It's Not About You - Trauma, PTSD, Abuse & Recovery - Joe Ryan

Dating with Trauma: The Anxious Attacher's Endless Chase https://joeryan.com/Abandonment issues, anxious attachment, codependency—a desperate ache to mend what's been shattered since childhood. For the anxious attacher, every relationship is a warped reflection of that first bond, usually with a parent, the one who carved your earliest sense of self. The script never changes: If I can make this distant woman love me, maybe I'll fix the kid inside still screaming for someone to care.It's a cycle. We show up polished—crisp shirt, charming smile—pretending we're solid, hoping no one spots the insecurity gnawing underneath. We crave that invisible thread of connection, always. No text? No call? Panic floods in. We dissect their words, clock their last reply, and dump our spiraling thoughts on friends until they're exhausted. We're obsessed with decoding why they're pulling away.Dating with trauma turns relationships into a fix—validation, belonging, a bandage for the mess we see in the mirror. As kids, alone time wasn't just lonely; it was humiliating. One minute, we were everything to our parents; the next, nothing—banished to our room, isolated, ashamed. That hot-and-cold switch wired us for hyper-vigilance, always scanning for cracks in the bond. Now, a missed call or a vague text yanks us back to that place: unsafe, unloved, unraveling. We need to know where we stand because we never learned to stand alone.So we chase. We obsess. Friends fade, hobbies gather dust, and they become our universe. Elaborate dates, endless effort—all for a scrap of affection to prove we're enough. It's a child's plea in an adult's skin, replaying the same moves we tried at five.We've lingered in relationships where we're used, diminished, because leaving feels impossible. Back then, we couldn't escape home emotionally; now, we can't walk away from partners. To leave is to face that old terror of being alone—and alone, we feel like nothing. That's the wound. Even if they gave us the world, it wouldn't fill the hole. Love starts within.The fix? Here's the raw truth: no one's job is to save us or keep us steady. Stop begging them to see your worth. Stop performing for their approval. Turn that energy inward—build your own value, not through someone else, but through you.

- Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠- Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://instagram.com/joeryan⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠- Coaching: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/coaching/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠- Subscribe To All Episodes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/subscribe/⁠⁠It's Not You - It's Your Codependency Years ago, I was trapped in a cycle of disappointments and betrayals, constantly searching outside myself to fill the voids left by my upbringing. It was a painful realization: relying on others to heal childhood wounds never truly worked. Growing up in a codependent family system, I often felt alone, even when surrounded by people. These dynamics stifled my personal growth, kept me emotionally dependent on others—especially that negative parent—and pulled me deeper into toxic relationships. Does this sound familiar?We should have been taught independence, autonomy, and self-reliance. We should have been prepared to enter the world with confidence and competence—but we weren't. If you've ever wondered why, consider this: Do you know how powerful it is for a parent to have a child who needs them for validation? That's addictive. More powerful than any drug. And it makes you easy to exploit and manipulate.Every disappointment, every betrayal, every hurt—it's all just another lesson. When you don't believe you can function on your own, you seek out relationships to compensate for that incompetence. You look for someone to take care of you, to fill the void when things get too hard, to handle the issues you don't want to face. And then, when they leave, you're right back where you started. The cycle repeats.It's time to start rooting for yourself and fighting for yourself. Stop wasting your energy on people who will never complete you. The painful truth is that no one else can fill the voids left from childhood. But once you accept that, you can begin breaking free from toxic patterns. You can reclaim your life, stand confidently on your own, and experience the empowerment that comes from truly knowing yourself.The goal isn't to need people—it's to want them. And when you finally prove to yourself that you don't need anyone else to survive in this world, that's when you'll be truly ready for genuine, healthy relationships.

- Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://instagram.com/joeryan⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Coaching: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/coaching/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Subscribe To All Episodes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/subscribe/⁠⁠ It's Not You – It's Your Reluctance to Change Gaslighting isn't just a word—it's a way of life for some people. They thrive in toxic relationships where happiness hinges on external validation. They lack self-respect, self-discipline, and self-love. They don't love at all—they take hostages. But here's the truth: the prison door is open. You can walk out anytime you want. The only thing holding you back is fear. It's time to take responsibility and rediscover your self-respect. Gaslighting often stems from the perpetrator's own unresolved issues, but the power to lessen its effects lies within you. Changing your reactions can disrupt harmful patterns and create space for growth—not only for yourself but for those around you. Waiting for others to change is a losing game. Instead, focus on your own personal growth and self-acceptance. These are the tools you need to navigate and neutralize toxic dynamics effectively. When you emerge on the other side, gaslighting will lose its grip on you—because you simply won't care anymore. If you want a better life, start by getting to know yourself—the good, the bad, and the ugly. The deeper your self-awareness, the freer you become. They are stuck in time, and so are you. But gaslighting is no longer anyone else's responsibility except yours. Reclaim your self-worth, break free from the cycle, and step into a life defined by authenticity and inner peace.

- Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://instagram.com/joeryan⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Coaching: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/coaching/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Subscribe To All Episodes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/subscribe/⁠⁠ It's Not You—It's Our Childhood Experiences Growing up, many of us felt the sting of neglect and carried the silent burden of our caregivers' unmet needs. This often molded us into perfectionists, constructing facades to ensure those around us were happy so we wouldn't face isolation or emotional banishment. As children, we learned that our sense of worth was tied to their approval, never understanding how to feel okay with ourselves if they weren't okay with us. As adults, we unknowingly replay these patterns in our relationships, prioritizing the love and validation of others over self-love. This realization is the true lightbulb moment. Understanding how these childhood experiences shape our adult relationships can reveal why we sometimes drift toward isolation. Embracing the courage to let others in and reveal the parts of ourselves we've been taught to hide is daunting, yet liberating. The journey to vulnerability may feel terrifying, but it's where we begin to heal and discover the power of self-belonging and self-care, mending our internal voids and building resilience against loss and rejection. This journey isn't just about personal growth; it's about connecting with a community that values the risks of being seen authentically. Can fear and vulnerability actually strengthen your relationships? The answer is a resounding yes. Self-hate and shame keep us trapped, sabotaging our relationships and keeping us from genuine connection. Most of us hesitate to let others in, afraid they'll see beyond our polished exterior. But that mask only perpetuates our isolation. It's time to let go of the façade and find the courage to gradually remove it, allowing ourselves to be truly seen.

- Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠- Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://instagram.com/joeryan⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠- Coaching: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/coaching/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠- Subscribe To All Episodes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/subscribe/⁠⁠It's Not You—It's Your Lack of BoundariesTrue progress in your healing journey isn't measured by avoiding what hurt you but by how you handle returning to places that once caused you the most pain. It's time to move beyond blame and victimhood and embrace your personal power.The key to overcoming childhood wounds lies in understanding that your past does not control your future. Your self-worth and emotional intelligence are entirely within your hands. Healing is an internal process—one that doesn't rely on the validation or acceptance of those who raised you.Let's address the emotional challenge of setting boundaries and the discomfort that comes with it. When you set boundaries, anxiety and fear often arise, but rather than turning to unhealthy coping mechanisms, visualize these feelings and acknowledge them. This is the path to breaking the cycles of avoidance and shame.By learning to self-soothe and clearly communicate your boundaries, you'll discover how empowering it is to no longer depend on external validation. You'll reclaim your emotional independence and break free from old patterns of relying on others to determine your worth.Right now, an emotional battle is taking place within you—but the power to change it starts with boundaries. It's time to reclaim your peace and take control of your emotional well-being.Producer: Shelby Buckler

Joe Ryan will host a sixty-minute Q&A session via Zoom once a month with limited spots to ensure full participation. If you'd like to join the discussion, please fill out the form below to receive an email notification when registration opens one week before the next scheduled session.Topics: Trauma, False Self, Family Systems, Addiction,Anxiety, Shame, Emotional Incest, Setting Boundaries Sign Up Here: https://joeryan.com/qanda

- Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://instagram.com/joeryan⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Coaching: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/coaching/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Subscribe To All Episodes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/subscribe/⁠⁠ It's not you - it's your family system.   But it's you, too. It's time to talk about the necessity of weaning off external validation and learning to live a life aligned with one's true self.    To heal, you need to do two things—learn to be okay with disappointing people and leave home emotionally. The rage that's been building for all this time is ready to be released, and now you have to learn to live with it. All I can tell you is that your hurt, anger, and resentment hurt you, and you put way too much value in the people who raised you.     After this realization, loneliness will shine through, but you have to embrace it. If you need to find a surrogate family somewhere with somebody who'll better mirror you, do it. You must start living your life your way and find the places important to you.    Have you ever asked yourself any of these questions? Do they not like me? What's it going to be like when I show up? How are they going to guilt me and shame me? Then, you need to get a handle on those emotions of shame and guilt and start cutting emotional ties with toxic family systems.   It's time to work through the impacts of generational trauma and learn the importance of developing self-love and independence. It's time to achieve a fulfilled and authentic life built for you. 00:00 Introduction to Hard Truths of Recovery 00:21 Dealing with Family and Emotional Separation 05:17 Understanding and Managing Anger 08:04 The Loneliness of Recovery 08:55 Breaking Free from Family Expectations 15:41 Investing in Yourself 25:06 Conclusion and Personal Reflections Host: Joe Ryan Producer: Shelby Buckler

- Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://instagram.com/joeryan⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Coaching: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/coaching/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Subscribe To All Episodes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/subscribe/⁠⁠ In the most recent episode of "It's Not You, It's Your Trauma," Joe Ryan delves into toxic relationships. These relationships, characterized by emotional unavailability, abuse, and neglect, often reflect the dynamics we experienced in our early years.  Joe begins by examining why individuals enter and remain in toxic relationships. He explains that our childhood experiences with emotionally unavailable or narcissistic parents often lay the groundwork for our adult relationships. As children, we learn to neglect ourselves and prioritize the emotional needs of our caretakers in hopes of earning their love and approval. This pattern continues into adulthood, where we find ourselves trying to "fix" our partners in an unconscious attempt to heal our childhood wounds. One of Joe's most compelling points is finding comfort in familiar pain. Even though toxic relationships are damaging, they feel normal to us because they replicate the dynamics we grew up with. Being with someone genuinely caring for and nurturing us may be intimidating because it challenges our deeply ingrained beliefs about our worth and value. Joe emphasizes that the key to breaking free from these patterns lies in building our self-esteem and learning to value ourselves independently of others. Joe also discusses the significance of emotional independence. He urges his audience to imagine what it would feel like to leave a toxic relationship and to acknowledge the fear and panic that arise. These emotions, he explains, are rooted in our childhood survival instincts. As children, our survival relied on maintaining an emotional connection with our caregivers, regardless of the harm it caused. In adulthood, leaving a toxic partner can feel like a life-or-death situation because it triggers these same survival instincts. To genuinely heal and move forward, Joe encourages us to make better choices in the present. This entails recognizing our worth, establishing boundaries, and seeking healthy, supportive relationships. He reminds us that although the healing journey is challenging, it is ultimately rewarding. By trying to understand and heal our past, we can create a future filled with healthier, more fulfilling relationships.

- Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://instagram.com/joeryan⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Coaching: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/coaching/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Subscribe To All Episodes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/subscribe/⁠⁠ Anger and hate are both related to unmet needs. When we feel angry, it's because we want something that we're not getting. And when we feel hate, it's because we have deep needs that are not being met, and we're struggling to deal with them. Self-hate is a common problem that many people face, and it can be very hard to overcome. We often hate ourselves because we feel helpless and stuck and don't know how to do things differently. This can be especially challenging if we've been raised in an environment where we were not encouraged to be independent or take care of our needs.  To overcome self-hate, it's important to figure out our needs and start taking steps to meet them. This can be difficult, especially if we've never learned how to do this before. Shifting our focus from hating ourselves to feeling angry at those who have hurt us is helpful. This can be a useful step in the healing process, but it's important not to get stuck in feelings of anger and hate towards others. Ultimately, we must work on understanding ourselves and taking responsibility for our well-being.  This can be a challenging process, and it may involve making difficult decisions, such as cutting people out of our lives or disappointing others. However, it's important to remember that we are responsible for our happiness and well-being. We must learn how to meet our needs and stop depending on others for validation and support. This can be a lonely process sometimes, but staying committed to our growth and healing is important.

- Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://instagram.com/joeryan⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Coaching: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/coaching/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Subscribe To All Episodes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/subscribe/⁠⁠ If you grew up in a family system that was shame-based, you may feel weighed down by shame. Shame shields us from pain and neglect, but it's also a burden. Shame-based family systems are harsh and judgmental. As a child, you were exposed to criticism and verbal attacks because people didn't do things the way your family did. When you're shame-based, you need to surround yourself with people who share your views. This can cause you to judge yourself harshly. Shame wants to stay hidden. We fear being judged, so we try to be perfect. Perfectionism often stems from shame. We feel like we're being scrutinized, like a celebrity without the fame. We are usually our harshest critics. As children, we internalize the negative feedback we hear and try to fit into a box that doesn't feel right. We may develop self-hatred for not being like everyone else in our family. We try to conform to an ideal painted for us instead of living our own lives. Some people live their entire lives not realizing they're living a lie. They've bought into the system and think they're defective, broken, or unhappy. But the truth is, being authentic is more important than fitting into someone else's mold.

- Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://instagram.com/joeryan⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Coaching: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/coaching/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Subscribe To All Episodes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/subscribe/⁠⁠ Many of us are emotionally stuck at a point where we feel that our self-worth is completely dependent on our mother's love and acceptance. This can lead to a deep wound when we don't receive the love and validation we need in the way we need it. In order to move forward and heal, it's important to reach a point in our recovery where our mother's opinion of us no longer has a hold on our sense of self-worth. We must learn to validate ourselves from within, and find the strength to recognize our own worth regardless of outside approval or disapproval. It's a difficult journey, but one that can lead to a life of greater self-love and acceptance. Have you ever had a moment that felt like a key turning in a lock, opening doors to rooms within yourself you didn't know existed? That's what Joe Ryan's latest podcast episode feels like—a raw, unfiltered journey into the heart of personal transformation. Joe doesn't hold back as he recounts his struggle with self-hate and shame, emotions that many of us grapple with but few have the courage to confront head-on. He speaks of the burdens we carry, the secrets we keep from ourselves, and the exhausting act of maintaining a façade for the world. But then comes the light bulb moment—a realization so profound that it changes everything. For Joe, it was acknowledging his neediness, a trait he had shamed himself for, which stemmed from his childhood. This acknowledgment wasn't just an act of understanding; it was an act of liberation. Throughout the episode, Joe takes us through the ups and downs of his emotional journey. He talks about the heaviness that comes with emotional baggage and the lightness that follows when you start to let go. It's a process, he says, not a destination. But the work is worth it because, on the other side of that pain and shame, is freedom. Joe's story is one of self-forgiveness and the power of self-awareness. It's about breaking the chains of the past and finding the courage to face our inner demons. He shares his process, the painful yet necessary steps to peel back the layers of hurt, and the healing that follows. This episode is a call to anyone who's felt stuck, weighed down by their emotions, or lost in the maze of their mind. It's for those who've ever felt the need to hide their true selves or who've wondered if there's more to life than the roles they've been playing. Joe's narrative is a testament to the resilience of the human spirit. It reminds us that no matter how deep the wounds, healing is possible. It's a story of coming home to oneself, of building a life not on the expectations of others but on the foundation of self-acceptance and love.

- Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://instagram.com/joeryan⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Coaching: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/coaching/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Subscribe To All Episodes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/subscribe/⁠⁠ Have you ever had a moment that felt like a key turning in a lock, opening doors to rooms within yourself you didn't know existed? That's what Joe Ryan's latest podcast episode feels like—a raw, unfiltered journey into the heart of personal transformation. Joe doesn't hold back as he recounts his struggle with self-hate and shame, emotions that many of us grapple with but few dare to confront head-on. He speaks of the burdens we carry, the secrets we keep from ourselves, and the exhausting act of maintaining a façade for the world. But then comes the light bulb moment—a profound realization that changes everything. For Joe, it was acknowledging his neediness, a trait he had shamed himself for, which stemmed from his childhood. This acknowledgment wasn't just an act of understanding; it was an act of liberation. Throughout the episode, Joe takes us through the ups and downs of his emotional journey. He talks about the heaviness of emotional baggage and the lightness that follows when you start to let go. It's a process, he says, not a destination. But the work is worth it because freedom is on the other side of that pain and shame. Joe's story is one of self-forgiveness and the power of self-awareness. It's about breaking the chains of the past and finding the courage to face our inner demons. He shares his process, the painful yet necessary steps to peel back the layers of hurt, and the healing that follows. This episode is a call to anyone who's felt stuck, weighed down by their emotions, or lost in the maze of their mind. It's for those who've ever felt the need to hide their true selves or who've wondered if there's more to life than the roles they've been playing. Joe's narrative is a testament to the resilience of the human spirit. It reminds us that healing is possible no matter how deep the wounds. It's a story of coming home to oneself, of building a life not on the expectations of others but on the foundation of self-acceptance and love. So, if you're ready for an episode that will challenge you, move you, and ultimately inspire you to embark on your own journey of self-discovery, listen to Joe Ryan's latest podcast. It might just be the key you've been searching for.

- Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://instagram.com/joeryan⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Coaching: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/coaching/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Subscribe To All Episodes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/subscribe/⁠⁠ The terrible two in children is a vital step in their emotional development. It is a psychological birth that starts separation and independence from caregivers.  At this stage, the child goes from helpless dependent to more of an independent role as the child starts to realize that they are not one but separate from their caregivers. Allowing a child to separate, become more independent, and figure out who they are is one of the most important gifts a parent can give a child.  Most parents do not allow a child to separate. The child is now limited by what the parent will allow. They learn that independence is not permitted, and the child stays emotionally bonded to the parent just as they were in infancy. The child will run all thoughts, emotions, and actions through the ‘parent filter.' They never learn to make their own decisions, find confidence in themselves, and never grow up or leave home emotionally.  As the child grows into an adult, they are emotionally stuck at this development stage and need the approval of their parents and everyone with whom they have relationships throughout their life.  The internal fears of abandonment turn them into codependent people pleasers who are on an endless quest to find someone, anyone, to permit them to be themselves.  In this Episode: Letting kids grow up and not expecting them to take care of your emotional needs! What happens when parents sabotage their children's successes or independence because of their “unlived” lives? Going from being needed all the time to essentially not being needed at all Letting kids be and not trying to shame them into things you want them to do How the “good parent”, especially in divorce, will always get the short end of the stick Avoid feeling betrayed by our child's independence and lack of need for us. This episode covers the why's of what people do to combat this initial behavior and the irreparable damage it can cause to a child. The terrible twos are also linked to a teenager's later years of struggling for that greater need for independence. How are they connected, and what are the ramifications? What is the impact for both the child and the parent(s), and how does all of this impact all involved? This episode reminds us that children can't be there for your benefit or to fill the holes we have in our souls! It's not healthy for them, and it's not healthy for us!

- Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://instagram.com/joeryan⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Coaching: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/coaching/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Subscribe To All Episodes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/subscribe/⁠⁠ In this episode, Joe covers one of the biggest & most frequent questions he gets! How do I get my partner to change? How do we get my wife to change? How do I get my husband to change? How do I get my brother to listen? How do I get him to go to therapy? It's simple…Here is the answer…. YOU DON'T This episode outlines the steps a person needs to take to stop trying to change your partner but to change what you are doing (or not doing) in the relationship for you to remedy the situation and take control of what you can change! In this Episode: Repeating the Same Patterns in Your Relationship…the Wash, Rinse, Repeat Syndrome What Motivates Your Partner to Have to Change? What will get them to your worth and value? The Benefits of Therapy…the proper steps have benefits you may not have even thought of for your future safety and well being Building a Life for Yourself, and Expand your Circle of Friends and Connections Eliminating Fear of Change and Making Changes Before it's too Late Taking Responsibility for the Way You Are Treated in a Relationship This episode will help you realize where you are currently, what you need to do, and how you need to do it without expecting any help or change from the person you hoped you could change! You have to start looking at yourself and stop looking at somebody else because, more than likely, the person you hope will change and stay the way you want them to will never happen! Heal yourself. Stop trying to change your partner!

- Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://instagram.com/joeryan⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Coaching: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/coaching/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Subscribe To All Episodes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/subscribe/⁠⁠ After a long hiatus, Joe is back with a new perspective, insight, and positivity that he is ready to share! Deciding to focus on genuinely caring for himself for a while, Joe is ready to share some of the more important things he learned in this recovery phase. Stepping back from the pressures of constantly self-exposing his shame, embarrassment, and other innermost disappointments, Joe could genuinely focus and work through many things holding him back from obtaining happiness daily! These revelations, new insights, and small victories have brought him to a new place of peace and satisfaction, translating to a renewed ability to share all this with you with greater enthusiasm and focus! In this Episode: We connect the dots between phases, stages, and activities once the light bulb goes on! Working through the hangover and getting used to the new normal Reaching a point that you no longer have to prove your worth to the world Eliminating shame…accept things for what they were Learning to move out further in the direction you want Building things back “Your Way.” Getting back to a place where you can breathe with regularity! This episode shows that you can overcome and work through almost anything to start living the life that you want. Even if you're not sure what it is, it's getting out the shit…the hurt…the victimhood, the learned helplessness and the self-hate. Build up your strength and confidence within yourself so you don't fear rejection, humiliation, and failure. Get to know who you are and the way of living that is right for you! Remember….Recovery is Possible!

- Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://instagram.com/joeryan⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Coaching: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/coaching/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Submit A Question ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/ask/⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Subscribe To All Episodes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/subscribe/⁠⁠ Family System Revisited builds off the Family Shame Episode (Episode 69), in which Joe elaborates on the pressures of family expectations and the toll it takes on a person in trying to fit into a family “system.” When we're born, we're born into a system. We are thrown into an existing system and put into a slot. Family systems dictate how you are expected to act, appear in public and how you are supposed to handle actions and emotions from everyone within your inner circle. The pressure to act accordingly and do only what will get you positive attention becomes a burden you can only carry for so long. Eventually, the byproduct of all this shame, whether from someone else or your own self, as you feel you can't live up to the standard set for you in this unhealthy system. What do you do to lose the feeling of worrying about what everyone wants, thinks, or expects from you? Learn what Joe had to do to teach himself to be ok with being able to survive and being seen in ways that weren't acceptable by his family system and move past all the guilt and shame he felt as a child for wanting things outside his place in the system. In this Episode: Learn to live a life outside of the role your family has set for you to live the life you want…one free of shame. Getting in touch with our anger and emotions Live within your own body…your own self.. without anxiety and fear. Learn that you weren't put on this earth to fill the holes of parents who can't fill them in their own lives. Integrate the parts of yourself in your new life that your family won't let you have Build a relationship with yourself…Love is an Inside Job! Learn to dismantle your family system's role to live and deal with the uncomfortable feelings of judgment and shame from your family system! Feel the relief and freedom that comes from releasing the bonds that have been placed on you by your family!

- Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://instagram.com/joeryan⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Coaching: ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/coaching/⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Submit A Question ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/ask/⁠⁠⁠ - Subscribe To All Episodes ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/subscribe/⁠⁠ Original pain work is the most profound work you will ever do on yourself. It is also the most difficult! In this episode, Joe talks about the abuse he experienced as a child and how he has dealt with it for many years by disassociating it with denial and by packing it away in this little dark place to be dealt at another time. Decades later (between the original pain and the fear that he continues to live), Joe shares in detail how he needed to work his way back to those places, the origins of his pain, and the abuse, hurt, and fear he has to connect the dots to determine how he got to the place he's at today… and how he is now forced to confront and correct the issues to be able to move forward. In this Episode: Pinpointing where all these feelings and behaviors are coming from and how to get back in touch with them. Realizing you can't always stay one step ahead of your pain…they will catch up to you if you don't learn to work on going back to their origins and reliving them to produce a better outcome. Learn to “feel” your way through things to free yourself from your pain. Elvis has left the building… checking out physically and emotionally. Going “Toe to Toe” with your fears Putting in the work to go inside yourself can be frightening, but it will be your path to freedom and peace. Become stronger than your fears! Let joy take over by moving fear out of the way. No longer live in denial and live your truth. Find someone who can help you get to that place…time is ticking away, and it's time to lean into your fears…Joy is waiting to take over your life!

- Website: ⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com⁠⁠⁠ - Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠https://instagram.com/joeryan⁠⁠⁠ - Coaching: ⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/coaching/⁠⁠⁠ - Submit A Question ⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/ask/⁠⁠ - Subscribe To All Episodes ⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/subscribe/⁠⁠ “Making the Right Choice” directly solves issues you currently experience in your own life with a simple message… "You Can't Do This Work Alone" In this episode, Joe talks about the important changes he made in his life by finding the right person to guide him through the initial stages of breaking out from where he was at that time to starting to take meaningful actions to move in the right direction. He reveals that It begins with “being seen” and allowing someone you trust to help you move through the phases of an emotional child to a healthy, emotionally balanced adult. Acknowledging you can't do all of this alone is the first step and a perfectly acceptable way of attacking the issues head on. In this Episode: Having to admit that you need help from others, along with putting in the work needed to find the right “caregiver,” is key Learning to get out of your own way is a key step in the right direction. Work on Being “Seen” and find positive “Mirroring” (the kind you didn't get as a child) Experiencing the freedom that comes from being “Unstuck.” Having the peace of mind of knowing you are not going through this alone or that these issues and feelings are unique to you Realizing Fear, Trauma, Anxiety, Panic & Shame doesn't go away by itself. Even with help, you have to keep putting in the work to move past these feelings. Acknowledging that you are a strong person based on the mere fact that you have carried this pain inside you for as long as you can remember is powerful in your progress. It will help you to become brave and courageous to help you become humble and ok to accept help from someone qualified to help. There is no shame in asking for help…humble yourself and open up to somebody who genuinely cares for your well-being. You are going to have to trust someone at some point, even though you have that fear of being burned in the past by someone you feel has betrayed you. The choice to get help is yours…make the right choice!

- Website: ⁠⁠https://joeryan.com⁠⁠ - Instagram: ⁠⁠https://instagram.com/joeryan⁠⁠ - Coaching: ⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/coaching/⁠⁠ - Submit A Question ⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/ask/⁠ - Subscribe To All Episodes ⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/subscribe/⁠⁠ “Relationship Triggers” delves into how we react to certain situations and conversations in our relationships, based heavily upon our history of reactions and events that have impacted us, going back as far as childhood. Even though these events involved different people, we still have this knee jerk reaction to the new and innocent person we are attempting to form a new relationship with. How do we handle these broken and damaged emotions when trying to build a new relationship with someone who may not understand the trauma we have endured? In this episode, Joe talks about the importance of navigating through the process of allowing yourself to grow relationships instead of cutting them off at the knees once they start to really get rolling. Being in a romantic relationship feels vastly different from being alone, as you are now connected to somebody else. Your reactions are being closely monitored by someone who may not have the same past/path traveled. Everyone has pain points and things that cause us to react differently to what others may think are trivial, but because of our different pasts, these reactions tend to uncover pain points that aren't the same for each person. How do we navigate these waters to live the life we want? What should we expect from others to help us heal? This episode helps clear up some of these questions and may change your perspective going forward.  In this Episode: Putting in the time and effort to learn that it can be ok to be vulnerable with the right person Being in touch with your past to learn what your triggers are and where they came from in order to work through them Moving past the walls you have created for yourself through the “filters of the lens of your past.” Not turning into the type of person or parent who messed us up initially. Holes in our soul….hoping another person can heal them for us instead of us healing them ourselves Learning the limitations of others as we interact in an intimate relationship and learning when you need to go if that person can't give you what you deserve after you have done the work to make yourself whole and ready to be loved properly. This episode helps you discover what parts of your childhood and your overall life in general have caused you to react negatively, right or wrong. Find out what you lack in your life and what triggers you, and focus on the root source and how you can repair those feelings on your own. Don't expect relationships with others to solve any of this for you... It's all on you.

Can I Recover On My Own? Joe Ryan is a Certified Peer Support Specialist who knows trauma because he's lived it and learned to live beyond it. Joe has been on a lifelong journey to overcome trauma, shame, and the demons that plagued him from early in life. Joe is turning his mission outward, helping others conquer their traumatic experiences through his podcast (“It's Not You, It's Your Trauma“) and one-on-one coaching. - Website: https://joeryan.com - Instagram: https://instagram.com/joeryan - Subscribe: https://joeryan.com/subscribe/ - Coaching: https://joeryan.com/coaching/ Drew Linsalata, creator and host of The Anxious Truth. I am a full time graduate student in clinical mental health counseling on the way to being a licensed therapist. I'm an author, a speaker, and proud to be both an educator and advocate in the anxiety, anxiety disorder, and anxiety recovery community. I am also a former sufferer, having struggled with anxiety disorders and clinical depression for more than 25 years of my life before finally fully recovering around 2008. - https://theanxioustruth.com/

Subscribe To All Episodes https://joeryan.com/subscribe/ Are you living a lie? Do you know what type of person you want to be in life vs. the person you are expected to be? You might not know what or who you want to be, but you know you are unhappy with the person you have become because of many things, including Shame. In this episode, Joe goes deep into the topic of shame…and how everyone he counsels lives with it, regardless of nationality, belief system, politics, religion, sexuality, etc. Joe discusses how shame lives in the darkness, creates isolation, and doesn't want to be seen. Follow the steps outlined in this episode to uncover your shame, bring it into the light, and eventually eliminate it. In this Episode: Learn to live a life outside of the role your family has set for you to live the life you want…one free of shame. Stop conforming and show up for yourself, not others. Take care of yourself, set boundaries, and learn to say no. Break yourself from any feelings or thoughts that make you think you need to confer with others before you do anything significant. Learn to become strong enough to make your own choices and free of always feeling like you must ask for permission. Be prepared to lose people in your life once you make these changes and start to live the life you want for yourself. If people are guilting and shaming you into being something that you're not to please them, they need you more than you need them! Learn to be there for yourself, first and foremost. Remember, nobody will change for you or teach you to love yourself. Shame has, can, and will manipulate actions. Having the strength to identify how not to allow it to take you down the road you no longer want to travel takes time, inner strength, and… lots of work. - Website: https://joeryan.com - Instagram: https://instagram.com/joeryan - Subscribe: https://joeryan.com/subscribe/ - Coaching: https://joeryan.com/coaching/ - Submit A Question https://joeryan.com/ask/ --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/joeryan/message

