We Hate The Bachelor

Well, it's over. Another hetero couple can celebrate love, and against ALL odds some might say.It's down the the final two gals and it's time we give credit where credit is due. Every season when Jesse has to say "this is most insane finale ever, you will NEVER believe it!" it's usually a crock. This finale? What a rollercoaster of events and women's empowerment! These women? Empowered. We have live audiences, we have back to back family meetings with literally no break(?), we have some gorgeous gorgeous gowns, and we have a new Bachelorette!!!!We're in Tulum and the girls get to meet the fam. Vibes are off for Daisy throughout this entire week and boy do we notice. Joey? Over it. Daisy? Close to over it. It's a yikes.In a history-making move, Daisy and Kelsey A ride in the car to the proposal platform TOGETHER. CAN YOU BELIEVE. And our winner and Joey's new "best friend" is...... Kelsey!!!Also two N's Jenn is announced as Bachelorette. We're excited but ABC threw it in last minute so here's our contribution. (We love you Jenn).--Hit us up on social!Instagram @MmmILikeThisPodcastTikTok @MmmILikeThisPodcastMmmILikeThisPodcast@gmail.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's the best episode of every reality show ever!!!! The reunion! These women truly do tell all. Maria says a lot but, according to the live audience (and us), it's welcomed. The women reunite to rehash the collection of mostly unnecessary and dumb drama like not being old at 31 and throwing the word "bully" around without actually knowing the definition. Some of the women experience consequences for their words and actions and all is seemingly reconciled except for Jess which no one is worried about. Lexie stands out absolutely BEAMING in the center of the first row and we're just confused how you can still glow up when your baseline is stunning and gorgeous. Snaps for Lexie.We do zoom back to Tulum to experience the craziest and least necessary conversation that throws Joey for quite the loop. Kelsey learns to articulate further to avoid cryptic letters. In a shock to no one, as unfortunate as it may be, we do say goodbye to Rachel in Tulum, but this bitch comes STACKED at Tell All wearing the most stunning yellow dress we've ever seen. It's no shock she takes best dressed this week.It's a night of tears, lumbering walks, gorgeous gowns, and Bachelorette auditions. What more could you need?--Hit us up on social!Instagram @MmmILikeThisMmmILikeThisPodcast@gmail.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Who's ready for f*ck week!!!! It's top 3 and we're in Tulum! Is there a Vedanta in Tulum? It would appear not...This week, it's fantasy suites and these girls are ready to get hot 'n heavy without gentle sweet baby angel, Joey. It's a slog this week, we won't lie. HOWEVER, what is NOT a slog is Leslie being the most iconic doubt seed planter we've ever seen. Are you confident? Well, you shouldn't be. Poor Kelsey.Daisy gets some top tier advice from Sandra, and Rachel gets to hang with our one and only, Susan. What a legend. Unfortunately, Rachel injures herself taking a leap of faith into the famous Bachelor cenote, and it seems like that's the nail in the coffin for our gal. We can't be sure though as after her overnight, she seemingly disappears from the face of the Earth or, at least, the rest of the episode. Kelsey gets the Mmm I Like This dream date of a BOAT in the OCEAN in MEXICO and as much as we hate to say it, it's well deserved. The writing is on the wall with this one.Also Daisy was there. --Hit us up on social!Instagram @MmmILikeThisMmmILikeThis@gmail.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Joel is a jet setter this week, so Jess and Thomas take the mic! It's hometowns! How many fun Middle American towns can we see in one episode? Let's find out. Kelsey A brings Joey to NoLa first to meet her family and Thomas gets misty for her charming dad. Those eyes? Help. Daisy takes Joey directly onto the set of a Hallmark movie with her family's Christmas tree farm and intro to every single family member she's ever had finally achieving the parental validation she needed. Questionable at best!!!! Rachel brings Joey to Rancho Cucamonga to meet her family deep rooted in tradition and as expected, Joey hits a home run on the respect meter!! Maria's family gets the typecast treatment with the most hilarious Sopranos style backing music for Joey's visit and Maria's dad proves to be the coolest dude we've ever seen. Additionally, Soto? Maria's brother? Call us. A major growth step for Bachelor nation as every parent brings up the MUTUAL choosing of this format and we couldn't be prouder of the support systems these girls have. Also someone goes home but don't ask us about it please as we are still very sensitive. Please respect our privacy at this time. -- Hit us up on social! Instagram @WeHateTheBachelor WeHateTheBachelor@gmail.com

It's just the boys again this week and we are in Jasper!! It's really down to the wire now with 6 girls left! When did that happen? Heading into hometowns it's serious gals only! Joey doles out the rounds of SECOND 1 on 1's to Daisy and Kelsey A, and the remaining four girls miserably slog through the last group date of the season. Daisy is blessed with the FIRST and seemingly ONLY hot tub date? Choices. The group date is a true Canadian staple of rolling, flipping, and chopping logs and then finishing off an obstacle course with an ice cold glass of Elk milk. Our resident Canadians on the mic can attest to never trying such an abomination. This group date is painful all around. We've got awkward kisses, lactose intolerance, and a lot of "I don't know I can do this." Kelsey A gets her second boring "explore the town" date and gets more excited for a polar plunge than anyone we've ever seen. Props to her. In a GAG, Joey cancels the pre-rose ceremony cocktail party and the girls are not stoked. Especially Maria, but fear not as Joey decides to give her even MORE screen time 1 on 1 and our hosts couldn't be happier. A true rollercoaster of an episode this week, but we are now down to a final four and headed straight into hometowns. Whose mom/dad will hate Joey? Who has got a hot sibling? Looks like we will find out next week! -- Hit us up on social! Instagram @WeHateTheBachelor WeHateTheBachelor@gmail.com

