It's Not Normal

In this week's episode, and with your help, I'm challenging myself to talk about parts of my life that are relatively unrelated to my trauma. Since sharing my experience with emotionally immature parents on social media, I have created an invisible box and put myself in it. From following dreams and finding a work-life balance to vanlife and tattoos, we're covering it all.  0:00 Episode 50!! 4:55 A Plan For Life 16:49 Woodworking 25:40 Vanlife 33:03 What Drives Me 37:53 Sports 42:46 Tattoos 44:21 Clothes 49:30 Final Thoughts  Dwell (Camper Reno): https://www.dwell.com/article/budget-breakdown-renovated-sun-valley-road-runner-trailer-path-design-e1fe2e8f Insider: https://www.businessinsider.com/couple-spent-ten-thousand-renovating-trailer-camper-2023-4 Life Lessons From a 7,000 Bike Ride: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zUTL4Op56CM --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/itsnotnormal/support

Have you ever found yourself being strung along by a parent, partner or friend? Intermittent reinforcement is a powerful tool that can shape not only our personality, but also our perception of the present and our beliefs for the future. In this week's episode, we talk about breadcrumbing as a behavior in a parent-child relationship and how it fuels the development of healing fantasies and role-selves.  0:00 Breadcrumbs Create A Power Dynamic 6:58 Future Faking and Empty Promises 11:22 Healing Fantasies 17:21 Becoming Someone Else 20:13 Developing A Role-Self --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/itsnotnormal/support

This weekend, I took a trip to a place that I hadn't visited in over a decade. It was healing, but also brought to the surface some complex emotions. In this week's episode, we talk about what inner-child is, why it's important and how we can take steps to accommodate our younger selves in adulthood.  0:00 Inner-Child Healing 1:31 Childhood Wounds 3:14 Disproportionate Reactions 7:59 Validating Our Trauma Responses 10:48 What Age Do I Feel? 16:11 Happy and Sad At the Same Time 24:51 What Can We Do? --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/itsnotnormal/support

In this week's episode, I'm walking you through The Science of Stuck by Britt Frank, a book that I often reference as marking the beginning of my healing journey. From signs of unresolved trauma to what characteristics define an emotionally unskilled family, we get into it all.  Buy “The Science of Stuck” here: https://amzn.to/4faNms7 0:00 Healing our Inner Child 1:35 Positive and Negative Emotions 5:38 Signs of Unresolved Trauma 19:40 Trauma 22:07 Dysfunctional Families 24:04 The Emotionally Unskilled Family --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/itsnotnormal/support

Have you ever felt intense jealousy or insecurity about your friend or partner's past? And does imagining a time in their life before you give you a sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach? In this week's episode, we're going to be talking about retroactive jealousy and the connection between OCD and childhood trauma. 0:00 Retroactive Jealousy 1:57 OCD 5:01 Obsessing Over the Past 9:51 Digging for Information 12:46 Comparison 16:12 Where Does It Come From? 18:36 What Can We Do? --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/itsnotnormal/support

On October 6, 2023, I posted the first episode of It's Not Normal. In this week's episode, we celebrate one year of the podcast by revisiting some of the topics we talked about in the first few episodes with a new perspective.  0:22 One Year of The Podcast 6:54 Revisiting Hypervigilance 16:15 Self-Worth 18:42 Styles of Communication 23:01 Validating Our Trauma Responses 26:36 Thank You! --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/itsnotnormal/support

How much have your personal goals changed since realizing your trauma? Throughout my young life, my goals were very traditional. They involved my family and successes outside of myself. As I've started to heal, my goals have shifted and are now much more about who I am rather than what I'm doing. In this week's episode, we talk about shifting goals, perception of family, and how it can influence your sense of self. 0:54 Personal Goals 2:48 Externalizers and Traditional Goals 4:36 How I Feel Now 10:41 Perception of Family 14:08 Perception of Myself 24:35 Freedom From Expectations Follow  @bigsiscasey  : Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bigsiscasey/ https://linktr.ee/bigsiscasey --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/itsnotnormal/support

