I Think I Like You

Today's decision is something I've been noodling on for the past month. I've decided to take a break from running this podcast. But I didn't want to do so without taking you behind the scenes of my decision, because while in this instance the decision to take a break centers around a creative project — my method and means of reflection could be applied to so much else. It's got me thinking about all sorts of priorities and projects in my life.... do I still want to engage with them? Are they for right now? How does one decide?If you find yourself in any space of stuck-ness, I'll be sharing:How I started to hear the whispers of this decision, like maybe it was something I should do, and how I went about determining if it was the right decisionWhy I decided to label it as a break versus end the podcastWrestling with our own limitations around time, money, creative capacityHow to hold two things — the disappointment of having to let something go, but also the desire to do soMy desire to lean more into living life versus just accomplishing lifeWhere you can enjoy new content from me, including in audio and video formWhile the podcast is going on pause, my work with clients, my online courses, and most importantly, my Substack is not!Work with me PrivatelyConnect on InstagramWebsitePodcast Production by James Jorge

Eight years ago, I landed myself in the office of a nurse practitioner/functional medicine specialist who specialized in gut health. I had been inexplicably bloated and exhausted for months and didn't know why. Little did I know that woman would go on to not only remedy my body, but change the overall trajectory of my life and career.Flash forward to today, while she's still an expert when it comes to our bodies, our nervous systems, and how the two speak to one another, her work is primarily focused on helping folks rid themselves of codependent, people-pleasing tendencies. And candidly, all the physical issues I suffered from back in 2017 were really just a manifestation of mental and emotional turmoil. Namely, living a life that was more based on external approval than internal fulfillment.She brings a really fresh perspective to codependency, and what she refers to as "emotional outsourcing."Beatriz (Béa) Victoria Albina, NP, MPH, SEP (she/her) is a UCSF-trained Family Nurse Practitioner, Somatic Experiencing Practitioner, Master Certified Somatic Life Coach, author of the forthcoming "End Emotional Outsourcing: a Guide to Overcoming Codependent, Perfectionist and People Pleasing Habits" (expected Sept 30, Hachette Balance) and Breathwork Meditation Guide with a passion for helping humans socialized as women to reconnect with their bodies, regulate their nervous systems and rewire their minds, so they can break free from codependency, perfectionism and people pleasing and reclaim their joy.Work with me PrivatelyConnect on InstagramWebsitePodcast Production by James Jorge

March was a rough month for me. I found myself fighting the tail end of sleep training with Jude, my son. I was in a constant state of frustration around all I "wasn't" getting done. My husband and I were bickering like mad. I felt like everyday I was on a treadmill headed nowhere— and not advancing anywhere— but I was still sprinting. Constantly. I couldn't shut down.I was lucky to have my dear friend and wise sage Catherine Zack by my side. Her heartfelt guidance was so good, I decided to turn it into a podcast episode.Work with me PrivatelyConnect on InstagramWebsitePodcast Production by James Jorge

In a recent Instagram post, I spoke about how many of my clients hold a fear that a relationship will swallow them whole. This isn't a misconception, as many of them have completely lost themselves in prior relationships. Also identifying as people pleasers, they've historically had a hard time operating authentically in their relationships, be they romantic, platonic, professional or (most of all) familial.Because of this, it's crucial, when it comes to dating, that we double down on their ability to authentically express themselves. One of the first and most common areas that can be worked on is in the act of swiping. And with that, I'm a proponent of leaning into swiping...left. Yep, left. Listen to find out why I find it to be so empowering and how to differentiate between an authentic "I don't want to swipe right on this person," versus the ever elusive "being too picky."Work with me PrivatelyConnect on InstagramWebsitePodcast Production by James Jorge

There was a moment about five years ago, around age 34, where I thought to myself: Maybe I just don't want a relationship.Clients will say a similar thing to me, often using language like: I'm not even sure I want to be in a relationship.In today's episode I'm exploring what rests beneath those words (what they meant for me, what they mean for others) and what it means to intellectualize our pain. I specifically discuss:How a debilitating breakup made me never want to try to have a relationship againHow I very much wanted a partner and a family but struggled so deeply to believe I'd ever have those things, that it made it easier to tell myself I didn't want themHow and why we intellectualizing our painHow focusing on being grateful can serve as a mask to what we want to change in our livesWhat's involved in letting our deep longings and desires breatheRead My SubstackDani Beinstein Episode ReferencedWork with me PrivatelyConnect on InstagramWebsitePodcast Production by James Jorge

Private coaching spaces are open.Here's something I hear from clients all the time:I'm never going to meet someone.There's no one left.All the good men are gone.Therapist and coach Julia Zwerin is back to dig into this subject with me. In this episode we discuss:What's behind the fear that you'll never meet someoneHow your scarcity mindset has more to do with your past than it does the reality of the potential partners available to youHow holding this belief can serve as a form of protection from intimacyPractical ways to shift your mindset around your potential for meeting someoneWhy it's totally normal to see the same people on a dating appThe difference between a relationship meeting our ego's needs versus being emotionally availableAnd so much more. This is a JUICY one. Julia first came on the show a few weeks back to discuss why sex with toxic people feels so good.Work with me PrivatelyConnect on InstagramWebsitePodcast Production by James Jorge

