Sex.Love.Power.: The intimacy podcast for powerful women & those who love them

This is an exclusive preview of my limited private podcast series: Elevate Your Marriage to Great! This podcast series is for you if you're an ambitious, growth-oriented woman who is tired of not receiving the passion, partnership, and potency you know is possible in your long-term relationship.If you loved this episode and want to hear more, you can get the full series for free at ourlegacylove.com/elevate ------------------You're brilliant. You're accomplished. But you're frustrated.In the first episode of this limited series, I solve a mystery that troubles powerful women like you: "I'm such a skilled creator and problem solver in other areas of my life: work, home, fitness... Why is my marriage the one place I can't make any headway?" There is nothing wrong with you if you have this question. You're not broken or bad for feeling or thinking it. AND there is so much power available to you when you recognize the root of your frustrations.Today, I'll reveal the five key reasons why you're struggling to achieve deep intimacy and satisfying relationships with men.These are the answers I wish I could have given myself 20 years ago. As you listen, I hope you'll feel seen and understood in a way you haven't before. In the next episode, we'll talk about the superpower of receptivity: how you can feel both strong and soft, and how you can both have high standards and be deeply satisfied with exactly what you receive. Make sure to subscribe to Elevate Your Marriage to Great to get the rest of the episodes! Get the free private podcast here: ourlegacylove.com/elevateConnect with me on Instagram @tinylovehabitsLearn more about my RECEIVE mentorship for women at ourlegacylove.com/firsttoreceive If the conversations on this podcast are resonating for you, please leave a rating and ideally a review on your favorite podcast platform.Ready to bring about a transformation in your relationship to yourself, your body, and your partner? CLICK HERE to apply for a consultation.

“The day that you wake up, and you realize that you have been had, and the person you're sleeping with is not the person you fell in love with, that's the first day of your real marriage.” - James Framo. In this episode, my husband and I walk you through our journey through the four stages of relationship. From the initial spark of love without knowledge to the mature state of knowing love, we'll share insights into each stage and how they have shaped our 27-year relationship. Whether you're wondering why marriage is so hard or seeking ways to reignite the passion, join us as we delve into the intricacies of navigating these stages and finding grace in each one.In this episode, you'll hear about:How Kurt and I navigated the four stages of relationships: love without knowledge, knowledge without love, the reckoning, and knowing love.Strategies we've used to navigate challenges and conflicts in our 27-year marriage.The three components of fostering intimacy and connection beyond the reckoningOur experience with embracing imperfections and growing together as individuals and as a coupleThe iterative process of facing yourself and your relationship with honesty and authenticity every dayAnd more.“Marriage is a crucible that turns you into who you were meant to be... It's like a rock tumbler making gems beautiful, banging off the rough edges.”I hope that you feel accompanied and supported, whichever stage of love you're in now. My wish is that you will continue to be present to the mess and the mystery in the majesty of this wild, alive thing of being human with another human.RESOURCES OR LINKS MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:Embracing Pain + Beauty with Special Guest Myra SackThe Five Winning Relationship Strategies episodeThe Five Losing Relationship Strategies episodeHow to Stay, When to Go episode100-Year Marriage episodeIf the conversations on this podcast are resonating for you and you want to create the love, sex, and aliveness you desire with more ease, I invite you to enter a deeper relationship with me, through private coaching or my group mentorship program. Either way, you get powerful tools, conversation cheat sheets, meditations, and my loving and skillful attention every month, so your capacity for the pleasure and joy you want grows, continuously. CLICK HERE to apply for a consultation. If the conversations on this podcast are resonating for you, please leave a rating and ideally a review on your favorite podcast platform.Ready to bring about a transformation in your relationship to yourself, your body, and your partner? CLICK HERE to apply for a consultation.

Today, I'm so grateful to share with you a profoundly moving conversation with Myra Sack, a woman who embodies the essence of resilience and intimacy with life.In her newly released book, ​57 Fridays: Losing Our Daughter, Finding Our Way,​ Myra brings us into the intimate journey through the immense grief of losing her daughter, Havi, to Tay-Sachs disease. I wanted to bring Myra onto the show to explore the delicate balance between the most painful and beautiful moments of our lives. This episode is an exploration of how we can navigate our deepest fears and emerge with a stronger, more intimate connection to ourselves and others.It's a must-listen for anyone seeking to face their pain and find a source of profound connection and authenticity.In this episode, you'll hear about:Myra's practice of "Shabbirthdays" and the power of ritual in creating sacred spaces for healing and connectionHow to face and embrace fear to avoid being paralyzed by itThe importance of emotional granularity in understanding and articulating our feelings to better navigate life's challenges.The role of self-awareness and self-trust in developing psychological resilience and maintaining our sense of self amidst grief and loss.How to foster meaningful connections and community support during times of profound personal crisis.And more.  “We are so afraid to turn towards the deepest, most painful, real reality that we miss the opportunity to experience the deepest joy and the fullest love”Get your copy of 57 Fridays: Losing Our Daughter, Finding Our WayLearn about E-Motion, the non-profit Myra founded to “support community, movement and ritual to enhance coping and resilience”Follow Myra on Instagram @myrasackMay you find the courage to embrace both the beauty and the pain in your life, allowing them to coexist and transform you in ways you never thought possible. Let this episode inspire you to seek out and create sacred spaces for yourself and your loved ones, fostering deeper connections and a richer, more authentic experience of living.If the conversations on this podcast are resonating for you and you want to create the love, sex, and aliveness you desire with more ease, I invite you to enter a deeper relationship with me, through private coaching or my group mentorship program. Either way, you get powerful tools, conversation cheat sheets, meditations, and my loving and skillful attention every month, so your capacity for the pleasure and joy you want grows, continuously. CLICK HERE to apply for a consultation. If the conversations on this podcast are resonating for you, please leave a rating and ideally a review on your favorite podcast platform.Ready to bring about a transformation in your relationship to yourself, your body, and your partner? CLICK HERE to apply for a consultation.

I want to go deep with you today about something that's been coming up a lot in my life and work: what it means to embrace our power and pleasure as women. For the longest time, I used to feel guilty for wanting more, for desiring abundance and joy in my life.But, after many years of being stifled under my feelings of shame, I realized that by prioritizing my own well-being and pleasure, I wasn't being selfish—I was actually becoming more generous, more present, and more alive. And now, I'm here to share that revelation with you, to show you a different way to navigate this world as a woman.In this episode, you'll hear about:Why viewing yourself as a woman built to receive can transform your relationships and your life.The liberating truth I'm learning about seeking approval from others (or pissing them off!)How your deepest desires can serve as divine guidance, leading you towards a life filled with passion, pleasure, and purpose.The transformative power of embracing self-care as the ultimate act of generosity.How cultivating abundance within yourself can enrich the lives of those around you.And more. “There's no limit to how expansive your life can be. There's no way in which your expansion takes away from anyone else. You grew it. If you're doing it from your own honesty, your own love, you're not hijacking anyone else to take what's rightfully theirs. You're in fact growing what's yours. And as you do that, you have a right to absolutely anything you can imagine opening your receptivity to. ”-Michele Lisenbury ChristensenAs you go about the rest of your day, I hope you will remember that you are the hearth, you are the garden, and your capacity for love and abundance knows no bounds. So go forth, my loves, and tend to your flame with wild abandon.If the conversations on this podcast are resonating for you and you want to create the love, sex, and aliveness you desire with more ease, I invite you to enter a deeper relationship with me, through private coaching or my group mentorship program. Either way, you get powerful tools, conversation cheat sheets, meditations, and my loving and skillful attention every month, so your capacity for the pleasure and joy you want grows, continuously. CLICK HERE to apply for a consultation. If the conversations on this podcast are resonating for you, please leave a rating and ideally a review on your favorite podcast platform.Ready to bring about a transformation in your relationship to yourself, your body, and your partner? CLICK HERE to apply for a consultation.

So often, we find ourselves stuck in the same old patterns, grappling with conflicts or feeling disconnected. We try workshops, therapy, self-help books, but somehow, things just don't stick. After today's episode, you'll understand why and what steps to take next. Through working in this way, I've seen couples completely turn things around in as little as three days, or a couple of focused weeks. But what I'm about to share isn't just for those who work with me. It's a roadmap for anyone seeking to improve their relationship – a blueprint for success. So today I'm going to show you how best to use your precious energy. In this episode, you'll hear about:What doesn't work in getting help for your relationship. The three things that really do make the biggest difference. The framework that's been tremendously helpful in my marriage and my clients'Why this method works way better for men than the other approaches I've triedAnd more.  “The reason we've been doing things the way we've been doing them is because of the patterns we brought into the relationship. We have deep devotion to repeating our patterns because at some point those patterns were survival level necessary” -Michele Lisenbury ChristensenI hope this episode has shed some light on the patterns that might be holding you back in your relationships. Remember, you have the power to transform these patterns and create the love and connection you truly desire. Until next time, may your journey to self-discovery and relational growth be filled with joy and fulfillment.Learn more about Terry Real at Terry Real - Relational Life Therapy.If the conversations on this podcast are resonating for you and you want to create the love, sex, and aliveness you desire with more ease, I invite you to enter a deeper relationship with me, through private coaching or my group mentorship program. Either way, you get powerful tools, conversation cheat sheets, meditations, and my loving and skillful attention every month, so your capacity for the pleasure and joy you want grows, continuously. CLICK HERE to apply for a consultation. If the conversations on this podcast are resonating for you, please leave a rating and ideally a review on your favorite podcast platform.Ready to bring about a transformation in your relationship to yourself, your body, and your partner? CLICK HERE to apply for a consultation.

I was so grateful to sit down and record with my teacher, Eric Klein, the founder of ​Wisdom Heart​ along with his wife, Devi. I wanted you to hear from him what he's teaching me about my body, mind, spirit, and the way that those interact with the experiences I have in my marriage, my earning, my business -- pretty much in every area of my life.I am thrilled for you all to hear Eric talk with us about some of the ways that you can apply planetary astrology, the chakras, meditation, and the spiritual path in general to evolve more of what you want in love and life.In this episode, you'll hear about:Both of our journeys with Kriya Yoga and it's relevance for practitioners seeking coherence and wholeness in their busy lives. The power of practice and why it resonates with me and so many other womenThe connection between planetary astrology and our inner chakrasOur definition of intimacy and how it can show us our greatest teachersAnd more.  “Intimacy is another word for awakening  because it's really reducing the layers of self protection  in order to become more and more connected to life. The most potent aspects of life come to us as human beings.” -Eric KleinI hope that you feel as nourished and inspired as I do after hearing from Eric. My wish for you is that you receive life's gentle, insistent, invitations to more fullness and wholeness.Learn more and connect with Eric at wisdomheart.com or @wisdom.heart on Instagram!If the conversations on this podcast are resonating for you and you want to create the love, sex, and aliveness you desire with more ease, I invite you to enter a deeper relationship with me, through private coaching or my group mentorship program. Either way, you get powerful tools, conversation cheat sheets, meditations, and my loving and skillful attention every month, so your capacity for the pleasure and joy you want grows, continuously. CLICK HERE to apply for a consultation. If the conversations on this podcast are resonating for you, please leave a rating and ideally a review on your favorite podcast platform.Ready to bring about a transformation in your relationship to yourself, your body, and your partner? CLICK HERE to apply for a consultation.

