On Attachment

If you often feel like you're fighting for a place in your partner's life—like you're always waiting to be chosen or noticed—this episode is for you.This is one of the most common experiences for people with anxious attachment: that persistent, painful feeling of being sidelined. Of giving so much, while wondering if you even matter to the person you love. And when that becomes a pattern, it can quietly erode your sense of self-worth.In this episode, I'm unpacking:Why anxiously attached people are so sensitive to feeling deprioritisedHow this dynamic often plays out in anxious-avoidant relationshipsThe emotional cost of constantly striving to be chosenWhat you can focus on to reclaim your power and stop abandoning yourself in the processWhether you're currently in a relationship or reflecting on a past one, this conversation will help you make sense of what's happening and offer practical ways to move forward with more clarity, dignity, and self-trust.Highlighted Links FREE TRAINING: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love Buy tickets - London Event Additional Resources Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here Join my email list

While it's easy to focus on the struggles of anxious attachment — overthinking, people-pleasing, fear of abandonment — there are also real gifts that often go hand-in-hand with these attachment patterns. When held with awareness and intention, many of the traits we associate with anxious attachment can become powerful strengths in our relationships and our lives.I'll be exploring:Why it's important to move beyond pathologising anxious attachmentThe qualities that often develop through lived experience with this patternHow your sensitivity, attunement, and relational depth can become assetsThe difference between operating from fear vs. secure self-expressionHow to start embracing your relational gifts without losing yourselfWhether you're in the thick of healing or just starting to understand your patterns, I hope this episode leaves you feeling acknowledged for all that is beautiful about you!Highlighted Links Join the 28-Day Secure Self Challenge FREE TRAINING: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love Buy tickets - London Event Additional Resources Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here Join my email list

In today's episode, we're unpacking the subtle (but important) differences between requests, boundaries, ultimatums, and dealbreakers. While these words are often used interchangeably, they carry different energies — and understanding those differences can help you communicate more clearly, hold your ground with integrity, and honour your needs without falling into patterns of control, people-pleasing, or collapse.We'll explore:Why the energy behind your words matters more than the words themselvesWhat makes an ultimatum different from a boundary or dealbreaker The common trap of over-explaining instead of taking aligned actionWhy communication problems can't be solved in isolationHighlighted Links Join the 28-Day Secure Self Challenge FREE TRAINING: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here September 2025 London Event Waitlist Additional Resources Join my email list

In this episode, we're exploring why so many of us struggle to access pleasure, rest, and a felt sense of wellbeing — especially in a culture that glorifies productivity, self-sacrifice, and chronic stress.If you've ever felt like slowing down or doing something just because it feels good triggers guilt, anxiety, or even restlessness… you're not alone.We'll look at:How chronic stress and hypervigilance disrupt our ability to feel goodWhy pleasure and rest often feel unsafe or unearnedThe role of the nervous system in receiving nourishment and joyHow burnout and self-worth issues intersectSmall, everyday ways to start rebuilding your capacity for pleasure and easeThis episode is a gentle invitation to notice the forces that have pulled you away from yourself — and to begin reclaiming the parts of you that long to feel good.Highlighted Links Join the 28-Day Secure Self Challenge FREE TRAINING: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here September 2025 London Event Waitlist Additional Resources Join my email list

If you find yourself spiralling into anxiety — overanalysing a text, catastrophising worst-case scenarios, or feeling like your nervous system is in overdrive — this episode is for you.Today we're talking about how to stop the anxious spiral before it takes over. I'll walk you through what actually happens in your body and mind during a spiral, why it makes so much sense if you struggle with anxious attachment, and what you can do to interrupt that cycle in the moment. I'll also share some longer-term strategies for building resilience and emotional regulation so these spirals become less frequent and less intense over time.We'll cover:What triggers the anxious spiral and how it gains momentumSimple tools to calm your system and regain perspectiveWhy nervous system regulation is essential to breaking the patternHow self-worth plays a role in stopping spirals before they startWhether you're in the thick of anxiety right now or want to feel more in control next time it hits, I hope this episode leaves you feeling more grounded, compassionate, and empowered.Highlighted Links Join the 28-Day Secure Self Challenge FREE TRAINING: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here September 2025 London Event Waitlist Additional Resources Join my email list

Jealousy is one of the most common—and most shamed—experiences for people with anxious attachment. In this episode, we're exploring where jealousy really comes from, how it manifests in relationships, and why it makes so much sense through the lens of self-worth and attachment wounding.I share personal reflections from my own journey with jealousy, alongside insights to help you understand your patterns with more compassion and clarity. Whether you obsessively compare yourself to others, feel threatened by your partner's past, or find yourself spinning out when you don't feel like a priority, this episode will help you start untangling the deeper fears driving those reactions.We'll cover:Why jealousy is often a symptom of deeper insecurity and low self-worthThe difference between jealousy and envy — and why both show up for anxiously attached peopleCommon behaviours (like social media stalking or reassurance-seeking) and why they don't actually soothe your fearsWhat to do when jealousy arises — and why shame only makes it worseWhy building self-worth is the most powerful antidote to chronic jealousySign up for the 28-Day Secure Self ChallengeHighlighted Links FREE TRAINING: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here September 2025 London Event Waitlist Additional Resources Join my email list

