Podcasts about intimate interactions

Alex Owens and I talk about psychedelics this episode. Content warning: neither of us are experts. This is not medical advice. Please do your own research. Alex shares a story of ego death while on mushrooms and acid. We talk about why Alex started into psychedelics and why Alex stopped. I discuss my experiences with mushrooms while on escitalopram, an SSRI. Please note some of the risks we've taken like mixing psychedelics with possible bipolar disorder or mixing psychedelics with antidepressants may be relatively high risk behaviours. We don't advise you doing as we've done. We're just here to talk about our experiences. Here's a love letter about taking care of yourself because you're special. Yes, you. Let's talk about risk profiles. We all want to get our needs met. Maybe that's falling in love or fucking or holding someone's hand and sharing a shy, flirty glance. Often getting our needs met comes with some amount of risk. Take falling in love with someone. There's big risk. Rejection or maybe acceptance first followed by rejection. A great poet once described this experience as a “sick obsession” where she got “strung out.” What seems like a very high cost for a fleeting high may be outside of your risk profile. But biomedical ethics tells us we can't make decisions for other people or presume to understand their human experience. So when this poet says “the rush is worth the price I pay,” we have to believe her. For those of you who got the trolly, dated reference, I'm truly sorry. So only you can decide what your profile is of risks you're willing to take for the experiences you crave. And remember that there are often lots of things you can do to get the same high at a much lower risk price, so no need to be reckless. There are safer behaviours. Be with people who help you feel safe. Be in an environment that is safe. Google and research. Find community. Remember there's almost always another chance to get higher later where you can up your dose. No need to worry it's not working after fifty minutes and take more. Give it hours. Also please note that the ego death experience Alex talks about on mushrooms actually involved a tab of acid alongside the mushrooms. Worst case, you don't feel anything and try again after. Chances are you will feel something. You are precious. Be well, friends. Now let's listen to the session with Alex Owens here on Intimate Interactions. --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/intimate-interactions/message

Reinventing oneself is no simple process. Ragehell has done it a few times. Today we chat about self deprecation and self sabotage but also self reassurance, cuddling, group massage, and the supports that often help with reinvention. Ragehell also was highly motivated to reinvent herself each time, and finding a deep sense of why you're doing it can help a lot. While there are episodes coming up about psychedelics and the use of them to encourage reinvention, I wanted to record some drug free episodes to talk about doing it manually, a very possible and in my experience very rewarding way to go about it. Let's let Ragehell tell us herself here on Intimate Interactions. --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/intimate-interactions/message

Rage Hell is here to talk to us about facing fears, living your life, practicing comfort with discomfort, embracing awkwardness, supporting each other, and playing roller derby. Lots about roller derby. I've been peripherally familiar with roller derby as I have a friend on a national team, but do my best to let Ragehell tell the story here on Intimate Interactions. --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/intimate-interactions/message

What does health and wellness look like if you're trying to just get your body moving again after a long period of being sedentary? Many of us post COVID-19 vaccination are grappling with the cost of life-saving inactivity? Well, we're fortunate to have Lisa Tamati back, our Maori ultramarathoner extraordinaire. You don't have to run the equivalent of the circumference of the Earth more than once through over 140 ultramarathons like she has to understand that human fight between wanting to give up and practicing a small victory of resilience. Today Lisa discusses protecting your mindset while recounting a mountain pass marathon that awed me. If you haven't checked out her book Relentless yet, you can find it on her website at lisatamati.com. She also has a great podcast out, Pushing The Limits, where you can listen to experts discuss tips and strategies from elite performers to you. Remember to resource yourself for this conversation. Pandemics, depression, and sedentary lifestyles are intermingled for a lot of us right now. It may seem insurmountable to start back into caring for your body, but I promise you it's very possible. Little victories, friends. I feel like a long time ago, Lisa made the world decide to either get on board with her vision of herself or to get out of her way; but that kind of victory doesn't happen overnight. I encourage you to frame it more as “if Lisa can make it through that mountain pass, I can get 5000 steps today,” even if it feels impossible. No matter how you use the content, I'm proud to present Lisa Tamati, here on Intimate Interactions. --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/intimate-interactions/message

Lisa Tamati, our Maori ultramarathoner friend who has competed in somewhere around 140 marathons, is back to chat with us about doing the impossible. A mistress of mindset, Lisa chats with us about belief - belief ourselves, but also in people who believe in us. With the feats of stamina and endurance she's achieved in her life, I can think of few better qualified to speak on the topic. Also plenty of companies and elite athletes pay her for coaching so she probably knows what she's talking about. Lisa's book Relentless goes into more detail if one session leaves you wanting more. You can pick it up on her website at lisatamati.com. You can also get her podcast for free, Pushing The Limits, everywhere podcasts are found. Have a listen! She's quite good! Wait - let me channel my inner LeVar Burton: but don't take my word for it - decide for yourself here on Intimate Interactions. Pushing The Limits (Podcast) https://lisatamati.com (“Relentless” book) --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/intimate-interactions/message

Lisa Tamati is many things. She's Maori [m-ow-ree] from Aotearoa [ow-tay-uh-row-uh], or as settlers call it, New Zealand. The Maori use the word iwi for band or tribe, meaning bone. It signifies a lineage and ancestral connection, but that metaphor communicates strength and resilience to me across language barriers, and I still see that strength and resilience today in communities continuing to survive colonialism and find ways to thrive. Lisa is from both the Te Ati Awa iwi and from the Ngati Rau^ka^wa iwi. For settlers, one might just say “around Wellington” but it doesn't mean the same thing. She's also the first woman from New Zealand to do a lot of things. If I described them all, the podcast would be over before the intro had finished. Instead, I'll just say she's an incredible writer and ultramarathoner who brought her mom, who she describes as the very best mum, back from the verge of death with an intense amount of grit and some help from hyperbaric oxygen therapy, a recognized medical treatment for some forms of brain injury. If you want more about that after the podcast, you can always pick up her book, Relentless, in which she imparts her mindset as an extreme endurance athlete and the wisdom such a life can bring. Go to lisatamati.com and find it there. You can also check out her podcast, Pushing The Limits, where she documents running techniques and interviews experts on elite athletic strategies. She also does coaching and corporate speaking arrangements on her website. But without further ado, let's go to our first session with Lisa Tamati, here on Intimate Interactions. Pushing The Limits (Podcast) https://lisatamati.com (“Relentless” book) --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/intimate-interactions/message

