Sex and Psychology Podcast

In heterosexual relationships, women don't orgasm as frequently or consistently as men. So why is that? As we’ll explore in today’s show, it’s because there’s an “orgasm pursuit gap.” Sexual scripts lead women to pursue their own orgasms less than men, and to perceive less support from their partners for their own pleasure. My guest is Carly Wolfer, a sex researcher, relationship scientist, and health educator whose work explores how to create more equitable and pleasurable sexual experiences. She's currently working on her Ph.D. in Social Psychology at The CUNY Graduate Center. Some of the specific topics we explore include: What’s wrong with the current way we think about the orgasm gap? Why do women pursue their own orgasms less than men? What does healthy pursuit of orgasm look like? How can you get your partner to support your pleasure? How do we close the orgasm gap? You can connect with Carly on LinkedIn to follow her updates. Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology. *** Thank you to our sponsors!  Expand your sexual horizons with Beducated! Featuring more than 100 online courses taught by the experts, Beducated brings pleasure-based sex ed directly into your bedroom. Enjoy a free trial today and get 60% off their yearly pass by using LEHMILLER as the coupon code. To redeem this offer, visit: https://beducate.me/lehmiller-may  The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University has been a trusted source for scientific knowledge and research on critical issues in sexuality, gender, and reproduction for over 75 years. Learn about more research and upcoming events at kinseyinstitute.org or look for them on social media @kinseyinstitute. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Have you ever been in a relationship where it felt like you and your partner were slipping into the roles of parent and child? In today’s show, we’re going to discuss common signs that you might be in a parentified relationship. We’re also going to discuss how parentification impacts sexual and relationship quality, as well as how to break this pattern. I am joined once again by Dr. Kate Balestrieri, a licensed psychologist and certified sex therapist. She is the founder of Modern Intimacy, a counseling practice that operates in Los Angeles, Miami, and Chicago. She is author of the new book What Happened to My Sex Life? A Sex Therapist's Guide to Reclaiming Lost Desire, Connection, and Pleasure. Some of the specific topics we explore include: How do you know if you’re in a parentified relationship? What are some common relationship dynamics that contribute to parentification? How do early childhood experiences affect the relationship roles we take on? How does parentification contribute to relationship stress and burnout? Is it possible to change a parentified dynamic, or to prevent it from taking hold in the first place? You can check out the Modern Intimacy website to learn more about Kate’s work. Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology. *** Thank you to our sponsors!  Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

At some point, almost everyone in a long-term relationship is going to wonder, “What happened to my sex life?” Where did the initial passion and excitement go? In today's show, we're going to explore why desire, pleasure, and connection often decline in relationships, as well as how you can get it back. I am joined by Dr. Kate Balestrieri, a licensed psychologist and certified sex therapist. She is the founder of Modern Intimacy, a counseling practice that operates in Los Angeles, Miami, and Chicago. She is author of the new book What Happened to My Sex Life? A Sex Therapist's Guide to Reclaiming Lost Desire, Connection, and Pleasure. Some of the specific topics we explore include: Does a loss of passion necessarily mean there’s something wrong in your relationship? What can you do if you feel like you and your partner have become roommates instead of lovers? How can being too close to your partner hurt desire? How can addressing anger and resentment in healthy ways open the door to more desire? What do you need to know about moving past trauma and opening yourself up to pleasure again? You can check out the Modern Intimacy website to learn more about Kate’s work. Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology. *** Thank you to our sponsors!  Expand your sexual horizons with Beducated! Featuring more than 100 online courses taught by the experts, Beducated brings pleasure-based sex ed directly into your bedroom. Enjoy a free trial today and get 60% off their yearly pass by using LEHMILLER as the coupon code. To redeem this offer, visit: https://beducate.me/lehmiller-may  The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University has been a trusted source for scientific knowledge and research on critical issues in sexuality, gender, and reproduction for over 75 years. Learn about more research and upcoming events at kinseyinstitute.org or look for them on social media @kinseyinstitute. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

In the last episode, we talked about patients who fall in love with their therapists. Today, we're taking about the flip side of things: when therapists develop sexual and/or romantic feelings toward their patients, a phenomenon known as erotic countertransference. Research suggests that this is surprisingly common, so we’re going to discuss why it happens and what to do in situations like this. I am joined once again by Alison McCleary and Jordan Pickell. Alison and Jordan are both Registered Clinical Counsellors and podcasters. Together, they co-host the Edge of the Couch podcast, which provides a space to have conversations about what it is actually like to be a therapist, including the conversations that are regularly missed during training programs. Some of the specific topics we explore include: What does the term erotic countertransference really mean? What is the psychology behind why therapists sometimes develop feelings for their patients? How common is it for therapists to become attracted to their patients? Why is the subject of erotic countertransference avoided in many therapy training programs? Is it ever ethically acceptable for a therapist and client to have sex or start a romantic relationship? You can check out the Edge of the Couch podcast to learn more. Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology. *** Thank you to our sponsors!  Expand your sexual horizons with Beducated! Featuring more than 100 online courses taught by the experts, Beducated brings pleasure-based sex ed directly into your bedroom. Enjoy a free trial today and get 50% off their yearly pass by using LEHMILLER as the coupon code. Click here to redeem this offer. Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

It’s surprisingly common for people in psychotherapy to develop sexual and/or romantic feelings for their therapists. This is a phenomenon known as erotic transference. It’s a form of projection that psychologists have recognized since the days of Freud. On today’s show, we're going to explore the complex psychology behind why this phenomenon happens and what it really means. I am joined today by Alison McCleary and Jordan Pickell. Alison and Jordan are both Registered Clinical Counsellors and podcasters. Together, they co-host the Edge of the Couch podcast, which provides a space to have conversations about what it is actually like to be a therapist, including the conversations that are regularly missed during training programs. Some of the specific topics we explore include: What does erotic transference look like for patients who are experiencing it? Why does erotic transference happen in the first place? How common is erotic transference? Should patients who experience erotic transference tell their therapists about it? If so, how? How should a therapist respond if a client discloses sexual and/or romantic attraction? You can check out the Edge of the Couch podcast to learn more. Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology. *** Thank you to our sponsors!  The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University has been a trusted source for scientific knowledge and research on critical issues in sexuality, gender, and reproduction for over 75 years. Learn about more research and upcoming events at kinseyinstitute.org or look for them on social media @kinseyinstitute. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

A few years back, there were a ton of media articles going around about how the pandemic killed the sex party scene. Flash forward to today, and sex parties are back with a vengeance. So what is it actually like to attend a sex party? In today’s show, we're going to explore the world of sex parties and what you need to know if you're thinking about attending one. I am joined once again by Dr. Tara, an associate professor of relational and sexual communication at California State University Fullerton. She is also a sex and relationship coach and host of the podcast Luvbites by Dr. Tara. Some of the specific topics we explore include: What does a sex party involve? What’s the atmosphere like? What’s the difference between a sex party and an orgy? How does consent work in a group setting? What are the typical rules or etiquette of a sex party? How do you even find a sex party to attend in the first place? What do you need to do to prepare for attending a sex party? You can check out Dr. Tara’s website to learn more about her work. Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology. *** Thank you to our sponsors!  Expand your sexual horizons with Beducated! Featuring more than 100 online courses taught by the experts, Beducated brings pleasure-based sex ed directly into your bedroom. Enjoy a free trial today and get 50% off their yearly pass by using LEHMILLER as the coupon code. Click here to redeem this offer. Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