Feeling stuck in your relationship? Like things are off, disconnected, or just… heavy? You're not alone. Relationship ruts are common — and they're often more about what's bleeding into the relationship (stress, burnout, life overload) than about the relationship itself.For those in anxious-avoidant dynamics, these ruts can feel especially charged. The anxious partner often wants to fix it, while the avoidant may feel overwhelmed or pressured — leading to even more distance.In this episode, I share 3 powerful shifts to help you move out of a rut and back into connection:Shift your focus to what is working — Appreciation and warmth go further than criticism.Reconnect through something light — Play, fun, and novelty can do what words sometimes can't.Tend to your own world — Reclaim your centre so the relationship doesn't carry the full weight of your wellbeing.Highlighted Links FREE TRAINING: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here September 2025 London Event Waitlist Additional Resources Join my email list

Whether you're single or partnered, you might find yourself wondering: Am I in the right place to do this work? There's often an unspoken belief that there's a “best” time to heal — and that if we're not doing it in the ideal conditions, we're doing it wrong.In this episode, I'll explore:The advantages and limitations of healing while singleWhy being in a relationship can accelerate your growth (but only under the right conditions)How emotional safety plays a key role in healingWhy the question itself might be coming from a place of fear, shame, or comparisonHow to work with whatever season you're in and meet yourself thereWhether you're currently dating, in a relationship, or consciously taking space from romantic connection — this conversation will help you better understand the unique opportunities (and challenges) each path offers.Highlighted Links FREE TRAINING: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here September 2025 London Event Waitlist Additional Resources Join my email list

We all have visions for how we thought life would unfold — timelines we hoped to follow, milestones we expected to reach. So what happens when life doesn't go to plan?In today's episode, I'm speaking to those moments of disappointment, grief, and disorientation that come when our reality looks nothing like we'd imagined. Whether it's relationships, career, family, or a more intangible sense of where you “should” be by now — it's easy to spiral into self-blame, shame, or despair when life veers off course.We'll explore:Why unmet timelines can stir such deep emotion and shameThe hidden comparison traps that make us feel like we're falling behindHow to hold space for grief without collapsing into hopelessnessThe difference between giving up and gently letting goWhat it looks like to reimagine your path from a place of self-trust and compassionIf you're navigating a chapter that looks wildly different from what you'd hoped or planned — I hope this conversation helps you feel a little less alone.Highlighted Links FREE TRAINING: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here September 2025 London Event Waitlist Additional Resources Join my email list

REGISTER FOR MY NEW FREE TRAININGMany of us are taught that taking care of the people we love is the ultimate expression of devotion. But when caring crosses the line into caretaking, it can quietly create deep imbalances in our relationships.Caretaking often stems from anxiety, a need for control, or an old belief that love must be earned through over-functioning — anticipating needs, smoothing over discomfort, managing someone else's feelings or life for them. While it can look like love on the surface, it often leaves both partners stuck: one overextending, the other under-functioning, and both feeling disconnected.In this episode, we explore:The key differences between caring and caretakingHow caretaking can create resentment, imbalance, and emotional dependencyWhy caretaking is often a hidden form of controlSigns you might be caught in a caretaking dynamicHow to shift towards healthier, more empowering ways of loving and relatingBuilding secure, connected relationships isn't about fixing or rescuing each other — it's about standing alongside each other, with enough trust to let each person take responsibility for themselves.Highlighted Links FREE TRAINING: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here September 2025 London Event Waitlist Additional Resources Join my email list

Most relationships move through a phase where things start to feel harder than they used to. The spark has dimmed, tension is bubbling beneath the surface, and it feels like you're constantly clashing or misfiring. This is what's often called the power struggle stage — and while it can be incredibly challenging, it's also a powerful opportunity for growth and deeper intimacy.In today's episode, we're talking about:What the power struggle stage is and why it happensHow insecure attachment patterns can intensify this dynamicThe common traps couples fall into during this phaseWhat to do (and not do) if you want to move through itWhen the power struggle becomes a sign of misalignment rather than a phaseIf you've found yourself wondering whether you're growing apart or just navigating something difficult and necessary — this episode is for you.Highlighted Links Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here September 2025 London Event Waitlist Additional Resources Join my email list

