Podcasts about sex addiction recovery

Send a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreMate/Partner selection, Collusive/Couple fit and all that: Why did I choose you and not someone else on planet earth?"I have never met you before or hardly know you, yet in a room of 100 people, I gravitate to you". How does that happen?My reply as a Therapist: "Because you 'promise' (or hold the potential) to fix and supplement an aspect of me which needs what you have - but I am not going to tell you that and make myself vulnerable."Say what? Yep."So you are saying that we gravitate to sameness (to compliment each other), as well as differenceness (to supplement my perceived deficits) - which I don't want you to know about and even I don't necessarily and consciously want to own that fact?"All very odd. Yep - because most of that dynamic lives in the unconscious, which is what Therapy with The Kairos Centre helps you with - to move as much from the unconscious into the conscious; so that when it is now in the conscious, you get the opportunity to try to do something about it; but just because it is now in the conscious does not mean you will be able to change what is now visible - quickly. It takes take to effect change.Why? Because you are going after patterns of behaviours set up in the childhood development period, where blueprints and templates were established and set in place and practised into adulthood. "So my thoughts and behaviours are going down a predictable course because of repeatedly practiced patterns of behaviours which have become neural pathways and it takes time to change well entrenched and well established patterns of behaviours which have become neural pathways?". Yep. You got it."Little wonder then that I set about trying to avoid getting it wrong again (by choosing that wrong type of partner) and to avoid that, I go to extreme opposite ends of the spectrum of attributes and blow me, I end up with someone where the same negative behaviours eventually show up again. Oh - yuk"!Get some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand.Help is here for you: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelpGary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.Key words: sex addiction, addicted, partner, porn addiction, recovery, sex drive, therapy, sex therapy, podcast, relationships, relationship counseling, relationship advice, addiction, couples, couples therapy, sex therapy, emdr, love addiction, behavior, psychology, codependency, sex life, neuroscience, sex ed, sober, sobriety, sexual dysfunction, relationship issues, sex coach, sexual, trauma, ptsd, sex science, The sex porn love Addiction Podcast, The Singles Partners Marrieds and Long Time Marrieds Podcast, Gary McFarlane, porn addiction, what neuroscience says, neuroscience, young adults, sex, sex addict, porn, recovery, porn addiction issue, porn addiction in teens, sex addiction in teens, sex hormones, Support the show

Send a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreFrom where did you get your Sex Ed knowledge back there during the developing childhood years, which you have been following through and repeatedly practising in adulthood? Was it 'Peers, banter and porn' which set up your sexual template, long before school Sex Ed - which got there way too late; the deed was already done. You give a wry smile when asked about Sex Ed at home from parents! For most - there was none at home; for others, if there was, it came way too late.Once the five senses of sight, smell, taste, touch & sound brings images and experiences onto the brain - those 'firsts' have already set up the templates - which will then be repeatedly played out in adulthood sexuality, as being 'right' and 'works'. Not necessarily true. They are templates, but they may not be accurate of 'right'. They are just what your brain experienced as 'first time' and the template is set up (whether wanted or not) and will reproduce and reproduce; churning out the same old, same old - 'seems to work'; (but you know it isn't working as you want it to work!The setting up of those templates during the childhood development period are called sexual myths. Sexual myths need to be unlearned. Then replaced with accurate knowledge about human sexually and physiological responses. That is what The Kairos Centre provide, when its Therapists are wearing a different hat and skill set called Psychosexual Therapy. (I use the shorted term of 'Sex Therapy').It can be transformation, when (for the first time) you experience Sensuality, Intimacy, Romance, Deep Love & Affection - at a must higher level (after cleansing out the dross); which is so fulfilling on its own; and you haven't even had sex yet!Come and see and experience it for yourself. Then you will have eyes to see and body to feel the difference of 'sex gone wrong' all those years that you have been doing it!Help is here for you: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelpGary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.Key words: sex addiction, addicted, partner, porn addiction, recovery, sex drive, therapy, sex therapy, podcast, relationships, relationship counseling, relationship advice, addiction, couples, couples therapy, sex therapy, emdr, love addiction, behavior, psychology, codependency, sex life, neuroscience, sex ed, sober, sobriety, sexual dysfunction, relationship issues, sex coach, sexual, trauma, ptsd, sex science, The sex porn love Addiction Podcast, The Singles Partners Marrieds and Long Time Marrieds Podcast, Gary McFarlane, porn addiction, what neuroscience says, neuroscience, young adults, sex, sex addict, porn, recovery, porn addiction issue, porn addiction in teens, sex addiction in teens, sex hormones,Support the show

Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centrePart 5 of 5 of an interview with Caroline Brown of -  This Crazy over 40s Life - a Black & ethnicity perspectiveHere is a portion of an article by Lauren Dubinsky - Founder of Good Women Project: What I Wish I'd Known Before Watching Porn, 2012 "Pornography is a charged subject, and it's a word that rarely crosses the lips of most women. Yes, there are now breeds of the modern woman who watch, talk and joke about it regularly, but most of us still stay farther away from speaking the word than we actually stay away from it...... but statistics show that, at least in Australia, more than one-third of pornography viewers are women. Just last week, I received an email from a girl who leads a small women's group; they'd just discovered that every single one of them were watching porn.When I was in high school, pornography was on the long list of "bad things" that I didn't know much about -- and unfortunately also on the list of things I had participated in. Never mind why I was watching it, the how is the same for nearly all of us: We stumbled upon it because of someone else. And none of us knew what to expect, or how to handle it.I wish someone had talked about how women watch it too, so I wouldn't have had to spend years living under the shame that comes with being "the only one" and thinking there was something wrong with me....."What are the psychosexual issues that we work with as Sex Therapists, which young people are storing up and manifests in their twenties.Erectile Dysfunction: Inability to get or keep an erectionDelayed/Retarded ejaculation: Inability or 'long' delay in being able to ejaculatePremature Ejaculation: Coming too quicklyVaginismus: Inability for penis to enter the vagina due to vaginal musclesDyspareunia: Female pain during vaginal penetrationSexual Desire Disorder: Little or no desire for sexLack of Orgasm: Inability to reach an OrgasmSpectatoring during sex: Coaching self during sex and so not fully presentGenital/body dysmorphia: Belief that genitals are not 'normal'Spermaphobia: Fear of ejaculation and specifically spermEurotophobia: Aversion to/fear of female genitaliaSickle cell Priapism: Ejection failure to reduce and is longlastingVulvar painGet some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand.Help is here for you: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelpGary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.Key words: sex addiction, addicted, partner, porn addiction, recovery, sex drive, therapy, sex therapy, podcast, relationships, relationship counseling, relationship advice, addiction, couples, couples therapy, sex therapy, emdr, love addiction, behavior, psychology, codependency, sex life, neuroscience, sex ed, sober, sobriety, sexual dysfunction, relationship issues, sex coach, sexual, trauma, ptsd, sex science, The sex porn love Addiction Podcast, The Singles Partners Marrieds and Long Time Marrieds Podcast, Gary McFarlane, porn addiction, what neuroscience says, neuroscience, young adults, sex, sex addict, porn, recovery, porn addiction issue, porn addiction in teens, sex addiction in teens, sex hormones,Support the show

Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centrePart 4 of 5 of an interview with Caroline Brown of -  This Crazy over 40s Life - a Black & ethnicity perspectiveCovid-19 contributed to a significant increase in the compulsive use of porn in 10 to 75 years old. Women gravitated to webcam usage during lockdown – maybe coerced by partners making it seem like a necessary substitute. Many such females do not yet know they might be addicted until they try to stop.What is this thing called “Love Addiction”? Well, I believe it is all about trying to fill an Insecure Attachment need. What's that? Set up in childhood development where the bonding with key parental figures was not 'good enough'. “Say what!'. There may be a high level of sincere motivation to stop, but the physiology demand for its chemical fix, situational triggers and disturbing/upsetting feelings, causes a PART of the personality to sabotage. Logic goes offline. There is little care about the demands of the other PARTS of the personality. "I see, I desire, I want, so I take" kicks in. Immediate gratification rules.So, a lot of women worldwide, have become addicted or have a compulsion towards porn, but do not realise it. Arguably, there is greater 'Shame' for women, who then need to go deeper under ground and sty 'hidden. Stay means hide/hidden - don't tell or be found out. Remember SHAME + NARICISSISM = SEX ADDICTION.Some interesting stats from BACP Mindometer 2025 News from BACP: This annual survey into the state of the nation's mental health identified that almost two thirds (64%) of therapists say the public's mental health has deteriorated over the past year. Nearly all therapists identified financial pressures and the rising cost of living as major contributing factors, while 83% reported that war and global conflict have also negatively affected people's wellbeing.The survey gathered insights from almost 3,000 members, highlights several emerging trends:62% of therapists who work with men with addiction said they noticed a rise in alcohol addiction over the past yearOver half (53%) of therapists who work with men with addiction said they noticed a rise in porn addiction over the past yearWhat a shame the questions were focussed primarily on men. Interesting isn't it!In August 2024, BACP published its Addictions Competence Framework, identifying specialist knowledge, skills and abilities that counsellors require to effectively support adults living with addictions.  Get some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand.Help someone: https://igg.me/at/ThekairosCentreHelp is here for you: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelpGary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.Key words: sex addiction, addicted, partner, porn addiction, recovery, sex drive, therapy, sex therapy, podcast, relationships, relationship counseling, relationship advice, addiction, couples, couples therapy, sex therapy, emdr, love addiction, behavior, psychology, codependency, sex life, neuroscience, sex ed, sober, sobriety, sexual dysfunction, relationship issues, sex coach, sexual, trauma, ptsd, sex science, The sex porn love Addiction Podcast, The Singles Partners Marrieds and Long Time Marrieds Podcast, Gary McFarlane, porn addiction, what neuroscience says, neuroscience, young adults, sex, sex addict, porn, recovery, porn addiction issue, Support the show

Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreWhat is 'Manly'? A conversation with Damian Andrews of SHAIR.Care Podcast (Australia) in 2023.Therapy is about you not me.What do you want from Therapy? Are Fetishes or Paraphilia activities to be included? Where does your view come from? Is it your view or a 'hand me down?'What is for sure is that Therapy won't work until you are ready. But if you take too long (as the masses do), then the hand grenade may go off in your face and then you are left picking up shrapnel. Picking up shrapnel is to be re-active. What might shrapnel look like? It could be: getting caught by a partner; found out by an employer from office PC activities; the early morning knock by the police for viewing Child Sexual Abuse Material.Better to make conscious choices, even if wrong choices; (at least you know you made those choices and so, can own the fallout). Don't let lack of choice be done to you because you did not chose the activities, but they were done to you. You then own the repercussions. Make sense?CBT= Cognitive Behaviour (Therapy). The Cognitive (your thinking) will always come before Behaviour (the action). Change your thinking before trying to change Behaviour. If you can change your Mind, you can change your life.Whichever addiction you are caught up in (whether Alcohol, smoking, eating, sex, porn, seeking out connection with love, drugs, phone, gambling or gaming), the craving to use are not under direct conscious control. The neuro-chemicals or self induced chemicals take over and demand repeat fix. I see, I desire, I want, so I take, kicks in – where “Immediate gratification rules again.Design your sobriety with help from The Kairos Centre. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand.Help is here for you: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelpGary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.Key words: sex addiction, addicted, partner, porn addiction, recovery, sex drive, therapy, sex therapy, podcast, relationships, relationship counseling, relationship advice, addiction, couples, couples therapy, sex therapy, emdr, love addiction, behavior, psychology, codependency, sex life, neuroscience, sex ed, sober, sobriety, sexual dysfunction, relationship issues, sex coach, sexual, trauma, ptsd, sex science, The sex porn love Addiction Podcast, The Singles Partners Marrieds and Long Time Marrieds Podcast, Gary McFarlane, porn addiction, what neuroscience says, neuroscience, young adults, sex, sex addict, porn, recovery, porn addiction issue, porn addiction in teens, sex addiction in teens, sex hormones, Support the show

Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreWhat is 'Manly'? A conversation with Damian Andrews of SHAIR.Care Podcast (Australia) in 2023.Make the real thing the real thing; prioritise the right thing. Fight the right battles. Don't fight some battles, but lose the war. It will drain you and then you want to self-soothe and dissipate your energy.Your brain may sideswipe you to focus on non-essentials. What is the real issue. Take your eyes off others and do your own battles and fights. Not ones which others have set up for you. Focus on self love and self value. Only then can you learn to truly love someone else.….then, after sorting self, maybe you will have more energy to pick up other things and fulfil your best potential in the right aspects of life that is destined for you to impact beneficially. Become the best that you can be and leave your positive deposit on this earth. Consider a re-set, re-set, re-set. Get back to the real thing. Your focus is to change the trajectory that you are on. Change it by just one degree and in a year, see where your new trajectory has taken you.Compulsive and addiction behaviours is causing you to live and experience a lower quality of life, than you are entitled to and deserve.The Kairos Centre is all about helping you to see what you cannot see; then you can go after the right stuff, effect change and seek to be the best that you can be, so others can become the best that they can be –  because you have become the best that you can be - without SHAME, bringing colour back to life. Come taste and see! Get some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand.Help someone: https://igg.me/at/ThekairosCentreHelp is here for you: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelpGary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.Key words: sex addiction, addicted, partner, porn addiction, recovery, sex drive, therapy, sex therapy, podcast, relationships, relationship counseling, relationship advice, addiction, couples, couples therapy, sex therapy, emdr, love addiction, behavior, psychology, codependency, sex life, neuroscience, sex ed, sober, sobriety, sexual dysfunction, relationship issues, sex coach, sexual, trauma, ptsd, sex science, The sex porn love Addiction Podcast, The Singles Partners Marrieds and Long Time Marrieds Podcast, Gary McFarlane, porn addiction, what neuroscience says, neuroscience, young adults, sex, sex addict, porn, recovery, porn addiction issue, porn addiction in teens, sex addiction in teens, sex hormones, Support the show

Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreWhat is 'Manly'? A conversation with Damian Andrews of SHAIR.Care Podcast (Australia) in 2023.Sex Addiction is handled very differently between the cultures. Shame plays out differently between cultures. 'Shame' in Asian culture, is very different to 'Shame' in Western European culture.An interesting article by Sam Louie, discusses Asian 'Shame' and 'Honour' as a cultural conundrum:"...Honoring his Korean heritage while also trying to honor his sense of autonomy growing up.  He saw getting help as bringing dishonor to his family and not an act of empowerment...Seeking help for addictions...is seen as a major umbrage to the Asian individual, family, and extended Asian community.....when it comes to addictions, there is scant attention given to Asians. Part of the limited attention lies in the age-old Asian custom of secrecy, silence, and shame. From an Asian addict's perspective, it's the ultimate blow of humiliation to be seen as weak since having an addiction goes against Asian social norms......The mere acknowledgement of an Asian person having a problem is going against cultural norms because it sends the implicit message to others that you have let them down....internal shame in Korea comes when a person has not lived up to the community's rules and expectations. This internal shame is very prevalent among Asians and Koreans. It functions to build group harmony and unity.”In addition, Asian shame is intricately tied to the fear of rejection and loss of both familial and cultural community support...is more profoundly associated with the fear that one's inadequacies will result in the loss of union with or expulsion from the group”. “Chinese parents readily discuss and disclose children's transgressions in front of strangers to induce shame and to socialize children to behave properly…given the greater valuation of shame in collectivist cultures compared to individualistic ones, it should not be surprising that in many East Asian and other collectivist contexts shame plays a more salient role in everyday life.”...in shame-based cultures, public humiliation, scorn, or censure are relied upon more heavily to keep individuals in obedience whereas the western notion of guilt and corrective behaviors comes from an individual's development of an internal conscience."Remember, 'Shame' means hide/hidden - don't get caught or be found out.Get some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand.Help someone: https://igg.me/at/ThekairosCentreHelp is here for you: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelpGary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.Key words: sex addiction, addicted, partner, porn addiction, recovery, sex drive, therapy, sex therapy, podcast, relationships, relationship counseling, relationship advice, addiction, couples, couples therapy, sex therapy, emdr, love addiction, behavior, psychology, codependency, sex life, neuroscience, sex ed, sober, sobriety, sexual dysfunction, relationship issues, sex coach, sexual, trauma, ptsd, sex science, The sex porn love Addiction Podcast, The Singles Partners Marrieds and Long Time Marrieds Podcast, Gary McFarlane, porn addiction, what neuroscience says, neuroscience, young adults, sex, sex addict, porn, Support the show

Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreWhat is 'Manly'? A conversation with Damian Andrews of SHAIR.Care Podcast (Australia) in 2023.“Mirror, Mirror on the wall, who is the fairest or them all”? How do you answer that question for you? Learn to love self, before you can love others.I use that thing called EMDR to work on the distorted image of self. What is this thing called EMDR? It is Eye Movement Desensitisation Reprocessing. What a mouth full!I can talk about it til the cows come home, but you will still have frowns on your eyebrows. Watch a few of the video clips: https://youtu.be/9uE04Blfd-Q?si=MrNZZmCAgmTmOUo7  EMDR (Prince Harry) experiencehttps://youtu.be/M2ra8p4MSOkhttps://youtu.be/bIJZQAr9nQohttps://youtu.be/HNdMHuwvF_Mhttps://youtu.be/xZVw-9ThmSMStop accepting the crumbs off the table. The brain's dialogue with you can go like this: “It's better to have someone, than no one; but people are not safe. Keep them at arms-length and be ready to retreat quickly, if you get a whiff or hint that they are unhappy and may finish with you. It is best to torpedo the relationship; jettison it and protect your heart from further pain, before they do it to you. So, throw in a hand grenade (effectively, to create conflict so as to force the other person to have to leave and finish with you); and then the ‘fait accompli' kicks in, where – ‘I knew they would finish with me at some point'. (When in fact that was not necessarily what they were planning); more important that you do it to them, before they do it to you, because it hurts less, done that way and you are then in more control of the pain, than if it is done to you and you were caught off guard (again). “Do onto others, before they do it to you” – is being played out repeatedly. It all makes logical sense to your brain, even if it doesn't to you!Get some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand.Help someone: https://igg.me/at/ThekairosCentreHelp is here for you: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelpGary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.Key words: sex addiction, addicted, partner, porn addiction, recovery, sex drive, therapy, sex therapy, podcast, relationships, relationship counseling, relationship advice, addiction, couples, couples therapy, sex therapy, emdr, love addiction, behavior, psychology, codependency, sex life, neuroscience, sex ed, sober, sobriety, sexual dysfunction, relationship issues, sex coach, sexual, trauma, ptsd, sex science, The sex porn love Addiction Podcast, The Singles Partners Marrieds and Long Time Marrieds Podcast, Gary McFarlane, porn addiction, what neuroscience says, neuroscience, young adults, sex, sex addict, porn, recovery, porn addiction issue, porn addiction in teens, sex addiction in teens, sex hormones, Support the show

Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreWhat is 'Manly'? A conversation with Damian Andrews of SHAIR.Care Podcast (Australia) in 2023.There is a difference between men and women and how they raise boy children - isn't there!Am I allowed to even pose that question? What does emasculation of men mean? A browser search result says about Emasculation: 'It refers to the perceived loss of traditional masculine attributes, such as strength and power, often resulting from societal changes or dynamics in relationship'.Were those traditional values 'fit for purpose anyway'? What does the new attributes look like? Are men trying to make them fit, but experiencing a straight jacket effect?When men do not feel that they are getting it right, the desire to self-soothe to manage emotions, is all the more prevalent.Get some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand.Help someone: https://igg.me/at/ThekairosCentreHelp is here for you: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelpGary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.Key words: sex addiction, addicted, partner, porn addiction, recovery, sex drive, therapy, sex therapy, podcast, relationships, relationship counseling, relationship advice, addiction, couples, couples therapy, sex therapy, emdr, love addiction, behavior, psychology, codependency, sex life, neuroscience, sex ed, sober, sobriety, sexual dysfunction, relationship issues, sex coach, sexual, trauma, ptsd, sex science, The sex porn love Addiction Podcast, The Singles Partners Marrieds and Long Time Marrieds Podcast, Gary McFarlane, porn addiction, what neuroscience says, neuroscience, young adults, sex, sex addict, porn, recovery, porn addiction issue, porn addiction in teens, sex addiction in teens, sex hormones, hormones,Support the show

Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreWhat is 'Manly'? A conversation with Damian Andrews of SHAIR.Care Podcast (Australia) in 2023.What's a “Russian Doll” (or is it called a Babushka) got to do with Sex, Porn, Love Addiction?I thought you would never ask!“I haven't bought into that nonsense “Big boys don't cry”, when I was growing up”. At least, I don't think so”!That guy called John Bowlby in the 1940's dared to put together some suppositions that I didn't like. How dare he put me in a box and think that he knows me. Yet, “Oh my goodness, that stuff he is talking about me; describes me. I don't like this. Anyway, I am a complex being made by God and only Sigmund Freud can unravel the complexities of me”. (This was my coping strategy that I used to avoid getting penetrated and having to go and see those busy-body counsellors and tell them about my growing up stuff, so they could sort me out).The inner child was curled up deep inside the Russian Doll, with layers of protection, to avoid people that I give my heart to, hurting me again. "Big boys don't cry". Therefore, grown up boys absolutely cannot cry. A man's man get's up, stop crying and whimpering and gets on with it. Stiff British lip stuff. (PS: Is that the upper or lower lip that is stiff. I always wondered!)What is the framework and straight jacket which society (which is us) has given men? Is it the right fit? If it isn't, how do we break out and re-invent ourselves?What baton? What generational/family script has been handed on to each of us?What is masculinity? What does it mean? Is it controversial to even ask the question? Too dangerous for me to even dare to begin to offer a 'take'. What does that mean for a progressive society?More questions than answers in this episode.Get some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand.Help someone: https://igg.me/at/ThekairosCentreHelp is here for you: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelpGary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.Key words: sex addiction, addicted, partner, porn addiction, recovery, sex drive, therapy, sex therapy, podcast, relationships, relationship counseling, relationship advice, addiction, couples, couples therapy, sex therapy, emdr, love addiction, behavior, psychology, codependency, sex life, neuroscience, sex ed, sober, sobriety, sexual dysfunction, relationship issues, sex coach, sexual, trauma, ptsd, sex science, The sex porn love Addiction Podcast, The Singles Partners Marrieds and Long Time Marrieds Podcast, Gary McFarlane, porn addiction, what neuroscience says, neuroscience, young adults, sex, sex addict, porn, recovery, porn addiction issue, porn addiction in teens, sex addiction in teens, sex hormones, hormones,Support the show

Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreWhat is 'Manly'? A conversation with Damian Andrews of SHAIR.Care Podcast (Australia) in 2023.Russian dolls very well illustrates the brain's attempts to protect and guard us from repeat pain from situations experienced in the childhood development years. The real us, may have got stunted, where the brain built layers and layers around the inner child from the time of early developmental traumas and uncomfortable issues.By adulthood, maybe you no longer know who is the 'Real' you. You get a split second sight of him (very rarely), but before you are ready, he pops back in and disappears.When you get that split second sighting, you know you could get to like him, but as you hold up your hands to beckon him to stay, just as quickly, he disappears. (Make sense to anyone?)You learn to present a version of you, dependent upon the persona you think that group of people want to see or have got use to seeing; but it may not be the real authentic you. It may have got tiring living in that mould and you have outgrow that version of you, but the 'system' won't let you change and metamorphose into a different version of you. You are stuck. The coat no longer fits. So you self-soothe with P....Men are “Wild at heart”. That book (by that title) by John Eldredge – maybe is on to something. There is something that is not done “good enough” during childhood development. The brain then sets about trying to fill the deficits with coping strategies – Sex, Porn and/or Love Compulsive activities enter the mix, after the game console or sports, ain't doing it well enough.Get some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand.Help someone: https://igg.me/at/ThekairosCentreHelp is here for you: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelpGary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.Key words: sex addiction, addicted, partner, porn addiction, recovery, sex drive, therapy, sex therapy, podcast, relationships, relationship counseling, relationship advice, addiction, couples, couples therapy, sex therapy, emdr, love addiction, behavior, psychology, codependency, sex life, neuroscience, sex ed, sober, sobriety, sexual dysfunction, relationship issues, sex coach, sexual, trauma, ptsd, sex science, The sex porn love Addiction Podcast, The Singles Partners Marrieds and Long Time Marrieds Podcast, Gary McFarlane, porn addiction, what neuroscience says, neuroscience, young adults, sex, sex addict, porn, recovery, porn addiction issue, porn addiction in teens, sex addiction in teens, sex hormones, hormones,Support the show

Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreWhat is 'Manly'? A conversation with Damian Andrews of SHAIR.Care Podcast (Australia) in 2023.We need you ladies. Don't give up on us yet!So much more practical in finding solutions. Teach us please ladies. We need you. I am convinced that women have been endowed with an extra perceptive sense which us men do not have. You see danger in innocuous situations that us men just glaze our eyes over, until..... 'Too late guy'.Us men have become emasculated by a society. What does masculinity mean? Aren't there two roles – Masculinity & Femininity? Aren't they different? Don't they complement each other, to create a balanced society? Too simplistic Gary?We need someone in our life to role-model the sexual type that belongs to each of us. Without it, so many are floundering on the high seas, trying to do the best with the best that they have been handed. “Life isn't fair” - I decided, long ago.Get some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand.Help someone: https://igg.me/at/ThekairosCentreHelp is here for you: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelpGary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.Key words: sex addiction, addicted, partner, porn addiction, recovery, sex drive, therapy, sex therapy, podcast, relationships, relationship counseling, relationship advice, addiction, couples, couples therapy, sex therapy, emdr, love addiction, behavior, psychology, codependency, sex life, neuroscience, sex ed, sober, sobriety, sexual dysfunction, relationship issues, sex coach, sexual, trauma, ptsd, sex science, The sex porn love Addiction Podcast, The Singles Partners Marrieds and Long Time Marrieds Podcast, Gary McFarlane, porn addiction, what neuroscience says, neuroscience, young adults, sex, sex addict, porn, recovery, porn addiction issue, porn addiction in teens, sex addiction in teens, sex hormones, hormones,Support the show

Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreWhat is 'Manly'?: A conversation with Damian Andrews of SHAIR.Care Podcast (Australia) in 2023.Impediments to having great relationships:Disruption in the bonding in early childhood development with the significant caregivers (usually parents), is a key factor. The male (a father) plays a very important role. Masculinity cannot be entirely and comprehensively supplemented by a mother. It is not “do as I say”, it is “do as you see me doing”. The eyes take in the largest amount of information during the communication process.What gets set up in childhood, plays out in adulthood, in how we interact with others; seeking to bond, yet avoid repeat hurt. It is called Insecure Attachment. Insecure Attachment in Adulthood, often presents as “Love Addiction”, where the individual is not so much chasing Love, but connection; acceptance; to be inclusive; to be wanted; to be secure.The stuff of Sex, Porn, Love Addiction is indiscriminate. It impacts, in a significant way, women, children, men, LGBTQI community - cutting across all of the societal stratas and ages - (aged 9 to 75). The scale of addiction is staggering and is at pandemic levels:•          12% of all internet websites contain pornography.•          25% of all search engine queries—68 million per day—relate to sex.•          35% of all downloads are pornographic.•          70% of men aged 18–24 visit porn sites monthly.•          Average first exposure: 11 years old.•          1 in 5 pastors struggle with pornography.•          Over 50% of practising Christians report occasional porn use.•          Neurodivergent individuals show higher compulsive-use rates. Get some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand.Help someone: https://igg.me/at/ThekairosCentreHelp is here for you: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelpGary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.Key words: sex addiction, addicted, partner, porn addiction, recovery, sex drive, therapy, sex therapy, podcast, relationships, relationship counseling, relationship advice, addiction, couples, couples therapy, sex therapy, emdr, love addiction, behavior, psychology, codependency, sex life, neuroscience, sex ed, sober, sobriety, sexual dysfunction, relationship issues, sex coach, sexual, trauma, ptsd, sex science, The sex porn love Addiction Podcast, The Singles Partners Marrieds and Long Time Marrieds Podcast, Gary McFarlane, porn addiction, what neuroscience says, neuroscience, young adults, sex, sex addict, porn, recovery, porn addiction issue, porn addiction in teens, sex addiction in teens, sex hormones, hormones,Support the show

Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreWhat is 'Manly'?: A conversation with Damian Andrews of SHAIR.Care Podcast (Australia) in 2023.What is Man-ness? There is still a caveman instinct inside of us as men. Has the image got distorted as men try to metamorphize ourselves to fit what society tells us a man should be. Trying to fit what we are really not, is hard work. At some point there may be an increased desire to self-soothe and escape into cyberworld for a while – using sex, porn and/or other compulsive behaviours. Consider this poem: Children Learn What They LiveAuthor: Dorothy Law NolteIf a child lives with criticism, he [she] learns to condemn.If a child lives with hostility, he [she] learns to fight.If a child lives with ridicule, he [she] learns to be shy.If a child lives with shame, he [she] learns to feel guilty.If a child lives with tolerance, he [she] learns to be patient.If a child lives with encouragement, he [she] learns confidence.If a child lives with praise, he [she] learns to appreciate.If a child lives with fairness, he [she] learns justice.If a child lives with security, he [she] learns to have faith.If a child lives with approval, he [she] learns to like himself [herself].If a child lives with acceptance and friendship, he [she] learns to find love in the world.Templates and scripts from batons and intergenerational patterns passed on, are already shaping the developing brain in such an early formative time, which will set up patterns that continue to play out in adulthood. Therefore, significance must be given to this period in the man's life.(Let's build upon this in the subsequent episodes of this interesting podcast chat).Get some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand.Help someone: https://igg.me/at/ThekairosCentreHelp is here for you: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelpGary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.Key words: sex addiction, addicted, partner, porn addiction, recovery, sex drive, therapy, sex therapy, podcast, relationships, relationship counseling, relationship advice, addiction, couples, couples therapy, sex therapy, emdr, love addiction, behavior, psychology, codependency, sex life, neuroscience, sex ed, sober, sobriety, sexual dysfunction, relationship issues, sex coach, sexual, trauma, ptsd, sex science, The sex porn love Addiction Podcast, The Singles Partners Marrieds and Long Time Marrieds Podcast, Gary McFarlane, porn addiction, what neuroscience says, neuroscience, young adults, sex, sex addict, porn, recovery, porn addiction issue, porn addiction in teens, sex addiction in teens, sex hormones, hormones,Support the show

Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre"Narcissism because of Sex Addiction - Yuk! That's not me".Many clients initially (but silently and violently) object to any suggestion that there is Narcissism at work. I am never suggesting they have NPD (Narcissist Personality Disorder), but that they WILL have traits from Narcissism.Here is one definition of Narcissism which I use: "Narcissism is the way we conceptualise how we will look after ourselves. In its pathological form, it refers to people who seem incapable of acknowledging or taking sufficient account of the reality of other people and their separate existence. Narcissistic Personality Disorder describes those who exemplify an extreme form of this characteristic. The primary purpose of Narcissism is to compensate for experience, usually in early childhood, when ordinary expectable needs were not met adequately. The Narcissist denies dependence on others and denies even that others exist except as players in the Narcissist's drama. Other people are required to meet the narcissist's needs for recognition and value, but without relationship being reciprocated.The narcissist gives nothing, but demands others give everything. Therefore the original horrific experience of unmet need and the shame and vulnerability that goes with it, is denied and defended against.Traits include being the centre of attention; little interest in others; craves recognition and praise. They are performers and want others to keep on clapping and not stop; controls and dominates interaction with others; has to be right; cannot admit to ever being wrong and never apologises; insists on things being done their way; always makes the choices and decisions. Reliance on another is not acknowledged"."Gary, let me show you evidence that I do not seek attention, take little interest in others, don't crave recognition or attention, let alone a performer and want claps. How dare you...."Until I unfold their behaviours and leave them with 'food for thought' to reflect upon; including going back to my definition of Sex Addiction to see 'the function which the addiction serves'.Get some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand.Help someone: https://igg.me/at/ThekairosCentreHelp is here for you: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelpGary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.Key words: sex addiction, addicted, partner, porn addiction, recovery, sex drive, therapy, sex therapy, podcast, relationships, relationship counseling, relationship advice, addiction, couples, couples therapy, sex therapy, emdr, love addiction, behavior, psychology, codependency, sex life, neuroscience, sex ed, sober, sobriety, sexual dysfunction, relationship issues, sex coach, sexual, trauma, ptsd, sex science, The sex porn love Addiction Podcast, The Singles Partners Marrieds and Long Time Marrieds Podcast, Gary McFarlane, porn addiction, what neuroscience says, neuroscience, young adults, sex, sex addict, porn, recovery, porn addiction issue, porn addiction in teens, sex addiction in teens, sex hormones, hormones,Support the show

Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreDevelopmental history from childhoodThe phase of childhood from birth to age 6 is a critical time of sensitivity, during which time, templates are created which shape future interpersonal interactions. During this sensitive period of development, a child acquires a variety of new abilities and skills that are a necessary part of child development. There are five sensitive period categories, which include language, order, sensory skills, motor skills, and social skills.Many people experience some type of wounding during their early development and learn to numb their pain by self-soothing with one or more compulsive behaviours. As adults, they may continue to struggle with the compulsive misuse of alcohol, drugs, spending, food, sex, relationships or the Internet. All addictions feature a very complex emotional and biochemical process that have origins in childhood trauma and the deprivation of authentic intimacy and bonding during development.Socially induced pathology appears between the ages of 4 to 5 and 8 to 9.The onset of male sexual imprinting is from aged 3 to 4 and peaks at 8 to 9, with an  upper tail at about aged 13. These sex and relationship templates (set up in childhood) become activated at puberty and develop and continue throughout adult life.4 Ways in which juvenile sex and relsp templates are developmentally vulnerable to socially induced pathology:·       Explicitly neglecting to monitor and reinforce healthy sexual rehearsal play.·       Punishing or humiliating children for their rehearsal play.·       Prematurely inducting children into sexual rehearsal play.·       Coercing children into age-discrepant sexual rehearsal play.Our early attachment styles are established in childhood through the infant/caregiver relationship. Four distinguishing characteristics of attachment are:1   Proximity Maintenance - The desire to be near the people we are attached to.2   Safe Haven - Returning to the attachment figure for comfort and safety in the face of a fear or threat.3   Secure Base - The attachment figure acts as a base of security from which the child can explore the surrounding environment.4   Separation Distress - Anxiety that occurs in the absence of the attachment figure.Templates are setting up traits that will play out in Adulthood, which the child did not vote to have at work in their life. Get some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand.Help someone: https://igg.me/at/ThekairosCentreHelp is here for you: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelpGary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.Key words: sex addiction, addicted, partner, porn addiction, recovery, sex drive, therapy, sex therapy, podcast, relationships, relationship counseling, relationship advice, addiction, couples, couples therapy, sex therapy, emdr, love addiction, behavior, psychology, codependency, sex life, neuroscience, sex ed, sober, sobriety, sexual dysfunction, relationship issues, sex coach, sexual, trauma, ptsd, sex science, The sex porn love Addiction Podcast, The Singles Partners Marrieds and Long Time Marrieds Podcast, Gary McFarlane, porn addiction, what neuroscience says, neuroscience, young adults, sex, sex addict, porn, recovery, porn addiction issue, porn addiction in teens, sex addiction in teens, sex hormones, hormonSupport the show

Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreSex Addiction is different to Porn Addiction. Sex & Porn Addiction are different to Love Addiction. They all get set up in 3 ways:1. Opportunity: Material accessed too early in childhood development2. Trauma: Just as it says on the label of the can! But make trauma age-related and its impact on the immature developing brain, not what is going on in wars between Russia & Ukraine, Israel & Hamas3. Insecure Attachment: A disruption in the early years bonding between the child and main caregiversDefinition of sex addiction: A pattern of sexual behaviours which pre-occupy your thoughts and are out of control. You cannot stay stopped for a sustainable period or consistently and it has harmful consequences and the behaviour serves a function in your life and it is used primarily to anaesthetize some negative feeling state. (The important criteria which makes it an addiction, rather than a love of sex, is that it serves a function). Love Addiction: We all want love and affection and to feel special to at least one person. We need attachment and instinctively seek connection, especially romantic connection. There is nothing dysfunctional about wanting love and affection and connection.Love addiction, however, is a compulsive, chronic craving and/or pursuit of romantic love in an effort to get our sense of security and worth from another person. During infatuation we believe we have that security only to be disappointed and empty again once the intensity fades. The negative consequences can be severe and yet the love addict continues to hang on to the belief that true love will fix everything.Therefore, they eventually get back up after the hurt of rejection and try the chase again and again, even when love from at least one other, is in front of them. Caused by “Attachment”, mostly set up in childhood, it seeks to fill a perceived void, that will never actually be filled.We all want love and affection and to feel special to at least one person. We need attachment and we instinctively seek connection, especially romantic connection. There is nothing dysfunctional about wanting love, affection and connection.There is a difference between a Compulsion and an Addiction, even if the journey to recovery is the same. Here is a link to my whiteboard video to help better understand all of those distinctions - https://youtu.be/Sd_28nqNK1AGet some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand.Help someone: https://igg.me/at/ThekairosCentreHelp is here for you: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelpGary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.Keywords:sex addiction, addicted, sex counseling, partner, porn addiction, recovery, sex drive, sex addiction recovery, therapist, therapy, talk show, sex therapy, podcast, sobriety, counseling, relationships, relationship counseling, relationship advice, addiction, couples, relationship therapy, couples therapy, sex therapist, online counseling, emdr therapy, emdr, sex therapy, addiction, conflict management, love addiction, love addiction therapy, behavior, marriage, marriage advice, psychology, codependency, sex life, neuroscience, sex ed, sober, sobriety, sexual dysfunction, relationship issues, sex coach, sexual, sexual trauma, trauSupport the show

Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreThe report found that 58% of respondents had seen violent pornography, including strangulation and rape scenes, before age 18, with girls more likely than boys to witness such content. Children are exposed to increasingly extreme online pornography, with concerns that new restrictions may be easily circumvented through VPNs. Worry was expressed, that even with new rules, users could bypass restrictions, as VPN usage in the UK had already increased significantly.70% of respondents had seen it, with an average age of first exposure being 13. Boys were more likely than girls to have seen pornography and vulnerable children, including those receiving free school meals or having disabilities, were more likely to have encountered it by age 11. Children are more likely to stumble upon pornography on social media sites like Instagram, Snapchat, and TikTok than on dedicated porn sites, with many discovering it by accident rather than actively seeking it out.X (formerly Twitter) is the most common source (outstripping the dedicated porn sites!). Other social media sites where porn is accessed, includes Snapchat at 29%, Instagram at 23%, TickTok at 22% and Youtube at 15%.All of this is a big deal because of what is being set up in this early childhood development stage, which will play out in adulthood. Consider the definition of Porn addiction which I use:"A pattern of sexual behaviours which pre-occupy your thoughts and are out of control. You cannot stay stopped for a sustainable period or consistently and it has harmful consequences and the behaviour serves a function in your life and it is used primarily to anaesthetize some negative feeling state. (The important criterion, which makes it an addiction, rather than a love of sex, is that, it serves a function)".Many view the phase of childhood from birth to age 6 (and beyond) as a critical time of sensitivity, during which time, templates are created which shape future interpersonal interactions. During the sensitive period of development, a child acquires a variety of new abilities and skills that are a necessary part of child development. There are five sensitive period categories, which include language, order, sensory skills, motor skills, and social skills. For example, The onset of male sexual imprinting is from aged 3 to 4 and peaks at 8 to 9, with an upper tail at about aged 13.Get some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand.Help someone: https://igg.me/at/ThekairosCentreHelp is here for you: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelpGary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.Keywords:sex addiction, addicted, sex counseling, partner, porn addiction, recovery, sex drive, sex addiction recovery, therapist, therapy, talk show, sex therapy, podcast, sobriety, counseling, relationships, relationship counseling, relationship advice, addiction, couples, relationship therapy, couples therapy, sex therapist, online counseling, emdr therapy, emdr, sex therapy, addiction, conflict management, love addiction, love addiction therapy, behavior, marriage, marriage advice, psychology, codependency, sex life, neuroscience, sex ed, sober, sobriety, sexual dysfunction, relationship issues, sex coach, sexual, sexual traumSupport the show

Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre"It was aged....and I came across my [parents] stash of porn. I kept going back to view when they were out and took a few to my my room. They never knew".That is the very typical answer that I have been given by a large percentage of my adult clients when taking them through my History Taking Questionnaire. I ask them 188 questions over three 50 minutes sessions and their answers help me and them to build a profile understanding of the client from birth to current adult age; in order to answer the key question - for working with in EMDR and/or my Recovery Programme - 'What happened to you back there during childhood development'. It is not about allocating blame to parents. I say to clients that before allocating blame to parents, they would need to first consider the parents who parented their parents to see the batons and scripts handed to their parents; by implication - for the client to 'get it/understand'  what the client is likely to be passing on to their children - despite their parents filtering off the worse excesses of what happened to then, so as not to pass the same excess to their children. Get it?It is about 'curiosity', not blame inquisition. It is about getting into the sandpit with the client.Answering the question 'What happened back there' - helps to better understand the brain's choice of preferred self-soothing behaviour for the adversity which was impacting them back there in childhood. (The client does not choose the type of compulsive behaviour. The brain chooses). That repeat (order from the menu!) over time, unwittingly became a compulsive response to a real or expected or perceived 'look alike' similar adversity.They have embarked on the hamster wheel; created a 'go-to'; carved out a habit; etched on the brain a neural pathway, to manage emotions by escape and camouflaging the adversity for a while. Problem: They are skipping the developmental brains training to use more positive life-skill coping strategies which other children are learning. Problem: They have to begin anew in adulthood to now learn for the first time, those postponed learning that were tools in the toolkit armoury which other children acquired.Problem: They are unaware that what is also happening at that early age, is that the physiology of the body was being changed to become 'use dependent' on the very potent neurochemical mix being secreted into their immature brain - called Dopamine, Serotonin, Oxytocin, norephrinepine - which are as potent as illegal street drugs.Get some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand.Help someone: https://igg.me/at/ThekairosCentreHelp is here for you: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelpGary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.Keywords:sex addiction, addicted, sex counseling, partner, porn addiction, recovery, sex drive, sex addiction recovery, therapist, therapy, talk show, sex therapy, podcast, sobriety, counseling, relationships, relationship counseling, relationship advice, addiction, couples, relationship therapy, couples therapy, sex therapist, online counseling, emdr therapy, emdr, sex therapy, addiction, conflict management, love addiction, love addiction therapy, behavior, marriage, marriage advice, psychology, codependency, sex life, neuroscience, sex ed, sober, sobriety, sexual dysfunction, relationship issues, sex coach, sexual, sexual trSupport the show

Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreNewspaper headline: "Joe is 10 years old and he is on The Sex offenders register and he has not yet kissed a girl".How can that be? Is that really true? Surely not! Ok my goodness!Even though that is not in the content of her Report, here is what the Children's Commissioner - Dame Rachel de Souza - says in the foreword of her Report, dated 19 August 2025:"Shockingly, as this report highlights, pornography is no longer something that children might seek out in adolescence. Today it has become something many children stumble upon accidentally while they are still in primary school. It is something that is shown to them without even looking for it on the same social media sites that were designed to help them connect with other people and be entertained. And it's not just any pornography. It is violent, extreme, and degrading often portraying acts that are illegal - or soon will be.Two years ago, I published “A lot of it is actually just abuse”, a landmark report on the scale of children's exposure to pornography online. At the time, the findings shocked me and many others. We found that the average age a child first saw porn was 13 years old. This has not improved; children are encountering violent and harmful material often before they are even old enough to understand what they are seeing.This report should be read as a snapshot of what rock bottom looks like. I hope we will be able to look back at the findings, which were gathered in the final weeks before Ofcom's children's codes came into force, and shudder at how things used to be......"Get some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand.Help someone to access the Recovery Programme: https://igg.me/at/ThekairosCentreHelp is here for you: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelpWant to access past episodes for a small monthly fee - Here: https://www.buzzsprout.com/1117412/supportGary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.Keywords: sex addiction, addicted, sex counseling, partner, porn addiction, recovery, sex drive, sex addiction recovery, therapist, therapy, talk show, sex therapy, podcast, sobriety, counseling, relationships, relationship counseling, relationship advice, addiction, couples, relationship therapy, couples therapy, sex therapist, online counseling, emdr therapy, emdr, sex therapy, addiction, conflict management, love addiction, love addiction therapy, behavior, marriage, marriage advice, psychology, codependency, sex life, neuroscience, sex ed, sober, sobriety, sexual dysfunction, relationship issues, sex coach, sexual, sexual trauma, trauma, brain, sex science, The Sex Porn Love Addiction Podcast, biology, gender, Gary McFarlaneSupport the show

Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centrePut these tools into your armoury of resources to help you communicate more effectively:John Grays 'Men are from mars and women are from Venus' is still worth a read. Also (although a somewhat provocative title) 'Men don't listen and women can't read maps' - is worth reading.Both books remind us that there is a difference between how masculinity and femininity communicate. There is a big difference between 'Hearing' and 'Listening'.There is a difference in how we communicate when we are in conflict with someone. There is a difference in how we communicate when we are in a 'Parent role', 'Adult role' or Child role". (That is the theme of TA (Transactional Analysis - for which you can do a 3 years degree to understand the dynamics).There is a difference between Sympathy and Empathy. There is a difference between Narcissism and Empathy. (I describe Empathy as the antedote to Narcissism).There is a difference in how we communicate when '...now is not a good time for me...', but we are forced to do communication. It can quickly go downhill.There is a difference in how we communicate when there is a power imbalance. There is a difference in how we communicate when Shame is at work (very much applicable to those with Sex/Porn/Love Addiction - remembering my mathematical formula - SHAME + NARCISSISM = SEX/PORN ADDICTION.Know the terrain in which YOU are communicating. Remember that the biggest aspect of effective communication is what we take in with our eyes.Get some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand.Help someone to access the Recovery Programme: https://igg.me/at/ThekairosCentreHelp is here for you: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelpWant to access past episodes for a small monthly fee - Here: https://www.buzzsprout.com/1117412/supportGary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.Keywords: sex addiction, addicted, sex counseling, partner, porn addiction, recovery, sex drive, sex addiction recovery, therapist, therapy, talk show, sex therapy, podcast, sobriety, counseling, relationships, relationship counseling, relationship advice, addiction, couples, relationship therapy, couples therapy, sex therapist, online counseling, emdr therapy, emdr, sex therapy, addiction, conflict management, love addiction, love addiction therapy, behavior, marriage, marriage advice, psychology, codependency, sex life, neuroscience, sex ed, sober, sobriety, sexual dysfunction, relationship issues, sex coach, sexual, sexual trauma, trauma, brain, sex science, The Sex Porn Love Addiction Podcast, biology, gender, Gary McFarlaneSupport the show

Hosts Steve and Lisa Cuss look back at insights from Matt Wenger, Ben Mandrell, and Kyle Strobel on the themes of healing, leadership, and spiritual formation. Matt shares insights on overcoming pornography and sex addiction with grace and self-kindness, Ben reflects on playful leadership and resilience during his time at Lifeway, and Kyle unpacks the role of discipleship and spiritual growth in navigating life's challenges. Episode Resources: Explore Matt's work at the Begin Again Institute Understanding the Signs and Causes of Betrayal Trauma More about Ben Mandrell  Read about the turbulent times at Lifeway Resources  Read Dr. Strobel's Formation Substack Read Dr. Strobel's book The Way of the Dragon or the Way of the Lamb: Searching for Jesus' Path of Power in a Church that Has Abandoned It Read Galatians 3 Complete Episodes: Sex and Porn Addiction, Misconceptions That Prevent Healing with Matt Wenger Beyond Self-Help: Real Spiritual Formation with Dr. Kyle Strobel Ben Mandrell on Leadership and Resilience in Turbulent Times Sign up for Steve's Newsletter & Podcast Reminders: Capable Life Newsletter Join Steve at an upcoming intensive:  Capable Life Intensives Explore more CT with our free newsletters: christianitytoday.com/newsletters  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreSex addict, your body demeanour is going to give you away. Know the facts about the body and how you main have trained it to 'tell on you'!When we first meet someone we form a very strong impression of them within the first 40 seconds. We form a lasting opinion of them within the first 4 minutes. Our opinion will influence the way in which we respond and behave towards that person until something happens to cause us to change our mind. Even then, changing our mind is a process and is not immediate.Our voice and body language communicate about 93% of our message. Let's break that down a bit more. Dependent upon the statistics that you read, anything from 55% to 70% of what is communicated and we take in, is what we gain visually, using our sight. In other words what we see. 38% comes from what we hear (tone, pitch of voice etc) and only 7% comes from the actual words that we hear. Remember words are ambiguous.The way someone dresses influences opinion. As a speaker, if I dress in a way that is insensitive, inappropriate or is causing you to pay more attention to it; perhaps I have been culturally insensitive in my dress sense; then for quite a long time you will have been absorbed with that fact. You will have stopped listening effectively and be distracted in your thoughts, although you will have been “hearing” noise coming out of my mouth. There is a great difference between listening and hearing.If you detect a nervous disposition from me as I am speaking to you, my nervous disposition and shaking hands will be giving you mixed messages and reduce the impact of what I am saying. What is the importance of all of this?It is important to maximise that which takes in most of the information whilst we communicate. That is the visual. Therefore, avoid having those important conversations sitting side by side, particularly with the television on. Text messages can be disastrous when dealing with important matters. Laying side by side and pillow talk conversations can become problematic if the subject has more importance to one of you than is realised by the other.I am not saying not to do it, but I want you to be aware that the aim should be to maximise eye to eye and body to body visual contact.Get some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand.Help someone to access the Recovery Programme: https://igg.me/at/ThekairosCentreHelp is here for you: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelpBritish Podcast Awards 2025: Consider voting for this Podcast? https://www.britishpodcastawards.com/votingGary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.Keywords: sex addiction, addicted, sex counseling, partner, porn addiction, recovery, sex drive, sex addiction recovery, therapist, therapy, talk show, sex therapy, podcast, sobriety, counseling, relationships, relationship counseling, relationship advice, addiction, couples, relationship therapy, couples therapy, sex therapist, online counseling, emdr therapy, emdr, sex therapy, addiction, conflict management, love addiction, love addiction therapy, behavior, marriage, marriage advice, psychology, codependency, sex life, neuroscience, sex ed, sober, sobriety, sexual dysfunction, relationship issues, sex coach, sexual, sexual trauma, trauma, brain, sex science, The Sex Porn Love Addiction Podcast, biology, gender, Gary McFarlaneSupport the show

Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreWhen we are communicating, the information is passing through the filters of the different structures of the brain. Sex Addiction does damage the brain and so, damages the filters.We all have filters. The message being transmitted is going through the receiver, but the receiver has filters and that means the message can come out the other end looking very different to what went in and was received. A damaged or compromised brain may incorrectly filter the message.For there to be effective transmission and receipt, the equipment must be working well. Stress, headaches, worry, multi-tasking and distractions are some things which act as blocks to effective transmission. Fight, Flight Freeze, Brain damage, dopamine and other neurochemical highs or lows, are other compromises to the filtering mechanisms of the brain.We need to learn to listen effectively and hear well. The speaker must have a clear idea of what they intend to communicate. The recipient must feel the message is relevant and be interested or greater levels of concentration will be required. The time and place must be appropriate. Both should be free from interference from strong emotions and past history! They must share the same language and not have coded meanings. The problem we have is that on a lot of occasions many of those things are not present and so there are problems in transmitting and/or receiving. Filters may act as blocks. What is said is not what we want to hear and so we do not listen and/or we do not interpret it the way it was intended. That can all be happening consciously or even unconsciously. It is the unconscious which is perhaps more difficult to identify and address. Don't be entrenched and fixed in your views. Don't be dogmatic. Leave scope for a different opinion. I demonstrate this in therapy by showing ambiguous picture and ask each person to describe what they see. Some cannot see all the different images contained in one picture. They need help. When pointed out, they exclaim with pleasure that they too can now see the differing images! But they needed help. Until they received help, many will hold firmly to their view that there is nothing further to be seen. Life is not always Black and White. Sometimes we all need help to see and better understand that which we just cannot see or understand with our own five senses. Sometimes we need someone to help us introduce some colour into our black and white, all or nothing way of thinking. That so often is all that counselling is - just adding some colour!Get some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand.Help someone to access the Recovery Programme: https://igg.me/at/ThekairosCentreGary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.Keywords: sex addiction, addicted, sex counseling, partner, porn addiction, recovery, sex drive, sex addiction recovery, therapist, therapy, talk show, sex therapy, podcast, sobriety, counseling, relationships, relationship counseling, relationship advice, addiction, couples, relationship therapy, couples therapy, sex therapist, online counseling, emdr therapy, emdr, sex therapy, addiction, conflict management, love addiction, love addiction therapy, behavior, marriage, marriage advice, psychology, codependency, sex life, neuroscience, sex ed, sober, sobriety, sexual dysfunction, relationship issues, sex coach, sexual, sexual trauma, trauma, brain, sex science, The Sex Porn Love Addiction PodSupport the show

Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre"A friend asks, "Tell me one word which is significant in any kinds of relationship." Another friend says, "LISTEN!" — Santosh Kalwar As we continue to Repair broken communication in the couple because of Sex/Porn/Love Addiction trauma damage - recognise there is a big difference between Listening and Hearing. Sometimes we need to think outside of the box. Often we need a little help to see how we restrict our own thinking! The 9 Dots exercise is a good illustration of how we need to break out of self-imposed constraints and break out of boxes. Try the exercise.'Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus (book by John Gray). 'Men don't listen and women cannot read maps' (book by Allan & Barbara Pease). Males and females may have varying interpretation for different words that are used. 'It's not about the nail in my head' - that you are looking at and being distracted by, as you are speaking to me! Watch out, you are going to end up as 'Men in the dog house'. In fact, that may be impossible to avoid!How do the sexes ever get it together? Earth seems to be the planet whose orbit of the sun is between that of Mars and Venice and so there is proof that we can get it together - at times!Get some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand.Help someone to access the Recovery Programme: https://igg.me/at/ThekairosCentreHelp is here for you: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelpBritish Podcast Awards 2025: Consider voting for this Podcast? https://www.britishpodcastawards.com/votingGary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.Keywords: sex addiction, addicted, sex counseling, partner, porn addiction, recovery, sex drive, sex addiction recovery, therapist, therapy, talk show, sex therapy, podcast, sobriety, counseling, relationships, relationship counseling, relationship advice, addiction, couples, relationship therapy, couples therapy, sex therapist, online counseling, emdr therapy, emdr, sex therapy, addiction, conflict management, love addiction, love addiction therapy, behavior, marriage, marriage advice, psychology, codependency, sex life, neuroscience, sex ed, sober, sobriety, sexual dysfunction, relationship issues, sex coach, sexual, sexual trauma, trauma, brain, sex science, The Sex Porn Love Addiction Podcast, biology, gender, Gary McFarlaneSupport the show

Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreRemember our foundational question: 'Do you enter a conversation to be understood or to understand?'Communication is like a bicycle wheel. Picture the two of you riding along the road to your destination, but not getting very far because both wheels on your tandem bicycle are buckled. You will get to your destination, but not very fast and it is taking more effort to cover the distance. Now let's remove one of the bicycle wheels and take a look at what we have in front of us. We can view the hub in the middle and call it “communication”. The hub needs to be tight and work well, because attached to it are the spokes. The spokes are various life issues that we all face. Life will throw up lots of stuff that we have to deal with.Those spokes (or life issues) can be negotiated around and got over much better by the two of you where the hub (communication) is tight and working well for the two of you. How do we tighten the hub so that it keeps the spokes tightly attached to it and stop the wheel warping and hindering progress? The intention is to tighten up the hub so that when communication is working much better for the two of you, both of you can better tackle life issues. Let us look at the features of Communication. It includes body posture, gestures (such as head nods), facial expression, eye contact, physical proximity, appearance, style of speech, tone and volume of voice, words (and the different meanings they may have to you) and physical contact (such as hand shakes). Remember cultural differences and word nuances! The intention is that when therapy comes to an end, armed with new communication skills, each is better equipped to tackle those spoke issues which life will continue to throw up. Improved communication skill is a life skill which works in the home, work, gym or wherever interaction with another takes place.Sometimes we need to think outside of the box. Often we need a little help to see how we restrict our own thinking!  Get some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand.Help someone to access the Recovery Programme: https://igg.me/at/ThekairosCentreHelp is here for you: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelpBritish Podcast Awards 2025: Consider voting for this Podcast? https://www.britishpodcastawards.com/votingGary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.Keywords: sex addiction, addicted, sex counseling, partner, porn addiction, recovery, sex drive, sex addiction recovery, therapist, therapy, talk show, sex therapy, podcast, sobriety, counseling, relationships, relationship counseling, relationship advice, addiction, couples, relationship therapy, couples therapy, sex therapist, online counseling, emdr therapy, emdr, sex therapy, addiction, conflict management, love addiction, love addiction therapy, behavior, marriage, marriage advice, psychology, codependency, sex life, neuroscience, sex ed, sober, sobriety, sexual dysfunction, relationship issues, sex coach, sexual, sexual trauma, trauma, brain, sex science, The Sex Porn Love Addiction Podcast, biology, gender, Gary McFarlaneSupport the show

Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre"Being heard is so close to being loved that for the average person, they are almost indistinguishable." — David Augsburger Listening effectively is a very valuable gift to someone. It is costly. It values the other person. It is learned and must be practiced. There is a difference between hearing and listening. Listening means that the information stops in the brain and is processed and digested. When information is not digested, then you will find you did not really listen to it and take it in and it quickly is forgotten. Five types of poor listeners: 1. The advisor: instead of seeking to understand and empathise, they will want to sort out the problem by proposing a fix it. Sometimes the person who has spoken, only wanted to be heard and listened to without a solution. We men can struggle with that. What – no advice wanted! 2. The interrupter: whilst a person is speaking, they are already working out a reply and interrupt when they think they have the answer, before all is shared. Whilst the brain is working out the reply they are not truly listening. Sometimes we are not aware that we interrupt each other. 3. The reassurer: is a person who perhaps interrupts prematurely and gives advice that may belittle what has been said. For example, “It'II be OK”.4. The rationaliser: that person focuses on explaining why the other feels the way they do. The replies may actually totally miss the point. 5. The deflector: perhaps feels uncomfortable with the subject matter and instead of commenting on the issue, moves the conversation off into a different arena. Often ends up talking more about themself.Sometimes we cannot see it. Sometimes we need some help to see it. Sometimes the constraints are self-imposed. Sometimes we need to remove the shackles from our own minds so that we can think outside of the box.  We can teach our brains to say the right things, but our heart can betray us. In other words, whilst we are saying what we have rehearsed in our minds, our body language could be giving off a very different impression and contradict our spoken words!  The other person is likely to detect that we are not really listening and feel devalued. Repeatedly devaluing the other person, causes core emotional needs to be depleting. Fight and/or flight will start to come out as they seek to get those needs met elsewhere.Get some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand.Help someone: https://igg.me/at/ThekairosCentreHelp is here: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelpBritish Podcast Awards 2025: Consider voting for this Podcast? https://www.britishpodcastawards.com/votingGary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.Keywords: sex addiction, addicted, sex counseling, partner, porn addiction, recovery, sex drive, sex addiction recovery, therapist, therapy, talk show, sex therapy, podcast, sobriety, counseling, relationships, relationship counseling, relationship advice, addiction, couples, relationship therapy, couples therapy, sex therapist, online counseling, emdr therapy, emdr, sex therapy, addiction, conflict management, love addiction, love addiction therapy, behavior, marriage, marriage advice, psychology, codependency, sex life, neuroscience, sex ed, sober, sobriety, sexual dysfunction, relationship issues, sex coach, sexual, sexual trauma, trauma, brain, sex science, The SeSupport the show

Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreWe are continuing to look at Couples Counselling to 'Repair' the Sex, Porn, Love Addiction relationship damage. Let's focus on 'Communication'."The most basic of all human needs is the need to understand and be understood. The best way to understand people is to listen to them." — Ralph Nichols. Communication is way more than words that come out of mouths. Do you enter conversations to be understood or is it to understand. Very different styles and approach?Communication is like a bicycle wheel. Picture the two of you riding along the road to your destination, but not getting very far because both wheels on your tandem bicycle are buckled. You will get to your destination, but not very fast and it is taking more effort to cover the distance. Now let's remove one of the bicycle wheels and take a look at what we have in front of us. We can view the hub in the middle and call it 'communication'. The hub needs to be tight and work well, because attached to it are the spokes. The spokes are various life issues that we all face. Life will throw up lots of stuff that we have to deal with. Those spokes or life issues can be negotiated around and got over much better by the two of you where the hub (communication) is tight and working well for the two of you. How do we tighten the hub so that it keeps the spokes tightly attached to it and stop the wheel warping and hindering progress? The intention is to tighten up the hub so that when communication is working much better for the two of you, both of you can better tackle life's issues. There is a difference between Men & Women! Men really are from Mars and women are from Venus.Get some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand.Help someone access the Recovery Programme: https://igg.me/at/ThekairosCentreHelp is here: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelpBritish Podcast Awards 2025: Would you consider voting for this Podcast? https://www.britishpodcastawards.com/votingGary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.Episode Keywords: sex addiction, addicted, sex counseling, partner, porn addiction, recovery, sex drive, sex addiction recovery, therapist, therapy, talk show, sex therapy, podcast, sobriety, counseling, relationships, relationship counseling, relationship advice, addiction, couples, relationship therapy, couples therapy, sex therapist, online counseling, emdr therapy, emdr, sex therapy, addiction, conflict management, love addiction, love addiction therapy, behavior, marriage, marriage advice, psychology, codependency, sex life, neuroscience, sex ed, sober, sobriety, sexual dysfunction, relationship issues, sex coach, sexual, sexual trauma, trauma, brain, sex science, The Sex Porn Love Addiction Podcast, biology, gender, Gary McFarlaneSupport the show

Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreHuman beings have a life cycle. Let's take a look. (The last two stages are not governed by age).Infant (Birth to 2 years): Changes in schedules, bedtime, routines new people around - can cause anxiety during this phase.Child (3 to 9 years): Social skills are developing, particularly from interaction with other children. Separation anxiety is visible as children begin school attendance. Adolescent (10 to 19 years): Peer pressure, romantic relationships and independent identity take place during this period of puberty.Young adult (20 to 29 years): College, first job, relationship/marriage, children, buying first house are significant events and is a period where all these stressors and assaults on equilibrium will manifest.Adult (30 to 39 years): Career development, relationship/marriage growth, children - are stressors during this period of increased responsibilities.Middle age (40 to 60 years): Signs of the aging process impacting lifestyle choices; menopause, children leaving home, peak in career, grandchildren arriving – take a toll on mental and physical health.Independent old age (Age 60 onward): Increasing signs of aging and lifestyle choices, retirement, health issues, impact wellbeing and quality of life. Dependent old age (Optional stage): Sense of dependency on others impacts ability to enjoy life.End of Life: Recognition of end of life approaching and what that meansAdult (30 to 39) is a good time to be actively repairing the couples relationship, despite the stressors and assaults. Emotional Bank Accounts is just one of the repair tools.Get some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand.Help someone access the Recovery Programme: https://igg.me/at/ThekairosCentreHelp is here: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelpBritish Podcast Awards 2025: Would you consider voting for this Podcast? https://www.britishpodcastawards.com/votingGary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.Episode Keywords: sex addiction, addicted, sex counseling, partner, porn addiction, recovery, sex drive, sex addiction recovery, therapist, therapy, talk show, sex therapy, podcast, sobriety, counseling, relationships, relationship counseling, relationship advice, addiction, couples, relationship therapy, couples therapy, sex therapist, online counseling, emdr therapy, emdr, sex therapy, addiction, conflict management, love addiction, love addiction therapy, behavior, marriage, marriage advice, psychology, codependency, sex life, neuroscience, sex ed, sober, sobriety, sexual dysfunction, relationship issues, sex coach, sexual, sexual trauma, trauma, brain, sex science, The Sex Porn Love Addiction Podcast, biology, gender, Gary McFarlaneSupport the show

Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreLet's continue our look at 'Repairing the damaged couples relationship, post Sex Addiction'.Does that image of the mules describe your relationship? of course not you, but your partner! Each trying to get their needs met. Those Core Emotional Needs. Remember that Core Emotional Needs are not negotiable. They want to be met and Fight/Flight/ Freeze will play out where they have been depleted for some time. (This dynamic is all so unconscious and not readily visible).Moving in one direction to get Core Emotional Needs met, without the partner, will put tremendous strain on the relationship. Pressure increases. Conflict is apparent.Interestingly, the other partner may not be pulling back - as the image seems to depict. They may just be digging in just to avoid the force of the pull taking them in a direction that they do not yet want to go!Tension in the relationship increases. Annoyance is apparent; hostility is in the air; conflict is palpable. Yet the process is working away in the unconscious and neither party may fully understand what is going on.Get some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand.Get some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand.Help someone access the Recovery Programme: https://igg.me/at/ThekairosCentreHelp is here: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelpBritish Podcast Awards 2025: Would you consider voting for this Podcast? https://www.britishpodcastawards.com/votingGary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.Episode Keywords: sex addiction, addicted, sex counseling, partner, porn addiction, recovery, sex drive, sex addiction recovery, therapist, therapy, talk show, sex therapy, podcast, sobriety, counseling, relationships, relationship counseling, relationship advice, addiction, couples, relationship therapy, couples therapy, sex therapist, online counseling, emdr therapy, emdr, sex therapy, addiction, conflict management, love addiction, love addiction therapy, behavior, marriage, marriage advice, psychology, codependency, sex life, neuroscience, sex ed, sober, sobriety, sexual dysfunction, relationship issues, sex coach, sexual, sexual trauma, trauma, brain, sex science, The Sex Porn Love Addiction Podcast, biology, gender, Gary McFarlaneSupport the show

In this powerful episode of Queen City Healthy Sex and Relationships, Dr. Sophia sits down with Lisa and Andrew Reichel, founders of Room to Heal—a recovery residence supporting men struggling with porn, sex, and love addiction, as well as their partners and families. They share their raw, inspiring story of betrayal, heartbreak, and healing—and how their personal journey led to the creation of a space where others can experience deep recovery and transformation. This is a must-listen for anyone navigating intimacy challenges, relationship trauma, or the journey of healing from addiction.

Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreBuilding new foundations for the couple: Take a look at the Different Relationship Images document attached to this Podcast. I try to bypass language as much as possible. Feelings do not always tell the truth. We can be very English. Very British!Question: "How are you today". Answer: "I'm fine thank you".Observation after the automatic response: "I notice you are on strong pain-killers and on crutches"!Emotions are very powerful and drive so much of our decisions, including major bridge-burning decisions - in the moment. Emotions live in the Limbic brain.I use the Relationship Images document with the couple right at the beginning of our work, in order to get at the truth and not what feelings and emotions are telling me if I ask the couple some questions about their relationship.I want to know how deeply entrenched is the damage done to the relationship. The exercise by-passes the emotional brain (of feelings) and also the intellectual logical reasoning part of the brain. Instead, I connect with their heart. The heart tends to tell the truth. So I use the exercise to listen to the heart.Each identify an image which represents a time in their Past when the relationship was working at its absolute best; super-doper. Then an image which represents where the relationship is Now (such that they have come for therapy). Finally, which image best represents the Future. Think big. Think miracle. A future where the issues are resolved and they are living the 'bestest' quality couples relationship, beyond what they could ever image.I am looking for any split agenda as to why each of them have come for therapy; any ulterior motive. Has one of them long left the relationship -  (emotional disengagement). Their spoken word may be contradicted by their choice of images.The discussion which ensues, will be eye-opening for the couple. Mostly, pleasantly surprising! Help someone access the Recovery Programme: https://igg.me/at/ThekairosCentreHelp is here: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelpBritish Podcast Awards 2025: Would you consider voting for this Podcast? https://www.britishpodcastawards.com/votingGary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.Episode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Porn Causes | Recover from Addiction | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Childhood Trauma | Inner Child work | Childhood Development and Addiction bullying | Porn Addiction Recovery | Abuse | Sexual Abuse | Sex Addiction Recovery | Domestic Violence | Family Conflict | Overcoming Porn addiction | Porn Addiction Side effects | Porn Addiction Symptoms | Emotional Neglect | Quit Porn Addiction | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Mental Health and Addiction | Dissociation | Anger | Husband has porn | Recovery Program | 12 Steps Program | EMDR | Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing | Compulsive Behavior | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | The Kairos Centre | Neuroscience of Addiction | Porn Addiction Help | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Authentic Self Discovery | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Fantasy Escape | Codependency | Shame in Addiction | Guilt in Addiction | Addiction in Relationship | Infidelity | Therapy for Addiction | Objectification | Hypersexualization | PornographySupport the show

Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreCouples counselling is not necessarily about keeping a couple together at all. All about exploring options. Also to help you both gain insight and understanding about self and how you do life, as an individual. Whether a Partnership or a marriage, these things are true: “Marriage is not the coming together of two people. It's a clash of two cultures, two experiences, two memories, two habits, two morals, two values. And that is a formula for destruction” - Dr Myles Munro“[It] is [also] the place of our healing. So don't leave it too quickly” - Dr Creflo Dollar. (You are destined to eventually repeat the issues again with the new person, because you take you with you into the new relationship - where second and third time around each have an even worse percentage likelihood of separation and divorce).Pinches hurt. Try using your fingernails to pinch your thigh. A pinch in a relationship, jolts the relationship and disrupts harmony. A crunch not only jolts the relationship, it assaults the very foundations of the relationship. Having pinched your thigh with your finger nail, now open the palm of your hand and hold it as if holding a tennis ball. Those fingers represents the jaws of a rottweiller dog that has its teeth locked into your bum cheeks. That is much more than just a jolt!An accumulation of unresolved pinches in a relationship which were never resolved, but put inside self, pressed down on top of years of other compressed pinches, will eventually become a crunch.Take a look at the accompanying Pinches & Crunches diagram to see the different options presented to the couple during each of those events.Unresolved and unprocessed pinches & crunches creates ambiguity, Resentment, Anger, Uncertainty, where options include - do nothing, separate, divorce or emotionally disengage. Many, many couples live in 'Emotional Disengagement' for years and years. Emotional Disengagement is insidious. Vote for the outcomes to your relationship, rather than let default decisions blow it up over time, leaving the two of you scurrying around picking up shrapnel from the explosion fall-out.So, let's begin our work together to detoxify the issues and get you closer to your abundant life living - bringing colour back to life - without Shame. Give a little to my fund raising page. Help someone access the Recovery Programme: https://igg.me/at/ThekairosCentreBritish Podcast Awards 2025: Would you consider voting for this Podcast?https://www.britishpodcastawards.com/votingGary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Porn Causes | Recover from Addiction | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Childhood Trauma | Inner Child work | Childhood Development and Addiction bullying | Porn Addiction Recovery | Abuse | Sexual Abuse | Sex Addiction Recovery | Domestic Violence | Family Conflict | Overcoming Porn addiction | Porn Addiction Side effects | Porn Addiction Symptoms | Emotional Neglect | Quit Porn Addiction | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Mental Health and Addiction | Dissociation | Anger | Husband has porn | Recovery Program | 12 Steps Program | EMDR | Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing | Compulsive Behavior | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | The Kairos Centre | Neuroscience of Addiction | Porn Addiction Help | Sex Addiction Recovery | Support the show

Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreShaped by circumstances from birth Picture the new born baby which starts life with innocence and a brain with few impressions. It starts to experience life and living and soon the brain has some impressions and templates being carved out. Good and not so good experiences and impressions. A distorted image develops. The individual distorted image of a male coming with his own unique impressions and experiences of life and the individual distorted image of a female also coming with her own unique impressions and experiences of life, get together (perhaps marry) and become an item. The two distorted images are suppose to live a lifetime together in harmony. Their differing impressions and experiences of life, including the adaptations they have had to make to survive life, may no longer serve them well in the new twosome. Adapt and survive or live with conflict is now the choice. The two individuals look sound from external appearances, but inside they have many unresolved issues. Diagram: Pinch & Crunch (You really need to see the Pinch & Crunch diagram to make sense of this episode. Send me a message to get it, as I cannot add images to the Podcast).We enter relationships at the courting stage, bringing with us all our stuff (good and not so good). We are actually negotiating with each other as we adapt and seek to ascertain whether there are enough common attractions that can hold and carry the relationship. There is a collusive fit which brought us together, but that is not enough to keep us in courtship. If time proves to be a glue, then time may also see the relationship develop to permanency or marriage. A pinch will disrupt harmony and we must decide which option to take to deal with the pinch which has the potential to de-stabilise. Options include fight, flight, separate, divorce, counselling or going back to an earlier stage in the relationship and starting again to renegotiate needs and expectations. Crunches are an even more painful and de- stabilising assaults on the relationship and like pinches, we must choose an option, including doing nothing. Doing nothing is to coast in the relationship. We are then at the mercy of an event in the future which will occur and take the choice out of our hands, so that outcomes are no longer determinable by the parties. Get some help from The Kairos Centre.Give a little to my fund raising page. Help someone access the Recovery Programme: https://igg.me/at/ThekairosCentreBritish Podcast Awards 2025: Would you consider voting for this Podcast?https://www.britishpodcastawards.com/votingGary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Porn Causes | Recover from Addiction | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Childhood Trauma | Inner Child work | Childhood Development and Addiction bullying | Porn Addiction Recovery | Abuse | Sexual Abuse | Sex Addiction Recovery | Domestic Violence | Family Conflict | Overcoming Porn addiction | Porn Addiction Side effects | Porn Addiction Symptoms | Emotional Neglect | Quit Porn Addiction | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Mental Health and Addiction | Dissociation | Anger | Husband has porn | Recovery Program | 12 Steps Program | EMDR | Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing | Compulsive Behavior | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | The Kairos Centre | NeurosciSupport the show

Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreHighs and lows of the Couples relationship is a given. What impacts you, may not impact a partner and vice versa. Childhood development personality and characteristic sharping experiences, play a significant part in that process.Sex Addicts need to take their shoes off and step into the shoes of a partner in order to see the relationship from the partner's vantage point and perspective. All clients with Sex and/or Porn Addiction have traits which come from Narcissism. (That does not mean they are necessarily to be diagnosed with NPD - Narcissistic Personality Disorder).Seeing life and the relationship from the vantage point of the impacted partner is going to be very scary for the Addict. It means that they have to set aside Narcissistic tendencies and embrace Empathy for a short while.That really is scary indeed for the Sex/Porn Addict with Narcissistic traits. Most of them believe that they are Empathic and 'do' for others. (I suggest that they are Empathic in a conditional way; only so long as something comes back to reward them for good deeds; but they cannot see it and would strongly object to this statement).I suggest that the antidote to Narcissism is Empathy. They both CANNOT co-exist at a high level of expression in the same person. Just like the same poles of a magnet repel each other, so it is with Narcissism and Empathy. Only one can rule and be (being) used at a higher degree than the other.Get some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand.Give a little to my fund raising page. Help someone access the Recovery Programme: https://igg.me/at/ThekairosCentreBritish Podcast Awards 2025: Would you consider voting for this Podcast?https://www.britishpodcastawards.com/votingNow launched: A Video-on-Demand Online Course (for Singles, Couples/Marrieds/Partners) Access here - https://www.kairos-centre.com/changement-on-demand/Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.Episode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Porn Causes | Recover from Addiction | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Childhood Trauma | Inner Child work | Childhood Development and Addiction bullying | Porn Addiction Recovery | Abuse | Sexual Abuse | Sex Addiction Recovery | Domestic Violence | Family Conflict | Overcoming Porn addiction | Porn Addiction Side effects | Porn Addiction Symptoms | Emotional Neglect | Quit Porn Addiction | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Mental Health and Addiction | Dissociation | Anger | Husband has porn | Recovery Program | 12 Steps Program | EMDR | Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing | Compulsive Behavior | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | The Kairos Centre | Neuroscience of Addiction | Porn Addiction Help | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Authentic Self Discovery | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Fantasy Escape | Codependency | Shame in Addiction | Guilt in Addiction | Addiction in Relationship | Infidelity | Therapy for Addiction | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Attachment Styles | Sexual Compulsivity | Behavioral Therapy | Relapse Prevention | Emotional Regulation | Self-Discovery | Healing Journeys | Personal Growth | Intimacy Building | Healthy RelationshiSupport the show

Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreWe fall in love with 'Differenceness' and 'Sameness'. Over the years, we can become dissatisfied with the unconscious differences of a partner, that is now in the conscious. So we set about trying to change them to be more like us, since those visible and conscious differences are no longer seemingly acceptable or wanted. We consciously now only want the sameness bits. So the fight over the toilet seat (up or down), and the top off the toothpaste, is in full flow. Yet, it has nothing to do with the toilet seat or the toothpaste (which 'breaks the camel's back') - causing us to retreat from the relationship.Here is a little of what Authors Jacobs, Dicks & Scarff have to say: "Unconscious attraction: Choice or chemistry: we are not aware of it. At an unconscious level we often pick and are picked out by a partner who has had similar earlier life experiences. They may have dealt with these experiences in an opposite way. Unconscious choice of a partner is based on similarity. It may feel that you "complete each other" or have found your "other half........When couples unconsciously choose each other it may be as a second chance to play out old conflicts (from childhood) which were not successfully managed the first time around".We choose partners & are chosen by partners at both conscious & conscious levels.Counselling may explore the idea of "chemistry" between two people: how two people "fit" together to form a "whole".Hendrix & LaKelly add their worth by suggesting:"The Search For "One and Only": So how does this information add to our understanding of romantic attraction? We seem to be highly selective in our choice of mates. In fact, we appear to be searching for a "one and only" with a very specific set of positive and negative traits....... we are each looking for someone who has the predominant character traits of the people who raised us....it is a compelling need to heal old childhood wounds". Aren't we strange and fickle people - us human beings? Might AI do it better for us - partner choice I mean?British Podcast Awards 2025: Would you consider voting for this Podcast?https://www.britishpodcastawards.com/votingGary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.Episode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Porn Causes | Recover from Addiction | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Childhood Trauma | Inner Child work | Childhood Development and Addiction bullying | Porn Addiction Recovery | Abuse | Sexual Abuse | Sex Addiction Recovery | Domestic Violence | Family Conflict | Overcoming Porn addiction | Porn Addiction Side effects | Porn Addiction Symptoms | Emotional Neglect | Quit Porn Addiction | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Mental Health and Addiction | Dissociation | Anger | Husband has porn | Recovery Program | 12 Steps Program | EMDR | Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing | Compulsive Behavior | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | The Kairos Centre | Neuroscience of Addiction | Porn Addiction Help | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Authentic Self Discovery | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Fantasy Escape | Codependency | Shame in Addiction | Guilt in Addiction | Addiction in Relationship | Infidelity | Therapy for Addiction | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Attachment Styles | Sexual Compulsivity | Behavioral Therapy | RelaSupport the show

Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreEarly relationships (often with our parents) has a very powerful impact on the blueprint of partner choice. They are unconsciously looked at as being able to repair those childhood wounds. We often seek a blueprint that “fits” ours.When we meet a potential partner, we have an opportunity to re-Attach to a loved person, just like (or better than) the Attachment bonding we had with our parents when we were young. A 'someone' we feel safe with and gives us other familiar feelings which usually make us feel comfortable and have a sense of belonging.We tend to idealise our partners initially. In time, we get very disappointed when they do not live up to our expectations. We feel very let down.Both, may have had Attachment issues from childhood and have separation anxiety, but they may have different coping styles. At some point, when repeated conflict arises, questions and doubt also surface like:“This is not the person I thought I had married.” After the shock, comes denial. The disappointment is so great that you don't allow yourself to see the truth. You do your best to see your partner's negative traits in a positive light. Eventually, however, the denial can no longer be sustained. You feel betrayed.We fall in love with 'sameness' and 'differenceness'. This is why we find “opposites attract”. We are unconsciously searching for and eventually think that we have found 'the one'; our 'other half/better half!'.It should be remembered that all couple fits, serve an emotional and psychological purpose. They are there to provide comfort, a sense of security and wholeness. We are not always aware of our fit until it is challenged or disrupted. Do any of these seem familiar in your relationship?:Babes in the Wood: Cling together in the face of the odds. Unconscious rejection; repressed anger within the relationship; expressed anger at people outside the relationship. They often look the same and will behave in a likeable, affable manner. A couple such as this see all the bad things in the world as belonging in the outside world and not part of themselves. They keep anything bad out of their relationship. The world literally is a “big bad wolf”.Net and Sword: The ‘net' shows all the love & tries to encompass, control or placate the sword. Conscious rejection; deny need or yearning for other. Relationship works well until one partner owns up to their denied feelings & decides they will not be responsible for the others unexpressed feelings. One partner shows all the love and the other, all the rejection. One person expresses all the denied emotions that the other cannot or will not express. This relationship works well until one partner owns up to their denied feelings and decides they will not be responsible for the others unexpressed feelings, often plunging the other into confusion or profound feelings of loss.  Cat and Dog: Characterised by anger, rejection and other destructive emotions. Both are only conscious of the bad in each other, but often will not part because they fear they cannot or will not be able to find a relationship with anybody better. This relationship is characterised by anger, rejection and a host of other destructive emotions. Both are only conscious of the bad in each other and their lives seem like a war zone. Intimacy is regulated by conflict and they often will not part because they fear they cannot or will not be able to find a relationship with anybody better. (I call this one "Tom & Jerry" - characterised by a never-ending chase and never catching the other)Support the show

Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreAt the beginning of the couples therapy session, I like to ask a first question - 'How did you guys meet?' Telling the story will reveal the greater truth about where the couple are at in the conflict. Has the loving got snuffed out or is there a glimmer of light that may still be turned up. Is there a split agenda? Are there ulterior motives for one or both turning up for counselling? Has the conflict become entrenched and each dug in for a war of attrition?We can teach our brains to say the right think, that we are expected to say, but often that is not the full truth! Just like the reply to the question - 'How are you doing?'  - evokes a knee jerk automatic answer - 'I am fine thank you'.Body language will give a more truthful answer as to where the couple are at and more accurately represent what is really going on in the heart.Telling the story of 'how did you meet' - will give a helpful calibration of where the couple are at and the nature of the work to follow, because of the toll the conflict has taken, before they sought help. As human beings, we tend to push it too far before reaching out for the help that we knew that we needed long ago.At The Kairos Centre, we use less 'Talk Therapy' and more sculpting with representative visual objects, to get to what the heart is really saying. It really is 'a heart thing'. The heart tends to tell the truth, if you can get to it. We get to it at The Kairos Centre. Then we know how to move forward with the work of counselling - with truth as the focus - not unconscious half-truths!Journey with us to reclaim your life, bring colour to life, without shame.Here is my fund raising page. Help someone access the Recovery Programme: https://igg.me/at/ThekairosCentreHelp is here: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelpThe world's first Online Webinar Sex, Porn, Love Addiction video-on-demand Recovery Programme. Would you vote for us in the British Podcasts Award? https://www.britishpodcastawards.com/votingGary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.Episode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Porn Causes | Recover from Addiction | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Childhood Trauma | Inner Child work | Childhood Development and Addiction bullying | Porn Addiction Recovery | Abuse | Sexual Abuse | Sex Addiction Recovery | Domestic Violence | Family Conflict | Overcoming Porn addiction | Porn Addiction Side effects | Porn Addiction Symptoms | Emotional Neglect | Quit Porn Addiction | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Mental Health and Addiction | Dissociation | Anger | Husband has porn | Recovery Program | 12 Steps Program | EMDR | Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing | Compulsive Behavior | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | The Kairos Centre | Neuroscience of Addiction | Porn Addiction Help | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Authentic Self Discovery | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Fantasy Escape | Codependency | Shame in Addiction | Guilt in Addiction | Addiction in Relationship | Infidelity | Therapy for Addiction | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Attachment Styles | Sexual Compulsivity | Behavioral Therapy | Relapse Prevention | Emotional Regulation | Self-Discovery | Healing Journeys | Personal Growth | Intimacy Building | Healthy Relationships | Empowerment | Support the show

Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreClient, choose your Therapist carefully. It makes a big difference to outcomes.In 2024 the British Association for Counsellors and Psychotherapy (BACP) released an Ethical framework for working with Addictions and also a set of 'Addictions competence framework' for counsellors working with or intending to work with Compulsions and Addictions. I guess it did so for a reason.Compulsions and Addictions Therapy is a specialised area of work. There is a need to ensure Counsellors and Therapists achieve minimal standards for working with such clients.These are some of the Foundational competences:Knowledge competences - knowledge and understanding of addictionsKnowledge of the range of addictions services and treatment options availableknowledge and understanding of recovery in addictions counsellingKnowledge of engagement issues specific to addictions counsellingKnowledge and understanding of the impact of co-occurring mental and physical health issues and addiction problemsMeta-competences: "Meta-competences encompass aspects of abstract clinical judgment required to decide when to implement different elements of the addictions counselling competence framework, and how and apply them in a coherent and informed manner."Ethical Framework: "....The framework sets out the knowledge, skills and abilities required for counsellors and psychotherapists to work safely and effectively with adults living with addiction.….."Therapists - 'at least do no harm'.The Kairos Centre has all the Competences to come alongside you on your journey to reclaiming your life, bring colour to life, without shame.Here is my fund raising page. Help someone access the Recovery Programme: https://igg.me/at/ThekairosCentreHelp is here: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelpThe world's first Online Webinar Sex, Porn, Love Addiction video-on-demand Recovery Programme. Now launched: A Video-on-Demand Online Course (for Singles, Couples/Marrieds/Partners)Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.Episode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Porn Causes | Recover from Addiction | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Childhood Trauma | Inner Child work | Childhood Development and Addiction bullying | Porn Addiction Recovery | Abuse | Sexual Abuse | Sex Addiction Recovery | Domestic Violence | Family Conflict | Overcoming Porn addiction | Porn Addiction Side effects | Porn Addiction Symptoms | Emotional Neglect | Quit Porn Addiction | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Mental Health and Addiction | Dissociation | Anger | Husband has porn | Recovery Program | 12 Steps Program | EMDR | Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing | Compulsive Behavior | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | The Kairos Centre | Neuroscience of Addiction | Porn Addiction Help | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Authentic Self Discovery | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Fantasy Escape | Codependency | Shame in Addiction | Guilt in Addiction | Addiction in Relationship | Infidelity | Therapy for Addiction | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Attachment Styles | Sexual Compulsivity | Behavioral Therapy | Relapse Prevention | Emotional Regulation | Self-Discovery | Healing Journeys | Personal Growth | Intimacy Building | Healthy Relationships | Empowerment | obsessive Thoughts | Minfulness | S

Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreWhen there is conflict in the couples relationship, sex and intimacy becomes the first casualty which fly out the window. It is very difficult (sometimes feels impossible) to physically touch the person with whom you are in conflict.Yet, touch is exactly what you need to do to begin to break down the walls set in place by conflict. Touch is then so very, very impossible to do.The antidote is to learn to do physical (non-sexual) touch with the person with whom you are in conflict, in order to begin to break down the walls of hostility. But it is hard. "Boy is it hard". But a prize awaits you.Try it. Throw caution to the wind and dive in - with physical (non-sexual) touch. Overcome yourself. Overcome pride. Get you and your ego out of the way. Just do it.Don't talk. Just touch. Just embrace - if you dare. The other person may not welcome your endeavours - initially. (Be warned).Expect the bucking horse. "Get off me. What are you doing. Leave me alone". Its going to happen! Hold on in there for dear life and eventually the bucking horse will reduce. Will calm. Don't talk. Expect the intimidation - which goes with our current culture - "You need to respect my space". There is a prize if you can stay in there. It's worth it.Even as I write these words, I am intimidated because the naysayers in our current culture will be getting ready to chastise me with their disagreement. (The insistence that we must respect another's space and not intrude). That is powerful intimidation.Psychosexual Therapy (I just call it Sex Therapy) with The Kairos Centre, is not about sex. The first thing that we do is to ban sexual intercourse. Then teach how to rebuild intimacy, sensuality and romance at a higher level.Done well, it paves the way for the couple to naturally want to consummate the rebuilt relationship, by progressing to a sexual expression. At that point, I am getting ready to come out of their lives and leave them with the next 80 years to practice this thing called sex!Get some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand.Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.Episode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Porn Causes | Recover from Addiction | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Childhood Trauma | Inner Child work | Childhood Development and Addiction bullying | Porn Addiction Recovery | Abuse | Sexual Abuse | Sex Addiction Recovery | Domestic Violence | Family Conflict | Overcoming Porn addiction | Porn Addiction Side effects | Porn Addiction Symptoms | Emotional Neglect | Quit Porn Addiction | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Mental Health and Addiction | Dissociation | Anger | Husband has porn | Recovery Program | 12 Steps Program | EMDR | Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing | Compulsive Behavior | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | The Kairos Centre | Neuroscience of Addiction | Porn Addiction Help | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Authentic Self Discovery | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Fantasy Escape | Codependency | Shame in Addiction | Guilt in Addiction | Addiction in Relationship | Infidelity | Therapy for Addiction | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Attachment Styles | Sexual Compulsivity | Behavioral Therapy | Relapse Prevention | Emotional Regulation | Self-Discovery | Healing Journeys | Personal Growth | Intimacy Building | Healthy Relationships | Empowerment | obsessive T

Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreUnresolved issues; unprocessed childhood issues, loose canons, unpotted snooker balls - are some of the terms that I use, for the process of work that I do multiple times every day with clients - using EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitisation Reprocessing).Another analogy that I use (but please don't tell my EMDR colleagues that I described it to you like this)! It is as if you own an 8 bedroom mansion house; but for some reason, over lots of years, you never go into 3 of the bedrooms. Over time, the things in those 3 bedrooms (just like many attics), gather cobwebs and dust and are hidden.When Eye Movement begins - known as BLS (Bilateral Stimulation) - it is as if the brain goes into those 3 bedrooms and begins to remove the drapes, blow away the cobbwebbs and finds thing that you did not remember about. You may let out a shriek or exclamation (inside of you and unconsciously). It might sound like this:"....oh my goodness. Oh look. I had forgotten about that. But if that was present at the time of [the negative event] that which I have been carrying all these years, about the event, can't be entirely accurate! I now need to integrate the stuff found in those 3 bedrooms - into my view of the past event. That means I can't continue to see it quite the same way any more, because the stuff I can now see and better understand, is giving me a different/ more accurate knowledge about the events; which was not a full picture that I carried all these years. That makes sense, since the Limbic/Emotional part of the brain must have been making all the decisions during the negative impactful event; the logical reasoning/Pre-Cortex part of the brain would have gone off-line and major decisions being taken based on feelings. I feel, so I do...." Get some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand.Here is my fund raising page. Help someone access the Recovery Programme: https://igg.me/at/ThekairosCentreNow launched: A Video-on-Demand Online Course (for Singles, Couples/Marrieds/Partners) Access here - https://www.kairos-centre.com/changement-on-demand/Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.Episode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Porn Causes | Recover from Addiction | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Childhood Trauma | Inner Child work | Childhood Development and Addiction bullying | Porn Addiction Recovery | Abuse | Sexual Abuse | Sex Addiction Recovery | Domestic Violence | Family Conflict | Overcoming Porn addiction | Porn Addiction Side effects | Porn Addiction Symptoms | Emotional Neglect | Quit Porn Addiction | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Mental Health and Addiction | Dissociation | Anger | Husband has porn | Recovery Program | 12 Steps Program | EMDR | Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing | Compulsive Behavior | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | The Kairos Centre | Neuroscience of Addiction | Porn Addiction Help | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Authentic Self Discovery | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Fantasy Escape | Codependency | Shame in Addiction | Guilt in Addiction | Addiction in Relationship | Infidelity | Therapy for Addiction | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Attachment Styles | Sexual Compulsivity | Behavioral Therapy | Relapse Prevention | Emotional Regulation | Self-Discovery | Healing

Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreHave you heard the Joke about the bride who learned her script for what she had to remember on the wedding day - as: 1) Aisle   2) Altar   3) HymnWhat has shaped you to be doing life how you are doing life? So often, it is about those childhood development years and what got set up as templates, to create those hamster wheel patters of repeat behaviour; those habits - otherwise called Neural Pathway.They where carved out by the brain (which does not like upset and so, to get us back into homeostasis); but they are not always the best choices of activities; yet seem to 'work' back there in childhood and in the families that we are a part of - to mange our interaction. So, since they 'worked ' and are on repeat, we take the repeat practiced behaviours - now well entrenched - with us into adulthood and are a grown up version of childhood practices. In adulthood and the new couple relationship (different to the growing up family environment), the brain experiences something that looks or feels similar to a past negatively experienced childhood pattern and so is triggered to respond in the same way. "...but brain, this is a different person. This isn't those people back in childhood who destabilised me. The situation is different" - makes no difference to the brain. It goes into autonomic response.You may not see or realise the similar repeat behaviours being done in adulthood - as being similar to how you did them in childhood - because they are unconscious.Couples counselling with The Kairos Centre is not about saving marriages or relationships. It is about helping you to better understand you. To move issues from the unseen, the invisible, the unconscious, into the seen, the visible, the conscious.When you can better see and understand stuff (because you have moved them into focus and put a highlighter pen through them) now you are in a position to effect change. You have stepped onto the change continuum.Know, however, that you cannot effect immediate (end-point) change. After-all, they were hamster wheel repetitive habit behaviours for decades. It is a journey. No quick fixes.Change has, however, began, because you had no hope of changing what you could not see or understand, until you can see and understand them! They were just you, being you, doing life how you do life - 'what's the problem. The other person is the problem'.If you change, then the other person has to change. They cannot keep doing what they have repeatedly done, because you have changed and are no longer in the same place to be the recipient of their behaviours and at some point they have to change in response to your change; but their change may not be the required positive change, without some help. Get it!Episode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Porn Causes | Recover from Addiction | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Childhood Trauma | Inner Child work | Childhood Development and Addiction bullying | Porn Addiction Recovery | Abuse | Sexual Abuse | Sex Addiction Recovery | Domestic Violence | Family Conflict | Overcoming Porn addiction | Porn Addiction Side effects | Porn Addiction Symptoms | Emotional Neglect | Quit Porn Addiction | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Mental Health and Addiction | Dissociation | Anger | Husband has porn | Recovery Program | 12 Steps Program | EMDR | Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing | Compulsive Behavior | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | The Kairos Centre | Neuroscience of Addiction | Porn Addiction Help | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Authent

Send us a textIn this powerful episode of the Covenant Eyes Podcast, hosts Karen Potter and Sam Black sit down with Nate Larkin—founder of the Samson Society and author of Samson and the Pirate Monks. Nate shares his raw, redemptive journey from secret struggles with porn and sex addiction to freedom, healing, and authentic brotherhood.Discover how early exposure, emotional pain, and ministry stress fueled Nate's addiction, and how community, honesty, and spiritual growth led him to lasting transformation. Learn how the Samson Society creates spaces for real connection and why it's never too late to seek help.Whether you're in the middle of your own battle or walking alongside someone who is, this conversation is full of truth, grace, and hope.

You've stopped the behavior. You're going to the meetings. You're doing everything the books and podcasts say to do. So why doesn't your partner trust you yet?In this honest and challenging conversation, we talk with Roland Cochrun, a recovery advocate and founder of SuccessfulAddict.com, about the biggest blind spots in early recovery—and why checking the right boxes doesn't guarantee real change.Roland shares his personal experience, the research behind what actually works, and why recovery must be more than just avoiding relapse. If you've ever felt stuck, discouraged, or unsure whether your progress is enough, this episode offers a much-needed reset.If this episode resonated with you, please share it with someone who might need it. And don't forget to leave a review—we'd love to hear how this podcast is supporting your healing journey!

Porn addiction among high-performing men is more common—and more misunderstood—than most people realize.  In this eye-opening episode of the Intimate Marriage podcast, Dr. Alexandra Stockwell welcomes back expert Roland Cochrun to discuss his new book, 'The High Achiever's Guide to Sex Addiction Recovery'. Known for his groundbreaking insights into sex and porn addiction, Roland breaks down the crucial difference between substance and process addiction—where individuals become hooked not on external substances but on internal thought patterns and behaviors. Together, Dr. Alexandra and Roland explore why high achievers are especially vulnerable to these compulsions, how porn addiction impacts relationships, and why many of these behaviors are deeply misunderstood. Roland offers powerful guidance for healing, challenges societal norms around sex and desire, and encourages a new narrative of recovery, responsibility, and reconnection.   Also in this episode: What Process Addiction Is: Being hooked on mental patterns and habits, not substances like drugs or alcohol. How It Affects Relationships: A partner's porn addiction can feel like betrayal and cause emotional pain. Challenging Norms: Society's views on sex and porn aren't always healthy—it's important to question them. The Role of Self-Awareness: Recognizing your own patterns is key to breaking free from addiction. Moral and Legal Questions: Roland challenges the ethics of porn and strip clubs, comparing them to modern slavery.   About The Guest: Roland Cochrun is the founder of The Successful Addict, a sex addiction recovery group designed specifically for high-achievers, executives, and entrepreneurs. As a recovering sex addict himself, Roland found blind spots in the treatment of process addiction, especially as it applies to successful men. Roland hopes to shine a light on a preventable issue that is destroying couples and families all over the world.   Connect with Roland: Get his latest book: The High Achiever's Guide to Sex Addiction Recovery: A Proven Blueprint for Successful Professionals to Overcome Sex and Porn Addiction  Website: The Successful Addict YouTube: The Successful Addict   Listen to the previous interview with Roland Cochrun: “Sex and Success”: https://www.alexandrastockwell.com/the-hidden-addictions-of-high-performers/   Subscribe To The Intimate Marriage Podcast: Apple Podcast | YouTube | Spotify Connect With Alexandra Stockwell, MD: Website | Linkedin | Instagram   Get your copy of “Uncompromising Intimacy” by Dr. Alexandra Stockwell here: https://amzn.to/2ymI3Hl Download the first chapter of Dr Alexandra's bestselling book, “Uncompromising Intimacy,” here:  https://www.alexandrastockwell.com/book Cultivate your intimacy skills (without compromise) in Aligned & Hot Marriage, Dr. Alexandra's proven method for smart couples ready to love more fully:  www.alignedhotmarriage.com Join Dr. Alexandra's email list to stay connected. She shares inspiring stories, her latest insights and opportunities to learn with her:  https://www.alexandrastockwell.com/subscribe   This Podcast Is Produced, Engineered & Edited By:  Simplified Impact  

Send us a textWe know addiction gets in the way of happiness and relationships, but why is recovery so difficult for high-achieving men? Professional coach Roland Cochrun shares his insights and the realization that making real connections (and discovering your purpose in life) are essential. He is the founder of The Successful Addict recovery group, The Sex Addiction podcast, and author of The High Achiever's Guide to Sex-Addiction Recovery.

In this powerful episode of the Journey Beyond Divorce Podcast, Karen McMahon sits down with Craig Perra, a global leader in sex and porn addiction recovery. Craig explores the deep-rooted causes of compulsive sexual behavior, especially in high-achieving men and women navigating high-conflict divorce. He shares how lack of self-love, shame, and isolation fuel addiction—and how accountability and community drive healing. For partners of sex addicts, Craig offers empowering insights and guidance on separating their self-worth from their partner's behavior. Learn how to break toxic cycles, protect your children with healthy conversations about sexuality, and take real steps toward recovery. Connect with Craig: Website: https://mindfulhabithelp.com/ Book a call with Craig: https://mindfulhabithelp.com/book-a-call9273 Course Library: https://www.themindfulhabitonline.com/ Listen to the podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/sex-afflictions-porn-addictions-with-craig-perra-sex/id556373664 Resources Mentioned in this episode: Follow JBD on Instagram: @journey_beyond_divorce Book a Free Rapid Relief Call: http://rapidreliefcall.com  Join the High Conflict Divorce Support Group: https://www.jbddivorcesupport.com/hcdsg

In this episode, I have back on the program Carl Thomas to dig into the recovery journey from pornography and sexual addiction. Carl shares his personal story and emphasizes the importance of community and addressing mental and emotional health. We discuss how recovery goes beyond just stopping harmful behaviors or behavioral sobriety and involves understanding and healing deeper emotional wounds. Carl highlights the stigma around mental health and the need for a holistic approach to recovery. He also provides resources for those seeking support. This episode aims to offer hope and guidance to anyone navigating similar challenges or interested in the recovery process.To learn more about Carl and the Live Free Ministries resources, visit LiveFreeCommunity.org.Topics Covered in this Episode:Recovery from pornography and sexual addictionImportance of community in the recovery processPersonal journey and background of the speakerHolistic approach to mental and emotional health in recoveryAddressing underlying emotional and mental health issuesThe stigma surrounding mental health and seeking helpThe interconnectedness of various aspects of life in recoveryCoping mechanisms and their relation to addictionEncouragement for ongoing growth and development in recoveryResources and support available for individuals seeking recoveryMore Resources:XXXChurch.comGateway to Freedom 3-day Intensive for MenGrace-Based Recovery Online Study GroupsRelated Podcasts:The Power of CommunityWhen Shame Gets RealReal Stories of Recovery and Hope----------Please rate and review our podcast: Apple PodcastsFollow us on our Vimeo Channel.

What you'll learn in this episode: You cannot sustain a fulfilling, hot sex life with emotional conflicts not being addressed.It doesn't have to take 20 years to find sustainable emotional connection for sex to start happening naturally (it can actually happen in a few weeks!)It takes getting comfortable in the uncomfortable to initiate conversation around connection problems with your woman. Don't wait to feel confident before talking to her. It's normal to go into these situations feeling uncomfortable. That's ok and your confidence will come from you taking action even when you're scared.Apply to work with me: https://stephanieganowski.typeform.com/to/Fm6LGfa9Free Guide:3 Steps To Fix Your Sex LifeSex Meditations https://meditations.supercast.com

With your co-hostesses: Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com Support HFW through a donation Today, we discuss the very important topic of relational safety with Matthew and Joanna Raabsmith. We Will be Discussing: Definition around relational safety A scenario to explain relational safety more in depth How to unpack an episode of disconnect/conflict Practical ideas to grow self-awareness Resources mentioned in this show: Building True Intimacy by Dan Drake, Joanna and Matthew Raabsmith Connect with Matthew and Joanna's Couples Work Here