Podcast appearances and mentions of melissa kruger

What's your view of the church at the moment? And does it measure up with what God's plan for the church is? We're looking at the start of Ephesians 3 today to find out.

When you hyper-focus on what you think you lack, you aren't practicing gratitude, and you can become discontent. When you covet what someone else has, you will start to believe that God is withholding something good from you. That means our discontentment is not about our life circumstances but about the state of our hearts.  Melissa Kruger joins the Perrys to talk about a book Jackie stumbled upon when looking for resources on the topic of covetousness – one that Melissa wrote back in 2012 called “The Envy of Eve: Finding Contentment in a Covetous World.” Whatever you're wanting, it will not ultimately be soul-satisfying. We spend our time chasing the contentment we want when it's available to us simply by abiding with Jesus.  Connect with Melissa: https://www.instagram.com/melissabryankruger  https://melissabkruger.com/ Check out Melissa's book, "The Envy of Eve: Finding Contentment in a Covetous World" – https://www.amazon.com/Envy-Eve-Finding-Contentment-Covetous/dp/1845507754 Jackie and Melissa's Ephesians study with Jasmine Holmes: https://www.lifeway.com/en/product/ephesians-bible-study-book-with-video-access-P005843174? Scripture References Genesis 3 Philippians 4:11-13 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 This Episode is Sponsored By: https://weekendtoremember.com — Register now with code PERRY to save $100 on any getaway! - Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In week three of the “Above All Else” series, Grant Clark explores the deadly sin of envy and how comparison quietly corrodes the heart. Through Scripture, practical examples, and the gospel, this message invites us to move from discontentment and comparison into deeper satisfaction and contentment in Jesus.Quotes:“Envy is the feeling of wanting to have what someone else has.” — Britannica“Envy rejects the good life God has given me and obsesses over what God gives someone else.” — Jeff Cook, Seven“Envy has the deadly ability to distract my heart and mind from the daily bread God puts in my hands each morning, focusing me instead on the gifts, status, talents, and joys he gives to others… Envy is a deadly sin because it inspires us to say to God, ‘The life you've given me just isn't good enough.'” — Jeff Cook, Seven“We live in the most materially prosperous era in human history... Yet we are anxious, restless and often enraged. Why? It's not only about our circumstances. It is about how we perceive our lives.” — Jonathan Haidt“Social media didn't invent envy, but it industrialized it. It turned comparison into a business model.” — Jonathan Haidt“Envy works its cruel deception on our heart in such a way that our neighbor becomes a measuring stick of God's goodness (or lack of goodness) in our own lives.” — Melissa Kruger, The Death of the Deadly Sins“To pray for those we envy is to pour down rain on our envy parade.” — Kevin Vost, The Seven Deadly SinsScripture References:Proverbs 4:23 (NIV)Proverbs 14:30 (CSB)Psalms 23:1 (CSB)Matthew 13:44–46 (CSB)Philippians 4:11–13 (CSB)Hebrews 13:5 (CSB)Psalms 73:25–26 (CSB)