In long-term relationships, sexual satisfaction usually starts dropping after the first year as the initial burst of passion begins to wear down. However, this decline in satisfaction is both preventable and reversible. In today's show, we're going to talk about how bring excitement back into the bedroom by exploring the biggest predictors of sexual satisfaction. My guest is Dr. Tara, an associate professor of relational and sexual communication at California State University Fullerton. She is also a sex and relationship coach and host of the podcast Luvbites by Dr. Tara. Some of the specific topics we explore include: How many people today are actually satisfied with their sex lives? What are the key factors that contribute to sexual satisfaction? What are some practical things we can do to boost sexual self-esteem? How can we learn to be more mindful during sex? What are some ways to make sexual communication easier? You can check out Dr. Tara’s website to learn more about her work. Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology. *** Thank you to our sponsors!  Tap into your natural sex appeal, attract the person you're looking for, cultivate meaningful connections, and re-ignite the spark in your relationship with The Art of Sex Appeal class by Shan Boodram on Masterclass. Sex and Psychology listeners can get an additional 15% off any annual Masterclass membership at masterclass.com/sexandpsychology Practice love every day with Paired, the #1 app for couples. Download the app at paired.com/justin to get a 7-day free trial and 25% off if you sign up for a subscription. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Initiating sex is something that a lot of people struggle with. So why is it hard, and how can we make it easier? That’s what we’re talking about in today’s show. In this episode, we're revisiting a wonderful conversation I had with Vanessa and Xander Marin, the co-hosts of the “Pillow Talks” podcast and co-authors of the book, Sex Talks: Five Conversations That Will Transform Your Love Life. Some of the questions we answer include: Why is initiating sex so hard for so many people? What are the dos and don’ts of sexual initiation? How do you figure out your initiation style? How do you say “no” to a partner's initiation attempt without hurting their feelings? Are there ways to encourage your partner to initiate sex more often? Make sure to check out Vanessa and Xander's website, and visit their Youtube, Instagram, and TikTok to learn more. And be sure to get a copy of Sex Talks! Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology. *** Thank you to our sponsors!  Tap into your natural sex appeal, attract the person you're looking for, cultivate meaningful connections, and re-ignite the spark in your relationship with The Art of Sex Appeal class by Shan Boodram on Masterclass. Sex and Psychology listeners can get an additional 15% off any annual Masterclass membership at masterclass.com/sexandpsychology The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University has been a trusted source for scientific knowledge and research on critical issues in sexuality, gender, and reproduction for over 75 years. Learn about more research and upcoming events at kinseyinstitute.org or look for them on social media @kinseyinstitute. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

In the previous episode, we spoke with the madam of a legal brothel in the US state of Nevada. In today's show, we're going to peel back the sheets a bit further and talk about the courtesans who live and work in this brothel, as well as the surprisingly wide range of customers who visit. It turns out that, more often than not, the patrons are looking for far more than just sex. I am joined once again by Tara Adkins, who has served as the madam of the World Famous Mustang Ranch for 17 years. As the madam of this property, Tara is responsible for hiring and training the courtesans. Additionally, she provides counsel to the women, offering support on financial and personal matters to ensure their success as independent contractors and beyond. Some of the specific topics we explore include: Is there a typical brothel customer? Beyond sex, what are customers looking for when they visit a brothel? How do brothels help customers to fulfill their sexual fantasies? What’s it like to work at a brothel? What type of skill set do you need in order to be successful as a brothel worker? You can click here to check out the World Famous Mustang Ranch’s website. Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology. *** Thank you to our sponsors!  Expand your sexual horizons with Beducated! Featuring more than 100 online courses taught by the experts, Beducated brings pleasure-based sex ed directly into your bedroom. Enjoy a free trial today and get 50% off their yearly pass by LEHMILLER as the coupon code.  Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

There are close to two dozen legal brothels in the U.S. state of Nevada. In today's show, we're going to go inside one of these brothels and talk to the madam who manages it. We're going to talk about what the job of a brothel madam is really like, as well as some common myths and misconceptions about brothels and sex work. My guest is Tara Adkins, who has served as the madam of the World Famous Mustang Ranch for 17 years. As the madam of this property, Tara is responsible for hiring and training the courtesans. Additionally, she provides counsel to the women, offering support on financial and personal matters to ensure their success as independent contractors and beyond. Some of the specific topics we explore include: What requirements do you have to meet in order to be a fully legal brothel? What is the inside of a brothel actually like? What are the brothel madam’s main responsibilities? How does the madam ensure safety and respect for sex workers? What are some of the biggest misconceptions people have about legal brothels? You can click here to check out the World Famous Mustang Ranch’s website. Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology. *** Thank you to our sponsors!  Expand your sexual horizons with Beducated! Featuring more than 100 online courses taught by the experts, Beducated brings pleasure-based sex ed directly into your bedroom. Enjoy a free trial today and get 50% off their yearly pass by LEHMILLER as the coupon code.  The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University has been a trusted source for scientific knowledge and research on critical issues in sexuality, gender, and reproduction for over 75 years. Learn about more research and upcoming events at kinseyinstitute.org or look for them on social media @kinseyinstitute. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Porn is the predominant way that gay and queer men learn about sex. That’s a problem because porn is entertainment, not a how-to guide. In today's show, we're discussing what gay and queer men need to know when it comes to having positive and pleasurable sexual experiences, including tips for anal sex and dealing with performance problems. I am joined once again by Tom Bruett, a licensed marriage and family therapist, trainer, and consultant who works extensively with the queer community. He is the founder of the Queer Relationship Institute and author of the new book The Go-To Relationship Guide for Gay Men: From Honeymoon to Lasting Commitment. Some of the specific topics we explore include: What does porn get wrong about gay sex? What are the dos and don’ts when it comes to having pleasurable anal sex? What should you do when you or your partner experience erectile difficulties? How can gay men manage self-consciousness about penis size and body image? Why is it worth trying sober sex? You can check out Tom’s website to learn more about his work. Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology. *** Thank you to our sponsors!  Tap into your natural sex appeal, attract the person you're looking for, cultivate meaningful connections, and re-ignite the spark in your relationship with The Art of Sex Appeal class by Shan Boodram on Masterclass. Sex and Psychology listeners can get an additional 15% off any annual Masterclass membership at masterclass.com/sexandpsychology Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Some gay men don't think monogamy ever works because there's too much temptation out there. At the same time, others think that non-monogamy never works because someone always gets jealous. So what's the truth here? Today, we're doing a deep dive into gay men's relationships and exploring tips for successfully navigating them, whether they’re monogamous or non-monogamous. I am joined by Tom Bruett, a licensed marriage and family therapist, trainer, and consultant who works extensively with the queer community. He is the founder of the Queer Relationship Institute and author of the new book The Go-To Relationship Guide for Gay Men: From Honeymoon to Lasting Commitment. Some of the specific topics we explore include: How can you figure out what type of relationship is best for you, without feeling pressured? What do gay men who want to be monogamous need to know? What do you do when you and your partner want different kinds of relationship? Do you need to be monogamous first before opening up a relationship? What are the key ingredients of a successful non-monogamy agreement? You can check out Tom’s website to learn more about his work. Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology. *** Thank you to our sponsors!  Tap into your natural sex appeal, attract the person you're looking for, cultivate meaningful connections, and re-ignite the spark in your relationship with The Art of Sex Appeal class by Shan Boodram on Masterclass. Sex and Psychology listeners can get an additional 15% off any annual Masterclass membership at masterclass.com/sexandpsychology The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University has been a trusted source for scientific knowledge and research on critical issues in sexuality, gender, and reproduction for over 75 years. Learn about more research and upcoming events at kinseyinstitute.org or look for them on social media @kinseyinstitute. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Sexual fluidity is controversial. The fact that people’s sexual attractions can shift has sometimes been used to argue that sexual orientation is a choice and, therefore, that being LGBTQ doesn't merit being a protected class under the law. In this show, we're going to dive into the complicated politics surrounding sexual fluidity. I am joined once again by Mark Cusack, a sexuality and relationship coach supporting people who may have complex, fluid or undefined sexual orientation or gender. Mark's latest book is titled Fluid: A Guide for People with Flexible Sexuality. Some of the specific topics we explore include: Why is sexual fluidity controversial? What does research say about whether someone can consciously change their sexual attraction? Is sexual fluidity something that only young people experience? What is the process of coming out as sexually fluid like? Can people of any age experience sexual fluidity? You can check out Mark’s latest book here. Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology. *** Thank you to our sponsors!  While most dating apps are all about pursuing someone else, Feeld has carved out a space for you to find yourself. Explore your desires and go on a journey of self-discovery today with Feeld. Download Feeld on the App Store or Google Play. Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Are you attracted to different types of people than you used to be? Has there been a shift in your go-to fantasy? Do you prefer different activities in the bedroom than you did before? Human sexuality is incredibly flexible. In today's show, we're going to dive into the subject of sexual fluidity in order to better understand how and why our sexual attractions might change over time. My guest is Mark Cusack, a sexuality and relationship coach supporting people who may have complex, fluid or undefined sexual orientation or gender. Mark's latest book is titled Fluid: A Guide for People with Flexible Sexuality. Some of the specific topics we explore include: What does it mean to be “sexually fluid?” How often do fluid people experience shifts in their sexuality? How is sexual fluidity different from bisexuality? Why are some people more likely to experience sexual fluidity than others? How is gender fluidity different from sexual fluidity? You can check out Mark’s latest book here. Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology. *** Thank you to our sponsors!  While most dating apps are all about pursuing someone else, Feeld has carved out a space for you to find yourself. Explore your desires and go on a journey of self-discovery today with Feeld. Download Feeld on the App Store or Google Play. The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University has been a trusted source for scientific knowledge and research on critical issues in sexuality, gender, and reproduction for over 75 years. Learn about more research and upcoming events at kinseyinstitute.org or look for them on social media @kinseyinstitute. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

