Greetings! The Greeting Card Podcast

Squawking and Balking at you good-for-nothings all the way from Beef Tallow (Hallow), Michigan, where Jessica Stimps holds the Tallow Tiara high and the Beef Tallow Tambourines make light the burden of existence! Join Bobby, Dan, and True American Idiot Dusty White as they watch the moon glow and the sun show on such topics as The Balkanization of Western PA, giving credit to borrowed jokes (stealing) and Lea Thompson's somewhat unfortunate 80's roles involving time travelers and also ducks! Later, the lads rate and review a libel-palooza of cards that's more stress inducing than jumping Annulment River Canyon! Listen on that commute you can't stop talking about!  Also, we mentioned Jeff Jakob's newest album "The Milk Barn Sessions", and you'd be a Lord & Taylor of a  fool to not check it out on Spotify, Apple Music, and wherever good streaming music is heard!

Here's an idea: Bobby, Dan, and returning guest/friend of the pod/ co-host of Take Us to the Pilot, JJ Focaraccio, embark to see a recut of the 1979 Tinto Brass erotic historical drama, Caligula, titled Caligula: The Ultimate Cut (2023). Imagine our high hopes and anticipations. Imagine those being dashed, and replaced with all types of bad stuff. Imagine that we couldn't be bothered with the frivolity of cards for one week, and we all had to sit down and talk through the flesh-filled fright of a film that we had all seen, together.   Stop imagining. No seriously, your eyes are not completely closed and they're doing that darting-around thing. Why do you do that? Why are you like this?   Enjoy us trying to cope with having seen this film and also having paid for it! Bonus points if you tell us how many times we said "Lawnmower Wall", cuz it felt like a bunch!

Don't throw the baby out with the yogurt water, because this episode promises a well-maintained culture that you have to digest slowly to believe! Join Bobby, Dan, and everyone down at Uncle Termite's Card Barn as they make do with what they have, which includes Tub Parts, Twister vs. Predator, and sexy negative comments! Later, the lads rate and review a multi-dimensional card that reminds us that UFOs (Unidentified Flower Objects) are out there, and it's mostly our ignorance regarding flowers that make them that. Special shout out to the Jersey City Pelicans With Knives in Their Mouths! Flavor Up, Chumps!

Bobby's got a lot of zingers to go through on both his Cameo and OnlyHate request pile (and most of them involve Napoleon's Continental System), so let's blow through this once-again-long-winded episode description, shall we? Join Bobby, Dan, and Sylvia Plath, Patron Saint of Cleveland, as they wind down the hot summer nights with such topics as Cleveland.com, the death of the JustWink App, and The Wagon Leech! Later, the lads rate and review a bunch of stuff, some digital, some analogue, its very slurpee-focussed and they veer off a bit to disagree about "Unfrosted". And something hilarious happens in the Zoom chat. That's about all the leg work this episode description will do for you, I got kids at the Samantha from Sex and The City Boba Fett Pig Camp to forget to pick up.

There's nothing particularly steamy about this episode, but boy do we not stop alluding to the potential innuendos! Join Bobby, Dan, and special guest Mike Molinari as they hem and haw on throat-singing to newborns, aunt werewolves, and "juicy sentences". Later, the lads rate and review a tactile puppet card that may just be the the literary connection between John Steinbeck and Fern Gully! Does that make any sense? The heck do you care? Since when did you all of a sudden become the "this has gotta make sense" police?? Remember, most stuff is trash!

From your Lips to Rover Cleveland's Mouth! Join resident paleontologist Bobby, resident Ursonologist Dan, and Bobby Anxiety (a third person, promise!) as they tear up the high seas talking about regional pronunciation troubles, bloodletting children at barbershops,  and the Blubbosphere! Later, the lads rate and review the Bobby/Maddie Greeting Card Onion of Chaos! Let's unpack their love story, in cards! Together! But you just listen, okay?!