What Books are Healthiest for Your Tween or Teen an Interview with Betsy Farquhar and Hayley Morell (Episode 293)   *Disclaimer: Some of this content is not intended for young audiences. Please use discretion.   Proverbs 4:7 NIV “The beginning of wisdom is this: Get wisdom. Though it cost all you have, get understanding.”   *Transcription Below*   Betsy Farquhar holds Masters degrees in Children's Literature and Information and Library Science. She taught middle and high school English, homeschooled her three children, and has served on many book award committees.   Hayley Morell loves reading, writing, trying new recipes, knitting, or chatting with her parrot. Hayley loves traveling and lived abroad in Europe and Asia. She and her husband and infant live in Wisconsin in an old house overflowing with books and are active in their local community.   Their Website, Book, and Social Media Handles: Instagram @redeemed_reader and Facebook: @redeemedreader   Thank you to our sponsor: Sam Leman Eureka   Questions and Topics We Cover: What are some benefits of reading and why is it worthwhile to devote our time to curating a healthy diet of books? Can you elaborate on why the Young Adult or YA category is the most controversial? What is on your radar for genres or books that will require even more discernment in the future?   Other Savvy Sauce Episode Mentioned: 21. Promoting a Family Culture of Reading with Megan Kaeb 22. Inspiring Your Children to Become Readers, Part Two with Megan Kaeb 253. Low Tech Parenting with Erin Loechner 273. Wise Living: Why to Get Outside, and Travel, and Read Aloud with Amber O'Neal Johnston   Connect with The Savvy Sauce on Facebook or Instagram or Our Website   Gospel Scripture: (all NIV) Romans 3:23 “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,”   Romans 3:24 “and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.”   Romans 3:25 (a) “God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood.”    Hebrews 9:22 (b) “without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness.”    Romans 5:8 “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”    Romans 5:11 “Not only is this so, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.”    John 3:16 “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.”   Romans 10:9 “That if you confess with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.”    Luke 15:10 says “In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.”   Romans 8:1 “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus”   Ephesians 1:13–14 “And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation. Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God's possession- to the praise of his glory.”   Ephesians 1:15–23 “For this reason, ever since I heard about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all the saints, I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers. I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his mighty strength, which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every title that can be given, not only in the present age but also in the one to come. And God placed all things under his feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church, which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way.”   Ephesians 2:8–10 “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God – not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God‘s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.“   Ephesians 2:13 “But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near through the blood of Christ.“   Philippians 1:6 “being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”   *Transcription*‍   Music: (0:00 – 0:11)   Laura Dugger: (0:12 - 1:46) Welcome to The Savvy Sauce, where we have practical chats for intentional living. I'm your host, Laura Dugger, and I'm so glad you're here.   The principles of honesty and integrity that Sam Leman founded his business on continue today over 55 years later at Sam Leman Chevrolet Eureka.   Owned and operated by the Bertschi family, Sam Leman and Eureka appreciates the support they've received from their customers all over Central Illinois and beyond. Visit them today at lemangm.com.   My guests for today are Betsy Farquhar and Haley Morrill, two of the four authors of this book, The Redeemed Reader, which is also the name of the website that they run together where they have thousands of book reviews for children and tweens and teens.   We all know that books are so powerful, so it's vitally important that we're discerning both for what we're intaking and the filters that we use to allow our children to engage with books in our home. We're going to sprinkle book recommendations throughout this episode, and you're also going to learn some surprising things, such as more details about the YA or young adult category. Here's our chat. Welcome to The Savvy Sauce, Betsy and Haley.   Betsy Farquhar: (1:48 - 1:49) Thanks. It's good to be here.   Laura Dugger: (1:50 - 1:57) I would love to just start out hearing the way that the two of you found your way into the work that you get to do today.   Betsy Farquhar: (1:58 - 2:42) Mine started way back in the 1900s when I was in college. I did my senior thesis on children's literature, George MacDonald, and that led to a children's literature class my last semester, which led me to grad school with one of my now co-workers, but at the time fellow students and friends, and we got our master's in children's literature. And then rabbit trail, lots of detours, children, marriage. She and I started a blog back when those were cool and hip, and it was reviewing children's books and that was just for fun. And then we connected with Janie and Emily from Redeemed Reader. Through that blog venue, we were commenting on each other's blogs, and they brought us on board. And so here we are 15 years later.   Hayley Morell: (2:43 - 3:38) And for me, I was a high schooler. I was homeschooled. I loved reading.   So, I started my own blog back in the teenage years and I was always looking for book recommendations and came upon Redeemed Reader in the early days. I turned out they were looking for an intern. I started interning and at the end of my internship, Emily Witten, who was our founder, asked if I'd like to stay on.   And that was 14 or 15 years ago now. So, I was younger. And so, I had a period at college.   I studied at Boyce College. I worked in children's ministry and worked as a private tutor. So, a lot of interactions with children.   I was known as the babysitter with the book bag for a number of years. And now I've got my own little, and so I'm in the land of board books and happily working at Redeemed Reader.   Laura Dugger: (3:39 - 3:49) I love hearing that. And if people are watching this through video, can you both just say your name, so we know who's Betsy and who's Haley? I'm Haley.   Betsy Farquhar: (3:50 - 3:51) I'm Betsy.   Laura Dugger: (3:52 - 4:07) Okay, wonderful. Thank you for that. And at Redeemed Reader, I'm assuming you have so many book recommendations to try and read and review.   So, how do you even determine which books you are going to review?   Hayley Morell: (4:08 - 7:49) So, right now we are wrapping up one of the things we love doing, which is providing award coverage. In January is when the American Library Association announces their awards, and they like to recognize the best middle grade with the Newberry, the best picture books with the Caldecott, and then a number of other awards. We know that those books are going to be going into lots of libraries and schools.   And so, we like to provide coverage of that and review those books that we know parents are going to be seeing on shelves and wondering, is this a good book? Should we be reading this? What do we want to check out?   We also like to watch what is popular. What is causing discussion? So, several years ago, that was The Hunger Games.   And there was a lot of questions about dystopia. Should we be reading this? Is this helpful?   Do I want my teen reading The Hunger Games? More recently, some popular middle grade series like Keeper of the Lost Cities have had a lot of parents asking, what is this series? Is there anything I should know about?   And so, we try to have a balanced review. We review books that you're going to find at the library. We also like to review books that maybe you wouldn't know about.   So, a smaller Christian imprint, for example, we like to review that type of book to encourage readers to read widely, to read Christian authors, to read secular authors. We like books. And so, we each bring our own specialty to the team and experience.   Janie, who's our senior editor, is a children's author. She loves history. And so, as the community relations manager, I tend to handle review requests.   So, when somebody asks us, can you review this book? It's popular. Or I'm an author.   I wrote a book. Can you review it? I'll look at the book.   I'll look at how hard is it to get? We do try to review books that are easy to find, that you might find in your local library. But then I'll look at our team.   So, for Janie, if it is going to be a nonfiction history, let's say for a 10 to 12-year-old, I know that's going to be up her alley. Meanwhile, Betsy loves poetry. She loves nature, nonfiction.   Betsy is a very, I'd say you're one of our Renaissance people. And so, I know Betsy is going to be inclined towards maybe a novel and verse. And she also likes dealing with high school books.   You've got that teacher education background, where if it is an epic poem, Betsy is going to be our reviewer. Megan is our amazing picture book author. She's super creative, loves picture books.   Megan is who I turn to when I find a picture book. Meanwhile, I used to handle as I was the team member of the team and then turned into my 20s. So, I gravitated toward YA, and I still love a good YA fantasy.   But I am now in board book land and picture books. So, I have been expanding my reach. I do serve on our middle grade fiction, so I can help out with middle grades.   But each of us will flex in, flex out. Megan has a large family of boys. And so, if it's a boy book, she is a great person.   We love to send those to her to see if her boys like them. And that's, I could keep going because we love books, but that's a big snapshot.   Laura Dugger: (7:50 - 8:09) That's so helpful because you cover such a wide variety of books throughout your team. And as curators of book reviews, what questions are you most commonly receiving, both from young people and maybe their parents as well?   Hayley Morell: (8:12 - 9:22) I think we often get questions like, is this book clean? Is this book safe? And we like to kind of change that question.   And we like to say, why is the content in this book? Because that can be different, you know, depending on something that is in a picture book, which wouldn't be appropriate for an age, could be very appropriate for a YA book and a great discussion starter. So, it definitely depends on the content and what audience and what age of the audience we're dealing with.   So, we try to, as people ask us, well, is this safe or is this clean? Should I read this? We want to build discernment and encourage parents to interact, parents and educators to interact with our reviews.   And they know their reader. They know how their reader is going to receive a book. And what questions might come up.   And so, we like to help interact with that conversation. And then there's another kind of question we often get, which I'm going to let Betsy answer.   Betsy Farquhar: (9:23 - 10:10) The other question is, my kid likes blank kind of book or is blank kind of reader. What do I get for him or her? And so that, of course, can vary widely.   But people love to know what book is right for my family or my classroom or my child. And so, we try to write our reviews with that question in mind, not to make a blanket statement, you should all read this book, or nobody should read this book, but to give parents and educators enough information to make that decision for themselves. And then we started doing these reels on Instagram, where we're pretending we're answering a customer service phone call with questions we've been asked, right?   My son only likes video games, or my daughter doesn't want fantasy, but she reads these kinds of books. And so, we try to help people think that through.   Laura Dugger: (10:10 - 10:14) So, that's really how we continue.   Hayley Morell: (10:15 - 11:09) Sorry. And one more question that we often get because we are book reviewers is, will you review my book? And so, at that point, we do have a process.   We encourage people to submit a request. And it could be maybe a book they're curious about and would just like a review from us, or they're an author or a publisher. And so, in that case, we direct them to our review submission form.   And like I said before, we are definitely looking for books that are easy to find. That will encourage us to review a book, because while we love books that are like smaller imprints, et cetera, and we do try to provide coverage for that, we also are aware that a lot of our audience only has their library or their school library. And so, we are trying to do books that are easy to find and accessible for our readers.   Laura Dugger: (11:10 - 11:40) Okay, that's really helpful to hear what people are writing in and asking you about. And so, hearing the sweet spot from each team member, and then Betsy, how you mentioned people love to know what's right for my family. So, no, this won't fit every situation. But can you give examples of maybe books that the four of you find yourselves recommending quite a bit because they are ones that fit a wide range of people?   Betsy Farquhar: (11:41 - 13:39) Of course, we put a ton of recommendations in our book that came out in the fall. And those are sort of our most common recommendations. We have a place on our website called Starred Reviews.   And those are the best of the best in our mind of their genre. So, if you're looking for graphic novels, and you see a star on a graphic novel, it's because we think this is an amazing graphic novel. So, that's just a helpful framework, because of course, people are all over the map, right?   We're in the midst of whittling down our Book of the Year for this year. And we also have our Reader's Choice Book of the Year. And those books are ones we tend to recommend all the time.   So, I'm going to give you just some samples of what are on our Reader's Choice list, because that is a public list. And I can't reveal the 2025 releases we're considering for the other one. But for our Book of the Year for the Reader's Choice this year, we have The Found Boys by S. D. Smith.   We've got, I've got them all right here, Olivetti by Allie Millington. There's The Hiding Place: A Graphic Novel and the Watership Down: The Graphic Novel that are both really fun. People have really enjoyed them.   We've got the first book in The Dream Keeper Saga by Kathryn L. Butler. That's a Christian fantasy series. We've got Enemies in the Orchard, which is the novel in verse about World War II.   One Big Open Sky by Lesa Cline-Ransome, which is another novel in verse about some Black pioneers going west on a wagon train. And that might be, oh, The Puppets of Spelhorst by Kate DiCamillo. Kate DiCamillo is a super prolific author, and we do recommend her books often.   Her book, Ferris, was our Book of the Year last year. So, there's just a quick sampling of some middle grades' books. And middle grades, for people who don't know, that's the broad fourth through eighth grade age range.   You think of like ages 8 to 12. And they tend to be the broadest in audience. You can usually read those aloud to a younger audience, or even teenagers might find them enjoyable.   So, that's a good start.   Hayley Morell: (13:40 - 14:29) I do think one of the beauties of our team is that we've worked together for a long time. And we trust our team. And so, I will happily recommend a book that I haven't seen, but I know Betsy loved and reviewed.   And it's so fun reading the same books. So, like right now, since we're on award committees, we are seeing a lot of the same books and getting to talk about them. But I think it's one of our strengths that we each bring something to the table.   And I would say if someone really likes history, I'm going to look at what Janie has loved recently, because I know she is looking for those good new history books. And its so fun recommending books and getting to play to our strengths.   Laura Dugger: (14:31 - 16:16) And that comes out in book recommendations. When you're passionate about what you're reading, it's naturally contagious, I think. And now a brief message from our sponsor.   Sam Leman Chevrolet Eureka has been owned and operated by the Bertschi family for over 25 years. A lot has changed in the car business since Sam and Stephen's grandfather, Sam Leman, opened his first Chevrolet dealership over 55 years ago.   If you visit their dealership today, though, you'll find that not everything has changed. They still operate their dealership like their grandfather did, with honesty and integrity. Sam and Stephen understand that you have many different choices in where you buy or service your vehicle.   This is why they do everything they can to make the car buying process as easy and hassle-free as possible. They are thankful for the many lasting friendships that began with a simple welcome to Sam Leman's. Their customers keep coming back because they experience something different.   I've known Sam and Stephen and their wives my entire life, and I can vouch for their character and integrity, which makes it easy to highly recommend you check them out today. Your car buying process doesn't have to be something you dread, so come see for yourself at Sam Leman Chevrolet in Eureka. Sam and Stephen would love to see you, and they appreciate your business.   Learn more at their website, LemanEureka.com or visit them on Facebook by searching for Sam Leman Eureka. You can also call them on 309-467-2351. Thanks for your sponsorship.   I'm curious, over the years, what character qualities have you noticed in people who are now adults, but they originally fell in love with reading in childhood?   Betsy Farquhar: (16:17 - 17:39) So, that's a pretty broad question. I would think, I'm just going to paint this with broad strokes. People who read typically are people who think, and especially in a day and age where we're bombarded with screens and soundbites all the time, if somebody can actually read an analog book from start to finish, then typically they're going to be able to think about ideas in a different way than people who are just existing on soundbites.   So, the ability to think is pretty critical. There's been a lot of studies that show that people who read also have better empathy. It's just a way we can sort of step into somebody else's shoes, especially if we're reading a story about somebody who perhaps lived in a different time period, or they're from a different ethnic background, or even if there's just a different socioeconomic level, it helps us understand the people on the other side a little bit better.   So, that kind of, this twin characteristics of empathy and thoughtfulness, I think are pretty common. We all go through seasons where we don't read as much, whether we're stressed or perhaps, my kids are in college and they were avid readers in high school, and they're not doing a lot of reading for fun right now, but they know how to read and they enjoy it. So, they'll probably come back to that in the future.   So, I think that's a helpful thing to remember, just because your eight-year-old loves reading, when he or she is 18, they may not be reading as much, and that's okay. They'll probably come back to it.   Hayley Morell: (17:40 - 17:53) And I've definitely seen that with younger siblings too, burning out and then all of a sudden back, asking for book recommendations. And it's fun to know that reading habits stick around.   Laura Dugger: (17:55 - 18:38) That's well said. And yet, even if they lie dormant for a while, they may be reawakened in adulthood. But I think I find it's less common for someone to fall in love with reading for their first time as an adult.   So, I think it's very beneficial as parents to cultivate or instill this love of reading in our children. And you two are the experts. So, I'd love to hear your take on this.   What are some of the benefits of reading? And why is it worthwhile to devote our time to curating a healthy diet of books, both for ourselves, but especially for our children?   Hayley Morell: (18:39 - 20:06) Betsy, I think you might've said this once, but I think it came up as we were talking about writing our book. As I have a small child who's just starting to notice pages and we're reading board books and he's trying to reach for it. I remember someone once said that reading to a very young child, they're not registering the story yet.   They might be registering the pictures. But the time that we're taking reading, when I read to him or when my husband gets home from work and they read one board book together, he's not really looking at the book as much as he's looking at our face and hearing our voice. And books are becoming something that we do together and that we do as a family.   And it's a way that we're building relationships. And I think that's a great encouragement to me to keep reading. And I have nieces and nephews who loved books.   And then that's something that we enjoy the story together and we'll laugh over silly stories and we'll read. But I think that it's something that as we want to like curate our collections but also think about how are we encouraging children to love reading. It's if they see us reading too and see us enjoying books and still picking up a book ourselves.   I'm not sure, Betsy, if you have anything that you would add to that.   Betsy Farquhar: (20:07 - 20:41) Well, I just think the better we read anything, the better equipped we are to read the story in the Bible because God revealed himself to us in a written book. And so, we're sort of flexing those muscles when we read. And the more we can engage with what we read, even if it's a picture book with a five-year-old, we're beginning that practice of developing discernment.   And that's part of discipling our children. So, I do think it's all part of the same picture. It's not going to look the same for every family but just working on developing those muscles of discernment and reading intelligently, that's going to go a long way.   Laura Dugger: (20:43 - 22:07) I love how you bring in the Bible that is so important. And I found myself even just this week at bedtime praying over our daughters that they would have a love for the written word because that is what God has gifted to us. And I love how the word became flesh and dwelt among us, but he is the original storyteller and has instilled that in each of us.   And I think just a very practical way at any age to help our children cultivate this love is by reading aloud. And we recently were on a family vacation and had a rental vehicle and we had a long drive-in front of us and listened to the radio for a while. But we also like this tradition of reading one book aloud on a vacation.   So, we remember our time in Florida from one year was a place to hang the moon and it was a different book this year, but I get car sick while we're driving. So, I couldn't read it aloud. So, our oldest daughter read it aloud for all of us.   And I realized how much attention and focus is required and imagination to paint these pictures of the characters in your mind. And I just thought, wow, there's so much learning that's going on even as the one listening to the book, not reading the actual words.   Betsy Farquhar: (22:09 - 22:15) And a place to hang the moon was our reader's choice favorite last year. So, lots of our readers have read that one.   Laura Dugger: (22:16 - 22:36) It's such a good one. And as wonderful as books are, they're also powerful and influential. So, as you've reiterated, discernment is required.   And I'd love for you to elaborate on why the young adult, or the YA category can be the most controversial.   Hayley Morell: (22:38 - 25:12) Young adult protagonists are often upper teenage years. And so, we like to say, as we mentioned in our book, no topic is out of bounds. And this means that there can be a lot going on and a lot of messiness.   We like to use that word as we're talking about that. And sometimes the messiness can be thought provoking. Sometimes it can be provocative.   And we have noticed often YA deals with questions of identity. Who am I? How do I relate to the world?   And that can look like lots of different things. It can include sexual identity, which can lead to a lot of conversations. But something that we like to lean into as we look at the YA genre is that in a world where everything is constantly shifting, as you have a teen and they're encountering conversations at school, conversations with peers, or using social media, having an ever-changing feed that I can look at my Instagram feed and it's going to look nothing like a teenager's Instagram feed.   Even if you're looking at the same account, the way that reels are coming, they're getting bombarded with messages. The messiest of books is static. And you both can look at that and read the cover, read what's going on, and talk about it.   And you both have the same place to have a conversation. And so, we like to lean into that when we're looking at YA books and realize they are powerful, but they're powerful conversation starters. And books like, Betsy recently read a book, and it's called Bright Red Fruit.   And it's a cautionary tale about a teenage girl who has a relationship with an older man that's predator. And he is taking advantage, trying to separate her that is an excellent conversation starter. It's not an easy book to read.   You're reading it, getting worried for this girl, but it's a great way to say, let's read this book and let's talk about what a healthy relationship looks like, because this is not healthy. So, we love YA books that can provoke conversations. And sometimes it might be you both looking at a book and going, you know, this doesn't seem helpful.   We don't need to finish this book. It's okay to stop reading a book and return it to the library.   Laura Dugger: (25:12 - 26:11) I completely agree. And even with that YA section, one of our daughters was just saying, when I go through that section of the library, it seems like every single book is about death. And it did provoke a good conversation from that.   But I think it was Sarah McKenzie who was the first person that I heard explain the difference between a middle grade novel or YA because from my understanding, middle grade isn't just for those grades. You even said younger ages can enjoy that and older. I have friends that only read middle grade novel now as adults.   So, it's not just your reading level, but YA has different rules on it where I think you said anything goes, any topic is allowed. So, it doesn't mean that YA is necessarily what you have to graduate to once you enter high school. Is that right?   Hayley Morell: (26:11 - 27:06) But yes, it's typically and the funny thing that you kind of leaned into it, some middle grade books definitely deal with coming of age or might even have a teenage protagonist, but it's written in a way that a 12 year old could read it and enjoy it. When you get into like the higher YA, it is more like young adults, people starting their own lives, having adventures, leaving home, going on quests. And like you said, bringing in some heavier topics.   Now we have seen since like in the last five years, a lot of books dealing with death and grieving that are hitting that middle grade genre too, which can be helpful. But at the same time, if you're just reading sad books, you might want to change your diet and find a fun, happy book too.   Laura Dugger: (27:07 - 27:31) Again, in a conversation like this, it has to be more general of a recommendation, but there's such a difference, I'm sure in YA for your 13-year-old versus your 18-year-old. So, for someone who does want to dip their toe into some YA books, do you have anyones that you find yourselves recommending again for that age group?   Betsy Farquhar: (27:32 - 28:42) I'll jump in here. We've got a couple of book lists on our site that are, have actual number ages attached to them. Thirteen books for 13-year-old boys is a great one for that younger teen audience.   But those tend to be, they're grappling with some coming-of-age issues, but they tend to be more adventure based in a sense and more fun. I think of the Ranger's Apprentice series by John Flanagan. There's a little bit of language.   There's a little bit of romance, but it's very teen, young teen friendly. And its actually kind of a good picture of men being heroes and women are heroes in very, like the men are men, they're very masculine. And the women, even if they're part of the army, so to speak, they're still doing it in a feminine way.   So, it's just kind of a nice sort of entry into some of those conversations. But then if you fast forward, by the time teens are in their upper teens, they should be able to read adult books too. And so, you might find yourself reading something like Peace Like a River by Leif Enger, which is very much written for an adult market, but very accessible to teens if they're willing to grapple with some of those ideas.   But that book's going to be a lot heavier than a book for a 13-year-old.   Laura Dugger: (28:44 - 29:05) That's helpful just to have examples. And I think it's also helpful to put this into context by reflecting back through time. So, just in America, what have you learned about the trends and the changes in libraries, specifically over the past 75 years?   Betsy Farquhar: (29:06 - 31:30) So, I have a library degree too, so I love talking about libraries. In library science, we have a rule, it's called Ranganathan's Law, and it simply says every book is reader, which means that for every book out there, there's a reader out there. And libraries take that very seriously.   No book is off the table for a public library. We had an entire class on serving our community. So, the goal behind a public library has always been to serve the community in which it's placed.   Now that's changed a lot as our society has changed a lot. So, before World War II, most libraries were funded very locally, local taxes, they may have even been subscription-based, but after we have all these army vets coming back after World War II, they're going back to school later. We have this explosion of information access for people who can't get it.   So, the Library Services Act was the first one. We've had lots of iterations since then. Now it includes technology.   It started with giving federal dollars to rural libraries, and it's continued even to big cities now, but the focus is still on services for people who can't access them as easily. So, free Wi-Fi was a really big one before Wi-Fi was as broad spread. There are services for the blind and for other communities that might not be able to read as easily.   So, it's still sort of an information hub, but I think that makes us uncomfortable sometimes as Christians because our society has changed so much that we go into a library now and we're like, I would never read this book to my kid. Well, but your neighbor might, and the public library is not the parent of your child. The public library is serving the whole community.   