Post pandemic hope, threesomes, hot tubs, sex parties, touch starvation, and lots more get covered today with my friend Robin Beatch. She mentions Black Noir, a history of Black folx in movies and films. She also hosts Sex with Robin on BFM 109.6 every monday at 10AM PST. If you would like, check her out at sexwithrobin.com. One last thing she mentions is the similarities she experienced between pregnancy and BDSM. Whoa - she's the one making the comparison. Don't at me! Actually, at me. Intimate Interactions social media is lonely right now. I think I need to create a community facebook group rather than a Facebook page. Look at me, being all old and unable to use social media well. Okay, I'm creating a Facebook group. We have a discord server. Go at each other. --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/intimate-interactions/message

Consent is so relative to the culture in which you're interacting. I almost perceive it as the most important kind of etiquette a culture practices; however how a culture practices consent can look wildly different one to the next. In my opinion, there's no long linear string of evolution of concepts from touching and grunting through to highly intellectual discussion and negotiation. Instead there are clouds or pillars of vetting consent. Just because some of that vetting or certainty or support for consent is missing doesn't mean you don't have consent; however, Western society has such litigious and indemnity focused ideas that when non consent has happened, we are often asked what we did to prevent the outcome or mitigate damage if it arose. So we have yes means yes consent and also no means no consent, two separate philosophies that can exist independent of each other or superimposed. More interestingly, those philosophies really struggle to spread when people have direct proof they aren't always right. If at a frat party, two people have sex with each other and walk away after sobering up with a handshake or possibly an “oh - you're still here?” kind of question, many might look down on those consent practices feeling consent while drunk isn't consent or sex without negotiation isn't informed, et cetera, et cetera. Now I can't know the inner experience of those two people. It's not for me to try to convince someone else they've been assaulted. Trying to change someone's inner experience verges on gaslighting territory in my opinion. So ultimately I have to take it on faith that when someone describes their inner state, they're either being truthful or they don't want to engage in discussion about it. So if they want to talk, I have to trust they're giving me reasonably honest accounts of their feelings. So if someone says they consented, it's not for me to correct them. We can say certain practices more often produce subjective experiences of nonconsent. Absolutely we can. However if we want to communicate better consent practices to help people avoid unintentionally giving others subjective experiences of nonconsent - even if they can indemnify themselves against punitive or legal consequences somehow, we need to stop talking in absolutes. In my opinion, we need to start more honestly giving people the nuance they need to navigate this stuff. Sure, we need to communicate to our audiences on the level they're at - sure. However we want to believe university students learning physics, math, computer science, literature - that these fine minds of tomorrow can't understand subjective experiences and better consent practices? The biggest objection I run into with educating university students is an attention span argument: you have got to distill what you're saying so a drunken frat boy will remember it at a party a week from tonight. Credit to Reid Mihalko for that excellent litmus test. I think a nuanced framework is necessary. I suggest something like my VOICES Consent Framework which you can find at intimate victor dot com forward slash consent. I love teaching it. I also encourage you to teach it. Reach out to me for permission. If you aren't charging for the education, I'm not charging you to teach it. Get in touch if you want to collaborate on teaching better consent. And now, let's hear Court Vox share his advice on getting consent on hook-up apps here on Intimate Interactions. --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/intimate-interactions/message

Do you feel a sense of comfort and security when you think of your heritage? Do you feel a sense of connection with a long line of ancestors? Are you sad about traumatized family members you never even got to know? Are you grateful to enormous and traumatic sacrifices your parents or ancestors made? Connection is one of those funny things: essential to humans, but some start out with traditions of connection be that culture, location, or some other form of identity. Being third culture means your experience is radically different in culture - I'm talking heritage, race, language, or ethnicity-based culture here - radically different such that in many ways your parents don't really understand why you're not the child they thought you were, and society doesn't quite understand why you can't just be more like them. According to InterNation, quote ”A third culture kid (TCK) is a child who has spent a considerable part of life or years of development outside their parents' culture,” but that doesn't do it justice. Have your parents ever come right out and questioned your ethnic identity? Or maybe asserted you aren't authentically yourself? Since I'm mixed, I'm not even of the same heritage as my parents exactly. I'm not entirely of my father's British heritage, nor of my mother's Tamil heritage. I've definitely heard on multiple occasions from my mother about how I'm not an Indian son. Being mixed is a very complicated experience but you don't have to be mixed to be third culture. Ash for example isn't mixed. He's Tamil through and through and yet raised in Canada. But what does that mean for your relationship with your parents, with your friends, with your culture? Country? Home? Let's find out together with Ash here on Intimate Interactions. --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/intimate-interactions/message

Decolonizing can mean many things. It rarely if ever gets used to mean making people move but instead about undoing the damage done by colonization also by the ideology of Colonialism. But what does that have to do with fucking? Well, it impacts the way I navigate sex positive spaces as a non white person, and most definitely impacts the way my guest today, Lex Wilson navigates sex positive spaces as a Black, femme, non-binary person. I won't give too many spoilers though. It's best to let Lex explain it in their own words. As a content warning, I do talk over Lex to add context for the audience at one point and while Lex is very kind and compassionate and doesn't even mention it, I do come back to it towards the end of the session to point it out and make an apology (although it starts with an explanation which isn't ideal for any apology). On the plus side, I'm noticing this stuff and getting progressively better at offering apologies and owning stuff I screw up. I'm also getting progressively better - I think - at not speaking over AFAB folks. This stuff is hard to unlearn but it's very necessary work. And with that out of the way, let's hear what Lex has to say here on Intimate Interactions. --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/intimate-interactions/message

