Together. A Podcast About Relationships

Our guest today is Andy Horning from the Elephant Talk podcast. Andy is a fascinating guy – he's two kids and over 13 years into his second marriage, he's been a couple's therapist for more than 15 years, and he's a course leader for the Hoffman Institute. In this episode we talk about everything from pain and loss to how your relationship is your greatest meditation.    If you'd like to learn more about Andy, you can find him at his website: https://www.elephanttalk.org/ – definitely check out his podcast. If you love Together, you'll love Elephant Talk.   If you'd like to support our program, you can do that at patreon.com/together. Thank you! If you’ve got questions or comments, or if you just want to connect, you can find on social media. Our facebook page is facebook.com/togethershow Twitter and instagram are both @together_show,  My personal twitter handle is @newtonlaw, And you can always email me at host@together.guide The music in today’s episode is by Blue Dot Sessions, and you can find them at sessions.blue. The show is produced & edited by Charlene Goto with Go-To Productions.     

First some updates: Aubrie and I eloped on New Years day! (Details inclusive). I’m now the COO of a software startup in San Francisco (Urbit.org). Loving this! This might be the last season of Together. We’ll figure it out as we go! Now to our guests! Linda and Charlie Bloom have been a mainstay of the relationship seminar business for decades, but the seminar experience almost ruined their marriage. We get to hear how they managed and what they learned. It’s a fun episode with a very sweet couple. Let me know what you think! If you’d like to learn more about Charlie and Linda Bloom, you can find their website at http://bloomwork.com/ Their latest book, That Which Doesn’t Kill Us, is available on their website, and of course at Amazon.  If you want to support our program, you can do that at patreon.com/together. Thank you! If you’ve got questions or comments, or if you just want to connect, you can find on social media. Our facebook page is facebook.com/togethershow Twitter and instagram are both @together_show,  My personal twitter handle is @newtonlaw, And you can always email me at host@together.guide The music in today’s episode is by Blue Dot Sessions, and you can find them at sessions.blue. Show is produced & edited by Charlene Goto with Go-To Productions

Today’s Episode – number 131 – is the last episode of season two, which means we’re off for the summer! We’ll be back in September with more interviews! Our guest today, Rachel Dwight is a self described super fat, queer, transgender, disabled superhero. And I’ll add that they’re a force of nature as well! We discuss all of those identities, and we cover a fundamental truth we should all internalize: everyone is entitled to pleasure, no matter their body type. Check out Rachel’s amazing blog: theBadAssFatAss.com. You can also support Rachel’s work at their patreon page here: https://www.patreon.com/BadassFatass In other news, I’ve agreed to take on a very small number of couples to help them prepare for long term commitment. I don't have a lot of spaces for this, but if you’d like to hear more about that program, reach out to me via email, or the contact page on our website. Our facebook page is facebook.com/togethershow Twitter and instagram are both @together_show, And you can always email me at host@together.guide The music in today’s episode is by Blue Dot Sessions, and you can find them at sessions.blue.

Today’s conversation is about shame and how we can use it to explore the darker corners of our relationships. Our guests today, Megan and Brave have done some very useful work in this area - and specifically on what they refer to as “male shame.” Listen in to hear what they mean by that! I’ve you’d like to learn more about Megan and Brave, check out their website: https://www.thealchemyofwe.com/ - these two do some fantastic relationship coaching both on the individual and group levels, so check it out. We’ve only got one more episodes in season two of Together, and then I’m taking a break. More about changes and upcoming improvements to the show in that last episode, so stay tuned. Don’t forget to check out our sponsors today: The Date/Able podcast. You can find them at dateablepodcast.com. If you liked what you heard today, please do subscribe. It’s not free to produce this show, and I would absolutely love your support. You can support our show by going to patreon.com/together If you’ve got questions or comments, or if you just want to connect, you can find on social media. Our facebook page is facebook.com/togethershow Twitter and instagram are both @together_show, And you can always email me at host@together.guide The music in today’s episode is by Blue Dot Sessions, and you can find them at sessions.blue.

Today's episode is about a couple you would never expect might have a secret life. Penn and Page, our guests today, grew up Catholic, married young, had six kids, and were perfectly content living a predictable life, until one day Penn had an idea...   --- If you’d like to learn more about Penn and Page, you can find their podcast - Swinger Diaries on iTunes or any podcast player, and you can find their website at https://swingerdiaries.wordpress.com/ If you liked what you heard today, please do subscribe. It’s not free to produce this show, and I would absolutely love your support. You can support our show by going to patreon.com/together If you’ve got questions or comments, or if you just want to connect, you can find on social media. Our facebook page is facebook.com/togethershow Twitter and instagram are both @together_show, And you can always email me at host@together.guide   The music in today’s episode is by Blue Dot Sessions, and you can find them at sessions.blue.  

A cultural conversation has been simmering recently about the concept of emotional labor.  It’s a critical conversation to our relationships, but not many of us know what it means. Today on the podcast, we learn all about what it is, and what to do about it from our guests, Gemma and Rob Hartley. Gemma is a well known journalist, and recently wrote an article for Harpers about emotional labor that went viral. To learn more about Gemma and her writings, check out her website: gemmahartley.com. She has a forthcoming book about emotional labor due out in the fall of 2018. You find information about the book on her site. If you liked what you heard today, please do subscribe. It’s not free to produce this show, and I would absolutely love your support. You can support our show by going to patreon.com/together. If you’ve got questions or comments, or if you just want to connect, you can find on Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram, or email me at host@together.guide. The music in today’s episode is by Blue Dot Sessions, and you can find them at sessions.blue.