Private coaching spaces are open.When we want to acquire something new, be it a new job, a new relationship, a new home, a new life experience, we tend to think of it as additive. We add items to our to do list, write down goals, consider how we want to do things differently.But I find considering what we need to let go of —  be that a person, a way of being, a pattern, a way we VIEW ourselves, a desired outcome — to make space for the new thing even more crucial. It's in the letting go and shedding that we're forced to get *most* uncomfortable. "Your new life is going to cost you your old one. It's going to cost you your comfort zone and your sense of direction." Brianna WiestWork with me PrivatelyConnect on InstagramWebsitePodcast Production by James Jorge

The other week a friend sent me a clip from Instagram, and despite not being the biggest Logan Ury fan, I really got down with what she was saying here."Great relationships are built, they're not discovered."This concept is top of mind as my husband and I work through a new phase in our marriage with the addition of a child. But it's also top of mind as I connect with clients at the forefront of the year and reflect on the inner work that's really calling to them in 2025.Work with me PrivatelyConnect on InstagramWebsitePodcast Production by James Jorge

Here's where I meet most of my clients: They've been in therapy for years, they have a tremendous amount of awareness around their stuff — their mom issues, their dad issues, their attachment style, their insecurities, how they attract the wrong men, etc etc. They know it all like the back of their hand! But their dating and relationship life remains the same. What gives?Why can we have all the self awareness with zero change in our circumstances?That's what we're digging into in today's podcast. I'm specifically covering:Why we can do therapy for years but remain perpetually single or stuck in the same dating patternsHow awareness of "our stuff" isn't enoughWhy the action and efforts needed to change our patterns is so hard and how we can tackle things slowlyThe importance of bringing compassion and curiosity to our stuck-nessA simple exercise to start to actually shift both your understanding of yourself, your dating patterns, your resistance to dating, and this overall conundrum.Work with me PrivatelyConnect on InstagramWebsitePodcast Production by James Jorge

Work with me privatelyTake one of my online coursesJanuary tends to be a month rife with a lot of "I'm going to do this and that and goals goals goals!" And if that feels good to you, then great. But I find most of us stack ourselves with a litany of to dos, only to feel massively let down a few weeks later. Dating tends to be one of those areas. Early in my single years I often began January with a lot of goals/plans around how many dates I was going to go on that year, largely stemming from a fear of never meeting someone.In today's podcast episode I'm breaking down:Why solely focusing on going on dates won't actually bring you closer to developing rich partnershipWhy it's so crucial to pair action around dating with our inner workHow the inner work makes up 90% of our ability to meet and connect deeply with someone, and the actual dates themselves are far less importantWhy we face so much resistance to dating and how to reframe your perspective, as well as give yourself more graceHow the areas of work, family and friendship impact your ability to meet someone and how to gently tend to those areas (i.e. in a way that makes you feel good!)Examples of this inner work from clients so you can implement your ownWork with me PrivatelyConnect on InstagramWebsitePodcast Production by James Jorge

How are you all? It's been a minute! I'm slowly coming out of my cocoon of maternity leave. I'm only working part time, if that in January. In today's episode I'm sharing what the last few weeks have been like and how I'm embracing a slow start to the year, which seems to be a theme I'm seeing for other — motherhood or not — too.Work with me PrivatelyConnect on InstagramWebsitePodcast Production by James Jorge

We've all had the guy (or....guys ; )) who don't communicate well, who leave us in the dark, who aren't looking for commitment or exclusivity. Maybe they're clear about it, maybe they're not. Either way, they're like a drug we can't quit — quite literally (more on that in the episode). A text flies in, we're in their presence, all sense of clarity and judgement is lost. I very vividly recall these seasons of my life.Today I'm joined by my dear friend Julia Zwerin, therapist and coach, to dig into this question: What is it about the toxic, avoidant, unable to commit guys who are just sooooo tantalizing? What causes us to get caught up with them — be it for weeks, months, or years? She spells it out so beautifully in this convo. I can't wait for ya'll to listen.Explore Working with JuliaWork with me PrivatelyConnect on InstagramWebsitePodcast Production by James Jorge

How in touch are you with your curiosity? How much do you listen to it and let it guide you? In life, but especially in your work?Like many of you listening, I spent years in work and careers that I did out of obligation. A tried and true under fulfilled overachiever (who this book was made for), I moved towards anything and everything that looked good on paper. Many of us stay there — both out of necessity (I mean, we have to earn an income), but also because we get really stuck. We don't know where else to turn. We're encouraged to "find our passion," or consider what we really want to do, but that tends to get us nowhere.Today's guest is a beloved return one, Megan Hellerer, because her new amazing book (have read it, can vouch) is out and I couldn't be more excited. And I'm giving away two copies to listeners, give a listen to learn how you can access!In today's episode we're digging into:The power of following our curiosity and why most of us don'tHow when we stop trying to control and predict the future — new opportunities emergeHow success is about finding what's true for you, versus what's "right"How to move towards what's "light and right," what makes you feel warm and like yourself, versus cold and hard.Buy Megan's BookVisit Her WebsiteWork with me PrivatelyConnect on InstagramWebsitePodcast Production by James Jorge

Hello friends — it's been a minute since we've had a new episode! I'm popping in here with some updates to the podcast, my coursework, new coaching services coming and more as I prepare for my maternity leave.Links mentioned in this episode:New course structureMy SubstackWork with me PrivatelyConnect on InstagramWebsitePodcast Production by James Jorge