Welcome to the two and a half year celebration of Intimate Interactions. We've been around almost three years now! Wow! I couldn't have imagined this. Thank you for all your support on Patreon! We often think about friends and family during the cold and dark winter months, focusing on what we can control over what we can't. We organize celebrations that hold rituals of significance for us. However this year instead of a history lesson on Winter Solstice, Yuletide, Christmas, Kwanza, or Chanukah, I decided to simply ask: how do dolphins mark important occasions? What does an orca celebration look like? Now, my laptop started bluescreen looping and needed to be recycled so I bought a refurbished laptop which is currently stuck in a boot loop so I'm recording without my usual microphone. Thanks for your patience! Also, deepest apologies for being late on this one. I had intended to release it Christmas morning but got a severe and debilitating migraine that lasted a day and a half, so instead, I'm releasing it now ^.^ Enough of that though - let's talk about Billie, our resident cetacean expert. She talks to us today about super pods, orca penis displays, and family reunions - and disturbingly, all three can happen at the same time - but I'll let Billie fill us in on that one. --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/intimate-interactions/message

Billie, a lifetime EDS (Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome) veteran with ten years of actively seeking help in the healthcare system, guides us through some basics of surviving severe sickness and loss of ability be it temporary or permanently. Content warning: this content might be hard for some folks, so please give yourself permission to turn it off or take some space from it for a while. We talk about losing the embarrassment around disability and using grieving as an opportunity to move through loss and grief towards exploration of new and interesting parts of the human condition. My personal feeling is that in some ways we’re explorers getting to navigate uncommonly traversed parts of the human condition. That’s easy for me to say right now when I’m not on the floor of my bedroom crawling towards the toilet with 9 out of 10 pain. It certainly has adjusted who I am and how I relate to my body. It has certainly changed how I process messages from my body. It’s like - when your body texts in all caps, you just get used to it after a while. It’s not that it’s any easier, but you get stronger at breathing and surviving, and in that experience comes a relief of the fear that comes when you’re not sure if you can make it or not. This session is split into two parts: this episode, and the next one on grief, loss, and having funerals for our abilities. Content warning: this might get graphic. For now, let’s start the conversation about positives, coping, and managing chronic illness here with Billie on Intimate Interactions.

We form opinions of people piece by piece. First, Robin was a stripper. She took off her clothes as a house girl, but it was offering lap dances to men in the clubs where she earned most of her money. She needed that money to get through nursing school where she went on to become a psychiatric nurse. She also made money pro domming men. Is any one of those professions more a sale of her body than the others? Is any one asking her to do more emotional labour than the others? Why do we attach judgement to some professions and not others? But I’m getting ahead of myself as usual - let’s let Robin tell the story. And if you like it, feel free to buy her book on https://robinsnestcoaching.com or at https://alternativesexuality.ca/shop.html. But for now, let’s get some intimate stories for free from Robin herself on Intimate Interactions.

Gloria’s back to finish talking about anti-blackness and racism like the way the police raise guns towards children more often when they’re Black in the US. Gloria and I talk about hard shit today. As a content warning - though let’s be honest, my introductions have turned into giant content warnings - near the end, we talk about Gloria’s breast cancer diagnosis - don’t worry, she’s in remission - and how it led to a renewed lease on life, too short to be ashamed of being who she is. Autism, non-monogamy, Blackness, femmeness, and aging - these are things to be celebrated and embraced. But I’ll let you hear about it from Gloria, here on Intimate Interactions.

How is ADHD a positive? Provided you have strategies and can compensate for thinking differently than others expect, ADHD can actually be quite a positive. Today I talk with Yana Skorstengaard, a graduate student with ADHD, about how she and I have worked with our brains to become academically accomplished. For me, that was achieving two full time science semesters on the Dean’s List (more than an A average); while Yana is taking a graduate degree in a subject she passionately cares about. While academic success isn’t really a measure of life success, achieving one’s goals when one is constantly told they get distracted and won’t achieve or can’t amount to anything, it’s refreshing to have another perspective to remind folks that ADHD can be an advantage and can give you the ability to deep dive and hyperfocus and achieve where more normative thinkers who don’t have ADHD would not be able to maintain the attention as long as an ADHD thinker could. But I’ll let Yana tell you more about that here on Intimate Interactions.

Billie, an EDS (Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome) veteran of ten years with other conditions like POTS (Postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome) talks about her chronic illnesses and the challenges she’s had having her pain or condition taken seriously. Content warning: this might get graphic. Billie brings a refreshing and positive perspective around not diminishing your experience or comparing yourself to people harder hit by life or circumstance. I’m excited to share that perspective with you here on Intimate Interactions. What are some examples of chronic illness making it hard to access healthcare? What strategies have you used to work with doctors or be more successful? What are some hidden services you didn’t know Canada offered free?

Jet Noir is back to talk about racial fetishization. We talk about dating, conventions, and other stuff in how it relates to race. As a former fitness coach, Jet has some experience as, what he calls, a body image coach. We talk a bit about tea to ease into the conversation as well as how we met before diving into the topic. I mention “Love is Not Colorblind,” a book written by Kevin Patterson about non-monogamy as experienced by a person of colour. That book is useful in my opinion for any folks wanting to see more representation by people of colour in their currently mostly white space. Let’s hear from Jet himself on Intimate Interactions. https://linktr.ee/JetNoir https://www.kcnerdfest.com/

Today we talk about scripts around what words like community mean. We talk about housing and how we’ve been taught to “live together” either in couples or with roommates. How does that look for folks off script like triads? We’ll talk about relationship orientation, the traditional white-picket fence Canadian dream, gender and its impact on scripts, queerness and its impact on scripts, and we’ll even chat a bit about environmental sustainability. Really, we aren’t having happy, loving relationships with more than two people for the sake of the planet, but hey - it’s a legit benefit! Now let’s chat about triads here on Intimate Interactions. Do you identify as non monogamous? Can you explain what a triad is? Did you practice polyfidelity, a sort of closed triad or did you practice non exclusivity and more of an open triad? How did your triad decide to practice that and what sorts of conversations were had around that? Did anyone ever object to that style of triad? What are the pros of being in a triad for you? What are the cons of being in a triad for you? Do you think you’d try another triad if you had the opportunity in future and why?