Our guest today - Iris McAlpin is a survivor of multiple experiences with sexual abuse, and having recovered from those, she has some unique ideas about how we all should be relating to the perpetrators of these kind of abuses. She also has quite a bit too say about the healing process that’s available to all of us after abuse. If you’d like to learn more about Iris and her programs, you can find her website at: http://irismcalpin.com - I’ll put links to that in our show notes as well. Don’t forget about our sponsors for today’s show, Zola.com - for a $50 credit towards your registry, go to zola.com/couples. If you liked what you heard today, please do subscribe. It’s not free to produce this show, and I would absolutely love your support. You can support our show by going to patreon.com/together If you’ve got questions or comments, or if you just want to connect, you can find on social media. Our facebook page is facebook.com/togethershow Twitter and instagram are both @together_show, And you can always email me at host@together.guide The music in today’s episode is by Blue Dot Sessions, and you can find them at sessions.blue.

Our guests today, Ned and Dorcas share a story about a depression that lasted nearly five years. They not only survived that depression as a couple, but built a massively successful company during that time and started a family that’s thriving. This episode is about the tools they used to manage.  Dorcas has written a book about the experience called: START, LOVE, REPEAT - How to Stay in Love with Your Entrepreneur in a Crazy Start-up World. You can find out more about Dorcas at her website: https://www.chengtozun.com/. You can learn about Ned's company at their website: http://www.dlight.com/. Don't forget to check out our sponsors for this episode, and if you'd like to claim a $50 credit towards your wedding registry, visit their site at: Zola.com/couples If you liked what you heard today, please do subscribe. It’s not free to produce this show, and I would absolutely love your support. You can support our show by going to patreon.com/together If you’ve got questions or comments, or if you just want to connect, you can find on social media. Our facebook page is facebook.com/togethershow Twitter and instagram are both @together_show, And you can always email me at host@together.guide The music in today’s episode is by Blue Dot Sessions, and you can find them at sessions.blue.

The title of this episode says what’s it’s about: rape and reconciliation. If rape is a topic you find difficult to hear about, you might want to take it easy with this episode.  But know that this story is also about reconciliation. It’s about the healing process that’s available to all of us. Megan Flamer, our guest today is a mindfulness trainer and former broadcast journalist. She works on projects that marry human behavior, communication and tech. She creates retreats all over the world with Shiny Happy Healthy and runs corporate trainings with Mindful Under Fire.  If you liked what you heard today, please subscribe. It’s not free to produce this show, and I would absolutely love your support. You can support our show by going to patreon.com/together If you’ve got questions or comments, or if you just want to connect, you can find on social media. Our facebook page is facebook.com/togethershow Twitter and instagram are both @together_show, And you can always email me at host@together.guide The music in today’s episode is by Blue Dot Sessions, and you can find them at sessions.blue.

Our guest today, Nenna Joiner, is an African American Lesbian porn producer and sex shop owner in downtown Oakland. Our conversation ranges all over the sex universe from impotence, to getting on your knees in church and in sex, to whether Lesbians are the new gay men, to - of course - toys and porn. If you’d like to find Nenna online or meet her in person, she’s often at her shop, Feelmore in Oakland. You can find their website at: https://feelmore510.com/ If you liked what you heard today, please do subscribe. It’s not free to produce this show, and I would absolutely love your support. You can support our show by going to patreon.com/together If you’ve got questions or comments, or if you just want to connect, you can find on social media. Our facebook page is facebook.com/togethershow Twitter and instagram are both @together_show, And you can always email me at host@together.guide

We are community. We are our friends and family, and we cannot know ourselves without them.

Today’s episode kicks of the first of several stories on the topic of pornography.  Today, we’re hearing from Nate and Angilyn. Nate is the founder of a website and a podcast about marriage called First7Years.com. He’s also done a lovely TedX talk about love. He and Angilyn are both lifelong Mormons. They were both raised to believe that porn was inherently evil. They have a different view about it now, but I’ll let them tell the story. In other news, we're planning a relationship retreat, and we'd love your help getting it right. If you have the time, please fill out a one minute survey to help us make this the best it can be. Here's a link to the survey: http://bit.ly/tgthrwknd If you like what you've heard on our show, please support us by becoming a subscriber. Members get access to unedited interviews, bonus clips, early access to some of our episodes, and a community of other listeners. You can become a sponsor/subscriber on our website, or at patreon.com/together. Please don't be shy about letting us know what you think of our program. We love hearing from you. You can email Erik at host@together.guide. Or contact us on our Facebook page, on Twitter, or on Instagram @together_show. The music on today’s episode was provided courtesy of Blue Dot Sessions. You can find them at sessions.blue

