Make it Real

Is it OK to be funny in a business setting? Do you find yourself conflicted and forgetting how to be yourself! Self-squashing danger zone! In this episode we explore this 'fbeing funny' question with the help of someone who knows about the issue all too well. My guest is the wonderful Beth Anne Campbell who, after twenty-three years as a professional in corporate technology, 'broke free from the shackles' and now channels her creative 'badassery' into writing books, podcasting, and speaking. Author of Where The Hell Is My Bacon? and From BLAH to BADASS:. Her passion is helping people 'find their authentic voice and radiate their best energy out into the universe.' We dig down into what holds us back when it comes to using our natural humour (not tasteless or showy-offfy) in some situations.  Where are the boundaries?  Why do we self-edit in ways that squash our whole personality?   This topic is also explored in my book 'The Mystery of The Squashed Self' - in the chapter 'Frozen Funny'.   Find out more about Beth on her website or connect on LinkedIn.

What if the very things you've been told to "niche down" into or hide are actually what make you captivating? In this episode, My guest Bee Higgins and I reflect on how our complexity — the messy, multi-layered, contradictory parts of ourselves — is not something to be feared, but embraced. We talk about why self-expression so often gets tangled up in pressure to be just one thing, and how that pressure can quietly squash our confidence. From her early days as a blogger (pre-Instagram and pre-"influencer") to proudly claiming her identity as a disabled woman — Bee has learned that all the bits of us matter. This one's an honest, human conversation about owning your full story and allowing all of you to be seen. Because guess what? That's what makes you interesting.   Bee Higgins Creative Copywriter & Messaging Mindset Mentor for small business owners ready to BLOOM with confident, heart-led copy & content Discover more about my guest Bee - Find her on LinkedIn and Instagram.    The Mystery of The Squashed Self - by Trisha Lewis.  Sample chapter and more detail here. For more 'unsquashing' resources - my website trishalewis.com

We all have an inner squasher! It is the voice that says 'no- don't do it' when you really want to have a go at something a bit challenging.  It is the voice that messes with your self-belief and mojo. The good news is - it is YOUR voice!  This episode reminds you that you need to make friends with your 'inner squasher' before you give it a good talking to - and let your unsquashed self shine through. When does the inner squasher flourish - and what actions can you take? I venture into the world of rock-climbing to provide a good example. Stay curious and unsquashed x   More unsquashing resources?  Head over to my website - trishalewis.com   The Mystery of the Squashed Self - Amazon Beware the Self Squashing Prophecy - TEDx talk - YouTube This podcast and more on my YouTube Channel

Finally! I have a guest! The lovely Lisa de Caux - professional copy editor and proofreader extraordinaire - spills the tea on self-doubt traps she experienced during the very early days of setting up her business (LdC Editorial).  She survived - she learnt - and she is showing up to share.   From the networking event nightmare to the 'tweed jacket' conundrum and mum-business woman juggling act - grab a cuppa and listen, laugh a little and learn in that human to human way I like to bring to this podcast.   Lisa was the copy editor for my book 'The Mystery of the Squashed Self' - so I can recommend her big time! You will find her on her website: https://www.ldceditorial.co.uk/   And over on YouTube - where she is all about answering your questions on editing or proofreading.   https://www.youtube.com/@LisadeCaux   If you enjoyed this episode - subscribe! And check out the podcast on your favourite pod platform. A great compliment to this episode is this recent YouTube video: '8 Expensive Mistakes I made When I Started My Business. Lessons Learnt.'    

In this episode, I'm turning detective on a fresh perspective on people pleasing and its surprising knock-on effects. You might know that constantly trying to please others stems from a fear of rejection, which, incredibly, activates the same parts of your brain as physical pain. But have you considered how this habit can lead to feeling silently annoyed, then angry, and ultimately to losing your temper out of the frustration of not being your full authentic self? Join me as I explore this cycle, share insights from my book (you get a whole chapter) "The Mystery of the Squashed Self", and offer some initial thoughts on how to worry less about being liked. Some good reframes to try! I reference loads of good books for you to explore more! Not Nice - Dr Aziz Gazipura  The Courage to be Disliked - Kishimi and Koga Myth of the Nice Girl - Fran Hauser Go For No - Andrea Waltz and Richard Fenton Insight - Tasha Eurich The Mystery of the Squashed Self - Trisha Lewis   I also refer to Michael Port and Aesop!    Want to explore 'people pleasing' a little more? Head to episodes: 182 and 167   Links to more unsquashing resources - including some tests you can have a bit of fun with - head to my resources page at trishalewis.com

This episode explores the guilt and discomfort associated with setting personal boundaries. We examine the fear of being perceived as selfish or weak that often prevents individuals from saying no or withdrawing from unwanted commitments. I introduce the concept of "fawning" as a potential trauma response related to people-pleasing. As always I offer some reframes and tips to help you recognise these feelings, prioritise their well-being, and understand that setting boundaries is an act of self-care and wisdom, rather than selfishness or weakness.   Refererences: Article about 'Fawning' - Psychology Today Untamed - Glennon Doyle Gabor Mate The Mystery of the Squashed Self - Trisha Lewis Beware The Self Squashing Prophecy - TEDx - Trisha Lewis Other 'unsquashing' resources and quizzes - my website.

