Podcast appearances and mentions of eli finkel

How accurate are rom-coms when it comes to love? Relationship scientists Paul Eastwick & Eli Finkel, co-hosts of Love Factually, put movie romance under a scientific lens, separating fact from fiction and revealing how Hollywood shapes our real-life expectations about love. Topics [0:00] Intro & Welcome to Paul Eastwick & Eli Finkel [2:00] Coffee, Unicycles, and Speed Round Fun [6:40] Introducing Love Factually: A Relationship Science Podcast [10:05] Do Movies Teach Us About Love or Just Reflect Culture? [15:35] The Rom-Com Myths That Hollywood Keeps Selling [22:50] What Movies Get Surprisingly Right About Relationships [30:10] The Power of Micro-Cultures in Romantic Relationships [35:40] Relationship Science & The Challenges of Studying Love [41:00] Personal Insights & Favorite Movies from Paul & Eli [47:45] Music Preferences: The Soundtrack to Love & Life [49:57] Closing Thoughts & Where to Find Love Factually ©2025 Behavioral Grooves Links Listen to Love Factually Follow Paul Eastwick Follow Eli Finkel  The All-or-Nothing Marriage by Eli Finkel Musical Links Peter Gabriel - In Your Eyes  Pearl Jam - Daughter  Nirvana - Smells Like Teen Spirit 

Kelly hosts a special Valentine’s Day Bonus Pod with professors Eli Finkel and Paul Eastwick who host the “Love Factually” podcast. Eli and Paul are relationship scientists at Northwestern and The University of California, Davis. Their podcast looks at a modern romantic comedy each week through the lens of the science of relationships.  “Relationship outcomes […]

When it comes to how sex and sexuality are portrayed on screen, what does Hollywood get right and wrong? Let’s talk about it! I recently appeared on the Love Factually Podcast, hosted by my friends Paul Eastwick and Eli Finkel. They asked me to select a film about sex, so I picked the 2010 movie Easy A starring Emma Stone. We had a really fun conversation about it, so I wanted to share it with you today. Easy A covers a lot of timely themes, including sexual reputation, virginity, casual sex, and the sexual double standard. We discuss how this film handles them, what the science says about these topics, and also how our sexual culture has shifted since this film first came out. Some of the topics we explore include: Does the sexual double standard still exist for men and women? How is casual sex related to self-esteem? What does this movie get right and wrong about hookup culture? How do reputational concerns influence women’s interest in casual sex? I hope you enjoy this episode of the Love Factually podcast—and if you like what you hear, give Paul and Eli's show a follow on Apple or Spotify. Have a sex question of your own? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology. *** Thank you to our sponsors!  The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University has been a trusted source for scientific knowledge and research on critical issues in sexuality, gender, and reproduction for over 75 years. Learn about more research and upcoming events at kinseyinstitute.org or look for them on social media @kinseyinstitute. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Over the last couple of decades, holiday movies have increasingly centered around love and romance, and they’re growing massively in popularity. In this episode, we’re going to dive into the rise of romance-themed holiday media and how this intersects with cuffing season, or the increased tendency for people to partner-up during the winter months. I am joined once again by Dr. Paul Eastwick and Dr. Eli Finkel. Dr. Eastwick is a Professor at the University of California, Davis, where he studies romantic attraction and close relationships. Dr. Finkel is a professor at Northwestern University and author of the bestselling book The All-Or-Nothing Marriage: How the Best Marriages Work, which we discussed back in Episode 45. Together, they co-host the Love Factually podcast. Some of the specific questions we answer in this episode include: Why is so much holiday media focused on themes of love and romance? What’s the science behind “cuffing season?” Is it a good or bad thing that holiday media focuses so much on romance? Is Die Hard really a Christmas movie? You can check out the Love Factually podcast website to learn more.  Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology. *** Thank you to our sponsors!  Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today. The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University has been a trusted source for scientific knowledge and research on critical issues in sexuality, gender, and reproduction for over 75 years. Learn about more research and upcoming events at kinseyinstitute.org or look for them on social media @kinseyinstitute. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Dr. Paul Eastwick is a psychologist, professor, and researcher. What do people really want in a romantic partner compared to what they say they want? Paul is the lead author on the largest study of its kind which was just released breaking down this question. Dr. Eastwick is a Professor at the University of California, Davis and he uses the tools of social and personality psychology to study romantic attraction and close relationship processes. Dr. Eastwick has published more than 70 scientific articles, and his work is featured regularly in the New York Times and The Atlantic, and in books ranging from Aziz Ansari's Modern Romance to Richard Prum's Pulitzer Prize Finalist The Evolution of Beauty. He also hosts the podcast Love Factually with his longtime colleague, Eli Finkel, where they analyze popular rom-coms and dramas from the perspective of relationship science. THIS EPISODE IS FOR YOU IF: You want to learn about the true nature of attraction You want to discover what men and women really want in a romantic partner You desire to strengthen your current relationship You are single and want to be in a healthy, long-term relationship You're getting FREE access to my Launch Your Dare 12-week Playbook - the perfect kickstart to your 2025 transformation! Here's what you need to do RIGHT NOW: Head over to www.idareyoupod.com and grab your copy of the Launch Your Dare 12-week Playbook. Don't wait - your future self will thank you! How to follow Dr. Paul Eastwick: Love Factually Podcast https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/love-factually/id1766543146 www.pauleastwick.com

Romantic comedies are one of the most popular film genres. But how accurate are rom-coms in the way they portray sex, love, and relationships? My guests today are the hosts of a new podcast that uses the science of relationships to separate fact from fiction in some of the biggest rom-coms of all time. We're going to explore some of the things that Hollywood gets right and wrong in the way they depict relationships. I am joined by Dr. Paul Eastwick and Dr. Eli Finkel. Dr. Eastwick is a Professor at the University of California, Davis, where he studies romantic attraction and close relationships. Dr. Finkel is a professor at Northwestern University and author of the bestselling book The All-Or-Nothing Marriage: How the Best Marriages Work, which we discussed back in Episode 45. Together, they co-host the Love Factually podcast. Some of the specific questions we answer in this episode include: In movies, partners often meet as strangers and fall in love. Is this how relationships typically start in real life? Falling in love at first sight is a common theme in rom-coms. But what does the science say about this? Opposites often attract on screen, but is that also true IRL? What are some things films often get wrong about sex? Is it necessarily a bad thing if rom coms aren’t always accurate? You can check out the Love Factually podcast website to learn and listen more.  Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology. *** Thank you to our sponsors!  The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University has been a trusted source for scientific knowledge and research on critical issues in sexuality, gender, and reproduction for over 75 years. Learn about more research and upcoming events at kinseyinstitute.org or look for them on social media @kinseyinstitute. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

If we want to bear good fruit in our lives, we must have strong roots. Good fruit must lead to love. As the Rev. Dr. Pam King offers in this episode, “Root into love so that you can live out love.”Speaking on Jesus's parable of the Tree and Its Fruits in Luke 6, she draws on theological and psychological resources to reflect on the role of active and intentional love in a thriving life.Luke 6:43-45: “No good tree bears bad fruit, nor again does a bad tree bear good fruit. For each tree is known by its own fruit.  Figs are not gathered from thorns, nor are grapes bramble bush.  The good person, out of the good treasure of the heart, produces good. And the evil person out of evil treasure produces evil,  for it is out of the abundance of the heart that the mouth speaks.”Show NotesLuke 6:43-45: “No good tree bears bad fruit, nor again does a bad tree bear good fruit. For each tree is known by its own fruit. Figs are not gathered from thorns, nor are grapes bramble bush. The good person, out of the good treasure of the heart, produces good. And the evil person out of evil treasure produces evil, for it is out of the abundance of the heart that the mouth speaks.”“I believe this scripture … redefines reality and redefines fruit.”True love in *The Princess Bride — “Wuv. Twoo Wuv.”“True love is the greatest thing in the world.”“Root into love so that you can live out love.”What is thriving? What New Testament parables of Jesus express thriving?Redefining “Good”What is good?“Good” is a four-letter wordThere's always a right answer in Sunday School: “Jesus”Defining the Relationship? Or Define the Reality?A reordering of values“… a radical reordering of values and a re sanctification of sanctioned behaviors. He describes the kind of conduct that is appropriate for this kingdom that he will be leading. It is love your enemies, do good out of love. Give generously out of love. Lend without expectation. Love your neighbor.”Fruit is a symbol of loveMiroslav Volf and Ryan McAnnally-Linz, “The Home of God”—what is to come is coming now. “Inbreaking”Flux in congregational or community lifeThe Reciprocating SelfConformity is not synonymous with uniformity“We are each invited to bear fruit out of our own giftedness.”“Bear fruit as yourself.”“Pam, you're a good Pam.”“We bear fruit by living out God's love. in this world as ourselves.”Tree imagery in the Bible“A tree firmly planted, or some versions rooted, by streams of water, that does not get blown when the winds come by.”What kind of tree are you?How do you root into God's love?Eli Finkel and third-person perspective taking“When people take a benevolent third person view in the Christian worldview, God's perspective, and they actually write those things about a person, the conflict is still there, but they're able to interact and care for that person more effectively and see that person more wholly.”“80 percent of Americans young people are lonely. We are in a cultural mode of despair in many ways. We are losing our relational capacity.” About the Thrive CenterLearn more at thethrivecenter.org.Follow us on Instagram @thrivecenterFollow us on X @thrivecenterFollow us on LinkedIn @thethrivecenter About Dr. Pam KingDr. Pam King is Executive Director the Thrive Center and is Peter L. Benson Professor of Applied Developmental Science at Fuller School of Psychology & Marriage and Family Therapy. Follow her @drpamking. About With & ForHost: Pam KingSenior Director and Producer: Jill WestbrookOperations Manager: Lauren KimSocial Media Graphic Designer: Wren JuergensenConsulting Producer: Evan RosaSpecial thanks to the team at Fuller Studio and the Fuller School of Psychology & Marriage and Family Therapy.

