Podcasts about hand parenting

Today, we're talking about aggression, specifically in boys, and how we as parents can respond with understanding, connection, and compassion instead of fear or shaming. Joining me is Tosha Schore, a powerful voice in peaceful parenting and the founder of Parenting Boys Peacefully. Tosha is also the creator of the Out With Aggression program and co-author of Listen: Five Simple Tools to Meet Your Everyday Parenting Challenges. She's spent decades helping parents shift the way they relate to their kids, especially when big behaviors show up. In our conversation, Tosha and I got into the roots of aggressive behavior in boys, and how it's so often a signal, not of defiance, but of fear or frustration. We explored how society often mislabels boys as “bad” when they make mistakes with little room for second chances. Tosha shared what it means to truly listen to our kids, how to build safe spaces for them to express themselves without shame, and why emotional connection, not punishment, is the key to long-term growth and emotional development. If aggression is something your family is struggling with right now, this conversation is for you. And if you find it valuable, and I think you will, consider sharing it with other parents who might need it.   About Tosha Schore Tosha Schore is a dynamic leader and globally recognized speaker and trainer dedicated to empowering parents and the professionals who support them. As the founder of Parenting Boys Peacefully and creator of the Out With Aggression program, Tosha has equipped thousands of parents worldwide with tools to transform challenging behaviors by fostering connection, confidence, and compassion in their relationships with their children. She is also the author of Listen: Five Simple Tools to Meet Your Everyday Parenting Challenges. Drawing on her over two decades of experience, and her extensive training in Hand in Hand Parenting and certification as a Step into Your Moxie® Facilitator, Tosha inspires parents to integrate connection as a bedrock principle in their families, and provides actionable answers to the “then what?” questions parents often face when shifting away from harsher, less effective practices. Tosha is championing a cultural shift toward more compassionate parenting and a more peaceful world.   Things you'll learn from this episode Why understanding boys' behavior requires connecting the dots between their emotions, environment, and executive function challenges How recognizing aggression as a response to fear, frustration, or impulse control issues helps parents approach it with empathy Why creating safe spaces for boys to express emotions without judgment fosters emotional growth and self-regulation Why challenging societal perceptions that label boys as "bad guys" is essential for supporting their emotional development How to prioritize emotional connection over discipline in order to navigate challenging behaviors without shame or escalation   Resources mentioned Toscha Shore's website Parenting Boys Peacefully Free 10-Day Reconnect Listen: Five Simple Tools to Meet Your Everyday Parenting Challenges by Toscha Shore Dr. John Duffy on Helping Our Struggling Teen Boys (Tilt Parenting podcast) Rescuing Our Sons: 8 Solutions to Our Crisis of Disaffected Teen Boys by Dr. John Duffy Seth Perler, Executive Function Coach   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

When Nathan Baschez saw a tweet from Joe Hudson about how he raised his girls—no punishments, no shame—he had to know more. So when Joe invited him onto the podcast to talk parenting, he jumped at the chance.What unfolds is an honest look at parenting in real time. Joe shares how Hand-in-Hand Parenting shaped his family life, how emotional presence trumps perfection, and how parenting became one of his deepest self-development practices.In this episode, they discuss:The link between emotional connection and behaviorWhat it actually means to "stay with" a child's emotionsWhy apology and repair are more powerful than being rightAnd how we all inherit emotional patterns — until we choose otherwiseThis is an episode for anyone who's ever wondered if it's possible to raise a child without control and whether, in doing so, we might raise ourselves too.Nathan Baschez is a new dad who lives in LA, and the founder of Lex (https://lex.page), a new kind of word processor that uses AI to help you go deeper and have more fun while writing. Before this, he co-founded Every, and was the first employee at Substack.Send us your questions on Twitter, through our website, or in our Circle community! Joe on X: @FU_JoeHudson Brett on X: @airkistler AOA on X: @artofaccomp Visit Us: www.artofaccomplishment.com We invite you to experience our work. Reserve your spot at www.view.life/explore

How can the Hand in Hand Parenting approach transform your relationship with your child? In today's episode, we explore this question with Emily Murray, a certified Hand in Hand Parenting instructor. You'll discover how this approach emphasizes building strong connections through five essential tools that can reshape how you interact with your children. Emily shares her personal experiences and insights into how understanding emotional triggers can lead to more meaningful parenting moments.We'll dive into the practical aspects of listening partnerships and special time, offering a fresh perspective on how these techniques can help you reconnect with your child. Emily's journey from struggling with parenting challenges to becoming an advocate for this approach provides relatable and inspiring stories that every parent can learn from.Join us as we discuss the nuances of setting boundaries while maintaining a nurturing environment, and how humor and empathy can enhance your parenting style. Tune in to explore how the Hand in Hand Parenting approach can make a difference in your everyday interactions.Topics covered on Hand in Hand Parenting Approach:What is the Hand in Hand parenting approach, and how can it transform your relationship with your child?How can understanding your emotional triggers improve your parenting?Why is being truly listened to so powerful for both parents and children?How can humor and empathy play a crucial role in effective parenting?What are stealth special time and play listening, and how can they help reconnect you with your child?How can you provide a supportive environment for your child to express emotions while maintaining consistent boundaries?Connect with me on Instagram @dr.koslowitzpsychology and don't forget to subscribe to our YouTube channel Post Traumatic Parenting.For full show notes and more resources visit www.drrobynkoslowitz.com/2024/12/18/the-hand-in-hand…s-with-your-kids/

Send us a textWhat if you could transform your parenting methods with a simple shift in perspective? Join us as Magdalena Garcia, an inspiring educator and parent coach, reveals her journey from supporting her neurodiverse younger brother to co-founding a nonprofit school dedicated to emotional development. Magdalena's insights challenge traditional behavioral techniques, advocating instead for relationship-based education that respects developmental stages and fosters genuine connections with children. Discover how her personal experiences as a mother, combined with Hand-in-Hand Parenting, have redefined her approach to nurturing children as intelligent, sentient beings.Explore the foundations of fostering autonomy and critical thinking in young minds with Magdalena's Circles and Bridges program. By addressing the unconscious beliefs and early childhood experiences shaping parent-child relationships, Magdalena guides parents to nurture their own inner lives, ultimately enhancing their ability to support their children's emotional and developmental needs. From pregnancy and postpartum challenges to the hurdles faced by parents of neurodivergent children, we tackle the importance of creating nurturing environments that encourage strong, healthy bonds.As we delve into the Hand in Hand parenting approach, Magdalena shares practical tools rooted in attachment theory, authoritative parenting, and trauma-responsive care. Learn how balancing high expectations with warmth, setting boundaries with empathy, and prioritizing "Special Time" can strengthen the parent-child bond. Magdalena also highlights the value of playful parenting and listening partnerships among parents for emotional support, offering strategies to enrich your parenting journey. Join us for this insightful conversation that promises to equip you with techniques to build deeper connections with your children.Carol Dweck- https://www.mindsetworks.com/defaultAlfie Kohn- https://www.alfiekohn.orgHand in Hand Parenting- www.handinhandparenting.orgDiana Baurmerind- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qu3ZRlimtb4Magdalena's website- www.circlesandbridges.comhttps://www.facebook.com/circlesandbridges/Instagram account @circlesandbridges  danabaltutis.com, mytherapyhouse.com.au, https://mytherapyhouse.com.au/your-childs-therapy-journey/ https://www.danabaltutis.com/services

Send us a textThe holidays can bring forward grief for many reasons, and in this episode with Healing Parent's Gabriela Blanco we are discussing how mothers can accept and move through this grief in a healthy way. Whether you are facing loss, dealing with the aftermath of a separation, or feeling disappointed about what has happened in your life, this episode will remind you that you are not alone. In the episode Gabriela and I talk about:What grief actually isWhy grief can be particularly potent around the holidaysHow we can support our children through griefThe importance of having a space to express your emotionsDealing with guilt and shame surrounding griefA little about our guest:Gabriela Blanco founded Healing Parents after seeing how her ability to show up for herself, her family and her community the way she wanted to, would always be connected to her own healing process. Gabriela wanted parents with a similar knowing, to feel supported, accompanied and resourced as they do this work of a lifetime. Originally from California, Gabriela has been living in Oaxaca, Mexico since 2005. She lives with her daughter, Luna, their dog Cutie, and within a community of care that includes her daughter's dad, and the many friends they've have come to trust as family over the years. Gabriela began caring for children professionally in both the preschool and home setting at 17 and earned a Bachelor's degree in Human Development from the University of California in San Diego in 2002. Since then she has worked with families through volunteer work, and in the nonprofit sector for over 15 years. Gabriela is trained by Hand in Hand Parenting and is an avid and ongoing student of all things human. Gabriela is wholly committed to the liberated practice of healing while parenting, and to deepening her understanding of connection-based healing practices. She is also an enthusiastic student of mystical, contemplative teachings. To connect with Gabriela, follow her on Instagram @healingparents or on Facebook. You can visit her website www.healingparents.co.If you found this episode valuable, share it with other moms in your life. Follow along with The Worthy Mother Podcast on Instagram @emily.rose.hardy and @worthymotherpodcast, and don't forget to subscribe wherever you listen!

In this enlightening episode, we explore the transformative power of deep relaxation and its profound effects on healing our bodies and minds. Join us as our guest, Rain Elizabeth Stickney, shares her extensive knowledge and experience as a spiritual counselor and meditation teacher. With over two decades of expertise, Rain explains the emotional and physical healing benefits of deep relaxation. If you are looking to develop a regular meditation practice and want the support of a teacher and a community, check out Rain's website, podcast and youtube channel! Rain and I also talk about Learn about the Gottman Method, an evidence-based approach to relationship counseling, developed by Drs. John and Julie Schwartz Gottman. It focuses on building healthy relationships through effective communication, emotional connection, and conflict resolution strategies. Rain Elizabeth Stickney is a spiritual counselor and meditation teacher who has been guiding others on their healing journeys for over two decades. She began offering meditation in the spring of 2001 and expanded into healing services by the fall of 2007. Originally from the San Francisco Bay Area, Rain now lives on a serene, forested property in Vermont with her son, life partner, and their enchanting black bunny. Rain holds a Bachelor's degree in Psychology, specializing in Biofeedback and Somatics, and a Master's degree in East-West Psychology with a Certificate in Expressive Arts Consulting and Education. Her approach is trauma-informed and integrates deep studies in psychophysiology and neuroscience. Trained in Hand in Hand Parenting by Connection to support children and families, and certified in The Gottman Method to enhance communication within relationships, she brings a compassionate, evidence-based foundation to her work. With 20 years of experience as a bodyworker, Rain developed Emotional Integrative Bodywork, a holistic modality honoring the four essential pillars of human experience: body, mind, heart, and spirit. Today, she continues her healing practice by offering mindful, therapeutic support to individuals and couples. Rain also hosts the "Every Moment Is Sacred" podcast, where she weaves meditation, healing insights, and practical wisdom into the fabric of everyday life, inviting listeners to find meaning and peace in each moment. Rain's website: rainelizabeth.org  Rain's podcast: Every Moment Is Sacred Rain's Youtube Page Rain's Instagram Zen Buddhism Podcast Mentioned in the Show -The Way Out Is In If you're ready to uncover your soul's purpose and live with more joy, peace, and meaning, I offer a 12-week one-on-one coaching program designed to help you reconnect with yourself. You can also join me for Dharma classes every Monday night at Balanced Planet Yoga in Marlton, NJ—or attend remotely via Zoom. Register through the MindBody app to reserve your spot. Here's how we can work together: Yoga Philosophy Workshops Book a Free Dharma Coaching Discovery Call Meditation & Breathwork Minisodes Join My Newsletter Download my 3 Journal Prompts To Discovering Your Dharma on my website Connect With Me! Website: ⁠momontheverge.org⁠ Instagram: ⁠@katiemomandyogi⁠ Email: ⁠katie@momontheverge.org⁠ Let's connect and work together to help you uncover your purpose and live a joyful, aligned life!

This podcast episode is for every parent of a young child who doesn't want to always resort to yelling or time-outs as  a discpline strategy. Tosha and Tammy walk through the power of play, connection, and laughter even during the most challenging of moments! Tosha Schore, M.A., brings a burst of energy and optimism to parenting. She is an expert at simple solutions to what feel like overwhelmingly complicated problems. A sought after coach, author, educator, and speaker, Schore is committed to creating lasting change in families and in the world by supporting parents to care for themselves, connect with their children deeply, set limits lovingly, and play wildly. She is the founder of Parenting Boys Peacefully , co-author of Listen: Five Simple Tools to Meet Your Everyday Parenting Challenges, and a trainer of Hand in Hand Parenting. Interested in more from the Institute? The Parenting Handbook: Your Guide to Raising Resilient Children For a limited time only, buy a copy of our The Parenting Handbook: Your Guide to Raising Resilient Children and recieve a free gift! Yes,  when you buy our book you also get access to our Compassionate Discipline workshop valued at $87.84.  Not quite sure yet? Download a free chapter! To find out more, click here for more info! Interested in our Professional Membership? ICP is thrilled to offer its new professional membership. This membership comes with 30+ accredited mental health courses, 15 general children's mental health courses, bi-monthly professional group consults, access to our live tranings, printables, scripts, and case note templates.  Affordable, accesible training all in one spot! Find out more here

I'm so delighted that Belynda Smith is back on the podcast, after she interviewed me about The Emotional Life of Babies in episode 151. Belynda is an Aware Parenting instructor and a Hand in Hand Parenting Instructor. She is also the Editor of my trilogy of books. In this episode, Belynda shares about her passion for – and deep experience with – the vital importance of receiving lots of listening if we are wanting to listen to our children's feelings. Belynda shares about the details of Listening Partnerships, which is a term from Hand in Hand Parenting and which offers specific parameters to create deeper safety and healing. Belynda shares about her experience of coming to Hand in Hand Parenting when her children were in early childhood, after experiencing both frequent night waking (every 40 minutes) and, once her second child was born, her own unexpressed feelings starting to bubble up. She shares the breakthrough experiences she had when she first came across Hand in Hand Parenting, and when she had her first session with a Hand in Hand Parenting Instructor and Trainer, Ann Hefferan, which inspired her to go on and become a Hand in Hand Parenting Instructor herself. Belynda shares about the next part of her journey, and discovering Aware Parenting. She also talks about the process of having lots of LP support when editing the books. She shares about her experience of Aware Parenting and sleep and her teens, and the subtle difference between Hand in Hand Parenting and Aware Parenting with sleep. We also discuss what we experience is the vital foundation in parenting. Belynda has a new free offering on play coming up. She also has a monthly online listening circle and offers 1:1 Aware Parenting support. You can find out more about her and her work at https://belyndasmith.com.au/ and https://belynda-smith.newzenler.com/aware-parenting

