Man Shopping with Stacie

In this episode, I discuss the idea of building a legacy. I share how over the past year and a half, through my podcast, social media, and networking, I have been building mine. My mission has been to help other single people like me find more joy.  Through my transparency, I hope to help others feel understood and less alone. It takes bravery to be real on this podcast, in photos, etc. I hope I'm known for that too. I challenge you to think about what it is you want to be known for. What is it that defines you as a person? I suggest you spend more of your time in 2023 focusing on those values.As for me, I don't want to be defined by my relationship status. I don't want to just be known fir “Man Shopping “. It's time for me to focus on other interests & pursuits. I'm still here… I just may be a bit quieter. Thank you for listening. Thank you for your support & friendship.XOXOStacieSupport the show

Since I recognize that the holidays are often busy, stressful, and not so holly jolly, I want to remind you of some of the things we singles should be grateful for and also give you all some ideas to bring a bit more joy to your Christmas season.We can plan time away without permission or agreement (within reason)We can decorate as little or as much and in any fashion we want.We don't have to share the goodies and gifts we receive.We can get a little extra fluffy (or unshaved) and no one knows the difference or cares.We can listen to Christmas music and watch movies without enduring eye rolls or ridicule.Some of us have less work to do overall... less food to make, fewer gifts to wrap, one side of the family to visit, etc.Some ways to make your holidays more jolly:Travel with your kids.Give to a cause - time or money or bothKeep things simple and NOT perfectTake care of yourself- take a bath, a walk, a nap. Pamper yourself. Get a facial or massage.Say a prayer. Meditate. Reflect on things you are grateful for.Merry Christmas, Friends!xoxo,StacieSupport the show

'Tis the Damn Season... You can call me babe for the weekend." ~ Taylor SwiftCuffing season as defined by Merriam Webster:"Refers to a period of time where single people begin looking for short term partnerships to pass the colder months of the year.' Cuffing season begins in October and lasts until just after Valentine's Day.Paraphrasing a  recent article from Today.com says that cuffing season is a seasonal phenomenon of single people ramping up their efforts to enter into relationships during the fall and winter months. Cuffing season falls into the category of situationship. For some people it's a serious relationship. For others it is merely someone to come over when you want company on cold winter nights.Loneliness is the ultimate driver of cuffing season.  The Cleveland Clinic explains that, " When the temperature drops and it gets cold earlier there is often a change of mood connected to the chemicals of serotonin and melatonin in your body. Cold nights can trigger intense feelings of loneliness and a drop in serotonin and there may even be a link between cuffing season and seasonal affective disorder.During cuffing season, you may inadvertently lock yourself in a relationship you don't really want to be in. If you're feeling sad, lonely, or desperate, it may not be the best way to start a relationship. Hallmark movies, holiday commercials, etc remind us that being with someone makes us feel cozy. There is a natural boost in serotonin when we're feeling romantic.I share my own experience of being in a "quasi" relationship during 1 of 4 cuffing seasons I've been through since being separated and divorced. I rebounded during my separation with a close friend. We dated through the fall and broke up on New Years Day. We went out on dates during the holidays, we exchanged gifts, and we were cozy. BUT shit got weird too... I was invited and then uninvited to an office Christmas party. The extra time I had during my holiday vacation time also exposed some underlying issues in our relationship. My boyfriend lied to me and declined an opportunity to spend time with me as well as an overnight invitation. He had family obligations that he wasn't truthful about. Because I didn't want to spend NYE alone, I stuck it out but broke up the next day. I don't regret this one cuffing season I participated in.I think we're way more prone to "submarining" during cuffing season. Be cautious reaching out and being receptive to attention from people you were once romantic with. Maybe it's a great time to reconnect, maybe not. Cuffing doesn't have to be for the whole season. Maybe it can be fun to go as a plus one to a holiday wedding or NYE party. You don't have to lock down. Personally, I don't miss getting pulled in many directions to attend a bunch of celebrations and buying gifts for so many people. I enjoy the simplicity of my holidays now when I share my energy and time with my close loved ones. I enjoy being a hermit when it's cold outside. I can cuddle with my puppy. For now, that's good enough for me. Support the show

In this episode, I talk about navigating difficult conversations in our dating lives... When and how do we come clean about challenges (past or present) in our lives? Some of the topics I explore:Marital infidelityFinancial/debt issuesHealth concerns, including addiction or previous battles with addictionDifficult Relationships with exes or childrenI share stories from listeners and friends, as well as a couple of my own. I also give advice, for what it's worth. :)Support the show

In this episode, I explore all of the ways I could see my life play out as a single woman. I've done a lot of day dreaming and soul searching after divorce. One of the things I like to think about is what I could do if I grow old alone, but not lonely.Ideas of how I could spend my golden years single:Be a real life golden girl - live somewhere fantastic with widowed or divorced friendsBuild a carriage house adjacent to my married friends big house at the beachLive in a resort type setting at one of my favorite vacation spots- almost off the grid in Montana, a small condo in Vail, a tiny house on the beachLive the RV life exploring the countryFollow my daughter (to somewhere in the south) - Start a business with LanieBecome a house mom at a Sorority or FraternityStay right where I'm at Focus on my career and pursue a promotionMove near Lanie to help with her familyUncertainty doesn't have to equal fear or sadness or anxiety. What's the worst that can happen? Is the idea of not being married (again) really that bad?Support the show

Our pets impact our dating lives in countless ways. To begin, I share a tragic story of how I adopted a black lab puppy on a whim from a not-so reputable animal shelter in Kansas City years ago. My dad, logically and lovingly asked if I had thought this decision through. I was a young single mom of a 5 year old. Was it really a good idea to add a rambunctious large dog into the mix. He warned me that some men would not want to take all of that on.  I answered with... "So be it. Love me, love my dog." He, of course, made a good point thought. Animals do complicate our lives. (In some of the best ways.)Next, I talk about how some of us end up sharing dogs with our exes. In my case, I asked Lanie's dad for permission to keep his Australian Shepherd, Maggie, around for protection. I also have a friend whose ex bought a dog to appease the kids only to expect her to be the primary caregiver of the dog. (He's not a dog person.) Sharing family pets is a common occurrence. A lot of the time, I think it can be a good thing.What kind of impression do pets make on our dating profiles? Being a "dog person" or a "cat person" can be divisive. Admittedly, I'm more drawn to men who love dogs.One complication of pet ownership while single may be meeting potential partners who are allergic or have an aversion to the type of animals we share our home with. Cat allergies are incredibly common, for example. Or, consider how many people feel about pet snakes... I share a story about my brother's cat allergies and another story about hanging out with a snake loving golfer at Mizzou.How do you feel about sharing a couch or a bed with someone's beloved cat or dog? Both animals can become territorial both of their space and their people. Also, you may find yourself covered in pet hair. How much are you willing to put up with? I tell a story about my puppy, Rip's  overnight in the home of a guy I dated.I only covered a small number of ways our beloved pets can impact our dating lives. I'm not one bit apologetic for loving my baby boy puppy, Rip. I just need to find a man who will love him too.Support the show

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This episode is all about red flags - how to spot them and how to respond to them. I share my own stories of red flags from my past as well as from my current dating life.To begin, I talk about little pink flags- early flags that have popped up when I've just been texting or getting to know someone before a first date. A guy that I got to know early in 2020 is a great example. Some of the flags that bothered me:Texting too frequentlySharing every detail of daily lifeTalking too much about their work( instead of getting to know one another)Talking negatively about their jobThen, I share some examples of red flags from my more recent dating life:Being unkind/rude to hostess, waitress, bar tender, valet, etc.Looking at a dating app while on a date.Being distracted by their phone while on the date (without explanation).They're currently  in a toxic situation with an ex and they share detailsSigns of substance abuse and addiction Use of drugs/alcohol that doesn't align with your lifestyleLying Love bombing - Identifying when it's genuine & authentic V a red flagConsuming all of your timeIsolating you from friends/familyJealousy - of any relationship we have, including our childrenFeelings of being controlled or unfairly accusedMoving uncomfortably fast Being critical of you (especially your appearance or things you can't change) I think time is crucial in deciphering flags from isolated, insignificant behaviors. Paying attention to actions (not only words) over the course of weeks and months will help us decide if we're seeing red flags that necessitate a break up. Pay attention to what is right in front of your face and recognize that is who you are choosing- not their potential.Support the show