This podcast episode explores the common struggle of articulating one's skills and achievements without appearing boastful. It identifies this reluctance as a "dumbing down disaster" stemming from fears of being judged as a show-off, often rooted in past experiences and societal pressures. The episode explores these underlying fears and assumptions, suggesting that sharing genuine expertise is distinct from bragging and can even empower others. It offers practical advice, including reframing achievements through relevant connections and accepting compliments, encouraging listeners to confidently acknowledge their abilities in appropriate contexts and overcome self-imposed limitations on their potential impact and growth. ***** There is a chapter in my book 'The Mystery of the Squashed Self' that explores this self-squasher. Details and sample chapter - as well as other unsquasher resources - to be found on my website trishalewis.com.  I also mention a book by Peggy Klaus - 'Brag! The Art of Tooting Your Own Horn'. 

In this episode of Self-Belief Unsquashed, I'm diving into something I think a lot of us can relate to: the 'too nice trap'. (It's one of the chapters in my book in fact!). Have you ever wondered if being too nice might actually be holding you back, or even making you feel like a bit of a fraud? That's exactly what we're unpicking today, inspired by the classic book, "If I'm So Successful, Why Do I Feel Like a Fake?" by Harvey and Katz. It's so common, isn't it? We often put on our best behaviour, whether it's on a first date or in a job interview. But real connections and genuine happiness come when we can show our more authentic, sometimes less 'perfect' selves. Think about characters we love in books and on screen, like Elizabeth Bennett – their flaws are part of what makes them real. The trouble starts when we feel this pressure to be constantly nice, so much so that we start to hide other parts of ourselves – what Carl Jung called our 'shadow self'. We might worry about revealing any anger, envy, or frustration, fearing rejection. As Harvey and Katz found in their research, people who others see as nice can secretly feel unworthy, even mean or hostile, believing they've somehow deceived people into liking them. This can lead to the strange feeling of being an imposter. We also look at how we sometimes let our thoughts dictate our feelings, assuming that having a negative thought makes us a bad person – which simply isn't true. We all have those fleeting moments of irritation or frustration!. I share some relatable examples of falling into the 'too nice trap', like feeling obliged to donate extra at the till or attend events we don't really want to, just to avoid being seen as mean or unsociable. Even something as simple as adding smiley faces to emails can be part of this!. But constantly hiding our true selves isn't healthy. As Robert Green discusses in his brilliant book, "The Laws of Human Nature", beneath that polite exterior, we all have a darker side. Repressing it can actually be harmful, leading to unexpected outbursts. Green suggests we need to become aware of our own dark side to control it and integrate it, leading to greater authenticity. "I'd rather be whole than good," as Carl Jung famously said. So, how do we navigate this? It's about finding a balance. We touch upon the idea of assertiveness, which, as John Neffinger and Matthew Kohut explain in "Compelling People: The Hidden Qualities That Make Us Influential", isn't about being aggressive but finding that sweet spot between passive and aggressive, requiring both strength and warmth. Ultimately, it's about self-awareness and understanding that it's okay to have a range of emotions and opinions. You don't need to be relentlessly 'lovely' to be liked or valued. In fact, trying to be that all the time can be exhausting and inauthentic. If you're curious to explore this further, I've even got a couple of little tests on my website, trishalewis.com on the 'stay unsquashed' resources page – the Harvey IP scale from the book we mentioned, and my own squashometer test. Have a go and see what you think! Stay curious and unsquashed!

Confession time! A long time ago I got angry in an office, and something stupid happened.  We all get wound up by people and situations - but how we respond matters.  There is a counter-intuitive thing to consider - is our anger assertive or ultimately a way of being angry with ourselves for not being more controlled.  Listen to my crazy story and see if you relate - even if not in the fine detail!

In this episode, I delve into the fascinating realm of non-intentional triggers and how they can lead to overblown reactions and negative inner dialogues. Through four relatable stories from my life, I explore how past experiences, like childhood sports memories and family dynamics, shape our sensitivities and triggering points today. This is about the importance of awareness and control over our emotional responses. You will learn about the 3 'C' method - to "collect, communicate, and calm" your triggers. With practical actions and thought-nudging quotes, this episode offers listeners pathways to manage their reactions and break free from the self-doubt spiral, encouraging a reflective journey towards self-belief and emotional resilience.   Reference:  A Life of One's Own by Marion Milner Quote included from Dr Nicole LePera   For all sorts of resources on the topic of 'staying unsquashed' including some tests - visit my website.

In these stressful times, we often forget the simplest antidote to our troubles – laughter. In this episode we explore the profound effects laughter can have on our mental and physical health, presenting historical anecdotes and scientific research to validate these claims. And it all starts with laughter - listen! Discover how a practice as old as time can relieve stress, boost your immune system, and enhance the quality of your relationships. A sprinkle of humor a day may indeed keep the doctor away. Learn how laughter can effectively elevate your mood and improve resilience against life's challenges. Explore practical ways to incorporate more laughter into your everyday life, whether it's through comedy, joyful experiences with friends, or even laughter yoga. Embrace the contagious nature of joy and make a conscious effort to bring more laughter into your world – for your wellbeing, and the wellbeing of those around you. REFERENCES for further exploring   Dr. Robert Provine – Laughter: A Scientific Investigation Dr. Lee Berk – Loma Linda University Studies on Laughter Norman Cousins – Anatomy of an Illness My 'laughter makers' Nick Abbot Show - LBC radio The Rest is History Podcast Joyce Grenfell and Norman Wisdom - Narcissus The Laughing Policeman

