Raised Wrong

Hi, I'm Jeanne. And this is Raised Wrong, a podcast about our ADHD, your ADHD, and ADHD things in general, featuring the hilarious and scattered mind of my former roommate and current mom/tv writer Emily Towers. We also discuss the television shows we're watching on Paramount+ and Apple TV+, mother guilt, commercials, coyotes, underpants, and more. We do not discuss politics because I edited those parts out. And to ring in the new year, we revisit a Cosmo article entitled "5 Naughty Ways to Start 2003" which sounds a lot sexier than it is. 

First, an important update about the way we podcast! Then, Jessica does a deep dive into the uproar about Disney changing their Disability Access Service (and the Disney adults who are screaming and shaking and shitting about it). Other topics discussed include HBO's Julia, audiobooks (Irish), aging gracefully like Isabella Rossellini, Prison Brides, and more. Plus, a 2014 Cosmopolitan magazine gives us 5  “stealth new signs that he's cheating.” God help us. And finally, the hardest FMK we've ever done: 3 men who are not trash. 

A lot of questions are answered in this episode: "Why do we exercise? Why do we drink? Would we be good gay dads? WHO IS EATING THE SUN???" And the one question that's on everyone's mind..."How many calories does holding a drink for 20 minutes burn?" Other topics discussed include Everyone Gets Divorced, nachos, getting blasted by lasers, Raized Wrong Productions, UTIs, Trans Easter, and 'art.'  Plus an October 2010 Cosmo gives us the "ability" to burn an extra 305 calories a week. And finally, we FMK three very real things that Joe Biden controls.17:25 - JG Horny (poorly estimated taxes)20:43- JR Horny (honesty)31:35 - JG Gripe (Raized Wrong boys)35:20 - JR Gripe (customer service)41:15 - Cosmo's "How to Burn an Extra 305 Calories a Week" (2010)52:15 - Internet Dumb (Tesla art)1:07:05 - FMK - "3 Things Joe Biden Controls"

Stepmother of the pod Jessica is back and she's got some gripes! Topics discussed include the phonetic alphabet, Venmo transactions, ghost kitchens, amphetamines, dipping sauces, cyber trucks, embryos, women's sports, and so much more. Plus, a 2009 Cosmopolitan magazine unlocks the secrets to getting hit on "all the time" and they are...not what you'd expect. And finally, in honor of Jeanne's 40th birthday, a very special/disgusting 1984-themed edition of F**k/Marry/Kill.15:22 - Giving people money19:51 - New slang22:54 - Ghost kitchens28:43 - JG Horny (ranch)33:00 - JR Horny (pharmaceuticals)44:54 - JG Gripe (sweatpants)49:49 - JR Gripe (embryos is people)57:03 - JR Griple (men & women's sports)1:02:11 - Cosmo's "How to Get Hit On All the Time" (2009)1:18:31 - Internet Dumb (cyber trucks)1:28:00 - FMK - "Best Boys Born in 1984"

Long-time patriot and Type-A friend Emily Taormina joins Jeanne on the pod this week! Topics discussed include the millennial lol, cutting onions, Crocs, botox alternatives, woes of the Pacific Northwest, Swedish candy, Jude Law, milk, and so much more. An October 2005 Cosmo article about giving your man attention so he doesn't cheat on you causes us to question what the meaning of the word "pamper" is.  And finally, the three most popular Girl Scout Cookies get f**ked, married, and killed. (Plus, a special message from Stepmother of the Pod, Jessica!)Segments:00:14:10 - Gripe (JG) 00:20:35 - Gripe (ET) 00:26:00 - Horny (JG) 00:34:15 - Horny (ET) 00:39:40 - Cosmo's "How Much Attention Does Your Guy Need" 00:58:35 - Internet Dumb 01:08:00 - Message from Jessica01:09:00 FMK (Girl Scout Cookies)

