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Send us a textOn this episode of Grease the Wheels, Uncle Jimmy goes over some of the finer points of the Video Multi-Point Inspection; more specifically all of the very valid reasons that technicians do not want to do them! From being camera shy to not being the “loquacious type” and tons of background noise and poor lighting, there are a myriad of reasons for technicians to want to shirk this responsibility overall. We haven't even mentioned that the vast majority of shops are not paying technicians for the time that they spend on these, but this is an incredibly important factor when having this discussion - the refrain of which is a simple, “you get what you pay for!” However, we also talk about some of the conversions that we have had that were 100% caused by the video and ask, “who got the commission on that one?” Bottom line, video isn't going anywhere, and the better that you are at it, and the more your shop embraces this technology with some modern management techniques, the better off everyone will be. If you want this to go as smoothly as possible, and want top work with Uncle Jimmy and Erik the Producer personally, have your management team click the link at the bottom of the episode description! Also Uncle Jimmy sharpens the executioners ax for the imminent follow up which is about the Service Advisors in this series! This Episode of Grease the Wheels is brought to you in partnership with Surfwrench Digital! For more on Video MPI Training Visit https://www.surfwrench.com/video-mpi-training-landing/ to learn more. Video MPI Training built in the shop, by your Uncle Jimmy. Use code “GTW” for 50% off your training access!  