In this episode, I explore the concept of biorhythms and how they impact our daily fluctuations in energy and mood - something we all experience. What is the connection between your body and mind? With insights from "How Emotions Are Made" by Lisa Feldman Barrett, I highlight the importance of treating low moments as temporary - observe and understand your body's signals. Through personal anecdotes, such as experiences at the climbing wall, I illustrate how sudden mood changes can be seen as part of our natural ebb and flow, rather than a crisis. I advise against making rash decisions during these "off" days and remind you to be nice to yourself! Stay curious and embrace those unique rhythms. Emotions can often be just noise needing patience and observation. Whether it's the weather, sleep, or subtle stressors, recognizing and navigating these elements can lead to a more balanced and less reactive approach to life's challenges.  Based on personal experience - of course! I'm human. (The quote about butterflies is attributed to a number of people! Lisa Feldman Barrett mentions her daughter's karate teacher using it... and it might be orignally from Rob Gilbert - motivational speaker.  Not sure! It's a good image though.) “It's all right to have butterflies in your stomach. Just get them to fly in formation”     (Video version over on YouTube)

In this episode, I delve into the widely accepted notion that staying in your comfort zone can be akin to stagnation or even a proverbial "graveyard" for dreams and ideas. But is it necessary to always step out of one's comfort zone to grow, or is there value in staying cozy and enjoying the comfort it offers? Join me as I explore personal stories of embracing challenges and rediscovering passions, alongside insights and theories from Gay Hendricks' book "The Big Leap." We'll evaluate the concept of an "upper limit" and the idea of self-sabotage, questioning if pushing beyond what we know is truly the path to success. Reflect on your own comfort zones and examine whether staying within them is holding you back or keeping you content and happy.   Video on YouTube - Self Belief Unsquashed Channel More about 'Self Squashing' - trishalewis.com (Link to book and TEDx)

In this episode of "Self-Belief Unsquashed," Trisha Lewis encourages listeners to explore shifts in perspective that can lead to profound self-discovery. Through personal anecdotes and thoughtful reflections, Trisha highlights the transformative power of viewing ourselves through different lenses. She shares a heartwarming story of reconnecting with an old friend and how it provided surprising insights into her own identity, challenging long-held beliefs about herself. This episode invites you to break free from stagnant thinking patterns and embrace new perspectives, whether from longstanding relationships or fresh connections. By staying curious, open-minded, and receptive to the viewpoints of others, you unlock the potential for personal growth and self-awareness. Join Trisha in her mission to unsquash self-belief and experience a broader understanding of who you are.

Join me for an inspiring episode of Self-Belief Unsquashed as we kick off 2025 with the exciting Green Eggs and Ham Challenge. Inspired by Dr. Seuss, this episode encourages listeners to conquer one fear this year by trying something new and outside their comfort zone. Discover how taking small steps can lead to significant personal growth and unexpected joy. Listen to personal stories of overcoming challenges and finding new passions, like climbing and forming meaningful friendships, reminding us that great experiences often arise from the unknown. This year, embrace curiosity and courage, and see where the Green Eggs and Ham Challenge can take you.

Do you sometimes feel overwhelmed by your emotions? Do you feel like a softie when you well up in the middle of a work meeting or social event for seemingly small reasons?  Do you suppress or release your crying?    Let's put 'crying' on the forensics table.  Not just any old crying - 'emotional crying'.   A little look at the science of crying and a real story to illustrate the potential embarrassment (and learning opportunities) of unbid and out of proportion 'emotional crying'.  Those waves of feeling that hit you without warning and quickly flood you - if you let them.   Is there a way to stop the tears? Do you need to? Are you being over-reactive or simply human?   This is not a sad listen.  This is about building a better relationship with your emotions.  Real stories, some brain/body stuff, and practical tips to try.   *******   Research for further investigation:   How Stuff Works - How Crying Works.   The Relationship of Gender Roles and Beliefs to Crying in an International Sample.     More 'Unsquashing' resources and links  - go to my website.   Follow me on Medium for all sorts of 'human' stories around the topic of 'self-squashing'.       

This episode explores the complexities of imposter syndrome, a feeling of inadequacy despite evidence of success. We delve into the idea that instead of viewing imposter syndrome as solely a negative experience, you can reframe it as a catalyst for growth and learning. Could the feeling act as a motivator to push past comfort zones, embrace vulnerability, and acquire new knowledge. We consider the importance of self-awareness, a growth mindset, and finding supportive communities to overcome the debilitating aspects of imposter syndrome and harness its potential for positive change.   REFERENCES The first quote is from: The importance of stupidity in scientific research - Martin A. Schwartz Books: Mindset - Carol Dweck Think Again - Adam Grant Dunning-Kruger Effect    TEDx - Beware the Self Squashing Prophecy Book - The Mystery of the Squashed Self Coaching and more on 'unsquashing' - my website.  

Ever been at a social event on your own and with loads of strangers - wedding, awards ceremony, business networking - and felt suffocated by self-consciousness - the kind that leaves you mute and convinced that everyone is looking at the way you hold your knife and fork - that sort of thing? I have! This episode explores the symptoms, drivers and then offers some very good tips to stop the torture!   References: You Learn by Living - by Eleanor Roosevelt  Letters to a Young Artist - by Anna Deavere Smith  The Spotlight Effect More on 'Self Squashing' - TEDx - Beware the Self Squashing Prophecy Book - The Mystery of the Squashed Self  Resources and links at trishalewis.com

That self generated feeling of being an outsider when with a group of people - familiar? New word - 'self-outsidering'. What are the symptons and drivers of this unhelpful self-squashing feeling - and what reframes and actions might help. The 'self' part of this is the key! You are doing it to yourself. Something has triggered this 'outsider' feeling - what might it be? What are the FIBs that are holding you back - fears, illusions and baggage. Your host shares a couple of personal anecdotes - briefly - that might resonate ... or surprise! REFERENCES Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman  How Emotions are Made by Lisa Feldman Barrett  *********   More on 'unsquashing' - have a look at my website. The Mystery of the Squashed Self - Self-help book with a difference!  Beware the self squashing prophecy - TEDx 

You want to stand out with more confident, heart-led copy and content. You want to delve into your creative mindset - but a host of fears, illusions and bits of baggage - hold you back. My guest Bee Higgins gets it! She feels it herself and she has tons of experience and expertise in creative writing. Bee is a messaging mentor who doesn't offer top tip templates for writing success - she offers insights and practical ideas on putting more of your own personality into your writing without getting squashed by comparisonitis and generic advice. Just listening to her gentle wisdom will inspire you! If you want to connect more with Bee - LinkedIn  Instagram    More about 'unsquashing'? Head to my website - links to my book, TEDx and other resources. 