Long distance relationships like any kind of relationship are diverse, varied, and complicated. Jazz Goldman discusses the benefits, challenges, and milestones of long distance relationships while reflecting on our comet partnership, one flavour of long distance relationship. We have had some struggles that felt intense to me and some successes that felt like big wins. Your mileage may vary, but we can only speak from our experiences. Here’s Jazz and myself talking about our comet partnership on Intimate Interactions. 1. What are comet partners? 2. How do you distinguish between comet partners and other non monogamous long distance relationships? 3. What regular maintenance do you think is helpful for you in long distance relationships? 4. Are holidays significant for you in long distance relationships? 5. What feeds you about long distance relationships? 6. What are some milestones of long distance relationships?

There are places in the world right now where you can’t even say the words coronavirus. This episode I catch up with my friend Morgan while we’re both doing self isolation as directed by government policy. While we don’t live in a place that enforces lockdown, we’re both responsible enough to know if the government says it’s dangerous for us to be out and about, we’ll do our very best to self isolate for the full 14 days. We’re also fortunate that we both have roommates who are understanding. Mine helped me out with some shopping! Part of being low FODMAP for me is the tremendous difficulty of finding food that won’t make me sick though usually plain meat is okay. I had just recently bought a chest freezer from Craigslist and after a particularly good sale on eye-of-round beef at a local grocery store, I had more than 28 days of protein making meals significantly easier for me though they were plain and similar. Most recommendations: pasta, tomato sauce - had to be very specific forms. Rice pasta makes me sick, and any garlic in anything makes me sick so most prepared pasta sauces are out. Wheat makes me sick so most cereals are out. Corn I can have in limited quantity so some cereals are tolerable in small amounts. Yeah. So basically I ate eggs for breakfast every morning, small amounts of cereal or oatmeal in the afternoon, and beef for dinner for fourteen straight days. Remember, barbecue sauce and ketchup are out of the picture because I can’t eat much fructose without getting sick. Plain beef. Spelt pasta with olive oil and white vinegar was an option though. Right - back to Morgan the extrovert who’s one day ahead of me in isolation. Actually I’ll just let Morgan tell you about their situation here on Intimate Interactions.

We talk briefly about consent and art. In and among these conversations, we somehow get on the topic of consent in bestiality - consider this your content warning that that’s in here. We also talk very briefly about a warehouse fire in California where some people died. So content warning for that. And with those in mind, let’s go to the session with Sophia here on Intimate Interactions. We talk briefly about consent and art. In and among these conversations, we somehow get on the topic of consent in bestiality - consider this your content warning that that’s in here. We also talk very briefly about a warehouse fire in California where some people died. So content warning for that. And with those in mind, let’s go to the session with Sophia here on Intimate Interactions. How much do you think about challenging social norms in your selection process at SEAF and at the PEF gallery for the art you choose? Do you find the selection process for SEAF challenges your opinions more or that your opinions challenge the pieces more? What was your last experience with art that felt dangerous or that challenged you? How does consent work with art that squicks you out, and how do you manage art in a public space that might provoke negative emotions or responses?

Wicked is back to talk about sexual scripting, relationship anarchy, butt sex, and friends with benefits. We talk about people not being need fulfillment machines, how damaging scripting can be, and how liberating writing our own scripts is. Wicked helps us dispel myths that relationship anarchists are always non monogamous - she’s a perfect example of a mongamous or more recently monogamish relationship anarchist. Let’s hear it straight from the Wicked’s mouth on Intimate Interactions.

Sophia Sky invites me to her bedroom to podcast about the subjectivity and intimacy of art. How does are create intimacy between the art subject and the viewer or for that matter between viewers? We’ll try not to be too all over the place but… no promises. We also talk about Sophia’s passion for art and sexuality that has in part led her to become the director of pan eros foundation, a non profit organization that focuses on celebrating and cultivating sexuality through education and the arts. Aside from the erotic gallery in the historic pioneer square neighbourhood of Seattle, Pan Eros is also responsible for Consent Academy and Seattle Erotic Arts Festival. Let’s dive into the intimacy of art with Sophia Sky now on Intimate Interactions. When and how did you first take stewardship of Pan Eros foundation? When you think about art, how would you describe the kind of art that gets you most excited- what effect or achievement makes it art for you? What relationship is there between the subject described in erotic art and the viewer? Would you say art is about communication? What is art about for you? As a person who enjoys sexual exhibitionism and often especially enjoys the embarrassment play of showcasing publicly how sexual a private person is, I relate to a facilitator role in helping shame-fetishists get their kink on. What role does the artist have in facilitating a relationship between art subject and viewer? Part of my experience of appreciating art is imagining the experience of creating the art from the perspective of the artist. Do you do that as well? Aside from relationships with artist and art subject, there’s also a place for art community in our relationships to each other as art appreciators. What role does community have in providing room for sharing our experiences with each other as a casual or even intimate exercise?

Happy Two Year Anniversary of Intimate Interactions Podcast! This is the current episode I'm publishing to my patreon feed that I decided I'd publish to my free feed early! ^.^ Remember all of my content publishes free but as a thank-you to my patreon subscribers, I offer early access to great content. What does it mean when you feel a sense of intimacy that isn’t reciprocal? Today I’d love to focus on an aspect of that question: what is intimacy in podcasting? Do you know me? Do you know things about me? Do you know things about me very few people in my day-to-day life know? I would say the answer to most of those questions is probably: somewhat. Usually knowing those things, experiencing that intimacy - it represents a connection. Usually we could both predict what the other would likely do, feel, and Get ready for some meta content, folks. I am honoured to introduce you to both: one of my favourite short fiction podcasts, and to the esteemed veteran podcasters that in my opinion use their voices to promote talented new authors and build the writing community - all while bringing you great new fiction by donation or if you prefer, for free. S.B. Divya, Mur Lafferty, and Alasdair Stuart. By the way, it’s the two year anniversary of Intimate Interactions - hooray! Who would have thought I’d be interviewing veteran podcasters from a popular podcast on my little show? If you want to show me some love, post something kind on https://www.facebook.com/intimatevictor First, we’ll start with a quick introduction I recorded with SB Divya as one example of the kind of folks who have hosted Escape Pod. I’ll feature Mur’s intro next episode. SB Divya Former engineer specializing in machine learning with an education in computational neuroscience and signal processing Writer https://www.eff-words.com/ Mur Lafferty Many accolades including winning two parsec awards in the same year in 2008, won the 2018 Best Fancast Hugo Award for Ditch Diggers Writer http://murverse.com Alasdair Stuart Co-owns Escape Artist Podcasts Writer https://alasdairstuart.com/ (as seen in the Guardian, Sci Fi Now, How it Works, The Fortean Times, Neo, SFX, Bleeding Cool) Escape Artists (https://escapeartists.net/) Podcastle, The Fantasy Fiction Podcast Pseudopod, The Sound of Horror Escape Pod, The Original Science Fiction Podcast 576 - Karma among the Cloud Kings Cast of Wonders, The Young Adult Speculative Fiction Podcast Support them at https://www.patreon.com/EAPodcasts Session 1 questions I'll be asking will likely be similar to: 1) What's the most intimate part of podcasting for you? 2) What excites you about podcasting? 3) Do you consider what you create art and why (or why not)? 4) How do you decide what to share of yourself or your life in your introductions and analysis of stories? 5) What has your time on Escape Pod taught you about life?

