The Kvetching Professor

In this episode I first talk about how there are potentials for humor all around us constantly – in what we think, see, and hear. So for the professional in the comedy biz, his or her workweek is never done. Of course, for the rest of us, it's fun to notice funny stuff and hear people laugh when we share it. Hope this episode gives you at least a chuckle or two, if not a full-fledged guffaw.

After a shout-out to Jordan Peterson for his book, "12 Rules for Life: An Antidote to Chaos," I talk about my own proposal for a very different kind of self-help book. Mine will tell you how to be more discontent in life. For example, I urge readers not to do meditation or yoga. Why stress yourself out trying to be happy? It's so much easier to be miserable.

This episode starts off with some serious stuff about why therapy is so valuable. What I read in the second half of the episode is something I wrote more than 20 years ago, and while I wrote it with humor, it was way ahead of its time in its commentary on feminism, men, and traditional masculinity. Listen to find out what I wrote!

Marriage is great. (I've been married a long time and I'm a big fan). But I recognize that it has its pitfalls – and the biggest is the stuff we say. In this episode you'll learn how lines like “Who's that?” can get you into big trouble. And how the word “honey” is sometimes not so sweet.

After a brief discussion of the meaning of “kvetching,” and how annoying optimistic people can be, the Kvetching Professor makes some humorous observations on life - including the basic principle of child-rearing, and also why we need professional apologizers.    

No one I know is really happy with the choice of presidential candidates right now, so I feel it is my patriotic duty to announce my candidacy! In this episode I do that, and tell why I'd make the best choice in 2020. My campaign slogan will be “Isn't it time we had a psychologist in the White House?”    

In Part 2, I talk more about becoming a college professor – including my realization of how humor is so important in the classroom. In fact, I point out some parallels between college teaching and stand-up comedy that help explain why some very smart people could never be college teachers. There's this and much more that will be of interest to past and present college students, professors, and those thinking about a college career.

Why did I become a psychology professor? I started out loving math ... so what happened? In a humorous way, I tell you about what led me to choose the psychology field, and what my best and worst professors in college did that showed me how to be a good teacher. Every college student, teacher, or aspiring teacher should give this a listen!  

Join the Kvetching Professor as he kvetches about "pet peeves" ... no, not talking about things your pets may do that bother you. These are things people do that he, and no doubt others, find annoying – starting with drivers who don't use their directional signals, or put them on after they've already started making their turn.    

Although this episode (like the previous one) focuses on the fascinating topic of female beauty, a highlight here is a lively performance of a folk rock song I wrote and recorded in 1977. And then there are 15 engaging minutes of me, as the Kvetching Professor, talking about the politics and reality of beauty.    

Years ago, as a psych professor, I did a research project where I interviewed beautiful women on what it feels like to be the subject of so much attention based on looks. That was back when it wasn't politically incorrect to describe a woman as beautiful or, God forbid, tell her that she is. But whether it's PC or not, my interviews showed that being beautiful is real and is complex. I talk about all this here.

I admire the teaching profession, and I remember many of my teachers – some terrific ones, and some not so terrific. We all have our teacher stories, and here are a few of mine: a grammar school teacher who used behavioral principles all wrong, an unforgettable third grade substitute teacher, and one of my professors in college who had a great way to get us to do our homework.

Do you lack self-esteem? Join the crowd! Listen in as the Kvetching Professor talks about his own issues in that area, and the long-term pain of narrowly losing in a competition. It's 15 minutes of fun about stuff most of us can relate to – and features a story of a memorable experience from his youth about that quiz!  

So many of us want to be famous, but fame does have its drawbacks. In this episode I talk about some of the dilemmas, but I also tell you one way that fame can truly be hassle-free! And tune in as well to learn about what I call “humorous license” and “age math.”      

Though texting has made speech unnecessary, some of us still enjoy this antiquated means of communication. But sometimes the problem is starting a conversation. In this episode, you'll learn how to do this! And it doesn't involve alcohol. It's all in fun, though, so I wouldn't advise doing most of what I suggest here. 

In this episode, the Kvetching Professor first talks about two of the most famous advice columns ever — “Dear Abby” and “Ask Ann Landers.” And then it's about his own altogether fictitious contribution — “Dr. Mark.” Unless you wanted a good laugh, you probably wouldn't want to write in to ask Dr. Mark for his advice.

A rare treat! Hear one of my most popular songs in an episode where I humorously discuss the pros and cons of having a bunch of passions rather than just one. This is what it means to be a Renaissance soul — which is a problem when it's 400 years after the Renaissance.  