This week we are SUPERSIZED! It's a double ep, y'all! We travel super internationally from Malta to Spain and most importantly to Canada! The girls are dropping like flies with a combo of three rose ceremonies in two episodes, one self elim, and one humiliating group date departure. I would say "you hate to see it" but we truly are so pleased. The villains have been slain by the slayer herself, Maria. One-on-ones are fairly distributed continually, and the LOSERS who don't get a one-on-one are finally chopped. We're rounding the corner to the home stretch, folks! Rachel gets her dance, Kelsey gets a gay rights 13th century bath house dinner, Kelsey T gets to twirl in the air, and most importantly, our girl Maria gets THE date we all look forward to every season, the shopping extravaganza. We couldn't be prouder! We are getting close, kids! -- Hit us up on social Instagram @WeHateTheBachelor WeHateTheBachelor@gmail.com

Our glowing Jess is back to round out the trio! The girls head to Malta to meet Joey on the first leg of the international part of the trip! Where's Malta you ask? Your guess is as good as ours. Lexie gets the 1-on-1 and as expected, slays both the date and Joey. Definitely a front-runner. The group date is the biggest piece of confusing LARP/European war cosplay we've ever seen, but power to the girls for letting a big sausage slap them in the face. Our pocket-sized (self-titled) bach leans right in with those girls. More importantly, the queen of the season, Maria, gets her shining moment in a 2-on-1 with Sydney, and as expected, Sydney continues to clown herself right into the getaway car. How can you be sad on vacation? The world's greatest question. In a weird turn of events, Lea rears her head as the new villain when we learn who is 23 and thinks being nice to people isn't allowed, and a 31 year old (OLD OLD OLD) Madina has to educate a child on what maturity and politeness is. This is where showing your age is a good thing. Thankfully these girls bring (some) fashion to Europe with a set of much nicer gowns for this rose ceremony. -- Hit us up on social! Instagram @WeHateTheBachelor WeHateTheBachelor@gmail.com

Our King Babygirl is at it again! This week, it's just the boys and, as usual, it's a fight for who talks more about these divas. We're officially in the thick of the show AND this week is our last week of "who is she?" so you know it's getting good. It's the war of the century between the delusional queen, Sydney, and the literal queen of the universe, Maria. We're team Maria OBVIOUSLY. The two group dates are a pageant (barf) and a tennis tourney! (slay). We get some stand outs with Lexie choosing to showcase her talents with QUITE the kiss and the most hilarious butter costume wins the tennis tourney. Joey is really proving that he LOVES to kiss in front of anyone who will watch. We have a new nickname alert!! 2 N's Jenn gets the 1 on 1 this week and Joey takes her surfing (and kissing). Trauma dinner gets real when 2 N's reveals some deep-rooted family trauma (and to be expected, Thomas loves to relate). The cocktail party is subbed for a sponsored pool party and Thomas and Joel start to question ABC's budget choices. In a shock to no one, Sydney continues to dig the deepest most embarrassing grave for herself and Maria continues to rise above. We have quite possibly the WORST collection of Rose Ceremony gowns in Bachelor history and the boys go in pretty hard. Sorry girls, in 2024 we have standards! -- Hit us up on social! Instagram @WeHateTheBachelor WeHateTheBachelor@gmail.com

The rollercoaster continues! We're almost to the point where we know everyone's name, but not quite there. That girl in the centre to the left? Never seen her a day in my life! The girls have moved into the mansion and the dates start! Who get's the first 1 on 1 but America's SWEETHEART (key word being America's and not ours) but who couldn't love a pretty blonde girl who wears a cross and works for an NGO. Joey for sure does so far. The standouts start to edge out of the pack. Maria skyrockets to number one in our hearts and Evalin showcases her athleticism like we've never seen before. Group dates go from fake wedding receptions in front of literal strangers to seemingly lawless capture the flag/paintball games. In a SHOCKING upset going down in Bachelor history, we say goodbye to an early fave. We will miss you, Erika. See you on the beach! Oh yeah, and one of the sisters goes home but she clearly wants the 15min and we can't in good conscience contribute to that. Too bad the cake was wrong. -- Hit us up on social! Instagram @WeHateTheBachelor WeHateTheBachelor@gmail.com

We are SO back, baby. Your favourite bestie trio return to the HOT mic to talk about the most babygirl bachelor we have ever had? Joey meets 32 women and kisses QUITE a few. We get to meet these ladies, and boy oh boy do we get some first impressions. Jess welcomes in a new namesake to the fold. How does she stand up next to Bird Bones? You'll just have to listen to find out! A fantastic start to a great season. Good luck, Joey! -- Hit us up on social! Instagram @WeHateTheBachelor WeHateTheBachelor@gmail.com

So, what now? No more beach? No more sun? No more crying? What will we do for 6 weeks? Jess leaves Joel and Thomas this week to helm the finale themselves and with the unintentional pride party style, there's no complaints from them! It's the final days on the beach, and TRULY who would have guessed Eliza & Aaron + Kat & John Henry would be the last two couples? NOT US. The singles start to drop like flies and exit paradise expeditiously. Jess has to be told she's not needed on the beach anymore and Mercedes lays it down for Jordan that there is no spark whatsoever. Do we see Jordan leave? Does he dissipate into the sand? Who's to know. Aven and Kylee have the same conversation 10 times and we don't see much improvement. Why is a ring more important than the man handing it you? Your guess is as good as ours. In a shock to NO ONE, it would appear none of our happy couples have lasted the test of time.. until next year. (RIP Sam + FP)

Well, it's (almost) over. Gerry has chosen his woman and nobody is surprised. The Hollywood Reporter published and articale painting him in a darker light and nobody is surprised. Rachel get's humiliated and nobody is surprised. WHAT A WEEK!! We say this every time but truly what a f*cking week. In a heart-wrenching, skin crawling, and major cringe inducing episode, we see Gerry really fumble the bag at the end of his journey. There is of course a happy couple, but the happy couple we wanted? Who's to say. The true winner of this season is the cast of golden bachelorettes who captured our hearts and gave us a reason to believe in heterosexual love again. #JusticeForEllen+Susan+Joan We get a taste of the most incredible editing and production work in our Bachelor watching careers with a perfectly made 38 minute Paradise episode JAM PACKED with break ups, shocking friendships (Kylee and Tyler?), and the most shameful humiliation of an ex LEAD contestant. We feel for you Rachel. -- Hit us up on social! Instagram @WeHateTheBachelor WeHateTheBachelor@gmail.com

