Small Town Scuttlebutt

One mom finally snaps and calls out her kid's school for treating parents like unpaid interns — all in the name of mental health. Hear what kind of reaction she's getting! Also, Rick praises one of his daughter's teachers, Evan defends wearing crocs and free t-shirts, and Liz reflects on a recent parenting decision.

Every week for five years we have delivered a marginally funny show so let's celebrate. Not so much for us, but for you the listener who's tolerated us this long. Rick, Liz, and Evan share their observations of the week, read listener emails, and pay tribute to their sponsors, APC Pest Control, Perez Martial Arts, Royal Pizza, and Winslow Design. Then, Boston-Based Headliner, Kathe Farris sits down for an interview.

We get it. You have a dance recital, a graduation, a baseball game, and need to find time for groceries. You're the one who decided to provide enriching lives for your children, not us! Nonetheless, we commiserate with you. But first, Rick shares the biggest laugh you'll get from the internet and a rant on "Mom Hockey".

Mrs. Hemmingsworth isn't taking her top off at the July 4th cookout but she is ranting like a lunatic at a referee on a soccer field because her kid is not playing enough. We brag about being the "independent, latch-key kids, who didn't care!" What happened? Also, TV commercial characters, shoulder-slung fanny packs, and child neglect!

It's like "The Man Show" but they identify as a Dudes. America's Favorite Seaman, Lt. Tom Struble, U.S. Navy (E198) sits in for Liz and calls out "Things that piss me off!" But first, Rick and Evan hype the live show coming to The Zullo Art Gallery, Friday, June 6 at 8 p.m. They close with Tom remembering two fallen friends ahead of Memorial Day, STS1(SS) Eric Skinner and 1LT Laura Walker.

Get ready to debate along with the hosts in another episode that asks the essential question, Am I the asshole? Tune in Moms because there might be a teachable moment here for you.Also, call the "whahmbulance" because Evan had a bad day despite landing a $20M listing. Liz had to do Mom things on Mother's Day due to appropriately designated gender roles, and Rick comes back from The Great Canadian Comedy Festival with new material.Sponsored by:APC Pest Control, apcpest.comPerez Martial Arts, perezmartialarts.comRoyal Pizza, Royalpizzamedfield.comWinslow Design, winslowdesign.net

Rick was invited on the Goblin & Ogre podcast after his inaugural set at The Great Canadian Comedy Festival. Drop into the conversation as Canadian and American comics compare notes on their respective comedy scenes, the comedy festival, theories behind dad jokes, and why comics are mean to each other online. Rick bookends the episode with in-studio commentary for a recognizable, on-brand, product you have come to expect!Special Thanks to @goblinogre for graciously sharing their video and audio with us to embed into our episode. Please check them out and follow them if you like!Sponsored by:APC Pest Control, apcpest.comPerez Martial Arts, perezmartialarts.comRoyal Pizza, Royalpizzamedfield.comWinslow Design, winslowdesign.net

Remember getting the Yellow Pages to call the grocery store and asking, "Do you have Chef Boyardee in a can?" And then hilarity ensued when you then told them, "You better let him out before he suffocates!" Those were some good times in the 80s. Well, a guy just pulled off perhaps the biggest "OH NO YOU DIDN'T!" prank call ever that left a quarterback "yelling into his receiver."But first! It seems like everyone has a Costa Rica story. Liz's sends her son there and comes home bored, Even was absolutely certain his buddies were planing his batcherlor party there but they just went on a trip with out him, and Rick smears termite larvae over his body in the jungle for a very smart reason. Pura Vida!Enjoy the show, give us a 5-star rating, and then go spend a ton of money with our advertisers!APC Pest and Termite ControlPerez Martial ArtsRoyal PizzaWinslow Design

Rick does a one-on-one with his neighbor, friend, and mentor Kathe Farris. They have no particular agenda; Rick tries to find themes like following your passion, pursuing dreams, and learning lessons from failure but Kathe wasn't interested in being put on a pedestal. Instead she wanted to talk about true crime, Mother's Day plans, and people who complain on their town's Facebook group.

