Kings of Democracy

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We cover the history of the people, places and things that make America what it is today, which is mostly empty space and kinda racist. But it's still pretty interesting. The official podcast of the United States of America and everybody who lives in it or ever has or ever will.

Andrew Merklinghaus

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    • Oct 9, 2022 LATEST EPISODE
    • infrequent NEW EPISODES
    • 1h 5m AVG DURATION
    • 100 EPISODES


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    Latest episodes from Kings of Democracy

    Leif Erikson: Very Nautical

    Play Episode Listen Later Oct 9, 2022 91:03


    Hey everybody Ive finally gotten around to working on dumping the backlog.  I've got a few in the can but it's a lot of interviews. Might do some solo ones and see how that goes over.  I moved to chicago so hit me up if you want to get a beerSupport the show

    Liberia: Or that Time America Had A Baby Too Young and Went Out For A Pack Of Cigarettes

    Play Episode Listen Later Jun 5, 2022 56:13


    hey were are still on hiatus but I made right before i decided to do that so here it is. PLEASE IGNORE SEO BULLSHIT BELLOW.Liberia, Africa, colonization, decolonization, west Africa, East Africa, Liberian, Amero-Liberian, AfricanSupport the show

    Ang and Chang Bunker: Siamese Americans

    Play Episode Listen Later Apr 19, 2022 64:38


    Siamese Twins are conjoined twins.  There are about 15 known Siamese twins in the world.  Many Siamese twins are perfectly healthy but there are a great deal of health complications due to sharing sets of organs or the extra strain.  Buckle the fudge up kiddos cause this one goes off the rails real quick.  Ang and Chang bunker were a pair of conjoined twins and that's pretty much all I can say without giving the whole thing away.  I don't really know how to write these.  I tried reading about SEO because apparently this helps with SEO but it seemed to limited and constrained that it was basically forcing you to just write to an exact template, which functionally makes all writing identical, which therefore pushes you down the search results faster. Thats why the first few sentinces here are just non sequetors that sound like they were designed to directly answer questions typed in to google.  The internet rewards vague and uniform design.  We were more creative before the internet. Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/user?u=64779899&fan_landing=true)

    AMERICAN VOICES: Andrew Rakich, in Defense of the Puritans

    Play Episode Listen Later Apr 8, 2022 81:39


    Today most Americans think of the Puritans as dour, sexless monsters who created everything bad about America.  In reality they were pretty much the beginning of everything good about America and if you were alive at the same time as they you'd be one of them.  I sat down with Andrew Rakich to discuss why they were awesome and  why you've been lied to by college liberal atheists who hate God.  Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/user?u=64779899&fan_landing=true)

    P.T. Barnum: The Real Story of the Greatest Showman

    Play Episode Listen Later Mar 30, 2022 77:08


    PT Barnum was an American circus promoter, best known for his collection of "human freaks" such as Ang and Chang Bunker, the Four Legged Lady, the Bearded Lady and the Human Skeleton.  But for most of his life he didn't work in a circus, he was a museum owner who built a museum in New York City.  PT Barnum was also the inspiration for the movie The Greatest Showman, which all our moms liked.   But he was also a congressman, one of America's first millionaires and a pretty smart dude at the end of the day.  He also bought the Fiji Mermaid and live in New York. Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/user?u=64779899&fan_landing=true)

    Orthodox Jews: Can I Please Wear Your Big Fuzzy Hat?

    Play Episode Listen Later Mar 11, 2022 81:31


    I want to do one thing before this episode that I've never done before, issue a little but of a disclaimer. This episode is about the Orthodox Jews of the United States. I wanted to tell their story because they are a fascinating and complex group, they live in stark contrast to much of contemporary American life while also being some of the largest and most interesting examples of how the rubber meets the road on issues like Immigration and Freedom of Religion.  My original plan was to cover Orthodox Jews as a whole but while I was writing it was clear the story was too complex and too diverse to tell any kind of accurate story in the usual time frame. While writing I decided I wanted to use the Satmar, the famous round fuzzy hat Orthodox of Brooklyn as an example of Orthodox Jews in America. But as I recorded and edited the episode I realized we had drifted away from the topic of Orthodox Jews as a whole and I wasn't telling the Orthodox story in general, but the Satmar in specific. However the overwhelming majority of Orthodox Jewish groups don't live like the Satmar, they are usually much smaller, much less powerful and often less conservative. The Satmar are a unique group among American Orthodox Jews, and I don't want all you drunken children thinking that the way the Satmar live is universal among Orthodox Jews. Similarly it can be very hard to nail down the exact line you want to take when talking about issues like this. It can be really easy to just be vague and non-comittal to avoid offense, but it can also be easy to lean on sterotypes and common misconceptions that are as inaccurate as they are hurtful. The Satmar are very much in that gray area, they are a small, religious, ethnic and cultural minority that mostly wants to be left alone to live as they see fit. They have been subject to persecution in the United States up to and including targeted murders, including one just last year. But at the same time they are a very patriarchal society, have no problem with taking advantage of the various systems, and don't always play nice with their neighbors. They are a living example of the gray areas created by a free society, and that is the exact reason I wanted to do this podcast, to give people a better understanding of the complexity of life. But I'm going to lean on the fact that I think our audience is smart enough to understand. So don't @ me cause I don't care. Also Check Out Our Subreddit r/kingsofdemocracy and just give me money on the patreon.  I'm using it to pay the hosting fees. Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/user?u=64779899&fan_landing=true)