Our guest on the podcast today is Scott Rick. Scott is an associate professor of marketing at the University of Michigan's Ross School of Business. He is the author of a new book, Tightwads and Spendthrifts: Navigating the Money Minefield in Real Relationships. He received his Ph.D. in behavioral decision research from Carnegie Mellon in 2007, and he then spent two years as a postdoctoral fellow at Wharton. His research focuses on understanding the emotional causes and consequences of consumer financial decision-making, with a particular interest in the behavior of tightwads and spendthrifts.BackgroundBioScottrick.comTightwads and Spendthrifts: Navigating the Money Minefield in Real Relationships, by Scott RickCouples, Spendthrifts, and Tightwads“A Penny Saved Is a Partner Earned: The Romantic Appeal of Savers,” by Jenny Olson and Scott Rick, papers.ssrn.com, Sept. 1, 2017.“Spendthrifts and Tightwads in Childhood: Feelings About Spending Predict Children's Financial Decision Making,” by Craig E. Smith, Margaret Echelbarger, Susan A. Gelman, and Scott I. Rick, Journal of Behavioral Decision Making, December 2017.“‘You Spent How Much?' Toward an Understanding of How Romantic Partners Respond to Each Other's Financial Decisions,” by Jenny Olson and Scott Rick, sciencedirect.com, 2022.“Common Cents: Bank Account Structure and Couples' Relationship Dynamics,” by Jenny Olson, Deborah Small, Scott Rick, and Eli Finkel, Journal of Consumer Research, December 2023.“Subjective Knowledge Differences Within Couples Predict Influence Over Shared Financial Decisions,” by Jenny Olson and Scott Rick, journals.uchicago.edu, October 2023.“How Much Do You Need to Know About How Your Spouse Spends Money? Maybe Less Than You Think,” by Scott Rick, theconversation.com, June 10, 2024.Gift-Giving“Why Gift-Giving Makes You Anxious,” by Scott Rick, Time.com, Dec. 19, 2023.“How to Be a Better Gift-Giver to a Partner,” by Scott Rick, psychologytoday.com, Feb. 22, 2024.

What makes love last decades instead of years? After studying thousands of couples, Drs. Julie and John Gottman discovered what separates the masters from the disasters. Learn their research-backed secrets, like the 5:1 magic ratio, bids for connection, and the 4 horsemen to avoid. It's all here - including insights from their book, Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love.You can find The Gottman's at: Website | Instagram | Episode TranscriptIf you LOVED this episode you'll also love the conversations we had with Eli Finkel about the self-actualized marriage.Check out our offerings & partners: Join My New Writing Project: Awake at the WheelVisit Our Sponsor Page For Great Resources & Discount Codes Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

"What does a healthy community look like? This beautiful image of being unafraid, of everybody having what they need, of everybody having the opportunity to reach their dreams, everybody being able to take care of themselves and not having it taken away from them—all of those are part of the vision of a good life. It's not just an individual good life, it's a communal good life.  Concertación, if you were just literally translate it, means 'coming into harmony' and the way that it works in our communities is to hear somebody else with your heart. You hear them from the heart. And when you hear them from the heart, you spontaneously shift. You are automatically standing on common sacred ground and you just shift generously." (Alexia Salvatierra)Wellbeing begins with we. “If your community is not well, then you are not well.” Thriving is collective. But our atomic individualism and narrow focus on ourselves is constantly pulling us away from the mutual belonging, reciprocity, and vibrant flourishing that can only be found by seeking the good of the wider human community—the neighbor, the stranger, the migrant, the farm worker, and the poor.Rev. Dr. Alexia Salvatierra is a scholar, organizer, activist, and pastor, and is Academic Dean of the Centro Latino as well as the Assistant Professor of Integral Mission and Global Transformation at Fuller Theological Seminary.She offers a healing message for those who wrestle with the pain and suffering caused by structural and systemic injustice, calling for listening, empathy, and action. Alexia's faith is rooted in community and kinship. She affirms the wisdom of the body and cautions against over-intellectualization, offering instead a larger emotional vocabulary, emotional attunement, and the ability to hold and live with complex feelings.The power of community is on display in our ability to celebrate and suffer together. And in Alexia's work as an activist, she shows how fractured communities can reconcile through the power of a shared dream.In this conversation with Alexia Salvatierra, we discuss:The unique wisdom that Latin- a/o culture brings to spiritual and theological conversations about thriving and spiritual healthThe complex, communal, and collective nature of thrivingHow her theology as a Lutheran pastor was formed by compassion and concern for the poorThe challenge of Western Christians to see beyond individualistic rationality and the atomic unit of the self when thinking about wellness and thrivingThe transformative potential of a common dream to unify and reconcileThe power of beautiful stories that are deeply connected to truth and goodnessSeeing relationships as not just an end goal of thriving, but a means to thriving.About Rev. Dr. Alexia SalvatierraRev. Dr. Alexia Salvatierra is the Academic Dean of the Centro Latino at Fuller Theological Seminary, as well as the Assistant Professor of Integral Mission and Global Transformation. Her work is a beautiful mosaic of immigration reform, faith-rooted organizing, cross-cultural ministry, and building vital holistic Christian community. Throughout her career, she's played a central role in founding and convening communities for social justice, including the New Sanctuary Movement, the Guardian angels Project. Matteo 25 a bipartisan Christian network to protect and defend families facing deportation, the Evangelical Immigration Table, and the Ecumenical Collaboration for Asylum-Seekers. She is co-author of God's Resistance: Mobilizing Faith to Defend Immigrants and Buried Seeds: Learning from the Vibrant Resiliency of Marginalized Christian Communities.Show NotesExplore Alexia's work in God's Resistance: Mobilizing Faith to Defend Immigrants and Buried Seeds: Learning from the Vibrant Resiliency of Marginalized Christian Communities.“If your community is not well, then you are not well.”Pam King introduces Alexia SalvatierraMision Integral and Liberation TheologyAlexia Salvatierra answers, “What is thriving?”Bien estar—”wellbeing”Isaiah 65:17-25: “For I am about to create new heavens and a new earth; the former things shall not be remembered or come to mind. But be glad and rejoice for ever in what I am creating; for I am about to create Jerusalem as a joy, and its people as a delight. I will rejoice in Jerusalem, and delight in my people; no more shall the sound of weeping be heard in it, or the cry of distress. No more shall there be in it an infant that lives but a few days, or an old person who does not live out a lifetime; for one who dies at a hundred years will be considered a youth, and one who falls short of a hundred will be considered accursed. They shall build houses and inhabit them; they shall plant vineyards and eat their fruit. They shall not build and another inhabit; they shall not plant and another eat; for like the days of a tree shall the days of my people be, and my chosen shall long enjoy the work of their hands. They shall not labour in vain, or bear children for calamity; for they shall be offspring blessed by the Lord—and their descendants as well. Before they call I will answer, while they are yet speaking I will hear. The wolf and the lamb shall feed together, the lion shall eat straw like the ox; but the serpent—its food shall be dust! They shall not hurt or destroy on all my holy mountain, says the Lord.”The sounds of healthy communityEqual valueWe all want to belongFrederick Buechner: “Vocation is where the world's deep hunger and our own deep gladness meet.”Trauma and faith, agency to combat hopelessnessSpiritual gift of justiceDolorismo: ennobling suffering, suffering in silenceOrthopathos: when suffering can be useful to make a change“The Holy Spirit is your consolation, your consuelo.”Surfing the Spirit: Fluidity and dynamic balanceSerenity Prayer“I don't make the collective an idol.”The importance of freedom, while critiquing “super-individualism”Discern in the context of communityIndividual discernmentLiberation theology: “You learn by doing.”Meditative Prayer Practice: The Serenity Prayer (In English and Spanish)Civil War in Guatemala and PanamaDr. Oscar Arias of Costa Rica—informal peace process behind the scenesThe Dream Exercise and Concertación (”coming into harmony”)The difference between concertación and negotiation“It's about generosity.”Generosity vs dividing up the checkDream Exercise“As poor people, we have trouble believing that our dreams can come true, period.”Eli Finkel's All-or-Nothing Marriage: How the Best Marriages WorkSocial capital and trustJesuits in AsiaEnculturation: Encountering the truth (and each other) at the intersections of cultureOrthopoesis and beautyKnowing God through beauty, not just truth or goodness“De Colores”—the joy of all the colorsAdrienne Marie Brown and Community Social TransformationPeter Heltzel and “revolutionary friendships”“We're a very graceless society. A society at war is a graceless society.”Reconciliation: Navajo on opponents instead of enemies, and South AfricaHoyt Axton's “Less Than The Song” (1973)—”I cannot rest easy until all your dreams are real.”The co-evolutionary relationship“Seeing the wholeness of the other” in concertaciónLoving the child in the other; calling the best forth in each other.Truth, Beauty, and GoodnessPam King's key takeaways:If your community is not well, then you are not well. Thriving is collective.We all have a core psychological drive to belong and be received and contribute in our families and communities.Caring for our emotional brains and bodies is essential in seeking collective thriving.Thriving involves a necessary commitment to justice, and is beautifully captured by terms like shalom and concertación.The Christian tradition of compassion and concern for the marginalized can pull us out of our heads, out of our tunnel vision, and move us toward the transformation of society.Communicating a common dream or shared vision can help us move from an atomic individualistic mentality to loving community and reconciliation. About the Thrive CenterLearn more at thethrivecenter.org.Follow us on Instagram @thrivecenterFollow us on X @thrivecenterFollow us on LinkedIn @thethrivecenter About Dr. Pam KingDr. Pam King is Executive Director the Thrive Center and is Peter L. Benson Professor of Applied Developmental Science at Fuller School of Psychology & Marriage and Family Therapy. Follow her @drpamking. About With & ForHost: Pam KingSenior Director and Producer: Jill WestbrookOperations Manager: Lauren KimSocial Media Graphic Designer: Wren JuergensenConsulting Producer: Evan RosaSpecial thanks to the team at Fuller Studio and the Fuller School of Psychology & Marriage and Family Therapy.