It's been 10 whole freakin' cards, and while Bobby and Dan are in sunny Maiorca, trying to patch up the ragged quilt that is their professional relationship with bubbly wine and even bubblier fish, the therapist did say that a return to the ole' Greeting Card Bazaar wouldn't hurt! May even help! So invite yourself a daughter-Mamet and join the lads as they discuss the writing closet, Hunk Fortuna, and toilets full of ambrosia! If that doesn't scare you off, then surely you can stick around for them to rank the past 10 cards for an hour! With any luck, we'll have GreetsGiving VII in less than 6 months (no promises)!  

Happy Mother's Day in July! What really ages this episode is us talking about Red Lobster like those are still a thing!  Join Bobby, Dan, and Cheerleader Morgue heartthrob Kelp Cunnigan as they hack away at the humidity with more tree holidays, fast food slogans, and woke pemmican! Later, these lads rate and review a card that does nothing to clarify relationships with parents and what we inherit from them, and instead is fodder for the puns you ding-dongs all know and tolerate!  Try Bobby's Toast: Deep As Night, Crunchy as all Hell.

Cast your Stained Armstrongs to the wind, because we got a medium-height 5-pack of Mica-Lobe Ultras and also probably a card to to beat this early summer heat, whether yourt a country mouse or a suburb gerbil!  Join Bobby, Dan, and the demon Joesixpack as they keep cool with such topis as free stuff on the street, medicine to share, and the concept of owning those items that require spit collectors. Later, the lads rate and review a card that may help with the philosophical quandries relating to time, but it sure wont help with getting to sleep! Your favorite wrestler might be a panda!  

We're whispering our way to victory, and not dying!  Join Bobby, Dan, and secret 3rd mic Dev Brindle (nee Brangle) as we become true heroes in a half shell over topics like: songs that will save us from Last of Us Monsters, PG Live 2024 (and our lack of invitation to it), and a tall glass of whiskey tequila on the rocks. Later, the lads rate and review a card that all at once is balm and irritant to our wounds, maybe the same wound, maybe different. What are we, our wounds' keepers now?  Some Boxes Shouldn't be Opened! 

It's the best worst season for just about anything, so lighten your load and attempt to decongest your sinuses with the cornucopia of greetings we have in store! Join Bobby, Dan, and the entire team behind Ba'al Omelettes (from Nabisco) as we clear through the spring clutter with topics like not dressing properly, and being cool at one point. We don't make it to a third topic however, as dive right into the justWink greeting card app and all the unrequested grab bag of fun it has to offer! Worth it's wait in Beefed Corn!  Remember, everything you think is true!

Thanks to another totally not rigged election, Babs and Din get another 45 years as co-hosts of the podcast! So buckle up, because audio-wise, we got you over an egg-barrel! Join 49.99999% Bobby, 48.75% Dan, and 1.02% Hupp Dhips (write-in) as they scrim and shaw over topics like card stashes, the fun type of people at the grocery store that buy Ore Ida curly fries, and who gets Bobby's wisdom teeth in the Patreon rewards list (don't check, it doesn't exist). Later, these savory sailors rate and review a whale of a card, while sharing our polarizing views on that big blue nightmare void that is the ocean! Comforting!   Purchased at Print Bookstores in Portland, Maine! Created by Emily Winfield Martin! (sorry we called you an ocean ghost, you have a name as powerful as the sea)

Valentine's Day may have been a little over a month ago now, but this episode fits squarely in the "Cringe Kitsch Timeless" category, so we're not taking any notes on tardiness! Besides, this is on-brand for us now.    Join Bobby, Dan, and new hero of the cards @mesaloca (wherever your are) as we pull on each others' heartstrings with such topics as money souvenirs, wolf festivals, and finding your Wayne Knight on the Heart Candy Day. Later, the lads dig deep into Big Man's Creek™ (aka the internet) to rate and review and ancient rune of a card, one that makes permanent early internet humor and references "one of the sexier clowning professions". Bobby's words. And you know what? Mine too. This is Dan.    Pee My Mime's Day!

Are all of YOUR dreams just your regular waking routine, except a little bit wackier? We hope that doesn't involve listening to this, as that would be cheating us somehow! Join Bubby Bobby, Can't Speak Dan, and all the Latter Day Dinos as they pass the time on subjects like Zoom Smell Technology, February holiday crowding, and whether or not Gen A is getting into grapefruit! Later, in celebration of Black History Month, our hosts rate and review a card that makes them feel warm and supported, even though they are not the target audience! That's how good it is! Shut Up, I Love You, Okay?!

