Born in the Eighties

It's Borg-en time!  It turns out that cyberpunk actually isn't as cool as we all thought it would be, and you know that reddit is going to be mad at a woman that doesn't like a dog.  

That muscular cat can sure cook up some good grub.  Pass me the bespoke tartar sauce that got the rave reviews online, I am nearly finished with my final fantasy 6 playthrough and I need some energy after spending all night browsing reddit and trying and failing to buy a GPU.   Episode title image remixed from Photo by Nadin Sh: https://www.pexels.com/photo/fish-and-sauce-11513615/

Yeah, that little thing is pretty important.  So, don't drink too much Nuka Victory Cola from your giant theater soda cup.  Your Pancreas will thank you. Episode art remixed from: Photo by Tima Miroshnichenko: https://www.pexels.com/photo/medical-people-looking-at-an-image-on-computer-monitors-6235052/

Man, according to that guy on youtube that has a really slick goatee, I need to have my gamer card revoked due to my infection with the woke mind virus.  Sheesh.  I thought I was a real gamer, but I guess not.  Wokesters like us cannot be true gamers, even if we put over 50 hours a week into Morrowind. Episode image adapted from photo by Tima Miroshnichenko: https://www.pexels.com/photo/fashion-man-hands-people-7047011/

Nintendo was wrong, 2025 is going to be the year of Luigi for sure.  TJ is ill and missing, presumed possibly dead.  We chat about Superman, comic book movies in general, Jon learning Japanese, and we dredge through some really yucky AITA posts from reddit dot com.

Boy, can you tell what week this episode was recorded?  Man, nothing bad at all happened to anyone or the world that week at all.  I know we record these in advance, but man has it been a while...  I guess Jon has a pretty good excuse. 

Oh snap, we saw a big red one this year.  SOS, amirite? IYKYK.  Man, this was way too long right?  Needed a script edit.  At least we get to see sexy JK Simmons crawl around like a little mink.  And look at Lil' Rock, he is totes adorbs.

Jon brings fanciful stories and treats from the fabled city of NYC. Note: Nobody Hangs Bag in this one.   Episode Artwork remixed from photo by Stephanie Ho: https://www.pexels.com/photo/black-tote-bag-1214212/

What a nice flavor, to have on the back end.  You like My Hero Academia?  We talk about it a bunch in this one.  Man, those kids (not you Mineta) are the best right?

Jon continues having his mid-life crisis talking about the wonderful time he had back in college.  Except when he went to parties and there were high-schoolers there.. ew...  Also, just so you know, anyone can buy that mug, it means nothing unless you EARN it.

I'm gonna be honest about this one. Jon is definitely having a mid-life crisis right?  Talking about college while his friends from college have kids moving into their college dorms.  Life comes at you fast.

So, there is a jump scare at the end of this episode. Do not worry, everyone is fine, how are you?

We chat about old restaurant franchises of yore, as well as the latest streamer controversy.  Ah yes, you didn't break any laws, but that doesn't make it any less creepy.  Now that the summer games announcements are over, we chat about everything we are looking forward to in the fall.  But, honestly Jon is probably just going to be playing ArmA and World of Warcraft.   Photo by cottonbro studio: https://www.pexels.com/photo/woman-in-black-and-blue-dress-sitting-on-chair-4842489/

Sufferin' succotash, the summer soda season has sprung!  TJ, our special sodamollier, is here to guide you through the new flavors.  Maybe they will put AI in soda next?  Who knows.  All I know is that you definitely should click on these links to win a free PSP on my Xanga blog...

Welcome to the brand new podcast Talkin' Bell, where we talk about all of the Taco Bell menu offerings in excruciating detail. Taco bell is rizzed out, and we are gooning over the new menu items!!!  Episode Artwork adapted from: Photo by Joaquin Carfagna: https://www.pexels.com/photo/neon-taco-on-window-20185282/

He was born in Bricklehem, and destined to die for our plastic sins.  Drink some Skittles cocktail and get turnt in his memory!  Rasputin has definitely never seen a Zebra before, and would also hate human-ticketmaster people scalping pretty much anything you want to buy.