The very smart and funny Howard Sachar joins me for his third appearance on the “The Kvetching Professor.” As usual, a variety of unforeseen topics comes up, including a great idea for a consulting business, what happens when you call a doctor's office these days, a beautiful European city not a whole lot of Americans have visited, and my addiction to fudgsicles.  

Mark Twain once said, “Humor is tragedy plus time.” In this episode I talk about an example of that, focusing on something that happened before any of us were born. But then I discuss a couple of experiences I had that were not at all tragic, but very awkward – and yet soon became really funny stories.    

In a time when civility so often seems to be missing in everyday life, it's great that there's still a place where we can easily practice it and brighten the day for our fellow human beings. I'm talking about doors and doorways. But what are the rules about opening doors or holding them open?    

While the centerpiece of this episode is humorous, there is a serious message here as well. And in the introduction, I definitely get serious as I talk about issues concerning boys in America today. Girls are getting all kinds of encouragement, but boys are not, and yet I think our society will do best when boys as well as girls are encouraged to be all that they can be.  

Listening to “Born to Be Wild,” the great Steppenwolf rock song from the late 1960s, got me thinking about what the title of my signature song might be. I think “Born to be Mild” would come closer. This episode takes a fun look at that, but I also talk about the lasting joys of rock.

In going through the piles of stuff I've saved over the years, I came across the “little black book” I bought when I was 16 years old, so I could write in the names and phone numbers of girls I hoped I might go out with. I kept this little book going for three or four years. In this episode I talk about a few of the girls I did go out with, and one who had an exclamation mark next to her name - but whom I can't remember at all.       

We all know people who are, shall we say, “difficult.” This episode talks about various terms we have for them, some of which aren't so nice. But others are OK, like “high maintenance” and “piece of work.” Assuming you're not the easiest person to be with, which would you rather be called? I'm sure you'll agree, they're both better than “total jerk” or “complete idiot.”  

Here I look back at some old and classic children's stories - from a contemporary perspective. The little engine that could? Are you kidding? Give me a break! I also talk about some of the best kids' stories of the late 20th Century. I'm talking “George and Martha,” the two wonderful hippopotamus friends. Each story in the series is so short and sweet.

I've long heard about the status associated with being an "alpha male," so I've always wondered if I was one. In this educational and entertaining episode I talk about alpha males, beta males, and what makes you one or the other. Am I, the Kvetching Professor, an alpha male? There's only one way to find out! Listen in...  

In this episode I take a lighthearted poke at some mottos of companies, colleges and countries. If you think about it, mottos are all around us. Many are quite inspiring, like Nike's “Just Do It.” Others  are a bit less so, like KFC's “Finger-Lickin' Good,” or the state of Michigan's “If you seek a pleasant peninsula, look about you.” I mean let's be honest. How many of us are truly seeking a pleasant peninsula?  

In this episode, the Kvetching Professor, who has attended many a college graduation ceremony, suggests what a commencement speaker might say if he were being truly realistic about what the future holds for today's graduates.  

Today we're encouraged to take pride in whatever groups we are a part of – whether it's race, ethnicity, sexual orientation, gender, etc. But one group, to which we all ultimately aspire, doesn't seem to be proud of its identity: the old folks. In fact, we “seniors” (which sounds so high school!) are embarrassed even to use the term “old.” Here, the Kvetching Professor tries to put an end to that kind of self-shaming!  

While this week's episode of The Kvetching Professor features something I wrote more than 25 years ago, it certainly is highly relevant today, when, between new guidelines for therapists counseling men and boys and the Gillette ad, which went viral, the idea of boys as rowdy, rambunctious, and wild has become so yesterday.  

Curious about your self-esteem? Wondering if you really feel good about yourself? For a lighthearted look at this, try the Kvetching Professor's short self-esteem quiz, which is featured in this episode. Obviously, the Professor must not be feeling so good about himself if he's spending his time coming up with this kind of silliness.    

This week's episode centers on a short satirical self-test for women who might be wondering, “Am I a feminist?” I wrote this way back in the mid-1990s, which was decades before the #MeToo movement, when you were still allowed to laugh a little about gender issues.   

In this episode, the Kvetching Professor talks about the fantasy camp he could start, where for big bucks you could see how it feels to be a college professor! Who would need a rock'n'roll fantasy camp or a big league baseball fantasy camp if for a few days you could have the full college teacher experience?!

In this episode, I talk about how English has borrowed lots of words from other languages, including quite a few from German. Sometimes it's because we don't have just the right word to capture a familiar feeling. A well-known illustration of this is the word “angst.” Another, which is not as well known, is a feeling called “schadenfreude.” Listen to some fun examples of that one here, including my own experience of it.  