The thing about the choice to stay or to go in any given relationship, is that we can never know what might have been. There’s no control group to test against for happiness in our life choices. We only know what’s right here, right now. Our guests this week – Thomas and Lauren – are facing that question of choice. How do you know when it’s right, and how do you know when it’s wrong? In some sense, you can’t know - you just have to take action. In other news, we're planning a relationship retreat, and we'd love your help getting it right. If you have the time, please fill out a one minute survey to help us make this the best it can be. Here's a link to the survey: http://bit.ly/tgthrwknd If you like what you've heard on our show, please support us by becoming a subscriber. Members get access to unedited interviews, bonus clips, early access to some of our episodes, and a community of other listeners. You can become a sponsor/subscriber on our website, or at patreon.com/together. Please don't be shy about letting us know what you think of our program. We love hearing from you. You can email Erik at host@together.guide. Or contact us on our Facebook page, on Twitter, or on Instagram @together_show. The music on today’s episode was provided courtesy of Squire Tuck. You can find him at https://soundcloud.com/squier-tuck

Our episode today is about the unpredictable results of difficult conversations. There’s gold in those hills if you have the courage to dig. Our guests today are avid prospectors, and they have a lot to teach us about the process of emotional inquiry. If you’d like to learn more about Bob, you can find his website at: http://bobschwenkler.com/ You can find Natalie and her new podcast, Taboo and Turn On at: http://natalievartanian.com/ In other news, we're planning a relationship retreat, and we'd love your help getting it right. If you have the time, please fill out a quick survey to help us make this the best it can be. Here's a link to the survey: http://bit.ly/tgthrwknd If you like what you've heard on our show, please support us by becoming a subscriber. Members get access to unedited interviews, bonus clips, early access to some of our episodes, and a community of other listeners. You can become a sponsor/subscriber on our website, or at patreon.com/together. Please don't be shy about letting us know what you think of our program. We love hearing from you. You can email Erik at host@together.guide. Or contact us on our Facebook page, on Twitter, or on Instagram @together_show.

Last week during our interview with Michael and Sara, you may remember they told us about a therapist they had worked with over Skype named Al Turtle. Well I reached out to Al, and today we’ve got him on the show! It was a long interview. The portion of the conversation we’re playing focuses mostly on a specific debate: is all the inquiry into childhood trauma really necessary, or should we focus instead on behavior? Al’s answer is a good one. Listen in to find out what he says. You can find Al and all his writings at http://www.alturtle.com/ If you like what you've heard on our show, please support us by becoming a subscriber. Members get access to unedited interviews, bonus clips, early access to some of our episodes, and a community of other listeners. You can become a sponsor/subscriber on our website, or at patreon.com/together. Please don't be shy about letting us know what you think of our program. We love hearing from you. You can email Erik at host@together.guide. Or contact us on our Facebook page, on Twitter, or on Instagram @together_show.

Every once in awhile you're going to hear yourself say the words: "I hate you" to the one you love. Not that we're encouraging it, but let's just normalize the fact that sometimes, anger and frustration bubble over into something we're not proud of. Today's episode is about learning from those feelings, and moving forward. Our guests today, Michael and Sara have a lot to say on the topic, and their story is an inspiring one -- but I'll let them tell it rather than rewrite it here. You can find the book Michael wrote following their breakup, Left Alone To Learn here: http://amzn.to/2yiEW1c; His book The Love Metric is also available on Amazon, and they're both fantastic. Here's a link to the article I wrote on this topic of hate (which I mention in the episode): http://together.guide/ever-hate-partner-heres/ If you like what you've heard on our show, please support us by becoming a subscriber. Members get access to unedited interviews, bonus clips, early access to some of our episodes, and a community of other listeners. You can become a sponsor/subscriber on our website, or at patreon.com/together. Please don't be shy about letting us know what you think of our program. We love hearing from you. You can email Erik at host@together.guide. Or contact us on our Facebook page, on Twitter, or on Instagram @together_show.

So long as we’re stuck on an internal idea of perfection, we can never fully experience the magic of what’s right before our eyes. That's why searching for one's "type," or the "perfect match" can be such a dead end. Our guests today, Jo and Nick–understand this better than most, and share with us their insights about how to be in the relationship you actually have. Jo Piazza is an author with six very popular titles under her belt, and she’s also a rather well loved travel journalist. Most recently she wrote a book called How To Be Married, which is a collection of advice from women all over the world about how to survive the first year of marriage. It’s a delightful read, and very much worth your time. Nick is a journalist as well, and he runs a website called triplepundit.com. Here's a link to the article I wrote on this topic of the ideal mate (which I mention in the episode): http://together.guide/good-news-your-ideal-mate-does-not-exist/ If you like what you've heard on our show, please support us by becoming a subscriber. Members get access to unedited interviews, bonus clips, early access to some of our episodes, and a community of other listeners. You can become a sponsor/subscriber on our website, or at patreon.com/together. Please don't be shy about letting us know what you think of our program. We love hearing from you. You can email Erik at host@together.guide. Or contact us on our Facebook page, on Twitter, or on Instagram @together_show.

Successful couples seem to have an instinct about where to find those moments of giggly surrender that are so effective at helping us all drop the drama and reconnect. This skill is absolutely learnable. It’s not a matter of luck, it’s a matter of practice.  Ryan and Jordana, are guests this week, are are exceptionally talented in the area of simple fun. They’re both musicians in addition to their other passions (it’s their music played throughout this episode), and their playfulness comes pouring in the music and countless other ways. There’s a lot to listen for in this episode, but I suggest you keep one ear open for how these two cultivate their balance between work and play. If you like what you've heard on our show, please support us by becoming a subscriber. Members get access to unedited interviews, bonus clips, early access to some of our episodes, and a community of other listeners. You can become a sponsor/subscriber on our website, or at patreon.com/together. Please don't be shy about letting us know what you think of our program. We love hearing from you. You can email Erik at host@together.guide. Or contact us on our Facebook page, on Twitter, or on Instagram @together_show.