    How the Clock and Calendar Work In America

    Play Episode Listen Later Feb 27, 2022 86:38


    Where do hours come from? Why do clocks move the direction they do?  What is up with daylight savings time?  Is it a leap year?  Hahaha, wouldn't you like to know.  LEAVE US A REVIEWSupport the show (https://www.patreon.com/user?u=64779899&fan_landing=true)

    American Voices: Dr. Jopseh Ellis, PULITZER PRIZE WINNER

    Play Episode Listen Later Feb 15, 2022 45:23


    That's right you drunken children we got us a real life Pultizer Prize winner on the show!  We got us an interview with Joseph Ellis, winner of the PULITZER PRIZE and author of The Cause: The American Revolution and It's Discontents (OUT NOW).  We sat down and talked about the meaning of the American revolution, George Washington's six pack abs, and which founding fathers would support vaccine mandates.  It's a hoot, it's interesting and oh yeah did I mention that he won the PULITZER PRIZE?  Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/user?u=64779899&fan_landing=true)

    AMERICAN VOICES: Mark Pinsley, Candiate for Pennslyvania State Senate

    Play Episode Listen Later Jan 25, 2022 52:45


    THATS RIGHT IDIOTS WE GOT A REAL LIFE FOR REAL 100% POLITICAL CANDIDATE ON THIS SHOW IN THE FORM OF MARK PINSLEY.  For real he was pretty cool and asked to be on the pod so send him some money or go vote for him if you live in his district.  CHECK OUT OUR SUBREDDIT: https://www.reddit.com/r/kingsofdemocracy/GIVE ME MONEY AT OUR PATREON!  https://www.patreon.com/user?u=64779899&fan_landing=trueSupport the show (https://www.patreon.com/user?u=64779899&fan_landing=true)

    The Westboro Baptist Church: You'll Never Guess Who God Hates

    Play Episode Listen Later Jan 14, 2022 70:26


    HEY AND WE ARE BACK!  My laptop is back out of the shop after again spilling water on to it and I have learned my lesson and I hope to be more careful in the fture but I can't guarentee that so why do i even bother to say it.The Westboro Baptist Church are a weird family cult run by a lunatic in a Buffalo Bills Starter Jacket who have a long history of standing on street corners and calling everybody gay.  And while that could have been about half of us in 2004, they managed to make national news out of themselves. Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/user?u=64779899&fan_landing=true)

    Spooktacular Christmas Special: Serial Killers

    Play Episode Listen Later Dec 9, 2021 80:27


    Why are there so many serial killers in america?  how many serial killers are there?  why are there serial killers? how many people do you have to kill to be considered a serial killer? whats up with serial killers? are head injuries bad for you? is my neibghor a serial killer? huh 

    North Korea: Are We At War Yet?

    Play Episode Listen Later Nov 25, 2021 75:33


    Hello and Greetings From Glorious People's Democratic Republic of North Korea Where Everything Is Good And Fine How Are You?  We have just completed our completion of the first every corroboratory episode with Decadent Western Imperalist Telephone Radio Show Kings of Democracy on the topic of "How Can I Go To North Korea?"  If You wish to participate in our Glorious People's Revolution, please consider to be doing the following if you must.1.) Please be sending your worthless American currency to us.  Your money is weak and enfested much of the gay, so please just send it to us and we will dispose of it for your2.) also Please be doing the following: Send us any lose Uranium, Plutonium or Thorium you have in your decadent grotesque running dog hovels.  Any isotopes are apreciated and thank you3.) If you are do be doing the coming to here, do not tell Bill Clinton you are coming or else he will come and ask us where you are and if you are alive.  this is not a good fun4.)Also bring any member of the 1987-1996 Chicago Bulls you may be having the access to.  Those are our favorite of the bulls.  Thanks you and we look foward and when the war comes remember that if you were not what you are then this would not be your death. 

    Who Are Soverign Citizens? A Story Involving A Black Nationalist Sex Offender Who Owned a Pyrimid Outside of Atlanta Where He Threw Raves