Happy f*ck week! It's fantasy suite time for our good old Golden Bach Boy, Gerry, and we finally get to travel overseas! Welcome to Costa Rica! Talk about knowing your demo... Leslie and Theresa continue to showcase how they're both perfect for Gerry in their own unique ways, and Theresa finally comes off as a chill gal. Thomas couldn't be happier. Clock that instagram shop two-piece pj set. On the beach, Blake's entire reality gets shattered to pieces when his ex, also known as Katie Thurston aka dildo girl, shows up on the beach for.. seemingly no reason at all? Oh right, a roast. Katie hosts a roast and fortunately for us, the three most volatile girls get absolutely shredded and chaos begins to brew. Rach gets a second chance but ultimately doesn't care, Kat runs a beach yoga for all the men she ruined, and Olivia gets a tentative happy ending. -- Hit us up on social! Instagram @WeHateTheBachelor WeHateTheBachelor@gmail.com

We have crested the hill which is the final stretch of our season! This week, the golden ladies tell all, but mostly all about Susan's gas. We get a few hot seats with two of the most impactful losses, and Gerry shows up looking so incredibly melancholic. We couldn't believe it. Also it's time to celebrate the ONLY trip this season. See you next week in Costa Rica! At the beach, Corpse Bride digs her decomposing claws into sweet poor innocent baby child John Henry, and Olivia is NOT having it. According to Bachelor Data, Olivia has had the most screen time of all our lovebirds. SHOCKING. Brayden's new boo makes the biggest mistake of her life and social media career, and to that we say "smell ya later." Next week's teasers look to shake up some recently cemented love connections! I guess you'll just have to stick around to hear Jess, Joel, and Thomas' input on all the beach fun. -- Hit us up on social! Instagram @WeHateTheBachelor WeHateTheBachelor@gmail.com

We really are seated for a roller coaster this season. In what would seem to be some of the most boring episodes of the season, our fabulous trio of hosts seem to talk.. the most? Of any episode? Figure that one out. In Gerry's world we're at Hometowns! How many grand kids can be produced to ask a stranger if he's in love with their grandma? We see Faith for who she really is, a horsegirl. We see Theresa for who she really is, a frail baby woman; and we see Leslie for who she really is, a hot mama. Gerry shows his entire hand of cards confessing his love for TWO of the three women to their face, and even in front of one of their families.. it's weird. In a shocking turn of events, we ELIMINATE the back to format praises as we are left edged for the final rose. At the beach, Corpse Bride continues to experience consequences for her actions and also continues to completely miss the point. Bitch is out to lunch. We get a few new arrivals at the beach to stir up some couple drama and for Bird Bones and Rach, it's looking rocky my friends. Charity also makes a celeb appearance to ruin Aaron B's life and we honestly can't wait. Want some personal stories? Some obnoxious screaming? Cackles? You're in the right place, as usual. -- Hit us up on social! Instagram @WeHateTheBachelor WeHateTheBachelor@gmail.com

I know we say this every week, BUT... What. A. Week. Jess returns to round out the trio this week! The axe continues to drop HARD on Golden Bach as Gerry tearfully sends three women home leaving only THREE left for hometowns/fantasy suites/Gerry's hometowns. Faith gets a once in a lifetime 1 on 1 in a helicopter, in a hot tub, and on a yacht. We couldn't be more jealous. The rest of the ladies and Gerry let out their inner child at an amusement park on the pier, and Theresa looks as if she has passed away on the rollercoaster. RIP. We hit the beach in Paradise and did you know it's Kat's birthday? Oh, you didn't? She didn't tell you 100 times? Wild. A HOT new bombshell enters the villa this week and snipes Kat's man right out from underneath her. Braychel go on a cute date and Thomas has finally followed Jess' lead with the turnaround on Baby B. SHOCKING news. Canada in the house! We also get a BiP Canada alum join the beach to shake it up and we could not be more proud of our Northern girl. It's a crazy week of hysterical tears, dirty dancing, tequila shots, and yoga breathing. You can't miss it. -- Hit us up on social! Instagram @WeHateTheBachelor WeHateTheBachelor@gmail.com

Well well well! Look what happens when you change your mind on Brayden. Karma delivers! This week, it's just the gays to breakdown what has become the most explosive episode of Paradise this season! Gerry's up first and his gaggle of gals are not as limbered up as they should have been for what could be the most intense sports tournament Bachelor Nation has ever seen - pickleball. These women left nothing on the court! Sandra even dove into the crowd! Leslie gets the 1 on 1 and we get to see more of Gerry's TOUGH REBEL/BAD BOY past.. a massive tattoo. Who would have thought? The axe continues to fall and we're now rounding the home stretch for our golden king. We can't wait. Drama hits the beach! Who's surprised? Our backed-up queen bids farewell to the beach-goers to deliver a 9+ day poop-baby. Sending well wishes to the new mother. New boys hit the beach with date cards in hand! We're at 12 girls and SEVEN boys. FIVE could go home next week!!! There are awkward massage dates, dinner kisses, TRUTH boxes both introduced and destroyed all in the same day. Want to know what Kat thinks? Don't worry, not only will she tell you, but she will scream at the producers in her interview so loudly the rest of the beach can hear every word. Oh yeah.. Sean thinking ANYONE is into him. HA!!!! -- Hit us up on social! Instagram @WeHateTheBachelor WeHateTheBachelor@gmail.com