We need philosophers and the rigor they bring to the discussions that inform our daily lives. It's critical–particularly in our current political climate–for all of us to consider what we mean by the words we use and the concepts we refer to. So what about love? What does that mean, really? To ask that question properly (but never entirely answer it), we turn to Dr. Carrie Jenkins, Professor of Philosophy at the University of British Columbia, and a Professor at the Northern Institute of Philosophy, University of Aberdeen. Dr. Jenkins just released a book called: What Love Is And What It Could Be. It’s a delightful read, and I highly suggest you pick it up. You can find Dr. Jenkin’s personal website at Carriejenkins.com. If you like what you’ve heard on our show, please support us by becoming a subscriber. Members get access to unedited interviews, bonus clips, early access to some of our episodes, and a community of other listeners. You can become a sponsor/subscriber on our website, or at patreon.com/together. Please don’t be shy about letting us know what you think of our program. We love hearing from you. You can email Erik at host@together.guide. Or contact us on our Facebook page, on Twitter or on Instagram @together_show. The music on our show today is from Blue Dot Sessions, and you can them at sessions.blue

Money and sex–last week I claimed that these are the two most direct access points to our unconscious selves, and so we focused on a story about sexual trauma. This week, it’s a story–at least partly–about money. The identity shift is a common reason for breakups that we often hear about. We’re all human, and so inevitably we change. Our relationships need to change as well, or they become stale and hold us back. But it's never easy, and couples are in the constant process of managing all this change; it’s one of the most important skills we all need to cultivate. Which brings us to our guests today: Paul and Sarah. These two are in the midst of a series of major life changes, and they haven't quite found their way through yet. Their relationship remains solid, but it's facing the stress of these changes, and we get an inside peak into how they're managing it. If you like what you've heard on our show, please support us by becoming a subscriber. Members get access to unedited interviews, bonus clips, early access to some of our episodes, and a community of other listeners. You can become a sponsor/subscriber on our website, or at patreon.com/together. Please don't be shy about letting us know what you think of our program. We love hearing from you. You can email Erik at host@together.guide. Or contact us on our Facebook page, on Twitter or on Instagram @together_show.

Our episode today is about sex and awakening. Sex can trigger our deepest challenges, and our most exalted selves. Whatever the reason, exploring our sexuality is one of our greatest opportunities for personal growth, if we allow it to be. But it's scary. Sure, the sex itself is fun, but we don't like trauma it can unearth. We resist fear as humans, and for good reason: it's how we survive. On the other hand, this exploration is where the greatest of adventures lies. This is how we can finally truly know ourselves. Why not live fully expressed if it’s possible? Our guest today–Jessica Graham–does just that. Jessica is an author, a well loved meditation teacher, and also a film actor. In her writing and meditation work, she inhabits that space where sexuality and spirituality overlap, and guiding us all through that space is her great gift. In this episode with deal with sexuality and sexual trauma, so if you’re easily triggered by conversations of this nature, you might want to take it easy with this episode.  You can find Jessica at her website: http://meditationwithjessica.com/ - Her forthcoming book: Good Sex: Getting Off without Checking Out is now available for pre-order from North Atlantic Books, and distributed by Penguin-Random House. If you like what you've heard on our show, please support us by becoming a subscriber. Members get access to unedited interviews, bonus clips, early access to some of our episodes, and a community of other listeners. You can become a sponsor/subscriber on our website, or at patreon.com/together Please don't be shy about letting us know what you think of our program. We love hearing from you. You can email Erik at host@together.guide. Or contact us on our Facebook page, Twitter or on Instagram @together_show.

We're Back! Today's episode is the first episode of Season 2! Our story today has many layers, but at it's core it's about sexual identity and the value of story itself. Rasmus and Michel–two men who had never considered anything other than heterosexual relationships–met on a dance floor in the middle of the desert, and... well, you'll have to listen in to find out what happens. The deeper issue is how we all use narrative to experience our lives–it's the stories we tell ourselves that give us that give definition to our truth. Understanding this fact of the human experience is one of the most important tools we have in making our relationships work. Michel and Rasmus are masters of the art. If you like what you've heard on our show, please support us by becoming a subscriber. Members get access to unedited interviews, bonus clips, early access to some of our episodes, and a community of other listeners. You can become a sponsor/subscriber on our website, or at patreon.com/together Please don't be shy about letting us know what you think of our program. We love hearing from you. You can email Erik at host@together.guide. Or contact us on our Facebook page, Twitter or on Instagram @together_show.

We're still on break! We're taking a little time to catch our breath and refresh the format of the The Together Show. In the meantime, we're reading essays – usually those we publish at Together Magazine. I wrote today’s essay, as part of a forthcoming book I'm working on, so it hasn't been published anywhere in written form. I'm going to keep it that way for a while. Please don't be shy about letting us know if you have any ideas for what you'd like to see in our next iteration. We love hearing from you. You can email Erik at host@together.guide. Or contact us on our Facebook page, Twitter or on Instagram @together_show.