Jennifer Poole was adopted as an infant in a closed adoption. She holds a Masters Degree in Interfaith Pastoral Counseling, where she wrote her thesis on “Openness in Adoption as an Opportunity for Spiritual Growth”. It was during this time, in 2001, that she initiated her reunion with her birth mother and later with her birth father. Passionate about supporting families, she is certified in Hand in Hand Parenting, Redirecting Children's Behavior, the Enneagram, and Whole Person Design Life Coaching. Drawing from a large tool box which includes continuing education in Mindfulness, High Conflict Diversion, ADHD, ACES, Attachment Theory and Trauma Informed Care, Jennifer provides counseling and coaching to help families move from conflict to the connection they seek. She also works with Adoption Mosaic as a co-teacher and parenting consultant. As their adoptee outreach coordinator, she interviews adoptees to help find panelists for their “We the Experts” series. She currently lives in Portland, Oregon with her husband. Together they have 4 grown children.Websites: https://www.feelmorelove.net/https://adoptionmosaic.com/Music by Corey Quinn

How are traumatic memories stored in the body? How has Somatic Experiencing helped thousands of people release the symptoms of trauma through bodily practices rather than talky therapy? How did Peter resolve his own devastating childhood trauma? What will a trauma aware society be like? In this episode we have the fascinating question of the different ways traumatic memories are stored to think about, and how the body itself and not only the brain is instrumental in the way the memory's are made and processed, and so in how we might ease the symptoms of the trauma later on. We're going to delve into the brain-body connection in traumatic memory, looking at the way trauma can influence our bodily states and so in turn the way we can use bodily methods in a bottom-up approach, to re-train the brain to feel safe and integrate traumatic memories.  For this there can be no better person than the psychotherapist, Dr. Peter Levine, the creator of the Somatic Experiencing therapy method, founder of the Institute of Somatic Education and author of many books on trauma and therapy, including “Waking the Tiger”, “Healing Trauma”, “Trauma Through a Childs Eyes”, “Trauma and Memory” which we'll be discussing today, and his brand new book, which this episode is happy to celebrate the release of “An autobiography of Trauma: A healing Journey”. Minus 1 minute What we discuss: 00:00 Intro. 06:00 Conscious memories start earlier than we might imagine. 07:00 Descartes was wrong, better “I move, I sense, I feel, I have images, I have thoughts: therefore I am.” 07:30 The mid-1960's session with Nancy that started it all for Peter. 14:20 The 3 different nervous system bodily states: fight or flight, freeze and social engagement. 20:00 Body/Nervous system bi-directionality: Influences between Polyvagal theory and Somatic Experiencing. 26:00 Exercises to switch the hyper-aroused message coming from the body. 29:00 Animal kingdom research into ‘shaking off' daily life threatening experiences. 31:00 The very sensations that help animals release, are scary to us so we block them. 31:40 Vitality, movement and exuberance VS a disembodied society. 33:20 As children we learn to limit our exuberance, so as not to disturb adults. 35:30 Different types of memory and the role of the body in recording them. 36:00 Declarative conscious memory. 36:45 Autobiographical conscious memory. 38:30 Emotional unconscious memory (associative). 39:00 Procedural/body unconscious memories (to protect oneself). 39:45 Peter as Chiron “The Woundd Healer” archetype. 45.10 Being heard, witnessed and listened to: why reflection and mirroring are important. 47:00 “I don't think there is consciousness without being mirrored”. 47:40 A trauma aware society. 51:00 Being heard and mirrored leads to resilience. 54:00 Peter's devastating childhood trauma and shame: “An Autobiography of Trauma” 57:00 Confronting shame tends to intensify it. 59:30 Why share such a personal vulnerable story with the world? 01:01:00 The dream that helped him choose whether or not to publish this deeply personal story. 01:02:20 Encouraging others to tell their stories: cathartic sharing. 01:04:45 Sharing vulnerability with the compassionate other. 01:05:30 Is trauma required to transform or is it just an inevitability of life? 01:07:00 Trauma is a rite of passage towards being truly compassionate. 01:07:40 Gabor Mate, “Compassionate Enquiry”. 01:08:00 Curiosity can't co-exist with fear, use it to shift the process. References: Peter Levine, “An Autobiography of Trauma: A Healing Journey” 2024 (Available at Ergos Institute, Barnes & Noble, Amazon, Amazon UK, Inner Traditions, Books A Million, and Bookshop.org) Somatic Experiencing https://www.somaticexperiencing.com/home Peter Levine, “Trauma and Memory” 2015 https://g.co/kgs/vAzjvB2 “Hand in Hand: Parenting by connection” episode, Listening technique https://www.chasingconsciousness.net/episode-18-parenting-by-connection-maya-coleman

You are going to LOVE this episode. This is a very honest, raw and hopeful conversation with Michelle Puster, a long-term client of mine who is a therapist and Mom of 3 (including twins).Michelle opens up about how challenging life was with 3 children under 2 and the rage, shame, depression and anxiety she experienced.This difficult time led her to eventually find Hand in Hand Parenting, start working with me and discover meditation. She shares how she went from crying in the bathroom to being able to be calm and present with her children when they're having a hard time with difficult behaviour.This episode will give you hope and a pathway to turn your dark times around.----------------------------------------------------------------------About MichelleMichelle Puster M.Ed, is an online mindfulness teacher for parentsShe helps parents trapped in anger and burnout free themselves from overwhelming guilt and shame.Click here to download her FREE 5 minute Rage Break: 4 steps to pause and regroup when it's taking everything you have not to lose it with your kids.Follow her on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/compassionateheartmindfullife/----------------------------------------------------------------------About Helena MooneyI am a Certified Parenting Coach for mums who want to do "gentle parenting" but become frustrated and worried when it doesn't seem to work. I'm here to help you feel more confident as a mum, deeply connected as a family, and to all have more fun!**DOWNLOAD YOUR FREE BOOKLET:** Shout Less, Connect More with 5 Simple GamesBook: 1:1 Mentoring SessionFollow on InstagramFollow on Facebook

Today on the podcast I talk about the small interactions with your child that happen many times a day but often don't go so smoothly. A simple request from you turns into a standoff or an argument - and you just want your child to listen without all the drama.  This is something parents ask me about all the time:“I don't want to respond harshly to my children but I don't want to be permissive either - what do I do?”    The question is - how to approach discipline when you don't want to use threats or punishments but trying to be gentle isn't working either -  you are stuck in an endless cycle of trying to be gentle but your patience wears thin and you descend into arguments swiftly followed by you losing your cool. It doesn't feel very gentle but the only alternative seems to be to allow your child to do what they want! There is another way to set limits in a gentle way with your child, in a way that doesn't use fear or control and doesn't damage your relationship. So I'm talking about how to deal with those small everyday interactions which cause arguments or conflict over and over again - like bedtime, like wanting a snack right before dinner, like turning the TV off.  You want to say no but you don't want the arguments. I take you through Hand in Hand Parenting's approach to setting limits using the “Listen, Limit, Listen” framework. It works like a dream and you can rest assured you are holding firm without using fear and whilst still leaving room for feelings.  This episode I recorded outdoors by the sea, so there is a little bit of wind interference, I hope it isn't too annoying. Here is a photo of my view so you can picture the scene! If you enjoyed this episode, please subscribe to the podcast, share it with a friend and consider leaving an iTunes review and/or a Spotify rating. It will help this conversation reach even more parents. I would love to stay in touch! You can follow me on Facebook and Instagram @PamParentCoach. I always love to hear from my listeners.

Join Emily Hamblin on Enlightening Motherhood as she chats with Kathy Gordon from Hand in Hand Parenting. This episode delves into the delicate balance of setting firm yet compassionate boundaries with our children. Kathy shares practical tips and insights from her years of experience, highlighting the importance of combining love and limits. We'll also dive into customized strategies for neurodivergent children and those who break traditional expectations. - - - Worried about your kid's emotional development? Wish there were an easier way to help them learn emotional intelligence? There is. Introducing Emotionally Intelligent Kids, a brand new space to connect you with videos, printables, worksheets, activities, games, and more to help take the stress and overwhelm out of helping your child develop emotional intelligence. Register today and lock in the founding member's rate of just $7/month! https://enlighteningmotherhood.com/kids - - - Worried that the stress of today is shaping your family's tomorrow? Feel like nobody understands your family's chaos, or your own guilt or overwhelm? Transform your time spent as a stressed-out mom into happier memories for you and your kids. Join the waitlist for Emotionally Healthy Families at https://enlighteningmotherhood.com/families - - - Connect with Emily Hamblin: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/enlighteningmotherhood/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/EnlighteningMotherhood Website: https://www.enlighteningmotherhood.com/ - - - Connect with Kathy Gordon: https://www.handinhandparenting.org⁠ --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/enlighteningmotherhood/message

This is a very special episode, with a lot of laughter, where I talk with Belynda Smith, who is an Aware Parenting instructor and Hand in Hand Instructor and also copy editor. Belynda shares about her journey to Hand in Hand Parenting and then Aware Parenting, and how she came to be the copy editor of The Emotional Life of Babies, my book which is about to come out. Belynda shares about Listening Partnerships, and I explain why I often tell other parents about how many Listening Partnerships she has. We then go on to talk about the process of editing the book together, including the enjoyment and ease of it all. We talk about the length of it and the cover, as well as the nuanced approach of Aware Parenting with a baby that it describes. I share about the process of feeling called to write it and how and why that happened. We talk about all the parents' stories in the book and I talk about how delighted I was that most of them used their real names. I'm so grateful to everyone who has shared their stories, who has been a beta reader, to my Marion's Books Support Team, and to those who have shared a testimonial, and more. Belynda asks me about how I've sustained my excitement about this long, and I loved responding to that question, about how in our culture we often have not only our sadness and rage suppressed, but also our excitement and exuberance. I share about how much I've enjoyed all the steps and the collaborative process of finding the title and the subtitle and so on, including with the help of the father of my children. We also talked about the invitations throughout the book, including for self-compassion, and the research triangle that I talk about in it too. The book will be out any day now! You can find out more about Belynda and her work at: https://belyndasmith.com.au/ On her website, you can also sign up for her free ebook on book sharing for connected families. Her podcast is called Tales from The Toolbox. https://www.facebook.com/talesfromthetoolboxpodcast If you want to be notified when The Emotional Life of Babies is out, I'll be sharing about it on my main email list. If you're not on it, you can sign up here: http://eepurl.com/8ifhn I'll also be sharing information about how you can support me and this book, both by email and social media. My website is www.marionrose.net

In this episode, I talk with Shelley Clarke, who is an Aware Parenting instructor, CranioSacral Therapist and Marion Method Mentor. Please note that neither CranioSacral Therapy nor The Marion Method are Aware Parenting. Shelley shares about her experience of practicing Aware Parenting with her three children and how she first learnt about Hand in Hand Parenting when searching for gentle sleep solutions, and then heard about Aware Parenting too. She first found me and my work n 2017 by searching for 'parenting and Psychosynthesis' (I trained and worked as a Psychosynthesis Psychotherapist). She shares about the experience of starting Aware Parenting at different ages with her children, and starting from when her third child was born, as he shared his feelings about his birth. She also did more of her own healing process from her own experience as a baby. She talks about the power of listening to a baby's feelings when being lovingly supported with our own feelings, like she experienced and now offers to parents. From her first baby to her third baby, she became really comfortable with crying-in-arms. Shelley talks about her experience of learning about CranioSacral Therapy and training in it, and how a central part of it is somato-emotional release. As part of that, she has done many birth processes on her own experiences as a baby. She shares about what happens in her work as a CranioSacral Therapist when parents bring their babies with issues related to feeding, sleeping, tension, agitation and digestion. Often the babies will express feelings from their birth during the session. We discuss how Aware Parenting and CST both have a deep trust in the body's innate capacity to heal and return to homeostasis. Shelley shares lots of details about how to be with babies as they are healing from their birth and other experiences. I also reflect back on the time when my daughter was six and had some myofascial treatment and re-enacted her birth experience whilst expressing big feelings - and we discuss how children can also heal from their births, later on than in infancy - and how close to the surface those birth memories are for children as well as babies. Shelley shares an incredible experience of one of her children being a Messenger from Life - this is from The Marion Method, not Aware Parenting. We finish talking about our deep trust in the innate wisdom of human beings and our ability to heal and come back into homeostasis, and the importance of our own inner work as parents so that we can offer a calm presence to support our baby or child's innate wisdom. You can find Shelley and her work at: https://www.shelleyclarke.com/ and https://www.instagram.com/_shelleyclarke_/ and https://www.facebook.com/shelleyclarkemindbodyparenting Her podcast is The Mind-Body Parenting Podcsat.