When we think about improving our relationships, we're often focused on what isn't working — what our partner could do differently, how we're not getting our needs met, where communication is breaking down.But in this episode, I want to invite a slightly different lens: what does it mean to be a better partner? Not from a place of self-sacrifice or perfectionism, but from a grounded, secure place. One that's rooted in love, compassion, curiosity, and a willingness to show up with care.In this episode, we explore:Why our capacity to sit with discomfort can shape the tone of our relationshipsWhat it really means to listen with curiosity, rather than defensivenessHow our own insecurities can make us self-focused without realising itThe importance of meaningful repair after conflictThe difference between blame and honest self-reflectionWhy it matters to love your partner the way they receive love—not just how you like to give itThese aren't tips to make yourself more palatable or easygoing. They're invitations to grow, to connect more deeply, and to take ownership of your part in creating a secure and nourishing relational space.Free Masterclass: Anxious-Avoidant RelationshipsHighlighted Links Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here September 2025 London Event Waitlist Additional Resources Join my email list

One of the hardest things to face in a relationship is feeling like you're growing and evolving, while your partner seems simply unwilling to meet you there. Maybe you've suggested therapy, brought up recurring issues, or shared books and podcasts you love, only to be met with silence, shutdown, or defensiveness.In this episode, we're exploring what to do when your partner doesn't seem interested in personal growth or improving the relationship. We'll talk about why this happens, what it means (and doesn't mean), and how to navigate it in a way that honours your own needs without defaulting to blame or control.Whether you're in a long-term partnership or navigating something newer, this conversation will help you feel more grounded and clear in how you show up when things feel one-sided.In this episode, I cover:Why some people resist self-work or relationship growthHow attachment styles shape our responses to discomfort and changeThe difference between inviting vs. demanding growthWhy your healing doesn't depend on your partner's participationWhat to do when you've tried everything and still feel stuckHighlighted Links Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here September 2025 London Event Waitlist Additional Resources Join my email list

In today's episode, I'm diving into a topic that's both close to my heart and foundational to how I approach this work: the widespread demonisation of avoidant attachment — and why we need to stop doing it.It's all too common, especially in online spaces, for people (often those with anxious attachment) to project blame, anger, and sweeping judgments onto those with avoidant attachment styles. But while that instinct may feel validating in the short term, it actually keeps us stuck.This episode is a call for compassion and nuance — not just for others, but for ourselves.Whether you've been hurt by someone with avoidant tendencies in the past or are currently struggling with anxious-avoidant dynamics, this conversation will invite you to take a broader, more honest look at the patterns playing out in your relationships and what healing really requires.In this episode, I cover:Why avoidant attachment is so often misunderstood and unfairly vilifiedHow our instinct to blame keeps us stuck in insecure patternsThe deeper origins of avoidant attachment — and how understanding this helps build compassionWhy anger, blame, and black-and-white thinking won't help you healThe role of boundaries, discernment, and self-responsibility in moving forwardIf you're committed to growing into a more secure, grounded version of yourself, this episode is an invitation to pause and reflect on the narratives you're holding — about others, and about yourself.Highlighted Resources Save 30% on Healing Anxious Attachment - this week only! Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here Additional Resources Join my email list

Healing anxious attachment is a life-changing journey — but it's not always easy. While moving toward secure attachment can bring more ease, confidence, and healthier relationships, it also requires confronting some uncomfortable truths along the way. In this episode, we're unpacking five hard truths about healing that will help you set realistic expectations and stay committed to your growth.What We Cover in This Episode:Why healing isn't always comfortable — and why grief is often part of the processThe myth of waking up one day as "fully secure" and what real progress looks likeHow healing might disrupt your relationships (and why not everyone will like the changes you make)Why you won't stop getting triggered — but how you can gain more control over your reactionsThe surprising truth: sometimes you'll miss your old patterns, even the unhealthy onesHealing doesn't mean never struggling again. It means showing up differently, practicing new choices, and being compassionate with yourself along the way. If you're in the thick of it, know that you're not alone, and every step forward matters.Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here Additional Resources Join Healing Anxious Attachment Join my email list

Self-trust is something we all want, but many of us struggle to build it. If you find yourself second-guessing your decisions, over-preparing for worst-case scenarios, or feeling like you can't rely on yourself, you're not alone. In this episode, we're unpacking why self-trust is so challenging, especially for those with anxious attachment, and how to shift your focus to build a strong foundation of inner security.What We Cover in This Episode:Why anxiety craves control — and how this undermines self-trustThe inverse relationship between trust and controlHow trying to prevent bad things from happening leads to self-blameA powerful reframe: self-trust isn't about making the "right" decision, but making decisions in alignment with your valuesThe biggest ways we unknowingly damage self-trustWhy building self-trust is essential for healing anxious attachmentSelf-trust isn't about getting everything right or ensuring a perfect outcome, but about showing up with integrity and knowing you have your own back. 

