Sex Within Marriage Podcast : Exploring Married Sexuality from a Christian Perspective

SWM 150 - Control, sex and marriage. Check out the blog post here for more details and links.Last month, I watched a great video by Gary Thomas and his wife Lisa on how a controlling spirit can harm a marriage. It got me thinking: In Christian circles, we often struggle to define the difference between healthy leadership and damaging control—both in marriage and in our relationship with God.Why is it that surrendering to God is seen as good, but demanding control from a spouse is harmful? The key, I believe, is consent and love. When surrender is freely given and motivated by love, it can bring freedom and joy. But when control is forced, it leads to resentment and broken trust.In this post, I'm sharing some personal stories and lessons we've learned about navigating these tricky dynamics in marriage.Links in this podcast episode:Gary Thomas - Substack - A controlling spirit can devestate a marriageSWM 108 - What does the Bible say about hell?Sexual Frequency - Why I don't worry anymoreBecoming More Sexually Engaged Course - For Christian WivesSexy Photos Course - For Christian WivesBecoming More Sexually Engaged Course - For Christian WivesFollow us on Facebook, Instagram and TwitterIf you'd like to discuss the questions as they come in, consider joining our private forum.Thank you to all our faithful supporters!If you like that there are no ads in our podcast and want to keep it that way, check out our support page for more info.  Even $5/month makes a difference.Lastly, if you like our podcast, please rate it as it helps others know this is a good resource to help with their marriage. You managed to find us, help someone else do the same and receive the same benefits to their relationship.

SWM 148 - 14 red flags your marriage is drifting towards divorce, affairs or lifelong unhappiness. Check out the blog post here for more details and links.Have you noticed how quickly disagreements turn into demonization these days? Whether it's politics, religion, or even marriage, we've gotten stuck in a cycle of contempt—where the ‘other side' isn't just wrong, they're evil. And it's destroying relationships.I see this in my marriage coaching practice all the time: spouses who've spent years labeling each other as selfish, cruel, or hopeless. They roll their eyes, assign malicious motives, and show up just to prove their partner is the problem. Once that mindset takes root, digging out takes months—sometimes years.But there's hope. When couples catch it early—before contempt hardens into habit—change can happen fast. Today, I'm sharing 14 warning signs that you're heading down this dangerous path. Some might surprise you (like sarcasm or ‘harmless' nicknames), but the last one? It's the red flag you can't ignore. Let's dive in.Links in the episode:Becoming More Sexually Engaged (Course)Coaching - Sign up for a free callFollow us on Facebook, Instagram and TwitterIf you'd like to discuss the questions as they come in, consider joining our private forum.Thank you to all our faithful supporters!If you like that there are no ads in our podcast and want to keep it that way, check out our support page for more info.  Even $5/month makes a difference.Lastly, if you like our podcast, please rate it as it helps others know this is a good resource to help with their marriage. You managed to find us, help someone else do the same and receive the same benefits to their relationship.

SWM 147 - How do you know if you're sexually compatible? Check out the blog post here for more details and links.The most common argument I hear for premarital sex is, "You need to know if you're sexually compatible before getting married. Otherwise, you might end up stuck in a sexless, unfulfilling relationship."And it sounds like sound reasoning.  We test-drive cars before buying them.  We have probation periods for people we hire at work.  We sample foods before purchasing them.  Shouldn't sex, which is one of the most intimate parts of marriage, be tested beforehand to make sure you're a good match?It's a compelling argument that convinces many people to abandon their principles.  It makes you question your morality.  It promises both immediate and long-term gratification.However, it's based on a flawed premise.Links in the episode:Becoming More Sexually Engaged (Course)The Art of Edging (eBook)Legalistic vs Loving Approach to Marriage (podcast)National Longitudinal Lesbian Family StudyLet's talk about sex... and ADHDDeterminants of female sexual orgasmsShould Couples Live Together Before Marriage?Cohabitation Experience and Cohabitation's Association With Marital DissolutionThe Pre-engagement Cohabitation Effect: A Replication and Extension of Previous FindingsFollow us on Facebook, Instagram and TwitterIf you'd like to discuss the questions as they come in, consider joining our private forum.Thank you to all our faithful supporters!If you like that there are no ads in our podcast and want to keep it that way, check out our support page for more info.  Even $5/month makes a difference.Lastly, if you like our podcast, please rate it as it helps others know this is a good resource to help with their marriage. You managed to find us, help someone else do the same and receive the same benefits to their relationship.

