Mistakes Were Made

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Non monogamy for imperfect people. Hosted by a queer therapist and her husband of 15 years. Sarah & Alex share their experiences opening their marriage, and interview guests about the struggles & rewards of doing relationships your own way. Mistakes Were

Sarah & Alex


    • May 2, 2025 LATEST EPISODE
    • monthly NEW EPISODES
    • 1h 10m AVG DURATION
    • 55 EPISODES


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    Latest episodes from Mistakes Were Made

    Ep 53: Good Grief with Queer Chaplain Kam

    Play Episode Listen Later May 2, 2025 72:17


    How does death, loss and grief impact our relationships? After a year filled with loss, Sarah and Alex talk to a trauma-informed spiritual care provider about the taboos around death, and what happens to our desire when people around us die.  Mentioned in the episode: Close to the Knives: A Memoir of Disintegration by David Wojnarowicz | Without: Poems by Donald Hall | Wayward Lives, Beautiful Experiments: Intimate Histories of Riotous Black Girls, Troublesome Women, and Queer Radicals by Saidiya Hartman mistakescast@gmail.com | https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/ Logo design by roy franklin: www.whateverfactory.org Links to bookshop.org are affiliate links. Any proceeds will support this podcast!  

    Ep 52: How (Not to) Break up

    Play Episode Listen Later Apr 11, 2025 75:55


    Is it you? Is it me? Are you moving to Antarctica?? In this episode we talk about how and how not to end a relationship. Mentioned in the episode: @karamintheworld on Instagram mistakescast@gmail.com | https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/ Logo design by roy franklin: www.whateverfactory.org

    Ep 51: Love in a F*cked Up World with Dean Spade

    Play Episode Listen Later Mar 21, 2025 73:54


    Are the same dynamics screwing up our relationships also hampering our social movements? Sarah and Alex talk to activist and law professor Dean Spade about the romance myth, capitalism and love in this f*cked up world. Mentioned in the episode: Love in a F*cked Up World | DeanSpade.net | The Death Panel | Movement Memos Also by Dean Spade: Mutual Aid | Normal Life: Administrative Violence, Critical Trans Politics, and the Limits of Law mistakescast@gmail.com | https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/ Logo design by roy franklin: www.whateverfactory.org Links to bookshop.org are affiliate links. Any proceeds will support this podcast!  

    Ep 50: Romance and Polyamory (Encore)

    Play Episode Listen Later Feb 28, 2025 78:05


    Encore episode Romance: what does it mean?? Sarah, Alex and Jess talk about their favorite romantic movies on the hottest day of the year. And finally answer the question: what IS romance? Or, do they just come up with 5,000 new questions? Listen to the end to find out! This episode first aired in August 2024. Mentioned in the episode: Say Anything (Cameron Crowe, 1989) | The Graduate (Mike Nichols, 1967) | Wayne's World (Penelope Spheeris, 1992) | John Mahoney | Limerence on Wikipedia | In Your Eyes mistakescast@gmail.com | https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/ Logo design by eroyn franklin: www.whateverfactory.org

    Ep 49: Dating Across Race with Ramsey

    Play Episode Listen Later Feb 7, 2025 80:14


    Last episode we started to talk about race in dating, and tbh…mistakes were made. So this episode we're doubling down! Ramsey shares his experience dating as a Black polyamorous man in Seattle, offers advice for white people dating other races, and asks us “taboo” questions about our own experiences.   Mentioned in the episode: Pacific Northwest BIPOC Polyamory group TV Shows & Movies Recommended by Ramsey: Atlanta Insecure A Million Little Things Moonlight I Am MLK Jr. The Boondocks Kindred This is Us Season 1 Match's 2023 Singles in America Study Facebook - Free Emotional Labor Club mistakescast@gmail.com * https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/ Logo design by roy franklin: www.whateverfactory.org

    Ep 48: BONUS episode: Why you need a dating strategy with Reagan Jackson

    Play Episode Listen Later Jan 24, 2025 29:29


    We had such an interesting side conversation with Reagan about her experience working with a dating coach that we had to make a bonus episode all about it. Mentioned in the episode: Still True Reagan Jackson Anwar White, Dating and Relationship Coach Get Your Guy Podcast with Anwar White mistakescast@gmail.com * https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/ Logo design by roy franklin: www.whateverfactory.org  Links to bookshop.org are affiliate links. Any proceeds will support this podcast!

