A podcast for our community, faith and culture, featuring representative voices from across the U.K. A safe space for people of colour to tell their stories of grief and loss. So often ignored or silenced by society because they are not told from a white perspective that fits into a neat and tidy bo…
Hi folks, Today marks the last episode of Series 3, the Wash up. Wrapping up 3 seasons of Bereavement Room, several guests later, and a worldwide listen it's now time to bid you farewell. I guess you could say Bereavement Room is my love letter to brown and black communities. I created my podcast because I was discriminated in therapy when seeking support for the death of my younger brother, this was a time where many changes came into my life. I wanted to know what the barriers in therapy might be for minoritised communities as i had faced so many. Exploring anger, frustration and disappointment in the way our human experiences are dealt with in all areas of society and our environments, whether the workplace or education provider supports brown and black folk with their bereavement in the same way they support their white employees. In my 20s I am not sure I explored the death of my mother, I didn't grieve out loud, it was this traumatic event in my life that often went unspoken because people didn't really want to sit down and talk about it. I was excluded and given 1 day off work to deal with it by my employer. My family, solo travelling and blogging is what held me at the time but it was not something I could talk about with friends or colleagues and if I tried i would get gaslighted or a conspiracy of silence would play out. After my brothers death I did not feel well and realised I needed to carve out my own space to address unfiltered and unspoken truths, the only way to do that was to cultivate solidarity with minoritised communities, provide a space to be heard, that I wasn't allowed to have in my 20s. I wanted to raise points that are often overlooked within the diaspora, the lack of understanding of how death and grief might manifest within communities of the diaspora, that we are not a monolith despite all these labels that are given to us by the system and dominant voices in our communities. Death effects everyone, grief is of course universal but the narrative is not and this will add an additional layer to the process that people must hold space for. Knowing that a lot of bereavement/grief podcasts were over saturated with white communities rarely ever inviting black and brown folk to the table as a guest, I knew i had to create a death cafe and podcast for us, somewhere we can be heard without being censored and told how to do this. So much has been said in this room and we have covered an array of topics such as NHS negligence, suicide, faith, heritage, culture, rituals, therapy, barriers we face, the economy, colonialism, mental health in the student population, Muslim mental health, COVID-19, looking after vulnerable family members, grieving in a lockdown, family dynamics, workplace politics and trauma, the list is endless really. I had unpacked more than i intended to when producing the episodes. So in this final episode I touch on some of these points and where i am at now 2 and a half years later as the course of this podcast shifted in series 1 following the unexpected death of my father. I reflect on the importance of effective communication between professionals and patients/clients, what we might they carry when delivering a service, using Gloria Likupe's blog here on the BMJ for reference: https://blogs.bmj.com/ebn/2020/01/26/enhancing-communication-with-patients-from-minority-ethnic-groups/ the risks that are involved in our day to day when interacting with communities different to our own. I also delve into what therapy looked like for me 6 months after my father's death, the issues that arised, also reflecting on regrets, gut feelings, intuition and our friendships. The importance of being a member of a union to help us know what our rights are as employees and muslim mental health that often goes unspoken. I conclude that it's co-existence or no existence, life is for living in the best possible way, because life is fleeting and tomorrow is never guaranteed. Grief is for a lifetime, and co-existence is so key in how we carry on with our lives. Being heard is so important isn't it? When we go unheard we can't claim our own narratives, they are stolen and told from a lense that has never lived your life or walked a day in your shoes, and so I hope my podcast provided some sort of solace, comfort, perhaps you felt seen and witnessed in a safe space, perhaps it was the first time you reflected on your human experiences out loud, whatever my podcast meant to you I hope it helped in some way. And so our time in this room has now come to a end, may you be loved and never excluded, may you be seen and witnessed, may you be protected from discrimination and may you find peace in your co-existence. with thanks and gratitude to all of my former guests, listeners, supporters and donors of season 3, I bid you farewell take good are of yourselves. Your host, Callsuma Ali
This is the penultimate episode of the third and final season, Callsuma takes us through a recap of why Bereavement Room Podcast was born. TRIGGER WARNINGS ahead of today's episode. She is joined by today's guest, Writer, Poet and Activist Maya Kalaria. We open the conversation with racism and microaggressions we both experienced as children growing up in Britain, and the grief that comes with the ramifications of colonization and colonialism. We delve into the deep grief that South Asian communities carry that are passed on through intergenerational trauma. Maya talks with Callsuma about the colonial trauma she suffered after her mum died when Maya was only 9 years old, having to blend into a white family as her father remarried. She describes this as living a very white life and is now on the long road to decolonizing her mind, body and wider society. Maya opens up about what bereavement is like for a 9 year old, that there are not enough words to describe seeing your mother in a coffin. Maya reflects on the abuse she suffered, that often abuse is wrapped up in love, this is rife in the family system particularly South Asian families. For Maya, her identity was stripped away after her mothers death, everything she once knew was no more, she dealt with it the only way she could, a bereaved 9 year old who regularly wrote in her journal to express her grief and rage. We close our conversation on gratitude, that we are both thankful for safe spaces where we can speak our truth, the sheer freedom and liberation after being silenced for so long. I personally don't know how much of myself i need to decolonize, so i quiz Maya on this and conclude that decolonizing oneself will vary community to community, some communities will need to decolonize more than others, as a British Bengali i feel very rooted in my culture and identity and believe I live a balanced life thanks to my parents, though i may have had periods and phases where i wished i was white so i could be accepted and included to escape racism and being singled out. To conclude I don't think i will cut out the problematic popular culture i have consumed most of my life but equally i would agree with Maya it is important to be aware of the context and psychological effects it might have, as for fast fashion, we can't stop buying clothes, what we need to do is call out these awful retailers and corps to hold them accountable for the way they treat garment workers. I forgot to ask Maya whether she thinks British Indians benefited from colonialism in any way, particularly wealth because I can't help but think that British Indian communities will likely have to decolonize more than others, there is a stark difference between South Asian communities socio-economically. Of course the answer is largely no however some communities have assimilated more than others, according to research carried out by Runnymede Trust on economic and social inequalities, this is clearly evident when we look at the level of wealth in the United Kingdom, White British and British Indian people hold the highest level of wealth in comparison to Black, Pakistani and Bangladeshi communities. You can find Maya https://linktr.ee/MayaKalaria You can find me, Callsuma https://linktr.ee/bereavementroom Thanks for listening, Your host Callsuma Ali
