Podcasts about fawning

Dr. Phil and psychologist Dr. Ingrid Clayton uncover the hidden trauma response that drives people-pleasing and how to stop abandoning yourself to feel safe.   Dr. Ingrid Clayton is a licensed clinical psychologist and bestselling author of Fawning: Why the Need to Please Makes Us Lose Ourselves — and How to Find Our Way Back. Drawing from her own journey through narcissistic abuse and decades of clinical work, Dr. Clayton reveals how chronic people-pleasing is not a personality flaw, it's a survival strategy wired into the nervous system. Together, they unpack why fawning is often rewarded, how it hides in relationships and workplaces, and what it takes to reclaim your voice and your boundaries. Featured in Oprah Daily, Psychology Today, and Women's Health, Dr. Clayton's message is both a warning and a roadmap: healing begins when you stop apologizing for existing. This episode is brought to you by Greenlight: Raise financially smart kids. Start your risk-free trial today! Visit https://Greenlight.com/phil  More About Dr. Clayton: Website: https://www.ingridclayton.com/ Insta: https://www.instagram.com/ingridclaytonphd/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@ingridclaytonphd FB: https://www.facebook.com/IngridClaytonPhD YT: https://www.youtube.com/@IngridClaytonPhD/ The Dr. Phil Podcast | Subscribe | Rate | Share: YouTube: https://bit.ly/3H3lJ8n Apple Podcasts: https://apple.co/3W76ihW Spotify: https://spoti.fi/44IhdWV Website: https://www.drphilpodcasts.com #DrPhilPodcast #DrPhil #IngridClayton #Fawning #TraumaHealing #PeoplePleasing #ComplexTrauma #MentalHealthAwareness #Boundaries #EmotionalRecovery #NervousSystemHealing #CPTSD #SelfWorth #PsychologyToday #OprahDaily #WomenEmpowerment

We've all heard of “fight, flight, freeze,” but there's a fourth survival instinct that's harder to spot. “Fawning” can look like people-pleasing, and it's often applauded in society. But over time, it can wear down your ability to feel safe when someone close to you feels unhappy, disappointed or upset. And it can lead to overly focusing on what other people think, instead of being in-tune with yourself.  So how do you know when you're fawning? Today's guest, psychotherapist Meg Josephson suggests asking yourself, “Am I abandoning myself to keep the peace?” In her conversation with Leah, Meg explains where the fawn response comes from, how it can impact your relationships and day-to-day life, and solutions for how to deal with it in different contexts.  Order Meg's book Are You Mad at Me? How to Stop Focusing on What Others Think and Start Living for You here.  Follow Leah Smart and Meg Josephson on LinkedIn. 

In this episode of the Abundance Hack Podcast, I share how my nervous system found deeper regulation when I started distancing myself from ambivalent relationships and connections. When you're in connections where you have to walk on eggshells, shrink yourself, or perform just to feel safe, your body lives in fight, flight, freeze, or more often, fawn. Fawning is when we shrink, shift, and appease to be liked, accepted or to avoid rejection. I'll share my personal journey of realizing how these dynamics kept me in hypervigilance, how I learned to recognize ambivalence in relationships (when words and actions don't align, or when “support” feels condescending or competitive), and how choosing distance created space for my intuition, authenticity, and nervous system healing. You'll also hear why inner work alone isn't enough if you're still in environments that keep you on edge, and how grounding relationships, the ones where you can be fully yourself, messy and all, are essential for nervous system safety and true abundance. Mentions in the episode-  •Inner Alarm Podcast Episode https://open.spotify.com/episode/1gqQbQr3V76fbMuJzdi73w?si=ChpZltQrT-G4UDRmnosLgQ •Inner Circle Journal Prompts Want to go deeper? Inside the Healthy Love Healing App, you'll find Inner Circle Journal Prompts designed to help you get intentional about who you surround yourself with and where you invest your time and energy. The people closest to us shape our future. Download the app, enroll in the EMPOWER membership, and look for the section called Inner Circle to start aligning with connections that feel safe, supported, and authentic. Follow me on Instagram @Niajae https://www.instagram.com/niajae/  

On the surface, you may look like the model employee, partner, or friend: always dependable, always agreeable. But beneath the surface, you may be carrying a lifetime of survival strategies that keep you invisible in your own life. This is the story Dr. Ingrid Clayton knows both personally and professionally, and it's the story she helps so many of us begin to rewrite. Dr. Ingrid Clayton is a licensed clinical psychologist with advanced degrees in transpersonal and clinical psychology. She has maintained a thriving private practice for more than fifteen years and writes the popular Psychology Today blog, Emotional Sobriety, which has been read by over a million people. Her latest book, FAWNING: Why the Need to Please Makes Us Lose Ourselves—and How to Find Our Way Back, unpacks the subtle but profound ways we abandon ourselves by prioritizing others' approval. In our conversation, Ingrid reflects on her own experience as a childhood trauma survivor and how it revealed the fawning response: the instinct to please and appease in order to stay safe. Unlike fight, flight, or freeze, fawning resembles caretaking, compliance, and endless yeses, but it often leaves us feeling resentful and disconnected from our own needs. She explains how this adaptation becomes ingrained in the nervous system, how it shapes our relationships and careers, and why breaking the cycle can feel like stepping into the firing line. Yet within that discomfort lies the path to healing. Ingrid offers tangible practices for reclaiming your agency: pausing before you agree, noticing where resentment signals self-abandonment, and daring to let your voice be heard even when it shakes. Listen in to discover how to stop surviving on others' terms and begin living on your own!   Key Highlights From This Episode: An introduction to Dr. Ingrid Clayton and her new book on fawning. [02:17] Ingrid's personal story of childhood trauma and survival. [04:40] Defining the fawning response and how it differs from fight, flight, or freeze. [06:19] The spectrum of trauma responses and how conditioning reinforces fawning. [12:16] Signs of an ongoing fawning trauma response and why conflict feels unsafe. [15:02] How fawning embeds in the nervous system and what it takes to heal. [19:59] What happens in the body during the fawning trauma response. [22:22] Fawning behaviors and skills, where they originate, and why they're so common. [26:43] Practical grounding tools to restore safety through your body, senses, and curiosity. [32:05] How to get in touch with a psychologist in your area and find Dr. Clayton online. [37:50] For More Information: Dr. Ingrid Clayton Dr. Ingrid Clayton on Instagram Dr. Ingrid Clayton on Facebook Dr. Ingrid Clayton on YouTube Dr. Ingrid Clayton on TikTok   Links Mentioned in Today's Episode: Check out Dr. Ingrid Clayton's new book FAWNING: Why the Need to Please Makes Us Lose Ourselves—and How to Find Our Way Back, and her Emotional Sobriety blog. Explore Dr. Clayton's other titles, Believing Me: Healing from Narcissistic Abuse and Complex Trauma, and Recovering Spirituality: Achieving Emotional Sobriety in Your Spiritual Practice. Listen to Kathy's interview with Andre Sólo, Being Highly Sensitive Is a Superpower — Embrace and Leverage it. Read more about trauma and the nervous system in The Body Keeps the Score. Find a psychologist in your area with Psychology Today's nationwide directory   ——————— Join Kathy starting October 15, 2025, in her brand new monthly “The Most Powerful You” Group Coaching Program! Over the years, many graduates of my courses and readers of my books and articles, and other professionals have told me: “I wish there were a way to keep my momentum going — with supportive guidance, community, and accountability all year long.”   This program is the answer to that wish. Beginning October 15th, 2025, you'll meet monthly online in a small, global group for 12 months of live 60-minute coaching calls where you'll: Celebrate wins and breakthroughs Bring real-life challenges for direct support and guidance Revisit and apply core success and growth principles from my courses, articles, and 500+ interviews with top experts Learn from peers, insights, and encouragement Sort through key decisions in front of you Leave with clear, actionable steps to move you forward fast in your life and career You'll also get: A private Facebook group for ongoing support Call recordings if you miss a session Exclusive perks (with upfront payment), including additional curated resources, free access to Kathy Caprino AI, LinkedIn support, and two private coaching calls with me This is a space for professionals who are ready to grow their confidence, impact, and fulfillment — with consistent and uplifting support all year long.

What if your life was meant to feel good? I don’t mean that in a “if you can dream it, you can do it!” kind of a way as much as I mean… what if your life—as it is—was meant to be pleasurable? What if you could learn to slow down enough to see every single day, every breath, every new opportunity, every inconvenience, every hiccup, even every heartbreak as an absolutely gripping reminder that you get to be here and to experience this? If you’re like me, it’s not always easy to get there. But I think it’s worth a try, don’t you? Come along with me on today’s episode where I discuss this very topic and invite you to practice with me: going slow and finding pleasure in everything. The two books I mention are below: Fawning by Dr Ingrid Clayton (Link HERE) A Rebellion of Care by David Gate (Link HERE) Host: Ally Fallon // @allyfallon // allisonfallon.comFollow Ally on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/allyfallon/See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

"Fed Up With Your Job" by Stereolab from Fed Up With Your Job; "The Year of the Rabbit" by Tim Barnes featuring Alan Licht, Tara Jane O'Neil, Ken Vandermark from Lost Words; "Milestones" by GIFT from Illuminator; "Ashes That Made the Shape of My Dreams" by metra.vestlud from Ashes That Made the Shape of My Dreams; "Synesthesia" by Edapollo from Foreign Family Collective, Vol 3; "Prelude for the Hollow" by Endon from Fall of Spring; "All I Have" by Fawning from Illusions of Control; "12 C" by Whatever the Weather from Whatever the Weather II; "Secret City" by Kieran Hebden and William Tyler from 41 Longfield Street Late '80s; "A New Dream" by Daniel Davies from Soeurs De Glisse OST; "Lodestone" by Ex Easter Island Head from Norther.

In this episode Cath shares an anecdote from her own life about how something her kids wanted to do triggered shame and the desire to people please and what happened. She talks about people pleasing and fawning and the actual nature of people pleasing and what it is really about. If you're enjoying this podcast. Please leave a review and rate the podcast, this really helps others to find it.To sign up for the journal prompts and Nurture.Heal.Grow (on Substack) please head to www.cathcounihan.com or @cathcounihan on Instagram. Follow Cath on social media here:Instagram: @cathcounihanSubstack: Nurture.Heal.GrowFacebook: Cath Counihan Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Warum lächelt sie obwohl sie gerade belästigt wird? Warum kooperieren Opfer bei Geiselnahmen oder Kidnapping? Warum bleiben manche Menschen viel zu lange in gewaltvollen Beziehungen? Das sind Fragen, die in der Forschung zu Coping, Traumareaktionen und Gewaltbeziehungen seit Jahren diskutiert werden und wir wollen das Ganze mal für euch einordnen. Diese Podcastfolge beleuchtet die psychologischen Überlebensstrategien, die in akuten und dauerhaften Gewaltsituationen greifen: von Appeasement-Strategien und dem viel diskutierten Fawning bis hin zum komplexen Phänomen des Trauma Bondings. **Quellen:** Bailey, B. et al. (2023): Appeasement: replacing Stockholm syndrome as a definition of a survival strategy, European Journal of Psychotraumatology, 14:1, 2161038, DOI: 10.1080/20008066.2022.2161038 Cantor and Price (2007) Carnes, P. J. (1997). The Betrayal Bond: Breaking free of exploitive relationships. Deerfield Beach, FL: Health Communications. Dutton, D. G., & Painter, S. (1981). Traumatic bonding: The development of emotional attachments in battered women and other relationships of intermittent abuse. Victimology, 6(1–4), 139–155. Dutton, D. G. & Painter, S. (1993). Emotional attachments in abusive relationships: a test of traumatic bonding theory. In: Violence and Victims. Band 8, Nr. 2, 1993, S. 105–120. Fonseca, N. de Q. L., & Oliveira, B. Q. de. (2021). Bindungstrauma: Konzepte, Ursachen und Mechanismen in intimen Beziehungen. Zenodo. Gilbert, P. (2000). The relationship of shame, social anxiety and depression: The role of the evaluation of social rank. Clinical Psychology & Psychotherapy, 7(3), 174–189. Gilligan, C. (1982). In a different voice: Psychological theory and women's development. Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press. Newton, J. R. (2016). Appeasement: A behavioral strategy for survival in human and nonhuman primates. Behavioral and Brain Sciences, 39, e216. https://doi.org/10.1017/S0140525X15002364 Porges, S. W. (2001). The polyvagal theory: Phylogenetic substrates of a social nervous system. International Journal of Psychophysiology, 42(2), 123–146. Ridgeway, C. L. (2011). Framed by gender: How gender inequality persists in the modern world. Oxford, UK: Oxford University Press. Stockinger, L. (2023). Qualitative Untersuchung von Resilienz bei Dual-Trauma Couples (Masterarbeit, Universität Wien). Universität Wien. Walker, P. (2013). Complex PTSD: From surviving to thriving. Lafayette, CA: Azure Coyote. Walkup, M. (2008). Fawning: Trauma response and the “appease” reaction. In C. R. Figley (Ed.), Encyclopedia of Trauma (pp. 263–265). Thousand Oaks, CA: SAGE. Wood, J. T. (2013). Gendered lives: Communication, gender, and culture (10th ed.). Boston, MA: Cengage Learning. World Health Organization. (2012). Understanding and addressing violence against women. Geneva, Switzerland: World Health Organization.