In this episode, the focus is on clergy abuse—a topic made even more pressing by recent headlines. The featured guest, Sandy Phillips Kirkham, shares her harrowing ordeal of being abused by a charismatic youth pastor starting at the age of 16. Sandy discusses the grooming process, the five years of abuse, and how she was ultimately expelled from her church while her abuser was merely relocated. She delves into the long-lasting impact of the abuse on her life and her spiritual journey, how she concealed her trauma for 27 years, and how she ultimately confronted her abuser. Sandy also provides valuable insights and actionable advice for preventing abuse and supporting victims within church communities. Her story is also detailed in her book, ‘Let Me Prey on You,' which offers a detailed account of her journey from victim to advocate. 00:00 Introduction and Sponsor Message 00:47 Welcome to the Podcast 01:32 Introducing Today's Topic: Clergy Abuse 02:17 Sandy Phillips Kirkham's Early Life and Church Involvement 06:22 Meeting the Abuser: The Charismatic Youth Pastor 08:43 Red Flags and Grooming Tactics 13:51 The First Inappropriate Act 16:37 The Abuse Escalates 21:06 The Aftermath and Church's Response 28:15 Life After Abuse: Marriage and Keeping Secrets 32:09 Protecting Future Generations 35:17 The Importance of Sex Education in the Church 36:32 Techniques for Discussing Sex with Children 37:22 Personal Experiences with Sex Education 38:20 Triggering Memories and Emotional Breakdown 40:13 The Journey of Healing Begins 41:31 Understanding Clergy Abuse and Self-Forgiveness 43:52 Confronting the Abuser 47:07 Challenges in Seeking Justice 54:47 Preventing Abuse in the Church 01:00:31 Supporting Victims of Clergy Abuse 01:05:07 Final Thoughts and Resources Sandy Kirkham and her husband Bill enjoy life with their two grown children, two beautiful granddaughters, and two fairly well-behaved dogs. Sandy continues to use her voice to help victims of clergy abuse. She currently serves on the board of Council Against Child Abuse. Sandy has spoken before the Ohio Senate, a Maryland court, and appeared on a local television show in Boston. Her story, “Stolen Innocence,” was told in a documentary produced by The Hope of Survivors. Sandy works with survivors conducting victim support conferences. She has participated in The Voice of the Faithful (VOTF) panels moderated by SNAP (Survivors Network of those Abused by Priests), sharing her perspective from the non-Catholic point of view. Sandy has been a presenter/speaker at major events on clergy abuse including the Hope & Healing Conference. Sandy has earned a certificate of completion from the Faith Trust Institute entitled, “A Sacred Trust: Boundary Issues for Clergy and Spiritual Teachers.” https://sandyphillipskirkham.com/ https://www.facebook.com/KirkhamAuthor/  sandykirkhamauthor@gmail.com  Purchase her book “Let Me Prey Upon You” on amazon: https://sandyphillipskirkham.com/shop/let-me-prey-upon-you/   Link Tree   Website: https://dswministries.org Subscribe to the podcast: https://dswministries.org/subscribe-to-podcast/ Social media links: Join our Private Wounds of the Faithful FB Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/1603903730020136 Twitter: https://twitter.com/DswMinistries YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCxgIpWVQCmjqog0PMK4khDw/playlists Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dswministries/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/DSW-Ministries-230135337033879 Keep in touch with me! Email subscribe to get my handpicked list of the best resources for abuse survivors! https://thoughtful-composer-4268.ck.page #abuse #trauma Affiliate links: Our Sponsor: 753 Academy: https://www.753academy.com/ Can't travel to The Holy Land right now? The next best thing is Walking The Bible Lands! Get a free video sample of the Bible lands here! https://www.walkingthebiblelands.com/a/18410/hN8u6LQP An easy way to help my ministry: https://dswministries.org/product/buy-me-a-cup-of-tea/ A donation link: https://dswministries.org/donate/   Sandy Phillips Kirkham [00:00:00] Special thanks to 7 5 3 Academy for sponsoring this episode. No matter where you are in your fitness and health journey, they've got you covered. They specialize in helping you exceed your health and fitness goals, whether that is losing body fat, gaining muscle, or nutritional coaching to match your fitness levels. They do it all with a written guarantee for results so you don't waste time and money on a program that doesn't exceed your goals. There are martial arts programs. Specialize in anti-bullying programs for kids to combat proven Filipino martial arts. They take a holistic, fun, and innovative approach that simply works. Sign up for your free class now. It's 7 5 3 academy.com. Find the link in the show notes. Welcome to the Wounds of the Faithful Podcast, brought to you by DSW Ministries. Your host is singer songwriter, speaker and domestic violence advocate, [00:01:00] Diana Winkler. She is passionate about helping survivors in the church heal from domestic violence and abuse and trauma. This podcast is not a substitute for professional counseling or qualified medical help. Now here is Diana. Hello. Welcome everyone. Welcome to my regular listeners, as well as some new listeners that have joined us today. I have a great guest for you today. We're going to be talking about clergy abuse today. Religious leader, abuse. Pastor, youth leader. You've seen this in the news recently with all these preachers being arrested or charged with sexual misconduct or rape or [00:02:00] pedophilia. I'm sure you've seen the news. Well, today we're going to hear a story about a woman who's been victimized in that way and she's fighting back. So let me read her bio for you. A church is where an insecure 16-year-old girl should feel welcome, happy, and most importantly, safe tragically. For some, the church can become a place of great harm. Sandy Phillips Kirkham details her account of how charismatic youth minister preyed upon her, a betrayal which left her broken with a shattered faith and the ultimate shame of being blamed enforced from the church she loved. Despite a successful and happy life, is a wife, mother, and friend. Sandy successfully concealed her abuse for [00:03:00] 27 years until a trigger forced her to face the truth. Sandy's story will take you on her journey of healing. Her strength and courage will inspire you. Let me pray upon you her book details. Sandy's journey from innocent 16-year-old, a victim to a survivor, and advocate. We please welcome Sandy Phillips. Kirk, welcome Sandy to the show. Thanks so much for coming on. Well, thank you for having me. I'm glad to be here. Wow. So I've been listening to you on the Preacher Boys podcast and thought you had a really great story, and so I wanted to come and bring you on so my listeners can hear your story as well. Mm-hmm. So tell us a little bit about your home and your church environment growing up. Let's [00:04:00] start from the beginning here. Okay. I'm the oldest of five. My parents were divorced when I was about seven, which that was really the impact of my life, of just how it altered everything about that time in my life. Then my mother remarried and we moved in with my stepfather shortly after my father remarried, and so I was dealing with these blended families and it was just very confusing for me at the time, my parents and stepfather did not attend church. So I, I wasn't a part of a church until I was about eight, and that's when my best friend who lived up the street invited me to go with their family, and I went with them and I went every Sunday after that, I absolutely fell in love with church. It was a place that I felt safe. I think it provided for me a place away from home that I felt comfortable and I got attention there. I was very active even as a small child. I went to vacation Bible school, church camp, love Sunday School. I sang in a junior choir. Really, it was a just a great place for me to [00:05:00] be. When I was 13, I was baptized and then my faith really deepened and my involvement in the church became even more so, started teaching Sunday school and teaching vacation Bible school. I started serving on committees with adults and doing more of the activities that would, , just be more in depth than just typical youth group activities. So, it's just no exaggeration to say that if the doors of the church were open, I was there and I loved it. I loved serving God. I felt that was the place for me, and everything about it was brought me joy and peace in the church. Wow. You really, were very sincere in your faith. It was not a fake one. I hear a lot of stories of. Being brought up in the church and being made to go to church and, you just go through the motions kind of thing. But it sounds like it was the opposite for you. It was that you really believed this with all your heart. Was that a fundamental Baptist church you were going [00:06:00] to or what? It was a church, Christ Christian Church, which is similar to the Baptist. It's an independent church. Yeah, that's the church. That was so something happened while you were serving the Lord and loving God. You met your abuser? Yes. Shortly after I turned 16, our church hired a new youth pastor, and from the moment he arrived, he was totally different than anyone we'd ever seen before. He was very charismatic, very dynamic. His sermons were really like nothing we'd ever heard before, and people were just drawn to him. He had a personality that people found themselves wanting to be around him. They wanted to please him. So he was very good at asking people to do things and they didn't hesitate. It, it was just a different kind of atmosphere. When he came to the church, the youth group exploded in numbers. We went from like 25 to almost 200 in a very short time. Even the [00:07:00] adult church was growing because people just came to hear him preach because he was so good at what he did. He was 30, married with two children, but he really acted more like our age group. He dressed like we did. He. Went to our football games at school, he knew our music. So he just, he really, he was tuned into us and in return we found ourselves, all of us being willing to please him and wanna do anything we could to make the youth group and the church better. So when people think of a profile of a child abuser, they usually think, oh, some dirty old man, that his roaming fingers or what have you, but this youth pastor sounded like, okay, he was really good looking and hip and really loved the young people. Mm-hmm. Is that typical of. Well, it's, it's typical in the sense that it's not the, dirty old man hiding in the bushes. Most abusers [00:08:00] are people we know. They're people that we like. They're usually people that, connect with people very well, and that's what makes them so dangerous because they're not obvious with what they do, and they're very good at that. They pretend to be one of us. They pretend to care, but in reality, their goal is to find a way to take advantage of the most vulnerable in, in the group. And so, predators are usually drawn to places where they will find vulnerable people. The gymnastics team is an example of that. The Boy Scouts, anywhere where you can, and certainly the church because we are welcoming into people who are in need. Oftentimes. Then there are many people in the church who are vulnerable to these types of men, and sometimes women. Were there any red flags? That you should have seen or noticed when you were around this youth pastor? Well, he came with so many different ideas and different ways of doing things. And one of the things that he was doing now, this was in the [00:09:00] seventies, so cultures were changing and it was free love and kind of thing. But he came into our church and he expected everyone to hug each other. So we were always hugging each other. And he also expected us to say how much we loved each other and that we love you and not just that I love you in Christ. He would simply walk up, give you a hug and say, I love you. Now you know, that may seem innocent, but that's a little odd for that pastor to be saying those kinds of things. And it also blurs the lines because when you say to someone, I love you, that can be confusing to. Young teenagers and even to vulnerable adults. So, but he did that with everybody. It wasn't like he picked someone else special, but, so the hugging in the contact was kind of a red flag in the beginning. But for me personally, I babysat for his family. His wife worked evenings. Mm-hmm. So one night after he came home, he asked me to go to his basement and listen to a song by Neil Diamond. [00:10:00] Well, it felt a little weird 'cause I'd never. I've been around a pastor that wanted to talk to me about anything but church in the Bible. But I went to the basement. Yeah. I mean a Neil Diamond song. So I went to the basement. I know, but that's a trigger factor for me sometimes. So anyway, I went to the basement and he put this record on and I sat down on the couch and instead of sitting in a chair or another place, he came on the couch and sat very close to me. And I remember feeling uncomfortable, but I didn't say anything. 'cause I thought, well, he is just sitting next to me. It's no big deal. But that's a red flag that I felt because it felt uncomfortable to me. And then the other times that I would babysit for him. His wife wouldn't come home till late in the evening, so he would come home around seven or eight and after the kids were in bed, instead of taking me home, he wanted me to sit and talk with him all evening. So we'd talk about the Bible or we'd talk about church, and sometimes he'd ask me what I thought of his [00:11:00] sermon, which at age 16, I'm flattered that this man has any idea that I would have some opinion about this great sermon that he just gave. So I didn't see anything wrong with that because he's my pastor. But had that occurred with my 30-year-old neighbor down the street, every time I went to babysit, I know I would've come home to my mother and said, okay, this is weird. Mm-hmm. Every time I babysit, this man wants to sit and talk to me all evening. I mean, what interest would I have as a teenager wanting to talk to this 30-year-old married man? But because my pastor was who he was and he tapped into our common connection of the church and God, and again, many times he would give me books to read 'cause he wanted me to get better in my deep, in my spirituality. So I didn't see anything wrong with it because of who he was. And so I just accepted that behavior, which is another tool and technique. They look for ways to get into you. Mm-hmm. [00:12:00] That don't seem obvious. And that was, so those were two red flags for me. Now as far as the congregation goes, I was in his office a lot by myself, but so were other kids, because he would actually call us into his office and say, I want you to come in and tell me what's going on in your life. Talk to me about your problems. Instead of us going to him, he would encourage us to come into his office. So while that probably wasn't a good thing, no one saw it as a bad thing. It seemed normal, but he called me into his office a lot more than the other kids. And later on there were people who did say to me, there were times when I wondered why he said something to you like that, or I noticed something one time. And so I think people notice some things, but no one thought enough of it to say, okay, there's something going on that doesn't seem right. So those were the red flags that I think in the beginning were very subtle. But they were hard to see, [00:13:00] and this is really important to distinguish these things because I was groomed by a guidance counselor in seventh grade. Mm-hmm. But he was one of those dirty old men that, he was doing creepy stuff. Yeah. But I never would have seen myself. A pastor and he's talking about spiritual things and he's talking about God and mm-hmm. He's not talking about sex. He's not watching, you're not watching dirty movies together. No, he's not, buying you sexy lingerie. It's, Hey, he's doing spiritual things. Mm-hmm. It's a setup. It's that grooming process you're talking about. It's pulling someone in to gain their trust, in a very di diabolical way, because he's using the church to do that. That's really scary. That scares mm-hmm. Scares me to death. What were the first times that he did something really inappropriate that you were just like, whoa? Well, the very [00:14:00] first time, was after a youth group meeting that was held in my home. I was the song leader. He put me in a leadership position, and it was very important to him that the evening always go well and that we were to make people feel welcome. And so at the end of the evening, I was nervous because I wanted to make sure that he thought everything went well. And he came up to me in my hallway and began telling me how great the evening was and how proud he was of me. And I was on Cloud nine. I was flattered that he felt that way. I felt good that the evening went so well. And then he just slowly bent down and he kissed me. And it wasn't, it was a kiss, but it seemed somewhat innocent to some extent. And I, I remember thinking, I think he just kissed me. Then my next thought was, well, he's my pastor and I don't think he would be doing anything he shouldn't be doing. And it was just a quick kiss. And he's always hugging people. And so maybe this is just his way of showing his appreciation for the evening. It was really [00:15:00] the only way in my 16-year-old mind that I could justify it because I couldn't think about this man doing anything he shouldn't be doing. And this was a person that everyone loved and thought so highly of, so how could I think he was doing something he shouldn't be doing? So I just let it go. I didn't think anything more about it. I mean, did you have any sex ed or anything? Did you know the birds and bees? Nine. Well, yeah, I'm 16. I did. Yeah, I did. But I wasn't, I hadn't dated much. I wasn't allowed to date till I was 16, so I hadn't had any dating experience. I had one kiss before this with a boy at camp. So I wasn't. Worldly or knowledgeable about all those things. But, and again, it was such a quick innocent type kiss. He didn't grab me, he didn't push me against the wall. I just, and again, I think for me it was okay if he's, if this is more than just a kiss, then what do I do with it? So therefore I'm just gonna say it's [00:16:00] nothing because I don't know what else to do. Um, wow. I let it go. I let it go. But as I babysat for him, he, sometimes when I would leave, he would kiss me and sometimes he wouldn't. So, I didn't see it as a con, kind of a continual thing that he was always wanting to kiss me. He always hugged me. But the kissing became more intense as it went along. So it, it would be another year, before he would have sex with me. And so that grooming process and kind of pushing the boundaries each time he was with me, finally ended with him having sex with me. Oh, wow. Now, some of us listening are like an adult having sex with a child or 16-year-old. Can you unpack that a little bit more, the process of how he got to that point? I mean, that the first time you had intercourse, I mean, did he, you know, go to a hotel with you and you had a candlelight dinner, or was it in the backseat of the car?[00:17:00] Was it an accident? It wasn't an accident. He was very deliberate and I had every intentions of having sex with me that night. I babysat, I was babysitting, I put the kids to bed, I walked down the steps. I assumed that we would go into the living room. Or the family room, sit on the couch and talk about the things we always talked about. But instead, he stopped me at the bottom of the stairs and he took me into the living room, and immediately put me on the floor and began undressing me. Um, and wow, I froze. I, I literally froze and I kept thinking to myself, he's going to stop. He's going to stop. And that the entire time he's whispering into my ear how much he loves me, that he would never hurt me, and that he can, I can trust him. And then he kept asking me, do you love me? Do you love me? And I, of course, I'm answering yes, because well, yes I do, because that's what I've told him for the past year. I, I, I just, I was so confused and what my real reaction was, I froze. Mm-hmm. Um, he, he sort of pushed my head under the [00:18:00] stereo. And so when he is starting to get farther than I thought he would ever go. I blocked, I just blocked it out and I started reading the serial numbers underneath the stereo. Oh my goodness. Just to be thinking of anything else. Um, at one point he then just picked me up and took me upstairs. He literally put me on the bed, penetrated me, and that was it. And I was horrified. I was absolutely horrified. I, I wanted to cry. I didn't know what to say. I didn't know what to do. Um, he left the room, told me to get dressed, and he would take me home. And I remember sitting on the bed and I put the bedspread around me because I was so embarrassed that I didn't have my clothes on. Mm-hmm. Oh, wow. Um, and then I just remember thinking I just had sex. I'm no longer a virgin. I just had sex with this man and. He took me home. Now, in the [00:19:00] book, of course, I go into a little bit more detail, but Right, he took me home and just before I got outta the car, he said to me, now, you know, this is something between the two of us, you can't tell anyone. And of course I'm thinking, who would I tell? I, I don't want anybody to know. I just did this. So, that was the first time. And then I think I, at that point I kept thinking, you know, I've had sex with him. So now I'm committed to him again. I'm at this point, I'm 17 years old. I'm still like, what do I do with this? I don't, I don't know what to do with this. Um, and he was convincing me that he loved me. He was convincing me that he needed me in his ministry and that God, this was God's will in our lives. He threw that at me. Eventually he would say to me that we were married in God's eyes. I mean, twisting the scripture and using God as a reason that we should be together. And so. I started to accept that. There were a couple times I went to him and told him that I couldn't do this anymore. I felt [00:20:00] guilty. He would respond in one of two ways. One, he would say to me how much he needed me, how much he loved me, and that he couldn't live without me. So that was the guilt part of it. Or he would respond and by saying to me, you know, you're no longer a virgin. No one else is gonna want you. I'm the only one that knows how to love you, and you are committed to me, and this is gonna be the way it is. And I saw no way out. I didn't see a way out. And so the relationship continued for five years. Wow. Five years. It went on for five years. That is a long time. And it, during that time, he became more aggressive physically. Uh, he hit me. He became sexually more deviant. It just progressed. It got worse and worse. And to a point that I finally, I was, my self-esteem was so low. I hated myself for what I'd been doing. So I finally just accepted that this was my life. I knew [00:21:00] I'd never get married. I knew I'd never have children, and this wouldn't be over until he said it was over. This went on for five years and nobody in the church noticed it. Your parents didn't notice it. You know, people say, well, where were your parents? Well, first of all, my parents were thrilled. I was in church. I mean, this was a time in the seventies when drugs were. Prevalent girls were, having free sex. So for them, what safer place could there be than to be in church? So, and they saw his intention toward me and his involvement with me as a good thing. I mean, he would take me on hospital visits with him. I mean, they saw this as being positive. And they knew how much I loved being there and that it was a place that I liked to go. So they didn't see it. And many in the church didn't see it began because who suspects the pastor of such behavior. Mm-hmm. Yeah. And especially in the seventies when this wasn't an open topic like it is now, you wouldn't have dared thought anything like that. And so [00:22:00] it's not uncommon for people in the church, to miss the signs and to ignore what they really do see, because they just can't believe that it would be something that would be happening in their church because then they'd have to do something about it. Yes, exactly. When did it all come crumbling down? It does crumble. Eventually it does. Two elders became suspicious and followed him one night and found us together in a hotel room. And then from then on, the next month and a half was an absolute nightmare for me. Hmm. It was initially hoped that they could keep what he had done, quiet and keep it from the congregation. Now, I have to say one thing before I forget. This wasn't his first incident of sexual misconduct. Oh. Prior to and just after he was awri, he arrived at our church. A young woman from his first church came forward and accused him of sexual misconduct. When he was [00:23:00] confronted by my elders, he didn't deny it. He said it was true. He asked for forgiveness, that it would never happen again. It was a mistake. So within six months. That's when he was kissing me in my hallway. So this, so these elders were aware that this was the second time that there had been an incident with this man of sexual abuse and misconduct. But in spite of that, they tried to keep it quiet in hopes of moving him to another church. And so I was told during that time where I was to sit, how I was to respond to questions. I wasn't to talk to anyone. I wasn't to tell anyone about what had happened, including my parents. And this was all in an effort to keep it quiet. Well, that effort failed. And so it was determined that he should address the congregation. He did it in a very vague way, just simply said that he'd sinned. He'd sinned against God, and he'd sinned against his wife. And that was his confession. That was it. Two days later, he had me meet [00:24:00] him in a hotel room after that confession in front of the congregation. Now. He was moved to the next church. He was given a going away party. There was actually a vote to maybe keep him, but the vote failed and they decided to move him to the next church. About, two weeks, three weeks later, I was called in by the elders, and this is probably the hardest part of my story for me. Mm-hmm. I was called in by the elders and I was told that because of my behavior I was to leave the church. I was devastated. I loved that church. It was the only church I knew, and here I was being told by these two elders that I wasn't fit to worship there any longer. Mm-hmm. He could be forgiven and given a second, third chance. I couldn't be, I was told that to leave the church. I wasn't given any counseling. I wasn't helped in any way. I was simply told to leave and I did. I left. [00:25:00] And that I told people many times, as horrific as the abuse was, having been told to leave, that church had a greater impact on me spiritually than the actual abuse did. I don't think I ever recovered from that. It still haunts me to this day to some extent. That response of the church really devastated me. So that was the crumbling, as you called it? It came crashing down and I would, I left the church. So did that change your perception of God? What was your relationship with God this time? Yes. You were kicked outta the church, but. Well, I felt a disconnect from God. I never blamed God. I never felt like God caused this to happen. I, in fact, I carry the blame and the shame. I felt guilty for what I had done. And so I never blamed God, but because of the relationship being tied in with God and the [00:26:00] prayers that this man would give, and then, you know, he'd give these wonderful sermons about marriage and sanctity of marriage on a Sunday morning after having sex with me the night before. I had difficulty separating all of that, and there were so many trigger factors associated with the church and prayer that God really did. It was hard for me to have any kind of relationship with God. I did. I didn't become an atheist like a lot of victims do, and who become angry at God. I simply just. I just put him on the back burner. I knew he existed, but I didn't have a connection with him any longer. So for 27 years, I, I never prayed. I never opened my Bible. I went to church because when I met my husband, he was a Methodist. And I thought, well, I'll go to the Methodist Church. It's a different denomination. Mm-hmm. I'll just go on. It should be fine. It didn't work that way. I had anxiety attacks in church. I, his [00:27:00] reminders of him were constant, but I forced myself to go. I made sure that I went because I knew when we had children, I wanted them to have that church experience. But every time I walked past the minister's office, I got a knot in my stomach. Oh yeah. It had nothing to do with that minister. But you understand that. I mean, it, but I did that for 27 years. It became my norm. I just knew that when I walked past that office, I was gonna get a knock my stomach, certain hymns. I can tell you what his favorite hymn was, and every time that was played, that's who I thought of. I couldn't pray. It was so, I did have a deep, deep disconnect for 27 years, and I have to tell you, I missed it. I actually mourn that loss of my spiritual life, but I didn't know how to get it back. Because I'm keeping this secret. I'm still carrying guilt and shame. I couldn't forgive myself. I didn't feel worthy to be in church. So with all of that mixed in, I just put myself on autopilot and said, [00:28:00] well, this is the way my life will be and I'll just have to accept it. It just sounds so unfair. Somebody that loves the Lord so much and served in the church and so innocent and being kicked out. Oh, but it sounded like maybe meeting your husband would've been a positive thing for you. How did you guys meet? I actually worked at his office, so I met him there. We dated for about two years, and I just found him to be a kind, loving soul. He was very unassuming. He wasn't arrogant. He didn't, he wasn't a boastful type of person. He didn't like taking credit for things, even though he deserved it sometimes. He was just a good hearted person, and I just, I fell in love with him immediately. I really did. I thought this was a great, great guy. I mean, I will tell you, I have said many times because before I met him, I was on a destructive path. I did not have any self-esteem. [00:29:00] I saw myself just simply as some sex object that, I was only good for that. And so when I met him, he saved my life because he loved me for who I was and showed me that I was worthy. So I've often said to him, you saved my life, and he will respond back with you made mine, and you can't get any better than that. So meeting him was a turning point for me, but I kept a secret from him for 27 years, and I lived in fear that he'd always find out that I'd had this affair with a married man. And I know in my heart that it wouldn't have made a difference to him. But people who've been abused never forget the words, don't ever tell. And I never forgot those words. And I never forgot what the consequences could be if I were to tell someone. Because when my elders found out, they blamed me. And I, I couldn't bear the thought that if I were to tell him. [00:30:00] Somehow he would find fault with me, or I wondered, would he wonder why I didn't feel confident enough to tell him? Would he feel betrayed that I kept a secret? Would he see me differently sexually? All those fears that I had while unfounded were still present in my mind. And so I never could tell him. And I had to do a lot of play acting and pretending, through our married life in the sense that the times I was having trigger factors, I had to hide them. And I know he would've been supportive, but I couldn't see that. Because while trauma affects you at the time of the abuse, it's lifelong. It doesn't leave you. And so I lived with that for 27 years. So did you have. Intimacy issues when you were together? Was that what you're talking about? The triggering? No, I, know a lot of victims do, and that's understandable. I really didn't, because he was so different from my abuser [00:31:00] and I recognized that my abuser was emotionally violent mm-hmm. And physically, he just wasn't loving in any sense of the word. I was simply used for sex. Mm-hmm. And I didn't have that with my husband. And so I could separate that a little bit. But I think the guilt of hiding the secret had an impact on our marriage as far as my able to be intimate with him in an emotional way. I'm really glad to hear that. I, you are not the first person that I've heard that. The victim has hidden a secret from her husband. I passed her and a pastor's wife and her husband did not know. Mm-hmm. Children didn't know, and it was a family member that was the abuser. And I kept telling her, you've got to tell him. Mm-hmm. You know why? It's because, and I was thinking this when I was listening to your, the other shows that you were on. I'm thinking about your children and your grandchildren. If I was abused, [00:32:00] I would be like. How do I keep my children and grandchildren from going through what I just went through, you know? Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Well, that's an interesting thing because most people would assume that my daughter, I would've been all over it and worried sick every time she left the house. Yeah. But I actually had the opposite, reaction because keep in mind, I didn't see myself as an abuse victim. I saw myself as someone who participated, who willingly went into this relationship and stayed in it willingly, which is not the case when you're abused. There's the control, the manipulation, all of those things that play into keeping a victim in a relationship and they see no way out. So for me, I just assumed I got one bad apple in the whole barrel, that this didn't happen to other people and that I had an affair. But my daughter, who I knew, she would never have an affair with a married man, I just knew that. So I. Sent her on [00:33:00] retreats. I sent her to church camp without fear because again, I'm thinking, okay, this just doesn't happen to other people and this is not something I need to be concerned about with her. However, with my granddaughters, it's totally different because now I understand what really occurred and the damage that can occur when you've been abused. And so with my granddaughters, her mom and dad have talked to them, about good touch, bad touch. And I too have talked about to her, but I've been a little bit more probably detailed about it. Mm-hmm. And as she gets older, these men, the techniques change as you get older and they, after they go after teenage girls, so mm-hmm. Hopefully I'll be able to help her understand, what happens when someone's grooming. I want her to understand her personal space, that if you're not comfortable when someone hugs you, it's okay. That's right. Say I, I don't want you to touch me that way. Mm-hmm. Or say if they don't feel comfortable and we put a lot on kids to do that. 'cause here [00:34:00] we're asking a child to say to an adult, no. Mm-hmm. So it's okay to go to your mother or your mom and say, can you tell so and so Uncle Jimmy or whoever it is, I don't wanna be hugged. So we need to make sure our kids understand that their personal space is their space. And if they don't want someone in that space, it's okay to say no. I also think it's important to tell kids that good people can do bad things. Yeah. Because, as we talked about earlier, our abusers are not strangers. They're not mean people. Mm-hmm. They're usually good people. They're usually people who've given us gifts. They're people who help us. They're people who tell us how wonderful we are. So it's hard for children, even adults, to see this individual who. Who on one side is a good individual who does a lot in the church, who's done all these wonderful things. And so we, we have to tell these kids, just because they're a good person doesn't mean they can't do bad things. And so that's kind of the message I hope to get to my granddaughters that I didn't give to my [00:35:00] daughter. And fortunately she didn't have any issues with church or any, anybody abusing her. But I certainly did not, guide her in the right way in that sense because I just, like I said, I just assumed that I was the only one that this would ever have happened to. Well, I think, I hear a lot in the church that they don't teach sex ed because they don't want the kids to go out and have sex. Mm-hmm. And so a lot of these kids are like ignorant as to, what is healthy and what is not proper, yeah. We need to teach 'em that our bodies or are going to respond. They were built that way. God intended us to have feelings. You know, when we are around the opposite sex, that's normal. Mm-hmm. So we need to make sure kids understand. But there are barriers and there are boundaries that need to be taken. But you're absolutely right when we don't talk at it, then we figure it out on their own. And we could, we can all imagine when you're leaving teenagers to [00:36:00] their own devices to figure out things. That's probably not gonna lead in a good spot. No, we have the internet now, which when we, right. When you and I were younger, we didn't have the internet. We didn't have cell phones. No. If you wanted a Playboy magazine, you had to go to that kind of a neighborhood to get something. Yes. You know? Yes. It was a lot more difficult. Yes, absolutely. But too many parents are embarrassed to talk to their children about sex and, you know, everybody listening needs to listen. You need to find a way to talk to them about these things. And one of the techniques that I use with my daughter, just in talking about sex in general, kids don't want to hear their mom and dad talk to 'em about this. So what I did would say, I read a magazine article about this girl who did such and such so that I put it off on something else that's, a non-entity of a person. And I'll say, or Have you ever heard of this? And of course I know she's got a little embarrassed, but I, it opened the dialogue without me coming [00:37:00] out and saying, have you heard of oral sex? Instead, I would talk to her and say, I heard this about this. This is what kids are doing, blah, blah, blah. So you kind of have to find techniques and ways to sneak around it sometimes, but you absolutely need to talk to, because they know it's out there and they're going to experiment. That's just part of being a teenager. Yeah, my parents chickened out. They just gave me a book to read. Same, probably the same book. I got, I forget what it was called. Where did I come from? Or something. It was a cartoon book. Mm-hmm. And I'm grateful for that. And, they just, after I finished the book, do you have any questions? Yeah, yeah. I had a lot of, older people that were friends and I would actually go to my older. Senior citizen friends and ask them questions rather than ask my parents. Right? Yeah, yeah. It's more comfortable that way for sure. Like I said, it's not the topic that we like to talk to with our kids and our kids don't wanna hear it, but being uncomfortable is not an excuse not to do that. And in school you get [00:38:00] the basics of the mechanics of it, but then that ends, that's all you get there as well. And that's not as helpful either. Yeah. The sixth grade menstrual cycle, health class. Yeah, exactly. That's it. They separate the girls and the boys. Yeah. We were all really embarrassed and Yes, yes. Yeah, exactly. Great information. So let's, circle around back to, okay, you've been hiding this secret forever. Mm-hmm. And nobody knows about your past. And then one day you got triggered. So what happened that day? Well, that's the first chapter of my book, and that is one day I was driving to a golf tournament in Tennessee. We live in Cincinnati. I was driving, my daughter was in college. She was playing in a golf tournament. I was driving down there and I was about halfway when I saw an exit sign for the town of Kingsport, Tennessee. And that is the. Town to which my [00:39:00] abuser was sent after he left our church, and it just sent me over the edge. Mm-hmm. All of a sudden I'm thinking, I'm in the town where he lives. Am I close to his house? Am I close to the church where he's now a minister? I mean, even though it'd been 27 years, I thought he was probably still there. I didn't know, but that's what my mind was telling me. I, all of a sudden I felt his presence in the car. I, I could smell him. I could hear him. Oh. I was, it was unbelievable to me what was happening to me. I didn't even know what was happening. I pulled to the side of the road Oh, good. And I sobbed. Yeah. I sobbed for about 20 minutes and I was just trying to figure out what was happening because anytime I had trigger factors before I could manage them, I could control them. I kind of let them happen and then I push 'em back down. Mm-hmm. This one wasn't going back down and I was a mess. I was just an absolute mess. I was able to get through the weekend. I drove back home and all I could think about was, what am I gonna do? What am I gonna do? [00:40:00] I wanted to stop thinking about him and I couldn't. I spent the next two weeks, really in anxiety. I, my husband would leave for work and I would just walk around the house, wring my hands, trying to figure out why I was feeling the way I was feeling. What was I gonna do with these feelings till at one point I finally decided I was gonna tell my best friend, and I was absolutely petrified to tell her because for the first time in 27 years, I was going to utter the words. I was sexually abused by my youth pastor. And I remember thinking, he's gonna find out and I'm gonna get in trouble. I just, I was 49 years old and I'm still afraid of this man. But I did tell her, it was, it took me a long time to, to get the words out, but I did, she was very supportive. She was very kind. She was patient as she waited for me to tell her. And so that started my journey of healing just by telling that first person. I then told two or three other of my close friends, so the four of us spent [00:41:00] many days and many hours on the screened in porch of one of my friends just letting me talk. Mm-hmm. And being able to express what had happened to me. I wasn't ready to tell all of the story. I mean, there's parts in the book that I won't go into here because they're pretty mm-hmm. Embarrassing and some things that I did. So I wasn't ready to tell them everything, but I told them enough that it helped me start to release what had been done to me. And so that was the first thing that I did, I think. And then the next thing I did, which was so valuable, and I encouraged victims to do it as well, I just read everything I could on clergy abuse or sexual abuse in itself. So I began to learn the terms of grooming, manipulation, gaslighting, and then I could see how he methodically used each one of those things on me to get me to do the things he got me to do, and to stay in that relationship for those five years. And that was huge for me. So [00:42:00] it was, for the first time as I began reading, I understood that I had been abused. Now, it still took me a while to admit that I really was sexually abused because I didn't want that label. I didn't wanna be an abuse victim. And there was a part of me. We all wanna be loved. And so there was still a part of me that I wanted to think that there was some part of him that cared about me, that this wasn't just purely about sex and that he wasn't just using me for his own gratification. And I had to get past that. I had to finally come to terms with, no, this man didn't do the no one who loves you, would do the things he did and ask the things he did of me. So that took me a while, to finally admit, okay, this was an abusive relationship. So I told someone, educating myself, and then I had to learn to forgive myself. I had to let, I had to let go of the guilt [00:43:00] and shame because any guilt and shame belongs squarely on him. This was a man that I should have been able to trust. It was in a place that should have been the safest place on earth for me. And he took advantage of a vulnerable teenager who had, I didn't have a major crisis in my life, but he knew my home life was an upheaval at times. He knew that I didn't see my dad very much. So he used that to against me. And I had to forgive myself for being who I was at the time and being able to respond the way I did for the coping skills I had at the time. Sure. You can look back. I, and I think, why didn't I say this? Why didn't I do that? But I couldn't because of, of the re of the relationship he had created between us. Mm-hmm. I had lost all power. He was in complete control of this relationship, so I had to forgive myself and that wasn't easy either. Then, and I don't know that this is something all victims should do, but I just felt this need [00:44:00] that I needed to confront him. I just felt like I couldn't move past this unless I was able to face him. Now, I had no contact with him for 27 years. I didn't even know if he was still alive, but I hired a private investigator and he found him ministering in a church in Alabama. And so I had my investigator contact him and we set up a time and a meeting that we would meet. And I took my husband, I took my friend who was a counselor and another friend who was at the church at the time. Um, I wanted her at this point. You told your husband at this point, I'm sorry. Yes, that's correct. I, it was probably three months after I told my friends, that I said to him I would like to meet him in his office and talked to him about something and. I was terrified. I don't know how else to say it. I just was so afraid. Not that I needed to be, but I was. And I probably sat there for almost, [00:45:00] I would say, 40 minutes and just cried. I was able to finally get out. I'm okay, the kids are okay, and then I started crying again. He couldn't have been any more supportive, more loving. I remember looking at his face and I said I was sexually abused by my youth pastor, and he didn't. His expression didn't change, and then I said. I was their babysitter and his face just dropped. And for the first time, I could see the pain I was feeling was reflected in his face. It was, I almost wanted to hug him to say, I'm sorry. 'cause I could see how much it hurt him to know that this had been done to me, especially as a baby. I mean, the picture became complete for him once I said that. And so he was very supportive. I think he was worried about me confronting this man, for a couple reasons. But one, I think he was worried that I would be disappointed in his reaction, and that I would be expecting too much of this [00:46:00] person to understand what he did to me and show any kind of remorse, and that I, it would hurt me even more. And one of my fears was that, I was afraid he wouldn't meet me. I was afraid that he was gonna say, no, I'm not gonna meet with you. And my husband said, oh, he's gonna meet with you all right? Because if he doesn't meet with you, you just tell him. Call the church secretary. We'll call every elder. We're gonna, he, somebody's gonna hear your story if he doesn't want to hear it. So he did agree to meet with me. I went down to Alabama and the meeting took place and I said the things that I wanted to say to him. I wanted him to get what he did to me. But he didn't, he never could understand the damage. It was almost as if, okay, I shouldn't have done it and I'm sorry I did it. Okay, now what do you want? It was, get away. You bother me? Yes. And his greatest fear as most narcissist, and I believe he was, narcissistic, but his greatest fear was that I was going to demand that he be removed from the ministry. I mean, that's what he [00:47:00] was most concerned about, how this was going to impact him. And he should have been out of the ministry. So I went to his. Boss. I was told this, and something happened 27 years ago. He, we think he's safe. We're not worried, in spite of the fact that during the meeting he had admitted that there had been multiple occurrences of sexual misconduct throughout his ministry. Not all teenagers, some were most were probably women. And then he said he had gone to therapy because he had been identified as a sexual addict. And I kept thinking, who, what? What world, what world? Does this make sense that a man who has been identified by a psychologist as a sex addict belongs in the ministry? Nope. But here was this church. So I sent a letter to his 11 elders thinking, okay, somebody in this eldership is gonna see this. Is I something's wrong here. Not one responded totally [00:48:00] ignored me. 11 elders totally ignored me. Wow. No worries. So then, I decided to go to his denominational leaders, which were in Indianapolis. And there again, while they were sympathetic to my story and apologize that it happened, they said, we're an independent church. Our churches hire and fire their own ministers. We have no control and if they choose to keep this man, we can do nothing about it. And so what, I was shut down and basically I had no place else to go. I had pretty much. Done everything I could do. And it wasn't my place in the man that he be removed. I expected the church to be, the church was to do the right thing. Exactly. I assumed so naively that once they heard my story and once they understood the background of this man, surely someone would say, this isn't right. But again, keep in mind he's very charismatic. He brings in [00:49:00] people, he brings in money. And to be fair, and probably I'm being a little too gracious, these men are very good at manipulating not only the victim but the congregation as well. They're very good at getting control of the congregation so that they find themselves following this man no matter what he would do. Yeah. And that's basically what happened. There was going to be, I got a four page letter from his boss telling me that, know, I'm going to. Ruin this church if I continue on this path and that I'm going to feel all this guilt because I'm gonna be responsible for the damage that I will do to pe people's spiritual lives. I mean that, it was an incredible, I put the letter in the book, I, because it is so incredibly, hard to believe that someone write that to a victim of abuse. Just So that was What year did that happen? 2004. Okay. So we did have. We did have the internet. Oh, yes. And this was after the Catholic, [00:50:00] church had their, exposure of sexual abuse within their church. So yes, this was, it was out there for sure. This wasn't something that you would think, oh, I can't believe this happened. And again, he had admitted to these past instances. I mean, this wasn't someone who was saying, oh, I don't know what she's talking about. Or, oh, this is the only time it ever happened. He had been in therapy because he was a sexual addict, So he wasn't registered as a sex offender? I guess not. And in my case, at the time of the abuse, the age of consent was 16. So I had no legal recourse because of I was either legally age of consent. Now that has been changed in Ohio. It's now 18. It's now 18, but many states it's still 16. There are several states where the age of consent is 16. Now, the interesting about that is. His contact sexual contact with me was not considered a crime. However, if he had been my high school teacher, it would've been a crime. What, so pastors I know [00:51:00] does not make sense. It does not make a leg of sense. No, it does not. So it, they don't consider him a teacher. They don't cons, they don't, they considered an affair. A mutual. Relationship if he'd been my teacher, that's a different story. So yeah, I had no legal recourse. And that was frustrating. But I couldn't change that. So it was what it was. I just had to accept that he, yes, he belonged in jail. Yes, there's no doubt and should be registered as a sex offender, but I'm not so sure that even if he's registered as a sex offender, these people in Alabama and wherever he is now, would. Even take that as a concern. Well, you know, the millennials now, they'll just, they just post stuff on Facebook and Twitter and call the evening news and they have, yes. News people at their doorstep, right. Ready to mm-hmm. Track this guy's name through the mud. Mm-hmm. But you didn't choose to do that, I guess. No, you know, I'm very careful about naming him in the sense that, part of my story is that I [00:52:00] reconnected with his wife. She actually divorced him after they moved, because again, he committed sexual misconduct. She was 20, I think, at the time, so it wasn't a minor, but that's beside the point. This is a man in a position that, a professional who does not cross boundaries like that. So, to no one surprise, he committed sexual misconduct the third time, so she divorced him. And part of, I guess letting go of some of the guilt that I felt, I wanted to. Connect with her to at least tell her, not that I was responsible for what happened, but how very sorry I was for her pain and suffering as well because she was part of the youth group. I mean, she was there at the church all the time. We sang in the choir together. So it was like I had a relationship with her. Oh wow. To some extent. And of course when, we were found, when he was found out by the elders, she was upset and she of course, didn't wanna have anything to do with me, which is understandable. So I actually think I [00:53:00] also wanted to give her the opportunity to say whatever she felt she needed to say to me if she wanted to. I mean, I didn't know what she was gonna say or react. I thought maybe she'd hang up on me. I didn't know. So I called her one day. My investigator found her phone number and gave it to me, and she couldn't have been any more gracious. I, she never blamed me. She understood as she, as the years went on, what this really was just like I did. She's remarried. She's has a wonderful husband now. And so I visited her several times. We keep in contact. And so part of my not wanting to expose him too much is that it would be hurtful to her. And he does have children. Now. I know that, well, whatever consequences are as a result of this are all on him, but I don't feel the need to add to that. That's not my purpose in speaking out. And so, mm-hmm. I've gone to his church leaders, I've done everything I can to get him removed from the ministry. And nothing, it's just [00:54:00] he's still, I don't know that he's still a pastor, but he still remains in good standing within that denomination to this day. Yeah. I mean, sometimes we have to just let God. Right. Dish out the justice. It may not be in our timeline, it may not be the way that we think it should happen, but Right. He's not gonna get away with this. No. And again, I did my part. Yes. So my conscience is clear and I am able to say I did what I could do and whether or not they removed him, I certainly hope that I maybe put some doubt in some of their minds and maybe questioned their motives in keeping this man. I don't know. But, I feel I did what I could do and I feel good about that. I feel good about that. Absolutely, you should. And what I'm really interested in is, you're trying to keep this stuff from happening to other people, so, I mean, what can we do to prevent some of this stuff? Well, it's [00:55:00] difficult again, because these men are among us as wolves in sheep's clothing, and so they're difficult to spot. But a couple things. I think the first thing I would tell people is if something doesn't seem right. Keep your antenna up. Don't just ignore it or just don't think, oh, well that can't be true because he's the pastor. Mm-hmm. If it's behavior that you wouldn't accept in someone else, or it's something that you would question in someone else, then question it in the pastor or the choir director, whoever it is. Don't be blinded by the person. The persona that they're presenting to you. So that's the first thing I would say is keep your antenna up. The other thing is we, and we're churches, I think are doing better about this, but you've got to have policies in place that say, no, you're not taking a 16-year-old girl on your hospital visit with you. Yes. That's, that's not normal. That's not right. What is she doing going on a hospital visit with you in a car? And of course now we have the texting [00:56:00] and there should be absolutely no texting between a pastor, a youth minister, and anyone in the congregation. And that includes, no, don't forget the meeting for the church luncheon. No, there should be no texting because you, it's too hidden and it's too easily moved to the next step. And that's how it starts. You know, all of the abuse when it's someone you know, it always starts with small things and subtle things. It doesn't, innocent things. Innocent things that, yeah, that, that are innocent. But so that's why, so no texting. Yeah. So put in the policy, those places of, when you take a 10-year-old child to the bathroom, you make sure there's another adult with you. Absolutely. That's for your safety as well as for the child's safety. Mm-hmm. So I, I think we need to be aware. And then I would also say watch for the vulnerable in your, among your church or your group. Watch for the kid that's got issues at home and is looking for a father figure. Be aware that they're going to be more susceptible to someone who's a predator and pay [00:57:00] attention to their cues and kind of keep in touch with them as well in a sense of asking questions and how they're doing and be the kind of a person that they might feel comfortable coming to if something were to happen to them because they're the ones that are gonna be most vulnerable, to a predator. So that's kind of, an overview of what. Maybe a help to try and stop and prevent some of this. Yes, I like lots of video cameras. They're cheap now. You can put a camera, you can hide cameras all over the church facility and Yes. And I think too, talking to this about this issue to the congregation before anything happens, maybe having a person in your congregation who is the go-to person on this topic, who, who's researched what all these grooming and manipulation is so that they are even more equipped to, to notice the signs. So you have a person who's kind of in charge of that topic and then address it to the congregation once a year and say, here's our policy and here's what we expect of our pastors and here's what we would hope you would [00:58:00] do if you notice something. So it just brings it out so that people feel like if there is something that they know is going on or something's wrong, they feel comfortable going to someone about it. Those are all really great tips for leaders and, church members. So what, what if I am listening and I am being subjected to some of this stuff, what should I do? Well, what you need to do and what is the hardest thing to do is to tell someone. Yeah. And it's hard to do because when you're in an abusive relationship, you are being controlled by your abuser. And the narrative is what he is directing. And so he's going to tell you, look, you can tell anybody you want. They're not gonna believe you. And he tells you that over and over again. He's also going to tell you that you are going to be in trouble if you tell anyone. And then there's that problem of you sort [00:59:00] of care about this person. Here's someone that has been helping you, who's been your mentor, and you don't wanna get him in trouble. So with all those dynamics involved, it's very difficult for victims to come forward. But I am telling you, you don't wanna wait the 27 years that I did no. And live with this guilt and the shame and the angst and the anxiety. First of all, it's not worth it. You're not doing anyone any favors, especially yourself, because there is help out there. But they can only help you if you're able to be able to tell someone. And believe me, I understand how difficult that is. It's not easy. Mm-hmm. But I would hope that I hearing my story and others that you will understand that there is help out there and you need to tell someone. 'cause it won't end until you tell someone. And if you need to, you go to someone that you trust. And if you need to, you go outside the church. Yes. You tell someone you know is going to listen to you. [01:00:00] Hey, I tell my listeners, you can call me anytime mm-hmm. And email me and I'm sure you'd say the same thing. Exactly. Reach out to Sandy if mm-hmm. You need somebody to talk to. Mm-hmm. Or you don't know what is the next step I need to take here? Right. It is scary to make First step. It's very scary. Very scary. Absolutely. So then there's the rest of us, those that have not experienced clergy abuse, maybe we're members in the church, maybe we're friends or family. What are some helpful things for us to do to support a victim? Helpful things to say, maybe there's things we shouldn't say, well, that's a yes. First, I would say anytime you're aware of a victim of clergy abuse or anybody who's been abused, whether it's clergy or not, reiterate to that victim that it was not their fault and that there was nothing they could have done, should have done that would've prevented this. And by doing that, you are [01:01:00] telling that person they're free to speak to you. And victims need to hear it over and over again because we do blame ourselves. Children as young as five will blame themselves because they allowed someone to touch them 'cause mommy said not to. And the that guilt in that shame that victims carry, it's difficult to let go of it. So to hear someone say to us, it's not your fault is so freeing. So that's the first thing. The second thing I would say is. Let them know that you will listen to them without judging them, and you will hear their story without being shocked that you are able to say, tell me everything you need to tell me, or Tell me as little as you wanna tell me. Give them a comfort place to go to talk. And then I would say, and this is difficult for people who have spiritual lives or who are part of the church, be very much aware that things such as prayer and Bible reading and [01:02:00] scripture can be very triggering for those who've been abused in the church. Mm-hmm. So things that you would find comforting like prayer. Can be a very major trigger factor for victims. And so instead of saying to a victim, I'll pray for you, or Can I pray with you? The best thing you could say would be to phrase it in such a way as to say, I understand because of what you've been through, prayer can be difficult. And so I would like to pray for you, but I would completely understand if you don't want to pray or you won't, don't even want me to pray for you. And so you've opened up the door to say to this person, wow, I don't have to feel guilty because I can't pray. You know, when we've grown up in the church and we've been told how wonderful church and prayer and all those things are, we still carry that guilt too because we're no longer connected to God. So to have a person on the outside. Recognize that these can be trigger factors is again, a gift. It's a [01:03:00] gift. So those things I think would be the most helpful when dealing with a person of clergy abuse. And give them time. Don't push forgiveness. Don't push trying to get them back into church. 'cause some victims will never be able to go back to church if you let them find their own pace of time and you do it without judging them. And I know that's kind of hard sometimes for Christians and people in the church because we love the church and we find it to be such a wonderful place and we want this person back in the church. Yes. But it, it may not be the best place at that point for that victim. Such valuable advice. I That is awesome. And again, back to like, when you're talking about the sex education, open up the dialogue, you know? Yeah. Bring it up. Bring it up before they bring it up. Again, I read in the newspaper that this girl was molested by, a gym teacher. You know that, that ha I know that happens. And then let 'em know that if. It is, like you said, allowing that comfort to be able to [01:04:00] talk to someone. I think for me it was important to give my side of the story. No one had a clue that he was emotionally and verbally and physically abusive to me. They saw this as a little love affair and that we had this, magic little love affair. Evil temptress. Yes, exactly. And so I wanted them to know the full story. That was important for my healing too. And they did that. And, they welcomed me back to the church. I went back, I've been back a couple times for, a youth group reunion that we had. So, and that was difficult. But again, I thought that was necessary for me to move forward. I had to let go of my past. I had to figure out, not to forget it, but how was I going to incorpo