Joe Ryan is a Certified Peer Support Specialist who knows trauma because he's lived it and learned to live beyond it. Joe has been on a lifelong journey to overcome trauma, shame, and the demons that plagued him from early in life. Joe is turning his mission outward, helping others conquer their traumatic experiences through his podcast (“It's Not You, It's Your Trauma“) and one-on-one coaching. - Website: https://joeryan.com - Instagram: https://instagram.com/joeryan - Subscribe: https://joeryan.com/subscribe/ - Coaching: https://joeryan.com/coaching/ Drew Linsalata, creator and host of The Anxious Truth. I am a full time graduate student in clinical mental health counseling on the way to being a licensed therapist. I'm an author, a speaker, and proud to be both an educator and advocate in the anxiety, anxiety disorder, and anxiety recovery community. I am also a former sufferer, having struggled with anxiety disorders and clinical depression for more than 25 years of my life before finally fully recovering around 2008. - https://theanxioustruth.com/ --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/joeryan/message

Subscribe To All Episodes https://joeryan.com/subscribe/ Submit A Question https://joeryan.com/ask/ How do we sit with our pain? How do we learn to grieve loss, innocence, self-respect, and pride…all while learning to empower ourselves to live our daily lives? In this episode, Joe discusses how we need to treat the pain we feel every day the same way we would grieve something even more devasting, like a death of a friend, partner, or family member. His message is that it is ok to take time for yourself to focus on your pains (mental and physical) and how he handles these overwhelming feelings to feel free and go on with his daily life. in this Episode: Realizing it's ok to wallow in your pain temporarily, just don't get stuck in it! Learning balance- don't wait too long to let these feelings build over time and then try to take on too much at once Make plans to sit with yourself as you plan to be with friends. Learn where your feelings reside and learn not to suppress these feelings but to sit with them to build your strength up over time Learning to identify where these pains reside…if it's physical, where in your body does it reside and how you can rid yourself of it when it appears Giving yourself some space to deal with your thoughts, feel discomfort, and don't try to run from it – avoid the distractions and focus on where the discomfort comes from and learn to release it Learn to start the process the same way you would go back to the gym after years of sitting on the couch. Start small (light weights) and build this routine up over time until you can handle your bigger and more challenging issues. Learning not to feel shameful for having to stay home just to deal with these feelings Learning that all of your addictions won't fix your problems and remove the pains This episode provides solid, practical advice on how to deal with all your pains and to learn how the only thing in life that is limiting you is YOU! - Website: https://joeryan.com - Instagram: https://instagram.com/joeryan - Subscribe: https://joeryan.com/subscribe/ - Coaching: https://joeryan.com/coaching/ --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/joeryan/message

Subscribe To All Episodes https://joeryan.com/subscribe/ Submit A Question https://joeryan.com/ask/ In this episode, Joe discusses the origin and development of one's “false self.” Joe's take is that this starts at a very early age (about 24 months), a “psychological birth” time when a child realizes they are not one with their parents or caregivers. At this point, they try to start separating themselves to find their own identity. This episode includes bold statements regarding subjects like supporting young children and their feelings of not wanting to share their toys, sitting in timeouts that eventually associate feeling sitting alone equals feeling shameful, making your own decisions against your family's wishes, etc. vs. feeling that you are being supported in your position. Joe states that this is the earliest stages of creating boundaries within your family to help you survive in the real world under your own rules as opposed to doing what is expected of you, regardless of how you really feel. in this Episode: Throwing temper tantrums to try and separate from your parents – the conundrum of parents and other adults seeing you as unruly vs. your first experiences in becoming independent and learning to become their own person (and parents' first experiences in trying to mold you) Learning self-identity while your parents impose their ways on you and try to keep you in a box of family rules and bind you to them Forming our false self out of fear, staying in good graces, and avoiding rejection Becoming “what your parents need you to be” vs. doing what you feel is right in learning to become more confident and secure in your own self. Learning to break the chains of your past from how your parents made you become emotionally dependent on them to keep them tied to them for the rest of your life to fill holes in their life, making you a slave to their self-worth and desires Learning how to dismantle the false self by going against the family system that isn't your beliefs and start to set your own boundaries Looking for positive mirroring faces to help us not feel bad about ourselves and justify our feelings and decisions Learning that being alone shouldn't feel shameful This episode provides strong insight into how you can develop your own independence and feelings of validity in learning to trust your instincts and decisions. Belonging to self and doing things you enjoy will make your world bigger and more fulfilled! - Website: https://joeryan.com - Instagram: https://instagram.com/joeryan - Subscribe: https://joeryan.com/subscribe/ - Coaching: https://joeryan.com/coaching/ --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/joeryan/message

A new episode will be out in a few days. Until then, you can listen to my interview on the Adult Child Podcast. In the interview, we discuss navigating dating with CPTSD, attraction vs. attachment, the importance of developing an unshakable sense of self., setting boundaries with family members, and the importance of sitting with our feelings. Listen On Apple Listen On Spotify --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/joeryan/message

Become A Subscriber https://joeryan.com/subscribe/ Grief…dealing with heartbreak and loss. Most of us have grieved the loss of a loved one… a pet loss, a friend, a parent, or a romantic relationship. The process doesn't have a timeline, and all five stages are not linear, yet they are all intertwined. It's a big bucket of emotions… grief, sadness, anger, guilt, anxiety, confusion, frustration, fear, resentment, yearning, envy, etc. It's a lot of emotions to sort out, and it all stems from loss. In this episode, Joe covers his own journey that has reached the latter part of this process. Dealing with the recent ending of a year-long romance, Joe painfully shares how the pain process stems from the grief he feels and how he has learned to identify the series of emotions he is experiencing and how you can reconcile those same stages to help you deal with these same emotions. In this Episode: Opening yourself up, allowing yourself to be vulnerable, and giving away some of your power The George Costanza “do the opposite of your initial thoughts” paradox Not letting your desires outweigh logic Surviving being “Open and Vulnerable” and the strength you gain Dealing with the multiple stages of Grief and when you will know you have reached the last stage This episode builds off the last episode, Cut and Burn. The aftermath of staying in a relationship longer in order to grow from the experience is the conundrum. Part of the grieving process is to get to the point where you accept your role, you accept how you showed up, you accept the humiliation, and you accept all of the good and all the bad. But when we're in our grief and a breakup, all we can see is the hurt and the negative. If we don't get into our vulnerability, and we keep repeating the same patterns that we always repeat, and we cut and burn at the same point, we will never grow. We are never going to become stronger. We will never be able to work on dousing those fears and getting comfortable with being who we are. - Website: https://joeryan.com - Instagram: https://instagram.com/joeryan - Subscribe: https://joeryan.com/subscribe/ - Coaching: https://joeryan.com/coaching/ --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/joeryan/message

Become A Subscriber https://joeryan.com/subscribe/ Should I Stay Or Should I Go? The Cut And Burn Relationship Question. Can We Stay Past Our Limits Of Emotional Discomfort To Expose Our Needs, Wants, Desires, And Fears For The Greater Good Of Love? - Website: https://joeryan.com - Instagram: https://instagram.com/joeryan - Subscribe: https://joeryan.com/subscribe/ - Coaching: https://joeryan.com/coaching/ --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/joeryan/message

Why is happiness so elusive for some? Why do we always feel like we are “on guard”? This episode covers the process Joe has had to practice to make himself feel comfortable and in search of any sense of joy. How do you get to this place when you have had so much trauma and have lived with your “guard up” most of your life? This episode uncovers some important steps you will need to take to move through the process. Learning not to be afraid of feeling joy and how to accomplish this emotion is crucial. Getting over the fears and stop pretending to be someone else, always trying to do only what you are comfortable doing and projecting an image to others that don't exist is a key component in your quest to find true joy in life! in this Episode: Scanning the room for safety and feeling comfortable Deprogramming & preparing for loss that may never come Being happy in a world where there seems to be no happiness Tapping into the reservoir of Joy Having a relationship with ourselves Being alone isn't a punishment...its finding out how you really are! Struggling with the feeling of Joy This episode uncovers the importance of learning how to feed your soul and face your fears to take yourself off the journey of life on auto-pilot. Take time to figure out why you avoid certain situations and how to trust yourself in certain situations when they come up. Don't paint yourself in a box. Move outside the box and learn to deal with your body's reactions. You have to start somewhere – a place that you may not want to go to first to end up in a place of joy. --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/joeryan/message