    Ep 47: The Monogamous Skeptic Returns! Special Guest Reagan Jackson

    Play Episode Listen Later Jan 17, 2025 97:03


    Sarah and Alex's skeptical monogamous friend Reagan Jackson is back to grill them about sex, jealousy, and whether they're just dating other versions of each other over and over. Mentioned in the episode: Still True Reagan Jackson Sarah's interview in Psychology Today: Societal Implications of Consensual Non-Monogamy The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity and Love. bell hooks Queer and Questioning Men of Seattle Meetup Group mistakescast@gmail.com * https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/ Logo design by roy franklin: www.whateverfactory.org  Links to bookshop.org are affiliate links. Any proceeds will support this podcast!  

    Ep 47: Swinging and Sex Parties

    Play Episode Listen Later Dec 27, 2024 71:13


    Lissa joins the podcast to help us parse out the difference between polyamory and swinging. And Alex opens up about his not-so-hot sex party experience. Mentioned in the episode: https://seattle-inclusive-matchmaking.square.site/   Reach out to Lissa: weekdaypineapple@gmail.com  mistakescast@gmail.com * https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/ Logo design by roy franklin: www.whateverfactory.org

    Ep 45: How much should you tell your partners?

    Play Episode Listen Later Dec 6, 2024 71:19


    TMI time! Sarah and Alex work on healthy habits for disclosing info about sex and feelings in their other relationships. What's an overshare? When is it hiding or deception? And what is the nature of truth anyway?  Mentioned in the episode: More: A Memoir of Open Marriage by Molly Rodden Winter Disclosure (Michael Crichton) mistakescast@gmail.com * https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/ Logo design by roy franklin: www.whateverfactory.org

    Ep44: Fascism and Feelings

    Play Episode Listen Later Nov 15, 2024 61:49


    Sarah and Alex make sense of the election results by talking about developmental stages, anti-social behavior, and oh yeah and also polyamory. Mentioned in the episode: Voting patterns by income Thoughts vs Feelings Polywise Polysecure More about Kegan and “The Evolving Self”  Winnicott on the Psychology of Democracy More about Winnicott (and the ideas he stole from his wife) People with more privilege have less empathy mistakescast@gmail.com * https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/ Logo design by roy franklin: www.whateverfactory.org

    Ep 43: Conflict and how to fight better - Season 4 Premiere!

    Play Episode Listen Later Nov 1, 2024 85:44


    Welcome to season 4 of Mistakes Were Made! Today we're asking: How much conflict should you expect in a healthy relationship? In this episode Sarah, Jessica and Alex explore how to fight better (rather than avoiding fights altogether) by understanding our internal patterns and reaction styles. Logo design by Roy Franklin: http://whateverfactory.org. Mentioned in the episode: The Waterline Model Talk to us: mistakescast@gmail.com * https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast  

    Ep 42: Season 3 FINALE - Poly Etiquette

    Play Episode Listen Later Aug 30, 2024 80:35


    Which fork should you use on a first polyamorous date? Do you have to let your partner be the little spoon all the time? We pondered these and other burning questions in the Finale episode of Season Three. Srsly though, here's the etiquette and advice we gathered for this episode, if you don't want to listen to 80 mins of our charming banter: Let your partners consent into information about your interactions with other partners (esp sexy stuff) Be careful of collecting too many partners/spreading yourself too thin.  Try not to over-curate yourself. Be authentically who you are and let partners meet you there. Everyone is tender. Treat them as human, not just means to the experiences you want.  Take responsibility for ending relationships when they aren't working anymore. Be kind but direct. Be honest up front about your capacity. Talk about the parameters of the relationship early and often. Make sure your partners know how 'out' as poly you are (so you don't embarass them when you run into acquaintances in public together). Seek deeper connections, rather than more; the relationships that you're yearning for might be the ones that you're already in. TikTokers we mentioned who you should follow:  @newtononmonogamy @polyphiliablog   mistakescast@gmail.com * https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/ Logo design by roy franklin: www.whateverfactory.org

