The FuMP

Every good man has been there.

While reflecting on relationships come and gone, a man praises the one girl who has always been there for him..... on the shelf...in Hip Hop form... Little Debbie.

I hope it's ok that this month's FuMP submission is actually two songs stuck together as one, and that only half of it is funny. In 2002 I became an uncle for the second time, to a nephew named Sachio. He was the happiest, most calm and even-tempered child I've ever encountered. Just all smiles, all the time. I didn't see him or his sister that much, as they lived far away, but with each visit he became more and more interesting and fun and inspiring. For his third birthday I parodied a Van Morrison song for Sachio, and that's the first half of today's offering. In 2005 I made a CD of that song, and that CD still has a proud place in the upstairs bathroom of their home in Georgia. As I write this, Sachio is 24 and in hospice care, at home with his parents. His sister has come for the summer to be with them, along with her wife. I'm visiting every few weeks. In September 2025 Sachio was diagnosed with a Malignant Peripheral Nerve Sheath Tumor. It's a terribly aggressive cancer, which becomes so entangled in so many healthy organs that it becomes very hard to treat. Six months of chemo barely slowed its growth, and in April 2026 Sachio decided that quality of life was more important than quantity. I've written quite a bit about Sachio over the past year, but it was personal and not for public eyes or ears. Now it's fathers day weekend. I'm visiting with them in Georgia, and alternately feeling like it's good that I'm here, and then that I'm an additional burden being here, and then that it doesn't matter one way or the other. We keep breathing and watching tennis and watching world cup soccer and eating and sleeping... trying to keep this brave and doomed young man comfortable and comforted as the clock ticks. *** Sachio died at 4 am on Friday June 26, 2026. The hole he left is immeasurable. The second half of today's offering probably isn't comforting. I can do music pretty well, and I can do comedy pretty well... but neither seems to be of any value for my family (or for anyone else) in the face of incurable cancer. I've found that making things helps me process and deal with the pain and the isolation and the helplessness, so I've kept at it. It was helpful to me to make something "pretty" or "melodic" out of all this monumental unfairness. It was helpful to beat the hell out of the drums, and to turn this up really loud. And, having played it for a few close friends, I think it might actually have some merit. And maybe even some value for those who are grieving. Who knows? The main thing I've noticed is that pretty much anything is okay to say or do when the outcome is certain and awful. Very little judgement has been shown lately. So here goes. Sachio was violinist and a guitarist and a saxophonist and a singer. I wish I could say that we played music together, but for some reason that only happened a few times, very casually. We never composed anything together, and we never recorded anything. He played music with his sister, and with his father, and with his school orchestra, and later with his band "The Drapes." A few years ago I invited him and his band to come up to Nashville and do some recording, but that never happened. And that makes me profoundly sad. For this song, I composed the finger-picked instrumental bit upstairs in Sachio's room, while Sachio and his parents were sleeping in the basement room that had become Sachio's hospice ward. Sachio's room was (and will remain) full of his awards and sports posters and lots of things he'd collected in 24 years. As I worked on the song, I thought, "I'm in his bedroom, and he'll never see this room again." And I tried to put that big sadness into the music. In the original "Sachio" song from 2005, I enlisted the saxophone talents of Michael Duncan in Los Angeles. For the second, newer part, I wanted to have a violin, so I asked Tim Lorsch to provide that in Nashville, and he kindly agreed. Everything else you hear is me. Two individual songs compose this whole. My hope is that together they kind of bookend a life lived well, even if it was much too short. I hope people can relate to the pain and overwhelmingness of life and death, and that they think of the awesome gift that we all get for a short while. I hope the "god works in mysterious ways" people will see another perspective, as this song does not let any god off the hook. I hope this does something for someone. I'm just putting it all out there. Doing my best, whether it's sufficient or not. Many thanks to my brother Adam Goodie, his wife Chinami Goodie, their daughter Sara Goodie, and of course Sachio himself. You have each shown inspiring strength and love through all the good times and bad. You can see Sachio's obituary here. And you can see a video of this song, a slideshow, here. "Sachio" Music: Van Morrison Words, guitars, drums, bass, keyboards, vocals, arrangement, production: SG Saxophones: Michael Duncan "My Brother's Son" Music, words, guitars, pedal steel guitar, piano, bass, drums, vocals, arrangement, production: SG Violin: Tim Lorsch Helpful help: Stephen DeBonrepos and Niamh Bagnell

