The Trauma Club Podcast

In this episode, Vanessa talks about her newfound experience being a mom and how its helped her better understand our childhood. Doug, having nothing of comparable substance to offer, talks about what he's been watching: the movie Belle about the Zong massacre and a few different shows on AppleTV. [TRIGGER WARNINGS: childhood traumas, slavery, mental health struggles, and sexual assault] This episode was recorded on February 22, 2021.

In this episode, we catch up with each other after taking a break for a few weeks. Doug struggles to think of the word "pretentious," Vanessa places a moratorium on "Wes Anderson," we wonder about how "foreign exchange students" work and if they're still a thing, we make fun of the 90s, we trade ADHD stories, and we talk about the difficulty of managing relationships when depressed. Vanessa decided she's going to try to start listening to more podcasts, so Doug provided the following recommendations: Queery with Cameron Esposito, Sounds Fake But Okay, Parenting Forward with Cindy Wang Brandt, The Good Ancestor Podcast, and Narrative Therapy: An Animated Conversation. [TRIGGER WARNINGS: cultural appropriation, seasonal depression, misogyny, and grooming] This episode was recorded on February 10, 2021.

This episode continues our series about our work histories. In this second part, Vanessa talks about her journey from ESL tutor to college theatre assistant to pet sitter to call center rep to insurance claims processor, and more. Tangents include unrealistic expectations given to high school students about work, reflections on the purpose of college, and general angst about work in a capitalist society. [TRIGGER WARNINGS: homophobia, fatphobia, and capitalism] This episode was recorded on January 3, 2021.

This episode begins our series about our work histories and ever-growing contempt for capitalism. In this first part, Doug talks about his journey from sandwich artist to car salesperson to social media consultant to data analyst--discussing everything from getting fired (twice) to freelancing (unsuccessfully) to stumbling into a new career on accident. Tangents include the "gig economy," white papers, Happiest Season, asexual representation, and R Programming. [TRIGGER WARNINGS: Toxic workplaces, getting fired, financial struggles, and PTSD] This episode was recorded on December 26, 2020.

In this episode, we play a game of 'Would You Rather?' Not surprisingly, the conversation swings wildly from aliens to fashion to smartphone apps to human cloning to dream jobs to Elliot Page. Spoiler alert: Vanessa and Doug's first guests as Late Night Talk Show hosts will be Megan Crabbe and Ruha Benjamin, respectively. And when movies are made about Vanessa's and Doug's lives, Vanessa will be played by Drew Barrymore and Doug by Mark Ruffalo. [TRIGGER WARNINGS: prison, alcohol, eating disorders, and transphobia] This episode was recorded on December 5, 2020.

In this episode, we have another completely unstructured conversation. Tangents (can we really call them tangents if there is no actual path to stray from?) include: voice changers, mega phones, The Office, olives, pickles, human anatomy, Tales from the Crypt: Demon Knight, and the smartphone app JustWatch. [TRIGGER WARNINGS: Sexism, Transphobia, Alcohol, and Sex] This episode was recorded on November 29, 2020.

In this episode, we catch up with each other after a brief hiatus for a mental health break. No cohesive theme in this one. So, if you're brave enough, feel free to follow our ADHD brains as we discuss topics such as Twisted Cedar Wines, the Islamic Golden Age, Salt-N-Pepa, Captain Marvel, Rush Hour 2, and a 7.5 Foot Demogorgon that Doug would love for you to buy for him. [TRIGGER WARNINGS: Depression, Drugs and alcohol, Divorce, Discussion of Cultural Appropriation, Relationship Issues, and LGBTQ+ Discrimination] This episode was recorded on November 22, 2020.

In this episode, we use the You're Wrong About podcast episode on the D.A.R.E. program as a launching point for a conversation about our experiences (and/or lack thereof) with drugs.  Tangents include simping, The Regular Show, faking orgasms, Ohio, CNN's Weed documentary, Tangle toys, the relationship between rationality and white supremacy, Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy, the Enneagram, and social media. [TRIGGER WARNINGS: Sex, Gaslighting, Drugs, Alcohol, Medication Stigma (Adderall), Phobias (Needles, Blood, Sharp Objects), Self Harm, Bullying and Harassment, and Divorce] This episode was recorded on October 31, 2020.

Using in an interview with Sonya Renee Taylor on the Good Ancestor Podcast as a launching point, in this episode we reflect on our experiences with the shame we've had around our bodies and the way others perceive them, especially in terms of body size.  Tangents include cow farts, sex work, "Electric Avenue," Tangles, lobbyists, and the "Pool Party" episode of The Office. [TRIGGER WARNINGS: Weight Loss, Fatphobia, Dieting, Eating Disorders, Rape, Purity Culture, BMI, Burnout, and Sexism] Also check out the 100% indigenous-owned US winemaker Doug just discovered: Twisted Cedar. The Malbec is--as the kids say--on point. This episode was recorded on October 17, 2020. 

In this episode, we intend to continue our conversation on purity culture, but it quickly turns into a mission to get Doug drunk for the first time in his life--as we're recording the podcast. Do we succeed? Well, you'll just have to listen to find out... [TRIGGER WARNINGS: Graphic Sexual Language, Purity Culture, Evangelical Christianity, Pornography, Ghost Stories, Abortion, Sexism, ADHD issues, and Drunkenness] This episode was recorded on October 1, 2020. 