    Play Episode Listen Later Nov 18, 2021 78:07


    WAKE UP SHEEPLE YOU FRIGGIN IDIOTS ITS TIME THAT YOU LEARNED THAT THE GOVERNMNET AND THE LIE-BRALS HAVE BEEN HIDING THE FACT THAT F YOU STAND ON A MAILBOX YOU ARE LEGALLY FEDERAL PROPERTY AND CAN THEREFORE EAT ALL THE PLASTIC STRAWS YOU WANT AND ALSO MY WIFE LEFT ME BECAUSE I KEPT SENIND DEATH THREATS TO CHILDREN OIN THE INTERNET AND NOW THE GOVERNMENT IS TRYING TO TAKE MY GUNS AWAY JUST BECAUSE I SHOT AT A COP WHO DID NOT TELL ME WHAT TIME IT WAS (WHICH IS GOVERNMENT CODE FOR MARITIME MARTIAL LAW!!!!!!!).  SO ANYWAY THE POINT IS YOU ARE A SHEEPELELE AND IF YOU EVER COME NEAR ME OR MY SON AGAIN I WILL KILL YO AND NOT GO TO JAIL BECAUSE I AM A CITIENSEN OF THE NATION OF WHITE ISRAEL WHICH IS LIKE IRELAND BUT COMBINED WITH JAPANE (THE WOMEN MOSTLY) SO DO NOT QUESTION OR CHALLENEG ME UNDER ANY CIRCIMSTANCES OR I KILL MURDER 1000 COPS BUT NOT THE GOOD COPS THE SECRET ILLEGAL OBAMAMA KIND WHO ARE WORKING FOR THE GOVERNMENT BUT NOT THE REGULAR BLUE COPS (NOT MARITIME POLICE) WHO ARE GOOD.  AMERICA CANT HANDLE ME BECAUSE IM THE JOKER.  THR TRUMP JOKER.  THE TOKER.  GET READY LIBTARDS IM GONNA DICK THE FLORUIDE OUT OF YOUR GENDERS CAUSE SHUT UP IDIOT EAT THESE BALLS AND GET READY TO RIDE STRAIGHT TO HELL ON THE USA FAKE MONEY NO MONEY CHINWSE CCP COROANA OBAMAMA VIRUS SUCK MY BALLS LIBTRARAD HELL YEAH NO TIME TO EXPLAIN JUST GET IN MY DOPE CORVETTE WERE GONNA RIP OFF THE LICENCESE PLATES AND DRIVE DOWN TO THE GENDER FACTORY AND MAKE SURE THESE ARAB LESBIANS KNOW WHOSE ROCKING WHOSE ROLLING AND THAT THE MONEY ISN'T REALLY AND ONE OF THESE DAYS I WILL BE THE JOKER BABY.  READ THE CONSTITUTTION WHERE IT SAYS IN CURSIVE PLAIN AS DAY THAT IF A PERSON IS TRAVELING ON THE LAND THEY ARE UNDER THE CONSTITUTION NOT THE 1818 DC ORGANIC IRONCORPOATION INVERSE STRAWMAN CODE OF THE CCP AND BRITISH ROYALS.  SO WHEN I AM TRAVELING ON THE LAND (LAND BEING A LEGAL TERM MEAING THE DIRT WHERE I LIVE IN BECAUSE IF YOU ARE ON THE LAND YOU ARE A CITIZIEN OF THE LAND) I CAM ROLL UP OIN THESE HOES AND LET THE KNOW THAT IF YOU UNDERSTAND THE METRIC SYSTEM THAN A.) GOLD BACKED CURRENCY LIBTARD AND B.) FREEDOM IS MY GOD GIVEN BLOOD FULLED RIGHT AND THERE IS NO AMOUNT OF LIEBRAL SUCK MY DICK THAT CAN CHANGE THAT FACT THAT I HAVE GOLD AND GUNS AND GOD AND ONE DAY I WILL CONSUMATE A JAPANESE WOMAN IEBRAL IDIOT THE TV JACKIE CHAN ADVENTURES WAS FULL OF CCP PROPOPGANDA DESIGNED TO CONVICE OR WORTHLESS GENDER CHILDREN THAN AIDS IS GOOD TO GET FROM A COCK AND IN YOUR ASS WHEN IN REALITY IT WAS NEVER ANY GOLD.  NO GOLD!!!!!!!! NOT EVEN ONCE! MARTIME LAW SAYS MY COCK IS NEVER AIDS AND EVEN THOIUGH THEY MIGHT TRY I WILL MURDER THEM WITH MY GUNS (INDENTIFY AS!!!!LOL GOLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IDIOT) SO JUST RTY ME BECAUSE I AM FREE UNDER GOD GUNS GOLD HAHAHAHAH! JOKER TIME! TRUMP JOKER!  PEOPLE SIAD I AWS CRAZY WHEN I SOLD MY HOUSE FOR FAKE DOLLARS BUT THE FLORUIDE GANEDER IDIOT ACCEPTED THEFAKE MONEY WHEN I EXCHANGED IT FOR REAL DOLLARS (ISRAEL? BANKS! NO, IDIOT SHEELPLE).  NOW I ROLL FREEMAN ON THE LAND STYLE JUST TELLING THE PEOPLE THE TRUST EVEN IN THEIR SLEEP AWND THEY SAY SHUT UP ABOUT JACKIE CHAN ADVENTURES (HAHHA! (THATS MY JOKER LAUGHT)) ITS TIME TO FAC ETHE MUSIC IDIOT LIBTARD WAKE UP 

    Why Does Oklahoma Have A Panhandle: A One Hour And One Minute Explanation.

    Play Episode Listen Later Nov 4, 2021 61:14


    You ever wondered why Oklahoma has a panhandle?  No?  Well thats ok because i did it for you.  No really you are welcome.  It's not like I have better things to do, or even things I should be doing.  I do this for you.  Because I care.  And because I am trying to make this country a better place by explaining where the Oklahoma Panhandle came from.  

