Podcast appearances and mentions of pam leo

In this episode of The Peaceful Parenting Podcast, my guest is therapist Morgan Pommells. We explore the lasting impact of having an emotionally immature parent (EIP), including how to begin healing and how we can break the cycle with our own kids. We also talk about boundaries with our EIP parent, why children's big emotions aren't personal attacks, and what every child truly needs to thrive.Know someone who might appreciate this episode? Share it with them!And if you love the podcast, FREE ways to help us out:1- Rate and review the podcast in your podcast player app2- “Like” this post by tapping the heart icon ♥️3- Share this with a friend. THANK YOU!You can listen wherever you get your podcasts or check out the fully edited transcript of our interview at the bottom of this post.We talk about:00:00 – Introduction to Morgan Pommells02:30 – What is an emotionally immature parent?07:15 – Emotional immaturity vs. narcissism: What's the difference?09:00 – Why emotionally immature parents are often critical10:30 – The biggest impact on children: Growing up without a strong sense of self12:00 – How childhood with an EIP affects adult relationships and self-worth, and our own parenting15:30 – Healing from emotionally immature parenting18:30 – Why your child's big emotions are actually a sign of safety19:00 – Navigating relationships with emotionally immature parents as an adult27:00 – Teaching children that feelings aren't dangerous27:45 – Emotionally immature grandparents: Do the patterns continue?29:15 – The power of delighting in your child32:45 – What if your parenting partner is emotionally immature?35:00 – The parenting mistake we all make: Taking children's emotions personally36:00 – Morgan's advice for every parent: Heal your own wounds before they parent your children38:00 – Where to find Morgan and closing thoughtsResources mentioned in this episode:* Morgan's Masterclass Protect Your Peace * Morgan's IG @morganpommellsConnect with Sarah Rosensweet:* Instagram* Facebook Group* YouTube* Website* Join us on Substack* Newsletter* Book a short consult or coaching session callxx Sarah and CoreyYour peaceful parenting team- click here for a free short consult or a coaching sessionVisit our website for free resources, podcast, coaching, membership and more!>> Please support us!!! Please consider becoming a supporter to help support our free content, including The Peaceful Parenting Podcast, our free parenting support Facebook group, and our weekly parenting emails, “Weekend Reflections” and “Weekend Support” - plus our Flourish With Your Complex Child Summit (coming back in the fall for the 3rd year!) All of this free support for you takes a lot of time and energy from me and my team. If it has been helpful or meaningful for you, your support would help us to continue to provide support for free, for you and for others.In addition to knowing you are supporting our mission to support parents and children, you get the podcast ad free and access to a monthly ‘ask me anything' session.Sarah: Hey everyone. Welcome back to another episode of the Peaceful Parenting Podcast.Today's guest is Morgan Pommells. Morgan is a therapist and coach who helps the adult children of emotionally immature parents stop seeing themselves through their parents' eyes and finally come home to who they really are.Morgan and I discuss what an emotionally immature parent is, how that is—and isn't—different from narcissism, and how people grow up to parent this way. Morgan also shares how having an emotionally immature parent affects us as children, how it continues to affect us once we've grown up, and how we can heal from having been raised by an emotionally immature parent.We also talk about the opposite of emotionally immature parenting and what our kids need in order to grow up whole and healthy.Morgan has so much wisdom, and so much of our work overlaps. I think you're going to learn a lot from this conversation, and I think you're really going to enjoy it.If you like this episode, please share it with a friend so more parents can learn about peaceful parenting. If you're a fan of the podcast, you can also help us out by leaving a five-star rating and review in your podcast app. While you're there, don't forget to follow the show so you don't miss an episode.Let's meet Morgan.Sarah: Hi, Morgan. Welcome to the podcast.Morgan: Hi! Thank you for having me.Sarah: I'm so glad to have you on. We've been trying to schedule this for a while, and I think this is such an important topic for parents. I'm so glad we finally got to sit down and have this conversation.Morgan: Me too. It's a super important topic for parents.Sarah: Tell us a little about who you are and what you do.Morgan: I'm a therapist and coach in Ontario, Canada, and I specialize exclusively in working with the adult children of emotionally immature parents. Whether that's through workshops or one-to-one work, everything I do revolves around helping people heal from having emotionally immature parents.Sarah: So tell us: what is an emotionally immature parent?Morgan: Great question.An emotionally immature parent is someone who really struggles to manage their own painful internal emotions. Those emotions tend to spill out onto everyone around them instead of being worked through internally. These are parents who might struggle with shame, rage, or fear of abandonment, and instead of taking responsibility for those feelings and working through them themselves, they become everyone else's problem.They take those emotions out on their children. They may recruit their children into never leaving them because they're terrified of being abandoned. The child becomes responsible for soothing and managing the parent's anxiety, which is really the opposite of what a healthy parent-child relationship is meant to be.Sarah: Yeah.What causes somebody... I guess you don't become emotionally immature—you just never emotionally mature. What causes that lack of emotional maturation? How does somebody become an emotionally immature parent?Morgan: There are a couple of different pathways.A lot of emotionally immature parents have their own relational trauma. If we experience something deeply overwhelming at a young age and don't have the capacity to metabolize it at the time, we can become emotionally stuck there. Our biological age keeps moving forward, but our emotional development doesn't necessarily come with us. Our emotional defenses stay frozen at that younger age.In other cases, someone may have had the capacity to become emotionally mature, but emotional immaturity was all that was ever modeled for them. They don't have another template. They don't know a different kind of parenting exists because they're simply working from the script they inherited.Sarah: So far we've been talking about this in psychological terms, but what does that actually look like in real life?Let's focus on an adult child. What would a familiar interaction look like between an emotionally immature parent and their grown child?Morgan: One of the biggest dynamics is fear of abandonment.When their child grows up, goes away to university, finds a partner, or simply starts building their own life, emotionally immature parents can become very controlling. They can become very mean. They can use shame to pull their child back toward them and keep them emotionally close because they're so afraid of being abandoned.When children are younger, it usually looks like a lot of control. That parent has a tremendous amount of fear and anxiety, but instead of working through it themselves, they try to control their child. As a result, the parent feels safer, but the child feels controlled and suffocated.Sarah: So they're almost externalizing their own feelings?They feel scared, so they make their child feel scared? Or is that too simplified?Morgan: No, in some cases that's exactly what's happening.If you have a parent who's very anxious or very fearful, it can actually feel safer if everyone around them is afraid too. You don't want to be the only person who's scared of the big, bad threat you believe is coming. So if you can get everyone else to be afraid, at least you have company in that fear.When children are younger, though, it often looks a little different. A parent might be deeply worried about how their child is doing at school or how they're perceived by other people, so they try to control what the child says, wears, or does because that helps soothe the parent's own fear.Sarah: So that's because they're worried about what people think of their child because it reflects back on them?Morgan: Yes, that's certainly part of it.There can be a real element of impression management with emotionally immature parents. Many of them are very concerned with how they appear to other people. Sometimes they experienced a genuine threat in their own childhood because some important family rule was broken. As a result, they become determined that their own child will never break that same rule because they believe that's what keeps both of them safe.Sarah: I also think it's about attachment.If people don't think well of you, then you don't get your needs met.Morgan: Exactly.If someone doesn't think well of you, if they see you as a threat, or if they see you as different, that can feel incredibly dangerous.Emotionally immature parents tend to like sameness. They want their children to think the same way they do and view the world the same way they do. They often use different techniques to influence their child's thinking because differences feel threatening.Ultimately, we're talking about people who are acting from a deep desire to feel emotionally and psychologically safe. The tragedy is that the methods they use to create that safety can be profoundly damaging to their children.Sarah: How is this different from narcissism—or is it?Morgan: That's a huge question.You can absolutely have an emotionally immature parent who is also quite narcissistic, but you can also have an emotionally immature parent who isn't narcissistic at all.A narcissistic personality structure is just one presentation. Another emotionally immature parent might be incredibly anxious. There are different expressions of emotional immaturity, so it isn't an either-or situation.It's also important to remember that emotional immaturity exists on a spectrum. You can have very mild emotional immaturity—and, honestly, all of us demonstrate emotional immaturity at certain moments in our lives. Then, at the more severe end of the spectrum, you might see something like narcissistic personality disorder, where someone relies heavily on emotionally immature defenses.So it isn't that emotional immaturity and narcissism are the same thing. Narcissism is one possible way emotional immaturity can present, but it's certainly not the only