Being raised by emotionally manipulative parents can make even the idea of relationships seem scary. We're kicking off Season 3 by connecting the dots between childhood trauma and the different ways we perceive and show up in relationships with friends, romantic partners and ourselves. 0:00 Season 3 1:57 Perspective Shift 2:15 Intentions 11:32 Trust 16:31 Allowing Our Authentic Selves to be Seen 21:37 Emotional Lonliness 24:35 Fear of Abandonment 28:41 Failure and Criticism 31:06 Self-Protection + Acceptance Follow  @bigsiscasey  :Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bigsiscasey/https://linktr.ee/bigsiscasey --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/itsnotnormal/support

This week's episode is packed with information and insights as we recap chapters 6-10 of Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay Gibson. We touch on everything from what it's like to be an internalizer to how to identify emotionally maturity in others.  0:00 What It's Like to Be a Internalizer 9:03 Breaking Down and Awakening 20:32 Living Free of Roles and Fantasies 28:58 How to Identify Emotionally Mature People 34:11 Getting to Know Myself as an Adult --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/itsnotnormal/support

Do you feel in-touch with your authentic self? In this week's episode, we talk about how and why being raised by an emotionally immature parent can lead us to suppress our authenticity, the importance of vulnerability in genuine connection and what we can do to allow space for self-discovery in adulthood. 0:09 Feeling In-Touch With My Authentic Self 3:09 Why We Suppress Our Authenticity 6:19 Our Inner Experience 9:29 Controlling Our Thoughts and Feelings 12:26 Allowing Ourselves To Be Seen 20:08 Making Mistakes Is Part of Being Human 21:47 Being Vulnerable 25:40 A Question For You --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/itsnotnormal/support

I've been no-contact with my parents for a just over a year. In this week's episode, we talk about what led me to make that decision along with some of the things I've learned since having the freedom to get to know myself.  0:38 What Led Me To Going No Contact 10:22 I Wrote My Parents A Letter 13:37 “But They're Your Parents” 18:50 Embarrassment 25:08 Expecting Empathy 28:10 I Can Say ‘No' 31:00 Growth Is Possible 32:21 Trust and Change 35:59 A Few More Lessons 38:44 Some Things I'm Still Working On --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/itsnotnormal/support

Am I enough? Am I doing the right thing? Self-doubt is something that everyone experiences. Embracing self-awareness can challenge the toxic productivity mindset and allow us to act from a place of self-acceptance.  0:00 Self-Awareness for Others 5:25 Manipulating My Experience 13:02 Smear Campaigns 18:06 Social Media 22:26 People-Pleasing 24:47 Toxic Productivity 27:20 It's A Bedtime Not A Deadline 29:30 A Balanced Life --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/itsnotnormal/support

Navigating friendships can be challenging, especially when our foundation for connection has been conditional. Being raised by an emotionally immature parent and the resulting trauma can make developing and maintaining friendships difficult.  0:00 Childhood Friendships 4:46 Isolation and Enmeshment 7:32 Separation Anxiety 12:17 Friendship Breakups 20:18 No Boundaries 22:25 Be Patient With Yourself --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/itsnotnormal/support

In this week's episode, we take on a complex topic - what it means to exist solely in arenas where your performance takes precedence over your personality. From a parent creating a mini-me and living vicariously through us to developing hyper characteristics as a means of survival, we get into it all.  0:00 Intro 2:04 A Moment to Myself 9:11 Comfortable with a Slower Pace 15:40 Performance Over Personality 22:07 Missing Out 26:05 Are My Successes Mine? 28:25 Shared Interests 31:59 Experiencing Myself 34:04 Slow Down/Reclaiming Our Happiness 35:18 Unlocking New Characters --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/itsnotnormal/support

Discovering a work-life balance can be challenging, especially if throughout childhood you were never taught to prioritize yourself or how to set boundaries. In this week's episode, we talk about how behaviors and trauma responses we picked up throughout childhood can manifest themselves in the workplace. 0:00 Intro 1:16 Path Design 5:18 Ralph Waldo Emerson 5:55 College Drop-Out 8:40 The Studio 16:18 Self-Neglect 23:58 Boundaries 25:52 Burnout 32: 21 My Question to You --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/itsnotnormal/support