So, go ahead and request them to stock some Christian books. A lot of them will buy the Christian books that you request because they want to serve you. You're part of their community.   So, I think we just have to remember that their goal is broader. My goal as a parent is far more niche than my public librarian's goal to serve her community. She's not my enemy.   Even if she's picking things for story time that I would never read to my children, it doesn't mean I have to ignore the library. I can love that those are image bearers. I can respectfully bring up my concerns, and I can suggest books and I can build a relationship with this fellow image bearer in my community.   It can be a great mission field. So, yes, libraries are continually evolving. That's why they now offer you can even check out sports equipment.   They're still trying to provide information and resources for the community.   Hayley Morell: (31:32 - 32:01) I just recommended or requested two books that were Christian picture books that aren't in our system. And one of our librarians helped me fill out the form explaining why I wanted them. And I just got a notification yesterday. Both are on hold for me and have been added to our library. So, it's exciting. If you don't ask, you don't know if you're going to get it. I honestly was surprised. I was like, oh, they actually got the books I wanted.   Laura Dugger: (32:02 - 32:56) It is so exciting when they do that. I love our local library, and the staff is just wonderful to work with. So, that's great encouragement for us to get to know them by name and have a relationship with them.   And just to zero in on that one piece after World War II, I think that's tied to what so many people call is it the golden age of children's literature where some people will say we only read books before a certain year, like mid-1900s. But I love that you guys review even modern books because it's not that it was all better back then. But I do think there's a piece of truth in it that libraries had to be so discerning back then with less funding.   And so maybe they had the best of the best available and then funds came in and we can have a wider range.   Betsy Farquhar: (32:56 - 33:40) There's so many factors here historically because we could really nerd out, but I won't. But what's also being reflected is simply printmaking technology because the ability to print paperbacks, paperbacks as like a thing weren't a thing until the 20th century. So, books were incredibly expensive.   You've got all those factors playing in too. So, not only are they getting different funding, but there is an explosion in printmaking technology that allows publishers to produce inexpensive books. And that allows families and libraries to buy more books.   It's not dissimilar to the way we have digital media now that's got its own sort of technology behind the distribution of the digital books. So, there's a lot of factors involved in that.   Laura Dugger: (33:41 - 34:03) That is fascinating. I'm glad you brought that up. And like I said, so helpful to look back.   But now if we're also looking forward, I'd really appreciate your perspective on where we're headed. So, what's on your radar for genres or books that may require even more discernment in the future?   Hayley Morell: (34:04 - 37:18) So, right now, romanticy is having a moment and that's a genre that is getting a lot of attention. There's a lot of marketing using that language. And I think it's really helpful to realize this is a marketing term.   So, Fourth Wing became very popular. That is a book that is for adults. It has a lot of explicit sex.   But it used the term romanticy and it sold very well. And so suddenly all books that are fantasy and have some romance are being called romanticy. And that could mean a lot of different things.   So, what we're seeing is this term that if it's used in the YA genre, we don't know what it means going into a book. It might mean a lot of focus on romance and some unhelpful sex. It also could mean a really fun fantasy that happens to have a romantic angle.   So, I recently gave a starred review to A Forgery of Fate by Elizabeth Lim. That's a Chinese fairy tale, beauty and the beast type story. And it is excellent.   One of the marketing terms that used was romanticy. And it just is a wonderful fantasy story that has this thread of romance perfectly appropriate for teen readers. But that is a term that we're currently aware of.   And this is a genre that we want to notice and take with a grain of salt. It's kind of a contrast on the other side. It's differentiating between romanticy has romance and then there's cozy fantasy, which is more cottage core, comfortable feeling.   It also could have sex. So, there's, as we run into this fantasy genre, there's a lot of things going on, but it's definitely having a moment. And it's just nice to know what's going on and what cozy fantasy is going to be focused on character development, like very like a shopkeeper who inherits a cottage with a garden and grows mushrooms.   That's cozy fantasy. Romanticy is a chosen one motif who's at some dramatic school. Dark academia is also having a moment where it's a lot of angst, a lot of little bit of horror.   And some of it can be done really well because it's popular. There's a lot of it out there. And so, some discernment is required as you're figuring out, is this a book for adults or is this a book for teens?   I think I would be cautious with books that are being marketed for adults as romanticy because you could run into some things that are meant for an adult audience and might not be helpful for that teenage reader of yours.   Betsy Farquhar: (37:18 - 38:06) The only other thing I'll add, and this is sort of a different approach, but we're seeing a lot of genre blending. It's getting harder to say this is a mystery or this is a fantasy, even this is a historical fiction story. So, I think genre fiction in general is kind of having a moment.   And when we say genre fiction, we really mean things like mystery, science fiction, romanticy, these sort of sub genres that are underneath the broader terms of realistic fiction or speculative fiction is an umbrella term that includes fantasy, dystopia, science fiction, magical realism, all the little niche downstream sort of sub genres. But we're seeing some really interesting things. It's going to be harder to automatically decide I like that genre, or I don't because they're just mixing and matching elements from all over the place.   Laura Dugger: (38:08 - 39:15) Mm-hmm. That is helpful. I had never heard of some of those things that you just mentioned, but also I'd love for you to respond after I shared this story.   I had a previous guest, Megan Cabe, who used to run a blog. It was called Young Book Love and she would review, I think, middle grade novels, maybe a little bit of YA, but she would say most topics are beneficial to read, even if they're difficult, what you all refer to as messy books. But she did provide extra caution and just said she strongly advised against explicit sexual content because those mental images have a way of sticking with us.   And I agree with her. I would also add sometimes what's not appropriate for our children is not appropriate for us either. And just a funny way to remember this, I had a loved one recently who just said, “You can't sugarcoat a turd. I'd love your take on all of that.”   Hayley Morell: (39:17 - 41:54) So, we like to use the term beyond ever after when we're dealing with this idea of what romance is helpful, what is not helpful. And like you said, the age of the reader comes into play because something that might be a good conversation point with your teen, let's say dealing with a first kiss, that is something that is good to be thinking about and be talking about having healthy conversations about what is God's design for sexuality. And as you are starting to notice the opposite sex and have feelings, what do we do with those?   And again and again, it's been shown that it is helpful to have these conversations because if we're not having a conversation about what is God's view and what does God want us to do with this, our young people are going to turn to the world, which is very happy to give them a lot of talk about sexuality, but some very different perspectives and answers that are focused on yourself, let's you do you versus no, what has God given us and how are we going to steward this?   So, one of the things that I like to, that we like to be aware of as we're reviewing at Redeemed Reader is, is this a 12-year-old reading this book? And if a 12-year-old is reading a book and in the book, a 12-year-old is having a crush and it's kissing, we don't want our 12-year-olds kissing. That's not that helpful yet.   I mean, that's, that's quite young and yes, in some cultures you might, but not yet. However, if this is a book about an 18-year-old on a high school trip, like Becky Dean has some really fun YA romances that are appropriate for teens, then dealing with what is it like dating? What is it like dealing with these emotions and chemistry that can be really well done for an 18-year-old?   But like you said, we want to be aware of our imaginations. We want to be aware of what we're able to handle. And for someone, maybe reading those romances is fun and helpful.   For another, it might be unhelpful. And I think that comes down to as a reader growing discernment and knowing what you are able to read that will still be edifying.   Betsy Farquhar: (41:56 - 42:55) I'm going to piggyback a little bit. I, I agree that there, we look to scripture for what the standards are, and the Bible is not describing sexual activity in sordid detail. So, it's probably a good idea for us not to be wallowing in the same sorts of things.   And I think the same thing is true for language. In fact, it's easier to ignore profanity in a book you're reading versus listening to it. I mean, if we immerse ourselves in audio books that have, that are littered with profanity, it's going to stick in our head differently than if we're just reading it on the page.   And I think sexual activity; there are some similar dynamics at play. Obviously, a visual scene is going to be probably stick with us even more than a written scene. But either way, you know, that's part of discernment is what is my imagination doing with this?   And the overall picture of my reading diet. Is this all I'm reading? Is this what my thoughts are going towards?   Are they pointing me back to Christ? Are they promoting some helpful conversation? Or is it just sort of my guilty pleasure? Well, that should be maybe a sign.   Laura Dugger: (43:21 - 43:45) Some love stories are described as squeaky clean. But when it comes to the world of Christian romance, what are some helpful questions that we can be asking our tween or teen? And what are some healthy considerations for filtering books that we're going to allow to be consumed in our home?   Hayley Morell: (43:47 - 47:15) So, it's interesting. I think each genre of romance can have its own pitfalls. And I know I really appreciate the authors who are writing clean, squeaky-clean stories.   And as I've read them and consumed them, one of the things I've noticed is that it is clean. There's no question of something being clean. But at the same time, if the only thing we're reading, going back to having a balanced book diet, is a squeaky-clean story, I don't think that's helpful because it doesn't show an accurate view of the world.   And we want to be preparing our tweens and teens for a world where, yes, there is a happily ever after. Yes, we have the fairy tale wedding, or we have an imagination that is sparked by boy meets girl. But then what happens next?   And we live in a fallen world. And so, we have to work on relationships. We have to work on communicating.   And sometimes squeaky clean can lean so far into being safe that it doesn't actually show what it is like to have a relationship with the opposite sex. I think of one story I read and it's very superficial, playful. Snarky is often something I've noticed in the squeaky clean because we don't, we have to have some form of banter.   And so, it's perpetual sarcasm and no physical touch. But then suddenly our protagonists marry and now they're still being snarky and not touching. And as an adult, I look at that and go, that is not an accurate portrayal of what it looks like to have a romance and to have marriage.   And so, we love to ask, what are the relationships like in this book? And if that's in a middle grade novel, one of the things we love seeing is are they showing a healthy family? Are they showing parents that like being together?   Because that's at a middle grade level is you're sparking that imagination. What is our protagonist seeing as the adults around them are having relationships? Do the adults like to be together?   I just was reading a really sweet, Betsy, I think you read it. But Will's Race for Home is a story about this boy and westward expansion. And so, it's when the Oklahoma, Oklahoma land rush opens up.   And there's the sweetest time where he talks about how he knows his father loves his mother because his father will look at his mother and she will blush. And it's the sweetest age-appropriate picture of what romance looks like when you're a 12-year-old looking at your parents. And I think that type of thing can be a really healthy way of having these conversations versus having a diet that is just squeaky clean and yet might actually be showing an inaccurate portrayal of what it's like to have relationships in a fallen world.   Laura Dugger: (47:16 - 47:30) Well, let's get specific on another type of book as well. How do you advise parents to think critically on what age is appropriate to consume what you mentioned earlier, the Hunger Games or a book like that?   Betsy Farquhar: (47:31 - 49:44) Ooh, pick me. I love these kind of books. I'll read anything.   And I tend to get tasked with books that are difficult sometimes. Although many of us on our team read them and we do talk about these behind the scenes. So, when you're thinking about the age your child is and when they're ready for any book, but especially a popular one, I think part of that is our job as parents is always to be watching our children, to be students of our children.   How are they consuming media in general? What kind of video games? What kind of movies?   Are they on social media? What is their media diet like? And how are they handling that?   And if they're showing discernment in general, and they're kind of grappling with issues and ideas, then they're going to be ready for a book like the Hunger Games sooner than a child who's just blindly taking it all in. There's no magic age where you say, ooh, you're 12, you can read the Hunger Games. A lot depends on what that child's already displayed.   And I think dystopia are the books where there's some apocalyptic future and there's usually an autocratic governor or government system or it's futuresque. But they're really great books about bringing up big questions about how society works and the nature of authority and even the nature of anarchy. And they're just such great discussion starters.   But if your child isn't able to have those kinds of conversations yet, they're going to miss the forest for the trees and it's going to be all shock value. But I'm going to add a big caveat. If it's really popular and you think your child is maybe ready, maybe not quite, I would probably go ahead and read it with him or her if all of the peers are reading it.   Because I would rather my child have that conversation with me than with their friend. Or at least have it with me first before they read it with their friends. Even if we skip parts, maybe it's a book that you feel like we can't read chapter 12 for whatever reason.   Be honest with your child and say, you know what? This book has a scene I'm really uncomfortable with. Maybe give a brief summary.   We're going to keep going. But engage with your children over what is popular. I think that is the number one takeaway because they're going to find answers somewhere.   We want it to be from us.   Laura Dugger: (49:46 - 50:52) That is good. And that's why I appreciate the redeemed reader because you're putting in all this work for us because we can't pre-read everything. But when we're faced with a situation like that, it is helpful that we can choose to read some with them.   And another angle, I just love a few of your quotes in the book. First, on page 76, you write, If Genesis were made into a true-to-the-book movie, the Redeemed Reader team would not allow our children to watch it. We might abstain as well.   And then you go on for page 111 and you say, the best tool we can give our growing readers is God's word. The more they know and understand the Bible, the better equipped they will be to think discerningly, to recognize error, and to know how the Bible handles the same issues. So, will you just elaborate on this wisdom and advise us on how and why to encourage our children to read the Bible, even though it is messy?   Betsy Farquhar: (50:53 - 52:58) Well, it is a messy book, but thankfully, it's not only a messy book. I mean, if it were a movie, we have nudity very quickly. Then we have rebellion against God, and then we have murder.   And before you know it, six chapters in, the world is so bad that God is sending a flood to destroy it. So, it must have been really bad. But the Bible isn't giving us all those details.   And I think that is a big piece of the picture when it comes to discernment in literature. The Bible is not shy about telling us that people sinned. I mean, our heroes, David, infidelity, murder, you know, most of the famous people in the Bible did something egregiously wrong and sinful.   And yet the whole story of the Bible is God redeeming his people. We're all sinners. And there is hope because of Christ.   None of us can make it without Christ. And so, in the Bible, you're seeing both the mess and the hope. You're seeing God's answer to this problem.   And so, as we read scripture with our kids, one of the things that is helpful is we know what sin is. It's rebellion against God. It includes everything from sexual activity outside of marriage to gossip and pride and sort of the easy sins, right?   They're all sin. So, I think that's one thing that comes across when we're studying God's word. We also see Christ.   And when we then turn to a book, just a regular fiction book or even a nonfiction book, is the book also labeling sin as sin or at least a mistake? Or is it glorifying it? How is it handling it compared to how we know scripture handles it?   Is there any hope in the book? And where is that hope found? Are they just praying to the universe?   We're seeing universe capitalized all over the place now as sort of this amorphous deity. Well, that's not hopeful. I don't want to pray to Jupiter.   You know, we have a God who cares about us. And so just getting your kids to sort of reckon with the differences between how a book is portraying hope and judgment versus how scripture portrays it, that's going to take them a long way.   Laura Dugger: (53:01 - 53:23) That's fantastic. And your book lists at the end of each chapter are reason enough to purchase the book. But I'm sure that you've encountered additional titles since your publication date that you also enjoy.   So, will you share a handful of book recommendations, maybe some from each of those sweet spots again from your team?   Hayley Morell: (53:24 - 54:03) For young adults, we've actually mentioned both of the ones that I would add. They both have received starred reviews. A Forgery of Fate by Elizabeth Lim.   Excellent fantasy for young adults. And then Bright Red Fruit by Sophia O'Heo. And that one is a discussion starter.   It is a messy book, but it's an excellent book for its audience. Those would be two young adult fantasies. We see a lot of young adult fantasies.   So, but I would have loved to include those in the book. We just read them later.   Betsy Farquhar: (54:03 - 55:03) So, quick correction, Bright Red Fruit's not a fantasy, but it is it is. Oh, I apologize. That's fine.   It's a discussion starter. And that usually means that there's something in there you need to know about before you read it. As a parent, I would recommend doing your homework on that book.   It's a really good book to read with your daughters, but you might want to pre-read it first. Middle grade, that's our biggest bucket. Because it's the most it's got the widest audience reach and it's just so fun.   So, some of the ones that we've really liked, The Teacher of Nomadland by Daniel Nayeri. He is a Christian author. He won the National Book Award for this book for young people's literature and a Newbery Honor.   It's fantastic. It's a story about World War II. Benny on the Case by Wesley King is a really lovely mystery that features the protagonist has mosaic down syndrome, and it's just not very common to read books with different disabilities represented.   So, that's just a really sweet story. Lots of fun.   Hayley Morell: (55:04 - 55:05) It's a great audio book too.   Betsy Farquhar: (55:06 - 56:40) Yes. Song of the Stone Tiger, another Christian author, Glenn McCarty. It's a kind of a mix of realistic fiction and fantasy.   So, it's fun. A new one that we like. And then I'll leave you with one more.   I actually have it right here. So, for those who are watching this, they can see it. It's called Radiant by Vonda Michaud-Nelson.   And it's a novel in verse, but a beautiful picture of what it means to love your neighbor. So, The Sword by Marty Murkowski from New Growth Press. It's kind of a family devotional resource.   It was the World Magazine Book of the Year. We gave it a starred review as well. The Amazing Generation is a book for kids by the same author as The Anxious Generation.   So, that book is like a super bestseller for adults. This is kind of taking that idea and helping kids know how not to be the anxious generation, right? How they can be the amazing generation.   The World Entire is a nonfiction, maybe technically a picture book, but it's really long. And it's for this audience. And it's a true story about World War II, about a rescue.   I think it was set in Portugal. And then a graphic novel that's nonfiction. I'm trying to cover all your different genres here.   This is How to Say Goodbye in Cuban by Daniel Meadez. It's about his father and how he emigrated or escaped from Cuba. But it's a graphic novel.   So, there's a lot of visual interest. So, that's a really interesting background for kids who are hearing a lot of headlines about places like Cuba. And they're like, what's really going on?   A book like that can help them understand just some of the nuance behind the headlines.   Hayley Morell: (56:41 - 58:51) One of the things about middle grades as we talk about books is that middle grade is the age where readers are just exploding. And while you might have been able to keep up with your reader, then they hit 10 or 12 years old, and you give them a stack of books and they're reading them and asking for more. So, we definitely have a lot of middle grade reviews.   Picture books, though, are another place that we just love. And there's been some recent ones that we looked at and got, oh, this would be so good for the book. Something like Tuesday's Bear by Alexander Davis.   It's this beautiful story based on a true historical event. Unclaimed luggage is where, you know, if a suitcase gets lost, what happens to the contents? Well, one family had an idea, and Alexandra tells it through the story of this little bear who gets lost and then is found.   It's the most beautiful story. As a Christian, you can see a lot of very true themes running through it. And it's a delight to read aloud.   Wild Honey from the Moon by Kenneth Craigel. It's a story about a mother shrew whose little boy is sick, and she is going to do anything, even if it means traveling all the way to the moon to get some wild honey. It's a very imaginative story.   Beautiful pictures. A couple sneak peek that are going to just, these reviews are just going up. Iguanodon's Horn by Sean Rubin.   We've loved Bolivar, it was a graphic novel he did about a dinosaur. You can tell he likes dinosaurs. This is an amazing nonfiction picture book.   And for our Christian readers, this is a book about dinosaurs that doesn't have evolution. And I think you're going to love it. One more. His Grace is Enough. This is like Dr. Zeus type rhyming. Melissa Kruger wrote it.   It's a Christian book and it's a wonderful reminder for children. When you are dealing with sin, God's grace is enough. And I think you'll find if you read this, you'll be repeating the stanzas to yourself and encouraged as you read.   Laura Dugger: (58:54 - 59:41) I love having book lists. And if any other listeners are like me, we'll finish this episode and go ahead and put a bunch of books on hold at the library, which is always so convenient. And I'm sure a lot of people aren't able to take notes right now.   Maybe they're driving or working out as they're listening to this. But I love that every episode on The Savvy Sauce now has a transcript available. So, if anybody wants these book lists, you can go to the show notes page, either on our website or click on your podcast app and the transcript is available there.   So, thank you for all those wonderful recommendations. And do you have any other helpful tips to give us as parents if we're trying to navigate this well?   Betsy Farquhar: (59:42 - 1:00:26) Yes, start at birth and start not just reading with your kids, but asking them questions. They don't, it doesn't have to be a lengthy discussion. Is Piglet a good friend to poo?   You know, if you're reading Winnie the Pooh or if you're an Elephant and Piggy fan, like my kids were. Do you think Gerald should share his ice cream with Piggy? You can just pause in the middle of the story and just get them thinking, right?   So then when you get to the Hunger Games, you can say, what did you think of the ending? Would you have liked it to end differently? Those are great open-ended questions that get people talking and engaging and that you're often running.   If you can just think, I need to engage with my kids over what we're reading, then almost any book can be a discussion starter.   Laura Dugger: (1:00:27 - 1:00:33) Well, where can we go after this conversation to find more of your book recommendations?   Betsy Farquhar: (1:00:35 - 1:01:29) I'll do this one. Redeemedreader, alloneword.com is our website. And then we're super creative.   Our Facebook is exactly the same. Redeemedreader, alloneword. Our Instagram is redeemed underscore reader.   That's kind of a long story. But if you Google Redeemed Reader, you'll find us. And then the best way, oh yes, of course our book, which is also called The Redeemed Reader.   We're so original. But the best way to experience Redeemed Reader, other than the book, is through our weekly newsletter, which Haley curates and she does a fantastic job. But there's where you'll get the latest reviews.   We put in links for other places around the web that you might find interesting, different bookish news. Haley does a really fun book trivia with picture books. So, we like to think that it's going to make your inbox a happy place.   It's not a marketing email.   Laura Dugger: (1:01:30 - 1:01:50) I love that. We will provide links to all of that in the show notes for today's episode. And you two are already familiar.   We are called The Savvy Sauce because savvy is synonymous with practical knowledge. And so, as my final question for both of you today, what is your savvy sauce?   Betsy Farquhar: (1:01:52 - 1:03:03) So, as a business owner and a mom and a wife, it's probably not a surprise that I love my planner, but I've been through a lot of planners in my day, and I have very specific requirements. It needs to be bound, not coil bound. There's a certain size.   I mean, I have issues. I should say I have high standards for my planner. The single best feature in my current planner is that it forces me to break down my to do list between my life to do and my work to do.   And that was a game changer for me because I am wearing a lot of hats as most women are these days. And so, I limit myself to the number of bullet points that I'm given in the planner so that my work doesn't overtake my family life. It tends to be that way, sadly, more than the other way around.   Usually, my family life is not overtaking the work life, but it just it just gives me a chance to articulate each week. You know, I've got a birthday coming up that I need to plan for or I need to make sure my I mean, I graduated my youngest last year from high school, but the senior year in high school has a lot of deadlines. And so, it just helped me prioritize those milestones for my family and not let work get in the way.   Love that.   Laura Dugger: (1:03:03 - 1:03:04) What's the name of your planner?   Betsy Farquhar: (1:03:04 - 1:03:17) It's called the commit 30. I know there are other planners that do the same sort of thing, but I love having a weekly spread and I just love breaking it out between life to do and work to do.   Laura Dugger: (1:03:18 - 1:03:20) Absolutely. That sounds amazing. I love it.   Hayley Morell: (1:03:21 - 1:05:10) And my savvy sauce, I was going to say, Betsy is the planner and Betsy, I know you wouldn't appreciate this is spiral bound. So, I echo having a planner is a great way for me to just sort through all my thoughts, put them down and organize what needs to get done. But my savvy sauce is related to tech habits.   And as we were getting ready for our first, my husband and I were talking about how could we be mindful with our phone usage? And I have to thank Betsy for recommending Andy Crouch's, The Tech-Wise Family. Love that book.   And one of the things that we decided to do was to create a charging station downstairs in our house. And when I am not working where I need my phone for authentication or sending a voice message or being on the phone, if I'm not actively working, my phone lives on its charger. And that's been a struggle for me.   I have to admit the moment I had a child, anxiety kicked in. And for the first month, the phone was on me because that's what I needed to have a little security blanket. But I've been learning to leave my phone behind.   And then I'm not tempted to pick it up and scroll. And I feel like a child again because I get to the middle of the afternoon. And since I haven't been distracting myself, I've been getting things done. And all of a sudden I'm like; it's two o'clock and it's not dinner time yet. I have all of this time because I've created some more time by using the phone as a tool. But not having it right present and honestly, just distracting myself with it.   Laura Dugger: (1:05:12 - 1:05:48) That is a good, savvy tip. I love both of those. And you two have such warm and engaging personalities.   And I love those benefits that you were talking about for people who are readers. I experienced all of that through both of you today. And you're so wise and discerning yourselves.   And I am just beyond grateful that the Lord gifted you with your intellect, but also this passion for reviewing these resources. You're benefiting so many parents and children alike.   So, thank you for the work that you do. And thank you for being my guests.   Betsy Farquhar: (1:05:49 - 1:05:57) Thank you for having us. It is all from the Lord. Anything we have that's wise and worth taking away.   The credit should go to him, of course.   Hayley Morell: (1:05:58 - 1:06:00) Ame