SWM 146 - Legalistic vs Loving Approach to Marriage - Shifting from Rules to Relationship. Check out the blog post here for more details and links.In my work as a marriage coach, I often see couples transition from one type of marriage to another. There's no clear line between these states, no set of rules that definitively places someone in one category or the other. Yet, by observing how they handle conflict, express themselves, and interact in small ways, you can often tell which state their marriage is in.A big part of my job as a coach is helping people shift from one type of marriage to another as most issues in marriage are resolved by doing so.Free webinar for Christian wives - Jan 26, 8pm ESTMarriage CoachingFollow us on Facebook, Instagram and TwitterIf you'd like to discuss the questions as they come in, consider joining our private forum.Thank you to all our faithful supporters!If you like that there are no ads in our podcast and want to keep it that way, check out our support page for more info.  Even $5/month makes a difference.Lastly, if you like our podcast, please rate it as it helps others know this is a good resource to help with their marriage. You managed to find us, help someone else do the same and receive the same benefits to their relationship.

Oct, Nov, Dec 2024 Questions from our anonymous Have A Question page.  Check out the show notes here for more details and links.In this episode, we are tackling the subjects:Talking about a lack of sexNot drive due to cancer treatmentsWife doesn't want to use lubeOur sex life is routineStrap-on to help with premature ejaculationDo husbands like handjobs?Can a married couple film themselves during sex?Is sex better on a full stomach?How do you start anal sex?Here are the links I mentioned during the podcast:SWM 002 - Getting rid of veto power in the bedroom (podcast)Sexual Frequency - Why I don't worry anymore (post)SWM 125 - Rethinking duty sex (podcast)Coaching (service)My wife wants me to tie her up?! (post)BDSM Survey Results (post)Some rough sex statistics (post)The art of edging (ebook)MarriedDance.com - Hollow strap-on (toy)Where did my sex drive go? (ebook)Do Christians make sex tapes?The way to her heart? Response to romantic cues is dependent on hunger state and dieting history: An fMRI pilot study (study)Ghrelin is related to lower brain reward activation during touch (study)Becoming More Sexually Engaged - for Christian Wives (webinar)Follow us on Facebook, Instagram and TwitterIf you'd like to discuss the questions as they come in, consider joining our private forum.Thank you to all our faithful champions!If you'd like to support our ministry and see it grow, check out our support page for more info.  Even $5/month makes a difference!Lastly, if you like our podcast, click here to give us a rating, and leave us a review.  They help others know this is a good resource to help with their marriage.  You managed to find us, help someone else do the same and receive the same benefits to their relationship.

SWM 144 - Why wives have a complicated relationship with sex and what to do about it. Check out the blog post here for more details and links.One of our supporters posted a question in our forum which led to a bit of a discussion on what men perceive as sexy, and it shook the questioner a bit, because it was radically different from what she had been led to believe her whole life.This led into a larger discussion about why women tend to have more hangups about sex than men do.  I shared my thoughts in the forum in a bit of a rant and then realized that I don't know if I've really tackled this a whole lot on the blog and podcast.  If I have, it's been a few years, so it's time for a refresher for the new people.So, I'm going to try and make it a little less ranty and a little more coherent and see if maybe I can teach some other wives and women out there a bit about what many men think regarding sex in the hopes that it might help some marriages, present or future.What does the Bible say about hell (and our souls)(blog post/podcast episode)Becoming More Sexually Engaged (course)Follow us on Facebook, Instagram and TwitterIf you'd like to discuss the questions as they come in, consider joining our private forum.Thank you to all our faithful supporters!If you like that there are no ads in our podcast and want to keep it that way, check out our support page for more info.  Even $5/month makes a difference.Lastly, if you like our podcast, please rate it as it helps others know this is a good resource to help with their marriage. You managed to find us, help someone else do the same and receive the same benefits to their relationship.

August 2024 Questions from our anonymous Have A Question page.  Check out the show notes here for more details and links.In this episode, we are tackling the subjects:ExhibitionismNo sex in 4 monthsShould I disclose previous porn struggles to fianceeOther resourcesWhat qualifies as mutual masturbationNeed rougher sex to orgasmHere are the links I mentioned during the podcast:Dealing with differing sex drives in marriage (page)MarriedDance.com (store)RomanticBlessings.com (store - US only)LoveHopeAdventure.com (blog)HotHolyHumorous.com (blog)Gary Thomas (substack)BDSM for ChristiansThe art of edging (ebook)BDSM survery results (post)Follow us on Facebook, Instagram and TwitterIf you'd like to discuss the questions as they come in, consider joining our private forum.Thank you to all our faithful champions!If you'd like to support our ministry and see it grow, check out our support page for more info.  Even $5/month makes a difference!Lastly, if you like our podcast, click here to give us a rating, and leave us a review.  They help others know this is a good resource to help with their marriage.  You managed to find us, help someone else do the same and receive the same benefits to their relationship.