I'm answering your questions! In this week's episode, we address the importance of learning to acknowledge your emotions, guilt, and generational trauma. We also take steps in understanding how to reclaim our identity and sense of self. 0:39 Q1 - Learning to Acknowledge Your Emotions 3:52 Q2 - Sending A Letter 9:40 Q3 - Guilt 14:15 Q4 - Identity 19:30 Q5 - Anger and Resentment 29:20 Q6 - Generational Trauma --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/itsnotnormal/support

Change can be scary. Learning to welcome change can be a challenge, especially for those of us who lacked stability throughout childhood, and subsequently gravitate towards stability and predicatbility in adulthood. In this week's episode, we start to understand why we sometimes resist change and how we can learn to let go. 0:00 Why is Change Scary? 5:11 Permanance of Opinions 6:49 Life Changes 15:07 Turning Your Power Inward 20:06 Radical Self-Acceptance 23:47 Welcoming Change 26:09 What if it Turns Out Better? --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/itsnotnormal/support

Breaking the cycle of generational trauma and abuse is no small task, and can be made even more difficult with the loss of your support system, intentional efforts to isolate you, smear campaigns and love-bombing. We get into all of it in this week's episode of It's Not Normal. 0:00 The Journey of Getting There 3:29 Perspective Outside of the Closed Family System 12:14 Stepping Into the Unknown 14:55 Losing Your Support System 17:56 Smear Campaign and Love-Bombing 27:38 Family Functions 33:34 Learning to Sit with Discomfort --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/itsnotnormal/support

In this week's episode, we talk about how, as you get older and start to tap into your individuality, your parents' unhealthy behavior might intensify as you become harder to manipulate. These behaviors can be dehumanizing and challenging to navigate as we start to recognize them. 0:00 Intro 1:11 Intensifying Behavior As You Get Older 17:28 Dehumanizing 18:27 Learning From Our Mistakes 21:18 Craving Closure 25:01 Uncomfortable Conversations 27:48 My Feelings Matter 33:25 Weaponizing Vulnerabilities --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/itsnotnormal/support

Self-neglect is an interesting concept and can manifest itself in our lives in a number of different ways. More often than not, if you were raised by an emotionally immature parent, these behaviors can be traced back to experiences throughout our childhood including parentification, a lack of boundaries and direct communication.  0:00 Intro 0:33 Self-Neglect 1:55 Lack of Direct Communication 4:17 Self-Sacrifice 7:19 Parentification 11:47 Boundaries 15:28 Breadcrumbs 17:32 False Sense of Urgency 28:32 What We Can Do --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/itsnotnormal/support

If you're like me, you might find it challenging to refrain from explaining yourself, especially in light of controversy or disagreement. In this week's episode we address the question, “why do we overshare?” in an attempt to better understand the behavior, what it is and where it comes from, so we can learn to let go of the discomfort that comes with disagreement and the fear of being misunderstood. 0:00 Episode 30!! 0:29 Disagreement and Disconnection 8:13 Emotional Neglect 9:59 Intentional Misunderstanding 13:28 Navigating a Minefield 15:41 Fight, Flight, Freeze, Fawn 18:54 Fawning and Oversharing --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/itsnotnormal/support

I learned about separation anxiety for the first time in my early twenties. The more I researched, the more I started to realize that this behavior was just a glimpse into what I had experienced throughout my childhood. In this week's episode, we're talking about anxious attachment and fear of abandonment, what they are, how they're connected and my experience with them. 0:00 About Attachment 4:58 Connection Through Self-Sacrifice 9:27 Tracing It Back 14:36 Triangulation 19:00 Fear of Abandonment 35:02 Things That Can Help --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/itsnotnormal/support

