Sarah Talks Schmidt

Schmidt, where the hell have you been? Listen, it’s a pandemic baby! I’ve been wearing the same quarantine lewk nearly every day, I no longer blow dry my hair, and I mostly don’t know what day it is. I talk where I am and what I’ve been doing. Mostly fishing, chopping wood, picking fruit, decorating my house. Oh, not in real life. In animal crossing. I like to say I’m an animal crossing influencer, but for that, I’d have to have less trees, only one color flower, and my house has to match and listen, that’s not happening. Do you understand any of what I said? Probably not. Finally, Business Schmidt I should have started during pandemic times. Mostly around tie dye items, but also focused on answering machine dating services, because no one wants to talk on Zoom. You ready? Let's go.

Where will be when these times are finally over (don't worry we're all alive in the version I'm predicting)? Listen, I'm trying to make sure Future Schmidt hasn't turned into a pile of mush with a drinking problem and an extreme fear of going outside. Today's episode I'm focusing on where and what I'll be doing. Odds are that, I’ll be craftier (and maybe you too!?!), I will have watched zero more Disney movies (seriously don't--everyone's parents are dead), and I’ll be a Star Wars expert. People change okay? Okay, you ready? Let's go.Thanks for listening! Follow me on Instagram at @skschmidt or like my Facebook page "Sarah Talks Schmidt."

Today's episode is all about my screen time. It's a scary world we're in and my screen time is up 40% since last week, and trust me, it's not going down for the foreseeable future #covid19problems. I talk about how apparently now I also video chat at work? Does that mean I can't look like I work from home anymore, even though I work from home? I also discuss my new favorite reality show, Family Karma. I love a semi-nonstaged family reality show because family can be really vicious to one another on TV, especially season 1 when they don't know they shouldn't tell us so much during confessionals. Finally, I talk my latest documentary obsession that boosted my Covid-19 quarantine spirits at least 15%--Tiger King. 100% of Tiger King seemed not real, but apparently it's real. Okay, you ready? Let's go.Thanks for listening! Follow me on Instagram at @skschmidt or like my Facebook page "Sarah Talks Schmidt."

We'll guys, get ready because I know Aunt Cin isn't. I'm back in CT for the quarantine because California was pretty much the beginning of every dystopian novel I've ever read and I'll have PTSD for the rest of my life. But listen, dark times aren't for this podcast. Hopefully it's not the end of the world, so instead I'm going to focus on teaching you how to survive Work from Home (come on guys, you don't need colored charts, you just need to WORK), activities that will keep you busy during the quarantine, and Dos and Don'ts of Covid-19, like puzzling puzzles (except for the gradient ones) and playing 90s computer games on your iPhones.Okay, you ready? Let's go.Thanks for listening! Follow me on Instagram at @skschmidt or like my Facebook page "Sarah Talks Schmidt."

Okay guys, let’s ship this thing. You’ve listened to 22 episodes or maybe two, okay maybe one. WE'RE FRIENDS, OKAY?!? Today’s episode is all about making friends as adults which every gurl will tell you is freaking hard. We all want to be friends, so why aren’t we friends?!?! Also, I talk hot Biden sons, because there is nothing else interesting about this primary. Finally, I get real deep and tell you why you need a meat thermometer in your life, so you know when your chicken is hot enough, because unlike the Biden Boyz, you can’t tell by just looks. Okay, you ready? Let's go.Thanks for listening! Follow me on Instagram at @skschmidt or like my Facebook page "Sarah Talks Schmidt."

Today’s episode is all about Schmidt I Love, which this week means one HIGHLY under-rated and underappreciated thing and one thing that everyone freaking loves, but wants to pretend they won’t love because they are too classy for that shit, but once I convince them they love it and they can’t stop texting me because DUH I DON’T STEER PEOPLE WRONG. So, I'll let you in on a secret and I talk all things medicine cabinets (I KNOW THIS SOUNDS BORING, but it's not, I swear) and Love is Blind finale because I am shook, you need to watch otherwise you will have no water cooler talk or 2020 pop culture references. This is the year of Love is Blind people! GET ON THE BANDWAGON BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE.Okay, you ready? Let's go.Thanks for listening! Follow me on Instagram at @skschmidt or like my Facebook page "Sarah Talks Schmidt."

