Life Deconstructed

Today's message, “Before & After”This week, the United States military mission ended in Afghanistan. The U.S. effectively or ostensibly exited the longest war in American history. A war that killed over 2,400 U.S. troops. There is always a before and after, whether it is the collapse of the Soviet Union, the removal of the Berlin Wall, the attacks on September 11th or a global pandemic that shuts down air travel and forces all of society to pause...It is this heavy feeling of innocence lost, or perhaps a death to the life, in many cases, we were unconsciously and robotically living. In the aftermath, once the chaos settles, we  find ourselves in stillness. I am reminded of an art exhibition I viewed many years ago, at the Museum of Modern Art in New York, which touched on the  civil unrest in Afghanistan. 50 years ago, Italian conceptual artist, Alighiero Boetti, commissioned Afghani women to embroider large global map tapestries which he called, “Mappa” with each country depicting its national flag. The Afghani women Boetti hired to work on the maps, had never seen traditional global maps, so the thread colors they chose to fill in the earth's ocean weren't blue, but instead, vibrant shades pink and orange. Between 1971 and 1994, Boetti continued his Mappa project  as the nations, country rulers and flags continually changed, meaning every map essentially highlighted the before and after in geopolitical changes year over year.In his 1983 map, Boetti left Afghanistan blank without a flag as the Soviet Union had occupied the country and its fate was uncertain.It is both the vibrant shades of color depicting the earth's ocean and the blankness of Afghanistan from that 1983 map that has stayed with me all these years later  from that exhibition.  How fitting are both examples in illuminating the tender times of political, societal  and cultural change.It is in reflection of the ‘before' then the determination of its ‘after' where we experience the awe of stillness.It is as if everything we thought we knew or believed is suddenly set on fire. It is in these quiet moments where we must look beyond the smoke and create something new.Connect with me: Instagram.com/megan_nycmom

Today's passage, “What is the root cause of procrastination?” I had a friend once remark to me, “Have you ever eaten something salty like peanuts then wanted something sweet like chocolate, then next thing you know an hour has past and you're in this vicious cycle of eating salty and sweet until you're bloated and feel disgusting?”  That's a great metaphor for what it feels like to procrastinate when it comes to meeting our daily objectives, work tasks, taking care of our personal health and other meaningful activities that requires a steady stream of ‘follow through'.Just like the cycle of sweet and salty snacking leads to lethargy, stomach aches and weight gain, the cycle of procrastination leads to low self-esteem, fear over failure, fear over success and ultimately a feeling of trepidation or anxiety in facing the task at hand.Like with the root cause of many bad habits in our lives, there may be the sense that it's not a really harmful habit until there is a negative outcome, say for example, developing type 2 diabetes as a result of poor eating. When faced with a consequence, we may then decide that the habit is no longer working as a temporary fix in distracting us from whatever it is we do not want to face, because all bad habits in life are a distraction, providing a false sense of control.·        So what is the root cause of procrastination? Why do we as humans continue a routine that makes us feel so bad?Procrastination sparks a myriad of opposing emotional responses, which is one of the many reasons think procrastination is used to connect to oneself. We may feel both anxiety and fear in procrastinating with elements of relief and calm by delaying the inevitable. Why do we do this? I believe that reviewing moments in our early childhood where we felt a similar range of opposing emotions in succession might be instrumental in understanding why we continue behaviors that ignite those same feelings in adulthood. It is my personal belief that every bad habit or addiction develops from an unmet emotional need in our life...Connect with me: Instagram.com/megan_nycmom 

Today's passage, “The development of knowing begins with suffering.” It seems that it's rule, not the exception that the majority of our life lessons are learned through painful experiences that deepen our awareness of self, which helps us understand the pain of others. It is through the handling of our failures, or even perceived failures, that allow us to truly see what is broken within and needs repair. Awareness takes practice and time. It's why we often hear that wisdom comes with age. Through our experience in suffering, we gain a broader perspective, the development of knowing. ·        Liberation is a byproduct for assessing our challenges in life, by facing our own suffering with humility, courage and unbridled acceptance. It is accepting our suffering as it is without a need to change it that liberates us from fear and control.Acceptance for many of us, is a change in attitude when we face our biggest conflicts and obstacles. Peace of mind is never created from overthinking, projecting, or in other words, ‘future tripping' on what ‘could happen'.  But if acceptance opens the door to peace, where do we find the key? I find that to accept any given situation, I must first detach and contemplate. It isn't easy. Sitting with the uncomfortably in the unknowing or the ‘as is' can feel scary. It takes courage to have vulnerability or a natural innocence that is innate in all of us to address suffering in an even, balanced, and detached manner which supports victory over pain and Connect with me: Instagram.com/megan_nycmom 

Today's passage, “Brain scans show that when a person hears information in opposition to a belief they strongly hold true, or information that actually even disproves the belief, the emotional, not the cognitive centers, of the brain is activated or lights up.”What if we retrained our brains to welcome every opposing opinion. To view every rage filled manifesto posted on Facebook, hateful meme on Twitter, news commentary that targeted our outrage center, to experience the event without reaction or resistance?Ellen Gottlieb's new book, “How To Raise A Parent” Becoming a Conscious Parent in an Unconscious World, she focuses on the perils of unconscious parenting and how to avoid them. What I find so fascinating about her book is that you can apply every lesson to every type of relationship in your life. Dr. Shefali writes in her forward to Ellen's book, “Ellen's wonderful book paves the way for parents to apply its principles in a grounded, concrete, and practical way. These words will encourage you to build a stronger connection with your kids and help them discover their authentic selves. It is a must read for every parent who wishes to heal and fortify their relationship with their children. Your children will thank you for this.” I think you could really rewrite Dr. Shefali's forward to say the book paves the way for parents to apply its principles to not only build a stronger connection with their children but also with their romantic partners, bosses, coworkers, parents, siblings and children to heal and fortify their relationships in a healthy way rooted in authenticity and presence.To be honest, I would like to do a book study on her book to breakdown her teachings in precisely this manner, apply every lesson and vignette to a variety of relationships.  I'll give an example. In Chapter 17, Ellen discusses, “Power and Responsibility” as she writes that, “Gratitude is an outgrowth of mindful living. Children who are raised in a conscious way inevitably feel worthy and are consequently grateful, while also being humble. This practice requires unconditional acceptance, connection, as well as, the imposition of clear boundaries.” She then bullets the following for reflection: "Have I been a role model for self-worth?" You can ask that question from parent to child, romantic partner to romantic partner, boss to subordinate, etc. Many of us believe, myself included, that when we are operating from a higher form of what you could call wellness, or awareness, most folks around us naturally attune to our balanced and easy approach in kind.  Sort of like the saying we have on the NYC Subway advertisements, “Courtesy is contagious”.  Ellen asks, “Have I instilled the values of gratitude and humility?” Well, to instill these values in our children, we must embody these values in our romantic relationships, with our work colleagues, family members, etc. We could ask, “Do I embody the values of gratitude and humility in all my affairs?”It stands to reason that the first step in any successful, healthy relationship is the awareness of one's own self acceptance.  Once we heal triggers like not reacting to opinions that are in opposition to our own with grace and understanding, the battle is nearly won as we recognize that we are all in this together as one. Connect with me: Instagram.com/megan_nycmom 

Today's passage, “You take two strangers and put ‘em in random predicaments Give 'em a soul so they can make their own choices and live with it.”Kendrick Lamar won the Pulitzer Prize for Music for his 2017 album, “DAMN.” It was the first non-classical or jazz album to win a Pulitzer for “A virtuosic song collection unified by its vernacular authenticity and rhythmic dynamism that offers affecting vignettes capturing the complexity of modern African-American life.”On the surface, this prolific album was filled with songs that could be described as, and I am dating myself here, “summer joints.” However, when you dig a bit deeper into the meaning of the lyrics, you recognize this album is densely spiritual. The last song on this album “Duckworth” is by far and large my favorite because it deals with questions around cause and effect, the randomness or perhaps predetermined events that happen in our in correlation with whether or not we have free will.Kendrick Lamar also references a book in the Bible, Deuteronomy, when he raps that “wickedness” was broken through submission to God, and as a result, karma brought about redemption and ultimately world-wide success for himself.In the song, “Duckworth” Kendrick Lamar's Dad, Ducky, and Anthony “Top Dawg” , the founder of Top Dawg Entertainment, which produces Kendrick's music albums have a past encounter that is told through the unveiling of the song. It so happens that many years before Anthony founded “Top Dog” he nearly could have killed Kendrick Lamar's Father, Ducky. Instead, Anthony spared Ducky's life. It is amazing to me the series of events that would have never unfolded if Ducky had been killed that day. never have realized what would become of it.The backstory is this... In 1984, Anthony robbed the chicken restaurant where Ducky, Kendrick Lamar's Father, worked.  Anthony liked Ducky and let him live.  Had he shot him, Anthony wouldn't have founded the music label Top Dawg that would later produce Ducky's son's music. Obviously, Anthony would be in prison and Kendrick would have grown up without a Father figure role model and would have perhaps never made music as a result.  It's funny how the worst of times and the best of times always land us exactly where we need to be.Song lyrics go: “pay attentionThat one decision changed both of they lives, one curse at a timeReverse the manifest and good karma, and I'll tell you whyYou take two strangers and put 'em in random predicamentsGive 'em a soul, so they can make their own choices and live with itTwenty years later, them same strangers, you make 'em meet againInside recording studios where they reapin' their benefitsThen you start remindin' them about that chicken incidentWhoever thought the greatest rapper would be from coincidence?Because if Anthony killed Ducky, Top Dawg could be servin' lifeWhile I grew up without a father and die in a gunfight”Connect with me: Instagram.com/megan_nycmom Brain scans show1 that when a person hears information that disproves a belief of theirs, instead of their brain's cognitive centres lighting up (like you might expect), the emotional centres become active instead.So, perhaps disappointingly, our first instinct on hearing information that disproves our own beliefs is to rally our defences against that new information.This, for me, explains so much about human behaviour that we put together a video discussing the nature of beli