Imagine telling the middle school your 11-year old will NOT be taking a survey about their sexual behavior and they give you that guarantee only to make the kid take it anyway. What are you going to do now? Rick, Liz, and Evan are all over this one! But first, Rick waxes poetic about the glory of Augusta National's no cellphone policy and Evan tells all about serving as a star witness in a high-profile murder case now that the verdict is in!This week's amazing sponsor is APC Pest Control. Sign up now and receive 10% off your next service. Call them at 1-800-400-ANTS (2687) or visit APCpest.com. "They've been knockin 'em dead since 1981"

Imagine buying a seat on a flight and a kid is sitting there. Kid has to go right? Well, not according to the kid's mom or the skank who videotaped you in the seat for the entire flight while verbally harassing you. What to do? You sue the airline, the mom, and the skank! But first, Evan is sitting on a Jury in the same courthouse where the Karen Read trial is being held. He can't talk about the details of the case yet but all the circus stuff is fair game. Liz issues her teen a firm warning about getting home with the car before curfew - not just her rules, but MA law too! Rick asks if he's the asshole in how he deals with landscaping crews that park in front of his house to service the neighbors. It's truly a first world problem that is finally being addressed!

Our friend on the show, Mary Lou Andre, scores a hat trick with her third appearance. This week, she brings something for everyone. Men's fashion trends, being mindful of looking appropriate, and some chit-chat about being a woman in business. Rick interrupts throughout. (Evan is at a murder trial).Our bluechip sponsor this week is Perez Martial Arts! Visit perezmartialarts.com to get started today with their exclusive online offer.

Rick visits Mike "The Minister of Misinformation" in the desert for baseball, golf, and hanging poolside at a resort. Hear them recap the trip that involved driverless cars, famous athletes in the 'hood, and taking unsolicited golf tips from a stranger without pushing him in a bunker.

Rick visits Mike "The Minister of Misinformation" in the desert for baseball, golf, and hanging poolside at a resort. Hear them recap the trip that involved driverless cars, famous athletes in the 'hood, and taking unsolicited golf tips from a stranger without pushing him in a bunker.

Have you heard about Steven Shaw's Mushroom-fueled jet ride? Well, buckle up because this small-town problem goes airborne! It involves a guy from Vermont, an airport in New Jersey, and some dry-humping. But first, Rick excitedly shares how Sebastian Maniscalco handled a heckler who didn't appreciate his non-political Elon bit, Liz stands her ground as a mom, and Evan wins big on Keno! This week's esteemed sponsor is APC Pest Control. Visit APCpest.com and save 10% on your next service.

Whoah, late episode drop here. Sorry. Ok, Let's talk about people who take a good idea and then go all in. And then they want you to comply with them. And then they publicly shame you when you don't. We're talking about a mom on the sidelines of youth sports!

This episode continues the "welcome back from break" vibe as Liz returns with some great stories she found online. Rick co-hosted a month's worth of comedy shows at Jacques Cabaret and still identifies as a very handsome straight man. Evan goes traveling and the whole trip is SNAFU.Our sponsor this week is Perez Martial Artsperezmartialarts.com@perezmartialarts