Jeanne and special guest Julia Vickerman (artist/writer/lover/director) get to know one another and trauma bond over the horror that is a 2014 Cosmopolitan magazine. Topics discussed include foster dogs, tattoos, mewing, turning 40, movies where the ocean is the villain, dog dentists, cat eating disorders, Love Island UK All Stars, MGMT's new album, orca whales, the great (imaginary) ketchup wars, and so much more!  A Cosmo article entitled "What He Really Says About You To His Friends" is so much worse than you can imagine. And finally, 3 of the 4 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles get f***ked, married, and killed.Follow Julia on Instagram @juliavickermanWatch the awesome music video that Julia & her lover directed for MGMT's Bubblegum Dog.Topics/Segments:00:11:45 - "Mewing"00:20:25 - Horny (JG)00:28:15 - Horny (JV)00:33:25 - Gripe (JG)00:35:40 - Gripe (JV)00:42:00 - Killer whales00:45:50 - Cosmo's "What He Really Says About You"01: 00: 25 - Cosmo's "The Cockiness Meter"01: 13: 10 - Internet Dumb (Ketchup)01: 17: 10 - FMK (TMNT)

A June 2003 wedding issue of Cosmopolitan magazine gives us some "naughty newlywed tips to keep your guy guessing" and we are legally obligated to discourage you from trying them out. 

Your friendly neighborhood Ava (Williams) is back and we've got ! Topics include  orange foods, cyber bullying (light), audiobooks and the Libby app, wool (give it a shot), Baldur's Gate, gift guides, pervy male authors, and more.  Plus,  a 2005 Cosmopolitan magazine gives us tips and tricks for not killing the snowboarding boyfriend we apparently hate because that would ruin Christmas or Hannukah! And finally we F**k, Marry, & Kill 3 mainstays of holiday decorations. Caution this episode contains *SPOILERS* for holiday classic The Haunted by Bentley Little, so hurry up and finish reading it before you listen to this one. Follow Ava on Instagram @ava_carrieFollow Ava on Storygraph @queenb00gerMain Stories:00:15:15 - Audiobooks & Libby 00:25:15 - Wool & Baldur's Gate 00:33:30 - SPOILERS for The Haunted by Bentley Little 00:45:50 - Black Friday & Gift Guides 00:55:45 - Cosmo's "Stay Close During Holiday Chaos" (2005)01:23:45 - FMK: Candy Canes, Paper Snowflakes, & Garlands

Oops! All Internet Dumbs! Jessica's back after a 5-month hiatus and we talk about very current events like the Titan submersible implosion, the death of Sean Connery, Honey, I Shrunk the Kids, and Gary Larson's The Far Side. Other topics include CAPTCHA, Bing.com, more Bing.com, going to the dentist, Dissociative Identity Disorder, and more. Plus, a 2005 Cosmopolitan's  "Great Ways to Spend a Weekend With Him" will have you eating giant paninis and boning at your friend's house next Saturday night. And finally, we F**k/Marry/Kill three times of day. Yeah, we did that.Also, if you haven't left us a good review on the podcast thing, we are mad AND disappointed. Give us the external validation we so desperately need to survive. Main Stories:00:17:20 - Rick Moranis (horny)00:23:55 - Bing.com (horny)00:32:10 - Bing.com (gripe)00:34:50 - Dentist (gripe)00:46:00 - Cosmo's "Great Ways to Spend a Weekend With Him" (2005)00:58:00 - Internet Dumb: The Far Side on Facebook01:07:55 - FMK: 5am, 12pm, 5pm

Let's give a warm Raised Wrong welcome to special guest/artist/neighbor/friend/copywriter Ava Williams! Topics include advertising, Jeanne's 3rd grade music teacher, an update on walking, Bob Odenkirk, coffee (is it bad?), pepperoncinis (is that how you say it?), peanut butter and the state of journalism, being a jock, nausea (is it worse than itchy??), and more. Plus, we discuss "Mind Tricks That Get You What You Want" from a 2008 Cosmopolitan magazine and...wow. And finally a clever little neighbor-themed edition of F**k/Marry/Kill. Main Stories:00:09:30 - Another walking update!00:13:30 - What are we horny for?00:46:40 - Cosmo's "Mind Tricks That Get You What You Want" (2008)01:09:50 - Internet Dumb: "Never Throw Out An Empty Peanut Butter Jar"01:16:30 - FMK: Ned Flander, Cosmo Kramer, & Mr. Rogers