It's painful when you feel like your needs in a relationship aren't being met. Whether it's emotional intimacy, quality time, affection, or communication, this can lead to frustration, loneliness, and resentment — especially if you've voiced your needs and still don't see change.In this episode, we're exploring:Why anxiously attached people so often get stuck around needsWhat to focus on if you feel stuck in a cycle of unmet needsHow to know when it's a compatibility issue vs. a communication issueIf you've ever wondered whether your needs are “too much” or felt torn between self-advocacy and keeping the peace, this episode will give you clarity on how to navigate these conversations with confidence and self-respect.Healing Anxious Attachment's 3rd Birthday Sale! Join the VIP list here.Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here Additional Resources Join Healing Anxious Attachment Join my email list

Social media can be a minefield at the best of times, but if you have an anxious attachment style, it can amplify relationship anxiety in ways that feel overwhelming. From overanalysing who your partner follows to spiralling over why they haven't posted about you, social media can fuel insecurity, comparison, and even compulsive checking behaviours.In today's episode, we're exploring why social media is such a common trigger for people with anxious attachment, the unhealthy patterns it can create, and most importantly, how to navigate it in a way that supports your wellbeing and relationship security.What We Cover in This Episode:Why social media fuels anxiety for anxiously attached peopleThe biggest relationship triggers—who your partner follows, why they won't post about you, and moreThe comparison trap and how it distorts realityUnhealthy social media behaviours that reinforce insecurityPractical strategies to reduce social media anxiety and feel more secureLink to Episode #165: Why Validation is So Important for Anxiously Attached PeopleDownload the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here Join the 28-day Secure Self Challenge! Starts 10 Feb 2025 Additional Resources Join Healing Anxious Attachment Join my email list

In today's episode, we're talking all about conscious dating and how you can raise your standards and date from a place of grounded self-confidence and self-worth. Many anxiously attached people struggle a lot with dating, experiencing anxiety, insecurity and self-doubt every step of the way. This can naturally block us from connecting with others in a way that feels healthy and authentic. We'll cover:the importance of dating with intentionality common mindset pitfallsidentifying your values, non-negotiables and deal-breakersResources mentionedConscious Dating Workshop: Join my Insiders membership on the Premium tier for free access to my Conscious Dating WorkshopHigher Love Break-Up CourseSecure Together Couples CourseDownload the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here Join the 28-day Secure Self Challenge! Starts 10 Feb 2025 Additional Resources Join Healing Anxious Attachment Join my email list

In today's episode, we explore how perfectionism intersects with anxious attachment and impacts our ability to form secure relationships. We examine how the drive for perfection often stems from attachment wounds around unworthiness and creates barriers to authentic connection.Key themes covered:The links between perfectionism and anxious attachment patternsHow perfectionism manifests in relationships (performing, people-pleasing, fear of making mistakes)The connection between perfectionism and fear of abandonmentWhy perfectionism creates distance in relationships despite our intentions for closenessHow perfectionism impacts vulnerability and emotional intimacyWe discuss practical steps for:Recognising perfectionist patterns in your relationshipsMoving from self-criticism to self-compassionEmbracing "good enough" in relationshipsBuilding tolerance for imperfectionShowing up authentically in relationshipsDownload the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here Join the 28-day Secure Self Challenge! Starts 10 Feb 2025 Additional Resources Join Healing Anxious Attachment Join my email list

Have you ever wondered how to tell the difference between intuition and anxiety? If so, this episode is for you. We're talking all about the difference between intuition and anxiety, and sharing some simple tools to know how best to relate to these states and when to listen to the information our body is giving us.We'll cover:anxious attachment and hyperawareness of shifts in people's emotional statestrusting our perception but questioning the meaning-makingrecognising urgency as a key imprint of anxietytreating our anxiety with care and kindness without letting it run the showJoin the 28-day Secure Self Challenge! Starts 10 Feb 2025Upcoming Events Join me for my upcoming Byron Bay Retreat Additional Resources Join Healing Anxious Attachment Join my email list

In today's episode, we're talking about how to rebuild self-worth after a break-up. It's so common, particularly for anxious attachers, to emerge after a break-up feeling incredibly uncertain and lacking in self-worth. We become acutely aware of the extent to which we lost ourselves in the relationship, but often don't know where or how to begin reconnecting with who we are.We'll talk about:why it's so common for self-worth to be damaged after a break-upself-abandonment and self-loss when relationships are under straindeciding to go all in on yourselfpractical tips for rebuilding self-worth and reconnecting to your authenticityJoin the 28-day Secure Self Challenge! Starts 10 Feb 2025Upcoming Events Join me for my upcoming Byron Bay Retreat Additional Resources Join Healing Anxious Attachment Join my email list

In today's episode, we're exploring the key signs that you're moving from anxious attachment toward greater security. While every healing journey is unique, certain themes consistently emerge as markers of growth. If you're working on healing your anxious attachment style, this episode will help you recognise the shifts happening within you.What We Cover:How healing is not linear and why everyone's journey looks differentThe mindset shifts that show you're stepping out of fear and insecurityEmotional and relational changes that signal you're building self-worth and self-trustLearning to let go of control and embrace uncertaintyPractical insights to keep you motivated as you continue your journeyWhether you're just beginning to explore attachment healing or you're deep in the process, this episode offers validation and encouragement to help you stay the course.Join Healing Anxious Attachment to start your journey to secure attachment today!Upcoming Events Byron Bay Retreat - Apply now!