In this episode, Tosha Schore joins me to talk about what to do when your child is aggressive.   Most of us have been there – kids fighting over toys, hitting, sibling rivalry, or anger that seems to come out of nowhere. How do you handle it? Is there an effective way to deal with it?   Tosha is mom to three boys and an advocate for boys and their families. She is on a mission to create a more peaceful world, one sweet boy at a time by supporting you to care for yourself, connect with your boy deeply, set limits lovingly, and play wildly!    She brings a burst of energy and optimism to parenting, and is an expert at simple solutions to what feel like overwhelmingly complicated problems.   Through her online community and courses, Tosha helps break the isolation of modern parenting and lifts your confidence so you're better equipped to face the challenges of raising young boys.   We talk about: [4:30] How Tosha got into this work [5:50] Why kids get aggressive [9:10] Meeting your child where they're at [13:00] How to stop your child's aggression [16:40] Common mistakes parents make when trying to end aggressive behavior [23:15] What to do when the aggression seems to be impulsive  [32:00] How to handle being fearful of your child hitting or hurting you [40:45] Sibling rivalry and aggression between siblings [48:35] Lashing out after breaking toys [51:15] How to know if you're handling these situations correctly  [53:35] Figuring out our triggers  [57:25] When aggression comes out of nowhere [59:25] What Tosha would tell her younger parent self   Tosha is the creator of all things Parenting Boys Peacefully, including “Parenting Boys Peacefully: A 10-Day Reconnect,” an online group experience shared by over 15,000 parents worldwide. She is also a trainer of Hand in Hand Parenting and co-author of “Listen: Five Simple Tools to Meet Your Everyday Challenges.” Tosha is also a frequent guest expert on podcasts and online and in-person conferences.   Oh! And if it makes you feel better, Tosha's got some letters after her name…She holds a BA in Women's Studies & Language Studies from UCSC, an MA in Applied Linguistics and a certificate in TESOL from UCLA, and is a certified trainer of instructors in Hand in Hand Parenting.   Resources mentioned in this episode: Free ‘How to Stop Yelling' Course: www.sarahrosensweet.com/yelling  Join us on Patreon: www.patreon.com/peacefulparenting  Membership: www.sarahrosensweet.com/membership    Connect with Tosha Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/toshaschoreyourpartnerinparentingboys YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/ToshaSchoreYourPartnerInParenting Website: https://parentingboyspeacefully.com/   Connect with Sarah Rosensweet   Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sarahrosensweet/  Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/peacefulparentingfreegroup Website: https://www.sarahrosensweet.com  Book a short consult or coaching session call: https://book-with-sarah-rosensweet.as.me/schedule.php 

You're watching your toddler or preschooler act aggressively, what do you do? It can be confusing and scary because you're not modeling that behavior and we often don't know how to respond. In this episode, Tosha Schore comes on to talk about boys and aggressive behavior. We talk about why it happens and what to do about it. If you enjoyed this episode, and it inspired you in some way, I'd love to hear about it and know your biggest takeaway. Take a screenshot of you listening on your device, post it to your Instagram stories, and tag me @mindfulmamamentor. Have you left a review yet? All you have to do is go to Apple Podcasts or  Stitcher (or wherever you listen), and thanks for your support of the show! Tosha Schore is the creator of all things Parenting Boys Peacefully, including her 10-Day Reconnect, an online group experience shared by over 15,000 parents worldwide. She is also co-author of Listen: Five Simple Tools to Meet Your Everyday Parenting Challenges, and a trainer of Hand in Hand Parenting. Get Hunter's book, Raising Good Humans now! Click here to order and get book bonuses! ABOUT HUNTER CLARKE-FIELDS: Hunter Clarke-Fields is a mindful mama mentor. She coaches smart, thoughtful parents on how to create calm and cooperation in their daily lives. Hunter has over 20 years of experience in mindfulness practices. She has taught thousands worldwide. Be a part of the tribe—we're over 25 thousand strong! Join the Mindful Parenting membership. Take your learning further! Get my Top 2 Best Tools to Stop Yelling AND the Mindful Parenting Roadmap for FREE at: mindfulmamamentor.com/stopyelling/ Find more podcasts, blog posts, free resources, and how to work with Hunter at MindfulMamaMentor.com. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We were thrilled to speak with Michelle Kenney, a parenting coach who has helped thousands of parents stop using punishments and yelling and learn kind limits.  In today's episode, Michelle shares her journey to connective parenting, and how she learned to be empathetic and playful with her own strong willed child.  In this conversation, we talk about perfectionism in parenting and navigating differences in parenting styles with family, other caregivers, and even one's partner. Michelle describes how techniques like “special time” and listening partners can make all the difference for those who want to reconstruct themselves as parents.  You can follow Michelle on Instagram @peaceandparenting and check out her podcast, Peace and Parenting, including her recent episode with Sheryl: Anxiety Around Parenthood. References: Michelle's forthcoming book, Unpunished Hand in Hand Parenting  

Voici le premier épisode d'une série consacrée aux limites éducatives : interposer une limite à notre enfant, cela n'est pas forcément aussi simple que ça en a l'air. Dans l'approche Hand in Hand, non seulement la façon dont on interpose des limites aux enfants est assez unique, mais la raison pour laquelle on le fait peut paraitre peu intuitif au premier abord : alors c'est parti, dans cet épisode je te donne LA raison numéro 1 qui justifie l'utilisation de limite éducative. Attention : ce n'est sans doute pas ce que tu penses, ou la raison pour laquelle tes parents avaient recours aux limites éducatives pour toi quand tu étais enfant. Tu souhaites aller plus loin ? Je t'invite à m'envoyer un mail à l'adresse hello@handinhandparentingavecsophie.com pour recevoir gratuitement le livret Comprendre Les Émotions des Enfants, édité par Hand in Hand Parenting.Hébergé par Ausha. Visitez ausha.co/politique-de-confidentialite pour plus d'informations.

Welcome back to Motherkind Moment. Moment is your place on a Monday for calm, connection and maybe even a shift in perspective before the week ahead. This moment is from a brilliant episode I recorded with Patty Wipfler. She is the founder of Hand-in-hand Parenting and has been leading the way in conscious parenting for over 30 years. There is so much authority and wisdom in her words. She reminded me that crying is such a healing release. I think this clip is going to help you reframe how you feel when your children cry and when you have a good cry, too. If you haven't listened to the full episode I highly recommend it. You can listen to the clip by clicking above or the full episode here. ABOUT PATTY WIPFLER Patty Wipfler is the Founder and Program Director of Hand in Hand parenting. Patty writes, speaks, trains parent leaders, and develops resources for parents to help them lift difficulties from their children's lives and their own. She directs the training of Parenting by Connection Instructors from all parts of the U.S. and abroad. Her focus is on building parents' emotional understanding and helping parents to build networks of mutual support that benefit their families and communities. In 1989, she founded the non-profit Parents Leadership Institute, which evolved into Hand in Hand Parenting. She is the author of Listen: Five Simple Tools to Meet Your Everyday Parenting Challenges. Through Hand in Hand, Patty offers monthly free teleseminars in conjunction with leading parent educators, writers, activists, and bloggers. Her articles have been published in Mothering Magazine, the Bulletin of Zero to Three, and Child Welfare News. She has been a keynote speaker at Association for the Education of Young Children conventions in Chicago and Philadelphia, and she has done workshops and trainings throughout California, and in Oregon, New Mexico, Texas, and Massachusetts, as well as in Beijing, China. COME VISIT MOTHERKIND ON INSTAGRAM - INSTAGRAM: @zoeblaskey - come engage with Zoe and our community over on Instagram for inspiration, tips, and sometimes a bit of humour to get us through our day.

This week I talk to Patty Wipfler, founder of Hand in Hand Parenting. Patty has been working with parents for 47 years. Over that time she has developed the parenting by connection approach, the five listening tools you hear me talk about on the podcast (Listening Partnerships for parents, Staylistening, Setting Limits, Special Time and Playlistening) and the Hand in Hand Parenting organisation which supports 1000s of parents around the world. In this episode Patty generously shares with us the story of her own childhood and how that had a profound influence on her life's work of making lives better for children and parents. Patty experienced from a very early age the impact parent stress can have on the family system and she has used that experience to guide her work with parents. Patty talks about how the Hand in Hand Parenting approach emerged firstly from being listened to herself and then through using the same principles to listen to children. She talks about the power of connection and the huge stress parents face in a world that doesn't support parents well. Patty embodies how listening to parents and children with warmth, love and respect can change the world. She has such deep compassion and wisdom to share with us, you are in for a real treat. If you would like to learn more about how you can bring these ideas into your own parenting then you are so welcome to join my next free Masterclass which takes place on Tuesday 8th November 2022 at 8pm UK/Ireland time (12pm PST / 3pm PST). If you enjoyed this episode, please share it with a friend and consider leaving an iTunes review. It will help this conversation reach even more parents. I would love to stay in touch! You can follow me on Facebook and Instagram @PamParentCoach and I always love to hear from my listeners.

Growth mindset is the antidote to perfectionism and giving up. It's believing “I can't do it… YET”   How can we help our children develop a growth mindset?   What are the strategies? What do we do when our kids just want to give up?   This episode is a look into my membership community, and joining us is Sheena Hill, a psychotherapist in private practice as a Responsive Parenting and Holistic Sleep Coach. She is a passionate advocate for children, families, development, attachment, and trauma and has been working with families for almost 20 years.    We go into: [6:45] Best practices when it comes to developing a growth mindset as it relates to parenting [12:20] ‘Inviting' your mistakes to the dinner table [15:30] Shifting what ‘mistakes' mean to us [18:45] How to help our kids out of a negative mindset [24:05] Tips for helping our kids when they're spiraling  [28:40] When to know if something is no longer serving our kids [32:40] What to do when the school environment isn't supportive or peaceful [39:25] Setting expectations for different stages of our kids' lives   She holds a masters degrees in Social Work and Education and trainings/certifications in SPACE, Neuroscience, Strengthening Families Program, The Nurturing Parenting Program, Hand in Hand Parenting, child passenger safety, and babyproofing.   After nearly a decade in the non-profit world, she made the shift to private practice in order to begin homeschooling.  Resources mentioned in this episode www.sarahrosenweet.com/newsletter www.sarahrosensweet.com/reset   Connect with Sheena   On Instagram On Facebook Facebook Group https://www.sheenahill.com/    Connect with Sarah Rosensweet   On Instagram On Facebook https://www.sarahrosensweet.com  Book a short consult or coaching session call

Every parent will agree that the parenthood journey is one of the steepest, if not the steepest learning curve they will ever encounter! We learn so much about our children, our partners and family dynamics, but mostly about ourselves. Join host, Zahira Mamdani and fellow My Muslim Family editor, Zainab Al-Shalchi as they speak about parenting being a journey of personal growth and development, and how parents can maximise and embrace this growth experience through their parenting journey. Zainab and Zahira made references to Hand in Hand Parenting- a parenting course they have both completed. For a 5% discount on this amazing course or for further details, reach out to Shaheen Merali via her Instagram page here: https://www.instagram.com/handinhandparentingwithshaheen/?hl=en-gb

Today I chat to Shelley Clarke, who is a Parent Mentor & Educator. Shelley works supporting parents to understand their child's behaviour, and develop rich long lasting relationships. She is a Physiotherapist, CranioSacral Therapist, and a certified Aware Parenting, Hand in Hand Parenting, and Marion Method Mentor. She is passionate about the Nervous System, Human Body and Helping Families Thrive. Shelley is the Host of the "Mind Body Parenting Podcast" - check it out asap. Shelley is a mother to three beautiful children and she is on a mission to shift the paradigm that we parent from. What we cover in the Episode: - Shelley's Origin story of how she got to be a Parent Mentor & Educator. - Her big Beautiful Vision for her Community and the World. - Her top 3 Personal Values currently - Authentic recounts of realistic moments in Parenting and Life when Anger or Rage has been suppressed or not modelled how to express - How to Resource yourself in moments of high or low or mixed Nervous System States via Expression, Play, Resourcing. - A detailed description of Cranio-Sacral Therapy work and how it helped to Transform moments of Shelley's Life. - What is Attachment Play or PlayListening? - Shelly and I do a little Playful skit as an example of using Play to reconnect and find Balance again for children and Care Providers. We laugh and giggle our way through this. Thank you Shelley for our chats both on and off air (we spoke for a while after this recording too) - I'm already looking forward to chatting to you again. xx Abbey You can find Shelley on her website www.shelleyclarke.com Instagram: _shelleyclarke_ Facebook: @shelleyclarkemindbodyparenting Podcast: Mind Body Parenting Podcast (on all of the Podcast Platforms) If you're looking for Coaching for your Life, Family, Season or Business - connect with Abbey for Somatic Bloom 1:1 Coaching Online via Zoom. https://www.paypal.com/instantcommerce/checkout/JBKGVPHATM96U If you're Interested in a Somatic Immersion Online Women's Circle the next date is October 16th - and here is the link https://www.paypal.com/instantcommerce/checkout/SMLTJH6TE7WB8 Other helpful links: http://awareparenting.com/ https://www.handinhandparenting.org/ https://www.somaticexperiencing.com/ Somatic Experiencing Australia http://www.seaustralia.com.au/ **This podcast is not a medical or Clinical Podcast - this is a Coaching Space only. If you require or seek Medical or Clinical Guidance please seek alternative help and support via your General Practitioner.**

I talk a lot about connection on the podcast, it is at the heart of the Hand in Hand Parenting approach. And then I realised I've never done an episode dedicated to talking about connection. So here it is - long overdue. I often hear people ask - what exactly is gentle parenting? Or maybe they call it peaceful parenting, conscious parenting, respectful parenting or attachment parenting. For me, gentle parenting is all about moving from control-based parenting to connection-based parenting. Are we trying to control our children's behaviour or are we trying to build cooperation through relationship and connection? In this episode I discuss: Why gentle parenting means something different for everyone What control based parenting is and why it has been the dominant parenting style for so long How Hand in Hand Parenting takes a very different approach to understanding children's behaviour The neuroscience of connection and how that impacts on children's behaviour Why we can trust children's true nature without having to control it How to respond to children when they've lost their sense of connection When connection doesn't seem to be enough, what else can be getting in the way Why it can be so difficult to parent without control, especially when we are exhausted, stressed or under-resourced How to put all of these ideas into practice using the Hand in Hand Parenting tools. To find out more about how to bring more connection and cooperation into your family, sign up to my free Why Your Kids Won't Listen Masterclass and follow me on Instagram and Facebook.