In this episode, we continue our conversation on purity culture.  Doug summarizes his entire sexual history, including how it dovetails with being raised as a boy, becoming a youth group kid, entering into his first (and only) relationship with his current partner, and finding out far too late in life that he's actually asexual. Mostly, the conversation centers around porn--something that featured strongly in Doug's childhood formation and has resurfaced in recent years upon his discovery of the concept of "ethical porn."  We spend a decent chunk of time talking about a specific porn site: LustCinema.com, a creation of filmmaker Erika Lust--whose TED talk was the catalyst to Doug getting back into porn again. [TRIGGER WARNINGS: Graphic Sexual Language, Purity Culture, Evangelical Christianity, Pornography, Racism, Racial Fetishization in Porn, Representation in Porn, Masturbation, Sexual Shame, Premarital Sex, Victim Blaming, Sexism, Objectification and Exploitation of Women, Kink Shaming, Asexuality in Relationships, Sex Toys, Polyamory, and Lots and Lots of Sex Jokes] This episode was recorded on September 26, 2020. 

In this episode, we finally begin to delve into a topic we've been teasing for a while: purity culture. The podcast we started the discussion with was a conversation between Bailey Brawner and Matthias Roberts on Bailey's podcast Ask a Pastor Anything, which centered on why there's so much shame around sexuality in the Christian church.  Listening to this podcast episode made Vanessa realize how much it bothers her to hear conversations about sexuality centered around Christianity, and Doug spends a little time explaining why Christianity is still important to him--despite growing up with purity culture. In this section, Doug mentions religious trauma syndrome, as well as the book Models of God by the late Sally McFague. For the rest of the podcast, we focus on what purity culture has meant to Vanessa--reclaiming and redefining the concept of virginity that has weighed so heavily on her throughout her life as it probably has for all other people socialized as women. We didn't mention it in the podcast, but Emily Joy's "Thank God I'm a virgin" speaks to this idea phenomenally. You should totally check it out! [TRIGGER WARNINGS: Evangelical Christianity and Religious Trauma, Eating Disorders, Graphic Sexual Content, Virginity, Rape, and Insecurities in Relationships] This episode was recorded on September 26, 2020. 

In this episode, we go completely off the rails. Like, we intended to actually talk about something meaningful, but our brains just weren't having it. So, please enjoy a little over an hour of rambling about everything from binary identities to synonyms for mush brain to a girlfriend-eating Marilyn Manson to the definition of "bear" to Zoboomafoo to why you don't get to keep your organs when they're removed from your body to a real-time reaction to the passing of Ruth Bader Ginsberg. Despite broaching on some serious topics here and there, this episode is about 90% composed of Doug and Vanessa laughing uncontrollably into their microphones. So, fair warning: major plubugup ahead. [TRIGGER WARNINGS: Hysterectomies, Graphical Sexual Descriptions, Discussions on Gatekeeping in LGBT+ and Neurodivergent Communities, a brief mention of rape, Brain Fog, Abortion and Roe Vs. Wade, Cultural Appropriation, and Evangelical Bullshit] Also, be sure to hang on until the end for an extended outro featuring the musical talents of Six Umbrellas with their track "Transition" and the lyrical arrangement of magical mix-master Vanilla Rice™.     This episode was recorded on September 18, 2020. 

In this episode, we discuss Vanessa's recent realization that she might--like Doug--have ADHD. Doug shares some of his favorite resources that he's come across, and we go on all sorts of tangents--just as an ADHD conversation should be. [TRIGGER WARNINGS: Racial Stereotypes, Appropriation, Mental Illness, Chronic Pain/Fatigue, ADHD Problems, Sexism, and Doctors Who Don't Listen to Patients] The games Vanessa mentions at the beginning of the episode are Black Card Revoked and I Dissent. Vanessa has been working on converting her personal music library into a Spotify playlist. One of those songs is "Distance" by Christina Perri. Doug knows this because she recorded herself singing it before he longed on. LOL. Doug has been working on learning French, Spanish, German, and Turkish--creating quizzes for himself with R programming. Here's how he's doing so far... Doug also mentioned a project he's undertaking to document all of his favorite excerpts from the books he owns, prioritizing entries based on the diversity of the authors. He used the Inclusivity Index to determine the criteria for that. It's a really cool research project from Berkley's Othering & Belonging Institute. In this episode, Vanessa was drinking Kraken Black Spiced Rum and Doug was drinking Blake's Hard Cider Rainbow Seeker. Now for the more useful stuff... Vanessa thought she might have ADHD when she stumbled across this TikTok. Then, when she looked at the "ADHD in Women Symptom Checklist" (ADDitude is an excellent ADHD resource, by the way) and this article from Health.com, everything seemed to be spot on! Doug mentioned one of his favorite ADHD people, graphic designer Dani Donovan, who you can follow on Twitter and TikTok @danidonovan. Here are two of the images from Dani that we mention in the episode:       Doug also mentioned another of his favs, Jessica McCabe, who runs the YouTube Channel "How to ADHD" and delivered a killer TED Talk about ADHD called "Failing at Normal." Some other ADHD resources Doug recommends: Rene Brooks (on Twitter @BlkGirlLostKeys) ADHD Alien (on Twitter @ADHD_Alien) Adulting with ADHD (on Twitter @ADHDAdulting) Anna Whateley (on Twitter @AnnaWhateley) Finally, Doug mentioned a great article from Elle Rose (@ScretLadySpider on Twitter). If you're an adult that has been newly diagnosed with ADHD or are considering seeking out a diagnosis, this piece is a must read! Doug also mentioned that he thinks he might have Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (a.k.a "Chronic Fatigue Syndrome"). We're sure you'll hear more about that in the future... This episode was recorded on September 10, 2020. 