In this episode, I use songs from Lanie's country music playlist to describe how I hope to be thought of felt about by someone who loves me. I hope this musical discussion elicits  thoughts in your own mind of what it is exactly you are looking for and how you hope to be treated. The first song I dissect is She's Everything by Brad Paisley.  A few talking points are:It's nice to be appreciated for what we look like in our natural state. It's exhausting putting our best foot forward, appearance-wise all the time. I want to be with someone who expects me to have a full spectrum of emotions and wants me to express both the highs and the lows.  I want to be understood.I want to be there for my person and make the people around me feel good and know that they are loved.I love BIG. I have a big heart and my feelings run deep. It's important to me that the person I'm with knows that if I'm mad, it's for good reason. The flip side is also true, I show my love loudly too.While I understand the ebb and flow of longterm romantic relationships, I love to be around people who dote on their significant others. I mean, bubble baths and wine just make me feel all warm inside.Growing old with someone sounds good to me. I don't think it's ever too late.The second country song I talk through is Billy Currington's song, Details. This song is about how this guy recognizes everything about the woman he adores. He seems to notice and pay attention to all of her attributes. I talk about how this song reminds me of a  recent dating relationship  I was in.  I felt noticed and adored but not necessarily understood. I think there's the surface level of recognizing preferences and interests and then there's the deeper level of truly understanding and balancing their flaws with their gifts. The third country song I discuss is Zac Brown Band, Whatever it is.  This song makes me feel flutters and fireworks. It's not a deep, sentimental song but it has a great vibe. It reminds me of when I met a guy at an event recently who kept telling me that he felt drawn to me and he couldn't explain why. Too bad he was married (See Ep53 Easy Targets).The last song is like an inspirational theme song for me. It's The Good Ones by Gabby Barrett. We can hope for all of the checklist items, but at the end of the day, simple qualities like solid and steady sound pretty great. After years of being alone, online dating, and getting hurt, it's easy to be discouraged. It can feel like the "good ones" are all committed and the single ones aren't what we're looking for. This song gives me the feeling of hopefulness that there are good people out there.Up Next, Ep55 RED FLAGS!Support the show

In this episode, I talk about how we (single people) are often easy targets for married people to hit on, hit up on social media, to proposition or entangle in an affair.I begin by sharing my own personal examples of being hit on by married men. I talk about my reaction to being hit on and how I handled those situations.Many years ago after my first divorce,  I first created my Facebook account. I was immediately contacted by a guy I had grown up with. He was married but asked me to keep in touch via messaging with him while he was deployed by the military. Shortly after that, I received a message from a guy I had dated when I was young. He was married but asked me to go to dinner with him while he visited Kansas City for work travel. Since then, I've received a couple of invitations from men I once dated who are now married. Then, I share two separate stories from two female friends of mine. One was approached on Facebook by an old friend. They met up for a platonic dinner but the next evening, he gave her a booty call. She felt as though he must've believed she was ready and willing to have an affair with him which ultimately made her feel bad about herself. In a conversation with her, I told I believe he was actually more to blame as he is the married one. He had teed up their reunion as friends but had ulterior motives. I believe she was the victim in this situation and deemed an easy target because she is single.My other friend has been receiving ridiculous sexual messages for years now from a married man in her social circles. Their children are friends and my friend knows his wife. My friend's boyfriend also is aware of the messages. She has chosen to ignore the propositions, porn, and explicit stuff he sends because it's just not worth it to disrupt his marriage and family. He obviously has issues.I believe the common link in all of these scenarios is that we are easy targets because we are unmarried. While we all are capable of being bated, enticed, or enjoy simply enjoy attention from the opposite sex, we singles would prefer it to be with other singles! Support the show

In this episode, I talk about that undeniable pull that some individuals have. I share some stories from my youth, recent experiences, and a story of one of my girlfriends.I have a theory some people are just born with game. To drive this point home, I share stories of a kid I knew in elementary school and a boy I nannied while I was in college. These boys had the it-factor and it was undeniable as early as fourth grade. They were confident, but not arrogant. "Game" is almost never used as a female connotation. I do think as we get older, the term is less about confidence and potentially more about arrogance. I've maybe met a couple of guys with game as an adult. I enjoy a little game of flirt and fun. When it's lacking, I feel like dates feel too buttoned up and more business than pleasure.John Denver, a guy I dated,  had a little bit of game. He was quit witted in texts. He was pretty good at banter and flirting. He was adoring and complimentary. He was a bit spontaneous and impulsive. When we were together, he opened doors, held my hand, and called me pet names. He was direct. The opposite of having game is playing games. You know, being coy - not responding to texts, waiting to call, being unavailable. I have a girlfriend who I think has a lot of game. She's bold, sexual, direct, funny, and flirty. She made a joke about her husband not having game. I love how she explained him. She said, "My husband doesn't have game. He has manners." Next, I share a story of a guy from my home town who somehow managed to sleep with a bunch of girls and he got most of them pregnant. He has several baby mama's and I don't really know how or why. My friend knows a very similar guy with eerily similar features. These two average guys make us wonder what it was about them that attracted women without even having to try. We decided it was their reputation and track record with women that made other women want them.I think the different facets of game are interesting:sex appealconfidenceit-factorbutton pushersplays coydon't have to trymysteriousIn conversations with my friends we tended to agree that men who have a really strong "game" often are the ones who hurt us. It's sad but true. I share how I've been hurt by these guys and also how I've used my "powers" for evil rather than good. "Game" can be used in smart and sexy ways or to manipulate and hurt.I think people with a good amount of game do these communicate well ( I go into great detail about this.) I tell a story of a guy I was interested in years ago after my first divorce. He complimented features about me that I was insecure about - my hair and my hands, etc. I felt like he was being insincere and not honest compliments. I share another story of a coffee date. On our first and only date, he revealed to me that he had a nose job. It caused some issues in his previous marriage. He wanted to know how I felt about it. I told him I wasn't bothered by it and thought he looked great. As we continued to discuss cosmetic surgeries, I got the feeling maybe what he really wanted to know was if I was open to altering my own body. This was pre- boob job...I think a common denominator of game is the ability to make someone feel special in a sincere and honest way and be able to verbalize it without restraint. To me, good game is sexy, fun, sincere, genuine, honest, and played with good intention.Support the show

In this episode, I share my thoughts on the Hot Crazy Matrix. I talk about how appearance, mental stability and emotional availability affect our search for a compatible partner.To begin, I think the terms hot, crazy, and emotionally unavailable are incredibly subjective. My idea of a HOT man, vastly differs from friend's opinions. I share a recent example.For the most part, I believe that what is "hot" to you, may not be "hot" to me. BUT, I also think there are some universally undeniably hot people out there who we can all agree on. To begin, I think it's wise for all of us to take an honest inventory of ourselves, physically. To drive home the point, I critique my own appearance. I think some people have a skewed version of their own attractiveness and it leads them to disappointment and an altered sense of reality regarding who they can attract based on physical traits alone. So, I suggest we should all consider how hot, crazy, and emotionally unavailable are WE before we cast judgement on others.Recently, I went on a date with a guy who shared with me that when he comes across a really beautiful woman on a dating app, the first question that comes to his mind is... (Fill in the _) What is WRONG with her?  I think this is a storyline society creates. If you're gorgeous and alone, you must be crazy. From a female perspective, I think pretty boys are hard to find. When we're young, there are attractive people everywhere but as we age, I think it's MUCH harder to find someone we're attracted to. Speaking for myself, I am discerning and have had a hard time finding someone I have chemistry with at this point in my life. I make the point that  our married friends have grown old with the loves of their lives. They fell for each other when they were young and hot and it still works because they've formed a loving bond so they're still into each other. Us singles out here are trying to be attracted to this older version of ourselves and it can be challenging.Have you ever tried to date someone who you don't consider to be that "hot" ? You try to convince yourself that because they're a good person the feelings will grow and you can make it work? I have. It's my opinion that there are physical, hormonal, chemical things that need to be present in order for sparks to fly. I just don't think you can make this shit up!Next, I share a CRAZY story a guy once shared with me. He was so taken with her beauty that he wanted to show her off to her friends. In my opinion, big mistake. The female version of the hot/emotionally unavailable matrix is laughable and definitely has some truth to it.  At times, I've been guilty of being attracted to men who aren't available because I have been guarded and not ready for a relationship.  Rich, successful, men with high social status will always attract some women who are seeking security, wealth, a free ride, whatever. What's worse, a guy dating a crazy hot chick or a woman dating an old rich guy?!Lastly, I share some of Darwin's theories on "Mate Value". Support the show

My name is Stacie and I am an agist. I have never been interested in dating anyone more than a few years older or younger than me. My friend, Tonya, though... Well, she's quite different.We begin by chatting about our friendship when I was newly divorced from Lanie's dad and she was single, as well. We, along with another friend, called ourselves the Neapolitan Sundae.  We three friends were different in many ways and our preferences when it came to men were different too.  Tonya noticed back then, when I was 31, that I was biased when it came to age.Tonya shares the story of how she and her boyfriend of 11 years now met. There is a 16 year age gap that Tonya was initially uncomfortable with. When they met, Tonya was turning 41 and Brennan was 25. Tonya resisted Brennan initially, but Brennan persisted!We discuss some concerns about dating much younger or older:If significantly younger, I worry about looking older than him and staying as fit. Tonya shared that she isn't concerned about the physical differences between the two of them and reminded me that appearance comes and goes. Tonya shared that Brennan was concerned about Tonya dying on him. I completely get it! That is a reason I don't date men much older than me. I don't want to get short changed! Younger men I've dated have either been unsure about children or definitely want children. I'm not having anymore babies. Tonya shares how this topic impacted her and Brennan's relationship.Careers and finances may not align. We have an in-depth discussion about how attraction and chemistry may be different when you date younger or older.  We shift the discussion to Tonya convincing me to date younger men. I was approached by HULU for a female empowering show casting women over 40 to date young men. I share all the details!We discuss the family dynamics and age... If the man is closer in age to my mom than me, I'm not into it. Tonya tells about meeting Brennan's parents. SPOILER ALERT - They were very accepting and loving!I told Tonya my theory that 39-40 isn't the right age for me to date. Tonya dispels my theory.Tonya and I talk about sex and how disappointing it can be over 40.  Tonya transparently shared how fantastic her and Brennan's sex life is. She highly recommends having sex with younger men!Tonya gives me a pep talk and advice to not get hung up on age and advises me to date YOUNGER MEN, not older.Support the show