We're a month into the not-at-all blessed year of 2024, so while that new year smell is still pungent, lets merry up this in-between holiday time with some youth sports trauma-dumping, shall we?? Join Babysitter(Club) Bobby, Baby New Year Dan, and Lunch Lady DearHunter as we huddle over a heaping trash can fire fueled with Frieza's advent calendar, media about making snowmen come alive, Gigan, Girlgan, NonBinaryGan, and Chester Cheetah's Build-a-Bear! Later, the lads rate and review a cute and wholesome card that is super great for literally one occasion, one time, and basically one place! Ignore Your Loved Ones, Record Your Voice!

Alright, yes, we're really riding on our non-existent reputation with the delay on this one, but trust me, once we get into the climate change talk you'll be grateful that we waited until the bleakness of early February to get this one to your hopeful ears!  Join Bobby, Dan, and Aunt Hairdresser Blendle as they make light the burden of the season with Pokemon parodies, Bad-Tameters, and a frank discussion on a changing global climate and how a holiday may reflect that. Also, the Great-Honorable Bobby has a new piece out in the Tulip Tree Review!! Make worthy your listenership by ordering your copy today!!  We also talk about a card! it's about hairdressers, and appreciating them! We shouldn't have to spell it out in the description!

Dan's inability to keep to a regular editing schedule is YOUR good fortune, ding-dongs! For we have every intention of keeping the Grog-Nogging,  Honda-Day spirit rolling, right to the end of January, the bleaker of the winter months (short of Bobby's birthday, of course)! Join Bobby, Dan, and Late Night Gumby as they go through such scary ghost stories and tales of such glories as nepo baby G.I. Joe characters, Dan yelling about fandoms again, and us trying to popularize the phrase "new son just dropped". Later, the lads rate and review a card straight from the documentary classic The Baton Marching-Death of the Penguins. A perfect choice for BirdSpringa! Overall, Be Prepared, I think!

We hear no boats come sailing in, except for the long-awaited H.M.S. Greetsgiving dingy, spewing forth with Hogsheads filled with greeting cards for one and all in this new year! Join Admiral Bobby, 2nd Mate Dan, and the entire cast of Caligula (aka our cabin crew) as we ring in the Greetsgiving with Roman Pilum and Lion Units, sad Irish upbringings, and a gentle-yet-constant reminder that episodes will come out whenever this captain's crew damn well pleases! But hey, we're here now, so lets review the past 14 cards! We're neither terribly impressed nor frightened, and we hope you aren't either! Stay tuned for some insanely-late holiday episodes, coming on the next barge in!

Yes, okay, look, fine, it took us (and by us we mean Dan) a month to get one episode out, but what better way to completely forget about Thanksgiving and barrel straight through to the holiday season than with a little visit down to the Duluth of the podcast superhighway! Join DJ Bobby, D.J. Conroy, and special guest DJ/ friend of the pod/ very tall friend/co-host of Take Us to the Pilot JJ Focaraccio as we talk and squawk on such topics as The Garofalo Renaissance, cards' use as a romantic device, and meeting the designated lonely person in every municipality! Later, the lads rate and review a pig of a card that's all gas, no class! (not that it matters, we fill most of the hour talking about bubble gum. You know us too well.) Stay tuned for the first ep. of Dan's CryCast! Let's see how that goes! Or better yet, go listen to the pros at Take Us to the Pilot with JJ Focaraccio and Keith St. Lawrence!

Yes Yes it's Nov. 8th, but we're still stuck in the bouncy castle inside the haunted mansion that is Halloween merriment, so unless you got some kind of anti-haunting mechanism, or too much holy water, you best follow us three for one more scare of the season, lest you j'regret everything! Join "Still Spooky" O'Rourke, "Frog in Throat" Conroy, and returning guest Dara Silverman as they rattle their bones on such topics as the Rodent and Duck craze-decades, Scary thresholds, and rebuttals on whether you are celebrating holidays too early! Later, these funky phantoms rate and review a balanced scale of cards. One is cute. The other is a joke about piss. There's your scary story. Now back in the bed-coffin, Dardanelle. Pick up your copy of Ray Bradbury's "Legs That Ran through Ice Cream Fields" today!    