My guest on this episode is Irwin Sperber, longtime professor of sociology at the State University of New York at New Paltz. Irwin is a fascinating man who I've known for more than 40 years. There are laughs here (he is a very funny guy), but they are interspersed with serious talk about being a father – in Irwin's case, daughters; in mine, sons. And we also talk about our own fathers.  

One day when I was doing some decluttering, I came across something I just couldn't toss. It was my junior high school autograph album – from 1956! Have 12- and 13-year-old boys and girls changed in the last 60+ years? Listen to what they wrote back then, and you decide.    

In this episode I think about what my autobiographical novel might be like as compared to Jack Kerouac's classic On the Road. My book would be Staying Home, and rather than writing beautifully about the excitement of wild cross-country trips, I'd describe such thrills as going from the bedroom to the kitchen and back again.    

This episode features a piece I often read to audiences, who really seem to enjoy it. I talk about some of the difficulties we typically have in marriage, but also give some humorous suggestions for dealing with them.  

Is your marriage getting dull and drab? Are you getting along too well? Maybe it's time to have some of those little squabbles that get the excitement back into your relationship! In this episode, the Kvetching Professor (who's been married for 48 years!) will tell you all about it.    

While I taught for many years, I don't know if I was always so teachable myself. But here, presented with my usual style of humor, are some instances where I definitely have been open to learning and change. I think at least one of these (#2) could be valuable for all of us.

The always amusing Howard Sachar makes a delightful and engaging return appearance, as he wonders what TV ads for psychedelics might look like if doctors started prescribing them. He also discusses some linguistic amusements, such as what he calls the “conjugal we.” And finally Howard and I talk about some of the odd things that can happen when you use voice-to-text on your smartphone.

The Kvetching Professor has often been ahead of his time. In this episode you can hear what he wrote 25 years ago concerning his worries over the escalating demands for political correctness on college campuses. As usual, it's done with humor, but when he said – back in 1993! – that “hard-working Americans” would be asking, “Don't these people have something better to do with their time?” – he was on the money about today's America.  

When you go to a health care professional, you may not be happy with what he or she says about your health, but you don't expect the visit will make you feel bad about the way you look. The Kvetching Professor has had such experiences, and while he can laugh now, they weren't so funny then. And what about the doctor who gets excited because he or she thinks you might have a rare disease?    

The Kvetching Professor's guest in this episode is psychologist and poet Arnie Weiner. His big project is a libretto for an opera, which he's been working on for 25 years. My feeling is, give it one more year, and then, that's enough! Arnie is a very funny guy, though he occasionally gets a little serious here. But mostly we have a good time – including some fun talk about cats and dogs.  

Even the Kvetching Professor has little to kvetch about compared to people who work so hard as servers in restaurants. I've never waited on tables, but I certainly admire those who do, some of whom have gone onto fame and fortune (like Chris Rock and Meryl Streep). In this episode I have fun with an old waitstaff manual lent to me by a wonderful waitress some years back.  

A special episode! The Kvetching Professor is joined by the very smart and very funny Howard Sachar, whose offbeat sense of humor has long made me laugh.    

As a young person, the Kvetching Professor had a dog, though he has not had any pet for years. But he does recognize the importance animals play in people's lives. And why not? When you come home after several hours out, you're lucky if your spouse or kids say hello. But your dog? He or she's excited every time, as if they thought they'd never see you again. And people love their cats too. It's other people we all have trouble with. Yes, pets rule!  

Today, The Kvetching Professor talks about what it's like to go from having trouble relating to his aging parents to becoming an aging parent and trying to avoid having similar problems with his kids. He's happy to say it's going well. As of today, they are all talking to him! :-) Here, Professor Mark shares what he's learned – in his usual humorous way.      

In this episode, The Kvetching Professor looks at how those freedoms guaranteed us by the first 10 amendments to the US Constitution fit into marriage. The answer in two words is: They don't. Take freedom of speech, for example. Are you kidding?  

In this brand new episode, the first in this second season of The Kvetching Professor, I talk about “shoulds.” You know about these. Like everyone else, I'm often burdened by “shoulds” and “should nots,” but I feel strongly they should not dominate our lives. As usual, the episode combines humor and profoundness. It's less than eight minutes, so you really should listen!        

In this episode, The Kvetching Professor talks about some songs you would certainly NOT want played for your first dance right after you've said, “I do.” You know, songs like "Who's Sorry Now?" and “Gonna Get Along Without Ya Now.” Of course, if you're not sure this is really the person for you, songs like this might be just right.   A special note: This is the concluding episode of Season 1. And it will, as always, bring a smile to your lips. After a two-week break, the Kvetching Professor returns for Season 2, with all new episodes – and some surprises!   In the meantime, listen to the episodes you missed – all 24 of them.