This is a question I dance with, and often, with clients. How do we sit with our desire for something, and attempt to work towards it, but not know if or when or how it's going to come to fruition? How do we do so while we watch it happening for other people around us?In this episode I'm addressing both how to sit with the unknown and tangible ways to move us closer to relationship. These are the exact practices I've walked my clients through over the past six years.I'm specifically covering:The inherent uncertainty of lifeThe value of confronting questions like: What if I never meet someone? What would I then do with my life?The ways we put our lives on hold (or live in inauthentic ways) until we meet our partner that actually act to block our ability to meet someoneThe two greatest obstacles I see for people who want to meet a partner really badly but it isn't happeningThe similarities between people who date really manically and those that avoid dating completelyThe exact thing I would say to anyone who said: “Clara— I want to meet someone and I want to speed up that timeline. What can I do?”My SubstackPumpkin Bread RecipeWork with me PrivatelyConnect on InstagramWebsitePodcast Production by James Jorge

A few months prior, I caught the wedding announcement for my friend and colleague, Kara Lowentheil, in the NY Times. It wasn't the flowers or her dress (even though those were, of course, stunning) that caught my attention. It was the initial texting exchange she had with her now husband in the early days of dating. In short: It was pretty clunky.I spend a lot of time working through and dealing with clients initial digital conversations — in the apps and via text. It can be SO EASY to make grandiose assumptions around a person based on their texting behavior. In this episode, Kara and I unpack:The problematic nature of those assumptions and how they're really more reflective of our own conditioning and thought patternsThe confusion we have around what it means to "settle" and how Kara views giving in a relationship (this is SO good)Kara's go to perspective on marriage from her relationship coachThe emotional labor Kara believes in necessary for us to do for our partner – and them for us (differentiating between caretaking versus a collaborative effort)How we don't necessarily need to have our partners come "fully therapized" before we meet....and so much more. This is definitely an episode I'll go back to and listen to again and again!Buy Kara's New BookVisit Kara's WebsiteWork with me PrivatelyConnect on InstagramWebsitePodcast Production by James Jorge

What's your perception of yourself? How do you view yourself? Based on that, what do you believe is or isn't available to you? What do you think you can have? What do you think you deserve?I'm posing these questions in relation to romance and relationship in today's episode. We often don't realize how the identities we've formed keep us limited in what we can receive, well, in any area, but specifically relationships. This is an area I look at closely when clients of mine have been perpetually single, struggle to meet people, or feel like they never connect deeply with anyone.This episode will resonate if:You feel like you're never going to meet anyoneYou've been on tons and tons of dates, but connect with few peopleYou face a lot of resistance to dating — you might get on an app and swipe, maybe go on one date, but your effort never gets that farYou're in a perpetual story of "This is never going to happen for me."Links referenced in this episode: Book on Shadow WorkWork with me PrivatelyConnect on InstagramWebsitePodcast Production by James Jorge

Today's episode marks part three in our series exploring patterns of the eldest daughter/hero child, and how that either leaves us chronically single or in really unfulfilling relationships — or some mix of the two!Today's episode gets into how the behaviors we adopt, that initially serve as forms of self preservation and receiving love, like accomplishing a lot professionally, suppressing our own emotions and prioritizing others, always being on and striving — all things that have helped us advance in life — are, in many ways, in direct conflict with the behaviors and skills that build healthy partnership. That allow us to connect deeply with others, be supported and loved by others, be seen and witnessed in our authenticity.In the episode I'm breaking down: How we do this, why we perpetuate this cycle, why changing these behaviors can be SO uncomfortable, but how we go about doing so.Ways to work with me right now:Private CoachingThe Situationship-SootherThe Breakup/Post-Divorce ReviewOnline CoursesWork with me PrivatelyConnect on InstagramWebsitePodcast Production by James Jorge

New Offerings!The Situation-ship SootherThe Breakup / Post-Divorce ReviewWe're back with part II of our eldest daughter/hero child series, and the impact this has on our dating and romantic lives. If you haven't yet listened to episode 118, I highly recommend going back and doing so before digging into this one.In this week's episode I'm discussing:Why the very traits of being the helpful, accommodating, rule following, good girl, who always did well in school, can also be the very thing/things that hold us back from deep connection and fulfilling partnershipHow our conscious and subconscious brains work here — how we can consciously desire a relationships but subconsciously actually fear one, actually not want oneHow our attachment patterns show up within all of thisHow remaining single can feel really, really safeHow the fear of losing ourselves can cause us to push away healthy relationships, or attract people we can't get that close toWhy it's so difficult to operate authentically and express our wants and needs — but how we actually go about doing itHow remaining chronically single or being resistant to dating is often a means of protectionWork with me PrivatelyConnect on InstagramWebsitePodcast Production by James Jorge

I love this question and even more so, this listener for asking it. In this quick mini ep, I'm expanding upon the following points below — i.e. reasons why I think this is the case:There are people (men/women alike) who say or think they're doing the work,  but they're just skirting issues, not really looking squarely at themselves, playing the victim – and that's why they don't have the relationship they want. It's very comfortable to stay stuck in our sh*t.A lot of people's relationships look way better or more fulfilling from the outside. We're a culture steeped in performative behavior. People stay because it's more comfortable, perhaps, to face the “devil you know,” versus risk change.A lot of people get into relationships that seem good from the outside looking in, but just repeat the same patterns of their past, and they're miserable.Some of those people repeat the same patterns and they don't care— and that is totally fine. That's sufficient for them. With that, I think there's a way of being TOO steeped in working on ourselves, which ultimately holds us back from allowing ourselves to connect deeply to anyone, because we have this strict notion of what a person and relationship is supposed to feel like. We're projecting all our needs for safety and fulfillment onto another person and circumstance, versus creating that for ourselves.Not all people are meant to be in long term relationships — marriage is, in many ways, a dated institution. Single life can be a great life.People think they want a relationship that looks a certain way, a certain type of partner, but their desires are more rooted in ego rather that truth, authenticity and desire. So they never meet anyone.Work with me PrivatelyConnect on InstagramWebsitePodcast Production by James Jorge