Agust 2024 Questions from our anonymous Have A Question page.  Check out the show notes here for more details and links.In this episode, we are tackling the subjects:Wife trades chores for sexHow to handle no sex due to birthWater-based lube that doesn't cause UTIsGuy's relationships always end in affairsPost-childbirth and penis size preferencesWife is a gatekeeperHere are the links I mentioned during the podcast:Sliquid H20 Lube (product)How does breast or penis size affect sex (survey)Responsive desire is a blessing (post)Desire vs willingness (post)Where did my sex drive go (ebook)Follow us on Facebook, Instagram and TwitterIf you'd like to discuss the questions as they come in, consider joining our private forum.Thank you to all our faithful champions!If you'd like to support our ministry and see it grow, check out our support page for more info.  Even $5/month makes a difference!Lastly, if you like our podcast, click here to give us a rating, and leave us a review.  They help others know this is a good resource to help with their marriage.  You managed to find us, help someone else do the same and receive the same benefits to their relationship.

July 2024 Questions from our anonymous Have A Question page.  Check out the show notes here for more details and links.In this episode, we are tackling the subjects:Wife's love dependent on moodWhy don't you direct people to God?Can't seem to manage other positionsWife rejects exploration and being seenNervous about sex outdoorsCrossdressing rehashHere are the links I mentioned during the podcast:Responsive vs Spontaneous Desire - The Lion Within Us (podcast)Your definition of gross changes when you're arousedSWM 068 (podcast)SWM 070 (podcast)SWM 099 (podcast)Is it wrong for Christians to crossdress? (post)Healing from crossdressingFollow us on Facebook, Instagram and TwitterIf you'd like to discuss the questions as they come in, consider joining our private forum.Thank you to all our faithful champions!If you'd like to support our ministry and see it grow, check out our support page for more info.  Even $5/month makes a difference!Lastly, if you like our podcast, click here to give us a rating, and leave us a review.  They help others know this is a good resource to help with their marriage.  You managed to find us, help someone else do the same and receive the same benefits to their relationship.

SWM 139 - Why won't my spouse do x? I would do it for them. Check out the blog post here for more details and links.Recently, I've noticed a question popping up all over the place. It's come up in our supporter forum, coaching sessions, emails, comments in our latest survey, and more. This question points to a fundamental tension in many marriages - at the root of it is a self-centric desire. The desire for our spouse to serve our own needs and expectations. Whether it's about sex or more subtle emotional needs, this recurring question often revolves around a common theme: a wish for partners to be more like ourselves.For men, this question frequently focuses on sexual matters. Some men wonder why their spouses don't engage in sex as often as they would like or why they don't fulfill certain specific desires. On the other hand, when women voice similar concerns, the issues are often more nuanced. Many women express frustration with their partner's inability to intuitively understand their needs without explicit communication. And, of course, in some marriages, those dynamics are reversed.Both scenarios boil down to a deeper, more universal issue: the tendency to project our own needs and expectations onto our spouses, often without fully considering their unique perspectives and experiences.In this post, we'll delve into why this tendency is problematic and how understanding our partner's individual differences can relieve this frustration.Our latest survey (on the topic of BDSM)Spontaneous desire is a blessing (post/podcast)Responsive desire is a blessing (post/podcast)Responsive vs Spontaneous Desire (post)How to feel "connected" during sex (post/podcast)Desire vs willingness (post)Trapped gatekeepers - blame the guard, not the prisoner (post)Our Sexploration List (resource)Marriage coachingFollow us on Facebook, Instagram and TwitterIf you'd like to discuss the questions as they come in, consider joining our private forum.Thank you to all our faithful supporters!If you like that there are no ads in our podcast and want to keep it that way, check out our support page for more info.  Even $5/month makes a difference.Lastly, if you like our podcast, please rate it as it helps others know this is a good resource to help with their marriage. You managed to find us, help someone else do the same and receive the same benefits to their relationship.

SWM 138 - BDSM Survey Results. Check out the blog post here for more details and links.During July and a bit of August, we ran a survey about people's BDSM experiences. Depending on who you ask, it was either extensive or just dipping our toes into the topic. In the end, we received over 1,000 complete responses from a wide range of couples, some for whom BDSM is part of their daily life, others who were engaging in BDSM activities didn't think what they were doing qualified, others who wished they were doing such things but didn't know how to start, and those who thought it was disgusting that I even considered asking questions about such a topic.or the last three weeks, I've spent evenings and weekends digging through the data, coding it, doing pivot tables, building charts, running correlation formulas, and more, trying to get what I can out of it. It's aptly called data mining because often it feels like sifting through a lot of rocks and dirt just to try and find a nugget of something valuable contained.Today, I'm going to share what I found.K7Fit - 14 Day Energy ChallengeJoin as a supporter to get access to all the survey commentsMarriage CoachingArousal Non-ConcordanceInterested in a Christian BDSM forum/resource? Click here.Follow us on Facebook, Instagram and TwitterIf you'd like to discuss the questions as they come in, consider joining our private forum.Thank you to all our faithful supporters!If you like that there are no ads in our podcast and want to keep it that way, check out our support page for more info.  Even $5/month makes a difference.Lastly, if you like our podcast, please rate it as it helps others know this is a good resource to help with their marriage. You managed to find us, help someone else do the same and receive the same benefits to their relationship.