If you find marriage to be hard, you are not alone. If you feel as if your spouse should fulfill every single physical, emotional, sexual, and financial need in your life, you probably should be alone. This week, I talk to Eli Finkel, author of the book, The All-or-Nothing Marriage in which he presents data and anecdote about how the best marriages work and what we can learn from them. We discuss the evolution of marriage over the centuries, when and why love became part of the equation, how helping your spouse grow benefits you, the role of money in marriage, and why consensual non-monogamy will 99.999999999% for sure never happen in the Ollinger household. A survey of Eli's peers identified him as the most influential relationship scientist in the 21st century and the Economist declared him “one of the leading lights in the realm of relationship psychology.” On the other hand, his wife thinks it's hilarious that he is a “marriage expert.” Learn more about Eli and his book here.  ✍️Read Paul's Substack here ✍️

Sex and relationship expert Vanessa Marin discusses the taboo nature of discussing sex and how it can lead to unmet needs and dissatisfaction in relationships. Her new book, Sex Talks: The Five Conversations That Will Transform Your Love Life, provides practical exercises and dialogue prompts to improve communication around intimacy, breaking down shame and stigma. Through open discussions on touchy subjects and setting rituals for intimacy, Marin believes couples can foster deeper connection, igniting intimacy and enhancing their love lives.Many people struggle to openly discuss sex due to shame and stigma.Open communication about sex and intimacy is important for a healthy relationship.Vanessa recommends five core conversations: acknowledgment, connection, desire, pleasure, and exploration.She provides practical methods to make these conversations easier.Rituals like makeout routines can create intimacy Understanding one's desires, boundaries, and pleasures enables satisfying communication.Giving positive feedback during sex helps partners figure out each other's pleasures.Scheduling sex demonstrates priorities but reframing as "planning" can help.You can find Vanessa at: Website | InstagramIf you LOVED this episode you'll also love the conversations we had with Eli Finkel about the self-actualized marriage.Check out our offerings & partners: My New Book SparkedMy New Podcast SPARKEDVisit Our Sponsor Page For Great Resources & Discount Codes Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The science is crystal clear, deep, genuine, healthy and enduring relationships are at the center of a well-lived life. But, so often, it's the long-term intimate partnerships that we take most for granted or give least attentiveness to. Just assuming they'll keep on keeping on. Until they don't. So how DO you keep your relationship with someone you hope to be a life partner not just alive, but truly rich and flourishing and nourishing and joyful? Especially over a period of years or, if you're fortunate enough, decades? What's the secret to maintaining passion and connection throughout the years? That's where we're headed in this eye-opening conversation with professor Eli Finkel, as we dive deep into the world of romantic relationships. Eli is the author of the bestselling book The All-Or-Nothing Marriage: How the Best Marriages Work. You'll discover:The surprising impact of engaging in exciting, out-of-the-ordinary activities on relationship satisfaction and passion.How to distinguish between activities that foster closeness and those that reignite desire.The unexpected benefits of breaking out of routines and embracing new challenges together.And, lots more. During our conversation, we delve into the intricacies of maintaining passion in long-term relationships, discussing the importance of novelty, and exploring the potential benefits of breaking out of routines in the aftermath of the pandemic. Eli shares valuable insights on how couples can be deliberate about rebooting their relationships and resetting priorities, all while creating meaningful connections and lasting memories.You can find Eli at: Website | TwitterIf you LOVED this episode you'll also love the conversations we had with Julie and John Gottman about love and marriage.Check out our offerings & partners: My New Book SparkedMy New Podcast SPARKED. To submit your “moment & question” for consideration to be on the show go to sparketype.com/submit. Visit Our Sponsor Page For Great Resources & Discount Codes Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today we welcome Eli Finkel. He is a professor at Northwestern University, where he has appointments in the psychology department and the Kellogg School of Management. In his role as director of Northwestern's Relationships and Motivation Lab (RAMLAB), he has published more than 160 scientific papers and is a guest essayist for The New York Times. The Economist declared him “one of the leading lights in the realm of relationship psychology.” His latest book is called The All-Or-Nothing Marriage.In this episode, I talked to Eli Finkel about how the best marriages work. The institution of marriage has evolved throughout the decades. People used to tie the knot for socioeconomic purposes, but nowadays we seek to fulfill our higher need for self-actualization in relationships. According to Eli, higher expectations are not necessarily bad for marriages if people can use them strategically. Eli also shares love hacks we can implement to improve our relationships with our partners. Website: elifinkel.comTwitter: @EliJFinkel Topics02:54 Pleasure vs meaning in romance05:49 There's no rule for marriages08:15 The pre-industrial mindset of marriage10:39 Vertical integration of needs in a relationship13:55 Expectations, goals, & fulfillment17:53 The evolution of marriage 22:30 The All or Nothing Theory of Marriage25:21 Mate evaluation theory and other studies34:48 The value of love hacks38:21 Positive attribution bias 39:36 Third-party reappraisal on conflict

First impressions matter but when it comes to dating, don't get blown away by the myth of the "relationship spark". Some people can instead be characterized as a "slow burn"; a person who you like more and more each time. We revisit an episode with dating coach, behavioral scientist and author of How Not To Die Alone, Logan Ury about how to date successfully. Logan Ury studied psychology at Harvard, was a TED Fellow, then became a behavioral scientist at Google, where she ran Google's behavioral science team – which we now know as The Irrational Lab. She became a dating coach and is currently the Director of Relationship Science at the dating app Hinge, where she leads a research team dedicated to helping people find love. Her work has appeared in The New York Times and The Atlantic, among a variety of media outlets, including HBO and the BBC.  Aside from those cool things, we wanted to talk to her because she is the author of How To Not Die Alone. In our conversation with Logan, which was originally recorded in early 2021, we talk about the challenges people face in getting prepared for dating, making the most of their dating experiences, and maintaining great relationships once they've landed in one. She shared her insights into how to overcome some of the common hurdles and to make the most out of each phase of the dating life. We had an interesting discussion about why moving from ‘romanticizer' or ‘maximizer' to ‘satisficer' can make a big difference in your relationships (and in life). We talk about the Monet Effect and how we need to work hard to overcome some of our biggest biases – like the fundamental attribution error and negativity bias. She was also kind enough to share a little bit about her communal living conditions and her recommendation that we all need more significant others – OSO's – in these turbulent times. NOTE #1: The “F” word features prominently in our conversation since it's in the title of one of her book's chapters. NOTE #2: Christina Gravert joined for our Grooving Session as our first-ever Grooving Partner, and you'll hear her in the introduction, as well. We're pleased that our good friend was named by Forbes magazine as one of the top behavioral scientists you ought to know. Christina teaches Economics at the University of Copenhagen, is a co-founder of Impactually, a behavioral consultancy, she has been a guest on Behavioral Grooves (episode 16 on creating a Nudge-A-Thon), and was a speaker at Nudge.It North 2021.   © 2023 Behavioral Grooves   Links Logan Ury: https://www.loganury.com/ “How to Not Die Alone”: https://amzn.to/3JSmDUz  Ira Glass: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ira_Glass Dan Ariely: https://danariely.com/ Esther Perel: https://www.estherperel.com/ John Gottman, The Gottman Institute: https://www.gottman.com/ Eli Finkel: https://elifinkel.com/ Daniel Gilbert: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Daniel_Gilbert_(psychologist) Jane Ebert: https://www.brandeis.edu/facultyguide/person.html?emplid=0fd6834b65b0eddec69f2ab77539fd341d63b270 Alain De Botton “School of Life”: https://www.theschooloflife.com/about-us/faculty/alain-de-botton/ Reiki: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reiki “Algorithms to Live By”: https://algorithmstoliveby.com/ John Nash “A Beautiful Mind”: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Forbes_Nash_Jr. Nicole Prause: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nicole_Prause 36 Questions That Lead to Love: https://www.nytimes.com/2015/01/09/style/no-37-big-wedding-or-small.html The School of Life books: https://www.theschooloflife.com/shop/us/books/ Shelley Archambeau – Episode 204: https://behavioralgrooves.com/episode/how-shelley-archambeau-flies-like-an-eagle/ Christina Gravert – Episode 16: https://behavioralgrooves.com/episode/nudge-a-thon-with-dr-christina-gravert/ Christina Gravert, “Online Dating Like a Game Theorist”: https://behavioralscientist.org/online-dating-like-a-game-theorist/ Christina Gravert – Impactually: https://impactually.se/ “10 Behavioral Scientists You Should Know”: https://www.forbes.com/sites/alineholzwarth/2020/10/29/10-behavioral-scientists-you-should-know/?sh=36ad80b442e0    Musical Links “Hamilton” soundtrack: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aPSWZUExZ8M  Chance the Rapper “Coloring Book”: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BeChAs-bI3A  Bush “Glycerine”: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bvXbHN5Gijw%C2%A0 

To understand single living, you need to understand non-single-living – especially the 800-pound gorilla of relationships: marriage. In this episode, Peter McGraw speaks to Eli Finkel about contemporary marriages, which are focused on self-growth and self-expressiveness. Eli shares insights from his book The All-Or-Nothing Marriage: How the Best Marriages Work.Love the show? Subscribe, rate, review, and share! https://www.petermcgraw.org/solo/

No one will deny that marriage is hard. In fact, there's evidence it's getting even harder. This week on the show, we revisit a favorite episode from 2018 about the history of marriage and how it has evolved over time. We'll talk with historian Stephanie Coontz and psychologist Eli Finkel, and explore ways we can improve our love lives — including by asking less of our partners. For more of our Relationships 2.0 series, be sure to check out last week's episode, "An Antidote to Loneliness." And if you've found this series to be useful, please consider supporting our work! You can do so at support.hiddenbrain.org. 