Today kicks off a three part, maybe four (lots to discuss!), that goes deep into a subject I broached on Instagram a few weeks back: Eldest daughters/hero children – i.e. the good girls, the rule followers, the helpers, the peacekeepers of the family — and how playing that role impacts our dating and relationship lives.In today's episode I'm digging into the what and the why:What are the unique struggles of this camp of women — my main client — and why does it matter in our romantic relationshipsThe nature of the hero child and their consistent role of trying to fill in the emotional gaps for the familyHow you can have a "great childhood" and feel "really loved" but still fall into this category and suffer the consequencesDifferent permutations of what being the "hero child" looks like based on parental and sibling dynamicsWhy being people pleasers, perfectionists and good girls make relationships such a unique struggleBooks mentioned at top of episode:Ambition Monster by Jennifer RomoliniMating in Captivity by Esther PerelGlynnis Macnicole: I'm Mostly Here to Enjoy Myself, No One Tells YouCatherine Newman: We All Want Impossible Things, SandwichGood Material by Dolly AldertonThat Summer by Jennifer WeinerOld Flame by Molly PrentissCarrie Soto is Back by Taylor Jenkins ReidAfter I Do by Taylor Jenkins ReidWork with me PrivatelyConnect on InstagramWebsitePodcast Production by James Jorge

Hello, friends. Popping in with a short and sweet episode — something I plan to do more of — digging into the following question I received from a follower in an 'Ask Me Anything' poll I did on Instagram earlier this week:What if I feel deep down that I'll be single forever?I'm answering this listener's question and touching on the following:How we conflate our hope for something with the likelihood that it will actually happenWhy we can be absolutely hopeless about the potential for something and still go after itWhat we really mean when we say 'I'm going to be single forever'Why it's our desire — and bring action to our desire — that matters mostAreas in my own life where I've gone after things I've felt completely hopeless aboutWork with me PrivatelyConnect on InstagramWebsitePodcast Production by James Jorge

It's the thick of summer and we're digging into a Q+A episode this week. Thank you so much to those of you who submitted questions!In this episode I'm talking about:Prenups. Do we get them? Not get them?How did I know my husband was "the one?"How does one handle dating during a transitional period in their life — in between jobs, moving, etc?How do I feel about meeting my husband on a dating app versus in person?How does one find the sweet spot between accepting someone's flaws versus settling on a partner?I'm in my 20s and I feel lost. Can you provide guidance?Links mentioned in this episode:Unf*ck Your Brain Prenup Podcast EpisodeWork with me PrivatelyConnect on InstagramWebsitePodcast Production by James Jorge

Private Coaching Spaces are OpenJoin the Big Dating Nap // Dating Sanity Capsule combined programOne might assume from the nature of the work I do, that every effort, every intention would be dedicated to helping my clients meet their husband — but it's not. It's both not that and so much more than that.In this episode I'm discussing:A parallel vision I hold for my life in which I could see not being marriedThe way in which relationships are really, really confronting, and how I'm not sure we all (really) desire to face thatHow I view my choice to get marriedOur soul's journey versus our conditioningOur hyperfixation on healing and how I don't think a constant attempt to fix or heal ourselves is "better"What my ultimate goal for client's actually isLinks referenced in this episode:Cheryl Strayed ArticlePodcast episode about my weddingPodcast episode about siblingsWork with me PrivatelyConnect on InstagramWebsitePodcast Production by James Jorge

Ya'll we are digging into all things MONEY today. This is a real doozy of an episode, so settle in for a long walk, a batch of laundry or whatever else you like to do while you're listening. In this episode I'm taking you behind the scenes of the financial picture in our marriage, how we've moved through really hard money conversations and how working on my own relationship with money has been the most impactful thing when it comes to finding ease around finance in my relationship. That said, it's definitely a work in progress!I also specifically cover:   Wanting our partners to make a certain amount of money, have a certain amount of savings, etc.How to shift from operating your own budget to sharing expenses (both living and not living together)The conditioning around men being the bread winnerMen being threatened by their female partners earning moreHow do you discuss debt?How do you deal with differences in upbringing — wealth vs. less wealthy/poor management of money?On not making a lot of money and feeling like that makes you less desirableShame around moneyBlue collar versus white collar work and how that influences partnershipWork with me PrivatelyConnect on InstagramWebsitePodcast Production by James Jorge

On the heals of a very significant friendship ending for me in the last few years, the nature of friendship — what drives our friendships, what they look like, how our relational patterns manifest in this space (i.e. outside of romance) — has been of particular interest to me.Today I'm joined by my dear Catherine Zack, a friend made in the last few years but a really close one (something we'll get into in today's episode). We dig into a variety of things around friendship, including:How does friendship change in your 30s and 40s?The role of friends in relation to our marriages (Hint: They're really necessary)How connection and socializing looks different in the midst of really busy lives — and how that's okHow friends can (and should) have different rolesThe evolving nature of childhood, college and earlier life friendsHow motherhood impacts friendshipThe ending of friendships....and more. It's a sweet, juicy, conversation between....dear, newish, friends.Catherine's New OfferingsWork with me PrivatelyConnect on InstagramWebsitePodcast Production by James Jorge