Topics include she sheds, strike life, Free Solo, Brittany Murphy, the Lawrence brothers (woah!), the Property Brothers, Tom Cruise,  and a *BIG* update to the "Jeanne walks" saga. Plus, we learn(?) a lot about decoding men's facial expressions from a 2005 Cosmopolitan magazine, and we do an impromptu deep-dive into a former Cosmopolitan features editor. (We support you, Beth!) And finally, we F**k/Marry/Kill present-day Joey, Matthew, & Andy Lawrence. Main Stories 00:11:40 - Update: "Are you a walker?"00: 24:40 -Lawrence  brothers Pt. 101:04:30 - Cosmo advice: "6 Signals His Face is Sending You" (2005)01:40:30 - F**k/Marry/Kill: the Lawrence bros

The writers may be striking but that won't stop them for podcasting! This month, Jeanne and special guest/dear friend/former roommate Emily Towers go deep on topics including dentistry/orthodontia, biking to work, wearing eyeglasses, raising confident girls, Kevin Costner, and so much more. Plus, we find the advice to guys in a 20-year-old Cosmo to be almost passable! And finally, we f**k/marry/kill the most old-millennial trio from TGIF: the dads of Full House. BTW, visit www.raisedwrongpod.com to leave us a voicemail about pioneers or something.

You're in for a treat because *this* podcast is hosted by two, yes, TWO, dumb bitches. Topics include where have you been, being a slut for running, divorce (ever heard of it?), "the Curious Case of Natalia Grace" (*SPOILERS*),  Aunt Jemima (RIP),  the newly autistic Sia, and so much more.  Plus, a less-than-a-decade-old Cosmopolitan magazine tries and fails to teach us the art of "sexting." And finally, we play a carnival-themed edition of F**k/Marry/Kill. **If you must know, the Natalia Grace segment last from about 36:00 to 50:00.

Topics include “in this house” signs, the song Bette Davis Eyes, the new Dune trailer, the Great North, cats (good & bad),  Marjorie Taylor Green, ”digital only fashion”, and some real talk about the Handmaid's Tale (tv). Plus, a 2006 Cosmo tells us ladies to stop nagging and let our guys be “quirky.” And finally, we F**k/Marry/Kill three famous “Roses”…in honor of our mothers.*This episode is dedicated to Arnold the cat (and not Danny).

Happy Women's History Month, St. Patrick's Day, & April Fools Day! Don't freak out, but Jeanne and a very special guest host (Paul Bonanno) had a very important conversation about ex-satanic wizards. Topics include bowling, Squishmallows, Catholicism, periodontal surgery, and a whole lot of satanic wizardry. Plus, for better or worse (it's worse), a 2004 Cosmopolitan magazine tells us some "Surprising Signs He's INTO You." And finally, a special F**k/Marry/Kill with the three most famous "Pauls".

Topics include holiday air travel, a number of Britneys, Andrew Tate, Pete Davidson, the movie Bad Santa, ex-houses, American Girl dolls, and getting a friends fired from their job…out of love. Plus, a 2005 Cosmopolitan magazine gives us what could very loosely be described as “advice” for getting your man to RACE home to you at night. And finally, we play our funniest and most controversial game of F**k/Marry/Kill. And the answers? Will shock you.

Topics include holiday movies, Kathy Bates, Elon Musk (again), free speech, exciting Raised Wrong Pod news, TikTok surgeons, terrible parents & tiny baby instagram influencers, the imaginary Matthew Perry/Keanu Reeves feud, some strong feelings about Marvel movies, and lots of gift giving wisdom. Plus, we travel back in time to December 2005 for Cosmopolitan magazine's guide to unwrapping the meaning behind HIS gift. And finally we f**k, we marry, and we kill 3 festive activities and the answers? Might surprise you.Visit our new website and check out the Official 2022 Raised Wrong Gift Guide!

We're back!! Topics include grocery shopping on Thanksgiving Eve, Elon Musk & the Twitter Blue debacle, French, a very deep dive into Replika (a sex-geared AI chatbot), Jeanne's favorite (so far) episode of Law & Order SVU (Season 11 SPOILERS), Saturday morning Cycle Bar, passive aggressive emojis, Patriot Mobile, and some real advice about spending holidays with the racist in-laws. PLUS, a Dec. 2005 Cosmopolitan magazine advises us on “How to Handle His Flare-Ups." And finally we F*k/Marry/Kill, 3 cringe millennial words. 