In this week's episode I had the pleasure of chatting with Tosha Schore - author, Hand in Hand Parenting trainer, guest expert and speaker.We delve into boys, aggression and how we as parents, can foster connection in our relationships with our children.Tosha offer valuable wisdom, insight and tools on how to approach aggression, how to re-frame aggression and how to dissolve the tension when things get chaotic in your household. We also discuss how to check in with boys when it seems like their play is aggressive, how to support ourselves as parents and how to see the beauty in each of our boys.Where to Find Tosha:Website: Parenting Boys PeacefullyFacebook: Tosha Schore, Your Partner in Parenting Boys PeacefullyResources Mentioned:Tosha's FREE 10 day Reconnect CourseOut with Aggression by Tosha - next Live round starts September 2022The Tattoist of Auschwitz by Heather MorrisThe Happiest Man on Earth by Eddie JakuABOUT TOSHA:Tosha Schore is on a mission to create a more peaceful world, one sweet boy at a time by supporting you to care for yourself, connect with your boy deeply, set limits lovingly, and play wildly! She brings a burst of energy and optimism to parenting, and is an expert at simple solutions to what feel like overwhelmingly complicated problems.Through her online community and courses, Tosha helps break the isolation of modern parenting and lifts your confidence so you're better equipped to face the challenges of raising young boys.Tosha is the creator of all things Parenting Boys Peacefully, including her 10-Day Reconnect, an online group experience shared by over 16,000 parents worldwide. She is also co-author of Listen: Five Simple Tools to Meet Your Everyday Challenges, a trainer of Hand in Hand Parenting, and a frequent guest expert on podcasts and at online and in-person conferences.

In this episode I chat with Shelley Clarke a Physiotherapist, CranioSacral Therapist, Hand-in-Hand Parenting Instructor, Marion Method Mentor and a fellow Aware Parenting Instructor.We discuss the importance of meeting our own needs and listening to our own feelings as parents. Sometimes this can be hard and confronting, so seeking our Listening Partners to hold space for us, so we know how it feels is a powerful way to feel heard and to heal from our own stresses. We then delve into another favourite topic for both of us, and that is; play. Not so much play for our children, but play for ourselves as parents, and how living a playful life brings more fulfillment and joy to our lives.Links for where to find Shelley, and resources mentioned in the episode:Website: www.shelleyclarke.comPodcast: Mind Body Parenting Podcast with Shelley ClarkeInstagram: @_shelleyclarke_Facebook: @shelleyclarkemindbodyparentingFavourite Books: Playful Parenting and Opposite of Worry - both by Lawrence J. CohenAttachment Play by Aletha J. SolterRobert A. JohnsonCourse: Inner Loving Presence Process by Marion RoseABOUT SHELLEY:Shelley Clarke works supporting parents to understand their child's behaviour and develop rich long lasting relationships. She is a physiotherapist, CranioSacral Therapist and Parent Educator.  She is a Hand in Hand Parenting and Aware Parenting Instructor, passionate about the nervous system, body and helping families thrive.  She is a mother to  three beautiful children.

Parenting stress is so normal in our society. And then on top of that we tell ourselves “If only I do more, be more patient, try harder, be a better parent”. The truth is that parenting is under-valued and under-supported. We are so often parenting within small nuclear families instead of the supportive communities we need to meet our needs and thrive. In this bonus episode taken from a Facebook Live I did for Hand in Hand Parenting, I talk about: Why parenting is so hard How to shake off stress, just “be” with your child, so you can enjoy your relationship and feel more connected to them - without worrying what everyone else says or does. Ways to boost your energy when parenting is draining and exhausting. I also mention my upcoming Masterclass. You can sign up here.

This week I am talking about all things bedtime and sleep. Would you like bedtime to run more smoothly without battling to get PJs on? Maybe you want to support your child to fall asleep more easily or without you right there in the room? Or you are looking for gentle ways to support your child to sleep all night in their own bed? In this episode I talk about what children need to sleep well and how you can build those essential elements into your bedtime routine. Back in episode #003 I talk about in more detail about how physical play can help with bedtime - you might like to check out that episode here. You might also like to check out the work of Marion Rose, Aware Parenting Instructor, who has great resources and info about sleep in younger babies and toddlers. If you would like to learn more about my parenting approach and the Hand in Hand Parenting tools, join my next free, online Masterclass: Why Your Kids Won't Listen. You can sign up here. Follow me on Instagram or Facebook

In this week's episode I am joined by Kathryn McCabe, social ecologist and founder and director of the Change Agency. Kathryn is passionate about creating change at a systems level and in this conversation we look at how we can change our society for the better through parenting. I invite you to check out Kathryn's website and Facebook page. We started this conversation in a workshop we jointly facilitated as part of the Imagine Festival of Ideas in March 2022 on how parenting can change the world. Here is the link to the replay of the full workshop. In the workshop we discuss in more detail how parenting continues to evolve over many thousands of years, control based parenting vs connection based parenting, how the Hand in Hand Parenting tools can help us be more conscious and peaceful parents and the challenges we all face as parents in the Western world today. So if you love this episode, check out the full workshop. I enjoyed the conversation with Kathryn so much I decided to invite her onto the podcast so we could talk some more about the big ideas of why parenting matters as a form of social activism. So let's zoom out for a minute and take a look at the big picture of parenting and why we think gentle parenting can and will change the world. I would absolutely love to hear your thoughts on this topic so please get in touch so we can keep the conversation going. You can contact me via email hello@pamtheparentcoach.com or message me on Instagram or Facebook. Thanks for joining me. If you're ready to put these big ideas into action and learn the strategies to parent in a peaceful and respectful way, then get signed up to my next virtual Peaceful Parenting Masterclass. Follow me on social media: www.instagram.com/PamParentCoach www.fb.me/PamParentCoach www.pamtheparentcoach.com

Ever wondered how you can have more peaceful, playful mornings - without all the tantrums about getting dressed, brushing teeth and eating breakfast? In this bonus episode from a Facebook Live I did this week for the Hand in Hand Parenting Facebook page, I show you how the Hand in Hand Parenting tools can inject connection into your days so you see more smiles instead of struggles in the mornings. Thanks for joining me. If you're ready to get your kids listening so you don't have to shout, and instead you can start enjoying being a parent, then get signed up to my next virtual Masterclass: Why your kids won't listen and what you can do about it. Follow me on social media: www.instagram.com/PamParentCoach www.fb.me/PamParentCoach www.pamtheparentcoach.com

In this solo episode Shelley Clarke shares one of the core philosophies that changed the trajectory of Shelley and her families life... hand in hand parenting or as it's known in Australia, parenting by connection.  In this episode you'll learn about:- the phenomenal shift that occurred in sleeping for Shelley's third child that came from  simply learning to listen to children's feelings (even as babies) - how play listening and  rough housing play made a huge positive difference in her sons behaviour- how cultural, family and societal conditioning contributes to our pain and disconnection as a parent and why it's important to flip that upside down- what it actually means to listen, to really acknowledge and hearing someone without skipping over their experience or offering advice- what a listening partnership is and why it will change your family life trajectory for the better If you are wanting to understand the power of connection in parenting, what's driving our children's behaviour, and what they might be needing to create a more harmonious, loving relationship with them, then this is the podcast episode for you!21 days of play courseContinue the conversation with Shelley here:https://www.facebook.com/shelleyclarkemindbodyparentinghttps://www.instagram.com/_shelleyclarke_/This podcast is produced by Nikki O'Brien from Quintessential Being

I am proud of you, was something I always wanted to hear from my parents, but why? Why did I crave it so much? Was it because I felt the unconditionality of their love and is this what we want for our kids? Or would we rather them know we love them just the same when they mess up or when they do well. How can we promote internal pride and acceptance as opposed to setting them up to look for external acceptance? Listen in and get the lowdown.   Have you ever felt alone in your parenting, as if you were the only one struggling? I know I have been there and finding like-minded individuals has helped me navigate the murky waters of parenting with intention and peace. For this reason, I have created the Peace and Parenting community, and right now you can be part of our new membership. Each week I will be providing you with parenting strategies. I will host three live Q&A's every month and supply you with lessons, PDFs, and support materials and you'll be part of my exclusive online community. To find out more head to peaceandparentingla.com/membership and get all the details. I look forward to seeing you live!   --   Are you ready to change your family dynamic through connective parenting? Work with me one on one and together we'll hone in on the sources of discontent and chaos, and find solutions that are specific to your family's needs. It doesn't matter if you are married or single if you parent alone or you want to do this with your parenting partner. Click here to check out all my courses and resources on offer.   Enjoy today's episode? Please share this episode with a friend and subscribe to the show to get notified of the latest episodes. Support this podcast through my partnership with Hand in Hand Parenting. Find useful parenting material and the Booklets I discuss in the show? Click Here. Are you a coach, or online course creator? Have an email list you communicate with often? Do you have a website? Kajabi can be your home for all of these and so much more Click here and explore all Kajabi has to offer while supporting the Peace and Parenting Podcast with no extra cost to you.    Follow Peace and Parenting YouTube: Peace and Parenting Instagram @peaceandparenting Facebook @peaceandparentingla LinkedIn @Michelle Kenney M.Ed Peace and Parenting Facebook Group Apple Podcasts Spotify Google Podcasts

Having a teen is as hard as having a newborn! All the firsts and all the angst, let's face it the stakes are really high and we parents worry tremendously about our children and the teen years can really exacerbate our worry and stress. What I know works is connection, but many times parents pull away from their teens because the teens are trying to find their own way too. When I lean into being with and understand my teens they respond with more kindness and the ability to self-regulate more readily. Listen in as I give you 10 ways to do this. You can also sign up for my guide for connecting with teens here, it'll help you connect and bond with your growing young adults.   Have you ever felt alone in your parenting, as if you were the only one struggling? I know I have been there and finding like-minded individuals has helped me navigate the murky waters of parenting with intention and peace. For this reason, I have created the Peace and Parenting community, and right now you can be part of our new membership. Each week I will be providing you with parenting strategies. I will host three live Q&A's every month and supply you with lessons, PDFs, and support materials and you'll be part of my exclusive online community. To find out more head to peaceandparentingla.com/membership and get all the details. I look forward to seeing you live!   --   Are you ready to change your family dynamic through connective parenting? Work with me one on one and together we'll hone in on the sources of discontent and chaos, and find solutions that are specific to your family's needs. It doesn't matter if you are married or single if you parent alone or you want to do this with your parenting partner. Click here to check out all my courses and resources on offer.   Enjoy today's episode? Please share this episode with a friend and subscribe to the show to get notified of the latest episodes. Support this podcast through my partnership with Hand in Hand Parenting. Find useful parenting material and the Booklets I discuss in the show? Click Here. Are you a coach, or online course creator? Have an email list you communicate with often? Do you have a website? Kajabi can be your home for all of these and so much more Click here and explore all Kajabi has to offer while supporting the Peace and Parenting Podcast with no extra cost to you.    Follow Peace and Parenting YouTube: Peace and Parenting Instagram @peaceandparenting Facebook @peaceandparentingla LinkedIn @Michelle Kenney M.Ed Peace and Parenting Facebook Group Apple Podcasts Spotify Google Podcasts

Being the nurse, counselor and chauffeur are enough! Adding on cooking and life as a parent can seem overwhelming. Instead of thinking of cooking as an elaborate endeavor that takes hours of planning and endless amounts of time, think of it as a place to connect. Laney Schwartz from Life is but a Dish joins us and gives us some mealtime hacks that will keep the focus on connection instead of food prep.   Helpful Links: Life is but a Dish - Kitchen Starter Bundle   Have you ever felt alone in your parenting, as if you were the only one struggling? I know I have been there and finding like-minded individuals has helped me navigate the murky waters of parenting with intention and peace. For this reason, I have created the Peace and Parenting community, and right now you can be part of our new membership. Each week I will be providing you with parenting strategies. I will host three live Q&A's every month and supply you with lessons, PDFs, and support materials and you'll be part of my exclusive online community. To find out more head to peaceandparentingla.com/membership and get all the details. I look forward to seeing you live!   --   Are you ready to change your family dynamic through connective parenting? Work with me one on one and together we'll hone in on the sources of discontent and chaos, and find solutions that are specific to your family's needs. It doesn't matter if you are married or single if you parent alone or you want to do this with your parenting partner. Click here to check out all my courses and resources on offer.   Enjoy today's episode? Please share this episode with a friend and subscribe to the show to get notified of the latest episodes. Support this podcast through my partnership with Hand in Hand Parenting. Find useful parenting material and the Booklets I discuss in the show? Click Here. Are you a coach, or online course creator? Have an email list you communicate with often? Do you have a website? Kajabi can be your home for all of these and so much more Click here and explore all Kajabi has to offer while supporting the Peace and Parenting Podcast with no extra cost to you.    Follow Peace and Parenting YouTube: Peace and Parenting Instagram @peaceandparenting Facebook @peaceandparentingla LinkedIn @Michelle Kenney M.Ed Peace and Parenting Facebook Group Apple Podcasts Spotify Google Podcasts

Le Jeu-écoute est l'un des cinq outils de l'approche parentale Hand in Hand Parenting : mais jouer ainsi avec son enfant, est-ce juste une façon de le distraire, ou y'a t'il autre chose qu'on vise derrière ? On te laisse découvrir !Hébergé par Ausha. Visitez ausha.co/politique-de-confidentialite pour plus d'informations.