Private Coaching Spaces are OpenDo you feel behind in life? It's a question I face and contemplate with clients (and often myself) all the time.  Today's conversation isn't one geared towards telling you to "be grateful," or "just accept" everyone is on their own timeline. I'm going to the heart of what I believe rests beneath the feeling of being behind, whether we feel it in relationships, work, money, or simply life in general.If you feel like....Everyone else's life is so much easier or luckier than you're ownIf you feel behind romantically and use that as evidence that you'll never have the relationship you wantIf you find yourself continually striving to feel fulfilled or feel like enough — and seemingly never get thereIf you get stuck trying to 'figure out' or 'fix' these feelings (fear, loneliness) by either working really hard to meet someone or endlessly analyzing areas of your life to come up with the what of what to doThen today's episode will give you:A new way to think about these feelings and better understand what's really coming up for youSome key questions to ask yourself, no matter your area of struggleA method for managing these feelings anytime they ariseWork with me PrivatelyConnect on InstagramWebsitePodcast Production by James Jorge

Over the last few months I've had a series of conversations with friends/colleagues (some with kids, some without), that have gone:I'm looking for a new job but I want it to be at a much smaller firm with a lot less stress/no working on the weekends, where I can really leave at 5 pm and go home to my kidsI just want a job where I come in, do good work, don't deal with a ton of drama, leave, and then it's done. It's just done. Until I go back the next day.I'm intentionally not seeking a promotion because my current role is solid, provides so much flexibility, and allows me time to take voice lessons and write my new Substack...And so on. I could rattle off a dozen more examples. I, too, have found myself in this camp — wanting to simplify and strip back what I'm doing, not be so hung up on making things bigger and better, and just live. Maybe I'll change my tune in a few years? But I have a feeling....not so much.If this topic is percolating for you, too, today's podcast will be great company.Work with me PrivatelyConnect on InstagramWebsitePodcast Production by James Jorge

Did you grow up learning to work hard, get good grades, get into the best school(s) possible, hit any academic and professional achievement that you could? I did. And I learned to love it.I learned to love, and thus value, hustle, hard work, striving, strain, stress. On the one hand, it's served me well in what I've accomplished. On the other hand — and I see this with women all the time — it's made me resistant to pleasure, enjoyment and rest in my life. In today's episode, I'm breaking down how that resistance shakes out in our romantic experiences. If you're someone who identifies as type A, high achieving, really focused on academic and professional performance across your life, and you're now struggling to meet people you really like or have yet to manifest the relationship you want, this episode is for you.Work with me PrivatelyConnect on InstagramWebsitePodcast Production by James Jorge

Private Coaching Spots are Open"Dating apps have brought the promise of the business-like crispness of falling in love." Sherry TurkleIf you know my work, you know I live for this line. It's shown up in my podcasts and online courses for years. Why? Because it so eloquently hits on the faulty promise we've attached to these tools, and the subsequent hardships we endure (largely the way we obsess and punish ourselves) because our dating life or relationship future isn't falling together in a linear, succinct fashion.We're wracked with questions of:Should I stay? Should I go?What does this mean?Who is this person?Versus being able to be with the lived human experience of it all.If you're someone who....Struggles with the inability to control your dating or romantic futureFeels anxious or frustrated in the throes of getting to know someoneCan't really stay present to the current experience, but instead is so focused on the futureFeels tremendous guilt and shame when things don't work out the way you wished they had, or thought they should....you will benefit tremendously from today's episode.Work with me PrivatelyConnect on InstagramWebsitePodcast Production by James Jorge

Private Coaching Spaces are OpenThis week I'm sitting down with Catherine Zack, a beloved friend of the podcast. She's been on numerous times before (I've linked those episodes below), and selfishly, these episodes always imbue me, personally, with a sense of relief and freedom. But I have a feeling it will do the same for you.For her 38th birthday, Catherine gave up ambition. No she hasn't stopped working. No, she hasn't tossed away all dreams for her yoga studio. No,  she still has hopes and dreams and aspirations. That's not what she means by ambition. She means living life from a place of shoulds and external approval, versus our own compass.If you find yourself in a space in life where you're....So eager to step off the hamster wheelDisenchanted with the idea you were sold that you can 'have it all' as a womanHungry for a relationship with work that gives you more freedom and spaceAre thinking bigger isn't always better...Then you will find so much solace, and probably a few personal epiphanies, inside this conversation.Catherine's Previous Episode on the Pod (Busting the myths of marriage)Catherine's Yoga Studio in the Hudson ValleyCatherine's Personal WebsiteCatherine's SubstackWork with me PrivatelyConnect on InstagramWebsitePodcast Production by James Jorge

Private Coaching Spaces are Open In today's podcast I'm sharing what the first few months of my pregnancy have been like.  My husband and I are so excited, and also, the first trimester was quite difficult for me. Per usual, I'm sharing all we experienced — the bliss and hardship, the highs and lows, the unexpected, and where I am now. Work with me PrivatelyConnect on InstagramWebsitePodcast Production by James Jorge