    Ep 41: Romance and Polyamory

    Play Episode Listen Later Aug 9, 2024 78:02


    Romance: what does it mean?? Sarah, Alex and Jess talk about their favorite romantic movies on the hottest day of the year. And finally answer the question: what IS romance? Or, do they just come up with 5,000 new questions? Listen to the end to find out! Mentioned in the episode: Say Anything (Cameron Crowe, 1989) The Graduate (Mike Nichols, 1967) Wayne's World (Penelope Spheeris, 1992) John Mahoney Limerence on Wikipedia In Your Eyes mistakescast@gmail.com * https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/ Logo design by eroyn franklin: www.whateverfactory.org

    Ep 40: Gen Poly with Mattise Wood

    Play Episode Listen Later Jul 19, 2024 78:14


    Are the youngs living in queer poly utopia or what? Sarah and Alex recruit their 20 something barista, Mattise Wood, to find out. mistakescast@gmail.com * https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/ Logo design by eroyn franklin: www.whateverfactory.org

    Ep 39: Polyamory Pitfalls - LIVE Episode!

    Play Episode Listen Later Jun 28, 2024 54:00


    Special live episode featuring some of our favorite mistakes. Recorded May 9, 2024 in Seattle, WA. Check out the slides from the live episode: https://www.mentimeter.com/app/presentation/n/alkskyvkpq54ehb844w3r2oejcjo4d6a/present  Evergreen hearts on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/EvergreenHeartsOrg  Brand new logo by eroyn franklin! www.whateverfactory.org  mistakescast@gmail.com * https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/

    Ep 38: Relationship Anarchy with Maxx Hill

    Play Episode Listen Later Jun 15, 2024 71:31


    We finally get to learn about relationship anarchy. Hope you're hungry for a smorgasbord!  Maxx Hill, curator of the Relationship Anarchy Smorgasbord, joins to talk about the infinite possibilities of how you can "customize your commitments" when you let go of societal expectations. Open the link and follow along! Mentioned in the episode: Relationship Anarchy Manifesto Relationship Anarchy Smorgasbord Maxx Hill, @maxxhillcreates, on Instagram More about Mistakes Were Made: logo design by by eroyn franklin * mistakescast@gmail.com * https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/

    Ep 37: Poly-tics

    Play Episode Listen Later May 17, 2024 73:11


    Mentioned in the episode: The Atlantic - Polyamory, the Ruling Class's Latest Fad  Time Magazine - Polyamory isn't just for liberals: The Surprising Political Evolution of American Polyamory More: A Memoir of Open Marriage Stranger in a Strange Land Brand new logo by eroyn franklin! www.whateverfactory.org  mistakescast@gmail.com * https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/

    Ep 36: Owning Your Desire - Encore Episode

    Play Episode Listen Later Apr 26, 2024 80:16


    Encore episode! Let's talk about sex (or die trying)! Sarah and Alex finally attempt to actually discuss sexual dynamics in non-monogamy without laughing or crying. mistakescast@gmail.com * https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/ An actually useful explanation of how to play the three minute game (since ours went so sideways): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_KCzpNBNbVM&t=80s Or download the pamphlet here: https://bettymartin.org/download-wheel/ Don't miss: Evergreen Hearts - Polyamory Pitfalls - Thursday May 9th, 6:30pm Evergreen Hearts Polyamory Expo The Whatever Factory