When you have sex, do you kind of already know how it’s going to play out before your clothes even came off? If so, you’re not alone. Most of us follow sexual scripts that feature a predictable sequence of activities. However, these scripts can limit our opportunities for pleasure. In today’s show, we're going to discuss how to rewrite your sexual script and cultivate a more fulfilling intimate life. I am joined once again by Rachel Zar, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and AASECT-Certified Sex Therapist. Dr. Zar is a clinical supervisor at Avid Intimacy, a sex and relationship therapy private practice in Chicago. Some of the specific questions we explore include: What is a sexual script anyway, and what might a typical script look like? How do sexual scripts limit our experiences with pleasure and connection? How do sexual scripts contribute to the orgasm gap? What does it mean to rewrite your sexual script? How do you rewrite your script when you’re not entirely sure what you want? You can check out Rachel’s website to learn more about her work. Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology. *** Thank you to our sponsors!  Tap into your natural sex appeal, attract the person you're looking for, cultivate meaningful connections, and re-ignite the spark in your relationship with The Art of Sex Appeal class by Shan Boodram on Masterclass. Sex and Psychology listeners can get an additional 15% off any annual Masterclass membership at masterclass.com/sexandpsychology Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

What are the most common questions that come up in sex therapy? In this episode, we're going to dive into five questions that come up over and over again. We're also going to address when you should consider seeing out professional help for a sex problem, as well as explore a few tips for maintaining a happy, healthy, and exciting sex life. My guest is Rachel Zar, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and AASECT-Certified Sex Therapist. Dr. Zar is a clinical supervisor at Avid Intimacy, a sex and relationship therapy private practice in Chicago. Some of the specific topics we explore include: What should you do if you’re having difficulty orgasming during sex? How can partners navigate wanting different amounts of sex? How do you tell your partner you want to try something new sexually? If sexual frequency declines in a relationship, does that mean there’s something wrong? How do you know if your fantasies are “normal” or not? You can check out Rachel’s website to learn more about her work. Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology. *** Thank you to our sponsors!  Tap into your natural sex appeal, attract the person you're looking for, cultivate meaningful connections, and re-ignite the spark in your relationship with The Art of Sex Appeal class by Shan Boodram on Masterclass. Sex and Psychology listeners can get an additional 15% off any annual Masterclass membership at masterclass.com/sexandpsychology Practice love every day with Paired, the #1 app for couples. Download the app at paired.com/justin to get a 7-day free trial and 25% off if you sign up for a subscription. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Nothing makes us lose desire for sex faster than having bad sex. Indeed, many cases of low sexual desire are simply due to people having sex that isn’t worth having. In this episode, we’re going to talk about the three main types of bad sex, what it means to have good sex, and how to stop having bad sex. Today, we're revisiting a fantastic conversation I had with Dr. Kelly Casperson back in episode 128. Kelly is a urologist, sex educator, author, and podcaster whose mission is empowering women to live their best love lives. She combines education, humor, and candor in her book and podcast, both of which are titled, You Are Not Broken. Some of the specific topics we explore include: What are the three main kinds of bad sex? How can we stop thinking of sex as something we’re obligated to do? Why is it bad idea to think of sex as a bargaining tool? What kind of sex should we be aiming for? How can we get closer to having good (or “good enough”) sex? You can check out Kelly’s website to learn more about her work. Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology. *** Thank you to our sponsors!  While most dating apps are all about pursuing someone else, Feeld has carved out a space for you to find yourself. Explore your desires and go on a journey of self-discovery today with Feeld. Download Feeld on the App Store or Google Play. Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Sugar dating is a type of transactional relationship in which sex and companionship are exchanged for some type of compensation. Reports suggest that there are millions of people engaging in this. In today's show, we're going to explore sugar dating relationships, including what draws people to it, the advantages and disadvantages of sugar dating, and who holds the power in a sugaring arrangement. I am joined once again by Kate Metcalfe, a clinical psychology PhD student at the University of Texas at Austin and a member of Dr. Cindy Meston's Sexual Psychophysiology Laboratory. Kate's research broadly focuses on sexual agency and motivation across different contexts and life stages. Some of the specific topics we explore include: How is sugar dating defined? Is it a form of sex work? Is sex always a component of sugar dating? What are sugar babies and benefactors looking for from these relationships? What are the biggest perceived benefits and drawbacks of sugar dating? Who do sugar babies and benefactors see as having more power in their relationship? You can connect with Kate on LinkedIn to stay updated on her work. Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology. *** Thank you to our sponsors!  While most dating apps are all about pursuing someone else, Feeld has carved out a space for you to find yourself. Explore your desires and go on a journey of self-discovery today with Feeld. Download Feeld on the App Store or Google Play. The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University has been a trusted source for scientific knowledge and research on critical issues in sexuality, gender, and reproduction for over 75 years. Learn about more research and upcoming events at kinseyinstitute.org or look for them on social media @kinseyinstitute. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Think about the last few times you had sex. What was your main reason for doing it? There are myriad reasons that people report, including pleasure and horniness. However, a common motive that we don't talk enough about is when people have sex out of a sense of duty or obligation. So let’s talk about “duty sex,” including who has it and what effects it has on people and their relationships. My guest today is Kate Metcalfe, a clinical psychology PhD student at the University of Texas at Austin and a member of Dr. Cindy Meston's Sexual Psychophysiology Laboratory. Kate's research broadly focuses on sexual agency and motivation across different contexts and life stages. Some of the specific topics we explore include: What does it mean to have “duty sex?” Who is most likely to engage in duty sex? How are sexual satisfaction and sexual pain related to duty sex? How might a history of nonconsensual sexual experiences contribute to duty sex? Is duty sex inherently bad? You can learn more about duty sex by reading Kate’s study that was recently published on the topic. Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology. *** Thank you to our sponsors!  Tap into your natural sex appeal, attract the person you're looking for, cultivate meaningful connections, and re-ignite the spark in your relationship with The Art of Sex Appeal class by Shan Boodram on Masterclass. Sex and Psychology listeners can get an additional 15% off any annual Masterclass membership at masterclass.com/sexandpsychology Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