For our first episode of 2025, we're exploring the journey of creating a life that feels deeply authentic and aligned with who you truly are. Moving beyond societal expectations and the hamster wheel of constant striving, this episode challenges you to embrace courage, honesty, and personal responsibility to make meaningful changes in your life.Key topics covered:Why honesty with yourself is essential for transformatioThe power of action—and why inaction is a decision tooHow to reconnect with your deepest desires and yearningsBuilding capacity for discomfort as a tool for growthPracticing courage and embracing fear as part of the processIf you're ready to step into agency, responsibility, and bravery in 2025, this episode is for you.For those wanting deeper support, I invite you to join me in Homecoming, a six-month mastermind for creating a life filled with joy, freedom, and abundance.Sign up for my Homecoming Mastermind Upcoming Events Byron Bay Retreat - Apply now!

In this Q&A episode, I'm answering your most common questions about early dating—particularly through the lens of anxious attachment. If dating feels like a minefield of overthinking, anxiety, and emotional highs and lows, this episode is for you.We'll explore:Early dating dynamics: Navigating the vulnerability and uncertainty that comes with getting to know someone new.Not attaching too quickly: Why it happens for those with anxious attachment and how to pace yourself emotionally.Texting anxiety: How to manage the discomfort of waiting for replies and keep yourself grounded.Values over chemistry: Why prioritising what truly matters can help you avoid unhealthy patterns and feel more secure. Healing Anxious Attachment Apply for my 6-month Homecoming Mastermind Join On Attachment Insiders, my new membership community Upcoming Events Byron Bay Retreat - Apply now!

In today's episode, we're diving deep into self-sabotage—those frustrating patterns where we seem to work against our own best interests. Whether it's procrastination, pushing people away, or avoiding opportunities, self-sabotage can feel like an endless cycle. We cover:What self-sabotage really is: Understanding how it's often a misguided attempt to keep us safe.Why we get stuck: Exploring the fears, limiting beliefs, and unmet needs that fuel sabotaging behaviour.How to shift these patterns: Where to focus your attention to break the cycle and create new, supportive habits. Healing Anxious Attachment waitlist Apply for my 6-month Homecoming Mastermind Join On Attachment Insiders, my new membership community Upcoming Events Byron Bay Retreat - Apply now!

In this episode of On Attachment, we're diving into how to support an avoidant partner in opening up emotionally. If you've ever felt frustrated by your partner's emotional distance or found yourself unsure how to help them feel safe in the relationship, this episode is for you. Healing Anxious Attachment waitlist Apply for my 6-month Homecoming Mastermind Join On Attachment Insiders, my new membership community Upcoming Events Byron Bay Retreat - Apply now!

In today's episode, we're talking about the delicate balance between compassion for others, and boundaries for ourselves. For those of us who tend towards empathy and curiosity towards others' inner worlds, it's easy to fixate on the "why" behind their behaviours (particularly behaviours we don't like or understand). And while that is an admirable trait, without clear boundaries it can easily veer into self-abandonment. I'll share some thoughts on how to find a balance between compassion and generosity in our interpretation of others' behaviour, while also having clarity and firmness in our self-advocacy and knowing what we can and can't tolerate.  Black Friday Sale now live Apply for my 6-month Homecoming Mastermind Join On Attachment Insiders, my new membership community Upcoming Events Byron Bay Retreat - Apply now!

In today's episode, we're diving into what avoidant partner deactivation looks like and how you can respond to this experience in a way that protects your emotional wellbeing and prevents further spiralling and disconnection. We'll explore the subtle ways avoidant partners create distance—whether emotionally, physically, or in their communication—and how these behaviours stem from their attachment patterns rather than a lack of care or love. Importantly, we'll talk about what you can do in these moments to maintain connection without pressuring your partner or compromising your own self-worth.Join On Attachment Insiders, my new membership community Upcoming Events Byron Bay Retreat - Apply now!

In today's episode, we're talking all about validation — and specifically, why it is so essential for anxiously attached people in building more security within themselves and in their relationships. Most anxiously attached people are accustomed to feeling chronically invalidated (in part because they tend to do this to themselves), always wondering if they are too much, too needy, too sensitive, too paranoid, and so on. This can lead to over-reliance on a partner or others external to us to determine whether our experience is real and valid.Tune in for a discussion on why validation is so important for anxious attachers, and how we can give ourselves this gift to build more security and self-assuredness.Join On Attachment Insiders, my new membership community Upcoming Events Byron Bay Retreat - Apply now!