Spaff recently attended a reunion dinner with some old friends. Kurt asked if anyone had dietary restrictions. Dave said cilantro. Then he added, "Not allergic. Just can't stand it." And a song parody was born! What we learned about cilantro: o Americans call coriander leaves cilantro. Other English speakers call all of it coriander. o An olfactory receptor gene, OR6A2, determines your response to the aldehydes in cilantro. Which is to say, it's not just your preference. It's genetic. o A bunch of coriander was found in King Tut's tomb. You can decide if that's what killed him. What we learned about "Fernando": o Before ABBA's English remake, the song was released in Swedish by Frida (Anni-Frid Lyngstad) and is about a brokenhearted bartender, not a Latin American freedom fighter. o In 1976 (Happy Bicentennial!) "Fernando" hit #1 in 15 countries. In Australia it was the longest-running #1 ever (until it was beaten by Ed Sheeran's "Shape of You"). In the US it only reached #13. o Musicologist Philip Tagg wrote a 500-page book about "Fernando" and even he wasn't sure exactly which instruments were used. Bob had to make an educated guess. Swedish Chefs: Ashby, Lucas: Audio engineering Bad Beth and Beyond: Lead and backing vocals Bob Emmet: Instruments, arranging, and production Apprentice Chef Spaff: Lyrics

A classic tale of bathroom terrorism and adhesive assault.

You know how when someone says you look good for your age, you think, hmm, is that really a compliment? Because if they thought you looked good, they'd say you look good, and not qualify it with "for your age." Anyway, happy 250th birthday, America! You look good for your age! Here's our birthday tribute. It's a parody of Robert Palmer's "Simply Irresistible." Of course. Boston Tea Partiers: M. Spaff Sumsion: Lyrics Robert Lund: All vocals, all instruments, all everything else P.S. Check out the video! P.P.S. No AI was used in the writing of the lyrics or performance of the music. For the video, AI generated the images Spaff requested, but Spaff did everything else. Hooray for (not-yet-fully obsolete) humans.

A song for fun, childfree uncles and lady uncles alike. More Goodbye Charlemagne available here: linktree.com/goodbyecharlemagne

Are you tired of those bloody beachy bastard birds binging on all of your belongings? Then this song is for you! It's a parody of the Tears for Fears song: "Everybody Wants To Rule The World" and it's all about everybody's least favorite sea-going citizen: The seagull. Sit back and let the sounds of the sea and the seagulls carry you away (Just like how these gulls carried away your last bologna sandwhich!) Lyrics by Matthias

Stinging and Deranged represents the angry existence of a lonely Bee in a futuristic chaotic world. Inspired by the Iconic Musical "Singing in the Rain." (Sung and danced by Gene Kelley) Recorded at Moonlight Studios, Los Angeles New lyrics and vocals: Sulu Dubow as "The Bee " Original music: Herb Nacio Brown, Original lyrics: Arthur Freed Musical Production and special effects: Jeff Lewis of Moonlight Studios Miserable Stung Male: Jeff Lewis Asst production: Sulu Dubow Trumpet: Jeff Lewis Technical support: Jordan Kesselhaut, Michael Lestatkatt Selcovitz Special thanks to Steve Goodie and Brad Tassell (VCS) (First performance on guitar.) Many thanks to "The Improvisational Buzz Bee FUMP Dancers " Performed by "The FUMPS " and myself on guitar in front of a live audience at The Pre Dr. Demento Retirement Party House Concert on April 18, 2026. The Improvisational Buzz Bee FUMP Dancers are: Insane Ian Bonds, Luke Sienkoski aka The Great Lukeski, Tony Goldmark, Tim Crist aka Shoebox, Chris Mezzolesta (seen on a separate video) In Memory of David Vasquez, May 2026 Moonlight Studios

It feels like most Life Coaches needs a Life Coach!