One of the key components of happiness and living a good life is having a good close relationship with someone else and for a lot of us, our closest relationship is with our spouse. Cough. Shaun and Carrie are spouses. Is this the key to our happiness? It's a good question. Eli Finkel, a professor of psychology of Northwestern University, wrote a book “The All-Or-Nothing Marriage” and he also wrote an opinion piece for the New York Times where he spoke about how much we expect of our spouses. Those expectations can make things better or um . . . worse. “At the heart of the American ideal of marriage lurks a potential conflict. We expect our spouse to make us feel loved and valued, while also expecting him or her to help us discover and actualize our best self — to spur us to become, as Tom Cruise's titular character in “Jerry Maguire” puts it, “the me I'd always wanted to be.” “The problem is that what helps us achieve one of these goals is often incompatible with what helps us achieve the other. To make us feel loved and valued, our spouse must convey appreciation for the person we currently are. To help us grow, he or she must emphasize the discrepancy between that person and the person we can ideally become, typically by casting a sober, critical eye on our faults.” Cough. This seems like a pretty good out in any argument. “It wasn't that I was criticizing you for not installing the bidet I bought you for our anniversary for six months honey when I said you were a procrastinator, it was that I was trying to help you be the person you can ideally become.” Cough. But relationships and marriages and happiness take effort. ROBERT WALDINGER is a psychiatrist and scholar who has done a lot of research into happiness and marriage. In a HarvardX class, Arthur Brooks interviewed him, touching on this theory that closest relationships are vital to our happiness and that you have to take care of them and mix things up, and Robert said, “First of all, do everything you can not to take the relationship for granted. Even good relationships become kind of ho hum. We go through the same routines with each other. And if we're raising kids, if we're holding down jobs, if we're doing all the things we have to do in life, your partner becomes your tag teammate. And we can forget to pay attention to each other. And by livening up the relationship, by doing new stuff, going out on a date night, just taking a walk when you don't usually take walks together, any of the things to loosen things up, loosen the routines up, liven them up, allow yourself to be curious and interested in your partner again can go a long way.” So a good way to help your relationship survive is to mix things up a bit, right? And another thing that he said is something that makes me feel better about us because Shaun and I are really different, right? And we tend to argue a bit. Cough. About bidets and other things. Cough. Waldinger said, “What we found was that arguments are inevitable. So conflict is going to happen in every relationship. And actually, that turns out not to be the predictor of which relationships are going to last. The predictor in our study seems to be whether there's a bedrock of affection between two people, even if they argue. And that if there's that bedrock of affection and respect, that that predicts stability in the relationship. So the advice I might give would be to pay attention to cultivating that affection and respect. And that may mean like reminding yourselves of what it was like when you two first got together, going through old photos, doing romantic things again, logging in those kind of good times and engineering those good times. Because they're not things that will happen all by themselves. They do need to be engineered.” Problems happen. You should expect them to happen. And part of a good marriage or a good friendship, Waldinger says is to be there for each other, to support each other in all kinds of ways—emotionally, materially, etc. And to not be fake, but be who you really are. Finkel writes, “As the psychologists Nickola Overall and James McNulty have shown, spouses who use oppositional, even aggressive methods to inspire each other's pursuit of goals can increase their partners' effort and success in the long run, but such methods cause distress in the short run.” DOG TIP FOR LIFE Take walks different ways. Turn right instead of left. Sniff a tree instead of a bush. And tell your owner you love them. LINKS SHOUT OUT! The music we've clipped and shortened in this podcast is awesome and is made available through the Creative Commons License. Here's a link to that and the artist's website. Who is this artist and what is this song?  It's “Summer Spliff” by Broke For Free. WE HAVE EXTRA CONTENT ALL ABOUT LIVING HAPPY OVER HERE! It's pretty awesome. AND we have a writing tips podcast called WRITE BETTER NOW! We have a podcast, LOVING THE STRANGE, which we stream live on Carrie's Facebook and Twitter and YouTube on Fridays. Her Facebook and Twitter handles are all carriejonesbooks or carriejonesbook. But she also has extra cool content focused on writing tips here. Carrie is reading one of her poems every week on CARRIE DOES POEMS. And there you go! Whew! That's a lot! Here's the link. Write Better Now - Writing Tips podcast for authors and writers loving the strange the podcast about embracing the weird Carrie Does Poems

Dr. Eli Finkel, a social psychology professor at Northwestern University, joins Dr. Solomon for an in-depth discussion about the state of marriage and long-term partnership today, in an ever-changing and ever-complicated world. They also discuss Eli's book, The All-Or-Nothing Marriage, and answer a listener question together about a new relationship. The Family Institute at Northwestern University:https://www.family-institute.org/The All-Or-Nothing Marriage by Eli J. Finkel:https://bookshop.org/books/the-all-or-nothing-marriage-how-the-best-marriages-work/9781101984345Dr. Eli Finkel's Website:https://elifinkel.com/Subscribe to Dr. Solomon's Newsletter:https://dralexandrasolomon.com/subscribe/Submit your question to Dr. Solomon:https://form.jotform.com/212295995939274 See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

The definition of a “good” marriage has changed drastically over time and today it seems our expectations for our partner are higher than ever.  We want a best friend, intellectual equal, lover, and for many, a sensational co-parent who can also touch our soul. Which is a lot of pressure to put on one person! On this episode we'll talk to psychologist Eli Finkel, author of The All or Nothing Marriage, about the history, workings, and complications of wedded bliss. We'll also hear about why the secret to a healthy marriage might not be what you think, and how intimacy might be an important way to meet even our spiritual needs. For more on Eli Finkel's book, The All or Nothing Marriage, visit his website.

Prof. Eli Finkel is a social psychologist and professor at Northwestern University with over 150 scientific papers published on relationship dynamics.Eli's an expert when it comes to all things marriage and love. He is the author of the book "The All or Nothing Marriage"More on Prof. Finkel at https://psychology.northwestern.edu/people/faculty/core/profiles/eli-finkel.htmlBuy his book here: https://www.amazon.com/All-Nothing-Marriage-Best-Marriages/dp/052595516XEvan Schein is a partner with Berkman Bottger Newman & Schein LLP and leads the firm's litigation practice. More info at www.berkbot.comGet your own show! pod617.com can produce a podcast for you. Get in touch with us now at www.pod617.com/contact

Search “How long does it take to get over a break up?” and you'll find answers ranging from three weeks to three-and-a-half years. Despite heartbreak being one of the most universal human experiences, we know very little about what—and how LONG—it takes to get over someone. On the mend from a breakup herself, Mona set out to find a number while enlisting help from a psychology professor, her relationship counselor, and  yes—her Mum. We'll find that much like relationships themselves, the answer here is a little … complicated. You can find the full text transcript along with studies cited in this episode at go.ted.com/AIN1. Special thanks to guests Eli Finkel and Hod Tamir for lending their expertise to this episode.

This week we're learning how to strengthen the health of our marriages with help from psychologist Eli Finkel. Eli is a professor at Northwestern University and the author of the bestselling book The All-or-Nothing Marriage: How the Best Marriages Work. Listen to hear Eli's tips on why marriage today is such a challenging (and potentially rewarding) endeavor, how to reframe your thinking in an argument with a partner, and why "lovehacks" are a great first step in trying to improve your marriage.Have an idea for a future episode? Call us at 347-687-8109 and leave a voicemail, or write to us at upgrade@lifehacker.com. We want to hear from you!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

We start off with a new❓Q+A segment, where our host answers questions that were submitted by YOU!