Are you REALLY Happy being alone ( like I am)? If so, maybe you have some of the same struggles I have... I'm guarded and I'm getting VERY particular about who I share my heart and time with. Can you relate?In this episode, I'm going to share with you some examples of how I'm feeling SINGLE AF. At the end, I'm going to share a story from my stepdad Barry about his thoughts about navigating life alone or in a marriage.This past winter I hibernated. After months of launching this podcast and going out a lot, I retreated to my home and basically shared my time with Lanie, my dog, my family, and close loved ones. BUT, on a short trip to Washington DC, I did hop on BUMBLE for a hot minute. I met a really great guy who I nicknamed Clark Kent. We sparked a little romance and had one date in person. Aside from FaceTiming and getting to know him, my dating life was nonexistent. My winter was essentially cozy, cooped up, and boring... but not in a bad way. I totally enjoyed it. A lot of my friends spent their winter months similarly, so I don't think I'm alone in this. Flash forward to earlier today when I almost canceled a date because I hadn't heard from the guy in a few day. I was completely content to bake, watch The Flight Attendant, and stay in. Although I've gotten pretty rigid with how I spend my time, I ended up deciding to go out because I haven't gone out on a date in a long time and I was looking forward to meeting him in person.  Then, out of nowhere, Nashville Nick texted me that he is in KC. What's a SINGLE AF girl to do?! Go out with two guys in one night. That's what. Duh.After attending a couple of funerals and experiencing the loss of my dog recently, I found myself unexpectedly wishing I had someone to console me and even hold me while I cry. Although I have a wonderful support system, that tender, intimate support is definitely missing in my life. I feel for all of you facing loss and life's challenges alone!Lastly, I share a story that Barry shared with me from a time when he was "dead single and alone". Support the show

This inspiration for this podcast actually came from a Mass I attended.  During the Mass, the priest said that if Moses were alive today he would be considered an "influencer". He went on to tell the parishioners that we could all be influencers for good in the lives of those around us, not just on social media. In this podcast, I explore how posts on social media affect us.  I discuss my own presence on social media. Lastly,  I talk about how we can all be influencers for good in the lives of children and in our daily/work lives. To begin, I use the example of the loss of my dog, Nica, to show how sharing on social media can be a healthy form of expression.  I'm not above needing support and sympathy, but I think it's important to be clear and direct with our messages and captions online.  I don't think we should use our shares to be manipulative or to draw negativity. It's important to keep it real and balanced. Our relationships with kids, direct or indirectly can be a great opportunity to influence for good. Through divorce, even after our kids have seen us struggle, we can be examples of strength, resilience, humanity, and grace. We can show them how to make responsible choices, take the high road, be amicable, and pull ourselves together.  We can BE their emotional support person and not use THEM as our emotional support. If you don't have your own children, you can still have such great impact when you have genuine interest in them- what they're up to and how they're feeling. You can influence kids just by being a good listener. Your image alone can influence for good. You can emit positivity just by projecting happiness, care, and concern.I share examples from my career of times that I used my job as a pharmaceutical rep as an "influencer" to spread joy.  There were many years when I felt as though my job didn't matter.  I was overlooked and viewed more as a delivery person than an intelligent, skilled professional who brought value to a clinic.  I shifted my mindset from feeling worthless to using my presence in the clinics as a platform to grow relationships, listen to other's stories, and share happiness with them. We can use brief, public interactions with strangers as an opportunity to be influencers for good. I share an example of a conversation I had with a young guy at a checkout at a local store. If we just open up and give a little, we can impact so many lives.Work environments are a huge part of our lives and they're not always positive . When your work environment is negative, you can choose to go against the grain by shedding a positive light and by not allowing yourself to be pulled down by negativity.  Our work environments are ever-changing and you can even be a catalyst for good by simply being positive. When your influence spreads to others,  that's when the game changes.Support the show

The phrase "Emotionally Slutty" is from a Sex and the City episode... Carrie Bradshaw says, "I revealed too much too soon. I was emotionally slutty."In this episode, I talk about the habit some of us are in of giving it up too early... You know, sharing intimate details of our lives with people we don't know very well. I share with you why I think it is both a blessing and a curse that I wear my heart on my sleeve. I also tell a story of how this played out on a date I went on one time. Lastly, I share some tips and ideas on dos/donts from a dating coach perspective and vulnerability in communication, in general. I believe my ability to share a lot of myself with others freely is a gift of mine. Has it also bitten me in the ass more than once? Yes! I think I'm vulnerable in conversation because I want others to be vulnerable with me. I appreciate deep, thoughtful, conversation over small talk any day. The so-called dating experts (as well as licensed professionals in therapy/psychology) tell us that these more revealing conversations should be reserved for later in a relationship as trust is built. However, most of us bond over common ground... Often, we end up talking about our marriages, divorces, or we get triggered by something that leads to conversation about our pasts. We also talk about the common ground of dating & how challenging it can be. I've found myself swapping online dating stories many times while on a date. I think this is all very normal and we shouldn't beat ourselves up when it happens.Next, I share intimate details of how I received a text message recently from a guy I had gone on one date with right after my separation in spring of 2020.  He shared with me a backhanded compliment that he thought I was growing in my divorce journey after having revealed too much too soon about my divorces on our date. As it turns out, I thought he talked an awful lot about his divorce! Perspective is everything and we're all learning here.Herein lies the difference from a good date and a friendship date where we bond over divorce and being single... When there's sexual attraction, chemistry, giddy feelings, we don't talk about this stuff! When there's a spark, the conversation has NOTHING to do with the negative stuff of our pasts or our exes.I'm a "relationship person".  I care about people I get to know in my personal life as well as my professional life. I recently learned some communication skills from a group called The Black Swan Group. The skills were originally developed for hostage negotiations but can be used in sales or in everyday life. I give some examples of using what they call, Labels & Mirrors, to learn more about the other person and to get the other person to open up . At the end of the day, I still believe vulnerability begets vulnerability. Being Emotionally Slutty isn't for everyone... Not everyone appreciates deep, thought-provoking, intimate conversations. Some people judge me and think I'm inappropriate or too vulnerable. That's ok! They're just not my people.The Jordan Harbinger ShowApple Best of 2018-Learn the stories, secrets & skills of the world's most fascinating pplListen on: Apple Podcasts SpotifySupport the show

I'm back! I'm on a journey of self- discovery right along with you! I'm 44 years old now and my daughter turns 17 at the end of the month. We've been on our own for about 3 years now. This skill of learning to write in pencil is something I've been working on for awhile.In this episode, I'm going to share some examples of how despite trying to write my own life's story with a sharpie, life has thrown curveballs time an time again to remind me I should be writing in pencil. I'm also going to try to convince myself and you guys that there's been no better time than now... single over 40 to keep an open mind and go with the flow. I found inspiration for this podcast from my daily devotional written by Shauna Niequist called Savor. My vision for my break from the podcast was one of tranquility. The reality though, is that the break has created anxiety.  There's never a perfect time to jump back in or take a leap of faith.  So, here I am, back with the podcast after my break that didn't really serve me well. My first love at the age of 14 is a clear example of my own tendency to get ahead of myself and plan my life. I had a promise ring, names for our kids were chosen, and my engagement ring design was literally torn from a magazine. Then, life happened... again and again.For me, something that changed the course of my life more that anything else was death. I share the story of my cousin, Mandy's, death when we were both 18 and how it altered the course of my life.  Death upturns everything and I believe death and divorce (or break ups) evoke similar feelings. I think it's important to grieve our past relationships just as we grieve the loss of our loved ones in death. Sometimes divorce comes as a tragic surprise. For others, it's a long painful ending. Either way, it's painful and difficult. Overcoming loss in divorce doesn't have to be strewn with negative feelings and guilt.  We can seek forgiveness, share life with positive people, learn through our dating experiences. We can choose to view our single status as an opportunity though. Personally, I find it thrilling that I have no idea what is ahead.Opportunities to be open-minded and excited about the unknown as singles over 40:Our careers- Maybe it's a great time to choose a different career path or continue our education. It's never too late!Creative Pursuits! Your life doesn't have to look any particular way. Nothing is holding you back. Use your extra time to try something new. Your desires and dreams are up to you to make happen!Future relationships/marriage - some of us have very strong feelings about what we will and not do in our future... I think we should avoid definitive statements like "I'll never get married again!" How do you know?! I think we should stay open hearted and open-minded about our romantic futures. Personally, I don't have an end game... I have NO idea if I'll fall in love or get married. I am open to anything though.Life can change on a dime. I've beThe Jordan Harbinger ShowApple Best of 2018-Learn the stories, secrets & skills of the world's most fascinating pplListen on: Apple Podcasts Spotify Belonging SongsHear new, original songs evolve from demos into finished tracks within each episode. Listen on: Apple Podcasts SpotifySupport the show