SWM 137 - Why we don't spank our children. Check out the blog post here for more details and links.Last week, Gary Thomas posted an article on his substack on the topic of discipline vs. punishment—not taking a stance but rather offering it up as a controversial conversation starter. Reading it made me curious about something—does your view of hell change your parenting approach? After all, if God is our example, and you believe that hell is eternal punishment, does that then lend to a more heavy-handed approach to parenting versus someone who believes that hell is an act of mercy?I posted that question in our forum, and it then led to a discussion on using physical punishment on children.  I spent a fair bit of time in the last week or two writing on that thread, and so I thought I'd repurpose it here for those who might be curious about how we raised our children.We, Christina and I, don't believe hell is eternal torture.  We don't believe such a view is in keeping with the Bible.  We grew up in a denomination that taught it was, and it was one of the reasons we left because the doctrine couldn't stand up to either biblical scrutiny or logic as we saw it.  If you want to know why and/or argue that stance, I fully welcome you to read the post What happens when you die?  That's not the point of this post.The point of this post is to share why we don't spank our children, and now that my children are growing up into adults, what the outcome of such a choice has been.Links mentioned in this episode:Gary Thomas' article - Discipline vs Punishment (Substack)What happens when you die? (Post)Spanking and Child Development: We Know Enough Now To Stop Hitting Our Children (Study)Spanking and Child Outcomes: Old Controversies and New Meta-Analyses (Study)The Research on Spanking and Its Implications for Intervention (PDF)Don't forget to participate in our BDSM survey - whether you engage in that sort of behaviour or not.Follow us on Facebook, Instagram and TwitterIf you'd like to discuss the questions as they come in, consider joining our private forum.Thank you to all our faithful supporters!If you like that there are no ads in our podcast and want to keep it that way, check out our support page for more info.  Even $5/month makes a difference.Lastly, if you like our podcast, please rate it as it helps others know this is a good resource to help with their marriage. You managed to find us, help someone else do the same and receive the same benefits to their relationship.

June 2024 Questions from our anonymous Have A Question page.  Check out the show notes here for more details and links.In this episode, we are tackling the subjects:Wife thinks she has to be mean to our childrenGolden showers (again)Wife can't decide if she loves me or notJust because you're experienced, doesn't mean you're qualifiedHere are the links I mentioned during the podcast:SWM 029 - Fantasy affairs, anal sex, golden showers, work during sex and low drivesBDSM SurveyFollow us on Facebook, Instagram and TwitterIf you'd like to discuss the questions as they come in, consider joining our private forum.Thank you to all our faithful champions!If you'd like to support our ministry and see it grow, check out our support page for more info.  Even $5/month makes a difference!Lastly, if you like our podcast, click here to give us a rating, and leave us a review.  They help others know this is a good resource to help with their marriage.  You managed to find us, help someone else do the same and receive the same benefits to their relationship.

SWM 135 - It's good to try new things. Check out the blog post here for more details and links.Most kids, when growing up, enter a picky stage at some point.  Some when they're toddlers, some when they're young children, some when they become teenagers.  When our 3rd or 4th kid entered this phase, everyone knew the response when they didn't want to eat something new that we'd made.  “It's good to try new things.”  They didn't have to eat it all but had to try it—a decent try, not a touch to the tongue followed by an exaggerated exclamation of disgust.Teaching children to at least give something new a fair shot, I think, has applications later on in life as well. I often talk to husbands and wives whose spouses simply will not try anything new in the bedroom. One will bring up an idea, and it's immediately shot down by the “picky” spouse—the one who is perfectly happy with the flavour of vanilla every night.Today, I want to talk about why I think it's good to try new things - not only when it comes to food, but also in the bedroom - or outside of the bedroom, depending on how much privacy you have.  We're going to talk about the interplay between dopamine, controlled risk-taking, adventure and trust in marriages as it pertains to sex and more.Don't forget to participate in our BDSM survey - whether you engage in that sort of behaviour or not.Follow us on Facebook, Instagram and TwitterIf you'd like to discuss the questions as they come in, consider joining our private forum.Thank you to all our faithful supporters!If you like that there are no ads in our podcast and want to keep it that way, check out our support page for more info.  Even $5/month makes a difference.Lastly, if you like our podcast, please rate it as it helps others know this is a good resource to help with their marriage. You managed to find us, help someone else do the same and receive the same benefits to their relationship.