    American Voices: Ethan Craft, License Plate Collector. THIS IS ACTUALLY REALLY INTERESTING OK SO LISTEN TO IT

    Play Episode Listen Later Oct 21, 2021 46:30


    SHUT UP! OK SHUT UP!  Do you know how long it takes to research and write and record one of these episodes?  I just got a new job.  I'm busy, i got my own stuff going on.So instead of that, today we are going to spend some time with Ethan Craft another dude I met on Tiktok and we're gonna talk about License Plates, which he collects.  Now I know you are thinking, Andrew aren't license plates just a piece of unnoticed ephemera that reveal a shockingly rich culture of changing material design that also reflects our national transition to an hyper-individualistic society?   And the answer is yes, but some of them have bird on them.Actually I'm really in to this kind of stuff, its actually the exact kind of thing that inspired this podcast.  Most of us object to the Great Man of History TM ideas, but the reaction to this has been to assume a kind of photo negative inverse of it.  We no longer celebrate how George Washington built this county, we morn how he was the worst.  The reality is that the Great Men of History rarely shape your daily life as much as you'd think.  It's also the tiny little decisions of material culture.  License plates are a perfect example of that.  Why are there so many diffrent kinds of license plates?  Why are they made in jail?  What is the rarest license plate?  Where can I get a license plate?  

    Voyager Space Probe: GO LITTLE ROBOT GO (ft. Jason Torchinsky)

    Play Episode Listen Later Oct 12, 2021 60:30


    The Voyager Space Probes are in the top ten coooooooooolest things America has ever done.  Seriously we built a little robot during the Ford administration and it's still flying around and telling us all kinds of cool stuff about the dust in space or how the sun gets weird after pluto.  Lets face it if you like this podcast or are even seeing this you are probably a huge weeb for space exploration and you're a little bit mad that all the cool kids stole the NASA shirt and you wish that Nixon hadn't been arrested for Watergate so we could have gone to Mars.  I mean sure Elon Musk says hes going to Mars, but he also said that the way to fix traffic problems is to dig thousands of tiny tunnels under LA so you can pay to use them.  The American Space Program was so cool and we did so much cool stuff that wasn't apollo.   also this one has Lt. General Jason Torchinsky, Former Advisor to the Obama Administration and Senior China Policy Fellow at the Brookings Institute.  When were the Voyager Space Probe Launched? What planets have Voyager probes visited? Where is the Voyager Space Probe?  Where is the Voyager Space Probe going? How do the voyager space probes work? How do we talk to the voyager space probes?  What did the voyager space probe cost? What is NASAs budget?

    Edgar Allan Poe: And Quoth The Raven "BUMBOCLAAT"!

    Play Episode Listen Later Sep 27, 2021 75:26


    AND WE'RE BACK BAYBEEEEEEEEEEHey sorry if you've been waiting on this one but didn't hear from us for a while a pipe exploded at my place and all my computer and sound stuff got wet and also I am getting a new job.  ANYWAY Edgar Allan Poe was a real guy if you can believe it.  He did stuff.  If anybody reads this comment HEY ANDREW I READ THE EPISODE DESCRIBTIONS on the subreddit cause I don't like writing them.  Now if you'll excuse me I need to scam SEO .  Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary, Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore—     While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping, As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door. “'Tis some visitor,” I muttered, “tapping at my chamber door—             Only this and nothing more.”     Ah, distinctly I remember it was in the bleak December; And each separate dying ember wrought its ghost upon the floor.     Eagerly I wished the morrow;—vainly I had sought to borrow     From my books surcease of sorrow—sorrow for the lost Lenore— For the rare and radiant maiden whom the angels name Lenore—             Nameless here for evermore.when did edgar allan poe die? who wrote the raven? who wrote murder in the rue morge?  when was edgar allan poe born? how many books did edgar allan poe write?  how can i be a mystery writer?  where was edgar allan poe from? did edgar allan poe own slaves?  how did edgar allan poe die?  was egdar allan poe married? huh? what gives? Answer me internet answer me you coward     

    NASCAR: Going Fast and Turrning Left

    Play Episode Listen Later Aug 29, 2021 70:47


    The history of NASCAR is a history of America's love affair with the car.  Which is to say a lot of us actually hate it and it's too expensive and we wish there was a better way but that might involve taking the bus and god knows we can't have that.  

    The Vice President: If You're Reading This, It's Too Late (FT. Matt Beat)

    Play Episode Listen Later Aug 16, 2021 61:24


    So most of us just sort of assume that the Vice President is a loser job for somebody who is good with a demographic the President is weak in.  And that's true.  But in reality, the Vice Presidency is one of the weirdest and worst things in our Constitution.  Seriously, it's a bunch of random crap put together with duct tape and bailing wire with a ton of massive problems.  Did you know we have no idea who should be in charge of the Vice President's impeachment? The Constitution doesn't say.  It straight up doesn't say.  If the Vice President has to go on trial we have no idea who is in charge.  SO STAY TUNED TO FIND OUT HOW FUCKED YOU'D BE IF THE PRESIDENT GOES CRAZYWho is vice president? How many vice presidents have their been? How much is the vice president paid?  What does the vice president get paid? Who was George Washington's Vice President? Who was Trump's Vice President? What happens if the Vice President dies? Where does the Vice Presidnet Live?