This episode is all about a fact of life... rejection.To begin, I discuss how the end of a significant relationship or marriage can feel like the ultimate rejection.  Sometimes these relationships end due to infidelity, growing apart, or choosing a vice over the relationship. I dive into how I experienced rejection throughout my two divorces.Rejection can also be less significant yet it still stings.  Examples of this type of rejection are when  we flirt in person or online and it is not reciprocated.  We may be ignored after following or DMing someone.  Likewise, Dating Apps can feel like a constant source of rejection when we are not matched, ignored, or ghosted.Sometimes we are rejected because the person we are interested in is unavailable or emotionally unavailable.  To make this point, I share a personal story from college.  I fell hard for a frat guy I was spending time with only to find out later he had a girlfriend.  Because I was young and naive (& a dumb ass) I wrote him a letter pleading for him to choose me despite my friend LaTonya's disapproval.  In the end, he ignored and rejected me.  He wasn't available!  Think about some of the rejections you've had in life.  Were some of them because the other person was in a relationship with someone else or emotionally unavailable?One of my girlfriends experienced rejection after meeting a man who seemed to be her perfect match.  Out of nowhere, a few weeks into their budding romance, he broke things off.  He told her he was more interested in another woman.  Understandably, this rejection made my gorgeous friend doubt her physical beauty because he preferred women with big boobs and long hair.  We are all prone to self doubt when someone chooses another over us., myself included. Let's all work on being confident in our self image and not let someone else's  preferences and choices have negative impacts on our self esteem... especially when they are shallow.Lastly, I share two rejection stories from my friends.  They are different stories but with a similar theme.  They both felt they were rejected because they didn't meet someone's social standards.  They were young but they weren't wealthy, educated, or accomplished as their suitors desired.  Their stories beg the question... Do we really want to know WHY we are rejected by someone OR is it enough to simply know that (for whatever reason) we are not what they're hoping for in a partner.Rejection is indeed a fact of life.  We are in this together! This unique time in our lives as singles later in life is complicated! Let's support and rally around our friends as we experience rejection.  The Jordan Harbinger ShowApple Best of 2018-Learn the stories, secrets & skills of the world's most fascinating pplListen on: Apple Podcasts SpotifySupport the show

This episode is all about Catfishing on online dating sites. In this episode, I discuss the Tinder Swindler, a popular Netflix documentary about a man who conned several women out of hundreds of thousands of dollars.  He called himself Simon Liviev and claimed to be the heir to the "king of diamonds".  After matching with a woman on Tinder, he would portray himself to be wealthy, intelligent, charming, and adoring.  Initially, he would wine and dine his targets. He spent a lot of money on them, as well as attention to earn their trust.  He was considerate, thoughtful, and sweet.  After a short amount of time, he would tell them he loved them and would entice them with a romantic vision of a beautiful future as husband and wife.  Once  he felt as though he had earned their trust, he would claim to be in a desperate and dangerous situation that required their financial help.  He would tell them his assets were frozen or he couldn't access his own fortune and he needed them to step in and rescue him. While it's unlikely that most of us would ever encounter someone as masterful at manipulation as him online, fake profiles and catfishing are common.  In this episode, I share two examples of how my own image and likeness were shared on dating apps in an effort to manipulate people.The first example was shared with me by a woman who was using an app called Zoe in Oregon.  The woman using my photos claimed to be a freelance photographer.  The second example was shared with me by a man who was on the app Plenty of Fish in North Carolina.These are a few of the tips I share to help you avoid falling prey to catfishing:Be cautious of people who appear particularly alluring... Exotic lifestyles, unique and fancy jobs... Stuff that seems too good to be true.Often times Catfish will delete their dating profile soon after matching.The Catfish may be "active" and "online" an unusually high amount of time.They may ask you to talk through Google Voice or a different app- not using a normal phone numberThey may refuse to  FaceTime or Video ChatIf you search their name and cannot find them on social media, LinkedIn, or just by googling their name and location, as for more information.Be cautious if they delay a face to face visit or cancel on you.Unfortunately, these manipulative people prey on people who are new to social media and online dating.  If your gut is telling you something is off or someone seems to be too good to be true... listen. The Jordan Harbinger ShowApple Best of 2018-Learn the stories, secrets & skills of the world's most fascinating pplListen on: Apple Podcasts SpotifySupport the show

I'm often asked if I'm scared to grow old and die alone? My answer is always "NO!".  A huge source of my peacefulness and optimism for my future is my faith.  This is an inclusive podcast, so if you believe in any higher power, I hope it resonates with you too.I believe in love. I believe that God has chosen a compatible match for me. I am patient. I will not settle for a relationship that is not a good match.  That wouldn't be fair for either of us. In this episode, I share how my faith has provided me with strength, hope, and courage throughout my divorce and time as a single person. I walk in faith every day and am never alone because God is always there. I challenge you to think about your faith and how it can transform your outlook on life. I share a powerful story from my stepdad, Barry.  His story make a firm point that we must first find forgiveness, healing, and work on ourselves before we can be a good partner for someone else. Skipping this step will likely lead to more heartache for everyone involved.Admittedly, I've made plenty of bad decisions in life. I've made bad choices that have led to a lot of pain.  I'm still learning, seeking forgiveness, and developing myself into a better person.Lastly, I share another wise lesson from Barry about what he calls "The big lie".  "The big lie" is what we tell ourselves and others... "I'll be more fit. I'll be a better parent. I'll be more responsible with money. I'll be sober .... ONCE I'm in a relationship or IF I find a partner. I've lived this big lie and I bet a lot of you have too.I hope that this podcast makes you think.  I hope you examine how your faith can bring you more hope, more peace, and more optimism. Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/manshopping)

In this episode, my friend, Eric Reid, and I discuss the age old question... Can men & women be friends... just friends?Our topics of conversation include:When Harry met SallySiblingsLGBT+ Exes (itch scratched. But is it always? What about new relationship's feelings about it? Would you let a Friend tell you you can't have other friends?)Eric - Chicago - After heartbreak determined he could not (just) be friends with his ex girlfriend.Co-parents - How we've adapted to friendly / amicable rather than truly friendsHits you never see coming…New personality facets in your former spouse?“Castle in the sky” phenomenonFriendzoneCurrently: non-related  friends where there's never been any sexual attraction or tension either direction? Really, does it matter if they can be "just friends" if everyone's being honest and needs are met? Not every relationship will "turn romantic"/sexual even if there's attraction / sexual tension. Question you must ask yourself is, are we both ok with that?Personally, I'm a fan of that last paragraph above.   Maybe the underlying tension, if it does exist, is healthy and normal. I mean, isn't part of the fun of having friends of the opposite sex that the feelings are a bit different sometimes?Big THANKS to Eric for putting together our outline & steering this conversation! The Jordan Harbinger ShowApple Best of 2018-Learn the stories, secrets & skills of the world's most fascinating pplListen on: Apple Podcasts Spotify Belonging SongsHear new, original songs evolve from demos into finished tracks within each episode. Listen on: Apple Podcasts SpotifySupport the show