If you could change one thing about your sex life, what would it be? In this episode, we’re discussing the biggest changes people want to make and the new things they want to try in bed based on insights from Arya's new study of Couples and Intimacy Trends, which included data from more than 100,000 respondents. I am joined once again by Nicholas Velotta, a PhD student at the University of Washington who researches intimate relationships and sex. He is also the head of research at the couple's wellness platform, Arya.fyi. You can find him online at mindonlove.com. Some of the specific topics we explore include: What do people wish was different about their sex lives? Why does it seem like everyone is having less sex than they used to? What are the most common new things people want to try sexually? Why is kink becoming more popular? How can we leverage technology to improve intimacy and enhance eroticism? You can check out Nicholas’ website to learn more about his work. Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology. *** Thank you to our sponsors!  Tap into your natural sex appeal, attract the person you're looking for, cultivate meaningful connections, and re-ignite the spark in your relationship with The Art of Sex Appeal class by Shan Boodram on Masterclass. Sex and Psychology listeners can get an additional 15% off any annual Masterclass membership at masterclass.com/sexandpsychology The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University has been a trusted source for scientific knowledge and research on critical issues in sexuality, gender, and reproduction for over 75 years. Learn about more research and upcoming events at kinseyinstitute.org or look for them on social media @kinseyinstitute. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

How would you describe your personality in the bedroom? What do you like to do sexually? What do you need from your partners? What turns you on? In today's show, we're going to explore erotic personas. New research based on a survey of more than 100,000 adults sheds light on the 4 main types of erotic personas that exist. My guest is Nicholas Velotta, a PhD student at the University of Washington who researches intimate relationships and sex. He is also the head of research at the couple's wellness platform, Arya. You can find him online at mindonlove.com. Some of the specific topics we explore include: How is an “erotic persona” similar to or different from a love language? What are the main characteristics of each erotic persona? Is it possible to have more than one erotic persona? Can our persona change over time? Why do most people end up in relationships with partners who have different erotic personas? How do you maintain sexual compatibility when you and your partner have different erotic profiles? You can check out Nicholas’ website to learn more about his work. Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology. *** Thank you to our sponsors!  While most dating apps are all about pursuing someone else, Feeld has carved out a space for you to find yourself. Explore your desires and go on a journey of self-discovery today with Feeld. Download Feeld on the App Store or Google Play. Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Persistent genital arousal disorder (PGAD) is one of the most distressing sexual dysfunctions. PGAD involves having near-constant feelings of unwanted arousal that make it difficult to concentrate, work, and sleep. In today's show, we're going to dive into what we know about PGAD and speak with a physician who frequently treats patients with this condition. I am joined once again by Dr. Sameena Rahman, a board-certified OB/GYN, sex-med gynecologist, and menopause specialist with an academic affiliation at Northwestern University’s Feinberg School of Medicine. She is the founder of the Center for Gynecology and Cosmetics, and host of the podcast Gyno Girl Presents: Sex, Drugs & Hormones. Some of the specific topics we explore include: What is persistent gentian arousal disorder? How is it clinically defined? What is it like to live with PGAD? How many people have PGAD, and who’s most likely to be affected? What’s the connection between obsessive-compulsive disorder and PGAD? What are the most effective treatments for this disorder? You can follow Sameena on Instagram to stay updated on her work. Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology. *** Thank you to our sponsors!  While most dating apps are all about pursuing someone else, Feeld has carved out a space for you to find yourself. Explore your desires and go on a journey of self-discovery today with Feeld. Download Feeld on the App Store or Google Play. The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University has been a trusted source for scientific knowledge and research on critical issues in sexuality, gender, and reproduction for over 75 years. Learn about more research and upcoming events at kinseyinstitute.org or look for them on social media @kinseyinstitute. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Sex changes as we age. While these changes are often small and gradual, once you hit your 40s and 50s, it's not uncommon to start noticing bigger changes. In this episode, we’re going to talk all about sex at midlife and some of the most common sexual issues that come up during this time for women, as well as tips for dealing with them. My guest today is Dr. Sameena Rahman, a board-certified OB/GYN, sex-med gynecologist, and menopause specialist with an academic affiliation at Northwestern University Feinberg School of Medicine. She is the founder of the Center for Gynecology and Cosmetics, and host of the podcast Gyno Girl Presents: Sex, Drugs & Hormones. Some of the specific topics we explore include: What are some of the most common sexual challenges faced by midlife women? Why is it so taboo to talk about midlife sexual distress? What do women need to know about how peri-menopause can affect your sex life? What are the most helpful strategies for improving sex at midlife? How can self-pleasure help in relieving peri-menopause symptoms? You can follow Sameena on Instagram to stay updated on her work. Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology. *** Thank you to our sponsors!  Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

In the previous episode, we discussed the history of food and sex, which turns out to be a truly fascinating topic! Today, we’re diving even deeper into the subject. We’re going to explore how diet culture became a way of suppressing female pleasure, how interest in fine food came to be associated with being gay, why French food has a particularly strong association with sex, and more. I am joined once again by Rachel Hope Cleves, a professor of history at the University of Victoria and a member of the College of the Royal Society of Canada. She is the author of four award-winning nonfiction history books and one science fiction novel. Her latest book is titled “Lustful Appetites: An Intimate History of Good Food and Wicked Sex.” Some of the specific topics we explore include: Why did a woman’s appetite for food become a barometer for her sexuality? When did restaurants shift from being places people primarily went for sex to places people went for food? Where did the association between gay men and gourmet cooking come from? How did cooking become a tool for seduction? How is the connection between food and sex playing out today on social media? You can check out Rachel’s website to learn more about her work. Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology. *** Thank you to our sponsors!  The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University has been a trusted source for scientific knowledge and research on critical issues in sexuality, gender, and reproduction for over 75 years. Learn about more research and upcoming events at kinseyinstitute.org or look for them on social media @kinseyinstitute. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Have you ever noticed how good food and good sex just kind of go together? It turns out that this association goes back a really long time, so we’re going to dive into some of that fascinating history today. For example, I bet you didn’t know that the world’s first restaurants weren’t just places people went to eat–they were also places people went to have sex! My guest today is Rachel Hope Cleves, a professor of history at the University of Victoria and a member of the College of the Royal Society of Canada. She is the author of four award-winning nonfiction history books and one science fiction novel. Her latest book is titled “Lustful Appetites: An Intimate History of Good Food and Wicked Sex.” Some of the specific topics we explore include: How did people come to think that spicy food lead to sexual temptation? What’s the history of the restaurant as a place people originally visited for both food and sex? What kinds of aphrodisiacs did early restaurants serve? And why were these foods thought to increase sexual desire? How did early restaurants collaborate with sex workers to do business? Historically, how have restaurants used women’s sex appeal to increase business? You can check out Rachel’s website to learn more about her work. Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology. *** Thank you to our sponsors!  While most dating apps are all about pursuing someone else, Feeld has carved out a space for you to find yourself. Explore your desires and go on a journey of self-discovery today with Feeld. Download Feeld on the App Store or Google Play. Practice love every day with Paired, the #1 app for couples. Download the app at paired.com/justin to get a 7-day free trial and 25% off if you sign up for a subscription. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