Baby Yoda is a comedy rock anthem that turns Star Wars lore into an over-the-top love song. A hardened Mandalorian bounty hunter melts for a tiny green chaos goblin, mixing crunchy guitars, big hooks, and hyper-specific humor.

It's almost time to head back to Edinburgh for the Fringe Festival! And naturally that makes me think of the 24/7 racket made by the resident seagulls. And naturally that makes me think of Tom Lehrer. And it's featured on my 40th album, "Emotional Support Hamster" which you should totally buy at www.stevegoodie.com ! Music: Tom Lehrer Lyrics: SG and Niamh Bagnell Piano, vocal, arrangement, production: SG

In which we discover we have way too much in common with...a dinosaur. What we learned about Stegosaurus: o The distance between Stegosaurus and T. Rex is much greater than the distance between T. Rex and us. (80+ million years vs. 66 million years.) o We're not sure what the back plates were for. Possibly to be cool; possibly just to look cool. o Stegosaurus ate rocks to help digest those prehistoric fern salads. o It's Colorado's official state fossil. You can even get Stegosaurus vanity plates, but you have to register a vehicle there. So...goals. o In The Far Side, Gary Larson named the spiked tail the thagomizer ("after the late Thag Simmons"). It is now the standard anatomical term. What we learned about "Desperado": o It's not The Eagles. It's just Eagles. o While considered one of their greatest hits (it's even on Their Greatest Hits), it was never a single and therefore not a hit. o Don Henley didn't like his vocals but wasn't given a chance to redo them. o The song plays a central role on Seinfeld (Season 8, Episode 7). Cold-blooded reptilians: o M. Spaff Sumsion: Lyrics o Robert Lund: All vocals, all instruments, all production, all everything else Oh and hey: Check out the music video (YouTube link below). It's our first one in years and represents Spaff's first attempt to harness AI. (To be clear: The lyrics are 100% human. The music and vocals are 100% human. But the images in the video are 100% AI (albeit with five tons of coaching from Spaff).)

Tofu comes in tofu cubes. Soy milk comes from tofu boobs....This song is my bean curd deathtrip.

TERROR! HYSTERIA! INCONVENIENCE! No one is safe from the WMV... and your town could be next!

You never know who you'll meet, when you're out and about. Features a special guest vocalist, who needs no introduction (yet gets one, anyway!). (C)2026 Box Office Poison Records Written, performed, produced, mixed by TRRJTH Donkey Hotay Music (BMI) Mastered by Michael Fossenkemper - TurtleTone Studio NYC Art by Rochelle Carr Studios

The Kennedy Curse set to music.

If you ever had a bad roommate situation...

A song that describes the feeling of waking up and realising there are left overs in the fridge.

We finally got around to recording our song about how much Erin hates online opinion pieces structured as if there is objective data to consult when creating listicles. You know, "Every Episode of Lower Decks, Definitively Ranked!" Via Bella is: Erin Bellavia: vocals Rand Bellavia: guitar, vocals MIke Brunacini: piano Mike Mallory: bass

The way Whatsisname incessantly "floods the zone" with all-new outrages, you can be forgiven for thinking all the ICE drama is in the distant past. Spoiler: It's not. Just days ago at the Border Security Expo (fun crowd, right?), border czar Tom Homan said, quote, "You ain't seen shit yet." And: "You will see more ICE agents than you've ever seen before." So that's nice. Meanwhile, "Die with a Smile" by Lady Gaga and Bruno Mars was Spotify's most-streamed song of 2025 and continues to do juuust fine. (Latest count: 3.7 billion plays.) So here ya go! Our parody of the song about the topic. M. Spaff Sumsion: Lyrics Mr. E. and Anna Nimmiti: Vocals Bob Emmet: Keyboards, bass, guitar, drum programming, production, and everything else.