one.Sarah: Are there people who are emotionally immature all the time?Morgan: Yes. When we talk about EIPs—emotionally immature parents—we're talking about people for whom emotional immaturity is the rule rather than the exception.All of us are going to have emotionally immature moments. Usually, those happen when something feels very threatening because we're trying to keep ourselves safe. We want control in that moment. One very common emotionally immature defense is denial. Think about hearing that someone has passed away. One of the first things people often say is, “No.” That's denial. We're trying to metabolize something incredibly painful.But those are moments. They're moments we can eventually reflect on, learn from, and grow through. We can become more emotionally mature if we choose to do that. With emotionally immature parents, though, emotional immaturity isn't just a reaction to certain situations—it's their baseline, regardless of the context or the type of threat they're facing.Sarah: That makes sense.One thing you talk about is emotionally immature parents being critical. Tell me about the critical parent.Morgan: There are really two different versions of that.One type of emotionally immature parent is highly critical because they're deeply afraid that their child won't be okay if they don't follow the parent's rules. They believe, “You need to get into a really good university. You need a really good job. You need perfect manners because otherwise people will be mean to you. They won't give you opportunities.” Underneath all of that criticism is genuine terror and, in many cases, genuine love for their child. The problem is that the way they're trying to soothe that fear creates rupture and disconnection in the relationship.Then there's another group of emotionally immature parents who have internalized a tremendous amount of self-hatred through their own trauma. They don't know how to metabolize that pain because growing up hating yourself is incredibly painful. Instead, they project it onto their child.They might notice a quality in their child that reminds them of something they've decided is ugly or unacceptable in themselves. It can actually feel satisfying to try to eliminate that quality in their child through criticism or shame—to make sure their child never becomes that way. In those cases, the criticism is really an expression of their own self-hatred.Sarah: What are the effects on a child growing up with an emotionally immature parent?Morgan: By far, the biggest effect is a lack of sense of self.These are children who never really had the opportunity to discover who they are because they didn't have a parent who was deeply curious about them. They didn't have a parent who took a genuine interest in them, asked meaningful questions, or reflected their inner world back to them.As children, we develop our identity in relationship with another person. We need someone to act as a mirror. But for the adult children of emotionally immature parents, you don't receive a mirror—you receive a distortion.Instead of hearing, “Tell me about yourself,” or, “I want to understand you,” you hear messages like, “There's something wrong with you,” “I'm not interested in you,” or, “Your thoughts are weird, wrong, or shameful.” Over time, your sense of self becomes organized around those messages.Sometimes the experience isn't criticism so much as neglect. In those cases, it's not even that you grow up believing you're bad or shameful. You grow up feeling like you barely exist. Like you aren't even a full person.At the core of this wound is not really knowing who you are.Sarah: Obviously that's painful in and of itself, but how does that affect someone's adult life?How does it show up in the choices we make, the relationships we enter into, or the partners we choose? And maybe that's actually a separate question, but I'm also curious about how growing up with an emotionally immature parent affects the way we parent our own children.Morgan: They're really connected.The first thing is that when you reach adulthood without a solid sense of self, there's almost this hunger inside you—a hunger that never feels fully satisfied. You don't really know what you want. Sometimes you think you know what you want, and then you finally achieve it, only to discover it doesn't feel the way you expected because something more fundamental is missing.There's this constant sense of never quite arriving.Without a strong sense of self, it's also much easier to end up in unhealthy or even abusive relationships. If you don't know who you are, how do you know what you want? How do you know what's safe? How do you know what your needs are? How do you stay connected to yourself?Instead, many people become what we often call codependent. They become incredibly focused on making sure everyone else is okay. They're wonderful caretakers, but meanwhile, none of their own needs are being met. Their own joy, happiness, and sense of aliveness get left behind.There's a deep emptiness because there's nothing inside that feels solid enough to connect with.Sarah: What about parenting? How does this affect the way we parent our own children?Morgan: Growing up with an emotionally immature parent affects parenting in so many different ways.For one thing, if you don't have a strong sense of self, it's easy to make parenting your entire identity. It becomes, “I'm just a mom,” or, “I'm just a dad,” as though there's nothing else to you beyond that role.But another really important piece is that emotionally immature parents tend to have very rigid rules. They hold strong expectations, and they genuinely believe terrible things will happen if those rules are broken.If you grow up in that environment—especially without a strong sense of self—you internalize those rules. You come to believe that's simply how the world works.Then you become a parent, your children start doing what children naturally do, and they break those rules. They talk back. They get angry. They push limits. Those are completely developmentally appropriate behaviors, but they activate tremendous fear inside you.You don't necessarily realize that's what's happening. You may even feel your reactions are completely justified. But underneath those reactions is the terror you learned as a child. Because those behaviors weren't allowed in your own home, seeing your children do them feels profoundly threatening.Without realizing it, you begin responding to your child as though they're doing something terribly wrong.Sarah: I see that all the time with the parents I work with.If your child does something that would have been dangerous for you to do as a child—whether literally dangerous or emotionally dangerous—it becomes a huge trigger.Your five-year-old self is saying, “Kids aren't allowed to do that. Kids shouldn't do that. If you do that, you're not going to get the love you need.”Morgan: Exactly.Your nervous system remembers, “Bad things happen when this happens.”Another piece of this wound is that we often don't realize we've grown up. A part of us still feels eight years old.So when your own child is screaming, getting angry, or breaking the rules, part of your body reacts as though you're the child who's about to get in trouble. It says, “We're not allowed to do this. Last time this happened, I got hurt. You need to stop. You need to be quiet.”The difference is that now we're the adult. We're bigger. We're more powerful. So we may respond with that same power to shut our child down.For many parents, that reaction comes from a very real place of, “I get hurt when people scream. I get hurt when these rules are broken. This has to stop.”Sarah: Yeah. Shut it down.How does someone heal from having been raised by an emotionally immature parent? I realize that's your life's work, so it's not a simple question, but where does healing begin?Morgan: The biggest thing to understand is that this is a relational trauma, so it has to heal in the context of relationship.As a therapist, I'm obviously biased toward therapy, but healing can happen through a coaching relationship, a healthy romantic relationship, or any relationship that offers consistent corrective experiences.We need experiences where we express our emotions and someone stays. We need experiences where we express a need and someone genuinely wants to meet that need.We have to update the template.Insight alone isn't enough. Reading about it isn't enough. We actually have to experience someone caring about us.Sarah: So it's almost like reprogramming.Morgan: Exactly.It's a real reprogramming process.Our children can certainly be part of that healing journey, but they can't become the people who heal us. We have to be very careful not to recruit them into that role.Sarah: Can we heal ourselves by being a different parent to our children than we had? Do you know what I mean? Can it work in that direction? Could that be part of the healing process?Morgan: Absolutely. There is something deeply healing about getting down on your child's level and offering them the validation that you never received yourself.At the same time, we have to be very careful not to parent our children as though they needed the parent that we needed.Sarah: Because they're their own people.Morgan: Exactly. They're their own people. They need the parent they need.If we get caught in the idea that, “I just need to give my children what I never had,” we actually end up missing a lot about who our child is. We stop learning about them because we've already decided what they need. We think, “They're crying because of this,” or, “They're upset with me because of that,” or, “They're struggling in school because of this. I know exactly what's happening because this is what I didn't get, so I'll just keep doing the opposite.”Meanwhile, our children are giving us a million different communications about who they are, what they're feeling, and what's actually going on for them, and we're missing all of it because we're so committed to this one version of parenting.Sarah: I also find it can make parents pretty reactive.I work with a lot of parents who grew up with neglect. They're actually wonderful parents, but then their child behaves like a perfectly typical five-year-old and, internally, they're thinking, “Wait a minute. I'm giving you everything I never got. How can you still be crying, yelling, and telling me I'm the worst mother in the world?”Their own experience of believing, “If only I'd had this...” creates an unrealistic expectation of how their child should behave.Morgan: Totally.Where there's been a lot of neglect, there's often an internalized rule that says, “Don't be seen. Don't be heard. Be quiet. Take up as little space as possible.”So when your own child takes up a lot of space—expressing big emotions, having big reactions—that can feel incredibly