What does it look like to follow Deuteronomy 6 and raise our kids in the "fear and admonition of the Lord"? Michael Kruger and Melissa Kruger join Adriel Sanchez to discuss what worship and discipleship can look like in the home, and why parents don't need to feel intimidated or afraid to step into this responsibility.   GET "THE GOOD NEWS FAMILY DEVOTIONAL" - https://amzn.to/4emka4b Written for ordinary families with full schedules, this flexible, Christ-centered guide will help you engage your children with consistency and purpose. Let your hearts be refreshed each day as you meditate on the life and ministry of Jesus together. Affiliate link. PARTNER WITH US - https://solamedia.org/partner/?sc=AS2502V When you become a partner today, you'll receive two remarkable books as our thanks: Rediscovering the Holy Spirit by Dr. Michael Horton and Praying with Jesus by Pastor Adriel Sanchez. We believe these books can guide you into a clearer understanding of the Spirit's work and a richer prayer life. FOLLOW US YouTube | Instagram | X/Twitter | Facebook | Newsletter WHO WE ARE Sola is home to White Horse Inn, Core Christianity, Modern Reformation, and Theo Global. Our mission is to serve today's global church by producing resources for reformation grounded in the historic Christian faith. Our vision is to see reformation in hearts, homes, and churches around the world. Learn more: https://solamedia.org/

One of the most important practices as Christian parents is to teach children God’s Word. Yet, parents often feel overwhelmed, timid, and ill-equipped to lead their families. Michael and Melissa Kruger will give parents some practical ways to lead their families in how to study the Scriptures together. Don’t miss the next Equipped with Chris Brooks. Featured resource:The Good News Family Devotional by Michael and Melissa Kruger May thank you gift:Raising Daughters: A Christian Mom's Guide for the Lifelong Journey by September McCarthy Equipped with Chris Brooks is made possible through your support. To donate now, click here. To become 1 in 100 who supports at $1,000 (annually or $83/month), click here.

