Consume Us

The great outdoors is calling us on this episode as we discuss nature, hiking and segue into mental health. Heady topics indeed, but we also discover that Patrick loves mangoes and golf is bullshit. Get in touch – consumeuspodcast@gmail.com

We are not exactly dedicated followers of fashion on the Consume Us podcast, but knowing nothing about a topic has never stopped us before, so join us as we discuss…fashion. Patrick is surprisingly passionate about the topic and feels we are looking at a breakdown of the social contract, and Andy learns that he is making several faux pas in his dress sense. Plus, a look into the twosome's wardrobes (it isn't pretty).

‘No man is an island,' goes the old saying. But a (wo)man can be stranded on an island and hence effectively BE an island. Or something. Anyway, this week Patrick and Andy look at the rare phenomenon of the hermit. What makes a person cut themselves off from society? Is it intrinsically a symptom of mental illness? Or something else? If you have listened to Consume Us before then you know we don't really have a conclusion, but it's a fun and scary ride, so listen along. And props to the Stan and Dan band who wrote a song on the subject of Christopher Knight, the Backpack Burglar AKA North Pond Hermit.

Zoos come under the Consume Us microscope this episode, as we debate the moral merits (and otherwise) of keeping animals in captivity. Is it a legitimate form of conservation, or an archaic hangover from Victorian times? We also look at Jurassic Park, rant on religion, and discuss Steve Jobs' diet. Note: we mis-name Chris Pratt as Chris Pine several times. Apologies to Mr Pine.

Are robots the path to mankind's liberation from chores? Or are they the avatars of our demise? And can we have sex with them? So many important topics raised in this episode, as Patrick and Andy explore the world of robotics. Plenty of famous robots get a nod along the way, including R2D2, Robocop, Terminator and more. Plus a look into Andy's toolbox.

Imagine a world where cats can hear us think. Imagine a world where the grass is blue and the sky is green. Sound like nonsense? Well, perhaps you're just programmed to think that way, because maybe all of life and existence is a simulation. Maybe. So this week we're taking a crack at alternate realities. But don't worry, it's not all complicated theoretical science chat, we also find time to discuss the merits of various hot sandwiches. Which doesn't make a lot of sense, so it must have been a glitch in the matrix. And what are Evil Patrick and Evil Andy doing right now?

We all love a good laugh, so join Patrick and Andy as they break down the world of sitcoms. Do laugh tracks ever elevate the on-screen hilarity? Is Partridge the best comic creation of all time? So much to discuss. And please note, this episode is sponsored by new sitcom ‘Crazy, Crazy World'!  

This week we cough our lungs up and talk all about smoking. Love it or hate it, nicotine addiction is as old as the hills and not showing any sign of letting up.  So join us as we break down smoking advertising over the years, quitting smoking, the future of smoking, and all sorts of other tangents. 

The second Consume Us Christmas extravaganza! We are always here to support our listeners at difficult times and so as the cost of living and rate of inflation continue to rise, we tackle one of society's biggest issues – what to buy your cat for Christmas. This year Shakin' Stevens makes a much anticipated return to the show, and Patrick makes a truly shocking revelation. Also up for discussion are zombie trees and golf people. So Merry Christmas everyone and a happy 2023!

So that's a wrap on another season of Consume Us, so this week Patrick and Andy take stock and listen to some feedback. Along the way, new episode ideas are discovered, listeners are insulted and it is finally decided to retire monsters with rules.  We'll be back at Christmas for the start of season 3 :) 

What is personality? And more importantly, can it be measured and classified? Important questions, so this week Patrick and Andy examine personality tests. Do they work? Are they harmful? How do we ourselves classify? And are we a compatible couple? Or is the whole thing just a load of old bollocks?

Magic AKA Magik is under discussion this week as Patrick and Andy try to make sense of the hidden world beyond our own. And card tricks. Lots of boring card tricks. And along the way we realise that Jedis are witches, you don't need to wash trousers all that often, and Patrick gives us the greatest excuse to get out of social situations ever invented.

Puppets are a divisive thing, both innately cute and deeply unsettling all at once. So join us as we shove our hands up the back end of a stuffed animal to break down the world of puppets. We also look at the evolution of childrens' TV, Japanese anime, and although we are not the batcast, a lot of Batman comes up too.