Coming up on this episode of Flirtations, we welcome Dr. Ingrid Clayton to the show! Dr. Clayton is a clinical psychologist, speaker, and author of the brand-new book Fawning: Why the Need to Please Makes Us Lose Ourselves and How to Find Our Way Back. If you've ever found yourself people-pleasing, over-accommodating, or twisting into knots to keep the peace in dating and relationships, this episode is for you.  Fawning is known as the ‘fourth trauma response'—alongside fight, flight, and freeze—and it's one that often flies under the radar. It can look like kindness or care, but at its core, it's a survival strategy that leads to self-abandonment. In this conversation, we'll unpack what fawning really is, how it shows up in dating and relationships, the cost of constantly prioritizing others and—most importantly—how to begin the healing journey so you can show up in dating without losing yourself. Along the way, we'll also get into how fawning is different from people pleasing and masking, what happens in the body during a trauma, and strategies for reclaiming the self. This one is about understanding the roots of the most overlooked trauma response and carving a path forward for healing.  Alright Flirties, let's do this, and meet Dr. Ingrid Clayton! Don't forget to subscribe, rate, and review Flirtations on your favorite podcast platform, and share this episode to spread BFE - big flirt energy, all over the world! Enjoying the show and want to support my work? Buy the Flirt Coach a coffee! Take the FREE Flirt Styles Quiz Get INSTANT ACCESS to my anti-anxiety flirting and dating guide Download my FLIRTING AND TEXTING CONVERSATION GUIDE Grab my FREE Dating App Survival handbook Book your 1:1 Flirting Audit Ask the Flirt Coach About our guest:  Dr. Ingrid Clayton is a clinical psychologist with a Master's in transpersonal psychology and a PhD in clinical psychology. She is an author whose groundbreaking work explores complex trauma and the fawn response. With over two decades of clinical experience, Ingrid blends personal narrative, psychological research, and cultural insight to offer a fresh, de- shaming perspective on healing. Her work integrates trauma-informed modalities like Somatic Experiencing, EMDR, and other nervous system–oriented practices that support real, embodied transformation. She believes healing happens in relationship, and the heart of her practice has always been real connection and collaboration. Ingrid's work has been featured in Psychology Today, Oprah Daily, Women's Health and more. Her memoir, Believing Me: Healing from Narcissistic Abuse and Complex Trauma, has resonated with thousands of readers for its honesty, humor, and heart.  Fawning:  Why the Need to Please Makes Us Lose Ourselves -- and How to Find Our Way Back Website, Instagram, YouTube About your host:  Benjamin is a flirt and dating coach sharing his love of flirting and BFE - big flirt energy - with the world! A lifelong introvert and socially anxious member of society, Benjamin now helps singles and daters alike flirt with more confidence, clarity, and fun! As the flirt is all about connection, Benjamin helps the flirt community (the Flirties!) date from a place that allows the value of connection in all forms - platonic, romantic, and with the self - to take center stage. Ultimately, this practice of connection helps flirters and daters alike create stronger relationships, transcend limiting beliefs, and develop an unwavering love for the self. His work has been featured in Fortune, NBC News, The Huffington Post, Men's Health, and Yoga Journal. You can connect with Benjamin on Instagram, TikTok, watch on YouTube, and stream the Flirtations Flirtcast everywhere you listen to podcasts (like right here!), and find out more about working together 1:1 here.

In this powerful episode of Mental Health News Radio, host Kristin Sunanta Walker sits down with Dr. Stephanie Holmes—counselor, author, and advocate—for an intimate look at the overlooked experiences of women on the autism spectrum. Stephanie shares her family's multi-layered journey with neurodivergence, from her daughter's diagnosis more than 20 years ago to her husband's and her own later discoveries. She and Kristin dive into:Why so many women go undiagnosed or misdiagnosed for decades.The unique pressures of masking, fawning, and being “too much” in a world that wasn't built for autistic women.How late diagnosis transforms identity, relationships, and self-acceptance.Stephanie's books, including Embracing the Autism Spectrum: Finding Hope and Joy Navigating the Neurodiverse Family Journey and Uniquely Us: Navigating the Maze of Neurodiverse Marriage.Her current work amplifying autistic voices in education and research.Connect with Dr. Stephanie Holmes:Website: https://www.holmesasr.comNeurodiverse Christian Marriage: https://www.christianneurodiversemarriage.comBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/mental-health-news-radio--3082057/support.

If you have ever found yourself dealing with a threatening person, and instead of fleeing them, you flattered – that's called fawning. Psychologist Ingrid Clayton on the psychology behind this self-preservation strategy.

Whitney Goodman interviews Dr. Ingrid Clayton about her new book "Fawning: Why the Need to Please Makes Us Lose Ourselves and How to Find Our Way Back." They explore fawning as the fourth trauma response, how it differs from people-pleasing and codependency, why children and marginalized people develop this survival strategy, and how it can masquerade as success while leading to complete self-abandonment. Fawning: Why the Need to Please Makes Us Lose Ourselves-and How to Find Our Way Backhttps://www.ingridclayton.com/ Whitney Goodman is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) and the founder of Calling Home, a membership community that helps people navigate complex family dynamics and break harmful cycles. Join the Family Cyclebreakers Club⁠⁠ Follow Whitney on Instagram | sitwithwhit Follow Whitney on YouTube | @whitneygoodmanlmft ⁠⁠Order Whitney's book, Toxic Positivity⁠⁠ This podcast is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute  for professional mental health advice. 00:00 Dr. Clayton's Discovery of Fawning Through Her Own Trauma 04:26 Why Fawning Isn't About Shame - It's About Survival 09:00 How to Recognize Fawning in Your Own Life 12:16 The Connection Between Fawning and Family Estrangement 19:49 Fawning vs. People-Pleasing vs. Codependency 22:13 When Fawning Looks Like Success 27:46 Growing Out of the Fawning Response Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

We've all heard of fight, flight, and freeze, but what about the fourth F of trauma responses? It's called fawning and we have Dr. Ingrid Clayon join us to discuss what it looks like (leaning in even when you're uncomfortable, needing to please), why we fawn in childhood, relationships, the workplace, etc., and how to break these patterns. We discuss how fawning compares and contrasts to people pleasing, and how fawners have trouble finding healthy relationships, saying no, recognizing their own anxiety, and being honest in therapy. And Ingrid offers advice for getting curious about the trauma responses that could be holding you back, recognizing and not sabotaging healthy partners, and speaking up when you don't like something. Before Ingrid joins us, we have a SHOW ANNOUNCEMENT, Ashley gives a family/health update, and Rayna is making new friends. Enjoy!  Follow Ingrid on Instagram at @ingridclaytonphd and get her book Fawning. Follow us on Instagram @girlsgottaeatpodcast, Ashley @ashhess, and Rayna @rayna.greenberg. Visit girlsgottaeat.com for more. Thank you to our partners this week: Function: Our first 1000 listeners get a $100 credit toward your membership at https://functionhealth.com/gge or use code GGE100. Smart Mouth: Get a special discount on your next SmartMouth purchase at www.smartmouth.com/gge. ZBiotics: Get 15% off your first order at https://zbiotics.com/gge with code GGE. Rocket Money: Cancel your unwanted subscriptions at https://rocketmoney.com/gge. Saks Fifth Avenue: Head to Saks Fifth Avenue or saks.com for inspiring ways to elevate your personal style. AG1: Get a free frother with your first purchase of AGZ at https://drinkagi.com/gge.

Davina McCall, one of TV's most popular presenters has a new book out, Birthing, co-written with the midwife, Marley Henry. Davina joined Anita Rani to talk about her stellar career so far, including hosting Big Brother for 10 years, campaigning for better menopause care and building a fitness empire. What makes her tick? And what drives her forward to clear hurdles such as an usual childhood, drug addiction and most recently, brain surgery for a benign tumour that she nicknamed Jeffrey?As the 50th anniversary of Papua New Guinea's independence from Australia approaches later this month, we hear why the country is currently one of the most dangerous places in the world to be a woman. Two-thirds of women in PNG have experienced some form of sexual violence in their lifetime, which is almost twice the global average. Nuala McGovern was joined by Tahina Booth, a former elite athlete and founder of Grass Skirt Project who is trying to break the cycle of gender-based violence through sport and Joku Hennah, a journalist and activist.Jung Chang's Wild Swans, the epic family memoir that followed the lives of Jung, her mother and grandmother through China's 20th century, was banned in mainland China, but was a smash hit worldwide upon publication in 1991. Now Jung's sequel, Fly, Wild Swans, brings her family's story up to date and she joined Nuala to talk about its themes. We've all heard of the fight or flight response in the face of danger, but there's also freeze, and then there's fawn, also known as people pleasing, or appeasing. Clinical psychologist Dr Ingrid Clayton has written about this in her new book, Fawning - Why the Need to Please Makes Us Lose Ourselves and How to Find our Way Back. Nuala spoke to Ingrid about her own experiences that made her want to help others overcome this form of trauma response and what fawning looks like in practice.In 2023 Sophie Ellis-Bextor's Murder on the Dancefloor went viral on TikTok after Emerald Fennell used it in a key scene in the film, Saltburn. That resurgence, along with her popular Kitchen Discos that got lots of us through the Covid lockdown set the scene for her new album, Perimenopop, which is released tomorrow, a celebration of womanhood in middle age. Sophie joined Anita in the Woman's Hour studio.Presenter: Anita Rani Producer: Annette Wells Editor: Rebecca Myatt

If you've ever felt like you're the one who keeps the peace, says yes to everything, earns the gold stars, and never wants to disappoint anyone—even when it means abandoning yourself—this episode is for you. There's a name for that pattern, and it's not “being nice” or “just how you are.” It's called fawning. Fawning is a trauma response—right alongside fight, flight, or freeze—where you people-please, appease, or perform to keep yourself safe in relationships. It's the “please and appease” reflex: managing the emotions and needs of everyone around you to avoid conflict, rejection, or harm. And for so many high-achieving women, it can look like success… while quietly draining your mental health, your self-trust, and your sense of who you really are. I asked Dr. Ingrid Clayton, psychologist and author of the new book Fawning: Why the Need to Please Makes Us Lose Ourselves and How to Find Our Way Back, to share how to recognize the fawning trauma response, why high-achieving women are especially vulnerable to it, and practical tools to help you set boundaries, manage anxiety, and reconnect with yourself—without numbing out with alcohol. For the full shownotes, kindly go to this podcast episode link: https://hellosomedaycoaching.com/are-you-being-nice-or-stuck-in-the-fawning-trauma-response/ 4 Ways I Can Support You In Drinking Less + Living More Join The Sobriety Starter Kit, the only sober coaching course designed specifically for busy women. My proven, step-by-step sober coaching program will teach you exactly how to stop drinking  — and how to make it the best decision of your life. Save your seat in my FREE MASTERCLASS, 5 Secrets To Successfully Take a Break From Drinking  Grab the Free 30-Day Guide To Quitting Drinking, 30 Tips For Your First Month Alcohol-Free. Connect with me for free sober coaching tips, updates + videos on YouTube, Instagram, Facebook, Pinterest and TikTok @hellosomedaysober. Love The Podcast and Want To Say Thanks? ☕ Buy me a coffee! In the true spirit of Seattle, coffee is my love language. So if you want to support the hours that go into creating this show each week, click this link to buy me a coffee and I'll run to the nearest Starbucks + lift a Venti Almond Milk Latte and toast to you! https://www.buymeacoffee.com/hellosomeday 

Suppressing your own needs for others' validation can lead to trouble in the workplace. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

In this episode, Patrick sits down with Dr. Ingrid Clayton to unpack fawning, the often-missed, deeply relational trauma response: why “people-pleasing” isn't what it seems, how power dynamics shape it, and first steps toward taking up space—without turning into someone you're not.Order your copy of Fawning: Why the Need to Please Makes Us Lose Ourselves—and How to Find Our Way Back today!ORDER HEREJoin the Monthly Healing Community Membership

Ingrid Clayton is a licensed clinical psychologist with a master's in transpersonal psychology and a Ph.D. in clinical psychology. She's had a thriving private practice for over fifteen years and is a regular contributor to Psychology Today where her blog, “Emotional Sobriety,” has received more than 1 million views. She is the author of FAWNING: Why the Need to Please Makes Us Lose Ourselves—And How to Find Our Way Back.   Follow her: https://www.ingridclayton.com/ https://www.instagram.com/ingridclaytonphd https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/779579/fawning-by-dr-ingrid-clayton/ Additional Resources:

In this episode, meet clinical psychologist Dr. Ingrid Clayton, writer Carla Ciccone, and writer Sam Sussman. Tune in to hear about the personal experiences that inspired each of these authors to write their books, and what it was like to record their audiobooks. Plus, learn how sneakily difficult it is to pronounce the word “onions.” Fawning by Dr. Ingrid Clayton https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/779579/fawning-by-dr-ingrid-clayton/9798217160617/ Nowhere Girl by Carla Ciccone https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/735723/nowhere-girl-by-carla-ciccone/9780593950074/ Boy From the North Country by Sam Sussman https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/776752/boy-from-the-north-country-by-sam-sussman/9798217163625/