As we continue to listen in on Jesus' final words to his disciples, we're given a glorious glimpse into the work of the Holy Spirit in John 16. Join us as we tease through some of the big themes together.

As our children grow and mature, our anxieties as parents often grow right alongside them. How do we navigate concerns about activities, dating, cell phones, social media, and questions about faith? In this conversation recorded at TGCW25, Mike and Melissa Kruger consider biblical principles that serve as the foundation for the practical decisions we make as parents, while anchoring our hopes and expectations on Christ rather than our child's behavior or our perfection as parents. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

At a time when we typically live longer than any generation before us, it seems all we want to do is preserve our youth. From hair dye to microblading, antiaging creams to botox, we negotiate with age through products, surgeries, and even downright denial. But Scripture tells us that wisdom is with the aged and gray hair is a crown of glory—so why are we so age-averse? In this panel discussion recorded at TGCW24, Courtney Doctor, Vanessa Hawkins, Melissa Kruger, Laura Wifler, and Jen Wilkin talk why a biblical perspective on aging means we don't have to fear the years. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

1/7/2026   Happy New Year! At the StoryTellers Live ministry, we are expectant and excited to see what the Lord has in store for 2026, and we're kicking the year off with a beautiful reminder of the Lord's faithful provision.   Kristen Gee, from our community group in Charleston, South Carolina, shares her story of walking through an unexpected and uncertain financial season brought on by the pandemic of 2020.  Throughout her journey, you will hear how the Lord worked on Kristen's heart and faith and ultimately led her into a vocation that gave her purpose in who and how He created her to be. This story will remind you of the importance of resting in God's promises and trusting in His plans, as sometimes He likes to work in surprising ways!   VERSE OF THE WEEK: "Many are the plans in a person's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails." Proverbs 19:21   CHALLENGE OF THE WEEK: Where are you finding your comfort? Are you finding it in your comfortable life or in God's promises?  ________________________________________________   Listen to a similar story:  Ep 67- Ingram Link: "Releasing Financial Burdens"   The Envy of Eve:  Finding Contentment in A Covetous World by Melissa Kruger   Download a phone background of the weekly verse HERE!    Give to StoryTellers Live in honor of Kristen and any of our past storytellers!   Become a Patreon Insider to access more stories from our live gatherings around the country!   Shop for our When God Shows Up Bible Study series~ Stories of Hope, Stories of Freedom, Stories of Faith Are you interested in one-on-one coaching with our very own Robyn Kown!?  Click HERE!   Check out all of our live speaking engagement opportunities on our website.   Sign up to receive StoryTellers Live's weekly newsletter for updates and details on our live gatherings.

In this episode, Aaron Miller sits down with Bryan Biggers and Laura Miller to talk about how parents can build gospel foundations within their families. Together, they share how modeling humility, learning alongside your kids, and living out the gospel day by day helps children grow in their own faith and love for Christ.Resources:- 5 Things to Pray for Your Children by Mellisa Krugger https://a.co/d/izcKTn9- What Do I Say When ...? by Andrew and Christian Walker https://a.co/d/gVJG6ht- Parenting with Hope by Melissa Kruger https://a.co/d/eeer0XK- Shepherding a Child's Heart by Tedd Tripp https://a.co/d/ar5MFq1- Getting to the Heart of Parenting https://store.paultripp.com/collections/getting-to-the-heart-of-parenting- Parenting by Paul David Tripp https://a.co/d/6HtxSOaThe Magnify Podcast is a production of Grace Baptist Church in Santa Clarita, CA. For more information about service times and events, head to our website, https://www.gracebaptist.org.

True friendship is a gift from God, but in our digital age, it can be difficult to foster meaningful friendships. In this conversation recorded at TGCW24, Melissa Kruger, Ruth Chou Simons, Courtney Doctor, and Ann Voskamp discuss the blessings of partnering together in ministry. They stress the need for discernment, patience, and the willingness to risk being vulnerable, underscoring the significance of local church communities and the role of the Holy Spirit in fostering deep, enduring friendships that point to Christ. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

“Mujer para la gloria de Dios” es un programa dirigido a mujeres, con el propósito de orientarlas en cómo vivir conforme a su diseño para la gloria del Señor. En esta ocasión contaremos con la participación especial de Melissa Kruger, invitada internacional de la Conferencia EZER 2025: Mujer, reflejo de Su imagen. Acompáñanos cada sábado a las 9:00 a.m. con un nuevo episodio.——————————Síguenos en las redes sociales de Ministerios I&S○ INSTAGRAM: https://instagram.com/isministerios/○ TWITTER: https://twitter.com/ISMinisterios○ FACEBOOK: https://facebook.com/ISMinisteriosSíguenos en las redes sociales de La IBI○ INSTAGRAM: https://instagram.com/iglesiabautistainternacional○ TWITTER: https://twitter.com/LaIBI○ FACEBOOK: https://facebook.com/laibiorg——————————Una producción de Ministerios Integridad & SabiduríaQueda prohibida la reproducción total o parcial de este recurso, por cualquier medio o procedimiento, sin para ello contar con nuestra autorización previa, expresa y por escrito. Toda forma de utilización no autorizada será perseguida con lo establecido en las leyes internacionales de Derecho de Autor. Derechos Reservados.

Does raising a teenager in today's culture leave you feeling overwhelmed, outnumbered, or just plain exhausted? Are you longing for real, biblical wisdom—not just trendy tips—to help guide your teen through the chaos of a secular world?  Have you ever wondered why, even after doing ‘all the right things,' your teen still pushes back or drifts from faith in God? Join Ginger Hubbard and Alex Cody, along with special guest Melissa Kruger, as they discuss the importance of providing a firm foundation to create an environment where teenagers' faith can flourish. *** For show notes and episode downloads, go to https://www.gingerhubbard.com/blogs/podcast/episode-235-raising-teens-in-a-secular-age-with-melissa-kruger *** Support this podcast:   https://www.gingerhubbard.com/support *** Sponsor for this episode:   CTC Math | ctcmath.com We Heart Nutrition | weheartnutrition.com, code GINGER

Are you bogged down by the day-to-day struggles of parenting? Do you question if anything is getting through to your kids? Do you feel powerless to impact your child's spiritual growth? Parenting can feel like navigating a storm—chaotic, unpredictable, and uncertain.  So the question is, how do you guide your child toward faith and wisdom in a world pulling them in every direction? If you're looking for hope while parenting in the weeds of life, then this episode is for you. Austin Conner interviews Melissa Kruger, author of Parenting with Hope: Raising Teens for Christ in a Secular Age. Melissa, a seasoned parent and former high school math teacher, shares insights from her journey, blending biblical wisdom with practical strategies for shepherding teens through this turbulent season of parenting. In this episode you will learn: The power of asking questions over dictating answers The effectiveness of an invitational approach to studying the Bible with your teen The wisdom of avoiding a fear-based controlling approach to parenting The only and ultimate place to derive hope when you're feeling discouraged Whether you're parenting a teen, or just looking for some encouragement in the trenches of parenting, this episode will remind you that your hope rests not in perfect parenting, but in Jesus, who never fails. To find more of Melissa Kruger's resources, check out her website: Melissabkruger.com Connect with us & Subscribe to our weekly newsletter! Website: withyouintheweeds.com Instagram: @withyouintheweeds Facebook: @withyouintheweeds            X: withyou_weeds If you love listening to WYITW, would you please leave us a 5 star rating and a review? Your feedback helps us reach more people!

In this episode of Weekend Debrief, Dave and Wes discuss some major themes of Habakkuk, Evergreen Gospel Church, the Youth and Ministry Center project, and give some reading recommendations. They also reveal their plans for the 200th episode of Weekend Debrief! Send comments or additional questions to (971) 301-2414 or ⁠podcast@graceindallas.org⁠. Reading Rainbow Recommendations: Dave's Pick: A Heart Aflame for God: A Reformed Approach to Spiritual Formation by Matthew Bingham Wes' Pick: The Shepherd Leader at Home by Timothy Whitmer 12 Faithful Women Edited by Melissa Kruger & Kristin Wetherall Recommended Links: Registration for Men's Breakfast - https://graceindallas.churchcenter.com/registrations/events/2941129 Missions Partner Highlight for June (Safe Families for Children) - https://safe-families.org/ Spotify Podcast Link - https://creators.spotify.com/pod/show/graceindallas Apple Podcast Link - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/grace-church-dallas-oregon/id414919476 Podcast Sponsor: Silver Falls Coffee - ⁠https://silverfallscoffee.com Christian Online Bookstore: 10 of Those - https://us.10ofthose.com/

Discipleship looks different in different seasons. We don't always have the same capacity, schedule, or set of circumstances as our seasons of life shift and change. In this episode, Hunter talks with Courtney Doctor and Melissa Kruger about the practical elements of discipleship and pointing others to Christ in all of life. We'd love to hear your discipleship stories! If you have a good discipleship story to share, please record a 30-to-60-second voice memo and send it to info@journeywomen.org. FULL SHOW NOTES DISCUSSION QUESTIONS What are some opportunities you have in your current season to invite a younger or older woman into your home? (After kids' bedtime, lunch after church, etc.) How can you be intentional to make your conversations with Christians look different from conversations in the world? Before you enter a group or one-on-one discussion, what are some specific questions you can take time to think through beforehand? What are some healthy expectations for discipling? What might you do or implement based on what you learned in this week's episode? FOR MORE Give to Journeywomen Ministries  Listen on Apple Podcasts | Android | Spotify Follow Us: Instagram | Facebook Leave a rating & review Interviews do not imply Journeywomen's endorsement of all writings and positions of the interviewee or any other resources mentioned.  On the Journeywomen podcast, we'll help you know and love God through his Word, find your hope in the gospel, and invest deeply in your local church as you go out on mission for the glory of God.

On this episode of The Disciple-Making Podcast, we sit down with Melissa Kruger to explore the challenges and joys of raising teenagers in today's world.We discuss how to create meaningful family connections in a tech-saturated age, establish healthy boundaries while showing acceptance, and maintain availability without sacrificing personal boundaries. Through practical examples and heartfelt insights, we learn how to balance rules with grace, consequences with compassion, and discover why our relationship with God remains the foundation for effective parenting.Whether you're navigating the teenage years or preparing for them, this conversation offers encouraging perspectives on raising teens with biblical wisdom in a secular age.----Resources From This Week's Podcast:Parenting with Hope: Raising Teens for Christ In a Secular Age, by Melissa Kruger Walking With God In the Season of Motherhood, by Melissa KrugerThe Gospel CoalitionThe New City CatechismOutliers, by Malcolm GladwellDavid and Goliath, by Malcolm GladwellOur new book "Launch: Biblical Help for Moving Your Teen or Young Adult into the Real World" offers practical guidance for parents navigating the transition period, and you can get a free audiobook of "The Disciple Making Parent" by signing up for our newsletter. You can find all of this and more at thedisciplemakingparent.com.

On this episode of This vs. That, we explore the challenging balance between anxious parenting vs. parenting with hope. We're joined by author and speaker Melissa Kruger, who brings wisdom and practical insights to this important conversation.We discuss how parental anxiety manifests in different seasons - from checking if babies are breathing to teaching teens to drive. We examine how social media amplifies parenting pressures and the overwhelming number of choices modern parents face.Through personal stories and biblical wisdom, we unpack how anxiety can shape our reactions to everyday situations and explore the difference between normal parental concern and anxiety that controls our homes. Melissa shares her journey of prioritizing spiritual disciplines as anchors in parenting and reminds us that our children's journey doesn't end at 18.If you've ever found yourself lying awake wondering if you're doing enough as a parent, this conversation offers hope and practical wisdom for the journey.---We're really excited to tell you about Anchored Virtual's new podcast, Consult the Counselor. There are very few spaces that are designed for long form conversations on difficult counseling topics. On Consult a Counselor, that's what we want to provide.In each episode, we invite two of our counselors at Anchored Virtual into a deep dive conversation on a counseling topic. Once a month, we'll release episodes on issues such as addictions, trauma, church hurt, infertility, forgiveness, abuse, and more. You'll get to hear expert counselors discuss the nuances and challenges of these issues and ultimately apply the hope of the gospel in practical and meaningful ways.To listen search for Consult the Counselor wherever you listen to podcasts.---- Have you ever experienced the pain of church hurt? Whether it's disappointment caused by leaders, hurtful actions from fellow members, or wounds from the larger church community, these experiences can leave us wondering why we should stay. Join us for Finding Purpose and the Pain of Church Hurt, an auxiliary event at the Gospel Coalition Conference in Indianapolis, Indiana.This special session will take place on Wednesday, April 23rd from 4:45 to 6 p. m. hosted by Anchored Virtual. Join Rebekah Hannah, Dr. Michael Keller, and Dr. Michael Kruger, as they explore how God can transform even the deepest wounds into growth, resilience, and renewed faith.Whether you're in the pew or the pulpit, this session will speak to anyone navigating the hard realities of church hurt. Join us online or in person. You can register now at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠anchoredvirtual.com/tgc⁠⁠

Join us and our friend Melissa Kruger as we pick her brain about all things parenting. As a parent herself as well as a Christian author and teacher- Melissa has a lot experience of what it is like to parent with the pressures of culture, the world and inciting self-centered narratives. We were encouraged and refreshed by her words and biblical perspective and we hope you are too!  Connect with Melissa: https://melissabkruger.com Craving more from Going There the Podcast? Come be our friend! Make sure you're following along on Instagram @goingtherethepodcast and subscribe to our podcast so that you never miss a new episode! If you love what you heard, we'd be so happy if you left us a rating and review on your podcast app. This way, more people can find us and join our fun convo!

Teenagers: it's the best of times and the worst of times. We love them with our whole hearts, and they're also hard. Some are thriving, some aren't. We are quick to point fingers back at ourselves when things go wrong, and we breathe a sigh of relief when it's going right. In this conversation, Alex and Krista discuss parenting teenagers with Melissa Kruger, vice president of discipleship at The Gospel Coalition and author of Parenting with Hope. Melissa speaks about the challenges and joys of raising teens in a complex world. We hit on understanding the spectrum of teen experiences, the role of prayer, and the need for open communication. Melissa discusses the significance of tailoring parenting approaches to individual children and the necessity of maintaining hope amidst challenges. Teens today are facing pressures we simply did not have. Their challenges are different, and it serves us well to try and stand in their shoes. You will walk away encouraged and re-centered from this episode! FIND MORE ABOUT MELISSA KRUGER Melissa Kruger's -Website and Instagram Melissa Kruger's Book- Parenting with Hope SOME THINGS YOU HEARD ON THE SHOW Proverb 12:18 The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing   SOME QUOTES FROM THE SHOW: "I actually think it's sports and activities, it's scholastic achievement, and it's social acceptance. Those are the three, what I call, idols of our age that I think really raise the temperature in parenting teens right now." "When you step back and say, huh, maybe it would really matter that our family had family dinners every night, and we're gonna fight for that. Maybe it would really matter that we have space to actually get a little bored and do a puzzle as a family." "So many teens do not get the amount of sleep they need. That leads to greater rates of depression, which leads to greater problems down the road in other areas. And we're like, but they have to be at all these things (activities) or they won't be well-rounded. Who cares if they're well-rounded?" "In the Barna research, the amount of pressure that kids feel is different than previous generations. And yes, technology is a part of that, but also just the ramp up of all of these things of doing club sports by the time you're seven or eight. All of that plays into this level of pressure and stress." "Those simple acts of being in God's Word, being a mom of prayer, and being in church matter so I can parent well. I call it a three-legged stool." QUESTIONS TO HELP YOU RISE What is your current measure of hope with your teenager? How can you better address what is going on inside of your in order to better parent your teen? What of the three idols she mentioned, sports and activities, academic success, and social acceptance is most out of balance in your home? What can you do to create a more healthy rhythm in this area? How can you build your hope in Christ for you, for your own spiritual strength? LET'S CONNECT! Did you like this episode? Let us know and leave a review on itunes or share it with a friend. Or message us on Instagram – we'd love to hear from you! Get the Daily Dozen Checklist -12 habits that will immediately make you happier and healthier

Parenting in the digital age comes with new fears and concerns. Melissa Kruger and Jim Mitchell talk about how grace, communication, and modeling faith can build foundations with teens that will last a lifetime. To support this ministry financially, visit: https://www.oneplace.com/donate/84/29

Join Collin Hansen and Melissa Kruger for their annual discussion as they look back on the top theology stories of 2024. They also share their favorite books from 2024, updates on personal projects, and what they're each looking forward to in life and ministry in 2025. They discuss: The rise in Bible sales in 2024Declining fertility rates worldwideBig changes for the United Methodist Church and the role of the Global SouthThe advance of assisted suicide in the UKThe Cass Report and the truth about transgender treatmentsEncouraging signs among Gen ZTrump's election victory and a GOP shiftAnticipating the 2025 Gospelbound seasonBook highlights from 2024Personal projects and updatesDon Carson's legacy and an important update about his life and ministryMentioned on this episode:"My Top 10 Theology Stories of 2024" by Collin Hansen (article)Help The Gospel Coalition build up a renewed church for tomorrow. Let's Build Together: Donate Today at tgc.org/together

Join Collin Hansen and Melissa Kruger for their annual discussion as they look back on the top theology stories of 2024. They also share their favorite books from 2024, updates on personal projects, and what they're each looking forward to in life and ministry in 2025. They discuss: The rise in Bible sales in 2024Declining fertility rates worldwideBig changes for the United Methodist Church and the role of the Global SouthThe advance of assisted suicide in the UKThe Cass Report and the truth about transgender treatmentsEncouraging signs among Gen ZTrump's election victory and a GOP shiftAnticipating the 2025 Gospelbound seasonBook highlights from 2024Personal projects and updatesDon Carson's legacy and an important update about his life and ministryMentioned on this episode:"My Top 10 Theology Stories of 2024" by Collin Hansen (article)Help The Gospel Coalition build up a renewed church for tomorrow. Let's Build Together: Donate Today at tgc.org/together

In this episode of the Rooted Parent Podcast, Melissa Kruger, the Director of Women's Content at The Gospel Coalition, joins Cameron and Anna to discuss her new book Parenting With Hope: Raising Teens for Christ in a Secular Age. Written from her own experience of raising teenagers, Parenting With Hope encourages parents to seek the Lord's wisdom as they parent out of the basic guiding principles of Scripture. Listen in as Cameron, Anna, and Melissa discuss the power of prayer, the value of weekly church attendance, and the most common idols parents face. Finally, you'll hear them share some tools that can help parents cultivate a home where faith can flourish and parent out of the hope of the gospel. Resources:Parenting With Hope: Raising Teens for Christ in a Secular Age by Melissa KrugerAge of Opportunity: A Biblical Guide to Parenting Teensby Paul David TrippThe Teenage Brain: A Neuroscientist's Survival Guide to Raising Adolescents and Young Adults by Frances E. JensenThe Price of Privilege: How Parental Pressure and Material Advantage are Creating a Generation of Disconnected and Unhappy Kids by Madeline LevineCheck out more Rooted resources on prayer here Check out more Rooted resources on church here Listen to more episodes of the Rooted Youth Ministry Podcast.Rooted Youth Ministry Archives - Rooted MinistryFollow @therootedministry on Instagram!