Marriage is hard. And, in many ways, it's harder today than it was in the past because what we're asking of our partners now is so dramatically different than it was before. Whereas marriage used to be about meeting basic survival needs, it's become more about self-actualization. And so if we want to understand how to make the institution of marriage better, we have to look at it in the context of our ever-changing needs and expectations. That's why this episode of the podcast is all about the science of marriage and how to cultivate happier and healthier marriages. I interviewed Dr. Eli Finkel, a professor at Northwestern University, with appointments in the psychology department and the Kellogg School of Management. He is also the author of one of my favorite books, The All-or-Nothing Marriage: How the Best Marriages Work. Some of the topics we explore in this episode include: How and why have our expectations for marriage changed over the last century? How do we manage conflicting needs in our relationships, such as the need for excitement and surprise vs. the need for stability and security? Can opening up a monogamous marriage help to save it? How has the pandemic shaped marriage and relationships, for better or for worse? How can we make marriage better? What can you do to keep it healthy and strong? Should we be asking less of our partners? How do you keep sex healthy and hot in a long-term relationship? To learn more about Eli and his work, visit his website at elifinkel.com and check out his book, The All-or-Nothing Marriage. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.  Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Marriage is hard. And, in many ways, it's harder today than it was in the past because what we're asking of our partners now is so dramatically different than it was before. Whereas marriage used to be about meeting basic survival needs, it's become more about self-actualization. And so if we want to understand how to make the institution of marriage better, we have to look at it in the context of our ever-changing needs and expectations. That's why this episode is all about the science of marriage and how to cultivate happier and healthier marriages. I interviewed Dr. Eli Finkel, a professor at Northwestern University, with appointments in the psychology department and the Kellogg School of Management. He is also author of one of my favorite books, The All-or-Nothing Marriage: How the Best Marriages Work. Some of the topics we explore in this episode include: -How and why have our expectations for marriage changed over the last century? -How do we manage conflicting needs in our relationships, such as the need for excitement and surprise vs. the need for stability and security? -Can opening up a monogamous marriage help to save it? -How has the pandemic shaped marriage and relationships, for better or for worse? -How can we make marriage better? What can you do to keep it healthy and strong? -Should we be asking less of our partners? -How do you keep sex healthy and hot in a long-term relationship? To learn more about Eli and his work, visit his website at elifinkel.com and check out his book, The All-or-Nothing Marriage. Follow Dr. Lehmiller on Twitter @JustinLehmiller or Instagram @JustinJLehmiller. To stay up-to-date on the latest sex research and tips, check out https://sexandpsychology.com

Logan Ury studied psychology at Harvard, was a TED Fellow, then became a behavioral scientist at Google, where she ran Google’s behavioral science team – which we now know as The Irrational Lab. She became a dating coach and is currently the Director of Relationship Science at the dating app Hinge, where she leads a research team dedicated to helping people find love. Her work has appeared in The New York Times and The Atlantic, among a variety of media outlets, including HBO and the BBC. And you should note that she’s a featured speaker at SXSW 2021. Aside from those cool things, we wanted to talk to her because she is the author of How To Not Die Alone. In our conversation with Logan, we talked about the challenges people face in getting prepared for dating, making the most of their dating experiences, and maintaining great relationships once they’ve landed in one. She shared her insights into how to overcome some of the common hurdles and to make the most out of each phase of the dating life. We had an interesting discussion about why moving from ‘romanticizer’ or ‘maximizer’ to ‘satisficer’ can make a big difference in your relationships (and in life). We talked about the Monet Effect and how we need to work hard to overcome some of our biggest biases – like the fundamental attribution error and negativity bias. She was also kind enough to share a little bit about her communal living conditions and her recommendation that we all need more significant others – OSO’s – in these turbulent times. NOTE #1: The “F” word features prominently in our conversation since it’s in the title of one of her book’s chapters. NOTE #2: Christina Gravert joined for our Grooving Session as our first-ever Grooving Partner, and you’ll hear her in the introduction, as well. We’re pleased that our good friend was named by Forbes magazine as one of the top behavioral scientists you ought to know. Christina teaches Economics at the University of Copenhagen, is a co-founder of Impactually, a behavioral consultancy, she has been a guest on Behavioral Grooves (episode 16 on creating a Nudge-A-Thon), and was a speaker at Nudge.It North 2021. © 2021 Behavioral Grooves   Links Logan Ury: https://www.loganury.com/ “How to Not Die Alone”: https://www.loganury.com/book Ira Glass: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ira_Glass Dan Ariely: https://danariely.com/ Esther Perel: https://www.estherperel.com/ John Gottman, The Gottman Institute: https://www.gottman.com/ Eli Finkel: https://elifinkel.com/ Daniel Gilbert: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Daniel_Gilbert_(psychologist) Jane Ebert: https://www.brandeis.edu/facultyguide/person.html?emplid=0fd6834b65b0eddec69f2ab77539fd341d63b270 Alain De Botton “School of Life”: https://www.theschooloflife.com/about-us/faculty/alain-de-botton/ Reiki: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reiki “Algorithms to Live By”: https://algorithmstoliveby.com/ John Nash “A Beautiful Mind”: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Forbes_Nash_Jr. Nicole Prause: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nicole_Prause 36 Questions That Lead to Love: https://www.nytimes.com/2015/01/09/style/no-37-big-wedding-or-small.html The School of Life books: https://www.theschooloflife.com/shop/us/books/ Shelley Archambeau – Episode 204: https://behavioralgrooves.com/episode/how-shelley-archambeau-flies-like-an-eagle/ Christina Gravert – Episode 16: https://behavioralgrooves.com/episode/nudge-a-thon-with-dr-christina-gravert/ Christina Gravert, “Online Dating Like a Game Theorist”: https://behavioralscientist.org/online-dating-like-a-game-theorist/ Christina Gravert – Impactually: https://impactually.se/ “10 Behavioral Scientists You Should Know”: https://www.forbes.com/sites/alineholzwarth/2020/10/29/10-behavioral-scientists-you-should-know/?sh=36ad80b442e0   Musical Links “Hamilton” soundtrack: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aPSWZUExZ8M Chance the Rapper “Coloring Book”: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BeChAs-bI3A Bush “Glycerine”: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bvXbHN5Gijw 

Eli Finkel is a social psychology professor at Northwestern University who studies romantic relationships and American politics, and has been named by The Economist as “one of the leading lights in the realm of relationship psychology.” He set out thinking—and intending to prove—that we were ruining the institution of marriage by putting so much pressure on our partner to meet many of our emotional and psychological needs. He found out that he was wrong: While the average marriage today is worse than the average marriage in the 1950’s, the best marriages today are even better. He shares some of what he learned from studying modern marriage and even some hacks from the best marriages he’s seen.   Eli talks about... How marriages have become “all-or-nothing” What a good marriage looks like The problem with the 1950’s marriage model The COVID-19 effect on marriage The happiness vs meaning model How having kids impacts your marriage The modern purpose of marriage Love hacks for a healthy marriage   Resources: elifinkel.com Read: "The All-or-Nothing Marriage" Instagram: @elijfinkel   Highway To Well is a production of Crate Media

These days, Republicans and Democrats don't just disagree with each other's political opinions -- many view members of the other party as immoral and even abhorrent. Eli Finkel, PhD, a social psychologist at Northwestern University in Chicago, led a group of social scientists who published a paper in the journal Science about the causes and consequences of this deepening rift. Finkel studies American politics, romantic relationships and the intersection of those two concepts. He joins us to discuss the rise of political sectarianism and why the current state of American politics is like a bad marriage. Links Eli Finkel, PhD Political sectarianism in America Music "Tension Orchestra Chords" by Frankum via Freesound.org Sponsor APA 2020 Virtual

Malcolm Gladwell is the host of the Revisionist History podcast, staff writer for The New Yorker and author of The Tipping Point, Blink, Outliers, David and Goliath, and Talking to Strangers. He joins Anna to talk about acting, writing, fans, museums, respect for the Air Force, why he loved Melrose Place and more. Later in the episode Anna is joined by social psychology professor and marriage expert Eli Finkel to answer listener questions.Please subscribe to Anna Faris is Unqualified on Apple Podcasts and follow us on social media:Kiwi Co KiwiCo is redefining learning, with hands-on projects that build confidence, creativity, and critical thinking skills. Get 50% off your first month plus FREE shipping on ANY crate line with at kiwico.com and use code FARIS. Maker's Mark So ladies, remember to pour yourself into everything you do, and to reach for a bourbon that’s made with a personal (feminine) touch. In fact, go ahead and pour yourself some Maker’s Mark right now and raise a glass to you and all of the remarkable women in your life. And remember - Maker’s Mark crafts their bourbon carefully, and they ask that you enjoy it that way.Allbirds With Allbirds, feel confident knowing you’re wearing a product that’s doing right by you AND the planet. If you’re looking to get a head start on holiday gifting this year, head to Allbirds.com today for the perfect gift to give and receive.Infinite CBD TEXT “ANNA” TO 511511 TO SAVE 20% OFF YOUR ORDER, PLUS ORDERS OVER $20 RECEIVE A FREE 1,000MG STRAWBERRY BANANA TINCTURE - A $53 VALUE. FREE SHIPPING ON ORDERS OVER $99! GO TO INFINITECBD.COM AND USE CODE ANNA TO START IMPROVING YOUR QUALITY OF LIFE TODAY!BetterHelp BetterHelp is an affordable option and our listeners get 10% off your first month with the discount code FARIS Get started today at betterhelp.com/FARIS Talk to a therapist online and get help!Instagram @UnqualifiedTwitter @UnqualifiedFacebook @Anna Faris is UnqualifiedMusic by: Mondo Cozmo @mondocozmoProducers: Michael Barrett, Rob Holysz, Jeph PorterCo-producer: Michael ShermanProduction Services: Rabbit Grin Productions rabbitgrinproductions.comDistributed by: Simplecast