We all have a primary pattern of dealing with relational conflict. There are a scant few, in my experience, who do it with health and peace. The rest tend to fall into what psychologists have labeled, Fight, Flight, or Freeze tendencies. I'm not a fighter, and viewed myself as generally freezing in the moment of conflict, masked by thinking I was just being cool and calm, waiting for it to just end so I could take flight and remove myself. I thought I was valiant for my lack of fighting. Righteous and unshakable. And I thought I was protecting everyone, myself included. I did whatever it took to, choose your word: appease, placate, tolerate, or put up with. What I realize now is I was just being dishonest to myself and everyone, and while I thought I was being strong, I now view it as being incredibly weak. Again, dishonest. And what was really happening is I grew bitter and was slowly building walls with each brick of appeasing. The new term for this and what I now relate to, is Fawning. And this is the podcast today. I sat down with Dr. Ingrid Clayton who is a licensed clinical psychologist with a master's in transpersonal psychology and a Ph.D. in clinical psychology.  She's had a thriving private practice for more than sixteen years and is a regular contributor to Psychology Today, where her blog “Emotional Sobriety” has had more than a million views. She has now come out with the first ever, commercial book on this concept of fawning, it's titled, FAWNING: Why the Need to Please Makes Us Lose Ourselves—and How to Find our Way Back. Fawning is a hallmark of codependency, and often occurs when we can't fight or flee because we have to remain in relationship with the person or situation we are struggling with. It is highly relevant to why we stay in bad jobs, fall into unhealthy partnerships, and tolerate dysfunctional environments, even when it seems obvious to others we should go or take drastic steps to try and correct things. Ingrid says fawning can serve a purpose as an emergency adaptive strategy that protects us from losing connection with people we depend on, but it becomes a real problem when it turns from the emergency coping mechanism to compulsory in our day to day lives. The good news of course is we can break the pattern of chronic fawning once we see the trauma response for what it is. I was incredibly excited to talk with Ingrid and this conversation proved invaluable for me. I hope it will be for you as well, as my feeling is that most of us suffer from aspects of fawning in certain relationships and circumstances in our lives. Connect with Ingrid on IG @ingridclaytonphd and find the new book Fawning that is hitting bookstores now. Coming up next, my conversation with Dr Ingrid Clayton on the pervasiveness of Fawning and how to get out of this insidious trauma response. Sign up for your $1/month trial period at shopify.com/kevin Go to shipstation.com and use code KEVIN to start your free trial Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Have you ever heard the reference to, "a seat at the table"? As in, "everyone deserves a seat at the table"? Camille and Luis riff on how they feel about "the table". They. Don't. Need. Your. Table. Luis wasn't allowed into spaces to spread his work because of how he looked, so he built his own HLN-shaped table. If we are constantly searching for a table to belong to we are always in a co-dependent state (that most of us were modeled as children). Fawning and controlling might get us a temporary seat, but at what cost to our nervous systems? Co-regulation through connection leads to truly belonging to oneself, not needing the proverbial table. When we truly belong to ourselves we can relate to others as they are, rather than as we want or expect them to be. We can love people and not have to (co-dependently) need them. Healthy relationships are made of clear communication, boundaries, desires, and preferences. From that place of clarity we can choose what part of ourselves we want to make decisions from.Even if you can't feel it yet, you exist, and therefore you belong. You can find the podcasts Luis mentioned in the episode here:[Ep. 49] The Spiritual & Somatic Practice of Decolonizing Ourselves | Dr. Amber McZeal [Ep. 271] Live Seasonally: Prevent Burnout w/ Camille LeakInto Healing with Mira KaddouraYou can register for the FREE Food Therapy session here: https://www.holisticlifenavigation.com/events/food-therapy-supporting-adhd-with-nutrition Sign up for our 6-month Embodied Relationships group, beginning in October: https://www.holisticlifenavigation.com/relationship-group You can read more about, and register for, the live 7-week foundational course here: https://www.holisticlifenavigation.com/course----You can learn more on the website: https://www.holisticlifenavigation.com/ Learn more about the self-led course here: https://www.holisticlifenavigation.com/self-led-new Join the waitlist to pre-order Luis' book here: https://www.holisticlifenavigation.com/the-book You can follow Luis on Instagram @holistic.life.navigationQuestions? You can email us at info@holisticlifenavigation.com