Joining Callsuma in the room today is British Bangladeshi, Shamsul Islam. In light of South Asian Heritage Month, I have chosen to have a uncomfortable and vulnerable conversation about the impact Covid-19 has had on one Bangladeshi family. A report published by Public Health England (PHE) on the impact of coronavirus on ethnic minority groups, has found that people of Bangladeshi heritage are dying at twice the rate of white Britons. Other black, Asian and minority ethnic groups had between 10% and 50% higher risk of death. Shamsul talks to Callsuma about his parents and his nephew who all died in 2020. His mum of Cancer, dad of Covid-19 and his 5 yr old nephew from a rare disease. Shamsul also had Covid-19 and recovered from it. We discuss the difficult decision that lead him to finding a care home for his father who had Alzheimer's, unfortunately his dad had a urine infection and the care home decided to take him to the hospital where his dad during his stay tested positive for Covid-19. Shamsul likely caught Covid-19 during his visits to the hospital when visiting his dad. He opens up about the impact Covid-19 and their deaths had on his mental health, the lack of right support in the workplace, the stress of juggling different priorities whilst not functioning at 100%. We delve into our friendships, what it means to show up and that ultimately unless you go through a bereavement you could not possibly know how to support someone during the most difficult time in ones life however we also concluded that grief also shows us where to direct our energy and where not to, as the truth reveals itself. Shamsul shares that although his faith is important to him, he questioned everything he once knew after the tragic death of his nephew. Now on the road to recovery and healing, he looks forward to travelling more to aid in his wellbeing and putting ego's aside by spending quality time with his family around the dinner table. Over 154k people have died of Covid-19 in the United Kingdom, leaving a devastating impact on those directly affected. The Bangladeshi community being one of them, the most marginalised community in the U.K. You can find Shamsul on Instagram As always, thank you for listening, Your host Callsuma Ali
Joining Callsuma Ali in the room today is guest Lydia Kirkland, a mother of two children working in a group home as a Case Manager for foster care children in New Jersey. Lydia runs a non-profit in memory of her daughter called Filling buckets for Brianna that helps bereaved parents with funeral costs and headstones. In addition, Lydia has a IG called 'life after losing my child' and a YouTube Channel also entitled 'life after losing my child' her platforms help to support and connect with other grieving individuals. She enjoys the simple things in life like music, reading, nature and art. Lydia reflects on Brianna's life, what she was like, her favourite colour green, and Brianna's inclusive outlook on life. Brianna died suddenly after falling ill due to complications with type 1 diabetes that could have been prevented. We unpack healthcare negligence very briefly and the impact it might have when co-existing with grief should it be pursued when seeking answers and justice particularly when the outcome still remains the same. That it won't bring her back. We delve into a common factor that occurs in bereavement, the lack of aftercare from friends and family and how this can impact our mental health, everyone wants to be loved and seen during the most difficult parts of their life, particularly when we carry deep pain and loss. Showing up is so crucial in the aftermath to aid in our healing. The death of a child no matter what age is often described as a loss like no other by many charities across the world, incalculable and inconceivable. How could it be that a parent outlives their child? We close the episode on gratefulness, not to find a silver lining but as Lydia puts it so eloquently, the best things in life are free. As always thank you for listening and don't forget you can find updates on @bereavementroom over on IG and twitter, just search bereavement room. Your host Callsuma Ali
Today's guest in the room is Bangladeshi American, Bushra Mollick. Bushra is a writer and the Crisis Communications Manager for NYC Emergency Management. She is writing a biography highlighting her mother's life in Bangladesh and as an immigrant in New York City in the early 90s. She enjoys bird watching, cooking, and researching outdated blasphemy laws. She hopes to empower and inspire fellow Bangladeshi women to fulfil their dreams and put themselves first. In this episode we discuss our bengali community, culture and the wider Desi community followed by a heart wrenching reflection of the sudden death of her estranged father. Bushra often talks about how our community is not a monolith on social media, this captured my interest because as someone who was ostracized by some Bengalis but largely the wider South Asian desi community that I speak like a white girl and was the brown girl living on the white council estates, I wanted to unpack what it means to not make assumptions about our unique journey in life, we conclude that ultimately we are not a monolith that we all have our own experience of the world and that it would be helpful to not make assumptions about lives we have never lived. Bushra takes me through her childhood growing up in NYC and how she grew up watching her father who was a taxi driver by day and a creative by night, a writer and photographer in the bengali community. Bushra reflects that you can mourn a parent that you are estranged from, that everyone wants to be loved and that although they were estranged due to the lack of parental guidance she names the fact that she still loved her father and that's what makes estranged relationships between a parent and a child so unique, that she will never stop loving him and wishing that he was a better father in life. Bushra has written a beautiful heart wrenching tribute to her father on her blog http://www.bushramollick.com/ please do give it a read, there is a stunning black and white photo of Bushra and her sister Susana with their dad, the last picture taken of them together. You can find Bereavement Room on social media give us a follow: https://www.instagram.com/bereavementroom/ As promised some hotlines, resources and support groups in NYC and surrounding areas; https://nycwell.cityofnewyork.us/en/ https://www1.nyc.gov/site/hra/help/domestic-violence-support.page https://www.naminys.org/mental-health-support/suicide-prevention/ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/groups/grief/new-york https://greenwichvillagefuneralhome.com/grief-support/counseling-bereavement-services/#.YPQVqxNKiCQ https://copefoundation.org/grief-resources/ https://www.inclusivetherapists.com/bengali https://www.laalnyc.org/ https://www.thetrevorproject.org/ As promised some helplines, resources, support groups in London and surrounding areas; https://directory.childbereavementuk.org/ https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/guides-to-support-and-services/seeking-help-for-a-mental-health-problem/where-to-start/ https://www.time-to-change.org.uk/mental-health-and-stigma/help-and-support https://youngminds.org.uk/ https://myh.org.uk/ https://mbss.org.uk/ https://www.baatn.org.uk/find-a-therapist/ https://giveusashout.org/ https://mindout.org.uk/ As always thank you for listening, Your host Callsuma Ali