Become A Subscriber https://joeryan.com/subscribe/ How do you navigate your way through fear? What can you expect to face when working through all of this? What is the recovery process? This episode dives deep into the feelings of fear- fear of just about anything in your life. Joe talks about previous experiences of going through the process of dealing with his fear and how not to avoid doing the things that fuel it. As you get older, your fears get greater…how will you treat them? How will you stop fearing the fear? What can you do to reach a point where you can look back and say, ”how ridiculous was I for fearing that”? In this Episode: Conquering fear by moving thru fear… Fearing fear compounds the fear and makes it worse! Creating Emotional Space Preparing yourself each day until you eventually eliminate most fears Find people you can lean on…and can lean on you- People You Can Grow With… Breaking out of your bubble – stand on your own beliefs and live your best life Joe's insight and deep revelations are sure to inspire changes in your life…changes that start as a mental exercise that eventually becomes second nature once you break through to the other side of your fears. It's all about building yourself up…realizing your worth…your own and value. As you work through the fear of not living up to what your family thought, what society thinks is successful, it's living your best life, the one that makes you happy, it's stripping yourself down to that. This episode tears down the misnomers that torture people trying to live up to society's expectations and how you can fight that to find your safe zone without living in complete isolation. - Website: https://joeryan.com - Instagram: https://instagram.com/joeryan - Subscribe: https://joeryan.com/subscribe/ - Coaching: https://joeryan.com/coaching/ --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/joeryan/message

Do you find yourself watching what everybody else is doing or how they were feeling? What their anger level or resentment level may be? Are they overwhelmed or feeling peaceful? Is this a safe time or is it a fearful time? Is your inner safety based on the people around you? If so, you may have experienced “Emotional Incest” as a child. These feelings are the outcome of something deeper that you couldn't comprehend back then…even though you may have sensed something wasn't right in how you were treated by a parent(s). The topics in the “Emotional Incest” episode delve into how parents use their children to fill emotional holes in their life that stem from an unfulfilled marriage, and how that ultimately affects their ability to maintain a healthy self-image, and relationships in their adult life. Joe uncovers a number of emotions one feels when experiencing this sort of treatment and the steps necessary to course correct yourself now, and in the future. This episode covers many examples of what may be holding you back from being able to have a loving, caring, mutual “give and take” partnership with that special someone. These issues discussed have impacted many of us on different levels, with the greatest level being the recipient of “Emotional Incest”. Topics in this Episode: When two parents are not getting their needs met by each other, they will triangulate and try to get their needs met by their children. How can you rebound from being the recipient of Emotional Incest? Learn how to find your worth and value to give yourself the things that you have given away Learned how to set boundaries- learn how to say no, to stand up for yourself, and to say this is where my emotional responsibility for you ends. Break the pattern of people pleasing and learn to take care of yourself- start loving yourself! Emotional incest victims don't know who they are or what they feel. They know what everybody else feels. Stop giving away your complete self from a place of deficiency. Work towards establishing a balance of give and take and avoid the feeling of fear that if you are constantly not doing enough for other people or they will be quick to leave! The ability to eliminate these fears and to work on your own needs and self-worth are covered in this episode. --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/joeryan/message

Become A Subscriber https://joeryan.com/subscribe/ The Unstuck Story Follow-Up picks up where episode #58 left off… what has happened since the time Joe made the big move to Manhattan and what type of changes did he force himself to make to start the process of becoming more independent and free of fear of trying new things. The Unstuck story follow-up focuses on the necessary steps and mindset you need to adapt to unshackle yourself from the things that kept you scared and unable to move forward in all aspects of your life. Anxiety, fear, suspicions & mistrust, inadequacies, etc are powerful roadblocks in your path to freeing yourself. This episode talks about what the risk and reward were for Joe as he began to unshackle his thoughts and fears from his actions! Topics in this Episode: Struggling like an emotional child Learn to live on your own…In your own way Introducing new things in your Life Negotiations in Your Head Breaking Fear-Based Living This episode provides the simple reminder that you need to be there for yourself before you can be there for others! The importance of establishing a baseline and growing from there is covered as well as lots of insight into the benefits Joe has experienced now that he has been able to clear the deck and start fresh. Don't procrastinate, and don't wait for someone to tell you it's ok to do these things you have stopped yourself from doing…walk through your fear and don't miss out on the great rewards that will follow! - Website: https://joeryan.com - Instagram: https://instagram.com/joeryan - Subscribe: https://joeryan.com/subscribe/ - Coaching: https://joeryan.com/coaching/ --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/joeryan/message

Become A Subscriber https://joeryan.com/subscribe/ How do we reach a point of truly being able to love? How do we get past the fears we have built up that wall off the ability to feel safe and be able to share ourselves with people, especially with that “special one” when that time eventually arrives? In this episode, Joe shares his innermost fears regarding being able to give and receive love freely. The topic of learning to be good on your own before you can be good with others highlights the importance of preparing yourself for when the times come you start to feel vulnerable with all others. Topics in this Episode: Finding that feeling of love without fear… to feel safe without scanning the room for loss, hurt and betrayal Emotions are Energy…love, fear, anger & joy- learn to release and truly “feel” that energy How to deal with feeling ”unprotected” and “out of balance” The journey inward…pulling back from the world to establish a baseline to learn how to trust yourself (and others) before going back “in” Learning to stop filling everyone else's needs and learn to fill your own first The insight in this episode is powerful yet basic. The concept of establishing a firm footing within yourself (and in life) before being able to open up to others leads to feelings of euphoria and freedom that have been walled up for years behind feelings of fear and insecurity. Learning not to fear the things we can't control will allow you to release the energy crucial to living…and trusting in the process of loving others properly. There is a reservoir of love that is built up inside us that needs to be released. Learn how you can put yourself in that position to pull that lever and let those feelings flow! - Website: https://joeryan.com - Instagram: https://instagram.com/joeryan - Subscribe: https://joeryan.com/subscribe/ - Coaching: https://joeryan.com/coaching/ --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/joeryan/message

Become A Subscriber https://joeryan.com/subscribe/ What is your worth and value in life?…Many of us ask ourselves this same question often. What happens when someone doesn't give back the worth and value we feel we deserve? How do we handle those instances and how can we better prepare to not let others' treatment of us greatly affect our own self-worth and happiness? In this episode, Joe asks this question and talks about how to avoid the feeling of worthlessness when we don't get back those signals we feel we need. This episode goes into the importance of setting proper boundaries (expectations from yourself and from all others around you). Learn the questions we need to continually ask ourselves, as well as make critical evaluations throughout our life to keep our outlook and feeling or self-worth in proper perspective. Topics in this Episode: Be able to stand up for yourself Learn not to just accept what has been continually given to you or what hasn't, by people in your life if it's not right for you! Set boundaries with other people..without feeling selfish or ungrateful Maximizing the way(s) you can feel good about yourself! Don't look for “crumbs of affection” to keep you on the same path in any relationship! Find out how to take care of yourself without feeling bad, wrong, or guilty. Are you a people pleaser? Learn how to identify your own wants and needs to avoid the triggers that bring you back to a time when you couldn't care for yourself because of others' expectations or behaviors imposed upon you. Learn to speak up and stand up for yourself without all the pain it may trigger! Don't be afraid to remove people from your life that detract from your growth. This episode provides amazing insight and remedies for those of us that have people with narcissistic tendencies that have impacted our life, past and present, and how it affects our perception of our own self-worth and value to ourselves and others! - Website: https://joeryan.com - Instagram: https://instagram.com/joeryan - Subscribe: https://joeryan.com/subscribe/ - Coaching: https://joeryan.com/coaching/ --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/joeryan/message