What a week! These grannies are finally bringing the heat! Joel returns to round out the fab trio and we couldn't be happier. Gerry continues to thin the herd by putting these women up for a talent show supported by what is probably the largest audience for anything in Bachelor nation. These poor women. We get standouts, and our winner of the dinner is Joan! GORGEOUS STUNNING JOAN! Alas, it is a short-lived high as she has to self elim to go be a mom. The ladies could NOT relate more so we say goodbye to gorgeous Joan. Ellen gets the 1 on 1 this week and absolutely CRUSHES her "custom" (?) dress and things get HOT in the hot air balloon. The beach heats up even further as Thomas' number 1 boyfriend, Tyler, arrives to shake it up. Also additionally sexy hot man, Tanner32 arrives to regretfully pursue CB. Not everyone can make good choices out of the gate. Have you ever just completely iced someone out and gone so cold in your breakup that even your own friends call you out? No? just Corpse Bride? Got it. Please give Jess the time and privacy she needs to process the most unexpected turnaround of our time. -- Hit us up on social! Instagram @WeHateTheBachelor WeHateTheBachelor@gmail.com

It's a solemn week this week. Our shining and radiant podcast trio is down to two as Joel has contracted some sort of plague. Fear not as Jess and Thomas are there to pick up the slack! This week, Gerry takes our gal Theresa on a date to a retro 50's diner we're SURE bring back very real memories for both of them. Theresa wants to learn Italian to go travel Italy and Gerry is into it and Thomas just cries daily for them. The women throw him a surprise birthday party and the cast continues to show off how genuine and sweet they all are. Gerry also cries this week (like every week) as he has to really start to axe the women down to his faves. We only have six episodes remember! We hit the sand and Paradise QUEEN Kylee is here to absolutely slay the beach. Will embarrasses himself as the biggest crybaby we've ever seen, and Hannah Brown shows up holding the largest spoon to stir the paradise pot and we. are. here. for. it. We've got tears, we've got flash mobs, we've got immature baby boy dancing, and we've got Susan in a neon green dress. What else could you need? Whatever you do, just Don't Stop Believin' -- Hit us up on social! Instagram @WeHateTheBachelor WeHateTheBachelor@gmail.com

We. Are. So. Back!! Jess, Joel, and Thomas are seated and READY to celebrate old people in love.. and also young people in love.. triangles. We have TWO shows to follow up on every week. It's work.. but we got y'all. This week we welcome Gerry as our first Golden Bachelor, along with DROVES of gorgeous iconic women over 50. Do we all believe in love again because of this show? Hopefully. Buckle up for a LIST of new nicknames for these iconic women and don't worry, there will be no punches pulled even with this demographic. WE ALSO HIT THE BEACH!! Some legendary faves are ready to soak up the sun, sand, and suck face with 10 other people in this season of Bachelor in Paradise. Tune in for a double dose of BS from our fave podcast trio. -- Hit us up on social! Instagram @WeHateTheBachelor WeHateTheBachelor@Gmail.com

We did it, Joe. In a not-at-all-surprising finale, Charity has got her man AND the clarity she needed. What a (short) ride it has been for us. One International Trip for love, one new Bachelor, and one humiliated white girl (we pray for the girl who wasn't Leia). We are FED this week! Charity shows us exactly what she was like when she was a teenager with her mom. The BiP preview? OBSESSED. Join us to laugh, cry (just Thomas), and celebrate a much deserved break before we are bombarded with so much love from every age. What else can be said? We couldn't be happier with the outcome (mostly because it's what we predicted from episode 2). Congratulations to Charity and *****!!! WE LOVE OUR NEW BACHELOR. -- Hit us up on social! Instagram @WeHateTheBachelor WeHateTheBachelor@gmail.com

Were we surprised? That Big Loser Boy got most of the screen time? Jess is back this week to round out the trio for Tell All! In a mostly uneventful night, Jesse Palmer seems to show the most personality we've ever seen. Does it mean we accept him into the fold? Absolutely not. Ted Bundy makes a jump scare appearance in the back row and sitting next to him is a man you couldn't convince us was on this season. The two pick-me's get in a fun little tiff and Sean embarrasses himself further by BARGING up to the hot seat to show Charity he's.. pathetic? Also, Xavier digs a hole so deep it's hilarious to watch him try and crawl out of it. 0/10. Some of the OG Bachelorettes come on stage to encourage Charity, Captain Tom makes a cameo appearance and we get the biggest sneak peak of Paradise we've ever had!! SHOCKING IT'S ABOUT FUCKING BRAYDEN. FP -- Hit us up on Social! Instagram @WeHateTheBachelor WeHateTheBachelor@gmail.com

It's your favourite gay boy duo this week!! Jess is away so Joel and Thomas helm the podcast for you all. If you like talking at 150 words per second and gay shrieking, you're in luck. We're in Fiji!!! OUR FIRST INTERNATIONAL TRIP. AT THE END OF THE SEASON. Charity is not one to cheap out on! It's sex week! As we so lovingly refer to it, and 2/3 boys absolutely nail it.. literally. Xavier shows his whole ass in the span of 30 seconds and Charity deals with this loser exactly how she should. We've got oiled-up bods, we've got broken-down buggies, we've got the most kind-hearted, matter-of-fact speaker human being this show has ever seen, AND we've got a return no one really wanted. This week is PACKED. We're already at Tell All next week!!! Buckle up! -- Hit us up on social! Instagram @WeHateTheBachelor WeHateTheBachelor@gmail.com

This week on American Truck Simulator we travel ALL over the Great 50! Could we be more sick of the USA? Hometowns week! Charity has four fabulous families to meet and impress and we know she will absolutely SLAY. She delivers every week. Four hometowns means at LEAST four new lewks and Charity absolutely NAILS the fits for these family intros. Whose family offered a Nigerian wedding? Whose family completely sabotaged a relationship? Guess you will just have to tune in to find out! -- Hit us up on social! Instagram @WeHateTheBachelor WeHateTheBachelor@gmail.com