In this lively conversation, Rick and Evan discuss their new podcast format, reflecting on personal resolutions and the Super Bowl halftime show featuring Kendrick Lamar. They delve into cultural commentary, exploring social justice themes in music and the public's reaction to the performance. The episode wraps up with a fun segment called 'What's in the Box,' showcasing a quirky product. In this engaging conversation, Rick and Evan delve into a variety of topics ranging from pop culture references like SS Sniper Wolf to the absurdity of bizarre love stories and societal norms. They critique film ratings, discuss the implications of hydrogen water, and explore the conspiracies surrounding Big Pharma and cancer treatments. The conversation also touches on mental health, youth perspectives on LGBTQ issues, and reflections on the Super Bowl, culminating in a debate about the greatest tight ends in football history.takeawaysThe hosts emphasize the importance of personal resolutions and accountability.They discuss the evolution of their podcast into a more visual format.The Super Bowl halftime show is critiqued for its artistic and social messages.Kendrick Lamar's performance is analyzed for its cultural implications.The hosts express differing opinions on Patrick Mahomes' status in football history.Social media reactions to the halftime show reveal societal divides.The conversation touches on the intersection of music, culture, and social justice.Humor is a key element in their discussions, making serious topics more approachable.The hosts share their thoughts on the changing landscape of entertainment and media.The 'What's in the Box' segment adds a playful element to the podcast. Rick expresses frustration over missing information.SS Sniper Wolf's rise is linked to gaming culture.Film ratings can be misleading and subjective.The distinction between gory and disturbing in horror films is important.Hydrogen water's benefits are still under research.Big Pharma's role in cancer treatment is questioned.Bizarre love stories reflect societal changes.The diaper spa phenomenon raises questions about normalization.Youth perspectives on LGBTQ issues are evolving.The debate over tight ends in football continues.titlesFrustrations and Corrections in Pop CultureThe Rise of SS Sniper Wolf: A Gaming IconFilm Ratings: A Critical PerspectiveGory vs. Disturbing: The Horror Film DebateHydrogen Water: Myths and RealitiesBig Pharma: Conspiracies and Cancer TreatmentsSound Bites"I think we got our shit together.""My theme is to just keep my side of the street clean.""This is no longer a podcast, it's a TV show now.""This is too ghetto, you gotta play the game.""It's OK to not like Bach, you know.""I thought Kendrick Lamar played it down the line.""What's in the box?""Big Pharma doesn't want you to know.""She accused it of cheating on her.""We were trying to normalize stuff."Chapters00:00Setting the Stage: New Beginnings05:13The Super Bowl: Halftime Show Insights14:55Cultural Commentary: Social Justice and Music20:12What's in the Box: Fun and Games29:02Frustrations and Corrections30:09The Rise of SS Sniper Wolf31:36Critique of Film Ratings32:34Gory vs. Disturbing in Horror Films33:32Hydrogen Water: Myths and Facts34:53Big Pharma and Cancer Treatment Conspiracies37:50Bizarre Love Stories: Rag Dolls and Relationships40:09The Diaper Spa...

Here's a little curation of curios stories we've prepared for your enjoyment. The gang kicks things off with a tone-setting story about a fart. If you're new to the show and think we are low brow, would you rather we discuss the laws of thermodynamics? Also a story about a guy and his row boat and a 200 hp engine on a lake; authorities want to talk to the guy for some reason. Then, the moment you've been waiting for. It's the hat trick of stories. Nay! It's the Holy Trinity of Legends! Imagine a woman marries a doll, then that doll messes around. Dare the doll who scorns a crazy woman who marries dolls. Listen to find out how this shits how ends!This week's episode is sponsored by Winslow Design, an award-winning firm focused on residential architectural design located in the MetroWest area outside of Boston, MA.winslowdesign.net@winslowdesign

Rick goes off on technology sounding like he was born about 100 years later than he should have. Then Liz has an update to the update about the sledding hill shutdown in Wellesley, MA and Evan isn't interested in the justification. And, two weeks into Evan's quest to lose 30 pounds, he only has 30 pounds to go! Keep it up champ!In the second half, we learn about a kid who turns down an offer for his prized baseball card from the Pittsburgh Pirates. That offer was valued at more than a million dollars. However, this kid is taking the card to auction for a huge haul and then will donate ALL OF IT to the California wildfire victims.Please support out sponsors!Winslow Design, winslowdesign.net Royal Pizza, royalpizzamedfield.com

This week, the gang reads some emails they've received lately. They're good because they present accountability, critical thinking, and a desire for higher standards. The show needs these things, and Rick, Liz, and Evan appreciate the feedback. Also, Liz is big on six-word stories. Evan's business is growing, and Rick learned how to read a crowd last weekend opening for Kevin Farley.