Hey y'all, this is Doug. I'm not including our usual bouncy musical introduction in this podcast, because it just doesn't seem appropriate. But, in case you listening to podcasts and we just popped up on your playlist, this is Trauma Club with Vanessa and Doug and you are listening to Episode 17: "Justice is Me Being Strong" [TRIGGER WARNING: Graphic Discussion of Rape]. If hearing personal stories of rape is particularly triggering for you, please go no further than this. Most of the time, when we're processing our trauma, we're able to do so in hindsight. We're able to look back and attempt to reconstruct what happened to us and what it means going forward. This episode is different. Last week, someone raped Vanessa.  It's so hard for me to say those words; I can't even imagine what it was like for my sister and my best friend to have experienced their reality. I don't want to provide any more context, because I want Vanessa's story to speak for itself. After it happened, Vanessa recorded her raw feelings with intention of sharing on the podcast. For the first half of this podcast, until around the 45-minute mark, you'll hear that recording. Other than a long gap when Vanessa was searching for an article online, I didn't edit the recording at all. I wanted to honor her pauses as much as her words. Following Vanessa's story, we spend the second half of the podcast in conversation together--unpacking what was done to her and how she's processing it. Vanessa reads an excerpt from a Psychology Today article, and that can be found here. If you or someone you know is the victim of sexual assault and you need someone to talk to, please don't hesitate to contact RAINN (Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network) on their website or by calling toll-free at (800) 656-4637. [TRIGGER WARNINGS: Rape, Revictimization, Sexism, Purity Culture, Lynching, Police Violence Against Black People] This episode was recorded on September 3, 2020. 

In this episode, we dialogue aimlessly about whatever crosses our minds--spending the bulk of our time talking about the current state of politics in the US as we near the 2020 election. If you're wondering about the meaning of the title, you clearly haven't been paying attention to Joe Biden's emails. Shame on you. You can make up for your utter failure as a human being by making Vanessa's tweet go viral. Give us some RT love, baby. [TRIGGER WARNINGS: Police Violence Against Black People, The Trump Administration, White Supremacy, Rape, Politics, Voter Suppression, Purity Culture] This episode was recorded on August 27, 2020. 

In this episode, we finally managed to get our youngest brother Rich on the show--and, for some icing on the cake, we actually recorded the episode on his 27th birthday. Yay! (Also, what? How? When did that happen?) Rich shares his most life-altering trauma--the situation in which his daughter (and our niece) Laila was taken from him and his then wife Alexis. He discusses what he learned from that experience, and the impact it has on how he parents his children today. If the starts can align, we hope you'll be hearing more from Rich--including the continuation of this story...because there's a lot we didn't get to. But, regardless, we hope you enjoy hearing this episode as much as we enjoyed recording it! [TRIGGER WARNINGS: Child Abuse, Child Separation, Toxic Moms, Anxiety] This episode was recorded on August 19, 2020. Happy Birthday, Rich!!!

We start this episode with Vanessa sharing some big personal news, taking a big step in being vulnerable enough to talk about her trauma, grief, and heartache as she's living through it. We then get into talking about our Evangelical experiences again. Doug shares his reasons for still identifying as a "Christian," even though he doesn't believe in anything supernatural--while Vanessa reveals the influence expectations of purity had on her growing up and continue to have on her today. It's a great conversation; we hope you enjoy it! [TRIGGER WARNINGS: Divorce, Mental Illness, PTSD, Depression, Borderline Personality Disorder, Evangelical Christianity, Suicide, Purity Culture, Rape, Child Abuse, and Sexism/Misogyny] This episode was recorded on August 5, 2020.

In this episode, we open up discussing the Netflix series called Messiah, and how that dovetails with the ideas we have about Christianity and religion from our own experiences.   After a brief tangent to gripe about the idea of American exceptionalism, we then talk about our experience growing up as Evangelicals.   As we ended up spending a large amount of time on Doug's experience, we'll be planning a Part 2 to go into more detail on Vanessa's. So stay tuned for that!   [TRIGGER WARNINGS: Evangelical Christianity, Christian Missionaries, Spiritual Colonization, 9/11 World Trade Center Attack, Antisemitism, US Imperialism, Japanese Internment Camps, Bombing of Nagasaki and Hiroshima, Miscarriages, Abortion, Indoctrination, and Rape] Show Notes Doug mentioned the origin of the religious right being--not in abortion, but in segregation. There are numerous sources covering this history, such as a quick read from The Grio, an in-depth piece from Politico, and a podcast episode on NPR's Throughline.   In talking about his experience in "fundamentalist Christianity," he mentions the "Restoration Movement," the Church of Christ he ended up leaving, and the Christian Church (Disciples of Christ) he currently participates in.   This episode was recorded on July 22, 2020.