You're Late! Grab yourself a Masters Degree Pepper, a PostDoc Sprite, and/or a VoTech Surge, because these slumber party mirror demons aren't going to summon themselves! Join Bobby, Dan, and special guest friend-ghost/ghost-friend Kate Fallon as they rattle the rafters with such topics as summoning demons at sleepovers, cats that are cuter than Hapsburgs, and a lot more talk about "One Hour Photo" than you thought you were gonna get on your commute today! Later, these ghouls rate and review one card that's as pure as Saint Tony's smooches, and another that was clearly written by Bus Todd (ugh, Bus Todd). Be sure to follow friend of the pod and amazing actor Kate Fallon at @kate.m.fallon_6 on instagram, unless you want 7 years of being a bad podcast subscriber! Spooky!

Cancel that reservation to Catphish Dandy's Hot Soup Parlor, because you have podcast episodes to listen to, no matter how late they are! No, you can't do both at once, Mom! Join Bobby, Dan, and chemistry teacher Mr Skalisky (the one who drinks his skittles) as they pass the ever-loving time away, on greeting card speakeasies, save the date etiquette, and coming up with a new, better name for X (Sad Angry Shout Friend? Bird Chirpin')! Later, the lads rate and review a libel-heavy card that gives further credence to our anti-Stratfordian policies! A perfect episode to watch pandas mate too (although if you're listening in the U.S., you'll have to do it on a webcam now. Weirdo.)

We gotta fill Bobby up with these blood packets before the Boyz Night starts, but I suppose we could fit in an Olde Fashioned Style greeting card judgement before the lukewarm pizza gets here! Join Bobby, Dan, and the Dijon Birthday Boy himself Jibblo as they make a mockery of their 50 hours of Greeting Card/Candy blabbering, novels that make you sad, and the Buffet-Springsteen crossover we will never see. Later, the lads rate and review an abyss of a card that may make you impressed and frightened in quite the balanced cocktail!  #fritochoice #fleshyplastictime

Put down the Tony Hawk's Velvet Underground and join us as we revel in the fact that September is Nothing!® Join Bobby, Dan, and Admiral Target as yammer the cool days away on subjects like English orphan pickpockets, holidays that start too early, and ice cream that comes out of cars. Later, these Fall-forward fools rate and review a duo of cards that either should've been postcards, or remind you to kindly not invite your Siberian friends to stuff! Subscribe! Review! Do something! Now!

Look, if you ingrates aren't going to listen to your BobbyFather, the least you can do is subscribe and leave a review on this episode that he spent all week making over a hot, microwaved microphone!  Join Bobby, Dan, and late night pancake friend Michael LaRamba as they avoid dead air with Sweeney Todd's bathing schedule, Catfish: The Musical, and bachelor party wetness (yeah sorry about that one). Later, the lads rate and review a card that is angry levels of cute, and once and for all chastises you for not seeing just how amazing you are! in the words of Peter De Coursey, "God Bless and Cheer the F*ck Up."

This week's card is almost as sweet as getting divorced at the Cell Phone Museum! Join Bobby, Dan, and kiln-obsessed art teacher Ms. Gravesite as they take a verbal walkabout with Negroni wizardry, American-sized beverages, and staying true to their promise that all they really want to talk about is candy! Later, they rate and review a card that is only tolerable when chased with a litany of kiln puns, as you'll hear soon enough! Pick up the newest album by Billy Shams and the Grondells, "Buttin' it 'til Dawn", available wherever fake inside jokes are sold!

Hey folks, it's been a bit, and we know you're excited, but the good and virtuous people over at Greetings do NOT encourage you to do a shot every time we say the word "daddy", unless you enjoy being passed out at the 20 minute mark and missing your tennis recital! Join Bobby, Dan, and confused ghost writer Biff Hagrave as they take out the old scrapbook and swap fond stories of hot root beer, wet humor vs. dry humor, and a very timely and not at all dated discussion on X. Later on, the lads take one final sail 'round the horn, needing to see land as much as they need a tall glass of holy water! Be sure to stream the latest seasons of Tom Clancy's (w/ Biff Hagrave) "The Carly Simon Loss" and "The Ultimate Back", available now on Apple-!