frightening.What we don't realize in those moments is that your child's willingness to express their feelings, even to tell you they hate you, is actually a sign that they feel safe enough to do that.It's not your job to talk them out of their feelings. It's your job to help them metabolize those feelings—to help make those emotions digestible for them—rather than trying to change them or shame them out of having them. They don't need you to erase their feelings. They need you to help them move through them.Sarah: In peaceful parenting, we talk about welcoming feelings.What about maintaining a relationship with an emotionally immature parent? I actually kind of know the answer because I've taken your masterclass. What's it called again?Morgan: Protect Your Peace.Sarah: Protect Your Peace. Yes. It's wonderful. We'll link to it because I recommend it for everyone.But how do you think about having—or not having—a relationship with an emotionally immature parent?Morgan: It really depends on whether you genuinely want that relationship.Emotionally immature parents often raise their children using obligation and guilt, so you grow up without even realizing that you have choices. You're recruited into following their expectations, and then one day you become an adult and realize you actually don't enjoy this relationship with your parent—or maybe you don't even want one—but it doesn't feel like that's an option.So the first step is taking it up with yourself.Do I actually want this relationship? And if I do, why?Not from a place of pressure or with some hidden agenda. Even when people come to work with me one-on-one, unless someone is experiencing ongoing abuse, I don't have an opinion about whether they should stay in contact with their parent. The healing work is learning to reconnect with your own sense of self, your own needs, and your own desires. I'm not going to become another authority figure telling someone what they should do.Instead, I encourage people to ask themselves, “If I do want this relationship, what do I want it to look like?”Boundaries don't really exist in emotionally immature family systems. If you grew up with an emotionally immature parent, chances are you struggle with boundaries. So I ask people to imagine what it would look like if they actually got to customize this relationship.Would you call as often as you do now? Would you attend every family gathering? Would you have a separate phone number just for them? What would you put in place to protect yourself while still maintaining the relationship, if that's what you genuinely wanted?Sarah: Because there may be reasons to continue the relationship.Maybe you have a wonderful relationship with your other parent and you want to preserve that. I can imagine there are very thoughtful—not in a negative sense, but very intentional—reasons someone might choose to stay in a relationship they otherwise wouldn't.Morgan: One hundred percent.And sometimes people don't really have a choice. They may still be living with their parents. There may be financial realities to consider.There's also a very real psychological cost to going no-contact with a parent. It's not an easy decision, even though a lot of online conversations make it sound simple. For the adult children of emotionally immature parents, that decision is often something they've wrestled with internally for years before they even consider it.Most people don't want to jump straight to no contact.Instead, they'll often begin by saying, “Let me see what happens if I put some boundaries in place first. If I'm going to have this relationship, here's what I need it to look like.”Sarah: Can you give an example of what one of those boundaries or parameters might look like?Morgan: Sure.It might be something like, “I'll have one twenty-minute phone call every Sunday.” Or, “I don't answer the phone during my workday because I'm working.”Some people even block their parent's number and only unblock it when they're ready to call. Others use a second phone line app where all of their parent's texts and calls go, but they turn off the notifications so they only check it when they choose to.Boundaries can also involve where you go and what you participate in. Do you attend every wedding? Every Christmas dinner? Every family event?Or they might involve what happens when you're together. Maybe you've decided that if a certain topic comes up, you'll say, “I don't want to talk about that.” If your parent continues, you might say, “If we're going to keep talking about this, I'm going to leave.” And if they continue, you actually leave.That's what makes it a boundary—you follow through.Ultimately, it comes back to recognizing that this is someone you don't feel emotionally or psychologically safe around. Once you accept that, it becomes much easier to ask yourself what you need in order to protect your peace.People start realizing things like, “I don't want to discuss this topic,” or, “I don't want to stay on the phone for an hour because all they do is talk at me,” or, “I can't answer calls in the middle of my workday.” Once you start giving yourself permission to prioritize your own safety, those answers often become surprisingly clear.Sarah: And just to be clear, I know this is what you mean, but for anyone listening, a boundary is something you do. It's not something you make another person do.Morgan: Exactly.A boundary is really an if-then statement.“If you continue criticizing my body, then I'm going to leave.”Sarah: Right. The boundary isn't, “You're not allowed to criticize my body,” because you can't control another person. You can only decide what you're going to do if they continue.Morgan: Exactly. We have zero control over another person's behavior.Once we reconnect with ourselves, we stop asking, “How do I make my parent stop doing this?” and start asking, “Given that I can't control them, what control do I actually have?”I can hang up the phone. I can leave. I can tell them I didn't appreciate what they said. I can choose not to attend the next family event. I can change the subject.It's always about what I'm going to do rather than trying to control someone else.Sarah: Do you ever see emotionally immature parents genuinely change?Morgan: Is it common? No.Does it happen? Absolutely.I've seen it happen in my own practice, and I've had clients tell me about meaningful changes they've experienced with their parents.If someone is on the milder end of emotional immaturity and they truly realize they're at risk of losing their relationship with their children, some parents do choose to go to therapy. They do the work. They genuinely try to repair.But, in my experience, they're the minority.It takes an enormous amount of self-awareness. It requires being willing to recognize that you've caused harm.Sarah: Which is exactly what's so difficult in the first place, right? That lack of self-awareness is part of what created the problem.Morgan: Exactly.It's a lack of self-awareness, but it's also a lack of capacity to tolerate being the “bad guy.”Emotionally immature parents often play a game of trying to identify who the bad person is, and somehow it's always someone else.When their adult child says, “You really hurt me when you did this,” or, “I'm still struggling because of the way you treated me growing up,” some parents become incredibly skilled at finding explanations for why it wasn't actually their fault—why circumstances made them do it, or why the child was really the problem.Those are parents who, at least in that moment, aren't able to repair because they simply can't tolerate the idea that they've done something wrong.There can be an enormous amount of shame underneath that, especially if they're already carrying years of unresolved shame from their own childhood experiences.It takes a tremendous amount of emotional capacity to stay present with that and choose repair instead.Sarah: One thing I saw on your Instagram really caught my attention. You were talking about how people often say, “Well, I was doing the best I could,” and you took issue with that.I always teach that people are doing the best they can. That's genuinely a philosophy I hold. But I would add, “Sometimes your best still wasn't good enough.”Would you agree with that?Morgan: One hundred percent.The issue I take with the phrase, “They were doing the best they could,” or, “I was doing the best I could,” is that, all of a sudden, we've left the adult child's experience and shifted entirely into the parent's experience.The child has just brought you mountains of pain about things you've done, and suddenly the conversation becomes a justification. It becomes a rationalization. We're no longer learning anything about the child's experience because the conversation has been shut down by the statement, “I was doing the best I could.”In that moment, it isn't actually helpful. It's functioning to protect the parent, which is exactly what that family system has always been organized around.At its core, it's almost a semantic argument. What does “doing your best” actually mean? Is it Olympic-level effort every single day? That's not really the point.The point is that we've once again centered the parent's experience and stopped being curious about the child's.Sarah: Right. I think if a parent could say, “I did the best I could, and I realize it wasn't good enough,” that could actually be very healing for everyone involved.Morgan: Totally.As long as the next sentence is, “Tell me more... and I can take it.”That's really the crucial part.More than anything else, children need to know that their parent can survive their feelings. Whether a parent is emotionally immature or not, if a child grows up believing, “My parent can handle my emotions,” that child is much more likely to become emotionally healthy.Too often, though, emotionally immature parents experience their child's feelings as personal attacks. The child learns that their parent can't survive those feelings.And if Mom can't survive my anger, or Dad can't survive my frustration, then how am I supposed to survive these enormous feelings?Sarah: That makes so much sense.That's exactly what we teach in peaceful parenting, too—that by staying grounded when our children have big emotions, we're teaching them that feelings aren't emergencies. They learn emotional regulation by watching us not become overwhelmed by their feelings.Tell me about emotionally immature parents as grandparents. Do you see the same patterns showing up, or is the relationship with grandchildren different?Morgan: In my experience, emotionally immature parents often try much harder with their grandchildren.Sometimes I think that's still connected to image management. They want to be seen as the wonderful grandparent. But they're also older by that stage, and grandchildren represent something of a fresh start.Here's someone