Spring/Summer private coaching spots are open!Available for folks single and seeking partnership, single and seeking space/work to go inward, and folks who are couple and struggling within their relationship.This week's episode:A few weeks back, I was driving through the parking lot of my former middle/high school, when my eyes happened upon a sign for the spring fling dance. I shuddered, flashing back to those lonely middle (and high school) days where upcoming dances brought on so much dread. They really only served as a reminder of all the things I was not: pretty, popular, desirable, dateable. I'd shut down the desire for that thing, and instead, poured myself into my academics, years prior.This week's episode explores that shared history among token good girls and highlights how that identity is still running the show in our dating and relationship lives — no matter where we find ourselves on the journey or the spectrum.This episode will resonate if:You learned early on it wasn't safe — or you weren't one of the girls — to desire a boyfriendYou hid this desire while focusing on your academics and all you could achieveGood grades and other accolades became your way of securing love, praise and attentionYou know you aren't that girl anymore, but you still feel tethered to that identity — it's hard to perceive yourself as desirable. That you're allowed to have partnership.If you like this episode you might also like:On the fear of driving someone away by saying how you feelOn not getting asked to the dance and how it's showing up in your love life nowMost dating advice does a great job of making us feel like we're not doing enoughWork with me PrivatelyConnect on InstagramWebsitePodcast Production by James Jorge

What happens when you just hit a hall? What does that 'wall' tend to look like for you? These are questions I'm contemplating and exploring in today's episode. Across the month of April I was gearing up to launch the Dating Sanity Capsule, a collection of potent lessons and videos designed to decrease the misery and anxiety we associate with online dating. I.was.pumped. I'd loved putting together the course, was so jazzed about the content — I couldn't wait to get it in the hands of followers and listeners who could benefit from it most.And then, the wall. In today's episode I'm talking about an unexpected season I hit towards the end of the month — one I'm still very much in — where I was forced to slow down, reassess elements of my life and business, and start to pull apart how I got off course in the first place. I'm specifically sharing:How my new approach to marketing my digital products started to feel out of integrityMy larger struggles with the way digital products are promoted on social media and the broader nature of the coaching industryThe decision to pull back on scaling my businessDesires and wants driven by our ego, which very much applies to relationshipsOther efforts, outside of working, that I'm also "putting down," after hitting the wallMy desire for a simpler summer filled with slowness and restWork with me PrivatelyConnect on InstagramWebsitePodcast Production by James Jorge

Preview My Upcoming ProgramWork with me PrivatelyA few weeks back a client said to me: "How did you know your husband was the one?"While I don't believe in 'the one,' (which I share more about in the episode), her question made me realize I hadn't gone too deeply into the first few months of dating my husband, namely the period of uncertainty and unknown. Were we right to move in the direction of marriage? Were we in the same place in life? Did we want the same things? How could we be sure?In this episode I discuss:How I navigated those early weeks and months to discern what direction I wanted to move in within the relationshipThe specific questions I asked my now husband AND the specific things I shared about myself in order to determine if this was a relationship I wanted to pursueThe natural (and very normal) speed bumps and hurdles that came upHow I show up within my marriage now and how that mirrors my behavior at the beginningHow meeting my husband reflected one of the greatest acts of surrenderThis episode will resonate with you if :You're wondering what that feeling of 'knowing' something is right or 'knowing' someone is the one is likeYou're stuck in a bit of a scarcity mindset around your potential to meet someone who you could (actually) envision sharing your life withWork with me PrivatelyConnect on InstagramWebsitePodcast Production by James Jorge

Work w/ MeSneak peek my next program launchGet on my email listIn today's episode, I'm digging into two patterns I witness again and again in my private coaching practice:Clients who are swiping and receiving zero matchesClients who are swiping and landing plenty of matches, but they're lost in a sea of first and second dates that never go furtherIn today's episode I'm breaking down the potential causes behind these patterns.This episode will resonate if you relate to the above two patterns and find yourself:Unsure of what to do differentlySwimming in shame over the state of your dating lifeAttempting to just keep dating more, but nothing ever changesFearing the above just means you're meant to be alone forever (not the case)Work with me PrivatelyConnect on InstagramWebsitePodcast Production by James Jorge

Work w/ MeSneak peek my next program launchGet on my email listThis week we are revisiting the grey area of dating — that sticky, stressful space where we're dating someone and we're not sure if they like us back.  I've written and spoken about this previously before:Episode 22Blog post: How to Survive the Grey Area of DatingThis episode will resonate if you:Are in the midst of getting to know someone and struggling to handle not knowing where things are goingFeel like your anxiety is at an all time high, over fear of things not working out the way you wantAre overanalyzing every single text, move and exchange with this person, trying to decipher what's going to happenTend to expend a lot of energy (mostly worry) at this point in the dating processResist dating overall because you can't manage this part of the processWork with me PrivatelyConnect on InstagramWebsitePodcast Production by James Jorge

In today's episode, I'm digging into a recent question from a listener:Hey Clara! What are your thoughts on a long list of requirements for a partner?Oooh this is *such* a good one, and while I'm all for getting clarity on what you desire and need in a partner, I find when we start talking lists (and very specific ones), they're not that helpful.A list can give us a false sense of clarity and control. It can also keep us from the deeper work we're being called to do that will actually  lead to change in our romantic status. This episode will cover:Why the feeling of making a list about what we desire in a partner feels so good but often has little impactHow having a really tight and restrictive list has less to do with being clear about what you want in a partner and more to do with a fear of getting close to someone of beliefs that you aren't deserving of what you wantHow our lists can often be informed by societal or parental conditioning and not our true needsHow there's a greater wisdom, a medicine, so to speak of that which we need in a partner— that can only really be experienced, not written in a listHow to not (too quickly) write off potential partners How to maintain your standards but remain consistently curious in your pursuit of partnershipWork with me PrivatelyConnect on InstagramWebsitePodcast Production by James Jorge