I'm backkkkk! Guys, I'm a survivor (damn, I missed a great opportunity to sing the Michelle Williams break down section)! Today's episode is all about surviving my #firstworldproblem life, like moving cross country with my dog, four pieces of luggage, and without #auntcin. I also discuss season freaking 40 of Survivor. Survivor survived being cut by a network! We’re still watching, or at least I am. And finally, I have a lot of downtime working east coast hours, so how do I entertain myself (or survive) in an empty apartment? Oh I did it with a good ole TV binge - Love is Blind on Netflix. I tell you all the reasons you should watch and don’t worry I give limited spoilers because I want to discuss more after the finale. This is like the basic bitch’s Game of Thrones. Trust me - you NEED to watch.Okay, you ready? Let’s go.Thanks for listening! Follow me on Instagram at @skschmidt or like my Facebook page "Sarah Talks Schmidt."

I'm an expert in leopard (DUH), knowing you're pregnant before you know, and apparently also the 2020 Oscars, even though I didn't technically watch them (oops). In Episode 19, I recap the very boring Oscars I didn't watch along with the Oscar movies I didn't see, because I am a freaking expert at all things, and plus, Google exists. Then a public service announcement to all you pregnant mamas out there who haven't posted your Instagram announcement yet...we already know you're pregnant and I'll tell you how we know. Finally, talking about myself in third person here, Schmidt says goodbye to Connecticut and hello LA in full leopard garb, thanks to the best leopard/cosmo party planner Sista Nicole and #auntcin. Cue Miley Cyrus, "Party in the USA."Okay, you ready? Let's go.Thanks for listening! Follow me on Instagram at @skschmidt or like my Facebook page "Sarah Talks Schmidt."

Today’s episode I’m shooting the Schmidt. I talk how Taylor Swift is THE Schmidt. I watched her documentary, Miss Americana, so you don’t have to (but you should), and have a whole new appreciation for the lady. Next, don’t make me hit pause. I talk the worst kind of TV watchers aka the people that ask endless questions or don’t have the metal capability to follow a story line. Am I talking about you? Then maybe you shouldn’t watch TV anymore? K? K. Finally, I don’t win Schmidt or maybe…I only win Schmidt – I love a good “I won a car” story, tell me have you ever won anything better than a weight watchers cookbook? Because I certainly haven’t. Okay, you ready? Let’s go.Thanks for listening! Follow me on Instagram at @skschmidt or like my Facebook page "Sarah Talks Schmidt."

Today's episode is all about Schmidt rants and hoping I don't ever get cancelled, but you know, I was always Corporate Schmidt, so I've been pretty locked down for years and not dumb, 15, and tweeting. I dive into my old tweets to see if there is anything I should be worried about---we shall see. Also, I've said it before and I will say it again, the only reason to have a baby is to have an Anne Geddes style photo shoot, so why aren't people doing this?!? I want to see your baby dressed up as a cabbage--DUH. Finally a Schmidt rant like no other--are people really washing their reusable Ziploc bags or throwing them out? Why are people choosing white bridesmaid dresses and who the hell is running Dolly Parton's social media and causing a stir with the #dollypartonchallenge? I'm thinking of starting a #9to5challenge, which would compare our Outlook head-shots, work from home, and finally what we look like at 9 am vs 5 pm (it ain't pretty folks). Okay, you ready? Let's go.Thanks for listening! Follow me on Instagram at @skschmidt or like my Facebook page "Sarah Talks Schmidt."