In today's episode, we're talking all about the abandonment wound — and specifically, five scenarios that might unexpectedly trigger your fears and insecurities around abandonment. When we think about the fear of abandonment, we often imagine scenarios where someone physically leaves us—maybe a breakup or a loved one walking out the door. But the truth is, this fear can manifest in much more subtle and unexpected ways, especially for those of us with anxious attachment patterns.We'll cover:how periods of grief or loss can trigger abandonment fearsillness and wanting to be cared fordealing with unexpected life challengesperiods of transition or major life changesemotional overwhelm and the need for supportJoin my new membership, On Attachment Insiders today!Upcoming Events Byron Bay Retreat - Apply now!

In this episode, we dive into the growing issue of phone usage and its impact on relationship satisfaction, especially when one partner feels neglected, ignored and frustrated by the other's screen time. We explore why constant phone use can feel so personal, discuss strategies for approaching the topic constructively, and offer practical ways to set digital boundaries together. If you're struggling with a partner's phone habits, this episode will give you tools to foster more connection and understanding.Join my new membership community, On Attachment Insiders

In this episode, we're explore the common and very human experience of hoping an ex will come back after a break-up saying they've changed their mind and want to reconcile. Whether you were left unexpectedly or the break-up was a long time coming, the hope that an ex will realise their mistake and come back can be powerful and all-consuming. I'll share some mindset reframes and tools to relate to your hoping differently, so you can validate yourself while still moving forward in a direction that supports your wellbeing and next chapter. Additional ResourcesBreak-up quizGuided closure meditationHigher Love course (save 50% with coupon code PHOENIX)Upcoming Events Byron Bay Retreat - Apply now!

In this episode, we're diving into how fearful avoidant attachment (also known as disorganised attachment) plays out in relationships. If you identify with this attachment style, you might notice certain patterns in your relationships that feel confusing or contradictory.Key points include:Feelings of instability in relationships: Many with fearful avoidant attachment feel fine when single, but painful emotions surface in relationships, often leading to blaming their partner.Impact of partner's attachment style: A hallmark of fearful avoidant attachment is the shift between anxious and avoidant behaviours, which can vary from one partner to the next depending on the attachment combinations. Idealising vs. villainising partners: There's a tendency to place partners on a pedestal at times, but then quickly villainise them when triggered or threatened.Fear of intimacy vs. longing for connection: Fearful avoidants deeply crave closeness, but a core fear of rejection — often rooted in shame — makes true intimacy feel unsafe. Fear of betrayal and difficulties with trust are also common. Upcoming Events Byron Bay Retreat - Apply now!

In today's episode, we're talking about how to navigate emotional triggers in a healthy and constructive way. Whether it's a comment, an argument, or even an unexpected event, triggers can send us into emotional overdrive, leaving us feeling overwhelmed and disconnected from ourselves. But with the right tools, you can slow down the spiral and regain control over your emotions.I'll guide you through a simple, four-step process to help you work through triggers in real time. We'll explore how to pause and ground yourself, tune into what's happening in your body, examine the story you're telling yourself about the situation, and identify what you truly need to move forward.If you've ever felt hijacked by your emotions and want practical steps to bring more calm and clarity to these moments, this episode is for you.What You'll Learn in This Episode:Why we get triggered and how the body responds to perceived threatsThe importance of pausing and creating space before reactingHow to tune into your body to notice sensations and ground yourselfQuestions to help you check the story you're telling yourself about the situationHow to discern whether you need to have a conversation or if you can genuinely let it goIdentifying what you need to feel empowered and move forward✨ Download the free cheat sheet on How to Work Through a Trigger here ✨Upcoming Events Byron Bay Retreat - Apply now!

How do you know if you're ready for a relationship? Perhaps you've asked yourself this question — and in today's episode, that's what we're exploring. While I don't believe we ever reach some objective place of being "healed enough" to enter a relationship, I do believe there are certain indicators we can look out for — signs that we're in a strong place mentally and emotionally, which will set us up for the best possible chance at finding and building a healthy partnership.Upcoming Events Byron Bay Retreat - Apply now!

In this episode, we're tackling the challenging topic of obsessive thinking about someone and how to break free from that mental loop that causes suffering. We'll explore different approaches, including Byron Katie's The Work as a top-down method for challenging your thoughts, somatic tools to discharge anxiety from the body as a bottom-up approach, as well as the broader work of addressing the insecurities and wounds that often fuel obsessive thinking.By addressing your thoughts, calming your body, and working through your deeper emotional wounds, you can find peace and clarity in your relationships.Upcoming Events Byron Bay Retreat - Apply now!