In this episode, we wrap up a conversation on Astrology/Personality. Okay, let's be real--we'll probably never be done talking about this. But this time, we focused primarily on the enneagram while touching briefly on Meyers-Briggs and--of course--astrology.   Tangents include the Christian rock music still on Doug's iPhone, the 1996 Chicago Bulls roster, and the August 2008 Playboy Playmate. Come on--you can't tell us you aren't intrigued...   [TRIGGER WARNINGS: Contemporary Christian Music, Mental Illness, Misdiagnosis, and Mental Hospitals] Show Notes At the beginning of the podcast, Vanessa mentioned a jewelry designer she got an "Aquarius" symbol necklace from. You can find them on Twitter @thejumabrand.   This week, Doug is drinking the RISE AND GRND blend from Blk & Bold, and Vanessa is drinking shots using her favorite Vodka: Tito's.    While talking about Christian music, Doug mentioned a song from Christian rapper Knowdaverbs on which Mat Kearney (yes, that Mat Kearney) was a guest. The track is called "Gung Ho," and it's from the DJ Maj compilation album Full Plates. Because we aren't big enough yet to cover the legal fees of the law suit, Doug substituted the clip of the song he played with a loop of his cat Oliver meowing. But feel free to check it out on Soundcloud.   At around the 24-minute mark, Vanessa and Doug actually started talking about their intended topic when Doug started to nerd-out about supervised and unsupervised machine learning. Here's the image he was showing Vanessa while talking about it: The personality typing systems Doug mentions in his lengthy rant are the following: Astrology The Enneagram The Meyers-Briggs Type Indicator The Five Factor Model of Personality The Enneagram Book Doug used to facilitate the discussion is The Modern Enneagram by Kacie Berghoef and Melanie Bell. It's a really beautiful book; you should totally check it out.   The actress Doug mentions having been born on the exact same date as him is Mackenzie Davis. Then, the site the Doug found where you can look up celebrities by their birth dates is called Astro Seek.   Also, we didn't talk about this in the episode because we ran out of time, but Doug's favorite enneagram person in the whole world is Hannah Paasch, author of Millenneagram. Even if you don't care about the enneagram, you should totally get Hannah's book and read it, because it's hilarious!   Finally, just a quick overview of our respective personality types, filtering out all the tangents from the last three episodes: Astrology: Vanessa is an Aquarius and Doug is an Aries Enneagram: Vanessa is a 2w3 and Doug is a 5w4 Meyers-Briggs: Vanessa is an ENFP and Doug is an INTP Neurodivergence: Vanessa has BPD and Doug has ADHD Unsupervised Machine Learning Model: Vanessa is Vanessa and Doug is Doug This episode was recorded on July 17, 2020.

In this episode, Vanessa and Doug continue their conversation on Astrology and other forms of identify formation--taking tangents into asexuality, drama in online communities, cancel culture, and gatekeeping. So, yeah, we don't actually end up talking much more about Astrology.   Mostly we talk about a recent fiasco that broke out on Twitter within the asexual community Doug is a part of, the conflict that often occurs when people with different identities enter into the same space, and the difference between embracing an identity and embracing a community.   Hope you enjoy the conversation!   [TRIGGER WARNINGS: Aphobia, Gatekeeping in the Queer Community, Racism, Sexism, and Spiritual Warfare in Evangelical Christianity] Show Notes This week, Doug is once again drinking Limu, Ethiopia - Single Origin, Light Roast, from Blk & Bold.   The Twitter drama Vanessa and Doug begin the episode discussing is best summed up by Elle Rose's thread about the situation, where she said everything Doug was trying to say--only better.   Here's a link to the controversy over Stephen King rejecting the claim that the Oscars are racist.   The Jewish astrology book that Doug reads an excerpt from is Kabbalistic Astrology by Rabbi Joel C. Dobin.   The other astrology book Doug reads an excerpt from is called Sunshines by Michael Lutin.   This episode was recorded on July 8, 2020.

In this episode, Vanessa and Doug begin their discussion on Astrology, Paganism, and other "witchy" forms of spirituality/mysticism.   Due to the length of the conversation, we divided the episode into two parts. In this first part, we focus on our experience with such "deviant" forms of spirituality and how they intersect with our background in Evangelical Christianity. Be sure to check out Episode 11 for a more in-depth discussion on Astrology, identity, and community--along with some interesting tangents that you probably should have come to expect by now.   [TRIGGER WARNINGS: Racism, Homophobia, Evangelical Christianity, Anti-Semitism] Show Notes This week, Doug is once again drinking Limu, Ethiopia - Single Origin, Light Roast, from Blk & Bold.   Doug mentioned Marcion, an (anti-semitic) early Christian thinker who believed in two separate gods, and religious scholar Elaine Pagels' book The Gnostic Gospels.   The quize for this week was "What Mythological Creature Are You?"   This episode was recorded on July 8, 2020.