I began parenting with the idea of being the perfectly attached mom. But what none of the books told me was how to respond to my children when things were hard, when strong wills were introduced and kids said no. I resorted to yelling and that yelling led me to self-loathing which created a cycle I could not stop until I found connective parenting. Come along on my journey today of self-love and forgiveness and find out how this ultimately benefited my sweet girls.  Have you ever felt alone in your parenting, as if you were the only one struggling? I know I have been there and finding like-minded individuals has helped me navigate the murky waters of parenting with intention and peace. For this reason, I have created the Peace and Parenting community, and right now you can be part of our new membership. Each week I will be providing you with parenting strategies. I will host three live Q&A's every month and supply you with lessons, PDFs and support materials and you'll be part of my exclusive online community. To find out more head to peaceandparentingla.com/membership and get all the details. I look forward to seeing you live!   --   Are you ready to change your family dynamic through connective parenting? Work with me one on one and together we'll hone in on the sources of discontent and chaos, and find solutions that are specific to your family's needs. It doesn't matter if you are married or single if you parent alone or you want to do this with your parenting partner. Click here to check out all my courses and resources on offer.   Enjoy today's episode? Please share this episode with a friend and subscribe to the show to get notified of the latest episodes. Support this podcast through my partnership with Hand in Hand Parenting. Find useful parenting material and the Booklets I discuss in the show? Click Here. Are you a coach, or online course creator? Have an email list you communicate with often? Do you have a website? Kajabi can be your home for all of these and so much more Click here and explore all Kajabi has to offer while supporting the Peace and Parenting Podcast with no extra cost to you.    Follow Peace and Parenting YouTube: Peace and Parenting Instagram @peaceandparenting Facebook @peaceandparentingla LinkedIn @Michelle Kenney M.Ed Peace and Parenting Facebook Group Apple Podcasts Spotify Google Podcasts

Welcome to this really special episode. Patty Wipfler has been working with families and children for an incredible 46 years. You may not know her name, but you may have heard of her organisation called Hand in Hand Parenting. It's a nonprofit international resource for parents. Patty is on a mission to help parents by teaching an approach she calls parenting by connection. She also has a book out called Listen: Five Simple Tools to Meet Your Everyday Parenting Challenges. Hand in Hand is an incredible organisation and I would encourage you to look at their website. There are so many free resources and it's all non-profit. They have 135 instructors in 18 countries. She is currently working with Harvard on a research project to bring Hand in Hand tools to early childhood educators. I love having guests like Patty on the podcast. She has an incredible perspective and this comes across in her tone, energy, wisdom and depth of expertise. When someone like Patty speaks, we want to listen. We chat about: Her moment of transformation Her life's work and mission Crying and what it means if your child cries a lot Why we as parents need to allow ourselves to cry more What happens when we listen to our children's emotions and when someone listens to ours Hand and Hand parenting tools for an incredible connection and relationship with your children What I take from this episode is that our children's emotional release is an important and powerful thing that we do not want to shut down or worry about. She tells us that if your child cries a lot, as mine does, and releases a lot of emotion with you, that is an amazing sign of a close connection of safety. When we feel safe with someone, we can release that emotion and that is what we need to do. Crying is life's natural healer. As always, we continue the conversation over on Instagram, so come and join us there. Resources mentioned in this episode: Facebook: facebook.com/handinhandparenting Twitter: twitter.com/ListenToKids Website: handinhandparenting.org/blog/ Book: Listen: Five Simple Tools to Meet Your Everyday Parenting Challenges. FREEBIES! Find out how you can take control of your life, reconnect to you and more! Download ‘10 Ways to Reconnect to You' and our weekly and monthly check-in on Motherkind.co. Are you ready to find freedom from guilt? Let me help you find Freedom from Perfectionism if you are a mother who has ever felt not quite enough. GROUP COACHING PROGRAMME STARTS JANUARY 2022 - Will you join us for Reconnect to you - the reboot? Click here to find out more and to register. About Patty Wipfler Patty Wipfler is the Founder and Program Director of Hand in Hand parenting. Patty writes, speaks, trains parent leaders, and develops resources for parents to help them lift difficulties from their children's lives and their own. She directs the training of Parenting by Connection Instructors from all parts of the U.S. and abroad. Her focus is on building parents' emotional understanding and helping parents to build networks of mutual support that benefit their families and communities. In 1989, she founded the non-profit Parents Leadership Institute, which evolved into Hand in Hand Parenting. She is the author of Listen: Five Simple Tools to Meet Your Everyday Parenting Challenges. Through Hand in Hand, Patty offers monthly free teleseminars in conjunction with leading parent educators, writers, activists, and bloggers. Her articles have been published in Mothering Magazine, the Bulletin of Zero to Three, and Child Welfare News. She has been a keynote speaker at Association for the Education of Young Children conventions in Chicago and Philadelphia, and she has done workshops and trainings throughout California, and in Oregon, New Mexico, Texas, and Massachusetts, as well as in Beijing, China.

Today we're talking about teaching kids about consent. Online and off. I'm joined by guest expert Christy Keating who guides parents through the do's and don'ts of this tricky topic. What's the big deal with consent? Read this https://www.cnn.com/2021/09/21/health/consent-conversations-kids-wellness/index.html (recent CNN article). Consent is really about teaching a child what healthy boundaries feel like and that they have a choice in matters relating to their bodies and their minds. Consent is necessary in healthy relationships. Guest Expert Christy Keating's BioChristy Keating is the owner ofhttps://www.theheartfulparent.com/ ( The Heartful Parent Collective, )which includes Savvy Parents Safe Kids and The Heartful Parent, and The Heartful Parent Academy. As a licensed attorney, Christy spent nearly twenty years as felony prosecutor in the King County Prosecutor's Office in Seattle, where she spent the latter part of her career specializing in the prosecution of sexually violent predators. Immersed in the world of sexual assault and child sexual abuse, Christy developed a deep understanding and expertise in predatory tactics and abuse/assault prevention strategies. She now enjoys educating parents, caregivers, educators, and other professionals so as to help stop these problems before they happen, rather than addressing them after the fact. In addition to being a licensed attorney, Christy is a Certified Parent Coach® through the Parent Coach Institute (credentialed through Seattle Pacific University), a Certified Positive Discipline Instructor, a Certified Gottman Educator, and has completed the Professionals Intensive through Hand in Hand Parenting. She is also a long-time leader and speaker at the Program for Early Parent Support in Seattle, and a public speaker and group facilitator with more than 20 years of experience. Christy is energized by helping parents find more love, joy, and connection in their families and with their children by helping them discover newfound energy in their parenting, develop an appreciation for what they have and who they are, and create sustainable ways to achieve their vision or dream for their family. Christy lives in the greater Seattle area with her husband of almost 15 years, their two amazing daughters, and a small bevy of animals. Her free gift will help you understand consent and teach it to your kids. You can https://www.theheartfulparent.com/consent (access it here.) Next StepsFollow the Unplug & Plug In podcast for parents to get future episodes delivered to your device. It's free! Please rate and review our podcast to help other parents benefit from this topic Suggest future topics or share your story by calling our hotline! Leave me a voicemail at 415 737 5472 and I promise I'll listen.

Patty Wipfler is known across the globe for her work with parents and children.  Her curriculum at Hand In Hand parenting has made it to over 24 countries and has been translated into 14 different languages.  In the this three part series we talk to her about not only raising emotionally healthy children, but also how generational trauma is passed down if we as parents don't address our own trauma.  To find out more about Hand in Hand Parenting please visit HandInHand.org or pick up "Listen: Five Simple Tools to Meet Your Everyday Parenting Needs" by Patty Wipfler and Toscha Shore, M.A.Written, produced, edited and hosted by Quinn VanAntwerp