Pre-Hometown week!! Dominatrix Charity really going strong this week. Queen of edging. We're in NoLa this week! AND WE SEE THEM EAT. ON CAMERA. Can you believe it? We get repeat 1 on 1's, Aaron meltdowns, Sean meltdowns, and a calm, cool, collected Tanner. What a legend. Charity pulls out some show-stopping looks, and she and Dotun truly already just look like a couple so in love. We love to see it. Tiny baby boys have meltdowns and red wine mouths and we get a glimmer of memory from our beloved Corpse Bride. Will we escape the clutches of the 50 states? Only next week will tell! -- Hit us up on social! Instagram @WeHateTheBachelor WeHateTheBachelor@gmail.com

Have you ever felt vindicated through television? 'Cuz we have! This week we jump cut to Washington state! Where are all the Oceanside bells and whistles at? The boys cozy up in a gorgeous PNW style cabin all too familiar to our gorgeous host trio while (we assume) Charity has her own chalet deep in the Sasquatch-infested woods. We have good dates! We have girl scouts! We have humiliation! We have heartbreak! Dotun and Xavier get the 1 on 1's this week with Dotun and Charity facing their fears while Xavier get's mushy feet. Dotun really starts to edge out the other guys as front runner, and Xavier is working on it! Charity needs to decide if she likes him or not, am I right? The group date showcases Brayden's incessant need for attention at all times of day and the guys have HAD IT. We feel you, boys. The looks? (mostly) flawless. The dates? Fun and quirky. The cocktail party? A little hate train for Brayden and we couldn't be more relieved. Get that loser OUTTA HERE! It's a great one this week! Tune in and cackle at losers with Jess, Joel, and Thomas as we know you love to do! -- Hit us up on social! Instagram @WeHateTheBachelor WeHateTheBachelor@Gmail.com

Are you ready, Ken? Let's head to the Dreamhouse! It's Barbie week on The Bachelorette and Charity leans majorly into theme. We couldn't be happier. This week, the boys get completely gaslit into getting excited for the first trip of the season to.. Oceanside..California. Like we're not even taking a plane. Brayden get's a 1 on 1 and one massive collective groan can be heard across the nation as Charity starts to put on her clown nose.. and shoes.. with these date choices. They ride a helicopter and hang out in a baseball stadium. We couldn't be less interested. The group date is Barbie themed and the house of men dress up as Ken through the ages and perform stunning rewrites of 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' A sleeper hit comes through with the victory but will it be in vain? Do we have a second villain of the season? Oh... and someone literally wastes the best 1 on 1 idea ever and is such a bad date that he doesn't make it back... Baby needs a nap. -- Hit us up on social! Instagram @WeHateTheBachelor WeHateTheBachelor@gmail.com

We carry on back to format! This week, Charity gives out two group dates, one obvious 1 on 1, and one secret 1 on 1! Aaron B gets the first 1 on 1 by way of what we assume to be an alphabetical system, but who knows for sure. He wins a slow cruise to the Hollywood sign and the most boring dinner of our lives. The boys split up into two group dates and the theme of the week? Embarrassment. One group has to play dodgeball in tiny neon speedos, and the other group has to kiss their hands in front of a crowd of onlookers. We know which group we would prefer to be a part of. Brayden emerges as an early-season villain, but our eagle-eyed trio has their eyes open for future contenders. We also learn that not all turtle necks are WHTB approved. Can you believe all of these men have to act this way when Yosef has a daughter at home? We see you, Aaron S. -- Hit us up on social! Instagram @WeHateTheBachelor WeHateTheBachelor@Gmail.com

Well well well! Here we go again! 25 men, one gorgeous angel, and one 44 year old host. Your favourite award winning podcast trio is back to eviscerate America's best and brightest attention seekers! It's night one for Ms. Charity Lawson and we are S E A T E D to see which of these men peak her interest. We've got tennis pros (hot), we've got mortgage lenders (boring), and we've got..pro wrestlers?... (with awful goatees). Buckle up and get excited for a new season of tears, cackles, and obnoxiously offensive nicknames for straight men. We are so excited to have you here with us. -- Hit us up on social! Instagram @WeHateTheBachelor WeHateTheBachelor@gmail.com

Guess who's back in the house?! Your favourite "award-winning" podcast trio has returned to analyze and eviscerate a collection of (mostly) hot (mostly) young fresh Bachelor Nation meat all vying for the heart of our innocent beautiful Charity. Thomas, Jess, and Joel return to the mic this week to break down each of the men's profiles (courtesy of Today.com) and give their first impressions on who they think is worthy of Charity's love, time, eye contact, etc. Pour yourself a BIG glass of wine, order in some noodles, and listen to your obnoxious faves find out who looks like a cartoon character, who started the fashion bracelet trend, and how many of our bachelors have a Bible quote in their Instagram bio. -- Hit us up on social! Instagram @WeHateTheBachelor WeHateTheBachelor@gmail.com

Well, we made it! In an absolute UNSHOCKING finish, our big nostrilled over-thinker has chosen his "best friend." In this incredible finale, Zach get's raked through the coals TWICE by our two runner-ups and Thomas, Jess, and Joel can't get over it. Ariel completely eviscerates him followed by Gabi twisting the knife and (hopefully) instilling so much guilt to bounce around in the otherwise echo chamber that is Zach's mind. We get to see America's parents, Megan and "Chiap," one last time and honestly? They're the most endearing part of Zach's life. Remember when he was a sickly child and almost died? Gabi doesn't because he NEVER told her. The looks? Iconic. The tears? Aplenty. The communication skills? One-sided. It is a live finale for the books! Enjoy our collective sigh of relief as we never have to see Zach and his prickly torso shower outdoors ever again. -- Hit us up! Instagram - @WeHateTheBachelor WeHateTheBachelor@gmail.com

There's nothing our delusional trio of hosts loves more than an opportunity to live up to their namesake. Boy oh BOY do we hate the Bach this week. We're in Thailand for sex("less") week and Zach decides to literally be the biggest idiot Bach Nation has ever seen. In a Jesus-loving effort, he seems to set stupid rules for himself and breaks them immediately. Men, are we right? Ariel dodges a Vanilla/Missionary/T-Shirt On bullet and presumably, the only girl who gets to "have sex together" with Zach is NOT who we would have expected. It's a tumultuous week of stupidity, lies, and unnecessary apologies for our boy Big Z. The girls somewhat deliver the fashion on our paradise trip and we are down to our predictable final TWO! Thomas and Joel would like you to respect their privacy at this time. -- Hit us up! @wehatethebachelor on Instagram wehatethebachelor@gmail.com