    The Confederate Flag: A Symbol of Heritage, Hate, and Good BBQ

    Play Episode Listen Later Aug 3, 2021 55:22


    Welcome to the Thunder Dome, except instead of Mel Gibson fighting a Midget its a chcik with purple hair screaming at a dude with Oakleys.  FOR THE LOVE OF GOD I JUST WANT GOOD HEALTH INSURANCE. 

    Reader Mail 5: URUGUAYYYYYYYYYY!

    Play Episode Listen Later Jul 26, 2021 17:22


    We are on the charts in Urugyay BABY ALL THE WAY NUMERO UNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooo

    German Americans: THE HISTORY THEY WON'T TEACH YOU IN SCHOOLS

    Play Episode Listen Later Jul 20, 2021 62:54


    Everytime somebody says "MOST AMERICANS DONT KNOW THEIR REAL HISTORY" my brain shuts down.  Because we all do.  Like not everybody knows the details but you have to go pretty far in to the woods to find anybody who is like "Oh yeah I unironically 100% like George Washington." We know the messed up stuff we did, or at least we understand it in general its just that nobody agrees about what to do about it.  German Americans are part of that history.  They are the single largest block of American Ancestry and literally nobody knows any of their history.  There's nothing written about this.  Everybodys uncle is proud to be Irish and the Italians still run new york but you can't find a word about the Germans.  This weeks episode of Kings of Democracy will answer these questions.  How many americans have German ancestry? When did Germans come to America? How many people speak German in America? How many Americans are german? Why are there no German American holidays?  Who are some famous German Americans? Where do German Americans live? Who invented the hamburger? Who invented the hot dog? Who invented saurkraut? Was hitler popular in America? Was german almost the official language of America?

    The Battle of the Alamo FT. Antonio de Padua María Severino López de Santa Anna y Pérez de Lebrón

    Play Episode Listen Later Jul 6, 2021 53:46


    The Battle of the Alamo was a vicious last stand battle, where a ragtag group of Americans fought for their right to be Americans in Mexico.  And also so that they could bring slaves there, get free land and not pay taxes.  It's a story of intrigue, passion and the Pirate King of Galveston who was a real person.   But it's also a story where basically everybody is a bad person and it's kind of hard to develop emotional stakes because literaly everybody is a slave owning fedual landlord. When was the Battle of the Alamo? Who Died at the Alamo? Who Fought at the Alamo? When is the Alamo open? Where is the Alamo? What times does the Alamo close? Who built the Alamo? Why is the Alamo famous? who named the Alamo? 

    The Stonewall Riots or How the Mafia Created Gay Pride Parades

    Play Episode Listen Later Jun 15, 2021 58:02


    FUN FACT: I once barfed on the rainbow sidewalks in seattle but not on purpose I had just eatten to much shrimp too fast. ANOTHER FUN FACT: The Stonewall Inn was a shit hole without working toilets that use to blackmail it's customers and after the riots the gay community boycotted it.  The riots were mostly caused by gay anger over mafia control of gay bars and police corruption.    ONE MORE FUN FACT: The reason I had eatten so much shrimp so fast was I just did a comedy show and my payment was all the leftover shrimp. Where was the Stonewall Inn?  What happened at Stonewall?  Is the Stonewall Inn still open?  When did Stonewall Happen? Are pride parades happening this year?  

    Babe Ruth: America's Worst Role Model (Ft. Sweet Danny O'Connell and Andre "Crawfish" Pegeron)

    Play Episode Listen Later Jun 8, 2021 64:27


    Holy crap Babe Ruth was good at baseball and drinking and sex and crashing cars and yelling at umpires.  When did Babe Ruth Die? How Many Home Runs Did Babe Ruth Hit? Would Babe Ruth Be Considered Good Today? Who Broke Babe Ruth's Home Run Record? Where Was Babe Ruth Born? When Was Babe Ruth Born? What Team Did Babe Ruth Play For?

    Napalm: Please Don't Make Any

    Play Episode Listen Later May 25, 2021 53:23


    Napalm is scary as heck.  It is very hot.  DO NOT MAKE ANY.  When was Napalm Invented? Who invented Napalm? Is Napalm illegal?  What armies use napalm?

    Johnny Appleseed: An Apple A Day Keeps the Doctor Away

    Play Episode Listen Later May 17, 2021 53:41


    Who was Johnny Appleseed? Was Johnny Appleseed a real person? Does an apple a day really keep the doctor away.  Also the FBI cut down all his orchards because they are the fun police. 

    Guam: Where America's Day Begins But For Real This Time (Ft. Lexi Haack)

    Play Episode Listen Later May 10, 2021 56:26


    Guam is an island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean and it's full of airplanes and nuclear bombs so we can blow up Asia if we need to.   But also it's full of people screwed out of democracy, Japanese soldiers who refuse to surrender and a bunch of Spanish leapers.  BUT IT TELLS US A LOT ABOUT HOW THE AMERICAN EMPIRE ISN'T STATIC.  SEO STUFF IGNORE: Is Guam a country? Is Guam part of the US? Is Guam a US territory? Will Guam become a state?  Will Guam hit south africa? Will Guam Tip over? When will Guam reopen? Will Guam Be A State? Are Guam and Puerto Rico States? Are Guamanians US Citizens? When will Guam become a state? When Will Guam reopen for tourists? Why should Guam be a state?