Rick says the Pacific Coast Highway from San Fransisco to San Diego is a great road trip. Then, the group discusses the devastation wildfires have brought to LA. Mindful that this show fits in the Comedy genre, everybody jumps into their resolutions, or commitments to a personal goal. How much weight does Evan want to lose? What's his target weight? Follow his journey for inspiration!Liz is laughing more in '25 and even has a pair of tickets to see Nate Bargatze to ensure the momentum carries on.Rick is getting on stage more. This weekend he'll be opening for Kevin Farley (Chris's brother) in New Hampshire. Now he just needs to get a workflow in order to manage it all.Finally, Liz gushes about meeting the 90s actor from Party of Five that she was totally in love with on the show. His name is Scott Wolf. Hear what Liz has to say and decide if he's cool or if he's a dick.This week's esteemed sponsors:Winslow Design - @Winslowdesignarch - winslowdesign.netPerez Martial Arts - @perezmartialarts - perezmartialarts.com

Happy New Year! It's going to be great! Really! The gang stays on brand in the new year with a sophomoric start to the show discussing bodily fluids. A declaration is made, April 10 is Liz's birthday and will become a Federal Holiday called "Tell It Like It Is" Day where you just get real with people without recourse.Then Rick and Liz go toe-to-toe with conflicting fashion advice. Who's advice will you follow?Evan explains how to remember someone's name. Think animals and alliteration!Update on the Wellesley (MA) Residents vs. MA Horticultural Society sledding hill controversy. Liz shares some more details that might help the "plant people" not look so bad. Hear their side of the story!As a guy who has flown a plane, Rick knows what he's talking about as he rants against some laws regarding drones. Evan has also flown a plane as well as a drone. Hear where this conversation lands!Special thanks to our sponsors...Royal Pizza, royalpizzamedfield.comandAPC Pest & Termite Control, apcpest.com

Happy Holidays! Happy New Year! Happy Hangovers? Rick's one-on-one with Corey Manning rolls into another episode as they talk about staying sober through the holidays and beyond. When Corey isn't telling jokes on stage, he's in a workshop facilitating substance abuse intervention and prevention.Hear Corey's recovery story from first using at six years old to stay sober for 30 years. He's very aware of the pitfalls of substance abuse and offers advice and support with his unique blend of comedy, insights, and education.

Rick sits back with Corey Manning, a stand-up comic with some awesome credits. The Apollo Theater, Family Feud, and a rap performance with DMC! He also overcame prostate cancer and addiction, and from that comes some of his most important work. When he's not killing it on stage, he's in the schools and around the communities to talk about substance abuse. Other times, he's talking to patients or families going through the unknowns of cancer.Check out coreymanning.com

Drones are everywhere! And we're not talking about your department store toy version. Oh no! These drones are big and abundant and are not good at disclosing to the public their intentions. But don't worry because the Government clearly has everything under control and there is nothing to see here. Who or what is behind these drones? Rick thinks it's China. Evan thinks it's Iran. Liz just wants them to deliver her some Amazon packages. Also; dream interpretations, a military-grade school bus driver with a unique style for establishing discipline, and some fun facts about donkey shows.

Mike "The Minister of Misinformation from Mesa" brings the Southwestern heat down upon the co-hosts for flagrant lies, misinformation, and fake news! Liz reads through the line-item list of offenses in the past month and it basically takes up the whole episode. So, If you love self-deprecating humor, this episode is for you (but you should fact check that first). Also, Liz has tips to prank a co-worker with made-up office jargon, Evan goes off on P. Diddy and JayZ, and Rick calls Marjorie Taylor Green a c*nt without recourse.Big shout out to our sponsors APC Pest Control and Royal Pizza!You got a pest problem? Visit apcpest.com. They've been knockin' them dead since 1981.Are you hungry after making that call to APC Pest? Great! Now call Royal Pizza and let them take care of dinner. Check them out at royalpizzamedfield.com.

