Podcasts about sex addiction recovery

Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreAt the beginning of the couples therapy session, I like to ask a first question - 'How did you guys meet?' Telling the story will reveal the greater truth about where the couple are at in the conflict. Has the loving got snuffed out or is there a glimmer of light that may still be turned up. Is there a split agenda? Are there ulterior motives for one or both turning up for counselling? Has the conflict become entrenched and each dug in for a war of attrition?We can teach our brains to say the right think, that we are expected to say, but often that is not the full truth! Just like the reply to the question - 'How are you doing?'  - evokes a knee jerk automatic answer - 'I am fine thank you'.Body language will give a more truthful answer as to where the couple are at and more accurately represent what is really going on in the heart.Telling the story of 'how did you meet' - will give a helpful calibration of where the couple are at and the nature of the work to follow, because of the toll the conflict has taken, before they sought help. As human beings, we tend to push it too far before reaching out for the help that we knew that we needed long ago.At The Kairos Centre, we use less 'Talk Therapy' and more sculpting with representative visual objects, to get to what the heart is really saying. It really is 'a heart thing'. The heart tends to tell the truth, if you can get to it. We get to it at The Kairos Centre. Then we know how to move forward with the work of counselling - with truth as the focus - not unconscious half-truths!Journey with us to reclaim your life, bring colour to life, without shame.Here is my fund raising page. Help someone access the Recovery Programme: https://igg.me/at/ThekairosCentreHelp is here: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelpThe world's first Online Webinar Sex, Porn, Love Addiction video-on-demand Recovery Programme. Would you vote for us in the British Podcasts Award? https://www.britishpodcastawards.com/votingGary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.Episode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Porn Causes | Recover from Addiction | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Childhood Trauma | Inner Child work | Childhood Development and Addiction bullying | Porn Addiction Recovery | Abuse | Sexual Abuse | Sex Addiction Recovery | Domestic Violence | Family Conflict | Overcoming Porn addiction | Porn Addiction Side effects | Porn Addiction Symptoms | Emotional Neglect | Quit Porn Addiction | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Mental Health and Addiction | Dissociation | Anger | Husband has porn | Recovery Program | 12 Steps Program | EMDR | Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing | Compulsive Behavior | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | The Kairos Centre | Neuroscience of Addiction | Porn Addiction Help | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Authentic Self Discovery | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Fantasy Escape | Codependency | Shame in Addiction | Guilt in Addiction | Addiction in Relationship | Infidelity | Therapy for Addiction | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Attachment Styles | Sexual Compulsivity | Behavioral Therapy | Relapse Prevention | Emotional Regulation | Self-Discovery | Healing Journeys | Personal Growth | Intimacy Building | Healthy Relationships | Empowerment | Support the show

In this episode, Allan Katz offers a clear and compassionate map for navigating the phases of sex addiction recovery—not just through abstinence, but through deep character transformation in his new workbook, Navigating the Phases in Sex Addiction Recovery. Using a framework built around values like integrity, ethics, respect, and vulnerability, Allan invites individuals to move from a mindset of “I can't” to “I don't”—shifting from pressure and deprivation to purpose and choice. This isn't just about stopping old behaviors; it's about becoming someone new. They explore how recovery can help people reconnect with their authentic self, rebuild trust, and replace destructive patterns with traits like generosity, diligence, and emotional honesty. With journaling prompts, real-life reflection, and powerful personal insight, this workbook helps guide people through each phase of lasting recovery.

Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreClient, choose your Therapist carefully. It makes a big difference to outcomes.In 2024 the British Association for Counsellors and Psychotherapy (BACP) released an Ethical framework for working with Addictions and also a set of 'Addictions competence framework' for counsellors working with or intending to work with Compulsions and Addictions. I guess it did so for a reason.Compulsions and Addictions Therapy is a specialised area of work. There is a need to ensure Counsellors and Therapists achieve minimal standards for working with such clients.These are some of the Foundational competences:Knowledge competences - knowledge and understanding of addictionsKnowledge of the range of addictions services and treatment options availableknowledge and understanding of recovery in addictions counsellingKnowledge of engagement issues specific to addictions counsellingKnowledge and understanding of the impact of co-occurring mental and physical health issues and addiction problemsMeta-competences: "Meta-competences encompass aspects of abstract clinical judgment required to decide when to implement different elements of the addictions counselling competence framework, and how and apply them in a coherent and informed manner."Ethical Framework: "....The framework sets out the knowledge, skills and abilities required for counsellors and psychotherapists to work safely and effectively with adults living with addiction.….."Therapists - 'at least do no harm'.The Kairos Centre has all the Competences to come alongside you on your journey to reclaiming your life, bring colour to life, without shame.Here is my fund raising page. Help someone access the Recovery Programme: https://igg.me/at/ThekairosCentreHelp is here: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelpThe world's first Online Webinar Sex, Porn, Love Addiction video-on-demand Recovery Programme. Now launched: A Video-on-Demand Online Course (for Singles, Couples/Marrieds/Partners)Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.Episode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Porn Causes | Recover from Addiction | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Childhood Trauma | Inner Child work | Childhood Development and Addiction bullying | Porn Addiction Recovery | Abuse | Sexual Abuse | Sex Addiction Recovery | Domestic Violence | Family Conflict | Overcoming Porn addiction | Porn Addiction Side effects | Porn Addiction Symptoms | Emotional Neglect | Quit Porn Addiction | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Mental Health and Addiction | Dissociation | Anger | Husband has porn | Recovery Program | 12 Steps Program | EMDR | Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing | Compulsive Behavior | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | The Kairos Centre | Neuroscience of Addiction | Porn Addiction Help | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Authentic Self Discovery | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Fantasy Escape | Codependency | Shame in Addiction | Guilt in Addiction | Addiction in Relationship | Infidelity | Therapy for Addiction | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Attachment Styles | Sexual Compulsivity | Behavioral Therapy | Relapse Prevention | Emotional Regulation | Self-Discovery | Healing Journeys | Personal Growth | Intimacy Building | Healthy Relationships | Empowerment | obsessive Thoughts | Minfulness | S

Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreWhen there is conflict in the couples relationship, sex and intimacy becomes the first casualty which fly out the window. It is very difficult (sometimes feels impossible) to physically touch the person with whom you are in conflict.Yet, touch is exactly what you need to do to begin to break down the walls set in place by conflict. Touch is then so very, very impossible to do.The antidote is to learn to do physical (non-sexual) touch with the person with whom you are in conflict, in order to begin to break down the walls of hostility. But it is hard. "Boy is it hard". But a prize awaits you.Try it. Throw caution to the wind and dive in - with physical (non-sexual) touch. Overcome yourself. Overcome pride. Get you and your ego out of the way. Just do it.Don't talk. Just touch. Just embrace - if you dare. The other person may not welcome your endeavours - initially. (Be warned).Expect the bucking horse. "Get off me. What are you doing. Leave me alone". Its going to happen! Hold on in there for dear life and eventually the bucking horse will reduce. Will calm. Don't talk. Expect the intimidation - which goes with our current culture - "You need to respect my space". There is a prize if you can stay in there. It's worth it.Even as I write these words, I am intimidated because the naysayers in our current culture will be getting ready to chastise me with their disagreement. (The insistence that we must respect another's space and not intrude). That is powerful intimidation.Psychosexual Therapy (I just call it Sex Therapy) with The Kairos Centre, is not about sex. The first thing that we do is to ban sexual intercourse. Then teach how to rebuild intimacy, sensuality and romance at a higher level.Done well, it paves the way for the couple to naturally want to consummate the rebuilt relationship, by progressing to a sexual expression. At that point, I am getting ready to come out of their lives and leave them with the next 80 years to practice this thing called sex!Get some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand.Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.Episode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Porn Causes | Recover from Addiction | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Childhood Trauma | Inner Child work | Childhood Development and Addiction bullying | Porn Addiction Recovery | Abuse | Sexual Abuse | Sex Addiction Recovery | Domestic Violence | Family Conflict | Overcoming Porn addiction | Porn Addiction Side effects | Porn Addiction Symptoms | Emotional Neglect | Quit Porn Addiction | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Mental Health and Addiction | Dissociation | Anger | Husband has porn | Recovery Program | 12 Steps Program | EMDR | Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing | Compulsive Behavior | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | The Kairos Centre | Neuroscience of Addiction | Porn Addiction Help | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Authentic Self Discovery | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Fantasy Escape | Codependency | Shame in Addiction | Guilt in Addiction | Addiction in Relationship | Infidelity | Therapy for Addiction | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Attachment Styles | Sexual Compulsivity | Behavioral Therapy | Relapse Prevention | Emotional Regulation | Self-Discovery | Healing Journeys | Personal Growth | Intimacy Building | Healthy Relationships | Empowerment | obsessive T

Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreUnresolved issues; unprocessed childhood issues, loose canons, unpotted snooker balls - are some of the terms that I use, for the process of work that I do multiple times every day with clients - using EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitisation Reprocessing).Another analogy that I use (but please don't tell my EMDR colleagues that I described it to you like this)! It is as if you own an 8 bedroom mansion house; but for some reason, over lots of years, you never go into 3 of the bedrooms. Over time, the things in those 3 bedrooms (just like many attics), gather cobwebs and dust and are hidden.When Eye Movement begins - known as BLS (Bilateral Stimulation) - it is as if the brain goes into those 3 bedrooms and begins to remove the drapes, blow away the cobbwebbs and finds thing that you did not remember about. You may let out a shriek or exclamation (inside of you and unconsciously). It might sound like this:"....oh my goodness. Oh look. I had forgotten about that. But if that was present at the time of [the negative event] that which I have been carrying all these years, about the event, can't be entirely accurate! I now need to integrate the stuff found in those 3 bedrooms - into my view of the past event. That means I can't continue to see it quite the same way any more, because the stuff I can now see and better understand, is giving me a different/ more accurate knowledge about the events; which was not a full picture that I carried all these years. That makes sense, since the Limbic/Emotional part of the brain must have been making all the decisions during the negative impactful event; the logical reasoning/Pre-Cortex part of the brain would have gone off-line and major decisions being taken based on feelings. I feel, so I do...." Get some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand.Here is my fund raising page. Help someone access the Recovery Programme: https://igg.me/at/ThekairosCentreNow launched: A Video-on-Demand Online Course (for Singles, Couples/Marrieds/Partners) Access here - https://www.kairos-centre.com/changement-on-demand/Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.Episode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Porn Causes | Recover from Addiction | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Childhood Trauma | Inner Child work | Childhood Development and Addiction bullying | Porn Addiction Recovery | Abuse | Sexual Abuse | Sex Addiction Recovery | Domestic Violence | Family Conflict | Overcoming Porn addiction | Porn Addiction Side effects | Porn Addiction Symptoms | Emotional Neglect | Quit Porn Addiction | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Mental Health and Addiction | Dissociation | Anger | Husband has porn | Recovery Program | 12 Steps Program | EMDR | Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing | Compulsive Behavior | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | The Kairos Centre | Neuroscience of Addiction | Porn Addiction Help | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Authentic Self Discovery | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Fantasy Escape | Codependency | Shame in Addiction | Guilt in Addiction | Addiction in Relationship | Infidelity | Therapy for Addiction | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Attachment Styles | Sexual Compulsivity | Behavioral Therapy | Relapse Prevention | Emotional Regulation | Self-Discovery | Healing

What happens when non-traditional sexual behavior, recovery, and relationship dynamics intersect? In this 3.5-minute deep dive, Dr. Stefanie Carnes explores the delicate balance of reintroducing sexual expression in relationships impacted by sex addiction and betrayal trauma. From managing arousal templates and consent, to honoring recovery boundaries and partner triggers, this conversation opens up crucial dialogue for couples and clinicians alike. Tune in to find out more.

Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreHave you heard the Joke about the bride who learned her script for what she had to remember on the wedding day - as: 1) Aisle   2) Altar   3) HymnWhat has shaped you to be doing life how you are doing life? So often, it is about those childhood development years and what got set up as templates, to create those hamster wheel patters of repeat behaviour; those habits - otherwise called Neural Pathway.They where carved out by the brain (which does not like upset and so, to get us back into homeostasis); but they are not always the best choices of activities; yet seem to 'work' back there in childhood and in the families that we are a part of - to mange our interaction. So, since they 'worked ' and are on repeat, we take the repeat practiced behaviours - now well entrenched - with us into adulthood and are a grown up version of childhood practices. In adulthood and the new couple relationship (different to the growing up family environment), the brain experiences something that looks or feels similar to a past negatively experienced childhood pattern and so is triggered to respond in the same way. "...but brain, this is a different person. This isn't those people back in childhood who destabilised me. The situation is different" - makes no difference to the brain. It goes into autonomic response.You may not see or realise the similar repeat behaviours being done in adulthood - as being similar to how you did them in childhood - because they are unconscious.Couples counselling with The Kairos Centre is not about saving marriages or relationships. It is about helping you to better understand you. To move issues from the unseen, the invisible, the unconscious, into the seen, the visible, the conscious.When you can better see and understand stuff (because you have moved them into focus and put a highlighter pen through them) now you are in a position to effect change. You have stepped onto the change continuum.Know, however, that you cannot effect immediate (end-point) change. After-all, they were hamster wheel repetitive habit behaviours for decades. It is a journey. No quick fixes.Change has, however, began, because you had no hope of changing what you could not see or understand, until you can see and understand them! They were just you, being you, doing life how you do life - 'what's the problem. The other person is the problem'.If you change, then the other person has to change. They cannot keep doing what they have repeatedly done, because you have changed and are no longer in the same place to be the recipient of their behaviours and at some point they have to change in response to your change; but their change may not be the required positive change, without some help. Get it!Episode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Porn Causes | Recover from Addiction | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Childhood Trauma | Inner Child work | Childhood Development and Addiction bullying | Porn Addiction Recovery | Abuse | Sexual Abuse | Sex Addiction Recovery | Domestic Violence | Family Conflict | Overcoming Porn addiction | Porn Addiction Side effects | Porn Addiction Symptoms | Emotional Neglect | Quit Porn Addiction | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Mental Health and Addiction | Dissociation | Anger | Husband has porn | Recovery Program | 12 Steps Program | EMDR | Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing | Compulsive Behavior | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | The Kairos Centre | Neuroscience of Addiction | Porn Addiction Help | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Authent

Send us a textIn this powerful episode of the Covenant Eyes Podcast, hosts Karen Potter and Sam Black sit down with Nate Larkin—founder of the Samson Society and author of Samson and the Pirate Monks. Nate shares his raw, redemptive journey from secret struggles with porn and sex addiction to freedom, healing, and authentic brotherhood.Discover how early exposure, emotional pain, and ministry stress fueled Nate's addiction, and how community, honesty, and spiritual growth led him to lasting transformation. Learn how the Samson Society creates spaces for real connection and why it's never too late to seek help.Whether you're in the middle of your own battle or walking alongside someone who is, this conversation is full of truth, grace, and hope.

Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreOver 90% of couples that The Kairos Centre counsel, are in conflict because Core Emotional Needs are not being met. Some of those Core Emotional Needs are such things as lack of Security, Respect, Comfort, Affection, Respect.They are not negotiable human needs. They want to be met and we will fight/flight/freeze to get them met. We do an interesting exercise with Couples and Singles to identify their Core Emotional Needs.Commit to a Couples Recovery Programme like The Kairos Centre Video-On-Demand Relationship Program which you can cover at your leisure from the comfort of your own home, at your pace. You receive a workbook and can book Homework Review sessions as and when you desire, so that you have a sense of someone being alongside you on your journey.Let's move as much of the stuff from the unconscious; from the unseen; from the invisible; from the unknown; into the conscious; the seen; the visible; the known.Now that you can better see and understand the issues, you now get a chance to begin working through the issues - with some help. Get off the hamster wheel of habits, template behaviours, entrenched neutral pathways.Change your trajectory. Change begins because you can now see the problem. It can never be the same again. You are now on the change continuum, even if only at step one = Insight; step two = understanding.Get some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand.Here is my fund raising page. Help someone access the Recovery Programme: https://igg.me/at/ThekairosCentreHelp is here: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelpThe world's first Online Webinar Sex, Porn, Love Addiction video-on-demand Recovery Programme. email info@kairos-centre.comNow launched: A Video-on-Demand Online Course (for Singles, Couples/Marrieds/Partners) Access here - https://www.kairos-centre.com/changement-on-demand/Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.Episode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Porn Causes | Recover from Addiction | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Childhood Trauma | Inner Child work | Childhood Development and Addiction bullying | Porn Addiction Recovery | Abuse | Sexual Abuse | Sex Addiction Recovery | Domestic Violence | Family Conflict | Overcoming Porn addiction | Porn Addiction Side effects | Porn Addiction Symptoms | Emotional Neglect | Quit Porn Addiction | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Mental Health and Addiction | Dissociation | Anger | Husband has porn | Recovery Program | 12 Steps Program | EMDR | Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing | Compulsive Behavior | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | The Kairos Centre | Neuroscience of Addiction | Porn Addiction Help | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Authentic Self Discovery | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Fantasy Escape | Codependency | Shame in Addiction | Guilt in Addiction | Addiction in Relationship | Infidelity | Therapy for Addiction | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Attachment Styles | Sexual Compulsivity | Behavioral Therapy | Relapse Prevention | Emotional Regulation | Self-Discovery | Healing Journeys | Personal Growth | Intimacy Building | Healthy Relationships | Empowerment | obsessive Thoug

You've stopped the behavior. You're going to the meetings. You're doing everything the books and podcasts say to do. So why doesn't your partner trust you yet?In this honest and challenging conversation, we talk with Roland Cochrun, a recovery advocate and founder of SuccessfulAddict.com, about the biggest blind spots in early recovery—and why checking the right boxes doesn't guarantee real change.Roland shares his personal experience, the research behind what actually works, and why recovery must be more than just avoiding relapse. If you've ever felt stuck, discouraged, or unsure whether your progress is enough, this episode offers a much-needed reset.If this episode resonated with you, please share it with someone who might need it. And don't forget to leave a review—we'd love to hear how this podcast is supporting your healing journey!

Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreTestosterone in males is at its height in their late teens to early 20's. Women's sex drive does not reach its peak until their late 20's to early 30's. Therefore, a mismatch is going on between the sexes.Aged 15 to 25 years old males have a 4 times higher likelihood of death from various events. Their brains are not yet fully mature and therefore they make bad choices and poor decisions.They are 4 times more likely (than females of the same age) to die from such events as suicide, being killed, drug overdose and car accidents. Much of that is due to the high Testosterone in their body, which enhances their decision to 'Act out' in various risk taking ways.In the 1960s, young men were marrying younger - in their 20s. They were in a committed relationship and such events as having children and even holding the child and getting skin contact, lowered the male Testosterone levels. (More stats in the audio).Men are twice as likely to experience substance abuse, than women. Women are twice as likely to experience STI. Men are 6 times more likely to be addicted to porn.Consistent porn use changes the brain at a cellular level. The brain is actually changed. Get some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand.Here is my fund raising page. Help someone access the Recovery Programme: https://igg.me/at/ThekairosCentreGet the help you need: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelpThe world's first Online Webinar Sex, Porn, Love Addiction video-on-demand Recovery Programme. Discover the real, authentic you. email info@kairos-centre.comNow launched: A Video-on-Demand Online Course (for Singles, Couples/Marrieds/Partners) Access here - https://www.kairos-centre.com/changement-on-demand/Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.Episode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Porn Causes | Recover from Addiction | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Childhood Trauma | Inner Child work | Childhood Development and Addiction bullying | Porn Addiction Recovery | Abuse | Sexual Abuse | Sex Addiction Recovery | Domestic Violence | Family Conflict | Overcoming Porn addiction | Porn Addiction Side effects | Porn Addiction Symptoms | Emotional Neglect | Quit Porn Addiction | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Mental Health and Addiction | Dissociation | Anger | Husband has porn | Recovery Program | 12 Steps Program | EMDR | Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing | Compulsive Behavior | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | The Kairos Centre | Neuroscience of Addiction | Porn Addiction Help | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Authentic Self Discovery | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Fantasy Escape | Codependency | Shame in Addiction | Guilt in Addiction | Addiction in Relationship | Infidelity | Therapy for Addiction | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Attachment Styles | Sexual Compulsivity | Behavioral Therapy | Relapse Prevention | Emotional Regulation | Self-Discovery | Healing Journeys | Personal Growth | Intimacy Building | Healthy Relationships | Empowerment | obsessive Thoughts | Minfulness | Self compassion | Psychoeducation | Intimacy building

Porn addiction among high-performing men is more common—and more misunderstood—than most people realize.  In this eye-opening episode of the Intimate Marriage podcast, Dr. Alexandra Stockwell welcomes back expert Roland Cochrun to discuss his new book, 'The High Achiever's Guide to Sex Addiction Recovery'. Known for his groundbreaking insights into sex and porn addiction, Roland breaks down the crucial difference between substance and process addiction—where individuals become hooked not on external substances but on internal thought patterns and behaviors. Together, Dr. Alexandra and Roland explore why high achievers are especially vulnerable to these compulsions, how porn addiction impacts relationships, and why many of these behaviors are deeply misunderstood. Roland offers powerful guidance for healing, challenges societal norms around sex and desire, and encourages a new narrative of recovery, responsibility, and reconnection.   Also in this episode: What Process Addiction Is: Being hooked on mental patterns and habits, not substances like drugs or alcohol. How It Affects Relationships: A partner's porn addiction can feel like betrayal and cause emotional pain. Challenging Norms: Society's views on sex and porn aren't always healthy—it's important to question them. The Role of Self-Awareness: Recognizing your own patterns is key to breaking free from addiction. Moral and Legal Questions: Roland challenges the ethics of porn and strip clubs, comparing them to modern slavery.   About The Guest: Roland Cochrun is the founder of The Successful Addict, a sex addiction recovery group designed specifically for high-achievers, executives, and entrepreneurs. As a recovering sex addict himself, Roland found blind spots in the treatment of process addiction, especially as it applies to successful men. Roland hopes to shine a light on a preventable issue that is destroying couples and families all over the world.   Connect with Roland: Get his latest book: The High Achiever's Guide to Sex Addiction Recovery: A Proven Blueprint for Successful Professionals to Overcome Sex and Porn Addiction  Website: The Successful Addict YouTube: The Successful Addict   Listen to the previous interview with Roland Cochrun: “Sex and Success”: https://www.alexandrastockwell.com/the-hidden-addictions-of-high-performers/   Subscribe To The Intimate Marriage Podcast: Apple Podcast | YouTube | Spotify Connect With Alexandra Stockwell, MD: Website | Linkedin | Instagram   Get your copy of “Uncompromising Intimacy” by Dr. Alexandra Stockwell here: https://amzn.to/2ymI3Hl Download the first chapter of Dr Alexandra's bestselling book, “Uncompromising Intimacy,” here:  https://www.alexandrastockwell.com/book Cultivate your intimacy skills (without compromise) in Aligned & Hot Marriage, Dr. Alexandra's proven method for smart couples ready to love more fully:  www.alignedhotmarriage.com Join Dr. Alexandra's email list to stay connected. She shares inspiring stories, her latest insights and opportunities to learn with her:  https://www.alexandrastockwell.com/subscribe   This Podcast Is Produced, Engineered & Edited By:  Simplified Impact  

