The Fullcast celebrates all of the absurdity of college football, and is frequently, often, not about college football at all. Join hosts Spencer Hall, Jason Kirk and Ryan Nanni, as they delve into the biggest stories of the week—or not. Produced by SB Nation and the Vox Media Podcast Network.
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--We discuss the NCAA getting shut out in the national title game of legal cases --No really, it's hilarious, they got destroyed--Worse, they asked to be destroyed, thinking they would win! --And it only cost them $75 million to lose every case! --THEY MADE BRETT KAVANAUGH SUGGEST A UNION--Some light discussion of whether Captain America brought oral sex to the United States --A review of the Daddingest Things--Jason begins a ten year campaign to convince his wife to live in a van --Spencer gets bigtimed by his own father on Father's Day--Holly suggests a cable channel of comfort movies only aired during sports for psychological comfort
- It's a time of great upheaval and change in our fair sport, and we responded the best way we know how: By talking for half an hour about the nerve center, the beating heart of the game. That's right: It's the New York City mayoral race. Please rate and review our college football podcast. - who is VANILLA PRIME??
- It's Ryan's birthday and we got him a new nickname! - The rest of the episode is devoted to YOUR spiciest space takes! - Introducing the Mojo Grill Fugue, the hot new psychological state that's sweeping the greater Tampa area! - Tell Arizona Iced Tea to sponsor our podcast! Or Tang! The drink of astronauts! We would love a Cheerwine, thanks for asking! - TELL THEM. - #KeepMarsMoist
State mottos, ranked, PLUS:Spencer is convinced there is a “weird way“ to take off a shirtRyan wears a tank top!Which beloved Louis Sachar character is revealed to be Jason?Holly makes herself sick during the show in an entirely new way How to sneak into Australia with an American passport
If you are attending somebody’s fourth wedding or higher, that person’s family fucked up!When is the optimal time on a wedding day to fight the clergy?If your wedding is written up in the New York Post, you fucked up!Why cargo shorts are the ideal wedding attireWhich former Fullcast guest turned the Designing Women house into a Superfund site?When to confess your love for the bride or groom and then join the Marines!
Topics of note this week include:1. The Pac-12 turns itself into an enormous casino2. What the exact age you became a person was 3. How many hours precisely one can spend in Las Vegas before the sadness sets in 4. Which team should actually get to play home games in The Rose Bowl 5. Nick Saban wants skinnier hosses
- This week, we rank college football powers and would-be powers by potential endorsement deals via each school’s most famous booster! - Spencer is almost positive he knows the difference between NLI and NIL, but that knowledge is definitely not apparent in this episode! - Did you know it’s legal to shoot down hot-air balloons in Kansas on one day each year?
- Previously! On the Shutdown Fullcast! No small amount of time is spent reviewing last week’s episode! - Spencer refuses to bring back Prince! Shame on him! - Some innovative new draft language, measured in food-pounds, is explored
- Ryan has a very cool solution for Spencer’s “I owe the internet video of me drinking 300 beers” that Spencer just barrels past - A #TwoAmericas law enforcement story introduces God’s secret archangel, Cajun Damon - A goodish number of wildlife updates - Hey, the Charity Bowl’s over, we have a lot of people to thank and are going to forget at least half of them. We’re very tired! You did this to us!
Michigan won the charity bowl, again, and Spencer and Holly bring Randy and Jason Sklar on to discuss important Wolverine matters. Because this is the Fullcast, this turns out to mean “the episode is mostly about Grey’s Anatomy.”
- There is no describing this episode. Look, just play it. You’ll get there. - Alternate title was going to be THE TICK WAR EPISODE - The LEAST upsetting voice in this episode is Spencer’s Joe Paterno, if that tells you anything - In a shocking revelation, at least one member of this podcast thinks it used to be “too easy to obtain dynamite in this country”!
• How much y’all reckon it would cost to just buy a football program outright?• Short on new can’t-miss business ideas this week, but almost positive we’re the first media outlet to suggest militarizing rodeo clowns• Who are you, “officer," to tell us we “cannot” jetski through the Suez Canal• Ryan invents a game that reveals just how easy Spencer would be to steal from• There are manatee noises! It’s not cute!!
Please welcome Skylab Carl, Tequila Derek, and Judge CatfishWhich tiger-affiliated school is the least equipped to handle rapidly moving water?Spencer fights against the strictures of both biology and physics, againThrill to Ryan’s tale of Florida’s sovereign sinkhole!A robust debate: What is the perfect size of bird to fight?
- Hey y’all, Les Miles got fired in the middle of this show, and we pivoted about as adeptly as you might expect. - Which American fast food chain serves a CHICKEN SANDWICH AS A SIDE ITEM AT BREAKFAST, but NOT IN AMERICA? - What color y’all reckon Prince Philip’s blood is?
You’re probably not going to play professional football, so how should you decide where to attend college? Our academic survey can tell you! The “Which school has the most convenient parking" answers won’t surprise you; the “Which school has the best food" answers definitely will!Also covered: The crucial categories of “waterslide availability" and “places to take a nap in public"Eat shit, US News & World ReportThe University of Texas’s clutch of Panera-level fascist boosters don’t deserve a good-faith argument, and you shouldn’t give them one!A Charity Bowl challenge is issued!