Today's guest in the room is British Bengali podcaster of Brown Don't Frown,Tania Hardcastle. Tania has joined me in the room to talk about her biological mother who died suddenly and unexpectedly when Tania was 10 years old. Having spent the first decade of her life in East London before moving around, she has now done a full circle and returned to her roots in the East End. We unpack what child bereavement looked like for her, the importance of emotional support and love following the heart breaking news that her mother had died on what began as a normal day of dropping off the kids to school to the absolute inconceivable trauma that followed. Tania reflects on intuition, premonitions and dreams, something i know all too well and have been exploring, the interpretation of dreams in relation to death and grief. We take a look back on her life, particularly the part when she was adopted by her biological aunt, and then estranged from her biological father. In fact family estrangement is common in all communities including the Bangladeshi community, it is something that is not widely spoken about perhaps out of fear, judgement, reputation and other external factors. I ask Tania, does she grieve for the life she never had, whether her life might have turned out differently, of course the answer is largely yes, she replies, I was robbed of my childhood, bereavement has solidified much of how i feel, also reflecting that she is a self made woman who now thrives in her adult life. We end our conversation on Bengali joy and hopefully what is helpful guidance around embarking on side hustles and creative ventures. Don't forget you can find Bereavement Room on social media, https://linktr.ee/bereavementroom As always, thanks for listening, Your host, Callsuma Ali
Today across Britain families will be celebrating Father's Day, a day of remembrance and celebration. Joining me in the room is Abigail Tuitt, growing up in a loving and supportive family, Abi's dad was doting and expressed love with actions, dropping her off to the train station and surprising her with gifts, encouraging her to do well in her studies, as well as offering to make her breakfast. Often daughters are described by their fathers as their princess, he was an integral part of her life. The life and soul of the party and the foundation of her wider family his death came as a huge shock, he died suddenly and unexpectedly from a heart attack. Abi talks with me about her breakdown following his death, therapy and her travels to the other side of the world that helped aid her healing, the intersection between grief and travel. She openly reflects and questions in what i would describe is the utmost vulnerability and courage, 'my father was a integral part of my life, what is my purpose now?' We close the episode on why grief can be so intense and as time goes on how Abi carries her grief in her rucksack/backpack, that ultimately grief is love. A personal note from me; as someone who was also close to my father this was one of the most relatable conversation's I have ever had about the loss of a father and the integral role of a father in the family system. As always, thanks for listening, and if you want to vote for us in the British Podcast Award's for listeners choice, here is the link; https://linktr.ee/bereavementroom Until next time take good care of yourself. Your host, Callsuma Ali
A break in the usual format in light of #DiabetesAwarenessWeek Joining me in the room is PHD student Priya Ahmed, I invited her to take part in a reflective discussion about role models in our Bangladeshi community, type 2 diabetes and all things food! We all know we are going to die one day, that is a fact of life, some of us will die because of poor health and disease, I am a firm believer that health is wealth and you are what you eat, without sounding like a preacher I am under no illusion that I personally struggle with my own food choices and living a healthier lifestyle, particularly since being diagnosed with diabetes where i feel my diabetes team is failing to support me holistically. Diabetes is so common in the Bangladeshi community and as someone who lives with type 2 diabetes and a blood cell disorder, i am keen to unpack what I have consumed over the past 3 decades, this includes my free school meals and portion sizes, coming from a family who was socio-economically disadvantaged, vulnerable and other social detriments I look back to see what's been happening and what might have caused and impacted my poor physical and mental health. Following my bereavements and declining mental health, I wonder if this has had a impact on my food choices too. Priya highlights that the environment is so key in helping us reach our health goals, her project explores the role psycho-social cultural factors play in South Asians dietary behaviour, she is interested in type 2 diabetes, developing preventative lifestyle and interventions using behaviour change models, women's health and mental health to improve health outcomes, particularly focusing on addressing deprivation within the Bangladeshi community. Looking at barriers we might face when accessing health services or implementing lifestyle changes. I hope this special Diabetes Awareness Week episode brings you food for thought and that you enjoy my personal anecdotes! Remember there is still time to vote Bereavement Room in the British Podcast Awards for the listeners choice, https://linktr.ee/bereavementroom Thanks for listening, Callsuma
Today's guest is Sylvester King aka Sly King, the happy hour Birmingham, Alabama radio personality joins me in the room to talk about life before and after his parents. In this episode we chat about his dad who was also a radio presenter, the hero in his life growing up in a loving and supportive family. The sadness of not having his father who was in radio for 30 years to hear Sly on the radio, the milestones he reached without his father to witness them. We unpack the impact of making difficult decisions around his parents health, our faith and ultimately the testament of faith when we are dealing with the inevitable that is death and grief. A very reflective conversation with the Happy Hour radio personality at hot1077 from Birmingham, Alabama. You can find Sly King on twitter and instagram. To donate to Bereavement Room and vote for us in the British Podcast Listeners Choice Award please see my Linktree. Thanks for listening, Your host Callsuma Ali
