Cool Story Guys

Welcome to Cool Story Guys! In this introductory episode we discuss the outline of our collaborative fantasy story and the dice rolls that determined its genre, setting, scope, and more. Topics include a variety of books pertinent to our project that we have not read (and a few we have), how role-playing games have influenced our creative thinking and storytelling processes, and a discussion on the enduring works of Kevin Costner and how all of the good ideas from “Waterworld” will be pilfered for our story. 

In the opening chapter of our story we find the island of Koa beset by a mystifying catastrophe: the ocean has disappeared. A storm is raging and the exposed sands cannot be traversed. Terrified, the islanders decide to ask a powerful recluse for her help in discovering the cause of the disappearance.

We explore the opening chapter of the book and discuss how the first set of rolls from the Fate Index has set the tone for the story moving forward. Topics include the allure of nameless protagonists, our deep-seated desires to undermine what the other has contributed to the story, and the nihilistic reading habits of Ethan's toddler son.

Morwell awakens in a brutal and barren landscape, his boat run aground and destroyed. As his clouded memory clears, he realizes that his shipmates are missing and woefully unprepared for their new, dangerous environment. 

The dice made us do some things in Chapter 2 that we probably wouldn't have chosen to do ourselves, so we talk all about it. Fearful of being seen as a fraud, Jeff has started playing Dungeons & Dragons again, but is mostly just using it as an excuse to drink wine and eat candy in his bathroom. Ethan begins to realize that every accent he conjures up drags him back to his dark past in Southern Indiana.

With Morwell unconscious and her grandfather missing, Laureena must improvise with what is available on the wrecked trawler and bide her time until help arrives. When she meets another marooned boy named Calix, a deep friendship is quickly forged, and the two decide to take their survival into their own hands. 

We are forced to deal with the war crimes the Fate Index forced us to commit in Chapter 3 and the fact that our dice rolls so far have been such unrelenting bummers. Other topics include a gacha backpack full of tuna and flaming swords and Jeff's terrible X-Men power.

Shaken from her vision in the cavern, fear begins to cloud the mind of the crimson woman, causing her abilities to falter when Koa desperately needs her assistance.

The Fate Index's bloodlust has left us in a precarious situation. Where do we go from here? How can we possibly salvage this miserably-paced story and sell it to Netflix or Amazon? Other topics include which stories we'd like to see on the big and small screen and how fantasy death is a bit more malleable than non-fantasy death. 

An outlander comes to the Northern Plateaus looking for leads on a powerful girl whose actions threaten to topple a world that has already been thrown perilously off balance. 

Desperate to be anywhere other than inside our urban apartments, we discuss the idea of using fantasy as an escape, and how our story isn't a particularly inviting travel destination. Other topics include what exactly constitutes a "monster," Jeff's Haribo Hierarchy, and a new segment about how we're terrible at Twitter.

Faullen Danvers has spent his life on the sea, always mindful to honor its protectors thanks to customs passed down by his father. When the future of Delvorn is compromised, will the Sea Mothers hear his call?

After learning that one of our big original ideas is now being used by a much more legitimate media venture, we discuss the idea of do-overs and whether or not we'd indulge in them if we had the option. Other topics include Ethan adding bureaucracy to our fantasy tale, the difficulty of dealing with time jumps, and a soon-to-be canon Shrek and Donkey cameo. 

When the Capitol Islands military forces reveal unsettling tactics for relocating the Touched to the mainland, Danvers escapes from Delvorn with the Sea Mother and is forced to make life-altering decisions in order to continue with her on her quest.

After Ethan's son develops Beast Tongue and speaks with a duck, we discuss the very real probability that humans will someday be able to communicate with animals, as well as other fantasies that may eventually become realities. Other topics include our favorite X-Men powers and how Jeff turned Danvers into a mutant, Ethan being afraid of his guts getting all scrunched up if he transformed into a bird, and new ideas for the Fate Index submitted by our parents. 

Disfigured and bewildered, a woman awakens encased inside a massive mollusk shell. Someone - or something - has been regenerating her broken body in a bizarre laboratory deep beneath the ground, but for what purpose?