How does empathy affect our decision making? We often think we are making decisions based on intellect but in reality we make many, if not all, decisions based on trying to feel or trying not to feel certain emotions. If you look forward to all of your emotions what will that do to your decision making? "When you have empathy with someone, they are more likely to be open because they feel that you are with them, and you can't do anything to show it to them. You are just empathetic, and it just occurs."Welcome to the Art of Accomplishment, where we explore how deepening connection with ourselves and others leads to creating the life we want with enjoyment and ease.My name is Brett Kistler.  I am an adventurer, entrepreneur and a self exploration enthusiast.  I am here with my co-host, Joe Hudson. Joe is a business coach who has  spent decades working with some of the world´s top executives and teams developing a unique model of human patterns that underpin how we operate with ourselves, each other and the world. A good entry point into this model is a mindset called VIEW, vulnerability, impartiality, empathy and wonder.  Through understanding and cultivation we learn to easefully drop into the VIEW state of mind, deepening self awareness and increasing our connection with the world around us. To learn more about this podcast or courses, visit artofaccomplishment.comBrett: When we imagine a professional environment, we often see a world where emotions are held inside and remain unseen by others, filtered out as distractions. We might focus on the business stuff, that is the logistics and agreements that seem more relevant than the feelings behind them. Even in our personal lives, intense reactions from others can feel like a distraction from the connection that we want. What if learning to be acutely aware of others' internal experiences, can give us more useful information than the words they speak? How can our personal and professional relationships change as we learn to notice and address the hurt behind an angry attack or the fear behind a hasty agreement? This is the practice of empathy, the E in VIEW. Joe, how do you define empathy?Joe: It's so hard. Empathy is so much of a feeling, more than it is an intellectual understanding, but I would say it's being with somebody's experience without losing yourself in it. That's what I would say empathy is. It's not watching somebody's experience and it's not wanting to change somebody's experience. It's being with them in the experience without losing yourself in it.Brett: Give me an example.Joe: Oftentimes when I'm working with clients, for instance, they'll be all agitated around something, and I'll just ask a simple question like, "Is this yours?" Recently there's some COVID anxiety that one of my clients is feeling and I was like, "Is this yours?" They just immediately dropped. They're like, "No, it's not mine." That's one way. That's why, kind of when you're in it. The other way to define kind of what it isn't so to speak is, you see this all the time with babies crying. Baby starts crying and some people get instantly annoyed and some people can be with that crying, and that's really a deep expression of their capacity to have empathy in that moment. There's actually something biologically that happens too after a baby cries for an extended period of time. For a man, their testosterone increases. In those first couple of minutes of crying, our capacity to empathize with that child or be agitated by that child is really kind of that linchpin.Brett: Okay. You said earlier this question, is it yours? What do you mean by that?Joe: Yes. Oftentimes, highly empathetic people go beyond empathy, the way I would define empathy. They would go beyond it and then they're not being able to tell what's their emotional state and what's another person's emotional state. This really happens to people who were children of alcoholics or children of abuse, people who had to survive by knowing the emotional state of somebody when they walk into the room. They can very much get lost in the other person's emotions and think that they're theirs.We have these things called mirror neurons in our brain, and they basically allow us to feel the state of other people on some level. Sometimes when we're feeling somebody else, we forget that we're feeling them, that it's not us that's feeling that way. In a weird way, we start feeling that way, so then it's really even more confusing because then you're like, I'm feeling it. If you ask yourself the question, is this mine, and then that can clarify a lot.Brett: Yes. That makes a lot of sense. The idea of mirror neurons is a little bit interesting. The way I see it is, that basically our entire system, all of our consciousness is mirroring our reality in some way, mirroring and correlating perfectly with it and then losing ourselves or are we correlating with it and being with it and experiencing it and learning from it?Joe: Yes. Mirror neurons in neurology is such a mystery still. What is it that allows-- Is it some form of mirror neuron that allows a whole bunch of birds to know how to turn at the exact same moment? There's something particularly around mammals, where most mammals communicate without any words, and so they're really relying on their ability to sense the experience of the other animals.Brett: Yes, social nervous system. Tell me how practicing empathy will benefit us. What does this do for us?Joe: Well, one of the great benefits is, that if anything that you have a hard time empathizing with, means that you have a hard time with that emotional state for yourself. That's fantastic because our decision making process is really based on emotions. If I take the emotional center of your brain away, you cease to make decisions, it would take you half an hour to decide what color pen-- We're really making decisions based on trying to feel or trying not to feel certain emotions, whether we like it or not, whether we think we're being logical or not. If that emotional center of your brain gets taken away, you still have all the intellect, you still have all the rationale, but you still can't make the decisions.It really helps us clarify our decision making, it really allows us to help us be with our own emotional-- and to discover where we're having a hard time being with our own emotions. If you think about your life in this way, if you think about how much of your life has been decided by, "I don't want to feel like a failure," or "I want to feel like a success," or "I don't want to feel unhappy," how many decisions have you made based on that criteria and to be able to be with all of your emotions, what will that do? If you look forward to all of your emotions, what will that do to your decision making and how does it change your emotional state? If I have sadness and I don't want to feel it, it feels very different, than if I have sadness and I want to feel it. Those are a lot of the things that'll benefit us on an inward perspective. Externally, obviously, people like it when other people are with them. If you think about your friends and the people you feel closest to in the world, you can find that they're more able to be with you than people who you don't particularly like. If you look at your friends and you say, what is it about your friends that you want to have changed, oftentimes, it fits into the category of their inability to be with you or see you for who you are. There's that whole thing, too, where it's just, we want to be empathized with, most of us want to be empathized with. It just creates a deeper connection, more loving, more capacity to love.Brett: Yes, it seems like the first half of what you described as feeling into our emotions to find out where our thoughts and rationale are coming from, and then in others being able to see behind that, too. If somebody is presenting you with a solution or an idea, whether it's a business context or in a relationship, to be able to see behind that, what the feeling is that that's coming from can allow you to address a deeper root cause or need.Joe: Yes, at least it gives you the capacity to do it. Sometimes people get upset if you do that. [chuckles] It's like, "Wow, it really doesn't seem like you're angry, it seems like you are hurt." "No, I'm not." You know that kind of-- but generally, it goes pretty well and people want to deal with the underlying thing. So many logical arguments are really not at all about the logic. It's not really about the tactics or the facts. I mean just look at most public discourse. It's not really about the facts. It's about the emotional state of people and their fear, and what they need and what they want and what they are angry about. Yes, to be able to connect with people on that level and to not tell them that they need to be different, but to actually be with them, it's a huge capacity. It really allows you to have a much deeper authentic relationship or communication with people.Brett: I think the public discourse is a great example, because a lot of people get so triggered around other people believing different facts than them. I think that that's really just coming from a lack of feeling seen, a lot of that.Joe: Yes, or feeling that they are out of control in their world, or they are helpless or that there's forces beyond them that are controlling them or so many emotions are happening there.Brett: Earlier you said this a couple of times, "To be with somebody in their experience without losing yourself." How do you prevent that?Joe: The easiest way to do it, I mean it's just a really simple way. Just put some attention in your own body while you're with somebody. If you happen to be that type that has that deep empathy and you lose yourself in the person, the traditional way people do it is, they become defensive, just whole level of defense, and they are like "No." That works, but it doesn't allow you to be empathetic. It just prevents you from getting lost in them. To be empathetic in a successful way is to maintain a certain amount of your awareness in your own body. Like right now when you're listening to me, you could also be paying attention to the bottom of your feet or you could also be paying attention to how the sound of this podcast feels in your inner ear. Then that allows you to be with yourself while listening to me and being with me and my experience. It's about as easy as that, just putting some attention in your own body.The other more intellectual way is to just be aware of when it's happening. I think that's the biggest challenge for most people is that they just don't know when it's happening. A great sign that it's happening is, if you buy into the story of whatever anybody is saying. Let's say you have a friend and they are like,"Oh, my boyfriend, and dah, dah, dah, dah, and the world and my boss and dah, dah." If you're like, "Yes, you've been victimized and we need to do something about it." Pretty much you're in them now or just the opposite. "These people are bad and dah, dah, dah," yes, then you are in them if you buy into the story.If you are with them emotionally, but you know that the story that they are telling is true within their context, but not true within everybody's context, then you're pretty much not lost in them.Brett: Yes, this sounds very non-intellectual and a lot of people are going to want to try to understand this more. What would you say to folks who want to understand or analyze emotions or just have that tendency or just want to analyze this process?Joe: [laughs] Yes, you are screwed is what I would say. [laughs] I mean we can tell you a good story. We're doing it right now. We are telling you good stories about it, but it's not going to really help. Empathy is a felt sense. It's like, say, you close your eyes and you know where your left foot is. That's called proprioception. It's knowing where your body is in space. How do you describe that logically? You can describe what it is logically potentially, but you can't really describe how to do it logically. Similar with going to the bathroom. How do you know when you are done going to the bathroom? Where is the logic? Are you measuring something? Are you timing it? There's just a felt sense, "Oh, that's done." It's the same thing. Empathy is a felt sense and felt sense can't really be described by the intellect with any kind of accuracy. It's like looking at color. How do you describe seeing green? It requires a label that is arbitrary. Logic isn't really going to do any good here for that, and it's why it's so easy to dismiss things like empathy and energy or whatever words people are using. There's a felt sense to it, and I think you find this in a lot of things, prayer, or meditation. It's really easy to dismiss those things even if you hear the logic behind them, until you feel them. Then once you have a felt sense of what prayer can do, whether you believe in a God or not, or what the felt sense of believing in a God is like, and what the felt sense of not believing in a God is like.All those things, they are a very felt sense. You can argue it night and day, but it's why nobody changes their mind on this stuff until they have a change of felt sense. If you want a logical conversation about empathy, go and feel people. Go and be empathetic and stay in yourself while you do it. That's a far better way, just experiment.Brett: That is true across all of these VIEW podcasts. These are all pointers, intellectual pointers to something that you ultimately need to feel into and experience.Joe: It's why oftentimes in these conversations they could be logically contradictory. It's because we're just creating frameworks that make it easier to feel into or realize something. It's not about telling it like a truth. [chuckles] It's not like there's one way, or there's something that's right here. There's just, “How do you want to be?'', is the question and that question isn't answered with logic.Brett: Just feeling our way beneath any fear response we have, which brings me to another question. We have been talking about losing yourself in the other person, not being empathy as you are defining it. Losing yourself in another person sounds a lot like the flight-fear response that we've discussed before, like fleeing from your experience into theirs to try to fix it. Then you'll dive into a story about why they have that experience. Then you'll create some idea of who's the abuser of the tyranny or the victim. I imagine there's something equivalent that we do in the fight-- in the freeze responses as well. How do these other forms of fear impact our ability to be present with others in their emotions?Joe: Yes, if you think about it from an evolutionary sense, we have fear. If you are really scared, it's really not time to empathize. That part of your brain goes offline and your fear response comes online. If you are in flight, like you said, you're looking at the world around you, the environment, and the actors in that environment, and you're trying to figure out how to manage those. If you are in fight, then immediately that emotion that you're starting to feel in your system is going to make you angry and you are going to try to stop it, like the angry person on a plane when the kid starts crying, and the freeze response is the disassociation. It's like a checking out. You can just watch the eyes kind of haze over. It makes sense when we are in fear, it's really hard to have any empathy at all.Brett: How do you prevent this fear response, or let it pass through you? What do you do with this, when you know a deep bodily patterning to fear in a particular business context or a relationship context?Joe: Yes, you feel it. That's the trick to all of this stuff. It's like, how do you feel the emotion? When I say feel it, I don't mean be taken away by it. You know there's just some saying that I heard the other day, it was beautiful. I think it's from some supreme court judge. I don't know, but it said, "I wouldn't give you a fig for the simplicity on this side of complexity, but I'll give you my whole world for the simplicity on the other side of complexity." What it's speaking to, is that before we start our learning process, things are pretty simple, then we start learning processes that get really complex and somewhere along the line, it gets very simple again. With emotions, it's very simple for a two-year-old, "I feel angry, and so I'm going to yell at you or punch you." Then there's the complexity of actually learning what those emotions are, what's happening, identifying them in your body, feeling them, expressing them in a way that doesn't hurt people, letting them move without resistance, finding out that they're very similar to one another, finding out that you can love all of them. Getting to the other side is, "Wow, you just have emotions again," and they're just fluid, except for, you're not run by them. You're not controlled by them. You're not hurting other people with them.The only way to do that is to actually learn how to feel the fear. If you have a fear response, feel it and invite it in. Don't put it at anybody. Most fear is not wanting to feel something, which is pretty cool when you think about it, like "I'm scared that I'm going to get fired," but if I told you, "Hey, if you get fired, you're going to feel awesome," would you be scared of [chuckles] being fired anymore? It's really us not wanting to have emotions that we're at the core very scared of. When I say feel the fear, I mean welcome it. I really mean like invite it in, breathe it in.Brett: What's a good way to tell in the moment, if we're working on empathy and how do we tell if what we're feeling in the moment is true empathy and not one of these coping mechanisms or distortions? Another one that comes up is sympathy. There's a lot about how sympathy and empathy are different and often confused.Joe: It's a wonderful question. The main thing is, are you putting yourself outside-- It's not quite outside, I guess it's above the other person. The differences in, when you're putting yourself above the other person, like subtle ways. Like you want to fix them, but for you to fix them, you have to be less broken, or you want to help them not feel it, which is assuming that you're not feeling it is the better solution.Brett: That means buying into another story and being that story like, "Oh, yes, fuck that guy."Joe: Exactly. It's just you're with them. When you're with somebody the way that we all want to be with, it's like we're supporting. We are with, but we are not saving. There's this great phrase that, I think it was from an Aboriginal community or a native community in South America, and says, "Hey, if you're here to help me, no, thank you, but if you're here to work together on our mutual freedom, let's get to work." That's really the essence of it.Brett: Another thing that happens a lot is that being empathic is often associated with being manipulable or easily taken for an emotional ride. How could it be that deepening our empathy in the ways that we've been talking about makes us less likely to fall into a fear response and abandon our needs or our boundaries?Joe: You get that fear a lot from people, they're like, "Oh, if I empathize, then I'm going to fall for them." I think that what they're thinking about that person who's fully into the other person's reality and they've lost themselves in it. If you do that, you're more likely to be taken advantage of. If that's what the person wants to do on the other side or is capable of doing, but in all cases, we don't want to feel something, if we're allowing ourselves to be taken advantage of, "I'm going to sell you this magic pill and it's going to make you skinny in two days." If you buy that, it's because you don't want to feel something anymore or you definitely want to feel something.There's something that you want to feel or scared of feeling to allow yourself to be taken advantage of. To have empathy, it really requires you to be willing to feel whatever is arising for yourself and that other person. It actually prevents you from getting taken advantage of, because you're welcoming of everything and you're not trying to get rid of it. It doesn't matter whether you're non-empathetic or like, "I'm not going to feel that person." That means you don't want to feel shit. It means that you can be taken advantage of pretty easily. Just look at the most non-empathetic people on our planet. They are the most likely to be manipulated by politicians or authorities or advertising.Then the other side of that is someone who's totally like in that other person's world. Then they're going to sacrifice themselves for it, but if you're actually like, "Oh, I can feel you, I can be with you, and whatever you throw at me, I can feel I can be with." What makes you need to do anything that is contrary to your truth?Brett: It seems another example of that is in a business relationship where somebody is coming at you with a bunch of emotion and making you responsible for something that you're not responsible for. If you're with them in that emotion, but you're like buying into their full story, then you're going to think that they're entirely right. You're going to lose your boundaries and be taken for a ride.Joe: Absolutely. If somebody thinks that you're bad and you get locked into their emotion, then you start thinking you're bad, that's exactly a great place where you're going to be taken advantage of by somebody who doesn't think they're taking advantage of you. It's by somebody who feels like they're a victim in that moment typically.Brett: Back to what you were saying about the people who are the least empathic are the ones that are most likely to be taken for a ride. Many of us simply don't seem to feel emotions in others as much as we'd like. When we start doing this kind of work is when we start to notice this. When I started to work with you, I experienced certain emotions and others when we were doing exercises. I was watching them as an ant colony. I could see and recognize the patterns, but I wasn't in it with them. Like, "Oh, I didn't have an alcoholic father. That's not my problem." I can see what that does in you, and now I can see your problem. I think I can try to analyze how to fix you. How can we tell the difference between observing someone's experience in a non-empathic way and genuinely being with them?Joe: The body is the telltale sign here. I think I remember that when we were working together and you're doing that, and I believe I came up and shook you a couple of times. Then you could feel a different way. There's a rigidity that happens in the body when you are trying not to feel, no matter how you're trying not to feel, whether it's by creating distance or disassociation, which is somewhat of what you were doing, being the watcher or wanting it to stop, any one of them. It just creates rigidity in the system. This often happens in the belly, shoulders, jaw is locked oftentimes when I do a workshop, like this one. I'll walk around and I'll hit people's jaws, so that like tap their jaws to remind them they're holding all this tight, or their belly is really tight.That's the main way, is to keep your body loose and you'll have to feel it. Our feelings are a muscular thing. Our feelings live in our muscles. If you're the person who was told you can't get angry and you are not angry, all the time now, and anytime anger comes up, you either give it to yourself or suppress it really badly, your muscles have to contract in such a way and become distorted in such a way. It's why there's a whole science behind just watching how somebody walks into a room, you can tell a tremendous amount of their upbringing.Once you know what you're looking for and you've experienced it yourself, the way a person's face is, you can tell what emotions they want to feel, or they don't want to feel. By the way they