    Ep 35: Coming Out To Your Community

    Play Episode Listen Later Apr 5, 2024 76:16


    Who should you tell you're poly??? A death in the family sparks different reactions from Alex and Sarah about how open to be with family and friends. Mentioned in the episode: Evergreen Hearts - Polyamory Pitfalls - Thursday May 9th, 6:30pm The Cut:  5 people tell their coming out stories Business Insider: Coming out as poly is the hardest kind of coming out The Poly Coach: Coming out as polyamorous Feeld: Guide to Coming out as Poly mistakescast@gmail.com * https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/

    Ep 34: Performance Anxiety

    Play Episode Listen Later Mar 15, 2024 78:41


    Alex wants to talk about performance anxiety….and Sarah really, really doesn't. Mentioned in the episode: Evergreen Hearts - Polyamory Pitfalls - Thursday May 9th, 6:30pm Cleveland Clinic: Erectile Dysfunction Book: The Ice Storm, by Rick Moody Hump! 2024 National Tour Dates Book: Come as You Are, by Emily Nagoski "5 things you can say to someone who didn't have an org@sm" from @QueerSexTherapy on Instagram mistakescast@gmail.com * https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/

    Ep 32: Solo Poly Showdown with Rozie and Tyson

    Play Episode Listen Later Feb 22, 2024 84:23


    Two local organizers talk about their experiences being solo poly; what they like about it, the challenges, independence, couples privilege and more. Stay tuned for the lightning round! Mentioned in the episode: Puget Sound Polyamory Meetup Group Evergreen Hearts Poly Prom Newcomers Social Connections Speed Dating Puget Sound Polyamory The NY Times says solo poly is just a fancy word for dating around…lol mistakescast@gmail.com * https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/

    Ep 32: How Men Can Date Better with Dr. Eric FitzMedrud

    Play Episode Listen Later Feb 2, 2024 92:50


    Our guest is "Manthropologist" Dr Eric FitzMedrud (okay, we made title up, he doesn't really call himself that). We asked Dr FitzMedrud to decode Sarah and Jessica's stories of bad dates with men, using tools from his book The Better Man: A Guide to Consent, Stronger Relationships, and Hotter Sex.  Dr FitzMedrud, who is poly and bi, takes a compassionate approach to understanding the patterns men bring to both poly and mono relationships, and helps them unpack their socialization, emotional isolation, patriarchy and destructive masculinity in his psychotherapy practice, his writing, and in this episode.  To learn more, visit https://www.drericfitz.com/the-better-man/ mistakescast@gmail.com * https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/

    Ep 31: Bonus episode: The Gentrification of Polyamory

    Play Episode Listen Later Jan 29, 2024 72:10


    Special Midnight Mini episode: Polyamory seems to have suddenly gone mainstream, with the New Yorker and New York Magazine running cover stories in the last couple months. Sarah and Alex dig into the icky feelings that came up reading these stories, and realize that it might be about uncomfortable trends that implicate them. Mentioned in the episode:  The Cut, New York Magazine: A Practical Guide to Polyamory How did polyamory become so popular? (The New Yorker) American Poly, by Christopher M. Gleason More: A Memoir of Open Marriage by Molly Rodden Winter   More reading: How a polyamorous mom had a ‘big sexual adventure' and found herself (NY Times) @Bimbo.Theory on Instagram mistakescast@gmail.com * https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/

    Ep 30: Perfecting Your Dating App Profile with Riki Thompson

    Play Episode Listen Later Jan 15, 2024 88:12


    The leading researcher into poly dating app usage shares what works and what doesn't in profiles, gives insights into the trends in non-traditional relationship styles around the country, and defines the dizzying jargon of poly subcultures. Listen until the end to find out what “dexting” means.  Sign up for Riki Thompson's workshops and get a 20% discount using the code “Mistakes”  https://rikithompson.com/#post-152  Evergreen Hearts Lecture Series Follow Riki on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/virtuallyriki/    Mentioned in the episode: Riki's article on “What is a Polycule” Riki's article on what we can learn from poly couples during the pandemic Book: The Ethical Slut Audiobook: Opening Up Most online hate targets women, says EU report mistakescast@gmail.com * https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/

    Ep 29: Are the kids all right?