In this episode, we continue the conversation on "Dads" that we started in Part 1. In the first part, Doug talked a bit about his biological dad and then shifted toward sharing his experience with "Dad Roland," the man who married his mom, raised him as his own, and eventually became the biological father of Vanessa--as well as Vanessa and Doug's younger brother rich. This time, we pass the mic to Vanessa and let her share her unique experiences with our Dad. During the conversation, we discover how--in addition to some of the "toxic mom" issues we discussed in Episode 3--one very formative event in their shared childhood directly resulted the most significant traumas they each carry today.  We make no apologies if our Dad comes out of this episode sounding like a hero, because he 100% is.  [TRIGGER WARNINGS: Mass Incarceration, Sexual abuse, Rape, Depression, Suicide, Negative experiences in Mental Health facilities, Repressed memories, False memories, Child abuse, Toxic moms, Police-related trauma, and dealing with guilt] Show Notes Leading into the conversation, Doug mentions that he'd just watched a documentary Vanessa had also recently seen: 13th, a film from Ava DuVernay. Doug also mentions a book, The New Jim Crow, by Michelle Alexander--who is one of the commentators in the documentary. This week, Doug is once again drinking La Guadalupe, Honduras - Single Origin (Direct Trade), Light Roast, from Blk & Bold. Vanessa and Doug briefly discuss the movie/TV rating project Doug began in April, tabulating his rankings and creating visuals with R Programming. Just for fun, here's his rating (Scale 0 - 10) for each episode of Parks and Recreation--which he just finished watching. The bars represent Doug's ratings and the black line represents the average iMDb rating...   And here are the ratings of all the movies he's watched so far...   We'll stop there, but there'll probably be more updates on this in the future. LOL. Instead of a quiz this week, Vanessa and Doug decided to do an online "Mad Libs." For the theme, we chose Princess Bride. Here's what we came up with:   Return to a time when men were Paperclips and swamps were Litterboxes. Brauny Swamps, that is. Full of lightning-Boobs and Radishes of Unusual Sacramento. Lagoons were inhabited by Farting eels. And the most Soft woman in the world was named... Hans Bronson? Well, it`s a bent Bunny tale. Complete with all the fencing, Juxtoposing, escapes, and Pillowy accents you`d expect. Including such unique folk as Miguel De La Torre, who has dreamt his whole Pizza Box of finding the 5-fingered man who Punched his father, and his Contemplative sidekick, Fezzig. And don`t forget the Crunchy miracle man, Max. Blonde Hans Bronson loves Westley, a poor Massage Therapist. But when he`s captured by Jesus Christs, she`s chosen by evil Comptroller Humperdinck to be his princess bride. Along the way, she gets Jumped by the Dread Jesus Christ Roberts, the spaniard gets his wish, and Humperdinck turns out to be a Triceratops. This episode was recorded on July 1, 2020.

In this episode, we begin discussing our trauma surrounding our relationship with our Dads. Vanessa and Doug have the same biological mother, but Doug had both a biological father who was present in his life and Vanessa's biological father--who raised him. So, in this first part, we focus on Doug's Dads and how he understands his relationship to each of them. Stay tuned for Part 2, where we'll concentrate more thoroughly on Vanessa's relationship with the man both Vanessa and Doug call "Dad." [TRIGGER WARNINGS: Father's Day, Gaslighting, Mass Incarceration, Systemic Racism, Drug Addiction, Childhood Abandonment, Rape, Anti-Asian Racism (in the quiz)] Show Notes The website Doug found through a link on Twitter is called Shoppe Black, and it contains links to all sorts of Black-owned businesses--including the list of Black-owned coffee brands where he discovered Blk & Bold. This week, Doug began drinking their La Guadalupe, Honduras - Single Origin (Direct Trade), Light Roast, and it is 100% certifiably delicious. Buy their stuff, y'all. And then follow the company on Twitter @BlkandBold so you can talk about it. The local coffee shop in Columbus that Vanessa mentioned is called Upper Cup Coffee. If you're ever in the area--and if this whole Covid shit ever goes away--be sure to check it out. Doug refers to his biological Dad as "Dad Rice," because his last name is "Rice," and he refers to his "other Dad" as "Dad Roland," because his last name is "Roland." Also, Vanessa and Doug mention "Urbana" quite frequently. Just FYI--that's the central/southwestern rural Ohio hometown they grew up in. It looks like Carmazzi's, the vintage Urbana candy store Vanessa references, is still in operation after all.   Doug mentions having believed, as a 13-year old, that John Reuben was the "Christian Eminem." If you listen to his music, you'll see how ridiculous that is. Hmm, it looks like he actually is still making music. Who knew? (Bonus show note: Doug named his and Jessy's first dog together "Reuben" after John Reuben). The study Doug is participating in with his church is based on the book How to Be an Antiracist by Ibram Kendi. It's definitely worth looking into if you haven't read it already. We're not even going to give the quiz the courtesy of a link, because it's sooooo racist. If you Google it, find the quiz, and don't understand why we think it's racist, then we recommend you actually getting to know some Asian people (or at least Asian-Americans) before you go visiting any country on that list. This episode was recorded on June 24, 2020.

In this episode, we take a deep dive into BDSM. Vanessa identifies as kinky and is actively involved in the BDSM community. Doug, on the other hand, is "vanilla" and struggles to understand what he perceives as moral ambiguities involving the imagery power dynamics used in BDSM relationships. As a result, this conversation turns out to be an interview of sorts--with Doug expressing his concerns and Vanessa graciously meeting his ignorance with clarifying explanations from her own experience regarding how cathartic and redemptive BDSM can be. If you are a non-kinky person who has struggled to understand the appeal of BDSM, it might be helpful for you to listen. That being said, the conversation does bring up some fairly intense subjects, so definitely be mindful of the trigger warnings and take care of yourself first. If you are a kinky person, hopefully this conversation will help you feel seen and valid where you may have only been met with condescension, disgust, and moral outrage in other discussions you've encountered. Whoever you are, we hope you enjoy the episode. Listen with care! [TRIGGER WARNINGS: Explicit discussions on kink/BDSM including DDLG, edgeplay, bloodplay, raceplay, wearing collars, master/slave relationships, wax play, bondage, consensual non-consent, and total power exchanges, as well as comments on lynching, domestic violence, physical/emotional abuse, and patriarchy in Evangelical Christianity] Show Notes Vanessa was repping the Crime Junkie podcast during recording. If you're into true crime, you should check it out! Vanessa mentioned a BDSM educator she follows on YouTube named Evie Lupine. Specifically, she mentioned her recent video, "Should People with ADHD/Autism Do BDSM?" Doug mentioned several resources he received and reviewed prior to the episode. These include: "Your NO BS Intro to BDSM": a short and simple primer on the subject "Non-Sexual BDSM": an article addressing Doug's question about whether BDSM is inherently sexual "BDSM vs Abuse": a list of articles addressing a question Doug had about whether and when BDSM could be abusive. The article Doug reads in the episode confirming that consent is the bedrock of a BDSM relationship is called, "Can I Be Abused in a BDSM Relationship?" The article Doug reads that makes him feel super uncomfortable is called, "The Abuse Debate: A Matter of Acceptance Not Consent."   One last thing: in writing the show notes, Doug found simple BDSM glossary on Wikipedia--that may be helpful to the uninitiated. This episode was recorded on June 18, 2020.