Send us a textOn this weeks episode of Grease the Wheels, Uncle Jimmy makes a comprehensive wish list of things that we would like to see in the automotive industry. This list doesn't leave anyone out either, with special focus on customers to start it off, and special callouts for management and ownership that does it right. We also get into the wishlists for our fellow technicians, and our wishes for parts people. The most pivotal wish that Uncle Jimmy has this year is for service advisors to simply ask for the sale and for the government to stop telling companies how to make cars — with similar levels of vitriol for both. Finally we get to the manufacturers themselves, and their relentless pursuit to make cars harder to work on, and this is a big one. What is on your Christmas wishlist —let us know over on the Facebook page! Also Uncle Jimmy wishes everyone a Merry Christmas, Happy Boxing Day, Happy Kwanzaa, and a belated happy Hannuklah while Erik covers Blessed Yule and a Happy Winter Solstice!This Episode of Grease the Wheels is brought to you in partnership with Surfwrench Digital! For more on Video MPI Training Visit https://www.surfwrench.com/video-mpi-training-landing/ to learn more. Video MPI Training built in the shop, by your Uncle Jimmy. Use code “GTW” for 50% off your training access!  

Send us a textOn this episode of Grease the Wheels, Uncle Jimmy goes over some very interesting survey results from inside the automotive industry from WrenchWay. They asked a lot of the right questions when it comes to things like job satisfaction, training opportunities, and how well their facilities are kept — but there are a handful of things that we feel like might be actually 100% in agreement across the board. There were points of major agreement, and a few that surprised us! Also Uncle Jimmy carries on his favorite holiday tradition of breaking down automotive news articles. This Episode of Grease the Wheels is brought to you in partnership with Surfwrench Digital! For more on Video MPI Training Visit https://www.surfwrench.com/video-mpi-training-landing/ to learn more. Video MPI Training built in the shop, by your Uncle Jimmy. Use code “GTW” for 50% off your training access! 