Let all that you do be done in love. 1 Corinthians 16:14This is a special Valentine's Day Episode.  I'm sharing with you several different ways you can spend this holiday that is NOT just for lovers.If you're alone, with little kids or older children, or open to sharing Valentine's Day with a group, I'm sharing ideas of how you can look forward to, anticipate, and have fun with this most romantic holiday of the year.If you like the idea of spending Valentine's Day with others, I have a couple of ideas for you.  Inspired by Charlotte from Sex And The City, many years ago I hosted a party  similar to her "Trash or Treasure" party. I invited a diverse group of singles from 25-55 years old of all races, occupations, statuses of never married/divorced, parents/non-parents  to mix and mingle with other singles. I called it an Anti-Valentines Day party. The anti part was that absolutely no one married or in a relationship was invited.The party gave me an opportunity to anticipate,  prep, decorate, cook, and bake.  I allowed everyone to invite friends.  It was so fun watching the Facebook Event invites roll in.  It was exciting to connect with new singles. At the party, my house was packed with a bunch of amazing people, food, a stocked bar, and an 80s Love Anthems CD playing. Looking back, it was my first attempt at helping other singles like me!  I think you should gather up singles in your area and get together at someone's house  or meet up at a restaurant or bar and celebrate too! You don't have to wait for a singles group to put an event together for you. Plan one something sociable and fun amongst your friends!      2. Last year, Lanie and I hosted a Galentine's Day Party at our house just for her and her friends. I made a balloon arch and made cute heart shaped food.  It was an opportunity for their girl gang to celebrate their friendship. It was adorable!This year, I'm going to show my love for just a few of my friends too. Adults upstairs and teens downstairs. We'll keep it simple with some flowers, decorations, and food.  I think Galentine's Day could be a night out dancing, a good old fashioned sleepover, or brunch. Think outside the box to make it happen! It takes effort and creativity sometimes to bring people together.  It's important!     3. How about some Malentine's Day ideas?!  Smoke cigars in a cigar lounge or out on your deck (Maybe just don't make it about Valentine's Day). Surround yourself with your friends! Play cards, watch sports, do your manly things... It's important for men to cultivate friendships too!    4. Ideas for Valentine's Day with KIDDOS:  Bake & Craft - Make Valentine's Day boxes, make a box of brownies or bake for a coach or teacher, family, friends, or neighbors. (Let all that you do be done in love.) Have kids pitch in on a family Valentine's Dinner - heart shaped pizzas.  I've also taken Lanie to some nice restaurants as my Valentine's Date.  You don't have to wait for someone else to ask you out!  Take yourself and your kids!   5. Spending Valentine's Day ALONE? Me too! Treat yourself to something special - a manicure, a message, a facial, relaxation. Show yourself some love! Buy yourself a gift. It's very gratifying. Maybe just give yourself a night off of no chores or productivity - get take out and binge Netflix. If you neThe Jordan Harbinger ShowApple Best of 2018-Learn the stories, secrets & skills of the world's most fascinating pplListen on: Apple Podcasts SpotifySupport the show

In this episode, I have a conversation with my friend, Licensed Clinical Therapist, Emma Wood, about narcissism, triangulation, and gas lighting. I share experiences from my second marriage with Emma to gain a better understanding of these traits and behaviors as they relate to divorce and co-parenting.  Emma beautifully articulates:Why triangles form as a result of  conflict between two peopleWhy narcissists are prone to seek and thrive in triangulationHow triangulation affects children when put in the middle of two parentsWhat gas lighting isWhy people may use gas lighting as a manipulation tacticHow gas lighting makes a vulnerable or dependent person feelThe need to work on one's identityLastly, I share a  triumphant (silly!) story of confronting the person in my life who I consider to be a narcissist. It wasn't until I had separation from her and rebuilt my confidence that I had the courage to say anything to her face. Low and behold... without my ex husband relaying messages between us or a phone screen to hide behind, she was timid and silent! Oh how I wish I had communicated differently with her all of those years I was silenced! My hope is that as you make new friends and date, you will be cognizant of these personality disorders and manipulative behaviors so that you can make better choices than I did when faced by them.  I'm so grateful I know what flags to look for now and I AVOID the flags at all cost.  My daughter and I are enjoying a peaceful life and I won't risk disrupting that.  If you share life with someone similar to what we discuss in this podcast, my advice is that you seek tools, resources, and therapy to support you.  Emma's practice is Thalia Therapy and Wellness Centerlocated at the Saint Lukes Multispecialty Clinic- Mission Farms.  https://www.thaliacenter.com/The Jordan Harbinger ShowApple Best of 2018-Learn the stories, secrets & skills of the world's most fascinating pplListen on: Apple Podcasts Spotify Belonging SongsHear new, original songs evolve from demos into finished tracks within each episode. Listen on: Apple Podcasts SpotifySupport the show

On this podcast, I typically focus on light subjects and keep things positive and fun around being single and dating.  However, I think it's important to keep in mind we can't be happy and healthy singles if we haven't learned from our past.  In this episode, I share many stories of narcissism and triangulation I encountered during my second marriage.  As I am still learning and healing from divorce, I know many of you are too.  I tried to record in a way to relate to the challenges of co-parenting with difficult people.  If you've never done life with someone toxic, you'll get a lot of insights on what to look for and avoid as you date.To begin, I share several real examples of narcissist traits I recognized in my husband's first wife:Obsessive ControlManipulation/LyingPortraying a clean public imagePrivate emotionally abusive behavior Public displays of charity and gift giving for adoration & praise of others Golden ChildTriangulation in CommunicationMy reactions and responses to these behaviors were not always polite. I broke a few times throughout the years and did not always "take the high road".  I  scoffed, glared, rolled my eyes, and on a couple of occasions, I yelled.  Although I went to therapy throughout my marriage, I never developed the tools to intervene or advocate for my stepdaughters in a way that would bring lasting change. I hope that this podcast helps those of you in a similar situation.  If you've never done life with someone toxic, you'll get a lot of insights into traits to watch out for and avoid as you date and enter into relationships.  We can all learn from my mistakes together! In Ep 40 (Pt 2), my friend, Emma Wood, a Licensed Clinical Therapist, does a magnificent job of clinically explaining Narcissism, Triangulation, and Gas Lighting. The Jordan Harbinger ShowApple Best of 2018-Learn the stories, secrets & skills of the world's most fascinating pplListen on: Apple Podcasts Spotify Belonging SongsHear new, original songs evolve from demos into finished tracks within each episode. Listen on: Apple Podcasts SpotifySupport the show

They say we are the sum of who we surround ourselves with. In this episode, I examine who I have surrounded myself with throughout my life and how they impact me and I encourage you to do the same.  It's pretty well accepted that teens' peer groups impact them even more than their families, so I begin by talking about childhood friends and experiences. I invite you to take a trip down memory lane with me to think back on your middle school/junior high and high school friends and cliques you were a part of.  How did those kids and shared experiences shape and impact you?For the most part, we cannot choose our family members, but we can choose the amount of time we spend with them and how we communicate with them.  I share an example of a friend of mine who has a very verbally and emotionally abusive sister.  My friend has made the difficult decision to limit her contact in order to protect her own feelings and to guard against the anxiety, anger, and stressful situations her sister creates.I also discuss my own work/career/industry friendships. I have been very fortunate to develop close friendships with a lot of people I've worked with throughout my career.  My industry friends have supported and encouraged each other's career development and have been there for each other personally too.  I have a big appreciation for people who want to see one another succeed and who add some humor and fun to my work life. Some of my male co-workers have shaped my belief that men and women can indeed JUST be friends.I share many examples of my diversified friendships.   I have friends I've made in different cities I've lived in and different neighborhoods within Kansas City. I have neighbor friends, mom friends, and single parent friends.  I have friends who make me laugh, challenge me, and pray for me. I think it's important to surround ourselves with people who are different than us and think differently too. Take my friend's advice! She says we should diversify our friendships like we diversify our financial portfolio.  Be friends with people who are different than you! I couldn't agree more!The Jordan Harbinger ShowApple Best of 2018-Learn the stories, secrets & skills of the world's most fascinating pplListen on: Apple Podcasts Spotify Belonging SongsHear new, original songs evolve from demos into finished tracks within each episode. Listen on: Apple Podcasts SpotifySupport the show

I mean, after the past two years, how are we supposed to feel as we enter 2022?  For those of us who are single and dating during a pandemic, newly separated or maybe divorced for years, approaching this new year can seem extra challenging and overwhelming.  For me, I feel clueless and at a loss but I'm entering this year cautiously optimistic. In this episode, I begin by discussing  a Reece Witherspoon/Ina Garten Instagram Post that has actually gone viral since I recorded. It's a great example of exactly how I'm feeling as we embark on 2022. On one hand, I like the idea of setting goals and creating new hablts (a la Reece Witherspoon).  On the other hand, I find comfort in savoring guilty pleasures and overindulging just a bit longer (a la Ina Garten).  I discuss the dichotomy of these two different approaches to New Years resolutions.  I don't think there is a "right" way to feel or plan for our year ahead. You do you. Grant yourself some grace. If you're already a goal setting high achiever don't pile on too much.  If you need a kick in the pants, set some goals! Do what serves you best! I provide some ideas such as:Choosing a Word or Theme for the YearUsing word/journal prompts from Pinterest/blogs to set  Personal &/or Dating Goals OR If you'd rather not, you can just use them as a type of Mad Libs game to play with your friends :)Small daily habits to reward ourselves and to help us to stay optimistic and perservere Whatever approach you're taking in planning ahead for the new year, I hope you'll take it easy on yourself and have some fun with it. Even though life is hard and unpredictable, I think it is such a  beautiful journey when we focus on the good and laugh together along the way. Cheers to great adventure in 2022 !The Jordan Harbinger ShowApple Best of 2018-Learn the stories, secrets & skills of the world's most fascinating pplListen on: Apple Podcasts SpotifySupport the show