    Play Episode Listen Later Dec 25, 2023 82:49


    Should non monogamous parents be “out” to their kids? In this episode Sarah and Alex ask different parents about their approaches to sharing their relationships with their children – from secrecy, to involving secondary partners in parenting – then share mistakes they've made in balancing their feelings and dating schedules with what was developmentally appropriate for their kids. Mentioned in the episode: Do Happy Parents Raise Healthier Kids? Fully automated Luxury Gay Space Communism A brief summary from Reddit: “It refers to a communist society. Full automated: production is automatic, so people can focus on whatever they want. Luxury: see above. Gay/Queer: gender and other such harmful constructs are abolished, making everybody queer/gay. Space: communist society could allow us to colonize space. Communism: communism.” Stay in touch with us: mistakescast@gmail.com * https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/

    Ep 28: Your partner is on a date... and you panic

    Play Episode Listen Later Dec 4, 2023 73:38


    Sarah and Alex talk about the jealousy and panic that comes up when partners are on dates or trips with others, the roots of those feelings, and how rituals of connection and communication can help. Oh, and also how the film ET is a meta text for polyamory(?) Mentioned in the episode: https://www.reddit.com/r/nonmonogamy/s/2HFb3BywGM  https://www.reddit.com/r/nonmonogamy/s/8SvfUvZord "Recovery can take place only within the context of relationships; it cannot occur in isolation" --Judith Lewis Herman "Trauma happens in relationships, so it can only be healed in relationships. Art can't provide healing. It can be cathartic and therapeutic but a relationship is a three-part journey." --Alanis Morissette Take action to suport Palestine: Palestine Feminist Collective's digital action toolkit: http://bit.ly/PFCToolkit Follow updates from Gaza: Palestine Academy: https://www.instagram.com/palestine.academy/ https://www.instagram.com/wizard_bisan1/ https://www.instagram.com/byplestia/ https://www.instagram.com/eye.on.palestine/  Donate to relief efforts: https://www.instagram.com/healing.our.homeland/ https://www.instagram.com/medicalaidpal/  Stay in touch with us: mistakescast@gmail.com * https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/

    Ep 27: Cowboys, Tourists and Triangulation

    Play Episode Listen Later Nov 13, 2023 65:29


    Alex's partner leaves him for monogamy, sparking a conversation about cowboy-ing, triangulation and attachment. Mentioned in the episode: PolyPhilia: https://www.instagram.com/polyphiliablog/ Attachment Panic, the album by Alex & Sarah's alt country band: https://open.spotify.com/album/2zrOxbFLVA4Y4L3m9Cjamq mistakescast@gmail.com * https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/

    Ep 26: Outgrowing Non-Monogamy?

    Play Episode Listen Later Oct 23, 2023 71:35


    Is non-monogamy actually a sustainable lifestyle – or is it just an experiment? Sarah and Alex reflect on how the novelty of having an open marriage has worn off after three years.  Reddit conversation re changes in non-monogamy styles over time mistakescast@gmail.com * https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/

    Ep 25: Polyamory Mythbusters

    Play Episode Listen Later Jun 5, 2023 92:35


    Season 2 finale! Sarah and Alex try to stump each other with research into some of the most common myths and misconceptions about non monogamy. mistakescast@gmail.com * https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/ More about us: Bloodstar band: https://ffm.to/bloodstarattachmentpanic | [Listen to Bloodstar on Spotify]  Sarah's website: https://www.sarahstuteville.com/ Making Contact: https://www.radioproject.org/ | [Listen to Making Contact on Spotify] Mentioned in the episode: Shrimpteeth survey on nonmonogamy impacts Shrimpteeth survey for ladies dating men Shrimpteeth on Instagram Generational attitudes toward non-monogamy Kinsey Institute summary of prevalence of polyamory in different groups, desire for polyamory and STI prevalence Jealousy's impact in monogamous and non-monogamous relationships Reasons people engage in polyamory Here are the actual MythBusters investigating the Coke & Mentos phenomenon  