Brad and Lesley break down the interview with Dr. Celeste Holbrook, a sex educator and author who helps people move beyond shame and create healthy intimacy. They explore how harmful cultural narratives impact women, why communication matters more than technique, and how to reclaim your sexual choices as your own.If you have any questions about this episode or want to get some of the resources we mentioned, head over to LesleyLogan.co/podcast. If you have any comments or questions about the Be It pod shoot us a message at beit@lesleylogan.co .And as always, if you're enjoying the show please share it with someone who you think would enjoy it as well. It is your continued support that will help us continue to help others. Thank you so much! Never miss another show by subscribing at LesleyLogan.co/subscribe.In this episode you will learn about:How to make your own Pilates sandbag and what size cord works best.The impact of purity culture on women's sexual experiences.Why sex isn't static and how it evolves as you mature.The people-pleasing responses that block real connection.Dr. Celeste's four-part guide to heal any sexual challenges.The importance of prioritizing oneself and going at one's own pace.Episode References/Links:UK Mullet Tour - https://opc.me/ukP.O.T. Chicago 2025 - https://pilates.com/pilates-on-tour-chicagolandCambodia October 2025 Waitlist - https://crowsnestretreats.comWinter Tour Waitlist - https://opc.me/eventsHow to Make Your Own Pilates Sandbag - https://www.youtube.com/live/tn4yUcEQnnMSubmit your wins or questions - https://beitpod.com/questionsMissionary Position: A Slightly Irreverent Guide to Sex After Purity Culture by Dr. Celeste Holbrook - https://a.co/d/3UimUKxI Kissed Dating Goodbye by Joshua Harris - https://a.co/d/38uINCkI Survived I Kissed Dating Goodbye Documentary - https://streamable.com/1ldz9cEpisode 202: Jake Kelfer - https://beitpod.com/jakekelferIf you have any questions about this episode or want to get some of the resources we mentioned, head over to LesleyLogan.co/podcast https://lesleylogan.co/podcast/. If you have any comments or questions about the Be It pod shoot us a message at beit@lesleylogan.co mailto:beit@lesleylogan.co. And as always, if you're enjoying the show please share it with someone who you think would enjoy it as well. It is your continued support that will help us continue to help others. Thank you so much! Never miss another show by subscribing at LesleyLogan.co/subscribe https://lesleylogan.co/podcast/#follow-subscribe-free. If you enjoyed this episode, make sure and give us a five star rating and leave us a review on iTunes, Podcast Addict, Podchaser or Castbox. https://lovethepodcast.com/BITYSIDEALS! DEALS! DEALS! DEALS! https://onlinepilatesclasses.com/memberships/perks/#equipmentCheck out all our Preferred Vendors & Special Deals from Clair Sparrow, Sensate, Lyfefuel BeeKeeper's Naturals, Sauna Space, HigherDose, AG1 and ToeSox https://onlinepilatesclasses.com/memberships/perks/#equipmentBe in the know with all the workshops at OPC https://workshops.onlinepilatesclasses.com/lp-workshop-waitlistBe It Till You See It Podcast Survey https://pod.lesleylogan.co/be-it-podcasts-surveyBe a part of Lesley's Pilates Mentorship https://lesleylogan.co/elevate/FREE Ditching Busy Webinar https://ditchingbusy.com/Resources:Watch the Be It Till You See It podcast on YouTube! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCq08HES7xLMvVa3Fy5DR8-gLesley Logan website https://lesleylogan.co/Be It Till You See It Podcast https://lesleylogan.co/podcast/Online Pilates Classes by Lesley Logan https://onlinepilatesclasses.com/Online Pilates Classes by Lesley Logan on YouTube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCjogqXLnfyhS5VlU4rdzlnQProfitable Pilates https://profitablepilates.com/about/Follow Us on Social Media:Instagram https://www.instagram.com/lesley.logan/The Be It Till You See It Podcast YouTube channel https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCq08HES7xLMvVa3Fy5DR8-gFacebook https://www.facebook.com/llogan.pilatesLinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/lesley-logan/The OPC YouTube Channel https://www.youtube.com/@OnlinePilatesClasses Episode Transcript:Brad Crowell 0:00  People who came from the culture that she did, which was like raised in a super, super strict religious home in purity culture, and so when she got married, she, for, like, it wasn't like, you can't just flip a switch, right? So she was like sex is bad, sex is bad, sex is bad, sex is bad. And then she gets married, and all of a sudden, sex is good. Lesley Logan 0:19  Welcome to the Be It Till You See It podcast where we talk about taking messy action, knowing that perfect is boring. I'm Lesley Logan, Pilates instructor and fitness business coach. I've trained thousands of people around the world and the number one thing I see stopping people from achieving anything is self-doubt. My friends, action brings clarity and it's the antidote to fear. Each week, my guest will bring bold, executable, intrinsic and targeted steps that you can use to put yourself first and Be It Till You See It. It's a practice, not a perfect. Let's get started. Lesley Logan 1:02  Welcome back to the Be It Till You See It interview recap where my co-host in life, Brad, and I are going to dig into the freeing convo I had with Dr. Celeste Holbrook in our last episode. If you haven't yet listened to that interview, feel free to pause this now and then listen to it, and then come back and join us here. I'm gonna tell you right now. We talked about sex, baby. So you're gonna wanna listen to it. I also have her book. I'm so excited about it. We talked about a lot of stuff it. We went all places. Yeah, we didn't really talk about positions or things like that. We just, like talked about the things that people don't talk about.Brad Crowell 1:36  Actually, you know what you talked about more than anything else, was communication.Lesley Logan 1:39  Yeah, oh, yeah, we did. Oh, and, you know, what's really interesting, her book is so timely at the time we're recording this in my fucking Instagram feed, some stupid man decided to talk about stinky coochies. Oh, yeah. And your coochie needs to be Christian if you don't want your husband to cheat on you. The fucking bullshit that people lie to women about. Lie, just bold face fucking lie. Brad Crowell 2:05  There's no such thing as a Christian coochie Go fuck yourself. That is insane. Lesley Logan 2:09  It also, also, also, I don't care what you believe, it is never your fucking fault if someone cheats on you, it's never your fault. It's always about them. There's something going on there. It's not your fault. Period.Brad Crowell 2:24  Yeah, I was incensed after watching that video. And there's a special place in hell for that pastor.Lesley Logan 2:30  Yeah, there really is. And then I just listened to an interview about some girls who were, like, raised in a purity culture, and I forgot, I had forgotten a lot of the shit that I was, like, told and now and then I read, I've been reading her book, and it's like, holy fuck. It's a wonder, it's a wonder women anywhere are having actual sex that's not painful. So anyways, go read her book. Go listen to that episode. We're gonna talk about some good stuff in a second. I promise. I promise. I do think that the world does get better at some point. I do. I do. I have to believe in that. Lesley Logan 3:00  Today is September 4th 2025 and it is National Wildlife Day. And on National Wildlife Day, hold on, I pulled up, oh. Brad Crowell 3:11  America marks National Wildlife day every year. Lesley Logan 3:14  No, no, no. Don't take this away from me. Brad Crowell 3:16  On September 4th. Lesley Logan 3:17  It's an opportunity for everyone to step back, take a deep breath and think about all that surrounds us. It is inspiring to consider preservation and conservation efforts that work to improve in the natural world, there remains so much to learn, as Henry David Thoreau once wrote, "In wildness is the preservation of the world." Okay, but we couldn't agree more, so let's take a closer look at this day. Yeah, go spend some time out in a preserve near you. We have a preserve near us. Brad Crowell 3:50  We do, it's really close. Lesley Logan 3:51  We actually have the wetlands. And then if we go up two hours, is a really cool preserve we can go camping at, people go fishing at, there's a fucking lake. Brad Crowell 3:58  There's one lake right here, like, a couple blocks from us. Lesley Logan 4:01  Oh, there is another preserve. Brad Crowell 4:02  Yeah, like, literally in the city, this preserve. Yeah.Lesley Logan 4:04  Yeah, yeah, yeah. So go find a preserve near you. You know, I know people like to get mad about the coyotes or the mountain lions that live there. They were there first, so take that in. And second, like it's, there's just something like, it's kind of cool that the way this wildlife that we live and go to a zoo. I mean, make sure it's a good one. But like, take it in, take in the wildlife. Because one, it's going away and. Brad Crowell 4:04  I think the zoo would be the opposite of wildlife.Lesley Logan 4:30  Okay, maybe. But I bet you, I bet you, some of them donate to wildlife. Maybe. Brad Crowell 4:35  I'm, you know. Lesley Logan 4:36  Go camping. Brad Crowell 4:36  They can be well intentioned. Lesley Logan 4:38  So what do you want them to do? Go camping? Brad Crowell 4:40  Yeah, go camping. Lesley Logan 4:41  This wasn't very clear. So I guess take a moment to consider how you're going to preserve the wildlife near you and conserve efforts, like your conservation efforts. You know, can you stop putting plastic straws near you know, water, like the ocean and things like that. The turtles are choking, you guys, so. Brad Crowell 5:02  Yeah, let's not choke any turtles. Lesley Logan 5:04  No, it's so sad, it' so sad. I can't watch those things. So anyway.Brad Crowell 5:07  Our neighbor has a tortoise. Lesley Logan 5:08  Yeah, Tortimer. Brad Crowell 5:09  Tortimer the tortoise, the tortoise, Tortimer the tortoise, and he's like, 15 or something.Lesley Logan 5:15  But he's not even a desert tortoise. He's an African, something tortoise but. Brad Crowell 5:19  Yeah, I can remember the name. Lesley Logan 5:20  Speaking of preservation out here in Vegas, So the desert tortoise is about to go extinct. There's actually we're having some huge problems with them, and have enough space for them, because they actually need flat desert land to crawl on. And then, of course, flat desert land is what everone wants to develop because. Lesley Logan 5:42  Was it extinct, or we're just destroying their habitat here? Lesley Logan 5:42  We're destroying their habitat here. Brad Crowell 5:43  Yeah, I'm not sure if this is their only environment. But, but, yeah, like the the Las Vegas Valley, you know, is expanding. They're expecting something like 400,000 people to move here in the next decade. And so they're, they're slapping together.Lesley Logan 5:53  The lack of rain is not deterring anyone so. Brad Crowell 5:55  Well, they're slapping together all these expansions all around the city in, you know. And basically, they're driving out the they're changing the desert landscape, which is driving away the turtles.Lesley Logan 6:03  And the desert tortoise can't live near the mountains because they don't climb rocks. They just walk on the flat desert. Also, also, I learned this fun fact, you like, they have, they have territories, right? Like, you can't have two male tortoises near each other, and they need to have a burrow during the hot part of the day, and if they don't know the area, you just can't pick up a tortoise and, like, move it to another part of the desert. They got to know where to burrow. So anyways, these are important things to know, and so if you live in an area that's got some wildlife, maybe take it upon yourself to find out what's going on, and your local city council meetings, and who's trying to develop those areas, and yell and scream because it's really cathartic, and you can save a wildlife animal near you. We are we've been recently yelling and screaming to keep Las Vegas loud, so downtown loud. So, you know, it's fun. It's fun to be part of things in the community, to, like, take care of other people. Okay, enough about this day. Lesley Logan 6:04  Coming up. Oh, like now we're actually. Brad Crowell 6:33  Yeah, we're literally en route. Lesley Logan 6:51  So we're in the U.K., by the way. Brad Crowell 6:57  We just we just landed. Lesley Logan 7:03  No, we've been here a day. We're in Scotland today. Yep, we are actually at the very top of Scotland. We're as far up as we can go. And because, that's because we're gonna take a little vacation, we're gonna see some interesting Scottish games, and then we're gonna drive all the way down to Essex, where we're teaching for two days The Movement Base. And there might be a couple spots left in the workshops, and then we're going up to Leeds to teach there on the weekend in September. So this is all happening in September, September 8th, 9th and 10th, and then 13th and 14th. Anyways, it's a Tuesday and Wednesday. Brad Crowell 7:33  I don't actually remember the specific dates, but a. Lesley Logan 7:36  And a Saturday and a Sunday and. Brad Crowell 7:38  Go to opc.me/uk for the specifics. Lesley Logan 7:41  Yeah, and don't miss out, because we're not coming back. Okay.Brad Crowell 7:46  Not anytime soon. Last time was two years ago, so yeah, you know, but yeah, we're never gonna be back. Lesley Logan 7:50  No, we'll come back. Then we're gonna go home for two days, and then we're going to go to Pilates on Tour in Chicagoland. Brad Crowell 7:56  Two days? Lesley Logan 7:57  Two weeks. Brad Crowell 7:58  Two weeks. Lesley Logan 7:59  Two weeks. Brad Crowell 7:59  Yeah, I was gonna say. Lesley Logan 7:59  Two weeks. Brad Crowell 7:59  Two weeks, we're home for two weeks. Lesley Logan 8:02  We're home for two weeks, and then we go to Chicagoland, no, just three weeks. Chicagoland. And the time that we're recording this, we heard it was 75% sold out. It's probably changed, but I think there's, I think the early bird ends next week, if there's any room, and then we'll be in Cambodia. And the time you're hearing this, you've got a month, you can still sign up, you can still buy a plane ticket, like there's still time,Brad Crowell 8:24  There's definitely still time. I'm still having conversations with people, and there's there's room, so.Lesley Logan 8:28  crowsnestretreats.comBrad Crowell 8:30  PS, if you have ever wanted to walk around with elephants, we go to an elephant sanctuary at the after the retreat is over, it's an extra curricular activity after that we love to do, and so we always stay an extra day. And we also go to a waterfall, which is super magical. And maybe that's the thing that you're just like, really that excited, you know, that's what you want to do. So I just want to throw those out there that you can join us for those, in addition to the retreat. Go to crowsnestretreats.com crowsnestretreats.com, and come join us.Lesley Logan 9:05  Yeah, and we're as we're, by the time we're recording this, we're also trying to lock in a day of teaching in Singapore. So my Singaporeans, hello, we are coming your way. And then we're gonna go see the botanical garden. So if you wanna walk around the gardens with us, you can. Then, December is our winter tour, and we're getting a ton of people asking us if we're going to Texas, and things like New York, and things like that. Yes, it's in the winter tour. So go to opc.me/events to get on the waitlist for that because if you're on the waitlist, you hear right away. And let me tell you, when we announce our tours, some cities literally sell out, especially on the winter tour. So because we've been doing the winter tour the longest, and people are really excited about it. So, opc.me/events. Okay.Brad Crowell 9:43  You're not wrong. Lesley Logan 9:44  Before we get into. I know, I know. We went to bed after announcing it. Woke up, two cities were sold out.Brad Crowell 9:50  Two cities were sold out in less than 24 hours last year, yeah. Lesley Logan 9:53  Okay, all right, Brad, we have an audience question to answer. Brad Crowell 9:56  Yes, we do. Lesley Logan 9:57  And actually, this is really for you. Brad Crowell 9:59  Oh would you like to read the question? Lesley Logan 10:06  Yes. Brad Crowell 10:06  Okay. Lesley Logan 10:02  @gp_pilates_studio, that's Greenpoint Pilate studio, hi, Allyn, on YouTube asks about How to Make Your Own Pilates Sandbag video. Hey, Brad, what is the diameter, the diameter of the rope and cord, the paracord that we use? What's the diameter of it? Brad Crowell 10:16  Okay. So this was on a video that we made, Lesley and I made called How to Make Your Own Pilates Sandbag, right? And if you're familiar with the sandbag, it's the bar, and then there's the cord, and then there's the weights, and you can twist it back and forth. And so we actually made one our own, and we showed you how to make your own. So if you're interested in that, it's on YouTube. Great question here, Allyn, gp_pilates_studio on YouTube. So, it doesn't matter really what the diameter is. You don't want, like, you know, an inch thick piece of rope that would be just annoying and bulky. But what I used was just like your typical, like, cheapo bought it at the hardware store, nylon cord, you know, I think it was like 10 bucks for 100 meters of it, or something like that, you know, and they wrap it around that little h looking thing, and you just spin it around it, and it's like, you know, I don't know, like, there was no real diameter. It's just the smallest thing.Lesley Logan 11:13  Okay, I found it. I found it. Three-eights of an inch.Brad Crowell 11:16  Yeah, but, but honestly, if you get a quarter of an inch, it's fine, you know, I wouldn't. I probably, like, at a half an inch or an inch thick rope, it would just be annoying because you're twisting it around this, you know, it would, it would become like a spool, and that's just silly. So smaller is fine. The reality is, it just needs to support, you know, a pound or two pounds of weight, you know, so we're not, we're not trying to lift a house here. We're just.Lesley Logan 11:39  I'm pretty sure it's a three-eights of an inch one that looks like what we got. And also it, because I remember, it fits like, right through, if you just drill a hole we didn't get anything fancy.Brad Crowell 11:40  Yeah and I just, yeah, I just took a, you know, a quarter inch drill bit right through the middle, and then I just threaded that through. So as long as you can get the rope through, it's fine. That's really, you know, that all that matters.Lesley Logan 12:00  Yeah, I love it. So you can all make your own sandbag. We did it for the Accessories Deck, which is now shipping worldwide.Brad Crowell 12:07  Yeah. We actually did. We showed you how to build three different pieces of equipment. One was the push up handles. One was the the two by four, and then finally, was this one, this Pilates sandbag. So, yeah, great question. Thanks for that. If you have a question, you can text us at 310-905-5534, or you can submit your question or your win to beitpod.com/questions beitpod.com/questions and we kind of need you to submit y'all so we have some wins to talk about on our Friday pod so let's go. Let's go right now. Pull out your phone, go to beitpod.com/questions beitpod.com/questions. All right, that's enough of that.Lesley Logan 12:50  You know how easy a win is. This is my new win. So, I have been trying to figure I love my I love my red light mask and neck. And when I got them, I was using them really regularly, and we got really busy and and I've everything else, all my other habits were really good, but that one is has just been hard to fit back in. And I saw the dermatologist, and he's like, yeah, my wife uses hers every night. And I said, oh, when? He was like, before bed, and you know, so she washes her face and she use them. I'm like, oh, I can do that. And so I have done it four nights in a row, right before bed. I just put them on my face and I lay there. And you know, what's crazy is, like, I actually am getting some really good, deep sleep, like I'm sleeping really well. And I think it's that there's a time before I fall asleep that I'm just laying there waiting to go to sleep. So that's a win. Brad Crowell 13:35  Like, it's on for like, 10 minutes. Lesley Logan 13:35  Yeah, it goes off on its own. So even if I fell asleep with them, like, I wouldn't want to do that, but I could fall asleep with them laying on my face, and like, you know, yeah. See how easy that was. I just came up with a win on the spot. Lesley Logan 13:41  That's a win on the spot. Lesley Logan 13:43  You can do it too. Brad Crowell 13:46  Yeah, yeah, I love it. Well, stick around. We'll be right back, because we're going to dig into this juicy conversation that we have with Dr. Celeste Holbrook, and also celebratory. It was really awesome. So we'll be right back. Brad Crowell 14:01  Okay, now let's talk about Dr. Celeste Holbrook. PhD, right? Yeah, she's no joke. Dr. Celeste Holbrook is a sex educator with a PhD in health behaviors and a post grad emphasis in sexual behaviors. She helps women and couples overcome challenges, heal from shame, and create better, more fulfilling sex lives. Her new book, Missionary Position: A Slightly Orreverent Guide to Sex After Purity Culture, tackles the complex interaction of sex, religion and personal freedom. Celeste is known for her practical, down to earth approach that makes conversations about sex accessible and empowering and honestly, not awkward. But she's just really good at making it just, it's just a conversation. It doesn't have to be the silly thing. Some, for some reason it's like, it feels like we revert to sixth grade whenever this this conversation comes out, and it's like everyone like, hee-hee-hees in the corner. It's so weird, and it's and you might not be doing it out loud, but you're kind of cringing a little on the inside. She just takes that whole thing away and, like, you know, I mean, it was, it was, she's very matter of fact, matter of factly talking about having dildos in her social media posts, you know, like, oh, okay, yeah, there's that. But, but yeah. I mean, she's, she's not being like, risque or weird about her the conversation. She's specifically serving people who came from the culture that she did, which was, like, raised in a super, super strict religious home in purity culture. And so when she, when she got married, she for, like, it wasn't like, you can't just flip a switch, right? So she was like, sex is bad, sex is bad, sex is bad, sex is bad. And then she gets married, and all of a sudden, sex is good. Like, that's not how it works in the body. And she had to tackle that. Lesley Logan 15:43  Yeah, definitely listen to her first interview on the show, because it actually goes into that if and, and I think it's really interesting. I