I had a bit of a moment. In this week's episode, we're talking about spontaneity, self-love and having a breakthrough. 0:00 Intro 0:45 Thursday Night Release 3:53 Spontaneity  5:18 A Sense of Responsiblity 7:57 I Had a Bit of a Moment 13:00 Forgiving Myself 13:59 Approval 17:58 Self-Love 19:06 Letting Go of Negativity 21:33 The Person I Refuse to Become 22:06 Knowing What Not To Do 23:34 Disapproval --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/itsnotnormal/support

It can be hard to filter through the constant stream of content that's thrown our way on social media to find creators who are in it for the right reasons. In this week's episode we're talking with Nicole Bendayan, a Certified Holistic Nutritionist & Women's Health Expert on a mission to educate and empower women on holistic menstrual health. Having experienced negative side effects while on hormonal birth control myself, I was thrilled to have the opportunity to speak with Nicole about women's health and normalizing a newer narrative on social media.  Nicole's Socials: www.thesyncsociety.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/nicole.bendayan TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@nicole.bendayan Washington Post Article: "Women are getting off birth control amid misinformation explosion" By Lauren Weber and Sabrina Malhi Chapters: 0:00 Intro 1:34 Nicole's Ah-Ha Moment 5:27 The Four Phases 11:55 The Article 15:30 The Combination Pill 19:45 Informed Consent 28:56 Normalizing a Newer Narrative 42:23 Do Your Own Research 47:27 What Can We Do? 52:50 Copper IUD 55:40 Outro --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/itsnotnormal/support

Let's talk about siblings! Navigating a relationship with a narcissistic parent can be hard enough. What happens when there's a younger sibling involved? In this week's episode, we talk about everything from sibling relationships in adulthood and how your roles might change overtime to why a narcissistic parent might promote divisiveness throughout your childhood and what you can do to maintain a healthy relationship with your younger sibling(s) even after you've taken a step back from your parent.  0:00 Sibling Relationships 5:01 Golden Child v. Scapegoat 8:00 Projection and Projective Identification 11:50 Capitalizing on Others' Mistakes 14:00 Promoting Isolation 18:14 Taking a Step Back 20:05 Feeling Abandoned 23:01 Changing Behavior 27:01 The Smear Campaign 32:23 My Best Advice --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/itsnotnormal/support

Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay Gibson… this book was recommended to me more than once and, after sitting in my cart for far too long, I decided to buy it. I'm a little more than halfway through it, and, in this week's episode, we take a look at Chapters 1-5 and dive a bit deeper into some of the hardest hitting concepts.  0:00 Intro 1:21 Lack of Emotional Intimacy 6:54 Instincts and Relationships 10:43 Seeing Them Accurately is Not Betrayal 16:11 ‘If You Loved Me, You'd Just Know…' 20:13 Role-Self v. True-Self 30:36 Outro --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/itsnotnormal/support

In this week's episode, we get into what it's like when you find yourself in the position of having to tell someone in your life the truth about your narcissistic parent. Adding to the laundry list of responsibilities we take on as children of narcissistic parents, so many of us have to decide whether to uphold the image of our parent or be honest about our experience with them. From letting others in to ignoring birthday texts, so many of us are often put in a position that, on the surface, can be easily perceived as the ‘bad guy.' 0:00 Intro 0:26 Emotionally Abuse Is Easily Hidden 7:12 Running Into My Teacher 11:11 The Uncertainties of Speaking Out 14:02 Changing Their Opinion 16:24 Reclaim Your Narrative 18:20 Letting Go 24:39 Transparency in Relationships 28:28 Responsibilities and Birthday Texts 38:10 Drawing the Line 39:10 My Question to You --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/itsnotnormal/support

I'm 27 now. I've learned a lot this past year, and it seemed like a perfect time to reflect on what I've learned, what I've gotten better at, things I still struggle with and how I hope to get better at them moving forward.  0:00 Intro 0:56 External Accomplishments 3:10 Just Scratching the Surface 5:46 Perspective at 26 10:20 Direct Communication 15:37 Intrusive Thoughts 22:05 Taking on Others' Emotions As My Own 26:32 Embracing Change 35:19 Letting Go 41:47 Guilt-Free Down Time 43:47 Goals for 27 52:12 Growing this Community 56:45 A Final Nugget of Wisdom --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/itsnotnormal/support

