formed arrival of another modern horror classic, discuss a complex navigation of grief and trauma through the medium of head-smashing and eyeball-plucking, ponder whether all drugs definitely contain rat poison, and scrutinise the security policy of Australian hospitals. All of which leads to one question: How would you survive? Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: I have this recurring where I'm looking in the mirror and my reflection is gone. Like I don't exist. Next time…it's Chriiiiiiistmaaaaassss…

How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod to get every episode one week early, plus monthly bonus episodes and more.   It's episode 279...and do you believe there is a part of yourself, deep inside in your mind, with things you don't want other people to see?   The Cell (2000) follows the FBI as they pursue nefarious serial killer Carl Rudolph Stargher, who imprisons his victims in glass prisons that will gradually fill with water. When Stargher's capture leaves him comatose, special agent Peter Novak turns to a team of scientists using experimental technology to enter the minds of their subjects. Can child psychologist Catherine Deane invade Stargher's mind and successfully uncover the location of his final victim? Or will she herself become a victim of Stargher's nightmarish mindscape?   We talk about a surprising and underrated gem, break down the interesting career of Tarsem Singh and his artistic points of reference, ask whether Christopher Nolan may have seen the film when drafting early versions of Inception and wonder if the FBI should or shouldn't make use of the experimental brain-diving technology they've discovered.   All of which leads to one question: How would you survive?   Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: Mocky-Lock is a pain in the ass.   Next time we're catching up with one of the most talked about horror films of 2023 - Talk to Me.

What could it mean?

How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod to get every episode one week early, plus monthly bonus episodes and more.   It's episode 278...and she locked away a secret, deep inside herself, something she once knew to be true... but chose to forget.   Inception (2010) tells the story of Cobb and his band of extractors--thieves who use dream-sharing technology to break into the subconscious minds of their targets and steal information. Cobb has a dark history and lives in exile from his family, but when a mysterious client offers him the chance to rebuild his life, the opportunity is too good to turn down. In order to succeed, Cobb and his team must successfully implant an organic idea within their subject's mind. This process, thought by some to be impossible, is known as Inception.   We break down one of the best and most-theorised-about science fiction blockbusters of all time; ponder spinning corridors, impossible staircases and dreams within dreams; ask ourselves if Christopher Nolan could probably do with reigning it in a bit; and question whether a simpler option might be to just move your kids to Paris.   All of which leads to one question: How would you survive?   Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: You mustn't be afraid to dream a little bigger, darling.   Next time we're diving into more mindscapes with the Jennifer Lopez horror vehicle The Cell (2000).

How to Survive is now on Patreon! Visit Patreon.com/howtosurvivepod! It's episode 277...and I like you... This week's film was chosen by our patron Sam Goff as part of Monkey's Running the Zoo Season II. V/H/S (1995) is an anthology found footage movie, depicting a parade of detestable characters doing detestable things. Across the series of short films we see: a group of daters get more than they bargained for; a honeymooning couple get more than they bargained for; some teenagers at a lake get more than they bargained for; a long-distance couple get more than they bargained for; and a group attending a halloween party get more than they bargained for. We discuss the benefits of not being a creep; the highs and lows of a packed creative experiment; and try to decide whether the film is morally bankrupt or making a political statement (but then again, why not both?). All of which leads to one question: How would you survive? Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: It's a whole lot better to say just a little bit than to say too much and wish you hadn't. You know what I'm saying? Now, don't you be a stranger. I got lots more to say to you. See you on Halloween...

Happy Halloween!

How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod to get every episode one week early, plus monthly bonus episodes and more.   It's episode 277...and John Doe has the upper hand!   This week's film was chosen by our patron Daniel Busby as part of Monkey's Running the Zoo Season II.   Se7en (1995) follows Detectives Mills and Somerset as they hunt down a serial killer committing murders themed around the seven deadly sins. As rain pounds the streets of the worst city in the history of cinema, the Detectives race against time to stop the killer before he completes his nefarious, murderous masterpiece.   We discuss a film that's had a dramatic influence on the horror genre (despite not necessarily being a horror itself), a trio of showstopping performances and one of the most iconic endings of all time, but still find time to critique the attire of a SWAT team, ask whether you should really indulge the whims of a serial killer and wonder why Mills didn't just take the day off to play FIFA.   All of which leads to one question: How would you survive?   Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: This guy's methodical, exacting, and worst of all, patient.   Next time on the main feed in two week's time it's V/H/S (2012), or sign up to our Patreon to hear this month's bonus film: Gremlins 2: The New Batch (1990).