Welcome back to Bereavement Room Podcast, the third and final season! Kicking off season 3 is Hatim Eldawi, we both met on Clubhouse when we were on stage sharing our experiences of grief. I invited Hatim to Bereavement Room to talk to me about his dad who was living with ALS, the challenges that came from travelling to and from Sudan whilst studying and working in California. We also reflect on how picking up your parents personal care can humble your ego and the humour that comes with bereavement and grief. Hatim hilariously describes what it was like missing out on going to Cabo with his friends as he had to travel to Sudan instead to take care of his dying father and how not many young people have to deal with the anticipatory grief that comes with a terminally ill parent. Hatim created a blog in memory of his father, perspectives from a 23 yr old loving son, please do check out his personal blog over at https://www.babaeldawi.com/, you can also find Hatim on instagram, go show him some love! Follow Bereavement Room on social media for updates such as reflective cards, audio clips and instagram lives with me your host Callsuma Ali, https://linktr.ee/bereavementroom and to make a donation please see our Gofundme page, https://uk.gofundme.com/f/bereavement-room-podcast-community-fundraiser We both laughed a lot in this episode, I hope it brings love and light to wherever you are in the world. As always thank you for listening. Your host, Callsuma
Hi Folks, it's the 3rd and final season of Bereavement Room Podcast, well time has flown in this room hasn't it! The final season is sponsored by friends near and far, some of my former guests, listeners and loyal supporters in the online grief community. Bereavement Room is a British born podcast that garnered a worldwide listen, and so in the final season we will also be hearing from our friends across the pond in the states. We will be covering family estrangement and abuse, what it means to grieve half way across the world and not make it on time for the funeral due to religious customs, the impact of child bereavement and the upheaval that comes with it and the loss of a father and how grief intersects with travel. What it means to be parentless and find meaning in life after both parents are no longer with us and how do we decolonize our mind, body and soul considering the collective history our ancestors, grandparents and parents have gone through. I'll also be speaking to professionals in the psychology and healthcare fields, dissecting what it means to be informed, healthcare access, barriers and how to manage health for long term benefits. Having gone through horrendous experiences in therapy, bereavement training, and my grief that followed after the death of my mother and brother at the hands of the system, the space I created here has been healing, loving, hilarious and heartbreaking all at once. The shock that followed in series 1 when my father suddenly died, this has been an experience I will never forget and will always treasure in my heart for it's sheer reflection and vulnerability, spiritual truth and meaning from the perspective of communities across the diaspora and myself where we very rarely get the opportunity to speak our truth. I will close the podcast at the end of the season with a wrap of 3 seasons of Bereavement Room, my final reflections, what i learned and where do we go now? You can find Bereavement Room on twitter, instagram and Clubhouse by searching either my name or 'bereavement room' and to make a donation to keep the podcast up as long as possible please see the gofund me page to make a donation. Thank you for joining me in this final season, i know how much Bereavement Room means to you and so i hope the final season brings love, light and reflection to wherever you are in the world. Thank you for listening, Your host, Callsuma Ali
Today's episode is the last in Series 2. I begin with reading out some feedback and comments received over the past year followed by a reading of a heartfelt letter written by Tasneem and my own personal reflections. I close the episode with a Q&A, thank you to everyone that sent in questions. Covering off DNACPR, what makes someone comfortable in opening up in sharing a deeply personal account of their life, statutory bereavement leave and emotions. Series 2 of BR bought us perspectives from an array of guests on why they do what they do while sharing their experiences of grief and loss. I hope Bereavement Room Podcast bought love, light, knowledge and reflection to wherever you are in your journey. To stay in touch please follow us on twitter and instagram and if you're listening in Apple Podcasts please leave a star rating and review so more people can find the podcast.See you in the same room in the summer of 2021.As always thanks for listening,Your host,Callsuma Ali
Today's episode is the penultimate episode of Series 2. As the creator and host of Bereavement Room Podcast I want to remind everyone why we are here in the first place.Bereavement Room was created following the multiple deaths I had in my family coupled with poor experiences of therapy as well as inadequate support from mainstream bereavement charities particularly when I came up with the idea of a death cafe for BAME communities and spoke about Muslim Funerals. Bereavement Room is a podcast that addresses the conversation around life, death, grief and identity from the perspective of ethnic minoritised communities across the diaspora, this means we navigate the unspoken truths about grief within our communities including the many layers that sit within it, such as healthcare, racism, therapy, family dynamics, faith, culture and so much more. Halfway through Series 1 my dad unexpectedly fell ill, having recovered and on rest in hospital he died suddenly after 2 hours of deterioration that was ignored by staff on duty in the very early hours of one morning after almost what was a 2 week stay in hospital.It is inconceivable that yet again I was going through another bereavement and this time my beautiful and caring father. The difference this time is that unexpected and sudden deaths just hit you out of nowhere, like a rug being pulled from underneath you. I share some memories and what it was like saying goodbye to my dad and the home i grew up in and that grief is universal but the narrative around bereavement is not. I include here a 4 minute podcast episode from The London School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine that outlines why hospital deaths happen amongst the elderly population and that they can be prevented according to research from the BMJ. https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/london-school-hygiene-tropical-medicine-audio-news/id311462747?i=1000122883492I also include here a podcast I stumbled across after my fathers death called £3 pounds in my pocket, stories of pioneering migrants who were invited to Britain from the Indian subcontinent in the 1950s and 1960s.https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b03xq6h7 A eulogy from a child of the DiasporaMy father was a former subject of the British Raj. He came to England in the 50's after the destruction of WW2 to rebuild this country alongside many others. Made huge sacrifices and contributions our generation could never imagine. He was a great man. My best friend. As always, thank you so much for listening.Your hostCallsuma Ali