How do you define sexual pleasure? For some people, it simply means orgasm. But orgasm isn’t the only way we derive pleasure from sex! In this episode, we're going to dive into the many and varied forms of sexual pleasure that exist, common barriers to experiencing pleasure, and how to get more pleasure from sex. We'll also discuss tips for cultivating a more satisfying sex life. I am joined once again by Dr. Candice Nicole Hargons, an award-winning Associate Professor at Emory University's Rollins School of Public Health, where she studies sexual wellness and liberation. With over 70 published articles, Dr. Hargons has made substantial contributions to the field. Her debut book titled, Good Sex, is now in print. Some of the specific topics we explore include: What all does sexual pleasure entail? What holds us back from experiencing sexual pleasure? Why don’t women have the same expectations of sexual pleasure as men? How is sexual satisfaction different from sexual pleasure? What are some of the factors that affect whether individual feel satisfied with their sex lives? You can check out Candice’s website to learn more about her work. Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology. *** Thank you to our sponsors!  While most dating apps are all about pursuing someone else, Feeld has carved out a space for you to find yourself. Explore your desires and go on a journey of self-discovery today with Feeld. Download Feeld on the App Store or Google Play. The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University has been a trusted source for scientific knowledge and research on critical issues in sexuality, gender, and reproduction for over 75 years. Learn about more research and upcoming events at kinseyinstitute.org or look for them on social media @kinseyinstitute. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Let’s talk about orgasms! In today’s episode, we’re diving into a lot of interesting questions surrounding the big O. For example, who is responsible for your orgasm during sex: your partner or you? Also, is it ever OK to fake an orgasm? Additionally, we’ll explore strategies for having more orgasms if this is something you struggle with, as well as whether you can learn to be multiply-orgasmic. My guest is Dr. Candice Nicole Hargons, an award-winning Associate Professor at Emory University's Rollins School of Public Health, where she studies sexual wellness and liberation. With over 70 published articles, Dr. Hargons has made substantial contributions to the field. Her debut book titled, Good Sex, is now in print. Some of the topics we address in this episode include: Are orgasms something that our partners “give” us? What do porn and popular media get wrong about how orgasms are portrayed? What are the most common reasons why people fake orgasms? How are orgasms defined scientifically? The goal of closing the orgasm gap is to achieve orgasm equity. But what does orgasm equity actually look like? You can check out Candice’s website to learn more about her work. Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology. *** Thank you to our sponsors!  Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

A lot of the things you've probably learned about what healthy relationships look like are just plain wrong. In today's show, we're going to dive into what you really need to know. Some of the topics we're going to explore include how to know whether a given relationship is right for you, how to avoid moving too fast, and the single best things you can do for your relationship health. I am joined once again by Claire Perelman, a Queer, Jewish Sex Therapist and Educator living and working in the Bay Area. Her work with clients, workshops, podcasts, and social media focuses on making sex education more accessible and normalizing sexual pleasure and play in people's lives. You can find her on the socials at @sexclarified. Some of the topics we discuss include: Is a good relationship supposed to be hard or easy? Why is it unrealistic to expect a perfect sex life? What factors actually predict relationship satisfaction? How can we prioritize our relationships even when we’re busy? You can check out Claire’s website to learn more about her work. Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology. *** Thank you to our sponsors!  The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University has been a trusted source for scientific knowledge and research on critical issues in sexuality, gender, and reproduction for over 75 years. Learn about more research and upcoming events at kinseyinstitute.org or look for them on social media @kinseyinstitute. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Whether you consider yourself to be kinky or not, there's a lot that all of us can learn from the kink community that could benefit our sex lives. Today, we're going to explore five important things to know about cultivating safer, healthier, and more pleasurable sexual experiences. Along the way, we're also going to dispel some common misconceptions about kink. My guest is Claire Perelman, a Queer, Jewish Sex Therapist and Educator living and working in the Bay Area. Her work with clients, workshops, podcasts, and social media focuses on making sex education more accessible and normalizing sexual pleasure and play in people's lives. You can find her on the socials at @sexclarified. Some of the topics we address in this episode include: What are some of the biggest myths about the world of kink? What does negotiation during sex look like in practice? What is the importance of checking-in during sex and how do you go about this? How can we unburden ourselves of sexual shame and come to self-acceptance? If you’re looking to explore kink for the first time, what do you need to know? You can check out Claire’s website to learn more about her work. Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology. *** Thank you to our sponsors!  Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

If you're a long-time listener, you've probably heard me talk about my study abroad classes before. I take students all over the world to learn about sex and culture, and one of the many topics we explore is sexual fantasies, including how they are similar or different across cultures. For example, in my Amsterdam course, we hear from Marielle de Goede, who along with her colleagues at Company New Heroes conducted the largest ever study of sexual fantasies in the Netherlands and Belgium as part of a creative project titled Yes, Please! They interviewed over 400 people about their fantasies and subsequently published a Dutch-language book about their findings under the same name. This project also resulted in various theatre performances and a traveling erotic exhibition. The goal of the project was to celebrate the erotic imagination and to break the taboos surrounding our fantasies and sexuality by bringing together art, storytelling, and science. In today’s episode, we’re going to discuss Marielle’s project in more depth. Some of the topics we address include: How similar or different are sexual fantasy themes around the world? Why do Europeans seem to fantasize about cuckolding less than Americans? How might our political beliefs affect our fantasies? How do people feel about their sexual fantasies? What do we know about the origins of our fantasies? What’s the best way to share a fantasy with a partner? If you’re interested in learning more and joining me on a study abroad trip this year, this blog has the registration information for all of our locations this year — Amsterdam, Prague, Reykjavik, and Barcelona. Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology. *** Thank you to our sponsors!  Practice love every day with Paired, the #1 app for couples. Download the app at paired.com/justin to get a 7-day free trial and 25% off if you sign up for a subscription. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Research finds that up to 25% of men experience sexual performance anxiety, which is just one of many types of anxiety that affect men in the bedroom. In this episode, we’re diving into men's anxiety around sex and relationships, and how to deal with it. I am joined once again by David Khalili, a licensed marriage and family therapist, board-certified sexologist, and founder of Rouse Relational Wellness, a boutique couples and sex therapy center in San Francisco. He is author of the Mental Health Workbook for Men and Sex Worriers: A Mindfully Queer Guide to Men's Anxiety Around Sex and Dating. Some of the topics we explore include: How does anxiety manifest in men’s sexual and romantic lives? How can men’s anxiety lead to boundary violations? How can men cope with anxiety about their own performance during sex? What are some ways men can learn to be more present during sex? How do you deal with anxiety around masculinity issues? You can check out David’s website to learn more. Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology. *** Thank you to our sponsors!  The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University has been a trusted source for scientific knowledge and research on critical issues in sexuality, gender, and reproduction for over 75 years. Learn about more research and upcoming events at kinseyinstitute.org or look for them on social media @kinseyinstitute. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