So many women come to me wanting to turn up their libidos and experience more and better orgasms. I start by asking them 11 questions that, on the surface, don't seem directly related to erotic desire. But the answers that women give me tell me a ton about their relationships with themselves,  their turn-on, their bodies, their sensations, and with their capacity to contain embodied experiences, both desired experiences and not desired experiences.In this episode, I'm going to ask you those same 11 questions that tell me whether or not you are in a robust, joyful relationship with your own desires, receptivity, and pleasure. You'll hear about:Why I ask each of these questions and the common answers I hear from clientsWhy and how these libido killers affect women specificallyHow to cultivate a desire in ways that have nothing to do with your partnerSimple practices you can add to your day to experience more turn-on throughout your lifeAnd more.  Join the conversation by listening, then share your story or response on our voicemail at 206-659-9865 or inside our free Conscious Couples' Circle on Mighty Networks.“Our capacity for pleasant sensations is always conscribed by our capacity for unpleasant, unwanted sensations, the things we fear, the things we're angry about, the things that we have grief about.”-Michele Lisenbury ChristensenHot Moments in This Episode:How you wake up matters [10:20]A note about dressing sexy [16:05]Why you need to put on your own oxygen mask first [25:36]What your inner pleasure goddess wants for you [31:15]I hope that these 11 questions help you see where you can build your capacity to delight in sensation. My wish is that you pick just one area to begin to shift today with the intention of deepening your relationship with yourself, your body, your felt sensations, your yes, your no, and your desire. If the conversations on this podcast are resonating for you and you want to create the love, sex, and aliveness you desire with more ease, I invite you to enter a deeper relationship with me, through private coaching or my group mentorship program. Either way, you get powerful tools, conversation cheat sheets, meditations, and my loving and skillful attention every month. CLICK HERE to apply for a consultation.

The term “gaslighting” has become a buzzword in recent years and, because of its widespread use, the meaning of this term has become a bit murky. In a nutshell, gaslighting is when you are experiencing something and endeavoring to talk to the other person about it, but they flip it around on you so that you wind up questioning yourself, your own character, motivations, and even grip on reality. Today, I want to talk about what I call “gaslighting lite” or the ways that understanding the gaslight effect can help you navigate when gaslighting behaviors show up in your otherwise healthy relationship.In this episode, you'll learn:Common areas in which many, many people gaslight our partners or other people in our livesWhy gaslighting shows up in otherwise healthy relationships How you may be unconsciously participating in this patternHow you can extricate yourself from this painful cycle, whichever side of it you are on and turn past gaslighting lite into relationship goldAnd more.  Join the conversation by listening, then share your story or response on our voicemail at 206-659-9865 or inside our free Conscious Couples' Circle on Mighty Networks.“Subconscious parts of us react in a knee-jerk fashion that might be out of character for us, might almost be like a different person's behavior, and that subconscious part does that in order to protect the blind spot.”-Michele Lisenbury ChristensenHot Moments in This Episode:How I've participated in “gaslighting lite” and how I intervened [13:48]The way you or your partner is acting like a 15-year-old [16:28]What can happen when you start calling out these behaviors [17:52]I hope that this episode gives you a starting place to begin to unravel this gaslighting lite cycle and illuminate ​​the blind spots that will turn into areas of new life for you and your partner.RESOURCES OR LINKS MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:We Can Do Hard Things Podcast: Are You Being Gaslighted?The Gaslight Effect by Dr. Robin SternThe Gaslight Effect Recovery Guide by Dr. Robin SternWhat is DARVO?  by Dr. Jennifer J. Freyd If the conversations on this podcast are resonating for you and you want to create the love, sex, and aliveness you desire with more ease, I invite you to enter a deeper relationship with me, through private coaching or my group mentorship program. Either way, you get powerful tools, conversation cheat sheets, meditations, and my loving and skillful attention every month. CLICK HERE to apply for a consultation.

You may have heard the term “patriarchy” used to describe a social and political construct, but, as my mentor, Terry Real, explains, it is also a psychological notion. The way that patriarchy defines rigid gender roles becomes subconsciously embedded in the way we think and behave, which has deep implications for both partners inside a relationship. How can we recognize when psychological patriarchy is at play and what can we do to counteract it? In this episode, I'll discuss:How our sense of ourselves as humans has been artificially bifurcated into masculine and feminine traitsWhy masculine traits are overvalued and feminine traits are undervalued. The painful consequences of psychological patriarchy.How Legacy Love takes couples through five levels of recovery from this deadening way of looking at ourselves and at one another.And more.  Join the conversation by listening, then share your story or response on our voicemail at 206-659-9865 or inside our free Conscious Couples' Circle on Mighty Networks.“We can't build deeper, sweeter relationships than we've had, than our parents have had, than all the ones we've seen around us without dismantling some of the structures that have been invisible to us, that have stopped us from having true partnership, true equality, true intimacy.”-Michele Lisenbury ChristensenHot Moments in This Episode:Terry Real's three rings of psychological patriarchy [1:52]Why I tackle psychological patriarchy with couples coaching clients [11:21]The highest level of Legacy Love I've discovered [22:36]I hope that you give yourself grace as you begin to untangle all the deep and complicated beliefs about gender and relationships that are holding you back. It is my wish that you continue to heal from psychological patriarchy and grow in love together. If the conversations on this podcast are resonating for you and you want to create the love, sex, and aliveness you desire with more ease, I invite you to enter a deeper relationship with me, through private coaching or my group mentorship program. Either way, you get powerful tools, conversation cheat sheets, meditations, and my loving and skillful attention every month. CLICK HERE to apply for a consultation.

Kurt and I have been married for almost 23 years and we're planning on another 50 to 75 together. We think, in terms of taking care of our bodies, minds and spirits and given the way technology is going, we could each live to be well over a hundred which gives us an amazingly long time to grow in love together and to contribute in so many other parts of our lives. Today's episode is about how we think about what I call, for shorthand “The 100-Year Marriage” and how you could think about it too. In this episode, we'll cover:Why you should think about the long-term plan for your relationshipThe areas of your life you should consider as you look at the next 50 or 75 yearsQuestions you can ask yourself and each other to help define your vision for long lives togetherResources that have helped expand my thinking about longevity and legacyAnd more.  Join the conversation by listening, then share your story or response on our voicemail at 206-659-9865 or inside our free Conscious Couples' Circle on Mighty Networks.“You get to have any marriage, you're up for creating.”-Michele Lisenbury ChristensenHot Moments in This Episode:How to plan for retirement... or not. (11:30)The books that changed my outlook on life (13:40)How you are living as if your relationship doesn't matter (27:46)I hope that your love can be a fountain that nourishes everything around it, an oasis that creates aliveness spreading out and out and out from you as a couple.RESOURCES OR LINKS MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE: (if applicable)My Plan for Living to 156Cash Flow (game) by Robert KiyosakiThe 100 Year Life by Lynda Gratton & Andrew J. ScottFour Thousand Weeks by Oliver BurkemanOutlive by Peter AttiaLifespan by David A. Sinclair & Matthew D. LaPlanteBuilt to Move by Kelly Starret If the conversations on this podcast are resonating for you and you want to create the love, sex, and aliveness you desire with more ease, I invite you to enter a deeper relationship with me, through private coaching or my group mentorship program. Either way, you get powerful tools, conversation cheat sheets, meditations, and my loving and skillful attention every month. CLICK HERE to apply for a consultation.

At 50 or 60 years old, you don't have the same career, health, finances, or family life that you did when you were 30. Why should your sex life be the same as it was 20 years ago?  As we age, our bodies go through natural changes that can affect our sexual experiences and desires. This leads people to believe that they are no longer able to have the sexual experiences they used to. I'm here to tell you that fulfilling and pleasurable sex is possible at any age.In this episode, we'll talk about:The mindset blocks that you need to break through to have delicious sexual experiences as you ageSocietal expectations around sex and why they don't serve youWays to enhance your sexual experiences when things aren't working the way they used toAnd more.  “If we can get out of the goal orientation, then we don't feel as acutely that "loss" of the way that we were used to performing in our thirties and forties. That opens up the doorway to the kind of sex that's possible now.”-Michele Lisenbury Christensen.Hot Moments in This Episode:The message about sex I wish we could get rid of (2:19)Why I don't care about “performance” in bed (6:17)My thoughts on using medical supplements (8:30)I hope this episode inspires you to live into your sexuality exactly as you are now without judgment or anxiety. And I wish you many, many more years of yummy pleasure and connection.If the conversations on this podcast are resonating for you and you want to create the love, sex, and aliveness you desire with more ease, I invite you to enter a deeper relationship with me, through private coaching or my group mentorship program. Either way, you get powerful tools, conversation cheat sheets, meditations, and my loving and skillful attention every month, so your capacity for the pleasure and joy you want grows, continuously. CLICK HERE to apply for a consultation.Join the conversation by listening, then share your story or response on our voicemail at 206-659-9865 or inside our free Conscious Couples' Circle on Mighty Networks. If the conversations on this podcast are resonating for you and you want to create the love, sex, and aliveness you desire with more ease, I invite you to enter a deeper relationship with me, through private coaching or my group mentorship program. Either way, you get powerful tools, conversation cheat sheets, meditations, and my loving and skillful attention every month. CLICK HERE to apply for a consultation.