Today's guest is Myira Khan a BACP Accredited Counsellor, Therapeutic Coach and qualified Supervisor, working in private practice, under her organisations ‘Myira Khan Counselling’ and ‘Grow To Glow’. Myira is also the Founder of the Muslim Counsellor and Psychotherapist Network (MCAPN). MCAPN connects Muslim counsellors, therapists and psychologists.In this episode of Why We Do What We Do we open our discussion on how 2020 has treated us, Myira and I also discuss microaggression, unconscious bias and islamophobia, that sometimes our view of the world will be shaped by our lived experience of it.An inspiration to many as a Muslim and East African-Asian counsellor, supervisor and coach Myira represents diversity within the profession and promotes counselling to minority and marginalised communities, to break the stigma of mental health and therapy. For her work Myira was awarded the Mental Health Hero Award in 2015.We look at fish bowl practice in training, personally I think fish bowls are not very effective, i believe most people give biased feedback based on their relationship or view of the people in the fish bowl itself.So therefore we have to ask ourselves is fish bowl a effective aspect of training and maybe we need to bring that into group process to discuss how we give feedback and that sometimes it will derive from our opinions, likeness and assumptions of a person and not the work in the fish bowl itself.I am going to project if you like my "own stuff' here unashamedly, i do feel there are far too many white middle class females training and that's likely to be because they have more money in the bank than they know what to do with and to be frank I think they probably do go into the world after qualifying still naive to a degree. Perhaps that's the whole point until more diverse client experience has been gained. Clock up those BACP hours wisely now!I ask Myira to share some wisdom that might help women, particularly Muslim women when it comes to finding your tribe. We close the episode with Myira's reflection on the loss of her father and the legacy and guidance he left behind that has lead her to where she is today. We covered so much ground in this episode but still ran out of time! I'll have to invite her back on a future season. As always thank you so much for listening. Your host,Callsuma Ali
This week marks National Grief Awareness Week and so today's guest is Lawyer and Co-founder of South Asian Sisters Speak, Shirin Shah.Shirin joins Callsuma in the room to talk about her dad who died earlier this year in February of a rare neurological disease and what it looks like to grieve in a lockdown. She reflects openly about what it was like caring for her father in hospital whilst trying to manage her self care and that grieving the same loss also means family members do not grieve in the same way and might process things differently to one another. We both discuss compassionate leave and conclude this often comes down to how empathetic your manager is. If you have not signed the Sue Ryder campaign or Jack's Law campaign see the links below to add your name to the petition:https://actions.sueryder.org/a/principlehttps://www.change.org/p/rt-hon-theresa-may-mp-legislate-bereavement-leave-for-the-death-of-a-loved-oneWe close today's episode on what the future might look like for Shirin, the realisation that she may never be a carefree 20 something person ever again. As always thank you for listening.Your hostCallsuma Ali
Today's guest is Humanistic Gestalt Counsellor Marvis Stewart.She joins Callsuma in the room for a chat about Gestalt therapy, practicing self compassion, forgiveness and her own experience of bereavement when her grandmother died.Marvis has been living in England for more than a decade and is British Venezuelan, we look at Latinx bereavement and grief noting that one size does not fit all and that there are communities within communities that may have various practices and rituals depending on their belief and faith. She specialises in working with children and young people as well as trainee counsellors. Working in primary school settings while also holding a private practice for adults. Some of her other professional interests revolve around multicultural issues, LGBTQ+ allyship and self-compassion. You can find Marvis on twitter @marviStewart1 or over on her website www.marviscounselling.co.uk To help Bereavement Room meet it's goals please donate to the community fundraiser on our GoFundMe page; https://uk.gofundme.com/f/bereavement-room-podcast-community-fundraiserAs always thank you so much for listening.Your host,Callsuma Ali
Today marks one year of Bereavement Room Podcast, Happy Birthday! Former guests, Lydia Okoibhole and Nikhwat Marawat from Series 1 return to the room to host today's Birthday special episode. Bereavement Room is a podcast that addresses the conversation around life, death, grief and identity from the perspective of ethnic minoritised communities across the diaspora.This means that we navigate and dissect the unspoken truths about grief within our communities, including having difficult conversations about the many layers that sit within grief. After 7k downloads and an international listen I am so pleased we reached this 1 year milestone of facilitating conversations that matter. I am also pleased to announce that we have met our target for a season 3 in 2021 and if you're still yet to donate please donate if you can, it will help BR meet it's goals to grow and reach as many communities as possible.https://uk.gofundme.com/f/bereavement-room-podcast-community-fundraiser Thank you for listening to Bereavement Room, sharing and donating to my little indie podcast. I hope that it has bought, insight, knowledge, reflection, love and light for wherever you are in your life. As always, thank you so much for listening.Sending love, Callsuma Ali, Lydia Okoibhole and Nikhwat Marawat
Today I am joined by 2/2 Co-hosts of Thinking Out Loud Podcast, Jermaine Omoregie.Thinking Out Loud is a podcast that explores the unspoken truths about grief, mental health, masculinity and much more from the perspective of Black British male voices.Representation in the bereavement and grief space is very low so when i stumbled across Jermaine and Ben I just knew I had to get them in the room. Jermaine joins Callsuma to talk about his mum who died in Nigeria whilst on holiday in 2015, he opens up about the impact grief has had on him reflecting on the flight back to the U.K after having laid his mum to rest. We discuss faith and cultural traditions, sometimes cultural traditions can be problematic, is it time to make them redundant and what challenges might come with having this conversation carefully noting that faith and culture are not the same thing. Jermaine reflects it is important to choose carefully who to be vulnerable with as not everyone in our environment has the capacity to hold a safe space, that sometimes there is a conditioning and ego when it comes to being open with male emotions. Today's food for thought, are our white counterparts better at talking about their emotions in comparison to black and brown communities? This is something we have explored in series 1 that has popped up again. You might want to consider the following aspects culture, systemic racism, faith, heritage, lack of opportunities and representation, as well as poor access to therapy and mental health support. You can listen to Thinking Out Loud Podcast on Spotify or Google.You can also find Thinking Out Loud on instagram. As always thank you for listening.Your hostCallsuma Ali