Well well well... look who decided to come back?  Someone who has a potato for a microphone, but we love him anyhow.  Topics range from animated faves, to Xanga blog raves.    Episode cover art adapted from Photo by Fidel Hajj: https://www.pexels.com/photo/man-holding-fork-taking-food-2814829/

Yeah, I was on the Varsity DOTA2 squad.  Check out my letterman jacket.  Man, I would have been so into esports in High School.   Instead I was likely saying very ignorant things while playing CS 1.6, Team Fortress and Tribes.  Well, it was a different time after all.   Episode Title Art adapted from: Tima Miroshnichenko: https://www.pexels.com/photo/food-light-man-people-7047302/

If you are gonna record a podcast, you better hit record first.  Anyhoo, after Jon's recording kerfuffle, we talk of dental procedures, malls of our childhood, Chinese Pepsi flavors, what streaming services we actually have and what is actually on them right now, and we time travel back to 2005 in Jon's Xanga blog.   Episode title art adapted from cottonbro studio from Pexels: https://www.pexels.com/photo/person-in-latex-gloves-holding-plastic-jaw-6528782/

Whoa. Cringe dude.  Just keep on keepin on my friend, and don't think about the super embarassing blogs you used to read, and the super personal stuff you used to post about. 2005 was a different time man...

Did you follow our trading signal?  This is totally legal!  Don't worry about it, stop trying to look up where our profile pictures came from.  Our totally real app on the appstore will make rich!!! Maybe you fell for stupid scams on your Kollege Khronicles, but you are smarter than that now! Episode title art Photo by Yan Krukau: https://www.pexels.com/photo/lecture-at-the-university-8197534/

Let's get physical... physical, I wanna get physical physical.... media. Episode Image by Jorge Fakhouri Filho: https://www.pexels.com/photo/photo-of-woman-leaning-on-compact-disc-cases-2531131/

Looking for a place to live for a LOOOOOOOONG time?  Zillow has you covered.  Also, are milk pranks O.K.?  One lactose intolerant person says YES!

Buckle up folks, we got a long one.  5 hundo eps.  Crazy.  We bring back a blast from the past, our friend, Mercury Stardust.  She regales us with tales of her book tour and crazy tiktok life.  Quizbot grills mercury with the hard hitting questions, and we all wonder if Jon will accidentally deadname his guest? Tune in to find out!  Thanks so much for listening for 500 episodes, here is to 500 more!   Cover art Photo by Dids .: https://www.pexels.com/photo/person-solving-distance-of-points-2714073/

TJ has some stories from the hospital about how he lost a bit of weight... surgically.  We also talk about how Trucks are dumb, and try to out-interrupt eachother in a game of Um... Actually.

Spanky refuses to talk to gamers, and the vibes in the World of Warcraft are all off.  What isn't off is those sweet subtle tomato vibes.  Also, are you ready for your annual spousal evaluation report?  I have a lot of notes...

That is a real "oof" right there.  And we are 100% sure she isn't a Nazi right?   Title image adapted from Musa Ortaç: https://www.pexels.com/photo/man-hit-by-boxing-glove-3586873/

There were a surprising amount of guns in that children's anime right? Art from Deviant Art user Vixdojofox

What will they think of next? Monkey Cameo? Wait. That is my idea, pls do not steal.  I have sent the idea via post to myself, so I own the copyright on that idea. I will have a lawyer look into this, promise.

Yeah, you got your mortadell' your gabagool, your bologna.  Basic cold cuts.  Head cheese is for real dudes.  Get that collagen in ya.  

Imagine this, you have your book-it free personal pan pizza coupon in hand, your mom pulls in to the pizza hut parking lot.  You have tickets to see Fern Gully later, but right now, it is time to have a piece of heaven in the garden room.  Everyone had one of those right? A vegetation lounge? A sun room? Greenhouse?  Just my pizza hut?  Ahh.. memories.