How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod to get every episode one week early, plus monthly bonus episodes and more. It's episode 276...and What mess did you get yourself in? Titane (2021) tells the story of Alexia, a young woman who REALLY loves cars. To say much more would be to spoil a film which has to be seen to be believed, but if you want tense, violent and chaotic drama you've come to the right place. We question the wisdom of going to the police when you're on the run from the police; confirm the value of asking for help; and dispense some much-needed strength and conditioning advice to someone who is 100x fitter than both of us combined. All of which leads to one question: How would you survive? Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: Whatever your twisted reasons for exploiting his fucking folly, I don't care, just take care of him. Next time... TBD. It's Monkeys Running the Zoo II - so get over to Patreon.com/howtosurvivepod to join in the fun!

How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod to get every episode one week early, plus monthly bonus episodes and more. It's episode 275...and It's really disgusting that you could just sit there, and watch it happen. Like a robot. What's wrong with you? Infinity Pool (2023) sees us join the disaffected writer James Foster on a trip to the paradise island of Li Tolqa. When a drunken misadventure ends in disaster, James discovers the Li Tolqan legal system has a curious loophole – rich tourists can escape capital punishment by paying for a clone to take their place, so long as they watch the execution of their double take place. How will this experience change James, and can he escape the magnetic pull of the mysterious Gabi, a fellow guest at the resort with first-hand experience of Li Tolqan justice. We break down Brandon Cronenberg's sci-fi horror gem, pay homage to incredible performances from Mia Goth and Alexander Skarsgård, ponder the ethics and meaning of Li Tolqan cloning, dish out some sage wisdom on avoiding white sand brain death and discuss whether getting a clone would help Joe play more PlayStation. All of which leads to one question: How would you survive? Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: You wake up in that little room, and for all you know, they could've just swapped you out. Hard to say what happened while you were asleep. Next time out it's another Patreon pick – Rosie PK has chosen Julia Ducournau's Titane (2021)  

How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod to get every episode one week early, plus monthly bonus episodes and more.   It's episode 274...and what touched this place cannot be quantified or understood by human science.   Color out of Space (2019) tells the story of the Gardener family, who have recently left the city to start farming alpacas. As they begin to embrace country life, a meteor lands on their property, bringing with it unseen and unimaginable horrors.   Cosmic Horror season wraps up with the movie that's widely considered to be the best H.P. Lovecraft adaptation. We talk about the benefits of embracing firearms; some straightforward PPE advice; and the failures of a public health official to do even a rudimentary job.   All of which leads to one question: How would you survive?   Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: It came from the stars... where things ain't like they are here.   Jump on Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod to suggest what we should cover next! 

How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod to get every episode one week early, plus monthly bonus episodes and more. It's episode 273...and I'm not insane, you hear me! I'M NOT INSANE! In The Mouth Of Madness (1994) tells the story of John Trent, sent to investigate the disappearance of horror novelist Sutter Cane, and recover the manuscript for his latest novel. As an epidemic of violent behaviour spreads across the land, Trent tracks Cane to Hobb's End, a town previously thought to exist only in Cane's novels. There, Trent will discover unimaginable horrors that have the potential to rewrite reality in terrible ways. Cosmic Horror season kicks off with a Carpenter love letter to HP Lovecraft. Expect tension and tentacles, madness and monsters, plus an extended discussion of whether or not it's ok to only give an axe murderer a bucket to use as a toilet. All of which leads to one question: How would you survive? Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: Every species can sense its own extinction. Next time, Cosmic Horror season continues with The Color Out Of Space (2019).