Today's passage, “When Optimism becomes Willfully Blind”. Do you believe in the inherent good in all people? Are you excessively forgiving, empathetic and kind?  These are good traits to have in many respects but, our capacity to believe in the ability of others to change for the better can be downright dangerous in romantic relationships.Perhaps, you've experienced this already. You've stayed in a toxic relationship just a beat too long because you kept believing in the wish that the person would one day change – the popular phrasing to capture this motif in our generation is that you were hoping your romantic partner would ‘do the work.'The use of pessimism as a replacement for excessive optimism in a new budding romantic relationship isn't just reasonable, it's healthy. Let's call it cheerfully pessimistic for excessive optimist like me.Philosophical writer, Alan de Botton who wrote the New York Times essay, “Why You Will Marry the Wrong Person,” which was one of their most-read articles in recent years says, “Sometimes pessimism, a certain degree of pessimism can be a friend of love. Once we accept that actually it's really very hard for people to be another way, we're sometimes readier. We don't need people to be perfect, is the good news. We just need people to be able to explain their imperfections to us in good time, before they've hurt us too much with them, and with a certain degree of humility. That's already an enormous step.”Reframing the relationships we are in by incorporating a pessimistic or a discerning eye is part of the journey in setting healthy boundaries for what's ok, and what's not ok, early on in our romantic relationships. It takes an enormous amount of emotional maturity to walk away from a toxic or unhealthy relationship and I say this because many of us unconsciously walk into relationships that are familiar to our earliest childhood attachments.In childhood, we stay in whatever situation we are raised in because we have no other choice. In adulthood, we learn that we do have choices and we do have, what Alain de Botton describes as the “Capacity to Give Up On People.”Connect with me: Instagram.com/megan_nycmom 

Today's passage, “Is value derived from mass appeal?” There is a socially sanctioned grading system for which we are all judged, so ‘appealing to the masses' becomes fundamental in achieving many of our extrinsic goals, whether it is landing a promotion in our career, fundraising for a charity, starting a business, serving on the PTA, and on. We are so deeply conditioned to assign value to people who achieve material and worldly success but what would happen  if we made a conscious decision to not play that game? What if our values became intrinsic, meaning our values were rooted in something greater than ourselves, our personal needs and material achievements?Isn't it obvious that happiness becomes eternal and joy replaces fleeting pleasures when we seek internal value over outward ‘successes?' But, how do we live in a society so dedicated to seeking validation, praise, approval and recognition from our peers? How do we establish value outside of the traditional norms? It doesn't happen overnight; however, small, consistent, daily changes can improve our overall value system. First, you have to have awareness for what you actually value. You may say, I value my partner and children and perhaps that is true but ask yourself these questions:1) How do you fill your space? 2) How do you spend your time? 3) How do you spend your energy? 4) How do you spend your money? 5) Where do you have the most order in life? 6) What do you think about the most? 7) Where are you the most disciplined and organized? This will give you an ideal of your value system and where you might want to make changes.  After digging deeper into what you value and why you can counter anything popping for you that doesn't fit who you are or where you want to be.Let's say that you value your children but when you began asking yourself these questions, you realize you're prioritizing time on social media over being present with them. You have to replace the drug, in this example, social media, with something else like, committing to spending weekly  scheduled 'one on one' time with your child.By becoming aware about what you value aside from societal expectations, you will begin to experience the joy in living a life of meaning. Perhaps, you love your partner or family and they're your priority.  The beauty is you will love them for their essence not for the social 'show'. You will see that you are not clinging to them for validation or emotional support, just enjoying their company.  It is is the same for valuing your environment. You may love the way you fill the space in your home, however disquieting it is to others, because it represents you. Loving yourself and going out into nature, so that you wake up to the realization that there is no loneliness. This is the gift of value when it is inwardly derived and void of success, recognition and approval labels from our very wayward society.Connect with me: Instagram.com/megan_nycmom 

Today's passage, “Intimidation is mental coercion." So many children are taught fear-based threats and intimidation by the very people closest to them who are supposed to be their protectors. Well-meaning parents believe that they are doing a service for their children and society by using the fear of the consequences in order to compel the child to submit themselves to their control. It's archaic, yet so few of us question this. As a result, children learn the way to adapt in this world is to lose themselves meaning they must develop what we call a personality or what I call a façade or a mask, because children who conceal themselves in order to keep their parents happy are rewarded. They learn to not push back, question rules and regulations and comply. So what they're really doing is pretending. It's similar to how a chameleon changes shades to blend in with their environment in order to protect themselves from predators. I was reading this from Knowledge of Self  by Supreme Understanding.  He writes, “Threats do not compel mentally grown people into action. We must break the rope of arbitrary, irrational and emotional action.”Just telling our children to obey because we said so, is a massive disservice for them. It is similar to saying because Jesus says so, the Bible told me so. We aren't teaching children critical thinking skills, we're teaching obedience to authority.And we wonder why cult fringe groups like Q-Anon and gain so many followers.  Cults are comprised of people who don't know themselves at all.  People who are searching for meaning and purpose in a world that rejected them from the start.Connect with me: Instagram.com/megan_nycmom 

Today's passage, “The difference between emotion and feeling.” Feeling your feelings and emoting or reacting to feelings is not the same thing. Many of us confuse emotion with feeling. Emotions are felt through experience. Rupi Kaur in Milk and Honey writes,  “i don't know what living a balanced life feels like when i am sadi don't cry i pourwhen i am happyi don't smile i glowwhen i am angryi don't yell i burnthe good thing aboutfeeling in extremesis when i lovei give them wingsbut perhapsthat isn'tsuch a good thingcause they alwaystend to leave andyou should see mewhen my heart is brokeni don't grievei shatter”What are emotions? When we vent, emote or react, what we are truly doing is operating on autopilot, allowing our primitive parts, including our amygdala, take over, while becoming inwardly depressed that we can't ‘get a handle' on our feelings. But, it's all a ruse because true feelings can be felt without any outward expression.Think of a time when your child, friend or partner spoke in a way that was instantly interpreted or perceived by you as a personal affront.  Your ego intercepted the message and you emoted. The regret over these type of reactions are an emotional hangover in and of itself.  What are feelings? To experience feelings is to become the witness of whatever is elevating, igniting or bothering you. It's similar to meditation in that we pause and observe the thoughts and feelings that flow in space. We become the witness for every interaction we have with others.  To feel without emoting is the highest form of consciousness there is. It goes without saying that emoting is a bridge burner in creating intimacy with your children, intimacy with your romantic partners, intimacy in every type of relationship.Drake who wrote In my feelings and Emotionless, rapped in the latter, ‘They always ask, "Why let the story run if it's false?" This is to say, why not react this personal affront, where's your outrage? To which he responds, "You know a wise man once said nothing at all."Connect with me: Instagram.com/megan_nycmom 

Today's passage, “Aren't We All Alcoholics?” In Dr. Shefali Tsabary's newest novel, A Radical Awakening, she likens our addictions to attachments in society with that of the alcoholic's addiction or enslavement to having a drink, which is only relieved by having a spiritual awakening, a purpose to live authentically without self-medicating in order to live a radical life in presence.Shefali writes, “We are all addicts in our own ways. We are addicts to our attachments, be it to our roles, relationships, emotional patterns, possessions, or beliefs.  Ask a religious person to let go of their attachment, and see what resistance you get. Similarly, ask any person in a conflict to give up their point of view and you will see the degree of attachment they hold” because they are holding on to their attachments in survivor mode.So how do we break free from our attachments? Shefali goes on to say, “To step out of survivor mode into awakened mode takes courage.  It requires that we dare to make the shift from being externally focused to being internally driven. This means we need to awaken to our inner knowing.  This takes practice.”The path inward for my spiritual practice is through silence whether I'm doing breathwork, meditation, journaling or being out in nature. It is through our path inward that we become full aware and in knowledge of ourselves.Khalil Gibran writes in The Prophet “And a man said, Speak to us of Self-Knowledge. And he answered, saying: Your hearts know in silence the secrets of the days and the nights.Connect with me: Instagram.com/megan_nycmom 

Today's passage, “Good morning monster." In Catherine Gildiner's groundbreaking novel about her therapy practice, she chronicles the experiences from  five of her most memorable and heroic patients. On of her patient's named, “Laura” was a young woman struggling to make sense of the world around her, in understanding her anxiety and relationships with others.  Laura had been abandoned at age nine by her father, left to raise her younger siblings in an isolated cottage in the midst of winter. Laura's mother had died a year prior.  Her mother became pregnant with Laura at age sixteen, which brought about shame and embarrassment to her traditional Italian family, so her parents forced her to get married, have the baby and promptly shunned, offering no emotional, financial, or physical support to the teenage girl, Laura's mother. Catherine writes, “I wondered if Laura's mother had been clincally depressed and therefore emotionally unavailable for Laura. Who wouldn't be depressed or traumatized having had an overprotective childhood, dominated by violent males and then marrying a man who didn't want to marry her, who was himself inadequate, possibly emotionally and physically abusive, who resented and ignored her? Her parents had disowned her, never forgiving her for shaming them.”Connect with me: Instagram.com/megan_nycmom 

Today's passage, “Are We Unconsciously Bias?”“It's the unease of walking into a meeting where no one looks at me.”“And, the unease of being judged when I leave early to go pick up my children.”“It's the frustration of being talked over in meetings or not asked for my opinion.”“And the frustration of asserting my opinion only to be labeled aggressive or angry.”“It is the annoyance that I am less committed to my family life because I am a man.”“And the annoyance of the assumption that I am less committed to my work because I am a Mother.”“It's the pressure to be super-human and not talk about how I am really feeling.”“And the pressure to fit in.”“And the anxiety of not wanting to share my personal life because most of the people I work with are heterosexual.”These are just a few of the quotes pulled from #InclusionStartsWithI a discussion around bias and the importance of a positive, inclusive work environment. The video features an actual group of employees who work at Accenture. I think the video demonstrates that bias is a given and it can appear in the most unexpected ways when we lack awareness around the formation of our thoughts and how our thoughts lead to perceptions, which attributes labels on others. So what is bias? Bias occurs when we unconsciously stereotype other people. An example could be unconsciously favoring male resumes over female resumes when a hiring manager is looking at their first names.  Here is another example of bias that's in the form of a riddle. “A father and his son are in a car accident. The father dies at the scene and the son is rushed to the hospital. At the hospital the surgeon looks at the boy and says "I can't operate on this boy, he is my son." How can this be?#Being biased doesn't mean that you are bad or racist, it means you're a regular human being living in a labeled world and everyone of us, in my opinion, is biased to a certain degree. So why does this matter? Well, when we are unconscious to our bias, we likely keep a circle of friends and mentors around us that think and act in ways that are similar. Perhaps, we share the same perspective on a wide variety of things. When we leave our comfort zone and enmesh ourselves with others outside of our family of origin, our geographical or cultural community, we begin to open up to a variety of ways of synthesizing information.  It is through diverse discourse that we begin to see one issue in a multitude of ways.  If you would like to watch the full Accenture video on diversity and inclusion, I am enclosing a link in the details section of this episode.How freeing it is to undergo a thorough investigation of our unconscious bias and liberate ourselves from labels.Connect with me: Instagram.com/megan_nycmom