The undead AKA zombies come under the Consume Us microscope this week, as we look into the phenomenon of the undead in popular culture. But the pair come to realise that we talk about monsters a lot on this podcast, but there is nothing more horrendous than nature. Also in this episode is Andy's brush with movie-making magic, and the real-life story of Walking Corpse Syndrome.

This week it's all about good bad guys. Or is that bad good guys? Let's just call them antiheroes. Andy makes a chart to define antiheroes, which collapses under the weight of its own argument, while Patrick casts himself as an antihero in his day-to-day life. Also, the two develop a film about killer trees, go on a tangent about Wrexham Football Club, realise that both their wives love Lord Of The Rings for some reason, and end up talking about the legend that is/was D.B. Cooper. TRIGGER WARNING - Please note Jimmy Saville is discussed in this episode.

We all love a good revenge story, but what does it actually do to our lives in the real world? This week we find out, as Patrick reveals a real life (maybe) story about the best kind of revenge – the cold, premeditated kind. And we learn that revenge is self-destructive on a psychological level, and is actually worse than the original wound another inflicted on you. Plus, a brief break down of Stallone movies for some reason.

This week we allow Patrick another of his ‘Monsters' episodes (sorry, it's the only way to keep him from sulking) and we talk about werewolves. Lots of things to discuss on this one, including: Dr Patrick teaches us about brain magnets; The eeriness and pull of a full moon; Patrick is not happy that Andy is not taking proceedings seriously; And we learn that werewolves can play basketball, but they can't play chess.

This week Patrick is giddy, because this is a topic that is held deeply in his heart (and several closets it turns out). Collecting. We've been talking about talking about this topic both on and off the mic for years, so here it finally is. Patrick breaks collectors down into three categories, while Andy presents the psychology of collecting and of letting go. Quite a bit of comic talk this week!

This week we talk all about swearing - the uses of swearing, our relationship to swearing, social interaction based around swearing, when it's appropriate to swear, and what swearing does between people and the intimacy or otherwise it can foster. It probably goes without saying that this one is FULL of explicit language. So if that sounds like your cup of tea then please listen. If not… then fuck off. By the way, Patrick's favourite swear word is ‘bloody', which doesn't really count.

Patrick and Andy are BACK with another season of Consume Us. This week we look in the mirror and realise we are not getting any younger, and as time slips away we hanker for the stuff of our youth. Nostalgia is a safe space, but can it be harmful, leading us down a path of suspicion for the present? And can it give people an unhealthy feeling that their past and childhood have been taken away from them. And could the imagined past have been what brought us to Trumpish and Brexit? Lots to talk about on this episode, but don't worry – we do still manage to cram in some comic chat so head on down memory lane with us.

This week Patrick and Andy sign off for a few weeks as they diligently (ish) prepare for season two.  Expect much back slapping and reminiscences as we take a brief walk down memory lane. Plus as a special (ish) bonus, we get to hear an outtake from the never released first iteration of the show. 

You are getting sleepy. Very, very sleepy. This week Patrick and Andy delve deep into the sometimes seedy world of hypnotism. Expect talk about psychology, mesmerism, cats, pigs. And nasty fluids.  

We've talked about some pretty heavy topics on this podcast – the emotional and social difficulties of being a cryptid follower; crime and cons and how to avoid them; yes, we've really educated our public. But this week it's time to deal with a very serious topic indeed – are capes f'ing cool or what? This one is quite comic book heavy, everyone, so if you hate comic books… listen anyway! But don't worry, we also discuss Orson Welles, magicians, Star Wars, and coats. When you think of capes there is a plethora of varieties, and we've got it all covered. So draping our capes over our shoulders and flourishing off into the night, join us for this week's episode of Consume Us!

If we must work to live, then shouldn't we enjoy the toil we endure for those precious hours? Or is it just a load of old bollocks? It's a tough question, but don't worry, because Patrick and Andy are on the case and this week break down the world of work. So please join us for a waffle-heavy episode that will leave you horrified, disgusted and repulsed as Patrick delves deep into the grave of his past; and we discuss how people define themselves by their jobs.