Thomas and Joel hold down the fort as a duo this week and, as usual, no one is surprised it is shaking out to be our longest episode to date. The theme of this week is "double" as our two favourite gay Bachelor fans break down TWO hard hitting weeks in the Bach Universe: Hometowns and Women Tell All. Hometowns are seemingly uneventful as Thomas and Joel focus more on which of our four finalists has the hottest brother. Spoiler alert, it's not Gabi. Most of the families hit it out of the park and Ariel continuously proves to be a literal icon. IN AN ABSOLUTE SHOCKER and quite frankly, the most shocking rose ceremony yet, we get an absolute CURVE ball. Turns out everything happens for a reason and we have a new Bachelorette to congratulate! Tell All goes impressively better than in recent seasons with some actual arguing and unfortunately, ChristinaMandrell fails to grab the camera as much as she would like. We can all revel in Bird Bones looking the best she's ever looked, and commend Corpse Bride on her resurrection. It's a fun one this week but who's surprised? -- Hit us up! @wehatethebachelor on Instagram wehatethebachelor@gmail.com

The herd continues to thin! We arrive in yet ANOTHER romantic European city this week! The epitome of romance some might say (Zach). Where's Greer you may ask? Well she was left in Estonia to fend for her own life it would seem. Kaity is the first to get the SECOND 1-on-1 and the loudest groan can be heard across the world. These two plain cheeseburgers are so in love it's gross. Just end it for all of us at this point. We hear about how silly and goofy Zach is but still have yet to experience this ourselves. The women really start to hit their collective strides with the fashion. We're almost done the season and NOW the women can dress themselves. Except Gabi. She had one shining moment and it's back to Vermont chic. The girls get read to filth on the group date by a "mentalist" who magically can tell these women crave safety and comfort. Gabi, you're not original I'm sorry to tell you. We say a tearful goodbye to our Rodeo Clown icon, Brooklyn after Zach gives the infamous close lipped concerned smile. After also blindsiding Corpse Bride, we're down to our final four women. It's hometowns AND Women Tell All next week, so we shall(cross) see whose dad botches this for them! -- Hit us up! @wehatethebachelor on Instagram wehatethebachelor@gmail.com

Then lace that bitch up! Your Emmy award winning delusional trio is back with another week of questioning Zach's perspective of romance. We're in Estonia this week! Anyone else feel like they're in Frozen? Just Brooklyn? Alright. Charity get's a redeeming 1 on 1 which we are VERY pleased about, and to no one's surprise, she SLAYS the looks. Twirl your bangs, girl! Corpse Bride emerges as the new villain and Brooklyn is here to cut a bitch DOWN! We love to see it. The group date goes witchy and poor Bird Bones' candle flame blows right out. The girls and all of us are devastated. During the after party, poor little fragile BB hopes the room is warm enough for her to cry yet again and this time.. send herself home. We HATE to see it. Zach confidently advertises that his wife is in this room! Where's Greer you may ask? Great question! No one knows and seemingly, Zach didn't know she was still here! Joel's fave Ariel get's the second 1 on 1 and delivers at all times. Listen in to find out how devastated Thomas, Jess, and Joel were to hear Ariel's deeply vulnerable trauma history. The herd thins more and more every week and we are prepping for Hometowns and (according to a preview) a SEXLESS?! fantasy suite week. Kill us. -- Hit us up on social! Instagram - @WeHateTheBachelor Email - WeHateTheBachelor@gmail.com

Pip pip, cheerio, and all that, we're in London! According to Zach, the most romantic city in the world! Who could say no to dirty streets, too many lads, and bad teeth? We travel from a literal PARADISE to a grey hell hole this week and it just doesn't get any better throughout the week. Gabi gets the princess/spoil date and Greer couldn't be more upset because that's her love language. Her love language is being a spoiled brat. Dresses, JIMY CHOO SHOES, jewelry, Gabi is for sure "not" bragging to the other girls with her unboxing. The group date gets derailed when Zach tests positive for Covid and the girls take it weirdly personal.. and act like he stood them up. Do they know we're in a pandemic? This week marks HISTORY in the Bachelor zeitgeist when we have not only a virtual cocktail party, but a VIRTUAL ROSE CEREMONY. The girls have to pick up their own roses. We. Are. Screaming -- Hit us up on social! Instagram - @WeHateTheBachelor Twitter - @WeHateTheBach Email - WeHateTheBachelor@gmail.com

It's just the Delusional Duo this week! Joel is on a little fun trip, so it's just two faves. This week, we head to the Bahamas to.. evidently showcase Zach's perspiration issues. HOWEVER, we are here for fun bathing suits. We've got 1 on 1's, we've got unnecessary tears, we've got threats of fist fighting? We actually don't, but apparently SOMEONE (Anastasia) likes to misconstrue our favourite one liner of all time: "Can I steal you for a sec?" This week's blessed two are the newly named Corpse Bride and our favourite Rodeo Clown, Brooklyn. Greer, Anastasia, and countless others are having mathematical disconnects as we forget there are 15 women and only two 1 on 1's a week. Wishing them all the best. Tune in to hear our two main characters analyze Zach's manscaping routine and so much more. -- Hit us up on social! Instagram - @WeHateTheBachelor Twitter - @WeHateTheBach Email - WeHateTheBachelor@gmail.com