Become A Subscriber https://joeryan.com/subscribe/ Release the Pain is a discussion based on a highly controversial Instagram post Joe made that stated ‘the fear you feel in your body is not happening now, it's fear from your past that has been trapped inside of you”….Go back and re-experience the fear to release it”. The reaction from some readers triggered surprising push back, anger, and even hate! This episode delves into the process and reactions when allowing your thoughts and emotions to duke it out… to let them have a dialogue while you sit there as an innocent bystander and not mediate between the two. Topics in this Episode: We have things that happen where we don't feel validated, and we don't feel loved thus causing negative emotions. What happens when you express those feelings? What happens when the brain and the nervous system start to have a dialogue when dealing with suppressed feelings of frustration and anger? Learn to heal and not to avoid the pain and hurt in the process Teach your brain, your body and your soul to handle any discomfort you feel from within Fear, Humiliation, Feelings of Being Inadequate…how do you handle all of these feelings and how can you fix it? Listen and find out how Joe has learned to deal with it and how you can too! This powerful exercise helps you learn a technique Joe has found to handle the conflict he deals with often, and how it has helped him to better cope with these conflicting forces from within. - Website: https://joeryan.com - Instagram: https://instagram.com/joeryan - Subscribe: https://joeryan.com/subscribe/ - Coaching: https://joeryan.com/coaching/ --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/joeryan/message

Become A Subscriber https://joeryan.com/subscribe/ For access to all episodes and bonus content. In this episode, Joe really opens up…dealing with powerful issues surrounding ones' authenticity and not pretending to be something you are by creating an image of himself that he needed to “survive”. Learn how to accept what comes in and out of your life and deal with things that are beyond your control by working on your self-worth and authenticity. Do the work, but don't be isolated and avoid intimate relationships with others as you work through these issues. Be “seen” in the process as you work through these critical steps of transformation. In this episode, Joe covers how: You can't have authenticity without vulnerability Vulnerability is the “Truth” To work through the feelings of shame, self-hate, and worthlessness To get rid of your false self and allow others to see you for who you really are (your true being) There are great rewards in allowing yourself to be vulnerable to others. Being Vulnerable is taking a chance.  Learn how to live outside your false self to see who you truly are underneath it all! This episode uncovers critical steps to learning how we all come from different places in our feelings of vulnerability, yet we can all take the same steps to fix our fear of feeling vulnerable! Learn to become real and genuine! - Website: https://joeryan.com - Instagram: https://instagram.com/joeryan - Subscribe: https://joeryan.com/subscribe/ - Coaching: https://joeryan.com/coaching/ --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/joeryan/message

Become A Subscriber https://joeryan.com/subscribe/ For access to all episodes and bonus content. An Unstuck Story is a powerful confession of Joes' dramatic struggle to come to grips with his inability to do what his soul cries out for, not what is expected of him as a father, friend, son, and ex-husband. This episode deals with how to condition yourself to reach a point of doing “what will make you happy” vs “what everyone expects you to do”. Don't sacrifice your own happiness…Identify your happy space and build the confidence needed to travel down that path to reach that point. Topics in this Episode Include: We live the life others need us to live..not always the one we want Our soul wants what it wants…our fears keep us “stuck” Creating a life that brings joy, peace, and happiness Starting the process of being “Unstuck.” Struggling with self-worth, guilt, and hesitancy in following a path of happiness that conflicts with what people around you expect from you? The path to becoming “unstuck” is revealed and provides basic insight on how you can do this in your own life to reach your “paradise”. The relief and internal peace you gain from listening to this episode is invaluable to your journey! Travel down that road with Joe and experience the relief and justification for your suppressed feelings and emotions by connecting with Joe's moving confessions. - Website: https://joeryan.com - Instagram: https://instagram.com/joeryan - Subscribe: https://joeryan.com/subscribe/ - Coaching: https://joeryan.com/coaching/ --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/joeryan/message

Become A Subscriber https://joeryan.com/subscribe/For access to all episode and bonus content. Your Job Has Been To Manage Your Emotional Well Being, Keeping Yourself Emotionally Safe. What Happens When You Have Resolved Most Of Your Past Hurt And Betrayal. You Become Emotional Unemployed. Now A Different Kind Of Emotional Work Begins; Soul Building - Website: https://joeryan.com - Instagram: https://instagram.com/joeryan - Subscribe: https://joeryan.com/subscribe/ - Coaching: https://joeryan.com/coaching/ --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/joeryan/message

Become A Subscriber https://joeryan.com/subscribe/For access to all episode and bonus content. There Is An Unloved Child In You That Needs To Be Loved. This Is A Love That Only You Can Give Yourself. Start Investing In Yourself By Learning How To Live The Unlived Life You Desire. - Website: https://joeryan.com - Instagram: https://instagram.com/joeryan - Subscribe: https://joeryan.com/subscribe/ - Coaching: https://joeryan.com/coaching/ --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/joeryan/message

Become A Subscriber https://joeryan.com/subscribe/For access to all episode and bonus content. Love Is Extending Yourself To Somebody Else, Putting The Relationship Ahead Of Individual Fears, And Becoming Emotionally Vulnerable For The Greater Good. You Can't Have Real Love Without Being Vulnerable - Website: https://joeryan.com - Instagram: https://instagram.com/joeryan - Subscribe: https://joeryan.com/subscribe/ - Coaching: https://joeryan.com/coaching/ --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/joeryan/message

Become A Subscriber https://joeryan.com/subscribe/ For access to all episode and bonus content. Our vulnerability is locked away and guarded as a means of protection from being emotionally hurt. When vulnerability arises, our nervous system kicks in and takes over and is experienced as deep fear. To dismantle fear, we must purposely lean into our vulnerability, not avoid it. The protection that once kept us safe now limits our life. Love, Joy, and strength reside in our vulnerability, yet we keep it locked up and hidden. If we do not expose ourselves to vulnerability, we will not grow emotionally. The life we want is on the other side of fear. When we open ourselves up to vulnerability, we enter a part of us that we have not owned yet. The more we enter, the more confidence we gain, the less we fear, the more we know it. We keep repeating the process until vulnerability becomes a strength. - Website: https://joeryan.com - Instagram: https://instagram.com/joeryan - Subscribe: https://joeryan.com/subscribe/ - Coaching: https://joeryan.com/coaching/ --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/joeryan/message

Become A Subscriber https://joeryan.com/subscribe/ For access to all episode and bonus content. Holidays with family transports us back in emotional time to childhood and brings us back into the role we need to play. Use this time to see what your role is and how you pretend to be loved and accepted, to slowly dismantle the false self to become a more authentic you. Use this time to pay attention to the feelings and emotions that arise within you. Pay attention to the roles you and everyone else are playing, what feelings you have to hide, how you are showing up inauthentic. You are allowed to make choices based on your own best interest. You do not have to make choices based on what others expect out of you. It's okay not to feel connected to people you're supposed to feel connected to. When we start to understand who we need to be to fit in, we can learn to belong to ourselves. When we belong to self, the judgment from others starts to matter much less. Be authentic, be you! - Website: https://joeryan.com - Instagram: https://instagram.com/joeryan - Subscribe: https://joeryan.com/subscribe/ - Coaching: https://joeryan.com/coaching/ --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/joeryan/message

Become A Subscriber https://joeryan.com/subscribe/For access to all episode and bonus content. Shame keeps us isolated and living in fear of being exposed. To dismantle shame, we must enter our shame and not run and hide from it. We come out of hiding by exposing ourselves to ourselves. Once we start owning our shame, we fear being seen less, feel more alive and free. So much of our lives was us living a lie; we didn't know it. We built layers of protection around us to protect us from feeling our shame, and we created a false self to survive. We became what we thought others needed us to be so that we could feel loved and accepted. We believed this false self was our identity, and we did anything to protect this image. If anyone saw through our false self, we immediately entered into our shame, and the feelings of worthlessness would take us over. We live guarded with multiple layers of defenses, never to allow ourselves to be seen by others or ourselves. Nothing outside of us will heal our shame; we must go inward and expose ourselves to feelings of worthlessness. We become vulnerable to our fears. We teach ourselves that our perception of ourselves is not our reality; it's shame keeping us hostage. - Website: https://joeryan.com - Instagram: https://instagram.com/joeryan - Subscribe: https://joeryan.com/subscribe/ - Coaching: https://joeryan.com/coaching/ --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/joeryan/message