Today I am joined by 1/2 Co-hosts of Thinking Out Loud Podcast, Ben Acquaah.Thinking Out Loud is a podcast that explores the unspoken truths about grief, mental health, masculinity and much more from the perspective of Black British male voices.Representation in the bereavement and grief space is very low so when i stumbled across Ben and Jermaine I just knew I had to get them in the room. Ben joins me to talk about his mum who died in hospital from Kidney failure in 2015, he opens up about the impact grief has had on him as a young man studying at College at the time and now as he co-exists without his mum in his 20s. We discuss the need for increasing conversations around grief within the school environment so that there is a wider awareness of grief starting from a young age. Ben reflects that there is nothing wrong with men talking about their emotions and mental health, being vulnerable is a good thing but it is important to choose carefully who to be vulnerable with as not everyone can hold a safe space when it comes to grief.Today's food for thought, are our white counterparts better at talking about their emotions in comparison to black communities? This is something we have explored in series 1 that has popped up again. You might want to consider the following aspects culture, systemic racism, faith, heritage, lack of opportunities and representation, as well as poor access to therapy and mental health support. You can listen to Thinking Out Loud Podcast on Spotify or Google.You can also find Thinking Out Loud on instagram. As always thank you for listening.Your hostCallsuma Ali
Today's guest is Sherine Kerr, Sherine is a qualified integrative therapist and the founder of the Black families support group based in Suffolk for local black/brown people.She has joined Callsuma in the room to talk about her mum who died of Cancer in 2008, we explore what it means to grieve forever, family dynamics, and the power of being heard. Sherine's mum was of Windrush generation where nearly half a million people from the Caribbean were invited to Britain because of severe labour shortages in the wake of the Second World War.You can reach Sherine over at: Blackfamilies2020@outlook.comhttp://linktr.ee/Blackfamiliessupport For free counselling sessions for adults from the black/brown community, contact: Instagram @life_changingtherapy and book a free consultation on blackfamilytherapist.simplybook.it/v2// As always thank you for listening. Your host, Callsuma
Today's guest in the Bereavement Room is Chelsea Koomson, she joins Callsuma to talk about her mum who died unexpectedly in October 2018. Sharing her personal experiences and what it's like not knowing the cause of death. Chelsea is also the owner of the instagram page Griefluencer, helping raise awareness about grief & mental health. As always thanks for listening, to donate to Bereavement Room Podcast Community Fundraiser for a season 3 and to share it with your network please go to our gofundme page.We are also on instagram, give us a follow for updates.Your host,Callsuma Ali
Today's guest is Priya Vara, she has joined me during Baby Loss Awareness Week to talk about her son Shayen. Priya gave birth to Shayen at full term, he was born sleeping. Priya walks me through that harrowing moment she was told there was no heartbeat with her husband and family by her side. Diversity in loss is the entire fabric of Bereavement Room Podcast and what we often see is that the mainstream excludes the voices of the diaspora and our experience.Priya and I discuss cultural barriers, the need for further education around pregnancy and statistics where women from Black and South Asian communities are disproportionately effected by baby loss and maternal deaths with Black women at risk the most. To donate to her fundraising page and help raise money for a bereavement suite please follow her on instagram.To get in touch me you can find me on instagram and twitter.As always thanks for listening. I am your host,Callsuma Ali
Today's guest is Laura Marven, Laura graduated from the University of Leeds in 2019 majoring in Criminal Justice and Criminology. Laura has an interest in travelling despite Covid-19 and is a regular listener of Bereavement Room podcast, she has joined me to share her lived experience of grief and loss. Today we remember her mum who died in 2018 whilst on holiday in Mauritius, her native country. We also discuss dating in the age of social media and that it's ok to be vulnerable and not have it all together every minute of the day.As always, thank you for listening.Follow us on twitterFollow us instagramI'm your host,Callsuma Ali
Today's guest in the Bereavement Room is Health Psychologist in training and Founder of the charity Our Mind's Matter, Jolel Miah.In this episode of why we do what we do, Jolel reflects on life as a young carer and what this meant for him on GCSE day almost 2 decades ago when a teacher told him education isn't for him. Now a qualified Psychologist he remembers loved ones no longer here to witness his achievements and that education is not always in the traditional sense of Academia but through life experiences too. In this episode we also explore our Bangladeshi roots, celebrations and finding space to process. Jolel Miah on twitterOur Mind's MatterIG - Bereavement Roomtwitter - Bereavement RoomAs always thanks for listening. Your hostCallsuma Ali
Today's guest in the Bereavement Room is Baffour Ababio, a psychoanalytic intercultural psychotherapist and clinical supervisor in private practice and at Nafsiyat Intercultural Therapy Centre. Baffour completed his training at University College London and the Guild of Psychotherapists and is a member of UKCP and BAPPS (British Association for Psychoanalytic and Psychodynamic Supervision). Alongside his clinical role Baffour developed a career in managing mental health services integrating a community based response to support recovery from a broad range of mental health problems. He has written articles and co-edited a volume on psychotherapy: ‘Ababio, B. and Littlewood, R. (eds) (2019) Intercultural Therapy: Challenges, Insights and Developments. London: Routledge’.In this episode Baffour reflects on his journey that lead him to therapy, his conflict with his majority and minority Ghanaian background, colonialism, Grenfell fire and frustration around representation in Psychotherapy.There is poor racial representation across Psychotherapy and Counselling and I conclude this is related to financial inequality and discrimination, in order to be representative we need to find out how many ethnic minority students progress on to continue training after their foundation year and how many drop out and why. During our chat I couldn't help but think about shocking levels of economic and racial inequality that was revealed in The Colour of Money, a Runnymede report released in April 2020. For example, Black African and Bangladeshi households have 10 times less wealth than White British people. Recommendations from the report include strengthening discrimination law, as well as the need for targeted policies to tackle longstanding inequalities, and for ensuring racial inequalities are considered in thinking about how to design a fairer, more resilient economy. With this in mind we need to be mindful that this isn't about students giving up halfway through but individual circumstances that need to be taken into account why student's do not progress on with training for example financial hardships and experiences of racism during training that can force students to drop out. Training to be a Psychotherapist or Counsellor at a top school is the equivalent of a deposit on a property in London. (13k-25k) sometimes exc other costs such as being in approved therapy throughout the duration of the training. As always thank you for listening.@bereavementroom on IG. @bereavementroom on twitter.Your hostCallsuma Ali