hunch their shoulders, by the way they tuck their butt, by the way that they hold their lips, how they purse them when certain things come up. It is why we have body language and it's why we have micro-expressions.Brett: Something I've noticed over doing this work is, that I've started to detect when somebody is disconnecting from me in a conversation. I can roll back a little bit and recognize that I had actually disconnected from them, then they're responding to that. It's as though the feeling for them is the difference between being with a good friend who's there with them and their experience, and being with a shrink who's psychoanalyzing them. I think that happens a lot for people who want to be there to help others. A lot of it comes from wanting to deal with their own pain, their own history. I think this happens a lot in therapeutic communities where people take the therapeutic role, but they're really analyzing and they're not being empathic.Joe: It happens definitely in some places there. It happens just with a lot of people who find themselves like the savior or helper of their group of friends. You'll see a lot of that happen. The truth is what-- Sometimes what that is, is they're trying to manage their life by managing other people's emotional states. [chuckles] If you feel happy, I'll be happy. If you're not angry, I'll be happy. If you're in a good mood, I'm in a good mood, and A, it doesn't work and B, you can't change people's emotional states and C it's just far more enjoyable to be with them in the emotional state.Brett: Which comes back to that self empathy thing we're talking about, like, as I've experienced my ability to actually have empathy with others has directly grown from my ability to actually feel that equivalent feeling in myself.Joe: That's right, that's exactly how it works, is our capacity to love the parts of ourselves is directly correlated to our capacity to love the parts of other people and other people in general.Brett: Sometimes being empathic with somebody and holding a highly charged emotion can leave us with a sort of static residue in our system. It can linger or put us on tilt. It takes time for integration, or just leaves us feeling that thing for days. For some people, this is really strong, the empaths. The self-identified empaths will just avoid certain situations, because they are like, “I just can't handle that energy.” How can we navigate this and be deepening our empathy without closing ourselves off or avoiding situations, especially if we are frequently going from one high energy interaction to another in business or something else?Joe: Yeah, I had to learn that really the hard way. For me, when I started coaching people and you know the depth in which the coaching can happen. I would go from that to a conversation with negotiating lawyers over points on a contract, and then back into a coaching session. I had to go into these big, highly charged things, one right after the other, and similarly when I do the seven day really deep retreats, it is like one emotional baseball bat after another in the best possible way. Brett: With real baseball bats sometimes. Joe: Right, but obviously not hurting anyway. It is something I really had to learn. The main thing is avoid it, and the way you avoid it isn't by not feeling the emotion. It is by being in your body. It's just putting some of your attention in your body while you are with other people and their emotions so you're not losing yourself. That's a huge thing. If you do that, as you get better at that, that takes care of about 70% or 80% of the problem. Then the other stuff, it is really about grounding. It's about staying grounded, realizing what's yours and not yours. Your body and your breath is the best way to do this. Releasing whatever emotion residue you have, letting the tears flow, shaking it off, grounding yourself in the different ways people can ground themselves. There are some tai chi moves that can do that, yoga moves that ground you. Brett: Just asking, “Is this mine?”, that was a really good one from earlier. Joe: Yeah, is this mine? There are some things to calm the nervous system down, different breaths. There are all sorts of things you can look into. If you go into any kind of system that says how I ground, no matter what kind of system from functional medicine to this, you can find those things and they work really well. My personal favorites are deep breath, walking barefoot, sitting in silence, meditation. Those things, I feel very grounded in those things. Massage will help me feel grounded probably quicker than anything else. Brett: If you are going straight from a sprint planning meeting where everybody got in an argument, started yelling at each other, and you are carrying that energy straight into a performance review. You really want not to take that out on the person you are reviewing. You have got like five minutes between them. Joe: First, I wouldn't buy into the story you have to. I would say I am not prepared for this meeting right now emotionally, and I would rather give you the actual emotional attention you deserve. Let's postpone it. That's one thing, obviously. For instance, if there's a big fight in the sprint meeting, I would probably enjoy it, because I could be with the anger and energy, and I would say look at all these people who really give a shit. They really care. They really want it done right, or they wouldn't be fighting. Brett: Way better than a bunch of apathetic checked out people. Joe: Exactly, and because I would be enjoying the tension, it would also change the dynamic in the room, the anger, because so much of the fighting that happens is based on a level of resistance, because unresisted fighting feels very much like clarity and decisiveness and a deep care. Again, staying in your own physical sensation is a huge part to prevent it, but I mean literally just shake your body for two or three minutes between the meetings can work. Taking deep breaths can work. Getting in touch with what's aware of your emotional state instead of your emotional state can work. Yawning 10, 20 times in a row can work. Having a quick cry. Crying doesn't take very long. It can be a minute or two. All of those things can work. Brett: Can you tell me a couple of stories about how empathy transformed a situation for you in a business context, something like this or different?Joe: I remember a time when I was fundraising. I can't remember, somewhere in like the $10 million range of fundraising. I just noticed that I was with the person who I was talking to and I noticed that they were getting distant. I just said, “Wow, I notice you are getting distant. I notice something turned you off. What happened?” That is what allowed for a far deeper conversation about what they were looking for, what about my attitude had scared them. We could address it directly. I got to learn that I was objectifying the person probably a little bit more than I would want to. They could learn that they were in a past deal, not in the current deal in front of us. That's a good example of one. Same thing, raising money, I have been able to empathize with the people on the other side of the table to realize they have objectified me or they see me as an employee rather than a partner. I don't want that. I think investors who see their investees as employees, they are dangerous. You can sense it by the way that they keep a distance from you or how they hold themselves emotionally with you instead of the way somebody who holds you as a partner. That has prevented me from having some really bad investors that way. Another example is selling. Oftentimes you see in a sales process a customer goes into resistance, and the salesperson tries to convince them, which puts them into more resistance instead of saying be like, “I notice something is not working for you. What's going on? If this isn't working for you, I don't want you to do it. If it's not working for you, there's a potential there's a misunderstanding so I would like to clarify it. But I don't want you doing something you don't want to do, because then I just have an unhappy customer, and that's not good for business.” You can't really do that unless you can feel the person. Brett: What are some other examples, like working with peers, for example, or within a team?Joe: For instance, I hear something from managers all the time. They are like, “We all had alignment, and then nobody did it. We all agreed. We all sat in the meeting. We all agreed and nobody did it.” I always say, “In that meeting did you feel like they were excited?” “No.” I am like, “Okay, what stopped you from saying I don't feel the excitement in the room. What's preventing the excitement?” You can't do that with anything beside empathy. If you are addressing the emotional reality instead of just the intellectual reality, because people, like I said, make decisions based on emotions. That's why people can all agree to something in a meeting, but if they are emotionally resistant, they are not going to go and do it. You can feel into that resistance, feel into where the excitement is, feel into what's being held, where the rigidity is in the room and clarify it. That makes things far more--  It's the same with product development. Kind of a famous thing where people spend a lot of money on a focus group, and then the focus group goes, “This is great!” Then the product fails, or vice versa has happened too. It is because they are asking them about emotional decisions through the intellect. Sometimes it works, but it's not a perfect translator. It's really feeling your customer. It's really feeling, what makes it important for them to buy it. Henry Ford said, if I gave my customers what they wanted, I would have given them a faster horse, but you put a person behind the car, and you see them drive it and what happens to their face, and you see the way people look at them and what happens in their faces. It's pretty clear who is going to buy what. Brett: I've always thought that one was interesting, the faster horse thing, because it's not really what they wanted. If you asked them what they wanted, if you asked them the solution that would have solved their problem, they might have bought a faster horse, but really what they wanted was better transportation. Joe: Exactly. That's the exact point. The intellect is limited in its capacity to see what the emotions want. Transportation was horse and feet at that time, so that was the limitation of the intellectual part of it. But if you looked at the emotional experience, then you know there are other solutions. Brett: I think this happens in product research all of the time. The research will be conducted in some way where it is like, what do you like better, the red plastic or the blue plastic, and you will get an answer. You will have a meeting where there's a graph that shows how much of the market wants this versus the other thing, but you missed the deeper question and the deeper emotional connection to the product. Joe: That's exactly right. It's why there's a felt sense to great design. You see something designed with beauty and you feel it. You go, “That's beautiful!”, not just beautiful as in looking, but the design is elegant, and there's a felt sense to that. It makes it appealing to us. There's no way you are going to use the intellect to describe that, unless you have been trained in design for years. Brett: How will we see our lives and our work change as we deepen our ability to feel our emotions and empathize with others? Some of these good examples are good examples, but what are some other things that would happen in our lives?Joe: Decisions become more clear, because we are more likely to feel emotions and be happy to feel emotions. We start caring for people instead of care taking them, meaning we are not trying to make them feel better. We are just being in support of them and therefore we get that in return as well. You get more people who are happy to be with you. You also see the people around yourself, and you become more and more empowered. As you stop fearing all of these emotional states, then you just stand in your truth more and more and more. There's just a deeper level of empowerment that happens, for you and for the people around you. One of these things, I was working with a CEO of one of the companies, and he tended towards care taking. Obviously, because he is care taking, there are a lot of people that fall into that victim thing in this company, and there was this victim mentality in the company because he felt responsible for them. As that changed for him, as he could be with people instead of taking care of people, all of a sudden the decisions that could empower them could start to be seen. Instead of coming in and saying, “Here's how we are going to fix the world.”, he would say, “How do you want to fix the world? Clearly, you are unhappy. How are you going to fix it?” He would empower people to fix their own problems, and it changed everything for his company. Brett: You can just use my name when you are talking about me. Joe: That wasn't you. You were not the person in my mind when I was saying that. Brett: I know, but I just felt it as like yeap, that's exactly been my journey. What else happens? A lot of times when we do these kinds of practices, there are shifts in our lives that are short-term uncomfortable or destabilizing. Is there anything like that that would happen with practicing deeper empathy?Joe: As the emotions start to get felt and the resistance isn't worked through, it can be a bit turbulent. It's not the emotions that are uncomfortable. It's the resistance to them. There can be a little bit of turbulence. There can be moments of tears where you would prefer there weren't tears. They don't happen very often. They are pretty rare. People are like I am going to be crying all over the place. It is like I cried at this one place, and actually somebody came up to me and said something sweet. Yeah, it can be a little bit turbulent. There's also this idea that if I allow my emotions, then they are going to take over me and control me. It's the projection you have been controlling your emotions, so you think they are going to control you. It doesn't happen like that. I have seen anybody at all of the thousands of people I've seen go through this process, I've never seen any of them who are like, “I am controlled by emotions now.” Brett: Damn you, Joe. Joe: Exactly. It has never happened. I would say that. The biggest thing is what we have really harped on, on this talk-- If you empathize with losing yourself, that can be really damaging. Learning how to be in your own body while you are empathetic is so critical. I just even recommend for the rest of the week, put some of your attention into your physical body during every conversation. See what that does to your world. It will rock your world, if you do that for every conversation for a week. It will just rock your world.I just say it's important to take it slow. I would say if the emotional tube is kinked, just be gentle with the unkinking. Take it slow. Brett: There's the wisdom in taking it slow, and there's also another side of that, that I can see. A lot of times these emotions are stacked on each other. You get beneath one of them, and you let yourself feel it. You might get yourself to feel the anger, but then if you don't feel the hurt underneath the anger, then a completely different thing starts controlling you. You get the disruptive thing going on in your life, and you are entering another pattern. There's like being gentle with yourself and taking it slow, and then there's being curious about how far down it goes and what's beneath this one I am not feeling. Joe: I would definitely agree with that. To think there's an end is no good. It's not going to be servicing your journey at all, so seeing it as endless, being curious about it, being vulnerable with yourself about your emotional state, being impartial with how you feel. You can use all of those tools, and use it for this empathy. It might upheave and you might find yourself bawling, crying and shaking. All of that can happen while being gentle with yourself. Brett: What are some ways empathy can go wrong? What does it look like if we are trying to be empathic, we aren't quite there so it is shallow or it is false? How could it be used directly as a weapon if somebody starts using these practices and they are like, “I could actually use this to manipulate people? What happens then? How does that look?”Joe: Creepy, you can see it. The difference between a good interviewer and a bad interviewer is one is using real empathy and one is faking it, and you can tell. It makes your skin crawl on some level. It might work for some people, but it is only going to work on a small percentage of them where empathy creates connection consistently. You can use empathy as a tool. They do all these skills that are based on that, mimic their body language, nod yes when people speak, and blah, blah, blah. Brett: Mirror the last three words of the thing they said. Joe: Use their name in the front of sentences, and blah, blah, blah. You can do all of that stuff, but if you are not in empathy, it comes off as false, fake, and gross. We have all been with that person, but if-- you could do all of that stuff with deep empathy and then it's actually quite appealing. It is really the empathy that is appealing.I think the reason those tools work when they do work, sometimes is, because they actually hack the mind into empathy. Brett: They are disarming, and if the intent is to disarm, then it can get you closer to it, to disarm yourself that is, not to disarm the other person as a trick. So what are a couple of summary bullet points on how all of what we have discussed would apply to a VIEW conversation and practice with the rest of this course?Joe: One of the things is you can ask questions. You can ask how, what questions that are based on nonverbal cues, on empathy. “Wow, it feels like you distanced yourself right there. What happened?”You can say, “It looks like you don't agree with that. What's going on? What's happening with you right now? How did that feel?” You can ask questions like that, and people generally stay up on the intellectual and won't ask questions on the moetional. Brett: And in a curious way. “I saw you disconnect there. I saw you disconnect there. I know it. Tell me.”Joe: Empathy as an attack. That's right. Also, basically, you'll notice that, when you have empathy with someone, they are more likely to be open, because they feel that you are with them. You can't do anything to show it to them. You are just empathetic and it just occurs. Like I said earlier, there's this creepy thing where people know you are managing them, and when they do, they back off. You don't have as much data. You don't get as much truth. You don't get to see the problem as it is. You don't get their ideas for solutions. With empathy, you get all that stuff. You get more data, and more ideas for solutions. Brett: Or the solutions you get from them are actually their solutions to get you to stop managing them. Joe: Exactly. Also, if you are in empathy, you can catch yourself being partial. If you are using empathy and you see somebody have an issue with you, you can be like, “I was being partial. I will catch my own partiality from being empathetic to their response to me.” Brett: Like the way I was describing earlier, when I catch somebody rolling back, you are like, “Wait a minute, I see what I did there.” Joe: Exactly. Brett: As you close, I would love for you to tell us about an impactful experience you have had, that caused the deepest increase in your empathy for others in the shortest amount of time. Joe: I want to give you two. The first one was, I was having this experience where I realized where I really just did not want to be with people who were having meaningless conversations. It was so annoying. “I was driving 65 miles an hour.” “Really, 65?” “Yeah, 65 miles an hour down to Santa Barbara.” Uh, it was so frustrating for me. I was like “What is it that I don't want to feel? What is it that's happening for them, for me that I don't want to feel?” I just opened myself up to it. It was awkward. I would be weeping in these conversations that were seemingly benign. After two or three weeks of that, maybe a month of that, the personal recognition that came through it was so critical to my sense of self, that I had to be valuable. The idea that I might be spending time where I wasn't valuable, it was so hard on my system I didn't want to feel that kind of sense of worthlessness.  That was an internal thing. Then to have the freedom to be worthless. “Oh yeah, I am happy to be worthless, and I am happy to be of value.” Having that freedom was tremendous. Then my capacity to immediately be with people who were having that level of conversation happened, and what I realized is, even in that level of conversation, there are different forms of connection going on. There are different ways people are connecting that aren't verbal, that aren't about the immediate intellectual thing that's up front. This one wasn't as quick, but it was bigger for me, which was getting in touch with Hand in Hand Parenting, which is really one of the main tools I learned empathy from. One of the tools in that is, it is called Parenting by Connection, and it allows parents to be deeply connected with kids, kids to feel deeply connected. The thought process is when kids feel connected, they naturally want to behave in a way that´s enriching for themselves and the family. All of the tribulations that we feel from children is just them being out of connection, and so how do you get them back into connection?One of the tools, they have five very simple tools. One of the tools is, stay listening. It's like allowing the kids to have temper tantrums, and being with them in that temper tantrum and even encouraging it to move through and making sure it doesn't get stuck. I was not good with a lot of my emotions when I started doing Hand in Hand parenting. I got good with them really quick. All of a sudden, I have a tremendous amount of emotional freedom I didn't have before. All of a sudden, my decision making got so clear, because I couldn't be with my child's temper tantrum until I could be with my own. I couldn't be with my child's anger until I could be with my own or their tears until I could be with my own. That process of empathizing and being with my children gave me so much more freedom. Brett: How did these two stories impact your ability to have value for people? Joe: I don't care. I mean if I were to look at it, seemingly I am more able to be more valuable to them, because I can be with them in a deeper way now, and I am not judging them or myself. That seems like that's probably more valuable. The bigger answer is it doesn't matter to me anymore. Brett: I love that paradox, the driving wound of your first story to just not caring anymore, actually having that impact. Joe: It was a great conversation. Thanks so much, Brett. Brett: Yeah, thank you. Thanks for listening to The Art of Accomplishment.  If you enjoyed what you heard today, please subscribe & rate us in your podcast app. We would love your feedback, so feel free to send us questions and comments. To reach out to us, join our newsletter, or check out our courses at artofaccomplishment.com.Links/notes: "If I had asked people what they wanted, they would have said faster horses." ― Henry Ford“For the simplicity on this side of complexity, I wouldn't give you a fig. But for the simplicity on the other side of complexity, for that I would give you anything I have.” ― Oliver Wendell Holmeshttps://www.handinhandparenting.org/ - a nonprofit that provides parents with the tools and support they need to listen and connect with their children. 