who doesn't yet have years of hurt or disappointment with them. Here's another opportunity to be liked, to be admired, to build a relationship. So I often see them showing up with more effort and a little more tolerance than they had with their own children. They also tend to feel less threatened because these aren't their children to raise.That said, many adult children become very protective of their own kids. They may decide, “Even if you're somewhat better than you used to be, you still aren't emotionally safe for my child.”Sarah: Right. They're still centering themselves.Morgan: Exactly.It's still coming from a place of wanting to be seen as a certain kind of grandparent. Sometimes grandchildren become another bargaining chip—another thing the adult child supposedly owes them. Access to the grandchildren becomes another arena where the family drama can play out.Sarah: Yeah. Holy heck.You and I both talk about delighting in your child.When I teach it, I explain that children learn to see themselves through our eyes, and delight is also such a powerful way to build connection. For anyone listening who hasn't heard either of us talk about it, I describe it as letting the love you already feel in your heart actually show on your face.Talk to me about the role delight plays in your work.Morgan: This is something that the adult children of emotionally immature parents yearn for more than almost anything else—to simply be delighted in.For me, delight looks like a parent who genuinely wonders about their child. A parent who lets themselves be amazed by who their child is, especially in the places where that child is different from them.Imagine an incredibly athletic parent raising a deeply artistic child. Instead of trying to change them, that parent watches with curiosity and wonder. They're moved by who their child naturally is.That communicates something incredibly powerful: You matter to me exactly as you are.There's no agenda. There's no performance required. Your authentic, messy, imperfect self moves me.Every child needs that experience because it's permission to keep exploring who they are. It's permission to feel worthy of love, connection, and care. It creates this deeply rooted sense of, “I belong here. I exist. Who I am is good enough for this world.”That's the template we want our children growing up with.For emotionally immature parents, that kind of delight can feel threatening because it requires surrendering control. But it's really the sweetest part of parenting. It's what children are longing for at their core.Sarah: It's the best.There's a quote—I think it's from Pam Leo—that says every child needs to know there's one person who thinks they're the sun, the moon, and the stars all wrapped up into one wonderful human being.Sometimes parents ask me, “Shouldn't my child have a more realistic understanding of how the world works?”And I always tell them, “The world will teach them that. You don't have to.”Morgan: Exactly.The world is going to be hard enough. Your child doesn't need you to prepare them by becoming another source of that hardness.They're going to encounter disappointment, rejection, and criticism out in the world. What they need is a safe place to come back to.Knowing there's always someone in their corner allows them to face that big, scary world much more confidently. Eventually, it isn't even a conscious thought of, “If everything falls apart, I can always go home.”Instead, it becomes a felt sense.“I'll be okay.”That feeling becomes woven into who they are because, throughout their life, someone consistently had their back.Sarah: I've interviewed several adults on the podcast who were bullied as children.One man told me, “My parents loved me so much. I always knew they liked me. They genuinely thought I was wonderful.”He said he was bullied terribly, especially in middle school, but it never really damaged his self-esteem because he always had that foundation at home. His parents carried him through those experiences, and they didn't leave lasting scars.Morgan: That gives me goosebumps.I work with so many childhood trauma survivors and adult children of emotionally immature parents who say something very different. They'll tell me, “I know my parent loved me, but I never felt like they liked me.”They felt looked at with disgust, contempt, disappointment, or criticism. They didn't feel enjoyed.Being liked by your parent is profoundly different from simply being loved by them.I completely agree with your guest. There really is something deeply protective—almost insulating—about growing up knowing your parent genuinely likes who you are.Sarah: What if you recognize that your partner is an emotionally immature parent?Morgan: The first step is to honestly assess the capacity for communication within the relationship.Like we've talked about, all of us have emotionally immature moments. That's why these conversations are worth having. You want to be on the same page about parenting. How are we going to respond when our child has big emotions? What are we going to do when discipline is needed? Can we agree on the kind of parents we want to be?The way your partner responds to those conversations gives you important information.If you're consistently met with defensiveness, denial, minimization, or ridicule, that may be a sign that couples therapy would be helpful, assuming you're continuing the relationship.At the same time, your responsibility is to protect your child. You want to make sure that, regardless of what's happening elsewhere, your child feels emotionally safe with you.It always begins with trying to have those conversations and seeing whether your partner demonstrates a willingness to grow in emotional maturity—or whether you're continually running into defenses and distortions that make genuine change very difficult.Sarah: Is it possible for one parent's influence to be enough to protect a child from the other parent's influence?Morgan: “Enough” is an interesting word because I'd want to know what metric we're using.Is one emotionally healthy parent better than none? Absolutely. Without question.If a child has even one safe base, that alone provides an incredible amount of protection. It creates a buffer. It creates insulation.That doesn't mean the other parent's emotional immaturity won't affect them. It certainly can.But we also know that one of the biggest factors in whether a painful experience becomes traumatic isn't just what happened—it's whether there's anyone afterward to help you process it. Trauma isn't only about going through something painful. It's also about having no one afterward to help you make sense of it, regulate it, or feel supported through it.So if a child has one parent who can help them process what happened, who can reconnect with them after those difficult moments, they're in a much better position.Sarah: Yeah, absolutely.Okay, what should I have asked you that I didn't? Is there anything important we missed?Morgan: One thing I'm often talking about is helping parents stop taking their child's emotions as personal attacks.Parents frequently make these automatic connections: My child is angry, therefore they're being disrespectful. Or, My child is shutting down, therefore I'm a bad mom or dad.The reality is that children have a million different reasons for feeling what they're feeling.It's incredibly helpful if, in those moments, you can temporarily remove yourself from the equation. Instead of immediately assuming it's about you, get curious. Stay with your child. Ask questions. Try to understand what's happening in their world before creating a story about what's happening in yours.We often assume we already know why our child feels the way they do, but we usually don't.Step into their world with curiosity instead.If it is about you, and you're a safe parent, they'll tell you.Then you can take that information up with yourself, talk about it together, and repair if necessary. But first, we have to give children the freedom to have their feelings.That's incredibly important.Sarah: That's beautiful.Our work is so aligned. I'm really grateful you came on the podcast today. I'm sure parents are going to learn a lot from this conversation and want to learn more.Where's the best place for people to find you and your work?Morgan: You can find me on Instagram at @morganpommells. My last name is spelled P-O-M-M-E-L-L-S.Come on over. We talk about emotionally immature parents all the time.Sarah: We'll put all the links in the show notes, including your masterclass.Is that available all the time now?Morgan: Yes. Protect Your Peace is available anytime.Sarah: Perfect.Okay, final question.What's one thing you wish every parent knew?Morgan: I wish every parent knew that they need to work their own s**t out, or else their s**t is going to raise their kids.More often than not, the reaction you're having, the story you're telling yourself, the urgency you feel to immediately fix or stop something—that's about your stuff.Before turning toward your child, pause and turn toward yourself first.Ask yourself, What just happened inside me? Why is this particular behavior so triggering? Why is this reaction bringing up something so intense?That's incredibly important data about you. In that moment, it's usually much more about you than it is about your child.Sarah: It's so hard because I think a lot of people believe they've already done a tremendous amount of personal work before they have kids.But in my own experience, and from years of coaching parents, there's a whole layer you simply can't access until you become a parent.My husband and I were talking about this the other day. We had our first child when we were thirty, and we've often joked that if we'd started younger, maybe we would've had more children.He said, “I don't know. I probably needed more time to work on my stuff.”And I said, “I don't actually think your stuff would've shown up. Whether we'd had kids at twenty-five, thirty-five, or forty, there's a whole layer that simply doesn't emerge until you become a parent.”Morgan: Exactly.The portal hasn't been unlocked yet.Parenthood opens an entirely different window into yourself. It activates parts of you that often stay completely dormant until you have children.There are aspects of yourself that may never become activated at all if you don't become a parent. Parenting has a unique way of bringing those hidden parts to the surface.Sarah: Think of all those blissfully happy people out there without children who don't even know what their issues are.Morgan: They're living a very blissful life.Sarah: Well, thank you so much, Morgan. It's been such a pleasure.We'll put links to all of your work in the show notes, and thank you so much for coming on the podcast. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit sarahrosensweet.substack.com/subscribe