Life Interrupted. I think that’s the title of the chapter of the memoirs I’ll never write about 2019 and 2020. The novel coronavirus has probably produced more global anxiety, depression, stress, and grief than just about any other single event I can think of right now in my lifetime. It has brought so many in the global community together in our isolation from even the closest neighbours. Yana is back to chat about how the pandemic has affected her personally. We talk about emotional intelligence, coping strategies, what advice we’d give ourselves in the past, and my personal views on grief as a response to searching for meaning, value, and celebration of those we love. Get ready to call your loved ones and remind them how special they are; you might find yourself reaching for the phone after this session of Intimate Interactions. Link for petition https://cp-ep.org/protectprisoners/ - Petition/List of Demands Fundraiser to support prisoners and their families in Ontario: https://www.gofundme.com/f/prisoner-emergency-support-fund?utm_source=widget&utm_medium=referral&utm_campaign=p_cp+share-sheet

What cultural change would improve the health and wellness of your society? Today we chat with Yana about cultural ideas such as retributive or punitive justice - Yana is a criminology researcher after all - and discuss social leadership. When I’m gaming and see anti-social or harmful behaviour from a teenager, what responsibility do I have to intervene or improve the culture? We ask important questions like: Is it possible to release only non-violent offenders for a temporary indefinite leave of absence where they are under house arrest with relatives if they have somewhere to go? Should we be releasing our non-violent offenders to save them - and us - from COVID-19? How would such a release reduce COVID-19 in the non-incarcerated population? And how would a release like that affect our way of thinking about imprisonment and punitive justice if letting them live under house arrest doesn’t increase crime? I also incorrectly say that in Manitoba, 98% of girls incarcerated are indigenous. In Saskatchewan, 98% of girls incarcerated are indigenous. In Manitoba it’s 82% of girls and 81% of boys. Keep in mind that the population of Saskatchewan that is indigenous is about 15%. These numbers are less than two years old as I write this and linked in the long episode description. But let’s hear more about society and criminology from the expert herself, here on Intimate Interactions. Indigenous stats https://www.oci-bec.gc.ca/cnt/rpt/annrpt/annrpt20182019-eng.aspx#s5 https://winnipegsun.com/news/provincial/nearly-half-of-youth-incarcerated-are-indigenous-statistics-canada (98% of girls incarcerated in Saskatchewan are indigenous; 92% of boys) Link for petition https://cp-ep.org/protectprisoners/ - Petition/List of Demands Fundraiser to support prisoners and their families in Ontario: https://www.gofundme.com/f/prisoner-emergency-support-fund?utm_source=widget&utm_medium=referral&utm_campaign=p_cp+share-sheet Here’s some numbers of COVID cases in Canadian prisons if people want to take a look at them: https://cp-ep.org/imprisoning-the-pandemic-confirmed-covid-19-cases-in-canadian-prisons/

Trauma is everywhere, even in power exchange. Relationships can be traumatic, and total power exchange is no different. Healing can take years and adversely affect relationships, kink, and sex. When processing trauma, I think it’s important to work through any mistaken beliefs first, and to come to different conclusions about yourself before moving on. I’ve found cognitive behavioural therapy to be helpful in changing those beliefs in myself. I also didn’t find CBT healed much other than offering me some peace from the harm I was continuing to visit upon myself. When processing through the experience again, I was mindful first not to overwhelm my body with trauma, but rather to fill it with only the portion of the trauma I could safely process at once, using breathing and mindfulness to help anchor myself and control the experience. Those are also skills I learned with a counsellor - a somatic therapist this time. Finally, I try to put myself in a place that’s beautiful and can stimulate me in an aesthetic way - somewhere that smells nice, sounds nice, and looks nice. Hopefully somewhere that feels transitionary. I picked the seaside village of Steveston, British Columbia, located on Lulu Island, the main body of the city of Richmond. Jazz Goldman speaks about their journey out of a power exchange that wasn’t meeting their needs, and we talk about the unspoken power dynamics that exist underneath our negotiated ones. The focus was placed on their healing, not on the podcast session, but I’m grateful we captured it for you to experience, here on Intimate Interactions.

Hi Intimates. Today we’re talking with Yana, the criminology researcher, about why it’s important we start looking at issues like homelessness and the conditions in prisons. If we each of us is to be safe in our quarantine from COVID-19, the sooner we reduce the number of new infections, the better. So, let’s talk about why keeping ourselves safe means taking care of social issues we’ve ignored with Yana Skorstengaard on Intimate Interactions. Link for petition https://cp-ep.org/protectprisoners/ - Petition/List of Demands Fundraiser to support prisoners and their families in Ontario: https://www.gofundme.com/f/prisoner-emergency-support-fund?utm_source=widget&utm_medium=referral&utm_campaign=p_cp+share-sheet