    The History of Reality Shows or I DIDN'T COME HERE TO MAKE FRIENDS

    Play Episode Listen Later May 5, 2021 69:24


    What was the first reality show? Who invented reality shows? Are reality shows scripted? Are reality shows real? How does reality TV effect society?  ALL THESE QUESTIONS ANSWERED AND MORE OK! ARE YOU HAPPY!

    The Star Spangled Banner: Please Stand For This Whole Episode Ft Jeremy Hunter (SKATUNE NETWORK)

    Play Episode Listen Later Apr 28, 2021 63:43


    please ignore this im scamming SEO.  who wrote the star spangled banner?  when was the star spangled banner written? what is the star spangled banner about? when was the star spangled banner made the national anthem? ALSO GO BUY JEREMY'S ALBUM HERE ITS GOOD SKA IS FOREVER Input promo code Kings of Democracy Podcast to get charged double and have a bird crap in your eyehttps://badtimerecords.limitedrun.com/products/699320-we-are-the-union-ordinary-life-vinyl-second-pressing

    The White House and the Search for Jimmy Carter's Gold (Ft. Armando Torres)

    Play Episode Listen Later Apr 14, 2021 76:18


    Pleae ignore this i heard it's a good way to scam SEO. How big is the white house? who lives in the white house? why is the white house white? how many bathrooms are in the white house? does the white house have a bunker? how many bedrooms are in the white house?  do you have to pay rent on the white house? when was the white house built? when was the white house burnt down? was the white house burnt down? where is the white house? which presidents have lived in the white house? where does the vice president live? Featuring Armando Torres of CULTS Podcast.  He's cool.  He also slept on my couch for a while and was really chill about it.  8.5 out of 10 dude. 

    Las Vegas: Sand, Blood and the Rise of the Mormon Mafia

    Play Episode Listen Later Apr 6, 2021 65:39


    Why is Gambling Legal in Vegas? Why can you get married or divorced there really quick?  Why is it the only place in Nevada where prostitution isn't legal?  Did the mafia make vegas?  Whats up with the Grand Coollee Dam?  Will Andrew Ever Figure out how to mix audio?  why is there so much light there?  don't you think it's weird how dudes will go to strip clubs with each other and just get AROUSED near each other?  

    Guam: Where America's Day Begins

    Play Episode Listen Later Apr 1, 2021 46:22


    Guam is an island in the pacific and ive never been there but i'd sure like to.  

    Gay Marriage and the Most Important Cock Block in Civil Rights History

    Play Episode Listen Later Mar 17, 2021 60:30


    lets be real, if macklemore and dropped that gay marriage song like 2 years earlier we would have all unironically been behind it.  he just made the mistake of blowing up on the wrong side of the curve.  like it would have unironically been a huge momment for a straight guy to release a song about gay marriage in 2010 or so.  he would have had hella cred.  everybody in seattle talks endless shit about macklemore, despite the fact that they are all exactly like macklemore and youre thinking no Andrew Im not and youre wrong.  we are all macklemore, espieclaly the people who think they aren't.  the only diffrence between you and macklemore is the fact that he had follow through and got to that haircut before the nazis ruined it for everybody and don't act like if you blew up you wouldn't be corny as hell.  the guy blew up in his early 30's, what did you expect for him to keep rapping about thrift stores and cars and shit? no he did a bunch of dumb lame 30 guys i love my kids shit, just like you would have done.  and it is stupid he won the grammy over Kendrick Lamar and he knows that.  what was he suppose to do? not show up ?  like you wouldn't? you think youre better than macklemore, youre not.  hes better than you.  he put in the work.  screw your art.  nothing is good enough for you people.  

    Yoga in America: Invented in Denmark

    Play Episode Listen Later Mar 9, 2021 77:56


    whats up wuth you guys im doing good, im having an ok day. i woke up early to get this posted so you better be fugging greatful and now that you OWE ME SOMETHING check out out subreddit r/kingsofdemocracy AND leave us a review on podchaster or apple podcasts. that would be great. i will love you.

    Communist Party of the United State of America: I'm Just A Dumb Vanguard of the Revolution Who Lives for Drama

    Play Episode Listen Later Mar 2, 2021 68:17


    I don't care if you are a purple haired sjw or a oakley wearing uncle who left his wallet in the capitol, the Communist Party of the United States is nothing but 100 years of hardcore lulz. They were a bunch of dorks who were bad at their job and did nothing but fight with each other while getting thrown in jail.FIND US ON REDDIT r/kingsofdemocracy its where all the other power autism super kings are atalso LEAVE US A REVIEW

    Elvis Part Two: The Road To the Death Toilet

    Play Episode Listen Later Feb 24, 2021 80:36


    WHY ARE YOU NOT ON r/kingsofdemocracy its where all the cool kids are getting laid Also if you are here from tiktok hello and thank you for clinking a link once in your life this will be worth it

    Elvis Part One: Meth, Karate and the American Dream

    Play Episode Listen Later Feb 17, 2021 78:52


    SUBSCRIBE TO r/kingsofdemocracy we can't go in to the details here but we're are working on an awesome new cyberbullying plan and we need a minimum of 50 people. Also if any of you are here from tiktok sorry this isn't music related but thats just how i roll

    Sesame Street: Would You Like Some Ketamine?