We're still on break! We're taking a little time to catch our breath and refresh the format of the The Together Show. In the meantime, we're reading essays – usually those we publish at Together Magazine. Today's essay is called Why The Best Daters Are Divorced. I wrote this one last year based on experiences from my time as a divorce lawyer. Dating after divorce is not only possible, it's a joy–hear me out on this one! Please don't be shy about letting us know if you have any ideas for what you'd like to see in our next iteration. We love hearing from you. You can email Erik at host@together.guide. Or contact us on our Facebook page, Twitter or on Instagram @together_show.

We're on break! We're taking a little time to catch our breath and refresh the format of the The Together Show. In the meantime, we're reading essays – usually those we publish at Together Magazine. I wrote today’s essay, after thinking about the following quotations: “In the end, reconciliation is a spiritual process, which requires more than just a legal framework. It has to happen in the hearts and minds of people.” – Nelson Mandela “Democracy is the worst form of government, except for all the others.” – Winston S. Churchill The essay is called Logical Arguments vs. Tribal Decisions. This is my first public writing on any aspect of politics, and I'd love your feedback. Please don't be shy about letting us know if you have any ideas for what you'd like to see in our next iteration. We love hearing from you. You can email Erik at host@together.guide. Or contact us on our Facebook page, Twitter or on Instagram @together_show. .

We're on break! We're taking a little time to catch our breath and refresh the format of the The Together Show. In the meantime, we're reading essays that we've published at Together Magazine. Today’s Article is called How Wild Sexual Exploration Made Me A Better Woman, as read by the author, Lucy Gillespie. Lucy Gillespie is an Anglo-American screenwriter, producer, and essayist based in NYC. She is the managing editor of Frenchly. Her original series Unicornland, about a woman who explores her sexuality by dating couples, premieres on Valentine’s Day. Follow on social media at @unicornwithus. Lucy and her Fiancé have also been featured in an episode of our Podcast. Please don't be shy about letting us know if you have any ideas for what you'd like to see in our next iteration. We love hearing from you. You can email Erik at host@together.guide. Or contact us on our Facebook page, Twitter or on Instagram @together_show.

We're on break! We're taking a little time to catch our breath and refresh the format of the The Together Show. In the meantime, we're reading essays that we've published at Together Magazine. Today’s Article is called How Mindfulness Killed My Sex Life. Please don't be shy about letting us know if you have any ideas for what you'd like to see in our next iteration. We love hearing from you. You can email Erik at host@together.guide. Or contact us on our Facebook page, Twitter or on Instagram @together_show.

We’re on break! We’re taking a little time to catch our breath and refresh the format of the The Together Show. In the meantime, we’re reading essays that we’ve published at Together Magazine. Today’s Article is called The Divorce Lawyer’s Guide To Marriage, Part 4. Please don’t be shy about letting us know if you have any ideas for what you’d like to see in our next iteration. We love hearing from you. You can email Erik at host@together.guide. Or contact us on our Facebook page, Twitter or on Instagram@together_sh

We’re on break! We’re taking a little time to catch our breath and refresh the format of the The Together Show. In the meantime, we’re reading essays that we’ve published at Together Magazine. Today’s Article is called The Divorce Lawyer’s Guide To Marriage, Part 3. Please don’t be shy about letting us know if you have any ideas for what you’d like to see in our next iteration. We love hearing from you. You can email Erik at host@together.guide. Or contact us on our Facebook page, Twitter or on Instagram@together_show.

We’re on break! We’re taking a little time to catch our breath and refresh the format of the The Together Show. In the meantime, we’re reading essays that we’ve published at Together Magazine. Today’s Article is called The Divorce Lawyer’s Guide To Marriage, Part 2. Please don’t be shy about letting us know if you have any ideas for what you’d like to see in our next iteration. We love hearing from you. You can email Erik at host@together.guide. Or contact us on our Facebook page, Twitter or on Instagram@together_show.

We’re on break! We’re taking a little time to catch our breath and refresh the format of the The Together Show. In the meantime, we’re reading essays that we’ve published at Together Magazine. Today’s Article is called Ever Hate Your Partner? Here's Why. Please don’t be shy about letting us know if you have any ideas for what you’d like to see in our next iteration. We love hearing from you. You can email Erik at host@together.guide. Or contact us on our Facebook page, Twitter or on Instagram @together_show.

We’re on break! We’re taking a little time to catch our breath and refresh the format of the The Together Show. In the meantime, we’re reading essays that we’ve published at Together Magazine. Today’s Article is called The Divorce Lawyer's Guide To Marriage, Part 1. Please don’t be shy about letting us know if you have any ideas for our next iteration. We love hearing from you. You can email Erik at host@together.guide. Or contact us on our Facebook page, Twitter or on Instagram @together_show.