Become A Subscriber https://joeryan.com/subscribe/ For access to all episode and bonus content. Having a strong emotional connection to self is vital in recovery. Most of us were conditioned to be emotionally available to others to feel valued and loved. We're taught that for us to survive, we have to abandon ourselves to meet the needs of others. We never formed an emotional connection to ourselves in this process as we were always looking outside of ourselves to manage external connections. By doing this, we never learned how to have a relationship with ourselves. We don't know how to go inside; we don't know what we want, need, or desire. We cut off our needs to meet the needs of others. The need for human emotional connection drives us like an addict, sacrificing our self-worth to get our fix, to connect with someone so that we can ease our pain. This unmet need gives away our internal empowerment and puts our happiness in the hands of others. Building a relationship with self starts by identifying our needs, wants, and desires and then slowly giving them to ourselves. The stronger the connection with self is, the less we need to rely on or use others to meet our own needs. - Website: https://joeryan.com - Instagram: https://instagram.com/joeryan - Subscribe: https://joeryan.com/subscribe/ - Coaching: https://joeryan.com/coaching/ --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/joeryan/message

Become A Subscriber https://joeryan.com/subscribe/For access to all episode and bonus content. Most of us never left home emotionally; we have stayed loyal to our family system by staying in our false self role, by abandoning our authentic self. We were molded into the role by being conditioned through shaming, anger, and fear. We learned how to adapt, conform and compromise our needs for the needs of the system. To become our authentic self, we need to dismantle our false self role and leave home emotionally. We move away from feeding the family system and start feeding our soul as we move through the guilt and shame that has kept us emotionally hostage for so long. - Website: https://joeryan.com - Instagram: https://instagram.com/joeryan - Subscribe: https://joeryan.com/subscribe/ --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/joeryan/message

Become A Subscriber https://joeryan.com/subscribe/ For access to all episode and bonus content. The inner child gets stuck emotionally at the age that the abuse happened. We internalized the abuse and have carried it as our responsibility, and we have shamed ourselves for it ever since. We have mirrored our experience as not being valued, loved, or worthy of being cared for and carried it as our self perception. Joe discusses how Healing the inner child is first understanding that an emotional child lives within us. We then reparent this child to give them what they need to grow, develop and evolve into an empowered adult. What this child needed was safety through love, care, attention, and nurturing. As your inner child starts to feel safer within you and the two of you learn to trust each other, we then begin to discipline the inner child. We set limits and healthy boundaries as we guide this child through its fears towards internal freedom. - Website: https://joeryan.com - Instagram: https://instagram.com/joeryan - Subscribe: https://joeryan.com/subscribe/ --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/joeryan/message

Become A Subscriber https://joeryan.com/subscribe/ For access to this episode and bonus content. In this episode, Joe talks about the self-conscious, shame-based feelings that he constantly faces and how he has learned to deal with them without mood altering. This episode delves deep into the protective actions one takes to hide feelings of shame and paralyzing yourself from life's most simple activities! Topics in this Episode: -Starting with his first drink at 10, followed closely with prescription drugs and eventual heavy drug use later in life, Joe discussed the mind-altering use to mask the feelings of shame and the ultimate exhilarating “freedom” that followed -Building the Wall of Hiding from Yourself and Everyone Else -Looking into the Mirror and Seeing an Emotional Child, Not an Adult Ready to Live in This World -Dealing with “Going Outside Your Comfort Zone” -Learning to Adjust to New Surroundings and Protecting Yourself by Withdrawing from Daily Life Activities -Self-Sabotage -Seeing below the False Self… -Cutting Off from Your True Self and Realizing “Shame Rolls Down Hill” -Leaving Situations or Family Gatherings where Shaming is Continual -Heal the Shame by Coming Out of Hiding Shame is Exhausting, Depressing and a Dull Ache You Can't Pinpoint - Website: https://joeryan.com - Instagram: https://instagram.com/joeryan - Subscribe: https://joeryan.com/subscribe/ --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/joeryan/message

What is below all those layers you have built up? What are you hiding down there? What is your secret? Uncovering your secret is an emotional process that can't be forced, it requires patience. There are things in our path that only time can move. While we wait for the next layer to reveal itself, we allow ourselves time and a safe space to grieve the previous layer and feed our soul as part of the healing process. - Website: https://joeryan.com - Instagram: https://instagram.com/joeryan - Support This Podcast: https://joeryan.com/support --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/joeryan/message Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/joeryan/support

How do we recover from our traumatic experiences? When does the feeling of shame enter into the equation? What is the "pain of shame," and how should we deal with it? In this episode, learn how to deal with these emotional pains...and the dull ache that resides with it every day of your life! Learn to resolve trauma, not just store it away! Joe covers the effects of feeling "shamed" and not resolving the traumatic events that have led you to this point, as well as the difficulty in taking the steps necessary to face what put you in this place, to begin with. Learn how to overcome all of this to move forward and leave the shame and abuse you feel and have experienced behind! - Website: https://joeryan.com - Instagram: https://instagram.com/joeryan - Support This Podcast: https://joeryan.com/support --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/joeryan/message Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/joeryan/support

In this episode, Joe talks about how to deal with anger and not being afraid of being angry or having people being angry at you. Avoid feeling like you have to be a "people pleaser" to avoid people getting angry with you! Learn to set boundaries and to not allow people to disrespect you and cross lines. Learn how boundaries can make everyone involved feel uncomfortable, yet become easier over time to set and manage. Overall a short but to the point revealing episode that effectively brings to light a crucial interpersonal relationship rule for those struggling with feelings of avoiding showing angry at all costs! - Website: https://joeryan.com - Instagram: https://instagram.com/joeryan - Support This Podcast: https://joeryan.com/support --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/joeryan/message Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/joeryan/support

Episode 42 delves into the subject of dealing with numerous levels of emotions and how it affects your fears, anger, resentments, and how you manage those internal ques that will arise. Learn how internal emotional reactions can lead to a downward spiral that includes further depression. See how controlling emotions is crucial and not letting people tell you that “you have no reason to feel (insert the emotion- sad, lonely, etc), even though you don’t know why you feel like you do. Additionally, the topics of “Levels of Defenses” and “Controlling Your Biggest Fears” are covered along with “Learning How to Properly Heal Emotionally”, the same way you would recover from a physical ailment like a cold or flu brings home a major revelation most people don’t. Learn how this makes complete sense and why you need to change the way you heal mentally to mirror the same steps you do physically when you are feeling under the weather! - Website: https://joeryan.com - Instagram: https://instagram.com/joeryan - Support This Podcast: https://joeryan.com/support --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/joeryan/message Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/joeryan/support

In this episode, Joe dives into the topic of feelings, thoughts, and self-pity. See how emotions take you over and how you should just let thoughts just "be." Learn how self-pity can actually be a good thing in your grieving process. Find out how going deeper into your pain can eventually lead you to greater joy in life. Learn to expose yourself to your fears and learn how to make them part of your daily existence. Dealing with situations that can lead to rejection makes everyone uncomfortable, and the natural reaction is to try to avoid it. Joes' response to that is to face it head-on and put in the work to turn your nervous system down to become more comfortable with these scenarios….scenarios that are currently destroying your peace! Finally, hear how re-living those negative experiences in your mind will allow you to become stronger! - Website: https://joeryan.com - Instagram: https://instagram.com/joeryan - Support This Podcast: https://joeryan.com/support --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/joeryan/message Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/joeryan/support