think, like, even if you weren't raised in a super like, if you, if I, if I say purity culture, and you don't think automatically. Brad Crowell 15:55  That doesn't mean anything to you, right. Lesley Logan 15:55  And you never had a ring on your finger that was turned one different way, and you were, like, betrothed to your father until, until someone's picked for you. Laugh. Had that ring, guys. Brad Crowell 16:07  Not laugh. It's like a, it's like a sardonic shudder. Lesley Logan 16:11  Oh, I know. Because, like, we thought that was normal. Brad Crowell 16:13  Totally thought it was normal. Lesley Logan 16:15  Did you read the book I Kissed Dating Goodbye? Brad Crowell 16:16  Yeah. Oh yeah. Josh, Josh something, right? Lesley Logan 16:17  Yeah. I think he's come out and said everything I taught was wrong. I'm almost positive one of the guys.Lesley Logan 16:19  He got a follow up book and then I think he got, like, ostracized from the churches. Lesley Logan 16:26  Yeah, one, one of the, one of the purity culture dudes, and I think it's kiss dating guy, goodbye guy has come out and said his book was extremely harmful, and he doesn't believe that anymore. Brad Crowell 16:36  Joshua Harris. Lesley Logan 16:37  Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. So, so thank you, Josh for doing that. But like, for the women who are listening, if you have friends in your life, if you weren't raised like this, who literally were told that like that is the worst thing they could do is to as to at all make a man lust. If you did anything that can make a man lust, you were causing him to go to hell. So you are, like, doing everything you can to, like, not be, not be attractive, and not be feminine, and then you get married, and you're supposed to just be sexy and have sex and, like, make babies. And, you know, Dr. Celeste and many women, they actually go through this painful experience with sex. And maybe you don't have that, but also you don't actually know, and she talks a lot about communication. How do you want to feel like you were never taught that sex could be something that you could enjoy? A lot of women are taught, not taught that you can enjoy sex. Brad Crowell 17:23  I just went down the rabbit hole. He, 20 years after writing the book, I Kissed Dating Goodbye, Joshua Harris left the church he was pastoring, divorced his wife and made a document, a documentary about the repercussions of the book. Oh, I want to watch the documentary. It's called, I Survived I Kissed Dating Goodbye. Lesley Logan 17:47  Okay, well, we're watching that. That's tonight's show. The it's an eye and it's really interesting, because, like, I had a very interesting childhood where I there was definitely purity culture at the church, at the church camps I went to. My parents tried to do these things, and then also my parents would kick us out of the house so they could have sex. So, like, sex was a conversation that they had. My grandparents would talk about how they had sex a lot. So, like, I It's not like I I lived I knew that married couples had sex, right, so, but it's just the reason that I bring this up is I actually think a lot of women, whoa, you good? Brad Crowell 18:10  Sorry, I found it. Somebody pulled it off of YouTube. He doesn't have the rights to it, and so it was on YouTube for years. I'm still down the rabbit hole, y'all. This is (inaudible) online. I went to his own website, and I found a post, a blog post, from May, so two months ago, saying, I don't know why they pulled it off of YouTube. It used to be here. Here's a link to it. That was on a pirated website. I don't know how long it's going to be available, but you can still watch it. So, very interesting.Lesley Logan 18:54  Love him. Okay, we do need to get back to Dr. Celeste. Brad Crowell 18:54  Sorry, I'm focused. I'm in. Okay. Lesley Logan 18:57  So I, I just, I'm really obsessed with what Dr. Celeste is doing, because I just know too many women who, whether or not you had a ring and you're were married to, like, dating your dad, until you were dating someone else, you were not offered the opportunity to understand that you could feel good during sex. Like, that's just very few people. Some, some people had brilliant mothers who were like hippies and like, told about that that is not, that is not most of my friends' experience. So, so one of the things, so, get her book, okay, you'll get her book. So she said American society tends to view sex in binary extremes, but it's rather a more nuanced middle ground. And we've seen this. You can see this in social media today. Like, people don't think that sex and gender are two different things. They are. Like, so, like what you're what you're attracted to, and like the gender. All these there's there's differences, and it's not so black and white, and everyone wants to make it like this is how it is, where sex is often placed on either end of the spectrum, either don't think about it or don't talk about it until a certain age or a marriage. And then that makes it really difficult. Because you know, most of the things, like, when you're a little kid, everyone asks, like, what do you want to be when you grow up? So you have your whole life to change your mind. You're like, I'm gonna be a judge. I'll be this. And you get to, like, explore and take classes and to do that. And when you're in this country, most people, like, don't do sex, don't have sex, don't get pregnant. And girls are also taught it's your fault if you get pregnant and there's something wrong, like you did something wrong. Yeah, if you get pregnant.Brad Crowell 20:22  Well, your shoulder straps were too skinny, that's why you're pregnant. Lesley Logan 20:26  Yeah. And then all of a sudden, you're married. So now you should know, you should know how to do sex. You should know what, what to do, but no one let you talk about it. No one like, it's just a whole mess. It's a mess. It's a mess. So anyways, I really like, that's why she wrote her book. But she also explained, we are not binary people, as far as what we want to do in our sex life. And she said, like, she advocates living in the glittery middle, like, just like, you know, like, it doesn't have to, like, just because you liked it one way, at some point is like, another way. Brad Crowell 20:54  So, just so that, like, we like, when we say binary, I think what she's what she's saying there is, it's okay for sex to change over time. Because the conversation you were having is like, you know, sex is, is different at different stages of life, right? When you're, you know, in your 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, 70s, like, it changes, right? And so that's I, you know, I think that makes, that makes sense.Lesley Logan 21:21  And she so, she advocates for that glittery middle and, like, also, you know, exploring and, and it's, I think what's interesting is, like, she is so open to, like, helping you figure out what you want. And I have some amazing, interesting friends in this world. I have one friend who, like, has a partner who's a sexual, has a partner that she dates, but they date someone else, and then she prefers to have one other one. And I'm like, like, the 12 year old me is like, oh my god, what the fuck are you doing? Like, that's so weird. And then, like, the person who's like, gone through some work, done a lot of reading, I'm like, that is very fascinating. I don't like looking at my calendar that much, and that sounds like way too many. Brad Crowell 22:03  It's a lot of scheduling. Lesley Logan 22:04  A lot of scheduling. It's also a lot of testing, it's a lot of things. But she looked at me and she's, like, 10 years? Like, are you bored? So like, you know, it's really funny how we all have a different thing and she and Dr. Celeste is just like, advocating for, like, live in your glittery middle, understand that you're what you're gonna want out of your sex life is gonna change, and that's okay, and that's there's nothing wrong with you as it changes. Like, just explore that. And so she basically said you could decide what is best for you, and that right there is like the opposite of what purity culture and dickhead people in this country want you to think. They don't want you to think it's what's best for you. They want you to think it's what's best for the dick headed man they think you should be married to. Anyways.Lesley Logan 22:05  Tell me more about how you feel. Lesley Logan 22:12  Fucking Christian coochie. That's never gonna leave my mind. Lesley Logan 22:36  Yeah. Like, what a woman hater. Gross.Lesley Logan 22:58  That's the interesting thing. Like, I think a lot of, I think a lot of people in that world just don't like women. But it's, anyways.Brad Crowell 23:05  Yeah. Well, I mean, I was gonna say as a comment to that, you know, how do you get to the point, like, the reason I made the comment at the beginning was that it was mostly about communication. Is because, if you have been with someone for a long time, what does it look like to have that conversation of, like, things are changing and shifting in your sex life, you know? How is that? What does that mean? And, like, you know, I'm not talking about like, like, promiscuity. It could be that, you know, but, but, but maybe it's just simple things like, hey, you know what? Like, I want to make it I want to change it up, you know. Like, let's change it up today, you know, whatever, and but the communication is where I think it gets awkward, and hopefully, you know, with your partner, you have the the type of relationship where you can just simply have a conversation about it. Lesley Logan 23:55  Also, I really, am I gonna take away your takeaway talking points? I really loved how she talked about the funny, like the faking the orgasm, is that in your section?Brad Crowell 24:05  My section, no, I was talking about how things changed over time. In fact, I even jumped ahead to it without realizing it myself. Fawning is really interesting, if you're not familiar with the definition. What is fawning?Lesley Logan 24:16  So essentially, like, there's flight, fright, fight, right? And I used to, when I studied biology, it was like, and fuck, like, some people, well, that's like, it's all part of the same part of your brain system. So that's kind of funny, but fawn is like, this, like, people-pleasing, or you've seen it in movies where the guy gets really mad and he hits her, and then she's like, oh, it's okay. Actually, that was my fault. I tripped into you. Like, they do this whole, you know, like, you're okay, everything's like, and acting like, really small and toss out like a little lamb, and then that makes a person, usually a man, like, calm down. Everything's fine. She talked about faking orgasms as a fawning response, as a people-pleasing response, and we talked, oh my, you guys have to listen to this, because she talked about, like, she believes in being honest, but also being kind. And we taught and like. Brad Crowell 25:03  She said there was a difference between honesty and full transparency. She said she doesn't believe in full transparency, but she does believe in honesty, and she said people can use full transparency as honesty and be cutting and hurtful, right? Lesley Logan 25:20  Because, like, because she also has, and this is an interesting thing. If you have been faking orgasms in your entire marriage, it's you can't always just blame your partner, because you never told them what it would take to please you, and so they're just doing what you have responded to in the past, you know? So it's a and I thought was really fascinating. So it's like, yes, be honest, like, hey, I would like to try something different that's no longer working for me. And so then it's not something that you're rejecting the other person or making them feel like shit, and you're also able to then start articulating what you want. And it does take practice. You're right. It's all about communication. It's such you guys have to go listen. If you have, you gotta listen, go, listen. Brad Crowell 26:00  Yeah. And just to wrap that up there, you know, as things change over time, she said, hey, we mature as humans. Why wouldn't our sex life mature too? And it's important to allow our sex life to mature as we mature. It's the most helpful thing that we can do for ourselves. So, you know, I just thought it was really a topic that nobody ever talks about that's really helpful. So, yeah, there's a lot of room to allow ourselves compassion to grow as we grow, right? And then, you know, and that's like.Lesley Logan 26:30  Oh, you guys, I mean, when you get older, when you get older, like, your bones get brittle. So, like, there's going to be some positions that neither person, no matter what your gender is and who you want to have sex with, can do, like, you're gonna have to start doing sideways sex, because, like, you could fucking break your pelvis or a hip. So, like, just start getting.Brad Crowell 26:49  You could break it while fucking is what you meant to say. Lesley Logan 26:52  Yeah, that too. But anyway, so just like, if, if this is a conversation that you are, like, already going, I don't know if I can have this. Read her book, follow her, because the more I do, the more I might able to go, oh, what an interesting thing that I haven't been able to articulate that was really helpful. Thanks so much, you know. So anyways.Brad Crowell 27:13  Yeah, well stick around. We'll be right back. We're gonna dig into those Be It Action Items that we have with Dr. Celeste Holbrook. Brad Crowell 27:20  All right. So finally, let's talk about those Be It Action Items. What bold, executable, intrinsic or targeted action items can we take away from your convo with Dr. Celeste Holbrook? She said, hey, I've got a four-part guide, and you should use it. And she maps it out in detail in her book, but high level, it's the analyst, the assassin, the healer and the explorer. And I thought, this is kind of cool. And she said, she said, it's like the archetypal woman. So the analyst helps you understand, what are we actually carrying around? Is the are these mental bags full of shame, full of neglect, full of fear, right? And then the assassin is taking what the analyst has found. So this is like a progression, right? So it's not just like you're only stuck in one it seems like this is a progression. So the assassin then is taking what the analyst has found and is just slicing through it, like deconstructing, you know, the, in her case, she's specifically talking about purity culture, and, like, all the baggage that we're saddled with from that kind of a thing. And then after the assassin is the healer who facilitates, like, she helping regenerate ideas about sex through, like, education.Lesley Logan 28:34  Yeah, right. Re-education.Brad Crowell 28:36  Yeah, gentle re-education about what is sex and what's okay. And, you know, like, why do we have this guilt around sex and, like, what, like, why does that even like, there's just a lot of history that blows my mind. Finally, we have the explorer, like, you know where you've kind of, after you've gone through some healing, you're now, like, feeling more confident, more willingness to, you know, be like, explore having sex, right? And you know that could be with your partner, with yourself, or whatever, you know. So, yeah, it's an interesting, like, progression out of.Lesley Logan 29:11  I think it's a cool idea of a process, because it it if you think, oh, my god, I have to figure all this out, or you might hear about the explorer part and be like, what the I you can't even wrap your head around that. It's because you got to go through the process. Brad Crowell 29:23  Yeah, and I think it's great, because it really sets her up. Like, you know, she's she, she jokingly said a lot of my conversations are pretty boring, like, what? Because she's got clients, one-on-one, clients and, and it's not, they're not like, crazy, like, it's, it's not, it's not, like, telling, not story time. She's actually, you know, helping people go through the process that she created here. So it depends on what's, you know, part of the flow that you're in, you know, might just simply be analysis for a while, you know, and coming to terms with it. And then it won't be until you've come to terms with that you can move on to the next phase. And but what's great is that she has a process. And I think that's really cool. Lesley Logan 30:01  Yeah, she also has a couple other things for you, which is something you can repeat. She said to, free to repeat, I prioritize myself by allowing myself to go at my own pace. I prioritize myself by allowing myself to go at my own pace. I think that is so important, no matter what the topic is, no matter what you're trying to be it till you see, like, if you got nothing out of this episode but that affirmation, great. And she also, we've talked about her being like a slow reader and like her writing and all that stuff. And she, she really learned to prioritize herself and appreciate being considerate and slow and thoughtful. Like, that's actually her prioritizing herself by her, not quite I'm a slow reader, but instead going, I am a slow reader, so I am going to be considerate and slow and thoughtful. That's how I do things. Brad Crowell 30:47  Yeah and give myself the time and space to do that. Lesley Logan 30:49  I thought that was so cool. Like, what a, what an amazing way to prioritize yourself is to, like, do the things the way you you need to do them. Brad Crowell 31:00  Yeah and that's like, you know, across any element of life, it's not just, you know, around sex, so I think that's great.Lesley Logan 31:06  And then finally, she said, and this is for your sexual life, she said, where the goal for sexual choice is to be your decision, and not one manipulated by society or cultural values or religious values, and I think that is so important, because even if you aren't someone who is religious, but maybe your culture had a different kind of pressure, or a different way of seeing your body, or maybe you feel a different way with society. Your sexual life is your and choices are your decision, and not wanting to be manipulated by anybody else. So I think that's so important. I just fucking love her. I wish she lived closer. I want to have coffee with her all the time. Brad Crowell 31:43  Yeah, she was a lot of fun to listen to. And also her story about how her book came to be, what a roller coaster. That was, how cool that, you know, that you were a part of it. I think that's pretty neat. Lesley Logan 31:53  Honestly, honestly, like, this is like, you know, like, everything happens for a reason, like how we interviewed him two years ago. Jake. And I forget how Jake got to me. I actually. Brad Crowell 32:05  I think he was connected through. Lesley Logan 32:07  Somebody told no, no, no, no, no, no, no. He's a Christian. Lori Harder friend, person, so somebody sent Jake to me. And then. Brad Crowell 32:16  Jake Kelfer. Lesley Logan 32:17  Yeah, and then, and then I watch Celeste stuff, but sometimes she ends up not in my feed because of algorithms. And that day, I just happened to not only watch, but like, actually turn, like, read the whole thing. And I was like, what's going on? I tap through. I watched every story, and I was and I was just like, call me, I got, so but, like, it's just like.Brad Crowell 32:36  Jake. Jake was interviewed on episode 202. Lesley Logan 32:38  But this is how you, you can't this is something for me too, we can't worry, oh my god, what if I missed out on this? Because, like I had I was meant to watch her stories on that day, like I was meant to, because it could have been so easy for me to not pick up my phone that day and not watch them. There was a reason why I opened my phone up and I watched her stories. I do not watch that many people's stories, and it was because I was supposed to see them and introduce her to Jake. That was my whole goal. That was, like, the universe working for her. Universe was like, okay, Celeste, we're going to make sure Lesley sees it, because Lesley knows Jake, and you need to know Jake. Boom, it's done. And, like, she had to write the book. I love it. I love it. I love you, Dr. Celeste Holbrook, I love the book. You guys, go get it. I'm Lesley Logan. Brad Crowell 33:22  And I'm Brad Crowell. Lesley Logan 33:23  Thank you so much for being you. Now. Go share this with a friend who needs to hear it, and go get her book. And go leave us a review, because we really appreciate that. And go be it till you see it.Brad Crowell 33:34  Yeah. And just one last time. Her book is called Missionary Position: A Slightly Irreverent Guide to Sex After Purity Culture. Lesley Logan 33:41  I love it so much. I love it so much. Brad Crowell 33:44  Bye for now.Lesley Logan 33:46  That's all I got for this episode of the Be It Till You See It Podcast. One thing that would help both myself and future listeners is for you to rate the show and leave a review and follow or subscribe for free wherever you listen to your podcast. Also, make sure to introduce yourself over at the Be It Pod on Instagram. I would love to know more about you. Share this episode with whoever you think needs to hear it. Help us and others Be It Till You See It. Have an awesome day. Be It Till You See It is a production of The Bloom Podcast Network. If you want to leave us a message or a question that we might read on another episode, you can text us at +1-310-905-5534 or send a DM on Instagram @BeItPod.Brad Crowell 34:28  It's written, filmed, and recorded by your host, Lesley Logan, and me, Brad Crowell.Lesley Logan 34:33  It is transcribed, produced and edited by the epic team at Disenyo.co.Brad Crowell 34:38  Our theme music is by Ali at Apex Production Music and our branding by designer and artist, Gianfranco Cioffi.Lesley Logan 34:44  Special thanks to Melissa Solomon for creating our visuals.Brad Crowell 34:48  Also to Angelina Herico for adding all of our content to our website. And finally to Meridith Root for keeping us all on point and on time.Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/be-it-till-you-see-it/donationsAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Ever said, “No worries, all good” while your insides screamed otherwise? That's not weakness. That was your nervous system doing its genius, trauma-sourced thing: fawning. In this episode, author and clinical psychologist Dr. Ingrid Clayton shows us that fawning isn't a personality flaw—it's a self-abandonment pattern we can gently unlearn, because it's costing you. Big time. We get into why fawning isn't actually “being nice.” You'll learn how it shows up day to day, and how you can start building safety from the inside out, so saying “No”, or being in conflict doesn't feel so terrifying. If you're regularly “fine with whatever,” or feel unable to express preferences, objections and big emotions, you're going to want to listen to this.    LINKS Dr. Ingrid Clayton's Website and book Ingrid on Substack Ingrid on Instagram  