I don't know about you, but I'm feeling' 22X2! In this episode I share my positive thoughts and feelings on turning 44.Being comfortable in my own style, skin, body, nakedness - I share my struggles with body image and my opinions on skin care, cosmetic procedures, and growing old gracefully.As I've grown older and more confident I feel free to speak my mind! I'm no longer silenced and I'm choosing to live out loud!It feels good feel qualified, prepared, and experienced to make smart life and career choices.I'm maturing! I find it much easier to admit my faults, mistakes, and I don't take myself too seriously.I feel free to own my own past, my personal history.  I don't carry as much shame or guilt in my life choices - a broken engagement and two divorces.  I'm grateful I've learned to slow down, listen to my body, and care for myself. I'm typically very disciplined but I allow for indulgences and pampering.  Life is too short to not eat the cake (& ice cream)!Recently, I've found myself occasionally feeling melancholy.  I really recognize how short life is.  I'm still optimistic for my future and find it pretty thrilling that I don't have a clue of what's ahead.I hope that you can listen to my take on aging and make peace with your age and where you are in life too.  Own it, enjoy it, and be grateful for this life you've been given!Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/manshopping)

In this episode, I reflect upon 2021 experiences and learnings and encourage you to do the same.This episode is divided into 5 categories:Greatest Learnings (from dating/being single) Being ALONE has taught me the most this past year!Health Obstacles - Sinus surgery is minor, but definitely had an impact on my yearSweetest memories - Travels with my girl Biggest Change - My career has taken an exciting turn!Greatest Accomplishments - Man Shopping with Stacie podcast 9 Launch Parties4 Guest Podcast Appearances2 Print InterviewsPartnerships with Twill Boutique, She's Birdie, & ... something new in the works.Society KC Collab for monthly podcast meet & greets Divorced Over 40 KC Ambassador 16,500 downloads in 54 countries and 1,040 citiesOver 2,200 IG followersBIGGEST accomplishment is building a supportive community and making SO many new friends!"What a wonderful thought it is that some of the best moments in our lives haven't even happened yet." ~ Anne FrankHAPPY NEW YEAR to my listeners and loved

A thrill of hope is a lyric from the classic Christmas Carole " O Holy Night".  These words evoke a lot of emotion in me.  In this episode, these words provide inspiration for examples of how I have experienced a "thrill of hope" in my single life.The easiest example is in dating... I've met several men that have thrilled me with potential... unfortunately, that initial excitement has often waned quickly as one or both of us were distracted by someone else, lost interest, or saw the dreaded "flags". Perhaps the greatest example of a "thrill of hope" is for a do-over. I find being single incredibly liberating and exciting! We can do whatever we want (within reason) without consulting another adult. Our futures are wide open.  We don't have to have a plan. We don't have to wait to find a partner to live our dreams.I hope you find yourself with some time on your hands during this holiday season to mull over your future in an optimistic and exciting way.  Merry Christmas to my beloved podcast listeners!Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/manshopping)

In this episode, I changed up the lyrics to the classic Christmas Carole, The Twelve Days of Christmas.  I share 12 verses of what my "Ex Loves Gave to Me" :My first year of bad debt free (A partridge in a pear tree)A sense of love (2 turtle doves)A crystal clear lens (3 French hens)Only kind words (4 calling birds)Widespread wings (5 gold rings)A career a slaying (6 ladies dancing)A sweet girl a grinning (7 swans a swimming)A podcast a killing (8 maids a milking)Some fun romancing (9 ladies dancing)Some great sleeping (10 lords a leaping)Some major swipe swiping (11 pipers piping)No more hum humming (12 drummers drumming)This was not only a fun exercise in rhyming, but also one of gratitude.  Plenty of positive things have come from my divorces... these are just a dozen examples. I hope that as you listen, you can relate and maybe laugh a time or two.  Merry Christmas to all of my loved ones, listeners, and fellow singles out there! Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/manshopping)

In this episode, I share stories from Christmases past as a single person.  I begin with a story from when I was newly separated from my daughter's dad.  I felt very much like an outsider as Lanie and I were gathered with a group of friends to go on a Christmas lights tour of our neighborhood.  I couldn't believe I was going through a divorce.  Although we were with a wonderful group of supportive friends, I felt alone.Our second Christmas was worse because I was away for Pharmaceutical Rep training for the the entire Christmas season. Our third Christmas was different because we shared Christmas morning with my boyfriend and his children.  We broke up on the 26th.Although these early Christmases sucked for the most part. Lanie and I were b building our Christmas traditions.  There was a lot of baking, ice skating, visiting family and friends, and church.I also share stories from our recent Christmases.  After an argument with my ex over Christmas decorations during my separation from my second husband, Lanie and I took matters into our own hands.  We bought a new Christmas tree and decorations.  After the stress and arguing, I learned that it is sometimes better to not sweat the small stuff - especially at Christmas. Now, all is calm, all is bright.  I never could've imagined the peaceful life Lanie and I share now. We've vacationed the past couple of years just before Christmas.  We live in a new house and are surrounded by  an amazing group of friends and family. This life didn't just happen by chance though. My daughter and I have chosen who we share life with carefully.  We have focused on health and happiness.  It is my hope that you can focus on providing a peaceful and joyous Christmas with your kids despite any drama with your ex or personal struggles you are feeling.  By building traditions with your children, you are gifting them with stability and memories that will last a lifetime.  Merry Christmas to my sweet and supportive podcast family!Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/manshopping)

My 16 year old daughter, Lanie, joins me to share her thoughts and feelings about my dating life since my second divorce.  She begins by sharing some memories of time she spent with my rebound," Mr. Wonderful".  She recollects things we all did together and gives her opinion of the flags I saw and shared with her during the relationship. She also gives some solid advice on how to communicate with a kid after an adult relationship ends.Next, she talks about the time Nashville Nic visited our house for a brief overnight while he was passing through Kansas City on his way to Colorado.  She wished that he engaged in more conversation with her.  To be fair, I did not know about or share that expectation with him.  We are all learning here, including me.Lastly, she gives a new guy, "Ice Cream" kudos for spending about 20 minutes chatting it up with her in person a few weeks ago.  She sends a clear message to any new guy that enters our lives to "Be like Ice Cream!".  Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/manshopping)

In this season of thankfulness,  I express appreciation to some of the men I've dated in the past couple of years. I thank these guys for teaching me what I'm NOT looking for in a partner, valuable lessons, and behaviors and qualities I need to improve on too.On the biggest shopping day of the year, Black Friday, I reminisce on some of the lessons I've learned from my Man Shopping adventures.   It is my hope that as you listen to my gratitude to the men I've dated, you'll think back on some of your previous relationships and find some lighthearted examples of thankfulness in your own lives, too.To the men I've listed below, I am so thankful for our brief time together... Thank You, NEXTDetective Daniel Selfie KingFreddy KrugerPuppy DogArmy GuyAverage JoeRyan GoslingHoosierLastly, I share a Thanksgiving message to my listeners.  I can't help but wonder what the holiday season brings to you this year.  I share a tearful wish that you make the most of this special time in your life.Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/manshopping)

My 16 year old daughter, Lanie, joins me for a conversation about her recollections of my dating life when she was a preschooler and kindergartner.  She shares her vague memories of spending time with my rebound boyfriend, "Funcle". Then, she talks about our time with "KStater" and his kids. To my delight, she tells us that I did not ruin Christmas after all...Santa brought an Easy Bake Oven!Lastly, she reminisces about meeting my Ex and his daughters.  Essentially, she doesn't remember much from the early years, folks. When she was too young to understand dating, a couple of play dates and even overnights were fun times then and now blurry but happy memories.Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/manshopping)

In this episode, I share insights into what it has been like dating as the mother of a high schooler.  I begin by talking about my rebound relationship with my childhood friend.  I was a little nervous to tell my daughter, Lanie, about the relationship because my divorce was not even final yet.  I was worried of what kind of example I was setting  and I was concerned she'd be disappointed in me.Because I had known him for so long, loved & trusted him, I was excited to introduce Lanie to him.  In time, he and Lanie met and even started to develop a little relationship of their own.  "Mr Wonderful" also reconnected with my mother.  When our relationship ended, my daughter was a little disappointed "Mr Wonderful" didn't reach out to her for some closure. Maybe that was her first lesson of how our feelings can be hurt from  break-ups - even if we are innocent bystanders.After my second divorce, my daughter made it very clear with me that she did not want me to keep anything from her... including my love life.  So, we had several conversations about it and agreed to be open and honest with each other about our feelings and our romantic lives.  I think it's important to keep in mind that relationships are two way streets.  This includes our relationships with our children.  Lanie and I have remained transparent with one another regarding our dating relationships since we moved out on our own.  What a gift.Over that past couple of years, Lanie has been privy to who I've been interested in and have gone on dates with.  She shares her opinions openly with me on the men and I share my opinions on high school boys with her.  I also share a story of when Nashville Nic dropped by our house out of the blue...Next week, Lanie gets to share her early memories of my dating life when she was a little girl and how it impacted her.  Fingers crossed she's not too scarred (ha ha).  Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/manshopping)