Send us a textOn this weeks episode of Grease the Wheels, Uncle Jimmy goes over an oldie-but-a-goodie with his 10 thesis on automotive diagnosis. With modern automobiles becoming more and more complex, checking batteries (especially when there are tons of weird or seemingly unrelated problems) is always a good Bet. Things like Visual Inspections and Scanning the vehicle for faults seem to be a given, but can be complicated when an advisor is diagnosing from the chair. Any time that you have access to a vehicles repair history or CarFax report is a good thing, especially when they are in for the fourth time in a month for the same problem and hoping that somehow that problem has gotten cheaper to fix — which is hasn't, it never has, and that isn't how this works! Also Uncle Jimmy talks about the best tasting parts of a wiring harness (for a mouse) and does his best Joe Cocker impression while impersonating customers. This Episode of Grease the Wheels is brought to you in partnership with Surfwrench Digital! For more on Video MPI Training Visit https://www.surfwrench.com/video-mpi-training-landing/ to learn more. Video MPI Training built in the shop, by your Uncle Jimmy. Use code “GTW” for 50% off your training access! 

Send us a textOn this episode of Grease the Wheels, Uncle Jimmy outlines all of the ways that flat rate technicians lose time and money to the inefficiencies of the dealership system itself. Support staff and Service Advisors are key culprits, between not separating items on repair orders, repair orders that are poorly written or feature hand written add-ons, and not going over cars to check and see what else is wrong with them such as check engine lights. This problem is massively amplified with porters and lot personelle when they do not follow proper procedures such as putting the car in numbered parking spots and not hanging identifying hang tags. When you start adding it all up, there is a lot of this going on in any shop that utilizes the flat-rate system, and it doesn't cost the dealership a nickel! There are also tons of things that the technician is expected to do for free, such as airing up the tires, “complementary" inspections , checking and filling fluids and again — they cost you time, which in this system is costing you money. Also major time wasters; the systems themselves such as internal, OEM, and third party software  even when they work right! Bottom line the best system that a shop can have to be fair and equitable to the talent that keeps that shop making money is a hybrid that features salary with production bonuses — and that might just fix the tech shortage overall! Also, Uncle Jimmy completely forgets about the Ford Explorer Firestone Tire Scandal and talks about his favorite secret societies. This Episode of Grease the Wheels is brought to you in partnership with Surfwrench Digital! For more on Video MPI Training Visit https://www.surfwrench.com/video-mpi-training-landing/ to learn more. Video MPI Training built in the shop, by your Uncle Jimmy. Use code “GTW” for 50% off your training access! 

Send us a textOn this weeks episode of Grease the Wheels, Uncle Jimmy talks about the nature of customers. No one likes having to pay for their car to be fixed, except some of weirdo's who can tell when we are running the right gas or not. No, most customers will actively chafe when we recommend repairs to their vehicle, no matter how badly they are needed! This becomes compounded when you do a video explaining what is wrong with their vehicle and the service advisor fails to mention a single recommendation from that video and the customer walks out the door with tires that are showing cords or an oil leak that rivals the Exxon-Valdez. Video however is they key to breaking this down, and with coming improvements to Video MPI and the contextualization and AI integrations that we are going to see in their next iterations, the facts might just turn the tides on these unreasonable people.  What is the most unreasonable customer that you have experienced - let us know over on Facebook!   Also Uncle Jimmy talks Rez Gas. This Episode of Grease the Wheels is brought to you in partnership with Surfwrench Digital! For more on Video MPI Training Visit https://www.surfwrench.com/video-mpi-training-landing/ to learn more. Video MPI Training built in the shop, by your Uncle Jimmy. Use code “GTW” for 50% off your training access! 

Uncle Jimmy 3x-xx-xx (037) Episode 37

Send us a textOn this weeks episode of Grease the wheels, Uncle Jimmy dreams of electric sheep - er, service advisors! Ai is filtering it's way into dealerships more and more. Some of the immediate casualties of this are going to be in sales, as a well put together data set and website are coming straight for the heads of your underperforming sales people. Getting it into the service department will also completely cull the industry of underperforming service advisors, because an AI will never NOT ask for the sale (which has become a huge problem in some shops given the metrics that we are looking at. However, AI is a LOOOONG way off of being able to fix cars, even if they can sometimes tell you if you need tires. Pairing AI with Video Multi-Point Inspections is going to be an absolute game changer in all of the best ways, and we cannot wait to see how gets it to market first!   Also Uncle Jimmy prophesies the ultimate AI Sales Consultant - Reese! This Episode of Grease the Wheels is brought to you in partnership with Surfwrench Digital! For more on Video MPI Training Visit https://www.surfwrench.com/video-mpi-training-landing/ to learn more. Video MPI Training built in the shop, by your Uncle Jimmy. Use code “GTW” for 50% off your training access! 