How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod to get every episode one week early, plus monthly bonus episodes and more.   It's episode 272...and I don't like this kind of talk; the things you're saying.   Where exactly do you start with Inland Empire (2006)?   Ostensibly the story of Nikki, an actor cast in a remake of a supposedly cursed film in which the actors were murdered, what follows is a three hour psychological horror tone poem in which fiction and reality repeatedly collide, break down and are rebuilt. Lynch runs the gamut of everything from surreal rabbit sitcoms to surreal Polish neo-realism, with Laura Dern clinging on for dear life at the centre of his artistic hurricane. It might just be a work of genius.   July's David Lynch season concludes with a borderline incomprehensible piece of arthouse cinema as we ask ourselves a series of unanswerable questions: What does it all mean? Is this the ugliest-looking film we've ever watched? How do you survive a painting? Plus, crowbarred comparisons to safer ground as we variously compare it to Mission Impossible and Stewart Lee, and a piece of genuinely scholarly film studies work from one of our patrons.   All of which leads to one question: How would you survive?   Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: This is a story that happened yesterday. But I know it's tomorrow.   Next time out it's Cosmic Horror season, kicking off with John Carpenter's In The Mouth Of Madness (1994).

How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod to get every episode one week early, plus monthly bonus episodes and more.   It's episode 271...and I want ya to "think" and stop bein' a smart aleck. Can ya try that for me?   Mulholland Drive (2001) tells the story of Betty, an aspiring actress new to the Hollywood scene who tries to help amnesiac Rita rediscover her identity following a mysterious car crash. Someone appears to be chasing Rita, and mobsters and movie directors might be involved too--what's really going on? Layers of reality unravel in classic Lynch-ian fashion as identities and dreams are deconstructed with tragic results.   The first episode of July's David Lynch season gives us the chance to talk about a genuine cinematic masterpiece, the joy of David Lynch's work on-screen and his real life persona, cows by the side of the road, DVD insert red herrings and, of course, dreams of snail penises.   All of which leads to one question: How would you survive?   Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: I'd rather be known as a great actress than a movie star. But, you know, sometimes people end up being both.   Next week it's bonus pod time, with this month's Patreon pick: Fresh (2022).

How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod to get every episode one week early, plus monthly bonus episodes and more.   It's episode 270...and If she were any quieter, she'd be dead!   Sleepaway Camp (1983) follows the teenage Angela on her first trip away to Camp Arawak, several years after losing her father and brother in a terrible speedboat accident. Soon after their arrival, strange and fatal events being to befall the workers and guests of Camp Arawak. Are these mere accidents, or is Angela hiding a sinister secret?   We talk about one of the most surprising--and as it turns out, interesting--endings in the history of horror movies, the complex gender politics of what appears to be a by-the-numbers slasher, and spend a surprising amount of time discussing The Sopranos, Napoleon and Bartleby, the Scrivener.   All of which leads to one question: How would you survive?   Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: it certainly will be a nice little surprise when Richard comes home to find a little girl in the house.

How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod to get every episode one week early, plus monthly bonus episodes and more.   It's episode 269...and Allow me to tell you a little bit about my wormhole. I was born in a sandwich hat, and I wolf many cabbages.   M3gan (2022) tells the story of Gemma, a roboticist at a toy manufacturing company. Gemma becomes guardian to her niece, Cady, following the deaths of Cady's parents. Early in the guardianship she introduces Cady to M3gan, an experimental android toy that could be any child's best friend - but let's be honest, it's probably not going to end well.   We discuss ethics in AI; Asimovian ideals; legal precedents for toy manufacturers getting it wrong; and Chris wonders how his foot would fare against several inches of titanium.   All of which leads to one question: How would you survive?   Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: That's what spontaneous response is. It's a curated word salad plucked from a sea of data to sound deliberate.   Next time on the How to Survive podcast, it's Sleepaway Camp (1983) - or head to Patreon.com/howtosurvivepod for next week's bonus: Saloum (2021).

How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod to get every episode one week early, plus monthly bonus episodes and more.   It's episode 268...and Life is fleeting. Life is short, too short. So you gotta use every moment.   Fall (2022) tells the story of Becky, a climbing hobbyist who has descended into a deep depression following the death of her partner one year earlier--no prizes for guessing what happened to him. Becky's friend Hunter knows there's only one thing that can break Becky out of her funk, and that's coercing her into climbing a rickety 2000ft radio tower in the middle of the desert with no support and without telling anyone their plans. What could possibly go wrong?   We discuss an absolutely textbook 'My First Horror' film, a classic tale of bad friends behaving badly, an update on the recent misadventures of YouTubers, and the dignity of stuffing a shoe into your friends abdomen in the name of survival. Plus, an update on our Vertical Limit episode--would Joe still free climb a crane for £1million?   All of which leads to one question: How would you survive?   Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: Don't you wanna punch fear in the dick?   Next month on the How to Survive podcast, it's 'Monkeys Running The Zoo' season, in which our lovely patrons choose the films we cover. Keep your eyes peeled!