We're on break! We're taking a little time to catch our breath and refresh the format of the show. In the meantime, we're reading essays that we've published at Together Magazine. Today's story is called Dear Single Person: You're Doing Nothing Wrong.  Please don't be shy about letting us know if you have any ideas for our next iteration. We love hearing from you. You can email Erik at host@together.guide The website is www.together.show Facebook is www.facebook.com/togethershow  Twitter and instagram are both @together_show

Today’s episode is about finding perfection in the good enough.   We all know that nobody is perfect, and we all know that our partners can't possibly live up to our internal expectations. Yet we're always hunting for the perfect partner even though we know that hunt is a dead-end; it leads not to satisfaction, but to more searching in a never-ending cycle. Today's guests – Tejal and Chirag – have put that cycle to rest. Our episode today is about how they did that Tejal is founder of online training program, The Mindful Mama Experience, and contributing author to Amazon best-selling book, 20 Beautiful Women. She teaches mindfulness and Kundalini meditation to mamas and kids ages 3-9. If you’d like to learn more about Tejal or one of her mindfulness challenges, you can find her website at: http://tejalvpatel.com/. In other news, we’re taking a short break from producing new interviews. In the meantime, we’ll be posting spoken-essays and short audio clips, so you can continue to tune in. We’ll be back in a couple of months with a new improved format. If you have any suggestions or ideas for our new format, don’t hesitate to let us know.

Today’s episode is about finally finding the right partner after divorce. My own experience as a divorce lawyer was that my clients who worked through the emotional issues always had very happy second marriages. That contradicts the data on second marriages, but I saw it occurring over and over. I believe I’ve found yet another example in our guests today. Carolyn and Christof have a fun and romantic story in which they gamely face the challenges that are inevitable in every relationship, as you’ll hear. And they met just as Christof had gotten over a very challenging divorce. These two are both well regarded journalists living in NY. Carolyn is a senior writer at Huffington Post, who also published a book last year. You can learn more about her here: http://carolyngregoire.com/. Christof was an on-camera journalist at Al Jazeera America, and is now freelance. This episode was made possible my Match. Big thanks to them. You can find their offer of 7 days free to try out their service at match.com/together. If you like what we’re up to here at together, please consider supporting our crowdfunding campaign at patreon.com/together.  Thank you!

Today’s episode is about the super bowl! Well, it’s about a lot more than that, but a good chunk of the story revolves around what happened at the Super Bowl this year. With that as the backdrop, we get to explore questions of parenting, sex, shared responsibility, and of course my favorite topic of all: conflict. Now this was one of our longer interviews, so I’ve cut the second half out for a Patreon bonus episode. If you’d like to hear that, you can find it at: you can find that at patreon.com/together. To take advantage of the special offer that Match is making to listeners of our podcast: 7 days free to search anyone on Match, just go to match.com/together and register for your account there.

Today's episode is the second of two bonus episodes made possible by Match. I had always wanted to interview Dr. Helen Fisher; she’s a biological anthropologist, and one of the world’s foremost experts on the science of love. She is also Match’s Chief Scientific Advisor, and so they made the introduction for me. In the first segment which we released last week, we learned a little about Dr. Fisher personally, and we spoke more broadly about the biological reasons for love. In this episode, we focus on Dr. Fisher's advice to singles looking to meet the right person, and to couples who want to stay in love for the long term. You might want to check out Dr. Fisher’s book that she mentions in the interview: Anatomy of Love: A Natural History of Mating, Marriage, and Why We Stray (Completely Revised and Updated with a New Introduction). If you’d like to take advantage of the special offer that Match is making to listeners of our podcast: 7 days free to search anyone on Match, just go to match.com/together and register for your account there.

Today’s episode is about absolute dedication, and it’s very romantic. If you’ve listened to the show before, you know that I often begin interviews by asking how my guests met, but that I like to get past all that so we can explore the challenges that couples face. My view is that we have plenty of happily ever after romance stories in our culture, and we really don’t need any more of those. But then I interviewed Amy and Matt. Now I’m not saying this is a happily ever after story. These two have their challenges just like anyone, and in fact, the second hour of this interview was all about those challenges. But the story of how these two met and fell in love is just so touching that I couldn’t resist posting an episode about their early romance. If you want to hear about challenges, I’m posting the second half of the interview for patreon subscribers of $2 or more, and you can find that at Patreon.com/together. I’m also excited to say that we’re posting part two of our interview with Dr. Helen Fisher later this week. In part one of that interview we talked about the biological underpinnings of our experience of love, and in part two, we get into Dr. Fisher’s advice for singles. That episode and this one were both made possible by Match.com. Super big thanks to match for their sponsorship. If you would like to take advantage of the exclusive offer their providing our listeners -  7-days free to use their site, just go to match.com/together.

Today’s episode is a bonus that I’m very excited to release! I’ve wanted to interview Dr. Helen Fisher ever since I saw her extraordinary Ted talk about The Brain In Love. She is so insightful and dynamic in all of these talks that I knew she would make a great guest. And I gotta tell you, this is the benefit of having a sponsor like Match.com - It turns out Dr. Fisher is their chief scientific advisor, and they were able set up an introduction for me. We had a blast doing this interview, and I think you’re going to enjoy it. We’re releasing it in two parts. In the first half, we learn about Dr. Fisher as a person, and her views on the broader sociological and biological motivations driving our behavior around dating and love. We discuss monogamy vs. polyamory, jealousy, divorce, and the roots of this feeling we call love. In the second half of the interview which I’ll release as a bonus episode next week, we get down to the finer details for each of us as individuals, including Dr. Fishers advice to singles in search of a partner. You’ll definitely want to check that out.. You might want to check out Dr. Fisher’s book that she mentions in the interview: Anatomy of Love: A Natural History of Mating, Marriage, and Why We Stray (Completely Revised and Updated with a New Introduction). If you’d like to take advantage of the special offer that Match is making to listeners of our podcast: 7 days free to search anyone on Match, just go to match.com/together and register for your account there.