A growing number of men are experiencing mental health struggles. However, surveys from all around the world find that men are very reluctant to talk about their mental health. As a result, their mental health issues often go undiagnosed and untreated, and many turn to unhealthy coping mechanisms. In today's show, we're going to open up a conversation about men's mental health. I am joined by David Khalili, a licensed marriage and family therapist, board-certified sexologist, and founder of Rouse Relational Wellness, a boutique couples and sex therapy center in San Francisco. He is author of the Mental Health Workbook for Men and Sex Worriers: A Mindfully Queer Guide for Men's Anxiety to Sex and Dating. Some of the topics we address in this episode include: How is mental health different from mental illness? What are some of the most common mental health concerns facing men today? What are some of the factors that contribute to men’s mental health concerns? What are some of the ways that a man’s mental health can affect his sex life? How can men cope with stress more effectively? You can check out David’s website to learn more. Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology. *** Thank you to our sponsors!  Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

When it comes to how sex and sexuality are portrayed on screen, what does Hollywood get right and wrong? Let’s talk about it! I recently appeared on the Love Factually Podcast, hosted by my friends Paul Eastwick and Eli Finkel. They asked me to select a film about sex, so I picked the 2010 movie Easy A starring Emma Stone. We had a really fun conversation about it, so I wanted to share it with you today. Easy A covers a lot of timely themes, including sexual reputation, virginity, casual sex, and the sexual double standard. We discuss how this film handles them, what the science says about these topics, and also how our sexual culture has shifted since this film first came out. Some of the topics we explore include: Does the sexual double standard still exist for men and women? How is casual sex related to self-esteem? What does this movie get right and wrong about hookup culture? How do reputational concerns influence women’s interest in casual sex? I hope you enjoy this episode of the Love Factually podcast—and if you like what you hear, give Paul and Eli's show a follow on Apple or Spotify. Have a sex question of your own? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology. *** Thank you to our sponsors!  The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University has been a trusted source for scientific knowledge and research on critical issues in sexuality, gender, and reproduction for over 75 years. Learn about more research and upcoming events at kinseyinstitute.org or look for them on social media @kinseyinstitute. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

We are answering more of your sex questions in this show! We had a couple of fascinating questions that came through our listener voicemail that really stood out to me because I've never been asked about them before: Our first question is about what to do with sex toys you don’t want or need anymore. Can you recycle them? The answer is surprisingly complicated! The second question comes from a sex worker who wants to be open and honest with her kids about her work, so she's looking for advice on how to have that conversation. To help me in answering these questions, Ashley Weller is back on the show. She is a Human Sexuality and Health Psychology Professor at Chapman University in Southern California. She also has a podcast called What’s Your Position that tackles issues surrounding sexuality, relationships, life, and love from a comedic yet educational point of view. Have a sex question of your own? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology. *** Thank you to our sponsors!  Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

In today's show, we are answering more of your sex questions! We recently had two questions come through our podcast voicemail that center around navigating relationships where the partners are significantly different in terms of age, so that’s what we’re going to be talking about in this show. To help me in answering these questions, Ashley Weller is back on the podcast. She is a Human Sexuality and Health Psychology Professor at Chapman University in Southern California. She also runs her own podcast called What’s Your Position, which tackles issues surrounding sexuality, relationships, life, and love from a comedic yet educational point of view. Some of the topics we explore include: What counts as an “age-gap relationship” anyway? Why are age-gap relationships so stigmatized? If you’re in an age-gap relationship, how do you deal with all of the social judgment? How do you maintain a healthy and active sex life in an age-gap relationship when partners have different libidos? What are some of the most common challenges that come up in age-gap relationships? Have a sex question of your own? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology. *** Thank you to our sponsors!  The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University has been a trusted source for scientific knowledge and research on critical issues in sexuality, gender, and reproduction for over 75 years. Learn about more research and upcoming events at kinseyinstitute.org or look for them on social media @kinseyinstitute. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

“The Five Love Languages” is one of the most popular self-help books on relationships ever written, and it’s often used in couples’ therapy. However, despite its massive popularity, there's a surprising lack of research on the theory behind it. My guest today recently published a new study that tested some of its core ideas, and the findings may very well surprise you. I am joined by Dr. Sharon M. Flicker, a clinical psychologist who researches intimate relationships. She is licensed to practice psychology in New York and Pennsylvania, and is an Associate Professor of Psychology at California State University – Sacramento. Some of the topics we address in this episode include: What are the five love languages? Does everyone have a primary love language? Are people actually happier when their partner “speaks” their primary love language? Which love language is most strongly linked to relationship satisfaction? Is the love languages concept useful in sex and relationship therapy? You can check out Sharon’s website to learn more about her work. Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology. *** Thank you to our sponsors!  Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Sexual problems are common. So how do we fix them? In today's episode, we're going to dive into the Good Enough Sex Model. It's a radically different way of thinking about sex that can help us both in preventing problems from emerging in the first place, as well as fixing problems when they appear. My guest is Dr. Barry McCarthy. He is an emeritus professor of psychology at American University and a certified couple's therapist. He has published more than 150 academic papers and chapters, and has authored or co-authored 24 books. In 2016 he received the Masters and Johnson award for lifetime contributions to the sexuality field. Some of the topics we address in this episode include: Why do we need more than just medication when it comes to fixing sexual problems? What is the Good Enough Sex Model? How is it different from other forms of sex therapy? How can we set realistic expectations for resolving sexual problems? Why is playfulness such an important element of good sex? How can parters resolve disagreements about sex in a healthy way? You can check out Barry’s Psychology Today profile to read more of his work. Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology. *** Thank you to our sponsors!  The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University has been a trusted source for scientific knowledge and research on critical issues in sexuality, gender, and reproduction for over 75 years. Learn about more research and upcoming events at kinseyinstitute.org or look for them on social media @kinseyinstitute. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Now is the perfect time to make some resolutions for healthy relationships in the New Year! In previous year-end episodes, we covered sexual resolutions (see episodes 155 and 253), so in this show, we're going to focus on relationship resolutions. We’ll be talking about tips for making new friends, strengthening romantic relationships, and building a healthier relationship with yourself. Today, we're going to revisit one of Sex and Psychology's Essential Listens: my interview with Dr. Juliana Hauser, which originally appeared back in episode 156. Dr. Juliana is a licensed marriage and family therapist and licensed professional counselor who specializes in relationships, sex, and sexuality. In addition to running a private practice, she is a nationally known expert in this area whose work has appeared all over in the media. Some of the topics we dive into include: What are some ways of meeting new people in the new year? How can we balance having strong friendships that don’t interfere with our romantic relationships? How can we resolve to be better online daters in the new year? What are some ways we can cultivate better communication skills with our partners? You can check out Juliana’s website to learn more about her work. Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology. *** Thank you to our sponsors!  Maintain your intimate health with NeuEve. Check out NeuEve’s array of science-backed products created by an OB/GYN for promoting vaginal wellness. Visit neueve.com/justin to learn more and save 5% off of your order! *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) is a topic that is rarely discussed in terms of how it affects adults’ intimate lives, but it's something we need to talk about. Research suggests that around 40% of adults with ADHD experience at least one form of sexual dysfunction. In today's show, we're going to explore what you need to know about ADHD, sex, and relationships. I am joined by Cate Osborn, a certified sex educator, mental health advocate, and full-time content creator, with ADHD. As a professional table top role-playing game performer, she is passionate about opening conversations about neurodiversity and accessibility in the gaming and BDSM/kink communities. Some of the specific questions we answer in this episode include: Why is ADHD linked to both lower and higher sexual desire? How does ADHD affect orgasm? Are there gender differences in how ADHD impacts sex? What are some of the ways ADHD can affect relationships outside of the bedroom? If you’re someone who finds yourself constantly distracted during sex, what can you do about this? You can check out Cate’s website to learn more about her work. Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology. *** Thank you to our sponsors!  The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University has been a trusted source for scientific knowledge and research on critical issues in sexuality, gender, and reproduction for over 75 years. Learn about more research and upcoming events at kinseyinstitute.org or look for them on social media @kinseyinstitute. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Over the last couple of decades, holiday movies have increasingly centered around love and romance, and they’re growing massively in popularity. In this episode, we’re going to dive into the rise of romance-themed holiday media and how this intersects with cuffing season, or the increased tendency for people to partner-up during the winter months. I am joined once again by Dr. Paul Eastwick and Dr. Eli Finkel. Dr. Eastwick is a Professor at the University of California, Davis, where he studies romantic attraction and close relationships. Dr. Finkel is a professor at Northwestern University and author of the bestselling book The All-Or-Nothing Marriage: How the Best Marriages Work, which we discussed back in Episode 45. Together, they co-host the Love Factually podcast. Some of the specific questions we answer in this episode include: Why is so much holiday media focused on themes of love and romance? What’s the science behind “cuffing season?” Is it a good or bad thing that holiday media focuses so much on romance? Is Die Hard really a Christmas movie? You can check out the Love Factually podcast website to learn more.  Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology. *** Thank you to our sponsors!  Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today. The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University has been a trusted source for scientific knowledge and research on critical issues in sexuality, gender, and reproduction for over 75 years. Learn about more research and upcoming events at kinseyinstitute.org or look for them on social media @kinseyinstitute. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