In the last episode, we touched on beginning with an end in mind. If you want to meet a great partner and find a great relationship, it’s a lot easier to navigate there if you have a clear picture of what that should look like for you. What I’m especially excited for all of you daters out there - once you have a clear picture, you are in a position to be able to start from a BLANK slate - you are not stuck with anyone right now - you can just go out and create whatever kind relationship you want to create from scratch - which personally I think is so much easier than trying to fix a broken relationship that’s not working, I have been in several so I know how excruciatingly frustrating that can be. That’s why I’m really excited to have today’s guest help you understand what research has uncovered about what a great relationship should look and feel like so you can go and start creating that.   Eli Finkel is the author of the NYT best-selling book The All-Or-Nothing Marriage: How the Best Marriages Work where he researched all aspects of marriages and uncovered what makes a modern long-term relationship work and how you can get there. He is also the Director of Relationships and Motivation Lab at Northwestern University, where he published over 150 scientific papers on love and relationship and is a contributor to the Op-Ed page of The New York Times. The Economist has identified him as "one of the leading lights in the realm of relationship psychology.”  This is Save the Date, a dating survival kit from Coffee Meets Bagel. Each episode, our Chief Dating Officer Dawoon Kang will sit down with a guest expert to tackle some of your most burning dating questions and explore what it takes to ultimately reach your goals: going on great dates that lead to a lasting, serious relationship. SHOW NOTES: Getting stuck our expectations and what we’re investing [6:41] Shooting for exquisite [9:16] Fulfilling self-actualization in your relationship i [12:26] An essential component of true intimacy [22:37] The importance of self-discovery [32:32] Compatibility is important but so is self-work [36:33] Getting in the right headspace for a date [49:57] Orient towards saying “yes” when you’re on the fence [57:04]   QUOTES: “How well do you even know who you are? There's a lot to be said for taking some time for some serious self-discovery to get a sense of who you are.” [32:42] “I don't want to say dating is a numbers game because it sounds too cynical. But I think an orientation toward saying ‘yes’ in cases where you're on the fence is a good idea.” [57:04] “Compatibility is a real thing, but a hell of a lot of how to build a good relationship is working on ourselves and working on the relationship.” [36:33] “Shooting for exquisite is great because it puts exquisite within reach.” [9:16] “Essential to true intimacy is that I've handed you my love and heart and vulnerability. We are going to hold each other's hearts and be gentle and tender with them.” [22:37] “If you could do something that you would enjoy doing, even if there's no connection, that's a good headspace to go into the date with because it keeps expectations in check.“ [49:57]

Eli Finkel, PhD, is a psychology professor at Northwestern University and the author of the fascinating book The All-or-Nothing Marriage, which explores the surprising things that make marriages fulfilling and what can put them on the rocks. Today, he joins host Elise Loehnen to chat about how the definition of an ideal marriage has shifted over time, what he thinks of nonmonogamy, why he argues that there are some things you should not ask of your relationship, and whether it’s possible to maintain a happy union while also trying to become a fuller, more authentic version of yourself. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Eli Finkel, PhD is a social psychology professor who studies interpersonal attraction, marriage, and how our social relationships influence our goal achievement. He is the author of the bestselling book The All-Or-Nothing Marriage: How the Best Marriages Work and is a professor at Northwestern University, where he has appointments in the psychology department and the Kellogg School of Management. In his role as director of Northwestern’s Relationships and Motivation Lab (RAMLAB), he has published over150 scientific papers and is a contributor to the Op-Ed page of The New York Times. Eli got our attention because his book points to some very important tips about how to make the best of a relationship during a global pandemic. We thought it would be good to check in with him. He also shared a historical perspective on marriage that is instrumental in understanding how marriage got to where it is today and why marriage is so much more complicated, for some people, than it has ever been. Thanks for listening. If you enjoy what you hear there are three things that you can choose to do: first, leave a quick 5-star rating, second, write a brief review, and lastly, you could subscribe on our Patreon site at www.patreon.com/behavioralgrooves. Thanks for your help and keep on grooving.   © 2020 Behavioral Grooves   Links Eli Finkel, PhD: https://elifinkel.com/about-eli “The All or Nothing Marriage”: https://elifinkel.com/allornothingmarriage/ Romeo & Juliet: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Romeo_and_Juliet Tristan & Isolde: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tristan_and_Iseult Anna Karenina: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anna_Karenina The Scarlet Letter: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Scarlet_Letter “Wild”: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt2305051/   “Eat Pray Love”: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eat_Pray_Love Netscape Navigator: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Netscape_Navigator eHarmony: https://www.eharmony.com/ Nate Silver “The Signal and The Noise”: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/13588394-the-signal-and-the-noise John Gottman, PhD: https://www.gottman.com/ Brad Shuck, PhD: https://louisville.edu/education/faculty/shuck Indian Matchmaking: https://www.netflix.com/title/80244565   Musical Links Nirvana “Nevermind”: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dIGl_qth81c Pearl Jam: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qM0zINtulhM Alice In Chains: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nWK0kqjPSVI Red Hot Chili Peppers: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YlUKcNNmywk Screaming Trees: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PE5f561Y1x4 Poison: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xCChxBSRo1Y

This month we welcome Dr. Eli Finkel to talk about his book “The All-or-Nothing Marriage: How the Best Marriages Work”

The health of our romantic relationships is in peril thanks to the many stresses and strains of the pandemic lockdown. Couples might be facing huge emotional and financial challenges at the same time as being tightly confined to their homes. But psychologist Eli Finkel (author The All-or-Nothing Marriage) says there are ways to weather the crisis without destroying your partnership - and there might even be opportunities to hit the reset button and address problems that in normal times you just let slide. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.com

Joining WGN Radio's Karen Conti is Chicago’s premier expert on the issue of marriage and being a spouse, Dr. Eli Finkel! Dr. Finkel is a PHD social psychology professor at Northwestern University and author of the best-selling book The All Or Nothing Marriage: How the Best Marriages Work. Tonight they discuss marital fulfillment, spousal issues and how to have a happier life with your life partner.

Tonight we focus on National Spouses Day—a day to recognize and appreciate your spouse! Chicago’s premier expert on the issue of marriage and being a spouse, Dr. Eli Finkel joins the show to discuss marital fulfillment, spousal issues and love hacks. As always, Karen provides updates on the latest legal news and answers legal questions from listeners.

Marriage just ain’t what it used to be. It’s evolved from a utilitarian arrangement ensuring survival and inheritance rights, to a gendered division between home and work, to a more modern agreement where people try, at least in theory, to help each other become their best selves. And for renowned marriage researcher, Eli Finkel, the idea of a best self and its place in marriage posed a bit of a conundrum. Finkel picked up Sarah Bakewell’s book, At The Existentialist Café, because, after all, who better to help you understand the nature of selfhood than the existentialists? What he discovered completely changed his view of what it takes to be a person, how we decide who we are, and what that means for the institution of marriage as a whole. Bestselling author of "The All or Nothing Marriage," Eli Finkel talks to Terence about how existentialism not only cured his writer's block but also transformed dread into joy. You can find links to show notes and transcripts of this episode at [https://www.blinkist.com/selfhelp] Let us know what you thought of this episode by emailing podcast@blinkist.com, or say hello on Twitter. Terence is at [@terence_mickey].

In this week's show I dive into the power of letting go of whatever is holding you back. This episode is more about the personal side of life but it has a huge impact on our ability to succeed professionally.People who spend their energy holding onto baggage from something negative that happened to them in a relationship, at home, or at work have limited ability to achieve success. In this episode I share experiences I've had around this principle with a boss, a book, and a teenage football player. As we seek to be successful in any aspect of our life we have to build skill around letting go!Here's the book I mentioned during this episode:The All or Nothing Marriage--Connect with me on Instagram, Facebook, LinkedIn, or russhill.comAbout the podcast:Decide to Lead is a weekly leadership podcast. It's designed to share leadership development ideas based on the leadership coaching I do with Fortune 500 executives. I also throw in productivity tips and personal development ideas I pick up interacting with some of the most successful leaders in business today. Make sure you subscribe so you get each new episode as soon as it comes out!

Bestselling author of "The All or Nothing Marriage," Eli Finkel's story of how existentialism not only cured his writer's block but transformed dread into joy.

Self? Help! is the new podcast out of Blinkist. Host Terence Mickey, Moth Storyteller and creator of Memory Motel, goes deep with people about the books that sparked their life-changing realizations. In season one you’ll hear five bestselling NYT authors—Johann Hari, Paula McLain, and Eli Finkel, to name a few—tell the stories of that moment when they asked themselves who am I? How did I get here? And what am I supposed to do next? and the book that helped them answer those oh-so-existential questions. All episodes drop March 21st over in the Self? Help! feed. But today you get a sneak preview of episode one with Susan Cain, author of Quiet: The Hidden Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking.1 Listen in to hear how Do What You Are[2] helped her change careers and find her true self. You can subscribe here to get all the episodes of Self? Help! next week when they drop[3]: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/self-help/id1453526088?mt=2 Try Blinkist for free for 14 days by going to [https://www.blinkist.com/en/friends/][4] and typing in the code cain. Let us know what you thought of this episode by emailing podcast@blinkist.com, or say hello on Twitter. Terence is at [@terence_mickey][5]. [2] https://www.blinkist.com/en/books/do-what-you-are/ [3]: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/self-help/id1453526088?mt=2 [4]: https://www.blinkist.com/friends/?v=cain [5]: https://twitter.com/terence_mickey

In this podcast, Cody Gough and Ashley Hamer discuss the following stories from Curiosity.com to help you get smarter and learn something new in just a few minutes: To Be More Productive, Try Managing Your Energy Instead of Your Time Your Music Playlist May Reveal if You're a Psychopath or Not "Traditional" Family Values Were Invented in the 1950s How The Best Marriages Work [Full Podcast with Dr. Eli Finkel] Curiosity Patreon Page There are many more lessons to learn in Tony Schwartz's best-selling book "The Way We're Working Isn't Working." For the latest and greatest research on marriage in the modern world, pick up "The All-or-Nothing Marriage: How the Best Marriages Work" by Dr. Eli Finkel. We handpick reading recommendations we think you may like. If you choose to make a purchase through that link, Curiosity will get a share of the sale. Learn about these topics and more onCuriosity.com, and download our5-star app for Android and iOS. Then, join the conversation onFacebook,Twitter, andInstagram. Plus: Amazon smart speaker users, enable ourAlexa Flash Briefing to learn something new in just a few minutes every day! See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