Today's passage, “Should questions pertaining to early Adverse Childhood Experiences be appended to our routine physical checkups to better understand the relationship between trauma and sickness both physical and mental?”  Adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) and chronic illness are clearly linked in numerous scientific studies. In Bessel van der Kolk's NY Times best-selling book, The Body Keeps the Score, he writes that trauma survivors have nearly 50 times the rate of the general population in developing breathing issues, issues of asthma, and COPD because trauma is stored in the lungs. Epigenetics is the study how our environment impacts the way our genes work, regulating whether genes are turned ‘on or off.' Meaning, someone could carry a gene for an illness but it's never activated for a variety of reasons and one might be the lack of adverse childhood experiences, or the healthy and secure environment in which they're raised.  If you're interested in reading scholarly research on this topic, I am including a link to an article in The Lancet titled, "The role of epigenetics in psychological resilience” The article discusses whether Epigenetic mechanisms could be one molecular pathway into how adverse and traumatic events can become biologically embedded and contribute to individual differences in resilience. We must ask ourselves as a society why we continue to treat the symptoms rather than investigate the origin of its cause. We stick in the familiarity of asking lifestyle questions pertaining to food intake, drugs and alcohol. However, a questionnaire set that would include a rating system for early childhood trauma might help quantify the view on epigenetics in how it may predict whether genes are turned ‘on or off'.So it stands to reason, genetically speaking, if trauma can be passed down from generation to generation, so can healing. Connect with me: Instagram.com/megan_nycmom

Today's passage, “Tapping away stress.” Dr. Roger Callahan, a clinical therapist and fellow with the American Academy of Psychotherapists Treating Addictions, in the 1980s had a client named, Mary, who had severe phobia of water.  He went through traditional therapeutic processes with her, to visualize a swimming pool, to expose her to small amounts of actual water and etcetera. Mary was in his office one day complaining of how her stomach would turn or she would feel bouts of nervous butterflies in her belly whenever she saw water. Dr. Callahan had been reading about the Chinese Meredian theory, which said the stomach meredian was located beneath the eye. He had an idea... He asked Mary to think of the water, while tapping beneath her eye to activate the stomach meridean.  As she looked at the picture of the swimming pool, she began tapping under her eye and almost immediately she said that her fear had evaporated, the phobia of water was gone.The meridian system is a concept in traditional Chinese medicine. Meridians are thought of as pathways through which life-energy, what is qi, flows.  Although, there is little scientific evidence supportive of the claim, millions have reported the benefits from acupuncture, acupressure and reflexology, which also use the body's energetic meridian points to ease or cure all sorts of ailments, including stress and depression.So, in tapping the face, inside the wrist, the arms and other points may alleviate stress because the message of safety it sends to the amygdala.   So what is the amygdala? The amygdala is the part of your brain that interprets your environment if it senses or perceives danger, it sends a distress signal triggering perhaps a trauma response. A great way to explain this to children is to use the upstairs/downstairs metaphor. The amygdala is part of our downstairs brain.  We can literally be trapped ‘downstairs' in a battle of fight or flight because the amygdala is in control downstairs. The downstairs brain is seen as more primitive.  Our upstairs brain contains the cerebral cortex and its various parts, including the middle prefrontal cortex located behind the forehead. So how does tapping take us from the downstairs ‘fear' mode to upstairs prefrontal cortex ‘safe and secure' mode? What a great visualization that is to ascend a staircase to safety… Well think of it this way. If someone robbed you at gunpoint and kickstarted your fight or flight response, would you be able to suddenly start tapping the cheeks or the forehead of your face? So when for someone with PTST, post traumatic stress disorder, tapping sends calming messages from the upstairs to the downstairs brain to say, hold up a second, you're ok.  If you combine tapping with re-processing of trauma by victualing what happened as you tap yourself and speak statements of safety, the idea is the trauma alleviates and the healing begins. If you'd like to learn more about self-healing through tapping, I am including a link to the practitioner I admire as expert in the field, Nick Ortner in the details section episode.Remember the adage, “Check your feet”. If you are in a state of PTST, your body is shutting down, you're having a panic attack, a memory, a phobia, “Check your feet” is a reminder to look down at your feet in order to breathe. Because by looking at your feet, welcome in the presence of awareness that you are not in that place. You're a survivor. And, you survived that experience for a reason. Connect with me: Instagram.com/megan_nycmom

Today's Passage, “What colors reveal.” For me, there is no greater connection to inward happiness than to spend time in the splendor of nature. To gaze up at the blue sky, to swim in our beloved green ocean, or to just run my hands across a thorny bush or the bark on a tree.   According to New York color therapist, Dr. Koran Johar, “colors actually give off a certain “feeling”. They are associated with different mental, physical, and emotional effects on people. Red, for example, can increase heart rate and adrenaline. While some colors have been psychologically proven to influence a change in affect, some may be subjective and can be opened to interpretation and perception between different populations or cultures.”I read a fascinating article titled, “Female cleansing the momome ritual of the Akan world.” It's a paper written by Stefano Boni, that discusses the female-led cleansing ceremony of a West African Community, in moments before what is deemed an ‘impending crisis' . The use of color and other sacred rituals are thought to be a supernatural protection against treachery.The colors turquoise, blue and purple are often associated with spirituality. In the seven chakras, the color turquoise or blue is associated with the throat chakra, and it relates to communication.  If it's blocked, there would be an inability to articulate and communicate clearly, or perhaps a shyness.Ellen Meloy writes, “Colors are not possessions; they are the intimate revelations of an energy field… They are light waves with mathematically precise lengths, and they are deep, resonant mysteries with boundless subjectivity” in her book, “The Anthropology of Turquoise: Reflections on Desert, Sea, Stone, and Sky.” Color as a symbol of culture was what Meloy investigated, and in particular, why  turquoise, the color and the gem, is held in such high esteem by so many cultures. For example, the Persians liken the color turquoise to the equivalent of wearing a bulletproof vest, while the Navajo dress in the color turquoise in honor of their homeland's ancestral landscape. Meloy died in 2004.Mood rings were popular in the United States in the 1970s, 80s and 90s. And, I'll be honest, I think they are overdue for a massive comeback. A mood ring changes colors based on the body temperature of the wearer. It's a liquid crystal, and most of the Mood rings come with a handy dandy color chart, which supposedly indicate the mood of the wearer. Turquoise falls somewhere between, ‘happy, loving and relaxed.' You know, there was a hit song Audrey Hepburn sang in the film, Breakfast at Tiffany's --based on Truman Capote's novel of the same name, it was originally titled, “Blue River” but that name was copywritten for another song, so one of the songwriter's, Johnny Mercer, changed it to “Moon River” in reference to a river in Savannah Georgia, that ran near his childhood home. His song lyrics likely invoked the color blue as wrote nostalgically for those memories of home. But for me, I only plan Moon River, when I need a good cry. Mood color ring, black…for stress and sorrow. No matter what sort of mood prevails, we have the power to alter our state of being. Perhaps, the next time you're feeling down or out of sorts, you will use color in a creative way in your home environment, in nature, or with others to uplift yourself and play in the wonder of color.Connect with me: Instagram.com/megan_nycmom

Today's Passage, “The childhood shows the man, as the morning shows the day,” Said by John Milton, an English poet and statesman who died in 1674. He was also the author of Paradise Lost. “As the morning shows the day”My grandmother used to say, “Everything looks better, Megan, in the morning.” It sounds simplistic, but my grandmother lived to be 99 and endured many deprivations and hardships in life, as she grew up very impoverished, working in a cotton mill in small town in Georgia. She also lived through the passing of my younger sister to cancer. It was her house I drove to for comfort in the aftermath of my younger sister's death.  So what did my grandmother, mean by ‘everything looks better in the morning'? Mornings are our new beginnings, a renewal, the birth of a new day day. They are also symbolic of a new thought, the dawning of a new idea. In  Pulse of the Morning, Maya Angelou,  a civil rights activist, poet and award-winning author known for her acclaimed 1969 memoir, I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings, writes, “The horizon leans forward, Offering you space to place new steps of change. Here, on the pulse of this fine day, You may have the courage, To look up and out and upon me.”Likewise, the innocence of children, like the dawn of a new morning, show us a new day. Children are our greatest teachers, our instructors, yet so often we view this the other way around.  We develop into adults who buy into our own constraints, judgments and oppressions then shame our children to ‘toe the line' and ‘follow our lead', but we are operating in the shadow of the night. We demand early specializations, scripted lessons and course curriculums are taught to our children. We bring our jaded darkness to dawn. It is only when we see our children as the light, that we realize they should be taught less and listened to more.Connect with me: Instagram.com/megan_nycmom