In this week's episode, we're talking about periods! If blood, bleeding, cramps or vaginas make you uncomfortable, this episode might not be for you. As I've made progress managing some of the more mental health focused challenges in my life over the course of this last year, I've started to shift my focus to include prioritizing my physical health too. Birth control is something that I have personal experience with, it's something that affects both your physical and mental health, and I'm sure I'm not the only one who's read the Washington Post Article that's been circulating, ‘Women Are Getting Off Birth Control Amid Misinformation Explosion.' I felt that the article was a bit misleading, it really didn't sit well with me, and this is a big sister topic, so this seemed like the perfect way to kick off Season 2 of INN. Chapters 0:00 Intro 2:15 Washington Post Article 5:24 Different Forms of Birth Control 8:08 Social Media Can Give Us Perspective 9:30 My Experience with the Pill 16:45 Getting an IUD  24:42 How the Pill Affects Women's Response to Stress 27:37 Feeling Like I Was Doing a Drug Deal 29:53 Birth Control Side Effects Feed the Narrative 31:43 Experts on Social Media 32:22 My Experience Applying for Healthcare  34:26 Are Natural Remedies Ineffective? 36:30 Conduct Your Own Research 40:24 Outro Resources: https://nypost.com/2023/01/30/young-women-abandoning-birth-control-pills-for-mental-health/  https://www.washingtonpost.com/health/2024/03/21/stopping-birth-control-misinformation/ https://www.telegraph.co.uk/us/comment/2024/04/02/birth-control-misinformation-female-voters-democrats/ https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/birth-control --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/itsnotnormal/support

We'll be back with the first episode of Season 2 on April 11th! See you then!! --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/itsnotnormal/support

In this week's episode, we introduce a new chapter for the pod and reflect on how we got here. I've learned so much over the last twenty weeks, and I feel so grateful for the ongoing support and encouragement. 0:00 Lucky Number 21! 0:56 6 Months Ago 12:15 For My Younger Self 16:18 “It's Not Normal” 17:26 Book Recs 19:28 We're Not Alone 21:17 You're An Expert In Your Own Experience 23:53 Seeing Them Honestly is Not Betrayal 26:46 Channeling my Inner Student 28:42 Discovering Myself 34:46 Announcement 38:09 BigSisCasey 42:13 There Is No Box 45:48 My Hopes 49:18 Back on 4/11/2024!! --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/itsnotnormal/support

There are countless negatives that go hand in hand with being raised by a narcissist, but what if I told you that you can turn some of those negatives into positives? In this week's episode, we address things like hypervigilance and perfectionism, and talk about how toning down these survival skills so many of us were forced to develop throughout our childhood can serve us moving forward.  0:00 Intro 0:50 Survival Skills 3:04 Little Superheroes 5:15 Hypervigilance 9:17 Perfectionism 16:05 Good Judge of Character 20:14 Narcissism 26:41 Lightbulbs 30:16 Outro --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/itsnotnormal/support

The In-Between - the name I've used to describe the dark, overwhelming and directionless time that comes after you've started to realize the trauma but before you've started to heal. You're aware of the more negative behaviors you've witnessed growing up and maybe even started to mimic in your own life, you're starting to unlearn, but you don't yet feel ready to start implementing the newer, healthier behaviors you're learning, so you're left not feeling much of anything, numb. It's a scary time full of uncertainty, especially if you don't know what it is or that it has an end, and we talk all about it in this week's episode.  0:00 Intro 0:58 You Are Not An Extension of Your Parents 3:25 Manipulative Narcissistic Tactics 7:07 Power in Perspective 9:06 The In-Between 11:30 Unlearning Behaviors 17:23 Numbness/Understanding What Not To Do 23:27 The Next Step 28:39 A Relapse of Bad Behavior 30:46 Light at the End of the Tunnel 38:16 Outro --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/itsnotnormal/support