    Ep 24: Long Term Polyamory with Zack & Madeleine

    Play Episode Listen Later May 22, 2023 82:17


    Sarah and Alex talk with friends and ethical nonmonogamy role models Zack and Madeleine about maintaining a polyamorous partnership for the long haul, and making out with cute German guys. mistakescast@gmail.com * https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/

    Ep 23: Why We Lie

    Play Episode Listen Later May 8, 2023 70:27


    Sarah and Alex talk about the lies they have told each other…and themselves. Also, the patriarchy and whatnot.  mistakescast@gmail.com * https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/ Mentioned in the episode: All about love, by bell hooks

    Ep 22: Finding (Self) Love in Queer Non-Monogamy with Eli Goss

    Play Episode Listen Later Apr 24, 2023 74:20


    Sarah and Alex talk to Eli--a transmasc drag performer and progressive policy wonk--about Seattle drag, Texas BBQ, coming to non-monogamy during the pandemic and how to live our "Big Blob Best Lives." mistakescast@gmail.com * https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/ More from Eli: https://www.instagram.com/sirloinseattle/  Mentioned in the episode: http://kenyonhall.org/ (All ages drag show May 12!) https://www.instagram.com/theboxbarseattle/?hl=en (See SirLoin May 13!) https://www.jeffstexasstylebbq.com/ https://www.burnunitbarbecue.com/ https://www.nwtxbbq.com/

    Ep 21: Anti-Racist Polyamory with Kevin Patterson

    Play Episode Listen Later Apr 10, 2023 55:55


    We're back! Sarah and Alex talk about race, representation, and the benefits of being the weird kid with author Kevin Patterson. mistakescast@gmail.com * https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/ More from Kevin Patterson: https://www.kevinapatterson.com/ https://unfuckyourpolyamory.com/ Love's Not Color Blind by Kevin Patterson For Hire series by Kevin Patterson https://polyrolemodels.tumblr.com/ * https://www.instagram.com/polyrolemodels/ * https://www.facebook.com/polyrolemodels  Mentioned in the episode: Southwest Love Fest Too Late by Bloodstar

    Ep 20: Age Gaps & Gender Power Dynamics

    Play Episode Listen Later Mar 13, 2023 91:33


    Why do men tend to date younger women? Do all the same gender inequities play out in non-monogamy as in monogamy? Will Sarah and Alex finally figure out how to smash the patriarchy? Part one of a series about how inequities show up in non-monogamy (we think...) mistakescast@gmail.com * https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/ Mentioned in the episode: SNL skit about parents opening their marriage: https://youtu.be/UWhiR8mjZSQ Leonardo DiCaprio & Eden Polani vs. Pedro Pascal & Bella Ramsey age gap: https://twitter.com/parasocialyte/status/1622819634478039040?s=20 Age difference between James Bond and the female lead: https://www.reddit.com/r/dataisbeautiful/comments/24w0lu/age_differences_between_james_bond_and_the_female/ 63% of men in their 20s are single, vs 34% of women: https://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2023/02/08/for-valentines-day-5-facts-about-single-americans/ft_2023-02-08_facts-single-americans_01/ The Guardian picks apart the conservative handwringing about lonely young men: https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2023/feb/25/young-men-relationships-study-week-in-patriarchy Median age at first marriage is 30 for men, 28 for women. Similar gap going back to the 1950s: https://www.census.gov/content/dam/Census/library/visualizations/time-series/demo/families-and-households/ms-2.pdf          

