Cinema Poison

Please enjoy this unlocked Patreon exclusive episode of OZ-cap. Head on over to Patreon for 2 epic movie reviews and 1 OZ-cap each month for only 3 dollars. What are you waiting for!!!

Please enjoy our final free offering as we are going Patreon exclusive. Come support us for only 3 dollars a month. If you choose not to, we have had a fun time with ya! Please click the link below. We are working through a Patreon search bar issue where we are not showing in searches. The link below works though.Our first Patreon episode will be on "Code of Silence" which is a fun Chuck Norris film.Follow us on Twitter @CinemaPoisonContact us at cinemapoisonpodcast@gmail.comhttps://patreon.com/CinemaPoison?utm_medium=clipboard_copy&utm_source=copyLink&utm_campaign=creatorshare_creator&utm_content=join_link

It is our 99th episode and for some reason we chose to vacation in Nilbog. Zoom strikes again and we lose about ten minutes of Ghoulies and Critters talk. George is still on his Scientology kick. This film is chock full of bad acting. Surprisingly, we both enjoyed this movie. Somehow we circle back to True Detective yet again. What is the story behind these painted on freckles? Burt Reynolds makes an appearance on the episode. The ending of this movie makes no sense at all. We both thought this Dad was going to piss on his son. Ladder logic is questioned. Follow us on Twitter @CinemaPoisonContact us at cinemapoisonpodcast@gmail.comhttps://patreon.com/CinemaPoison?utm_medium=clipboard_copy&utm_source=copyLink&utm_campaign=creatorshare_creator&utm_content=join_link

George has over twenty films in his top five and somehow none of them are Heat. We get a Ron Harper stat correction this week. We talk about 80s sneakers for awhile. Anybody notice this Rick Rubin lookalike at the payphone. J.K. Simmons is climbing the list of our most discussed actors. This Ginger character is super annoying. Go ahead and google Don Beebe pogo stick. Is Arnold actually not a very good terminator? Matt mistakes the fictional town from Se7en as Seattle. You aint got a PRAYER on skull beach!Follow us on Twitter @CinemaPoisonContact us at cinemapoisonpodcast@gmail.comhttps://patreon.com/CinemaPoison?utm_medium=clipboard_copy&utm_source=copyLink&utm_campaign=creatorshare_creator&utm_content=join_link

This fucking movie was dumb as dogshit. We get two full songs before anything even happens. We are audibly annoyed that we had to watch this movie. We manage to tie a scene from this film to True Detective season one. We had a hard time staying on topic for this one. Matt has trouble with basic math. That guy definitely fucks that dog. We get a Rocky call back to Paulie fucking that robot. Join us for 80s and 90s NBA talk. The C.H.U.D. scores are sure to be low for this one. Stick around until the end to find out just how low. Finally, we get to see an angel headbutt a bull.Follow us on Twitter @CinemaPoisonContact us at cinemapoisonpodcast@gmail.com

Join us as we edge closer to our one hundredth episode. This film scored very low on our C.H.U.D. rating system. This movie dates itself horribly with both bad jokes, and bad spoofs. We were really letting Andy Richter say the 'N' word in the early 2000's?!?! We almost make it ten minutes before one of us does a Buffalo Bill impression for the 900th consecutive week. Ray is a rapey scumbag. What about this stupid parrot that didn't need to be in the movie? Brenda is a part time friend. Take my little hand!Follow us on Twitter @CinemaPoisonContact us at cinemapoisonpodcast@gmail.com

Matt opens the episode with a spot on Adebisi impression. George actively avoided this film for 2 decades. We think they ended the scene a little too early so we didn't get to see Matt Damon and Clive Owen kiss. Welcome back to the show Buffalo Bill and Hulk Hogan. Matt talks about his caffeine overdose. We reference previous episodes heavily. New personal record, 45 minutes before we mention dicks. George doesn't understand cartoons. Do you get the headaches?Follow us on Twitter @CinemaPoisonContact us at cinemapoisonpodcast@gmail.com