Kurt and I just enjoyed celebrating our 25th Valentine's Day together, but, truthfully, we try to live like every day is V-Day. We know that love is a habit and a skill set that requires effort and practice 365 days a year. If you want a love that gets better over time, you need to intentionally date your partner all year long, not just on holidays or anniversaries. In today's episode, I'll give you a year's worth of date ideas that will bring you closer and deeper in love.We'll talk about:The ten kinds of dates I recommend adding to your repertoire Examples of each date at different budget pointsHow each type of date can benefit your relationshipAnd more.  Hot Moments in This Episode:The date that will create more spark and sizzle (2:50)The kind of date that's about pleasure and relaxation (4:44)The date where you can get stuff done and still be together (6:38)I hope those 10 ideas spark years worth of phenomenal dates for you and your partner and that this practice of dating helps you build the skills that deepen your intimacy. You can download the 10 Kinds of Dates printable to get a quick reminder of each kind of date and brainstorm your own ideas.Join the conversation by listening, then share your story or response on our voicemail at 206-659-9865 or inside our free Conscious Couples' Circle on Mighty Networks.You can find me on Instagram at @michelelisenbury. Let's connect! If the conversations on this podcast are resonating for you and you want to create the love, sex, and aliveness you desire with more ease, I invite you to enter a deeper relationship with me, through private coaching or my group mentorship program. Either way, you get powerful tools, conversation cheat sheets, meditations, and my loving and skillful attention every month. CLICK HERE to apply for a consultation.

Whenever I say that I help couples create Legacy Love, the people I'm talking to light up because they're the kind of people who have a vision for their whole life. They want to leave a legacy in this lifetime and creating a love worth kind of handing down, something that goes far beyond just the couple to bless others, appeals to them. But, as great as that sounds, a lot of people ask me, what do you really mean by Legacy Love and what does that entail?In this episode, we'll talk about:The eight components of  Legacy Love that I've identified (so far!)Why you should care about Legacy LoveHow you can heal and grow within your relationshipWays that you can build towards something magnificent in your partnershipAnd more.  E.g. Join the conversation by listening, then share your story or response on our voicemail at 206-659-9865 or inside our free Conscious Couples' Circle on Mighty Networks.“Love is not just a feeling. It's a skill set. It's a capacity is something that we need to grow on, work on, expand upon every day, a little bit at a time.”-Michele Lisenbury ChristensenHot Moments in This Episode:Making your relationship your personal school (2:20)How you can cultivate the divine masculine and feminine (4:52)Part of what makes relationships fragile (8:40)How a draining relationship is like a broken foot (13:40)My wish for you is that you cultivate a Legacy Love that will energize and sustain you through the years. I hope that your love will continue to grow and that the light within and between you will illuminate the world around you.If the conversations on this podcast are resonating for you and you want to create the love, sex, and aliveness you desire with more ease, I invite you to enter a deeper relationship with me, through private coaching or my group mentorship program. Either way, you get powerful tools, conversation cheat sheets, meditations, and my loving and skillful attention every month. CLICK HERE to apply for a consultation.

In this episode, I'll walk you through a couple of the ways that I've been helping clients for more than 20 years to review their old year and vision their new year. Visioning together is one of the foundations of Legacy Love; creating a relationship that's not just good, not just great, but builds your impact in the world, the legacy you want to leave behind, for not just you and your beloved, but your family, your community and the greater world.In this episode, we'll talk about:How to use your relationship desires as catalysts for your own deeper growth.How to become more growth oriented in your marriage without overwhelming or hurting your partnerChoosing your goals and relationship aspirations and breaking them down into the very next step.Practical tips and exercises you can use on an hourly, daily, weekly, monthly, quarterly and annual basis to move towards your visionAnd more.  E.g. Join the conversation by listening, then share your story or response on our voicemail at 206-659-9865 or inside our free Conscious Couples' Circle on Mighty Networks.“What I know for sure, is that making review and visioning a lifestyle, a decade after decade commitment, will transform the trajectory of your life and of your relationship.”“So often, our greatest transformations do come on the margin, just by changing one thing, if it's well chosen, we can dramatically change the trajectory of our lives and our relationships.”-Michele Linsebury ChristensenHot Moments in This Episode:Why I recommend starting your visioning process with your bucket list (7:33)Creating a treasure map to your best future self. (10:07)Thinking of your household as a business  (14:38)Why I plan annual adventures with my husband (16:20)RESOURCES OR LINKS MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE: The Couples' Guide to an Amazing New YearReviewing Your Year in Love and Sex podcast episodeIf the conversations on this podcast are resonating for you and you want to create the love, sex, and aliveness you desire with more ease, I invite you to enter a deeper relationship with me, through private coaching or my group mentorship program. Either way, you get powerful tools, conversation cheat sheets, meditations, and my loving and skillful attention every month. CLICK HERE to apply for a consultation.

How far are you willing to go to create the passionate marriage you want? Are you ready to try anything? If you're like many of my clients, you're willing to do whatever it takes to create a connected, turned-on relationship. And I believe you can do it. Unfortunately, there's no silver bullet that will resolve your conflicts and create closeness. You may have already tried many different strategies but still don't see the desired results. In today's episode, I'm going to talk about some of the solutions you can try in your quest to have the kind of love and sex in your marriage that you want.In this episode, you'll hear about:Different types of strategies you might try when you want more from your marriageThe resources and tools my clients or I have used in each of the categoriesCommon issues that arise with each of these strategiesWhat to do when you feel like you've tried everythingAnd more.  E.g. Join the conversation by listening, then share your story or response on our voicemail at 206-659-9865 or inside our free Conscious Couples' Circle on Mighty Networks.“We have to believe in something that we've never seen in order to bring it about and we have to push through the conventional wisdom of our time in order to create it”-Michele Lisenbury ChristensenHot Moments in This Episode:“Fix us” solutions, vs “fix me” solutions (8:40)Why you feel more responsible for the relationship (11:00)Ways you may be distracting yourself from your deeper desires (14:45)The revolution that you can join right now (20:00) Wherever you are on this ultimate journey of depth and devotion, and whatever your next step is, I wish you all the best. I want for you the love, sex, pleasure and intimacy with yourself, your partner and the divine that you want.RESOURCES OR LINKS MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE: (if applicable)Toys in BabelandLelo.comLaura CornDavid DeidaJohn WinelandJohn Gottman, The Gottman InstituteTerry RealMarshall Rosenberg, Nonviolent CommunicationIf the conversations on this podcast are resonating for you and you want to create the love, sex, and aliveness you desire with more ease, I invite you to enter a deeper relationship with me, through private coaching or my group mentorship program. Either way, you get powerful tools, conversation cheat sheets, meditations, and my loving and skillful attention every month. CLICK HERE to apply for a consultation.

If you feel like you are wasting your time and energy being upset about the same things month after month, year after year, the good news is that there's a way out. You can break the cycle of hurt and resentment that keeps you from living the life you want. Sound good? Today's episode will equip you to free yourself from any grudge, irritation, frustration, resistance or anger that you may be carrying and take your power back.In this episode, you'll hear about:What I've learned about digging into the stuck places in relationshipsThe surprising place where I learned the most powerful tool in my arsenal for discovering what's keeping us stuck.My step-by-step guide to the “resentment remodeling process”How I use the tool in my own life, using a real example (we're getting real personal!)And more.  RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:The Resentment Remodeling Process Worksheet“Most people want to be fair about their own role in their problems. We want to take responsibility. We want to feel agency and we want to be able to move past what's in the past. The bottom line is though, we never really learned how.”-Michele Lisenbury ChristensenE.g. Join the conversation by listening, then share your story inside our free Conscious Couples' Circle on Mighty Networks.Hot Moments in This Episode:What it means to get one of your “buttons” caught [6:04]How to sandblast aspects of your personality [8:40]Defining yourself as the protagonist of the story [19:24]I hope that this tool brings you great peace and helps you return to your power. And may the light within you illuminate the world around you.

In my coaching practice and in my life, I hear so many questions about family planning; how to decide, when to start, and how many kids to have. The list goes on. There are strong societal expectations around becoming parents that can keep us from realizing what we really want and what's best for us and our relationships. In this episode, I decided to round up my thoughts on some of the common questions I get around children and their effect on relationship that you may be consideringIn this episode, we'll discuss:Understanding and navigating differences in your and your partner's desire to have kidsDeciding if you're ready to be a parent and what your timeline isHow to consider your relationship and lifestyle when starting or growing your familyWhat I did to prepare for our first babyTaking care of the relationship once you have childrenAnd more.  E.g. Join the conversation by listening, then share your story or response on our voicemail at 206-659-9865 or inside our free Conscious Couples' Circle on Mighty Networks.“It's okay that we grow up alongside our children. I think it's part of the human design that as we're raising a child, we are simultaneously re-parenting the part of ourselves that is the same age as that child.”-Michele Lisenbury ChristensenHot Moments in This Episode:“What if our relationship is difficult already?” (8:50)Why I chose to wait to have kids(11:40)One of the most baffling things about parenting (14:20)The important lesson I learned when my son was born (19:50) My hope for you is that you and your partner find intentionality, joy and meaning in your decisions around family, no matter what that may look like. And may the light within you illuminate the world around you.RESOURCES OR LINKS MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:Bringing Baby Home workshopAnd Baby Makes Three by John Gottman and Julie Schwartz GottmanIf the conversations on this podcast are resonating for you and you want to create the love, sex, and aliveness you desire with more ease, I invite you to enter a deeper relationship with me, through private coaching or my group mentorship program. Either way, you get powerful tools, conversation cheat sheets, meditations, and my loving and skillful attention every month, so your capacity for the pleasure and joy you want grows, continuously. CLICK HERE to apply for a consultation.

While I'm not a clinical psychology professional, I often work with couples who have discovered that their brains are wired in completely different ways. This realization often arises when one partner (or both) consistently behaves in a way that creates friction between them, totally baffling the other. As humans, our brains are wonderfully diverse and have unique strengths, but it's hard to understand what's going on in your partner's head when their experience is so different from your own. Today, I'll share my perspective on recognizing the differences between you and your partner and how those insights can help us see the same patterns in a very different context.As you listen to this episode, you'll hear about:How being diagnosed with ADD affected me and my relationshipSome of the unique challenges and strengths of partners with ADDTools and strategies I have used to become a better partner to my “neurotypical” husbandHow I have seen neurodiversity (including Autism Spectrum Disorder, introversion, and intensities) play out within relationshipsThe importance of taking responsibility for the impact you have on the people around youAnd more. Note: I use the term “ADD” in this episode to refer to what is now categorized in the DSM as “ADHD predominantly inattentive type” because it is the term used when I was diagnosed. E.g. Join the conversation by listening, then share your story or response on our voicemail at 206-659-9865 or inside our free Conscious Couples' Circle on Mighty Networks.“If we can take it out of the context of "What's wrong with you?" and really understand difference, we go a long way to having a much more mutually satisfying relationship. And this kind of insight saves marriages.”-Michele Lisenbury ChristensenHot Moments in This Episode:My tendency to “go hard or go home” (4:49)Why boring tasks are excruciating for your partner with ADD (10:49)How ADD tendencies affect us in bed (12:45)Neurodiversity that you may notice in your relationship (13:42) I celebrate you and your partner exactly as you are. May you find new ways to fit ever better together.  And may the light within you illuminate the world around you.RESOURCES OR LINKS MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE: Quiet by Susan CainIf the conversations on this podcast are resonating for you and you want to create the love, sex, and aliveness you desire with more ease, I invite you to enter a deeper relationship with me, through private coaching or my group mentorship program. Either way, you get powerful tools, conversation cheat sheets, meditations, and my loving and skillful attention every month, so your capacity for the pleasure and joy you want grows, continuously. CLICK HERE to apply for a consultation.