In this episode, I share several personal stories from my dating life after my first divorce. I was 30-32 years old and my daughter was in pre-K and kindergarten.I talk about the mistakes I made when I was like to be young and single. I was insecure and basically introduced myself as damaged goods to men who displayed interest in me.I revisit my relationship with “Funcle” in regards to his feelings toward little Lanie. I also reflect on what it was like to try to gauge how she felt about him.I tell the story updating “Malibu Ken” and how I totally misjudged his intentions. I had a total panic attack after attempting to spend the holidays with Lanie, a boyfriend, and his children. I explain what it was like in the early stages of dating my ex husband and blending our three girls.There's no doubt in my mind the children are the most complicated factor in dating after divorce. For good reason… They are the most important  people in our lives. Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/manshopping)

I'm so excited to share my first holiday themed podcast episode with you! I reached out to my listeners to collect their best psycho and ghosting dating stories to create this Halloween show. They totally delivered some great material! My girlfriend kicks off the show with her tale of the Ghost of Tulsa, Oklahoma.  Then, I share a funny psycho first date story that was told to me by a married friend of mine.I re-tell a psycho dating story from a girlfriend of mine.  A guy she dated turned out to be a bit of a freak in the bedroom and also has a conflicted relationship with Jesus.A guy I once dated and  lovingly refer to as "Cold Play Chris" shares his story of a 3rd date gone wrong with a psycho ending.The final story I share is another from my married friend. It is a reminder to us all that we break up with partners for a reason.  Her ex gave her a very clear picture of why they broke up in the first place.To wrap up the show, my friend & fellow podcaster, Rich Bracken, shares his psycho dating story he named the "Jesus Enchilada Episode".  Yes, it entails another soul whose dating life  is conflicted by her relationship with Jesus.  Thank you to my friends who took the time to share their dating stories with me! Happy Halloween to all!Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/manshopping)

By this point in life, most of us have experienced a friendship breakup or two.  In this episode, I talk about friendships that end because of marriage or divorce, specifically.I begin by telling the story of my own friendship breakup with three of my oldest childhood friends. Then, I analyze our friendship and look at things from their perspective to share with you what I learned from it. I use my experience to talk about how we can be good friends to people who are in relationships we don't approve of because they are unhappy  or unhealthy.Then, I share examples of friendship breakups that have been shared with me by listeners and friends.  Unfortunately, losing friends because of marriage and divorce is a common occurrence.  If you're going through something similar, you are not alone.Lastly, my brave friends shares her personal story of her divorce and ultimate betrayal of her very best friend.Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/manshopping)

In this episode I share how I am at a peaceful, content, happy place in life with no romance...I'm good over here. In this episode, I focus on three main topics.My experience after going through my first divorce helped me to brace and prepare myself for what I experienced during my second separation and divorce. This is not my first rodeo.  I wasn't surprised that my second divorce wasn't easy, cheap, or quick.   I've spent a lot of time working on self-development and my relationships with loved one. I've gone to therapy off and on for over a decade.  I've read books, researched online, and listened to podcasts.  I think on this stuff a lot. I reflect. I pray. I talk about my interpersonal relationships with friends and family.  I try to learn.  You have a choice. You can isolate yourself, pity yourself, punish yourself, feel guilty, numb yourself, distract yourself... OR you can make healthier choices. DO THE WORK!Use your time doing things and being around people who make you happier and healthier!I had an epiphany! I think I am happier by myself because in my marriages I kept secrets, experienced stress, chaos, manipulation, and lying.  I now have peace and stability on my own. Also, because I've never experienced a mutually loving, supportive, emotionally  healthy relationship I simply don't know what I am missing.  I think recovering from divorce can be harder for those who had relatively happy marriages where they shared a deep love and a balanced because they miss those things. Recovering from divorce is a process and everyone's journey is different.  This is just a little piece of mine.Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/manshopping)

My friends share their funny dating stories in this episode to entertain you and to remind you that we are ALL in this together! (Yes, I stole the title from the 1996 movie, Swingers.)It's of important note that my friends from this episode are either still actively dating OR are in a committed relationship with someone they met online.  I love how they all shared their embarrassing stories but each made a strong point to let you know they didn't let these incidents dissuade them from dating.The show kicks off with my girlfriend sharing a hilarious story of freaking out on a guy while she was in a state of paranoia.  Secondly, a male friend of mine tells of a very inebriated woman on a first date and then a second catfish story.Then, another girlfriend shares her story of a first date sleepover gone wrong.Lastly, I wrap up with some short stories that were sent to me in DMs. BIG THANK YOU to my friends for taking the time to record for me and to Alex for compiling three different types of audio for this one! I LOVE my TEAM!Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/manshopping)

This episode was recorded live at Ash Cigars in Kansas City, Missouri with a group of local singles.In this episode, we discuss:Cigar Smoking v Cigarette Smoking - is there a difference?  (We say YES!)What are single people looking for after 40? I think people are looking for different things at different parts of their journey...excitement, sex, fun, an escape, friendship, to build a network, OR a sense of comfort, security, avoidance of being alone.How do you hit on someone in public but not offend or seem creepy? I think it's bullshit that we have to overthink this. I think we should feel confident to walk up to someone and say something flattering or say something funny and just see where it goes.Why do men think we want dick pics turned into a fun discussion between my male friend & I about sexualizing the initial flirtation stage of online dating.How do I balance my career, parenting, podcasting/writing, and dating... I prioritize & dating is at the bottom of the list. This topic morphed into a discussion of how my podcast is affecting my dating life.How do you kindly decline a date or second date? A friend of mine reminded us that it's ok to meet awesome people and it not be a match.Do men or women really want the truth when their date feels catfished or deceived or that they've mischaracterized themselves?We discuss talking with/dating multiple people at the same time.First date ideas/opinions on where to go and how much time and money to invest.I had so much fun having these conversations with my friends.  I hope you enjoyed listening!Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/manshopping)

In this episode, I explain why travel has been a priority to me since separation and how it has impacted my relationship with my daughter, Lanie.   I share my motivation and rationale for trips that my daughter we  went on in 2019 and 2020.  Also, I encourage you to consider sharing travel experiences with your child(ren).If you thought this was going to be an episode of me glamorizing galavanting around the country with my daughter in the first year after my divorce, you'd be wrong.  I begin by talking about how I tacked Lanie onto a work trip to Chicago before we had even moved out of our house. On Day1 we shopped the Miracle Mile, rode the Ferris Wheel at Navy Pier, ate at Chicago Pizza and Oven Grinders in Lincoln ParkOn Day2 we went to the Hancock Building and hung out at their observation deck, did Tilt and sky deck at Willis Tower, saw the Bean, ate Stan's donuts, Garret's popcorn, rode the LOn Day 3 we hung out with my boss and co-workers.  We ate a fancy brunch at Maple and Ash, and went to Soho House.Our 2nd trip together, was in June 2020 to Seaside, FL.  We went on this trip to escape our apartment.We relaxed at the beach, went to the Great Southern, Bud & Ally's, and Modica Market.We found our rhythm of how we travel together as a pair... I get up early to walk and explore, we eat and adventure during the day, we call it a night pretty early.Our third trip of 2020 was in late July/early August to Colorado.  We took this trip to continue with tradition and to avoid a massive water leak in our apartment. We had already  packed to move into our townhouse.   We started by staying a couple of nights at Cheyenne Mountain Resort in Colorado Springs.  It was a beautiful spot.  We went to Garden of the Gods, and explored the area.  We ate at Urban Egg, Denver Biscuit Co. , and Dos Santos Tacos. I met a Bumble date I had been talking to while we were there. The drive from Colorado Springs to Vail was incredibly beautiful and we had never done that before.In Vail, we stayed at Lions Head. We rode the gondola up to the top of Vail Mountain and did the mountain coaster.  I hiked down by myself.We went river rafting and horseback riding. We ate at  Blue Moose Pizza, La Nonna, Fall Line, and Vintage Vail.Our fourth trip of 2020 was in early November.  This was Lanie's dream come true. We flew to San Francisco and drove the wondrous Hwy1 down to Los Angelos.On Day 1 we explored San Francisco. We ate at Boudin at Fisherman's Wharf, went to Ghiradelli Square, drove Lombard St, saw the Full House house, drove the Golden Gate Bridge, and stayed the night in Half Moon Bay.On Day 2, we had lunch at La Bicyclette at Carmel-By-The-Sea, drove 17 mile drive, and stayed in Monterey. We stopped at all of the beautiful spots, including Spanish Bay, Lone Cypress, and Pebble Beach.  We even had a snack and drink at the Pebble Beach Lodge.On Day 3, we drove directly to the Bixby Bridge and followed the incredible twisty-turns drive through the redwoods down the coast of Big Sur. We stopped in Paso Robles in beautiful wine country and landed at the famous Madonna Inn in San Luis Obispo.On Day 4, we drove further south to Santa Barbara, ate In and Out in Ventura, and fell in love in Manhattan Beach. Lanie did schoolwork while  I met a Bumble date I had been talking to for months!I encourage you to consider some sort of travel with your children.  It has been an incredible way for Lanie and I to bond and to share experiences.  Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/manshopping)