In this episode, we initially thought we'd discuss body image. Then, we realized we were a few weeks into June and thought it might be cool to talk about Pride. So, after landing on an official topic, we naturally decided to veer off subject and talk about queer characters in fiction, camouflaging in Autism, and Doug's new Doug Glimmer.  If we actually don't get around to recording a robust episode more specific to Pride Month this year, we'd like to wish you a Happy Pride while also encouraging you to remember that the first Pride was a riot and that Pride is still not happy for a lot of us because people suck. Celebrate by all means, but just remember that there's still work to be done. Sorry not sorry for the random episode. However incoherently themed, we enjoyed chatting and we hope you enjoy the conversation as well. [TRIGGER WARNINGS: LGBTQ+ representation in media, losing pets, and discussion on the idea of autism being something that needs to be cured; also a SPOILER ALERT for the series finale of Netflix's SHERA AND THE PRINCESSES OF POWER] Show Notes The thing Doug was wrong about was the mathematics of "proof" in alcohol. In our second episode, Doug insisted that it was possible to have "9,000 Proof alcohol," while the maximum is indeed "200 proof," as Vanessa asserted. Doug apologized profusely and begs not to be kicked out of Math Club. The YouTuber Vanessa mentioned when calling out Doug for getting drunk on Yoohoo is Hannah Witton. The definition of "zeitgeist," according to Merriam-Webster, is, "the general intellectual, moral, and cultural climate of an era." Doug and Jessy's new dog is named Glimmer, after one of the characters on Netflix's Shera and the Princesses of Power. Please enjoy this picture the newest member of the Trauma Club family:   The sorry-ass quiz Vanessa regrettably picked out for us this week was, "Which 80s John Hughes Teen Movie Do You Belong In?" For no determinable reason, Vanessa and Doug both belong in Weird Science. Also, here's that weird picture of naked ladies (which, it turns out, are actually mannequins) in a convertible. Come on--you know this is begging for a caption... This episode was recorded on June 11, 2020.  

In this episode, we discuss kids and our relationship to them. Each of us discuss our reasoning for having decided not to be parents, but we also talk about how important our niece and nephew are to us as well as how important it is for us to see children as human beings rather than objects. We hope you enjoy the episode! [TRIGGER WARNINGS: miscarriages, wanting but not able to be a parent, not wanting but being expected to be a parent, dehumanization of children] Show Notes Starting off the conversation, Doug found himself inadvertently pitching a few of his favorite podcasts. He was drinking his coffee out of this mug from the Faith Uncut podcast and wearing the "Don't Should" t-shirt from the Sounds Fake But Okay podcast. Both the merch and the podcasts are worth checking out! Vanessa's beverage for the episode was a three ginger tea made by Pukka, and consumed in a "Prison Mike" coffee mug. In our introductory conversation, we also brought up Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, one of Doug's favorite shows that he finally convinced Vanessa to try. And now it's totally one of her favorites. We cannot recommend the show highly enough for people with mental health issues. It's so great! In discussing his journey in deciding not to be a parent, Doug mentioned reading up on "reasons not to have kids." Some great resources he came across were the organization No Kidding, and the books Two is Enough and Childfree by Choice. In talking about his evolving view of children, Doug mentioned one of his favorite people, Cindy Wang Brandt. The Facebook group she started is actually called "Raising Children Unfundamentalist," but she also has a book, a podcast, and even an annual online conference. You can also follow Cindy on Twitter and, if you become as much a fan as Doug, consider giving to her Patreon. The gender neutral term for niece/nephew that Vanessa and Doug ultimately decided they cannot stand is "nibling." Our Blog Things quiz for this week was "What After School Snack Are You?" This episode was recorded on June 4, 2020.