Today’s episode is all about REAL Schmidt. Sometimes I get really obsessed with things, and right now I'm all about the documentaries thanks to the Cheer train I got on with the rest of America. I discuss how it all comes down to 2:15 on the mat, which Navarro cheerleader I am according to buzzfeed, and why Coach Monica is an angel sent from above. Next I watch an avocado episode of Rotten on Netflix and it turns out I need to start purchasing conflict free avocados. The golden globes tried to shame us into being vegans, but did they realize people are DYING over avocados?!? Yeah this Schmidt is Crazy. Finally, I watched Screwballs about the performance enhancement drug scandal and how Arod and super famous baseball players were brought down by arguably the dumbest person I’ve ever seen on a documentary.Okay, you ready? Let's go.Thanks for listening! Follow me on Instagram at @skschmidt or like my Facebook page "Sarah Talks Schmidt."

It's episode 15 and she’s back! America’s favorite aunt, @officialauntcin, is here to talk everyone’s favorite TV show, or maybe the epitome of “what’s wrong with America,” the Season 8 premiere of Vanderpump Rules. I also read Demi Moore’s memoir Inside Out, so you don’t have to, and tell you all the best juice in 10 minutes or less instead of a 6 hour audible book – you’re welcome. Finally, I discuss last week’s sweaty Golden Globes and how if I were a celebrity I would rather be anywhere else than being shepherded off the stage by Pierce Bronson’s gangly sons or sitting next to Beyoncé’s wings. Okay, you ready? Let's go.Thanks for listening! Follow me on Instagram at @skschmidt or like my Facebook page "Sarah Talks Schmidt."

Episode 14 will have you asking me "What’s your Netflix password?" Do you have my Netflix password? Because I changed it today, I’ll probably hear from you by EOD for the new one. Then I talk Mandalorian. Am I saying that right? Everyone says you must watch, so I watch and I tell you if it’s TOTAL Schmidt or THE Schmidt or maybe 50% Schmidt. Apparently, I need to know nothing about Star Wars to understand this show---we shall see. Also, I talk how Instagram filters now offer life predictions, guess we don’t need Miss Cleo anymore. Let's see what 2020 has in store for me according to Instagram. And finally – Crafty Schmidt. I’m 35 going on 95 and taking over the needlepointing world. 95% of my accounts I follow are now people stitching by color, but if you are born a crafter you sometimes need to re-find your path, which is what I’m doing in 2020.Okay, you ready? Let's go.Thanks for listening! Follow me on Instagram at @skschmidt or like my Facebook page "Sarah Talks Schmidt."

Today's episode is all about the most culturally important events of the last decade that shaped our lives, inspired us, and who am I kidding, this is a deep dive into the most scandalous, time wasting, and skeevy stuff of the decade. On the last day of 2019 and the freaking DECADE -- I discuss my favorite headlines of each year and some of them weren't even that popular, but they changed my life OKAY? Okay, maybe they didn't change my life, but they kept me entertained, made me laugh, cry, or consumed me with having to know more. Okay, you ready? Let's go.Thanks for listening! Follow me on Instagram at @skschmidt or like my Facebook page "Sarah Talks Schmidt."

"Schmidt Saves Christmas" would be a better Hallmark Christmas movie than "Mistletoe and Menorahs" (a REAL holiday move and spoiler alert -- it was bad). In Episode 12, I talk how I am the ultimate gift giver of all time (and this is why I put so much pressure on others to get me good gifts) and can still save your Christmas, if you haven't finished shopping. Listen, it's hard to to get a gift they want, but didn't tell you about, but are still surprised by. I also talk Schmidt I've been googling, which is a lot of Schmidt, but also gives you a glimpse into this scary mind of mine. Finally, everyone's favorite segment "Controversial Schmidt" - I LOVE OUTBACK STEAKHOUSE and I will scream it from the rooftop. You want the "best steak in the world" according to jayjaycub on TripAdvisor? Then you better go to the Kissimmee Outback location.Okay, you ready? Let's go.Thanks for listening! Follow me on Instagram at @skschmidt or like my Facebook page "Sarah Talks Schmidt."