If it feels like you're in a dry spell- your desires don't match up, you're not that interested, or it's hard to transition from your everyday life to a really fulfilling sexual encounter, this episode is for you. Today I want to talk with you about what I think of as "nano sex." It's those little microscopic, erotic connections that create a lubricant in your day-to-day experience together to help us get to full-blown erotic encounters and get more pleasure out of our daily connection. As you listen to this episode, you'll learn:What “nano eroticism” is and how it has benefitted me and my clientsHow creating small, ongoing erotic connections can increase your desire to have sexConcrete strategies I teach my private clients to help them create more turn onHow to combine this practice with other habits for a great relationshipAnd more.  E.g. Join the conversation by listening, then share your story or response on our voicemail at 206-659-9865 or inside our free Conscious Couples' Circle on Mighty Networks.“I don't think sex goes away when we get older. Sex goes away when we get busy. Sex goes away when we live with each other for a long time and learn all of each other's foibles. Sex goes away when our insecurities get projected onto a partner.”-Michele Lisenbury ChristensenHot Moments in This Episode:Ways to see yourself as an erotic being (6:15)When you think someone else is sexier than your partner (8:16)What is the “eyes habit”? (9:39)Using humor to turn yourself and your partner on (11:28)I hope you'll decide to cultivate this practice with your partner throughout your days together and will reap the benefits of pleasure and connection. And may the light within you illuminate the world around you.RESOURCES OR LINKS MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE: 5 Winning Relationship Strategies EpisodeIf the conversations on this podcast are resonating for you and you want to create the love, sex, and aliveness you desire with more ease, I invite you to enter a deeper relationship with me, through private coaching or my group mentorship program. Either way, you get powerful tools, conversation cheat sheets, meditations, and my loving and skillful attention every month, so your capacity for the pleasure and joy you want grows, continuously. CLICK HERE to apply for a consultation.

Something your partner did cause you pain and frustration. You want to tell them what hurt you, but you seem to always end up in a fight when you bring it up. Sound familiar? In this episode, I get into the specifics of how you can deliver feedback about something your partner did and what you'd like them to do differently in a way that actually gets results. Every single couple has to have these conversations, but you can develop skills that can reduce the negative fallout and even bring you closer.As you listen to this episode, you'll hear about:What NOT to do in an emotionally-charged conversationThe steps you can use every time to have conversations that help you feel closerHow to remember the point of these conversations when you're in the middle of it Reducing the amount of residual pain that comes from messy conversationsWhy and how to take ownership of your feelings in a conversationAnd more. “That's a big part of what relationships can do for us. They give us a safe place to work out old feelings”-Michele Lisenbury Christensen E.g. Join the conversation by listening, then share your story or response on our voicemail at 206-659-9865 or inside our free Conscious Couples' Circle on Mighty Networks.Hot Moments in This Episode:Why you shouldn't “air your grievances” (3:57)How a laminated checklist helped my relationship (9:41)Why you might set a time limit on your conversations (11:08)The “cheap booby prize” you may be taking instead of satifaction (15:02) I hope that today's podcast can help you have conversations in a more productive way and feel like your pains are actually doorways to more closeness, deeper intimacy and more joy together.  And may the light within you illuminate the world around you.RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:Related episodes of Sex.Love.Power:Defensiveness episodePoorly Timed Conversations episodeThe 5 Winning Relationship Strategies episodeThe 5 Losing Relationship Strategies episodeTerry Real's books:The New Rules of Marriage: What You Need to Know to Make Love WorkI Don't Want to Talk about It: Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male DepressionHow Can I Get Through to You?: Closing the Intimacy Gap Between Men and WomenUs: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving RelationshipThe Settling Down Together ChecklistIf the conversations on this podcast are resonating for you and you want to create the love, sex, and aliveness you desire with more ease, I invite you to enter a deeper relationship with me, through private coaching or my group mentorship program. 

These past few weeks have been tough on our nervous systems. Many people are hurting and bewildered. I wondered how I could best help through the podcast, and what came to me was that this popular episode, recorded with my friend Jessica Pullins, PhD, is the best set of tools I can give you to help you pull yourself and others through when your heart and mind are reeling. If you have a nervous system, you need this episode.   And particularly if you ever:Rreact strongly to your partner and want to fight or flee or bothFeel exhausted, at an emotional or energetic level, by your dayFreeze up and find yourself unable to speak, move forward, or interactThis intro to what's REALLY going on, and what you can do about it, can be life-changing.  It's self-care, it's relationship elevating, it's survival skills. It's good.As you listen to this episode, you'll learn about:The nervous system state we must be in for connection to work, and the three other states we're always moving in and out.Why stonewalling, withdrawal, or non-responsiveness in relationship aren't always a partner being unloving or deliberately withdrawn and what's sometimes REALLY going on instead.How, sometimes, what looks like depression is just a nervous system state of “freeze” and what you can do about it.And more.  E.g. Join the conversation by listening, then share your story or response on our voicemail at 206-659-9865 or inside our free Conscious Couples' Circle on Mighty Networks."If you can find strategies to get back into your body via the senses, that will get you grounded and calm. THAT'S WHAT GROUNDING IS."- Dr. Jessica PullinsHot Moments in This Episode:Recognizing when its a state vs when it's a trait (11:24)When otherwise articulate people lose the ability to speak (13:33)Common triggers of freeze states (16:03)Learning to notice freeze response by noticing it in your partner and others (27:27)I hope you find this episode helps you see some of your own and your partner's experiences in a refreshing new light.  I hope it helps you remember your exquisite beauty, divinity, and intrinsic aliveness.  And may the light within you illuminate the world around you.6. RESOURCES OR LINKS MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:Self Regulation Toolkit DownloadIf the conversations on this podcast are resonating for you and you want to create the love, sex, and aliveness you desire with more ease, I invite you to enter a deeper relationship with me, through private coaching or my group mentorship program. Either way, you get powerful tools, conversation cheat sheets, meditations, and  my loving and skillful attention every month, so your capacity for the pleasure and joy you want grows, continuously. CLICK HERE to apply for a consultation.

Do you find yourself saying, "We're so busy, I feel like roommates?” Or maybe you say, "We know we need to go on dates, but we never seem to get around to it. And then if we do go, a lot of times we get into a fight." Today on Sex. Love. Power., we're talking about spending more time together. Whether that's talking, having fun, or getting naked together. We're going to cover how to recognize the resistance so you can break through those totally understandable obstacles and actually get more closeness and heat between you.As you listen to this episode, we'll talk about:Why time alone together matters for your relationship in the long-termThe reasons you don't spend time together, even if you know you shouldHow to keep alone time from turning into a conflictThe habits that are keeping you from truly connecting and new ones you can formAnd more.  E.g. Join the conversation by listening, then share your story or response on our voicemail at 206-659-9865 or inside our free Conscious Couples' Circle on Mighty Networks.“We need to have more fun together. In order to help us resolve some of these conflicts. It's not the other way around, where we have to resolve these conflicts before we can have fun together.”-Michele Lisenbury ChristensenHot Moments in This Episode:The six reasons time together can be uncomfortable [5:44]What to do if you don't have anything to talk about together [8:51]Why you are disappointed with the time you spend with your partner [13:23]Why you might want to start with being alone with yourself first [17:05]I hope that you are inspired to experiment with these ideas just a little bit, and then build from there so that you can give and receive more joy or pleasure and more care.If the conversations on this podcast are resonating for you and you want to create the love, sex, and aliveness you desire with more ease, I invite you to enter a deeper relationship with me, through private coaching or my group mentorship program. Either way, you get powerful tools, conversation cheat sheets, meditations, and my loving and skillful attention every month, so your capacity for the pleasure and joy you want grows, continuously. CLICK HERE to apply for a consultation.

Do you feel like you're always in charge, like you're always handling all the heavy lifting in your shared life? Or do you ever feel your partner can be so controlling or perfectionistic that you tend to hang back? Both of these situations are issues of what I call polarity - the interaction between dominance and submission (and, no, I'm not just talking about in bed). If you want to go from frustration and jockeying for position, or avoiding conflict, over to playful, effective interactions sizzling with energy, this is the episode for you. As you listen to this episode, you'll learn:How the dynamics of dominance and submission play out in everyday lifeWhat can go wrong when you're missing polarityThe three keys to creating an arc of polarity in your relationshipHow to get more of the energy you want from yourself and your partnerHow you can tell if you're in the dominant or submissive roleAnd more.  E.g. Join the conversation by listening, then share your story or response on our voicemail at 206-659-9865 or inside our free Conscious Couples' Circle on Mighty Networks.“We tend to reject so many of the sensations of aliveness that arise because we put them in that box that we label ‘bad sensations.' So tear the label off that box and follow the sensations that are arising now.”-Michele Lisenbury ChristensenHot Moments in This Episode:The three mistakes nice guys make [4:16]How your marriage is like a pair of magnets [6:00]How to speak in a penetrating way [8:29]When your partner's standard for you is too oppressive [10:39]I hope that whether you are choosing to lead or to follow, you use these keys to polarity to create delicious connections and deeper love.If the conversations on this podcast are resonating for you and you want to create the love, sex, and aliveness you desire with more ease, I invite you to enter a deeper relationship with me, through private coaching or my group mentorship program. Either way, you get powerful tools, conversation cheat sheets, meditations, and my loving and skillful attention every month, so your capacity for the pleasure and joy you want grows, continuously. CLICK HERE to apply for a consultation.