Person on the internet: “Wow you’re so mature for your age.” Other person on the internet: “Thanks, it’s the lifetime of depression and self-isolation.” Intimate Interactions is about relationships and intimacy. I can’t think of a more important relationship than the one to yourself. Some educators talk about self relationship from the perspective of being your own partner first and foremost, before you partner with anyone else. I like that view. Speaking as a person who has lived with depression and anxiety his entire life, I have to ask: are you in an abusive relationship with yourself? It’s worth reflecting on your internal conversations. If you have an abusive internal voice, who does that abusive voice remind you of? As a person who has been through years of counselling and has unlearned very harmful beliefs about competence, intelligence, elitism, etcetera, I have to ask: What mistaken beliefs did they teach you if any? Could you come to new conclusions about those things and start to cultivate the self awareness to monitor what you’re saying to yourself, to catch yourself, to confront yourself and change your own mind about those things? Depression to me is often the consequence of a mind divided against itself, and that’s not a long term ideal situation. It’s often unsustainable long term. Today my guest is Dax, a person with a degree in Psychology who is a long time depression sufferer. Fact check and research time. tl:dr, everything we say in the podcast is correct but we lacked the confidence to say so definitively and I’ve done the research and shared the links in the show description to confirm what I found. To restate: a psychotropic drug is one that affects the mind or mental process. A psychedelic drug is one inducing hallucinations like LCD or as I correctly guessed, psilocybin - the compound in magic mushrooms. Thus psilocybin is a psychotropic drug that is psychedelic. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psilocybin https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychoactive_drug Ketamine is a tranquilizer and it is used by veterinarians on horses as well as other animals. An eponym is a thing something else is named after. For example, a dog in India is named Victor after me. I am his eponym. He is my namesake. https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/eponym https://intimatevictor.com/resources (scroll to the bottom for mental health resources including Vancouver specific ones) https://www.cocothelouder.com/coco-resources https://themighty.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/xScreen-Shot-2018-01-25-at-12.59.39-PM.png.pagespeed.ic.2WisoEi_s7.webp https://themighty.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/xScreen-Shot-2018-01-25-at-12.57.45-PM.png.pagespeed.ic.sdJIdv_bx-.webp

Have you ever heard of non monogamous people having “comet” partners? Today we’ll discuss what that means and how it’s different from long distance relationships. Jazz Goldman and I talk about what a comet partner relationship might look like between the two of us. We talk about sustainability, and make a distinction between being community-oriented non monogamous folks, and being individual-oriented non monogamous folks. One way to think of community-oriented non monogamy is how focused we are on our greater collection of lovers and our lovers’ lovers - that is to say on our polycules. One way to think of individual-oriented non-monogamy is more like solo polyamorous folks, though not all solo polyamorous folks are individual-oriented. I mean to say if we take a radically personally autonomous stance - that we are each responsible only for ourselves, we would be embodying more of an individual-oriented philosophy rather than a community-minded one. Sustainability of relationships and thinking about how they fit in the context of one’s polycule is an important assessment for me, even if I do have strong needs for autonomy and independence. I think the information is good to have for everyone, even if they are quite individual-oriented in how they practice their consensual non monogamy. And now, the conversation with Jazz Goldman about Long Distance Lovers on Intimate Interactions.

Lisa and Paula are back again: two monogamous, vanilla, heterosexual women of colour in their 40s. They’re successful entrepreneurs and mothers and wives who met during their MBA programs at UBC. This session turned into suburban housewives curious about my lifestyle without any desire to change their current lives presently which is great. These kinds of cultural exchange are fascinating to me. We don’t have to value the same needs to understand each other; we don’t have to prioritize the same goals to appreciate one another and the challenge of pursuing those goals. Sometimes being at different places in life reminds us of the unique joys we have like families, children, and careers or in my case, the beautiful tangle that is the intertwining of multiple intimate relationships. There certainly doesn’t have to be a trade off where one picks one or the other as my numerous non monogamous parents will tell you. Love and Kindness in the world can be as ubiquitous as your circumstances and your heart will allow. But… your time is quite limited. It seems like you have a lot of it when you’re in your 20s, but one of the best parts of aging into my 30s has been my evolving relationship to time. So too as time becomes more limited does it become more important. I’m trying to do fewer things I don’t want to do with my life and more things I really want to do with my life. And one of those things is making this podcast just for you. If you want to support me in that endeavour, you can just tell a friend about Intimate Interactions or if you want to keep helping other intimacy nerds find me, feel free to leave a review wherever you get your podcasts, but especially iTunes. Thanks for listening. Resources I mentioned the Vancouver improvised partner dance scene. There's also http://metrovancouverkink.com if you decide you want to explore more in the BDSM realm. You can also find content on my website to have conversations about open relationships or introduce the idea to partners at: https://victorsalmon.com/relationships. For non monogamy events, there are two pages (though both call polyamory "poly" which may be unfair to Polynesian people who prefer we use PolyAm or another shortening rather than burying their pre-existing use, their groups, and visibility of culture (under an avalanche of middle class white folks flocking to a new lifestyle). It’s a complex issue involving the word Polynesian being a colonial word and the complicated experience of internal Racism, something BIMPoC folks tend to understand in my experience and non racialized folks tend not to understand. My advice, it’s not inconvenient to just change your language, especially if you don’t understand the experience of being part of a struggling diaspora that is marginalized): https://www.facebook.com/VancouverPoly101 and http://www.vanpoly.ca/ Trufelle is a high-end cannabis edible created by the two entrepreneurs from today’s episode. They host events if you’re interested. Their burlesque group and event is https://luminesquedance.com/. Petra's quadrants of arousal that they mention can be found at http://artofconnection.org/arousal-types/