Today's passage, “Who Am I?” You may have asked yourself this question at some point in your life.  I know I did around the age of 39. Who Am I is also a famous song from the hit Broadway show, Les Misérables. I have heard this song thousands of times but it wasn't until my own spiritual awakening that the lyrics carried more meaning. This song also came to mind when I began to question my life purpose.The song goes, “Who am I? If I speak, I am condemned. If I stay silent, I am damned…Who am I? Can I conceal myself for evermore? Pretend I'm not the man I was before? And must my name until I die. Be no more than an alibi? Must I lie? How can I ever face my fellow men? How can I ever face myself again? My soul belongs to God, I know. I made that bargain long ago. Gave me hope, when hope was gone. Gave me strength to journey on Who am I?”Jean Valjean closes the song with “Who Am I? I'm Jean Valjean, 2-4-6-0-1! He references both his given name and the prison identification number chosen by a man he barely knew, Victor Hugo, who had dedicated his life to chasing and intimidating him. Hugo believed Jean Valjean was conceived on June (6) date (24) 18 (01) and so this was his original prison number before he escaped. Of course, neither his name nor his prison number personify who he really is.Just the other day, I told someone that they reminded me of a Chameleon because Chameleons easily blend in and adapt to their environment and in this example, I was referencing different types of social situations. For Chameleons in the wild, it's a survival skill to camouflage with their environment and hide from predators.  It's a similar thing for us humans. When children grow up experiencing dysfunction in the home they learn how to blend in and not draw attention to themselves often when there are siblings, one will blend in more, also known as the, ‘good child' and the other will standout more, also known as the, ‘bad child' or the ‘rebel'. Sometimes a child will vacillate between blending in & rebelling.  And this falsehood continues into adulthood.  In extreme cases, it could mean blindly following orders or pushing back on authority running infractions with the law. Whether we blend in or standout, we are living falsely in an egoic state. We are activating our ego in understanding the life source of the ego is fear.  It's fear that supports our hiding and it's fear that supports our rebellion.  Fear of not being accepted, fear of others and not wishing to make waves and rock the boat, so we blend in.  Fear of being controlled, fear of losing something precious (a job, money, title, validity), so we rebel against authority.  What if we all chose to take off our masks, step into the present moment with love and authenticity. To leave behind all pretense?  In my mind, the only way to live authentically is to live honestly and openly without fear or intimidation from society, culture, family, friends and others.So, I am placing a link to Hugh Jackman's rendition of Who Am I  in the details section of this episode. It's fantastic and worth a listen. Also, If you liked this episode, please rate and review this podcast. I so appreciate your support. With Love…And remember, in the end, although Jean Valjean sang, “If I speak, I am condemned. If I stay silent, I am damned!” He didn't stay silent, he spoke his truth, stepped into presence and lived in authenticity. Connect with me: Instagram.com/megan_nycmom

Today's passage, How can we win? It was nearly one year ago, when I first heard, Kimberly Latrice Jones' remarks regarding Black Lives Matter protests about inequality, and police brutality. Her video picked up popularity and was widely spread throughout the U.S. There was an uproar against the BLM movement due to rioting and looting. Kimberly's comments helped to deconstruct the "Why" behind the looting and rioting during the protests, which helped to keep our thoughts and beliefs on the root cause of the BLM issue, which is systemic racism and how it ensures a dismal financial gap between the poor and the wealthy for people of color.Kimberly Jones' explains the differences between looters, rioters and protesters...[...] Now, I live in NYC. When George Floyd was murdered on Memorial Day, and in the days after his death, protesting began in the city.  It happens that my kids were away the weekend after, so I was out in Central Park, somewhere in the rambles, reading spiritual book. I was actually rereading, Return to Love by Marianne Williamson. As I was walking out of the park, book in hand, a couple walked past me, Caucasian.  The young woman was visibly upset. Her partner was carrying a picnic basket, he seemed perplexed. He said, “Well, what do you want me to do about it? Go out and streets and protest?” A novel idea by the way he said it. She goes, “I don't know, maybe!” I've always wondered if they went out later into the streets and protested, because I did too. As I stood alongside (with) a group of people watching a group of protesters sitting on the steps of The Met chanting for BLM, I felt hypocritical and completely idiotic. In my hand, I held this spiritual book about God's love and returning in all ways to love, yet I was observing a painful injustice and was choosing to stand in observation. Why? So I joined the protest.A few hours later, in Greenwich Village, I heard speeches given by several of the organizers and college kids from nearby universities.  I met a Palestinian woman named Tahanie Aboush who I would later learn was a civil rights attorney running for Manhattan District Attorney.  As we marched from Greenwich Village to Union Square, the sun setting.  I saw a young man run over to a trash can and push it over.  On the next block he ran to do the same thing, I ran after him.  I shouted, “Hey, that's not the way, stop it – don't start it!” He shouted back at me, “Why do you care? It's the only way to get there attention! They don't care about us!” Three of the organizers, all female, came and linked arms around me and said I was right to he should knock it off. We sort of skipped off to the square. I don't know if he continued throwing trashcans as I took that as my cue to return home, but I do know that that's when the riots started in New York.  I will never forget the look of shock on his face as I ran up to him, the "Mama" in me wanted to correct and protect him. But his "Why" was greater than me.Connect with me: Instagram.com/megan_nycmom

Today's passage, “The dreams we use to distract ourselves." In “Heartburn,” Nora Ephron's 1983 novel a fictionalized version on the demise of her marriage. “  Nora Ephron, writes, "And then the dreams break into a million tiny pieces. The dream dies. Which leaves you with a choice: you can settle for reality, or you can go off, like a fool, and dream another dream.”Of course, Nora Ephron leaves you with a biting, albeit somewhat sarcastic and bitter remark and therein lies the result of a broken heart, the humanness of an unmet dream, the foiled, disappointing and unfilled expectation of another.Lisel Mueller writes in her poem, Immortality, “What exists, exists so that it can be lost and become precious.”In the Wachowski sisters' hit 1999 movie, “The Matrix” the Key Maker signified choices and it was he, or his program, that held the ability to open the door to the Source. Whether your source is Christ, Allah, Buddha, Guru Grant Sahib, or within yourself, we each have this key. Perhaps, the only way to reach immortality is to view our endings as beginnings---our belief that this is what makes life truly worth living – the master key to our inner peace.Connect with me: Instagram.com/megan_nycmom

Today's message, “Say yes to the unpleasant and welcome the awful.” – Eckhart Tolle & The Course In Miracles (excerpts)Perhaps at the root of all strife is our human inability to accept the present moment. In Romans 12:2 in the Bible it says, ”Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind.”How do we step out of our conditioning and renew our minds?In the Power of Now, Eckhart Tolle writes about labeling. “It is as it is. Observe how the mind labels it and how this labeling process, this continuous sitting in judgment, creates pain and unhappiness.  By watching the mechanics of the mind, you step out of its resistance patters, and you can then allow the present moment to be.This is acceptance.The Course in Miracles sets out to make a distinction between knowledge and perception, seeing knowledge as truth inspired by God and all else is unreal.What it says, “Nothing real can be threatened. Nothing unreal exists. Herein lies the peace of God.” Are most things we find unpleasant our perception? Because if we experience pain in another person, and in our handling of the situation choose to respond in forgiveness, seeking to love without labels, conditions and judgment, will the situation become less problematic, less dire, less real in our minds?There is something called a fear spiral.  How often do we find our senseless fears  spiraling into mad thoughts that leave us wrecked with anxiety? An example of a fear spiral could be, "If my child doesn't get into the right kindergarten, they won't gain acceptance into the right Ivy University."  Setting the control, projection and ego trip of the parent aside, this is a fear spiral or what is also called, "The Snowball Effect." When this happens with clients, I like to ask, ‘What's the worst thing that could happen. The fact of the matter is this... Our needs are always being met, whether we reframe our situation or go inward into spirit or faith in God. We are always held in the space of love if we choose to accept, forgive and seek love in all ways.For today, let us sit in peace with ourselves, remove the labels, the unreal thoughts, and mad ideas in order to allow the present moment to be in full acceptance of the ‘as is.'Connect with me: Instagram.com/megan_nycmom

Today's message, “Boundaries create healthy relationships”How strong are your boundaries? Have you ever answered, ‘yes' that you're willing to do something, when you actually meant, ‘no'? Do you feel exhausted because you give and give and give? If you answered yes to either question, you might be a Giver and if so, this episode is definitely for you.I understand the mindset of the Giver because I was one too. I spent more than half my life caretaking, catering and prioritizing the needs of others before mine. I believed I was the right person for the job.  Let me fix your issues, resolve your pain and make your life easier in any way that I can.  After all, Givers are sensitive, caring and empathetic.We can often be found in groups participating, collaborating and ‘doing'. In fact, we may do so much for others that we become overly dependent on their opinion of our efforts, because the truth of the matter is that we are actually doing all of these things in order to feel seen and worthy.We givers believe our motives are well intentioned and that may be true but we can also swing in the opposite direction by being filled with resentment when it feels like no one around us notices our hard work, helpfulness or ‘good girl' efforts if your female --and many of us givers are; as women in society, we have all been conditioned in our youths to be ‘good' which is a euphemism for ‘agreeable'.In Dr. Shefali Tsabary's new book,  A Radical Awakening she describes Givers as four types: 1) The Victim 2) The Martry 3) The Savior and 4) The Bleeding Empath.  In my opinion, most givers are a blend of all four types.Dr. Shefali writes, “The Giver is one of the most common defenses our ego employs. When we face fears of rejection and abandonment we immediately deploy this façade.” So what is the antidote for all of this giving? Boundaries. As caretakers we may fear boundaries because we don't want to hurt another's feelings or we feel it will create a disconnect with others, when actually the opposite is true.Brené Brown has conducted over 13 years of qualitative research interviewing some of the most compassionate and prolific Givers in today's world, including the Dalai Lama, and the one thing they all had in common were boundaries of steel.  She defines ‘boundaries' as ‘what's ok' and ‘what's not ok'. When we set boundaries we create healthy relationships were both people become more self-reliant. We become more loving as there is less anger and resentment for not vying to be seen for our good deeds. Dr. Brown says, ““Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others.”Connect with me: Instagram.com/megan_nycmom

Today's message, “Flip your perspective – it's all about reframing.” Reframing is seeing your current situation from a different perspective. The Oxford language dictionary defines 'reframe' as 'to place (a picture or photograph) in a new frame.'I must say, I love that as a visualization, because reframing is a verb. In order to flip our perspective, or reframe, we must make a conscious decision ‘to frame or express our words or concepts differently.' Which, is the second definition in the Oxford language dictionary.Our point of view is how we frame the stories we tell ourselves. The stories we tell ourselves.Let's say 'Margaret' is going through a breakup or a divorce and there are two picture frames side by side.  One frame is broken from where she threw it through a window and in it, is a picture of her and her ex on their wedding day ripped in half, his eyes blackened out with a sharpie pen.  A bit horrid, I apologize. The other frame is new, polished and contains a picture of 'Margaret' smiling in the sand at the beach, the sun setting behind her over the ocean waves. 'Margaret' is starting over and only she has the power to frame what the death of her former life will look like through the way she participates in life in her present day. Think of a hardship in your life. Write down one concise belief sentence. It might be, ‘my daughter is doing poorly in high school and she may fail in having a good career' or ‘my ex broke up with me because I wasn't good enough' – whatever it is, there is no right or wrong.  Then, write down 4 more supporting sentences that support your belief.So for ‘My daughter is doing poorly in high school and may fail in having a good career.' Supporting belief number one might be that ‘my daughter is retaking her final year because she failed her classes'. Or, ‘my daughter skips school and parties with her friends.'For the, ‘My ex broke up with me, b/c I am not good enough.' Supporting belief number one, might be that ‘my ex broke up with me via text. Supporting belief number two, my ex had a child with someone else. You get the picture, pun intended!Now, that you have your belief and four supporting statements written, write down the opposite of each belief and supporting statement.##If you are interested in using an online reframing tool, I am adding one into the details section of this podcast. The reframing online tool is here, plug and play your beliefs and you will be amazed at the new insights you derive: https://reframe.thnk.org/tool/step/1/  Reframing and meditation are great tools to gain awareness for excavating and sparking new connections or what I call, “ah, ha moments.” We discussed reframing but let's talk meditation. In Vipassana meditation, there is a focus on reality, on self-observation to deconstruct the labels and beliefs that appear in the mind without judgment in order to gain insights. Once having the awareness, you can then take your focus to concepts like reframing and incantations based on your new learnings.Remember, you are as strong, wise and capable as you think you are any given second of the day. Change your thinking, change your life.Connect with me: Instagram.com/megan_nycmom