Join us as we discuss anything that is not Road Trip. Matt wishes Y2K actually happened so that this film could be wiped from existence. We had a Zoom audio drop early so George's Eric Stoltz joke was lost. Also lost in the audio drop was Matt thinking that Amy Smart was dead in real life. George totally hates this Rubin character. George keeps accusing Matt of actually laughing at this movie. He did not. Welcome to dick talk central. We welcome back to the show,  Buffalo Bill and Terry Maitland. Take a shot every time one of us calls this movie dumb or stupid and you will be a member of the century club.Follow us on Twitter @CinemaPoisonContact us at cinemapoisonpodcast@gmail.com

George takes exactly one second before he interrupts the episode intro. Matt talks about how hard it is to quit smoking. George jerks off his microphone. George takes note of Rocky's shrinking shirt. Paulie is a racist asshole. We talk about fisting assholes for way too long. We talk about the Hulk Hogan sex tape. We also discuss robot aids.Follow us on Twitter @CinemaPoisonContact info cinemapoisonpodcast@gmail.com

Is Rocky's son jerking this robot off? Half of this movie is montages and we love it! We last a whole six minutes before we make our first dick joke. We make a verbal agreement to NEVER cover Rocky V. We reference SNL yet again. Why does Rocky call gifts prizes? Matt has fond memories of Church's Chicken. We welcome Buffalo Bill back to the program. We pitch a new film idea starring Bradley Cooper called Castle Geek. Rock, you ain't got a prayer in Russia! Finally, we kick around the idea of doing a Patreon exclusive deep dive into the HBO series OZ.Follow us on Twitter @CinemaPoisonContact us at cinemapoisonpodcast@gmail.com

This movie came out in 1995 but looks like it was shot in 1975. Get ready for even more Buffalo Bill impressions. If we ever decided to cover Memento we would just get drunk and confused. Surprisingly, we didn't go overboard with the Terry Maitland jokes. How are they not smelling this freak from like a mile away? We talk about so many things that are Castle Freak adjacent. This freak is really bad at oral sex. We think the Momma from Barbarian and the freak would make a cute couple. John is the worst father ever. Listen to the end to hear an impromptu (Bite Sized) Rocky lV episode.follow us on Twitter @CinemaPoisoncontact us at cinemapoisonpodcast @gmail.com

One week removed from our Silence of the Lambs episode and we are still both doing Buffalo Bill impressions. What is up with Mason Storm's obsession with the Oscars? Was Seagal the most grabby action guy in the 80s and 90s? Why can this guy not be bothered to wash the blood off his forehead? George makes a Johnny Knox joke. How does Storm know that O'Malley has this audio cassette after being in a coma for seven years? Did Sergio Leone plan out Seagal's workout routine? This is a fun episode, and you can take that to the bank. Twitter vote winner for episode 100 is 1985's The Stuff.Follow us on Twitter @CinemaPoisonContact us at cinemapoisonpodcast.com

Bad Jodie Foster impressions galore. Starling should have put those pictures back. We wish Ted Levine had more scenes. How bad did you want Night Vision Goggles when you were a kid? What if Bill had a cast on both arms and his dick? We bet your nipples will be tough after you listen to this episode. What was Lector whispering to Migs? Somehow, we get around to referencing SNL. Say, what are you? About a size 14?Follow us on Twitter @CinemaPoison Contact us at cinemapoisonpodcast@gmail.com 

The Limerick episode. The views of TV Revisited do not necessarily reflect the views of Cinema Poison.  This is a satirical show.  Follow us on Twitter @CinemaPoison Contact us at cinemapoisonpodcast@gmail.com 

This was supposed to be a 'Bite Size' episode. This movie doesn't understand how wrestling territories used to work. Get ready for more bad impressions. George gets pissed that Matt knows who these wrestlers are. The Kurgan's sword is fucking sweet even if it would break the first time he used it. The Kurgan unpacks his sword like it is a sniper rifle. This duelist's man servant is gay to the max. Matt wants to see a disabled immortal. All these immortals were definitely cumming when they had their quickenings.Follow us on Twitter @CinemaPoisonContact us at cinemapoisonpodcast@gmail.com

The Charles Rocket episode. The views of TV Revisited do not necessarily reflect the views of Cinema Poison. This is a satirical show.Follow us on Twitter @CinemaPoisonContact us at cinemapoisonpodcast@gmail.com 