In this episode, we're exploring three key things you'll likely notice when you experience your first truly healthy relationship. While healthy relationships are often idealised, they still come with their own challenges. We'll discuss how they invite vulnerability, reveal where we may have been hiding behind dysfunction, and show us that even secure partners can be imperfect. Finally, we'll talk about how conflict in a healthy relationship doesn't disappear, but it feels safer and more productive.Key Points Covered:Vulnerability & Revealing Dysfunction: When you're in a healthy dynamic, the absence of chaos can feel unfamiliar, and it may expose areas where you've avoided vulnerability by leaning on old, dysfunctional patterns.Imperfection in Secure Partners: It's easy to idealise secure partners as perfect, but it's important to remember that they, too, are human. The difference is in how they respond to their imperfections and how you both handle those inevitable moments of frustration.Safe Conflict: You'll realise that disagreements can be handled with mutual respect and a sense of safety, where both partners feel heard and valued, even in moments of tension.Further Links & Resources Sign up for Healing Anxious Attachment Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations Check out my couples course, Secure Together (& save $200 with the code SECURE) Save $150 on my Higher Love break-up course with the code PHOENIX Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment Visit my website

In this episode, we're diving into the how anxious and avoidant attachment styles can influence sexual relationships. Understanding these differences can be crucial for navigating intimacy in your relationship, whether you identify with one of these attachment styles or are in a relationship with someone who does. We'll cover five key differences in how anxious and avoidant attachment styles experience and approach sex.Emphasis on Emotional vs Physical IntimacyAnxiously attached individuals may place a stronger emphasis on emotional intimacy and connection as a foundation for physical intimacy. In contrast, avoidantly attached individuals might prioritize physical intimacy while keeping emotional vulnerability at arm's length.Overthinking vs DissociatingWhen it comes to sex, those with an anxious attachment style may find themselves getting stuck in their heads, overthinking and ruminating on whether they're pleasing their partner or what their partner might be thinking. Avoidantly attached individuals, however, might struggle to stay present during intimacy, often dissociating or emotionally checking out as a way to manage their discomfort with closeness.Focus on Other vs Focus on SelfAnxiously attached individuals often focus heavily on their partner's needs and feelings during sex, sometimes to the detriment of their own experience. In contrast, avoidant individuals might approach sex with a more self-focused mindset, prioritising their own comfort and boundaries, which can create distance in the sexual connection.Libido / General Openness to Being IntimateAnxious attachment can sometimes lead to a heightened desire for intimacy as a way to secure closeness and reassurance. Avoidantly attached individuals might experience a lower libido or be less open to intimacy, particularly if they feel overwhelmed by emotional closeness.Impact of Relational Tension on Desire for SexRelational tension can have opposite effects on anxious and avoidant individuals. Those with anxious attachment may seek sex as a way to repair or soothe relational tension, while those with avoidant attachment might withdraw further, seeing sex as a source of pressure rather than connection.Further Links & Resources Sign up for Healing Anxious Attachment Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations Check out my couples course, Secure Together (& save $200 with the code SECURE) Save $150 on my Higher Love break-up course with the code PHOENIX Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment Visit my website

In today's episode, we're diving into fearful avoidant (AKA disorganised) attachment and how it differs from anxious attachment. We'll explore how both types are driven by a fear of abandonment and intense emotions, yet differ in their approaches to intimacy, conflict resolution, and communication. Whether you identify with one of these attachment styles or are in a relationship with someone who does, this episode will give you valuable insights into the dynamics at play and how to navigate them for healthier connections.Further Links & Resources Join the waitlist for Healing Anxious Attachment Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations Check out my couples course, Secure Together (& save $200 with the code SECURE) Save $150 on my Higher Love break-up course with the code PHOENIX Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment Visit my website

In today's episode, we're exploring the common patterns and beliefs that lead people into situationships — those ambiguous, frustrating "almost-relationships" that never quite become something more. If you've ever found yourself stuck in a situationship and wondered why it keeps happening, this episode is for you. We'll dive into four key reasons why you might be attracting these kinds of connections and how to start breaking free from the cycle. Specifically, we'll cover:how a fear of rejection stops you from expressing your desiresthe saviour complex and trying to change the emotionally unavailable personthe tendency to prioritise chemistry over true compatibility and authentic connectiontolerating situationships out of a fear that you can't do any betterIf you're tired of finding yourself in situationships, this episode will help you identify the underlying beliefs and behaviors contributing to the pattern. You'll learn practical steps to start attracting the kind of relationship you truly want.Further Links & Resources Join the waitlist for Healing Anxious Attachment Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations Check out my couples course, Secure Together (& save $200 with the code SECURE) Save $150 on my Higher Love break-up course with the code PHOENIX Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment Visit my website

This week, we're talking all about how avoidant attached people can experience conflict in a healthier, more productive way. I'll be sharing three tips that will allow you to feel more connected, grounded and in control in the way you approach conflict in your relationship. Further Links & Resources Join the waitlist for Healing Anxious Attachment Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations Check out my couples course, Secure Together (& save $200 with the code SECURE) Save $150 on my Higher Love break-up course with the code PHOENIX Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment Visit my website

In today's episode, I'm sharing three tips for anxiously attached people to improve the way they approach and experience conflict. We cover things like slowing down and saying less, keeping things to one issue, and knowing when to leave the conversation and let things go. Be sure to tune in next week for Part 2 where we cover tips for avoidantly attached people in conflict!