    Ep 19: Desire

    Play Episode Listen Later Feb 27, 2023 77:43


    Let's talk about sex (or die trying)! Sarah and Alex finally attempt to actually discuss sexual dynamics in non-monogamy without laughing or crying. mistakescast@gmail.com * https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/ An actually useful explanation of how to play the three minute game (since ours went so sideways): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_KCzpNBNbVM&t=80s Or download the pamphlet here: https://bettymartin.org/download-wheel/ Betty Martin explains the “Wheel of Consent” and more (she's very cool): https://bettymartin.org/  BDSM "What Kind of Sexual Deviant Are You?" test: https://bdsmtest.org/select-mode   

    Ep 18: Threesomes, Thruples and Unicorn Hunting

    Play Episode Listen Later Feb 13, 2023 84:51


    Real life unicorn Cassidy joins the show to talk about the joys and complications of three way relationships, and the importance of L shaped couches. mistakescast@gmail.com * https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/

    Ep 17: Dating Apps for Non Monogamy

    Play Episode Listen Later Jan 30, 2023 78:00


    Meeting people – especially ENM/poly folks – is easier than ever thanks to dating apps. So why do we hate them so much?  Sarah, Alex and Jessica swap embarrassing app stories, dig into the dirty secrets of the online dating industry, and give advice for successufl technology assisted non-monogamy.  mistakescast@gmail.com * https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/  Stats we quoted wrong: Modern Romance - Aziz Ansari cited a study from 1932 that 40% of people getting married lives less than 20 blocks from their future spouse. https://www.bbc.com/news/magazine-35535424 The barn star isn't actually a swinger symbol: https://www.distractify.com/p/metal-star-on-house-meaning But pampas grass and pineapples are: https://www.swinger-symbol.com/blog/secret-swinger-signs-and-symbols Similar levels of satisfaction reported in arrange marriages and “free-choice” marriages: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-science-love/201208/arranged-vs-love-based-marriages-in-the-us-how-different-are-they Hinge is the dating app “Designed to be deleted”

    Ep 16: Why don't you just stop?

    Play Episode Listen Later Jan 16, 2023 72:04


    When non-monogamous couples fight, going back to monogamy can feel like an easy solution. But Sarah and Alex discover that there's a core conflict in their relationship that's illuminated by dating others, but isn't caused by it. mistakescast@gmail.com * https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/

    Ep 15: Platonic Polyamory (And loving your friends) (ENCORE)

    Play Episode Listen Later Jan 2, 2023 64:22


    A weekend retreat with a friend reminds Sarah that non-monogamy isn't just about sex. Opening/closing quote from Kai Cheng Thom: https://kaichengthom.com/ Ban on co-living: https://www.kansascity.com/news/local/article260770552.html It's your friends who break your heart: https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2022/03/why-we-lose-friends-aging-happiness/621305/ https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/   mistakescast@gmail.com This episode was originally released on May 29, 2022.

    Ep 14: Ask A Sex Worker w/ Vaughn Wolff

    Play Episode Listen Later Dec 19, 2022 70:42


    How can sex workers help people exploring non-monogamy? Are all sex workers polyamorous? Is sex work inherently dangerous? Seattle Sex Worker Vaughn Wolff joins the podcast to talk about the intersections between sex work and polyamory, and answers all your burning questions. Find Vaughn at SeattleConfidant.com and instagram.com/thevaughnwolff mistakescast@gmail.com * https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/

    Ep 13: Mixed queer/het relationships and bi erasure

    Play Episode Listen Later Dec 5, 2022 67:02


    Am I Queer Enough?? Special guest and poly pro Madeleine joins Sarah and Alex to talk about mixed marriages, bi erasure, and that sexy armpit hair on those anarchy cheerleaders in that one Nirvana video. mistakescast@gmail.com * https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/

    Ep 12: We Need To Talk

    Play Episode Listen Later Nov 21, 2022 60:09


    Did we just get dumped!?! Or did we just 'de-escalate' our relationships? Sarah and Alex share some changes to their, ahem, relationship landscapes, and talk about how endings are different in non-monogamy.  Bonus: Sarah explains that whole ‘attachment style' thing everyone is always talking about.   mistakescast@gmail.com * https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/

    Season 2 Trailer

    Play Episode Listen Later Nov 14, 2022 0:45


    Season 2 is dropping next week! Get ready for more conversations with Sarah and Alex about breakups, queer erasure, couples privilege, and more! Got an idea or a question? Hit us up on instagram: @MistakesCast

    Ep 11: Advice for Opening a Relationship - Season 1 Finale!