A Blue Raspberry Breakup A Pink Lemonade Lament A Strawberry "Sorry About This" Whatever your flavor choice may be, we hope that your tribulations are nothing but tasty (and we guess other things)! Joinh Bobby Taupin, Elton Dan, and Dan Failinggym as the pick at the proverbial bones of gentleman's toast, edible greeting cards, and hiring audience scabs who are also pro-union! Later, This singer-songwriter duo rate and review a card that was hilarious to think of as a way of describing how smart someone is! Now get in the glue trunk!

Let down the sails and memorize the ancient scripture, because our second Installment of Bob Voyage! is sure to be a GrandMitzvah! Join Bobby, Dan, and West Point Dramatist Art Kards as they sail over the bounding main with such topics as The U.N.'s gift shop, Italy's new Greeting Card Association, and the fact that Dan can't remember where the Hell Bobby was for about 2 weeks! Later, these jet-setters rate and  review 2 (two!) cards from overseas that don't really clarify child labor or gaseous galaxy formation, but at least they're on paper now, and in our book, that's progress. Also, we press on the "Train band, funny" button WAY too hard this ep.! Hope that's something you like! This is not a Drive By!

We're baking like a toasted cheese, and there's no better way to beat the heat than with some anthological card-hashing! Join Bobby, Dan, and onion figurine enthusiast Old Man Brimshine as they make verbal mincemeat on topics like the Bugs Bunny cryptid, recycled Ouija Boards, and how each host would take down a bunch of teens at a lake. Later,  the lads look over lovingly at the past 12 cards, with the kind of starry eyes reserved only for Miss Canada 1985.   Don't forget your Bega Bucks!

What a disgusting miracle, this episode is! And just in time to be very late for Father's Day! Join Bobby, Dan, and viceroy Nute Gunray as they "rock" on with such topics as the lost Gary Marshall classics, bootleg video dreams, and modern Dad tropes #gamerdad. Later, these neanderthals rate and review a Father's Day card-slab from Fill Phlims that will leave you feeling like a stone-age idiot! It's a living! Except it's not!  

EDITOR'S NOTE: We had a little audio trouble on this one, but the laugh and the love are as abundant as ever, and if having a cool, refreshing can of Fanta while listening to this episode doesn't help, were you ever going to like it? Even with Fanta?!   Sometimes your favorite thing is 2 things! Join Bobby, Dan, and special guests Andy Bogatko and Karen Boyle (Kandy, as they're known in the scrolls) as they dimple and dample on where to buy stamps, the physical fallacy of hand turkeys, and getting the goddamn theme song to Sailor Moon right! Later, the gang rates and reviews 2 cards that, AI-generated or not, are more fun than Loose Lamb Fridays at Uncle Deef's! Remember, Don't with them, Do with Us!

Bobby's back from travels abroad, and while there may be rust on our bones, that can't muffle the screams, er, songs in our hearts! Join Bobby, Dan, and Nissan Tobleroni as they dust off the cobwebs on topics like traveling desires, bad zoo-keeping, and Bobby's endless cow charms! Later, the lads rate and review a card from across the pond that wonderfully encapsulates a very specific and potentially uncomfortable relationship! Don't worry, we only make it worse! Located Off Route Batch in Springdale!

Oh, what, you're too good for a Mother's Day card review nearly 2 weeks after the holiday? Some child/listener you are! Join Bobby, Dan, and Western film star Clayton Gammy as they storm the greeting card congressional floor with angry math, Maya Rudolph bots, and a less-than-lengthy-but-more-than-cursory-glance look at the trending hashtag #bestcardever. Later, the lads rate and review a card that is nothing short of lovely, and reminds us all that just because you have a gazebo doesn't mean it's an event.   Sponsored by: Bobby's Congress Restaurant and Fun Bar! "It's A Filibuster for your Mouth!"