In this podcast, Cody Gough and Ashley Hamer discuss the following stories from Curiosity.com to help you get smarter and learn something new in just a few minutes: LINKEDIN: Get $50 off your first job post. Terms and conditions apply. Why Do You Need Goggles to See Underwater? Science Says Don't Play Hard to Get The Past, Present, And Future Of Dating [Full-Length Podcast Interview with Dr. Eli Finkel] Doctors Can't Definitively Diagnose Alzheimer's Until After Death To learn even more about dating in the modern world, listen to our full-length podcast episode about dating and online relationships with Dr. Eli Finkel, a psychologist and relationship expert. Then master your relationship game with his book, "The All-or-Nothing Marriage: How the Best Marriages Work." It's free with your Audible trial, and if you make a purchase using the link, then Curiosity will get a share of the sale. Want to support our show? Register for the 2018 Podcast Awards and nominate Curiosity Daily to win for People's Choice, Education, and Science & Medicine. Just register at the link and select Curiosity Daily from the drop-down menus (no need to pick nominees in every category): https://curiosity.im/podcast-awards-2018 Learn more about these topics and more onCuriosity.com, and download our5-star app for Android and iOS. Then, join the conversation onFacebook,Twitter, andInstagram. Plus: Amazon smart speaker users, enable ourAlexa Flash Briefing to learn something new in just a few minutes every day! See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

  Most of us spend a lot of time interacting with our coworkers. Being surrounded by the right teams can make long hours and challenging projects a lot more bearable. Getting along with our colleagues can make work fun. In this best-of podcast, Kellogg Insight offers advice on how to make the most of your work relationships. We hear from Kellogg School faculty Ellen Taaffe​, a clinical assistant professor of leadership, and Eli Finkel​, a professor of management and organizations, about the thorny task of giving feedback. We also hear from Jeanne Brett​, a professor of management and organizations, about how to resolve workplace disputes.      

THE SHOW This episode is one of my favorites. Eli is the first social psychologist who's been on the show, and I thoroughly enjoyed our chat.  Eli Finkel is a social psychology professor who studies interpersonal attraction, marriage, conflict resolution, and how our social relationships influence our goal achievement. Our conversation centers on his brilliant book, The All or Nothing Marriage, and what he's learned about modern marriages and how we can connect with the right partner and thrive in our relationships. Behind His Brilliance: Proactively avoiding boredom TOPICS COVERED -Eli's path into social research and relationship psychology -Eli's findings on what makes modern marriages successful -highlights from Eli's book, The All or Nothing Marriage -happiness as an appropriate (or inappropriate) goal for marriage -managing expectations in relationships and marriage -how self-actualization plays into healthy marriages -destiny belief vs growth belief in relationships -Eli's "love hacks" birthed from research findings -and much more! Say hi to Eli on Twitter: @elijfinkel Show Notes: http://bit.ly/BTB154

Eli Finkel wrote perhaps my favorite relationship book of 2017,...

Eli Finkel wrote perhaps my favorite relationship book of 2017,...

This week Jules (@blackacrylic), Nomsa (@nomiefk) and Tobi (@jollofandmalt) are joined by professional speaker, communications coach and diversity champion @DavidMcQueen. They discuss Eli Finkel’s book “The All-or-Nothing Marriage” (03:00), whether or not Africa is a shithole (8:14) and colourism and light-skinned privilege (23:15). David gives insight into his colourful career journey, listening to clues that can lead you to your purpose and how millennials can stand out from the crowd by going the extra mile (33:00). The team also discuss Aziz Ansari, #MeToo, #TimesUp, teaching boundaries (1:10:12) and much more! Song of the week: Trône by @Booba Tweet us @kipepeopod!

In this bonus episode of Simplify season 2, we talk with Eli Finkel. Finkel is a writer and social psychologist at Northwestern University. He's also the author of the new book The All-or-Nothing Marriage. On this episode, Caitlin Schiller talks to Finkel about where the ideas in the book came from. Finkel explains how he discovered that marriage is tied to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs: throughout history, the main purpose of marriage was tied to survival, but today we’re asking for much more. We want our marriage to make us better people; to help us realize our best selves. He and Caitlin dive into social psychology, long-term passion, and a couple of “love hacks” that can get you and your partner back on track. After the interview, Ben Schuman-Stoler and Emily Phillips discuss the key takeaways of the interview and make a booklist for anyone who wants to read more about changing your mindset (which has more to do with good relationships than you think!). For more info, including links to everything we discussed in the episode and a voucher to use Blinkist for free, go to http://blinkist.com/magazine/posts/simplify-marriage-eli-finkel. Quick reminder: This season, we are collecting your voices! It's not as creepy as it sounds, we promise. We just would love to hear how you would answer one of the questions we always ask our guests: “What have you discovered was much easier than you initially thought it was?” You can just record your answer with any voice memo app and email it to us at podcast@blinkist.com. If you want to say hi to Ben and Caitlin in the meantime, you can find them on Twitter: @bsto and @CaitlinSchiller. Let them know what you're reading! Thanks to Nico Guiang for our fantastic intro and outro music. Listen to more on Soundcloud or check him out on Facebook.

In this bonus episode of Simplify season 2, we talk with Eli Finkel, a writer and relationship psychologist at Northwestern University. Northwestern professor, relationship researcher and author of the new book The All-or-Nothing Marriage. On this episode, Caitlin Schiller talks to Finkel about his new book, The All-or-Nothing Marriage. Finkel explains how marriage is tied to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs: throughout history, the main purpose of marriage was tied to survival, but today we’re asking for much more. We want our marriage to make us better people; to realize our best selves. He and Caitlin dive into social psychology, long-term passion, and a couple of “love hacks” that can get you and your partner back on track. After the interview, Ben Schuman-Stoler and Emily Philips discuss the key takeaways of the interview and make a booklist for anyone who wants to read more about changing your mindset (which has more to do with good relationships than you think!). Simplify is made with love by Blinkist. For more info, including links to everything we discussed in the episode and a voucher to use Blinkist for free, go to http://blinkist.com/magazine/posts/simplify-marriage-eli-finkel. // **Quick reminder:** This season, we are collecting your voices! It's not as creepy as it sounds, we promise. We just would love to hear how you would answer one of the questions we always ask our guests: “What have you discovered was much easier than you initially thought it was?” You can just record your answer with any voice memo app and email it to us at podcast@blinkist.com. If you want to say hi to Ben and Caitlin in the meantime, you can find them on Twitter: @bsto and @CaitlinSchiller. Let them know what you're reading! Thanks to Nico Guiang for our fantastic intro and outro music. Listen to more on Soundcloud [@niceaux] or check him out on Facebook [www.facebook.com/niceaux]. // We're phasing out this RSS feed, so if you want to hear more great stuff, subscribe to the podcast here: iTunes: apple.co/2sUeLYA PocketCasts: pca.st/qnKH Overcast: bit.ly/2uVNFlk RSS: bit.ly/2uVeF4j

A woman is considering finding herself a sugar daddy to make ends meet. Should she tell her boyfriend? A man has a friendly relationship with his ex-girlfriend. He just doesn't want to see her and her new man splattered all over his social media. Would it be petty to mute her for a while? On the Magnum, Dan chats with Eli Finkel, author of "The All-or-Nothing Marriage." And, a woman's husband suddenly has a glamorous job with lots of fancy perks! She has been the bread-winner all this time, and feels resentful of all the fun her gets to have. How can she overcome these nasty feelings? 206-302-2064 Today's Lovecast is brought to you by MeUndies.com: High quality, super-comfortable, good looking undies. Get 20% off your first order when you go to . Today's episode is also brought to you by Blue Apron- the delivery service that sends you fresh ingredients and incredible recipes so you can make fabulous meals at home. Check out this week's menu and get your first 3 meals free by going to . Thanks to Bombfell for supporting Savage Lovecast. Bombfell is an online personal styling service for men that helps find the right clothes for you. Get $25 off your first purchase at .

A woman is considering finding herself a sugar daddy to make ends meet. Should she tell her boyfriend? A man has a friendly relationship with his ex-girlfriend. He just doesn't want to see her and her new man splattered all over his social media. Would it be petty to mute her for a while? On the Magnum, Dan chats with Eli Finkel, author of "The All-or-Nothing Marriage." And, a woman's husband suddenly has a glamorous job with lots of fancy perks! She has been the bread-winner all this time, and feels resentful of all the fun her gets to have. How can she overcome these nasty feelings? 206-302-2064 Today's Lovecast is brought to you by MeUndies.com: High quality, super-comfortable, good looking undies. Get 20% off your first order when you go to . Today's episode is also brought to you by Blue Apron- the delivery service that sends you fresh ingredients and incredible recipes so you can make fabulous meals at home. Check out this week's menu and get your first 3 meals free by going to . Thanks to Bombfell for supporting Savage Lovecast. Bombfell is an online personal styling service for men that helps find the right clothes for you. Get $25 off your first purchase at .