Natalie describes the principles behind the Hand in Hand Parenting.

In this week's episode we talk about the upcoming holiday season and the feelings that can arise at this time of the year. We include the pressure we can feel as parents and how we can navigating different beliefs and values in families. [2.10] Our own personal imprints around Christmas [4:30] Expectations and disappointments [6.10] Boundaries and consent at Christmas [7.50] Good boys and naughty girls - punishments and rewards [10.30] Keeping magic and fantasy alive [15.00] What do you want to experience and what do you want your child to experience? [16.00] Navigating needs not being met - checking in with ourselves [19.40] Overwhelming feelings for children [23.00] Setting boundaries and limits for ourselves [24.00] Old and new traditions [28.40] Compassion for other family members [31.50] As a parent, how do we get our needs met at Christmas? [35.45] Build up of energy at this time of year [37.20] Brining in gratitude and reflection for the end of the year. This week's invitation: 1. Deep compassion for ourselves for this festive season and checking in around what messages are we giving to our children. 2. Tuning into our values at this time of the year. Resources: Marion's courses - http://www.marionrose.net/which-course-is-for-you/ Hand in Hand Parenting on navigating holidays - https://www.handinhandparenting.org/ Aha Parenting - https://www.ahaparenting.com/   As always, you can head over to the Aware Parenting Podcast Facebook group and join in the discussion, or you'll find us on Instagram @theawareparentingpodcast  You can find Marion at marionrose.net and Lael at laelstone.com.au And if you haven't already, make sure you subscribe to the podcast so we can pop into your podcast feed. 
 Sending you much love, compassion and grace in your parenting journey. x Lael and Marion

In this episode of the Rise Parenting Podcast I got to connect with my oldest friend, Christina, around her transition to motherhood, how she prioritizes her daughter, work, her relationship with her husband and also her own self-care. We talk about her work as a therapist at an eating disorder clinic and her own journey with an eating disorder. Christina shares her knowledge and experience raising a daughter in a world that praises a particular image of beauty and how she is learning to model positive body image and food neutrality to her 3-year-old. We also talk about intuitive eating and Christina shares some resources that she uses as a parent and therapist. Resources referenced in our conversation: RIE Parenting - https://www.rie.org/ Hand in Hand Parenting - https://www.handinhandparenting.org/ Eating Instinct - https://www.amazon.com/Eating-Instinct-Culture-Image-America/dp/1250120985 Food Psych - https://christyharrison.com/foodpsych Kristin Neff - https://self-compassion.org/ Eating by the Light of the Moon - https://www.amazon.com/Eating-Light-Moon-Relationship-Storytelling/dp/0936077360/ref=sr_1_2?gclid=Cj0KCQiAtf_tBRDtARIsAIbAKe1pIfJezaolzAR-9PXT8I7ngAgdVO3wCcAzgGZBNFgp8YVVXLBlG10aAh84EALw_wcB&hvadid=241928639678&hvdev=c&hvlocphy=9032096&hvnetw=g&hvpos=1t1&hvqmt=e&hvrand=6859831975507454716&hvtargid=kwd-3757510470&hydadcr=22567_10346631&keywords=eating+in+light+of+the+moon&qid=1572931937&sr=8-2 Body Respect - https://www.amazon.com/Body-Respect-Conventional-Health-Understand/dp/1940363195 Podcast Music: England by Pictures of the Floating World, License: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-sa/3.0/us/legalcode

This week's episode is a reminder that we're all stronger together and to ask for help when you need it.  Listen as Constance finds out WTF Hand in Hand Parenting is as Missi Pyle reunites with her old friend, Abigail Wald, creator of Mother Flipping Awesome and certified Hand In Hand Parenting instructor. She teaches us how important engaging in play is to your child and YOU, as well as understanding tantrums and why it's important to help them through it. PLUS, they build a "parenting table" together??? Whaaatt? Get excited!   Connect with Abigail Wald: https://www.motherflippingawesome.com/ Learn more about Hand In Hand Parenting: https://www.handinhandparenting.org/ Parenting confessions and questions: ‪Leave a voicemail at (213) 259-3235‬, email us: themotherloadpodcast@gmail.com, or DM us @motherloadpod on Instagram and Twitter.  This week's episode is brought to you by:  - ThirdLove.com/TML- Skillshare.com/motherload- PolicyGenius.com- Brooklinen.com PROMO CODE: MOTHERLOAD- KiwiCo.com/motherload

Join the Joyful Courage Tribe in our community Facebook group - Live and Love with Joyful Courage.  Raising our children while growing ourselves... ::::: What Fresh Hell Podcast Promo You can listen to What Fresh Hell on your IOS device, Android or through the website :::::  My guest today is Tosha Schore, M.A. Tosha brings a burst of energy and optimism to parenting, and will lift your parenting confidence! She is an expert at simple solutions to what feel like overwhelmingly complicated problems.  A sought after coach, author and speaker, Tosha is committed to creating a more peaceful world, one sweet boy at a time. Through her online and in-person offerings, she supports parents to care for themselves, connect with their boys deeply, set limits lovingly, and play wildly.  Tosha is a trainer of Hand in Hand Parenting and co-author with the organization's founder, Patty Wipfler, of "Listen: Five Simple Tools to Meet Your Everyday Challenges." She is also creator of the wildly popular "Parenting Boys Peacefully! A FREE 10-Day Reconnect," and the new online course, "Out With Aggression!"  You can find Tosha on her website, www.toshaschore.com, and on FB at Tosha Schore, Your Partner In Parenting Boys. Content: Raising boys in these days of toxic masculinity Taking a hard look at the ways that men are conditioned Creating a more peaceful world, one sweet boy at a time The question of how to help our boys grow into emotionally intelligent men who don't see women as objects is worldwide How to help our boys grow up to be peaceful – Huff Post article Move beyond the anger and the fear to what we can DO Opportunity shows up in raising our boys We need to teach our boys that there are lots of ways to be close that aren't sexual It's ok to talk, cuddle, hold hands – lots of ways of being intimate Documentary of The Mask You Live In Not giving permission to boys for having intimate friendships with other boys Navigating the jockeying for power among boys Redefining what it means to be masculine What is being modeled in the homes for our boys? Increase our own emotional intelligence and pay attention to how we navigate and model our own upset Boys being encouraged to stuff their emotions Not comfortable with allowing our boys the time and space to have feelings Help them feel comfortable with their full array of emotions – not just anger Popular culture isn't helpful Advocate/ Fight for the right of our boys to have feelings AND advocate for them to make mistakes and learn from them When our boys make mistakes we need to help them Talk about music lyrics and porn and do it when they are YOUNG Amy Lang – parent educator, parenting through our children's sexual development Start talking to your boys Don't let your discomfort get in the way of letting our boys be their whole selves Amy's short video about having convos about sexual harassment/assault with our kids Talking to our kids about standing up to friends who are harassing others Seize opportunities for modeling/showing them what it looks like to “do what's right” Story of masculinity inside of supporting a woman on Reddit Acknowledging that standing up for what is right is challenging!! Teachable moments are when they make mistakes and getting into mischief Final thoughts – “hurt people hurt people” – boys and men are hurting and therefore hurting others… when we help them heal from their hurts, we are solving the problem Where to find Tosha: www.toshaschore.com 10 day reconnect parenting boys peacefully www.listenthebook.com ::::: DAILY INTENTION CARDS What do you think about the Daily Intention Cards???  These cards are designed to support you in your conscious, intentional parenting practice. Get yours now – http://www.joyfulcourage.com/intentioncards ::::: Joyful Courage SHIRTS!! Women cut tanks and tees are ready for you to BUY NOW!!  Wearable reminders for how you want to show up in the world. Get yours now --> http://www.joyfulcourage.com/jcshirts ::::: FAMILY MEETING ECOURSE 6 week email course that guides you in setting up the family meeting routine/practice. It is on demand so that as soon as you sign up the emails will begin to show up in your inbox! Sign up now: http://www.joyfulcourage.com/family-meeting-ecourse ::::: Be a Subscriber Make sure to SUBSCRIBE to the Joyful Courage Podcast on iTunes to get the latest shows STRAIGHT to your device!!  AND PLEASE rate and review the Joyful Courage Parenting Podcast on iTunes to help me spread the show to an ever larger audience!! CLICK HERE to watch a video that shows up how to subscribe with your iPhone!    

Join the Joyful Courage Tribe in our community Facebook group - Live and Love with Joyful Courage.  Raising our children while growing ourselves... ::::: Kate Orson is a Hand in Hand parenting instructor, and author of Tears Heal: How To Listen To Children is on the podcast today! Originally from the UK she now lives in Basel, Switzerland, with her husband, author Toni Davidson, and their four year old daughter Ruby. You can find her work in parenting magazines including The Green Parent, Juno and Smallish. What you'll hear in this episode: An introduction to Hand in Hand Parenting Children's natural healing abilities Helping to attune to a child in a calm manner The benefits of crying Need for cortisol to be released from a stressful event It's crucial children have safe space to release stress How to find ways to connect, special time Learn to listen to your children's emotions Signs to look for in distressed children Getting out of our need to “fix it” or “stop it” response Children will release on their own terms Be available and take an interest in them   Quotes: “I think our entire culture has this mental block when it comes to crying”. “I came across this different way of listening to the emotions. It's reframing the way we view tears. It's about listening and allowing the feelings”. “Children need safety to let go of feelings”. What does Joyful Courage mean to you? “I would say parenting is really really hard work. Sometimes we make mistakes and it may seem really hard to get up the next day and embrace it as a fresh day.  We should have the Joyful Courage to embrace the challenges of parenting”. Where to find Kate: website I Facebook I Twitter ::::: Join the Joyful Courage Tribe in our community Facebook group - Live and Love with Joyful Courage.  Raising our children while growing ourselves... ::::: Young Living Essential Oil You've heard me speak a bit about the benefits I am experiencing with Young Living Essential Oils – let me know if you want to chat more by shooting me an email at casey@joyfulcourage.com OR go to http://bit.ly/caseyyloils - I am happy to support you! ::::: Coaching with Casey Are you playing with the idea of one on one coaching? I currently have a few spots available in my schedule and would LOVE to work with you. Coaching with Casey is a three month commitment. We will explore your vision for parenting and even bigger, how you want to show up for your life. We explore mindset, and how shifts in mindset create big shifts in relationship. And finally, we deep dive into the tools and strategies of Positive Discipline for teaching, modeling and practicing life skills. Coaching is an investment. If you would like to find out more, and explore the possibility that coaching is a good fit for you, schedule a 20 minute explore call.  Click here and we will schedule our call! ::::: Be a Subscriber Make sure to SUBSCRIBE to the Joyful Courage Podcast on iTunes to get the latest shows STRAIGHT to your device!!  AND PLEASE rate and review the Joyful Courage Parenting Podcast on iTunes to help me spread the show to an ever larger audience!! CLICK HERE to watch a video that shows up how to subscribe with your iPhone!    

Join the Joyful CourageTribe in our community Facebook group - Live and Love with Joyful Courage.  Raising our children while growing ourselves... :::::::::: Patty Wipfler is the Hand in Hand Parenting Founder and Program Director. Her 40 years of work with parents and children has given rise to Parenting by Connection, a simple but powerful parenting approach that nurtures the parent-child connection. Her Hand in Hand team trains parent leaders in the US and 10 other countries, and offers accessible support for the vital work of parenting. With co-author Tosha Schore, she has written the book, Listen: Five Simple Tools to Meet Your Everyday Parenting Challenges. And Her Listening to Children booklets have sold over 800,000 copies in English, Spanish, and 10 other languages. She is the mother of two sons, and grandmother to three. What you'll hear in this episode: •    Active listening and how it helps people notice how they feel about their own experiences •     How being listened to and being able to sort through feelings can help activate problem solving. •    The impact of our own childhood experiences on how we perceive challenges in our children's lives •    Parenting by connection and its relationship with positive discipline. •    Influencing and using presence, setting limits to encourage better behavior. •    How to hold space for your child who is emotionally elevated and let them deal with big feelings •    Letting your child feel the feelings and its impact on the healing process •    The size of the trigger relative to the depth of hurt – helping your child navigate big feelings •    Emotional upset as efficiently releasing tension •    Listening partnerships and how they can alleviate parenting stress and facilitate better parenting •    Emotional projects: ongoing parenting challenges and how to address them What does Joyful Courage mean to you? Joyful Courage is a human being's birthright to be joyfully courageous. Joyful courage means to me what a one year old will sometimes do to pull themselves up so they can stand up next to a table or as a toddler is trying to walk across the room it's like they don't care what happens, they are just going to try it and they are proud of themselves as they do it. I think it's the attitude towards life that we are born with, that we get to keep if we aren't hurt too badly. Sometimes you have to work on hurt to get your birthright back. Resources: Listen: 5 simple tools for meeting your every day parenting challenges  Where to find Patty: Hand in Hand Parenting  i Instagram l Facebook l Twitter l Youtube    :::::::::: Join the Joyful CourageTribe in our community Facebook group - Live and Love with Joyful Courage.  Raising our children while growing ourselves... :::::::::: Make sure to SUBSCRIBE to the Joyful Courage Podcast on iTunes to get the latest shows STRAIGHT to your device!!  AND PLEASE rate and review the Joyful Courage Parenting Podcast on iTunes to help me spread the show to an ever larger audience!!

Kate Orson is on the podcast today, and I absolutely love where our conversation went!! Kate's bio from her website: KAte is a Hand in Hand parenting instructor, and author of Tears Heal: How To Listen To Children. Originally from the UK she now live in Basel, Switzerland, with her husband, author Toni Davidson, and our four year old daughter Ruby. Kate has written articles for a number of different parenting magazines including The Green Parent, Juno and Smallish. Kate offer parenting workshops, consultations, both online via skype or in person. I reached out to Kate to talk about getting children's cooperation around chores.  In talking to her, and learning more about the Hand In Hand parenting approach, our conversation lead us down the road to understanding how intentional listening and presence with children can invite the very cooperation we are looking for. Kate wrote an article titled 25 Tips for Having Fun While Cleaning Up Here is the Montessori list of age appropriate chores ((super helpful!)) Things to remember when we are hoping for cooperation: set limits lightness play show faith and trust your child's ability listen practice special time More about "stay listening" :::::::::: Where to find Kate: website i facebook i twitter :::::::::: Want MORE??  Join the Joyful CourageTribe in our community Facebook group - Live and Love with Joyful Courage.  Raising our children while growing ourselves... :::::::::: Make sure to SUBSCRIBE to the Joyful Courage Podcast on iTunes to get the latest shows STRAIGHT to your device!!  AND PLEASE rate and review the Joyful Courage Parenting Podcast on iTunes to help me spread the show to an ever larger audience!! ::::::::::: Click here for more information about PARENT COACHING with Casey and to book your exploratory call!