This episode explores the tension between wanting to make and impact and wanting to conform to the norm. Is it possible to do both? What are the symptoms of too much blending in or even too much standing out - when you are not coming from a place of 'you-ness'? As always we look at the symptoms, drivers and then possible solutions to try out. As always I refer to a book or two and some areas that you might want to explore more - if you like a good rabbit hole like me. References for this episode: Book - A Fraction of the Whole by Stand Toltz  Book - A Life of One's Own by Marion Milner  Theories: Impression Management  Social Identity  I also refer to my book and TEDx talk Book: The Mystery of the Squashed Self  TEDx: Beware the Self Squashing Prophecy  More resources at www.trishalewis.com

Do you have a recurring flush of embarrasement or even shame well after you have done something stupid? Do you dwell on the stuff you messed up on? Do you worry too much about what people think about you? Welcome to another episode that explores the human stuff - the stuff that can sometimes hold you back and stop your JIG - joy, impact and growth! The potential to self-sabotage is in us all - and dwelling on the things that didn't go so well or maybe just felt like a way bigger issue than it actually was.. well that could have you falling down the self-squashing, self-doubt spiral! We look at the symptoms, drivers and then reframe actions. Quotes from a great book - Chatter - Ethan Kross - https://amzn.eu/d/2G7fpZX More on Self-Squashing on my website https://www.trishalewis.com/ where you will find links to the TEDx talk and my book - all exploring this variant of Imposter Syndrome - Self-Squashing.

Time to explore a very human fear - fear of rejection. Can you really protect yourself from being disliked? What are the symptoms of this fear? What drives this fear? Time to name and reframe - and make sure this classic 'self-squasher' isn't holding you back.   Inspired by this book: The Courage to be Disliked - by Ichiro Kishimi and FUmitake Koga Also referenced: The Presentation of Self in Every Day Life - Erving Goffman Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself - Jo Dispenza Research - 'The Liking Gap' - Erica Boothby and colleagues 2018.   My book - The Mystery of the Squashed Self My TEDx - Beware the Self Squashing Prophecy Links and more - trishalewis.com

Do you give yourself enough credit? My guest Ben Franklin shares his experience from the very start of his journey - and as he puts it - the setbacks and growth moments will be part of your journey at every point - wherever you enter, whatever your background or age.  We explore the importance of taking risks, gaining practical experience, and overcoming setbacks and self-doubt. Ben gives examples of recognising the value of personal experience and skills.  We also touch on the challenges of comparing ourselves to others on social media, impostor syndrome triggers and handling negative feedback. We share our personal experiences and insights on how to build resilience with a focus on embracing differences and focusing on personal growth whilst taking inspiration from others.   Connect with Ben Franklin - LinkedIn Listen to his podcast 'Ground Zero' on most podcast platforms. Also on YouTube here. In this episode we refer to a community we are both involved with - 'You are the Media' - more details here. Transcript PDF on my website trishalewis.com Video of this episode on my YouTube Channel.  

How come you blindly accept 'expert' opinion and even default thinking about yourself! Common sense ideas and public opinion can be too readily accepted by us all.  Time for some healthy skepticism - time to get curious and examine! Who better to help us with this process than the philosoper Socrates? Whilst he might be long gone - his ideas remain as relevant as ever. There is a method of examining known as 'the Socratic Method of Thinking' - and it is clearly laid out in  the book I reference -  'The Consolations of Philosophy' by Alain de Botton.   You will be taken through the 6 steps of this method - with an everday example.  You can then place any example of an 'unquestioned truth' into the 'curiosity' machine - and see what comes out!   Video of episodes are available on my YouTube channel  More resources on 'self-belief unsquashing' to be found at trishalewis.com  

Next time you fall into a self-doubt spiral full of negative self-talk getting you nowhere - try this! Use the 'principled negotiation' technique espoused by Fisher and Ury (expert negotiators) - to negotiate with your emotions and inner chat! In this episode I explore two of the ingredients of 'principled negotiation' - Separate the people from the problem - and - Focus on interests not positions - and flip them to a negotiation with your own thoughts/emotions/assumptions and baggage! Practical tool - we explore when, why and how to use this technique - on your self! I wrap up with some powerful quotes from two classic books I've had on my shelf since uni days - referenced below. Pull yourself up before you fall down the self doubt spiral and achieve - nothing! PDF transcript on the episode page at trishalewis.com REFERENCES in this episode: Getting to Yes - Roger Fisher and William Ury  Emotional Intelligence - Daniel Goleman  Borkovec - research on 'worry' Enjoy the episode and subscribe. Please take time to leave a review on your favourite platform to help spread the word if you find this podcast informative, motivating, enjoyable or simply 'calming'! Find out more about my communication and confidence coaching services as well as my unsquashing mission (the book, the TEDx) at trishalewis.com.