What even is gender? In this episode, we unpack our struggle with understanding gender identity and how that intersects with living in a world where gender presentation has a tremendous impact on our lived experience. While Doug has found himself asking, "what does it even mean to be a man?" Vanessa has found herself asking, "what kind of woman do I want to be?" How are these questions different? In what ways are they shaped by the genders we were assigned at birth and the social expectations placed upon us to conform to those genders? In this episode, we wrestle with questions ranging from romantic attraction to sexism to the gender binary to male-presenting privilege to the good old "nature vs nurture" debate, along with a few tangents thrown in for good measure. We hope you enjoy the episode! [TRIGGER WARNINGS: mental illness, gender dysphoria, sexism, mansplaining, transphobia, gaslighting, and bisexual erasure] Show Notes We kicked the episode off with a brief sidebar on Borderline Personality Disorder. Doug, again, recommended the TV show Crazy Ex-Girlfriend to Vanessa--and she has since started watching! Even if you don't watch the entire series, the song "Diagnosis" from Season 3 is worth watching in its own right for anyone whose ever had trouble figuring out "what's wrong" with them in terms of their mental health issues. We talk briefly about the romantic/aromantic spectrum without really qualifying what this is. Here's a quick primer. Doug mentions that he identifies as agender and, more specifically, demiguy. Doug refers to a podcast in which someone says something akin to "if you don't know what romance is, that probably means your aromantic." That's from this episode of the AOK Podcast. The quote Doug reads about the "cisgender/transgender binary" is from Transgender History by Susan Stryker. The quote Doug reads about the "gender landscape" is from Gender Queer: A Memoir by Maia Kobabe. The YouTube video Vanessa mentions by Alayna Joy is called "The wedding is off. | Coming out again." Talking about feminism and cultural tropes, Vanessa mentions the YouTube channel The Take and Doug mentions the YouTube channel Feminist Frequency. Our Blog Things quiz for this week was "What Kind of Fabric Are You?" This episode was recorded on May 28, 2020.

In this emergency episode, we process our feelings around the #JusticeForGeorge and #BlackLivesMatter protests happening in our cities (and all across the country) right now. We decided to do this spontaneously last night, so our thoughts and feelings are very raw and unfiltered. We did very little editing, because we wanted to get this out as soon as possible.  Trigger warnings for this episode include racism, police violence against black people, white people centering their feelings, white people being silent on racism, white people talking about racism, and--well, just white people in general. Listen with care, or pass if you need to. But, whatever you do, show up. Find out how you can get involved. Lastly, white people, we need to keep in mind that this is not our movement. However heavy the feelings we feel as we follow the news, we need to be mindful that they pale in comparison to the trauma black people experience everyday simply for existing. Listen to black people first and often. That should always be where it starts.

Is Mothers Day a traumatizing experience for you every year because your relationship with your mom is not so great?  If so, there's a chance you'll relate to what we talk about here.  In this episode, we celebrate "Children of Bad Mothers Day." We get very personal and very specific about the trauma our own Mom has caused us and the complicated feelings we have for her as a result. We recognize the complexity of human beings, and we know that "bad mom" is an oversimplification. Our Mom, like many mothers who end up causing their children pain, has reasons for the way that she is. Yeah, of course, "hurt people hurt people" and all that. However, we believe that parents have a responsibility not to dump the trauma they've been through on their kids. What our Mom has been through isn't her fault, but that does not give her the right to make it our problem. The importance of "breaking the cycle" is especially true for parents, but it's also true for humans in general. The fact that we've been abused does not justify our abuse of others. This was a tough conversation for both of us, but we're glad we had it. Hopefully, you'll find something meaningful for yourself while sorting through our baggage! [TRIGGER WARNINGS: domestic violence, repressed memories, parental neglect, victim blaming, sexual abuse, rape, generational trauma, emotional incest, child abuse, poverty, and gaslighting] Show Notes Doug's coffee for the week was Ecuador Lojas from Heartwood Coffee Roasters. Here are the articles we mentioned during the episode: Emotional Incest: When is Close Too Close Was Part of Your Childhood Deprived by Emotional Incest? Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers Signs of a Narcissistic Mother (It's Not Easy to Spot!)  Our Blog Things quiz this week was "What Family Role Do You Play?" This episode was recorded on May 21, 2020. 

Who are we? Like, literally. Who are these people doing this podcast? But also, like, existentially? How do we identify? In our second episode, we continue our discussion on identity, diving deeper into sexual orientation and wrapping up with conversation centered around our racial identities. This conversation's a bit longer than our previous one, but we promise it's worth it. There's so much we left out on so many issues we touched on, but we're confident we'll swing back around to it in future episodes. We hope you enjoy the show! [TRIGGER WARNINGS: bisexual/asexual erasure, sexuality, racism, religious indoctrination, sexual abuse, purity culture, rape, depression, mental illness] Show Notes Minute 01: We start off by talking about what we're drinking for the night, because why not? Vanessa is having a homemade concoction of 100 proof Vodka, Sparkling Ice Kiwi Strawberry and Classic Lemonade sparkling water with a dash of the Mio Strawberry Watermelon flavoring. Doug is drinking an Angry Orchard Rosé cider. Minute 07: Next we have a brief conversations on crushes and squishes. Minute 13: Then, we express our concerns over people close to us hearing the podcast. We're trying to be as honest as possible, but honest is risky... Minute 16: We delve into a conversation on polyamory, discussing what qualifies as an "identity" or "orientation, and what merely qualifies as a "lifestyle" or "personal preference." Vanessa sees polyamory as central to her identity. "Biology is not the end all be all of truth." - Vanessa [CLICK TO TWEET] Minute 26: We transition to a discussion centered around BDSM and the kink community--another aspect of sexuality that some consider an orientation while others do not. Again, Vanessa sees it as an important part of her identity--and Doug agrees that the people he knows from the community feel the same way. Minute 34: We talk about being sex nerds (including a reference to Sexplanations on YouTube). We talk about how strange it is that Doug, as an asexual person, is so involved in conversations centered around sex. We talk about how his understanding of his own sexuality grew out of his attempt to be an ally through the #FaithfullyLGBT community and the #Exvangelical community (the first group he came out to). Minute 41: We talk about #BlackLivesMatter, beginning with Doug's awkward discomfort about having it in his Twitter bio and feeling like a cliché progressive white person. We talk about being white allies and how we SHOULD feel self-conscious about the language we use in describing ourselves. Vanessa talks about her identity as a biracial, white-passing African American woman--how confusing it can be to be African American without living the black experience. With Vanessa being the daughter of a black man and Doug being raised by a black man, we talk about the tension between identifying with black culture while being careful not to claim the black experience. "Black people don't get to take off being black when it's inconvenient for them, or we'd have a lot more black people alive." - Vanessa [CLICK TO TWEET] Minute 60: About 3 or 4 years ago, we reconnected with each after having been distant (due to circumstances/choices we'll inevitably get around to discussing in more detail) 6-8 years. In this segment, we talk about what we thought of each other before we reconnected. We talk about mental illness, religion, and the ways each of us has sought to escape our traumatic childhood. Minute 77: Quiz time! In this week's quiz, we head over to Blog Things to find out the color of our minds. Doug predicts that Vanessa's mind will be yellow, and Vanessa predicts that Doug's will be green. Vanessa gets it right--Doug's mind is "green." Vanessa's turns out to be purple, but we both agree that the description aligns more with how we perceive "yellow." This episode was recorded on May 13, 2020. 