The institution of marriage in America appears to be struggling. Or is it? Dr. Eli Finkel's most recent research reveals that the best marriages today may in fact be the best marriages the world has ever known. A renowned relationship expert, Dr. Finkel joins the Curiosity Podcast to reveal the structure of successful marriages and explain the context needed to understand how to flourish in any serious long-term relationship.  Dr. Eli Finkel, author of The All-or-Nothing Marriage, is a professor at Northwestern University, where he has appointments in the psychology department and the Kellogg School of Management. He has published more than 130 scientific articles and is a regular contributor to the Op-Ed page of The New York Times. More reading from Curiosity: The Past, Present, And Future Of Dating (Dr. Finkel's first appearance on the Curiosity Podcast) The 1950s Family Was A New Invention The More Choices You Have, The Less Happy You Are Richard Branson's Secret To Productivity And Success Is Simple Sharing Household Chores May Be The Key To A Happy Marriage You Can Find Your Soul Mate Online, But Dating Algorithms Won't Help More from Dr. Eli Finkel: Dr. Eli Finkel's website "The All-or-Nothing Marriage: How the Best Marriages Work" The Marriage Hack: Eli Finkel at TEDxUChicago "Self and Relationships: Connecting Intrapersonal and Interpersonal Processes" Additional resources discussed: Money Survey: 78% Still Think Men Should Pay for the First Date Who Pays? NerdWallet Study Finds Gender Roles Remain Strong Among Couples Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs "The Way We Never Were: American Families and the Nostalgia Trap" To learn more about this topic and many others check out Curiosity.com, download our 5-star iOS or Android app and join the conversation on Facebook and Twitter. Subscribe on iTunes, Stitcher, Google Play Music, and everywhere else podcasts are found so you don't miss an episode! See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

  Welcome to Episode 2, where I talk with Professor ELI FINKEL of Northwestern University about everything from the history and science of marriage, to the trade-offs underlying science's contemporary methodological growing pains.  Although you may recognize Eli from his many New York Times op-eds, you may not know that his book, THE ALL OR NOTHING MARRIAGE, is set to hit bookstores September 19th. You can get it for your Kindle, in hardcover, or even as an audiobook.    Many others have already heaped praise upon his book--among them folks like Aziz Ansari, Adam Grant, and my old friend and mentor John Gottman, so I won't say much except that one of its best attributes is how clearly you can hear Eli's voice in the text--a rarity in this hyper-edited genre (so a tip of the hat to Eli's editor, too). It really is essential reading if you want to understand modern marriage on any level--either abstractly as a scientific question or, concretely, as a guide to your own. When I spoke with Eli for CIRCLE OF WILLIS, he was in the midst of writing it, and I'm delighted to see it hit the bookshelves. Buy it, enjoy it.  *    *    * A NOTE ON THE CONTENT OF OUR CONVERSATION In many ways, my conversation with Eli hits the bullseye of what I was hoping to accomplish with this podcast, which is to capture the essence of the great conversations I've had over the years with colleagues as I visited other universities or attended conferences. We talk about his book and his research area, meander through some theoretical backcountry, confess some of our methodological sins, and ruminate together about the future of science. It's marvelous. And... I thought it might also be nice to have a few links to extended readings for those inclined to do so. So here are a few topics that might have left a few listeners scratching their heads. Maslow's hierarchy of needs Nash equilibrium Attachment Style Meta Analysis As always, remember that this podcast is brought to you by VQR and the Center for Media and Citizenship. Plus, we're a member of the TEEJ.FM podcast network. AND... The music of CIRCLE OF WILLIS was composed and performed by Tom Stauffer, Gene Ruley and their band THE NEW DRAKES. You can purchase this music at their Amazon page. 

The dating world has radically transformed over the last few decades. Combine advances in technology with radical changes in social roles and a rise in non-traditional relationships and sexual preferences, and you end up with a pretty confusing dating environment. Dr. Eli Finkel joins the Curiosity Podcast to discuss everything from one-night stands to Tinder to pickup artists – and everything in-between. Dr. Finkel is a social psychology professor who studies interpersonal attraction, marriage, conflict resolution, and more. He is the director of Northwestern University's Relationships and Motivation Lab and has published more than 130 scientific articles – primarily on relationships – as well as being a regular contributor to the Op-Ed page of The New York Times. More reading from Curiosity: You Can Find Your Soul Mate Online, But Dating Algorithms Won't Help The Most Important Object In Computer Graphics What Being "Facebook Official" Says About The Strength Of Your Relationship You're Lousy At Picking Good Pictures Of Yourself, So Ask A Stranger To Do It More from Dr. Eli Finkel: Dr. Eli Finkel's website Is Romantic Desire Predictable? Machine Learning Applied to Initial Romantic Attraction (Study) Can technology bring us true love? Eli Finkel at TEDxNorthwesternU 2014 "Self and Relationships: Connecting Intrapersonal and Interpersonal Processes" "The All-or-Nothing Marriage: How the Best Marriages Work" Additional resources discussed: Sex at Dawn: How We Mate, Why We Stray, and What It Means for Modern Relationships Four Fallacies of Pop Evolutionary Psychology How evolutionary psychology gets evolution wrong Ashley Madison Hack: All Fun and Puritanical Games Until Somebody Gets Dead "More than Two: A Practical Guide to Ethical Polyamory" "Polyamory and Jealousy: A More Than Two Essentials Guide" "Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships" "The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists" To learn more about this topic and many others check out Curiosity.com, download our 5-star iOS or Android app and join the conversation on Facebook and Twitter. Subscribe on iTunes, Stitcher, Google Play Music, and everywhere else podcasts are found so you don't miss an episode! See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Here it is: The very first episode of CIRCLE OF WILLIS, where, to the best of my ability, I respond to the question many of my colleagues have been asking, which is, "why are you doing this?" This episode references all kinds of things, one of which is the only real blog post I ever wrote. I foolishly promised I'd leave a link to it on the website, so here's that link! Coming soon: My conversation with Eli Finkel! Watch this space, or subscribe to Circle of Willis wherever you like to get your podcasts! Jim

Hey Everyone! It's Trailer 2 of CIRCLE OF WILLIS, featuring lightening fast excerpts from my conversations with Lisa Diamond, John Cacioppo, Nilanjana Dasgupta, David Sloan Wilson, Jay Van Bavel, Lisa Feldman Barrett, Brian Nosek, Susan Johnson, and Eli Finkel. And there's SO MUCH MORE!  Episodes 1 and 2 are almost ready! Watch this space! Jim

This month's Insight In Person podcast is an encore broadcast from January 2015 that investigates how to get off to a strong start in the new year. Blake McShane, an associate professor of marketing at the Kellogg School, explains that when faced with paying off multiple debts, those who tackle the smallest debt first are more likely to succeed in paying off everything. Eli Finkel, a professor of management and organizations at the Kellogg School, cautions that relying on others to reach our goals can undermine our own efforts. Miguel Brendl, an associate professor of marketing at the Kellogg School, underlines the importance of setting intermediate goals to avoid that motivational lull in the middle of longer tasks. Finally, Sunil Chopra, a professor of managerial economics and decision sciences at the Kellogg School, explains why the best possible outcome for many retailers come January is to have nothing to do.

Most people think that happiness has four sources: the sensory pleasures, material wealth, romantic relationships, and children. But recent research suggests that much of what people think about happiness is wrong. Daniel Gilbert, author of "Stumbling on Happiness," hosts this symposium in which experts discuss what science has discovered about each of these sources. The featured speakers are Paul Bloom, author of "How Pleasure Works"; Tim Kasser, author of "The High Price of Materialism"; Eli Finkel, author of "The All-Or-Nothing Marriage"; and Jennifer Senior, author of "All Joy and No Fun." (Original broadcast date: November 30, 2015)

Few people relish the idea of walking into a workplace rife with conflict. What's more, conflict can be a drag on productivity and creativity. So what are the best ways to manage conflict at work? The answer depends on the type of conflict you face. In this Insight In Person podcast, we talk with two Kellogg professors of management and organizations about two different types of conflict. Jeanne Brett addresses cross-cultural conflict, offering advice on the best ways to diffuse tense situations—or better yet, avoid them in the first place. Eli Finkel, who is also a professor of psychology, explains how his research into romantic relationships is also relevant among coworkers.

Most people think that happiness has four sources: the sensory pleasures, material wealth, romantic relationships, and children. But recent research suggests that much of what people think about happiness is wrong. Daniel Gilbert, author of "Stumbling on Happiness," hosts this symposium in which experts discuss what science has discovered about each of these sources. The featured speakers are Paul Bloom, author of "How Pleasure Works"; Tim Kasser, author of "The High Price of Materialism"; Eli Finkel, author of "The All-Or-Nothing Marriage"; and Jennifer Senior, author of "All Joy and No Fun."

In April next year changes to the way the NHS in England will make GP groups responsible for 65 billion pounds of health budgets. These groups will decide what services patients need for all clinical services including mental health. But are all GPs confident of their expertise in mental health to do this? And what safeguards are in place to ensure enough good quality mental health is delivered to everyone across the country? Claudia is joined by Paul Burstow, the government minister for Care Services, Claire Murdoch, chief executive of Central and North west London NHS Foundation Trust and Sophie Corlett, Director of external relations at the mental health charity, Mind to discuss the reforms and their impact on mental health. As many as one in five people go online to look for love but what is the psychological of online dating? Is there a right way to write a profile to maximise your chances of romance and do sites that offer to match you with suitable partners actually work? Claudia talks to Eli Finkel, associate professor of psychology at Northwestern university who has recently published one of the largest reviews of what relationship science reveals about the means of finding love online.