Do you struggle with discontentment and comparison in motherhood and beyond? Do you constantly second guess the best way to raise your kids in regards to food, education, health, and even naptime? Today, Laura Wifler, from Risen Motherhood is here to talk about her new book written with her sister-in-law Emily Jensen. We start by breaking down the framework they introduce in the Gospel Mom and how we are often looking for a formula to parent our kids but God has given us a framework in the metanarrative of the Bible.  Next, we talk about the challenges of trying to live in a Christian mom community- we know God calls us to be with others but what do we do when friendship is hard or not life-giving? As moms, we feel like there is a right and wrong way to do every single little thing in motherhood- feeding, naptime, schooling, health and those often all lead to comparison. Laura gives us some truth and ideas regarding comparison, how to be content, and accept your actual life. God has so many lessons for us moms if we lean in and apply the gospel lens it helps give life and joy even in hardship.  Connect with Laura Wifler:  Website:  Risen Motherhood: Helping Moms Connect Their Faith To Motherhood Facebook: Risen Motherhood Instagram:  Risen Motherhood®️ (@risenmotherhood) Links Mentioned:   Risen Motherhood: by Emily Jensen and Laura Wifler Gospel Mom: by Emily Jensen and Laura Wifler, Laura Ep. 93 || How Should We Educate Our Children? The Case for Freedom, Part 1 Ep. 94 || Freedom in Education Choices: An Interview with Melissa Kruger on Private Schooling, Part 2 Ep. 95 || Irene Sun on Homeschool: Freedom in Education Choices, Part 3 Ep. 96 || Freedom in Education Choices: An Interview with Jen Wilkin on Public Schooling, Part 4 A Long Obedience in the Same Direction: by Eugene H., Peterson Related Episodes: Cultivating Intimacy with God in Motherhood :: Jeannie Cunnion [Ep 490] Owning Your Motherhood :: Erin Moon and Courtney Cleveland [Ep 325] Motherhood, Career, and Identity :: Kat Armstrong [Ep 171] Featured Sponsors:  HoneyLove: Treat yourself to the best bras and shapewear on the market and save up to 50% Off sitewide at honeylove.com/DMA this month only. Inventory is limited and the sale ends soon so don't miss their best deals of the year. After you purchase, they'll ask you where you heard about them. PLEASE support our show and tell them we sent you. Thrive Market: Want to shop at a grocery store that actually cares for your health? Go to ThriveMarket.com/DMA for 30% off your first order, plus a FREE $60 gift.  StoryWorth:  Find links to this week's sponsors and unique promo codes at dontmomalone.com/sponsors. 

The Advent season offers unique opportunities for family and personal discipleship. So how can we prepare well? In this episode, The Gospel Coalition staff Kendra Dahl, Melissa Kruger, Jared Kennedy, and Bill Kynes share their experiences navigating the Christmas season as individuals, as families, and within church communities. They suggest resources, reflect on memorable traditions, and consider opportunities for outreach, connection, and celebration.Recommended Resources:Unto Us: 25 Advent Devotions About the MessiahJared Kennedy, “Why Advent Is a Time to Build on Family Traditions”Melissa Kruger, “Celebrating Advent: Looking Back and Looking Forward”Jared Kennedy, “Countdown to Christmas with These 6 Resources for Advent”Jared Kennedy, “The Good News That Jesus Came for You”GoodKind Advent BlocksHelp The Gospel Coalition build up a renewed church for tomorrow. Let's Build Together: Donate Today at tgc.org/together 

"In the midst of a world that's not right, we drink from the well—which is Christ—and we have refreshment in a dry and weary land."— Melissa KrugerToday's Episode: How do we find joy? Real, deep joy in joyless circumstances, in dry seasons or dark places? On today's episode, Melissa Kruger walks us through the journey of finding joy. Spoiler alert: joy isn't discovered or mustered, it's given to us when we abide in Jesus. He is the source of all safe and solid joy, not our circumstances. It's both a practical and a beautiful conversation that will encourage you to find true joy in Jesus.  Today's Verse: "Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!" — Philippians 4:4The Dwell on These Things Series: We're talking about the 6 verses in our new Scripture memory Bible study with some of our favorite people! We're talking about joy, peace, a firm mind, and the nearness of God himself. And we're also talking with vulnerability and compassion about the things that plague our hearts, keep us up at night, and give us anxiety. Want more? Get the Dwell on These Things Bible study today!Today's guest: Melissa Kruger serves as vice president of discipleship programming for The Gospel Coalition (TGC). She's the author of multiple books, including The Envy of Eve: Finding Contentment in a Covetous World, Growing Together: Taking Mentoring Beyond Small Talk and Prayer Request, Parenting with Hope: Raising Teens for Christ in a Secular Age, and Wherever You Go I Want You to Know. Her husband, Mike, is the president of Reformed Theological Seminary and they have three children.Support Our Show: Review our show on Spotify or Apple. Links from today's show: Find out more about Melissa at MelissaBKruger.com.Get your own copy of the Dwell on These Things Bible study. Discover the simplest way to get God's Word in your head and heart: Dwell Differently's monthly membership!Dig deeper into this month's verse in our weekly devotionals. Get them sent to your inbox free every Monday!Support the show

At TGCW24, Melissa Kruger teaches on Jesus' declaration in John 6, “I AM the Bread of Life.”The day before the events in this passage, Jesus fed a large crowd by miraculously multiplying bread and fish. But Jesus has something greater than their physical needs in mind—he wants to meet their spiritual needs. He extends an invitation to be satisfied and sustained in him, telling his listeners then and now that he is “the living bread that came down from heaven.” Jesus is the Bread of Life who offers good news for spiritually hungry people.Kruger teaches:The persistent problem: Seeking satisfaction in the wrong placesThe surprising solution: Jesus as the Bread of LifeThe difficult decision: Believing in Jesus and seeking him dailyThe call to invite others to the feast

In this episode of the Rooted Parent Podcast, Melissa Kruger, the Director of Women's Content at The Gospel Coalition, joins Cameron and Anna to discuss her new book Parenting With Hope: Raising Teens for Christ in a Secular Age. Written from her own experience of raising teenagers, Parenting With Hope encourages parents to seek the Lord's wisdom as they parent out of the basic guiding principles of Scripture. Listen in as Cameron, Anna, and Melissa discuss the power of prayer, the value of weekly church attendance, and the most common idols parents face. Finally, you'll hear them share some tools that can help parents cultivate a home where faith can flourish and parent out of the hope of the gospel. Resources:Parenting With Hope: Raising Teens for Christ in a Secular Age by Melissa Kruger Age of Opportunity: A Biblical Guide to Parenting Teensby Paul David Tripp The Teenage Brain: A Neuroscientist's Survival Guide to Raising Adolescents and Young Adults by Frances E. Jensen The Price of Privilege: How Parental Pressure and Material Advantage are Creating a Generation of Disconnected and Unhappy Kids by Madeline Levine Check out more Rooted resources on prayer here Check out more Rooted resources on church hereParents, we hope you'll join us for our 2024 conference in Dallas, TX.  Follow us @rootedministry!

A strong theological foundation plays a vital role in encouraging and sustaining hope. In this breakout session from TGC's 2023 conference, Ligon Duncan, Nancy Guthrie, Leigh Swanson, and Melissa Kruger provide practical advice and encouragement for pastors, elders, women's ministry leaders, and others who desire to start and sustain biblically faithful and theologically rich women's ministries in their congregations.

Rebecca McLaughlin teaches five key points on how to give a memorable talk, including using metaphors and sharing stories to engage your audience. She joins Melissa Kruger, Jen Wilkin, Courtney Doctor, and Elizabeth Woodson to discuss their journeys into Bible teaching, highlighting preparation and how to use spiritual gifts in church leadership. They encourage humility and integrating apologetics in women's ministry to address contemporary issues.Watch the Q&A that follows the panel discussion!

Jen Wilkin explores God's gifts in women to lead, teach the Bible, and create spaces for others to thrive.After her talk, Wilkin joins Melissa Kruger, Rebecca McLaughlin, Courtney Doctor, and Elizabeth Woodson to discuss women's contributions to the church, the importance of sibling relationships within God's family, and overcoming opposition in ministry. The panelists encourage and equip women with tools to prepare for these callings and persevere through challenges.

I'd love to hear from you! Have you been comparing yourself? Are you envious of someone God has treated "better" than you? In a story about envious grumblers who are comparing, Jesus invites you to be one of the happy ones instead.Guests: Melissa KrugerBible Passage: Laborers in the Vineyard - Matthew 20:1-16 ESVGet your Freebie: The Live Like It's True WorkbookMentioned Resources: The Envy of Eve by Melissa KruegerThe Horse and His Boy by C. S. LewisComparison Girl by Shannon PopkinComparison Girl for Teens: Thriving Beyond Measure in a World That Compares by Lee Nienhuis and Shannon PopkinMelissa KrugerMelissa Kruger serves as vice president of discipleship programming for The Gospel Coalition (TGC). She's the author of multiple books, including The Envy of Eve: Finding Contentment in a Covetous World, Walking with God in the Season of Motherhood, Growing Together: Taking Mentoring Beyond Small Talk and Prayer Request, and Wherever You Go I Want You to Know. Her husband, Mike, is the president of Reformed Theological Seminary and they have three children.Connect with Melissa:TwitterFacebookInstagramLive Like It's True is part of the Resound Podcast Network. For more gospel centered resources visit ResoundMedia.cc . Visit www.shannonpopkin.com/promises/ to learn more about my six-week Bible study with Our Daily Bread, titled, "Shaped by God's Promises: Lessons from Sarah on Fear and Faith." Learn how you too can be shaped by the promises of our faithful God.

Take a closer look at the book of Ephesians by joining our conversation with Jackie Hill Perry and Melissa Kruger. Jackie and Melissa, along with Jasmine Holmes who was unable to join us, recently released a collaborative Bible study on the book of Ephesians. Hear what they had to say about this challenging book of the Bible and how we can learn to read Ephesians in context and not be intimidated by studying the more difficult passages. LINKSEphesians Bible Study BookUpon Waking bookJude Bible Study BookParenting with Hope bookWith the Perry's podcastLet's Talk podcastRECOMMENDEDJoin us for the Encountering God summer Bible study right here on MARKED! We're releasing an audio teaching session from Encountering God each week starting June 10 and will leave all 7 sessions up through August 5. You can get your Bible study at lifeway.com/encounteringgod or enter to win one here (this giveaway closes June 4, 2024). MARKED is a podcast from Lifeway Women: https://women.lifeway.com/blog/podcasts/.Hosted by Elizabeth Hyndman. CONNECT WITH US!Follow Lifeway Women on Instagram.Join us on MARKED for our summer Bible study, Encountering God, starting June 10. You can get your Bible study at lifeway.com/encounteringgod. Take our survey to enter for a chance to win a Lifeway Women backpack filled with great resources for diving into God's Word. To learn more about Feast with Kristi McLelland, visit lifeway.com/feast.

When it comes to women in ministry who know a thing or two about studying the Bible, Jackie and her two guests, Jasmine L. Holmes and Melissa Kruger, have a ton to offer. On this episode of With The Perrys, they sit down to discuss a new Bible study resource called Ephesians: A Study of Faith and Practice. Jackie, Jasmine, and Melissa talk about the way they went about writing this Bible study together so that we can more clearly understand how we are oriented to God through Christ by the power of the Holy Spirit.The Ephesians study will be released in June 2024. Learn more about it here.This Episode of With The Perrys Sponsored by:https://www.covenanteyes.com — Try Victory by Covenant Eyes FREE for 30 days with promo code PERRYS!  Other resources:Parenting with Hope: Raising Teens for Christ in a Secular Age by Melissa Krueger (released in April 2024)Yonder Come Day: Exploring the Collective Witness of the Formerly Enslaved by Jasmine L. Holmes (coming September 3, 2024)Let's Talk podcast Grab your tickets to join us for the With the Perrys Podcast Tour this summer! withtheperrys.com/tourSubscribe to the Perrys' newsletter.To support the work of the Perrys, donate via PayPal.To advertise with the Perrys, visit WithThePerrys.com/Partner.www.withtheperrys.comwww.jackiehillperry.comwww.preston-perry.com

In this reunion episode of Let's Talk, Jackie Hill Perry, Jasmine Holmes, and Melissa Kruger highlight the blessings and benefits of digging into the Bible with other believers as they discuss their new Bible study on the book of Ephesians. They talk about why they love Ephesians, what's difficult about it, and what they gleaned from studying it together over the past two years. They also spend time catching up on their personal projects and plans for the summer.Links from this episode:Ephesians - Bible Study Book with Video Access: A Study of Faith and Practice (Lifeway)With The Perry's on Apple Podcasts

Are you raising teenagers? Do you need a little help and a little hope? On the next Building Relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman, author Melissa Kruger wants to encourage you to believe there is more happening in your parenting than just getting your teenager to clean their room or put down their phone. If you're in the thick of the cultural and technological pressure, don't miss the encouragement on the next Building Relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman. Featured resource: Parenting with Hope: Raising Teens for Christ in a Secular AgeSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

In this panel discussion from TGC23, Courtney Doctor, Vanessa Hawkins, and Melissa Kruger delve into strategies for shepherding women within the local church.The panel encourages pastors to invest in women's theological training and for men and women to be in the same room as they serve in ministry together. For women in leadership to thrive within the local church, pastors need to pray for them, include them, and proactively seek their input on how to effectively care for and shepherd the women in their congregations.