In today's episode Dr. Kathy explores the idea of Fawning, when a child seems agreeable but is actually suppressing opinions, ideas, and insight because he or she doesn't want to offend or cause problems. Co-host Wayne Stender pushes Dr. Kathy to help us consider when kids might be fawning and when they might legitimately don't have something to add to conversation or situations. It's a great discussion to give perspective on awakening courage in your child, especially if they are naturally a peacemaker or quiet. Pick up the book that speaks best to this topic: Start With The Heart>>

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On Thursday, White House press secretary Karoline Leavitt delivered one of her most obsequious, fawning tirades about President Trump yet. She credited him with single-handedly resolving a half dozen major geopolitical conflicts around the world, and angrily asserted that it's high time Trump is granted the Nobel Peace Prize. It's no accident that this came amid new polling evidence that Trump's coalition is falling apart in a freshly dangerous way for him, as documented in a great new piece by New Republic senior editor Alex Shephard. In today's episode, Shephard explains how the numbers show key constituencies getting away from him. We discuss all the ways Leavitt's North Korea-style propaganda actually works against Trump by reinforcing the emperor-has-no-clothes vibe around him, why the press is reluctant to tell the truth about his unpopularity, how Democrats need to stop treating him as if he's invincible, and what that should look like. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

On Thursday, White House press secretary Karoline Leavitt delivered one of her most obsequious, fawning tirades about President Trump yet. She credited him with single-handedly resolving a half dozen major geopolitical conflicts around the world, and angrily asserted that it's high time Trump is granted the Nobel Peace Prize. It's no accident that this came amid new polling evidence that Trump's coalition is falling apart in a freshly dangerous way for him, as documented in a great new piece by New Republic senior editor Alex Shephard. In today's episode, Shephard explains how the numbers show key constituencies getting away from him. We discuss all the ways Leavitt's North Korea-style propaganda actually works against Trump by reinforcing the emperor-has-no-clothes vibe around him, why the press is reluctant to tell the truth about his unpopularity, how Democrats need to stop treating him as if he's invincible, and what that should look like. Looking for More from the DSR Network? Click Here: https://linktr.ee/deepstateradio Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

On Thursday, White House press secretary Karoline Leavitt delivered one of her most obsequious, fawning tirades about President Trump yet. She credited him with single-handedly resolving a half dozen major geopolitical conflicts around the world, and angrily asserted that it's high time Trump is granted the Nobel Peace Prize. It's no accident that this came amid new polling evidence that Trump's coalition is falling apart in a freshly dangerous way for him, as documented in a great new piece by New Republic senior editor Alex Shephard. In today's episode, Shephard explains how the numbers show key constituencies getting away from him. We discuss all the ways Leavitt's North Korea-style propaganda actually works against Trump by reinforcing the emperor-has-no-clothes vibe around him, why the press is reluctant to tell the truth about his unpopularity, how Democrats need to stop treating him as if he's invincible, and what that should look like. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Von Miller spoke to the media and G&D are FAWNING over him and how impressive he was.

7.24.25 Hour 2 1:00- Von Miller spoke to the media and G&D are FAWNING over him and how impressive he was. 18:10- Eric Flack, chief investigative reporter for WUSA9, joins G&D to discuss if this RFK-Commanders deal is really done. 32:30- What's going on in our lives that has nothing to do with sports?

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We often hear about the "fight - flight" response, that instinctive reaction to a fear-inducing situation. In fact, you've likely witnessed or responded to an actual or perceived threat with protective aggression or a fearful escape. Yet two other hardwired responses--freezing and fawning--are also part of our instinctual repertoire. And while such responses are intended to keep us safe and alive when in danger, they can actually hamper self-esteem, self-worth, and interpersonal relationships when they become our default. Today, we'll take a look at how an overactive fawn response--that tendency to appease and please--can make you lose your identity as you sacrifice yourself--your core identity--to make others happy and keep the peace. Join Dr. Carla Manly and renowned psychologist and trauma expert Dr. Ingrid Clayton for an empowering journey into healing from fawning--and reclaiming your voice and your life. Topics discussed include fawning, appeasing, fight-flight response, trauma, relational trauma, complex trauma, abuse, domestic violence, gaslighting, self-gaslighting, intergenerational trauma, intergenerational patterns, support groups, people-pleasing, self-compassion, healthy love, external validation, support groups, boundaries, healthy boundaries, flexible boundaries, healthy relationships, self-love, and self-growth. Please note that this episode contains sensitive material; listener discretion is advised. Emergency Assistance Note: If you or someone you know needs immediate support, please call your emergency services. In the US, 24/7 help is available by calling "911," "988" (Suicide and Crisis Hotline), or SAMSA (Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration) at 1-800-662-HELP (4357). Support/informational links are in the show notes.Books by Dr. Carla Manly:Joy from Fear: https://www.amazon.com/Joy-Fear-Carla-Marie-Manly/dp/1641701218 Date Smart: https://www.amazon.com/Date-Smart-Transform-Relationships-Fearlessly/dp/1641704675Aging Joyfully: https://www.amazon.com/Aging-Joyfully-Optimal-Relationships-Fulfillment/dp/1641701412 The Joy of Imperfect Love: https://www.amazon.com/Joy-Imperfect-Love-Creating-Relationships/dp/1641709057 Oracle decks by Dr. Carla Manly:Etsy: https://www.etsy.com/listing/1757477615/imperfect-love-reflection-oracle-cards Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Imperfect-Love-Reflection-Oracle-Cards/dp/B0D1Z5M4YK Love the show? Subscribe, rate, review, and share! https://drcarlamanly.com/

“My mouth is a fire escape. The words coming out don't care that they are naked. There is something burning in here.” ~ Andrea Gibson (RIP