SUPPORT THE SHOW, SHOW YOUR LOVE Become a patron on Patreon.com  Make a one-time donation in any amount to say “Thank you!” Rate or write a review HOW TO WORK WITH ANNA I would be thrilled to support you in your parenting journey! All listeners get 10% off on my services. Private Coaching GET IN TOUCH Comments, questions, feedback, and love notes  USA listeners call 732-763-2576 and leave a voicemail. International listeners use the FREE Speak Pipe tool on my website Email: info@authenticparenting.com STAY CONNECTED Instagram Facebook Group-Authentic Parenting Community Thank you for listening!       

This month I am doing a series on a series on Parenting in the Digital Age and Taking Steps to Protect Our Kids from Porn. This is the second part of my two-part interview with Chris McKenna. Chris is the founder of the amazing organization Protect Young Eyes.  In this episode we are talking about an idea that Chris often shares with parents: delay is the way! Here is some more of our conversation: *No parent ever says “I've failed as a parent because I gave my kid snapchat too late.” *Chris shares this quote from Dr. Mitchell Princstein, chief science officer of the American Psychological Association, “there are no findings showing harm to children who stay off of social media, in fact, some emerging evidence suggests that the most socially competent kids are refraining from using these platforms.” *Chris suggests waiting until high school for a smart phone. *I suggest waiting until after high school for social media. *“May we raise kids who don't have to recover from their childhood.” Pam Leo *Chris shares tips for parenting in the digital age with our littles, middles and teens. *For littles: Get a router that will help prevent early accidental exposure. The router is your guard! Use it! Everything you need to know about routers from Chis found here. *For middles: Build that relational connection Have conversations that assure them no matter what happens they can land softly and safely with you!  *Use parental control software on all devices (learn more about those here)  *Give them a plan for what to do if they see pornography or other problematic things in the digital space. More on that in episode 8! *For teens: Keep talking! Almost annoy your kids with the frequency of these convos! Where to find more help from Chris? Website here  Don't forget to subscribe to this podcast and I'd be so very grateful if you leave a 5 star rating of the podcast and write a quick review.  Reviews are incredibly helpful to me as a new podcaster. Thank you for listening and being part of my team.  I love you guys! Greta 

Want a better behaved kid? Begin by teaching them about their brain. This helps your kid externalize their struggles – they go from feeling shame (I'm a bad kid for acting this way) to self-compassion (sometimes I have a hard time and my downstairs brain takes over). Reducing shame, reduces challenging behavior. As childhood expert Pam Leo reminds us,“You can't teach children to behave better by making them feel worse. When children feel better, they behave better.” When we teach kids about their brains and help them understand what triggers them, it normalizes their feelings. We still set limits on behavior, but it comes from a place of compassion rather than control. These are big concepts for little brains. And it can feel a little intimidating to talk to your five year old about neurobiology. But just remember – you don't have to get these talks perfect. You just need to make them good enough. To get Carley's free video teaching you 4 play therapy techniques you can use TODAY to calm your emotional child and bring joy and freedom back to family life click here!http://www.paceparent.com/play And follow her @CarleyCounsels on FB & IG!