You're sitting across from your teenager at the kitchen table. Now that you finally have their undivided attention, you want to talk about an important issue they are facing. Unfortunately, things get tense quickly. Their eyes roll, you get frustrated, and soon they are looking for an escape from this conversation. You sit dumbfounded thinking, "How do I raise my teen to love Christ in a world that is doing everything possible to pull them away?"In this episode of Candid Conversations, host Jonathan welcomes back Melissa Kruger, Vice President of Discipleship Programming at the Gospel Coalition. Melissa is also an accomplished author, having written multiple books, including “Growing Together,” “Walking with God in the Season of Motherhood,” and the popular children's book “Wherever You Go, I Want You to Know.”During this conversation, Jonathan and Melissa discuss her latest book, “Parenting with Hope: Raising Teens for Christ in the Secular Age.” The book provides practical guidance and biblical insights for parents navigating the challenges of raising teenagers in today's culture. Melissa shares her personal journey and the inspiration behind writing this important resource.Listen to this Candid Conversation as Melissa Kruger sheds light on parenting teens with hope, faith, and wisdom. Whether you're a parent, grandparent, or youth leader, this episode offers valuable insights for nurturing the next generation.To ask Jonathan a question or connect with the Candid community, visit https://LTW.org/CandidFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/candidpodInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/candidpodTwitter: https://twitter.com/thecandidpodTRANSCRIPT:This transcript recounts Candid Conversations with Jonathan Youssef Episode 248: Parenting with Hope:  Raising Teens for Christ in the Secular Age: Melissa Kruger.[00:06] Jonathan: Well, today I have a repeat guest. It is Melissa Kruger. She is the vice president of discipleship programming at the Gospel Coalition. She is the author of multiple books, including Growing Together; Walking with God in the Season of Motherhood; and the popular children's book, Wherever You Go, I Want You to Know, which we have gotten for our son, and then we've had his teachers write inscriptions each year, whoever his teacher is. And I think you have a special book that allows for that.Her husband Mike, who has also been on the podcast, is the president of Reformed Theological Seminary. And they and their three children are in Charlotte, North Carolina. Melissa, thank you so much for coming back onto Candid Conversations.[00:52] Melissa: Great! Thanks for having me back.[00:54] Jonathan: Okay, you've got a new book out called Parenting with Hope: Raising Teens for Christ in the Secular Age. Now, I imagine this book is flying off the shelves, and you've probably shattered sales records.[01:12] Melissa: I don't think so, right?[01:14] Jonathan: It should. I think this is something the church hears a lot about and it's always so helpful to have books that are written from a helpful, biblical perspective and giving people the foundations and the equipping and the reminders that we can often forget.So tell us a little bit about the journey on Parenting With Hope. What got the start of the book?[01:48] Melissa: I was approached by a publisher who had read my book, Walking with God in the Season of Motherhood, and they said, “We'd really like you to take some of these principles and apply it to parenting teens. And we want it trade book form, Walking with God in the Season of Motherhood, is a Bible study for women, I wrote that one for a friend, for her baby shower. It wasn't intended for publishing; I was writing it for her. So this one really they came with the question and I was very unsure of myself. I've raised three teenagers, and so it was kind of that, ooh, and I was just out of the season. But what I realized when I did Walking with God in the Season of Motherhood, I couldn't write that book now, I think, because I'm not in that moment. The teen years are very fresh to me. I saw tons. I still have one teenager, she's 17. I have a 17-year-old, a 20-year-old, and a 23-year-old and so still it's fresh to me. But I also realized no one's sixty who can write about what they did about cell phones because they didn't exist. They can't talk about what did they do with social media. They can't talk about some of these sports and activities because it was totally different twenty years ago. And so I realized, okay, it's probably a good thing to have someone fresh on the season. And I also realized, the second thing, I was a high school math teacher in I always say my other life, and so I had taken a lot of teen development classes. And I realized this really did help me in the parenting of teens, like there's a lot of common grace insights by people who have studied just what works and what doesn't, and I've realized I had those things in my back pocket. And we do that a lot with young children, we read all the developmental milestones, we know what your 2-year-old should be doing, what your 3-year-old should be doing. When's the last time you read a developmental milestone about your 9-year-old or your 10-year-old? And we stop being learners of what kids are able to do and what they should be doing and so I wanted to put some of that in the book as well.[04:15] Jonathan: Okay, so I love how you break down the book. So it's broken down into three parts. You give the basics, which you call “The Foundations of a Christian Home”; The Battle: Fighting for the Better Portion”; which we'll get into that. And then “The Blessing: Cultivating a Home Where Teens Thrive.” Talks us through a little bit of the Part 1.[04:44] Melissa: I might come off as, well, we all know this, right? [04:48] Jonathan: Right. If you're in the church, you should know and understand that. But—[04:51] Melissa: Exactly. Exactly. And in a lot of ways this is being a Christian 101. But I remind parents of it because I think sometimes we get so bogged down with all the things we're not doing as parents that I want to remind them the most important thing you do as a human is be in God's Word, be in prayer, and be in the church. Doing that is going to already set you ahead of parents all around the world. I mean, that is such a gift to your child to be a parent who is regularly in-taking from the Bible. Why? Because the Bible is not just another book on the shelf; it's actually divine wisdom. We have the ability to tap into divine wisdom. And then secondly we have not just divine wisdom, we have divine help because we can call on God to do what we cannot do, we cannot save our child, we cannot change our child. We cannot make them do really much of anything, but God can work in ways that we can't understand.And then the community of the church is just something that, I mean, I think we're seeing with the epidemic of teen loneliness and anxiety and isolation, all these things. The church is this institution that, guess what, it answers that. It's this welcoming place where you have 80-year-olds and you have 8-year-olds. And so I don't think we can talk about parenting without talking about what's the foundation of our hope. It's actually that God's Word is true, and living in light of God's Word is hopeful, and we're not left alone on the journey. So that's the Battle. The battle really talks about our battles. And again, this is a book about being the parent of a teen. It's not a book about how to make your teen perfect. If that book exists, that's the—[06:54] Jonathan: If it does, you should burn it.[06:56] Melissa: Yeah, that's the Holy Spirit's job is to change us and make us different. And so the second part is the battle, I think we often think is sex, drugs, rock and roll or some other things we're trying to prevent our teen from. I would say it's actually good things robbing us of the best things. The battle is with our own idolatry. As parents, we are all coming into this game with hopes and dreams for our kids, and sometimes those dreams turn idolatrous. I focus on scholarship and achievement, on sports and activities, and then on social acceptance. I think those are the cultural idols we have in the West that are pressing upon us as parents, and we have to battle about all of those.[07:38] Jonathan: And that's what I love about the book is that it's not prescriptions, right? When people are struggling with their kids, what do they want? Just tell me what to do so that this will stop or so I can take this away, right? And I think the way that your book is written is that it's not about if you do A, B will happen. Now, there's a little bit of element of that because you just mentioned the foundations earlier, which is, well, you really need to be doing these practices, but you don't necessarily think, oh, being in church and being in the Word and being in prayer, you don't necessarily feel the direct correlation to your parenting, but it is there.I have friends who have raised their kids the exact same way and one rebels and the other one is a blessing to their family. And then it's like, what did we do wrong? Your husband was speaking yesterday about the paradox of God is sovereign over all things, and yet we're still called to be good parents. And so there's that. We don't fully understand the mystery of that, but we know what we're called to, and so we have to walk it out.[09:14] Melissa: That's right. As a parent, I am called to fight my idolatry. I'm actually not called to control my child. And so often what you see if we go into control mode when we're fearful, and the Bible says trust and obey. And I would say obey and trust. And so you follow God's call and then you trust. You trust that you're doing everything you can to walk in a manner worthy of the gospel in front of the Lord and in front of your kids, and then you have to trust. And you will only have the ability to trust if you're building on the foundation. So this is where it always goes back to that foundation. And I'm talking about how to be a human, honestly. I mean, if you want to know how to succeed in your place of work, oh, you need the Word, you need prayer, you need the church. If you want to know how to be single in the life of the church, you need the Word, you need prayer, you need the church. But I think I say it again and again because it's Psalm 1. Yeah, I mean, “Blessed is the man who doesn't like in … who doesn't sit …” all that stuff. Oh, what does he do? “His delight is in the law of the Lord, and on it he meditates day and night. He is like a tree planted by a stream. Whatever he does prospers.” This is wisdom for life. And so I definitely think we have to start there, and then we have to be battling our own idols.And then the last section on the blessing is how do we create homes of acceptance, availability, and affection? Those words have to be in our world today. Acceptance does not mean an acceptance of sin, but it means an acceptance of who they are. And what I mean by that is we see a lot of curated children. And what I mean by that is parents trying to make the perfect child who plays the sport, who plays the instrument, who has an amazing GPA, who gets into the Ivy Leagues and all this stuff because that's a representation of me is what we're really trying to do.[11:12] Jonathan: Right. It's a reflection, yeah.[11:13] Melissa: So rather than saying, you know, my kid's not that great at school, but I can teach hard work. Even if they're not going to be a lawyer or a doctor, that's okay. And so that's what I mean by acceptance, accepting who the Lord is creating them to be and letting that glorify Him, whatever it might be. [11:33] Jonathan: Yeah, there's a lot of this element of caught versus taught, right? So especially as you think about the idolatry and what you prioritize in your life, your kids are by default looking at you, watching you. You're one of the greatest sources of influence on them, and so they are going to model themselves after what mom and dad prioritize. And the funny thing is that when parents look down the track they say, “Why are they like this?” And it's like, sometimes it's a little bit of look in the mirror. You know, what were they catching, even if you were teaching in a different trajectory and direction. Okay, so acceptance. What about availability?[12:17] Melissa: Yeah. I talk about this. I say you want to be available but you want to understand your limitations. Look, I mean, parents cannot be at everything. And I actually believe it's helpful for our kids to know that they are not the center of our universe. They do not have the gravitational weight to bear us, I like to say. Like the Earth cannot support the Sun revolving around it, it was never intended to, we are not created to revolve around our children. We are created to revolve around God, and we are helping them do the same. And kids who grow up in a home where the parent is rooted and grounded in the Lord, that takes an amazing burden off of them. You've heard the phrase “You're only as happy as your least happy child.” I think that is like poor least-happy child. No. My contentment and joy, where are they supposed to come from? They're supposed to be rooted in the Lord. Why are we supposed to be content with what we have? Because He has said, “Never will I leave or forsake you.” That's where our contentment rests. And we have to be people fighting for that as parents, to free our kids up from our own maybe tendency to put our hopes and dreams in them.[13:36] Jonathan: And then affection. A home of warmth.[13:39] Melissa: I read an article somewhere recently. I can't remember where it was; it was in the secular paper, and they said, really what you do as a parent doesn't matter, but if you love them, that makes a difference. And I was kind of like, huh. That's really interesting because I do think there's a lot to that. I think, you know, it's a little bit empty because I think love—[14:03] Jonathan: Well, one's usually reflected in the other, right?[14:05] Melissa: Yeah. Exactly. And you need truth to guide what love is, so there's that. But I did once hear—this was on the Oprah Winfrey Show a million years ago when that show was still on—she was interviewing I believe it was Toni Morrisson. And Toni Morrisson said one thing she had learned when a child walks into the room, she said, light up when that child walks in the room. And she said what kids tend to get when you walk into the room is your critical gaze. They tend to get, huh, your shirt's not tucked in. Hey, make sure you're getting ready for this. And this gets even worse in the teen years, because look, they're cute when they're walking in at two, so you might light up just because they're so cute.[14:50] Jonathan: It's worn off, yeah.[14:52] Melissa: Yeah, when they're walking in pimply and smelly and dirty, and they haven't showered in a week, you still need to light up when they walk. And I think there's something about that that will translate for the rest of their lives. That they know “I am deeply loved.” Light up even when they've done something wrong. Our correction should not be coldness. Our correction can still be full of warmth. And so we want to light up when these people walk in the room because they're made in the image of God. They have been given to us for this time to raise, and so we want to shower them with affection. And there can be wrong views of affection like trying to buy them. There are wrong ways. But I'm just talking about genuine love and interest in a person; that's always going to be a great basis for a child to go into the world with.[15:42] Jonathan: Okay, let's talk a little bit about how the gospel shapes our approach in parenting. What are the biblical principles that should guide us as we're raising children?[15:58] Melissa: The first is that I'm the oldest sinner in the room usually, so I'm expecting my 12-year-old to have their whole act together at twelve. Wow, that's pretty ungracious of me, right, because here I am at fifty and I don't have my act together. And so I think that one of the ways that parents can lead is to be the first to apologize. I always say my response is my responsibility. And so if I—let's say a kid's done something wrong, but I manage their wrongness by yelling and losing my temper and being impatient and unkind, I've got to own that. That's on me. I can still hold them to a standard while holding myself to a standard, and so we have to do that.And so I say one way grace-based homes begin is by being the chief apologizer in your home. Own it. And you know what? The kids will learn. They will learn from that and they will be able to give good apologies in their life. And you will benefit from it. I've had all of my kids come to me and be like, “Hey, I'm sorry I acted that way about that.” They did it on their own accord. I think it just became the conversation of the household that was safe to do. It was going to be met with love; it wasn't going to be met with the silent treatment, all of those things.And so I think a home with grace is going to be a home with apologies. It's going to be a home that accepts that failure is going to happen. I mean, the Lord's Prayer presupposes, “forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors,” so there's going to be sin. We're living flesh on flesh in these homes. And so it presupposes that we're going to need grace, but it also presupposes that there is a standard. So we do not lower standards. We keep the standards, but we offer correction when the standards has not been kept, and we offer love and grace in those moments as well.[17:57] Jonathan: Well, and it's a requirement of being a disciple of Jesus is being a forgiver. And yeah, why not start at home—not just forgiving, but asking for forgiveness. And I think you're right, it sets the tone for the family. But I think we can get caught up in, well, I'm the parent and I've got to be the one in control and in charge and I'm just giving directives to the little ones. It's hard, right? I mean, it's hard to admit to a little child that you've wronged them. Because you just want to say, who are you? Who are you to hold me accountable? But it's the Lord's holding us accountable.Let's elaborate a little bit on principles of prescriptions. We've talked a little bit about that, but as that relates to parenting.[18:52] Melissa: Yeah. I definitely think your principles in parenting can stay very much the same as kids go from two to twenty, meaning certain principles like, oh, my child is a sinner in need of grace. That's a principle. My child's a sinner and needs correction. That's a principle. Now, how I go about the practice of that correction is going to change greatly when they're two from when they're twelve, and if we don't make those changes, we're going to find ourselves with very frustrated teenagers.And so one example I like to say is when your 2-year-old makes a mistake, normally you need to offer correction right away, so if they do something wrong, they need it immediately because they're not going to remember tomorrow what you're talking about.[19:36] Jonathan: That's right exactly.[19:37] Melissa: They're in a different little universe where every moment is a new moment. Whereas with your 12-year-old, when they come in hot, and you know we all see 12-year-olds come in hot, they're slamming doors, they're in a mood, their hormones are going whatever. Right then is probably actually not the best time to offer correction or even confront them with, hey, you were really rude to me.I like to say if my friend came in and slammed the door my first question would not be like, “Hey, that's disrespectful to me.” My first question would be, “Hey, how are you doing? Is everything okay?” Or if my husband came in. Like I'd ask a question. And I think our teens need that from us. They need us to live with them in an understanding way, and often we're real caught up in our pride and how we deserve to be talked to. And that's just very us-centered versus, “Hey, is everything okay?” And maybe even to just say, later in the day, like 6:00 PM, 7:00 PM, when they've had some time to cool off, to go in and say, ‘Hey, you came in, you seemed upset today. Do you want to talk about it?” They may say yes, they may say no. And then later on, things will soften. They will soften to be able to say, “What would have been a good way to come in today?” That's a better time to have that conversation. And it may even be the next week. That's a better way to have that conversation than right away. So I think we had immediate kind of discipline when they were young, and it's really about applying wisdom to how and what we're going to correct. Thankfully, we do not have someone following us around all day correcting every little thing we do. I think sometimes parents of teens think, I've got four years left. I've got to get this kid all sorted.[21:20] Jonathan: To be ready for the world.[21:21] Melissa: You don't. If you saw my teen's bedroom, you'd be like, “Wow, she's a terrible parent. They are a complete and utter wreck.” And I just chose that was a battle I wasn't going to fight. But certain things, I wanted them to be truthful with me, I wanted them to have character, I wanted us to be able to have conversations. And if that meant I had to deal with messy floors, I was going to deal with messy floors on there. And they are. They lived up to that low expectation.[21:48] Jonathan: I'm sure they love hearing that. So you've introduced a topic that I wanted us to discuss, which is those stages of development and how do we parent differently when they're children versus teens. At what age is there a transformation? So when your child is little, you're really in kind of a protection mode in terms of what they consume media-wise or literature, whatever it is, right? We have a responsibility for protecting them and not just exposing them to all the horrible things out there.But as they get older, you and I talked about this in the beginning, but parents can tend to lean into one or the other camp, which is keeping the hyper bubble wrap around their child and never letting them be exposed to anything, or essentially letting them go out to the wolves at twelve, thirteen, whatever, and they are kind of almost drowning in “I need help. I wish someone would have kind of held my hand a little bit here.” That's a nuanced question, I know, but if we could talk about it in some generalities—and you can even use your own children as an example. Help parents who are at the tween period in their kids' lives. How do they navigate that helpfully?[23:21] Melissa: Yeah, I think that transition is tough and it's full of bumps and bruises. I called it in the book, I likened it to driving a stick-shift car. You have to be letting off the clutch the same time you're pressing the gas, but as you're learning, we're all going to stall and that's pretty normal. But I would just say as they're heading into these years, teens still need our involvement, but they do not need our over-involvement. And so as a parent, I think we really have to step back and say, “Okay, I'm going to be involved. I'm going to make sure they're not out drinking; they're not out doing illegal activities that could actually harm them. But I am not going to check their homework online.” Okay, see this was not even an option when I was a teacher—I don't know why parents are doing this. So I always think back to when I was teaching the parents never saw the grades until the grades came out. We had a midterm grade thing. I have people in my life who are checking their kids' grades constantly, and I'm like—[24:36] Jonathan: I didn't even know you could do that, actually. I've got little kids, so I'm, yeah, we're not in that camp yet.[24:41] Melissa: Well, come the teen years, they're finding out their kid missed one homework assignment and then they're all over them about it. I'm like, just let them bear that consequence. Let them bear the consequence of a zero. [24:52] Jonathan: That's a little bit of the helicopter/lawnmower parent mentality, right?[24:57] Melissa: That's right. And what happens is then that child never knows what it's like to deal with failure, and they actually need what I call safe failure. Because guess what? We all fail at things. Like we all make mistakes, we all do dumb things along the way. You want to protect them from huge failure, like you're going to go to jail for this.  But even things that we know are particularly damaging for their souls. So we want to protect them as best we can and have good rules in our home; we don't want rule-less homes; but the over-correction of being so over-involved.If you have teenagers, they should be packing their own lunch. They should be getting themselves—I don't wake any of my teens up, never have. They get themselves up, they knew to be at the family table for devotions at the time we always met. They could be responsible for them. And I never regret letting them be responsible for them. And so some of that is letting go of control and letting them, like again, like their room. Their rooms. Sometimes they did have to clean them.[26:09] Jonathan: You've got to live in it. They're the ones who have to live in it, right?[26:11] Melissa: And they have to … And they really will own it if we let them. Another big thing was we started early with our kids having them do chores and clean up the kitchen every night. But what Mike and I had to do, we had to leave the room, because yes, they would argue. Yes, they would get mad at one another. Yes, they would say, “I don't want to do it this way. Yes, it was excruciatingly slow and not well done. And I'd come in and I'd look at the counter and I thought, yeah, you'd feel the grit still on the counter, kids, and then do it again. Y'all get it right. And then we'd walk out because I couldn't handle the slowness at which they did it, but if I had not given them the space to do it and fail and not do it perfectly, they'd never learn. Where now they come home and they all know how to clean the kitchen. They know how to—and that's a gift when they go to college because they [overlapping voices] because my kids are like, “My roommates”—[27:04] Jonathan: And their future spouses.[27:06] Melissa: Yeah. “My roommates don't know how to clean the kitchen.” [27:09] Jonathan: Yeah. Yeah. Okay, let's steer into some of the battle things that are taking place. We, without having to explain, we live in a secular culture. How can parents maintain hope and raise their teens to follow Christ in just the age and day in which we live where there's the social pressures on sexuality and defining truth and those sorts of things. How do you kind of help navigate that water?[27:53] Melissa: Yeah, I think the earlier you can begin, the better. And some of this starts by having conversations about faith with your kids as young as you can. Mike and I were big believers in the catechism. There are different versions. We use the children's catechism. And every night at the family table we did it. What I love about a catechism is the kids talk; it's not just the parents talking. So it's about who made you? God. What else did God make? All things. Why did God make you and all things? For His glory. Okay, you've already set their framework in such a better place than most kids walking into elementary school just because they know they're made in the image of God and that they're made to glorify Him. So these things can start early. I think having those conversations along the way, and just, again, this is what we valued in our homes. We have to start valuing them young because if you start coming to your kid with, “Hey, God's Word is important” at age fifteen by you haven't modeled that by the way you live your life or by how you've been in it yourself, it's going to be hard to convince them that they should follow this ancient book. So I would say the best way to combat culture is to have the culture that Scripture encourages us to in the home. And to really know that what's happening in your home is actually what has the greatest impact on your kids, not the world, not their teachers, not their friends. Actually the studies show over and over again parental—what we do, which is kind of terrifying, we all should own it—what we do in the home is the biggest impact on how they are going to view certain things. It does not mean they will all come to faith. You can do everything right. We know it's the Spirit only that awakens people's hearts. But that—[29:48] Jonathan: Which takes a little bit of the pressure off in that category.[29:52] Melissa: Yes, exactly. But there are things we're teaching them like hard work and doing a job, knowing how to do a chore. Those are things that even non-Christians know how to work hard, and even non-Christians can live in certain outwardly moral ways that we can be trying to shape and mold our kids into, in prayer that the Spirit would make their hearts alive in a lot of ways.So I think we can be really fearful of culture. I think there's a lot to be concerned about. But what I will say is that when the Spirit opens our eyes, they can see, wow, culture is really empty. So my kids, I think they grew up in Christian school, but they've both been at large secular colleges and they just haven't been attracted to some of the worldly things because I think they know that, hey, the fellowship, the friendship of true believers is way better than this false, oh, I have to be drunk and do all these things for you to be my friend. Yeah, I don't think it's been as enticing because they've actually experienced good fellowship with believers throughout their lives and they've seen the benefit of that. So I always try to say fight the bad by giving them the better.[31:09] Jonathan: Yeah, I love that. Okay, two more areas I want us to just quickly dive into. One is navigating technology and social media, which again is one of the battles. And the other one is dealing with doubts. And so let's talk about, I mean, technology is everywhere. Social media abounds. How do we navigate this? Maybe some practical tips, setting boundaries, that sort of thing. How did you and Mike do it?[31:41] Melissa: Yeah. I mean, the first boundary is yourself. If you're glued to your phone, okay, your kid's going to be glued to their phone. So that's the first one. Let's just go ahead and say it. And I will say this: I think it's a lot harder for you raising kids now. When I had young kids, I didn't have a smartphone. I mean, can you imagine the difference? I could not, at a restaurant, just take my little cell phone and say, “Here, watch whatever show's popular.”[32:07] Jonathan: Yeah, keep ‘em busy.[32:08] Melissa: Yeah. And so I'm so thankful. We had to deal with those awful restaurant moments when they're losing their minds and having a fit.[32:20] Jonathan: That's why we don't go to restaurants.[32:22] Melissa: Or just not go. Sometimes it's like fast food because that's where you can easily…[32:28] Jonathan: In and out.[32:29] Melissa: And so I think to be aware that what you're doing with your phone and devices in the young years is greatly going to impact the older years. And then the other thing I would just say, as the statistics have come in—And the hopeful thing I have for your age, I think by the time your age, those kids get to high school, I think there will be new rules in high schools. It's hard right now. I view the cell phone and social media like smoking. The high school that I went to had inner courtyards, and you were allowed to go out and smoke during the middle of the day. Not when I was there. By the time I was there, inner courtyard, there as no smoking. I mean, think about it you know, airplanes, you used to be able to smoke on them, right?[33:11] Jonathan: I've been on one of those planes, actually, when I was a kid.[33:13] Melissa: Exactly. And now they've realized, oh, these aren't innocent—[33:19] Jonathan: It affects everyone in the plane, whether you want it or not, and the curtain's not going to keep it back.[33:24] Melissa: Exactly. And they would no more let a bunch of kids be sitting in the inner courtyard of a high school smoking now. Well, I believe, I really do believe what the studies are showing us, how bad it is for kids and their mental health. I believe one day cell phones are not going to be allowed in school—hopefully by the time your kids get there. I think they will not be allowed in middle and high school, so it might help parents.But today, parents have to navigate those waters without help from culture, and it's really hard. And so what I would say for every hour your kids spend on their cell phone or device, they will be less happy, and you have to reckon with that. The studies are in. Every further hour they spend on a device, they will be that much less happy. They will be more lonely, they will be more depressed, they will be more anxious. And so we've got to deal with that reality as we parent, and the most loving thing we can do is to help our kids not be glued to their phones all the time.[34:21] Jonathan: Yeah, I would imagine it fosters more of that comparative, yeah, right. My friend's picture's on whatever social media platform and I'm comparing myself at a constant rate, versus when I was a kid or teenager, it was like just what you could see in front of you.[34:40] Melissa: Right. You didn't know that you were actually left out of the party until a week or two later. Now instantly you're sitting home on a Friday night and you see the party that you weren't invited to.[34:54] Jonathan: I can only imagine navigating that. Okay, doubt. That's … This is a period in kids' life where doubt is more prevalent, more frequent. How should parents be dealing with questions—and I heard Mike give a great answer to some of this yesterday. But how do we address the question without dismission it, but also not wanting to just give the answer straightaway is kind of what Mike was saying yesterday.[35:37] Melissa: That's right. I think so often we hear a question and we jump to fear. Fear leads to control. So rather, the kid says something like, “Yeah, I'm not sure I believe that.” And then we hyper jump on that and give them a three-point outline of why they should believe what we believe. That is not a conversation and that is not what your teen needs. What I would say when they say, “Yeah, I'm not sure. It's seems really … That view of whatever seems really mean,” “Okay, tell me why you think that. Tell me where you hear that. What do your friends think about it?” Be curious about them. You already know actually what you think about whatever the thing is, but what they need to hear from you is that you actually are willing to listen as they're trying to sort it out. And it's going to make sense. Kids have really small perspectives on things. I did. When I was that age, I had all sorts of bad ideas about things. They're working through it, so work through it with them but don't … I just don't think it's very helpful to lecture them at that point. I think it's good … We want to have a conversation is what I keep saying. A conversation will allow more availability to give your opinion when you are curious about what they are thinking rather than just jumping in. And the reality is, again, me lecturing them is probably not going to prove my point. But as we have conversations, I'm going to start to understand where they're struggling, what they're struggling with, and we can keep having that conversation and it makes them a lot more receptive.[37:26] Jonathan: Yeah. I found that helpful. Mike was saying yesterday his tendency was to just give the answer straightaway. He's got the PhD and all of the qualifications and credentials, but kids don't really care. It's like, “All right, Dad, just chill.” And I get your point. And I think he said this yesterday, which is about let them kind of sit in the doubt for a little bit. Rather than just giving the quick, immediate response, let them wrestle with it, because this is probably the early formations of them moving out of the family faith and into a personal faith. And I think you've hit it on the head there with opening the dialog so it can be an ongoing conversation so that when they do go off to university or whatever it is and they are presented with ideas and philosophies, they can say, “I've already talked about that.” And I realize here all the fallacies or issues that come up with that, I think that's really helpful. But you're right, I think we do, we tend to go to fear and we start thinking down the track what could happen if I don't resolve this immediately. [38:43] Melissa: And to realize that conversation continues. It doesn't—[38:45] Jonathan: Yeah, right.[38:46] Melissa: All of our kids have called us. They normally call Mike, and they'll Facetime. I mean, Emma has been on the Facetime with like ten of her friends, and they're like, “We have a Bible question for you, Dad.” And I think because it felt like a conversation they actually continued the conversation.And I'll also say this. It's okay to not know. Because I get it. Like, look, it's really convenient when you have a husband who is a New Testament scholar and can answer some of these questions.[39:14] Jonathan: We all  just need Mike's phone number.[39:15] Melissa: Exactly. But I will say this. There are plenty of times he's like, “Yeah, that's a really confusing passage. I'm not sure what that means.” I mean, they are wildly unimpressed with his knowledge base sometimes, and so it's always nicely humbling.But he's very comfortable saying, “I don't know.” And I think we all should be comfortable saying, “I don't know,” and saying, “Hey, let's find out together.” Look, there are pastors out there who are waiting for calls like this. They have to deal with really hard issues sometimes, but they went to school to answer your biblical questions, and so a lot of times pastors are really eager to say, “Oh, I can help you with that.”[39:52] Jonathan: I get those from time to time, and sometimes there are the ones where, especially from little ones, and I think, how do I take what I know and put it in a way that you'll understand it. That takes some work.[40:07] Melissa: That's the best theological classroom you can ever be in right there.[40:10] Jonathan: Exactly. So we've asked some parents of teens to submit some questions that they're wrestling with, so we'll do a little lightning round of questions here. [41:06] Jonathan: This ties us back to what we mentioned earlier. This is kind of a newer thing. I mean, it's always been around, but it's more prevalent probably post-COVID, post-invention of the iPhone where kids are isolated. They are less relational than you and I would have been because that was all we had was relational collateral, personal interaction. Now kids can interact digitally and immediately and so there's probably a heightened level of self-consciousness, and that includes just appearance through social media and that sort of thing.So now going into a new setting with real people and real interactions must be a challenge. So what is some advice for the parent who's struggling with a teenager who's going through that?[42:08] Melissa: The first thing I always say is it's good to offer sympathy to them, “Hey, this is hard. I can remember what it was like to go into the lunch room and it be super awkward. Like who am I going to sit with?” We all have that. I still have that feeling sometimes. I'm in situations many times where I'm the only woman in a scenario, and I'm like, hmm, which table of all men … am I going to sit at? And it feels awkward.And so sometimes just them knowing that you feel it too is helpful. But I think it's also helpful to equip them and to say, hey, when you're in a situation like that, other people are probably feeling nervous too, and so it's good to go in with three questions so that you have them on your mind when you're walking into an awkward situation. It can be a question like, hey—let's picture the school lunchtime—what's your next class after this? That anybody can answer. It's pretty easily, yeah, whatever.Second one, you know, hey, where do you live? Or something like that, maybe something I'm thinking as I'm thinking in a business context, where are you from? But just some easily accessible questions that kids can answer. It could be, Are you going to the game this weekend? Whatever it might be so they feel equipped to actually reach out to someone else with a question and that can help conversation start.[43:27] Jonathan: This one's sort of on a similar vein but on a different level. “How do our teens manage the social rejection when you are following Christ?”[43:44] Melissa: Yeah. I think it is really helpful to put before our kids that we are stranger and aliens in this world. And you know my kids go to a … they were blessed to go to a Christian school, so they did not have to feel it at the level certain kids are going to have. But they did still get teased. All, especially, for being, oh, you're the professor's daughter. When she's in Bible class, even the teacher looks to her. “Well, would your dad agree with this?”[44:14] Jonathan: Oh dear. I had a little bit of that, too, with my father being a pastor. What would your dad say?[44:18] Melissa: It's the awkward … you have to be the super-spiritual one in every instance. And we just talk some about feeling a little bit like you don't belong is actually a good sign. And that means we're not home yet.[44:36] Jonathan: Great reminder.[44:37] Melissa: Yeah. When we talk about home is heaven, it makes sense.[44:43] Jonathan: Oof. “How do you parent a child that doesn't realize their friends are unhealthy for them?” These might all have a little bit of a sigh.[44:54] Melissa: It's tough. I'm a big believer in question-asking rather than telling. So hey, it seems like John did this and this and this. Do you think a good friend would be like in this scenario? What would you want him to do in that scenario? And then sometimes they can start to uncover, hey, this isn't the best type of person. But it always good to  maybe pause and ask why are they turning to this kind of friendship? And I mean, yeah, again, praying that the Spirit would waken their hearts to see the destructiveness. Always be praying. In every one of these scenarios, let me just say—[45:37] Jonathan: It starts with prayer.[45:38] Melissa: It starts with prayer. [45:39] Jonathan: I'm with you. This is good, and this question actually comes into one of your chapters in your book. “How do you prevent sports from becoming an idol, especially in regards to travel?” [45:58] MELISSA: Yeah, it's tough. I would manage it very carefully and just remember as good as your kid is, they probably will not play in college, and even more likely are they to create a career out of this. But you do want them to create a career and a life out of being a church member. So guard your church time. It doesn't mean you never miss. We've all missed church for various reasons, whether it's travel or just vacation. You couldn't get to church for some reason. You could say if you're traveling it's a great opportunity to take your kid to other churches. My kids really benefited from seeing other church traditions when we traveled. So it was great for them. One Sunday we went to a Baptist church, and they had grown up Presbyterian, so they only saw babies get baptized. It was Easter. It was spring break, so we were traveling, and they had this full-immersion baptism. Well, my kids were on the edge of their seats, and they were like, “what is happening here?” So for them it was great. It was a great conversation to say, “Oh, this is how they do it.” Those are great conversations to have. [47:05] Jonathan: “Courtship dance. How to handle it now.” There's not a lot of Scripture on dating. How do you all navigate that with your kids?[47:59] Melissa: We have had very little experience in this, not because we have had rules, not because of any other reason than our kids have just not dated. I think the benefit of maybe going to a small school is they're like, we've known these people since we were five. I'm not going to date them. My daughter is getting ready to get married, and she is marrying a guy she knew all through college. They met at Chapel Hill and were friends for three years and their senior year starting dating. I will fully admit, it was as easy as it could have been, and he is delightful and we're so glad they're getting married.So what I would say with my lack of experience is I do believe that rather than have rules it's better to have conversations in this area. And so when your kid comes home to you at fifteen and says, “I really like this kid,” one, be glad they're willing to talk to you about it. Secondly, say, “What do you like about them? Tell me what's great about them.” Be curious rather than controlling. If I could impress anything, be curious about your kid rather than control them. And so I would just say it's good to have standards. When you're talking about sexuality standards, you need to have those conversations whether they're dating or not. So that should be happening well before they're dating. way before the teen years. So I'm just assuming that in these conversations those have happened beforehand.But then I think modeling good friendships. If your kids are developing good friendships, it's a big precursor to developing a good and strong marriage and good and strong dating. But I think the main thing you want to do is keep the conversation open. Hold your tongue and listen.[49:45] Jonathan: Keeping a distraction-free family. Sort of like no cell phones at the table kind of thing?[49:57] Melissa: Yeah. You know it's just funny. We didn't have some of those rules, I guess. It was just understood that that's what we were doing. And I would say a big thing I would probably highlight is if you're going to watch a movie, all watch the same movie. And so, yeah, that means you're going to watch a lot of movies you don't really want to watch as a parent, but I'd rather have all five of us in the den together watching a movie that maybe everyone had to compromise on, than all of us in separate rooms, watching what we want to watch.[50:32] Jonathan: And I know Mike's favorite movies are horror films, right?[50:35] Melissa: No, he has to watch those alone. He's not allowed to watch those with us.[50:39] Jonathan: I was going to say. Here's a good one. “How do you balance contentment and complacency and still encourage hard work?”[50:50] Melissa: I think contentment goes right alongside with hard work. But complacency is a little different. So I think you know your child. Some children are going to need to be told, hey, you need to slow down. Some kids are going to need to be told, you need to speed up. And that's okay. But you're going to have to know your individual child to know if they're not living up to who God has made them to be or if they're trying to prove something to the world. You're going to have to know that better as a parent, so it's probably going to be different for every kid.[51:27] Jonathan: This is similar to different types of child, but “How do you parent the high-achieving, focused child, how to best support their talents?” And then we'll do the other side of that.[51:37] MELISSA: Yeah. I think with the high-achieving, focused child, it's really good to make sure they're not putting their worth and value in their performance. And so you're going to have to just work with them on that and walk through that with them and encourage them that they are beloved not because of what they do but because of who they are in that. Because they're going to fail one day, and then how you deal with their failure and mistakes is really important because those kids aren't going to be used to it, and they really need it. They need to feel what it feels like to fail sometimes. And they're going to be really uncomfortable in that moment. And so walking through that with them graciously is really important.[52:20] Jonathan: Flip side, I suppose, is “How do you parent the low-achieving, unfocused child?”[52:27] Melissa: Yeah, I mean, that's a really hard one, I have to admit.[52:30] Jonathan: Yeah, because it's different.[52:31] Melissa: It's totally different, especially if it's a child like “I know this child can do things.” One, if it is a boy, let me just say they really will get it together eventually. A lot of boys, their frontal lobe—great book called The Teenage Brain. You should read it. It's written by a neuroscientist who had two boys. It's great. I mean, their brains really are taking long to develop. I taught high school, and let me tell you, the boys were not winning in high school. They forgot their stuff, the reason they had B's rather than A's was not because they were not smart enough, it's because they did not turn in their homework.They really will, by their junior and senior year, developmentally get it together. It's the girls are just developing earlier. Some of the front-lobe stuff is connecting earlier. It's biological. So yes, have expectations, but just know that with your son you might have to remind him five times, “Hey, did you pack your lunch today? Did you pack your lunch?” Don't pack it for him, but you might have to remind him more on those things.[53:35] Jonathan: “When they experience rejection or seek acceptance from the wrong sources, how do we navigate that?” And I think that's one of your … that's one of your chapters.[53:47] Melissa: Yeah, I think that different again this one is just going to have to be prayer. Because it shares a little bit about where their heart is leaning. I mean, you can see this in some kids. Some kids just always want to be on the edge, and you can see it. I think this is where you pray and you do trust that the Lord will somehow use this season in their life.But also I think to ask questions like, “Hey, why do you want to do that? What's going on? Why is that attractive?” And it's difficult if you're not that type of personality to even understand. Like I don't want to get burned, so I stay way, far away from a fire, right? But some people are just drawn to the fire and they want to get close up to it. So sometimes it's good to just ask, “Hey, why do you want this? What's going on?” Again, I think with each kid it's going to be a little bit different, so it's important to ask what's going on with their hearts and to keep probing and keep praying.[54:50] Jonathan: Yeah. All right, I'll make this the last one. “What is the Kruger's' take on how much we are requiring church attendance, devotions, spiritual practices versus giving teens the freedom of choice?”[55:03] Melissa: That's interesting. So you're saying how much we require it versus how much we just let them make that choice.[55:12] Jonathan: In terms of family devotion. Churchgoing I guess is part of the question. [55:22] Melissa: That's a good question. That makes sense. So I'm totally fine with “you're going to go to church on Sunday” just because I don't make school a choice. If you can go to school all day, you can go to church, so that's just fine with me. If they don't believe, I'm like, “That's fine, you don't have to believe, but you're going to go to church because we go to church, just like you're going to go to school,” and I'm okay with that.When I comes to family devotions, that was again just something we had always done, so it was never a new thing. It would be like my kids saying, “Oh, all of a sudden I don't want to brush my teeth.” “Huh, really? You've brushed your teeth since you were two. You want to stop now.” Some of these habits, when you can start them young, they just don't know any different. My big hint to young parents is they only know the home you make normal for them. And so they don't know that no other family's having family devotions. When it comes to personal Bible reading, that was something I did not force at all. We gave our kids Bibles, they saw our habits and our practice, and I watched as each of my kids became interested in the Bible on their own.We did not say, “Hey, you need to read it every day.” When you're putting them in church and you're having devotions, you're showing them what you value and at some value they've got to start picking up on those personal habits. That felt much more like the very relational, intimate walking with the Lord, and I wasn't going to try and force that on them. So there are spaces, I think, where you say, “Hey, this is what we do as a family,” like go to church or have prayer time before breakfast. That's just our family rhythm, and yes, you need to participate. But when it came to their own faith and their own growth, by the teen years I think that's starting to be put in their hands.[57:04] Jonathan: All right, before we go, encouragement for parents who are feeling overwhelmed, discouraged—which is probably every parent.[57:13] Melissa: Yeah. Exactly. If you're feeling overwhelmed, this is where I'm always like go back to the basics. Read the Bible. Be encouraged. God is with you and He is parenting you while you're parenting your teen. Be in prayer, ask for His help, and be around the people in the church. And so again, that makes life a lot more simple, right? Read your Bible, it will change you, it will change how you parent. Prayer will give you hope that God can change your child. And the church will give you the community you need. And then say no to a lot of other things, but simplify your life so that those things can be a priority. [57:56] Jonathan: Well, the book is Parenting with Hope: Raising Teens for Christ in the Secular Age. Melissa Kruger, it's always so fun, and you've knocked out the lightning-round questions and I just want to say thank you so much for taking the time to be on Candid Conversations.[58:14] Melissa: Thanks for having me. It was fun.[58:16] Jonathan: Absolutely. Pleasure.   