How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod to get every episode one week early, plus monthly bonus episodes and more.   It's episode 267...and kill a few people, they call you a murderer. Kill a million and you're a conqueror.   Cliffhanger (1993) follows a team of mountain rescue rangers, led by the inexplicably muscly and capable Gabe, as they become mixed up in a group of thieves' plot to steal $100m from a US Treasury flight. With suitcases of money scattered across the Colorado Rockies, it's a race against time for Gabe to stop the nefarious Qualen and rescue his mountain climbing buddies.   We discuss a post-Die Hard 90s schlock masterpiece, ask how well it communicates the terror of high places, break down some slightly surprising gender politics and do a deep dive into the question of whether or not Stallone can actually act at all.   All of which leads to one question: How would you survive?   Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: Your friend just had the costliest funeral ever.   Next time, 'Fear of Heights' season continues with Fall (2022).

How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod to get every episode one week early, plus monthly bonus episodes and more.   It's episode 266...and I've never seen anything so disgusting in all my life.   Scanners (1981) introduces us to Cameron Vale, a down-on-his-luck vagrant who unintentionally causes a seizure in a woman using the power of his mind. Captured by the mysterious ConSec, Cameron is brought into the murky world of Scanners, people with unusual telepathic and telekinetic abilities, only to find himself under threat from the nefarious Revok, a man unafraid to use his abilities to produce head-splattering results.   We discuss a somewhat disappointing Cronenberg entry, unflattering comparisons to Marvel films and Neil Breen, ponder the best tactics for capturing mind-control warriors and ask ourselves whether the best way to introduce yourself to someone is to essentially torture them from the get-go.   All of which leads to one question: How would you survive?   Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: We're gonna do this the Scanner way. I'm gonna suck your brain dry!   Next time, strap yourselves in for 'Fear of Heights' season, opening with campy 90s action classic Cliffhanger (1993).

How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod to get every episode one week early, plus monthly bonus episodes and more.   It's episode 265...and the television screen is the retina of the mind's eye.    Videodrome (1983) tells the story of slimy TV executive Max Renn, who specialises in digging up obscure softcore pornography and bloody violence to broadcast to the feverish masses on his cable TV station. But, when Max comes into contact with the extreme and nightmarish violence of Videodrome, things begin to unravel, leading to hallucinations, BDSM-infused re-enactments and the transference of violent media into violent reality.   We discuss chest wound gun holsters, a prescient depiction of the anxieties and effects of violent media, dig into the most thematically-packed 90 minute movies we've ever seen, unpick a gory special effects masterclass and ponder whether, if you want to stop someone investigating something, whether it's a good idea to give them loads of information to help them do just that.     All of which leads to one question: How would you survive?   Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: Death to Videodrome. Long live the new flesh!   Next time, it's exploding heads o'clock as David Cronenberg Season continues with Scanners (1981).  

How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod to get every episode one week early, plus monthly bonus episodes and more.   It's episode 264...and it's your coffin, my love. Enjoy it. Most of us never get to know what it feels like.   Interview With The Vampire (1994) spins a century-spanning yarn of epic proportions, following the listless slave plantation owner Louis de Pointe du Lac, as he is bitten and transformed into an immortal creature by vampire Lestat de Lioncourt. Much like a new parent, an apparently endless future of night feeds causes Louis to have an existential crisis lasting decades as he stands and morosely observes various comings and goings across New Orleans, Paris and San Francisco, eventually relating this to a journalist in the modern day for our pleasure(?).   It's a bloody diet of ham and mince as Brad Pitt sulks, Tom Cruise camps it up and a 10-year old Kirsten Dunst steals the show, in what is an unusual and somewhat misguided and often boring Vampiric fable pondering the meaning of life. We discuss blatant homoeroticism, outline the unique qualities of the vampire interviewees, question the reasoning of an exclusively rat-based diet and ponder whether we've already passed the best time in our lives to be made eternal beings. What other dark gifts might we find? There's only one way to find out.    All of which leads to one question: How would you survive?   Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: I was mortal until you gave me your immortal kiss.   Next time, it's the start of David Cronenberg Season with Videodrome (1983).