The Gibbs pond/man in a digital well episode. The views of TV Revisited do not necessarily reflect the views of Cinema Poison. This is a satirical show.  Follow us on Twitter @CinemaPoison Contact us at cinemapoisonpodcast@gmail.com 

How on Earth does a cast this great come together to make such a shitty movie? What is the deal with this vampire fight club? Much like Megan Fox, this movie ain't much for being owned. We do get to see Michael Fassbender's best leprechaun impression. Finally, this horse would have ptsd.Follow us on Twitter @CinemaPoison Contact us at cinemapoisonpodcast@gmail.com 

Join us this week as we ditch the notes and we bring you a trimmed down version of the show.  This week we discuss some of our favorite things that happen in Top Gun: Maverick.Follow us on Twitter @CinemaPoisonContact us at cinemapoisonpodcast@gmail.com

This is not a C.H.U.D. movie. It is definitely a rebranded zombie film. Colonel Masters gives our guest host a huge erection. Our guest host also has an interesting take on C.H.U.D. manholes. Matt does a visual Hungry Hungry Hippos reference on an audio platform. George finds a way to use a Richard Gere joke from 1995. That one C.H.U.D. from the first film was definitely listening to Pearl Jam. See if you can catch all these cameos. George actually makes a Terry Maitland reference this time. Finally, Bud the C.H.U.D. has his own theme song.Follow us on Twitter @CinemaPoisonContact us at cinema poison podcast@gmail.com

What the fuck does the title of this movie even mean? How many times does Warren Stacey cum in this movie? We had a lot of fun talking about this movie. Good luck trying to figure out who is the worst actor in this movie. What kind of masturbation device is this? So many bad Bronson impressions. George has another stroke while trying to do a celebrity impression. George mentions doing another JCVD movie and Matt is not onboard. This diary situation has us very confused.Follow us on Twitter @CinemaPoisonContact us at cinemapoisonpodcast@gmail.com

What the fuck is Kurt thinking as he is taking photographs of these naked boys? (an actual scene) Who is the greater Cinematic villain, Ivan Drago or Tong Po? Matt's JCVD impressions venture into Christopher Lambert territory. Insert free Tubi promo here. Matt does his best to hold back this Asian accent but it does come out a couple times. We want more snare trap shenanigans. Kurt getting laughed out of these training facilities is hilarious. How does one breathe both in and out at the same time? Someone please explain to us the tank top Kurt is wearing in the bar scene. Stay tuned to the bitter end to hear Matt's "Scream" 2022 story.Follow us on Twitter @CinemaPoisonContact Info - cinemapoisonpodcast@gmail.com

Could Billy the Kid be anymore giggly? Can we just go ahead and assume that Tunstall was raping these young men? In real life Tunstall was younger than all of them except Billy. Dirty Steve is indeed dirty and also disgusting. George makes a Bradley Cooper "Nightmare Alley" reference. Does Tunstall try to immediately ascend to Heaven after he was assassinated? Dirty Steve is a bad influence on Charlie. Finally, what the fuck is Flotsam and Jetsam? For real, we had to google it.Follow us on Twitter @CinemaPoisonContact us at cinemapoisonpodcast@gmail.com

We try our best with this movie but we just end up talking about other better movies. Zoom lag really gets us bad at the beginning of this episode. Is it a Hollywood secret that Lambert is a closeted gay man? This film has a highly inappropriate Rodney King joke. George and Matt both imagine this one actor in a Jurassic Park role that never existed. Bad Lambert impressions galore. We talk about how much we loved Top Gun Maverick for a bit. How many wives has Loomis buried alive in his lifetime? What do you do when you need to take someone alive? Apparently shoot at them. If you want to understand our Johnny Knox reference you can google 'Johnny Knox folded in half' it's gross.Follow us on Twitter @CinemaPoisonContact us at cinemapoisonpodcast@gmail.com

This week we review another Cannon Films classic.  Join us for bad Stallone impressions. Brian Thompson is just perfect for this role as the Night Slasher. Why is Cobra such a jerk to this Grandma character? Gonzalez has piss poor eating habits. What is with this Night Slasher cheer routine? How much ketchup is too much ketchup? Stallone looks tiny in this film. This opening supermarket scene is great. "Drop it" BANG!!!Follow us on Twitter @CinemaPoisonContact us at cinemapoisonpodcast@gmail.com