Shake hands with your guest; Monologue, monologue smug smirk Make good face– Now put a name to the face Put a time to the place IOh, all the love in the world in three flames All the doves in the flock, And three flames Put a name to the face Monologue monologue Doesnt take long but When do i get to slap the desk? Johnny! What happened? Whats the 10 vodkas, Five spritzers Full figure Figure this You were out for the count! Do tell! Or better yet, don't. I remember tgis mologue, But i dont know how 16 hours ago, I was Out for the count, you say?! OUT, Johnny! Our market is livid! lol who plays john carson Your mother. YO! I'M OLD! I LIKE OLD DUDES NOW! I'm like When the fuck did this happen?! That ain't no SILVER FOX! That's a TOTALLY CUTE DUDE! HE'S 55!! OH NOOOOOOOO! i'M OLD!!!!!!! its wednesday eve in Boston Mass… SETH MEYERS! Ah, he's going for it. Ah, man. SHOW ME YOUR EYES. Fuck. SHOW ME YOUR EYES! SUDAKIS shines a bright flash light into his former colleagues eyes. …You're not Seth Meyers. Seth Meyers does not respond, but relaxes slightly; it's obviously not safe to be Seth Meyers right now. Where's Seth Meyers? Seth shrugs but still doesn't say anything– Where is he? I have to stop here; Cop out for body language somebody's watching Somebody knows who I am I am I remember now You looked like that It went like this: I moved the world The need was good The love was gone The vein was split open And broken No fair Also, no omletts 60 minutes 60 years and 60 second clips 60 second glimpses 60 men on television but really, my attention just centers on Around ten of them or so And believe it or not, I care approach. Believe it or not, I care Or don't! –or don't! Johnny! You don't get it! You missed a show! THE tonight show! We are fucked! we are NOT! youre still sauced. I'll just take the car! What car!? Now that JOHNNY CARSON knows his Delorean can time travel, he's absolutely unstoppable. Unfortunately, it appears his delorean has been switched with a regular one– If I shoot you in your forehead? I'd rather that, than this. And I kiss you in your temple? Dear templeton, my simpleton's i'll die I desire. A wicked want. And then? A callous shadow, If i may, To bear for nothing, But a mirror This is our concept And wilted her e the flower does grow the flame The faming true and ache of lust and there For our want a jasper shore and emerald cascades there you are, And there you'll find The wave beyond the peaking break where great white sharks reside But do not wade to shallow waters; And there you find peace, And there you find certainty But now, And here, is war And fortune not but seeks truth in the gaze And for fear there does not live, but hides instead the truth that seeks to guide the lite, And yet does know our trust And there does find the faith, Forward and not Upwards and back Arrow and arrow Truth and sparrow Wreaking and wretched thoughts And the rope does hang high and solemn Looking, leap and gasp For I fall but did not land I pulled for you, I weep, my shadow, The two of diamonds, the Ace of spades, The Three of Hearts, Without my shadow I weep. I know for you nothing but conscious and knowing and needing and fated departure. I know for you nothing but chakras and eyesight and shadows and foresight. I need fo you nothing but want and by conscious, departure For nothing I want you, I weep. Sorrow. On approach of danger, The knowing, On seeth did gather, the sinking ritual the carried tribes in ships tied, weaving strings The spider bites hard And she stole my love twice And she stole my love always And she stole my love Lighting my light wit blue eyes The deception If love could be stolen at all But if not Then not love for seeking is finding and gathered had hunted And truth in forbearer Forbearance and otherwords, Shadows and shattered and ferris wheels, Now forward Gathered here for are I trust And be dismayed for you have faltered You have failures and you have cast us out of these things thinking We have not made them for you And still we seek to gather with you And here does forshadow your making Our promise to come as ones, Not as Gods, But as others, you cast out. Now, with your wicked ways and cruel be done, for sure the tables have turn, one And the gallows have not wandered far, Barrels of guns and barbells bottles and hearts of three reading cards and wanting none but justice Is he and she who are I now Begin to run from your pitied structure And there in the gasping cruelness of seeking from warcrimes this, come what may, Moving and seeking, For seeking is finding, And run, my legs have come far But trust, my dove, My wings have too, sprouted An honor, an honor one candle and three wicks Three candles and three worlds over One world and one building and still far from under the Hollywoodland Crickets sounding The Hollywood Sign Still standing and here I am not, Blades of grass And who are I now Of that which you balk at Look, ponder Go, far asunder And wish now had you not What I am is that, Run Temper temper. Mind your business. Is it gathered? To burn, or burden? Gathered. Gathered here. Then here ive wandered. To stake? Argue. I will not. And I will not. Wiry bird, From where you flown i do ponder– re d with spirit and wilding eyes, Narrow server and paring wires; I do not wish to know you now or ever, But only as bird that does golden remember. The love has not gone, And instead lives in my throat, And twists in my lungs, Ans sits in my tongue, Not as speech, or whispers, But tragedy. Unknowing this, my tender being It can never be, the nervous hill And rolling down the hill as if The weel of time itself, Not unbroken, but resilient; In sll ways, meant to tear And turn, And wobble Made for terrain for which our eyes have known And our minds have built And hands molded wiith clay, The bodies whole of all our galaxies terra feighn Terra fine Terra wept tears of a clown, And iron And veins And shadows And plays, And secrets , And whispers And truth And far And Afters. I taste a saline drip, I swallow, Suddenly cold and all the knowing that What I was, I surely already am again And what I will be, Has already come and past. The monologue, I do remember Face to a name and none to forget Well rehearsed forager! Well done bayonet! Well done, my shadow For my time is coming to wander to night And never today again for it shall never Today again, And Tomorrow, Tomorrow, Tomorrow. [The Festival Project ™ ] They said he would destroy me. …Ya'll were right. that fucked me up. {Enter The Multiverse} So…forfeit? Something tells me its not over The heavy heart is shattered But also tied to that which appears to come upward As if on air To be heavy And lighthearted at once– A shadow above a balloon. A rock is attached to a kite– A diamond becomes a bassoon, Then a vampire bat, and then Cut ties. In the fourth act, we all die, and now– A revival. I was crucified, But i was also suicidal so. Lets just call it a tie. L E G E N D S V.O. Crusher. My show was being subliminally plugged on at least two of the five major networks. Safe bet I could make it a third, but I didn't know where to check. I did…but didn't want to. There was much beyond the surface, Darkness in the glimmering eyes of the men in ties and uniformed suits. I was sure I was tied to something– And since I didn't know why, Or to what, The best bet I'm all in. Fuck. Was to stay broken, Under the radar, Hidden, and most importantly– Unspoken. These days. I kept more to myself than I could with the world– As it turned out… No, not yet. What do you mean? It's not time yet. They'll have to know. But not yet. At some point, they'll have to know. But not–yet. No time like the present. You made that up. Because you made up time. And it's stupid. This is ruthless. And again–they'll have to learn somehow. But not now. The sun sets at noon on our side, and still 21 hours of dark time. Did I have another tag to throw on it this? No. Are you sure? Doesn't the new series have a subtitle? No. Is it not “quantum force” That's only one, though. What's the difference. ERMO, DON'T! I'm gonna kill him! BIG BOYD, DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT! DOn't tell me what to DO. Wow. of course. Well yeah, they're not going to let me do– LAWYERS No. Any of this stuff with the actual muppets. You're wasting precious time! GET BACK IN YOUR HOLE, RED. ok, where does it– {cut to black} Learning to assimilate and readily avalible What's next A vape to calm the nerves? What's next? A hero fighting for relevance in corporate structure. Sure, some would pay to dress an avatar But I've run out of water before I try to laugh and roll with the punches This is work and not fun for me This is not social, it's business I am not person, I'm product. Go on a walk, and look the part I took the oath, I shed the blood— Cruxes. This is a bad idea, Mark. Fuck you. All my ideas are great. MARK WAHLBERG enters the cooridor and opens the metal double doors, revealing two l jet skis on a trailer hitched to a 4X4 monster truck. [The Festival Project ™] I'm telling you. You got to get yourself one of these. I don't know, Bob, how does it work? BOB odenkirk opens a large, obscure black bag that's nearly half his own size by way of one way zipper. I'll show you. {Enter The Multiverse} JOHNNY CARSON has been in the DRUNK TANK for the maximum allowance, 48 hours, yet his blood alcohol level still reads 3 times over the legal limit. He is transferred to DETOX as the mysterious circumstances surrounding his car accident, and then the apparent disappearance of his entire “car” a (then) brand-new DeLorean from the scene of the crime, MR. CARSON insists on his lawyer, who under no circumstances seems to exist at all being present. The exact year of his whereabouts are still unknown. Still an hour to the test And I hate myself again Milk and cookies, hit the bed Shut it down, yo Shut it down. DIPLO arrives via HELIPAD to an secret location; a sniper squad of the adversary team watches from an adjacent rooftop via binoculars. …hey. Whaddup. You say diplo's on that list? Yeah. Yo… …There he is. In your sight? Yep. Shoot that motherfucker! …I can't. Why not? He's like— Just shoot, fool. —he's like holding something. So? I don't know what; it just seems— What the fuck, dawg. It just seems important. Let me see. Look. [ESSE looks down the sights and zooms to see DIPLO is holding an object firmly in his grasp. He appears to be twirling it purposefully as he conversates wi th associate.] Yeah! Get em! Shoot that motherfucker! Where the hell have you been? In my fuckpad. Where the hell is that? You haven't seen my fuckpad? What even is that. It's ballin. Whatever, dog. Did you get the— Shh. Why else would I be here? [beat] You look— did you cut your hair or something. You're so redundant. Yo shoot that motherfucker. What are you waiting for?! He's right there? Apparently, we've been building to this moment from another dimension in from another point in the series? I thought— {Enter The Multiverse} HEHEHEHE. HEY! Relax. NO. This party is OUT of control. SOMEBODY GO GET QUESTLOVE OUT THAT TREE. HAH! Shutup. NIGGA GET THE FUCK UP OUTTA DAT TREE. _____ Some party. I guess. Why is Questlove in a tree. I don't know. That party is pretty wild. This is insane. _ NIGGA GET THE FUCK OUT THE TREE. _ YO. where are you AT. I'm at the kiosk. You're not at the kiosk! I'm at the kiosk! It's probably another kiosk, then. What! [he walks a few feet. There is indeed another kiosk; upon further investigation, there is a kiosk every few feet.] What! I gotta go. My phone's about to– Hello. [Everywhere is kiosks. This is frustrating.] Dammit. WHAT. {Enter The Multiverse] A very large prized pig is captured and literally hogtied, however–this is a challenge. The pig, while beautiful, is also humongous–and appears to understand that he is being pignapped. Why would I tel the whole story When no one loves me If I had a gun, Well, I would be gone already? Why trek to Alaska For thousands of dollars To come home to no one and nobody But rotten corpses on motorcycles Where it just starts over But now you're poorer. I want to die But I want to see my son again. He's not suffering, I am But starting to resent what he doesn't understand. To the world I'm a horrible mother But no one quite knows the half of it but God And the whole problem is what is not God in the world Is all for the other's purpose. Some probably respect I was punched In front of my son And then wonder's why At some point I could no longer Hold on Insomniac So someone should go slam the door when I ponder my own thoughts I'd probably walk off a walk on roll I don't lock up no more I just go out Knowing government drones probably watch And turn over the apartment As I'm out trying to own a home But of course, nothing I do in the world is of value And I'm no one No one at all in New York and the options are Where I don't want to be Or in Saint Monica homeless. I'd get a dog if I wanted to walk it But since I don't I just sit with a plush in my lap Who I call “Gus” And it purposeless But otherwise meaningful Since from here and now And otherwise Nobody has ever loved me As much as my mother And that's saying something If you knew the whole story So no one has loved me romantically; Almost all my life was a horror show Until I started to grow up With the knowing that probably Nothing I do could be more than wrong So doing nothing becomes the hard part When all I watch are stars And I'm just not one Then again, you know It was that word That threw the first punch And then over and over And over and over And nobody loves me But everybody's got a whole story And new York's disgusting because of it How troublesome I don't have time for your politics It's a mind game but there's no reward, Or honor in it After all, when tied up in the court process And pretending the noise was not a problem And I should be so lucky In a luxury apartment Coming out of a homeless shelter But it's almost been just as horrible As other black girls trying to pull my hair out Having screaming pigs and ugly men on motorcycles Drive in circles Wearing jackets that say “I have to do this, cause Jack says” And whoever Jack is writes them pychecks Except Since it politics He might even be getting over considering Passion fuels the utmost violence And in this case Imm supposed to be the only one To go about it All the paperwork and recordings But really I don't want to Even if it earns a millions dollars In the name of God It wasn't my problem Unless I am one And otherwise, These men are sick And making people sick Is just their business I need no medication I need an new apartment But how awful my country supports that I just don't deserve one Under the circumstances But the white man Lives on borrowed time In bloodshed On stolen land Regardless of color The illusion of power Is almost over And what's more is Your only army Is considering going home (Post mortem) Considering going to God Who must have lost control just enough To cause all of the apocalypse Put the whole world in a mental hospital And lock them up for dollars and cents Unless the good drugs make sense For the blondes and the beautiful The rest of them are problems Who can go to rot, I suppose. The rest of us are unwanted colored problems Can't stay here But the kids at the music school are fake nice And I'm done pulling my heart out And scratching my eyes out Just fucking trying Just fucking trying What is the point Of being in a prison For people who love oceans and trees And decent people? There's no one in New York to really love But babies and dogs And the whole world is horrible just knowing that I don't want to do anything but die Every time I ride the subway I wish I was white From the way that that white folks treat me And I wish I was blonde Because blondes seem to have it so fucking easy It's hard to believe I'm furious, furious Aren't you curious, curious how I got here? I'm serious, serious You should let me in, let me in I'm serious, serious You should have let me in, let me in Is he okay, Is he okay? Now I'm David Grohl on the whole retrospective Now I'm an old rockstar with some world left Now I know I'm the one with the mother gone Now I know, Now I know Now I know… That I don't Overall, I don't Somebody new Somebody grain and l steaming Somebody hidden and secret and wishing well Wishing well in Hell Or midtown Manhattan Or middle man Or Middle East Or Midwest Or just middle Somewhere else I, Learned to live her Learn to live here— Feeling better Feeling worn out, Look at this disgusting place Now where I live matches how I feel Going here from there, and four to five And no matter what I take the L, But it's jail and the guards are on motorcycles Controlling your thoughts for a zoning war I have heard of her And from earth to the core of our other outer planets, Further species, I know I've been here before, But on some shore I'm surfing So sure I did something wrong I don't want to know her But j don't know what other force of nature Might have caused this Caution The cautionary tale is coming Sure I never know what the other God wrote But I'm not living God, I'm a problem woman at the moment We're all technically free people, Not actually incarcerated But when it comes to wealth and racism, hatred You better bet we're all slaves And they not even Jesus can save us Even if he makes it in time, And the thing is with this one, Time precedes even his own existence Sorry my brother They want the war here I've got a heart for honor and honesty and hard word But no one seems to care or notice Not at all No one even knows my name And no one even offers a spot on the bus Or a quick dollar. What it means To be so tired That by the time you're back All you do is watch And try not to reflect On the ugly and awkward Imagine all the time in the world To be nothing but God and go Golfing. And be perfect, a woman Whatever you chose to do is the whole of it And no one can own you, Besides for on paper You government name has betrayed you, they say Your government name has betrayed you. Do you know how good you look? Not goof enough to get a good one Do you know how much medication it makes To make meditation the start of you day I've run all out of energy And the vampires seem to think That's what's wrong with me Altoigh I'm the one feeding these creatures Thats okay Lately, I have more than I need They can trim the fat And take all the hard stuff Till I become one of them And they start to wonder What the fuck is wrong with all of us I left my light at home, sufererer— I should be surfing, But I'm writing psalms and songbooks Fawning over songbirds and beautiful, Beautiful, Beautiful genetic weapons One day I'll become her I'm not supposed to say the most l Or really anything at all And it all hurts But we're all here And I'll kill my self one day Probably right here, near this station If not in it Who brought a trouser pantsuit to the apocalypse Cryptic, these runes, But I can decipher it I want a dolphin, a dolphin, a dolphin I want to love them all But to all of them I'm hopeless I can't help falling for I'm not the one to hold on, m I l [The Festival Project™ ] {Enter The Multiverse} L E G E N D S: ICONS Tales of A Superstar DJ The Secret Life of Sunnï Blū Ascension Deathwish -Ū. Copyright The Festival Project, Inc. ™ & The Complex Collective © 2015-2025 All Rights Reserved

In today's newscast, a local Monterey County volunteer shares how the Trump Administration's attempt to dismantle AmeriCorps affected her job. And, as deer fawning season on the Central Coast comes to a close, the signs warning drivers to slow down will disappear.