Melissa Kruger has journeyed with me [Michelle] through motherhood, and right on time -- just two weeks after my oldest became a teenager -- she released a new book on raising teens for Christ. In this episode, we dive deep into God's heart for parenting our teens, including: the risks of defaulting to parent out of motivations other than hope laying the foundation for the teen years in childhood years biggest challenges + opportunities in raising teens today the reminder that it's never too late to parent (or grandparent!) out of hope Follow Melissa on Instagram. Buy the book. Sisters, You Have Permission to Live An Ordinary Life

Melissa Kruger serves as the Vice President of Discipleship Programming at The Gospel Coalition. As an author and Bible teacher, she regularly teaches women in her community and speaks at conferences around the country. I'm so excited to have her on the show today to talk about her latest book, Parenting with Hope: Raising Teens For Christ in a Secular Age, and dive into the ins and outs of raising teenagers. We talk about transitioning with your children as they grow, modeling a life of faith, creating a prayerful home, and so much more. In a culture that often implies that the teenage years are miserable and difficult, Melissa encourages parents to not overlook the beauty and joy in this chapter. Whether you're a parent, teacher, or simply someone who influences young lives, this conversation is SO important, and I can't wait for you to hear it! 2:00 – Melissa 101 Vice President of the Gospel Coalition Mother of 3 and wife Former math teacher An unexpected path to writing 16 books 6:42 – Changing The Parenting Narrative The negative narrative surrounding parenting teenagers and tweens Understanding the development stages of this time period Being gracious and patient with teenagers + adapting your parenting style 14:21 – The Gracious Home Vs. The Permissive Home Setting boundaries and allowing for mistakes A lack of structure leading to negative outcomes Setting boundaries as a parent Allowing children to face consequences in a safe and supportive environment 21:25 – Parenting Through Different Stages Transitioning parenting styles from one stage to the next Recognizing children as independent human beings Walking alongside your children as they make their own decisions Avoiding placing your identity in your children's actions or behaviors 33:03 – Modeling Faith Being gracious with failure as a parent Setting the example by walking with God Incorporating prayer into everyday life as a family Connecting with Melissa FEATURED QUOTES “I think growing up with our teen in some ways, is remaining curious about who they are and not making assumptions about why they're pushing back on something.” “I think it's really tempting as a parent sometimes to place a lot of our identity and in our teen…we start trying to control who they become, rather than walk alongside them as they're becoming who God made them to be.” “Learning how to make a mistake is actually a life lesson.” “I always say aim for patterns, not perfection.”   Learn more about Melissa: https://melissabkruger.com/ Get your copy of Parenting with Hope https://www.amazon.com/Parenting-Hope-Raising-Christ-Secular-ebook/dp/B0CFTGDKJ1 The Gospel Coalition https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/   Connect with me:  http://www.stillbeingmolly.com http://instagram.com/stillbeingmolly http://instagram.com/canilaughpod http://twitter.com/stillbeingmolly http://facebook.com/stillbeingmolly http://facebook.com/canilaughpod http://tiktok.com/@stillbeingmolly GET YOUR COPY of ‘IF I DON'T LAUGH, I'LL CRY” TODAY: Barnes & Noble: https://bit.ly/IIDLICbn Amazon: https://amzn.to/48VYFkG ChristianBook: https://bit.ly/IIDLICcb Target: https://bit.ly/3Shh3Q2 Walmart: https://bit.ly/3MmGVpJ Indie Bound: https://bit.ly/IIDLICib Audible: https://amzn.to/3ITcdm8 Kindle: https://amzn.to/3ITaSvv   About Can I Laugh On Your Shoulder? Can I Laugh On Your Shoulder? Podcast is a weekly podcast where we have honest conversations about faith, business, life, and everything in between. Hosted by speaker and author, Molly Stillman, her mission is to make you laugh, cry, and laugh till you cry. She wants to create a community of people who are unafraid to be themselves and have honest conversations about the things that matter most. Her vision is to create a safe space for people to explore their faith and share their stories and gifts with the world.

Every parent worries about this: How are we supposed to raise godly children in a secular age? Some people even fear having kids in the first place for fear of the cultural pressures and challenges they may face. That's why Melissa Kruger wrote her book, Parenting with Hope. Whether you're a young parent, a parent to teenagers or adults, or in between, this episode is for you. Melissa is the director of content for The Gospel Coalition, author, and writer. Tara and Melissa's conversation is lighthearted with lots of laughs over what it's like raising energetic children, encouraging truth on how we as parents can build a secure foundation in Christ for our families, the power of praying for our children and more. Grab a copy of "Parenting with Hope." Connect with Melissa on Instagram and beyond. Need a book to read for Lent? Grab a copy of Tara's book on SALE: "Surrender Your Story" here. -- OUR SPONSORS: Celebrate the progress you've already made. Visit https://www.betterhelp.com/truthtalks today to get 10% off your first month. If you want to take ownership of your health, it starts with AG1. Try AG1 and get a FREE 1-year supply of Vitamin D3K2 AND 5 free AG1 Travel Packs with your first purchase exclusively at https://www.drinkAG1.com/truthtalks. Go to https://www.thrivemarket.com/truthtalks for 30% off your first order, plus a FREE $60 gift! -- Connect with Tara on: Instagram / Her website / Her discount code page / YouTube / The free, email family / Sponsor a child through Compassion Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Unlike the newborn and toddler phases, parenting teens doesn't come with many resources or "how-to" guides. Today my guest, Melissa B. Kruger, shares wisdom and encouragement from her latest book Parenting with Hope: Raising Teens for Christ in a Secular World. Even as a mom of young kids, one a pre-teen, this book gave me so much practical advice for preparing to head into the teenage years.Whether you want to instill a strong faith in your child's life, create open communication with them, or just need practical wisdom for navigating the teen years, this conversation will give you some starting points for building a stronger relationship with your child.We'll also discuss:what surprised Melissa about the teen years as she headed into that season with her oldest childthe importance of transitioning into new stages with our childrenwhat type of home life typically has the best outcome for teensthe difference between a gracious home and a permissive homethe idols parents struggle with and how those things limit our faithhow to get your teen in church, even when they think it's boring or pointlessencouragement for the mom whose kid(s) still struggle with the pressures of the world despite being raise with a solid Christian foundationMelissa uses biblical teachings, insights from developmental experts, and her personal experiences as a teacher and mother of three young adults to help guide parents on raising teens with a rock-solid faith in her new book. Grab a copy here!Connect with Melissa:Website: www.melissabkruger.comInstagram: @melissabryankrugerFacebook: @melissabkrugerwitsendTwitter:@melissabkrugerReady to take your time back? Grab the FREE GUIDE here! Read my latest article on Christianity.com here!Don't forget to SUBSCRIBE to the show so you don't miss future episodes like this one. And if you haven't already, would you take a minute to leave a reviewon Apple podcast? I love hearing what you're taking away from each episode!Want to connect?!Tag the show on Instagram so we can see what you're listening to!Connect with Cason here

Adam Griffin, Chelsea Griffin, and Cassie Bryant are joined by Melissa Kruger to discuss her newest book “ Parenting with Hope.”Questions Covered in This Episode:Will you share the story of wanting to write “Parenting with Hope”?As your kids changed into teenagers what changed about you as a parent?Why is that so foundational for parenting that parents are rooted in God's word?What are some of the things you learned about God through parenting?What are some family habits that you think we could invite our kids into more ownership as they grow older?Can you give us a bit of a window into what your mornings look like and what role that plays in the discipleship of your family?Can you tell us more about prayer cards and what they look like?What critical role do you see the church and parents playing in the teenage stage that's full of so much change?How would you advise a family who is making a church decision based on where their child wants to go? What's great about that and do you see any reason to be cautious about letting a teenager's preference drive a family church decision?How is idolatry a core battle to be in alongside your teenager? Can you explain the difference between a source idol, a surface idol, and a cultural idol for us?How can a parent discern when it's time to let them fail and when it's time to step in?Why is listening so important in this stage of parenting? Can you share what you mean when you say “My response is my responsibility” and why it is important for Christian parents to understand?How does that difference between correction and criticism impact how you respond to something your child did?Guest Bio:Melissa B. Kruger is vice president of discipleship programming at The Gospel Coalition and author of multiple books, including Growing Together, Walking with God in the Season of Motherhood, and the popular children's book Wherever You Go, I Want You to Know. Her husband, Mike, is the president of Reformed Theological Seminary, and they are the parents of three adult children in Charlotte, North Carolina.Resources Mentioned in this Episode:“Parenting with Hope” by Melissa Kruger Sponsors:To learn more about our sponsors please visit our website.Follow Us:Instagram | Facebook | TwitterOur Sister Shows:Knowing Faith | Confronting Christianity | Starting PlaceThe Family Discipleship Podcast is a podcast of Training the Church. For ad-free episodes and more content check out our Patreon.

Do you feel like you are on the hamster wheel of expectations this culture throws at your teen? Do you feel the pressure and pull of having them in every sport, activity, and tutor to excel? Is church becoming a point of struggle every Sunday?  Melissa Kruger joins me to talk about all things teen and how to raise them in this culture that is pointing to everything but Jesus.  Melissa is an author and Bible teacher who encourages women as they walk through life and motherhood. We talk about how to enjoy our teens instead of curating their lives and how to allow them space to fail. Melissa shares the three pillars that are the foundation of a home focused on Christ- God's word, prayer, and the Church. We dive into each of these and how to practically walk them out in our homes and with our teens. Melissa ultimately reminds us that as recipients of God's unfailing grace, we get to share that identity with our kids as we guide them through these challenging years.  Connect with Melissa Kruger  Website:  Melissa Kruger (melissabkruger.com) Facebook: Melissa B. Kruger Instagram:  Melissa Kruger (@melissabryankruger) Links Mentioned:   Pre-order “Parenting with Hope” Books – Melissa Kruger Range: Why Generalists Triumph in a Specialized World by David Epstein   Wherever You Go, I Want You to Know by Melissa B Kruger The Gospel Coalition (TGC) Article on Melissa's family prayer routine: Now's the Time! Resources for Family Devotions  Related Episodes: “What is My Responsibility in My Child's Salvation?” :: Vela Tomba [Ep 431] Freeing Your Adolescents to Step Into Adulthood – Ages and Stages – Teens :: Dr. Ken Wilgus [Ep 382] Doubt, Questions and Your Teen's Growing Faith :: Mary Jo Sharp [Ep 375] Featured Sponsors:  Caraway- Non-toxic cookware made modern. Visit Carawayhome.com/DMA for 10% off your next purchase. Thrive Market- Get convenient, high-quality, affordable groceries delivered with Thrive Market! Go to ThriveMarket.com/DMA for 30% off your first order, plus a FREE $60 gift! Vegamour- Elevate your hair wellness routine this year with Vegamour. For a limited time get 20% off your first subscription order of Gro Hair Serum by going to VEGAMOUR.com/DMA Find links to this week's sponsors and unique promo codes at dontmomalone.com/sponsors. 

Join Collin Hansen and Melissa Kruger for their annual recap discussion on the biggest stories affecting the church around the world in the last year. This conversation was originally featured on TGC's Gospelbound podcast.

Today we're talking to with our friend Melissa Kruger about how to have hope in the hard moments of life. We pray this episode encourages you to look to the Lord in whatever hardship you're facing today. Melissa Kruger serves as vice president of discipleship programming for The Gospel Coalition (TGC). She's the author of multiple books, including The Envy of Eve: Finding Contentment in a Covetous World, Walking with God in the Season of Motherhood, Growing Together: Taking Mentoring Beyond Small Talk and Prayer Requests, and Wherever You Go I Want You to Know. Her husband, Mike, is the president of Reformed Theological Seminary in Charlotte and they have three children. FULL SHOW NOTES REST FOR THE WEARY SERIES RESOURCES DISCUSSION QUESTIONS What has contributed to seasons of hardship in your life? Share if you feel comfortable. Has the gap between your expectations and reality ever led you to personal discontent or despair? What Scripture passages help you anchor yourself in truth as you're navigating hardship? Consider memorizing the passage(s) this week. What are tangible steps you can take to prioritize time with the Lord in his Word? What might you do or implement based on what you learned in this week's episode? FOR MORE Support Journeywomen: Give Podcast Sponsors Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Android Follow Us: Instagram | Facebook Share the podcast by writing a review Interviews do not imply Journeywomen's endorsement of all writings and positions of the interviewee or any other resources mentioned.  On the Journeywomen podcast we'll come alongside you in the seasons and challenges of life to move you to know and love God and his Word, to find your hope in the gospel, and to invest deeply in your local church as you go out on mission for the glory of God.

Melissa Kruger helps us fight covetousness and cultivate hearts of contentment.

What character defect, what sin would be the most opposite of contentment? Melissa Kruger explains.