How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod to get every episode one week early, plus monthly bonus episodes and more.   It's episode 263...and it's actually a pretty cool place… if you're a Martian!   The Lost Boys (1987) puts us into the youth culture hotbed of 1980s Santa Clara, the supposed 'murder capital' of the United States. To the newly arrived Michael and Sam Emerson the summer presents opportunities of new beginnings, new friends and new hobbies which, for Michael at least, means things like riding motorbikes, hanging from bridges, floating uncontrollably and drinking blood from an ornate ceremonial glass.   If that all sounds like a classic case of vampirism then you're not alone, and Sam enlists the help of local vampire hunters Edgar and Alan Frog to kill the lead vampire and cure his brother. All good, normal stuff.   We oil ourselves up and strut our stuff, saxophones in hand, to break down a beloved vampire cult classic; namecheck Coreys Feldman and Haim, Jack Bauer and Gob Bluth; question why vampires would live in California; and consider what kind of local knowledge a Grandfather should be passing on. Plus, we try to get to the bottom of Chris' hatred of 'cool' 80s cult movies.   All of which leads to one question: How would you survive?   Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: You'd better get yourself a garlic T-shirt, buddy, or it's your funeral.   Next time, vampire season continues apace with Interview With The Vampire (1994).   Get in touch! HowtoSurviveShow@gmail.com

How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod to get every episode one week early, plus monthly bonus episodes and more.   It's episode 262...and All you people are so scared of me. Most days I'd take that as a compliment. But it ain't me you gotta worry about now.   Pitch Black (2000) tells the story of a group of spaceship crash survivors. Among them, the fearsome criminal maniac, Riddick. They promptly realise that the planet is inhabited by creatures that attack in the darkness. And unfortunately the planet is about to experience its first triple-eclipse in two decades. But luckily Riddick can see in the dark.... (honestly it's not as bad as it sounds...)   Join us as we outline the value of being nice and of ignoring compasses; query the evolutionary direction of an alien race; and stress the importance of not flying through meteorites after a meteorite-related crash.   All of which leads to one question: How would you survive?   Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: You're 79 kilos of gutless white meat, and that's why you can't think of a better plan.   Next time, vampire season gets underway with The Lost Boys (1987)   Get in touch! HowtoSurviveShow@gmail.com

How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod to get every episode one week early, plus monthly bonus episodes and more.   It's episode 261...and I guess charisma and eyeliner go a long way.   The Butterfly Effect (2003) tells the story of Evan, a college student who suffered from blackouts during traumatic moments in his childhood. When reading an old diary, he discovers he can travel back into his younger self during the blackouts, and even change what happened, radically altering his future reality. Can he engineer the perfect life, or will the flap of Evan's teenage wings cause disastrous metaphorical hurricanes for him and his loved ones?   We discover the downside of revisiting an adolescent favourite, discuss the best way to approach an explosive device, outline the importance of choosing not to murder people and, most crucially, talk about why reading a traumatic diary entry makes for a terrible precursor to a one night stand.   All of which leads to one question: How would you survive?   Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: You can't change who people are without destroying who they were.   Next time, we're going back to another of our old favourites from when we were teenagers to see how well they hold up, and this time it's Chris' pick: Pitch Black (2000)   Get in touch! HowtoSurviveShow@gmail.com

How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod to get every episode one week early, plus monthly bonus episodes and more.   It's episode 260...and we're not as nihilistic as we look on the internet. That's just what we want you to think.   Bodies Bodies Bodies (2022) tells the story of Bee, who attends a 'hurricane party' at the home of her girlfriend's friends. During a game of 'bodies bodies bodies' (a game similar to murder in the dark), one of the friends is killed for real. What ensues is a treat for horror / thriller / comedy fans everywhere.   We discuss the best ways to combat a bad drug experience; the merits of sleeping in a car; and whether we have in fact become old.   All of which leads to one question: How would you survive?   Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: The best defence is a good offence.   Next time, it's I'm 14 and this is Deep Season, with The Butterfly Effect.   Get in touch! HowtoSurviveShow@gmail.com