“Sentient object romance” is an increasingly popular erotica genre in which humans get ravished by inanimate objects that come to life. Some of the most wonderfully absurd titles I’ve seen in this area include “Glazed by the Gay Living Donuts” and “This Pumpkin Spice Latte Gets Me Off.” In today’s show, we’re going to explore the appeal of sentient object romance with an author who has published dozens of books in this area. I am joined by Chuck Tingle, a USA Today bestselling author, two-time Hugo Award finalist, and Bram Stoker Award nominee. He is a mysterious force of energy behind sunglasses and a pink mask. He is also an anonymous author of romance, horror, and fantasy. Chuck writes to prove love is real, because love is the most important tool we have when resisting the endless cosmic void. Some of the topics we dive into include: What do people find appealing or arousing about sentient objects? Why are some people attracted to objects in real life? How does attraction to objects intersect with neurodiversity? What’s the political subtext behind sentient object romance? You can check out Chuck’s website to learn more about his work, and check out all of his books here. Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology. *** Thank you to our sponsors!  Maintain your intimate health with NeuEve. Check out NeuEve’s array of science-backed products created by an OB/GYN for promoting vaginal wellness. Visit neueve.com/justin to learn more and save 5% off of your order! *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Research has found that gay men are substantially more likely to experience erectile dysfunction than heterosexual men, whereas heterosexual men are more likely to experience premature ejaculation than gay men. So what's up with that? In this episode, we're going dive into the science that can help to explain this curious pattern, as well as discuss tips for dealing with ED. I am joined once again by Tom Bruett, a licensed marriage and family therapist, trainer, consultant, and author who works extensively with the queer community. He is the founder of the Queer Relationship Institute, and author of the book The Go-To Relationship Guide for Gay Men: From Honeymoon to Lasting Commitment, which will be published in March 2025. Some of the specific questions we answer in this episode include: How common is ED among gay men? How does performance anxiety impact gay men, and how do you deal with this? How do recreational drugs impact sexual functioning? What are some strategies to improve erectile function? How might rapid ejaculation be viewed differently in gay vs. heterosexual contexts? You can learn more by checking out the Queer Relationship Institute’s Linktree. Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology. *** Thank you to our sponsors!  TENGA is Japan’s leading sexual wellness brand, specializing in discreet, stylish products. Take advantage of their year-end sale and Christmas bundles at the TENGA Store USA and TENGA Store Europe. Use code SEXANDPSYCH to save 15% off your first purchase with a minimum spend of $15 (US) or €30 (Europe).  Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today. The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University has been a trusted source for scientific knowledge and research on critical issues in sexuality, gender, and reproduction for over 75 years. Learn about more research and upcoming events at kinseyinstitute.org or look for them on social media @kinseyinstitute. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Most relationship advice is tailored to heterosexual folks. And while some of that is also applicable queer relationships, not all of it is. Queer relationships are unique and therefore need relationship advice that's tailored to them. My guest today has a forthcoming book that offers a relationship guide for gay men, so that's what we're going to be talking about in this show. I am joined by Tom Bruett, a licensed marriage and family therapist, trainer, consultant, and author who works extensively with the queer community. He is the founder of the Queer Relationship Institute, and author of the book The Go-To Relationship Guide for Gay Men: From Honeymoon to Lasting Commitment, which will be published in March 2025. Some of the specific questions we answer in this episode include: What are the unique stages that gay men’s relationships go through? What’s the deal with gay men and “daddy issues?” For gay men who struggle to make a relationship last beyond the honeymoon stage, what do they need to know? How can understanding your attachment style help in navigating dating and relationships? How do you find a sex or relationship therapist who is knowledgable and gay-affirming? You can learn more by checking out the Queer Relationship Institute’s Linktree. Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology. *** Thank you to our sponsors!  Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today. Whether you're just a few dates in or have been together a long time, it's time to lighten the mood and have fun with your partner by using Paired. Head over to paired.com/justin to get a 7-day free trial and 25% off if you sign up for a subscription. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Financial domination or findom involves a submissive (usually always a man) who gives money or control of their finances to a dominant partner (usually always a woman). The sub is not expecting anything in return—it's about submitting, giving up control, sometimes being humiliated, and being aroused by all of this. So why are people into findom, and why does it seem to be growing in popularity? My guest today is Jessica van Meir, a PhD candidate at the Harvard Kennedy School who studies sex work. Jessica is co-founder of MintStars, a subscription platform for content creators, models, and their fans. She also co-authored a chapter in the new book Sex Work Today: Erotic Labor in the 21st Century that explores the rise of financial kinks. Some of the specific questions we answer in this episode include: Who’s into findom and why? How is findom similar to or different from sugar dating? What’s the connection between findom, our growing economic crises, and capitalism? How can findom serve as a way of coping with financial precarity? How does findom both challenge and reinforce traditional gender power dynamics? To learn more about Jessica, follow her on the socials at @jessicavanmeir.bsky.social You can get 30% off  Sex Work Today when you input code NYUP30 at checkout on nyupress.org. Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology. *** Thank you to our sponsors!  Maintain your intimate health with NeuEve. Check out NeuEve’s array of science-backed products created by an OB/GYN for promoting vaginal wellness. Visit neueve.com/justin to learn more and save 5% off of your order! *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