    Play Episode Listen Later Feb 9, 2021 53:09


    GO ON R/kingsofdemocracy to vote on who WE WILL CYBERBULLY!

    Mount Rushmore: Everybody Should Hate It As Much As I Do

    Play Episode Listen Later Feb 2, 2021 57:44


    I FUCKING HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE MOUNT FUCKING RUSHMORE

    Snake Handlers and the One Eyed Man Who Created the American God

    Play Episode Listen Later Jan 26, 2021 68:48


    American Soccer: GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAL

    Play Episode Listen Later Jan 13, 2021 72:31


    you asked for it, you got it, more Ben Shapiro/AOC fan fic: “C’mon, just let me say it once. Just once,” Charlie’s slimy voice echoed through the labyrinthine halls of TPUSA HQ.“For the last time, no,” said Candace, “we’ve talked about this,”“But ‘the pass’ is the only thing that my daddy’s money can’t buy for me. And you’re my only black friend, so-““We are not friends. And for the last time, ‘the pass’ doesn’t exist.”“Well I say we’re friends. You know what, I’m just gonna say it. Here I go… N-“Ben opened the door to the office, interrupting Charlie’s proclamation.“Oh hey Ben,” said Charlie, “happy you could make it to picture day. Anyway Candice, I just made a stinky, so……”Candice sighed and put down her phone. There was a mostly-finished tweet in progress on the screen: Y’know, Hitler wasn’t that bad of a guy. The only reason anyone doesn’t like him is because he was a socialist. There is no other reason that smart people disagree with Hitl…“Charlie, you always do this,” said Ben, “as soon as someone doesn’t let you say a racial slur, you ‘make a stinky’ and ask them to clean you up. It’s happened 3 times this week already. That’s just facts and logic, buddy.” But Charlie had already led Candace out into the hallway, a victorious grin on his tiny face.It had been 2 weeks since Ben’s fight with Tucker. 2 weeks of leveraging the combined oil-billionaire-provided resources of The Daily Wire and Turning Point USA in his attempts to find AOC. It had become hard to concentrate on talking louder and faster than college students and then declaring victory in the “debate”, an activity that usually brought Ben so much joy.Ben snapped out of his reverie and remembered that as Charlie had said, it was indeed picture day. An intern was setting up a tripod in the corner of the office. “Okay Ben, this tripod doesn’t let us hold the camera low enough to take a picture of you, so you’re gonna need to stand on some of these books,” she said.Ben stepped up onto a 3-book-high stack of The Right Side of History, his own book. He had bought a dozen copies to give to his friends, but after Charlie, Candace, a few other conservative “intellectuals”, and his parents got copies he couldn’t think of anyone else to give them to. At least here they were being put to good use.Picture day was one of Ben’s favorite regular TPUSA events. He didn’t have to think, which was hard for him, just look smug, which was his greatest strength. “His ideas” would be added later in red and blue text by a team of interns educated at PragerU, the most prestigious YouTube-based university.Picture day progressed as usual:Hold up the sign, point at the sign, smirk, the camera flashes.Cross arms, smirk, the camera flashes.Hold up a copy of the Affordable Care Act, light a match, smirk, the camera flashes.Build an effigy of Hilary Clinton out of copies of the Communist Manifesto, swing an axe, smirk, the camera flashes.Pick up an American girl doll that looks a little like AOC, hold it close to you, stroke its feet, ignore the confused look of the intern behind the camera, smirk, hold this position until the camera finally flashes. Ask the intern for a copy of that one.Ben knew that some of these pictures would be deemed too extreme by the interns and would be used more rarely, because unfortunately, most of the interns were still in the process of learning that nothing in this world matters except for smirking more confidently than everyone else and thereby being the smartest person in the room.Just then a text alert appeared on Ben’s phone. It was from Jordan Peterson. “The Lobste