I want to devote a whole episode to the topic of defensiveness: how we engender it in each other, and why we get defensive ourselves. This is one of the biggest things I see stopping couples from communicating effectively, from connecting more deeply, and from experiencing more turn-on and erotic charge in their relationships. So if you've had defensiveness on either side of the conversation, this episode is for you.As you listen to this episode, we'll cover:Reasons you get defensive- whether it's stemming from you or from your partnerWhat to do when your partner or someone else seems defensive. What to do when you feel unfairly attacked or accusedHow to calm down when either of you has gotten defensiveAnd more.  E.g. Join the conversation by listening, then share your story or response on our voicemail at 206-659-9865 or inside our free Conscious Couples' Circle on Mighty Networks.“It's a tremendous challenge and opportunity to be fresh in today's conversation, rather than to call up that whole library of painful experiences that everybody, even in a good relationship, has over years and years together, because you're both human.”-Michele Lisenbury ChristensenHot Moments in This Episode:Why you should celebrate when defensiveness comes up [5:37]One of the best tools for dismantling defensiveness when bringing up an issue [15:25]Signs that your partner may be becoming defensive [17:35]What happens when you “throw in the kitchen sink” [26:40]I wish for every couple listening today is to be able to talk about the most tender things, the most raw things, the deepest reactions you have to one another because those contain the gold of both your personal evolutions and the most intimate relationship that you can possibly have with each other.Resources mentioned in this episode:Arbinger Institute booksSelf-Regulation Toolkit Part I: Regulating The Freeze ResponseSelf-Regulation Toolkit Part 2: Fight or FlightIf the conversations on this podcast are resonating for you and you want to create the love, sex, and aliveness you desire with more ease, I invite you to enter a deeper relationship with me, through private coaching or my group mentorship program. Either way, you get powerful tools, conversation cheat sheets, meditations, and my loving and skillful attention every month, so your capacity for the pleasure and joy you want grows, continuously. CLICK HERE to apply for a consultation.

This week, I'm bringing back the most popular episode of the podcast for your listening pleasure.The 12 Elements of Power framework is more relevant now than ever for for us as feminists who don't want to think about power in an essentialist sense, don't want to think that there are particular qualities that we don't have access to because that hasn't been our lived experience. What we know is that we have within us, for instance, both the capacity to be self-reliant, and the capacity to be connected. Those are two of the elements of power. And all of the elements come in pairs like this that we'll talk through today. In this episode, we'll talk about :How Driving and Receiving are two sides of the same coin… We can only do so much “making it happen” without a commensurate capacity to “let it in.”Why “masculine” traits and “feminine” traits are a fallacy, even though there's plenty of evidence for them, and what's more true than that kind of gender essentialismThe twelve precise capacities every human possesses and needs to master to be fully powerful in love and elsewhere in life Hot Moments in this episode:What “psychological patriarchy” is and how it affects us [7:19]How the 12 Elements of Power can be like bodybuilding [11:18]The element of power that looks the least like power, but may be the most powerful [15:06]Taking the elements of power into the realm of intimacy [17:15]I hope you find this episode is just what you need to hear as you navigate your relationship in these intense times. I hope you are able to remember your exquisite beauty, divinity, and intrinsic aliveness.  And I hope you let the light within you illuminate the world around you.

This is a different kind of episode. Often, I record podcast episodes about things that have come up with clients recently or I initiate out of conversations that I feel like we need to have in the culture that we haven't been having. Today's episode is about a topic that is blowing my mind right now, because I didn't think of it this way until I was reading this amazing book, "The Audacity to Be You" by Brad Reedy. In this episode, I want to talk about Reedy's concept of the “three circles” because I believe that this concept is at the heart of intimacy. And it's also at the root of most conflict, especially between two people.As you listen to this episode, you'll discover:Brad Reedy's “three circles model” and how it ties in with what I am learning about myselfHow we get walled off from one another or tangled up in each other's selves How we can use the three circles model to better know ourselves and our partnerWhere to start to create more of a sense of self and healthier intimacy with other peopleHow this can apply to many of your relationships- whether it's your spouse, children, or friends And more.  E.g. Join the conversation by listening, then share your story or response on our voicemail at 206-659-9865 or inside our free Conscious Couples' Circle on Mighty Networks.“The inner work of being an adult is to find those pieces of ourselves that we've disowned, that we thought weren't lovable, that we thought that no one could both see and care about us and to bring those backup.”-Michele Lisenbury ChristensenHot Moments in This Episode:What it means to keep people out of your circle (6:34)The two jobs you each have in your relationship circle (8:46)What I do when my husband's bad mood causes me anxiety (13:31)The messages we learn from childhood about our true selves (16:09)RESOURCES OR LINKS MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:The Audacity to be You by Brad ReedyIf the conversations on this podcast are resonating for you and you want to create the love, sex, and aliveness you desire with more ease, I invite you to enter a deeper relationship with me, through private coaching or my group mentorship program. Either way, you get powerful tools, conversation cheat sheets, meditations, and  my loving and skillful attention every month, so your capacity for the pleasure and joy you want grows, continuously. CLICK HERE to apply for a consultation.

You've tried therapy before, and it didn't get you where you wanted to go. Maybe it helped. Many people report to me that it got them on the right path, but not really to their goals. My goal is to help couples not just reduce the “itching, burning and swelling”- the immediate pains that they're facing when they come to me- but truly create a great relationship. And, truly, what many of the couples that come to me want is to go from a good really solid relationship to a great relationship, which I call Legacy Love. Today, we're going to talk about why couples counseling often doesn't get couples to that place, and how to make sure that next time you do make an investment in your relationship, it can get you where you really want to go.As you listen to this episode, you'll hear about:The point at which most couples seek counseling What I've learned about couples counseling from my own experiences in therapyWhat you need to be doing between your sessions is to get the results you wantThe importance of putting the conversation about the relationship in the context of trauma, power, patriarchy, and colonizationThe difference between treating the symptoms and actually building towards our visionAnd more.  E.g. Join the conversation by listening, then share your story or response on our voicemail at 206-659-9865 or inside our free Conscious Couples' Circle on Mighty Networks.“Our rates of normal marital mediocrity can be chalked up to not having a high enough vision and a deep enough devotion to being one another's person.”-Michele Lisenbury ChristensenHot Moments in This Episode:How to “shovel while the pile is small”  [3:28]The “twofer” that gets in the way of building Legacy Love in therapy [4:17]How the patriarchy affects your relationship that a therapist may miss [11:08]What I hope your next investment in your relationship looks like [18:17] I hope this episode gives you what you need to seek the support that will help the two of you keep going all the way to the shining, emotional and energetic aliveness that you really want in our relationship. And may the light within you illuminate the world around you.RESOURCES OR LINKS MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODETony Porter Man Box Ted TalkIf the conversations on this podcast are resonating for you and you want to create the love, sex, and aliveness you desire with more ease, I invite you to enter a deeper relationship with me, through private coaching or my group mentorship program. Either way, you get powerful tools, conversation cheat sheets, meditations, and my loving and skillful attention every month, so your capacity for the pleasure and joy you want grows, continuously. CLICK HERE to apply for a consultation

There are some serious ways that our partners can be stuck. Many clients and members of my audience have approached me with concerns like, "I just need him to get a job and nothing I've tried has worked" or "Her drinking is really concerning to me, but it's not concerning to her so she's not about to get into recovery.” It's very reasonable that your partner might feel terrified to make a particular change and you may be the only voice or the loudest voice asking them to change. Today's episode is about how we get our partners on board with something that we really want, but that perhaps you've spent years trying to get through to them about and it hasn't worked. In this episode, I'll walk you through: How to get clarity about what you're willing to give in order to have the relationship you envisionMy experience of drawing a line with my husband and how it transformed our marriageHow to start the conversation about your partner's behaviors in a way that can benefit you and your partnerFinding a “Plan B” to underscore for you what's really going on (and how that's different than a threat)Understanding the objections that may arise when you confront these behaviorsE.g. Join the conversation by listening, then share your story or response on our voicemail at 206-659-9865 or inside our free Conscious Couples' Circle on Mighty Networks.“I assure you, you were built for more. If you are living in a way that is hobbled by your partner's under-functioning or under-living, they deserve and you deserve so much more.”-Michele Lisenbury ChristensenHot Moments in This Episode:How you can call your partner to begin their “hero's journey”The negotiating tactic you can use to get clarityThe three-stage way I communicated about my partner's outburstsSome sentence starters that can help you begin a productive conversationI hope that you get to a place where this kind of invitation is just a working part of who you are as a couple; that you keep leapfrogging into new possibilities. erotically emotionally, career-wise,  This is a never-ending road, not of difficulty and pain, but of potential and joy, growth, freedom, and pleasure. And that's what I want for you.If the conversations on this podcast are resonating for you and you want to create the love, sex, and aliveness you desire with more ease, I invite you to enter a deeper relationship with me, through private coaching or my group mentorship program. Either way, you get powerful tools, conversation cheat sheets, meditations, and my loving and skillful attention every month, so your capacity for the pleasure and joy you want grows, continuously. CLICK HERE to apply for a consultation.

Think for a moment about what conditions you thrive under, what sets you up to be your happiest, your healthiest, most balanced, joyful self. When that thing is missing it functions like a rock in your shoe. You're not unable to keep walking is just a little bit more painful. That's how an unmet need can feel and how it can create tension and unhappiness in your life. Today, I want to address what needs are and what they aren't, and how you know. We'll talk about what's possible when your needs get met, and what to do when they're not.As you listen to this episode, we'll talk about:The categories of needs that people often come to me aboutHow to distinguish between “wants” and “desires” and how they overlapSigns that you may have unmet needsPatterns that individuals and couples fall into when they have unmet needsApproaches you can use to get your needs metUnraveling myths and misconceptions around your needs E.g. Join the conversation by listening, then share your story or response on our voicemail at 206-659-9865 or inside our free Conscious Couples' Circle on Mighty Networks."Desires are the marching orders that the divine writes on our hearts. They speak to who we are to be in this world."-Michele Lisenbury ChristensenHot Moments in This Episode:The difference between my approach and Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs (3:32)The most amazing thing about needs (13:00)What to try if an unmet need feels like an emergency (14:53)What the “portfolio approach” is and how to make it work for you (18:21)I hope that you're taking away a bright vision of yourself as an organism that has needs that you might not have pinpointed yet, but that you can get acquainted with. And I hope that you can see that when you honor those needs, you do a service not just to yourself, but to your partner and everyone you're close to and truly to the whole world. If the conversations on this podcast are resonating for you and you want to create the love, sex, and aliveness you desire with more ease, I invite you to enter a deeper relationship with me, through private coaching or my group mentorship program. Either way, you get powerful tools, conversation cheat sheets, meditations, and my loving and skillful attention every month, so your capacity for the pleasure and joy you want grows, continuously. CLICK HERE to apply for a consultation.