Growing up with a narcissistic parent can often feel like you're constantly being compared to the version of you your parent has created in their mind - the person you should be. It's a never-ending battle, one that you cannot win that leaves you feeling insecure, replaceable, like you alone are not worthy of unconditional love. In this week's episode, we talk all about insecurity, comparing ourselves to others and how it relates to being raised by an emotionally immature parent. 0:00 Intro 0:46 My Understanding of Insecurity 2:35 Self-Doubt 7:16 Physical and Emotional Needs 10:12 The Second Definition of Insecurity 12:29 Comparison 20:24 When Do You Let Go? 22:41 Develop Your Identity 26:07 Outro Support this channel for more content like this on PatreonEmotional but Hopeful Merch on ShopifyIt's Not Normal Podcast on YoutubeIt's Not Normal Podcast on SpotifyIt's Not Normal Podcast on Apple Podcasts Join the Conversation on TikTok All the other links here --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/itsnotnormal/support

From something as simple as putting your headphones on to the decision to go no contact, guilt is an emotion that accompanies a wide range of experiences. It's complicated and uncomfortable, especially when we start to feel guilty for doing things that are objectively pretty normal. In this week's episode, we take a look at guilt as a moral emotion and trace it back to its roots. 0:00 Intro 0:44 Guilt, Standards and the Adapted Self 6:33 My Experience with Guilt 12:28 Every Moment is an Eggshell Moment 14:18 Perfectionism and Disappointment 16:22 Lacking Self-Trust 19:07 Bringing Others In 25:19 Reflecting on my Own Behavior 27:45 Healing 29:58 Guilt is Confusing 32:13 You Get to Decide! 33:37 Outro Support this channel for more content like this on PatreonEmotional but Hopeful Merch on ShopifyIt's Not Normal Podcast on YoutubeIt's Not Normal Podcast on SpotifyIt's Not Normal Podcast on Apple Podcasts Join the Conversation on TikTok All the other links here --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/itsnotnormal/support

The smear campaign, the narcissist's attempt to tarnish your reputation, question your character, and destroy your image. Why do they do this? What tactics do they use? How should we respond? In this week's episode we'll tackle all of these questions to give you a better idea on what to do if you find yourself on the receiving end of this intense manipulation tactic, often referred to as large scale gaslighting. 0:00 Intro 0:39 What is a smear campaign? 1:11 The need for control 3:56 The image 8:28 The victim 11:28 Don't take it personally 15:35 Isolation from support system 18:22 Projection 24:02 How to respond 25:58 You can't reason with unreasonable people 30:00 Younger siblings 34:19 Stay true to yourself 35:30 Outro Support this channel for more content like this on PatreonEmotional but Hopeful Merch on ShopifyIt's Not Normal Podcast on YoutubeIt's Not Normal Podcast on SpotifyIt's Not Normal Podcast on Apple Podcasts Join the Conversation on TikTok All the other links here --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/itsnotnormal/support

The healing journey has been a constant ebb and flow of emotions. While some days, I feel like I can take on the world, others, it's hard to find the motivation to do much of anything at all. Intrusive thoughts, perfectionism and hypervigilance are just a few of the unhealthy behaviors I developed throughout my childhood that are still a part of my day-to-day life. In this week's episode, I offer up a realistic look at healing. Healing is progress, it's movement. Hope can exist alongside overwhelming emotion. Chapters 0:00 Welcoming New Additions! 2:06 A Realistic Look at Healing 4:24 Intrusive Thoughts 11:51 Being Vulnerable in a Relationship 15:16 Asking for Help 19:38 Hypervigilance 23:22 People Pleasing 28:41 Establishing Healthy Communication 33:50 Being Hypercritical of Myself Support this channel for more content like this on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/bigsiscasey Emotional but Hopeful Merch: https://emotionalbuthopeful.myshopify.com/ Check out It's Not Normal Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UcSeXcjZ04k&list=PLwPTtYn1GSUxszDBeKj97uaVSJO-v_VDN&ab_channel=It%27sNotNormal It's Not Normal Podcast on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/01wXLLBGxbbQHYQUHgZH9e It's Not Normal Podcast on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/its-not-normal/id1722371954 Join the Conversation on TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@bigsiscasey All the other links here: https://www.linktr.ee/bigsiscasey --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/itsnotnormal/support