In today's episode, I'm sharing with you some wisdom from three of my favourite writers and teachers on life, love and relationships. These quotes, from authors James Clear, Elizabeth Gilbert, and Brene Brown, have been hugely formative for me in my own journey and I hope you love them as much as I do. Healing Anxious Attachment is relaunching soon! Join the waitlist here.Further Links & Resources

In today's episode, we're talking about boundaries. Boundary setting is one of those areas that we hear about so much in the personal development world, and yet bridging the gap between theory and practice remains a challenge for most of the folks that I work with (particularly those with an anxious attachment style). We'll cover:why boundary setting is so hard for people with insecure attachment patternshow anxious and avoidant attachment styles differ in boundary settingthe truth about boundaries in healthy relationshipshow to navigate a fear that setting boundaries will lead to the relationship falling apart

In today's episode, I'm sharing three life lessons that I wish I'd learned sooner. These are around the theme of self-awareness, personal responsibility and consciously creating the life that we want for ourselves. Last chance to join The Secure Self Challenge!Sign up for the 28-day Secure Self Challenge! Kicking off 29 July 2024. Further Links & Resources Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations Check out my couples course, Secure Together (& save $200 with the code SECURE) Save $150 on my Higher Love break-up course with the code PHOENIX Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment Visit my website

In today's episode, we're tackling the pervasive issue of resentment in relationships. We explore why resentment occurs, its impact on relationships, and how to address and resolve these feelings. We cover:what resentment signals to us about ourselveswhy certain people are more prone to resentmentthe link between resentment and poor boundaries, suppression of needs and avoiding conflicthow we can shift out of victimhood and take responsibility for our part in a dynamicSign up for the 28-day Secure Self Challenge! Kicking off 29 July 2024. Further Links & Resources Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations Check out my couples course, Secure Together (& save $200 with the code SECURE) Save $150 on my Higher Love break-up course with the code PHOENIX Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment Visit my website

In today's episode, we're unpacking five traits that everybody should be looking for in a prospective partner. It's so easy when dating to become swept up in a connection and inadvertently overlook some of the fundamental attributes we should all be seeking in a relationship. The five traits we discuss in this episode are:emotional self-awarenessintegrity and trustworthinessconsistency, reliability and dependabilityhumour and playfulnesskindnessSign up for the 28-day Secure Self Challenge! Kicking off 29 July 2024. Further Links & Resources Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations Check out my couples course, Secure Together (& save $200 with the code SECURE) Save $150 on my Higher Love break-up course with the code PHOENIX Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment Visit my website

Have you ever found yourself seeking out relationship advice online only to be bombarded with pages of seemingly conflicting and contradictory opinions? If so, you're not alone - and today's episode is for you. I'm going to be sharing 5 examples of contradictory relationship advice that you may have encountered and struggled to make sense of, so that you can understand the nuances and practise discernment in finding the right way forward for you.We cover:going after a life you love AND learning to be content with what you haveknowing what you want in a partner AND not being overly prescriptivenot dating someone for their potential AND wanting someone you can grow withnot changing yourself to earn someone's love AND wanting to be your best self to attract a healthy partnerthe importance of feeling your feelings AND knowing when it's okay to distract yourself Further Links & Resources Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations Check out my couples course, Secure Together (& save $200 with the code SECURE) Save $150 on my Higher Love break-up course with the code PHOENIX Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment Visit my website

In today's episode, I'm unpacking three common pain points that virtually all anxious-avoidant couples will encounter at some point in their relationship. We'll talk about why these particular fights are so common, and what they're really about - so you can approach them next time with more empathy and understanding, and avoid the disconnection and hurt that comes with the typical anxious-avoidant trap. Secure Together Course (save 50% with code HEYBABY): secure-together.com 

In today's episode, I'm sharing some thoughts on why you might struggle to let go of someone after a break-up - especially in circumstances where you logically know that they were "bad" for you.  This is such a common experience, particularly for those with anxious attachment - feeling pulled in two different directions between what you know is best vs what your body and attachment system is urging you to do.We cover:the importance of managing expectations after a break-upwhy it's normal to miss your ex (without it meaning anything)why unhealthy or dysfunctional relationships can be even harder to let go oftreating moving on as a choice rather than a feelingIf you're going through a break-up, check out my Higher Love break-up course (& save 50% with the code HEYBABY).