This topic is very close to my heart and it is one of the central beliefs that informs all the work I do with my clients. Today,  I'm here to tell you that you deserve and are capable of experiencing pleasure no matter where you are in life. In my latest episode, we talk about how you can bring more of that pleasure and aliveness into your marriage.As you listen to this episode, you'll hear about:The five beliefs that you need to create for yourself to sustain the level of turn-on that your body and your heart yearn forWhat happens when you think of your marriage as another “to-do” and how to turn it into an energy source insteadInterrogating your beliefs around what you “deserve”Accepting that you can cultivate pleasure at any size, shape, age (despite your objections)The importance of looking at your vision for what's possible in your relationshipAnd more.  E.g. Join the conversation by listening, then share your story or response on our voicemail at 206-659-9865 or inside our free Conscious Couples' Circle on Mighty Networks.I'm here to tell you that pleasure is absolutely possible at any age. And beyond possible, it's absolutely worthy and beautiful and it is our birthright.-Michele Linsebury ChristensenHot Moments in This Episode:The steamroller you'll have to stand up to in order to have a turned on marriageWhy you already have what you need in order to have a turned-on lifeWhy learning sex tricks probably isn't going to help...The fundamental question I dare you to ask yourselfI hope you pursue that shining vision of what you can be, have, enjoy, and experience. You deserve it, you are worthy of it.If the conversations on this podcast are resonating for you and you want to create the love, sex, and aliveness you desire with more ease, I invite you to enter a deeper relationship with me, through private coaching or my group mentorship program. Either way, you get powerful tools, conversation cheat sheets, meditations, and my loving and skillful attention every month, so your capacity for the pleasure and joy you want grows, continuously. 

Let me ask you a personal question (or a few). Do you have fantasies about sex with other people? Do you have sometimes active desires to consummate those fantasies? Do you wonder what that means about you or about your partner? I'm going to guess you answered “yes” to at least one of these questions. And you know what? That is all totally okay. Today we're going to talk about your desire for sex with other people and start to dig in to what that could mean for you.As you listen to this episode, you'll hear about: Different reasons you might want sex with another personWhat your desires or fantasies might signal about your needs and how they could actually benefit your relationshipWhat it means you are fantasizing about a specific person or about finding someone new in the abstractQuestions to ask yourself about to get to the root of your desire and address itAnd more.  E.g. Join the conversation by listening, then share your story or response on our voicemail at 206-659-9865 or inside our free Conscious Couples' Circle on Mighty Networks.“ I think of sexual fantasies as being like a Pensieve, they show us ourselves. You can see yourself in your desires.”-Michele Linsenbury ChristensenHot Moments in This Episode:The truth about non-monogamy (1:56)What you can learn about your desires from Harry Potter (3:20)Why certain milestones may cause these desires to arise (6:13) How I dealt with my fantasy about the contractor who was renovating my home (8:13)My wish for you is that, after listing to this episode, you choose to be gentle with yourself when you have fantasies, desires and urges. Don't push them down. Don't chastise yourself for having them. Instead, I hope that you stay curious about and open yourself to the aliveness that is awaiting you on the other side.If the conversations on this podcast are resonating for you and you want to create the love, sex, and aliveness you desire with more ease, I invite you to enter a deeper relationship with me, through private coaching or my group mentorship program. Either way, you get powerful tools, conversation cheat sheets, meditations, and  my loving and skillful attention every month, so your capacity for the pleasure and joy you want grows, continuously. CLICK HERE to apply for a consultation.

Money is a hot topic, especially in relationship to love and sex in long-term relationships. Money is energy, and it's power. How you handle money together shapes so much of the rest of your experience of your partnership and how you feel about yourself. So, today, I thought I'd dive into it in an episode about my money, our money, your money, and look at the relationship side and the erotic side of what happens with couples and money.As you listen to this episode, you'll hear learn:Managing money when you both have different approaches (spender or saver?)Diving into your “money memories” and what they may mean for you todayHow the meanings that you assign to money affect your relationship dynamicRecognizing both partners' contributions to the relationshipNavigating an income differential in a way that is satisfying to you bothAnd more.    E.g. Join the conversation by listening, then share your story or response on our voicemail at 206-659-9865 or inside our free Conscious Couples' Circle on Mighty Networks.“Money is like a mirror, it will reflect whatever we hold up to it.”  - Michele Lisenbury Christensen Hot Moments in This Episode:The money habit that's a sex-crusher (8:20)How money conflicts can be the canary in the coal mine (9:42)Explaining what I mean by “financial infidelity” (13:25)The different money strategies I have heard from hundreds of people (17:56) I hope that whatever you choose to do together with money, do it consciously, communicate openly, explore the meaning that you've made up, and rewrite the meanings.  And may the light within you illuminate the world around you.Fair Play by Eve RodskyMoney Harmony by Olivia Mellan and Sherry ChristieYNAB (You Need a Budget)If the conversations on this podcast are resonating for you and you want to create the love, sex, and aliveness you desire with more ease, I invite you to enter a deeper relationship with me, through private coaching or my group mentorship program. Either way, you get powerful tools, conversation cheat sheets, meditations, and my loving and skillful attention every month, so your capacity for the pleasure and joy you want grows, continuously. CLICK HERE to apply for a consultation.

I am a nerd for planning. I love to envision the future. I love to review the past. And New Year's time is totally a time when I want to look over the past year and see the themes and then set intentions for the new year with my husband. But pretty early in our relationship, I got the picture that Kurt was not a planner in the same way that I was. And perhaps you can relate. I find that in most couples, there's one person who's way more into this stuff than the other. And that's perfectly alright. I'm here to help both of you have a peaceful and joyful way of moving through a process of really capturing the gems from the past year, setting intentions for the coming year, and keeping your relationship on a really powerful trajectory. As you listen to this episode, we're talking about:The three most common questions I get about reviewing your year and setting intentionsWhy it's worth it to review your year togetherHow to have a meaningful review of the year even if your partner is not really into planningIdentifying the themes of your past year togetherThe free live events I'll be hosting to help you in your planning and review processAnd more.  E.g. Join the conversation by listening, then share your story or response on our voicemail at 206-659-9865 or inside our free Conscious Couples' Circle on Mighty Networks."Truly amazing relationships get stronger over time, instead of grinding each other down over time. They're intentional."-Michele Lisenbury ChristensenHot Moments in This Episode:How reviewing your year is kindaaa like my fifth grade racquetball class (4:17)What do I mean by “relational amnesia”? (8:02)The myth about relationships I've seen affect thousands of couples (10:38)The annual exercise that I highly encourage all couples to do- even if you skip everything else (14:40) I wish you a blessed new year. I hope that each year of your life together is even better than the one before. And may the light within you illuminate the world around you.If you want to snag a copy of the Couples' Guide, head over to couplesvision.com for your free download and details on how to RSVP for my live planning calls.

"If I'm such a visionary about relationship, and my partner doesn't think that way, isn't that a problem?" This is a question I have heard many times and one I asked myself in my relationship, too.  It's a big responsibility and can feel like a burden. But what I have come to see is that I am someone who has been gifted with the opportunity to hold vision. So in this episode, I'm going to share with you what I've learned about being a visionary in love. I'm going to answer some of those key questions that visionaries often ask me, and I'm going to call you up, I'm going to invite you into courage and into action in the role of the visionary. In this episode, we'll discuss:What a visionary is and what our role is in our relationshipsWhy you don't have to worry if you feel like you're always two steps ahead of your partner in visioning your relationshipThe difference between “values” and “approach” and why it mattersRecognizing the higher desire partner in aspects of your relationshipHow to pursue your “too big” vision without resenting (or creating resentment from) your partnerAnd more.  “Being the visionary means that we take 100% responsibility for becoming and living from the qualities within ourselves that will bring about that vision.” -Michele Lisenbury ChristensenGet The Couples' Guide to Planning an Amazing New Year for free at CouplesVision.comHot Moments in This Episode:What a therapist asked me in 2003 that changed my life (1:57)The two core questions that people often ask me when they're the visionary (8:49)Why you might have chosen a partner who isn't as ambitious as you (11:29)Getting your partner on board with your vision (16:10)The free tool you can download now to create a vision for your life together (18:32) My wish for you is that you see yourself as that visionary, that change agent who is blessed with a vision that others might not yet see, but a vision that will serve you in the world very well, if you nourish yourself well enough to hold the vision and devote yourself to it with self love and perseverance. And may the light within you illuminate the world around you.Resources Mentioned in this episode:Heifer InternationalIf the conversations on this podcast are resonating for you and you want to create the love, sex, and aliveness you desire with more ease, I invite you to enter a deeper relationship with me, through private coaching or my group mentorship program. Either way, you get powerful tools, conversation cheat sheets, meditations, and my loving and skillful attention every month, so your capacity for the pleasure and joy you want grows, continuously. CLICK HERE to apply for a consultation.

Every year for the holidays, you make it a priority to spend time with your extended family or focus on making magic for your kids, but your relationship becomes an afterthought. Over the last 24 years together, Kurt and I have really focused on this and learned a lot about how to make sure that our holidays are a magical time for us as a couple as well. Together, we outlined the seven paths to hotter, more loving holidays, so that you can create a holiday season that's more pleasurable, intimate, peaceful, and nourishing so that after the holiday, you feel energized and inspired and not depleted.As you listen to this episode, you'll hear about:The questions that you and your partner can ask before each holiday to create a better experienceWays that you can indulge your senses to maximize pleasure and alivenessTaking the stress out of gift-giving Setting boundaries with loved ones that will protect your energyHow time alone together can keep you sane(r)And more.  “I invite you to look at where the pockets are where you might be able to create shared pleasure with your partner and keep yourself orgasm fueled so that you're at your best for the holiday.”-Michele Lisenbury ChristensenHot Moments in This Episode:My “blasphemous” tip for creating more aliveness during family trips (6:22)How to keep the eroticism alive when you're staying in your childhood bedroom (8:41)Why I bought a cow for my friends and family (16:31)Coming up with a Plan B for when a family member acts out (19:35)I hope you will try out just one or two of these paths to a hotter more loving holiday. My wish is for you to fully experience a magical and sacred time of year that feeds your aliveness. And may the light within you illuminate the world around you.Heifer InternationalIf the conversations on this podcast are resonating for you and you want to create the love, sex, and aliveness you desire with more ease, I invite you to enter a deeper relationship with me, through private coaching or my group mentorship program. Either way, you get powerful tools, conversation cheat sheets, meditations, and  my loving and skillful attention every month, so your capacity for the pleasure and joy you want grows, continuously. CLICK HERE to apply for a consultation.Full show notes & transcript are available at http://lisenbury.com/epsisode/043

In today's episode, we're gonna follow up our last conversation which was all about the core qualities that make a great lover in a long-term relationship with the other side of that same coin. There are four categories of obstacles to great passionate sex that just gets better for a lifetime. And the results I get with clients all trace back to my devotion to pinpointing and addressing these obstacles in a systematic way. Naturally, that all starts with knowing what those obstacles are in the first place. So that's why today we'll walk through the four obstacles to great passionate sex.As you listen to this episode, you'll hear about:The four categories of obstacles that I see getting in the way of sex all. the. time.Questions you can ask yourself (or your partner) to assess your obstacles in these areasMy method for pinpointing the combination of obstacles and addressing themWho you are and what you do out in the world affects how you show up in bed.And more.  E.g. Join the conversation by listening, then share your story or response on our voicemail at 206-659-9865 or inside our free Conscious Couples' Circle on Mighty Networks.“Enjoy your partner's body and your own and reveal your energy to them in a way that no one else gets to see.”-Michele Lisenbury ChristensenHot Moments in This Episode:What the acronym ASS means and how it keeps you stuck in a rut (4:34)Why it's not necessarily problematic that you're not having orgasms (11:18)What I've learned from teaching sex education to eighth graders (12:34)How your husband's past experiences may come between you in bedI hope you find this episode makes you feel less alone if you're quietly facing one of these obstacles. My wish is that it will encourage you to take the first step to make your sex life everything you want it to be.If the conversations on this podcast are resonating for you and you want to create the love, sex, and aliveness you desire with more ease, I invite you to enter a deeper relationship with me, through private coaching or my group mentorship program. Either way, you get powerful tools, conversation cheat sheets, meditations, and my loving and skillful attention every month, so your capacity for the pleasure and joy you want grows, continuously. CLICK HERE to apply for a consultation.