Send us a textOn this episode of Grease the Wheels, we talk about some of the pull factors that are in fact causing the tech shortage. This is a significant problem in the industry, and thankfully some seriously high up people are actually talking about it. To illustrate this, we talk about the massive tug of war that happens regarding the money in the industry, and how to fix this massive problem that is causing people to leave the industry or more likely avoid it all together. The shop and dealership owners that are feeling the tech shortage the worst are the ones who are not understanding this tug of war, and are often pulling the hardest on the existing money in the system — offering incredibly low wages that cause their existing talent to leave and new talent to not apply to their god-awful job postings. They deserve this! We also talk about how warranty times have caused many experienced technicians to leave the industry, as it is a losing proposition to do some of these jobs which can cause tickets to stack, cars to not get done either on time or at all, and one star reviews to pile up like so many spent tires and brake rotors. Bottom line, it is the money in many cases that are causing experienced techs to leave, and tech schools to go under attended across the industry.   Also Uncle Jimmy has a poltergeist that occasionally makes his life more difficult than it needs to be, most likely because it is his white collar father! This Episode of Grease the Wheels is brought to you in partnership with Surfwrench Digital! For more on Video MPI Training Visit https://www.surfwrench.com/video-mpi-training-landing/ to learn more. Video MPI Training built in the shop, by your Uncle Jimmy. Use code “GTW” for 50% off your training access! 

Send us a textOn this week's episode of Grease the Wheels, Uncle Jimmy takes to task a newsfeed article that stumbled across his unnamed homepage (it was probably AOL) regarding the common warning lights in cars and what they mean — according to someone who has never worked on a car. These ones are always fun, from the teapot of doom and the drunk robot, to more obscure and abstract examples — people really have no idea how their cars work and when the car tries to tell them something this is compounded. The real takeaway that is missed by the vast majority of the points in this article is that when your car is telling you something, you are more than likely to need professional help when it comes to making that light turn off. Some lights are more dire than others, and some can just make it more likely that either your car or yourself might die! What are your favorite customer names for idiot lights, let us know over at the Facebook page. Also Uncle Jimmy sits too close to the mic and does his best impression of the Black Keys, ‘Rubber Factory'  This Episode of Grease the Wheels is brought to you in partnership with Surfwrench Digital! For more on Video MPI Training Visit https://www.surfwrench.com/video-mpi-training-landing/ to learn more. Video MPI Training built in the shop, by your Uncle Jimmy. Use code “GTW” for 50% off your training access! 

Send us a textOn this week's episode of Grease the Wheels, Uncle Jimmy watches the interview with Jim Farley, who unsurprisingly completely misses the point of why there is a technician shortage. He does mention that there is one, so that actually gives him a ton of credit in our book. To hammer the point home, Jimmy winds back the clock to the mid-50's to the time of duck and cover drills, unprecedented economic prosperity, and Edsel's. In this era, the average earnings of a mechanic was significantly higher as a percentage of the labor rate that the shop earned. Coincidentally the cost and amount of specialty tools, difficulty of the vehicles to work on, and overall social status of mechanics in the labor force has all become notably more precarious. Either way, things need to happen to make this balance a little more equitable, and make people trust mechanics more as a matter of principle. Also, Uncle Jimmy forgets that Jim Farley IS the first cousin of the late, great ‘Fat Guy in a Little Coat'This Episode of Grease the Wheels is brought to you in partnership with Surfwrench Digital! For more on Video MPI Training Visit https://www.surfwrench.com/video-mpi-training-landing/ to learn more. Video MPI Training built in the shop, by your Uncle Jimmy. Use code “GTW” for 50% off your training access! 

Send us a textOn this week's episode of Grease the Wheels, we look through the archives at some of the hits and misses of the previous 325 episodes of the podcast. We have undoubtedly had some ridiculous fun so far, including pondering children's programming aiming to get more kids into the trades with incredible titles such as Mr. Rogers Dyno Room and Sesame Street Outlaws. We also get into some of the early episodes where we talk shop dynamics, how not to get on your coworkers nerves, and how to fit in, to more recent episodes including the new guy survival guides. We also talk the phenomenally fun “You know your Effed When...” 4-part series that has resonated with techs the world over, and spawned a million comments, memes, and listens. What has been your favorite? What do you want to hear more of? What haven't we covered in the wrenching world? Let us know over on the Facebook page! Also Uncle Jimmy makes Erik do the Ad Read.This Episode of Grease the Wheels is brought to you in partnership with Surfwrench Digital! For more on Video MPI Training Visit https://www.surfwrench.com/video-mpi-training-landing/ to learn more. Video MPI Training built in the shop, by your Uncle Jimmy. Use code “GTW” for 50% off your training access! 

On this episode of Grease the Wheels, Uncle Jimmy follows up last week's episode with all of the stuff that he forgot — it happens, because as a new guy there is a ton of things to learn in a short period of time and sometimes the people teaching you the ropes will themselves forget things. We also get into the idea of changing jobs and becoming a “NOS” New/Old Service when you have a bit of experience and are changing venues. There are a lot of things to navigate with this including the personalities, procedures, and preferences of the new shop that you are going to. From what they are charging in labor for common jobs, to the uniforms, shop configuration, and what special tools this new shop may or many not have the grass might not always be greener, so the more questions that you ask in the interview will set you up better for what is expected. Can you work on your own cars after hours? Being helpful to anyone that is new to your shop regardless of how much they know or how much they do not know is just the right thing to do, especially in an industry that has a historically high turnover rate, because you want to be known as a good person who is generally helpful and welcoming to the new talent. One thing that both new-new guys and new-old guys need to be aware of is the massive proliferation of video in the service lane, and if you see the bottom of the second paragraph and send your service managers and fixed opes directors to it, you'll find a massive advantage! Also, Uncle Jimmy has platypus feet. This Episode of Grease the Wheels is brought to you in partnership with Surfwrench Digital! For more on Video MPI Training Visit https://www.surfwrench.com/video-mpi-training-landing/ to learn more. Video MPI Training built in the shop, by your Uncle Jimmy. 

On this episode of Grease the Wheels, we have some serious words of wisdom (and rants) for the new guys. If you have new guys in the shop, this is probably a good one to start them out with, because it should theoretically cut about 90% of the BS if they actually listen! From inherent mechanical curiosity to becoming a master technician, the road for a mechanic is a long one that is fraught with difficulty. Choosing the right tech school is a big part of getting yourself ahead and learning many of the core concepts that we use on a daily basis - that is of course if you actually paid attention and showed up every single day. Seriously, attendance and effort are massively rewarded at this phase, because if you miss something the confusion is going to compound quickly and it can be incredibly hard to get back on track. Research where you want to go to tech school as well, because there are tons of options, scholarships, and external factors that will make your success either more likely or less likely. Continuing ed is a real thing here as well, including manufacturer specific training programs and the relentless march of automotive technology that aims to make our job more difficult every single day. We also get into the tools debate with a simple mantra - less is more! Believe us, we have seen tons of technicians go massively into tool debt and then exit the profession before they are even done paying for the socket set. Bottom line, it can be a great career, but dues need to be paid, and mistakes can quickly compound if you don't slow down and seriously think about your choices, strengths and weaknesses. Also, Uncle Jimmy does a short book report on ‘The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn'This Episode of Grease the Wheels is brought to you in partnership with Surfwrench Digital! For more on Video MPI Training Visit https://www.surfwrench.com/video-mpi-training-landing/ to learn more. Video MPI Training built in the shop, by your Uncle Jimmy. 

Uncle Jimmy 3x-xx-xx (036) Episode 36

On this episode of Grease the Wheels, Uncle Jimmy goes in depth on the pros and cons of being an auto mechanic. Despite some of our previous episodes, there are many pros to being an auto mechanic. The cars have gotten safer, the shops in many cases have gotten better, and more often than not the shops have come a long way from some of their humble roots. Not to mention that as mechanics, there are tons of ways that we can keep our own cars on the road longer and even occasionally (or constantly) flip broken cars by fixing the. There are some things that split right down the middle though, including the people, management decisions, waiters especially at 5 PM on a Friday. There are some things though that are straight in the cons list, such as shrinking warranty times, the lost or broken tools that are needed to get the job done, and the constant battle against cars getting more and more complex, with our customers not being realistic with some of their demands. Bottom line, there are many pros and cons to being an auto mechanic, but this is an incredibly personal thing that depends a lot on where you are, how good your management is, and the communication breakdown that happens when service advisors auto-decline all of the work that we have put in a repair order. What are the pros and cons of your shop and brand — let us know over on the Facebook page. Also Uncle Jimmy staunchly denies throwing wrenches (for the last decade or so) and explains the Moss-Magnusen Act of 1966. This Episode of Grease the Wheels is brought to you in partnership with Surfwrench! This is where all of the digital tools to help run your shop live and we are constantly adding more. For more on Video MPI Training Visit https://www.surfwrench.com/video-mpi-training-landing/ to learn more. 

https://youtu.be/N8ihR3tbkfYWe pay homage to the immortal #hulkhogan as chat about his biggest moments and show you how an LA crowd treated him during his last appearance on #rawRuka watched the Brando classic On the Waterfront and was inspired to write a whole monologue about it.Our friend Uncle Jimmy started his own podcast called the Uncle Jimmy Podcast and surprise surprise we disagree with each other. https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/uncle-jimmys-podcast/id1824092009The Left melts down over the #sydneysweeney American Eagle ad

On this episode of Grease the Wheels, Uncle Jimmy goes down the rabbit hole of toxic management. We go into some of the specifics for what makes a manager or boss toxic: such as unrealistic expectations, nepotism, and much, much more! The good news is that skilled tradesmen of all types, and especially auto mechanics and technicians have ample opportunity to jump ship, because the demand far outweighs the supply. We also go over some of the possible remedies to these conflicts, which mostly revolve around good communication and documentation of your grievances, and possibly going over their heads in certain cases. When a manager doesn't understand this, they are in trouble, and in many cases it can spell doom for a shops overall productivity and profitability. Bottom line, do not put up with a toxic manager for one minute more than you want to!  Also, Uncle Jimmy astonishingly holds his fire on Service Advisors for another day! This episode is sponsored by surfwrench.com: for all of your dealership's digital needs. Photography, SEO, AIO, E-Commerce, and Service Lane Video Training that put you on top on the internet! 