Just touching base! We'll circle back later!

This is a very special episode in which Jeanne & Jessica record from the SAME closet and oh what fun they had! Many wonderful topics were discussed including ESPIONage, child doctors, pregnant frogs, canned bread, Mussolini,  pronouns, and more. And if you're a little freak for ASMR, you're in for a treat. Warning: this episode but may not be suitable for listeners who are involved in multi-level marketing. 

Topics include COVID-19 (ever heard of it?), allergies, outer space, Elon Musk, anosmia, Roe v. Wade (kind of), the prison wives of TikTok, HBO Max, public libraries, math, high heels & average-sized men, and Chris Hemsworth's meat sandwich. Plus, a 2005 Cosmo prepares you for when your boyfriend drops a BOMBSHELL. And finally, we honor three cliche tattoos by playing F**k/Marry/Kill with them.This episode is dedicated to Paulie Walnuts aka Tony Sirico. 

Topics include feet pics, animal bullies, targeted ads, Billy Joel, rating hotness on a curve, fictional nurses, fireworks, and the Supreme Court. Plus, a 2005 Cosmo provides confusing advice about keeping your autonomy, even in a relationship with someone who doesn't know about carburetors. And finally, we play a truly disgusting edition of F**k/Marry/Kill with the 3 worst Supreme Court Justices. 

Topics include Target, body negativity, fitness apps,  men & menstruation, the Jif peanut butter recall, noodles, men writing about women's tits,  John Mulaney & rickshaws, Catholicism, and so much more.  Plus a 2005 Cosmopolitan magazine teaches you how to pretend to want to have sex with your man. And finally, we  F**k/Marry/Kill three of Jessica's favorite candy bars. 

The dumb bitches are back! Topics include careers, coffee, sausages, billionaires, Teslas, kissing, husbands' shoes, quite possibly the worst reality show ever made, and more. Plus, a 2005 Cosmopolitan magazine teaches us to stealthily touch our collarbones for whatever reason. And finally, because we recorded this on Mother's Day, we F**k/Marry/Kill three of our favorite hot moms. The answers? Will shock you. 

Topics include going off your meds, the Tinder Swindler, 3 Men & A Baby, Powerpoint sex presentations, short man Reddit, booby wrinkles, how babies are made, and why lying's okay. Plus, a 2008 Cosmo equates putting things in someone's pockets to real intimacy. And finally, a Valentine's-themed edition of F**k/Marry/Kill. 

First episode of 2022!! Topics include War & Peace, permanent makeup, plastic surgery, hit 2004 television show Wife Swap, balloon boy, being a whore for brands on social media, veterans & pregnant people, grocery store virtue signaling, and calling off weddings. Plus,  45 Ways to Get Even Closer To Him from a truly terrible 2008 Cosmo.  And finally, we f**k, marry, and kill some "winter celebrities." 

Topics include Home Alone, singing at babies, holiday depression, wearing your own merch, zebras, getting in fights at Disney World, and the demographics of Diet Coke drinkers.  Plus a very special edition of terrible advice: terrible Kotex advice. And finally, we F**k/Marry/Kill some weird ass Christmas traditions. 

Topics include movie trailers, mushrooms, Michael Clayton, being tired, being mad, NordicTrack, the Contact Lens King, Timothée Chalamet, 'unskilled' workers, Elon Musk, and the New York City clown community. Plus, a 2004 Cosmopolitan magazine lets us know that it's okay to have conversations with other humans, even if they're women. And finally,  a Thanksgiving tradition-inspired game of  F**k/Marry/Kill.

Merry Halloween, patriots! Topics include falafel, primates, inflatables, yelling at children, tacos, wood with a past (Jessica's viral TikTok), writers with thesauruses, things being “too much”, self-diagnosing, Mean Girls, butter, and more. Plus, a 2004 Cosmopolitan magazine warns us about getting tattoos and flashing our nips on television. And finally, we F**k/Marry/Kill 3 classic Halloween costumes. 