Why do humans struggle with doing nothing on their own! Busy doing nothing - not as meaningless as it sounds. Here's how to get good at being bored and alone - a total reframe that will have you feeling meaningful. References: Research - Timothy Wilson 'How Much do we not like being bored.' Sunday Neurosis theory - Sander Ferenczi  Book - Flow - Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi     PDF transcript on my website - trishalewis.com YouTube - video of this episode

Is your fear of being judged as cocky, arrogant or a 'know it all' holding you back from simply showing up with confidence?  You are not alone! If you have ever been in the company of a 'cocky' type - you will have thought - 'I don't ever want to come across like that'. The fear is so real that you second guess anything that means you show confidence!  Like sharing opinions, giving good presentations, sharing your achievements etc. In this podcast we explore the fear, the mis-associations and the mix that you need to build your confidence - without fear of being judged as cocky! I share a really useful graphic from the book 'How to be Confident' by James Smith  - and a wonderful quote by Maria Popova (The Marginalian). We explore humility, competence and debunk some myths!   You can view this on YouTube. More 'unsquashing' resources at trishalewis.com

If you have ever burst out into tears, 'lost it' or gone into a mild form of panic attack - and regretted that public display of intense emotion - this is for you! If you are human - this is for you. In this episode I invite my imaginary guest (a new feature) - Daniel Goleman (author of Emotional Intelligence) - to share insights on a powerful part of our brain - the 'amygdala'.   We also look at the part played by your 'triggers' - your very individual 'stuff' - including your learning style. As always - a story or two to illustrate, the forensics to better understand - and some action steps to try out. Nothing wrong with intense emotions - all part of our survival instincts - but... they sometimes kick off without a obvious reason ... and potentially creating awkward or 'squashing' after effects. I start this episode with a quote from a great little book called 'Anxiety is Really Strange' by Steve Haines There will be a video of this episode on my YouTube channel - and transcript available in the shownotes on my website.  

Are you falling into self-doubt spirals by beating yourself up when things don't go perfectly? You are human - it will happen. In this episode I explore the connection between self-esteem, self-doubt and this 'fighting with yourself' thing! You will go through some forensics with me - including unwrapping a real example to illustrate. It all starts with you doing a powerful visualisation involving a robot!   I quote from the classic book on Self-esteem - The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem by Nathaniel Branden. I also refer you to other episodes - especially this one: 155 - Manage your negative self talk with this mind trick.   For more on 'unsquashing' your self belief - check out my TEDx talk 'The Self Squashing Prophecy' and my book 'The Mystery of the Squashed Self'. If you want to see this episode as a video - head over to my YouTube Channel.  

'Just be yourself' - what does that mean to you? This well meaning advice needs a closer look. In this episode you'll discover that personality is not a label or stone sculpture round our neck - we can become something we are not without being a con artist! We can adopt what Brian R Little calls - a 'free trait'. Intriqued? Listen to this short unsquasher episode to learn more - and gain insights into ways in which you can 'be yourself' a bit differently! The way you approach interviews, presentations, networking conversations and all sorts of situations - will be greatly enhanced by understanding more about your eminently mutable self! Health and happiness benefits too! Referenced in this episode: Book - Me, Myself and Us by Brian R Little  Research - Self monitoring Scale - Mark Snyder (1979) See this article from 'The Cut' - where you will also find the scale itself.  Video version of this episode. PDF transcript at trishalewis.com - podcast page.   Enjoy the episode and subscribe. Please take time to leave a review on your favourite platform to help spread the word if you find this podcast informative, motivating, enjoyable or simply 'calming'! Find out more about my communication and confidence coaching services as well as my unsquashing mission (the book, the TEDx) at trishalewis.com.

When you are feeling a nervous mess before public speaking, interviews or any performance event where you fear messing up.... the friendly advice is 'calm down - breathe deep - visualise lovely things' etc! You tell yourself to 'calm down' as you see your hands trembling and feel your stomach full of butterflies.... but.... what if there was a better way to proceed that seems very counter-instinctive? This short unsquasher episode explores an alternative way. Inspired by reading a highly recommended book - 'Cringeworthy' by Melissa Dahl and some research refrenced by the author. Book and research links and transcript PDF in shownotes at https://trishalewis.com/   Video of this episode   Enjoy the episode and subscribe. Please take time to leave a review on your favourite platform to help spread the word if you find this podcast informative, motivating, enjoyable or simply 'calming'! Find out more about my communication and confidence coaching services as well as my unsquashing mission (the book, the TEDx) at trishalewis.com.

As a human you are motivated to learn, develop and grow. But it can't just be about study and fancy qualifications surely. What are the basic feeders of personal growth or even business, hobby skills growth? Welcome to an episode full of those growth feeders. My guest Alan Braithwaite (see previous episode with Emily Braithwaite) - is co founder of 'Yellow Tuxedo' - helping businesess be visible online.  But he and Emily have also built a brilliant community called 'Digital Circus' - helping smaller businesses by real practical tips and - so much more.  That 'more' is the power of a team. The growth ingredient of working together - and we unwrap that in this conversation. Alan is a proud Scout leader - and you will be surprised by the learnings from this that are so relevant to us all as growing humans! As Alan says: "It's about fun, safety and adventure. And all of a sudden, you're an adult with all of these skills that you don't really remember learning then they just built into you." From  a Top Gun Maverick mantra to Scouting stories to very real observations about community, fun, motivation - squashing and unsquashing - this is a rich listen.   Alan Braithwaite is the co-founder of Yellow Tuxedo.  -  The online visibility specialists.    