Why do an average 75% of graduating class members NOT attend their high school reunion? Maybe it's nerves, maybe it's just a scheduling conflict, or maybe they don't want to bump into the teacher they slept with Senior year. Whatever the reason, Rick attended his 30th and explains why you're missing out if you don't go. Also, Christmas lights are great, but 9 out of 10 times, there's a stressed out Dad behind-the-scenes keeping them going. Also, Christmas tree bonfires, a throwback theme song, and an unexpected Peter Griffin drop-in. All this and more thanks to our dazzling sponsors, Perez Martial Arts, and Larkins Wine and Spirits.

Short on time and forgot to pack your cock ring for the business trip? Fear not! CVS has you covered. Cock rings! Dildos! Butt plugs! Stuff that vibrates! It's all there! Some people think it's a little much to have on the shelves at your local pharmacy while others applaud the move.The whole show sorta has the "sex toy"vibe. What does that mean? We don't know, we just made the term up now. But, it can be described as this giddy, wordplay, puns abound conversation that is at least funny to the hosts. Also, big shout outs to APC Pest Control and Park Street Books and Toys and The Pottery Place.

Hey, Scuttlebuds, thanks for your patience on this episode. We experienced some technical issues with the recording. Our apologies. The good news is we have since set up the studio equipment with the help of a professional, and the sound quality moving forward will be stunning!In this episode, Liz starts by talking about her high school kid making $600 on a pair of sneakers...in a parking lot...to a random man...he connected with via the internet. Then, Evan talks about a dress-up event he's attending with his wife and the gang makes predictions regarding number of puking incidents etc. Rick follows up on his story about the David Letterman tickets he obtained by writing a letter telling the box office he was dying. He wrote a letter of apology and they sent him the best gift ever!Big shout out to our super sponsors, Park Street Books and The Pottery Place, and Winslow Design. Big Story: Some Keystone Kops apprehend a kid for going for a walk. Seriously. Mom is accused of being negligent. Shit's going down in this Georgia small town!

Technology cannot be trusted to operate as designed. Therefore, it has jumped the shark! How does one go into "settings" to program a device and have it perform beautifully...until it doesn't? Rick yells at the audio console, an inanimate object void of emotion and thought, for rendering his mic unusable again. After that, things get underway with Evan's recount of his struggles with ordering beer in NYC (It's not as hard as he makes it sound).Then Rick shares his brilliant idea of turning his kids' big wooden play structure into a chicken coop.Finally, Mike the Minister of Misinformation from Mesa provides a deeper dive into where your body may go when you donate it to science. Have you ever heard of a body farm?

Rick and Liz shared observations from the 7th-grade dance their kids attended. That segued into middle school fashion trends. Liz reads an email from a listener that she hooked up with in high school! Then we show some love to our sponsors Perez Martial Arts, Royal Pizza, and APC Pest Control. Evan opens the second half beaming about the creative possibilities one can achieve with AI. Then, he wows us with some texts to his wife he co-wrote with AI for examples.

Let's get into the Halloween spirit. Is there anything creepier than a man sitting next to you at your table in a Subway restaurant? Liz Daly, a certified CSI enthusiast, breaks down the hair-raising encounter and everything that could have happened. Evan anticipates a stressful situation at work but he's prepared and confident. Hear his wisdom and empowering message of why you cannot rely on other people.Emails from your kids' school may get to the point faster if Rick's new crusade takes off. Hear how he is leading by example in his role of Grade 5 Room Parent.Big Story! Evan is back from his golf trip to South Carolina where he was called the N-word by a black man. Then it happened again by a white woman recording him carrying his clubs, which begs the question, how was the golf?