Private Coaching Spots are OpenGet on my email listAre you obsessed with your attachment style and "fixing" it? Perhaps, even more so, if you fall into the category of anxious attachment? As a fellow anxious attachment sufferer, I believe we've got it all wrong. In today's episode, I'm bringing a reframe to:How we think about our attachment stylesHow it's not just our upbringing, but our current cultural environment and the way we date, that fosters less secure attachmentHow we shift from an anxious or avoidant attachment, to more secureHow your attachment style it isn't a death sentence when it comes to relationshipsYou will benefit tremendously from this episode if you:Struggle with an anxious attachment style and fear you'll never become secureHave attempted to feel less anxious in the dating process or in a relationship, but nothing ever seems to changeThink you're "bad" or not as good, because you suffer from an anxious attachment styleFind you overanalyze your dates — are they secure? Are they not secure? Are they being avoidant?Believe you just have to meet a secure person if you want a relationship to work — but also fear that the number of secure people are running out Attached the bookJohn BowlbyMary AinsworthWork with me PrivatelyConnect on InstagramWebsitePodcast Production by James Jorge

In today's episode, I'm opening up about my fertility journey, and how the ups and downs, are reminding me a lot of my dating journey. Namely:How do you keep going when you feel like nothing's working in your favor?How do you deal when you feel like you're "doing all the things," but none of it is making a difference?How do you long for something you feel like you don't have control over, or thought would go a different way?Tune in to here: Why I was hesitant to even do this episodeThe details over our struggle and journey over the last 2 yearsHow it's brought me back to the periods of defeat, exhaustion and unknown, in my dating lifeThe difficulty in maintaining self trust in these seasonsHow I'm coping and how those lessons can be applied to periods of defeat and disappointment in dating Work with me PrivatelyConnect on InstagramWebsitePodcast Production by James Jorge

Private coaching spots are now open! Apply here.Oftentimes, in our dating journey, when things aren't working out or we can't seem to meet people….our minds go to someplace like: location. Location, location, location. Similar to real estate, we start thinking, It must be where I live. I just must not live in a great place to meet people.I have worked with people from (literally) all over the globe. From big cities to small towns, and everything in between. And I've witnessed every single person, no matter their whereabouts, struggle with where they live and think that's the reason they aren't meet people.In today's episode I'm digging into:Why it feels “helpful” to attach to the idea that our location, i.e. living in a place with not enough single people, is what's holding us backWhat we're actually searching for when we say “Maybe I need to go to more bookstores and coffee shops to meet people?”How beliefs like “Dating in my city is hard,” or “Not enough people in my city go out” are impacting us and influencing our behaviorHow it has way less to do with where we live and more to do with how we carry ourselves through this world and what we believe is possible/accessible for usHow you actually can meet someone anywhere, and what matters when it comes to opening yourself up to those opportunitiesWork with me PrivatelyConnect on InstagramWebsitePodcast Production by James Jorge

This was the question that slid into my DMs a few weeks back. Well, a portion of it. It was two fold:How do I date when I literally travel all the time for work?How do we all date in a way that works best for us?The answer(s) here, might seem simple, but I think this episode will very much surprise you. It surprised me!If you're someone who:Travels a lot for workWorks odd hoursWorks ridiculously long hours!Works regular hours + and a "regular" job but is still utterly exhausted and turned off by the idea of dating......this episode is going to resonate. It's also going to take a macheté to your mindset, and give you a whoooole host of things to chew on, well beyond "How do I make time to date?"This episode will also hit home if you feel like they way you're being "told" to date feels like you're a square peg being forced into a round hole. Sit back, relax, and prepare to have your heart soften.Work with me PrivatelyConnect on InstagramWebsitePodcast Production by James Jorge

Are you easily absorbed by therapeutic claims on social media? Do you read a post and then think...I think I have a disorganized attachment styleI think the person I'm dating is love bombing meI think my boss is a narcissistPerhaps there's truth to all these claims. But in my opinion, we're caught up in an era where the information we're being fed — and the ways our brains are processing it — isn't always helping us. Isn't always allowing us to see clearly. I believe it's distorting our understanding of people and experiences in the dating processes, and limiting our capacity for fulfillment in relationships.This episode will resonate with anyone who:Finds themselves overanalyzing individuals they're dating, thinking they can "catch" something to figure this person out and avoid hurtIs quick to label people as narcissists, relationships as toxic, etcIs highly focused on things like fixing their attachment style, dating in the right way, controlling the outcome of a relationship — but is distant from their emotional experienceGets lost in the specifics of a person — if they have this job, if they look this way — they're safe, they're good to date, they won't hurt meLinks mentioned:https://markmanson.net/podcast/lori-gottliebhttps://markmanson.net/https://lorigottlieb.com/Take My Online CourseWork with me PrivatelyConnect on InstagramWebsitePodcast Production by James Jorge