Ameé Quiriconi is an entrepreneur, podcast host, and author, she is also a mother of 2. This is an incredibly powerful episode. For anyone that dealt with any type of trauma in their childhood and are concerned with how that will impact their own parenting, this one is for you. Trigger warning: if you have some sensitivities to childhood trauma you may find this hard to listen to at times Timestamps: 0343 becoming an entrepreneur while becoming a mom 0600 wanting to do things differently than your parents did them 0743 being overwhelmed by motherhood 0910 not being the main parent after a divorce 0945 being a parent when you're a kid makes it difficult to be a parent as an adult 1045 abusive relationships “It's no longer about what my mom did to me, it's about what I'm doing to my kids and what I'm going to do right now to change the course of that” 1445 are we doomed to repeat the same mistakes our parents made? 1715 how important the first five years of child development are, and wha the can do about it 2240 the stress that entrepreneurship can bring to your family 2832 reparenting to give yourself the things you didn't receive in childhood 3605 advice for single working mom 3725 advice to former self 3810 best advice you've ever received  3945 advice for new dad EPISODE LINKS Ameé's book: The Fearless Woman's Guide to Starting a Business >> ⁠https://amzn.to/45QH3oq⁠ Ameé's LinkedIn >> ⁠https://www.linkedin.com/in/ameequiriconi/⁠ Ameé's podcast: One Broken Mom >> https://open.spotify.com/show/6dDO9Tcl39A4X4MP84U28D?si=cedde8b14880417b Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents by Dr. Lindsay Gibson >> https://amzn.to/3Qkz1ya Running on Empty: Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect by Jonice Webb >> https://amzn.to/45QE1ka Aha! Parenting by Dr. Laura Markham >> https://www.ahaparenting.com/ Mind Over Money: Overcoming the Money Disorders That Threaten Our Financial Health Dr. Brad Klontz >> https://amzn.to/47c44TE Connection Parenting by Pam Leo >> https://amzn.to/40flQ6m “Let's raise children who won't have to recover from their childhoods.”― Pam Leo SHOW LINKS: contact: ⁠successfulworkingparents@gmail.com⁠ Linktree: ⁠https://linktr.ee/successfulworkingparents⁠  Musical credit: Hippie Beatnix (ID 1913) by Lobo Loco CC-by-nc-nd

Want to discover a new way of parenting that can not only transform your relationship with your child… but also your relationship with yourself? It's called Connection Parenting, and it's a philosophy that's taken the parenting world by storm.Unlike traditional parenting approaches that rely on fear, guilt, and shame to get children to comply, Connection Parenting is based on the belief that children are naturally motivated to cooperate and learn when they feel seen, heard, and valued. It's a philosophy that's grounded in the latest research on child development, attachment theory, and neuroscience, and it's backed up by countless success stories from parents who have tried it and seen incredible results.To help us delve deeper into this game-changing approach, I'm joined by Pam Leo, a parenting expert and family literacy activist who literally wrote the book on Connection Parenting.Press play to learn how to raise children who won't need to ‘recover' from their childhood, why modern parenting techniques have moved away from the old-school model of punishment and reward, how to break free from destructive parenting patterns you may have inherited from your own parents, how to create a more harmonious and fulfilling family dynamic, what a child having a meltdown is actually trying to tell you, how to help your child develop a strong sense of resilience, practical tips for incorporating connection-based parenting into your daily routine, and what children *really* need to thrive.Head to www.melissaambrosini.com/509 for the show notes.Join my newsletter: www.melissaambrosini.com/newsletterFollow me on Instagram: @melissaambrosini Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This week we are joined by our guest Maria as we review Connection Parenting by Pam Leo.   We talk about the practical application of the lessons learned from the book, including some that don't just apply to parenting, but to relationships and life in general.The We Need Help Podcast - is cheaper than therapy and way funnier.Hosted by : Lizzy… A proudly sophisticated hillbilly, a self-made dropout entrepreneur, a motivational speaker, a writer, a dedicated friend, MILF, trophy wife, sister, loving daughter, and survivor of life, so far.Izzy...a fiancé, happily sober addict/alcoholic, cancer survivor, college drop-out, ex-waitress, ex-CEO, current neuro-leadership executive coach, life coach, and teacher.Together we are 2 best friends who have discovered that shared pain is...well, HILARIOUS, especially when you have great company and the right kind of help.Join us as we read and review every self-help and spiritual book we can get our grubby little hands on, sharing with you every hilarious stumble, fumble, and aha! moment along the way.  You may learn a thing or two about yourself. Regardless, it will DEFINITELY be way more entertaining and fun than reading alone in your room while crying over whatever or whomever.  We've been there.  Alone, it's no fun. Come along with us on a journey of laughter through tears and hopefully have an aha! moment or two, too.Where To Find Us:Instagram: @weneedhelp_thepodcastSupport us at www.patreon.com/weneedhelppodcastShop Merch at https://weneedhelpthepodcast.com/Support the show

Maria (Izzy's Polish bestie) joins Izzy and Lizzy to hoehash about the motherhood, the surprises, the hard parts, and the best parts. Izzy‘s uterus packs it's Polish luggage while her two best friends scare her to death about becoming a mother in the hilarious conversation about real momming. Join us in reading the book "Connection Parenting" by Pam Leo and tune in next Tuesday for our review of the book!Support the show

“You can't make people better by making them feel worse.” ~ Adapted from Pam Leo (https://www.billcrawfordphd.com)

This week on the Podcast I have the honour of talking to Pam Leo. Pam is the author of the wonderful book “Connection Parenting: Parenting through Connection instead of Coercion, through Love instead of Fear”, first published in 2005. She has worked for over 30 years as a childbirth and parent educator, grief work facilitator and parent mentor. She is a writer and has taught her Connection Parenting series “Meeting the Needs of Children” for many years. She is a founding member of the Alliance for Transforming the Lives of Children and is a family literacy activist and the founder of the Book Fairy Pantry Project, a not-for-profit grassroots project that advocates for literacy and aims to provide books donations for high risk families. They are hoping to reach the 10 million children in America who are living in poverty. She is the mother of 2 children, 5 grand-children and now a great-grandchild. Please note that this episode is not about Aware Parenting but rather Pam' Leo's approach - Connection Parenting. In today's episode we talk about Connection Parenting and how to focus on building and maintaining strong, consistent loving connections with our children. We talk about the need to treat children with respect. We discuss how to listen to children's feelings in a way that allows them to release and heal from stress and trauma. We discuss how to see our children's behaviour as a communication of unmet needs and how to decode their behaviour when it is challenging. She shares lots of ideas on how to fill children's ‘love cup', how to communicate in ways that strengthen connection and how to ensure we meet our needs as parents too. Pam shares her wisdom and knowledge to encourage us to “raise children who won't have to recover from their childhood”. To find out more about Pam Leo, please visit www.connectionparenting.com or www.bookfairypantryproject.org . Pam is also on Facebook as Pamela Leo and BookFairyPantryProject and on Instagram bookfairypantryproject.