May 2024 Questions from our anonymous Have A Question page.  Check out the show notes here for more details and links.In this episode, we are tackling the subjects:How often should a healthy man need sex?Clitoral piercingHow do we start talking about sex without hurt feelings?Is it good to masturbate to stay in a sexless marriageProfessional nude photos with a male photographerNewly married wife only interested in the same sexual routineBecoming a Christian didn't fix my same-sex attractionNude beachesHow to get better at rejectionStruggling with orgasmHere are the links I mentioned during the podcast:Where did my sex drive go? (free ebook)Marriage CoachingBDSM SurveyFollow us on Facebook, Instagram and TwitterIf you'd like to discuss the questions as they come in, consider joining our private forum.Thank you to all our faithful champions!If you'd like to support our ministry and see it grow, check out our support page for more info.  Even $5/month makes a difference!Lastly, if you like our podcast, click here to give us a rating, and leave us a review.  They help others know this is a good resource to help with their marriage.  You managed to find us, help someone else do the same and receive the same benefits to their relationship.

SWM 133 - Loving your spouse where they are. Check out the blog post here for more details and links.I often give beginner homework to my coaching clients. A few of them will likely read this and think, “He was talking about me.” You're not wrong, but you're also not alone.I give it out frequently because it helps combat some fundamental problems I see in many marriages: resentment, unmet expectations, and continued disappointment. Whatever caused the resentment doesn't matter. If you want to improve the marriage, you must get rid of that attitude first. Resentment leads to contempt, and once you hit that point, the marriage is on life support, and it becomes challenging to resurrect.Some come to coaching and realize that they have this issue.  They recognize that resentment is an attitude, and attitudes can be changed.  They know they can fix it; they just don't know how or need some support, some accountability, or encouragement to keep up the hard work of changing that mindset.And it is hard work. Reversing that mindset takes time, effort, and consistently following the plan we co-create. There are ups and downs, backslides, and sidetracks. But if they put in the work, then it does happen. Then the fun begins because now we can make some real progress.Others come to coaching convinced their spouse is the issue and work hard to rationalize and justify their attitude toward them.  They want me to change their spouse so that they can be happy.  Sometimes, they have one foot out the door already, and this is the last-ditch effort to “save the marriage,” by which they mean that if I don't fix their spouse, they will divorce them.Whatever type they are, they get the same homework. It's not only the first step to reversing the mindset but also a test to see if they're coachable.Listen to find out what the homework is.Follow us on Facebook, Instagram and TwitterIf you'd like to discuss the questions as they come in, consider joining our private forum.Thank you to all our faithful supporters!If you like that there are no ads in our podcast and want to keep it that way, check out our support page for more info.  Even $5/month makes a difference.Lastly, if you like our podcast, please rate it as it helps others know this is a good resource to help with their marriage. You managed to find us, help someone else do the same and receive the same benefits to their relationship.

SWM 132 - Breast implants and body image issues. Check out the blog post here for more details and links.This episode I'm answer a question I received back in February that I forgot to answer. Here's the question:Hi! To start, I just wanted to say thank you so much for what you do! Your podcast has been immensely eye-opening and helpful! Now, to my question.I am in my 30s, and my husband and I have been together for 15 years. There was porn use by my husband that nearly tore us apart, but after therapy, support groups and endless prayer, I am so thankful to say we are stronger than ever, and he has been porn free for over a year now. It has made a profound difference in our sex life, we feel more connected than ever.That being said, internally, I am still struggling with body image issues. It is not all-consuming but it's enough to bring me to this point. I have been considering breast augmentation for years now but kept putting it on the back burner due to pregnancy and breastfeeding (we have 3 children). I thought I was completely over the idea and just decided to fully accept my body as is until the porn addiction reared its ugly head. As I said, we are past that, and he has made amazing changes for himself and us, but knowing what he watched and the women he chose to view online has made the idea of breast augmentation appealing again.I am not happy with what 6 years of breastfeeding has left me with. My husband says he loves my body the way it is, but I know I would love it MORE if I got the breast augmentation, and undoubtedly, I know he would too, even if he won't admit it so as not to hurt my feelings.My question is, do you think seeking a breast augmentation for selfish reasons would be sinful? Would God find that to be an abomination of sorts, a sinful act based on my lack of love towards my body? I know I would feel so much more confident. I truly would. And that would enhance our sex life due to my confidence alone. So, would it be a bad thing to do? I have flip-flopped on this for months now. Some days, I am certain it's a sinful thing to desire and do, and other days, I'm certain that it does not fall in the category of actual sin. An outside perspective would be so helpful, and I'd appreciate it immensely.I know I need to love the body I have, and I do. It's the slight pains of the past and the desire to feel confident that entices me. Knowing there are verses in the Bible directly telling the man to love his woman's beautiful breasts makes my heart drop because mine are anything but beautiful. They are used, tired, and barely there after years of sacrificing my body for our children. So, would making them more appealing really be a bad thing? Or would it be no different than purchasing a new sex toy and having fun in the bedroom as husband and wife? Thank you for your time.Follow us on Facebook, Instagram and TwitterIf you'd like to discuss the questions as they come in, consider joining our private forum.Thank you to all our faithful supporters!If you like that there are no ads in our podcast and want to keep it that way, check out our support page for more info.  Even $5/month makes a difference.Lastly, if you like our podcast, please rate it as it helps others know this is a good resource to help with their marriage. You managed to find us, help someone else do the same and receive the same benefits to their relationship.