THE BEAR – SEASON 4 REVIEW The kitchen is open, the countdown is ticking, and the heat has never been higher. After last season's rocky launch of The Bear, the dream is still alive—but barely. Uncle Jimmy's slapped a ticking clock on the whole operation, Sydney's eyeing the exit, and Ritchie's trying to plate leadership […]

THE BEAR – SEASON 4 REVIEW The kitchen is open, the countdown is ticking, and the heat has never been higher. After last season's rocky launch of The Bear, the dream is still alive—but barely. Uncle Jimmy's slapped a ticking clock on the whole operation, Sydney's eyeing the exit, and Ritchie's trying to plate leadership […]

How We Seeez It! Episode 292 The Bear Season 4   “You found something that you love. And it's completely 100% okay if you don't love it anymore. Because the most special part about it is that you are capable of that love.” Natalie ‘Sugar' Berzatto. While back  at the Bear for Season 4, Uncle Jimmy drops the bomb that the money is running out. Some of the Story lines from Season 3 get some closures. Some others get completed and maybe even the series. We cover our thoughts on it and there is so much to talk about in this one, so join us for the discussion and don't forget about our cocktails for this episode. There should be some good ones.         As always, mix a drink, have a listen, and let us know what you think. Or if there is something you watched that we might enjoy or a can't miss series. Also please rate and review show on all your favorite podcast apps.   Drinks for the episode   "Michelin Gambit" 2 oz Japanese whisky ½ oz Amontillado sherry ½ tsp fig balsamic vinegar ¼ oz salted honey syrup 1 dash celery bitters Strain into a lowball glass over a homemade ice block Garnish delicately with a dill frond and flower petals, placed gently (tweezers encouraged)   Pair with Michelin Man scallop dish, equally garnished with dill, flower petals, and 3 drops of fig balsamic vinegar. "Richie's Winter in July" 8 oz Swiss Miss Hot Chocolate  2 oz Vanilla Vodka  2 oz 99 Bananas 2 oz Salted Caramel Irish Cream  garnished 3 big Marshmallows. Chicago cocktail    2 oz brandy 1/2 oz Cointreau  Dash bitters Top off with sparkling wine  Manhattan The perfect 3 ingredient cocktail 1 1/2 oz Rock Hill Farms Bourbon 1/2 oz Noilly Pratt sweet vermouth 3 dashes of Angostura bitters   Stir with ice until frost forms on the outside of the glass.    Strain into a chilled coupe glass   Hot Chocolate 6 oz heavy cream 2 oz Hersheys Chocolate Syrup 1/2 oz coco Lopez  2 Jet Puffs   Heat the cream just to a simmer - turn off heat Add chocolate and coco lopez  Whisk lightly to combine Turn heat on medium until it starts to simmer, stirring (not whisking) constantly. And JUST when it starts to simmer turn it off.    Pour into a coffee mug and drop in two jet puffs and enjoy     Show links. HWSI LinkTree HWSI Facebook Link  HWSI Instagram Link HWSI Youtube link !!  You can also email the Podcast at the.HWSI.podcast@gmail.com

On this episode of Grease the Wheels, Uncle Jimmy is back in the OG Rock and Roll Garage after a Homeric odyssey to get to New York from Texas. As a result, Erik the Producer is in studio to talk about some of the digital tools that we have been working on to help make your lives easier, and make you more money! We are talking Video MPI Training, a fully flushed out K-Plan with some help from our friends in academia, ASE Test Prep, and so much more! We also talk about the brands that we work for, the state of the business in general, the massive shifts in the market because of tariff fears, training, and the blistering rate at which some of the EV's we work on and sell eat tires. We also do a short dive on some of the digital witchcraft that started it all, and how reverse engineering how people are looking for cars has completely changed how sales departments function. Bottom line, we listened to the techs who understand it best, and built the solutions that will actually fix some of the major problems in the industry. Also, Uncle Jimmy hasn't found anyone who dislikes the Slate EV Pickup Truck!  

The chefs are back in the kitchen. A robot joins the staff. Uncle Jimmy puts a timer on success. Syd tries to decide whether or not she stays. Carmy and Richie are ready to blow up at each other…what's new? Jim and A.Ron are hungry for the pulse-pounding return of The Bear.  Fak and Sugar talking about Francie Send your feedback to prestige@baldmove.com. Hey there!  Check out https://support.baldmove.com/ to find out how you can gain access to ALL of our premium content, as well as ad-free versions of the podcasts! Join the Club! Join the discussion:  Email | Discord | Reddit | Forums Follow us: Twitch | YouTube | Twitter  |  Instagram  |  Facebook Leave Us A Review on Apple Podcasts Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

On this week's episode of Grease the Wheels, Uncle Jimmy rounds out the “you're e'ffed” saga with part four. As it turns out there are tons of portents of doom when cars roll into your shop. Some vehicle's even have multiple of these automotive red flags, while others can be false flags. We hit the ever favorite, “gimp mask in the trunk” and raise it with tons of other examples that we have seen throughout the years. What is your favorite? What is one that we didn't hit on the podcast (editor's pick: Nissan Altima's - they always have a story and it always has drama.)Also Uncle Jimmy gears up for another longer form series that actually feels like work! 

On this episode of Grease the Wheels, Uncle Jimmy goes into some of the backend programming of our customers in regards to what the media has made our profession out to be for the last 50+ years. As a profession, few trades have been maligned to the extent of the automotive trades, and this is especially true in media depictions. Let's be clear, we have seen some criminals in this trade -- but it is actually a lot more rare than you would think. However, more often than not the line is a lot more blurry than we, our customers, and even the shops that employ us would like to admit. The more pressing issues to todays automotive customers is the massive gap that exists between the seasoned professionals, and the newbies. Are you getting ripped off if someone fails to properly fix your car right, possibly - but more often than not the easy fix is to bring it back in and make it right! There is an incredible ground-swell though in the media perception war that has been waged against this profession, and it comes in the form of the Video MPI. This entire process brings levels of transparency that the customer simply cannot refute. Best of all, we're going to teach all of your how to do it! More on that later! Also Uncle Jimmy goes 2 for 2 on thunderstorms during recording! 

On this much delayed episode of Grease the Wheels, Uncle Jimmy takes a look at the entire strata of the typical dealership and informs them of at least one major thing that they should take into consideration in order to make the process seamless. For ownership and boards of directors, it is very hard to get an accurate picture of a dealership's overall functionality just by the numbers. The numbers can tell you a lot, but it is sometimes hard to put toxic shops or bad processes into numbers. Working the way down, the message gets much more explicit for the Service Managers. This person should probably be well-acquainted with the chaos of a shop scenario, and needs the customer service skills to deal with people who have problems with their car, or your staff! This position is best filled with former shop foremen. Sales people just need to stay in their lane and no disrupt the process too much, while Service Advisors simply need to ask for the sale. If a Service Advisor has the added benefit of video MPI's this should be extremely easy! We also take ourselves and Lot Porters to task for a variety of issues, and finally Uncle Jimmy takes himself to task as well! Also Uncle Jimmy gives a shoutout to his teddy bear as the thunderstorm in the background would have warranted a dramatic reading of ‘The Raven' as an intro! 

On this fairly-sporadic episode of Grease the Wheels, Uncle Jimmy wades into the terminally unhinged forum of LinkedIn to find a concept that everyone deals with in this industry. The term “Emotional Waste” is the concept of negative emotions creating undue stress and occupying an inordinate amount of someone's time. We all see this, and some of the best people in the industry have the exact opposite going on - Emotional Intelligence. This is the ability to regulate and utilize your emotional states, as well as being able to effectively read a room or read a person. Being able to quickly get over things is a key skill in this industry. Also Uncle Jimmy goes 3rd round in the Angry draft, despite a strong showing with a missing 10mm. 

I reflect on the death of a relative, emphasizing the importance of faith for salvation. It's a somber reminder that without repentance and belief in Jesus, eternal consequences await the unsaved.Resource mentioned: Are Catholics Deceived? by Mike Gendron

A new MP3 sermon from Alpha and Omega Ministries is now available on SermonAudio with the following details: Title: Story Time with Uncle Jimmy: The Acts of Paul and Thecla Subtitle: The Dividing Line 2025 Speaker: Dr. James White Broadcaster: Alpha and Omega Ministries Event: Podcast Date: 3/26/2025 Length: 95 min.

As promised on today's program I read through The Acts of Paul and Thecla, commented on the Orthodox veneration of Thecla as a saint and "equal of the Apostles," and what we can learn about the context of the origination of this apocryphal mythology from the second century. By the way, here is the article I mentioned from the OCA website about Thecla.

On this week's Episode of Grease the Wheels, Uncle Jimmy takes a look at some of the real world ramifications of Texas discontinuing their state vehicle safety inspections. The first thing that stood out to us was that it was in fact similar to those in New York, and in fact throughout most of the Rust Belt where we know they are a really good idea. Entropy is the name of the game here, and if something is too rotten to be safe, or tires are too bald to provide adequate traction — they need to go. We also get into some of the socioeconomics of the state safety inspection, and how this has altered our own perceptions of this subject over time. When we we're young and broke, we hated it! When we had seen some stuff and learned some stuff, we we're a lot more understanding of why they are important. Bottom line, relying on the common sense of vehicle owners is, really without a doubt, one of the worst parameters we have ever seen. We have seen the “common sense” of vehicle owners and it usually ends up on “Just Rolled In” Also Uncle Jimmy talks his favorite ways of evading(and altering) police attention while having an out of date inspections!

On this episode of Grease The Wheels, Uncle Jimmy goes for the trilogy of things that you see roll into your shop that spell doom, because you know you're eff'd. From poorly done wraps, to harlequin models of cars that are not 90s Golf's, and underbody lights, there are a lot of things that we see that spell doom and gloom for our profit margin. Seeing an old car that is still being daily driven darkening your door is somehow more of an omen of impending doom than the banshee's howl, while seeing car club stickers on a PT Cruiser was just hilarious. We'd like to throw a shoutout to Sibley, Iowa and somehow this series gets a part 4 at a later date. It's the one series that you have nodded along to at least once — and hopefully hasn't caused any weird synchronicities where you hear about it in the podcast and it immediately shows up in the shop! Also Uncle Jimmy goes thermonuclear on marketplace sellers who sell as “parts only” and explores of the concept of “Convertible Sunk Cost Fallacy”

On this week's episode of Grease the Wheels, Uncle Jimmy comes up with a list of interview questions for mechanics to observe and take into account when they are looking to move to a new shop. Is there enough parking, are there enough bathrooms, and where exactly did all of these dead and abandoned cars come from? There are tons of criteria that we use when evaluating where we are going to work, but this episode brings a lot of them to life with some of the most insane examples you've ever heard! Also Uncle Jimmy side hustles as a garage door repairman

On this episode of Grease the Wheels, Uncle Jimmy goes to practical goal building mode for 2025. Getting better isn't going to be negotiable in 2025, as the pace of technological change in the cars is continuing at break-neck speed. Look at the year end total for your W-2, divide it by your hourly rate and that gets you near how many hours you worked. This of course isn't taking into effect all of the house that you turned but didn't get paid for! It also doesn't get into the amount of hours that you quoted. All oof these numbers are easy to figure out and give you a good idea of the value that you bring to your company. So needless to say, if you don't like something, Grease the Wheels!   Also Uncle Jimmy discovers Gasoline particulate filters. 

On this episode of Grease the Wheels, Uncle Jimmy revisits some of the common signs and portents of things that you know are going to result in a rough day in the shop. From bullet holes and hypodermic needles, to an entire goodwill inventory of clothes in a trunk where you need to replace a battery, there is little limit to the chaos and carnage that customer roll in on a daily basis. We also go into a scientific breakdown for an answer to every single complaint about a sunroof. Also Uncle Jimmy pulls off a flawless Moody Blues reference while really hammering home just how old he is with the price of batteries. 

Len and Beave go through the ten main characters on "The Bear", and rank them from 10 to number one. How would you rank them? Plus NFL, NBA, the Guardians and Cubs' latest trades, "I Recommend", and the golden age of Chicago college hoops continues! Finally Beave forgets the secret top 40 hits, and we discuss David Remnick's pickleball habits. Tune in!

On this episode of Grease the Wheels, Uncle Jimmy lifts the cover off of one of the truly weird and genuinely innovative technician/mechanic development programs: The K-Plan. Developed with the help of people way smarter than us, the K-Plan lays out all of the areas of knowledge that someone will need to be successful as a mechanic, with tailored resources for that particular shop. It utilizes technician development bonuses to encourage institutional and brand specific knowledge in order to lead to more developed technicians that can make you more money. Long story short you get to send the work that you have to the people that can do it, while keeping track of the pace of development of the staff within your shop. Want to learn more? Need it in your shop ASAP - hit us ups on the Facebook page!   Also Uncle Jimmy prepares to vacation somewhere with an average temperature 30 degrees lower than his current location. 

On this week's episode of Grease the Wheels, Uncle Jimmy gets back to proper form and takes customers to task. Every area has that one shop that when you see a car roll in with their plate frames, you know you're (more specifically the customer) are eff'd. Dozens of bumperstickers, turning your interior into a series of various claymore landmines and much, much more! This series literally wrote itself, but if you have some specific examples please let us know over on the Facebook page. Also Uncle Jimmy wishes you all a very happy Thanksgiving and corroborates some hilarious family lore. 