David Ssewanaya grew up in a small Ugandan village where he attended school and worked on the family farm with his 22 siblings. Rick and Evan sit down for a conversation with David as he shares details of his journey toward becoming a United States citizen. They discuss the challenges of learning English, securing a first job, and bringing family together in America. This episode has so many amazing stories. From fending off wild animals with a spear to seeking medical treatment from a witch doctor, you will probably have trouble recalling a moment in life when you faced similar inconveniences. That said, you may count that time the internet went down for ten minutes if it makes you feel better. So, please sit back and enjoy a first-account comparison between a small village in Uganda and a small town in America because they are nothing alike. Then, after listening, go about your day with a renewed appreciation for some of our basics, like plumbing, electricity, and running water.

Don't get your panties in a twist, ladies; you will agree with the title of today's show. We discuss creating boundaries in your marriage so you don't start pulling double duty by covering your expectations and your spouse's too! Rick, Liz, and Evan walk you through their recommended protocol for standing your ground.But first, Liz's teenage son will be a millionaire in the secondary sneaker market, Evan is getting robbed by social media content thieves and Rick takes a hike into Isolation.Special thanks to our sponsors this week, Larkin's Liquors and Winslow Design.

The show opens with top-of-mind perspectives. Liz pumps up her kid's teacher while talking about his high school forensics course, Evan just posted a viral video that has almost 2 million views, and Rick takes on jury duty. We pause and thank our superfluous Scuttlebutt sponsors this week, Park Street Books and Royal Pizza. In the second half, the hosts read an incredible story about what can happen when your HOA experiences a leadership vacuum. You can't imagine the heartless scumbaggery that can be achieved by some people. But rest assured loyal listeners, this story ends splendidly for the entire neighborhood!

Rick, Liz, and Evan kick things off with a butt joke. Then the conversation turns to Liz and Evan as Rick asks if they worry about saying something on the show that might backfire in the workplace. Wait until you hear how much both of them don't give a shit! One out of three hosts of this show thinks being a room parent is fun. Rick tells you why! "The Minister of Misinformation" checks in to repair all the inaccuracies from last week. Then, a moment to express our gratitude for our sponsors, Winslow Design and Perez Martial Arts. Then for our big story, Evan digs into the reality that we all can be tripping our balls off instead of dealing with this world once we vote to legalize magic mushrooms. The gang plays a round of Shroom or Gloom where they have to guess which celebrities have gone on a journey and which one's are boring.

This episode features the best- and worst-dressed co-hosts in podcasting. Rick noticed, and he didn't let it go. The trio is divided on their impression of Spirit Airlines; two have flown on this discount bus with wings and survived, while the other forbids his family from flying on it! The conversation then segues into managing stress while teaching your teen how to drive. Also, isn't it poetic to hear your elementary school-aged kid drop "69" into the conversation with a snicker? Then it's over to the guy with the most job security in the country, Mike, the Minister of Misinformation, as he delivers all the corrections to the stuff we thought we heard somewhere from a reliable source one time. For example, Mike has obtained Paige Spiranac's actual cup size! Finally, the conversation touches on a thesis that TikTok can read your mind. The evidence is undeniable! Then the hosts do the advertising break because they love the sponsors. Shout out to Royal Pizza and APC Pest Control! Alas, this week's main story comes to us from the 7th layer of hell where an HOA claims dominion over your fun! It's an exhibit of how to do things right vs. doing things wrong.