Today’s episode is about god being at the center of a marriage. This is an idea that I’ve wanted to explore for quite some time. We’ve touched on it in previous episodes, but this is the most in depth conversation I’ve had with a Christian couple. What I love about this conversation is that David and Heather are not academics or preachers. This is an idea that’s at the center of their lives, but that they don’t spend a lot of time articulating it in their day-to-day. So the conversation very much comes from the heart, and I think that makes it very genuine.   If you would like to check out David’s podcast, you can find it at: http://davidpmariano.com/podcasts/ If you’d like to take advantage of the special offer that Match is making to listeners of our podcast: 7 days free to search anyone on Match, just go to match.com/together and register for your account there.

Today’s episode is a focus on the early phases of a relationship. I’ve always thought that a willingness to work on the inevitable challenges in a relationship is the greatest possible expression of romance.  Our guests today Lucy and Phillipe are recently engaged, and it’s their joyful newness coupled with that willingness to do the work that made this episode seem like a good fit for Valentine’s week. Lucy also happens to be a close friend of our podcast. She has written a couple of articles for magazines: http://together.guide/im-unicorn-couples-search/ http://together.guide/doctors-orders-no-sex-now/ And I am very excited to announce that she is also releasing her new web series: Unicornland on Vimeo tomorrow. Unicornland is an 8-episode webseries about a woman exploring her sexuality post-divorce by dating couples. You can find that at unicornlandseries.com Thanks to our sponsors today, Match.com. You can take advantage of their special offer of seven days free by going to match.com/together.

Today’s episode marks the first time we’ve had a couple back for a second appearance on the show. Chris and Esther first appeared in episodes 29 and 30, which were titled: Polyamory and Divorce, A Story About Love, and Non-Monogamy is Hard Because Relationships Are Hard. In those episodes they explained the nature of their non-monogamous relationship, and shared the main challenge they were facing at the time which had to do essentially with maintaining relationship agreements. If you’ve listened to the show at all, you know that my view is that conflict in a relationship is inevitable, and that it’s an opportunity to create depth. These two exemplify that messy reality perfectly. There’s no tidy solution to this interview, and this relationship is very much in process. But these two love each other, and They’re very much together. In other news, I’m excited to announce that thanks to our sponsors this month, Match.com, we’re launching a feature on the Sports Byline Radio Network. It’s a series of shorts features about relationship fundamentals. Let me know if you happen to hear it. I’d love to know what you think. If you would like to take advantage of the special offer of 7 days free that Match is offering our listeners, just go to: www.match.com/together Also, please consider supporting our crowdfunding campaign at patreon.com/together - we’re on a mission to crush shame, and every penny helps. Thank you!

Today’s episode is about falling in love when you’re just not supposed to. According to most researchers on the subject, human sexual orientation is a spectrum. The Kinsey Scale for instance, one of the most widely used classification systems, rates people along a spectrum from 0–entirely heterosexual, to 6–entirely homosexual. There are hundreds of these classification systems all taking into account different kinds of factors. Whatever you may think of any of the various systems, it does appear that each of us is uniquely oriented sexually. Some of us learn about our orientation very early in our lives, some of us never fully discover who we are sexually, and some of us discover it only after getting married and starting a family. Today’s guests, Ginny and Jody have a story to tell us along these lines, and they tell it much better than I do. Enjoy! Ginny has contributed several articles to our magazine. Here are a couple of links if you’d like to read those: http://together.guide/introvert-extrovert-dilemma/ http://together.guide/two-journeys-one-relationship/ http://together.guide/tell-partner-everything/ You can also find her website at: http://www.finallytimeforthis.com/ If you like what we’re up to here at together, please consider supporting our crowdfunding campaign at patreon.com/together.  Thank you!

Today’s episode is about how one couple runs a restaurant together, and somehow manages not to kill each other process. This concept of married couples who work together is something we’ve heard about on the show before, but I wanted to bring our guests today on the show because they’re the rockstars of this balancing act. Adam and Stacy run a very successful and highly regarded restaurant in San Francisco called Bluestem Brasserie. On the show they discuss the one factor that’s both their Kryptonite and their super power. Enjoy the show! If you like what we’re up to here at together, please consider supporting our crowdfunding campaign at patreon.com/together. Thank you!

Today’s episode is about optimizing behavior for happiness in marriage. Shane and Jessica, today’s guests have a solidly traditional american marriage. They live in a lovely home in the suburbs of Sacramento, they’ve got two adorable kids, and two very cute cats. They’re friends with all their neighbors, they spend weekends with family, and life is good. But Shane gets occasionally grumpy and dark, and Jessica needs a strong sense control in life to feel completely at ease. In her words, she’s a bit bossy. But they’re both working on these tendencies in themselves, and it’s for the sake of their family, and that’s what makes their story so touching. Don’t forget to check our sponsor for today’s episode: Little Bird, the independent diamond & engagement ring experts. The best way to buy an engagement ring ​is with a bird's eye view. You can find them at littlebirdtoldyou.com If you like what we’re up to here at together, please consider supporting our crowdfunding campaign at patreon.com/together. Thank you!