These days, it seems like sex is everywhere you look. We live in a very pornified culture in many ways, but it wasn't always like this. So what changed? In today's show, we're going to explore the rise of “raunch culture.” Some of the topics we’ll discuss include the effects of living in a hypersexualized society, the mixed messages that women receive about sex, and why raunch culture and purity culture co-exist. I am joined once again by Dr. Bernadette Barton, a Professor of Sociology and the Director of Gender Studies at Morehead State University. Barton is co-editor of the new book Sex Work Today: Erotic Labor in the 21st Century. She is also author of the book The Pornification of America. Her research and teaching explore contemporary issues of gender, sexuality, religion, culture, happiness, and the sex industry. Some of the specific questions we answer in this episode include: What is “raunch culture?” When and why did our culture start to become so highly pornified? Is raunch culture empowering to women? Is the hypersexualization of society a sign of sex-positivity? Raunch culture and purity culture seem at odds with one another, so how do they exist simultaneously? You can get 30% off  Sex Work Today when you input code NYUP30 at checkout on nyupress.org. Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology. *** Thank you to our sponsors!  Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today. The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University has been a trusted source for scientific knowledge and research on critical issues in sexuality, gender, and reproduction for over 75 years. Learn about more research and upcoming events at kinseyinstitute.org or look for them on social media @kinseyinstitute. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Sugar dating typically involves an older, wealthy person who financially supports a younger, attractive partner in exchange for companionship and intimacy, and sometimes sex. In today's episode, we're going to explore the growing popularity of sugar dating and the unique grey area that it occupies in between traditional dating and sex work. My guest is Dr. Bernadette Barton, a Professor of Sociology and the Director of Gender Studies at Morehead State University. Barton is co-editor of the new book Sex Work Today: Erotic Labor in the 21st Century. Her research and teaching explore contemporary issues of gender, sexuality, religion, culture, happiness, and the sex industry. Some of the specific questions we answer in this episode include: What are some common examples of sugaring arrangements? How is sugar dating different from traditional dating? Is sugar dating sex work? What’s the legal status of sugar dating? Who holds the power in sugar dating relationships? You can get 30% off  Sex Work Today when you input code NYUP30 at checkout on nyupress.org. Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology. *** Thank you to our sponsors!  Maintain your intimate health with NeuEve. Check out NeuEve’s array of science-backed products created by an OB/GYN for promoting vaginal wellness. Visit neueve.com/justin to learn more and save 5% off of your order! *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Romantic comedies are one of the most popular film genres. But how accurate are rom-coms in the way they portray sex, love, and relationships? My guests today are the hosts of a new podcast that uses the science of relationships to separate fact from fiction in some of the biggest rom-coms of all time. We're going to explore some of the things that Hollywood gets right and wrong in the way they depict relationships. I am joined by Dr. Paul Eastwick and Dr. Eli Finkel. Dr. Eastwick is a Professor at the University of California, Davis, where he studies romantic attraction and close relationships. Dr. Finkel is a professor at Northwestern University and author of the bestselling book The All-Or-Nothing Marriage: How the Best Marriages Work, which we discussed back in Episode 45. Together, they co-host the Love Factually podcast. Some of the specific questions we answer in this episode include: In movies, partners often meet as strangers and fall in love. Is this how relationships typically start in real life? Falling in love at first sight is a common theme in rom-coms. But what does the science say about this? Opposites often attract on screen, but is that also true IRL? What are some things films often get wrong about sex? Is it necessarily a bad thing if rom coms aren’t always accurate? You can check out the Love Factually podcast website to learn and listen more.  Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology. *** Thank you to our sponsors!  The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University has been a trusted source for scientific knowledge and research on critical issues in sexuality, gender, and reproduction for over 75 years. Learn about more research and upcoming events at kinseyinstitute.org or look for them on social media @kinseyinstitute. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Our sexuality is something that evolves and changes over time. However, traditional sex education does a poor job of preparing us for those changes. In today's show, we're going to talk about how to stay sexually healthy for your entire life. We're going to explore what people at different stages of life need to know, why maintaining sexual health is so important, tips for navigating low sexual desire, and so much more. I am joined once again by Dr. Evelin Dacker, who is the creator of the STARS framework for sexual communication, which we discussed in depth in the last episode. She is a physician who specializes in sexual wellness, menopause and hormones, and vitality throughout life. Some of the specific questions we answer in this episode include: What are the key things young adults should know about staying sexually healthy? How can we effectively communicate with our partners about sexual difficulties when they arise? What do mid-life and older adults need to know about maintaining a healthy sex life? How do you maintain a healthy sex life when your sexual desire (or your partner’s desire) declines? How do you talk to your doctor about sex? You can check out Evelin’s website to learn more about the STARS method and follow her on the socials @sexmeddoc. Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology. *** Thank you to our sponsors!  Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today. The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University has been a trusted source for scientific knowledge and research on critical issues in sexuality, gender, and reproduction for over 75 years. Learn about more research and upcoming events at kinseyinstitute.org or look for them on social media @kinseyinstitute. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Most of us recognize how important sexual communication is, yet we still struggle with it. In today's show, we're going to discuss a practical framework for improving your sexual communication skills. It's called the STARS method. Using this technique will help you and your partner(s) to better understand each other and lay the groundwork for hot and healthy intimate encounters. My guest is Dr. Evelin Dacker, the creator of the STARS method. She is a physician who specializes in sexual wellness, menopause and hormones, and vitality throughout life. Her unique approach to health incorporates pleasure as an important aspect for healing trauma and illness. Some of the specific questions we answer in this episode include: What does STARS stand for? What are the key things we should be discussing with our partners? How can we go about discovering our turn-ons and communicating them effectively? How do you tell your partner about the things you don’t want and communicate your boundaries? How do you make discussions about sexual health and STIs easier? Why is it important to communicate your relationship intentions, and how do you do this? You can check out Evelin’s website to learn more about the STARS method and follow her on the socials @sexmeddoc. Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology. *** Thank you to our sponsors!  Whether you're just a few dates in or have been together a long time, it's time to lighten the mood and have fun with your partner by using Paired. Head over to paired.com/justin to get a 7-day free trial and 25% off if you sign up for a subscription. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

The clitoris is a piece of anatomy that has repeatedly been discovered, described, and forgotten. In today’s show, we’re going to dive into the history of the clitoris and what you need to know about it. We’ll also explore whether there's really a difference between clitoral and vaginal orgasms, the surprising role of testosterone in clitoral health, and how recent research has completely changed our understanding of clitoral anatomy. I am joined once again by Dr. Maria Uloko, a board certified urologist specializing in comprehensive sexual health, reconstruction, and prosthesis. She is the CEO of MUMD Sexual Medicine Consulting and the founder of VULVAi, an innovative patient advocacy tool that employs AI to aid patients grappling with vulvovaginal issues. Some of the specific questions we answer in this episode include: When did people first start recognizing the importance of the clitoris in female sexual pleasure? Why did it take so long for us to develop a basic understanding of clitoral anatomy? How many nerve ending are in the clitoris? How can a better understanding of clitoral anatomy help improve women’s sexual health and pleasure? Are there really different “types” of female orgasm? You can check out Maria’s website to learn more about her work. Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology. *** Thank you to our sponsors!  The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University has been a trusted source for scientific knowledge and research on critical issues in sexuality, gender, and reproduction for over 75 years. Learn about more research and upcoming events at kinseyinstitute.org or look for them on social media @kinseyinstitute. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

The vulva is one of the most misunderstood pieces of sexual anatomy. So in today's show, we're going to talk about what you don't know about the vulva. Among other things, we'll discuss the lifespan of the vulva, the importance of maintaining vulvar health, and how sex education is failing us all when it comes to understanding the vulva. My guest is Dr. Maria Uloko, a board certified urologist specializing in comprehensive sexual health, reconstruction, and prosthesis. She is the CEO of MUMD Sexual Medicine Consulting and the founder of VULVAi, an innovative patient advocacy tool that employs AI to aid patients grappling with vulvovaginal issues. Some of the specific questions we answer in this episode include: What is the difference between the vulva and the vagina? Are doctors learning enough about the vulva? How does the vulva evolve and change with age? How can paying attention to vulvar health improve overall wellbeing? How do you maintain a happy and healthy vulva? You can check out Maria’s website to learn more about her work. Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology. *** Thank you to our sponsors!  Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.