This film is a lock to receive a high C.H.U.D. score from Matt but who knows what George will rate it. What is up with these legendary sketch comics making awesome horror movies all of a sudden? We need to petition Scott Thompson of Kids in the Hall fame to make a gay horror anthology. The trailer for this film is quite misleading. This is a spoiler filled episode, you have been warned. Justin Long is pretty good as a selfish scumbag. This homeless guy's place proves to be quite penetrable. True Detective Carcosa references incoming. These shots of Richard Brake's character in these flashback scenes are masterful.follow us on Twitter @CinemaPoisoncontact us at cinemapoisonpodcast@gmail.com

This Mother does actually have a name. Matt mistakenly refers to a Phantasm film as a Hellraiser installment. Strange coincidence that all of these afflicted teens are in the same facility. Only Matt would make an MSDS reference during a horror episode. Join us as we discuss our exhausting work schedules.  We try to record a trimmed down episode due to our tiredness and end up talking for longer than the film's runtime. Matt mistakingly refers to Gerald McRaney as William Randolph Hearst. This suicide by tv theory is loose at best. Finally, how are all these teens okay with being hypnotized?Follow us on Twitter @CinemaPoisonContact us at cinemapoisonpodcast@gmail.com

Did Keith Flint of 'Prodigy' fame have a cameo in this movie?  George took 17 pages of notes this week which we assume is longer than the actual script.  Mary Lou breaks it off with this 40 year old high school senior to bang this 30 year old high school senior.  Not a single mention of a prom king in this entire film.  Matt shares via text a specific scene that he wants them to riff on and the boys forget the bit.  Billy is quite bad at being an arsonist.  Welcome to week 2 of our 2 front doors discussion.  See ya later alligator.Follow us on Twitter @CinemaPoisonContact us at cinemapoisonpodcast@gmail.com

It is not possible that every one of these creatures are demons.  We definitely have some zombies, vampires and possibly some C.H.U.D.s mixed in here.  Is this Rodgers guy possibly the most cowardly character in cinematic history?  We try to figure out John's two front doors riddle.  Judy's little brother is not only annoying but also a pervert.  We argue for way too long about whether or not this car exists.  These demons sure do like to keep a neat and tidy house.  The only way John can get off is by reading our episode descriptions and walk fucking around his house.  John makes an arm missile joke that goes unnoticed.  Finally, this movie may have the second most surprising ending right behind Sleepaway Camp.follow us on Twitter @CinemaPoisoncontact info - cinemapoisonpodcast @gmail.com

Where in this movie is the Suzette character?  This Countess loves pushing ladies to the ground.  Not a chance that the Countess could pass for 390 years old when she is clearly 400.  How is it this hard to find a virgin?  Just grab a baby.  Mark fondling this painting is supposed to be funny but it is just dumb.  The Countess is a real bargain hunter.  Miami dudes are always goofy in the background.  John has some knowledge about vintage vampire clothing.  This shower scene is predictable.  Do vampires hiss?  These dream sequences are way too long.  This final chase scene is maximum stupid.  Thanks to our friend Stef of A Ghost in the Magazine podcast for joining us.contact info - cinemapoisonpodcast@gmail.comfollow us on Twitter - @CinemaPoisonfollow Stef - @witchxpuddingfollow A Ghost in the Magazine - @GitmPodcast

Matt gets sloppy drunk toward the end of this episode and has trouble saying the word surgery.  The opening of this movie makes no sense.  As a matter of fact, none of this movie makes any sense.  When Dennis Rodman is the second best actor in your movie you know it is going to be bad.  How many bad basketball puns can we jam into your ears?  Half of this film is ADR.  We pay homage aka plagiarize Action Boyz to the point where we could be sued.  Finally, bomb timers do not work like this.Follow us on Twitter @CinemaPoisonContact us at cinemapoisonpodcast@gmail.com

This movie is insane!  Have you ever heard of a nationally renowned cooler?  None of us have 20 dollars.  Why are there so many knives?  What is the furniture budget for the Double Deuce?  This one bouncer looks like Gabrus.  How many times does this Doc leave town?  Dalton's walk fuck technique is picture perfect.   George has a stroke mid recording.  Finally, how many stop signs does Dalton have piled up in the corner of his loft? Follow us on Twitter @CinemaPoison Contact info - cinemapoisonpodcast@gmail.com Thanks for listening mijo.