Our episode today is about loss and renewal. We’ve all felt loss to one degree or another. And we’ve all heard about the stages of recovery as well. But the actuality of loss, and specifically the death of a loved one, is something far deeper and more visceral than any explanation can ever capture. Our guest today, Erin Moon, was widowed after 10 years of marriage when she was 35. The death was a painful one, but Erin has found renewal in loss. Her story is an inspiring one, and it reminds me how in some sense, it’s death that gives each of us our lives. Don’t forget to check our sponsor for today’s episode: Little Bird, the independent diamond & engagement ring experts. The best way to buy an engagement ring ​is with a bird's eye view. You can find them at littlebirdtoldyou.com If you like what we’re up to here at together, please check out our listener community at  patreon.com/together - that’s where subscribers can listen to deleted clips and get other extras as a way to suppor our work.  Thank you!

Today’s episode is about adventure travel. We thought a story about hitting the road would be a good way to kick off the new year. Happy New Year!! Don’t forget to check our sponsor for today’s episode: Little Bird, the independent diamond & engagement ring experts. The best way to buy an engagement ring ​is with a bird's eye view. You can find them at littlebirdtoldyou.com If you like what we’re up to here at together, please consider supporting our crowdfunding campaign at patreon.com/together - we’re on a mission to crush shame, and we’re just getting off the ground, so every penny helps.  Thank you!

We’re not posting an interview this week, so we can give ourselves a little break. Instead, we thought we’d post some thoughts on what we’ve learned this year from the show. Thanks for listening, and Happy Holidays! If you like what we’re up to here at together, please consider supporting our crowdfunding campaign at patreon.com/together.  Thank you!

Today’s episode is about being transgender. Last week took a first look at the issue of traditional gender roles, and this week we expand the exploration of gender to look at identity. Our guests today, Jamie, Doe, and Bree are all transgender. Jamie is a transgender man, Bree is a transgender woman, and Doe is a non binary gender fluid person. These three are also polyamorous, but that’s not the focus of this episode. If you’d like to hear about their romantic  relationship, we’ll be posting that portion of the interview for Patreon subscribers, and you can find it on our patreon page, at patreon.com/together. These three are so on the cutting edge of transparency and self awareness that it’s exhilarating just being around them. I think you’re going to love this one. Enjoy the show. Also, please be sure to check out our sponsors for today’s episode: Little Bird, the independent diamond & engagement ring experts. The best way to buy an engagement ring ​is with a bird's eye view. You can find them at littlebirdtoldyou.com

Today's episode is our first interview about gender roles. I recently read an article by the Science Fiction Writer, David J Schwartz called Masculinity Is An Anxiety Disorder. It lays out a very compelling argument that the elements of masculinity that we men are expected to live up to in Western society, are utterly unattainable, and in many cases self-contradictory. And yet we all hold ourselves to this unachievable standard, thereby setting ourselves up for failure. Of course this goes for women as well. Gender is without question one of the most unexamined and yet prevalent boxes that we all stuff ourselves into. Some might say that gender itself is biologically dictated, and that may be true or it may not, but either way, the roles and the behaviors that we expect to associate with our genders are subjective. Our guests this week, Maia and Travis, allow us to take a gentle first look at the issue of gender. These two have a marriage that follows a fairly nontraditional structure, but it’s nothing that you haven't heard of before. What's instructive about these two is the ease with which they each take on their nontraditional roles in the family.  More importantly it’s the genuine happiness and satisfaction that they take from living life the way they want that we can all learn something from. If you’d like to learn more about Maia and Travis, you can check out their website at: http://bitteshop.com/, their online children’s store focusing on sustainability and small batch artisinal brands. Maia’s very well known Pinterest profile can be found at: https://www.pinterest.com/maia_mcdonald/ And don’t forget to check our sponsor for today’s episode: Little Bird, the independent diamond & engagement ring experts. The best way to buy an engagement ring ​is with a bird's eye view. You can find them at littlebirdtoldyou.com If you like what we’re up to here at together, please consider supporting our crowdfunding campaign at patreon.com/together - we’re on a mission to crush shame, and we’re just getting off the ground, so every penny helps.  Thank you!

Today's episode is about keeping marriage simple. Chris and Jen, our guests today, met in an unusual way, but their marriage itself follows a structure that many would consider to be the traditional American marriage (whatever that actually means). But that does not mean that their relationship goes unexamined. These two run a website that helps people recover from break ups. And that means they’ve given a lot of thought to what causes relationships to fail, and inversely, what causes them to succeed. What works for these two is keeping things simple. Sometimes we just create too much drama for ourselves. There’s a lot of wisdom in knowing when to let that go. If you’d like to learn more about Chris and Jen, you can find their website at https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/. I’ll put a link to their site in our show notes. And don’t forget to check our sponsor for today’s episode: Little Bird, the independent diamond & engagement ring experts. The best way to buy an engagement ring ​is with a bird's eye view. You can find them at littlebirdtoldyou.com If you like what we’re up to here at together, please consider supporting our crowdfunding campaign at patreon.com/together - we’re on a mission to crush shame, and we’re just getting off the ground, so every penny helps.  Thank you!