Who are we? Like, literally. Who are these people doing this podcast? But also, like, existentially? How do we identify? In our first episode, we discuss how we handle ice breakers, the aspects of our identities that most resonate with us, and whatever random tangent our brains push us toward. Using Doug's current Twitter bio as an impromptu guide, we start off our conversation on identity by focusing on religion, sexuality, and mental health. This is a big topic, so we're planning for at least a part two coming next Tuesday. Stay tuned! [TRIGGER WARNINGS: bisexual/asexual erasure, religious indoctrination, sexual abuse, purity culture, rape, depression, mental illness] Show Notes Minute 01: We discuss icebreakers and how they answer the dreaded 'tell me about yourself' prompt. Doug references an scene from the TV show Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Season 2 Episode 4. He's a huge fan of the show and will likely reference it again, so here's the entire CXG song list in chronological order--if you want to do some homework.  Minute 09: We continue by discussing the difference between the 'tell me about yourself' question and the 'tell me who you are' question. Which aspects of our identities do we claim as us? Since Doug uses several such identifiers in his current Twitter bio, we decide to use it as a guide for the remainder of the discussion. One part of his current bio worth calling out is the recommendation to follow @kaitlincurtice and buy her new book. Kaitlin is an indigenous speaker, writer, and poet who champions decolonization from a faith-based perspective. Doug is a huge supporter! Minute 13: Doug's current Twitter bio begins with the phrase, "Liberation is my theology." We start unpacking our identities by talking about religion. Doug attempts to give a white guy explainer for Vanessa on what liberation theology is, including lowkey bragging about a tweet he is embarrassingly proud of. Vanessa expresses the difficulty she has in seeing religion as a framework for good (both Vanessa and Doug--but especially Doug--have roots in Evangelical Christianity). We continue talking for several minutes about the intersection of religion, belief systems, and ethics. Doug's spirituality is entirely about his ethical convictions and he doesn't really believe in any thing supernatural at all--even though he identifies as a Christian. Vanessa identifies more with pagan spirituality, but does tend to believe in--as Doug would describe it--"woowoo" stuff. Minute 22: We move on to the next part of Doug's Twitter bio, "aro/ace." In terms of sexual orientation, Doug identifies as aromantic and asexual, while Vanessa identifies as bisexual. We both express surprise and excitement that it turns out we're both part of the "rainbow club." We talk about gatekeeping in the queer community, and how each of our respective orientations are often excluded for various reasons. We touch on rape/sexual abuse and the impact it may or may not have on sexual orientation. Finally, we talk about purity culture and its relationship to the development (or lack thereof) of sexual attraction. "The people who fought to build this community and bring this community out of the darkness did not do so so that we could all be assholes to each other." - Vanessa [CLICK TO TWEET] "You can still accept who you are regardless of how you came to be that way." - Doug [CLICK TO TWEET] Minute 35: The last identifier we cover centers around the concept of neurodiversity. One of Doug's hashtags is #NeurodiverseSquad (founded by artist Dani Donovan--another amazing human Doug supports), an online community Doug participates in, and Vanessa wonders if it's a community she'd be welcome in. What qualifies as "neurodivergent," and what qualifies as "mental illness?" Doug has ADHD, which is generally considered to be part of that club. Vanessa has BPD, and that doesn't get as much attention (if any) in the neurodivergent space. Vanessa and Doug both experience depression--does that belong under the umbrella of "neurodivergent?" Minute 44: After deciding to wrap the episode up and save the rest for part two, we go on to discuss the results of our first online personality quiz--a segment we plan on making part of the show. For our first quiz, Vanessa picked a BuzzFeed Quiz in which your personality is summed up in combination of one character from The Office and one character from Parks and Rec (both shows Vanessa and Doug love). It turns out that Vanessa is a combination of Erin Hannon and Chris Traeger, while Doug is a combination of Dwight Schrute and April Ludgate. FYI, Doug mentions a psychological assessment he took a while back showing which fictional characters most correspond to your personality. You can find that assessment here. This episode was recorded on May 6, 2020. Happy Birthday to our nephew RJ!