Was Chris Bauer cast to play Machine from “8mm” in this film?  Why does everyone have a dumb name except for Seth in this film?  Maax trying to shove this kid into the fire using a fireplace poker is hilarious.  These super soldiers just look like WWF Bushwackers.  Why is Dar's adoptive Dad on a 3 am stroll through the woods?  How many animals were murdered while filming this?  For sure at least 1 dog.  Why is this village on stilts? John's dvd collection is impressive. Finally, human lawn darts sounds fun. Follow us on Twitter @CinemaPoisonContact us @cinemapoisonpodcast@gmail.com

“Tuff Turf” more like tough to watch.  Who thought that casting James Spader in this role was a good idea?  We can't unsee his bad spade tattoo.  John has trouble remembering all the cars that were in “Braveheart” for some reason.  Why does everyone in this school have a knife?  There are literally no consequences in this town for any action, even murder.  Corrections Corner, Blink 182 was on the “Tomcats” soundtrack.  This dance sequence is problematic.  Matt's third grade self really knew how to get the ladies.  This is the most we have sung during an episode. Sorry about that.  Finally, We can smell your eye.  It's stinky.Follow us on Twitter @CinemaPoisonContact us at cinemapoisonpodcast@gmail.com

Matt's internet strikes again as we battle the dreaded Covid “Zoom” variant.  We win in the end.  That show “Sliders” would have been better with Slider from “Top Gun” writhing around like the Oracle of Delphi.  We enjoy the company of a very special guest host by the name of Justin Case.  Bowen forgets to introduce the show.  John has a joke of the day moment involving the prospect of a cum transfusion.  How many Stings on the same street corner are too many?  These jokes from the 90s just don't work in 2022.  It only takes nine minutes twenty seconds for Jake Busey to rattle off the first slur of this film.  Don't forget these three little words.  It's “Tomcats” everyone!Follow us on Twitter @CinemaPoisonFollow Matt @menameismattieFollow Justin @ceJustinCase 

The comeback is real people.  In our longest episode to date we open up with guitar chord discussion center.  You can lead a John Connor to booze but, wait yes you actually can make him drink.  This golf course opener is awesome.  Have you ever tried to dance the evil spirits out of your apartment?  V8? Yep, you got our vote!  Those are some done turkeys.  Listen as John devolves and disappears from the episode.  Finally, George turns gay during the episode.Follow us on Twitter @CinemaPoison

Bowen surprisingly only makes one Anthony Bourdain suicide joke.  Does this killer have sleep apnea?  Airports operated differently back in the day.  We discuss real life problems such as addiction to smoking Crayola crayons.  Not a bra to be seen in this film.  Italian police have a strange way of handling evidence.  Finally, even though this Doberman is gonna give John nightmares it is still awesome.Follow us on Twitter @CinemaPoison

David Correlli’s mandolin would have been a better movie.  John Connor takes notice of more odd telephone behavior in this film.  Can someone tell Corelli he is an Assistant D.A. not a cop or detective?  Who saves tins full of pubic hair?  Hey, it’s the Mogwai guy.  Bowen misses his chance for a “ the eradicator” reference.  What about this sex pillow? Contact us @cinemapoisonpodcast@gmail.com Follow us on Twitter @CinemaPoison “This is rage”

When will George ever watch the Run the Jewels video “Close your eyes and count to fuck” that Bowen has been recommending for years? Is Sonny Landham’s character in every film named Billy? James Remar has a doppelgänger and his name is Ben Barnes. We try to navigate through a field of slur land mines. How many times does Nolte say “fuck” in this movie? Is Luther tiny enough to fit through a keyhole? Elaine doesn’t understand how phones work. Reggie finally gets his dick wet. Contact us at cinemapoisonpodcast@gmail.com Follow us on Twitter @CinemaPoison