You are feeling a bit stale and stuck. Your motivation is wobbly. Time to explore your options you think. But how you go about this exploration might be more meaningful than you realise.  This episode explores how to explore.   The episode is inspired by the journaler and author Marion Milner (aka Joanna Field) and the two psychologists behind the self-discovery tool known as the 'Johari Window'. What would you think if you were invited to explore your options by exploring your unknown unknowns? What does it mean to explore with 'wide attention' versus 'narrow attention'? How can you practically use these insights to go on a mini voyage of discovery - a bit like being aboard the Starship Enterprise - but very down to earth.   You can see the video of this episode on my YouTube Channel. If the concept of 'unsquashing' intriques you - I invite you to explore my book and TEDx talk and connect with me on Instagram and LinkedIn.   Or just head over to my website for links and more resources.

Stop beating yourself up! Not so easy. Negative self talk, inner critic, catastrophising, self-doubt spirals - they are a natural consequence of being human. But - our rush to beat ourselfs up when we believe we have 'failed' in some way - is a real squasher! It stops us moving forward and often results in us wallowing in a swamp of self-doubt for hours, weeks or even years! In this episode you will join me in exploring why we do this negative self-talk and - crucially - how we can manage it - accept it and then do something to move us forward. There is a kind of mind trick involved - and it revolves around a well researched concept - 'distanced self talk' -  Article here. I also recommend the book - 'Chatter' by Ethan Kross. And - my book - 'The Mystery of the Squashed Self' and TEDx talk.   Subscribe and share - please!

How to flourish as an individual in a Collective. Have you found your tribe? Do you feel valued for your individual approach and contribution whilst also part of a supportive group with shared aims? Emily Braithwaite is the co founder of 'Yellow Tuxedo' - online visibility for small business owners. They have a brilliant community called Digital Circus and so she understands this need for being amongst a group that see you as an individual. In this episode you also hear her squashing and unsquashing story and how she maintains her individuality whilst working with her husband! Emily also shares an inspiring story about a recent trip to Malawi with a group of women - to work with a group of aspiring business women. A gripping listen! The podcast with full PDF Transcript is on my website - also on all main pod platforms. https://trishalewis.com/unsquashed-blog/ Emily Braithwaite - Yellow Tuxedo Website: https://www.yellowtuxedo.co.uk/   NB - If you prefer to watch - the video is on my YouTube channel - here: https://youtu.be/dtYLYjcxWxQ?feature=shared   Enjoy the episode and subscribe. Please take time to leave a review on your favourite platform to help spread the word if you find this podcast informative, motivating, enjoyable or simply 'calming'! Find out more about my communication and confidence coaching services as well as my unsquashing mission (the book, the TEDx) at https://trishalewis.com/stay-unsquashed/

Do you get a pang of feeling inferior when you hear someone else being praised. You know it is irrational. You don't want to be an envious type. You want to feel fine about other people being great! The problem is - you are reacting from your self-squashed self! How to stop this odd form of comparisonitis? How to embrace other people's achievments without seeing it as a dig at you - that someone you are 'less than'?   In this short unsquasher episode you will be asked to do an audit on the FIBs that might be fuelling this reaction - the fears, illusions and baggage.  Short and sweet - and very human real!   Full transcript at www.trishalewis.com - pod/blog page. Video version on my YouTube channel. Subscribe to this podcast for the short unsquashers and the longer explorations with fascinating guests.

Why are you allowing self-doubt to squash your non-fiction book idea? Why do women in particular have deep fears about being judged negatively if they publish a non-fiction book about the thing they have tons of experience in - that will help others? What are the procrastination demons and what do you do to get unstuck and belief in your right to write that book!   My guest is Helen Pollock - founder of 'Her Next Chapter' - with a rich background in PR, Ghostwriting and content coaching.  She is on a mission to help women entrepreneurs create more impact, inspire others and build a legacy no-one can take away from them, by writing a business book to be proud of. Quote: (Helen frequently hears this from her clients) "Am I being arrogant? Am I showing off? Will people judge me for doing this - for writing this - for little old me writing a book."   More details on the resource Helen is offering can be found here.   Full episode transcript on podcast page here. YouTube video version here.  

This is about identity labels and growth mindset versus fixed mindset. What lies behind phrases such as 'not my thing' or 'never been like that'? Time for an audit on how much 'should' your are doing - because you have got stuck in a stale and potentially squashed identity. You will hear a short but very real example of the way we get stuck and the way we can unstick and embrace new phases of identity evolution! A short unsquasher episode.    Transcript at trishalewis.com - pod/blog page. Video version on my YouTube Channel.

You have heard about narcissists - but how do you know if one is in your life? How do you know that your deflating, inhibiting lack of self-belief is due to ongoing or past narcissistic abuse? My guest Amanda Craven is a clinical hypnotherapist who helps people recover from emotional trauma. She shares her personal story - as does your host! Insights and practical steps as always.   For episode transcript - head to www.trishalewis.com pod/blog section. You can view this episode on my YouTube channel

What lies behind your fear of being boring in conversations? Is this fear of other people thinking you are boring - holding you back and sucking the joy from social or work based conversations? Welcome to another short unsquasher. In this episode we unpack what you might mean by 'boring' and how to do the forensics with some simple steps that will give you a reframe and a refresh. If you really are boring (and remember it is your inner fear at play) - there is hope! For more on 'unsquashing' check out resources at www.trishalewis.com and my YouTube channel - Self Belief Unsquashed.  