Today's passage, “Shame 101.” In Brené Brown's Dare to Lead, Brené discusses how shame must be dealt with in order to be spiritually, physically and mentally fit.  Every problem or dysfunction we face in life falls into one or all three of these categories. Now let's read a passage from Dare to Lead on the importance of ridding ourselves from shame.My shame is I have two children with two different fathers.My shame is I am an unmarried woman, a single mom.When we treat all people with decency, dignity and respect we honor our own self-worth.What is your shame? Connect with me: Instagram.com/megan_nycmom

Today's message, "Our three relationships  in life are, 'one with the body you inhabit, one with the divine, one with the people around you', and all three are ruled by the mind."So, I couldn't help but add a J.R.R Tolkein twist to a passage from Book Eight of Meditations authored by the ruler of the Roman Empire for nearly two decades, Marcus Aurelius. He died in A.D. 161. His book of Meditations provides practical guidance on how to live life, face adversity and build relationships with others. In Book Eight, he writes that, “There are three relationships in life.  i. with the body you inhabit; ii. with the divine, the cause of everything in all things; iii. with the people around you”As J.R.R. Tolkein wrote, "One Ring to find them, One Ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them."  The One Ring embodied Sauron's powers as an indestructible force of evil. I think it is an interesting comparison, because our mind and its ability influence us, and those around us, is quite similar, in that it rules both positive and negative outputs, which is what Marcus Aurelius described in Book Eleven of Meditations.  He discussed how we trust in our breath and body to perform well, but it is over our minds, in which we have complete control and why we must be attuned and take good care of it to wield its power well.When reading these passages in Meditations I'm reminded of Matthew 7:7 from the Bible which states, “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.” Because when we are nurturing our minds spiritually, our relationships with the body, divine and people naturally align. When our inner peace is out of alignment, we must ask, seek guidance and take action to course correct.The relationships we have in the body we inhabit, with God or the divine, and the people around us, are all interdependent on our state of being, rooted in the mind. And there is no person, illness or hardship that can disturb this inner peace. As Marcus Aurelius details by further writing, “Either pain affects the body (which is the body's problem) or it affects the soul. But the soul can choose not to be affected, preserving its own serenity, its own tranquility. All our decisions, urges, desires, aversions lie within. No evil can touch them.”As, Muslim scholar and teacher Rumi is often quoted as saying, “What you are seeking is also seeking you.” I take this to believe that perhaps it is not only the good experiences we seek but perhaps unconsciously also the bad as it provides each of us an opportunity for personal growth, by relying on our trust in God, in the divine and in ourselves to rise to the occasion in facing any hardship with humility, dignity and fortitude.Like the expression, ‘mind over matter.' Marcus Aurelius famously said, “If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.” Connect with me: Instagram.com/megan_nycmom

Today's message, “The Theory of Attachment”Our thoughts, beliefs and patterns of behavior are largely shaped and conditioned in childhood, and the way synthesize the information we receive from the world around us, especially in the types of adult relationships we seek, discard or keep, can be attributed to those years—in how we attach to our caregiver in infancy through childhood.There are so many benefits in deconstructing our early attachments and one is to better understand how the past might be showing up unconsciously in our present moment in our relationships with others. In excavating our early childhood experiences, we can begin to understand the why, when and how we got here.    So what is attachment theory?In the “Importance of Early Emotional Bonds,” it states that, ”Attachment theory is focused on the relationships and bonds between people, particularly long-term relationships, including those between a parent and child and between romantic partners. British psychologist John Bowlby was the first attachment theorist, describing attachment as a 'lasting psychological connectedness between human beings.' "Early attachment experiences, and their impact on adulthood, have been captured in numerous scholarly research studies, showing negative experiences in infancy and childhood are often linked with poor outcomes in education, health and relationships with others.In 1975, the Minnesota Longitudinal Study of Parents and Children began, which has since predicted with 77% accuracy whether a child would drop out of high school based off the type of attachment experienced in infancy with the mother.Additionally, the Harvard Mastery of Stress study showed that 91% of people they interviewed who expressed a broken relationship with their mother also experienced health issues including coronary artery disease, hypertension, and alcoholism,.The conclusion: “Since parents are usually the most meaningful source of social support for much of early life, the perception of parental caring, and parental loving itself, may have important regulatory and predictive effects on biological and psychological health and illness.”Someone I greatly admire and follow on Instagram is Dr. Nicole LePera, the holistic psychologist.  And, in her book, “How to do the work” she discusses positive and negative attachments formed in early childhood. A positive attachment would be one where the mom/dad/primary caregiver was attuned to the child's needs and capable of handling their own stress in order to respond to the child's needs.Now, there are three types of negative attachment Dr. LePera describes.The first is Insecure Avoidant, the caregiver was disconnected from the emotional needs of the child (think no hugs and little empathy).The second is Insecure Anxious, caregiver responds to the needs of self first, so there is inconsistency (think mood based attentiveness, if I'm in a bad mood, child suffers my mood too).The third is Insecure Avoidant, caregivers is abusive and not capable of regulating their emotions (think silent treatment, slamming doors, manipulation, threats, name-calling, blaming and shaming).Connect with me: Instagram.com/megan_nycmom

Today's message, “Are we addicted to love?”In many cases, a person who has been in one unhealthy romantic relationship in their life, will engage in a few more, and others may gasp and say, “Why does this person keep selecting these bad romantic partners?”Let's dig beneath the surface for why any person, male or female, gay or heterosexual, might decide to remain in a relationship that is controlling, emotionally or physically abusive. We know a few reasons, like culture's expectations for what a family “should” look like. Or, partners who decide to stay together for the “sake of the kids.”In Robin Norwood's groundbreaking novel, “Women who love too much,” she laid out 15 possible causes that may drive women into seeking unhealthy relationships with men, although gender aside, this can go either way.So what does “Women who love too much” mean? What is “Love addiction,” why does it happens and is it learned?  Let's read a few examples from the list of 15 possible causes.Robin Norwood writes,1.   Typically, you come from a dysfunctional home in which your emotional needs were not met.Now the author isn't necessarily describing that the unmet emotional need was for love and affection, that could be a part of it, but that's not necessarily the case. I have a client, who has agreed I may share this story, under the moniker, Jane.  Jane recalls at the age of 6 or 7 sitting at the dinner table and witnessing her father fall out of his chair in a drunken stupor. He landed in a thud on the floor. Jane asked her mom what was wrong with her dad and her mom replied, “Nothing is wrong, your Dad is fine, I'm going to help him into his chair, finish your dinner.” Jane felt frightened because what she was seeing didn't equate what she was being told by her mom  was actually happening. Jane felt confused, sad and  experienced guilt for even asking the question. These are the same feelings Jane would chase later in life in her romantic relationships.2.   Having received little real nurturing yourself, you try to fill this unmet need vicariously by becoming a caregiver especially to men who appear in some way needy.Robin Norwood writes that you, “might necessarily be attracted to the penniless or in ill health…” perhaps your love interest, “is unable to relate well to others, is cold, unaffectionate, stubborn, selfish…or perhaps wild, unfaithful and unable to make a commitment and be faithful.”Our background might determine how we respond to the neediness. Robin writes, “But respond we will, with the conviction that this person needs our help, our compassion, and our wisdom in order to improve their life.”When we understand the underbelly of love addiction, it make a lot of sense.  Partners aren't chasing bad relationships or using poor judgment, their inner child is simply still on the search to receive care by giving care to others.So how do we break this cycle? Well, awareness is key but unfortunately, most of us are unaware until our situation becomes so dire we have no way out other than to awaken.Once we awaken to our true selves, we can heal our wounds and step into our power by begin cultivating the needs we must develop in order to be free from searching for our opposites to complete ourselves. It is then that we recognize we were enough all along.Connect with me: Instagram.com/megan_nycmom   

Today's message, “Big Boss Dreams”Captain of the football team, extracurricular queens, power, notice, I'm an influencer, so now I'm seen – now those are some very big, big boss dreams!Our desire for approval and our addiction to success is a craving no different from addiction to drugs or alcohol. As Andy Warhol once famously stated, “In the future, everyone will be world-famous for 15 minutes." Look no further than America, we recently elected a reality TV star as President of the United States. Undoubtedly, this drive for society's definition of ‘success' begins in childhood. Maybe it starts with pressures to succeed from well-meaning parents then it is further exacerbated by ‘influencer-esq' get rich and famous quick dreams thanks to the likes of TikTok, Snapchat and Instagram.When active addicts are in the throes of drugs and alcohol, they are not themselves.  They are extraordinarily unwell. So what does this mean for the millions and millions addicted to success, prestige, fame, fortune, etc.? Alexander Sutherland Neill (A.S. Neill) was a Scottish philosopher who died in 1973 and lived his life as an educator. He founded a school named, Summerhill, in which children were able to choose their lessons without adults imposition or coercion and the school thrived on community self-governance. Neill blamed a ‘sick society' for creating unhappiness and affliction in children, which is a similar viewpoint held by many today.He once said that, ‘healthy children are not clinging to people, their parents, others, healthy children are interested in things.'In today's terms, could this also mean that children and adults alike addicted to social media, influencer status and seeking validation from others is likewise a symbol for unhealthiness.'Today, I watched an Instagram story by a woman with several hundred thousand followers. She is an influencer, I suppose an influencer Mom. Her pictures and her road trip narrative are beautiful, but what really got me was the way in which her two children ,both seated in car seats, worked with their camera. They must have been 3 and 4 years old.  I imagine to maintain her influencer status she is filming every second of their lives. Perhaps, the driving interaction with their Mom is with her arm up, phone in-hand, pointed at them.  Are these children  already learning how to hide themselves, their feelings, their interest in the world around them in order to be ‘on' for the camera? To be validated by the masses?After decades, mired in chasing status, awards and other labels from this world that we live in, how does one awaken to their purpose, to who they truly are and not how they've been conditioned to be seen, giving their power over to others to either approve or disapprove of their worth, allowing others to choose whether they are happy or sad. This creates dependency, just like the child that can't let go of Mom and Dad and is disinteresting in playing autonomously with things.In the song, “Lose Somebody” by Kygo & OneRepublic, “Sometimes you gotta lose someone, to realize you love someone”Now, I am pretty sure that song is referencing losing a romantic partner perhaps and wishing for their return but what if those song lyrics were applied to our sense of self? What if we had to lose ourselves in order to awaken to the acceptance of our truer self.Connect with me: Instagram.com/megan_nycmom  