Today’s episode is all about the holiday season or as I like to call it “binge season” where everything is extra and there is no such thing as too much. I talk about how I’ll be spending my “binge season” and all my favorite and least favorite Schmidt about the holidays. Then I talk Krampus. Do you have any idea what I’m talking about? Well, I’ll explain the best holiday mythological character of all time and how our parents got it wrong with only telling us about Santa, because we probably would have behaved more. And finally our parents did get SOME things right because they didn’t have to do that Elf on the Shelf shit. Is Santa not extra enough for you? Did you really feel the need to go Extra AF and incorporate Elf? Okay, you ready? Let’s go.Thanks for listening! Follow me on Instagram at @skschmidt or like my Facebook page "Sarah Talks Schmidt."

Episode 10 I discuss a lot of "Conspiracy Schmidt." First up–it's a Starbucks Conspiracy– Listen, Starbucks doesn’t want you to order in-person anymore because everyone is an extroverted introvert, and we don’t want to talk to each other. Plus they’re tired of asking you how to spell your name. Next up, we're getting really controversial up in here–Jeffrey Epstein didn’t kill himself. Okay, I don’t go that dark, but I review James Patterson's book “Filthy Rich: The Shocking True Story of Jeffrey Epstein” because I knew nothing about Jeff, the Lolita Express, Randy Andy, or Little St. Jeff’s. Finally, Mel Gibson doesn’t deserve Schmidt. Whenever I read #timesup #metoo #peopledoingdumbthingsandgettingawaywithit I always some how circle back to Mel Gibson, who seems to be made of Teflon? How the hell did Mel Gibson get a second, third, fourth chance at fame/success/and all good things? I revisit his most famous quotes, some of which I can’t even say out loud, review Vox’s article on how he staged his comeback, and provide my three pillars for staging your comeback, should you ever need one. I told you–it’s Conspiracy Schmidt today. Okay, you ready? Let’s go.Thanks for listening! Follow me on Instagram at @skschmidt or like my Facebook page "Sarah Talks Schmidt."

On Episode 8 it's another Edition of Corporate Schmidt --Office Schmidt gets political-- Sometimes things get testy at work and you need to know how to navigate. Per usual I have no tips, but hey, we can still complain about it. I also discuss how Black Friday is no longer the Schmidt--it's dead. Black Friday is kind of like Cyber Monday, except it's Friday, and also Saturday, Sunday, Monday, and even Tuesday and you don't have to leave your house. I also share a throw back Black Friday for you--don't worry no one gets trampled. Finally, Schmidt that is driving me crazy lately. Can we stop making Julianne Hough happen (I accidentally called her Julianna the entire episode...oops)? Can reality shows be real and show people eating? Are you pretending not to like McDonalds? And, is there some kind of mom gang where you post pictures of your kids and bombard my feed? It's all over, starting today. Okay, you ready? Let’s go.Thanks for listening! Follow me on Instagram at @skschmidt or like my Facebook page "Sarah Talks Schmidt."

On today's episode I talk a lot of REAL Schmidt. Like, what the hell are you doing in the shower for so long? Because I'm always one minute into my seven minute conditioning process and have nothing left to do. Then I move on to SERIOUS Schmidt, and help you prepare to play games with my family during the holiday season. I walk through our tried and true rules of being allowed to participate, the number 1 rule being, DON'T BE A QUITTER. But seriously, I want you to have fun, so I'll walk you through our family game playing rules, so you (and mostly me) can enjoy playing a game the next time you’re invited. Finally, another edition of Scared Schmidtless...in Ubers. I share some of my least favorite Uber rides and some of yours. Trust me, I can't believe these are real life stories (don't worry everyone survived). Okay you ready? Let's go.Thanks for listening! Follow me on Instagram at @skschmidt or like my Facebook page "Sarah Talks Schmidt."

Guys, how are we even surviving in 2019? Have we become too soft? Nah, I think we've finally understood our worth, at least that's what I think Brene Brown would tell me. Today's episode is 99% full of Schmidt (but only the best kind). I talk #firstworldproblems and what is really driving us all crazy--and it's mostly the slow internet--but it's also not being able to pay in one click or wondering where your EZ Pass bills are (or maybe that's just me?!?!). I also talk travelling solo and worrying about being killed throughout the entire process, as well as "Controversial Schmidt," and placing my self solely on TEAM Q-Tip, DUH. I mean, I know experts say don't use Q-Tips because it could lead to death or hearing loss (probably mostly hearing loss), but I can't stop, won't stop. Never, ever, ever. Thanks for listening! Follow me on Instagram at @skschmidt or like my Facebook page "Sarah Talks Schmidt."