How do you rebuild confidence and stop your self-belief being squashed when an unexpected health scare changes your world? My guest is 'Heart Healthy Living Coach - Crescentia Cook. She specialises in supporting those with Atrial Fibrillation. Her personal experience, knowledge and coaching expertise means this episode will be hugely valuable to you if you are dealing with anxiety that is 'shrinking your world' and messing with your confidence. Plenty of practical tips and resources for you to explore. **** Links to resources mentioned: Books and events - Dr David Hamilton.   https://drdavidhamilton.com/ More about the science and research into EFT  https://eftinternational.org/discover-eft-tapping/eft-science-research/ Havening https://www.havening.org/ Crescentia Cook's website: www.hearthealthylivingcoach.co.uk   How Emotions Are Made - Dr Lisa Feldman Barrett   Rough TRANSCRIPT   - and more on 'Unsquashing' - head over to my website here.  https://trishalewis.com

Self belief includes working on your sense of agency - taking back your power.  You have more power to create change in yourself and in the world than you realise. My guest Gerri McHugh is the founder of Global Health Film - her life and work challenges have meant nurturing her own self belief and that of her film makers too! But how exactly...?   PDF Transcript here Gerri McHugh on LinkedIn Global Health Film Website Referenced in this episode: Quotes:   J M Storm - Find on Instagram or his poetry book on Amazon Valentina White's chapter in: 'Creating Success: Entrepreneurs & Changemakers Share Wisdom on Achieving Success on Your Own Terms' - Amazon TV series - My Mum Your Dad with Davina McCall - ITVx   Want to know more about 'unsquashing' self belief?  Visit my website.

What does Self Belief feel like? Tricky to answer isn't it? In this episode I use the '5 Whys' questioning technique to dig a little deeper on that 'self belief feeling' thing.  This questioning leads to another 2-word phrase - 'self squashing'. What is that? Well listen to this short unsquasher episode to find out. Talking of 'self' - self awarness is an essential ingredient in finding and nurturing your unsquashed self - and that means doing forensics on the FIBs that hold you back -  that stands for something - listen and discover. As always - the insights and the tips are for all us humans trying to live with joy, impact and growth in a fascinatingly complex world. Want to explore 'Unsquashing' more? My book:  The Mystery of the Squashed Self TEDx Talk:  Beware the Self Squashing Prophecy And sign up for my (non salesy) Unsquashed email. 

Self doubt - if you are human you will know that feeling. But what about when it pops up seemingly randomly? What triggers that uncomfortable feeling of uselessness that can have you falling down the self-doubt spiral! This short episdoe explores squashing environmental triggers. I share great quotes from Ethan Cross, author of 'Chatter' and Dr. Tim O'Brien, author of "'Inner Story' and a tiny bit of basic psychology! Remind yourself of the significance of self-awareness in identifying and addressing triggers that send you whizzing down the self-doubt spiral. I share a personal experience and provides tips on activating a detective mindset to prevent falling into these spirals. Understanding the impact of environmental factors such as music, views, and workspace on our mood and self-confidence.  This short episode packs a punch - encouraging listeners to regain control over their thoughts and emotions through self-awareness and curiosity   Self-doubt spirals and environmental triggers Importance of self-awareness in identifying and addressing triggers Activating a detective mindset to prevent self-doubt spirals Environmental triggers affecting mood and self-confidence Taking control of our environment to prevent self-doubt spirals Examples of environmental triggers (music, views, workspace) Personal experience of overcoming self-doubt triggered by depressing music Regaining confidence and joy by changing the environment Importance of regaining control over thoughts and emotions Power of self-awareness in preventing self-doubt spirals ROUGH TRANSCRIPT OF EPISODE  For more on 'staying unsquashed' - head to my website and follow me on LinkedIn.   For video of this episode PLUS more self-belief and confident communicator tips - head to my YouTube channel -  https://www.youtube.com/c/TrishaLewisTalks  

Business mentor Beverley Poole gets real about the power of asking for help and we explore the challenge of asking for help. Beverley starts by sharing her unsquashing journey - she shares her experiences of working in a male-dominated environment and dealing with a difficult marriage and being a single parent. We talk about the importance of resilience, reflection, and gratitude in overcoming these challenges. Beverley emphasizes the need for a trusted support system and the value of living by one's own values. The conversation concludes with a discussion on the importance of communication, authenticity, and seeking support for personal and professional growth.   Beverley shares her insights such as: The Stop Start Continue method The 'who' and the 'woo-woo' people in your tribe! Scaffolding (theory of psychology) The stages of child development - and the challenges of lockdown.   She refers to my TEDx Talk - Beware the Self Squashing Prophecy - and a poem - A Reason, A Season, A Lifetime. - this is that poem:   People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you figure out which one it is, you will know what to do for each person. When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty; to provide you with guidance and support; to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on. Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it. It is real. But only for a season. LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person, and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant. ~ Author Unknown   Articles and links to videos on the topic of 'Unsquashing' - communication, confidence, self belief - PLUS a full transcript of this episode are available at trishalewis.com/podcast

Trisha Lewis, the host of the podcast "Unsquashed," provides tips on overcoming the fear of making mistakes or 'not knowing something' in a podcast guesting, meeting or panel setting. She emphasizes the importance of embracing imperfection and not striving for perfection. Trisha discusses the negative consequences of constantly striving for perfection and suggests taking a rational approach to the fear response. She encourages listeners to recognize their value as contributors and to view mistakes as learning opportunities. Trisha reassures listeners that making mistakes in these situations, usually only results in feeling 'a bit awkward' and urges them to step out of their comfort zones.   This episode explores:   Overcoming the fear of making mistakes Embracing imperfection and not striving for perfection The negative effects of constantly striving for perfection Recognizing that it's impossible to know everything Making mistakes as a valuable learning experience Reflecting on the reasons why you were asked to be on a panel or podcast Emphasizing the value of experiences, wisdom, questions, curiosity, and insights Not knowing everything leading to thought-provoking discussions and debates The worst-case scenario of making a mistake Using mistakes as an opportunity for growth and further exploration Complete transcript and more Unsquashing resources at www.trishalewis.com