The perfect episode for you remedial Ding-Dongs™ who are just looking to coast until the sweet follicles of summer fall gingerly onto your stupid lap! Join Bobby, Dan, and the entire cast and crew of "Dracula Loves Beck" as the shake and shimmy while discussing Hungary Water, National Smell Day, and those gross double-walled plastic glasses with goop in 'em that most likely defined a generation. Later, they rate and review what just might be the keystone card in the great "Girls Night" Trilogy!   Almost as fun as sending Bobby to Eagle School!

An episode that's slightly early for Möthers Däs, but wouldn't you rather be prepared for it for ONCE in your ungrateful life?! Good Answer, we guess! Join Bobby, Dan, and burgeoning entrepreneur Michael (aka Paul) Slameroni as they jabber on about their cool moms, pizzapathy, and dangerous traditions involving child chefs! Later, these sons rate and review TWO cards that made Dan want to pull the artists' bones out of their body and exchange them for garlic bread! What the hell does that mean? Download the episode and find out, ya blurb-tourist!

Best listened to in the parking lot of a Charby's, shortly after they mess up your buffalo onion slider! Join Bobby, Dan, and great Uncle NestEgg as they go on for FAR too long about 500 Days of Summer, Paul Blart, and 2007's Funny Games! Later, they rate and review a card that proves it's worth as a sure-fire way to waste 20 seconds of the lives of your friends and family! Catch the magic!   The 500 Days of Summer monologue we talked about: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PH1XR8gyYJE

It's time to count your blessings on a veritable mountain of egg-beans! Join Bobby, Dan, and Saltine Dungeon Caleb as they Jib and also Jab on Spring holiday card expectations, jellybean company ranking, and unnecessary celebratory jello consumption! Soon after, the lads rate and review a card that'll make you want rev up the ole soft-serve ice machine, if only because you've got some mistakes to atone for! Be sure to catch our no-act play, "Rosie O'Donnell and Beck are Dead", now playing somewhere, at a time.

How Long Can YOU Last in the Company of Someone that you Love? We like to think you ponder that every time you open this Hellraiser box of audio! Join Parsons Bobby, Dan, and Crinkle as they waste the school board budget on mushy peas, Industrious Susans, and Viagra Day, pretty close to the worst day of the year! Later, the scholars rate and review a card suitable for good Band or bad Spanish!   Just Don't!

Hope you're not too far on your high horse, cuz this week's all about SHAME and we feel great about it!(?) Join Bobby, Dan, Aunt Glrn and Dr. Larm as they trip the light mediocre on topics like indie greetings cards with contemporary references, the politics of celebrity prayer candles, and why Dan detests fandoms so damn much! Later, our hosts review a real no-legged pony of a card, really bringing us full circle in the ole shame category!   Warning: Dan references the Sublime song "Santeria" like, 5-6 times. He thought it was hilarious. He thinks a lot of things. Let's cut him some slack, alright?

Hello, Maybe How Are You? Hope you got your date to the Som Prom, cuz it's time to brine your brain! Join Bobby, Dan, and the entire cast of the Family Fugue as they pitter and also patter on postcard definitions, jokes on transcendentalism, and Dan having 0 ability to remember a single celebrity's name! Later, the lads rate and review a card that gives us hope, but not for any reason that helps us sleep at night. It's a White House Full of Laughs!   

All the Gogurt points in the world couldn't stop us from delivering an episode chock-a-block with recaps of greeting guts and glory! Join Bobby, Dan, and Fred Algae as they burn the mid-evening oil on aqua zoos, Schrödinger's Squid, and whether or not George Westinghouse was British (he was not, Dan would learn upon writing this paragraph!). Later, the lads rate and review 12 cards that run the gamut of being acceptable to distribute at The Hague, to ones that deserve to be prosecuted at that very same Hague! Be sure to finish your cards before you head over to laser tag!

Hope you've all recovered from your phat baby love hangovers, cuz Greetings is hellbent on providing one more clinically-approved dose of "Everybody Loves Raymond"-style amore!   Join Bobby, Dan, and Mr. Hyunh in all his country glory as they spin a yarn on Midsommar invitations, planning stuff way too far in advance, and the hierarchy of obligation chocolate. Later, they rate and review a card that may legally be grounds for divorce if you read the whole thing. So maybe avoid the IG page for awhile, if you're in love or something close. 