Where did all the straws go? How did they get taken from us so quickly? Who ran that campaign? Is the person/people who started it all now running political campaigns? On today's episode, I'll talk "Conspiracy Schmidt" and deep dive into who we can blame for taking away all our straws and share my straw passion with the world. We'll also discuss "Schmidt I Bought" that you don't need, and talk some "Emotional Schmidt" with a focus on crying in public. If I'm not crying on haunted hay rides, I'm crying in movies, while listening to books in public, on airplanes, or sometimes even in stairwells in corporate America. Let me tell you, me and #cryrese have a lot in common with our ugly cry. Thanks for listening! Follow me on Instagram at @skschmidt or like my Facebook page "Sarah Talks Schmidt."

Happy belated Halloween! It took me 26 years to watch Hocus Pocus, so of course it took me almost a week to post a Halloween episode. On this episode I'll discuss my fear of all things scary and how I'm truly lucky I made it through high school with the amount of crying I did on haunted hay rides and trails. I'll also lead a Halloween edition of "Judge's Table" where I judge my past Halloween costumes and list my favorite celebrity costumes this year (spoiler alert: no slutty costumes made the list because that is SO unoriginal). Additionally, I'll FINALLY watch Hocus Pocus and The Witches since I'm old enough to know it's all fake (kind of) and try to understand how either of these movies were made for children. Finally, Aunt Cin and Uncle John aren't done scaring me because they're bored and their kids are in college. Follow me on Instagram at @skschmidt or like my Facebook page "Sarah Talks Schmidt."

Ever go to work and feel over/underdressed and then stress about it for the whole day? Ever slam drawers of a printer or rip paper out of the drawer and then think...."hmm...I think this machine is expensive, but why isn't it working?!?" Do you travel for work and have to pretend you're not a complainer to your colleagues or pass by your boss in first to take your spot in steerage? Well, this podcast is for you! I've saved up all my corporate rants and struggles for your enjoyment. Sit back, make yourself a cup of flavia coffee, and put your Skype status on away. Follow me on Instagram at @skschmidt or like my Facebook page "Sarah Talks Schmidt."

In today's episode I'm trying to understand YouTube and deep diving into my 15 year old spirit animal JoJo Siwa. I get you girl--why wear black when you can wear sequins?!?! I'm also talking all things "As Seen on TV" and scaring you with the amount of money my family and I have spent on gadgets, truly giving you an idea of the monster they turned me into. Finally, I'm laying out my #bringbackthecosmo 2020 campaign. This will be the year of cosmo--we're bringing it back from the SATC grave!Follow me on Instagram at @skschmidt or like my Facebook page "Sarah Talks Schmidt."

Hey guys--in today's episode we talk to America's favorite Aunt -- Aunt Cin. She's instagram famous (with 10 followers and no profile pic) and she's got a lot of dirt on me. We talk her favorite things to do (hint: she really likes to nap), her latest obsession of watching dogs and kittens interact, and we detail how she is the original Marie Kondo. Finally, we recap our favorite show Unexpected on TLC and our obsession with these teen mom and dads. Thanks for listening! Follow me at @skschmidt on Instagram or like my page "Sarah Talks Schmidt" on Facebook.

Hey guys, my name is Sarah and I talk a lot of Schmidt. Get it?!? Okay, you get it. This episode is all about ME (hum Taylor Swift to yourself)! You'll hear all about my phone addiction--how I'm desperately trying to overcome it (not working)--how I distract myself from productivity, and my biggest fears (serial killers hiding behind shower curtains is at the top of the list) and Schmidt I freaking HATE (the list is long...sometimes longer than the Schmidt I love).Follow me on Instagram at @skschmidt or like my Facebook page "Sarah Talks Schmidt."