Today's message, “Why do fight to win conversations?” Supreme Court Justice, Ruth Bader Ginsburg said in Bloomberg, February 12, 2015, “I just try to do the good job that I have to the best of my ability, and I really don't think about whether I'm inspirational. I just do the best I can.”This was said by the woman who spent her career adamantly fighting for gender equality, reproductive rights and women's rights.She didn't say, “I just try to do mop up the floor with any Justice who disagrees with me.”I doubt when RBG disagreed with a Justice or lost a decision to the court majority that she ever phone up the others that evening to continue her oral argument after a decision was rendered.Have you ever found yourself debating your position on a belief you hold true? Do you explain yourself over and over again to try to entice the other person into accepting your perspective?What are we aiming to prove? On the surface level, maybe we believe we are right and therefore stand in truth. Gloria Steinam said, “The truth will set you free but first, it will piss you off!”But isn't arguing for the sake of winning justice and truth outside of the court of law, really just a ruse for placating our ego? Ruth Bader Ginsburg also said at the 92 Street Y in October of 2014, “It is important to be a good listener and not to be so attached to your own view, that you close your mind to another way.”But in today's world where so many of us are unconsciously operate from our ego – and we all know, our ego desperately needs ‘our side' to win, we're not listening to one another.Have you ever heard the old elementary expression this is a January, February conversation now March your way out? How do we stay calm and resolved in conversations when the ego is amplified.  How do we tell our ego to march its way out?One tactic is to recognize that the life source, or what feeds the ego, is fear.We are not born with fear or ego, this is a learned response to our environment. So in knowing this, think back to your earliest memory of seeing two people argue, what was the argument about? Was there a winner? A person who represented their facts so well, you saw them as the source of truth? Or, are facts blurry and there is no winner only a feeling of sadness in seeing two people argue.How often do conclude that someone has won an argument.  There are seldom any winners when we witness these types of verbal battles, it's much easier to recognize that all arguments outside the court of law, are futile unless both parties actively listen, because life isn't binary. Every person brings their own subjective experience to each conversation and that's the beautiful part of discourse, when it is held at the level of expression Ruth Bader Ginsburg would admire.In Tao Te Ching Lao Tzu states, “He who has extensive knowledge is not a wise man.” So is listening to others our way of winning the argument within ourselves and following a new path towards wisdom?Connect with me: Instagram.com/megan_nycmom  

Today's message, “Is social media another distraction from going inward?” So today, my children and I were exiting the Q train subway in Manhattan. We were in the clear glass elevator, headed up from the platform to the street, when I noticed a young woman barefoot, wearing only a black bikini thong posing for pictures next to the subway train. She was squatting with one leg perched in the open doorway of the train and one leg out.  And, no, she wasn't wearing a mask – smiley face emoji. She had a photographer and others taking her picture. Whether these pictures were for social media or in promotion of a business or a product, etcetera, I am not really sure. I am also unsure why I included this information just now, as if advertising for a product is seen as better in our society than advertising oneself. If we swapped ‘advocating' with ‘advertising' that surely wouldn't be the case. That is a deconstruct for another day. To be clear, I do think it is lovely that the woman is full of self-esteem, confidence and is doing her thing; it just was a bit shocking even for a Mom of two in New York City. Perhaps, this is the ‘New York Comeback' I've been reading about?It's important to note that the woman on the subway is representative of not only myself but so many of use throughout various parts of our life, wearing that thong bikini squatting on a subway car… I have this podcast after all. How different are we? Now, maybe it shows up in different ways, but it's not secret we live in an attention seeking society, more glued to our false selves, our ego, than ever before. Our culture is obsessed with the outward. Instead of going inward, many of us go outward. Our culture is obsessed with the outward. And when our unmet emotional needs are showing up through attention seeking measures, only more unhappiness and dysfunction will arise as a result.So what is the definition of attention seeking?  “Attention seeking is attempting to attract the attention of other people, typically by disruptive or excessively extrovert behavior.” Well that sounds like the definition for all of social media. What is the definition of social media? Quote, “websites and applications that enable users to create and share content or to participate in social networking. “ That really should be appended with, ”In order to attract the attention of other people, typically by disruptive or excessively extrovert behavior.”So I love the Olympics.  It just so happens, that the Olympic Opening Ceremonies for this summer's Olympics is scheduled for July 23rd and I am looking so forward to it.  I really enjoy watching all of the  different countries line up and march in to celebrate their culture.  It's fascinating.  But something that is always apparent is how differently the Americans behave in comparison with other nations.  It's neither good or bad but it is what it is.  You'll see various countries walking in together, solemnly in unison, to represent their sport—they clap, wave, smile. They appear stoic and humble. Then you see the Americans.  They come running in like a bull in a China shop, each one running off towards a camera to grab the lens, shove their face in it and shout, “We're number 1” “USA, USA!” I mean, some are jumping up and down, jumping on a teammates backs, leaping into the air, running and shouting in glee.  This isn't necessarily bad but it is such a mirror to what is happening in social media.  It's as if everyone is celebrating the Olympics opening ceremony each day of their life. Taking home Gold and Silvers for best family times, most exotic vacation, newest in designed clothes, etc.It has me wondering is social media another distraction from going inward? What things are distracting you from being present in your life today? If you have no idea, set a timer for every hour of your waking day and every time it goes off, write

Today's message, “How can we heal from trauma?" Dr. Shefali Tsabary says that, “Trauma is something that each person individually reacts to based on their sense of self, and it is also an inner view into the fragility of one's self."So can we really compare trauma? When others judge trauma as 'not traumatic enough,' are we failing to consider the inner workings of others?An inspiring quote was shared with me, “Remember that people, love to their level of self-love, communicate to their level of self-awareness, and behave to their level of healed trauma.” Their level of healed trauma.This has me thinking of Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez who told a story this year on Instagram Live about how the Capitol riot triggered and amplified a previous trauma for her of sexual assault.  She had never spoken about it before and the post has been viewed over 4 million times. She stated, “when we go through trauma, trauma compounds on each other." So not only do we process traumatic events each in our own way, trauma and the experience or memories of what we have been through can be retriggered in today's world over and over again until we do the workSo, imagine a time where you have been terrified.  How did you react in your body? Did you cover your mouth, place hand to chest and gasp for air? Interestingly, there is actually a connection between trauma and the lungs.And some of the ways we can soothe our internal processing of trauma is through breathwork. In Bessel van der Kolk's NY Times best-selling book, 'The Body Keeps the Score', he writes that trauma survivors have nearly 50 times the rate of the general population in developing breathing issues, issues of asthma, and COPD because trauma is stored in the lungs. Adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) and chronic illness are clearly linked in numerous scientific studies. A 2017 research study published in Frontiers in Psychology actually showed a reduction in the stress hormone cortisol for participants who completed breathwork training sessions over the course of 8-weeks. It stands to reason that breathwork is an excellent choice for battling trauma related health issues.' Breathwork is used to improve mind, body, and spiritual well-being. I use breathwork with my clients to reduce stress and anxiety, process trauma, release emotional blocks, and unleash a sense of euphoria, all through the conscious control of breath. My breathwork technique is primarily based on the Dutch philosopher and breathwork expert, Wim Hoff. Hoff has undergone numerous scientific studies in order to understand how his breathwork techniques have aided him in accomplishing so many superhuman feats, including ascending Mount Everest both shoeless and shirtless, trusting only his breath. Breathing is involuntary but also within our conscious control. And the studies are clear, when we consistently work to consciously control our breathing, we can lower our heart rate and decrease our stress and anxiety levels. Connect with me: Instagram.com/megan_nycmom

Today's message, “Many of us believe that prisons are a failure, in the sense that they're not reforming prisoners, they're just making the behavioral issues worse. In examining prisons as a means of reform, from the lens that punishment is not the same as rehabilitation, how is this viewpoint any different to how often parents teach their children through punishment, as a vehicle for changing behavior, by resorting to threats, manipulation and punitive actions that only exacerbate fear and anxiety in children. Unfortunately, these are the hierarchical child rearing tactics, which still prevail in society." (Megan Stalnaker)Now I think it's really important to read what Pam Leo wrote in her book, “Connection Parenting” she said, “You can't teach children to behave better by making them feel worse.  When children feel better, they behave better.” And what a true statement this is for children and adults alike. When has fear and shaming ever been a positive motivator for action?In relation to this research, I found it interesting that a 1994 Times article titled, “Prisons Don't Work” noted that, “Prisoners kept too long tend to embrace criminal culture, its distorts their values and beliefs; they have little choice -- prison is their life. “It has me thinking, what choices do our children have in how their values and beliefs are shaped? As we are their parents, what choices did we have in the shaping of our own beliefs and values. The answer is children have little if not, zero choice in what they take in and role model from their environment. Our homes are their lives. Just like in prison, the inmates who are exposed longer to life in prison have a harder time assimilating after living a life in such rigidity and fear.Have you ever heard the saying, “Doing time for the crime”? And how often in our society do we read about the punishment not fitting the crime? How outrageous and egregious is it to learn about someone doing many years in prison for a mild offense or a misunderstanding. Will they emerge rehabilitated or anxious, angry and afraid for what they've endured, with the likelihood of committing a second offense.So what would this example of the "punishment not fitting the crime" look like in a family home? Let's say, there is a boy named Jayden who refuses to eat his broccoli. His mother threatens Jaydan with losing his PlayStation, a gaming device that has nothing to do with broccoli. Let's say the Mother adds in, “Your addicted to gaming anyway. A little time away from the PlayStation will be good for you.” The Mother fails to see her own role in buying the PlayStation to begin with, setting it up and purchasing games for Jayden.  The Mother is more concerned with using this punishment as a means to fulfill her secondary goal of getting Jayden to game less.The mother thinks she is correcting Jayden's behavior, so that we will eat his broccoli from now on but the Mother's own arbitrary connection between gaming and broccoli will not resonate with little Jayden. What will stay with the child is the fear and anxiety that the Mom took away his beloved PlayStation for something seemingly insignificant to him. I say that it is insignificant because how many times have you taken away an item from a child to teach them a lesson, then they turn around and do the same thing 2 days later and you have to remind them, Remember what I took away from you? Don't make the same mistake again! We think we are teaching them teaching them respect for authority to “pay” for their “crimes” and remember their mistakes but that is not what is happening. But are really teaching them that rules are to be feared, orders are to be blindly followed and that there is a deep feeling of shame and trepidation when they make a mistake in life.Connect with me: Instagram.com/megan_nycmom