#172: Pam Leo once said, “however we treat the child, the child will treat the world.” This powerful statement holds significant meaning for those of us who identify as parents or guardians.  Listen in to hear more about this important topic! Join the Conscious Parents, Thriving Kids community on Facebook today. This is a place for encouragement, support, ideas, and strategies for raising today's children in a conscious and mindful way. Come join this global community of liked minded parents. Sue, the founder of Conscious Parents, Thriving Kids, and the host of this podcast will be with you every step of the way to answer questions and provide ongoing opportunities for learning and growing on your parenting journey. Join the Conscious Parents, Thriving Kids community here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/138844930006014/

Maybe you, like I am, are struggling - muddling your way through this parenting thing. Pam Leo, offers so much hope in this episode for any parent or caregiver who feels under-resourced, who feels like they're not giving enough or not quite hitting the mark.  Pam is lovely and her resources and her life's mission has given us a better understanding of why parenting can be so unbelievably hard and then she gives practical tips and ideas that will help. We are often competing with our children to get needs met and a lack of resources is the most common reason for that competition. Pam Leo, author of Connection Parenting, joins us on the podcast to share her story as well as the genesis of Connection Parenting, and her book that includes her framework for 'Parenting Through Connection instead of Coercion'. Pam is a delight and we know you'll love this conversation! Check out Connection Parenting here: https://connectionparenting.com/ And The Book Fairy Panty Project here: https://bookfairypantryproject.org/ And Buy Pam's fantastic book here: https://amzn.to/3IR2vzk

Today's message, “Many of us believe that prisons are a failure, in the sense that they're not reforming prisoners, they're just making the behavioral issues worse. In examining prisons as a means of reform, from the lens that punishment is not the same as rehabilitation, how is this viewpoint any different to how often parents teach their children through punishment, as a vehicle for changing behavior, by resorting to threats, manipulation and punitive actions that only exacerbate fear and anxiety in children. Unfortunately, these are the hierarchical child rearing tactics, which still prevail in society." (Megan Stalnaker)Now I think it's really important to read what Pam Leo wrote in her book, “Connection Parenting” she said, “You can't teach children to behave better by making them feel worse.  When children feel better, they behave better.” And what a true statement this is for children and adults alike. When has fear and shaming ever been a positive motivator for action?In relation to this research, I found it interesting that a 1994 Times article titled, “Prisons Don't Work” noted that, “Prisoners kept too long tend to embrace criminal culture, its distorts their values and beliefs; they have little choice -- prison is their life. “It has me thinking, what choices do our children have in how their values and beliefs are shaped? As we are their parents, what choices did we have in the shaping of our own beliefs and values. The answer is children have little if not, zero choice in what they take in and role model from their environment. Our homes are their lives. Just like in prison, the inmates who are exposed longer to life in prison have a harder time assimilating after living a life in such rigidity and fear.Have you ever heard the saying, “Doing time for the crime”? And how often in our society do we read about the punishment not fitting the crime? How outrageous and egregious is it to learn about someone doing many years in prison for a mild offense or a misunderstanding. Will they emerge rehabilitated or anxious, angry and afraid for what they've endured, with the likelihood of committing a second offense.So what would this example of the "punishment not fitting the crime" look like in a family home? Let's say, there is a boy named Jayden who refuses to eat his broccoli. His mother threatens Jaydan with losing his PlayStation, a gaming device that has nothing to do with broccoli. Let's say the Mother adds in, “Your addicted to gaming anyway. A little time away from the PlayStation will be good for you.” The Mother fails to see her own role in buying the PlayStation to begin with, setting it up and purchasing games for Jayden.  The Mother is more concerned with using this punishment as a means to fulfill her secondary goal of getting Jayden to game less.The mother thinks she is correcting Jayden's behavior, so that we will eat his broccoli from now on but the Mother's own arbitrary connection between gaming and broccoli will not resonate with little Jayden. What will stay with the child is the fear and anxiety that the Mom took away his beloved PlayStation for something seemingly insignificant to him. I say that it is insignificant because how many times have you taken away an item from a child to teach them a lesson, then they turn around and do the same thing 2 days later and you have to remind them, Remember what I took away from you? Don't make the same mistake again! We think we are teaching them teaching them respect for authority to “pay” for their “crimes” and remember their mistakes but that is not what is happening. But are really teaching them that rules are to be feared, orders are to be blindly followed and that there is a deep feeling of shame and trepidation when they make a mistake in life.Connect with me: Instagram.com/megan_nycmom

Read the story here: https://www.kindredmedia.org/2021/01/tackling-a-national-family-literacy-epidemic-during-a-global-pandemic-an-interview-with-pam-leo-of-the-book-fairy-pantry-project/ Pam Leo inspires us to quite the hand-wringing and get busy tackling the epidemic of family illiteracy in our local communities with her on-the-ground Book Fairy Pantry Project stories and guidance! At-risk communities, who were already struggling with an epidemic of illiteracy, often transgenerational, are now finding their limited book resources drying up during the pandemic. Pam Leo shares with us in this interview practical ways to combat illiteracy in your community, as well as the shocking statistics on the lack of books in many homes in America. Her stories are uplifting, funny, and common sense, with her guidance on how to work with food pantries, local WIC offices, Goodwill, Eagle Scouts (who built Little Free Libraries in two Maine neighborhoods), and more. Visit the Book Fairy Pantry Project for more literacy statistics and guidance on how to get your own community literacy activism going at www.BookFairyPantryProject.org. Visit Kindred Media for a transcript of this recording in the near future, and read more of Pam's work: www.kindredmedia.org/author/pam-leo/ Visit Kindred World to learn more about our nonprofit initiatives: www.KindredWorld.org

Carmine Leo is the owner of LifeCoaching.com and maintains a thriving practice providing organizations, teams and individuals with an evidence-based methodology to develop emotional intelligence and emotional self-management skills through coaching and training. Over the last twenty years he has successfully coached hundreds of clients - from single moms to CEOs, from combat-vet Marines to artists, musicians, and writers, from rocket scientists to permaculture communitarians - as well as working with clients within organizations such as Apple, Google, Raytheon, NASA, IBM, Onsemi, General Atomics, The Washington Post, the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation, and many others. Carmine was a co-developer - in collaboration with Pam Leo - of the parenting workshops, "Meeting the Needs of Children" which in 1995 were published as Pam's seminal book, "Connection Parenting."

“You can’t make people better by making them feel worse.” ~ Adapted from Pam Leo (https://www.billcrawfordphd.com/quote-video-blog/)

What we cover in this Episode:The core question that led me on the conscious parenting journey. An experience with my oldest son that revolutionized our family lifeAn activity in present moment awareness A mini quantum practice I recommend every day Resources referenced:Pam Leo's book, Connection Parenting: Parenting Through Connection Instead of Coercion, Through Love Instead of Fear-----> Later I studied Parenting by Connection with Patty Wipfler at Hand in Hand Parenting. Her book is my favorite starter for understanding and applying connection-based parenting:Listen: Five Simple Tools to Meet Your Everyday Parenting Challenges by Patty Wipfler and Tosha Shore

Imagine living from a place of truth and authenticity free from the inner voice of the critic, where you flow and know you are living your purpose. Dr. Tina Bozicnik is doing just that, a pediatrician and a mom of a 3-year old daughter whose aliveness and truth radiates from her. As a pediatrician, she accepts herself fully knowing we are imperfectly perfect humans and this sense of calm and purpose resonates deeply with the children she works with. She believes in holistic and integrative approach when it comes to treatment of her little patients that is in tune with children’s playful nature. She motivates and encourages parents to become positive, conscious role models for their children, by living their unlimited potential and being authentic. We know the way we show up as humans matters, especially when we are parents, because as Pam Leo said “However we treat the child, the child will treat the world.” Tina shares tools for how we can be more conscious, present, and connected and treat our children how they want to be treated. Listen and be inspired to a new way of living, one of truth, acceptance, and presence, so you feel good about yourself as a person and a parent.