Would you like to have the kind of sex that surprises you and makes your partner surprised by the emergence of that facet of you? The sort of lovemaking that keeps you both coming back for more? Sex that allows you to call up the energy at the end of the day when you're both tired, but you cannot resist the adventure because you have no idea where it will lead? This episode is for you! I will share four qualities of a great lover, and I'm sure if you apply at least one of the qualities, your relationship will never be the same.As you listen to this episode, you'll discover:How body fascination comes in handy in your sex lifeWhen you are aware of your identity, you become an irresistible loverBeing present for yourself and your partner is the best thing you do for your relationshipPlaying it safe and declining to reveal ourselves is the perfect recipe for boring sex The energy you bring to the relationship determines how good it getsWhere do you feel this conversation in your body? My free conscious couples circle is the place to continue our conversation. You can share your experiences, ask questions and get more actionable ideas for creating the love and sex you deeply desire in ways that evolve you fully. “Intimacy is both high sensation and high emotion. If you can't regulate yourself, when there's that much flowing through, it's kind of like if you can't swim in a fast flowing river. And you're going to get carried away by it.”-Michele Lisenbury ChristensenHot Moments in This Episode:To be a great lover, you need to get fascinated by your body and your partner's body [04:54]Great lovers create a story of who they are [07:15]The essence of staying present in the right moments [14:34]How great energy brings life into lovemaking in a relationship.[17:50]I hope you find this episode excites you and inspires you to embrace your inner lover.If the conversations on this podcast are resonating for you,  please subscribe so that you'll always know when we have a new episode. Also, please leave us a review. It will help more people find this podcast and benefit from the conversations here.

When we own our turn on, it lets us really own the truth of our erotic nature that it is ours and ours alone. If you've been looking for that formula on creating turn on and what we should and shouldn't do, tune in to this week's episode!This week, we're going to talk about creating turn on. Often, couples come to me wanting to feel more turned on in their relationship. I'm going to say something you might find unexpected: we can't rely on our partners to turn us on (at least, not completely). From  my experience, turn on is something we create within ourselves. Our turn on has a lot to do with a great many things that take place outside the bedroom outside the erotic arena. You cannot afford to miss this episode.As you listen to this episode, you'll learn:The benefits of turning ourselves onThe unfortunate ways that we turn ourselves offHow to turn ourselves on and rekindle the power inside us. Join the conversation by listening, share your story or response on our voicemail at 206-659-9865 or inside our free Conscious Couples' Circle on Mighty Networks.“I firmly believe that turned on women, who have come fully alive to themselves, women who claim and maintain that unicorn space are the key to solving the problems that ail the world.” -Michele Lisenbury ChristensenHot Moments in This Episode:What happens when we don't turn ourselves on?[03:03]How we turn ourselves off.[05:53]The process of turning ourselves on.  [09:34]I sincerely hope that this episode has challenged you to turn yourself on to bring out that powerful woman in you.I'd love to hear what you're taking away from this episode and what questions you have. What action are you willing to take daily to ensure you turn yourself on?

We need to talk. One of the conversations I think we need to have is about how to get out of your head during sex. If this applies to you, you're not alone: so many of my clients get stuck in their heads in bed. And there's a number of reasons for this. In this episode, I will talk you through the traps that many people get stuck in that take the enjoyment out of sex and how you can start getting out of your head and into the moment.As you listen to this episode, you'll learn:Some of the most common reasons men can't show up fully in bedWhat to do when you're feeling self-consciousWhat I mean when I say you may be “misusing sex”How to be present to your partner in bedWays that you can make more space in your life for amazing, connected sex Join the conversation by listening, then share your story or response on our voicemail at 206-659-9865 or inside our free Conscious Couples' Circle on Mighty Networks.Hot Moments in This Episode:What my dancing has in common with your sex lifeHow I know your partner is NOT evaluating youWhat to ask yourself instead of, “Am I doing this right?”Why asking “How long is my to-do list versus my partner's?” can equal better sexMy wish for you is to release yourself from expectation and find deeper connection. I hope you let yourself be worshipped and worship yourself at this temple of pleasure.If the conversations on this podcast are resonating for you and you want to create the love, sex, and aliveness you desire with more ease, I invite you to enter a deeper relationship with me, through private coaching or my group mentorship program. Either way, you get powerful tools, conversation cheat sheets, meditations, and my loving and skillful attention every month, so your capacity for the pleasure and joy you want grows, continuously. TAP HERE to apply for a consultation.See the full show notes at lisenbury.com/episode/039.

Do you crave an intimate getaway with your partner? You can make your desire a reality. Many people always feel like having a trip with their partners is impossible, especially if children are involved.In this episode, I will be sharing how Kurt and I planned and actualized our intimate getaway. I will teach you the three core stages of creating an intimate getaway and creative ways of ensuring your children are well taken care of as you enjoy your trip.Listen in and learn.As you listen to this episode, you'll learn:The core values of creating an intimate getawayHow to plan your resources before, during, and after the tripHow to find care for your kids during the tripRe-entry and recovery after the trip. You want to return feeling better than you left!Join the conversation by listening, then share your story or response on our voicemail at 206-659-9865 or inside our free Conscious Couples' Circle on Mighty Networks.Hot Moments in This Episode:Core steps of creating an intimate getaway: Intentionality, resources, and logistics[02:41]Mapping the resources on the trip[15:38]How we set up and we set out for the trip[23:26]How you can plan your BEST EVER re-entry and recovery [29:33]I sincerely hope that this episode has played a role in convincing you that you can have the intimate gateway you have always been craving. All you need is a plan and intention.   I'd love to hear what you're taking away from this episode and what questions you have. Feel free to share your experiences, ask questions and get more actionable ideas for creating the love and sex you deeply desire in ways that evolve you.

My husband, Kurt, and I just got home from our latest adventure to Croatia. It sparked so many thoughts I can't wait to share with you about why I think it's so important that couples carve out the time to be together, to get a completely different environment, and to have some novelty and adventure. I'm going to share with you over two episodes what we've done, why, and how you can do it, too. In this episode, we're going to dive into all the ways your relationship can benefit from an intimate getaway and tackle the mental blocks that keep you from your next adventure.As you listen to this episode, you'll hear about:Why we prioritize traveling alone together, even when it's challengingSome of our recent and memorable adventuresThe guilt of leaving your children behind and how I overcome that mindsetHow an intimate getaway can help you find a deeper connection with your partner and yourselfThe emotional, physical, and financial risks of traveling and the rewards you and your family will gain for tackling themJoin the conversation by listening, then share your story or response on our voicemail at 206-659-9865 or inside our free Conscious Couples' Circle on Mighty Networks.Hot Moments in This Episode:Why I don't feel badly for taking a trip to Europe 5:23How we got a day to ourselves in Japan while traveling with kids 9:32How being in a different country reminds us why we fell in love 13:59Why I panicked before my trip to Croatia and how I got past it 19:39I hope this episode affords you a new perspective on traveling with your partner.  My wish is that you have many beautiful and enlightening adventures throughout your long lives together.  And may the light within you illuminate the world around you.Read the full show notes and transcript at https://lisenbury.com/episode/037

Today, we're going to talk about why I think couples counseling and therapy didn't really do the trick for me and Kurt, and why it may not for you either. To be clear: I'm not here to talk trash about couples counseling at all. I want to explain why I'm evolving a way of working with couples that is very different from anything that we were ever given. And why I think that that's more powerful.As you listen to this episode, you'll hear about:The patriarchal roots of traditional psychology and how I use a feminist lens insteadWhy I am not using my psychology degree to become a licensed therapistThe Make More Love 30 Day Game program I created that gives you actionable steps toward a better relationshipHow you can move from talking to building structure that will support your relationshipWhy I focus on helping my clients create a legacy of loveHot Moments in This Episode:Why I DON'T want to be an authority figure 3:49How you can improve your relationship in just 30 days 9:38What do I mean by the “itching, burning, swelling dynamic” and how is it affecting you? 11:59What an intimacy coach and a dentist have in common 12:52The BIGGEST relationship challenge of the 21st century 15:44I hope you find this episode helps you decide what kind of support will make your relationship flourish.  I wish for you to continue on the path to building a love that will be a model for generations to come. And may the light within you illuminate the world around you.If the conversations on this podcast are resonating for you and you want to create the love, sex, and aliveness you desire with more ease, I invite you to enter a deeper relationship with me, through private coaching or my group mentorship program. Either way, you get powerful tools, conversation cheat sheets, meditations, and my loving and skillful attention every month, so your capacity for the pleasure and joy you want grows, continuously. CLICK HERE to apply for a consultation.View the full show notes and transcript for this episode at https://lisenbury.com/episode/036

If you listened to my last episode you know I went through the 5 losing communication strategies people often resort to in their relationships.  I promised then to detail the antidotes - the 5 winning relationship strategies that really help us overcome our learned dysfunctional patterns of relating and create healthy, adult connections with our partners.  It's a practice.  Nobody's perfect at it, least of all me, but these 5 strategies, as a direction, are like a compass pointing due north - showing us where to turn when we want deeper connection, when we want to be kind, when we want our partner to meet us, and we want to give and receive abundant love and turn-on.In this episode we'll cover:How to ask for what you really want from your partnerThe best ways to communicate with your partner after a tough interactionMindset and techniques you can use for listening when your partner is speaking to repairWhat it means to empower your partner to succeed with you and why it's important to your growth as a coupleAnd more.“Request.  Don't complain. And never lose sight of what you really want...The winning approach is to wait to talk to your partner about something UNTIL you can be really rooted in a VISION of what you desire.  Where you're inviting them into something beautiful.”-Michele Lisenbury ChristensenHot Moments in This Episode:What to do instead of complainingHow to know it's the right time to have difficult conversationThree keys for ACTUALLY listening to your partnerWinning strategy: Help your partner help youEasy things you can do to practice “smart generosity”I wish for you the beautiful and unique experience of feeling held, seen, and understood in your relationship. And I would love to hear about your journey. My wish for you and for our community is that you'll join the conversation over on the Conscious Couples' Circle at society.lisenbury.com.  It's a great place to ask your questions, share your experiences, and join the conversation about creating the love and sex that you deeply desire in ways that evolve you both. That's all happening at society.lisenbury.com. Join the conversation by listening, share your story or response on our voicemail at 206-659-9865 or inside our free Conscious Couples' Circle on Mighty Networks.