    Play Episode Listen Later Aug 8, 2022 65:58


    Thinking about opening your marriage? This episode is full of advice from long-term couples who have transitioned to non-monogamy: common mistakes to avoid, arrangements that seem work best, and genuine guidance from folks who have been through it.

    Ep. 10: Cheating (and trust)

    Play Episode Listen Later Jul 25, 2022 74:03


    Sarah and Alex revisit a past infidelity. Jessica wonders if non-monogamy is an 'answer' to cheating in a relationship. Will and Jada stop by for a tearful conversation about continuing their marriage after a breach of trust. Will & Jada clip on YouTube mistakescast@gmail.com * https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/  https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/  * mistakescast@gmail.com  

    Ep 9: Moral Autonomy (and Reproductive Justice)

    Play Episode Listen Later Jul 11, 2022 59:45


    Really America, forced preganacy?? What's next? Sarah, Alex and Jessica talk about the intersections between reproductive justice and non-monogamy: How free are we to define our own morality and make our own choices? Why do we cede these choices to government or religious authorities? What happens when those authorities lose their legitimacy? NPR on Abortion access impacts on men: https://www.npr.org/2022/06/27/1107715589/abortion-access-impact-on-men Pew Research on conflicting conceptions of morality: https://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2014/04/15/whats-morally-acceptable-it-depends-on-where-in-the-world-you-live/ mistakescast@gmail.com * https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/ (curated by @laurahaviva) https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/  * mistakescast@gmail.com  

    Ep 8: The Monogamous Skeptic with Reagan Jackson

    Play Episode Listen Later Jun 27, 2022 95:34


    "But why tho?" A lovingly skeptical friend presses Sarah and Alex on their decision to open their marriage and gets all her nonmonogamy questions answered. Featuring Seattle artist, author, executive director and podcaster Reagan Jackson. Y-We * Reagan's website * South End Mixtape https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/  * mistakescast@gmail.com

    Ep 7: The Meaning of Love with Carrie Jenkins

    Play Episode Listen Later Jun 13, 2022 62:05


    "Philosophy's Crazy Ex-Girlfriend" talks about the amatonormative scripts, mental health and her new book introducing the concept of eudaimonic love. That's a lot of $5 words, but don't worry, we also talked about fish sticks and nursery rhymes.   https://www.carriejenkins.net/ https://twitter.com/carriejenkins https://www.instagram.com/_carriejenkins_/  https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/   mistakescast@gmail.com

    Ep 6: Platonic Polyamory (And loving your friends)

    Play Episode Listen Later May 30, 2022 63:48


    A weekend retreat with a friend reminds Sarah that non-monogamy isn't just about sex. Opening/closing quote from Kai Cheng Thom: https://kaichengthom.com/ Ban on co-living: https://www.kansascity.com/news/local/article260770552.html It's your friends who break your heart: https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2022/03/why-we-lose-friends-aging-happiness/621305/ https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/   mistakescast@gmail.com  

    Ep 5: Polyam Parenting (and how to talk to your kids)

    Play Episode Listen Later May 16, 2022 70:53


    What do you say when your kid outs you as non-monogamous to their teacher? How does growing up in a non-monogamous family impact kids? Won't anyone think of the children??? https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/   mistakescast@gmail.com  Episode links: The reddit post about swingers with an upset adult son Between 1993 and 2018 about 45 percent of marriages ended in divorce.

    Ep 4: Falling in Love (and attachment)

    Play Episode Listen Later May 2, 2022 62:50


    Sarah and Alex hit a rough patch after he says the three magic words to his new partner. What is attachment? What is new relationship energy? What does 'love' really mean?

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