Career Coach Fay Wallis is frequently faced with clients who say 'I just want to be more confident'.  Confidence dips are human. But what is confidence? How do we work on growing our self-confidence and feeling more confident in our thoughts, actions and feelings? This episode unpacks all of this and more.   We explore: The Self-depricating habit The myth of - everyone has it together The power of 'yet' Growth and fixed mindset Triggers of confidence dips The brain-body effect The power of small steps   Connect with Fay Wallis -  LinkedIn, Website.   RESOURCES MENTIONED: Imposter Syndrome - Research conducted by Clance and Imes in the 1970s.  Book: Mindset by Dr. Carol Dweck Book: "How Emotions Are Made" by Dr. Lisa Feldman Podcast Episode: "How to be More Assertive" - Episode 91 of the HR Coffee Time podcast Timestamp: 00:12:37  Five Whys - Link to the technique    TOPIC TIMESTAMPS -  The self-deprecating trap [00:04:48] Faye shares a personal story about how she used to make self-deprecating jokes and how her boss called her out on it. Confidence as a common struggle [00:08:05] Faye discusses how confidence is a recurring issue for about 98% of her clients, including those in senior roles. Addressing specific confidence issues [00:10:41] Faye shares advice she received about tackling confidence issues by identifying the specific areas where individuals lack confidence. The importance of narrowing down specific issues [00:11:42] Discussion on how to identify and address specific areas of lacking confidence. The impact of negative self-judgment on confidence [00:13:44] Exploration of how self-criticism and negative self-judgment can affect confidence levels. The power of a growth mindset [00:16:03] Explanation of the concept of a growth mindset and its positive impact on confidence and personal development. The blips of self-doubt during transitions [00:25:36] Discussion on how transitions, such as stepping into a new role or returning to work after a break, can trigger moments of self-doubt and fear of the unknown. Understanding the physical reactions of fear and excitement [00:28:09] Explanation of how the body's fight or flight response can cause physical symptoms like shaking, clammy hands, and a creaky voice, and how reframing these reactions as signs of excitement can help boost confidence. Practical tip: Recognizing the brain's role in emotions [00:30:09] Recommendation of the book "How Emotions Are Made" by Dr. Lisa Feldman as a resource for understanding how the brain processes emotions, helping to debunk the myth that there is something inherently wrong with oneself. The power of small steps [00:33:26] Taking small steps towards building confidence, such as adjusting body language, can have a significant impact. Building confidence through tiny steps [00:35:42] Progressing gradually and consistently with small steps can lead to increased confidence in any area. Confidence comes through action [00:37:47] Confidence is not something you are born with, but rather something that is developed through taking action and trying. ****   Unsquashing insights and small step actions to explore - just listening to this conversation will have you feeling more motivated - which is all part of confidence! Also available at www.trishalewis.com Follow me for more unsquashing tips - including links to -  THE unsquashing book - The Mystery of the Squashed Self and my TEDx talk - Beware the self squashing prophecy.

When self-doubt spirals hold you back - it's time to harness your curiosity to crush the imposter syndrome and frustration demons.  I call this using your 'detective mindset' and this short episode shows you how to use this tool in a very practical way.  This is one of the short summer unsquasher episodes - let me know how you find this format! ***** For a video version of this episode head to my YouTube channel (subscribe while you are there!) For regular reframes to keep you fresh - subscribe to my 'Unsquashed' fortinightly non-salesy email! Learn more about staying 'unsquashed' over at trishalewis.com. Check out my TEDx - Beware the Self Squashing Prophecy And a valuable resource (with a unique twist) - my book - The Mystery of the Squashed Self.    

In this eye-opening episode, we're talking all about creativity and how to truly embrace it, featuring the inspiring story of Bee Higgins – creative copywriter, messaging mentor, and Crohn's disease warrior. Bee's journey to creative success started with a pause in her studies, a pinch of stubbornness, and a whole lot of individualism that led her to turn her unique abilities into a thriving business.   But, guess what - I also share my own story of feeling "self-squashed" and relate to Bee's rebellious nature. Together, we remind you that creativity is innate in all of us and doesn't always have to result in a masterpiece. Break free from those fears and societal pressures, and revel in the small creative acts of everyday life.   This engaging conversation also addresses the importance of authenticity in content creation, and how the one-size-fits-all approach is simply NOT the way to go. Find what works for YOU and create that perfect space for exploration, experimentation, and play. Remember, it's all about embracing your authentic self and expressing your creativity in the way that feels right for you.   Now it's time to give yourself some grace, spark that creativity, and listen to this game-changing episode. Discover the power of authenticity and learn how little acts of creativity can make a big impact.   Join Bee and me and the countless other individuals who refuse to conform to limitations and expectations – tune in now and let this podcast help unsquash and unleash your calm, or maybe crazy, creativity!

If your marketing makes you yawn or yell - this is for you. My guest Kate Chidzik has over 20 years as a marketeer as well as a lifetime of being a human! She shares her unsquashing journey and some powerfully simple reframes around your approach to marketing - being visible.  Connect you with your audience. Connect your strengths with your approach. Connect with supportive people. Connect your dots.   Connect with Kate - LinkedIn ***** Connect with me -Trisha Lewis LinkedIn Enjoy the episode and subscribe. Please take time to leave a review on your favourite platform to help spread the word if you find this podcast informative, motivating, enjoyable or simply 'calming'! Find out more about my communication and confidence coaching services as well as my unsquashing mission (the book, the TEDx) at trishalewis.com.