Chyrons make the world go 'round. This week, our trio begins to really lean into the return to format for Zach's season. This is our first episode with two 1 on 1's and we see the comeback of the.. beloved(?) Bachelor Bowl. The girls go head to head to fight for the cocktail party and our girl Anastasia plays the game right with an immediate "injury." We begin to thin the herd as girls begin to send themselves home or get kicked to the curb by a surprisingly articulate and confident Zach. He is NOT playing around and will send anyone home at the hint of drama or an inkling of sparks dimming. RIP Morning Bailynn. ChristinaMandrell gets what's coming to her as the girls let her know what's up, ie: shut the f*ck up and stop making every moment about yourself. Kaity and Aly rejoice in their 1 on 1 time with Zach and, surprising all of us, edge their way to frontrunner status. Thomas, Jess, and Joel have had their top spots shaken right up! Which beige queen will edge out the rest? Will Bird Bones' shoulders continue to hold the weight of her fake dress chains? Will Gabi pee herself again? We're tuned in to find out. -- Hit us up on social! Instagram - @WeHateTheBachelor Twitter - @WeHateTheBach Email - WeHateTheBachelor@gmail.com

Any bad bitches in the house? Anyone? This week, the producers are generously giving EVERY girl a date with Zach whether that be 1 on 1 or group. What did this crop of girls do to deserve such generosity? Is it the 3" barrel curls? The lack of hip movement? The "bad bitch energy"? Latto shows up to coach the girls on confidence and self worth, and we see the return of some of Bach's baddest bitches in the GAME: Victoria F, Tahzjuan, and Courtney. Who's badder than a soft voiced whiner in a denim dress? Absolutely nobody. ChristinaMandrell (Yes her name is all one word) get's the first 1 on 1 and literally couldn't be more excited we think she actually jumped inside of Zach's skin. That is quickly derailed by an immediate first date family intro and nothing has ever scared us more in our lives. A family meeting? In a crocheted halter top? As usual, your fave pod trio spend this week questioning fashion choices, turning on Brianna, and maybe.. JUST maybe, becoming endeared to Zach? Can you believe? -- Hit us up on social! Instagram - @WeHateTheBachelor Twitter - @WeHateTheBach Email - WeHateTheBachelor@gmail.com

Listen. What better way to express how we feel about Zach than to be 5 days late to upload? We will not apologize (It is Thomas' fault but don't tell him we know). Your fave trio is back with a new season and we are ready to hate Zach this entire time. We will not apologize for this either. We are called "We Hate The Bachelor" after all! Zach meets 30 gals and the beige-off ensues. How many girls can genuinely find him attractive? How many girls were TRULY excited he was The Bachelor? How many girls can wear the same sparkly dress? You just have to watch and listen to find out. Strap in for the moderately bumpy ride that is Zach Shallcross' Bachelor experience. -- Hit us up on social! Instagram - @WeHateTheBachelor Twitter - @WeHateTheBach Email - WeHateTheBachelor@gmail.com

We made it, kids! After 16 LOOOOONG episodes, we are flying out of paradise. Bittersweet is the vibe of the week. Our trio is reunited as Thomas returns from his trip just in time to celebrate the expected engagement between Brandon and Serene, but all three nervously giggle at the other "strongest couple" Victoria and Johnny.. Who would have thought? Truly none of us. In a Bachelor first, we get an "after the final rose" style reunion where 90% of the beachgoers were seemingly there for.. background fill? It's truly impressive how little the majority of them speak. They do look STUNNING, though so we will take any wins we can get here. Logan proves himself to be the jumpscare of the century, but one of our hosts defies all odds to express their support for his character. SHOCKING, really. However, it must truly be Opposite Day because in the same breath as Logan's redemption, we get Kate's further descent into stupidity-fueled villainy - Thomas couldn't be more devastated. Tune in to get our lovely hosts' perspectives on the final hours in Paradise and who is more generic - Johnny or Greg Grippo. Victoria, can you weigh in? We will see you January 23 for Zach's season! Ciao Hit us up on social! Instagram - @WeHateTheBachelor Twitter - @WeHateTheBach Email - WeHateTheBachelor@gmail.com

We're nearing the finish line!!! This week, Jess and Joel take the helm while Thomas attends a business trip in Palm Springs. Did he go to Stagecoach? Only time will tell. Eliza's whirlwind "international" trip to Baltimore backfires when Justin ultimately chooses himself as a real King should, and Eliza learns to trust her gut instead of her Lord of The Flies beach mates' choices for HER life! Sorry babes. Victoria names the new potential love triangles forming "Battle of the Cougars" and honestly? We're here for it. Kate shreds Logan to pieces but seemingly has never once criticized him!! You sure, Kate? Genevieve and Aaron enter yet another rough and tumble period where G shows her true colours as usual, and we're all praying Aaron breaks from her spell. Becca and her dirty feet show up to welcome them to yet another 80's prom theme.. seemingly white straight people can't come up with another theme for a party so here we are again... We near the end of paradise! Who will get engaged? Who will leave paradise forever (we hope)? We will find out VERY soon and our wonderful host trio couldn't be more excited. Hit us up on social! Instagram - @WeHateTheBachelor Twitter - @WeHateTheBach Email - WeHateTheBachelor@gmail.com

Only one episode this week and our lovely trio still find a way to talk over each other for an hour straight. Impressive, really. This week, Kate main characters herself in and out of a potential love triangle, and Thomas and Jess are living for every sound byte she is providing. Eliza makes the worst decision in Paradise history, but in a tear-soaked turn of events, dumps her choice AND flies to Baltimore to make amends. Rodney is weirdly and cultish-ly supported by the entire beach in a group Midsommar therapy moment, and none of our lovely hosts understand it. We're sluggishly approaching the end of Paradise and our wonderful girl and gays can't wait to find out who has the audacity to propose. Paradise is soon becoming a nightmare. Hit us up on social! Instagram - @WeHateTheBachelor Twitter - @WeHateTheBach Email - WeHateTheBachelor@gmail.com

Are we done yet? We're not? There are still 4 episodes to go? Someone call 911. This week, relationships are tested and our three lovely hosts try and figure out what a relationship is and what a test is. In the Paradise setting. One of Bachelorette's worst men arrives on the scene to "shake things up" and it's quite possibly the most self-sabotaging experience we have ever seen on television. #JusticeForRambo It's a week(s) full of love triangles, crying, bonfires, great teeth, and STILL no distinct rose ceremony information. Are these people here forever? When will straight men get a personality that's more than just their dog? We may never know.. Hit us up on social! Instagram - @WeHateTheBachelor Twitter - @WeHateTheBach Email - WeHateTheBachelor@gmail.com