I scream you scream, we all scream for...than sonofabitch who dropped a dime on a kid who set up an ice cream stand in his front yard. Not only did someone call the authorities but the town officials pursued this complaint! The kid was donating a portion of the proceeds to support his older brother's hockey team. By the way, his brother is autistic. Talk about an overreaction! Listen to find out what the community did about it. But first, the show opens with a take on strip poker and then boobs in general. Switching gears, Liz shits on chore charts. Rick and Evan are polar opposites about the importance of making your bed. And speaking of beds,, Evan also explains the difference between your sleeping pillows and your "fun" pillows. Plus, friend of the show, Mike the Minister of Misinformation from Mesa lists all the things we said that were incorrect on the last episode.

Liz has an unfortunate epilogue to her story about the oblivious neighbors who clear-cut their backyard. It's a classic case of, "What would you do?" But first, Rick's wife finds a printout of Paige Spiranac in the printer and she's not impressed. No worry, there's a perfectly justifiable reason! Also, we have a free $4,000 Creatives Playthings play structure we're giving away free! No, it's not a contest, Rick needs it gone. Would you like it? Listen for details.

If you judge a society by how its women are treated then the USA gets an F because the only place a woman can bear her breasts is in a strip club and that is oppressive. Thank God some boob advocates created "Free the Nipple" day. Also, a neighbor who records kids and complains about them online, a listener's keen observation about our studio, and how to tame a testing 'Tween.

How early should we get kids drinking non-alcoholic beverages? There's no Federal law against it so tell the little ones to sit criss-cross-applesauce around the keg because it's time to funnel! Also, letters from listeners, local social media drama, and keister beads.

The IT guy at the office is an enigma but if you talk to them about something besides computers, you'll realize they're only half the nerd you thought they were. Our guest, Mike Kniskern keeps the computers running for the City of Mesa, AZ and we keep the jokes coming at his expense. Also, a fraternity flashback, listener emails, and a selectboard showdown in Ipswich, MA.

No small town across the US is immune to "the crazy news story". This week we found 3 "amazingly bizarre crazy news stories"! These are the top-shelf kind; a hungry homeless bank robber taking a lunch break, a cereal restaurant swindler's ultimate con, and a dog-loving bicycle thief whose heart is bigger than his head. Also, fun 80s movie references, letters from listeners, and dog snout sack taps.

Liz opens the show with enthusiasm to announce a new corporate buzzword. It's so annoying, you'll love to hate it. Then, Evan discusses tattoos, their significance, and regret. Rick hangs out and asks them all the tough questions.

It's the "most magical place on earth" so please let us into your room to ensure you're not stockpiling weapons or trafficking humans. We have the official policy and some comments from Disney bloggers who are unhappy about it. Also, a review of Eddie Murphy's new movie, a hot take on glitter stickers, and a "hang loose" reference.

Find out what happens when you call Disney 911. It's truly a Mickey Mouse operation. Also: surviving 95-degree heat during a thunderstorm (every day), mandatory room checks, and one-ply toilet paper.

Liz, Evan, and Rick spent the week apart from each other. It happens sometimes. So, here's some highlights! Liz thinks Seattle has its head up its ass, Evan tries to sell property with a dead body, and Rick rides the short bus.

How can society be concerned about who our next president will be when we have much bigger issues to resolve? Is Avril Lavigne dead and been replaced by a clone? Is the Denver Airport the Illuminati headquarters? Are Richard Simmons and Pauly Shore the same person? We have all the answers! Also, prop bets on Rick's Disney trip, our favorite summertime drinks, and pineapples make it taste better.

What does gross Japanese tea, a monkey bite in Mexico, and trimming your bush have in common? Absolutely nothing! But we masterfully weave all of that and more into a riveting one-hour conversation like, playing explicit music at your daughter's 12th birthday party, how to kill your neighbor's tree (and get away with it), and of course, a "Hawk Tua" reference.

Make all preparations for getting underway! LT Tom Struble talks us through his experience serving on the USS Virginia nuclear submarine. Hear what happens when you send 130 guys together underwater for at least a month. Also: Top 10 Manliest Movies, hunting for Jackalope in Chernobyl, and something about a "cocktail of funk".