SWM 131 - Tips to fight more effectively in your marriage. Check out the blog post here for more details and links.Last week, I shared a list of ideas our Couple's Night group had that helped build a resilient marriage. At the end of the call, we still had some time and started discussing fighting more effectively. Again, the group came up with some excellent ideas I want to share today.Because fights will happen, I might even say they should happen.  When I come across a couple that doesn't fight in any way - that's a red flag.  It means one or both don't feel safe in the marriage.  They aren't able to express their views and opinions. Because if you put two people together for long enough, they will eventually find something to disagree about.Ideally, a fight won't involve yelling, screaming, hitting, throwing, or anything else like that, but it's okay to quarrel.So, today, we will discuss how to fight more effectively in your marriage so that your arguments can be a source of growth instead of damage.For more posts about dealing with conflict effectively check out:SWM 020 - 7 Dirty Fighting Techniques That Should Not Exist In Your MarriageHow to use conflict to create intimacyActive ListeningFollow us on Facebook, Instagram and TwitterIf you'd like to discuss the questions as they come in, consider joining our private forum.Thank you to all our faithful supporters!If you like that there are no ads in our podcast and want to keep it that way, check out our support page for more info.  Even $5/month makes a difference.Lastly, if you like our podcast, please rate it as it helps others know this is a good resource to help with their marriage. You managed to find us, help someone else do the same and receive the same benefits to their relationship.

.On the first Tuesday of every month, Chris from TheLionWithin.us and I co-host "Couple's Night."  Couples from our communities get together to talk about marriage. We discuss struggles, share ideas, tips, and a lot of funny stories. It's an absolute blast.  This Tuesday, we got together and talked about resiliency in marriage. There were about six couples in the Zoom call, and I thought they all had a lot of wisdom to share, so I tried to quickly take some notes and thought I'd relay them to you. Because marriages need resiliency, we're going to face struggles. They might be external, like events happening with your job, your family, your friends, and more. They might be internal, such as the type of struggles two individuals face when you put them together for long periods of time for years on end. Challenges are normal, but we need to learn how to face them and not only survive them but, ideally, thrive and grow through them. So, here are the six things our small group came up with.

Topics include: Can Christians be swingers? Chastity devices Sex and orgasm headaches Wife only wants one oral sex position, which he hates Worried about stamina Trying to spice things up

There's an old quip about how men get married expecting their wives to stay the same, and women get married expecting to be able to change their men, and neither gets what they want. It's funny because often, there's an element of truth to this, which frustrates both spouses. Of course, it doesn't apply to every marriage, and sometimes the dynamic is reversed, but what is expected of every marriage is that something in the marriage will change.  It may be the wife, it may be the husband, it's likely going to be both in some ways, and it's also going to be your surroundings and context.  You'll get pets, you'll have kids, you'll move, you'll change jobs, change churches, experience illness or injury, suffer losses or experience big wins - whatever it is, things will change. Those changes require a recalibration of the marriage, communication, and a discussion about what it means, what needs to change, and what should stay the same.   So, today, we're going to talk about how to deal with the inevitable changes that come and how and when to talk about them so that you can keep your marriage calibrated rather than running on old habits and patterns that no longer suit your life.

Topics include: Why am I not interested in sexy any more after having a baby? How do I get my wife to rest without guilt? Why does my wife dismiss my advice when she asks for it? How do I get my wife engaged in sexual growth? Are men infatuated with their ejaculate?

Marriage is a cosmic tapestry, a constellation of souls woven into the fabric of time, where vows echo in the heart's language, shaping a journey of shared whispers and laughter. It's a dance of compromise and compassion, a symphony where individual melodies blend into a shared harmony, with time sculpting the narrative of a joint odyssey. Amidst life's tempests, love's resilience is tested, forging a bond that transcends the ephemeral, painting a portrait of unity where intimacy bridges solitude, and shared dreams color the canvas of existence.