In today's episode of Why we do what we do I am joined in the Bereavement Room by the Co-founder of Talking Wellbeing App, James Boston. Having heard James speak about Identity at a webinar I knew I just had to get him in the room!James takes me through what lead to a meant to be partnership with Godfrid Bosse and the journey that continues. Packed with tips to train your mindset, podcasts, blogs and events to sign up to, you can tailor what you see in your feed by downloading the Talking Wellbeing App for free.James and I discuss what identity means for us and the politics that can surround it, including how he started his journey into decolonising his mind to later in life teaching his fellow students about the transatlantic slave trade at the University of Gloucestershire. A master of Religion, Philosophy and Ethics, James takes me back to how loss impacted his life when his grandmother died in 2013 from hospital negligence. The great influence she had on his life growing up and the love that now lives on in his memory. We also speak openly about the problematic ways in which employers deal with bereaved employees and how this needs to change fast. James Boston on IG - @iam_jamesbostonTalking Wellbeing App on IG - @talkingwellbeing Bereavement Room on IG - @bereavementroomAs always thank you for listening.Your hostCallsuma Ali
Welcome to Series 2 of @BereavementRoom Podcast! A little welcome back from me, I hope you had a peaceful summer!In this episode I take you through what to expect, Series 2 is about Why we do what we do. the new theme in the slightly adjusted format. We all have a story, I certainly have a story that's why we are here. Of course we will still be running with the usual format of sharing our experiences of grief and loss too. I will be talking to guests about Grief, Loss, Racism, Identity Politics, Religion, Culture and how our experiences have shaped us and lead us to where we are now and why we do what we do ending our conversations with our favourite challenge, Gratitude. Thanks for joining me again, welcome back! A massive hello to our worldwide listeners!As always you can find Bereavement Room on twitter and instagram just search bereavementroom. Since you're here please tap that star rating on Apple, leave us a review let me know what you are thinking. Thank you for listening. I'm your host,Callsuma Ali x
Today we release the final episode of Series 1 of Bereavement Room podcast. The first part of 2020 has been a journey, with the unexpected death of my father and then covid-19 followed by a global lockedown and now life slowly starting to resume it's new normal, it's been a rollercoaster. The final episode is part 2 of my own story, former guest Vaishnavi Ramu returns to host the space for Callsuma as she takes the guest seat once more. We talk openly about sibling loss, Callsuma's younger brother died of Leukemia in January 2018. We discuss what it means to grow up with a brother who is non verbal and autistic, grief in the workplace where compassionate leave is not very compassionate and the problem with people managers. Knowing that we are not born with empathy and compassion but are taught it, how do we learn our empathy and compassionate skills and do we use them enough? The importance of communicating with family members during difficult times, and the need for review of current structures of the Psychotherapy and Counselling world. Food for thought; can we truly grieve in the workplace? Is it realistic for workplaces to do more for mental health and bereavement? People of colour with disabilities face so many challenges in society, is the system working hard enough to understand the needs of our most vulnerable? Is the caring profession actually caring? Why are there so many white female therapists? Do we actively exercise our listening skills during the most crucial moments in our lives? In the final episode we also discuss the BAME poll results, is it time to dismantle BAME?You can find Bereavement Room on twitter and instagram @bereavementroom Wishing you a peaceful summer, see you in September!Thanks for listening.Your guest Callsuma AliYour host Vaishnavi Ramu
We return to the Bereavement Room for the Penultimate episode of Series 1. Former guest Lekhani Chirwa returns to the show to facilitate today's episode where host Callsuma Ali takes the guest seat. Callsuma goes back in time, 10 years since her Mother's death in December 2010. We discuss the challenges we face with healthcare, advocating for ourselves and our loved ones, the complexities of grieving in the workplace with 1 days compassionate leave and insensitive questions from friends that don't know what to say or do when when we grieve. The joy of solo travelling, and the lessons we learn that lead us to where we are today. I would like to thank everyone that wrote letters and dms to tell me how they feel about Bereavement Room Podcast, i appreciate you all so much.I'm your guest, Callsuma AliI'm your host, Lekhani Chirwatweet us @bereavementroom
Today's guest is British Ghanaian Linda Smith, Linda is talking to Callsuma about her uncle who died of Cancer in 2017. Linda takes us through how she navigated her grief, thinking that her Uncle was getting better and coming home but in actual fact he was dying. We open up about the fact that all families are convoluted and how this adds to journey of grief that we experience. We also discuss the option of Linda moving back to Ghana after the recent events of the murder of George Floyd that has sparked worldwide outcry of the impact of systemic racism has on Black communities. We look at whether we can show our grief in the workplace and what this means about truly being ourselves, is it possible to grieve at work? Is counselling and therapy easily accessible for the communities of the diaspora in comparison to our white counterparts?To find a therapist that works for you reach out to the following organisations that might be able to help with your needs and requirements;Black, African and Asian Therapy NetworkNafsiyatAashnaMindworksUkMuslim Counsellor and Psychotherapist NetworkPlease note the above are not endorsements, please ensure you do your own research in order to find what best suits your therapy needs. Thanks for listening and don't forget to give us a follow on twitter and ig @bereavementroomYour hostCallsuma ali
We continue to talk to our guests from across the African American diaspora, today's episode is a Father's Day special with Darwyn Dave from Dealing with my grief podcast. Darwyn was 10 years old when his father was murdered. We discuss what unraveled on that day and what followed over the years since that day. We look at gun laws, apology letters and what it was like for Darwyn's parents living during the time of Jim Crow Law that enforced racial segregation. This episode is dedicated to Mansfield Dave and all of our Grandfathers and Fathers. You can reach Darwyn at http://www.dealingwithmygrief.com/ Thank you for listening.Your hostCallsuma Ali