Divorce inevitably draws a lot of speculation, rumors and gossip. In this episode, I share several stories from friends, listeners, and of course, myself.I begin by sharing the sad story of a listener friend of mine. She lives in a tiny town where rumors are flying about her. She can't trust anyone and feels isolated and alone.The second story I tell is of a male friend of mine who had an affair after his marriage started to crumble and his wife withheld sex for several years. I think there's an unfair narrative here that he's a narcissistic asshole who cheated on his perfect wife. The next story I share, is one of a couple I know through mutual friends. In this case, the ex wife shared the idea that her ex husband might be gay.  She casually threw this idea around to enough people that it has created a rumor.  I share the rumor I heard during my divorce that I was dating a doctor.  (I wasn't.)  I also explain how social media has been used by my ex husband to hurt my reputation. I speculate his posts were at the request of his first ex wife. It was a sad situation that hurt my daughter's feelings.I share my friend's story of surviving a ridiculously traumatic divorce only to be mistreated by some of the married people in her community.Lastly, I tell the story of a male friend who has been ostracized by other parents because he's single and older. If you've been the victim of these types of behaviors, know that you are not alone! It's often people who are unhappy in their own lives who bully and stir up drama about other people.  So, try not to take it too personal! Have honest conversations with your closest friends and neighbors and tell them you still want to be included in gatherings and family events.Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/manshopping)

Divorce is an opportunity! Let's celebrate some accomplishments of things we've done all by ourselves.Parenting  AloneFinancesLittle stuff/Household tasksI share a story of how a guy that I went on a date with has evolved as a dad. When he was married, his role was to work and provide for his family.  His wife did everything for the kids. Since their divorce, he is making the most of his time with his kids. I also share accomplishments of listeners and my friend's story of successful co-parenting with her ex and his wife. Lastly, I share my own story of single parenting.Divorce can be financially devastating.  Often, one spouse "financially abuses" another - refusing to pay child support, shared bills, etc. After divorce, financial freedom can be enjoyed and capitalized on.  Listeners weighed in that they've landed new jobs. They're also enjoying managing their own budget and paying off debt.You can find joy every day in overcoming little household challenges by yourself. There are a lot of tasks around the house that are more easily done with two people...BUT you can find a lot of pride in doing things alone. Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/manshopping)

In this episode, I explain what a vision board is.  I tell you what I put on mine, what my results have been, and why I think you should make one too.Although we've all experienced the effects of a global pandemic, social unrest, and political divide, I'll cautiously tell you, 2020 and 2021 have been amongst the best years of my life.  I don't believe happiness and success in life happen by luck. Thoughtful goal setting, prayer, and hard work have been key for me. I'm going to give this vision board of mine a smidge of credit for helping me to see all of my goals and dreams all in one place.  To start, I got out some magazines, scissors, glue sticks, and some images I printed online.  I thought about things that were important to me and made me happy.  Some were small things like going to brunch.  Other ideas were abstract like feeling serene or at peace.  A few of my goals were to write my book, to have my best financial year yet and to travel frequently with Lanie.To summarize my results for 2020:It was my best financial year. Lanie and I went on 4 big vacations. Most of my book is written.  We brunch regularly and that time together has grown our relationship.  I'm a dreamer so I think vision boards are fun to make. My vision board has helped me to stay motivated and inspired. I think you should make one too!Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/manshopping)

Meet my Bumble match, my friend.   He reigns from the sunny state of California, stands 6'4" tall.  He's tall, dark, and handsome. He is kind, intelligent, and sweet.  He is proof positive you can meet a great person on a dating site.We discuss why we swiped on one another.  After we swiped, we found commonalities in our backgrounds and locations.  We got to know each other through texting and FaceTiming during COVID.We share our opinions on:Online Dating ProfilesFaceTiming to get to know someone before an in-person dateCoffee Dates, Happy Hour Dates, and Dinner DatesWe both agree on the need to put yourself out there, be willing to go out on a limb to meet someone, stay positive, and optimistic.Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/manshopping)

After Ep15, I gave myself homework to consider what I'm hoping to find in a future love. I've put a lot of thoughtful consideration into this to share back with you and hopefully inspire you to put time and consideration into what you're hoping to find in a partner.After recently filling out an exhausting questionnaire for a matchmaker... It made me think about the qualities I'm really looking for in a partner, as well as what I bring to the table.After discussing my opinions on the matchmaking process, I begin this episode by reiterating that you can't expect to attract your ideal partner if you aren't the best version of yourself.  I joke that if you add up the qualities of my favorite guys I've met, they'd make a great mate. It's hard to find someone who possesses (most) of what I'm looking for. It's hard to find someone who embodies a lot of the traits of what you're looking for.Some of the traits I discuss:Physical AppearanceIntelligenceWitty Banter/HumorKindnessPolitical & Social Views Alignment/Open-MindednessConfidence/Pride in what I'm doing with this podcast/bookSomeone who wants a relationship with Lanie & fits in well with my family & friendsSimilar Interests (and interests of his own)I want to be with someone who has a BIG HEARTI'd love to find these qualities in a man I love, but I also understand "he" will possess qualities I find "annoying" and he won't be perfect.  We're all human & this is expected. If/when I find a man who posses some or most of these qualities, I'll cherish him.  If I don't, I'll be happy on my own.HOLD OUT and play the long game to find the right person!I'm willing to wait as long as it takes OR I'll BE HAPPY ALONE!Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/manshopping)

In this episode, I talk about why it's so hard to find a match when you're dating over 40... especially if you have kids and are divorced. I share some personal stories straight from my dating life as to why things just didn't work out with some of the guys I've gone out with.Complications of Dating Later in Life:Children - Do you have them? Do you want them? Do you not want them? If this doesn't align... Well, what's the point?I tell stories of several men who are in their 40s who want babies. (Spoiler alert, I'm not their girl.)Location - How far are you willing to to go to date someone? Within your own city, state, or country?I share insights from men I've dated as well as my own unsuccessful attempts at long distance dating.Careers - What do they do? How much do you care?Relationship/Co-Parenting with the Ex - Does the person you are dating have an amicable relationship with their ex?  If not, is it reasonably difficult at times or is it toxic 100% of the time? I discuss my own personal hell sharing life with the most challenging woman I've ever known - my ex's first wife.Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/manshopping)

It's a scary world out there!In this episode, I share everything I can think of to keep you safe while dating! I share how I research potential dates online, on social media, and even court records, if necessaryI tell you measures you can take to stay safe when you meet someone in person for the first time.I share a story from a male friend as an example of why you should do your research before a date with a stranger.I share a story of a time my female friend thankfully listened to her intuition and avoided a potentially scary situation with an abusive man.I talk about how carrying she's birdie personal safety device makes me feel more confident and protected. Promo Code: manshoppingwithstacie for 10% discountSupport the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/manshopping)

Let me introduce you to my creative consultants and friends, Melissa and Tracy! In this episode, we discuss the dynamics of our friendship.We explain our unusual way of communicating throughout the day.We talk about their influence on the book I'm writing.They share their opinions on living vicariously through my dating life.The girls weigh in on some of the guys I've gone out with.We talk about safety, trust issues, and how they look out for me - especially when I am out on a date.We discuss the formation of nicknames for the men I've dated in order for the girls to keep up. The girls share their (negative) opinions on a guy I fell for early in my Bumble days, John Denver. We chat about the girls' high expectations for whomever I date, my future, and the future of the podcast and book.We talk about our Sex and the City dynamics and how I've found the guts to share the dirty details of my personal life.The girls wish there was more humor and flirting involved in my dating life.Lastly, we discuss how Melissa and Tracy have been such supportive friends to me during my separation, divorce, and since navigating my single life. Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/manshopping)

Have you ever met someone and fallen really hard, really fast?  Has someone ever met you and done the same? It may be flattering or freaky, but it happens. In the movies, it seems like it's always young women who are portrayed as being obsessed with envisioning a future with a guy that she just met. However, in real life, I've found men sometimes get ahead of themselves too!  I think it's actually a very normal part of getting to know someone. I  plead my case for this throughout the show.In this episode, I share some stories of times in my life when men have said things early on in meeting that I refer to as "future thinking"... Times when they have giving me a glimpse into their minds as they are envisioning what a life would be like with me in it.  I've done the same.  So, of course, I'm here to poke fun at myself too.Fast and Furious Conversation Topics include:Let's go on vacation together!Where do I put my stuff? (Moving in together)I can't wait for you to meet (my dog, my friends... my kid)WEDDING detailsWhen we meet someone new we're excited about, it's an opportunity to daydream AND practice self restraint.  Be conscious of your words and actions and mindful of how your enthusiasm may be interpreted by your date.  We should be considerate and cautious of the other person's feelings and timetable.  Equally important, I think we should grant a little grace and not take things too seriously when our dates are enthusiastic about the idea of how the relationship could evolve. Sometimes we slip and say things out of excitement without recognizing our words could scare someone off or give them the wrong impression.  As we are all navigating the complexities of dating later in life, I think we should be forgiving and understanding of some of these simple slips of the tongue.Personally, I can't wait to meet someone who makes my heart race and leaves my head spinning with visions of fun vacations together and building a vision of a shared life.Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/manshopping)