How secure are our Military’s secrets?  Short answer, not very.  John Connor starts off the episode very confused.  Why do all these movies have a shitty younger brother or sister?  Who would win in a dick sucking competition, Doug Masters or Knotcher?  What is with this dirt bike vs. plane race?  We try not to die like Jimmy Branson at Devils Face.  Bowen references his since abandoned YouTube channel.  George wants to play with the boys in their danger zones.  Zero chance Chappie would risk his life and career to help this fucker.  Drink every time one of us says ludicrous.  Of course many Top Gun references are made.  Would you pay money for an audiobook narrated by Chappie? Contact us at cinemapoisonpodcast@gmail.com Follow us on Twitter @CinemaPoison “Chappiiiiieeeeee!!!”

How is it possible that none of us made a RoboCorpse joke? The Giggler from Death Wish 3 recommended his brother, The Laugher for this film. Why does this Kill-Bot make big cat noises? Who wants a Blaupunkt car stereo? Looking at you MacGruber. Murphy gets murdered in less than two hours on his first day. Imagine Peter Weller with a nipple piercing. Bowen squeezes in yet another Mallrats reference. I’ll buy that for a dollar.Follow us on Twitter @CinemaPoison Contact us at cinemapoisonpodcast@gmail.com “I’m being raped too!!!”

George squeezes in a “Loaded Weapon” reference. George was also unable to finish the films alternate endings. Bowen wishes Michael Madsen was in this movie cutting his own body off. John Connor is one more bad movie pick from being kicked off the podcast. Does Michael McKean refer to his butthole as Candlestick Park? Contact us at cinemapoisonpodcast@gmail.com Follow us on Twitter @CinemaPoison

Here a wig, there a wig, everywhere a wig wig. Why does Sebastian have a MacGruber haircut? Why do we need a flashback of a thing that happened five minutes ago? Just show the thing that happened! George is excited that “We Hate Movies” started doing “Melro210” episodes again. Check out these awesome spanking spoons. Why does Rayne spend half of this film in a cage? Finally, is Udo Kier a real life vampire? Contact us at cinemapoisonpodcast@gmail.com Follow us on Twitter @CinemaPoison

Get ready for dick jokes galore. How do you feel about this celery stalk holder? Is it possible to forget how to perform a throat rip? We never do see the big brown egg. Try to catch the WKUK reference. We are more of a three wire kinda podcast. contact us at cinemapoisonpodcast@gmail.com Follow us on Twitter @CinemaPoison

The wrestling promo episode. contact us at cinemapoisonpodcast@gmail.com follow us on Twitter @CinemaPoison

Dolph is stiff as a board in this film. Where are all the extras in this movie? We discuss the financial decisions of Cannon. Teela is super trigger happy. Why is Man-at-Arms sixty years old? George accidentally breaks into his ‘Hispanic Arnold’ voice for a split second. Blink and you will miss this Goldust lookalike. Contact us at cinemapoisonpodcast@gmail.com Follow us on Twitter @CinemaPoison ...living in a box.

The Podcast Suicide Episode. Contact us at cinemapoisonpodcast@gmail.com Follow us on Twitter @CinemaPoison

This may be the worst movie we have reviewed on this podcast. Why is every actor debasing themselves in this film? Sir Ben Kingsley, why would you even consider this role? This was a tough one to get through. You can audibly hear the disgust in our voices as we talk about this film. Could “The Love Guru” be any more racist? Who wants to play stinky mop? Contact us at cinemapoisonpodcast@gmail.com Follow us on Twitter @CinemaPoison ... “hot pockets”

We give Steven Weber a break for an episode. This week we discuss 1990’s gymnastics and believe it or not... we talk about Wings!

What if Tom Hardy was so committed to this role that he actually pissed and shit himself? Why make a movie about this part of Al Capone’s life? Al Capone doesn’t understand where piss comes from. What is his obsession with this dick and balls statue? George sneaks in another “The Shining” reference. Bowen passes on an opportunity to make a Terry Maitland reference but proceeds to make one mere moments later. Both George and Bowen manage to pull a Marlon Brando “The Island of Dr. Moreau” reference. How long did it take Capone to get this gold camo on his Tommy gun in Call of Duty? contact us at cinemapoisonpodcast@gmail.com follow us on Twitter @CinemaPoison