Topics include Eleanor Roosevelt and Amelia Earhart, gossip. Boomer comedians for Boomers, horse-punching energy, a warning about Gilbert Gottfried cameos, sex-ed for grown-ass men, John Mulaney and parasocial relationships, the Iron Cowboy, narcissists, and so much secondhand embarrassment. Plus, a 2004 Cosmopolitan magazine helps us feel better about our "female behaviors." And finally, a seasonal basic bitch edition of F**k/Marry/Kill where we try to answer the age-old question, "How does seasons work?"

Topics include American cheese, charcuterie, Subway the restaurant, Jeanne's first and last real piece of writing, Jessica's legions of TikTok fans, men with daughters, a man and his dick, Stan Shunpike, and the *dangers* of masking children. Plus, a June 2003 Cosmopolitan magazine teaches us how to ask for a beach shack or a raise in the final installment of "How To Be Ballsier." And finally, we F**k/Marry/Kill three of the best COVID-19 vaccine side effects.

A very back-to-school edition of Raised Wrong. Topics include ear piercing, Oodles Babies, fighting with men, appreciating Gen-Z,  English teachers, the dad-first mentality, Dr. Phil & catfishing, rainbow flags, and critical thinking. Plus, a June 2003 Cosmopolitan ends up blowing our minds with FEMINISM. And finally, a school-lunch themed F**k/Marry/Kill. 

Topics include being home alone, monogamous tattoo artists, the Cleveland Guardians, Aunt Jemima, Love Island UK, Rhode Island, lovemaking, and hatemaking. Plus, a 2003 Cosmopolitan magazine instructs us on how to speak to a hot guy. And finally, we F**k/Marry/Kill 3 summer-fun activities

Topics include America, hotel gyms,  the Hard Rock Cafe, fruity drinks, hot air balloons, parasailing, bad coworkers, and internet geniuses. Plus, a 2003 Cosmopolitan magazine helps us talk to a maitre'd. And finally we play a Summer Olympics edition of F**k/Marry/Kill with 3 weird sports.

LIVE (but not really) from the AC Marriott in Dublin, Ohio, we honestly raise more questions about hotels than we answer! Topics include bibles, ice machines, emergency exits, black lights, waxing, Sha'Carri Richardson (after the news), juicy beef burgers, and more. Plus, a hotel-themed version of F**k/Marry/Kill.

Topics include canceled plans, bird parts, cicadas, Gilbert Gottfried, Sha'Carri Richardson (before the news), kooky psychiatrists (part II), and the immortal Cole Beasley. Plus, a June 2003 Cosmo teaches us how to be "ballsier." And finally, a daddy-themed edition of F*ck/Marry/Kill.

Topics include tooth-brushing, pussy quadrants, roller skates AND blades, $400 bikinis,  Lexapro, influencer mommies, Clay Aiken, and the true meaning of Memorial Day.  Plus, a 2004 Cosmopolitan blows ours minds regarding THRILL-SEEKING STUDS (aka pirates). And we play a sort of creepy fast food edition of F**k/Marry/Kill.  AND the birth of a NEW Raised Wrong segment???

We're back! Wow. Topics include drive-through vaccinations, how not to write a book, being naked at the dermatologist, living your best life with botox, tiny houses, stupid computers, veterinary medicine, and “I didn’t know I was pregnant” stories. Plus, a 2004 Cosmopolitan magazine gives us an absolutely psychotic list of 16 things not to “blab on and on about.” And finally, the long-awaited billionaire edition of F**k/Marry/Kill starring Bill Gates, Jeff Bezos, and Elon Musk.  

Topics include the deep state plot against Matt Gaetz, TMG (too much guacamole), dentists, plastic surgery, shelf butts, vaccine theatre, and a desperate plea for you to join TikTok. Plus, a 2003 Cosmopolitan magazine gives us the scoop on why guys dump us! And finally, a Kardashian-themed F**k/Marry/Cill.  

Topics include birthday presents (good & bad), sleep complaining, Ativan and more Ativan, fancy face serums, Botox, AirPods Pro, Lil Nas X, runaway dogs, and libertarian anti-feminists. Plus, a Cosmopolitan magazine from 2003 encourages us to create our own signature sex move. And finally, we play an Easter-themed edition of F**k/Marry/Kill.