I've had a lot of conversations with couples as well as husbands and wives individually lately about what often gets called "duty sex" or "pity sex." For those who don't know, duty/pity sex is when one spouse gives in to sex, not because they desire it themselves, but because their spouse does. They might have sex for many reasons, including feeling obligated, pressured, guilty, to keep the peace or to "get them off their back."The problem is that these negative reasons are often the only ones considered, and so any situation in which one spouse wants sex and the other agrees to it without having an internal desire of their own is seen as unfavourable.But there are some excellent reasons to have what's commonly considered "duty sex" or "pity sex," and often, the conflicts I see in marriages are not that it's because of those reasons I mentioned above but instead about something positive and loving.So, in this podcast episode, we're going to talk about reframing duty sex in those situations.

Today I've got something a bit different than the usual fare. Last year, for our 100th episode, I had my eldest daughter present her 4H speech as I felt it fit the scope of this blog. This year, she wrote a part 2. She won at her local club, and placed second at districts. So, we thought we'd record a version for the podcast again. Rather than give away any of the speech, I'll just let you read it. If you do want to go back you can read the first speech here.

Topics include: The monthly masturbation challenge How do I make anal sex enjoyable for her? Periods and vacations and sex Aging and orgasm struggles How do I know if I'm in right? Does fantasizing about my husband make it a shared experience? Condoms for handjobs Resources for newlywed virgins

If you look online, you can find tons of videos, articles, podcasts, products and more about how to make yourself more attractive to your spouse or potential partners. I mean, it's everywhere. You can also find resources to help you make your spouse more attractive by changing them. What you don't see much of, though, are resources to help you change your mindset to make them seem more attractive to you without changing them. We all know the phrase "beauty is in the eye of the beholder," but rarely, if ever, is it used to recognize that you, as the beholder, can change what you're attracted to.

I made a post on social media some time ago saying, “Marriage is hard, divorce is hard, choose your hard,” and someone asked me if I then disagreed with some other bloggers and podcasters who say that marriage is and should be easy.  This post expands on what I wrote in response to that question.

A few years ago, I was talking to a client during a coaching call, and we got off on a bit of a tangent about condom use. I explained a few ways that people tend to lower the protection of condoms when they use them. He was, well, shocked because he'd done many of them and had no idea that every time he did that, he was increasing the chance of conception. And so, I've had this post idea on the back burner for quite a while until last week, when I mentioned in response to an anonymous question that if you don't want kids, you shouldn't have sex because even condoms and birth control are not perfectly effective when used correctly - and most people don't know they're not using them correctly. When I posted that, one of our supporters asked if I could write that post, so here we go, because, well, my supporters do so much for me, I'm happy to help them out. In this post, I'm only talking about the birth control effects, not the effect this could have on STDs/STIs. I'm also not going to address every birth control method, just the three I hear about the most. I'm also not going to be discussing natural family planning, but that is, at best, a delay method, not a method of birth control. So, here are things you may be doing to mess up your birth control plans.

Topics include: How do you use a vibrator? Is roleplaying marriage a sin? Will a dildo make me unsatisfied with my husband? Wife makes excuses about everything When to start talking to your kids about sex? Wife caught me watching porn Is masturbation without porn a sin?

The traditional wedding vows go something like "I take you to be my wife/husband, and I do promise and covenant, before God and these witnesses, to be your loving and faithful husband/wife in plenty and in want, in joy and in sorrow, in sickness and in health, as long as we both shall live." Unfortunately, I don't remember my wedding vows. I remember picking some. I remember memorizing them. I remember reciting them, from memory, during the wedding, despite having the flu and a fever. But nearly 23 years later, I don't remember what they were. I'm sure they contained something like "in sickness and in health," though. This past month, we got to test those vows.

Well, it's winter here, which means cold and flu season.  So, of course, the last couple of weeks, it's been rolling through our family of 7.  Christina and I were the last to get it, and it seemed I got it worse than her.  She complained about being sick but still working out multiple times daily (playing Supernatural on the VR - in case any others are fans).  For me, I was barely making it through my desk job and not making it some days. But at night, we'd crawl into bed, and I was still interested in sex, I think more than usual even - her, not at all.  That made me wonder - what is it about being sick that makes me want sex more? Unfortunately, my head was too fuzzy to research or write an article; here we are, a week later, and I'm ready to tackle it.  So, let's dig into being sick and sex and why some may want sex when they're sick, and even more so when they're sick.

Lately, I've noticed a trend on social media where famous creator couples make videos of the wife telling the husband that visitors are coming over and they need to prepare. In response, the husband goes and starts cleaning out the attic and crawlspace, going through keepsakes, and performing other tasks that do little to achieve the intended goal of getting ready for guests. Of course, they're doing it as a light-hearted joke, but it points to a common conflict in marriages - women often feel they have to ask for the same help repeatedly. Even in the non-hyperbole versions of these videos, the husband typically mows the lawn, cleans the driveway, and fixes issues in the front of the house, such as rewiring a light. In contrast, the wife worries about cleaning the house's interior and preparing food. Invariably, the wife gets upset that he's not helping with what she sees as important tasks. And in media, be it TV, movies, or social media, they all generally side with the wife. The joking videos mentioned above always point and laugh at the men. Why is this? Is it just that men are inept? Are they blind? Inconsiderate? So, here are my ideas of why this happens - which you are welcome to disagree with in the comments.