Stop asking us if it’s Blood Week every time a ranked team loses, you’ll know when it’s Blood Week, this applies to FCS ball too Holy shit that was an amazingly bloody Blood Week of FCS ball even by our own hemoglobin-happy standards Spencer is trying to get us into F1Why have none of y’all ever informed us that “international go-karting” was an available career optionDoes anybody know how to determine if we have any remaining international go-karting eligibility
- Hey y’all, it’s the FCS draft episode, where we overcome our current general disdain for sports to pick spring football teams! - Featuring a brief but violent detour into the Boise State-Idaho rivalry! - Our collective safari into perfecting our Maine accents continues? - Never admit what is or isn’t gumbo on the internet. - “Spencer, I have a money question"
- It’s our advanced sports analytics episode! How advanced? Advanced past what? Mind your own business! - What are we using our film review skills for? Breaking down that Oklahoma bathroom fight, are you new here? - As a team, we feel pretty confident we could perform a number of basic medical procedures in the field. Listen along to find out which! - Adding to the ever-expanding roster of basic concepts Spencer has no grasp of, we can now add “sitcoms” and “human bones” - Dabo will never be a great leader of history because Genghis Khan paid his players
--Can't sleep, must think about Baconator --an ode to the most essential Panda Express on the planet --All Gus Malzahn does is cash checks he will never spend--Everyone belongs to one of four human tribes: The Zappers, Wild Aces, Beasts, or Glacier Boyz--Holly challenges us to work onside kicks into every sport--YE ATE ME DART--Spencer just wants to steal horses
--Why is Ben Franklin smiling on the 100 bill? Because he's pantsless--NCAA FOOTBALL IS BACK! (Again. Not more than it was. On the way? BACK.) --Ryan on why Congress should pass legislation to bring back Banjo and Kazooie --A brief diversion into a musical about Aaron Burr slapping Alexander Hamilton to death --Which schools in the new NCAA video game that should be inherently corrupt --The challenge of putting fake facilities in the game more absurd than the real ones --Did you know Auburn's current football facility has a flight simulator? You do now!--A proposal for real coaches, i.e. your staff might be mostly inept family members--BOOSTER MODE--Holly issues an amazing challenge for next week's episode
--Spencer is described by his co-workers as "a dog with a plunger" --Play the game "EPL name or NFL Assistant" --Jason demands that you LEARN. FOOTBALL. --Tom Brady, the ultimate "let's get a game-winning FG" QB ever --An alternate history where Mike Vick steals whale sharks from the GA Aquarium--We turn Kirby Smart into a Turkish soccer team --Imagining the living hell of raising five Gronkowskis
--Spencer and Ryan duel to see who can hold the longest WELLLCOME, and Spencer almost dies --a review of the DIAMOND HANDS LIFESTYLE, or how the whole world is living the #FullcastLyfe now--A review of Ren Faires, and why they are not Med Faires--Jared Goff is smarter than all of us --Matt Stafford, Daydrinking Nap God --Picking out teams clearly free-riding on other teams' effort --How almost every SEC team is quantitatively trying toooo hard --Has anyone ever peed on the moon? --We pick the LUCRATIVE DEAD MALL STONKS OF THE FUTURE for you
Why are you even asking if we bought GameStop stock? Of course we bought GameStop stockSpencer invented a game! That’s not as bad as it sounds! Why are you flinching? Anyway, the game goes like this: Can you pick hit or miss coaching hires throughout history based solely on their records? Turns out we can’t, but we CAN reunite Ryan with his coaching spirit soulmateWhich former Colorado head coach is Holly’s new life coach?With Enough Flex Tape, You Can Live Forever (Shutdown Fullcast not currently sponsored by Flex Tape)
It’s the cryptocurrency episode! Spencer wants to invest $100 in bitcoin live on the air, and we may not be able to talk him out of it! The Vitruvian Man, updated for the modern age! (it’s Kid Rock, sorry) The four bodily humors, updated for the modern age! (one of them is Fritos, sorry) In honor of the NFL playoffs, the team goes looking for the best clam chowder in Tampa, sorry
We can exclusively report that Homophobic Country Ham With A Headset On It has turned down the Tennessee jobAn abbreviated list of players and coaches about whom we have been Quite Wrong, footballishly speakingSo we’ll be talking about Josh Allen for quite a bitJust draft Bama guys, anybody named after an Egyptian allfather, and Rondale Moore
In keeping with Fullcast tradition, we belly-flop into the offseason by restarting our Disasters Playlist, this time centered around “times you have set things on fire that were not supposed to be on fire.” Includes the following instant-classic story elements: • “We did not have a fireplace.” • “The smoke was visible for miles around.” • “Ants survived.” • “It was like a terra-cotta jet engine.”Also, this very quickly becomes our long-awaited musical episode. Surprise!
- Definitely forgot we had to do one more show before the title game! We are so tired! - Magnets, fondly remembered - Make time for an old friend, and for Meatloaf - If you’ve read this far, we feel comfortable disclosing you are now a member of the John Wick Fitness Empirium. Cancel anytime!
* Folks, they called the Senate runoffs pretty much right in the middle of recording this thing, and then they cancelled Caillou, and we found out about all of this mid-show, so just bear with us okay* There may or may not be a title game in five days, sure * Holly becomes the final Fullcasteer to come up with a voice that she is never allowed to do on the show again* A robust amount of NFL coaching carousel analysis* You’re probably overpaying for snakes
—Jacksonville’s mayor wants to fight people—Why you can’t legally call paying Lane Kiffin “an investment”—Ryan tells Notre Dame why you can’t be aggressively cautious during a football game —Clay Helton, formulated for the sensitive stomachs of senior cats —KIRBY!—The Italian Christmas Donkey was the Lamborghini of 32 AD —#Justice4Han