WARNING: This episode, while very hilarious, contains content related to depression and suicidal thoughts. Other fun topics include opossums, Jessica's ass, Operation Varsity Blues: The Movie, Jeni's Everything Bagel ice cream, permanent Daylight Saving, and Pepé Le Pew. Plus, a 2003 Cosmopolitan magazine gives us priceless advice on bonding with our man (over farts).  And finally, we circle back to a corporate buzzword edition of F**k/Marry/Kill.

Topics include sweatshirts (as per usual), Tyra Banks, birthdays, baked Cheetos, bullying, the C-word, blood, more blood, divorce, and Dr. Seuss. Plus, a continuation of some very beverage-based relationship advice from a 2003 Cosmopolitan magazine. And finally, a “canceled by conservatives” edition of F**k/Marry/Kill.

Topics include puzzles, massages, Nextdoor, stealing cars, friendship, Bridgerton, #nomakeup, nudes, staring at babies, guns, and potatoes. Plus, a 2003 Cosmopolitan magazine encourages us to go to the opera and drink lots of juice in order to get closer to our MAN. And finally, a very special Women's History Month edition of F**k/Marry/Kill.

Topics include driver's tests, trumpets, the movie Castaway starring Tom Hanks, vagina hair lasers, snow days, the Britney Spears documentary, skinny jeans, soggy jeans, and yoga pants. Plus, we learn 2 mindblowingly stupid tricks to “make him ACHE for you” from a 2006 Cosmopolitan magazine. And finally, a distasteful Presidents Day edition of F**k/Marry/Kill.

Topics include Facebook, Doogie Howser, M.D., smoothies, GameStop, ring lights, Thinx poison panties, anti-vaxxers, Honda Civics, learning to stepparent, Vanna White, Mitt Romney’s hair, and marriage resumes. Plus, a 2003 Cosmopolitan magazine gives us some rock solid advice on how to make someone say, “I love you.” And finally, we F**k/Marry/Kill 3 of the most glorious informercial products.

Topics include Larry King, tiny foods, giant hoodies (Part III), dry streaks, Shake Shack, more senseless tattoos, the national anthem, the New York Times, and how to know when you need a divorce. Plus, 10 things you should NEVER do in your guy’s pad, courtesy of a Cosmopolitan magazine from the year 2003. And finally, we F**k/Marry/Kill our 3 least favorite months.

Topics include giant hoodies (Part II), bone broth, the 1 Second Everyday app, seasonal depression, being rejected by Matt LeBlanc, saying adieu to Parler, the insurrection, and fighting over NFL football. Plus, we give you 3 out of the 50 Ways To Be A Better Girlfriend from a 2005 issue of Cosmopolitan magazine. And finally, we F**k/Marry/Kill three of the trendiest millennial foods.

Happy new year! Topics include giant hoodies for tiny little babies, Jeanne's new favorite food, the sexy side of the Great British Baking Show, having a personality on ANTM, Juice WRLD & know-it-all old men, how to take nudie pics, and Hilaria Baldwin. Plus, some timeless advice on online dating, written in 2004. And finally, we play a Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve edition of F**k/Marry/Kill.

Topics include getting dressed, the Babybel cheese family, more cheeses, the lesbian Christmas movie, Ben Shapiro (again), DR. Jill Biden the doctor, and Olivia Jade breaking the silence. Plus, some *very* special advice from the not unacclaimed 2004 book, “How to Make Someone Love You In 90 Minutes Or Less.” And finally, our last Christmas-themed F**k/Marry/Kill of the year: Bob Cratchit, Ebenezer Scrooge, and the Ghost of Christmas Future.

Topics include Christmas trees, Hillbilly Elegy, bronzer, the magic of Etsy, ACDC, the disappointment of LinkedIn, the aging of America’s Next Top Model, and the importance of treating one’s self. Plus, a 2004 Cosmopolitan magazine tries to convince us, once again, that dopamine is a magical love potion. And finally, we we F**k/Marry/Kill three (what’s the opposite of beloved?) Christmas songs.

Topics include the duality of gripes, Sia the musical artist, water bottle pants, rough mitts, TML (too many likes), senseless tattoos, and rich Santa. Plus, Cosmopolitan magazine advises us to trick men into loving us by playing a non-existent game of 20 Questions. And finally, a Gripesgiving food-themed edition of F**k/Marry/Kill.