We heard it on the grapevine that this week we're talking about rumours. In this filth-rich episode we remind you of the alleged and very naughty behaviour of some of entertainment's brightest stars, break down how rumours spread, and learn how people once thought Patrick was a severely traumatised and dangerous man (which is only half true). Also, a special shoutout to listener Anthony Pollock, who suggested this topic to us. Thanks, Anthony!

This week we put on our proton packs and attempt to misunderstand haunted houses.   Patrick assumes that all of the United Kingdom is full of haunted houses.   Andy gets a lesson from Patrick on why Victorian Mansions are typically haunted houses.  Andy plays some EVP that Patrick does not hear.   Things wrap up with Andy horrified by the tale of the Winchester House Items Discussed  McKamey Manor The Detroit Pump Stations The Death of the Victorian Mansion Winchester Mystery House

This week Andy plays captain Ahab to Patrick's Pip as they attempt to explore the theme of Man Vs Nature.  Andy sets the tone by submitting Patrick to a very “rosy” climate change quiz.  Patrick tells the story of battling flood waters in his basement.   Andy the beastmaster has a list of deadly animals.  We wrap things up by lamenting the death of fictional quicksand.  

In this Christmas spectacular we invite special guests, the pride of Cardiff, the Welsh Elvis, Shakin' Stevens on the program. (We do not).   We share our favorite mince pie recipes.   We hold a special seance to resurrect the ghosts of M.R. James and Charles Dickens to complain about Christmas ghost story traditions.   Patrick tells Andy the plot of It's A Wonderful Life and Andy gives a totally accurate history of Boxing Day.

What do you think of us as some pulp novel comic book villains?   We recorded this four weeks ago!!! Welcome to a deep meditation on villainous behavior.  We explore the Canadian evil baby study.  Journey into a deep dive into Patrick's passive aggressive evil driving skills.  Relish at Andy's love for monstrous plants of Little Shop of Horrors.    

This week we explore old comic adverts, TV jingles, and the slow and slick brainwashing of the populace to Buy more! Consume more! Sell more! We compare movie trailers of the 1970's from the 2010's. We wrap things up by trying to figure out how the hell you make money from online advertising and we are not sponsored by Squarespace. 

This week we explore the concept of underdogs.  What makes a loser a loser?  Do underdogs have to lose to be a winner? Are American underdogs different than British underdogs?

Burn those books, torch those records and protect those kids this week we are discussing moral panics. From Comic Book Panics of the 1950's to the Satanic Panics of the 1980's we cover it all in under an hour. Seduction of the Innocent Michelle Remembers

The fill in the blank craze that is sweeping the nation.  This week we delve into the cultural impacts of Manias.  Not the mental disorder but those that started dance crazes and speculation booms. We examine the impact of The Beatles, Bat-Mania, Pogs, and of course Patrick talks about comic book shops.

This week we put on our pith helmet and coon skin cap, to go deep into the bush looking for monsters.  We discover Bigfoots, Lake Monsters, and Alien Big Cats. We also explore the sub culture of Cryptozoological for good and ill

Patrick reflects warmly about the arson and mayhem that was Devil's Night in Metro Detroit.   Andy proves that Brits do not really do the whole Halloween thing.  Patrick explains how parents drink while kids trick or treat and how to best use rotten fruit to prank your neighbors.  

What happens when a superhero puts on that mask?  We examine the concept of hiding your face from people in hopes of becoming something greater and more powerful.   The sad downfall of real life superhero Phoenix Jones, Japanese secret pornstar dads, "secret spy" Chuck Barris are all examined.  

Step right up folks try this drink. It cures baldness, cures diabetes, it can even make you taller, we just need your credit card number and five minutes of your time.  What hucksters?  Naw? Scammers?  No, we are mere confidence men trying to help you out of your hard earned time for some respite and fun. If this feels like a bad deal we will toss in some magic beans for your garden that can get you up to that castle in the sky.