Jon's AT&T fiber went out for a long weekend, and that was not a pleasant time.  TJ brings up the Mtn Dew spreadsheet rankings for our perusal, and something weird is afoot in the Buffalo Wild Wings subreddit.  We will also educate you on "Pig Butchering" scams and how to avoid them.   Photo by Karolina Grabowska: https://www.pexels.com/photo/woman-spreading-peanut-butter-on-toast-6659875/

TJ, Jon and Lauren travel to the great state of Missouri (Misery) to visit Spanky and sample the various mountain dews of the country.  We see sharks, get hopped up on donkey sauce, throw out our voices shouting at "Gambler" and lived to tell the tale.  There was truly too much Dew.

You know the world is infected by the woke mind virus when even the Tabacco companies are changing their mascots.  McCain never would have allowed this.

Ooooh sorry! Is your rental unit haunted? That isn't covered under our maintenence policy.  You should get the apartment cleansed, at your own expense of course.  Also, how many entities did you say were staying with you? 2? Well, if you have more than 4 in the apartment, we will need to increase your rent!    

Ken would probably join the union right?  I would hope so, or Ron Perlman might burn his house down.  Those giant enemy crabs look great in HD though right?  Maybe you could mod your 3ds to play whatever game that reference is from? It has to be easier than assembling a salad right?  Before we start, say it with me now, RIIIIDGGEEE RAACCCCEEEERRR!!!!

TJ takes his family into the wild wild wilderness, Spanky hates youtube, Matt ponders what alimony is, and Jon wonders about the ethics of consuming "furries".  All that and we play another round of "Um Actually".

We have to DISRUPT the paradigm of podcasting.  We Millennials four will judge our peers, and judge them harshly.  We will also attempt to make this one "hearable", as long as TJ just THINKS for once in his life.

Why does everyone have to turn their hobby into a side hustle? I just want some .stl's man.  We delve into the BITE archives and chat some history, as well as worry about the kids vlogging.  Jon spills like half a bottle of gatorade on his desk, and TJ attempts to save a bird.  We also talk about the Playstation Summer Games Event.

The grapes had to escape torture devices, or be squashed.  Is it possible to save crystal play doh?  TJ has some melon crushers that you could use, if you need them.  Also, if you are being filmed at a disc golf tournament, please belch as loudly and longly as you possibly can.  Thanks.

Maybe that is why the kakes are so tasty? Hmm? You have a lot to answer for Tastykake, and I am not letting you off the hook either Little Debbie.

When I experiment in the kitchen, it always ends up making faux-healthy expensive soda alternatives.  I don't know about you.

If you eat too many pizza toppings, you are going to blow out your gamer chair.

There should be an AI for napkin folding designs right?  Probably would be just as useful as chatGPT, or Bard, or whatever the hell Google or Microsoft are trying to shove into their search engines.  Also, it sucks to be a third wheel, take the hint and go relax in a scented bath, bonus points if you can pet your service dog from the bathtub.

Matt asks for anime recommendations and Jon is almost too happy to oblige.  Spanky considers the rules of a problematic age gap as we talk through some more of Reddit's "Am I the Asshole", and TJ hosts another edition of "Um, Actually!". Who will win? Who will lose? Tune in to find out.

Everyone has an origin story

Man, neanderthals really had it rough, no kombucha, monkfruint extract, erythritol, APFSDS rounds, or Playstation Plus?  How did they get by?!  

This guy wants to kick the coolest person out of their party.  

Look, sometimes you need to banish your party guests to their cold car, because they are eating potato salad.

Can I get uhh... a podcast episode?  Maybe with some talking about bathrooms and bar rescue?  What about the best and worst drive thrus? Or, the Amazon TV show Invincible, or the Rian Johnson movie Glass Onion?  You got one of those?

Don't leave any of the pig to waste!  It is all good, Spanky knows well.  We all list our favorite movie candies and take a stand against family hazing rituals.  TJ curates another edition of "um actually" and we all try not to think of the relentless march of time for one week more.