Today's passage, “When we focus on negative things, we actually reshape our perception into seeing negative things.” Arien Mack and Irvin Rock are psychologists who pioneered the concept of “inattentional blindness” noting the distinct difference between perception and awareness.Now probably one of the best examples of perception vs awareness was the Selective Attention Test by Daniel Simons and Christopher Chabris. Viewers were asked to count the number of times three people wearing a white t-shirt passed a basketball back and forth. Now there were three other people wearing black t-shirts that also passed a basketball back and forth.  Viewers were so focused on counting the passes from the white t-shirt squad that they failed to notice a person in a full-on Gorilla costume walk directly through the basketball tossing game.  They had visually seen the Gorilla but the information wasn't processed in their conscious mind. They were too hyper focused on counting the basketball passes from the white t-shirt squad!So in deconstructing this information in our everyday lives, if we focus on negative things, and continually synthesize negative information, it has this way of shaping the way we think and perceive what is happening to and around us.Have you ever been in rush to get out the door and you can't find your keys or wallet, some piece of material that is necessary for you to have in hand in order to leave? You are so focused on not finding that *thing* that that often times it might be right in front of you –just like the Gorilla—but you can't see it. Maybe you ask your spouse or partner to help you search for it. And remember, they are not running the same incantation as you, meaning, “I can't find it, I can't find” or “I am going to be late.” They are not hyper-focused and they are more relaxed. Often the person who helps you find the missing item, locates it almost immediately---and sometimes it was right under your nose. Let's talk about our brains. The amygdala is the part of our brain that helps us to emotionally regulate, it is responsible for the  perception of emotions such as anger, fear, and sadness, it also responds more to negativity than to positivity. Some researchers believe this to be the case because during paleolithic times, any sense of danger needed to send a significant brain charge in memory in order to keep us safe from predators.But the good news is the amygdala also processes positive thinking and happiness, so we can “train our brains” to become more attuned to our negative thinking and reframe it.Meditation is one great way to become more aware of negative thoughts but so is taking action to investigate the origin of negative thinking. For example, you can set a timer for every hour during your day.  When the timer goes off, write down what you're thinking about, you will soon become more conscious of the thought patters that prevailAs Anthony De Mello, a spiritual teacher and Jesuit priest, once wrote, and I am paraphrasing, “negative thoughts are merely dark clouds in the sky of your consciousness, notice them, then let them pass by.”Connect with me: Instagram.com/megan_nycmom

Today's passage, is taken from the novel, “Hate, Inc.: Why Today's Media Makes Us Despise One Another,” published in 2021,  by Matt Taibbi. On the cover is a picture of Sean Hannity Colmes shouting on the left, and Rachel Maddow shouting on the right.  I would have switched these locations, but ok. On how the book took shape, author, Matt Taibbi states, “I have been in the business for nearly thirty years now.  We were never not encouraged to aim content at your outrage center...I was the Comic the Insult Triumph Dog of journalism...even winning an award for a Rolling Stone article about Mike Huckabee called, "Your favorite nut job". He goes on to describe how he also called Huckabee a "Christian goofball of the highest order" who resembled an "oversized Muppet."We live in a disturbing time for media consumption.  So many of us parents are concerned with our children's gaming, without examining or considering our own media consumption via our iPhones, iPads, TVs.  With ‘I gotcha' media content on both sides of left and right networks; there is really no escape. We are fueling ourselves with a cup discontent in the morning and night, so we are fully on edge. It might do us all some good and turn off the TV and join our kids in a game of Minecraft.We are so concerned with maintaining a sound body and spirit but how do we protect our minds? We aim to eat healthy, organic, nutritious foods.  We exercise and many of us try to maintain a consistence spiritual practice, whether it's attending a church, mosque, synagogue, gurdwara but how are we protecting our minds from divisive, hate spewing media? Why do we consume content that is terrifying, exploitive and intended to target our outrage center?Have we become addicted to fear?  Are we worried that if we're not watching, we'll miss something that we ‘need to know'. What if we all turned off our TV and devices and decided to use that time for conversations with our kids about something unique or special that they experienced that day. Or, if there are not children in our homes, what if we stepped outside and made it a point to speak to strangers or do something nice for someone else. We could meditate, sit for 10 minutes and just breathe. How much calmer does it feel in just visualizing what that looks like.  To sit beneath a tree, to play some jazz, to go for a walk, to have a laugh with a friend.Have we become addicted to fear?Connect with me: Instagram.com/megan_nycmom

Today's passage, is an excerpt taken from an interview with Dr. Gabor Mate, on Russell Brand's podcast, “Under the skin”. Dr. Gabor Maté  is a physician, leading expert in childhood development and trauma. He spoke briefly on the topic of Covid-19 and the swiftness in which scientist developed a vaccine, at one point during this conversation he noted, “In an astonishing short period of time the scientists have developed a vaccine that is saving a lot of lives.” He makes the point that many more people die from air pollution than Covid-19, yet the same sense of urgency to fix air pollution to save lives doesn't exist. Dr. Maté  theorizes an explanation for this, stating, “The difference was Covid-19 threatens the economy whereas air pollution or tobacco use does not. Covid-19 threatens the economy and tobacco does not, smoking makes profits. So the driving motive is not human suffering but profit or loss, which is the value of this society, which is why I call this a toxic culture.”What others times in our culture has human suffering been ignored?Take NRA and number of people who lose their lives to gun violence and the rise of mass shootings in America. Congress hasn't historically taken action because certain members profit from the NRA, it's a special interest lobbying group that uses their substantial budget to influence members of Congress to be lenient on gun policies.It took Shannon Watts, a regular Mom, posting on Facebook on December 15th 2012 to create a movement that would help take down the NRA's power over legislature. In 2012, on Facebook she wrote, “As a Mom I can no longer sit on the sidelines. I am too angry.  Women were a hugely impactful force in the 2012 election, and we can do that again on this issue. Let's march in DC in 2013 and demand the reinstitution of an assault weapons ban, and other practical laws that will limit access to guns in America. Don't let anyone tell you we can't talk about this tragedy now. They've said the same after Virginia Tech, Gabby Giffords, Aurora.  The time is now, please share this link”.  Shannon Watt's group, “Moms Demand Action” became a national movement.  And, on January 15, 2021 the Associated Press reported that the NRA had declared bankruptcy. And a side note, in order to evade accountability the NRA had planned to incorporate in Texas – a move New York's Attorney General Letitia James has since successfully blocked. Another example of human suffering ignored is police brutality. After weeks of consistent marching for police reform in the name and memory of George Floyd, Governor Cuomo signed  repeal for the ‘50-a' bill, a decades old bill that had allowed N.Y. police disciplinary records be kept secret from the public even in the face of reported police brutality. Governor Cuomo stated, “The truth is this: Police reform is long overdue, and Mr. Floyd's murder is just the most recent murder," Cuomo said. “It's about being here before — many, many times before.” So in understanding that this is the case, why didn't Governor Cuomo act sooner? Why wasn't this measure taken when Eric Garner lost his life in 2014 to a police chokehold saying, “I can't breathe, I can't breathe” which sparked the Black Lives Matter movement. One can only deduce that in this toxic culture, the only way to stop human suffering, is for the people to take massive amounts of action.For Russell Brand's full interview: http://luminary.link/RussellFor Dr. Gabor's website: https://drgabormate.comConnect with me: Instagram.com/megan_nycmom

Today's passage, a quote from “A Radical Awakening,” a new book by Dr. Shefali Tsabary. “If there is one word most women hate, it's being called a ‘bitch.' “Calling us bitches, sluts, or whores is one of the ways culture controls its powerful women. When we understand this, we stop taking it personally… Because, when we are called Bitch, it's not about us at all. It's all to do with how unsubmissive and powerful we actually are.”Let's deconstruct what is at the root of name calling. Name calling, in all forms, is an illusion that a person is “lesser than” or “crazy” inflicted by a delusionary name-caller who believes their victim is a weakling who can be intimidated and controlled. When really, it's the power the victim embodies which threatens name caller therefore they try to inflict a wound through verbal abuse, which is precisely what calling a woman a bitch truly is, until we own the word as women and take it back.Switching gears, former First Lady, Eleonor Roosevelt once famously said, "No on can make you feel inferior without your consent" but understanding and applying this idea, in the real world can be tricky.  As women, we are so deeply conditioned to seek validation, and approval from others because culture, society and our well-meaning parents have impressed upon us the need to be agreeable, so if someone disagrees with us or is highly unpleased with us we may experience some pretty heavy discomfort until we learn to embrace the slurs much like the U.S. feminist magazine, titled, "Bitch" has done saying, if “Bitch is a word used to describe an outspoken woman, we'll take the compliment.”Much like the African American community in taking back the N-word. Or, how the gay community has taken back the Nazi's Pink Triangle, a symbol that once brought about shame and humiliation is now a symbol of pride.  But, in order to full own bitch, or any other slur, we have to disrupt the cultural pattern that many of women suffer from, being raised as good girls, we have the disease to please.' It's an illness spread all over the world, because ‘good girls' aren't called bitches, and 'good girls' don't have their mental faculties brought into question with bits like, ‘That's a crazy hoe.'When we see women like Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez who is often called a bitch, even recently bitch by a congressman, we describe the the congresswoman as 'strong'. Alexandria Ocasia-Cortez is a 'strong woman' because she speaks her mind.  Because the fact of the matter is, women who speak their mind are strong.  It's difficult to speak your mind and be verbally abused by men for doing so, which is why we have to take back the word bitch as a label of empowerment.   Obviously, we never call men 'strong' for speaking their mind.  No, their just called, 'men'.  But now what do we call a weak man? A pussy.  Because  weakness is associated with the vagina. But truly, we should help men out with that one and take back the word, 'pussy' too, so that it's not aligned with weakness.Whenever there is a ‘strong man' be it mind, body or soul, let's describe him with admiration by calling him a real 'pussy.'Think of a man in your life you respect and you love and try this compliment out. Maybe a spouse, a reverend, the President of the United States.  That Joe Biden, now he's a real pussy.Connect with me: Instagram.com/megan_nycmom