This is a dumb song based on a dumb idea that's been rattling around in my head for many decades, probably since I first saw "Young Frankenstein. " And it's the closing track on my 40th album, "Emotional Support Hamster" which you should totally buy it at www.stevegoodie.com ! Words, guitar, bass, drums, vibes, piano, vocal: SG Music: Irving Berlin

I wanted to write a song that sounded like synth-heavy comedy band OCT. So I did. This is about my cat(s).

Dr. Pinkerton and I are now united by a common threat. We've been increasing the security around our respective fortresses. We've added extra alligators to our moats. Our radio receivers are tuned to warehouses and farms. But these prowlers keep finding us, offering us lollies, and we can't pretend stranger-danger is a long awaited sale. So Dr. Pinkerton and I co-wrote this warning. We will resume our attempts to destroy each other (or the world) after we get these obsessive lurkers off of our vaporous trails! Red alert, red alert! This is an exercise in self indulgence. Never turn your back on a salesman! Bad Beth and Beyond: vocals, electric bouzouki, bass guitar, keyboard Dr. Milo T. Pinkerton III: vocals Drumbot: drums Fresh Rah D.: additional cymbals Marshall Trucker: telemarketer

It's a pretty old academic tradition for songs about pure scientific topics to lack any kind of taste or relatable humor, and we hope this song is no exception. PRODUCTION CREDITS: lead vocals - Dr. Milo T. Pinkerton III backing vocals - Bad Beth lead guitar - Prof. Glitch rhythm guitar - Filbert Snodgrass, (Jr. Scientist in Training) keyboards - Dr. Dylan W. Winchester harmonica - Benny Grunch bass - Dr. Z drums and percussion - Drumbot music and lyrics by the Consortium of Genius recorded, mixed and mastered by Lewis D'Aubin at C.O.G. Secret Lab, Harahan, LA

This is a song written from the perspective of a minor heel, getting away with a large number of small-but-decidedly-still-evil injustices. I went with the classic boots 'n cats beatboxing for some silliness. I think this song slaps, and I hope you enjoy it.

Hey, we're Toby Danger, and we wrote No Such Thing As Cool after realizing we spent most of my live trying to impress people who don't like the same snacks we do. This song is for the kids in the wrong jeans, the wrong scenes, and the wrong decade, or, you know, pretty much everyone. It's pop-rock with a shout-along chorus and a gentle reminder that nobody actually knows what they're doing, especially the people who look like they do. If "cool" exists, it's probably very tired of being chased.

I started working on this song last November. I was really hoping to get it done at some point before March, but given the subject matter it's somewhat appropriate that I just finished it. The title is something my wife occasionally says...I don't know how she managed to succintly summarize depression in four words with such catchy lyrical cadence when I'm the freakin' songwriter in the house, but she never thought to put it over organ-driven ska-punk, so as a great man once said: "Yoink!" I do in fact have a light therapy lamp. Its brand name is "Suxio," a fact that tends to cheer me up far more than its actual functionality because it sounds like the name of the least useful robot ever (*CRASH* "Dammit Suxio! That was the mayor's Victorian snail platter!") Music and Lyrics by Timothy F. Crist Vocals / Programming / Arrangement / Production / Keytar by Tim "Shoebox" Crist Mastered by Aaron Smith (who also suggested some EQ and leveling tweaks!)