It's Geometry Beach, baby! This week the girls return to the beach and we mournfully say our goodbyes to the Vidanta. Some reunions lead to stronger connections and tearful reconciliations, while others result in the Shanaedo tearing through Paradise. Thomas gives JillChin the farewell she deserves with no support from Jess and Joel, but all ends well when Tyler arrives on the beach to bring the trio together. Brittany continues to prove she is the most mature and well spoken one on this entire show when she talks to Andrew. BiP season 8 makes history as the first season to disadvantage the male contestants. Justice for Olu and Rick. -- Hit us up on social! Instagram - @WeHateTheBachelor Twitter - @WeHateTheBach Email - WeHateTheBachelor@gmail.com

***Edit** - Re-Uploaded with the right week! The Bachelor Historian is back! This week Jess and Thomas welcome the long awaited return of Joel, the self proclaimed "bringer of positivity" to the Pod! Finally we get a week where multiple things actually happen to talk about, so much so this has got to be the longest episode so far! Sorry about that... Michael gets way too much screen time and in the process, knocks himself down off of Jess and Thomas' pedestal of Bach contestant perfection as he awkwardly tries to make it work with Danielle. J*sse P*lmer separates the couples and brings in a whole new pack of new and returning paradise contestants including Tyler and Thomas has a full meltdown on the mic. JillChin has a full meltdown and influences the entire group of OG girls to have severe mental breakdowns over relationships that have lasted.. *checks watch* approximately 12 minutes. There's so much to discuss this week, and the trio covers it all! Hit us up on social! Instagram - @WeHateTheBachelor Twitter - @WeHateTheBach Email - WeHateTheBachelor@gmail.com

Can you believe we live in a world where Kira thinks Jacob feels like home? What a CROCK! Week two without Joel, and Jess and Thomas are honestly doing so well. This week, Genevieve embarrasses herself by ditching Paradise's best man and honestly? We support a single and mingle ready Justin. The Pizza King arrives on the beach looking for his Pizza Queen and Brittany proves to be a Queen of something, but it ain't pizza, it's SWERVE, baby! Jess and Thomas spend a lot of time outlining the equality of insults in both women AND men's appearances, as well as the equality in everyone's completely unhinged behaviour. Oh yeah and the infamous Salley shows up for.. approximately 14 seconds? ALSO ASHLEY AND JARED ARE STILL THERE AND WE DON'T GET IT. GO HOME. Hit us up on social! Instagram - @WeHateTheBachelor Twitter - @WeHateTheBach Email - WeHateTheBachelor@gmail.com

What a week. Late uploads, too many hours of Paradise in one sitting, and Canadian Thanksgiving can try to bring us down!! But they won't!! This week, Jess and Thomas helm the mic with Joel on vacation, and boy oh boy is he missing out. Jacob becomes a makeout slut, Romeo experiences consequences for his actions, and Jess and Thomas' boyfriends come down the stairs together, are we surprised? Genevieve and Shanae talk without getting in a fist fight which shocks all of us more than anything and we say goodbye to.. the boring ones. It's only up from here! Hit us up on social! Instagram - @WeHateTheBachelor Twitter - @WeHateTheBach Email - WeHateTheBachelor@gmail.com

WE ARE BACK BABY! The beach has been calling our names and boy oh boy did we answer the call. What a crop of HOTTIES. For the first time in Paradise history, the men out hot the women. Can you believe? With Michael A and Andrew S there... we definitely can. ANOTHER Paradise first.. Thomas doesn't like a bitchy unlikeable character. Is he feeling okay? We can only hope. Jess and Joel GUSH over Lace's return and the three of them are so parched for Michael A that someone should call the police. Get ready for a fun season of drunk love triangles, IBS, and crying straight men. Hit us up on social! Instagram - @WeHateTheBachelor Twitter - @WeHateTheBach Email - WeHateTheBachelor@gmail.com

Well... we made it. It's over. Jess, Joel, and Thomas reflect on an exhausting season of crying, laughter, crying, one-shoulder dresses, fake hair, and crying. Rachel DEFINITELY got what she wanted.. no matter the cost. Was it worth it? The level of DESTRUCTION she drops on Tino blows us all away, and Gabby get's her big handed man. Yet again, an hour episode seems daunting at first until these three open their big mouths. Are any of us surprised at this point? Tune into this season's finale episode full of insults, inappropriate Thomas comments, Joel's historically accurate play-by-plays, and Jess' disappointment in ABC's treatment of women. Stick around to the end for a lightning round of first impressions for PARADISE!! Next week!! See you then!! Hit us up on social! Instagram - @WeHateTheBachelor Twitter - @WeHateTheBach Email - WeHateTheBachelor@gmail.com

Miss us last week? Just a HINT of research would have shown that there are still WEEKS to come for what feels like the longest season in Bachelor history to be OVER. With that said, Bienvenidos!! We arrive in Mexico, presumably STEPS from Sayulita's BiP resort and we couldn't be sweatier. This week, Rachel and Gabby finally "get it in" and strengthen those connections in prep for a proposal! Erich shows us that even unbearably hot people have insecurities and Thomas couldn't feel more validated. Johnny calls Gabby "The dopest girl I've ever hung with" and Jess reads Jason so deeply it sends Thomas and Joel into an absolute hysterical spiral. Also, Rachel is there and gets minimal screen time no matter how dazzling her pink boat fit is. These editors heavily favour Gabby and Thomas couldn't relate harder. Who gets d*cked down the most? Who cries the most? Spoiler alert, it's not who you think! Hit us up on social! Instagram - @WeHateTheBachelor Twitter - @WeHateTheBach Email - WeHateTheBachelor@gmail.com