Today's passage, is a quote taken from Marianne Williamson on the first night of the second Democratic debate in 2019. In response to the 'Flint water crisis' Williamson made the point that the decision to cut costs and allow the largely, community of color in Flynt, to suffer would have never happened in the affluent rich, white town of Gross Pointe, a place where she once resided. During the debate, she stated, “This is the part of the dark underbelly of American society. The racism, the bigotry, and the entire conversation that we're having here tonight—if you think any of this wonkiness is going to deal with this dark psychic force of the collectivized hatred that this President is bringing up in this country, then I'm afraid that the Democrats are going to see some very dark days."Marianne Williamson is often ridiculed for using the phrase “dark psychic forces.” The term 'psychic' may be defined as something inexplicable by natural laws, involving telepathy or clairvoyance, which is what most commenters choose to focus on. However, ‘psychic' also means ‘relating to the soul or mind.'A year and a half after Marianne Williamson suggested that Democrats either deal with the dark psychic forces  stirring up the collectivized hatred against non-white races, or brace for the impact, The U.S. Capitol building was stormed by racist, white nationalist groups, toting confederate flags, wearing Nazi slogans and other symbols of hate, while carrying nooses to spark the remembrance of hanging black slaves in the south.It was a traumatic day. the hatred juxtaposed with signs that stated, “Jesus saves!” A schism. It was as if there was a  dark psychic force-- of the collectivized hatred--that the President was bringing up in this country as it was the President who had energized the insurgence only hours before at a rally.We live in a binary world of black and white thinking often dismissing the creative, prophetic thinkers of our generation, because they do not fit the societal norms we've bought into from our conditioning.So, now a year and a half later, after all the ridiculing, shaming and  celebratory name-calling that Marianne Williamson is “crazy” or ‘bonkers” --where was the fault in her Democratic debate ‘dark psychic forces' statement? For Marianne Williamson's website: https://marianne.com/Connect with me: Instagram.com/megan_nycmom           

Today's passage, “Rejection is God's protection” Unfortunately, it is unclear to me the origin of this quote, however I am not sure it matters all that much to me because I rebuke this saying altogether. I rebuke it!The idea that rejection in one's life is protection from something that isn't well-suited for you; a relationship, a job, and etcetera is very off putting---This saying appears to be used as crutch for acceptance of any given life situation.Decades ago, I moved to New York in hopes of landing a job at a TV network where I had been working for its affiliate in Atlanta. My aim was to write and produce TV shows.  Well, after 3 or 4 interviews and a verbal nod that the job was likely mine, I didn't get it.  The role went to an internal employee who apparently applied last minute.  Instead, I found myself cocktail waitressing at a comedy club on 8th avenue across from the Port Authority bus station, which was known back then as the porn district and this particular club was co-owned by Richard Basciano dubbed the ‘Porn King' of the 70s with ties to the Gambino Mob Family. This is where I worked. The comedy club was built on top of a peep show/strip club that still semi-operational, so in order to get to the ‘ club' the waitstaff had to cut through the peep show/DVD store.All this to say, I do not believe rejection is protection.  In this one off example, the job I found to pay my bills, which was the comedy club aka peep show, was a lesson in courage and fortitude as I was a young woman from Alabama with very little life experience.  What if instead of saying, ‘Rejection is God's protection' we recognized that rejection, in all forms, is a lesson in self-acceptance, an opportunity to flip our perspective in understanding that we must now love ourselves all the more. God's rejection --- is a lesson in self-acceptance.Connect with me: Instagram.com/megan_nycmom       

Today's passage, “What you resist, persists,” said world renowned Swiss psychologist Carl Jung who died in 1961 and whose teachings of the collective unconscious have been very influential in the field of psychiatry, religion, philosophy and other related fieldsThe idea is that what you fight only strengthens.So what are we fighting? Anything we view as a disturbance.What is a disturbance? In Latin, the word ‘emotion' or ‘emovere' literally means ‘to disturb.' Another way we could deconstruct this is to look at the way we fight disturbances in life as a means of understanding how much control that disturbance has over us. Take for example, road rage, when two drivers are participating in road rage, they have lost all control.But what if we experienced disturbances in life without resistance, without any emotional charge? What if we recognized disturbances, for example, a driver shooting you a bird, without stress or upset?One way we might stop fighting disturbances is by practicing acceptance, in order to stay present.  Another would be practicing polarity which is using an oppositional response to create balance, meeting anger with neutralityAn example taken from the Bible (from Luke) is the crucifixion of Jesus. Jesus met evil with love. He didn't cry out, “Father strike these people down for putting me on the cross!” He said, 'Forgive them Father, for they know not what they do'.  Jesus responded to the unconscious deeds of others, with consciousness, underscoring the importance of bringing light to the darkness through employing compassion and forgiveness in order to transcend his circumstance.If what you resist persists, then what you embrace will dissolve.Connect with me: Instagram.com/megan_nycmom        

Today's passage, is taken from ‘The Awakened Family' a book written by Dr. Shefali Tsabary, “Many parents are seduced by the notion that a child's worth is measured by their performance. For a child to be ahead of the curve is seen as the measure of good parenting. As our children grow, the pressure to be ahead becomes even fiercer. Witness the number of “gifted and talented schools” in New York City alone. “Living in New York City, I can speak to the Gifted and Talented and private school admissions farming industry. A fortune is being made off of the parental obsession with NYC 4 year old's into an elite G&T or private school. These 4 year old's are being put to work with expensive test prepping tutors and coaches who help the preschoolers interview well and diversify their creative interests, so their extracurricular portfolio incudes art, athletics, a musical instrument or dance, and on and on and on. Entire parent leagues dedicated to supporting the goals that these parents have set forth for their children– I should know, I was one of them.And keep this in mind, these children are so young and tiny, they can't even hold a #2 pencil and fill in the bubbles on the intellectual test they're taking to gain entry into these wonderfully fast-paced schools; which is why they have to have an adult present to fill in the bubbles for them as they point to their answers.  Does any of this seem normal?Why are we setting goals for our children at this tender age? Is it all based on our own fear? Fear that we thinly veil with declarations like, “I just want the best life or a better life for my child.” Fear that if the preschooler doesn't attend the 'right' preschool that feeds into the 'right' high school, which matriculates into an Ivy League university, then their preschooler may not 'succeed'?It's neurotic to think that a preschool, musical instrument or a host of other prerequisites will dictate the type of success a child needs in order live a fulfilling life.  It seems as a society, we are loading our children down with these heavy bags of goal setting to in order to achieve a sense of self worth, then we wonder why children anxiety and depression rates are steadily climbing.If goal setting typically implies you are putting forth effort to achieve a need in your life that hasn't already been met, then what message are we sending our children in aligning their self-worth with gaining acceptance into a certain school, sport, or activity that we choose? Do we believe that this sort of goal setting will achieve the labels of success that our child requires in order to be seen as 'exceptional' in our society or were they exceptional all along?Connect with me: Instagram.com/megan_nycmom

Today's passage, “When you meet Buddha on the road, kill him” – this verse was reportedly said by Zen Buddhist master, Lin Chi who died in 866 A.D. If we are searching for answers outside of our inner knowing, we are abandoning our agency to adopt the ideas and beliefs another. Sufi Master, Rumi said, “What you are seeking is also seeking you.” Meaning, everything you seek has been within you all along.Remember, Tony Robbin's 2016 documentary aptly titled, “I'm not Guru”? Same  idea. There is no duality.  If we believe we are separate from others, we begin to operate under a self-imposed limitation. Playing it small.Have you ever played small because you didn't believe in your own ability to succeed? I know in my 20s, I was asked by our department director to apply for a manager role and I declined because one of the young men I worked alongside was applying for that same role. I saw him as the Buddha, more capable and knowledgeable than myself.On the flip side, if you are a parent, are you parenting as the Buddha in your home? Is your parent-child relationship based on a hierarchy that requires obedience at all cost in strict adherence to your vision for your children's lives? Or, do you believe that your children developing their independence -their signature- is more important than their total compliance to your teachings? Will you kill Buddha or follow the paths of others?Connect with me: Instagram.com/megan_nycmom

Today's passage, "Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional." This profound Buddhist proverb is often associated with the Dalai Lama among other spiritual teachers. It is a curious question, which is pondered with an equally curious deconstruction by employing a comparison to the 1960 film classic, "Pollyanna."  What can we learn from Pollyanna transmuting her pain and turning it into her superpower?  What effect did Pollyanna's ability to bypass victimhood have on the people around her?Is your suffering optional today?Connect with me: Instagram.com/megan_nycmom

Life Deconstructed: Excavating the thoughts & beliefs that separate us from others investigates what is truly at the core of how we think, label, and judge ourselves and others. In "Awareness," a book by Anthony De Mello, he writes, "What you are aware of you are in control of, what you are unaware of is in control of you."Are we conscious in understanding our own belief systems? What shifts might occur in our own lives, with our families, and in society at large, if every individual sought to undergo a deep and thorough examination of their conditioned mind?In this episode, I recall a recent event in which I watched unconsciousness unfold before me, which sparked a series of questions for myself around moments in my own life when I 'reacted' unconsciously.  Connect with me: Instagram.com/megan_nycmom