Yes! It's the title track from my 40th album, "Emotional Support Hamster!" You should totally buy it at www.stevegoodie.com when it is officially released on Wednesday 4/15/26! Words: SG and Niamh Bagnell Music, guitar, bass, drums, percussion, mandolin, arrangement, production: SG Tuba: Timothy J Weber

Is anyone else tired of getting a full-on inquisition as a punishment for attempting to order pizza? We prove over and over that we're not robots, but our Captcha victories are quickly forgotten and the tests just keep getting harder. Which made us wonder, what's so bad about being a robot anyway? Well, other than the fact that they're taking our jobs and slowly learning our human skills so they can take over the world and enslave us, so there's that. Rest assured, here at Sisyphus Labs, we make music the old-fashioned way: with drum machines, sequencing and sampled phrases stolen from other artists' recordings. But we agree that the difference between AI and humanity is becoming frightfully small. In fact, we concluded, at this point it basically comes down to bodily functions. Therefore, I can take comfort in the fact that as a human musician, while an artificial being might outplay me, there's no way it can consume two bean burritos during sound check and blow an entire horn section off the stage. All music composition, playing and mixing : Bob Emmet Vocals: some robots Special Guest: Devo Spice, as frustrated human rapper

So the Suffolk and Goode Players recently did a Simon and Garfunkel parody, and then Steve Goodie did a Simon and Garfunkel parody, and we thought, hey! We wanna play! So here's our repurposing of "El Condor Pasa (If I Could)," Paul and Artie's repurposing of a piece by Daniel Alomia Robles. Yes, we're parodying a 56-year-old version of a 113-year-old song. We like to keep things fresh. Like our meat. Robert Lund: Vocals, guitar, bass, mandolin, ocarina sampling, panpipe sampling, Roland S-50, sfx, production, what have you. Macy Lund: More vocals M. Spaff Sumsion: Lyrics

This Year is a song about finally making some changes.

Hey, a couple years ago we wrote a song about how awful things are in the world and, because we're lazy, we didn't record it until now. We worried that the song would no longer be relevant a couple years later, but... lucky us... things are even WORSE now! We really dodged a bullet there! Anyway, light yourself a dumpster fire and enjoy this tune.

Robots, Robots Everywhere! And for everything! Well, almost everything.............. All vocals and Tuba: Drew Jacobs

Honestly, James K. Polk hasn't had this much attention in decades.

This is another entry in the "I can't believe no one has done this already" category. Also in the "I can't believe I haven't thought of this before" category. And of course, the standard "wow this is stupid" category. Music: Max C. Freedman and James E. Myers Words, guitars, bass, drums, vocals, arrangement, production: SG Helpful help: Niamh Bagnell From my upcoming FORTIETH album, "Emotional Support Hamster." Have a look at www.stevegoodie.com why dontcha?

Just another song about a guy named Bob who inadvertantly sets off alarms in local businesses. No one knows why.

Sometimes it's nice when a famous person wishes you a very personal Happy Birthday! (from Christopher Walken) Music by Jonny May (PianoWithJonny.com) Vocals and concept by Joe J Thomas of Joe's Dump (.com) Copyright 2026, Joe J Thomas and Joe's Dump (.com) All Rights Reserved. Not A Quinn-Martin Production.

This is a long-lost Power Salad recording, Craig's vocal demo discovered in 2025 and augmented by Chris resulting in a typically Salady dystopian mess. Sort of a cousin to "In My Driverless Car" thematically, it further delves into what might be happening 11 years on from that recording, with Tesla and Waymo troubles happening around us in real time. Lyrics and vocal (!) by Craig, "I'm Not In Love" choir vocal sample, editing and production by Chris.

This is about as political as I get, musically. (Also, I realize the irony in that pointing out someone else's biases inherantly states my own.)