Lisa and Paula are back: two monogamous, vanilla, heterosexual women of colour in their 40s. They’re successful mothers, wives, and entrepreneurs who met during their MBA programs at UBC. They were super interested to talk more about the results of their struggles with Sexual Shame, which we talk about mostly in their first session on Intimate Interactions. This session focuses more on arousal and the idea of a sexual renaissance. Lisa talks about her midlife awakening; that if she didn’t start asking for what she wanted, if she didn’t start living life, it would pass her by. Paula talks about burlesque and sexual empowerment. They mention their experimentation with cannabis edibles culminating in their high end cannabis edible, Trufelle, marketed towards other suburban wives and moms. They also mention quadrants of arousal. All of these things are linked in the resources which show up on Patreon for my premium content subscribers and anchor.fm for my other fans. Thanks so much for supporting the show! Resources I mentioned the Vancouver improvised partner dance scene. There's also http://metrovancouverkink.com if you decide you want to explore more in the BDSM realm. You can also find content on my website to have conversations about open relationships or introduce the idea to partners at: https://victorsalmon.com/relationships. For non monogamy events, there are two pages (though both call polyamory "poly" which may be unfair to Polynesian people who prefer we use PolyAm or another shortening rather than burying their pre-existing use, their groups, and visibility of culture (under an avalanche of middle class white folks flocking to a new lifestyle). It’s a complex issue involving the word Polynesian being a colonial word and the complicated experience of internal Racism, something BIMPoC folks tend to understand in my experience and non racialized folks tend not to understand. My advice, it’s not inconvenient to just change your language, especially if you don’t understand the experience of being part of a struggling diaspora that is marginalized): https://www.facebook.com/VancouverPoly101 and http://www.vanpoly.ca/ I spoke about the awesome drag kings at Man Up. Here’s an article about them. Trufelle is a high-end cannabis edible created by the two entrepreneurs from today’s episode. They host events if you’re interested.

Van Dwelling is for some a matter of necessity. For others, it’s a choice. What is it? Exactly what it sounds like: living in your vehicle. In some communities, housing is quite expensive. In some lives, being functional long enough to produce the employment opportunities and or funds to pay rent is quite challenging. Some organizations count van dwellers as homeless and what they mean by that word may be true for some van dwellers; yet why then would some choose this lifestyle? Selena is an educated former junior engineer who currently works as a sex worker at an agency - if you missed that episode, I interview her about her sex work earlier in the series. She’s pleasant, smart, and soft spoken - apologies in advance for the background noise. Sex work to her has nothing to do with why she chooses to be a van dweller. So why then is she so passionate about this lifestyle? Let’s find out on Intimate Interactions. Van Dwelling Tips: public pools have inexpensive showers public parks often have free parking and bathrooms laundromats do laundry if you are in a van just as well as if you don’t have in suite laundry in an apartment merino wool is antibacterial, wicks sweat away, and has extended wear time public libraries have computers, audiobooks, DVDs, movies, internet access, bathrooms, and in Vancouver sometimes recording studios

Irene is newish to kink. She started a sex and feminism blog where’s she's currently an avid blogger (thedesivibes.com) and hopes to be an educator one day. For a South Asian woman, that's not really a thing for our community yet for a variety of reasons, but I'll let her speak her own truth. Over her journey into kink, she has learnt a lot. Now it’s time for her to share some of that knowledge about getting started with you on Intimate Interactions.

Olivier creates community by creating events. Often those events involve playing various kinds of games. When he first came into the Vancouver kink scene, he created the Vancouver Geeky and Kinky munch which he has since moved on from. Today, the VG & K as it’s known is a thriving event on its own where people get together to play board games. While the underlying idea is that everyone playing is at some level curious about or interested in kink, my experiences there have been ones primarily about playing board games. There’s something relationship building in our brains when we experience fun, excitement, and curiosity. In a sense, there’s something relationship building about problem solving with someone even if you’re not on the same team. I’ve been thinking about relationships: how are they fun and exciting? How are they about solving problems? If you know you’re on the same team, even when you’re not trying to solve the problem the same way, to what extent can relationships be opportunities for problem solving rather than suffering? Let’s talk about intimacy with Olivier on Intimate Interactions. https://www.publicmedievalist.com/schrodinger/ https://www.splcenter.org/hatewatch/2018/02/07/swastikas-raiments-create-uproar-among-society-creative-anachronism-fans

Orientation is for some, a lifelong struggle. Others rarely question it beyond their teenage years. I define orientation as the gender presentations to which one is attracted. Others might define it as the gender identities to which one is attracted. Others still might define it as the sexes to which they’re attracted. The distinction here is: are you attracted to what their internal idea of their gender is, to how they present their gender - the shape of their secondary sexual characteristics, or to the sexual organs themselves regardless of the shape of their body or their idea of what their gender is. I’ve had people on Intimate Interactions like Gavin, Levi and others who I think have had many years of reflection to make decisions about their gender and have been actively exploring what a non-binary space looks like for them. Today I bring on Irene, someone just beginning her journey into sexuality, orientation, kink, non-monogamy, and gender. Let’s explore what that looks like for her, here on Intimate Interactions. Relationship Milestones https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gRtVV4iY4GE https://polysingleish.files.wordpress.com/2015/04/non-escalator-landmarks.jpg Relationship Anarchy with Kale Gosen (and she has a podcast now!) http://relationship-anarchy.com Irene’s Blog http://thedesivibes.com

Are you curious how intimacy and sadism relate? Sometimes being seen and accepted doing something that is so vilified can bond you to a person. What would you do if something like sadism were a core element in you? What if it were a core element in your sexuality? How would you ethically go about being a sadist? I think of reducing the stigma in society around ethical sadism as work producing an inclusive society that leads to greater freedom, less mental illness (think depression and anxiety due to shame), and more production as more people will function more fully. Some may make the argument that it also makes society safer as more sadists have an outlet, and while they might have an outlet, I’m always cautious not to suggest sadists who are ethical by nature would act unethically on those drives. I haven’t yet seen any research that suggests sadism and criminality are at all linked and while I haven’t thoroughly looked at primary literature on this topic, I’d highly caution against making huge leaps like that. I think sadists without an outlet are more likely to experience depression because they aren’t given the freedom to have consensual interactions that would feed them. Who are we to judge which consensual interactions are okay if everyone is safe? The bigger problem I would suggest is that we don’t have a functioning legal framework for consent surrounding consensual sex or physical violence that later becomes non consensual during the act, though of course some might have a lower bar for what counts as functioning and may disagree with me. In any case, Starship Jones is back today to talk about consensual ownership of humans, dominance, gangbangs, intimacy with strangers, submission, service, ethical sadism of course, and more. And hey, if you want a photographer in the Vancouver area who is kink-friendly, poly-friendly, gangbang-friendly, etcetera, feel free to reach out to him on Instagram or Fetlife, links included in the description. I look forward to sharing this conversation with you on Intimate Interactions. Starship Jones Photography http://instagram.com/starshipjones http://fetlife.com/users/181660 Vancouver Kink Events http://westcoastbound.ca http://metrovancouverkink.com