Here's something clients say to me all the time:I don't want to waste time dating.I totally get where they're coming from, but that desire and sentiment is totally working against them. That's what I'm unpacking in today's episode along with more legitimately helpful tools to reframe your dating life.This episode will resonate if you:Find yourself overly scrutinizing people's profilesTend to look at someone's profile or observe their behavior pre-date and make immediate and strict judgements about them (They used this emoji! They're a selfish human being!)Blame yourself if you end up on a date that goes poorly, saying "I should have seen this coming!"Identify as an overachieverPlace a lot of value on doing things well — being productive and efficient in all areas of your lifeThis episode will benefit anyone who:Feels extremely frustrated and let down when they wind up on dates that are unenjoyable or don't go anywhere (You tend to be really hard on yourself or ruminate on what you could have done differently to avoid this outcome)Finds the overall process of dating rather miserable and wish it were easierAre constantly searching for a better way or easier way to discern whether someone is worth meeting in person, but never finding a solutionFear getting hurt in the dating processHave a historical fear of intimacy or have a history of choosing romantically unavailable partnersTake My Online CourseWork with me PrivatelyConnect on InstagramWebsitePodcast Production by James Jorge

When I launched my most recent program, the Big Dating Nap, I had a few sweet followers reach out and say:I don't need a nap. I'm in a dating coma! I need a jumpstart.I thought it was so sweet, and true. So while I didn't dedicated a program to this predicament (though the Big Dating Nap really is designed to act as a gentle jumpstart), I did want to dedicate the episode.This episode will resonate with folks who face a deep resistance to dating, and have so for an extended period of time. The idea of getting on an app, reaching out to that friend who wanted to set them up with someone, or engaging in conversation with someone they have a crush on fills them with dread. They tend to either suppress all the feelings or stay stuck in a state of rumination.In this episode I talk about:How claims like "I'm too old, I can't deal with the apps, there are no single people where I live..." is actually serving as a mask to the true resistanceThree common scenarios that I see fueling deep resistance to dating and what to do about themHow thinking we can just "jumpstart," our dating life is actually working against us, not for us.Previous episode on situation-ships mentioned: https://www.ithinkilikeyou.co/content/episode-78Take My Online CourseWork with me PrivatelyConnect on InstagramWebsitePodcast Production by James Jorge

In today's short episode, I'm sharing something I love to have my clients add to their dating profiles to mix up the monotony.This episode will resonate if:You're feeling blah about your profile and limited by your photo optionsYou struggle to make your profile feel like youYou find dating apps kind of miserable and could use a playful activity to shift up the energyYou're down for out of the box thinking when it comes to datingTake My Online CourseWork with me PrivatelyConnect on InstagramWebsitePodcast Production by James Jorge

Do you find yourself saying.... "I know I should be doing more in dating. I know I need to put myself out there." Most women I speak with do, and while there might be some truth to more strongly owning one's desire for partnership, the sentiment leaves us feeling stuck and hopeless.Today's episode is an antidote to that stuck-ness. In it I'm breaking down:Why we're such faulty narrators when it comes to determining when we are or aren't doing enough to meet someoneA helpful tactic to do instead that's not only dead simple but super specific to your dating needs (it's literally *tailor* made to better open you up to partnership)A way to help breakup the cycle of rumination, guilt and resistance to datingThis episode will resonate with anyone who:Tends to shame themselves for not doing enough or the right things in their dating lifeFeels like when they do try, they don't have the results to show for itFeels lost and disheartened when it comes to "next steps," or ways to change their behaviorTake My Online CourseWork with me PrivatelyConnect on InstagramWebsitePodcast Production by James Jorge

Do you feel behind in life? Do you wrestle with feelings of...if I just had:That jobThat houseThat relationshipThat moneyThen I'd be....golden (insert sunglasses emoji).I wrestle with these feelings consistently, and while they've waned in nature as I've gotten older, I'm still every so often hit with that swirl of anxiety, fear and shame, that my life just won't ever look like how I want it to look. But more so, that it won't take a shape that others deem good and successful. I've touched on this subject before, but I wanted to come out it from a different angle, with some new tactics thrown in, at a point in the year when we can all be a little (overly, perhaps) focused on BIG GOALS and MAKING THINGS HAPPEN. I'm all for it, but we want to check the motivation. Where is it coming from? Is it driven by genuine desire or a wound?This episode will resonate with you if you:Fear you'll never meet your person and will be chronically singleCan't shake the feeling that if you just had this ONE THING (be it love, be it money), everything would be okStruggle to cope with the feelings of 'being behind' and either number out with social media or go through feverish spells of datingEnjoy! xx ClaraTake My Online CourseWork with me PrivatelyConnect on InstagramWebsitePodcast Production by James Jorge

Danielle Beinstein, one of my favorite thinkers and creators is back with a mish mosh of 2024 perspective. Grab a cup of something good and cozy up to this one.Use code ITHINKILIKEYOU at checkout to get 15% off one of Dani's readings.Take My Online CourseWork with me PrivatelyConnect on InstagramWebsitePodcast Production by James Jorge

In today's episode I'm sharing one of my most prized elements of my marriage: our ability to talk about our past. Specifically, our past relationships. It was one of the things that most drew to my husband in our first few weeks of dating.  I also share what's coming up for me personally (this surprised me!) in our marriage and what I'm working on as a partner, and how I'm struggling to do the Whole30 with my husband —something that happens to be so beneficial to his health.Private coaching spaces are open.Join us for the Big Dating Nap (!)Take My Online CourseWork with me PrivatelyConnect on InstagramWebsitePodcast Production by James Jorge

Take My Online CourseWork with me PrivatelyConnect on InstagramWebsitePodcast Production by James Jorge