A satirical song about the type of guy who joins ICE. I can't write a sincere song. I can't write a song that leads to any serious political change. But I can write a song that makes fun of these absolute dweebs. lyrics

Personally I never had any trouble being present, or taking part in the birth of my four children. In fact, I wouldn't trade the experience for anything, and would encourage any future fathers out there to be as much involved in the actual delivery as the mother and care givers will allow. That being said...there are a few of you, and you probably know who you are, who should never set foot in a delivery room. Recently, my nephews son was one of the later, who upon entering the delivery room was asked to sit on a chair in the back of the room, against the wall, Where, after viewing one of the final contractions promptly lost his breakfast, then... passed out! Thus!! the re-birth... if you will, of a song I originally recorded in the 90's for a friend of mine. And now,.. in 2026 for the rest of you to enjoy. Parody the Wynonna Judd's "No One Else On Earth" Production and vocals: Robert Lund Lyrics: Robert Lund, Terry Moffit Lead guitar: Danny Larsen

There are so many things to do, but you have been chosen. Time is meaningless and your fate is sealed. There is a cat on your lap.

You know how when you were a little kid they told you you could grow up to be "anything you wanted"? Yeah... About that...

Last year at MarsCon I tried something a little different for my concert. Instead of doing my usual set with short bits of stand-up comedy between songs, I tried to make it more like a hip hop concert with minimal talking between songs and my "posse" on stage with me the whole time. My posse consisted of Shoebox of Worm Quartet and Insane Ian. The end result was a lot of fun and I'm hoping to do more shows like this. But since I had Shoebox on stage with me I decided to premiere the latest Stupid Rap Battles. This one features me as a three-legged dog, and Shoebox as a fancy cup of coffee. This was the end result. Chris Mezzolesta was the pre-recorded announcer. This recording is from the 2026 MarsCon Fundraiser Album available now at MarsConComedy.com. Please pick up a copy and help out the comedy-music track. Lyrics, music, vocals: Tom Rockwell, Tim Crist Announcer: Chris Mezzolesta

A while back, I asked folks to suggest song titles, and I would write something based on the title alone. It was a fun expereiment, and maybe I should revisit it again. That said, it did yield this: one of the dumbest songs I've ever written (and honestly, a favorite of mine and Ben, my producer and co-writer of this melodical malady). This track of course comes from the Marscon 2026 Comedy Music Track Funraiser MP3 Album which you can purchase now to help cover the Hotel Room costs for this year's Comedy Music acts, and features almost 4 hours of live comedy music performances and other miscelaneous banter that more often than not features me, as I also emcee'd the event last year.

I had this silly notion for a song, putting Tom Petty together with Rocky and Bullwinkle... and it just wouldn't go away, and it made me giggle. So here ya go. Music: Tom Petty Lyrics :SG, Stephen "burpo" Debonrepos, Niamh Bagnell Guitars, drums, bass, keyboards, vocals, arrangement, production: SG Rocky and Announcer: The Luke "The Great Luke Ski" Sienkowski Bullwinkle: Dale Jones Helpful help: Susan "Sulu" Dubow

Dr. Sarcofiguy impersonates Phyllis Diller in a song that is an ode to yesteryear's "MY BOYFRIEND'S BACK AND THERE'S GONNA BE TROUBLE!". Alas, her boyfriend in this case? That amorous amphibian from the deep: THE CREATURE FROM THE BLACK LAGOON! THE LAGOON CREATURE FROM THE BLACK (IS ON THE ATTACK) by John Dimes Produced and Arranged by Craig Conley But with: THE SARCOFIGUY RAP by The Grave Mood Rings (Craig Conley and Michael Warwick)

I wrote Putin on a Bear after noticing how easily power turns into performance. Big egos, bigger symbols, and a world that sometimes feels more like political cosplay than leadership. The song stays light on purpose. I figured if things are already absurd, there's no need to shout. A raised eyebrow does the job. If it makes you laugh, hum along, or briefly wonder how we got here, that's enough for me. This is a small reminder that when authority starts demanding awe, laughter can still be an option. Blombird

"Bucket List" is what happens when a man misunderstands a STD diagnosis, comes to terms with his mortality, and decides to write an unlistenable song about it. Music video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LqZE4vBkR4g

A tribute to all the Flat Earthers, 1st Amendment Auditors, Sovereign Citizens and other "colorful characters" who live and breathe on social media!