A few weeks ago, I got an invite to be on In-Sight Exposing Narcissism - a podcast hosted by licensed psychotherapists Katie McKenna and Helen Villiers. I was thrilled to have the opportunity to speak with them and share my story. In this week's episode, I talk about what it was like speaking to mental health professionals for the first time along with some additional insight on defensiveness, enmeshment and other topics we addressed.  If you haven't already, check out Katie and Helen's podcast,  99. It's Not Normal - An interview with Casey Smith Katie McKenna: https://www.tiktok.com/@katiemckennatherapist Helen Villiers: https://www.tiktok.com/@helenvilliersma Chapters 0:57 Anticipating Negativity 4:44 Validating My Experience 10:29 Toxic Positivity 16:13 Holding My ‘No' 18:37 Breaking the Cycle 26:01 Direct Communication 27:34 Taking Responsibility --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/itsnotnormal/support

Perfectionism comes in different forms. Whether it's self, other or socially oriented, dealing with perfectionism can feel like a never ending cycle of unrealistic expectations followed by criticism and disappointment. Often a trauma response or coping mechanism, perfectionism often stems from being raised by an emotionally unskilled parent. In this week's episode, we dive into everything related to perfectionism, it's connections to narcissistic abuse and tips on how to fight it.  Chapters 0:11 Perfectionism  1:29 3 Types of Perfectionism 4:26 How It Relates to Narcissism 6:19 Conditional Love and Expectations 7:40 Perfectionism as a Coping Mechanism 9:48 ‘Overachiever'  13:36 Attachment Trauma and Unpredictability 16:24 Going Away to School 22:52 Posting on Social Media 26:00 Fighting Perfectionism --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/itsnotnormal/support

The TikTok that went viral: https://www.tiktok.com/@csmith0497/video/7284752825916132651 Expectations are one of the most damaging things to bring into relationships and experiences. So often, the expectations we carry with us can be traced back to the expectations that were placed on us throughout our lives. Letting go and living in the moment are helpful in healing. Chapters  0:00 Introduction 1:10 Where do Expectations Come From? 4:44 Hypervigilance 8:59 Going to the Beach 11:34 You're Only Doing It For Me 13:06 If You Have to Ask 16:12 Deviating from the Plan 18:45 False Sense of Urgency 23:21 I Like Dark Chocolate 25:59 Voicing What I Want 28:53 Outro --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/itsnotnormal/support

‘You cannot heal in the same environment that made you sick.' A self-protection strategy, setting boundaries in a controlling relationship dictates the behavior you are or are not willing to tolerate. Making the decision to go no contact is rarely an easy one. In this week's episode, I explore boundaries, how I discovered them and how that ultimately led to my decision to go no contact with my narcissistic parent. 0:00 Intro 0:42 What is a Boundary? 3:48 Setting My First Boundary 5:04 Navigating Boundaries After I Moved Out 7:34 My Role and Responsibilities in the Family Dynamic 11:01 You Can't Reason with Unreasonable People 12:54 The Stress of Interactions with Unresolved Trauma 14:22 Opportunities to do the Right Thing 19:29 The Emotionally Unskilled Family and the Start of my Healing Journey 22:20 My Decision to go No Contact 26:11 Tying Myself to an Uncomfortable Conversation 28:35 How Setting Boundaries Has Helped Me 29:47 The Ups and Downs of the Healing Journey 31:53 Developing My Sense of Self 32:54 Outro --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/itsnotnormal/support

Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a mental health condition in which an individual has an inflated sense of self-importance. Narcissists are extremely self-focused and approach situations from the viewpoint, ‘how does this affect me?' Competitiveness, comparison and a lack of empathy are characteristics of a narcissist that prevent them from sharing in the excitement and joy surrounding your own personal accomplishments. In this week's episode, I discuss everything from winning the science fair in elementary school to traveling the country for the first time as a young adult, the differences in the reactions and support of my narcissistic parent and how I've managed to maintain positivity and happiness around personal accomplishments. 0:00 Intro 0:44 What is Narcissism? 1:05 My Early Accomplishments 1:40 Prioritizing Myself 3:00 Contrasting Accomplishments 4:45 Realizing That I Don't Have to Wait Around 7:34 Narcissists Lack of Empathy  10:19 Starting a Business on my Own 13:17 Mocking Your Personal Achievements  17:38 Why Can't You Just Be Happy For Me? 19:50 Having Trouble Trusting Your Gut 23:18 Healthy v. Narcissistic Relationship 26:22 Speaking Negatively About Others 28:42 Recognize the Behavior 30:02 It's Not Personal 31:35 Set Boundaries  35:47 Outro --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/itsnotnormal/support

Happy Holidays! The decision to go no contact is rarely an easy one. Feelings of sadness, guilt and even isolation are common and can be especially hard to reconcile around the holidays. This year marked my first no contact Christmas, and, while it was upsetting at times to no longer be partaking in family traditions I had cherished throughout my childhood, the distance also gave me peace of mind. In this week's episode, I get into everything from how I was feeling and how I managed the more negative emotions that surfaced to how I've adjusted my expectations of the holiday season and how I plan to redefine family traditions for me! Chapters 0:00 Intro 1:17 Our Unconventional Approach to Life 5:09 Conventional Celebrations 7:00 The Value of Family Traditions 10:47 Adjusting to Changing Traditions 26:53 Misconceptions of Narcissistic Parents 29:56 Letting Go and Redefining 33:48 Optimist Based in Reality 37:37 Being Thankful for Where I Am Now 41:41 The Plan for Next Year 46:19 Outro --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/itsnotnormal/support

Growing up in a narcissistic family, you are often exposed to unhealthy behavior. Whether through observation or participation, it's not uncommon to subconsciously integrate those same toxic traits into your own life. Through recognition and forgiveness, we can unlearn these negative behaviors and redefine our life and relationships.  Chapters 0:00 Intro 0:27 Arguments 5:19 Closed Family System 8:45 My First Relationship 11:19 Red Flags 12:58 Mimicking Behavior 13:56 Direct Communication 15:37 Trust Issues 18:36 Control + Dependence 20:08 Hypervigilance 27:24 Recognition 30:08 Perspective from the Moms at Work 37:46 Willingness to Change 43:07 Starting from Zero 45:49 Numbness 49:00 Forgiving Past Version of Yourself 52:22 Outro --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/itsnotnormal/support

Control and Fostering Dependence - From my parents showing up unannounced to a concert I went to when I was 21 to hiding my keys, this week's episode gets into the narcissist's obsession with control and how fostering a sense of dependency helps them to maintain it. Chapters 0:00 Intro 0:25 My Parents Showed Up Unannounced to a Concert 5:12 A Taste of Independence 7:38 The Narcissist's Obsession with Control 9:48 Milo/My Parents Hid my Keys 12:56 Meeting Brandon 15:47 The Reaction 19:02 Control 21:52 The Paradox 22:49 Other People Don't Exist 25:02 How They Do It 31:42 Equating Love with Control 35:57 Outro --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/itsnotnormal/support

The Pressure to be Productive - Why do we feel a constant need to be doing something? On this week's episode, we address everything from conditional love to the silent treatment in explaining why children of narcissistic parents are conditioned to earn love. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/itsnotnormal/support

Let's talk about narcissistic parents sabotaging our experiences growing up.. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/itsnotnormal/support

Let's talk about generous gestures being used against you.. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/itsnotnormal/support

Let's talk about intrusive thoughts.. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/itsnotnormal/support

let's talk about living your life for someone else... --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/itsnotnormal/support

Let's talk about feeling bad for getting what you want.. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/itsnotnormal/support