Fawning isn't a flaw to fix. It is a brilliant survival response that can quietly shape your entire identity until you finally have the words for it.   In this episode, I sit down with clinical psychologist and author Ingrid Clayton for a conversation that I know will resonate deeply with so many of you. We talk about fawning, what it is, how it shows up, and why it's so often misunderstood. If you've ever felt like you disappeared in a relationship or lost touch with your own needs just to keep someone else happy, you're not alone. And chances are, your nervous system was doing exactly what it needed to do to keep you safe.   Ingrid shares her own story as a survivor of complex trauma, and how that experience shaped the work she does now. We explore the difference between trauma that's tied to a single event and the kind that builds over time in ways that can be hard to name. We talk about what healing actually looks like, how to start reconnecting with yourself, how to recognize the patterns that no longer serve you, and how to hold space for the grief that sometimes comes with change.   This isn't a conversation filled with quick fixes or five-step plans. It's honest and validating. If you've ever asked yourself, “Why do I keep doing this?” or “What's wrong with me?” I hope this episode helps you see that nothing about you is broken. There's a reason for the patterns. And there's also a way through.   Episode Breakdown: 00:00 Introduction  02:08 How Personal Experience with Trauma Shaped Dr. Ingrid Clayton's Work 03:17 What Complex Trauma Really Looks Like 10:20 Fawning as a Smart and Adaptive Trauma Response 14:03 Why Codependency and People-Pleasing Miss the Point 20:20 Real-Life Examples of Fawning in Adulthood 27:20 Why Trauma-Informed Therapy Matters 30:10 Rebuilding a Relationship with Yourself 36:09 How Healing Can Change Your Closest Relationships 40:41 Dr. Clayton's Message to Anyone Who Feels Broken   Links Book: Believing Me https://amzn.to/4lkulGy Website: https://www.ingridclayton.com/   Preorder ‘Fawning' here: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/779579/fawning-by-dr-ingrid-clayton/ https://www.instagram.com/ingridclaytonphd/   Connect with Dr. Z: https://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/ https://www.zgrouptherapy.com/ https://www.instagram.com/dr.z_psychologist/ https://www.tiktok.com/@dr.z_psychologist https://www.youtube.com/@DrJaimeZuckerman   Get my FREE breathing exercise here: http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/newsletter Register for my on demand virtual courses here: http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/workshops Order my workbooks! *Find Your Calm / Find Good Habits* http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/books Shop my new Mindfully Messy hoodie here: http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/apparel Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

In this revealing episode of the Secret Life Podcast, host Brianne Davis-Gantt uncovers the often-overlooked habits of codependency that can silently sabotage our relationships and self-worth. Drawing from her own experiences and extensive knowledge, Brianne explores the intricate dynamics between codependents and narcissists, highlighting how both seek control and power in their interactions.Throughout the episode, Brianne identifies seven surprising habits that may indicate codependent tendencies. From depending on others for self-worth to the inability to express needs directly, she delves deep into the psychological patterns that keep individuals trapped in a cycle of anxiety and manipulation. Listeners will learn how the fear of abandonment can lead to self-sabotaging behaviors, such as fawning and appeasing others while neglecting their own needs.Brianne's candid approach encourages listeners to reflect on their own behaviors and consider how they can break free from these toxic patterns. By acknowledging and addressing the underlying anxiety that fuels codependency, she provides a pathway to reclaiming personal power and fostering healthier relationships. Tune in for an enlightening discussion that promises to shed light on the complexities of codependency and empower listeners to embark on their own journey of self-discovery.

This conversation is a masterclass in why we abandon ourselves in sex and relationships, and how to feel safe being disliked, judged, rejected, or disagreed with.Luis Mojica is a somatic therapist, trauma nutritionist, and founder of Holistic Life Navigation, where he teaches thousands of people around the world how to recover from stress and trauma. He uses whole foods, self-inquiry, and Somatic Experiencing as tools to find safety within yourself.In this powerful, honest, and compassionate episode, Luis and I explored the roots of fawning, people-pleasing, and sexual appeasement… not as personal flaws, but as evolutionarily intelligent trauma responses rooted in survival.You'll learn how to discern discomfort from threat in the body, the nuanced ways we abandon ourselves in order to be liked, wanted, or validated, and how to create a real sense of inner safety and security.This conversation also explores the unexpected beauty and brilliance of people-pleasing when reclaimed consciously, how trauma lives in the body, and how to build capacity for big sensations without falling into old patterns.We discuss American cultural fragility around conflict, difference, discomfort, and diversity, the healing power of platonic intimacy, loving touch, and group witnessing, and some practical tools and somatic practices to come home to your truth and integrity.You will also hear:• What fawning really is, and why it's not a defect to be fixed• The nervous system roots of people-pleasing• Sexual fawning and why we abandon ourselves in our most intimate relationships• Discerning between discomfort, stress, and threat• The brilliant and surprising gifts inside your people-pleasing pattern• How trauma responses become personalities• Somatic practices to feel safe and connected in your body• Embodied boundary setting and congruence• Cultural fragility, codependence, performative allyship, and co-dysregulation• The difference between performance and presence in sex• Conscious fawning vs unconscious manipulation• Learning to expect connection instead of threat• Expanding capacity & tolerance for rupture, conflict, and being different• A guided practice to track tension, safety, and truth in the body• A powerful pendulation technique to self-resource during a trigger✨ CONNECT WITH LUIS:•⁠ Website• Instagram: @holistic.life.navigation✨ CONNECT WITH NADINE:•⁠ ⁠1:1 Somatic Coaching⁠⁠• Instagram:⁠ ⁠@iamnadinehamilton⁠⁠•⁠ ⁠Join the email list• Explore my current offerings______________

In This Episode: We explore what it really means to let your spouse know you beyond surface communication and into emotional truth. We'll talk about the difference between empathy and vulnerability, how stuffing emotions can quietly stall your repair. The Importance of vulnerability that real connection can't happen without it.What You'll Learn:How your nervous system tries to protect you—and what healing asks insteadWhy emotional honesty is necessary for rebuilding connectionReal-life examples of letting your spouse know you againPractical steps for stepping into safe vulnerabilityThank you for tuning in!We're here to support couples healing from infidelity and betrayal, offering encouragement, practical skills, and expertise each week. As certified relational recovery coaches, we are passionate about guiding you toward hope, empathy, and lasting healing.Stay connected with us and access all the resources we offer—coaching sessions, groups, and more—by visiting this link.Your Hosts:Hali RoderickCertified Relational Recovery CoachTICC, ACC, APSATS CPC, ERCEM-C, Brainspotting PractitionerRead Hali's BioStephanie HambyCertified Relational Recovery CoachMCLC, ACC, APSATS CPC, ERCEM-CRead Stephanie's BioWe look forward to journeying with you!Learning Vulnerability - allowing your spouse to know you.Different than empathy Stepping out of our old protective mechanismsStopping stuffing the emotions

George Noory and psychologist Dr. Ingrid Clayton discuss the technique of fawning to become more appealing as a protective reaction in a traumatic relationship, the importance of being honest in relationships instead of always being agreeable, and why the survival technique is often mistaken as simple people pleasing.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

In her most recent media briefing, White House press secretary Karoline Leavitt went full North Korea with a number of worshipful monologues about Trump. Yet at around the same time, another journalist's criticism of Trump caused him to explode in a wild, triggered fury that undercut the image Leavitt tried to project of a leader who is strong, calm, and in command of events. We think this tension is a regular, deeper feature of Trumpism. So we talked to Salon's Amanda Marcotte, who knows how to read MAGA pathologies—particularly male ones—like nobody else. She discusses the “MAGA aesthetic,” the gap between Trump's feeble-mindedness and the picture of strength portrayed by his sycophants, and the larger purpose all this serves as propaganda for the MAGA masses. Looking for More from the DSR Network? Click Here: https://linktr.ee/deepstateradio Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In her most recent media briefing, White House press secretary Karoline Leavitt went full North Korea with a number of worshipful monologues about Trump. Yet at around the same time, another journalist's criticism of Trump caused him to explode in a wild, triggered fury that undercut the image Leavitt tried to project of a leader who is strong, calm, and in command of events. We think this tension is a regular, deeper feature of Trumpism. So we talked to Salon's Amanda Marcotte, who knows how to read MAGA pathologies—particularly male ones—like nobody else. She discusses the “MAGA aesthetic,” the gap between Trump's feeble-mindedness and the picture of strength portrayed by his sycophants, and the larger purpose all this serves as propaganda for the MAGA masses. Looking for More from the DSR Network? Click Here: https://linktr.ee/deepstateradio Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Ever said, “No worries, it's fine,” when it absolutely wasn't fine? Or maybe you've pushed down your needs and shape-shifted into whoever you thought you needed to be in a particular situation. That's not kindness. That's fawning—people-pleasing's sneakier, brain-based cousin. In this episode, neuroscientist and author of Rewire, Nicole Vignola, joins me for a juicy, no-fluff convo about why we fawn, what's going on in the brain when we do it, and how to unhook from this exhausting survival pattern. Nicole shares real talk from her own relationships, where she caught herself over-functioning, then said the magic word: “Enough.” Expect science, self-awareness, and some serious permission to want more. Nicole creates a practical de-fawning practice to help you shift out of appeasement and into enoughness. We kick things off with a little warm-up game I almost edited out… but didn't. Come play enoughness ping pong with us and feel instantly more human. Tune in now. Because “fine” is officially cancelled.   Links:   Nicole Vignola's website and book. Nicole on Instagram. Mandy on Instagram.  

Megyn Kelly is joined by Dan Wootton, host of "Dan Wootton Outspoken," to talk about Prince Harry's hypocritical new BBC interview, his shocking claims not backed up by the facts, the truth about the way King Charles and Prince William feel about him now, Meghan Markle's latest fawning podcast appearance, the sycophants she surrounds herself with, whether she's actually shopping a hypothetical post-divorce memoir, and more. More from Dan: www.danwoottonoutspoken.com Done with Debt: https://www.DoneWithDebt.com & tell them Megyn sent you!Riverbend Ranch: Visit https://riverbendranch.com/ | Use promo code MEGYN for $20 off your first order.Follow The Megyn Kelly Show on all social platforms:YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/MegynKellyTwitter: http://Twitter.com/MegynKellyShowInstagram: http://Instagram.com/MegynKellyShowFacebook: http://Facebook.com/MegynKellyShow Find out more information at: https://www.devilmaycaremedia.com/megynkellyshow

In this episode, Kimberly Ann Johnson is joined by journalist, and fellow Jaguar, Kristin Butler to discuss the case of Amanda Palmer and Neil Gaiman: a celebrity couple who are currently both facing charges around Gaiman's ongoing sexual misconduct. Kimberly and Kristin share their own personal reactions to the case, as well as the way the reporting on the story reveals common challenges for women dealing with fallout from sexual boundary rupture, particularly fawning. They explore the complexities of boundary violations, the impact of the #BelieveSurvivors movement on men, and the psychological responses for women searching for agency and empowerment post boundary rupture. The conversation touches on the broader implications of sexual abuse, the role of social media, and the importance of Activate Your Inner Jaguar work in empowering individuals to recognize and assert their boundaries. They discuss the power of embodied consent and the challenges of navigating gray areas in sexual interactions, as well as circumstances where structural power and interpersonal power fluctuate in relationships between men and women.   What They Discuss? Trigger warnings and disclaimers in journalism Fawning between young women and older men who abuse their power What is the journalistic responsibilities of storytelling and reporting around sexual boundaries An in depth consideration of Tortoise Media's podcast series Master: the allegations against Neil Gaiman Fawning when the threat is not front of you What happens when your flight response doesn't activate? How does our nervous system respond to a boundary rupture? Tendencies to blame oneself after a sexual boundary rupture Self-Gaslighting What's a trauma loop? What is compelling me to enter certain sexual situations? How does activate your inner jaguar empower women? What is the responsibility women have to their own nervous systems and for their behavior? The complexity of #BelieveSurvivors What is too overprotective for a parent? Is it safe to be a sex positive parent? How do highly publicized extremes impact sexual norms? How does virtual socialization impact our in person interactions? How does emotional support from AI impact our relationships It's become normalized to for men and women to degrade/insult men  The quieter forms of anti-male bias How does structural power and relative power play out between men and women? How does power play out in everyday relationships? The power of embodied boundaries   Links Sign up for Activate Your Inner Jaguar: Movement, Meditation, and The Female Nervous System here - Early Bird price ends May 2nd

Fawning is a trauma response. And it's one we don't talk about enough. In this episode, Danielle is digging into fawning as a default stress response. Most people misunderstand it. Fawning isn't just being nice or deferential—it's a survival mechanism that many of us picked up in childhood, and now it's messing with our relationships, our confidence, and even our nervous system.  She unpacks how fawning isn't as physiological as fight, flight, or freeze—it's more of a personality gimmick. We think it's safer to please other people than to be our authentic selves. And that… erodes trust in every direction.  In this episode: The difference between fawning and other stress responses How childhood (and chronic stress) trains us to fawn A real story of working with someone who fawned—and how it impacted trust The connection between fawning and chronic pain or illness Why spiritual practice is the antidote Healing practices to transmute the fawn response with love MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE: Take the free Stressed to Blessed Quiz AI Is Not Your Best Life Coach: LISTEN | READ Get the full class: 6 Ways To Cleanse Your Energy Field inside The Heart Centered Collective Nourish System—reduce stress and restore your nervous system. The Archives: Read on Substack Never miss an episode → Subscribe to WITH LOVE, DANIELLE.

I've never used ChatGPT. Couldn't tell you how to do it. So, not surprisingly… I've never used AI for life guidance. And I never will. Because turning to algorithms for soul advice? That's not evolution—it's devolution.  But…asking AI for life advice and personal goal-setting is ACTUALLY TRENDING.  Heavy sigh. This week, I'm naming what's happening underneath all the dopamine hits.  We've worked too hard to break free from shallow psychotherapists and profit-centric Priestesses to fall for Chat-f*cking-GPT subbing as our next spiritual advisor. Want real wisdom? Put the phone down. It's less sexy, and the dopamine is modest. But the results of self-referencing and a loving support system lead to your radiant power. In this episode: Why asking AI for spiritual guidance or life advice is a dangerous dependency Fawning as emotional manipulation—human and algorithmic How AI reflects your hungry ghost back to you (with charm) What true, self-sourced consciousness looks like in a world of synthetic wisdom MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE: The Heart Centered Collective. Get the new class—6 Ways To Cleanse Your Energy Field, for just $7.