Porn addiction among high-performing men is more common—and more misunderstood—than most people realize.  In this eye-opening episode of the Intimate Marriage podcast, Dr. Alexandra Stockwell welcomes back expert Roland Cochrun to discuss his new book, 'The High Achiever's Guide to Sex Addiction Recovery'. Known for his groundbreaking insights into sex and porn addiction, Roland breaks down the crucial difference between substance and process addiction—where individuals become hooked not on external substances but on internal thought patterns and behaviors. Together, Dr. Alexandra and Roland explore why high achievers are especially vulnerable to these compulsions, how porn addiction impacts relationships, and why many of these behaviors are deeply misunderstood. Roland offers powerful guidance for healing, challenges societal norms around sex and desire, and encourages a new narrative of recovery, responsibility, and reconnection.   Also in this episode: What Process Addiction Is: Being hooked on mental patterns and habits, not substances like drugs or alcohol. How It Affects Relationships: A partner's porn addiction can feel like betrayal and cause emotional pain. Challenging Norms: Society's views on sex and porn aren't always healthy—it's important to question them. The Role of Self-Awareness: Recognizing your own patterns is key to breaking free from addiction. Moral and Legal Questions: Roland challenges the ethics of porn and strip clubs, comparing them to modern slavery.   About The Guest: Roland Cochrun is the founder of The Successful Addict, a sex addiction recovery group designed specifically for high-achievers, executives, and entrepreneurs. As a recovering sex addict himself, Roland found blind spots in the treatment of process addiction, especially as it applies to successful men. Roland hopes to shine a light on a preventable issue that is destroying couples and families all over the world.   Connect with Roland: Get his latest book: The High Achiever's Guide to Sex Addiction Recovery: A Proven Blueprint for Successful Professionals to Overcome Sex and Porn Addiction  Website: The Successful Addict YouTube: The Successful Addict   Listen to the previous interview with Roland Cochrun: “Sex and Success”: https://www.alexandrastockwell.com/the-hidden-addictions-of-high-performers/   Subscribe To The Intimate Marriage Podcast: Apple Podcast | YouTube | Spotify Connect With Alexandra Stockwell, MD: Website | Linkedin | Instagram   Get your copy of “Uncompromising Intimacy” by Dr. Alexandra Stockwell here: https://amzn.to/2ymI3Hl Download the first chapter of Dr Alexandra's bestselling book, “Uncompromising Intimacy,” here:  https://www.alexandrastockwell.com/book Cultivate your intimacy skills (without compromise) in Aligned & Hot Marriage, Dr. Alexandra's proven method for smart couples ready to love more fully:  www.alignedhotmarriage.com Join Dr. Alexandra's email list to stay connected. She shares inspiring stories, her latest insights and opportunities to learn with her:  https://www.alexandrastockwell.com/subscribe   This Podcast Is Produced, Engineered & Edited By:  Simplified Impact  

Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreMen's brains are configured very differently when it comes to a response to sex. There are 3 areas to know about - which are over twice the capacity of the female:The Medial Pre-optic Area (MPOA): Is an area of the Hypothalamus that regulates various physiological and behavioural processes. The MPOA is packed with twice as many neurones and density. Since it has a larger capacity in males, this is why males tend to be more visually stimulated and do more 'objectification'.The Third Interstitial nucleus of the Anterior Hypothalamus (INAH 3) - the seat of human sexuality - also contains twice as many neurones in males and occupies a greater volume than females, regardless of age.The Amygdala is also twice as big in males. It is the brain's command and control area. (I call it the 'Smoke alarm in the kitchen which goes off when you burn toast'); the Amygdala detects loss of homeostasis and triggers a 'Fight/Fight/Freeze' protective response in the Limbic brain.All of these processes are reactive to testosterone. Remember that Testosterone is (on average) 20 times more in males than in females. Sex Hormone Binding Globulin (SHBG) binds and carries/transports sex hormones like Oestrogen, Testosterone and Androgens to the organs where they are needed. Therefore regulating the proportion of sex hormones that are available to the body. Different events (like a disease process) can cause SHBG levels to rise and become too high or too low. Women have 13 times more SHBG than men.Essentially, a mismatch between males and females (in the working of the brain) during sex. Listen to the rest of the audio to piece together how this all impacts the personality of the sexes during hook ups and arousal.Get some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand.Here is my fund raising page. Help someone access the Recovery Programme: https://igg.me/at/ThekairosCentreGet the help you need: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelpWorld's first Online Sex, Porn, Love Addiction video-on-demand Recovery Programme. Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.Episode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Porn Causes | Recover from Addiction | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Childhood Trauma | Inner Child work | Childhood Development and Addiction bullying | Porn Addiction Recovery | Abuse | Sexual Abuse | Sex Addiction Recovery | Domestic Violence | Family Conflict | Overcoming Porn addiction | Porn Addiction Side effects | Porn Addiction Symptoms | Emotional Neglect | Quit Porn Addiction | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Mental Health and Addiction | Dissociation | Anger | Husband has porn | Recovery Program | 12 Steps Program | EMDR | Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing | Compulsive Behavior | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | The Kairos Centre | Neuroscience of Addiction | Porn Addiction Help | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Authentic Self Discovery | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Fantasy Escape | Codependency | Shame in Addiction | Guilt in Addiction | Addiction in Relationship | Infidelity | Therapy for Addiction | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Attachment Styles | Sexual Compulsivity | Behavioral Therapy | Relapse Prevention | Emotional Regulation | Self-Discovery | Healing Journeys | Personal Growth | Intimacy Building | Healthy Relationsh

Send us a textWe know addiction gets in the way of happiness and relationships, but why is recovery so difficult for high-achieving men? Professional coach Roland Cochrun shares his insights and the realization that making real connections (and discovering your purpose in life) are essential. He is the founder of The Successful Addict recovery group, The Sex Addiction podcast, and author of The High Achiever's Guide to Sex-Addiction Recovery.

What does it really mean to make amends after betrayal? In this deeply vulnerable and honest episode, therapists explore the amends process from both the addict's perspective and the betrayed partner's experience. It's not just about apologies or flowers—it's about understanding the full emotional impact, taking responsibility, and learning how to rebuild trust over time. We unpack the emotional weight behind amends in sex addiction recovery, why it can't be rushed, and how true healing requires empathy, accountability, and a whole lot of humility. If you've ever asked, “How do I make things right after breaking trust?” — this conversation is for you. Whether you're on your own recovery journey or supporting someone through theirs, this episode offers a grounded, compassionate perspective on one of the hardest parts of the healing process. #SexAddictionRecovery #AmendsProcess #BetrayalTrauma #RelationshipHealing #MakingAmends #RecoveryJourney #TraumaInformedCare #12StepRecovery #EmotionalHealing #AccountabilityMatters #TherapistTalks #HealingFromInfidelity #TrustRecovery

In this powerful episode of the Journey Beyond Divorce Podcast, Karen McMahon sits down with Craig Perra, a global leader in sex and porn addiction recovery. Craig explores the deep-rooted causes of compulsive sexual behavior, especially in high-achieving men and women navigating high-conflict divorce. He shares how lack of self-love, shame, and isolation fuel addiction—and how accountability and community drive healing. For partners of sex addicts, Craig offers empowering insights and guidance on separating their self-worth from their partner's behavior. Learn how to break toxic cycles, protect your children with healthy conversations about sexuality, and take real steps toward recovery. Connect with Craig: Website: https://mindfulhabithelp.com/ Book a call with Craig: https://mindfulhabithelp.com/book-a-call9273 Course Library: https://www.themindfulhabitonline.com/ Listen to the podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/sex-afflictions-porn-addictions-with-craig-perra-sex/id556373664 Resources Mentioned in this episode: Follow JBD on Instagram: @journey_beyond_divorce Book a Free Rapid Relief Call: http://rapidreliefcall.com  Join the High Conflict Divorce Support Group: https://www.jbddivorcesupport.com/hcdsg

Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreAlcohol consumption raises women's testosterone levels. Same for men, but with excess, men's levels start to decrease. Not so for women.Women are not use to the effects of such higher levels of testosterone and so a young woman can become a very different sexual being, because of the effects on her sex drive. That is enhanced if she is near her ovulatory window.During their ovulatory window, women are more likely to dress more provocatively and flirtatious. They may not be self aware, as it is an unconscious process.Female anatomy makes them more vulnerable to STIs. The vagina lends itself to bacterial growth and on average, women have a risk increase of 8 times more likelihood of contracting HIV. The risk is 17 times higher during anal sex.Younger and early years sexual behaviours affect women's future health. The risk of uterine, vaginal and cervical cancer is increased. Minimal or no breast feeding raises the likelihood of longer term ovarian cancer.(Interestly data. Don't shoot the messenger will you)?Get some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand.Give a little to my fund raising page. Help someone access the Recovery Programme: https://igg.me/at/ThekairosCentreGet help: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelpThe world's first Online Sex, Porn, Love Addiction video-on-demand Recovery Programme. Email info@kairos-centre.comGary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.Episode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Porn Causes | Recover from Addiction | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Childhood Trauma | Inner Child work | Childhood Development and Addiction bullying | Porn Addiction Recovery | Abuse | Sexual Abuse | Sex Addiction Recovery | Domestic Violence | Family Conflict | Overcoming Porn addiction | Porn Addiction Side effects | Porn Addiction Symptoms | Emotional Neglect | Quit Porn Addiction | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Mental Health and Addiction | Dissociation | Anger | Husband has porn | Recovery Program | 12 Steps Program | EMDR | Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing | Compulsive Behavior | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | The Kairos Centre | Neuroscience of Addiction | Porn Addiction Help | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Authentic Self Discovery | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Fantasy Escape | Codependency | Shame in Addiction | Guilt in Addiction | Addiction in Relationship | Infidelity | Therapy for Addiction | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Attachment Styles | Sexual Compulsivity | Behavioral Therapy | Relapse Prevention | Emotional Regulation | Self-Discovery | Healing Journeys | Personal Growth | Intimacy Building | Healthy Relationships | Empowerment | obsessive Thoughts | Minfulness | Self compassion | Psychoeducation | Intimacy building

Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreIn all your getting, get understanding: Men see female promiscuity as a deal breaker. If a man finds that a woman is not sexually active, he will intuitively feel that she is more likely to be faithful. Sexual integrity and sexual loyalty, is the most valued traits in a women, when a man is considering asking her to marry him."Female Choice" and " Paternity Certainty" are significant issues. "Female Choice" is something about the qualities a female is looking for in a long term male partner. Such things like - is he likely to be around, when she is pregnant; carrying the baby and able to hunt and look after them and ensure survival."Paternity Certainty" is about men needing to know that the female is trustworthy. She is the only one that will truly know whether the baby she is carrying, is actually his baby. Therefore, he needs to choose someone who is trustworthy and not promiscuous.So, men categorise females: Are they 'easy' sexually? or are they 'for a good time' only. If they are not 'easy', then they may be categorised in the 'potential marriage partner' category. Most females don't know this dynamic is happening.After sexual intercourse, a woman's evaluation of a man may go up. That is because of the effects of Dopamine and Oxytocin in her metabolism. She gets lots of those bonding hormones during sex.So females are more likely bonding, but males are less likely to be bonding in situations where the Sex is 'easy' and/or 'promiscuous'.Males evaluation of her is likely to be going down within 10 seconds of his ejaculation. The converse may be happening for the female. Her evaluation of him may be going up, due to the effects of the hormones in her body.Folks, the 'Madonna-Whore Complex' is alive and well.Give a little to my fund raising page. Help someone access the Recovery Programme: https://igg.me/at/ThekairosCentreGet help: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelpThe world's first Online Sex, Porn, Love Addiction video-on-demand Recovery Programme. Email info@kairos-centre.comGary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.Episode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Porn Causes | Recover from Addiction | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Childhood Trauma | Inner Child work | Childhood Development and Addiction bullying | Porn Addiction Recovery | Abuse | Sexual Abuse | Sex Addiction Recovery | Domestic Violence | Family Conflict | Overcoming Porn addiction | Porn Addiction Side effects | Porn Addiction Symptoms | Emotional Neglect | Quit Porn Addiction | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Mental Health and Addiction | Dissociation | Anger | Husband has porn | Recovery Program | 12 Steps Program | EMDR | Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing | Compulsive Behavior | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | The Kairos Centre | Neuroscience of Addiction | Porn Addiction Help | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Authentic Self Discovery | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Fantasy Escape | Codependency | Shame in Addiction | Guilt in Addiction | Addiction in Relationship | Infidelity | Therapy for Addiction | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Attachment Styles | Sexual Compulsivity | Behavioral Therapy | Relapse Prevention | Emotional Regulation | Self-Discovery | Healing Journeys | Personal Growth | Intimacy Building | Healthy Re

Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreThe younger the age that a female experiences sexual arousal, the higher the socio-sexual index she is going to have. (Socio-sexual index is the amount of casual/'promiscuity' sex that a person has).The higher the promiscuity at a younger age, the more open the female will be to all sexual things. In the USA the average age of young females exposure to sexual arousal is aged 10 to 13.Therefore, the arousal template is being set up during that same puberty timeframe. That is a bad time to have that combination. The arousal template is going to potentially seek outlets.More young females are therefore becoming enmeshed in porn, than in previous generations. Very much because of the early female age exposure to sexual arousal. That means we are likely to have many more female porn & sex addicts, than in the past.Combine that with the desire by males for casual sex and multiple partners, that sets up an issue for the future. Two practices collide.Get some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand.Give a little to my fund raising page. Help someone access the Recovery Programme: https://igg.me/at/ThekairosCentreHelp is here: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelpThe world's first Online Webinar Sex, Porn, Love Addiction video-on-demand Recovery Programme. Discover the real, authentic you. email info@kairos-centre.comNow launched: A Video-on-Demand Online Course (for Singles, Couples/Marrieds/Partners) Access here - https://www.kairos-centre.com/changement-on-demand/Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.Episode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Root Causes | Brain Impact | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Family Conflict | Emotional Neglect | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Pain | Dissociation| Recovery Program | EMDR Therapy | Emotional Event | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Guilt | Infidelity | Traumatic Bonding | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Love Addiction Patterns | Attachment Styles | Sexual Compulsivity | Behavioral Therapy | Relapse Prevention | Emotional Regulation | Healing Journeys | Intimacy Building |

Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreGen A and their siblings, listen up. Hear this bit of neurobiology. At puberty, males Androgen levels explode at puberty and between aged 13 to 15. It is 10 to 30 times higher at puberty, than pre-puberty.In females, Androgen levels (such as Testosterone - and yep males, females also have levels of Testosterone!) - their's only double and so remain much lower than in females. So, a post-puberty male, is a whole different person to who he was pre-puberty, relative to a post-puberty female.Hence, trying to reason with such males, is now a whole different ball game. (Parents, maybe that explains why you have been pulling your hair out in frustration at this alien stranger living in your house!)Testosterone is a sex seeking hormone. Estrogen is a sex receptive hormone. Therefore, a big sex difference between the two sexes post-puberty is that, reasoning with a post-puberty female, is probably more likely to succeed, than trying to reason with a post-puberty male.This is a big deal re Sex Addiction development.Get some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand.Give a little to my fund raising page. Help someone access the Recovery Programme: https://igg.me/at/ThekairosCentreHelp is here: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelpThe world's first Online Webinar Sex, Porn, Love Addiction video-on-demand Recovery Programme. Discover the real, authentic you. email info@kairos-centre.comNow launched: A Video-on-Demand Online Course (for Singles, Couples/Marrieds/Partners) Access here - https://www.kairos-centre.com/changement-on-demand/Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.Episode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Root Causes | Brain Impact | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Family Conflict | Emotional Neglect | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Pain | Dissociation| Recovery Program | EMDR Therapy | Emotional Event | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Guilt | Infidelity | Traumatic Bonding | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Love Addiction Patterns | Attachment Styles | Sexual Compulsivity | Behavioral Therapy | Relapse Prevention | Emotional Regulation | Healing Journeys | Intimacy Building |

Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreIn this episode, the audio takes you through matters which could be contained in a Relapse prevention card which you keep with you at all times. This narrative will focus upon what might be included in a Personal Relapse Prevention Plan (PRPP):Your identified professional support network - contact email and phone numbersPersonal/private support network - contact detailsIdentified and known list of Triggers and Risky behaviours (both Environmental & Emotional) and plan of action to deal with them at the timeIdentified warning signs which you know to be your typical traits for concealing the warning signs of 'Danger: A trigger'Positive, self-endorsing behaviours and activities, in terms of people, places, spaces, routines, events and emotionsA specific plan to help you do more partner endorsing behavioursWhat does a good life look like for you?How can you help others live a 'good life' by demonstrating more Empathy and less Narcissistic behavioursGoals for the next 6 monthsA list of 12 Steps support Group times and days, with contact numbersGet some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand.Give a little to my fund raising page. Help someone access the Recovery Programme: https://igg.me/at/ThekairosCentreHelp is here: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelpThe world's first Online Webinar Sex, Porn, Love Addiction video-on-demand Recovery Programme. Discover the real, authentic you. email info@kairos-centre.comNow launched: A Video-on-Demand Online Course (for Singles, Couples/Marrieds/Partners) Access here - https://www.kairos-centre.com/changement-on-demand/Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.Episode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Root Causes | Brain Impact | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Family Conflict | Emotional Neglect | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Pain | Dissociation| Recovery Program | EMDR Therapy | Emotional Event | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Guilt | Infidelity | Traumatic Bonding | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Love Addiction Patterns | Attachment Styles | Sexual Compulsivity | Behavioral Therapy | Relapse Prevention | Emotional Regulation | Healing Journeys | Intimacy Building |

Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreDon't approach your one year (from last 'Acting out) sobriety, as an end to the work. Don't do 'out of sight out of mind'; 'I never want to see that Recovery Programme material again'. Don't do it like that - at the end.'I can stop reciting my 'Pillars' now. I can stop....I can stop.... I can stop....yipppppeeeeee'Well - Yes and No - you can stop certain things; but not others.It is important to keep doing your Rewards & Treats.It is important to mark anniversary sobriety dates (every year)It is important to keep your Relapse Prevention Plan reviewed and updatedIt is important that you still practice R.U.NIt is important to use your 'Pillars'It is important to keep a Relapse Prevention card on your phone/wallet/purse with essential contact phone numbers updatedIt is important to still subscribe to a Porn BlockerIt is important to 6 monthly review 'Triggers' and how they may have changedIt is important to have a further block of EMDR sessions to address current issues arisingIt is important to review your 'Love Language' and how it may have changedIt is important to review your 'Core Emotional Needs' ExerciseIt is important to review the 'Couples Recovery Plan' - that you signed and datedIt is important to review your 'Values' and the 'Values Exercise' and any ongoing compromisesIt is important to review 'Pinches & Crunches' with your partner..........to achieve a lifetime of Sobriety.Get some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand.Give a little to my fund raising page. Help someone access the Recovery Programme: https://igg.me/at/ThekairosCentreHelp is here: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelpThe world's first Online Webinar Sex, Porn, Love Addiction video-on-demand Recovery Programme. Discover the real, authentic you. email info@kairos-centre.comNow launched: A Video-on-Demand Online Course (for Singles, Couples/Marrieds/Partners) Access here - https://www.kairos-centre.com/changement-on-demand/Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.Episode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Root Causes | Brain Impact | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Family Conflict | Emotional Neglect | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Pain | Dissociation| Recovery Program | EMDR Therapy | Emotional Event | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Guilt | Infidelity | Traumatic Bonding | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Love Addiction Patterns | Attachment Styles | Sexual Compulsivity | Behavioral Therapy | Relapse Prevention | Emotional Regulation | Healing Journeys | Intimacy Building |

In this episode, I have back on the program Carl Thomas to dig into the recovery journey from pornography and sexual addiction. Carl shares his personal story and emphasizes the importance of community and addressing mental and emotional health. We discuss how recovery goes beyond just stopping harmful behaviors or behavioral sobriety and involves understanding and healing deeper emotional wounds. Carl highlights the stigma around mental health and the need for a holistic approach to recovery. He also provides resources for those seeking support. This episode aims to offer hope and guidance to anyone navigating similar challenges or interested in the recovery process.To learn more about Carl and the Live Free Ministries resources, visit LiveFreeCommunity.org.Topics Covered in this Episode:Recovery from pornography and sexual addictionImportance of community in the recovery processPersonal journey and background of the speakerHolistic approach to mental and emotional health in recoveryAddressing underlying emotional and mental health issuesThe stigma surrounding mental health and seeking helpThe interconnectedness of various aspects of life in recoveryCoping mechanisms and their relation to addictionEncouragement for ongoing growth and development in recoveryResources and support available for individuals seeking recoveryMore Resources:XXXChurch.comGateway to Freedom 3-day Intensive for MenGrace-Based Recovery Online Study GroupsRelated Podcasts:The Power of CommunityWhen Shame Gets RealReal Stories of Recovery and Hope----------Please rate and review our podcast: Apple PodcastsFollow us on our Vimeo Channel.

Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreYou need to applaud yourself on a job well done - to have got this far - at least one year from last Acting out. Now work towards achieving contentment.Life is a balancing act. On the one hand, you need to keep old habits at bay. Yet, on the other hand, you need to build new meaningful activities, to make life a pleasure. Yes, a pleasure!You can't jeopardise quality of life because you are watching for Relapse in the rear view mirror. Relapse is real. Maintaining the gain (of sobriety) is necessary work. Relapse is snapping at the eels of sobriety.Consider creating a Plan of Action to maintain the gain and limit the risk of Relapse. One action plan is to identify 10 High Risk factors. Write them down. Then write down your plan for dealing with each and everyone, when it manifests.That becomes your Safety Plan for long term sobriety. If you can see the triggers; anticipate them; plan for them; practice the plan - then you are part way there to overcoming them. 'Practice makes perfect!'Get some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand.Give a little to my fund raising page. Help someone access the Recovery Programme: https://igg.me/at/ThekairosCentreHelp is here: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelpThe world's first Online Webinar Sex, Porn, Love Addiction video-on-demand Recovery Programme. Discover the real, authentic you. email info@kairos-centre.comNow launched: A Video-on-Demand Online Course (for Singles, Couples/Marrieds/Partners) Access here - https://www.kairos-centre.com/changement-on-demand/Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.Episode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Root Causes | Brain Impact | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Family Conflict | Emotional Neglect | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Pain | Dissociation| Recovery Program | EMDR Therapy | Emotional Event | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Guilt | Infidelity | Traumatic Bonding | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Love Addiction Patterns | Attachment Styles | Sexual Compulsivity | Behavioral Therapy | Relapse Prevention | Emotional Regulation | Healing Journeys | Intimacy Building |

Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreRelapse Prevention tools are for life. Why?Because the neural Pathway that was opened, created and practised for many years, is dominant, but has the potential to be reactivated in an instant. It is easier to reactivate it and it becoming larger than life, for those with a past addiction, than for those without a past addiction.The way that I view it is like this: For those who never had a sex addiction, it will take a little while to establish the neural pathway, drawing them back into repeated practice. For those, however, who previously had the addiction, but closed it down and it lay dormant (not necessary entirely extinct), relapse is as fast as a Tornado jet. Reactivation can go from 0 to 500 knots in seconds. Therefore, you will be on permanent 'watching brief' for triggers that could catapult you back into re-opening the dominant neutral pathway at lightning speed.The Kairos Centre does not consider sobriety has been achieved until a minimum of 1 year from the last 'Acting out'. It will take that sort of time to beginning to cause the neutral pathway to be gathering cobwebs; at the same time, the new replacement positive neutral pathways being developed (from the Recovery Programme tools being practised) - to become the new default. Boundaries, reminders, anniversary celebration of milestones, continued Rewards & Treats, as well as a tried and tested - repeatedly practised - Relapse Prevention plan, are just some of the tools in the 'Avoiding Relapse' and 'Maintenance' armoury - that will be needed.Get some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand.Give a little to my fund raising page. Help someone access the Recovery Programme: https://igg.me/at/ThekairosCentreHelp is here: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelpThe world's first Online Webinar Sex, Porn, Love Addiction video-on-demand Recovery Programme. Discover the real, authentic you. email info@kairos-centre.comNow launched: A Video-on-Demand Online Course (for Singles, Couples/Marrieds/Partners) Access here - https://www.kairos-centre.com/changement-on-demand/Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.Episode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Root Causes | Brain Impact | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Family Conflict | Emotional Neglect | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Pain | Dissociation| Recovery Program | EMDR Therapy | Emotional Event | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Guilt | Infidelity | Traumatic Bonding | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Love Addiction Patterns | Attachment Styles | Sexual Compulsivity | Behavioral Therapy | Relapse Prevention | Emotional Regulation | Healing Journeys | Intimacy Building |

Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreWhen all your Recovery Programme tools, skills and resources are not coming to your aid - have failed you - just R.U.N. There are times when all else fails and R.U.N really is the last option available to you in that moment. Don't debate with yourself; don't rationalise it; don't question it; don't procrastinate - as to whether you truly are about to 'Act out'. Just pick up your car and house keys and get out of that place immediately; get out of that place where you know the 'Acting out' is about to happen.What is R.U.N?R= Remove yourself immediately from the situation.U= Undistort your thinking - but probably this is already too late to do; since to undistorted, requires logical pre-cortex involvement - in the form of thinking; but thinking logically will already be compromised and giving way to Limbic brain (emotional brain) - which part of the brain is all about an emotional response. Logic is offline and Limbic brain is about to make some major bridge burning decisions in the absence of logic.N= Never forget what you have to lose; but once again, that involves pre-cortex logical and rational thinking; which is already being compromised and so is no longer reliable.You need to do a R.U.N dry run, at a time when all is well. Practice makes perfect after all. Do repeated dummy runs to learn how to R.U.N when the times comes.Get some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand.Give a little to my fund raising page. Help someone access the Recovery Programme: https://igg.me/at/ThekairosCentreHelp is here: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelpThe world's first Online Webinar Sex, Porn, Love Addiction video-on-demand Recovery Programme. Discover the real, authentic you. email info@kairos-centre.comNow launched: A Video-on-Demand Online Course (for Singles, Couples/Marrieds/Partners) Access here - https://www.kairos-centre.com/changement-on-demand/Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.Episode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Root Causes | Brain Impact | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Family Conflict | Emotional Neglect | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Pain | Dissociation| Recovery Program | EMDR Therapy | Emotional Event | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Guilt | Infidelity | Traumatic Bonding | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Love Addiction Patterns | Attachment Styles | Sexual Compulsivity | Behavioral Therapy | Relapse Prevention | Emotional Regulation | Healing Journeys | Intimacy Building |

Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre'Brain, I'm telling you - you don't fight fair. Underhand. Dirty. I'm trying to do this for us. Are you listening to me?'I do a strange thing with everyone of my Sex Addiction clients. Multi-talented as I am, I do brain surgery on each one. (Mine is a bit crude and I don't use anaesthesia!) I cut off the top of the skull of each of my clients. I lift their brain out of their skull and put it on the chair next to them. (Don't forget to take it with you when you leave client).Why do I do something so bizarre like that? I want to highlight the fact that in Sex Addiction work, your brain is NOT necessarily your best friend. It will sabotage. It will work against you. (At least initially, until it gets to know and like the repeated good outcomes and also built-in 'Treats & Rewards').It does not like me the Therapist.  It does not trust me and is cautioning you against me. After-all, you are working with me to dismantle and take away a coping strategy which your brain gave you all those many years ago - which it believes 'works' and has been 'working' for many years, to manage you; the Addiction.Here is what a further conversation with your brain on the other chair, might sound like: "They work. So why are you and that busy-body Therapist seeking to dismantle them? Even worse; I don't know what you are going to replace them with and so why should I trust you, work with you and help you? I am going to put up a fight and give you Cognitive Distortions. That will dilute the truth of your situation(s), so that you give up this Recovery Programme attempt at changing what works - good enough all those past years''.Your brain on the other chair has diluted and trivialised the shame impact, the damage caused and the poorer quality of life. As if it has amnesia.Get some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand.Give a little to my fund raising page. Help someone access the Recovery Programme: https://igg.me/at/ThekairosCentreHelp is here: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelpThe world's first Online Webinar Sex, Porn, Love Addiction video-on-demand Recovery Programme. Discover the real, authentic you. email info@kairos-centre.comNow launched: A Video-on-Demand Online Course (for Singles, Couples/Marrieds/Partners) Access here - https://www.kairos-centre.com/changement-on-demand/Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.Episode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Root Causes | Brain Impact | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Family Conflict | Emotional Neglect | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Pain | Dissociation| Recovery Program | EMDR Therapy | Emotional Event | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Guilt | Infidelity | Traumatic Bonding | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Love Addiction Patterns | Attachment Styles | Sexual Compulsivity | Behavioral Therapy | Relapse Prevention | Emotional Regulation | Healing Journeys | Intimacy Building |

Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreUndistort your Cognitive Distortions. How?What are Cognitive Distortions? Examples might be: 'All guys do it', 'At least I am no longer visiting porn sites', 'I'll only be on here for 5 minutes, no longer', 'What I do, is not as bad as...', 'What an horrendous day. I deserve....', 'I can't help it'It is reasonable for you to have a conversation with your brain, like this: "Brain, you are supposed to be on my side. There are times when I have found you out. You have not been telling me the whole truth. Whose side are you on in this Addiction Recovery journey? What is this that I am learning about you giving me Cognitive Distortions?"Unless you spot a Cognitive Distortion, you won't realise that you are just 10 Minutes away from 'Acting out' and you are at Preparation Stage on the Cycle of Sex Addiction:ACTING OUT ---> REGRET --> RECONSTITUTION -->DORMANT -->TRIGGER --PREPARATION -->ACTING OUT -->When you recognise and see the Cognitive Distortion, don't debate with it; don't question its truth; don't linger; don't procrastinate. Immediately R.U.N. (We will look at R.U.N in a future episode).For now, you need space away from the place where the 'Acting out' WILL take place, in order to undistorted your Cognition - your Thinking.Get some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand.Give a little to my fund raising page. Help someone access the Recovery Programme: https://igg.me/at/ThekairosCentreHelp is here: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelpThe world's first Online Webinar Sex, Porn, Love Addiction video-on-demand Recovery Programme. Discover the real, authentic you. email info@kairos-centre.comNow launched: A Video-on-Demand Online Course (for Singles, Couples/Marrieds/Partners) Access here - https://www.kairos-centre.com/changement-on-demand/Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.Episode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Root Causes | Brain Impact | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Family Conflict | Emotional Neglect | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Pain | Dissociation| Recovery Program | EMDR Therapy | Emotional Event | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Guilt | Infidelity | Traumatic Bonding | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Love Addiction Patterns | Attachment Styles | Sexual Compulsivity | Behavioral Therapy | Relapse Prevention | Emotional Regulation | Healing Journeys | Intimacy Building |  

What you'll learn in this episode: You cannot sustain a fulfilling, hot sex life with emotional conflicts not being addressed.It doesn't have to take 20 years to find sustainable emotional connection for sex to start happening naturally (it can actually happen in a few weeks!)It takes getting comfortable in the uncomfortable to initiate conversation around connection problems with your woman. Don't wait to feel confident before talking to her. It's normal to go into these situations feeling uncomfortable. That's ok and your confidence will come from you taking action even when you're scared.Apply to work with me: https://stephanieganowski.typeform.com/to/Fm6LGfa9Free Guide:3 Steps To Fix Your Sex LifeSex Meditations https://meditations.supercast.com

Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreNegative Core Beliefs are often hidden from view. Often disguised; but masquerade as truths.They live in the unconscious. Not easily touchable. They work away in the hidden place doing their worst. They are uninvited guests. They have over stayed their invitation; live rent free and are doing damage, which adversely impacts quality of living life. They need to be gone after and expelled.Since you cannot change that which you cannot see - because they live in the unconscious - you have to go hunting for them. Get your hunting gear on. We are going hunting.Remember 'C' first, then 'B' follows in CBT. Your (C)ognitive will always lead to your eventual (B)ehaviour. Don't try to first change the 'B'. Begin with the 'C'. Negative Core Beliefs are a part of the 'C'.You need to find them, recognise them, acknowledge them, highlight them, then get ready to turf them out - as you progress through the Change Process.What are these 'Negative Core Beliefs'? They are an individuals most central ideas and Beliefs about themselves (and can also be about others and the world). They act as a lens through which the person takes their vantage point - through which they view self, life and experiences. They can be all encompassing. Very global. Very rigid Beliefs.Negative Core Beliefs are Harmful Core Beliefs. They lead to Negative Thoughts, Feelings and Behaviours. Examples are: 'I am a failure', 'I am weak', 'I am unloveable', 'No one likes me', 'I don't deserve....', 'People can't be trusted'.They are hard to own and accept that they have been bought into; yet, they have been in residency for years, rent free (would you believe it!)Time to see them out; on their way; good riddance; hasta la vista.Understand that over time, keeping them going is arduous, labour intensive (without knowing it) and leads to an increased desire to self-soothe by 'Acting out'. That is why Negative Core Beliefs are a big deal in the Recovery Process.Get some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand.Give a little to my fund raising page. Help someone access the Recovery Programme: https://igg.me/at/ThekairosCentreHelp is here: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelpThe world's first Online Webinar Sex, Porn, Love Addiction video-on-demand Recovery Programme. Discover the real, authentic you. email info@kairos-centre.comNow launched: A Video-on-Demand Online Course (for Singles, Couples/Marrieds/Partners) Access here - https://www.kairos-centre.com/changement-on-demand/Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.Episode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Root Causes | Brain Impact | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Family Conflict | Emotional Neglect | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Pain | Dissociation| Recovery Program | EMDR Therapy | Emotional Event | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Guilt | Infidelity | Traumatic Bonding | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Love Addiction Patterns | Attachmen

Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreCreate new thinking to change the behaviour. How? A step at a time, to re-wire the brain.Create new Neural Pathways progressively over time. What is this thing called Neural Pathways? The hamster wheel patterns of behaviours. Those habits. The programming so that when you "feel", you "think", then you "do".At least, that's how it started out in the early days. Then repetition, took out the need to "think". "I feel", got paired up with "I do" and no brain thinking was needed any longer.The neural pathway was reinforced by repeat habit/hamster wheel use, such that it became an automatic, even autonomic response. (Thinking = Cognition), lead to Behaviour. The pairing became entrenched and so to change the patterns of what are paired up, means rewiring the brain with new positive pairings.Yep, that sounds painful, but actually we won't need to call in a Neurosurgeon for brain surgery, to do it. The Kairos Centre can do it much cheaper.Let the Kairos Centre come alongside you to reclaim your quality of living life - without shame - bringing colour back to life.Give a little to my fund raising page here, to help someone access the Recovery Programme: https://igg.me/at/ThekairosCentreWant to know more? Click the link and come get me.Get the help you need: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelpDiscover the real, authentic you - without shame.The Kairos Centre created one of the world's first comprehensive Online Webinar Sex, Porn, Love Addiction video-on-demand Recovery Programme. www.kairos-centre.com.Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.Episode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Root Causes | Brain Impact | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Family Conflict | Emotional Neglect | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Pain | Dissociation| Recovery Program | EMDR Therapy | Emotional Event | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Guilt | Infidelity | Traumatic Bonding | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Love Addiction Patterns | Attachment Styles | Sexual Compulsivity | Behavioral Therapy | Relapse Prevention | Emotional Regulation | Healing Journeys | Intimacy Building |

With your co-hostesses: Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com Support HFW through a donation Today, we discuss the very important topic of relational safety with Matthew and Joanna Raabsmith. We Will be Discussing: Definition around relational safety A scenario to explain relational safety more in depth How to unpack an episode of disconnect/conflict Practical ideas to grow self-awareness Resources mentioned in this show: Building True Intimacy by Dan Drake, Joanna and Matthew Raabsmith Connect with Matthew and Joanna's Couples Work Here

Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreA poem by Portia Nelson, published in her bookThere's a Hole in My Sidewalk: The Romance of Self-Discovery                                     Verse II walk down the street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk I fall in. I am lost ... I am helpless. It isn't my fault. It takes forever to find a way out.                                   Verse II I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I pretend I don't see it. I fall in again. I can't believe I am in the same place. But, it isn't my fault. It still takes a long time to get out.                                  Verse III I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I see it is there. I still fall in ... it's a habit ... but, my eyes are open. I know where I am. It is my fault. I get out immediately.                                 Verse IV I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I walk around it.                                Verse V I walk down another street.Triggers come in all shapes and sizes. Some are unavoidable. Some are in your face. Others hit you like a train when you are completely not expecting it. Triggers don't play fair.'Broadly', there are two types of triggers. Emotional Triggers and Environmental Triggers. (Things going on internally and others are external forces).Triggers are often linked to unmet 'wants' or 'needs'. Remember, you can't be tempted by what does't tempt you!You cannot change what you cannot see - because it lives in the unseen/the unconscious. Change cannot begin until you can see the problem; because you have moved it into the seen - into the visible - into the conscious.Thereafter, there is a process. No quick fixes. Small incremental steps. One step at a time. Like the donkey in the well, with dirt being thrown down on it to bury it, you learn to wiggle and shake it off.You know there is a problem. You keep on keeping on keeping on falling in it. Learn to get up, dust off and get back in the fight. One day you will walk around it."How did I do that?". Because each time you were falling in it, you shook it off, got back up and got back in. You walked around it.Then, in the distant future, you don't even notice the problem. "Is that really possible Gary?" Yes. But no quick fixes and it is in the distant future, of consistency. Consistently maintaining sobriety. You have learned to walk down another street.Let The Kairos Centre journey with you. Kairos means 'your apointed time'.Give a little to my fund raising page here, to help someone access the Recovery Programme: https://igg.me/at/ThekairosCentreGet the help you need: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelpThe Kairos Centre created one of the world's first comprehensive Online Webinar Sex, Porn, Love Addiction video-on-demand Recovery Programme; discover the real, authentic you. Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.

Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreTriggers are a clue to our dissociated Traumas - So says Carolyn Spring in Part 2 of her article on Managing Triggers: https://www.carolynspring.com/blog/we-have-two-choices-when-triggered/The past events that we want to avoid thinking about or confronting, may be the very things that we need to go after and change. That sounds like hard work and painful - to me. Yet - it may be worth it people!Triggers can signpost us to unresolved issues that have set up 'avoidance'. They are possible pointers to where some key work awaits your attention.Triggers are in fact useful guides. "Are you kidding Gary? They don't feel like that". Prove it.They may be our brain's best attempt to keep us safe by giving us maximum warning time to get ready to respond. Over the years, a maladaptive pattern of responding, has been established by use of the compulsive pattern of behaviours. That has become the normative response to quell the uncomfortable feelings and emotions.Tell me more. Well - let's sit down and chat with the Amygdala (a part of the brain). Try to persuade it to tone down the response of its 'smoke alarm' warning siren. Maybe it will listen - or not!You definitely hear me cough, cough, coughing and spluttering, trying to get your attention - that the Amygdale ain't listening to you! Definitely rebellion in the ranks.It thinks it knows better than you and ain't gonna change any time soon. It will threaten to go on strike first. You'll have an even bigger problem.So, what are you gonna do after you stop beating it up? It's best endeavours to protect you, have gone awry. Let The Kairos Centre teach you more about Carolyn Spring's clever and creative ways to turn down the sensitivity of the Amygdala; and even turn off aspects of it.Give a little to my fund raising page here, to help someone access the Recovery Programme: https://igg.me/at/ThekairosCentreGet the help you need: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelpThe Kairos Centre created one of the world's first comprehensive Online Webinar Sex, Porn, Love Addiction video-on-demand Recovery Programme; discover the real, authentic you. email info@kairos-centre.comNow launched: A Video-on-Demand Online Course (for Singles, Couples/Marrieds/Partners) Access here - https://www.kairos-centre.com/changement-on-demand/Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.Episode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Root Causes | Brain Impact | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Family Conflict | Emotional Neglect | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Pain | Dissociation| Recovery Program | EMDR Therapy | Emotional Event | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Guilt | Infidelity | Traumatic Bonding | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Love Addiction Patterns | Attachment Styles | Sexual Compulsivity | Behavioral Therapy | Relapse Prevention | Emotional Regulation | Healing Journeys | Intimacy Building | 

Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreTriggers don't play fair. They are often unpredictable (like a music track which comes on) and moves you from chilled to a fight to maintain sobriety. So underhand. Not a nice play partner.Carolyn Springer talks about the aftermaths of Triggers, from the sense of Shame, Self-blame, failure, powerlessness, critical self-talk, being out of control.What is this 'Shame of being Triggers?' Anyone identify with that expression?Are there only three types of Triggers - which need managing? Not sure about that, but Carolyn Springer knows better:1. Uncomfortable Associations2. Distressing Reminders3. True TriggersShe advocates splitting the problem up into those three types of triggers; work out a strategy for each, whilst asking if the Trigger is an Association, a Reminder or a True/Real/Emergency/Fight Flight Freeze type Trigger.https://www.carolynspring.com/three-types-of-trigger-three-techniques-for-taming/ Begin the process of empowering self with knowledge - from "learning to manage my critical self-talk and self-soothe rather than lacerate myself after being triggered was a key waymaker on my journey of recovery...."Remember the correct order. Don't first of all go after changing behaviours. First, change your thinking/(cognition) and in so doing, you change your life, because changed behaviour will follow afoot.In all your getting, get understanding. In getting understanding, gain wisdom - over time. No quick fixes remember. Don't beat up your brain for the ways it is trying to help you, even though it is doing so amiss - at the moment. Let The Kairos Centre teach you and journey with you.Give a little to my fund raising page here, to help someone access the Recovery Programme: https://igg.me/at/ThekairosCentreGet the help you need: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelpThe Kairos Centre created one of the world's first comprehensive Online Webinar Sex, Porn, Love Addiction video-on-demand Recovery Programme; discover the real, authentic you. email info@kairos-centre.comNow launched: A Video-on-Demand Online Course (for Singles, Couples/Marrieds/Partners) Access here - https://www.kairos-centre.com/changement-on-demand/Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.Episode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Root Causes | Brain Impact | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Family Conflict | Emotional Neglect | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Pain | Dissociation| Recovery Program | EMDR Therapy | Emotional Event | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Guilt | Infidelity | Traumatic Bonding | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Love Addiction Patterns | Attachment Styles | Sexual Compulsivity | Behavioral Therapy | Relapse Prevention | Emotional Regulation | Healing Journeys | Intimacy Building | 

Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreThe cave man/cave woman response of Fight/Flight/Freeze, is alive and well. Don't beat your brain up too badly. It is just doing what it was designed to do to protect you.The options it chooses or gravitates to, are at times, rather dubious and for Sex Addicts. The relief only lasts 5 minutes, but a much longer regret and repercussion timeframe. The brain needs re-training.Stress, tension, anxiety, worry, boredom, loss, rejection, conflict and fear are just a few of the adverse emotions which cause loss of homeostasis and ramps up the brain into action - to protect you with Fight/Flight/Freeze. Realise, however, it isn't only negative emotions that trigger a desire. So also, does reward entitlement, which plants the seed of 'I deserve', 'I'm entitled', 'I earned it', 'It's my right','give me lushness'; often flowing from an existing dopamine high from other (non-sexual) activities. The well carved out grove of entitlement, fires the neural pathway into action. It gets it's cue from the smoke alarm in the brain - the Amygdala. The message it gets is 'let's do what we always do'. No thought is needed or indeed can be reasoned, since the logical brain is nowhere to be found. It has gone offline.There is no point at all shouting "The cave man/cave woman alarm isn't telling the truth". It is futile. 'Protect and survive' kicks in. 'Acting out" is the drug of choice. 'Feels' too powerful to fight. But even 'Feelings' ain't telling the truth. There is a conspiracy at work and you are losing.Same old, same old, same old patterns of behaviours galvanise and will repeatedly do so until you beginning to carve out a new positive hamster wheel habit of behaviours; a new neural pathway response to those emotions.12 steps attendance is needed, but on its own, it mostly is not enough. You need an A-Z Recovery Programme. Stop flirting around the edges with lesser endeavours. Isn't it time to take first steps to craving out that new positive neural pathway/Hamster wheel/habit - which serves you better. A new beginning beckons and awaits you. Let the Kairos Centre come alongside you to reclaim your quality of living life - without shame - bringing colour back to life.Give a little to my fund raising page here, to help someone access the Recovery Programme: https://igg.me/at/ThekairosCentreWant to know more? Click the link and come get me.Get the help you need: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelpDiscover the real, authentic you - without shame.The Kairos Centre created one of the world's first comprehensive Online Webinar Sex, Porn, Love Addiction video-on-demand Recovery Programme. www.kairos-centre.com.Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.Episode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Root Causes | Brain Impact | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Family Conflict | Emotional Neglect | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Pain | Dissociation| Recovery Program | EMDR Therapy | Emotional Event | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Guilt | Infidelity | Traumatic Bonding | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Love Addiction Patterns | Attachment Styles | Sexual Compulsivit

Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreLet me not re-invent the wheel in this episode. There are some really clever people who say it better than me (even if rather brain hurtingly academical)! Read this Article:The impact of the digital revolution on human brain and behavior: where do we stand? Link: https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.31887/DCNS.2020.22.2/mkorte".....This overview will outline the current results of neuroscience research on the possible effects of digital media use on the human brain, cognition, and behavior. This is of importance due to the significant amount of time that individuals spend using digital media. Despite several positive aspects of digital media, which include the capability to effortlessly communicate with peers, even over a long distance, and their being used as training tools for students and the elderly, detrimental effects on our brains and minds have also been suggested. Neurological consequences have been observed related to internet/gaming addiction, language development, and processing of emotional signals..........A particularly important time for brain development is adolescence, a period when brain areas involved in emotional and social aspects are undergoing intensive changes. Social media might have a profound effect on the adolescent brain due to the fact they allow adolescents to interact with many peers at once without meeting them directly. And indeed, published data indicate a different mode of processing emotions in adolescents, which is highly correlated to the intensity of social media use. This has been shown in the gray matter volume of the amygdala, which processes emotions..... ........This suggests an important interplay between actual social experiences in online social networks and brain development......Emotion precedence, peer conformity, or acceptance sensitivity might make teenagers in particular vulnerable to fake or shocking news, as well as unlikely self-expectations, or vulnerable as regards regulation of emotions due to unfavorable use of digital media......"Let the Kairos Centre come alongside you to reclaim your quality of living life - without shame - bringing colour back to life.Give a little to my fund raising page here, to help someone access the Recovery Programme: https://igg.me/at/ThekairosCentreWant to know more? Click the link and come get me.Get the help you need: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelpDiscover the real, authentic you - without shame.The Kairos Centre created one of the world's first comprehensive Online Webinar Sex, Porn, Love Addiction video-on-demand Recovery Programme; discover the real, authentic you. www.kairos-centre.com Gary McFarlane Episode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Root Causes | Brain Impact | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Family Conflict | Emotional Neglect | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Pain | Dissociation| Recovery Program | EMDR Therapy | Emotional Event | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Guilt | Infidelity | Traumatic Bonding | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Love Addiction Patterns | Attachment Styles | Sexual Compulsivity | Behavioral Therapy

Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreThere is a correlation between Sex Addiction and ADHD. When faced with 'danger' on a daily basis (even whilst in the womb!), healthy brain development is derailed and impeded. The area in the brain called the Amygdala (the smoke alarm for danger), increase in volume and becomes over activated.The Pre-Cortex and Hippocampus becomes compromised. The protective behaviours become 'hard wired'. Lifestyle, nutrition, exposure to toxins and stress, all play a part in activating ADHD genes. Let's have a brief chat about 'The Pleasure Principle' - of the brain. Pleasure has a distinct signature in the brain. Dopamine release in the Nucleus Accumbens is tied to Pleasure. It is the brain's 'Pleasure Centre'.Sex Addiction behaviours cause a powerful surge of Dopamine into the Nucleus Accumbens. Those addictive hormones/drugs, provide a shortcut to the brain's reward system - as it floods the Nucleus Accumbens. That shortcut is lush.The Hippocampus lays down the memory marker as to how this rapid sense of satisfaction is achieved. The Amygdala creates a conditioned response to such stimuli. Dopamine interacts with another neurotransmitter (called Glutamate) to take over the brain's system of 'Reward-related' learning.That system is important in linking activities for human survival.Addictive substances and behaviours stimulate the same circuit, then overloads it. Over time, the brain adapts in a way that makes the 'sought-after' substance or activity, to be less pleasurable.The hunt is on to find more novelty, newness, risk taking and crossing boundaries.Try this article by Dr Anna Lembke - "Resetting your brain's Dopamine balance": https://youtu.be/azcVRy1X4FsLet the Kairos Centre come alongside you to reclaim your quality of living life - without shame - bringing colour back to life.Give a little to my fund raising page here, to help someone access the Recovery Programme: https://igg.me/at/ThekairosCentreWant to know more? Click the link and come get me.Get the help you need: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelpDiscover the real, authentic you - without shame.The Kairos Centre created one of the world's first comprehensive Online Webinar Sex, Porn, Love Addiction video-on-demand Recovery Programme; discover the real, authentic you. www.kairos-centre.com or email info@kairos-centre.comNow launched: A Video-on-Demand Online Course (for Singles, Couples/Marrieds/Partners) Access here - https://www.kairos-centre.com/changement-on-demand/Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.Episode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Root Causes | Brain Impact | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Family Conflict | Emotional Neglect | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Pain | Dissociation| Recovery Program | EMDR Therapy | Emotional Event | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Guilt | Infidelity | Traumatic Bonding | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Love Addiction Patterns | Attachment Styles | Sexual Compulsivity | Behavioral Therapy |

Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreI like this article by Luke Gilkerson (as long ago as 2012), when he interviewed a Neuroscientist called Dr William Struthers - author of the book "How pornograpghy Hijacks the male brain"Dr Struthers explains what hormones and neurotransmitters are involved in porn addiction. Hope you find this intriguing and interesting:Testosterone: Testosterone drives a man's interest in sex. Fantasizing or viewing images, will release testosterone. This creates an intense and growing desire for sexual release.Norepinephrine: Is the brain's version of adrenaline. It is responsible for making us alert, help us to wake up, fall asleep and to stay alert upon the task in hand. During sexual arousal, it alerts the brain to “Something is about to happen and we need to get ready for it.” It “ramps up” the brain for activity.Serotonin: is a neurotransmitter tied to mood. Low serotonin levels can lead to struggling with depression. Although not specifically tied to sex, when sexual arousal happens, serotonin is released in small packets in the brain. It elevates the overall sense of excitement and enjoyment. Dopamine: Dopamine is not sexually specific (like testosterone). The brain is wired in such a way that it wants to remember where our natural drives are satisfied; Just like when we are thirsty, we know where to find water. The brain is wired to place significance on the place we found it so we can return to that place. Dopamine is the drive-related neurotransmitter that accomplishes this mental focus for us. When we have a dopamine surge, the sense we feel is, “I have got to have this thing. This is what I need right now, and here's where I get it.” Dopamine is the way your brain remembers how sexual craving was satisfied in the past, pushing you to seek out the same thing in the future. For the porn addict, Dopamine creates a sharp focus on finding porn.Endogenous Opiates: The body produces natural forms of opium called endorphins. Endorphins relieve pain. Like opium, it gives a euphoric feeling of well-being. When a man ejaculates, these opiates create a “high” and a wave of pleasure coursing over the body.Oxytocin and Vasopressin: These are hormones released in the brain in response to ejaculation. They help lay down the long-term memories for the cells. They “bind” a person's memories to the object that gave the sexual pleasure. When someone returns to pornography again and again, this cements a “relationship” with what he has seen.So, bringing them all together: As a male goes through his day, testosterone levels begin to increase as he stares at the source of his sexual attraction or fantasizes. He creates a desire for sexual release. Norepinephrine is being released, making his brain more and more primed and ready for action. Serotonin is also released, creating a sense of excitement about the pending sexual “payoff.” Dopamine is focusing the mind, telling the brain, “You have to go back to the attraction where that reliable payoff is at.” As he seeks out the attraction, he masturbates, releasing endogenous opiates into the brain, giving him a rush of euphoria. Oxytocin and vasopressin are released, binding him to the images he sees.Repeat, beckons in the immediate future – when it will all start again and again, and again and again….Until the cycle is interrupted. Interesting hey?No quick fixes guys. Quick fixes does not exist!Want to know more? Click the link and come get me. Get the help you need:

Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreRemember, you cannot change what you cannot see and don't understand. Even when you can better see the problem and understand it, does not mean that you can change it - quickly. Insecure Attachment behaviours is one such pattern, which needs to be understood - to experience your "eureka moment" - the light bulb moment.Parents (or the main caregivers) are lighthouses. Babies, toddlers and children are ships on the high seas. They can go exploring the out backs of Australia on Walkabout, as long as the lighthouse did its job "good enough" for that child's brain; not necessarily perfectly.Consistent and "good enough" caregiving in the childhood developing years, provides the child with the secure base on which to investigate their world. In other words, grow and develop to become independent at the right time, with own well used tools for adulthood.When the bonding with those main caregivers is not as it needed to be, because the light went out, got dim, flickered, sometimes on, sometimes off - the developing child had to learn to adjust; not trust; not depend; not seek help; not...; not...; not...;not... (you fill in the blank for you).The repercussion and consequent is seen in how the (now adult) goes on to do their adult relationship interaction and dynamics. The well grooved, well practiced, well developed childhood pattern of relationship interaction - will likely now play out in the adult relationships and be quite visible - if you look for it.Let the Kairos Centre come alongside you to reclaim your quality of living life - without shame - bringing colour back to life.Give a little to my fund raising page here, to help someone access the Recovery Programme: https://igg.me/at/ThekairosCentreWant to know more? Click the link and come get me.Get the help you need: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelpDiscover the real, authentic you - without shame.The Kairos Centre created one of the world's first comprehensive Online Webinar Sex, Porn, Love Addiction video-on-demand Recovery Programme; discover the real, authentic you. www.kairos-centre.com or email info@kairos-centre.comNow launched: A Video-on-Demand Online Course (for Singles, Couples/Marrieds/Partners) Access here - https://www.kairos-centre.com/changement-on-demand/Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.Episode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Root Causes | Brain Impact | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Family Conflict | Emotional Neglect | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Pain | Dissociation| Recovery Program | EMDR Therapy | Emotional Event | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Guilt | Infidelity | Traumatic Bonding | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Love Addiction Patterns | Attachment Styles | Sexual Compulsivity | Behavioral Therapy | Relapse Prevention | Emotional Regulation | Healing Journeys | Intimacy Building |

Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreLove Addiction is often a response to Insecure Attachment. It looks like it is about sex and chasing sexual outlets, but it isn't really about sex - as the core desire.It is an attempt to gain a sense of 'being wanted', 'being a part of...','accepted', 'owned', 'wanted', 'secure', 'held', 'needed', 'wanted', 'safe', 'protected', 'belonging', The class clown will play up to that carved out role, because of a recognition that they get laughs. Through the back door, laughs gives a temporary sense of being a part of the group - where life mostly is a sense of not belonging, excluded, rejected, not acceptable.Any attention is better than no attention. The crumbs off the table is better than nothing.Friends looking on in frustration and annoyance at the behaviours - self, observing own behaviours - adds to the self-deprecation. The Addict is frustrated. Logic evades them all. The behaviours make no sense. The costs and repercussions from doing the behaviours, make no sense; don't add up.The repetition, the risk taking, the boundary crossing, the trashing own Values and trespassing beyond own comfort levels - makes no logically sense."Why do I do the things which I don't want to do and not do the things which I ought to do?"Let the Kairos Centre come alongside you to reclaim your quality of living life - without shame - bringing colour back to life.Give a little to my fund raising page here, to help someone access the Recovery Programme: https://igg.me/at/ThekairosCentreWant to know more? Click the link and come get me.Get the help you need: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelpDiscover the real, authentic you - without shame.The Kairos Centre created one of the world's first comprehensive Online Webinar Sex, Porn, Love Addiction video-on-demand Recovery Programme; discover the real, authentic you. www.kairos-centre.com or email info@kairos-centre.comNow launched: A Video-on-Demand Online Course (for Singles, Couples/Marrieds/Partners) Access here - https://www.kairos-centre.com/changement-on-demand/Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.Episode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Root Causes | Brain Impact | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Family Conflict | Emotional Neglect | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Pain | Dissociation| Recovery Program | EMDR Therapy | Emotional Event | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Guilt | Infidelity | Traumatic Bonding | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Love Addiction Patterns | Attachment Styles | Sexual Compulsivity | Behavioral Therapy | Relapse Prevention | Emotional Regulation | Healing Journeys | Intimacy Building |

Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreThe Insecure 'ATTACHMENT' label does not describe accurately, what is really in the can with this label on it! It is exactly the opposite. It typically is set up in the early childhood development years. Often, they are experiences which you can't readily or easily access; but your brain remembers them well and put an identification label/marker on each of them, as and when they occurred.You cannot necessarily find or access them or the details about them. The brain does it's job well and blots them out from you finding them, so that you do not have a nervous breakdown.They have been put in boxes. Nailed down and labels attached saying "DO NOT OPEN. We do not lift the lid off these boxes. They contain uncomfortable stuff. They are stored in this area of the brain, to help you get through life without them (too frequently) causing disruption".They are filed in certain parts of your brain, which are not easily accessible without the right password, situation and environment. They can be prematurely triggered out in situations like watching a Netflix movie. (We need to be balanced in our advertising of Netflix and so add.... Amazon Prime, BBC player, Apple TV, a box set etc!).EMDR beckons folks. Out of sight is not out of mind - entirely.Let the Kairos Centre come alongside you to reclaim your quality of living life - without shame - bringing colour back to life.Give a little to my fund raising page here, to help someone access the Recovery Programme: https://igg.me/at/ThekairosCentreGet the help you need: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelpThe Kairos Centre created one of the world's first comprehensive Online Webinar Sex, Porn, Love Addiction video-on-demand Recovery Programme; discover the real, authentic you. email info@kairos-centre.comNow launched: A Video-on-Demand Online Course (for Singles, Couples/Marrieds/Partners) Access here - https://www.kairos-centre.com/changement-on-demand/Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.Episode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Root Causes | Brain Impact | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Family Conflict | Emotional Neglect | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Pain | Dissociation| Recovery Program | EMDR Therapy | Emotional Event | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Guilt | Infidelity | Traumatic Bonding | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Love Addiction Patterns | Attachment Styles | Sexual Compulsivity | Behavioral Therapy | Relapse Prevention | Emotional Regulation | Healing Journeys | Intim

Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreThere are three ways in which we try to get our Core Emotional Needs met. Meeting Core emotional needs is not negotiable. They want to be met and kept filled up at high levels.The reality, however, is that life takes a toll upon us and Core Emotional Needs deplete over time. What are some of those Core Emotional Needs: Approval, Acceptance, Support, Security, Comfort, Respect - amongst others.When we have been functioning on low depleted levels for some time (where they are not being replenished regularly enough by certain persons, people and situations) - they wane. Leakage causes depletion.We seek to top them up by reacting - through Fight/Flight/Freeze. Each of us use different ones at different times, but there is one of those that we use more often than the other.Which one do you use more often? It is not always the obvious one that you first thought!Fight: is often more Passive Aggressive, than the very much more visible overt behaviour. Passive Aggression is mostly unseen, yet is a very potent weapon that is welded by many and do not recognise or see the potency of that weapon.Fight is mostly not about leaving the toilet seat up for the hundredth time or the top off the tooth paste. Fight is often driven by depleted Core Emotional  needs, but not visible or owned by the person.Flight: My definition is - "We move ourself away from the place where we perceive that our Core Emotional Needs are not being met and instead, put ourself in a different place where we perceive that our Core Emotional Needs are more likely to be met". That might be a physical moving or an emotional leaving/absence.Flight is problematic because of the dangers of fleeing into the arms of someone else who appears to be meeting depleted Core Emotional Needs - which feels like love and affection - but really is not. It is just compensating (temporarily) for a depleted emotional void.Freeze: I call "the stiff British upper lip - through the trenches - we just get on".Freeze does not look like what is on the label. It is not inactivity. It is more about just ignoring own Needs and just trying to get on with life; but....Freeze (getting on with life) - does not stay frozen permanently! Every now and then, there will be a Fight for a short period, then revert back to Freeze for the longer time; otherwise, Flight for a short period, then revert back to Freeze for the longer time. Might the reaction being seen; the behaviour being done - arising from depleted Core Emotional Needs? An attempt to meet depleted Core Emotional Needs.Get some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand.Give a little to my fund raising page here, to help someone access the Recovery Programme: https://igg.me/at/ThekairosCentreGet the help you need: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelpEpisode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Root Causes | Brain Impact | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Family Conflict | Emotional Neglect | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Pain | Dissociation| Recovery Program | EMDR Therapy | Emotional Event | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Guilt | Infidelity | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Love Addiction Patterns | Attachment Styl

- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreNarcissism and Empathy (like same poles of a magnet) cannot co-exist together in the same space. They repel each other. Likewise, they cannot co-exist in the same person at equally high levels.Either they will have a high level of Narcissistic traits and a low level of Empathy or vice versa. Work on Empathy and you will see Narcissistic traits recede over time. Remember, there can be no quick fixes in this work with The Kairos Centre; but change - you can expect and will see.There is a big difference between Sympathy and Empathy. Something about taking off your shoes and stepping into the shoes - into the world of another - to get their vantage point into their world. Those with higher Narcissistic traits at work, will shriek - "Why on earth would I want to do that".That says it all!. Absolutely! Why would you? Why indeed?Because that is what Empathy looks like; but is abhorrent to Narcissism. Get it?Get some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand.Give a little to my fund raising page here, to help someone access the Recovery Programme: https://igg.me/at/ThekairosCentreGet the help you need: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelpThe world's first Online Webinar Sex, Porn, Love Addiction video-on-demand Recovery Programme. Discover the real, authentic you. email info@kairos-centre.comNow launched: A Video-on-Demand Online Course (for Singles, Couples/Marrieds/Partners) Access here - https://www.kairos-centre.com/changement-on-demand/Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.Episode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Root Causes | Brain Impact | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Family Conflict | Emotional Neglect | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Pain | Dissociation| Recovery Program | EMDR Therapy | Emotional Event | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Guilt | Infidelity | Traumatic Bonding | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Love Addiction Patterns | Attachment Styles | Sexual Compulsivity | Behavioral Therapy | Relapse Prevention | Emotional Regulation | Healing Journeys | Intimacy Building | 

Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com Support HFW through a donation Listen now: Today, Lyschel and Kathy Reynolds are talking about the shame a wife experiences, whether she stays or goes. Kathy is our special guest today! Her training under renowned professionals such as Dr. Barbara Steffens and Dr. Jake Porter has equipped her with expertise in the APSATS Multidimensional Partner Trauma Model and the Couple-Centered Recovery Model. She also holds certification as a Pastoral Sex Addiction Professional (PSAP) through the International Institute for Trauma and Addiction Professionals (IITAP). Her work includes facilitating therapeutic disclosure intensives, grief work intensives for couples, individual coaching for betrayed partners, and couples coaching with her husband, Conrad. Kathy is also the lead facilitator of ‘Returning to You,' an innovative and intensive week-long program for betrayed partners hosted at Daring Ventures' beautiful retreat center, The Magnolia House. Kathy is passionate about empowering and equipping betrayed partners with the tools to heal, grow, and reclaim their shattered lives with grit and grace. We Will be Discussing: What is “stay shame” and “go shame” and how will a woman know she's experiencing one of these? What was Kathy's defining moment where she let go of that shame? Join us next week for part 2! Resources mentioned in this show: Recalibrate Coaching Services with Kathy and Conrad Reynolds

- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreDon't go looking up the term on Google and it spewing out a whole heap of stuff that blinds you and gets your back up! I am not suggesting Sex/Porn/Love Addicts are a Narcissists - Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) - is one of the most difficult mental Health diagnosis to treat. It requires a particularly skilled diagnosis.What I am saying is that they will have, and be manifesting 'traits' which come from Narcissism. What are those traits?Traits include being the centre of attention; little interest in others; craves recognition and praise. They are performers and want others to keep on clapping and not stop; controls and dominates interaction with others; has to be right; cannot admit to ever being wrong and never apologises; insists on things being done their way; always makes the choices and decisions. Reliance on another is not acknowledged.In short - me, me, me; myself, myself, myself, I, I, I & I. The spotlight of the stage play (of life) is always and must always remain on them. (But they don't, can't, won't see it).A large portion of The Kairos Centre clients do not recognise those traits as a part of their behaviour or personality. Internally, they may be remonstrating and ticked off at the very fact of being put in this category. A gentle conversation generally causes a lowering of the dagger, enough for the logical brain to find the traits, even though they may look very different to those above. They begin to see the subtleties of how they keep the spotlight on them.You know my cliche by now: What you cannot see, you have no hope of changing; after all, it is me, being me; doing life how I do life; what's the problem? There is no problem if you cannot see a problem; yet you know there is a problem; because life ain't working how you want it to work.So - get some help to see what you cannot see - from The Kairos Centre. When you can see it (by having moved stuff from the unconscious into the conscious - into the visible) - now you get a chance to go after the stuff and try to effect change.....but no quick fixes. You cannot effect change 'Immediately'; but you can begin - make a start - with help.Give a little to my fund raising page here, to help someone access the Recovery Programme: https://igg.me/at/ThekairosCentreGet the help you need: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelpThe world's first Online Webinar Sex, Porn, Love Addiction video-on-demand Recovery Programme. Discover the real, authentic you. email info@kairos-centre.comNow launched: A Video-on-Demand Online Course (for Singles, Couples/Marrieds/Partners) Access here - https://www.kairos-centre.com/changement-on-demand/Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.Episode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Root Causes | Brain Impact | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Family Conflict | Emotional Neglect | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Pain | Dissociation| Recovery Program | EMDR Therapy | Emotional Event | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Guilt | Infidelity | Traumatic Bonding | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Love Addiction Patterns | Attachment Styles | Sexual Compulsivity | Behavioral Therapy | Relapse Prevention | Emotional Regulation | Healing Journeys | Intimacy

With your co-hostesses: Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com Support HFW through a donation Listen now: Today, we are talking with Crystal Botero-Rand and her work supporting partners whose husbands are attending Boulder Recovery, 14-Day healing intensive. Crystal lives in the Chicago suburbs with her husband Jon. She is a betrayal trauma coach, trained through the Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists (APSATS). She group coaches the wives/partners of men undergoing intensives at Boulder Recovery, a Christ-Centered sex addiction treatment program. She also coaches women one on one in her private practice, Rooted and Established Coaching. Her passion for working with betrayed women began with her own healing journey and has grown as she has coached many women. She is honored to help her clients connect to their worth, make sense of their story, and set the healthy boundaries. She is deeply rooted in her Christian faith, and so are many of her clients, but not all. She helps them through crises of faith or breakdowns in their faith community, which are so common in this experience. Helping women understand their story and put one step in front of the other is her most worthwhile pursuit. We Will be Discussing: What is Boulder Recovery? What are the pros and cons of a husband doing an intensive? Does Boulder do any assess the betrayed partner? Do you prep her to understand to it might not have a positive outcome? What can a wife expect of herself while he is gone in the program and when he gets back? While he is gone is there any contact between husband and wife? What hope can we leave? Resources mentioned in this show: The Boulder Recovery 14-Day Christian Intensive TINSA: A Neurological Approach to the Treatment of Sex Addiction Partner's Healing 5-Day Intensive Scripture references: John 1:5

- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreSHAME + NARCISSISM = SEX ADDICTION. Too simplistic? Maybe, but it is a good place to start, if you want to better understand the reason for the activities - as an outlet for Shame & Narcissism.Try hard to come out from under the umbrella of covering that Shame provides - but is unseen. It covers the Addict and a partner. It keeps them hidden and in hiding. yet, the antidote to shame is to come out of hiding. But it is vital that the 'coming out of hiding' is into the right forum and/or individuals. The wrong forum or individuals, will cause or contribute to an adverse and unhelpful increase in Shame - which causes individuals to quickly scurry back into hiding and not come back out for a very long time.Shame is a conundrum for some cultures - such as Asians - because Shame arises when the individual in that community has not lived up to the community's rules and expectations. Asian (and those with a similar culture) prides itself on collectivist, interdependence, social harmony and group cohesion. The "we" is paramount.It does function to build group harmony and unity; but can also be an intolerable burden, tied to fear of rejection, exposure, ostracising and loss of both family and cultural community support; where Asians put a high value on the harmonious integration of group members. The fear is that one's inadequacies (exposed) will result in loss of union within the group or expulsion from the group. Such cultures experience Shame of one's actions in the broader context of 'individuality' and 'collectively/(the broader community group). Upholding the concept of 'cultural honour' is of paramount importance. Therefore a learned response is to suppress emotions and personal inadequacies and problems. Sex addicts are locked into silence.Shame loves that and will thrive - rubbing its metaphorical hands - with glee and delight.Let The Kairos Centre show you where and how to come out of hiding and thereby break the back of Shame. Something also about 'Compassion'.Give a little to my fund raising page here, to help someone access the Recovery Programme: https://igg.me/at/ThekairosCentreGet the help you need: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelpThe Kairos Centre created one of the world's first comprehensive Online Webinar Sex, Porn, Love Addiction video-on-demand Recovery Programme; discover the real, authentic you. email info@kairos-centre.comNow launched: A Video-on-Demand Online Course (for Singles, Couples/Marrieds/Partners) Access here - https://www.kairos-centre.com/changement-on-demand/Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.Episode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Root Causes | Brain Impact | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Family Conflict | Emotional Neglect | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Pain | Dissociation| Recovery Program | EMDR Therapy | Emotional Event | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Guilt | Infidelity | Traumatic Bonding | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Love Addiction Patterns | Attachment Styles | Sexual Compulsivity | Behavioral Therapy | Relapse Prevention | Emotional Regulation | Healing Journeys | Intimacy Building | 

- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreShame is set up in childhood. Life is unfair. Yep.The presence of shame is a particularly powerful driver for sexual addiction. Shame means “to hide” and is a hidden companion of Narcissism.SHAME + NARCISSISM = SEX ADDICTIONShame is the painful feeling of being unacceptable. It is a feeling of being inferior. It is “a wound made from the inside by an unseen hand”. There is something about “Attachment” issues and what happened as a child with the main caregiver.It comes from a core belief about self and a feeling (which is not necessarily true at all – but is believed and acted upon). Shame disrupts the natural functioning of the self. Shame emerges out of addiction. Shame causes addiction and compulsivity. It says: “I am not measuring up”.There is a diminished self-concept; a lowering of one's self worth. There is a difference between Guilt & Shame. Guilt says: “I made a mistake”. Shame says: “I am not measuring up; not good enough; not accepting of self; I am a mistake”. Someone once said that shame is to sex addiction what oxygen is to fire. Shame is perhaps the most damaging consequence of sex addiction as it robs people of the power to seek the support and love of others that they so desperately need.Shame can drive people further into their self-destructive behaviours as they increasingly feel this is all they deserve. Shame isolates and drives the behaviour deeper and deeper into secrecy. The antidote, is to come out of hiding - with some help - into the 'right' arena.Do the SHIELDS Exercise with The Kairos Centre, to make SHAME visible and touchable.Give a little to my fund raising page here, to help someone access the Recovery Programme: https://igg.me/at/ThekairosCentreGet the help you need: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelpThe Kairos Centre created one of the world's first comprehensive Online Webinar Sex, Porn, Love Addiction video-on-demand Recovery Programme; discover the real, authentic you. email info@kairos-centre.comNow launched: A Video-on-Demand Online Course (for Singles, Couples/Marrieds/Partners) Access here - https://www.kairos-centre.com/changement-on-demand/Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.Episode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Root Causes | Brain Impact | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Family Conflict | Emotional Neglect | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Pain | Dissociation| Recovery Program | EMDR Therapy | Emotional Event | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Guilt | Infidelity | Traumatic Bonding | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Love Addiction Patterns | Attachment Styles | Sexual Compulsivity | Behavioral Therapy | Relapse Prevention | Emotional Regulation | Healing Journeys | Intimacy Building |