How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod to get every episode one week early, plus monthly bonus episodes and more.   It's episode 259...and you don't think they're going to find them, do you?   The Black Phone (2022) tells the story of Finney and Gwen, brother and sister living in a 1970s Denver suburb. Children have been disappearing, and people live in fear of The Grabber, the mysterious individual that could be responsible. When Finney is kidnapped, he finds he is able to communicate with The Grabber's previous victims through a magical phone. Meanwhile, Gwen's supernatural abilities could hold the key to finding Finney before it's too late. Sounds like a Stephen King novel, you say? You must be Joe King.   We unpack a high-quality My First Horror movie that ably walks the tightrope of nastiness, discuss the best tactics for escaping a vehicle on foot, break down the safety features of 1970s freezers, and wonder whether this film features the most incompetent police officers we've ever seen.   All of which leads to one question: How would you survive?   Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: A man never leaves a friend behind.   Next time, we're continuing our 2022 wrap-up with Bodies Bodies Bodies.   Get in touch! HowtoSurviveShow@gmail.com

How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod to get every episode one week early, plus monthly bonus episodes and more.   It's Boxing Day, and there's a mole at the very top of The Circus...   No, it's not a strange sequel to Wind in the Willows... Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy (2011) tells the story of George Smiley and all his friends as he tries to work out which one of them is a traitor, working under the pay of the KGB. (Smiley, it should be noted, is a member of the British Foreign Intelligence service, and it's generally quite bad when a member of the service is selling secrets to the Soviets).   We discuss the risks of falling in love; the benefits of being likeable; and the merits of mistrusting anything that's too good to be true.   All of which leads to one question: How would you survive?   This film was chosen by our Patron, Steve. If you want to help us decide the films we cover, head to Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod and sign up to unlock bonus episodes, early launches and more!   Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: I bet you're the best watcher in the unit. As long as you've got your specs on.   Next up we're rounding out 2022 with a few films we missed along the way.   Get in touch! HowtoSurviveShow@gmail.com   Follow us on Twitter! @HowToSurvivePod

How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod to get every episode one week early, plus monthly bonus episodes and more.   It's Christmas Eve, and that can only mean one thing...the Coca-Cola Santa is just a hoax.   Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale (2010) tells the story of a group of researchers who, while drilling into a mountain in Lapland, make an incredible and terrifying discovery that rewrites everything we know about Father Christmas. Can a nearby group of Reindeer farmers and their children save the day in time for Christmas?   We discuss a festive horror favourite that turns out to be a surprisingly heartfelt Christmas treat, a classic tale of Father Son bonding, question the gun safety of Lapland Reindeer farmer families and the hiring practices of Father Christmas zealots.   All of which leads to one question: How would you survive?   This film was chosen by two of our lovely patrons - Kate and Moin. If you want to help us decide the films we cover, head to Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod and sign up to unlock bonus episodes, early launches and more!   Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: Santa is going to find out who is naughty and nice!   Next time, it's Christmas party time on Boxing Day with Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy, available on Disney Plus.   Get in touch! HowtoSurviveShow@gmail.com   Follow us on Twitter! @HowToSurvivePod

How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod to get every episode one week early, plus monthly bonus episodes and more.   It's episode 258...and please don't say 'mouth feel.'   The Menu (2022) follows Margot on a dinner date with Tyler to the exclusive island restaurant Hawthorne. Hawthorne is a tasting menu experience designed by its reclusive and obsessive head chef Julian Slowik. The theme of Slowik's menus only make sense once you finish the final course, but it seems as though some of the diners might not make it that far.   We discuss a film serving up several courses-worth of delights, break down the key ingredients of a horror movie dinner scene, discuss the dishes we'd cook under pressure, and unravel the mysterious meanings of Slowik's dining experience as a whole.   All of which leads to one question: How would you survive?   Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: There are NO substitutions at Hawthorne!   Next time, it's time for a festive treat that is yet to be decided.   Get in touch! HowtoSurviveShow@gmail.com   Follow us on Twitter! @HowToSurvivePod