Topics include: Can I use a strap-on on my wife? My husband's ex-girlfriend What's a foreskin for?

I had a wife ask, "Sex should be a gift given freely, and if I don't have veto power, am I really giving freely?" This is my response in light of 1 Corinthians 7:4-5 and the role model Jesus was for us dying on the cross.

Topics Include: A husband's changing orgasms Can widowers masturbate Husband won't stop masturbation habit Calling husband "daddy" Feeling guilty about initiating sex

Answering the question: Hi Jay, I've noticed a dichotomy when it comes to expectations for male and female sex drives and what's considered desirable sexual performance. As a man, I feel like there's a lot of pressure to perform sexually. This means being able to become sexually aroused when seeing a naked woman (my wife in this case), being able to maintain the erection and having the sexual stamina to keep from climaxing for a sustained interval (not sure what the average woman considers desirable stamina but let's say 10 minutes?) Not to mention the societal pressure that men face when it comes to the size of their penis. I myself feel insecure about not having a large enough penis. Who doesn't want to add a couple of inches to their penis? I've become somewhat perplexed/frustrated because I feel like there are very few expectations placed on females. We live in an age when "all women are supposed to be seen as beautiful." It seems that females are simply expected to be willing to participate in sex when the mood is right, and that's it. There's no expectation on the size or quality of female genitals, no expectation on their ability to get aroused or maintain arousal, and no expectations on the level of physical or mental effort they invest in sexual activity. It seems they are just supposed to be the recipient while the man does the thrusting. Even when it comes to the subject of natural lubrication, there's a stigma around a man who can't naturally achieve and maintain an erection, but for the woman, there doesn't appear to be a stigma around the inability to produce sufficient arousal fluid (vaginal wetness). As it pertains to the topic of pornography, I've read many articles about the dangers of pornography for men, how it leads to sexual desensitization, and when paired with masturbation, decreased sexual stamina and even erectile dysfunction. I can't say I've read many articles discussing how viewing pornography is detrimental for women. Is it just me, or is there a double standard when it comes to sexual expectations for men and women?

Topics include: Sex in heaven Oral sex positions How to recover from an affair I want to become a mom

Topics include: My wife feels disrespected because I notice other women Wife is hurt but not healing after years Wife disconnects during foreplay What can we do during fertile days Oral sex questions Husband doesn't know our anniversary date Should I be worried if I'm late? In-laws over-share about sex Fantasies for couples Low-drive husband Period sex

Topics Include: Crossdressing Reframing "duty" sex Wife gets sex when she wants, but he doesn't Afraid to have more children

One of the most confusing subjects in Christianity is the topic of hell. The popular view is that hell is a place of eternal torment where vengeful God sends you for all of eternity for not obeying Him. People use this belief to try and scare people into being Christians. Let's see what the Bible says about hell. Do people get tortured for eternity? Is it just an infinite existence of everlasting torment? Is God really that sadistic?

Topics include: Wife wants too much sex Couple needs counselling Keep having the same unproductive fight Make boundaries before you start dating Sexy underwear for men

Topics: Is it okay to take nude pictures and videos of each other? Limon by Minna discount Asexual wife? Wife loves me, but isn't in love with me Wife isn't interested in improving our sex life Wish I married a bigger butt Secretly feed her ejaculate Husband says my vagina stinks and tastes bad 50-year-old wife refuses to have sex Do we need a counselor?

Topics include: Threesome temptations Aversion to receiving manual and oral sex Penis size Falling asleep during sexy time

Topics: Women use sex to control men, so men should be allowed to masturbate Appreciating beauty vs lusting Playlist for sex Tenuto Squeamish about handjobs Another question about masturbation How do I get my wife to masturbate for me? Is oral sex okay? Are men polygamous by nature?

Topics include: Phone sex Oral sex to completion Forgiveness and trust after betrayal Are pictures and videos a problem? Increasing female libido naturally What is our duty? Toxic wife Abusive employer

Topics include: Does my wife know what I'm doing to her? I want to share orgasms with my husband What are your thoughts on BDSM? Is bondage a problem for me? Wife doesn't like direct clitoral stimulation How do I hold my wife accountable?

Answering this question: Jay, I enjoyed the book (Introduction to Talking Dirty) that my hubby put on my iPad. The thing is, no matter what I do in my comfort zone, it isn't enough. I do many, I mean many, of the examples you use, even the F WORD. How do I get him to be grateful for what I do instead of needing more? I always feel inadequate.

My daughter's speech that the judges decided they couldn't let win because of the topic, but went on to districts despite them.