Sometimes love is just the place where you are, because it's convenient! like this episode you dang done downloaded!   Join Bobby, Dan, and the 4 Beatles of the Apocalypse as they fill the ancient scrolls with tales of the seasonal Fat (or Phat) Love Baby, Russell Stover Choco-Hearts, and the totally-still relevant One-Chip Challenge! Later, these fools rate and review a card that at best paints love as a "benign mistake", and at best lets us shamelessly name-drop some cool authors and artists you should check out! Also, lotta Roman Emperor talk in this one, just in time for the holidays! Res Secundae!

The best fact-adjacent podcast that you'll half-listen to on the train, or car, or cool futuristic train-car!   Join Bobby, Dan, and their children's book-author friend Christine Chance-Boon as they chew the fat on consuming eggshells, the natural life cycle of irony, and the most romantic song in "The Mask". Later, the gents rate and review a card that doesn't need an infusion of frog DNA to do the work of the anti-valentine Saint Enitnelav! Enjoy, before all the dinos are taken from us by the liberal media! #weread

Almost as fun as slumber party gravy Limbo!    Join Bobby, Dan, and an unnecessary manifestation of Lil' Abner references as they go through the z-list January holidays found on nationaltoday.com. If you've haven't celebrated Menudo Day (not the band), you probably are aware of what you're missing! After that mess, the boys rate and review a card that brings up WAY too many memories of Valentine's Day that have long past. Hope you're feeling angsty, cuz the Notary Public Straw Effigy isn't gonna burn itself!

If only J. Harvey Kellogg was alive to see what Hell we've wrought!   Join Bobby, Dan, and their autographed copy of "Miami, Plain and Tall", as they scream to the heavens on giving up on things, demonic after-school snacks, and the current state of Bobby's inhumane podcast factory! Later, they rate and review a card that is perfect for anyone who is in 6th-8th grade! Otherwise, stick around, because are we really that much worse than your other options?   Remember, you can't shake hands with a clenched caligra-fist!

More fun than getting struck by lightning a bunch!   Join Bobby, Dan, and bodega cat Hennessy Bathtub (The undisputed Bad Boyz of greeting cards) as they ruminate on convenient store guilty pleasures, lottery limitations, and how Bobby knows way more about the Hellraiser franchise than most bears! Later, they rate and review a card, though they spend way more time talking about how they would construct the perfect taco! Is that your idea of entertainment while you commute? We'll let you decide! (please say yes)

Time to emerge from the holiday chrysalis and be born anew!    Join Bobby, Dan, and Scared Nogless guest speaker Derek Gargle as they chew the metaphorical fat on old new year grudges, the post-Jan.1 Dead Zone, and why a certain seasonal dairy drink isn't available in snak paks. Later, and most bombastically, they rate and review what must be the rock bottom of greeting card humor, so rest assured, 2023 can only go up from here right? Right?!

Hop in the 2001 golden Honda Odyssey and look south to Florida, cuz Greetings is greeting the new year with everyone's favorite quality: willful ignorance! Join Bobby, Dan, and their corn-silk effigy of St. Uncle as they widdle and waddle on their greeting card hopes for 2023, and how cards, like maize, have an ancient, mysterious past (most likely). Later on, they rate and review a card, and I swear to St. Uncle, if the phrase "Sexy Cat Apron" being said over over doesn't entice you freeloading ding-dongs to start liking and subscribing, then we might as well just call it here. Nice knowing you! Check out friend of the Pod Jeff Jakobs and his new album "The Milk Barn Sessions" now! Literally! We mean it this time!

Come and witness the voice of a generation that NO ONE  hears!   Join Bobby, Dan, friends of the podcast Gabby & Andrew, and actor Goseph Jorden Brevit as they tip their top hats to diner bisque, forward-thinking greeting card purchases, and the golden days of Microsoft Publisher. Later, the quad will rate and review a double-helping of cards that strike the balance of fun AND morally challenging! We bet all the cheese in South Dakota that you'll love what you hear!