We say it often here at the Read-Aloud Revival: sharing books with our kids is all about connection. This is true for all ages, but today we're especially going to talk about the importance of reading aloud to babies. Our guest today goes so far as to say that our effectiveness as parents is in direct proportion to the strength of the bond that we have with our child. This is good stuff! In this new episode of the Read-Aloud Revival podcast, Pam Leo shares her wisdom about connecting with babies and toddlers through books. In this episode, you'll hear: How connection = effectiveness in parentingWhether reading to babies really matters (spoiler alert: It does... a lot!)Favorite books for babies and toddlers ...Click that play button below to hear the podcast: Listener Guide Use the time stamps below to skip to any part of the podcast: 2:30 Meet Pam Leo4:04 Marrying two loves6:03 Our effectiveness as parents7:23 Reading with babies10:16 'Reading Voice'11:22 Favorite books for babes14:42 Sign language books & wordless books21:05 Brain-building23:58 Building a 'Bridge'25:44 The Book Fairy Pantry Project32:52 Let the Kids Speak More free resources & booklists Get the best episodes and reources from the Read-Aloud Revival Keep an eye on your inbox! We'll keep you posted whenever we have a new podcast episode or a great free booklist or resource for you. There was an error submitting your subscription. Please try again. Email Address I'd like to receive the free email course. Yes! Powered by ConvertKit /* Layout */ .ck_form.ck_minimal { /* divider image */ background: #f9f9f9; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 1.5em; overflow: hidden; color: #666; font-size: 16px; border: solid 1px #d1d1d1; -webkit-box-shadow: none; -moz-box-shadow: none; box-shadow: none; clear: both; margin: 20px 0px; text-align: center; } .ck_form.ck_minimal h3.ck_form_title { text-align: center; margin: 0px 0px 10px; font-size: 28px; } .ck_form.ck_minimal h4 { text-align: center; font-family: 'Open Sans', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; text-transform: uppercase; font-size: 18px; font-weight: normal; padding-top: 0px; margin-top: 0px; } .ck_form.ck_minimal p { padding: 0px; } .ck_form, .ck_form * { -webkit-box-sizing: border-box; -moz-box-sizing: border-box; box-sizing: border-box; } .ck_form.ck_minimal .ck_form_fields { width: 100%; float: left; padding: 5%; } /* Form fields */ .ck_errorArea { display: none; /* temporary */ } #ck_success_msg { padding: 10px 10px 0px; border: solid 1px #ddd; background: #eee; } .ck_form.ck_minimal input[type="text"], .ck_form.ck_minimal input[type="email"] { font-size: 18px; padding: 10px 8px; width: 68%; border: 1px solid #d6d6d6; /* stroke */ -moz-border-radius: 3px; -webkit-border-radius: 3px; border-radius: 3px; /* border radius */ background-color: #fff; /* layer fill content */ margin-bottom: 5px; height: auto; float: left; margin: 0px; margin-right: 2%; height: 42px; } .ck_form input[type="text"]:focus, .ck_form input[type="email"]:focus { outline: none; border-color: #aaa; } .ck_form.ck_minimal .ck_subscribe_button { width: 100%; color: #fff; margin: 0px; padding: 11px 0px; font-size: 18px; background: #6fc171; -moz-border-radius: 3px; -webkit-border-radius: 3px; border-radius: 3px; /* border radius */ cursor: pointer; border: none; text-shadow: none; width: 30%; float: left; height: 42px; } .ck_form.ck_minimal .ck_guarantee { color: #626262; font-size: 12px; text-align: center; padding: 15px 0px 0px; display: block; clear: both...

There is no doubt that Pam Leo has changed and affected literally thousands and thousands of lives in her decades of work teaching parents. She is a writer, speaker, educator and like me, an avid reader and learner. Since the explosion of social media, Pam has gained additional "internet fame" with her quote "Let's raise children who won't have to recover from their childhoods." Spurred on by this very quote, Amee reached out to Pam Leo to see if she would sit down and talk about how exactly to do this. Listen as the two of them discuss Pam's book, Connection Parenting and how we can all learn so much more about ourselves - even if we're not parents - by understanding more about how we were raised.

Jeffrey's questions:  "When you're wanting to make a radical change in your work life or advance your best ideas, how much collaboration do you need, and how much time alone is best for you to generate and then advance your best ideas?”  In her book, The Creative Habit, celebrated choreographer Twyla Tharp suggests that “a clearly stated and consciously shared purpose is the foundation of great collaboration.” What else do you need to facilitate a successful collaboration? What role does solitude play in allowing you to process ideas and make meaningful contributions to the group? And how do we practice solitude in a world where technology conveniently supplies a distraction any time we feel a little uncertainty or discomfort?  Jeffrey is at the roundtable with mindfulness teacher and author Leo Babauta and award-winning author, speaker and business consultant Pam Slim to explore the characteristics of a successful collaboration and the necessity of solitude as a critical part of the process. Pam and Leo both share the radical transformations that led them to become entrepreneurs and their experiences with the collaborative nature of sharing your writing with an online community. They speak to challenge of embracing uncertainty rather than retreating into your cell phone—and the liberation that comes with opening your heart to discomfort.  Key Takeaways [3:57] Pam & Leo’s young genius moments ‘Alive in the magic,’ creating worlds Burying marbles, climbing banyan tree [9:23] Leo’s time of radical change Overweight smoker, deeply in debt Felt badly about self as person, father Picked one thing to change (smoking) Began to change other habits as well Started blog in 2007, year of discovery Achieved with support of others [18:08] Pam’s journey of radical change Working 90 hours/week in 1996 Mentors moved on after merger, lost mojo Also stuck in unhealthy relationship Quit job without plan (huge tolerance for risk) Reached out to old boss for freelance work Realized suited to entrepreneurship [27:18] Pam’s take on successful collaborative efforts As much as you prepare, much is random (human side of business) Open to collaborate with client, mentors or peer network [33:11] The characteristics of optimal collaboration Strong opinions, weakly held Deep listening Mirrored communication Shared purpose, but individual motivation Joint mission, desire to be part of something bigger Acceptance, mutual love and respect Community spirit, shared workload Different perspectives, life experiences Willingness to be changed (beginner’s mind) Leader offering invitation to collaborate, keep it going Create brave spaces [47:46] The significance of solitude Solitude is ‘lost art’ Necessary first step in collaboration Schedule time for solitude Step away from technology to process Can be around people, yet alone with thoughts [56:37] How we use our phones to avoid uncertainty, discomfort Solitude, isolation allows for awareness of patterns Set intention and create boundaries Play with discomfort (critical part of development) Proactively schedule time without distractions [1:03:10] Pam’s advice for executives around allowing for solitude Signals, signs ‘No meeting’ days Design space for needs of team Enforce your own boundaries Connect with Pam & Leo Pam’s Website Escape from Cubicle Nation Leo’s Website Zen Habits Resources The Creative Habit: Learn It and Use It for Life by Twyla Tharp “Just Think: The Challenges of the Disengaged Mind” by Timothy D. Wilson, et al. Lead Yourself First: Inspiring Leadership Through Solitude by Raymond M. Kethledge and Michael S. Erwin Solitude: A Singular Life in a Crowded World by Michael Harris The Quiet Revolution

Maria talks with Pam Leo author of Connection Parenting. Jeanne Murphy, author of Bring Home Baby and Baby Makes Three. Nancy Cleary from Wyatt-MacKenzie Publishing talks with Maria about the Mom-Writers Publishing Cooperative and Dorothy Dougherty author of Teach Me How to Say it Right: Helping Your Child with Articulation Problems.