Mark Hughes returns in this episode, discussing addiction and recovery. His history of encountering emotional abuse, homelessness, substance use, sexual assault, and prison didn’t stop him doing a twelve step program and getting sober. Faced with different body language as a trauma survivor and different class markers in his speech and expressions, social situations are often alienating for him. Yet the twelfth step of a sobriety program is helping others. In my opinion, Mark does just that in his day to day life as well as in this episode, giving us an hour of his emotional labour to better understand his perspective on middle class values, what’s behind substance use, and flexible steps to doing the necessary work and healing. I look forward to sharing with you this raw and intimate session of Intimate Interactions. Resources: Pulling the Trigger Podcast (http://www.markhughescomedy.com/podcasts/)

Hello, Intimates! In this episode, I interview Piper, a former partner and current relationship anarchist. We focus on what works for each of us and how we make what it work. We also acknowledge what didn’t work. When the phrase relationship anarchy is brought up, it’s important to mention it means something different to everyone. I usually remind folks that anarchy isn’t about not having rules at all but about not following rules one didn’t participate in creating and agree to follow. Communities come up with what works for them and everyone agrees to whatever social contract they want - however large (think region with laws) or small (think five or six people living on a farmhouse with expectations of chore sharing, etc). So too with relationship anarchy does it not mean the absence of order but rather a custom relationship structure where all involved people participate in any rules, principles, or values. It is a little more work, but yields a totally custom structure. I am even friends with monogamous relationship anarchists. Perhaps I’m getting ahead of myself though. I’m excited to share with you this special session of Intimate Interactions.

Today’s introduction is long because we touch on some pretty advanced stuff. Thanks for bearing with me. Normalizing behaviours is key to getting rid of shame and stigma, the key to promoting intimacy on our own terms. Shame isolates people, and rarely is anyone made more compassionate for others by being shunned or disconnected from society. When we make distinctions between amazing intense, hot sex and - content warning - nausea inducing, head-spinning traumatic rape - sometimes very similar physical acts might be involved but in very different social containers. This is one of many reasons why an evidence-based, adversarial approach to justice has historically failed survivors. So is the primary difference just consent between those two acts? If consent is the jump from rape to sexual intercourse and connection is the jump from intercourse to meaningful sex, the same is true for BDSM. Consent is the jump from abuse to BDSM, and connection is the jump from casual hitting to… an indescribable intimacy. Meaningful, connected BDSM to me even when asexual is so much more intimate than connected sex. Let’s talk about two reasons why: One is shame. Let’s talk sadism. Sadism is the enjoyment of seeing pain suffered; it doesn’t have to be a bad word. As with masochism, these terms aren’t always sexual. Some sadists instead feel a buzz of endorphins called topspace and get naturally high. Others may feel a sense of asexual euphoria. Lord of the Flies references this when Roger leans on the lever to kill Piggy with “a sense of delirious abandonment.” Note: delirious can mean intoxication or “in a wild state of excitement or ecstacy.” Other sadists may get aroused. It might be sexual. Some might only be able to get off when sadism is involved. No matter the motivation, many feel great intimacy showing off a deep need that is so commonly shamed and stigmatized. If you know my secret, you can undo me in my life. So long as informed, un-coerced, well-negotiated consent between adults stays in place, who are we to judge really? Why do we need to interfere with two happy consenting adults if they don’t ask us to do so? I say let them fantasize about what they want so long as their actions are ethical. Like any relationships, sometimes kink relationships struggle or fail, and it’s important to normalize the growth process. It can get complicated to deal with the end of a consensual sadomasochistic relationship. Even the shiniest superstars often fail their way to experience and continue to struggle even once established in a community. The second topic we’ll be discussing today is consensual exchanges of ownership like marriage. It involves exchanging sexual autonomy where both people agree to have their partner own their sexual options. It’s even criminally codified, though if the spouse says yes to a guest star, it’s only sort of adultery. All of this made sense before birth control and in part guaranteed rights for children. Modern marriage attempts to be as symmetrical an exchange as possible where both parties trade equal ownership with each other. It’s no wonder old styles of marriage are used as one style of consensual slavery in the BDSM community. Finally, intensity and uniqueness are key elements in forming bonds. As a switch and sometimes-bottom myself, I have submitted to pain for someone else - a very asexual thing for me - yet it was a hero’s journey. I got to show myself how strong I am. I got to survive an ordeal. I hugged the human that walked me through knowing myself better, and then I walked away with a more intimate understanding of myself. And of course, intimacy is what it’s all about on Intimate Interactions.

Had the pleasure of sitting down with Adele Barclay - Stranger to me so we take some time sussing each other out - Queer femme - Poet focusing on intimacy and power - Published: “If I were in a cage, I’d reach out for you” is already out - Has a grant for her second book “Renaissance Normcore” We talk about - The ethics of vulnerability - Articulating vulnerability and the ways we protect ourselves in the process - Speaking plainly and the intimacy that brings in written art - The intimacy of domesticity - Authenticity when living with people who know you (like partners) - The way we mask intimacy when living with strangers - Performance of intimacy - Stuff sometimes gets in the way - Ways of performing intimacy authentically I’m excited to share this grant-writing, money-winning, queer femme poet’s ideas with you on Intimate Interactions!

My anonymous guest, X, a director from Vancouver helps dissect the very basics of non monogamy and discrimination. This is the first in an Introduction to Scripts series which is part of Intimate Interactions, a podcast about relationships, sex, and intimacy. Support me at http://patreon.com/victorsalmon or get the latest news at http://victorsalmon.com/podcast.

Queer feminist relationship anarchist. Kink and consent educator. Intimacy and relationship podcaster. Find my podcast "Intimate Interactions" on iTunes and Google Play or on my website at https://victorsalmon.com/podcast - workshop content and premium podcast episodes at https://patreon.com/victorsalmon Web: www.markhughescomedy.com Twitter: @PTT604 Facebook: www.facebook.com/PTT604/ Patreon: www.patreon.com/markhughescomic