Following on from our Piracy episode, join us for our very first bonus show, as Andy sits down for a chat with Christian Bartsch to reminisce about his days working for Cachet Software, makers of the infamous X-Copy.    X-Copy was a tool for the Commodore Amiga systems, allowing users to back-up their files to preserve them against damage. But as Chris points out, a knife is a useful tool for a chef, but in the wrong hands...   Plus we chat about piracy as a whole, software and movie preservation, tropical islands, beers, and so much more!    But don't worry Patrick fans, while he isn't in the main chat, there is plenty of Python Patrick goodness in the intro and outros. We intend to drop these special bonus episodes here and there in the future, but your weekly dose of Andy & Patrick will not be interrupted. Consume Us! 

This week we attempt to understand the brief and nasty history of digital piracy.  We journey from the dark days of Napster and Limewire to torrent websites.  Patrick exposes that he has a childlike understanding of technology while Andy embraces his inner internet anarchist.

Dust off your thesaurus for an unflinching look at Stan Lee, “father” of the modern American superhero comic book.  We both read a different biography of Stan Lee and compared notes. Patrick read Stan Lee and the Rise and Fall of the American Comic Book, by Jordan Raphael  (Author), Tom Spurgeon (Author). Andy read Amazing Fantastic Incredible: A Marvelous Memoir by Stan Lee  (Author), Peter David (Author), Colleen Doran  (Illustrator)

Do you remember Balloon Boy?  What about the BBC Spaghetti Tree Craze?  How about one of the greatest pitchers that ever lived, Sid Finch?  If any of these tales got you attention friend, well for only the low low low price of $59.99 we can sell I mean tell you all about it in under an hour. You are not a Horse!!!

This week, the thing everyone craves, feedback from the listeners.   A pair of voice messages from Rod and Denise of the Talk - O Tuesday Podcast  Stephen of The Slow Reader Podcast.  Giving regional accent examples. Emails: a civilian listener Marty, commenting on vampires and cyborgs we missed.  Rod with some Laddish nicknames, and finally Cassidy of the MacGuffin Podcast asking about Andy's musical tastes. Finally Patrick brings a special guest, his unnamed co-worker, who questions Andy's Britishness Listen to Patrick as a guest and make a fool of himself on these fine podcasts. The Finish Line : The Slow Reader Podcast Episode 75 - Black Widow: The Macguffin Podcast

This week we discuss the cultural and historical power of the supermarket.  Ad campaigns, self scanning, the bare bones power of Aldi.   Andy records himself shopping on the mean streets of Chester.   Patrick tells stories of buying Apple Cider liquer from the clearance rank.

An attempt to discuss what first contact with alien life would involve, devolves into a casting of a fictional 1980's film sending actors to meet hostile aliens.   Listen to our very intense discussion on crafting the best team to meet alien life.

Patrick and Andy discuss the wonderful subculture of toxic masculinity that is lads and bros.  Patrick details the chaos of drunken Detroit Lions football games.   How did they infect every aspect of the Anglo speaking world?   Lingering questions remain.   Does Andy may have some deep lad tendencies? How do you pronounce urinal? Why does every lad have a nickname?

This is a very old man episode.  If you were born after 1990 this will make you laugh.  If you were born before you will nod along. Put on those webcrawling boots and usenet logins.  

This week is all about traitors.  Many people are saying both Bennedict Arnold and Lando Calrissian are getting a raw deal.  Patrick also attempts to convince Andy he needs to eat Rocky Moutain Oysters for some reason

This episode is the perfect guide in trying to best avoid small talk and awkard conversations.   What is the limit on the visit two hours?  Four Hours?   Misreading social cues and random uncomfortable conversations with nutters. Patrick and Andy tell some personal awkward conversations they had with real humans.  

People turning into monsters both literal and figurative are put onto the operating table and dissected. Andy and Patrick try to understand insects through the lense of Xenomorphs.   Patrick tells a story about milking cows. Why do Mogwai's hum?  Why does Patrick? Andy wishes he transformed into a sociopathic vaping Dr. Manhattan.

Andy and Patrick explore the world of film marketing and commericals with taglines.  Consuming a very consumer art the two attempt to pitch a film to one another using only taglines.   Andy is revealed to be rather tall and simple. Patrick to be a creepy educator.

Andy and Patrick discuss what makes people laugh.  They put a series of well crafted jokes into a machine and this is what came out. Andy examines SNL.  Patrick is disgusted by Mrs Brown's Boys.  Andy would marry Alan Partidge in a second.  Patrick also is digusted by Stand Up in general