    American Profanity: In Which You Learn What A Gimbo Is

    Play Episode Listen Later Jan 4, 2021 71:07


    ok nobody reads this stuff so i'm just going to use it to repost Ben Shapiro/AOC fan fiction i found while home waiting for a covid test to come back Ben hid around the corner, his face red, a bouquet of lobsters clutched tightly in his sweaty grip. All 4 feet 6 inches of his body was taut with nerves. Today was the day he was going to ask his crush out. He'd been flirting with her on Twitter the only way he knew how, trying to tear her down with his obnoxious insults and demands for debates. Ben was the only one who knew that by "debate", he meant "date", every time. Yet she had never reacted, never given in to what Ben (and nobody else) saw as Ben's raw, masculine energy. Now Ben was going to send her a signal she couldn't ignore.Ben mustered all of his courage and stepped around the corner, holding out the bouquet. "AlexandriaUmmmmmmILikeYouDoYouWantToUmmmmGoOutWithMe?!?!" he said frantically, delivering his practiced speech almost too quickly to be understood. Ben was more nervous than ever before. He felt a trickle of something travel slowly down his leg. Fuck. Is that sweat or pee? God, I hope it's sweat. This is exactly why Charlie Kirk recommends that all the TPUSA staff wear diapers, Ben thought to himself.Suddenly Ben began to take in the scene in front of him. A man was standing uncomfortably close to Ben's one true love. The man's bowtie was the size of a dinner plate, almost as large as his gaping, shouting mouth. It was Tucker Carlson. "Date me, coward!" the Fox News stud said at a volume that was almost loud enough to break the eardrums of everyone present.Ben watched Tucker through a red haze of rage. The bouquet dropped, forgotten, to the ground. Before Ben himself knew what was happening, his fist, backed up by all 110 pounds of Ben's body, caught Tucker right in the jaw. Tucker fell to the ground, his face already swelling. "Drat," he said, "you've ruined my trademark slug-in-a-toupee-who-has-somehow-learned-to-hate-Muslims look. I'll be off the air for weeks! Now I have to figure out how I can blame this on Barack HUSEIN Obama...""I've been sparring against Charlie," Ben replied, his classic smug-little-brother-who-you-really-want-to-punch look back on his face, "compared to his face yours is an easy target.""But I'm not the only one who lost here," Tucker said, laughing, "look behind you."Ben turned and saw, to his shock and indignation, that AOC was nowhere to be found. The libutrd hadn't even taken his bouquet of lobsters. But Ben wasn't ready to give up yet. He spat on Tucker and began to walk away."This isn't over," said Tucker."You bet it's not," said Ben, breaking into a swift Naruto r

    2020 Preemptive Retrospective and Also Gerry Has MRSA

    Play Episode Listen Later Dec 28, 2020 55:29


    every wonder why there's no movies about 9/11? because we all remember how we felt and any movie that tries to tell us anything would seem so stupid and fake and corny and tacky that we'd never go see it. the only made westerns after all the cowboys were dead and they never cast vets in actual war movies. becuase they'd make it so real it would be ugly and we never let ourselves be truly ugly in our own memory. you will let yourself forget this year and you will forget that you forgot.

    Miss America, In Which Posideon Almost Drowns in Atlantic City

    Play Episode Listen Later Dec 15, 2020 63:07


    THIS PODCAST WILL BE ALL MALE UNTIL R/FEMINISM LIFTS THERE BAN ON ME FOR STARTING A DIALOUGE ABOUT CIRCUMCISION. I WILL RELEASE ONE HISTORY/COMEDY PODCAST ABOUT WOMENS ISSUES FEATURING ALL MEN UNTIL MY DEMANDS ARE MET. Featuring Elliot GB

    Tornadoes: Get in the Basement!

    Play Episode Listen Later Dec 2, 2020 61:58


    ehhhhhhhhhh forgettaboutit it's the big apple, where we eat pizza and NEVER FORGET. but still forgedddabout it, today were talking about one of new yorks most famous attractions, tornadoes those bigjagoffs in the fugging sky that are always sucking my cousins up and in to the land of oz where they got mugged by some half chinese guy with a sock full of sacagawea dollars ehhhhhhhh. FEATURING SAM IKE

    The Wright Brothers: THE SKY BELONGS TO MEN

    Play Episode Listen Later Nov 24, 2020 66:21


    What do most of our listeners and the Wright Brothers have in common? Stay tuned to find out! (THE ANSWER IS CATONIC DEPRESSION FOLLOWED BY BEING A PRODUCTIVE INCEL)

    Bald Eagles: Bad At Sex

    Play Episode Listen Later Nov 11, 2020 47:04


    WE WON MOTHERFUCKERS BIDEN IS KING SHIT OF ASS MOUNTIAN AND DONALD PHUMP WILL SPEND THE REST OF HIS LIFE SELLING RACIST BITCOIN TO FLORIDA IDIOTS! ARE YOU READY FOR SOME INCRAMENTAL HEALTH CARE REFORM TO BE ADVANCED BY AN OBSTRUCTIONIST CONGRESS THROUGH A SUPREME COURT THATS BEEN POLITICIZED FOR THE NEXT 25 YEARS! TOOT TOOT! also Andrew's high school did an all white production of the Wiz but you can't cancel me because trumps is gone bitches haha.

    Woodstock: Sex, Mud and People Getting Electrocuted

    Play Episode Listen Later Oct 28, 2020 84:00


    All the boomers love Woodstock and never shut up about it which is cool because id rather they talk about sha-na-na than how globalists run the world by making us feel bad about saying the n word. but in reality the how thing was a murderous shit show put on by trust fund babies in an age when people didn't have cell phones. we have a subreddit now r/kingsofdemocracy GO TO IT NOW AND POST STUFF FOOL

    Obesity: The American Plauge

    Play Episode Listen Later Sep 29, 2020 15:12


    youre fat im fat everybody is fat but why? its because we eat to much and never go outside. but why? corn subsidies and crime. also we are still on hiatus, i just thought this would be funny.

    READER MAIL 3: HAPPY ONE YEAR ANIVERSERY!

    Play Episode Listen Later Sep 21, 2020 25:12


    UNBLOCK ME r/feminism HOW WILL WE DIALOUGE ABOUT MANDATORY ORGAN DONATION IF YOU CAN'T HEAR ALL SIDES OF THE ISSUE. Also:*Cool SST stories*Capital Hill Autonomous Zone: A Failure or a Disaster?*A list of towns

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