If you're realizing your partner isn't showing up with the capacity for the love or sex or vibrancy you want, deserve, and needIf you have been asking for what you need and they maybe make some moves toward it and then take steps backward and you find yourself asking, “Am I an idiot for staying when I've made it clear what I need and my partner doesn't seem to be changing?”If you long for a depth of love and sex that you wonder if your partner will EVER be capable of meeting you in...Then this episode is for you.  And if what I share here makes you slam your hand on the table and shout “YES!  Thank you!  That is what I've been feeling and trying to express!  You named it!”  then this might be a good episode to share with your partner.This episode is a deeply personal one for me and for Kurt.  You need to know upfront that in a different universe he'd be on here talking about this with me… AND that's not who he is, but also that if you're hearing this now it's because he gave me the green light to share the episode I made sharing our story from my perspective.  We are both on a mission to help other couples create the love and sex they really want and to grow into the capacity to have a vibrant, life-giving love even if we didn't grow up learning how to create that.  He and I just work on this mission in different ways.  He's an introverted, intensely private person who has exploded so much of his own cultural conditioning and blown past the models of masculinity, marriage, and fatherhood he grew up with.  He isn't one to talk about himself, but I'm so grateful for his partnership in my own growth and his vulnerability in letting me be transparent about our growth together AND his support and encouragement for my work.   I want you to feel seen and supported by this episode, to feel that I really GET how painful a relationship can be when it's good in many ways and in other ways it's unworkable to the point that you want to give up.  I HAVE BEEN THERE, and spent years working through those challenges… and I'm grateful to be able to be GLAD to still be with my very human husband and to be able to help others who want to create outrageous love inside the imperfect relationship they already have.In this episode we talk about:Why it's so hard for many of us to create a really vibrant, fully loving and intimate relationshipKurt's and my story of leaning into our growth in our marriage so we could build a love like none we'd ever seenWhat I know about how to know when to stay & dig into your own work and when to shift or end your relationship and do your growing outside the relationshipAnd moreJoin the conversation by listening, share your story or response on our voicemail at 206-659-9865 or inside our free Conscious Couples' Circle on Mighty Networks.

If you've found yourself feeling not-so-into sex - like you yourself never have the urge, and like even when your partner initiates, you're not interested… but you wish you were, this episode is for you.  And if you're the partner who does want to have sex, whether you try to initiate or you've heard “huh-uh” so many times you're too discouraged to ask again… We need to have this conversation.  And I want you to know that even though in movies and on tv shows, everybody seems rarin' to go, all the dang time -- even the harried sitcom couples with kids coming out their ears -- out here in the real world, you two are not alone if you find that one or both of you are singin' the “want-to-want-to-but-to-be-honest-I-don't” blues.  Today's episode will help because I'm going to introduce you to an important distinction straight out of my Sex Ed for Grownups Course.  This one notion - I call it the 3 Yeses - is responsible for COUNTLESS sexual encounters between married couples and partnered couples that would not have otherwise happened!  And you're next!It will allow you to go from “no way” to “okay” to “NOW!”  It will allow you to initiate in ways your partner will respond to warmly… and perhaps, given time, with PASSIONAnd it will give the two of you a better vernacular with which to communicate about your level of willingness to talk about the possibility of having sex.  In this episode we talk about:Why sex is like exercise, and how we can build and rehabilitate our habits for eachThe 3 yeses you and your partner might have, even if you aren't in full-blown arousal modeWhat to do when you're feeling each level of “yes” AND you recognize that being sexual with your partner would be of value How to engage with your partner in each stateAnd more....Join the conversation by listening, share your story or response on our voicemail at 206-659-9865 or inside our free Conscious Couples' Circle on Mighty Networks.

If you've found yourself feeling not-so-into sex - like you yourself never have the urge, and like even when your partner initiates, you're noooootttt interested… but you wish you were, this episode is for you.  And if you're the partner who does want to have sex, whether you try to initiate or you've heard “huh-uh” so many times you're too discouraged to ask again… We need to have this conversation.  And I want you to know that even though in movies and on tv shows, everybody seems rarin' to go, all the dang time -- even the harried sitcom couples with kids coming out their ears -- out here in the real world, you two are not alone, if you find that one or both of you are singin' the “want-to-want-to-but-to-be-honest-I-don't” blues.  Today's episode will help, because I'm going to introduce you to an important distinction straight out of my Sex Ed for Grownups Course.  This one notion - I call it the 3 Yeses - is responsible for COUNTLESS sexual encounters between married couples and partnered couples that would not have otherwise happened!  And you're next!It will allow you to go from “no way” to “okay” to “NOW!”  It will allow you to initiate in ways your partner will respond to warmly… and perhaps, given time, with PASSIONAnd it will give the two of you a better vernacular with which to communicate about your level of willingness to talk about the possibility of having sex. In this episode we talk about:Why sex is like exercise, and how we can build and rehabilitate our habits for eachThe 3 yeses you and your partner might have, even if you aren't in full-blown arousal modeWhat to do when you're feeling each level of “yes” AND you recognize that being sexual with your partner would be of value How to engage with your partner in each stateAnd more

If you have a male partner who avoids sex or gets stuck in his head sometimes during sex or about sex, this episode is for you.  If you or your partner struggle with what the industry tends to call “sexual dysfunction” - which is so pejorative - I do not like any of the medical terms at all - from erections that don't start or that don't stay, to ejaculating before you'd like to, not ejaculation when you'd expect to… This episode is for you.If you are or your partner is a man who is comfortable with sex as long as he's in control or in charge, or as long as the attention is on the other person, not on him, this episode will be helpful.And really for anyone who is a man, cares about a man, or walks through the world among men, I believe this episode is really important because it talks about something we don't talk about:  and that's the underreported, underdiscussed epidemic of men's sexual trauma.This is such an important episode to me because time and again, my male clients will tell me “I've never told anybody about this” or “Nobody explains this the way you just did, and it feels like huge burden has been lifted.”  I'm on a mission to lift that burden, to give that relief, to help as many men as possible to feel seen and understood and that they're normal and they're not broken and they're not alone!  So that's why we're going to talk about a couple of key things today: What sexual trauma IS and how common it is among menThe ways sexual trauma is inflicted for men Ways the conversation is silenced around men's sexual traumaSigns that you or a many you love is having a trauma response in the sexual realmJoin the conversation by listening, share your story or response on our voicemail at 206-659-9865 or inside our free Conscious Couples' Circle on Mighty Networks.Full show notes & transcript at http://lisenbury.com/epsisode/030

We're diving deep into how patriarchy gets into our relationships and messes with both partners, regardless of what gender everyone is.  This episode is a response to a beautiful letter from a listener.  I look forward to hearing your experiences.  What is the role of male privilege in your relationship?  How does psychological patriarchy affect the intimacy and aliveness in your relationship?  Listen in to hear how I define these terms and what a long-time male listener thought and felt when I said “smash the patriarchy” in an email about a prior episode.  In this episode we talk about:How psychological patriarchy differs from cultural patriarchyWhat psychological patriarchy costs women… and what it costs menThe grave disservice I'd do in trying to help couples if I didn't name the power imbalances our culture creates between men and women, large and small people, and people who earn more and their partners who earn less How privilege leads us to confuse “safety” and “comfort”And more

If you're a woman and you feel like you're always “on”, always have to be handling projects, tasks, and other people's feelings and needs…. And you just crave to let down, lay back, and have someone else handle it all for YOU now and then… and handle you really well in bed, to boot… This episode is for you.Or if you love a woman who seems demanding, take-charge, always “on” and seldom satisfied, and you sometimes wonder how you could possibly truly “win” with her… This episode is for you.In this episode I'm going to share:The epidemic that is leaving many high-achieving women high and dry (if you know what I mean!) feeling under-held and under-handled in bed and in their lives.  Why it's so hard for women to articulate what they need from their husbands o partners - and why they so often ask for what they want it in a way that leaves their partners feeling criticizedWhy women often don't know why they get cranky and dissatisfied, or what they really need, and how I stopped this pattern in myself.The key to handling your wife if you want to skillfully navigate her intensity, especially if it looks like she's got everything handled, herself.And more...

This episode is your peek behind the scenes of the first six months of Sex. Love. Power. My last episode was Episode 26.  I didn't realize until after I had recorded it that that means I've been doing this for half a year. And I was talking with a friend about it and she said, "I want to hear all about that. I want to hear about your process. I want to hear what you've learned.  And I don't even know how you set up a podcast or what was involved. So tell us about it." So I thought I would.   Today's episode is for you if you're curious about how I launched the podcast... how I think about it.  - I'm going to share the story of how I came to name it Sex. Love. Power. and what it was like for me to have sex be the first name of my podcast and some of the things that I was thinking about before that. - I'll share a little bit about the tools I use, how my process for creating an episode goes, the whole team that's behind getting the episode out into the world and getting you that detailed transcript so that you can really absorb what I'm teaching, if you want, and what tools we use to get that done. - I'll talk about why I don't interview other experts right now. - And where we're going next. Enjoy!Full show notes are at https://lisenbury.com/episodes/027Transcript is at https://lisenbury.com/transcript/027Join the conversation by listening, share your story or response on our voicemail at 206-659-9865 or inside our free Conscious Couples' Circle on Mighty Networks.