On this week's episode of Grease the Wheels, Uncle Jimmy unveils the K-Plan. This is a system that shops and dealerships can use to basically build a farm system for their new technicians while rewarding the technicians that train them to a level of autonomous productivity. It benchmarks what people know against what the new people have to learn, providing clear expectations for knowledge and how a shop wants things done. We also get into the Master-Apprentice relationship and what that needs to be like for long term success. We have been working on it for a while, and that is why the episodes have been bi-weekly! We finally needed it so bad, that we ended up building it! Also Uncle Jimmy calls his shot and does an impression of the outgoing president. 

I greet you in Jesus' precious name. It is Friday morning. The 1st of November, 2024, and this is your friend, Angus Buchan with a thought for today. We start in the book of John, the Gospel of John 13:14:”If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another's feet.” It's the little things that count. If you look at Matthew 25:40, the Bible says:”And the King will answer and say to them, ‘Assuredly, I say to you, inasmuch as you did it to one of the least of these My brethren, you did it to Me.” It's the little things in life that really count, isn't it? You know, that cup of cold water for somebody that's thirsty, Matthew 10:42, doing something for someone who cannot repay you. I think of all the nurses in the hospitals and the doctors. We salute you. We really do. We love you. When I go into a hospital and I see the love that these nurses and doctors give to people that they don't even know, it touches my heart deeply. When I see a policeman trying to help someone who has been hurt, it touches me deeply. The people that have really impacted my life and the situations, are not the big massive splitting of the Red Sea, walking on the water, calling fire down from heaven. No. The things that have really impacted me is like old Uncle Jimmy, who stayed on our farm with his dear wife Moira for many, many years. He wasn't very well. He'd had TB that he got in the Royal Navy in the Second World War. He had a very weak chest. He didn't sleep much at night, spent most of the night on his knees praying. Jimmy would come down every morning to the farm with a little piece of paper and a scripture verse for me, touched me deeply. I miss him a lot. Old Aunty Peggy, she came and she stayed with us. She told her family on her 70th birthday, I'm going to join Shalom Ministries full time. She had sugar diabetes. They amputated one of her legs beneath the knee. She had blood pressure and all kinds of problems, but what a prayer warrior. I miss her terribly. There's a security guard in town that works at one of the hardware stores. He impacts me every time I go to that store. You know that that gentleman's shoes are shiny. They look like mirrors. I can almost see my face in his boots. His uniform is immaculate. He's got one of those old-fashioned moustaches that I'm sure he waxes that turn up at the ends and his bright and happy demeanor impacts me. Old Oom Johannes Nell came to us and started preaching underneath the trees to a handful of Zulu people. That was the beginning of the church that we have today, which can seat 500 on the farm and we have two pastors doing a wonderful job. It's the little things that really touched me deeply. Today don't underestimate your opportunities to help people. That's what Jesus did. God bless you and goodbye.

On this weeks episode of Grease the Wheels, Uncle Jimmy gets into how to get along with your coworkers better. As the weather begins to cool, yes even in Texas, the doors of the shop are going to stay closed more often and you'll be working in closer quarters. The better that you all get along determines the overall vibe in the back of the house as well, so try to be helpful and courteous. Creating a cohesive atmosphere in the shop is important to getting along, which can make you more money in the long run and lead to lower turnover.   Also Uncle Jimmy keeps it above the belt when it comes to service advisors. 

On this week's episode of Grease the Wheels, Uncle Jimmy wades into the foggy, brutal game that is internet reviews. In many ways reviews are one of the most important parts of your business, often taking massive precedence in the way that your company appears through search results. This allows customers to quickly form an opinion on your company, with huge potential upsides when you treat customers right. However, in the situation of many auto repair shops, the customer comes with preloaded anxiety about how long their car is going to be broken, and how much it is going to cost to fix. This makes for a delicate balance of realism and optimism, entirely decided by what the rest of your shop has going on at that particular moment. Managing customer expectations and setting them up for a better user experience is key, but in the end sometimes bad reviews cannot be avoided. Bottom line, this is an important part of your brand voice, and getting it right in a timely manner is key to continued success on the internet. Also Uncle Jimmy makes the perfect onomatopoeia for a flat tire.

On this week's episode of Grease the Wheels, Uncle Jimmy takes a serious look at mental health with way more F-Bombs than Dr. Phil could ever muster. Due to the potentially disturbing nature of this show, we are actually going to put up a content warning for marked discussions on Suicide, while putting a link to the relevant people below. This is a big deal in this industry, worldwide and since the pandemic specifically. We as an industry don't talk about mental health very often, and when we do it is mostly masked in self-deprecating or gallows humor. The real fact remains that the constant march of technological progress combined with the overall chaos that the human element brings to the situation, working in a shop can create an incredible amount of stress - and if you can't deal with it you need to find ways that are not self-destructive. Sometimes that is taking a different position in the company, sometimes it is changing occupations entirely. The bottom line is that in a world full of problems the people who solve those problems have never been more valuable. As a result, you wrench twisting bastards are valuable - so don't solve a temporary problem with a permanent solution that leaves your friends, family, coworkers and acquaintances wondering why.  Because none of you are allowed to die before Uncle Jimmy. Also Uncle Jimmy wants you to reach out if things in your head aren't going great right now. If it is more serious than that we suggest following this Link

On this week's episode of Grease the Wheels, Uncle Jimmy weaves between the extremely specific and the bigger picture when it comes to diagnosis. Having the right tools, being able to read things like wiring diagrams, and having an understanding of suspension components are all going to aid your diagnosis of vehicles - but one of the most overlooked ones is the new systems training. As the products that the manufacturers turn out become more and more complex, the people who need to fix these systems when the inevitably break need to be versed in how they work so they can repair them when they don't! Having a second opinion on your diagnosis is always a good thing, if your shop's interpersonal dynamics allow for it! Also Uncle Jimmy uncovers the conspiracy of “Shitbox Gate” and starts the PSA: “Just say no to flood cars!” 

On this week's episode of Grease the wheels, Uncle Jimmy enters the nebulous and often fantastical realm of warranty labor times. There are a host of problems with this system, mainly that no one can agree EXACTLY how the labor time is produced. The secondary problem with this is that the manufacturer is trying to pay their dealerships as little as humanly possible for what is often an error in quality control or a third party vendor. Then we get to aftermarket warranties - and Uncle Jimmy absolutely empties the clip. We talk about the worst ones, and an incredibly useful tactic for getting the blame off of your dealership and onto the warranty company that is refusing to pay their bill - get their contact information and explain to the customer that their warranty company will not pay the entire thing. This will save you more time than you will ever know! The only thing that we know for certain is that if the warranty time is provided by AllData, it's almost exclusively to screw over the person fixing it! Also Uncle Jimmy quotes Nirvana more times than he ever thought he would. 

Revisit: Road Show made it to Michigan and Glenn and Jenn update you on the travels so far and bring you multiple listener interviews from the Michigan peeps. Plus, Dr. Marsella gives us the lowdown on sweet itch. Listen in...HORSES IN THE MORNING Episode 3497 – Show Notes and Links:The HORSES IN THE MORNING Crew: Glenn the Geek: co-host, executive in charge of comic relief; Jamie Jennings: co-host, director of wacky equestrian adventures; Jaime ("Jemmy"): producer, Chaos Control Supervisor.Title Sponsor: State Line TackPhoto: HRN Road ShowHorse Health Report: Dr. Marsella, University of Florida Professor of the Department of Small Animal Clinical SciencesGuest: MarieGuest: LoriGuest: KathleenGuest: LynnLink: HRN Road Show MeetupsFollow Horses In The Morning on FacebookAdditional support for this podcast provided by Daily Dose Equine, Kentucky Performance Products, Horseloverz, Equi-Tee Flex'n Fork & Shake'n Fork, Uncle Jimmy's, and Listeners Like YouSupport the show

Revisit: Road Show made it to Michigan and Glenn and Jenn update you on the travels so far and bring you multiple listener interviews from the Michigan peeps. Plus, Dr. Marsella gives us the lowdown on sweet itch. Listen in...HORSES IN THE MORNING Episode 3497 – Show Notes and Links:The HORSES IN THE MORNING Crew: Glenn the Geek: co-host, executive in charge of comic relief; Jamie Jennings: co-host, director of wacky equestrian adventures; Jaime ("Jemmy"): producer, Chaos Control Supervisor.Title Sponsor: State Line TackPhoto: HRN Road ShowHorse Health Report: Dr. Marsella, University of Florida Professor of the Department of Small Animal Clinical SciencesGuest: MarieGuest: LoriGuest: KathleenGuest: LynnLink: HRN Road Show MeetupsFollow Horses In The Morning on FacebookAdditional support for this podcast provided by Daily Dose Equine, Kentucky Performance Products, Horseloverz, Equi-Tee Flex'n Fork & Shake'n Fork, Uncle Jimmy's, and Listeners Like YouSupport the show

The boys are back and this time Jesse has more computer issues, because why not? Thankfully he's managed to salvage his day with a Capri-Sun - which of course leads the boys down a spiral of investigation on what the hell the deal is with Capri-Suns. Meanwhile Crendor gets lost on tiktok and definitely needs to be on the lookout for Uncle Jimmy. Also a trip to Kentucky reveals a pizza pie conspiracy?? All this and more on a brand new Cox n' Crendor! Come see Cox n' Crendor Live! https://t.co/EeWQDuVDe1 Go to http://buyraycon.com/cox to get 15% off your Raycon order and free shipping.

My special guest is biologist, cryptozoologist, and biotech expert Patrick Spain. He is here to discuss the strange and mythological creatures he sat out to amass first-hand accounts of during his travels.  Visit his website About the book: During Pat Spain's time filming wildlife-adventure TV series, he's gotten used to being uncomfortable. There've been rabid raccoon attacks, days spent in the baking equatorial African sun, and consumption of many revolting local delicacies like fermented mare's milk. And then there was Sumatra. On the Hunt in Sumatra details the two weeks Pat spent soaking wet with a National Geographic film crew tracking the legendary Orang Pendak through the forests of Indonesia. In contrast, tigers, leeches, amorous orangutans, Coldplay fans, a guide named Uncle Jimmy, two shamans, car demons, and rogue camera operators tracked them. It is undoubtedly the most inhospitable terrain Pat's ever encountered, with the highest likelihood of grievous bodily harm. But the payoff is his theory about Orang Pendak and a 5 a.m. EDM Tai Chi party. About Pat Pat Spain is a wildlife biologist, cryptozoologist, biotech expert, TV presenter, keynote speaker, author, and cancer survivor with a passion for adventure.  Pat enthusiastically seeks his next great escapade and the opportunity to add to his ever-growing list of “things that have bitten or stung him.”   As the great nephew of the "Prophet of the Unexplained" Charles Fort, Pat thinks of himself as carrying on a family tradition by questioning mainstream science, considering unusual explanations for bizarre phenomena, and investigating things most people consider impossible.   In the course of his journeys, Pat's been charged by a silverback gorilla, initiated into a remote Amazonian tribe by participating in the most extreme ceremony in the world, the bullet ant ritual (nearly 1M YouTube views), been 1000 feet under the ocean in a 3-man-sub, almost been shot down in a helicopter, eaten cat in Sumatra and rat in Cameroon, has lain down in a pit of 275,000 snakes, and spent up to 19 hours a day for four years running experiments in a space suit, inside a sterile bubble, in a state-of-the-art biotech lab.  His passion for adventure, education, and entertainment is the one constant in his life.  Pat has served as a Keynote Speaker at The Royal Geographical Society in London, NASA, and multiple international Universities.  Whether talking to some school kids about the 20-foot snake he has wrapped around him or speaking to a group of executives about good training practices, Pat brings the same enthusiasm and depth of knowledge.