PLEASE NOTE TODAY'S EPISODE HAS EXPLICIT REFERENCES TO SUICIDE.Today's episode is in memory of Geneva Guerrieri. Geneva's mum Sue Guerrieri a Mindset & Grief Coach joins Callsuma to talk about who Geneva was before she died of suicide in 2018, age just 22. We also discuss bad emotions and are ethnic groups doing the emotional work to heal from generational trauma? Is medication doing more harm than good instead of actually talking about how we truly feel? Is the student population under an immense amount of burden and pressure and are institutions doing enough to support our student population? Food for thought.Geneva was incredibly bright, active at University as a student trustee and a member of the Democracy and Equality department, she left Bournemouth University with a 1st class honours degree. Geneva then went on to be CIM qualified before she went onto study her Masters at Imperial College, London. I leave you all with a final quote from the episode:"i'm fine" The chameleon of all emotions - Sue Guerrieri. Today's episode is in memory of Geneva Guerrieri. The songs for today's episode on our Spotify Playlist Bereavement Room Podcast include Sade, King of Sorrow and Lady Gaga, Million Reasons. If you are having thoughts of suicide or are concerned for a young person you can call Papyrus Hopelink for confidential support and practical advice on 0800 068 4141As always, thank you for listening.Your Host.Callsuma Ali
We are pleased to say that @BereavementRoom has a worldwide listen with the USA being our second biggest listening base. This week Callsuma is joined by our first African American guest Keri Pugh from Baltimore, Maryland. Keri is talking to us about her Father-in-law who died of Colon Cancer and Leukemia. Keri was her Father-in laws caretaker, we discuss what it means to be an advocate and the endurance that comes with it.Thank you for listening.You can reach Keri on IG @LifeInAClutchYour hostCallsuma Ali@BereavementRoom
This week Callsuma is joined by 3rd year Birmingham University student Kajol Desai. Kajol is taking us through her journey as a young carer for her mum from the age of 10. Kajol's story is also one of dual reality and how this impacted her over the years and the beauty in finding her way back to her identity. Thank you for listening.Your hostCallsuma Ali@bereavementroom
A break in the usual format, to talk to our friend Adrian Rowe. Adrian isn't actually in the club, but he is surrounded by friends that are and is a great source of support.He joins us to discuss his perspective on what it means to have a father figure in your life, (something that has definitely shaped both of our lives and who we are today) what it's like to be a dad and the challenges that come with it. This includes how we feel about racism and how to move forward with grief. Mental health being the centre of today's open dialogue. "Less hate, more love". - Adrian RoweThank you for listening. This episode is dedicated to our Grandfathers and Fathers. I am your hostCallsuma Ali @BereavementRoom
Sikh Derby man Kalwinder joins Callsuma in the Bereavement Room to talk about his father who died by suicide in 2006. We reflect on his experiences of being impacted by suicide, poetry as a source of expression and support and the triggers of loss following the recent global pandemic, COVID-19. In this episode we also talk openly about the challenges faced working with mainstream charities and what this means in trying to reach wider communities. You can reach out to Kal on twitter - @khalsirThis episode is dedicated to our Grandfathers and Fathers. Thank you for listening.
This week we are joined by Journalist Amar Mehta, Amar is talking to Callsuma Ali in the Bereavement Room about his father who sadly lost his life in a tragic car accident in 2008. A story of living the American dream and then adjusting to sudden life changes. Amar opens up about mental health from the perspective of a Indian male, the triggers of loss and the inner sadness of reaching milestones without his Father.This episode of Bereavement Room is dedicated to the importance of our Grandfathers and Fathers. Thanks for listening.You can reach us on twitter @BereavementRoomYou can reach Amar Mehta on twitter @TheLawyerAmar
After an extended break we return to the @BereavementRoom for more intimate conversations about death and grief. Over a decade later, Callsuma reunites with an old friend Siddharth Nigam sharing experiences that have bought us closer together. Siddharth talks to us about the recent death of his Grandfather (2019). We discuss how death can reflect in all areas of our life, this episode is dedicated to our Grandfathers and Fathers. We would like to thank everyone that has subscribed downloaded, listened, rated and reviewed. We reached over 1000k downloads because of your support. Sincerely from the bottom of my heart, thank you for listening. Your hostCallsuma Ali@BereavementRoom
Algerian born and East London bred, this is Oxford University Student Amira Kazi. Amira joins host Callsuma Ali in the Bereavement Room to share her harrowing experience of what it was like to find her best friend had died by suicide at a house party when they were both teenagers.
It's time to talk and today's guest is Henna Shah from #CharitySoWhite @CharitySoWhiteHenna talks to Callsuma Ali about child bereavement and what it was like when her mother sadly died when Henna was 10 years old. Originally from the "Endz" that is the wonderful Hounslow to all the way to Oxford University. This is Henna's #TimeToTalk
This week Callsuma is in Scotland speaking with 3rd year English Lit student Vai Ramu about her grandfather who sadly died when she was 12 years old. We also talk about racism in Scotland and what it's like growing up on the borders.
Lydia Okoibhole is in the Bereavement Room talking to Callsuma about her father who sadly died unexpectedly when she was a teenager in the summer she received her GCSE results. In this episode we discuss how culture can sometimes get in the way of respect.
The last episode of 2019, Nikhwat Marawat the Co-director of The Delicate Mind CIC joins Callsuma in the Bereavement Room to talk about his brother who died by Suicide in 2017. We talk all things, diaspora, taboo, stigma, suicide language and counselling.
Lekhani Chirwa is in the Bereavement Room to talk about her father who sadly died when she was in Malawi in 2016. We discuss all things grief, identity and her one woman show, Can I touch your hair?
Tasneem Choudhury born and bred in East London, joins Callsuma in the Bereavement Room to talk about what it was like to be bereaved as a teenager. Tasneem's mother died of breast cancer when she was 15 years old.
Andrea Lungay joins host Callsuma Ali in the Bereavement Room to talk about her brother who died unexpectedly in 2017. Andrea left university with a 1st class degree, a story of resilience.
Welcome to the Bereavement Room. A podcast for our community, faith and culture, featuring representative voices from across the U.K. A safe space for people of colour to tell their stories of grief and loss. So often ignored or silenced by society because they are not told from a white perspective that fits into a neat and tidy box. Our experiences very rarely covered by mainstream channels and platforms. We discuss how grief effects us culturally, the discrimination that happens, inequality and the lack of understanding about how grief might manifest itself within the diaspora and the challenges along the way. Stories and experiences shared by our POC, BLACK, ASIAN, BME, BAME, GLOBAL MAJORITY and OTHER communities on our peer to peer support platform. I am your host, Callsuma Ali. (Sharing my own story and lived experiences Part 1 at the end of season 1)
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