Lots of bug talk in this episode! Discussing Ethan's crab- and insect-heavy chapter is a perfect reason to talk all about the swarm of cicadas overtaking much of the United States and how he's going to have to deal with the bug swarm on his trip home to Indiana. Other topics include which sizes of things are the most frightening, how lobsters and crabs are basically just sea spiders, and deciding between two excellent submissions to the Fate Index from one generous listener. 

Elinea navigates the perilous island of Vlyk, finding herself in constant danger thanks the loss of her abilities and a new, unpredictable appendage. Seeking shelter and knowledge from a sequestered Magi named Corrilous Hallister, she discovers the man isn't at all what she expected him to be. 

Big life changes are underway for the Cool Story Guys: Ethan is moving back to America, threatening to dispel the magic and magnetism of our face-to-face recording sessions. In anticipation of our podcast inevitably becoming awful, we discuss the etiquette of content creators addressing the fact that they've made something terrible. Other topics include fretting about consistency, revelation as a guise to pretend that you knew what you were doing all along, and though it's not exactly a topic discussed, Ethan is so allergic to America that his voice is pitched down to the point where he almost sounds like a different person in this episode.

Finnegan explores the smoldering wreckage of the Irapa village, looking for clues that will lead him to Laureena. With a snowstorm bearing down and a host of unfriendly characters trying to do him harm, the ex-soldier worries he might have bitten off more than he can chew.

Looking over NPR's list of the best fantasy and science fiction of the last decade, we realize that we probably aren't reading enough books, and discuss whether reading or writing has the better return on time investment for aspiring storytellers. Other topics include capsules of cat urine, whether Ethan's general lack of dexterity means he can't be a rogue, and whether or not our story is doing anything to enrich the minds of our listeners. 

Before the Shift, Laureena was insightful, fiercely competitive, and a loyal friend. How much of her personality and agency remain after years possessed by an embittered primordial deity?

In honor of the possibility that someone might accidentally stumble upon our fantasy writing podcast while looking for fantasy football, we have created a new game called "the Fantastic Names of Notable Men." In it, Ethan has to guess which names on Jeff's list are from fantasy and sci-fi books and which are the names of actual NFL players. Play along at home! Other topics include how we are too fragile to play contact sports anymore, a lot of talk about Dune, and how Jeff is always looking for an excuse to create new characters based on jokes from the podcast. 

Danvers is led to the underwater city of Vandenala, where Adan lays out her plan for counteracting the Shift and saving Laureena. 

We take a look at some of our biggest literary pet peeves, ranging from merely annoying to completely story-ruining. Other topics include the morality of fooling around for old souls in young bodies, the movie "Big" and its terrible precedent for examining such morally-questionable situations, and how Ethan is definitely NOT a scientist. 

Searching for containment shrines, Elinea and the blind wanderer discover a dangerous new threat from the underworld. 

Inspired by some nebulous lists of dogs, we play a new game called "More or Less" in which we decide whether there is too much or not enough of things like romance and going to the bathroom in books, TV, and movies. Other topics include how all of the protagonists in our story are old people, the realization that everything Jeff imagines is somehow related to the X-Men, and the ecstasy and agony of shredding our vocal cords to perform crab voice. 

Deep underground with the Irapa, Finnegan relives a traumatic experience from his past in a vivid dream, but key aspects of the memory have changed in startling ways. Although it's clear his emotions are being manipulated, his grip on reality begins to slip away as corruption takes hold.

It's our October Spooktacular episode, with resident horror master Ethan taking over the reigns to make Jeff play a spooky game inventing the perfect monster. Spoiler alert: the perfect monster is named "Carol." Other topics include how Ethan inadvertently added some Bruce Wayne backstory to our book, how we missed the boat and now can never name our world, and the unveiling of our inevitable anime tie-in "Anti-Magi Devil Boy."

Skeptical of the Nemarus' plan, Danvers meets with Hallister and discovers the story he was told regarding the Shift was not the whole truth.

In preparation of our impending mid-life crises, we take a look at the new skills we want to learn in our elder years to replace the useless ones we've acquired so far. Other topics include how Ethan is self-conscious of his baby-soft hands, which time-sensitive natural disasters are worth worrying about, and how difficult it is to deal with a fantasy story where you can't go back and edit anything you've already written.

Stuck on the Northern Plateaus and drained of power, Laureena attempts to break free from the dark force that has been controlling her for the last four years.

Come along on the adventure of a lifetime in ETHAN'S QUEST, an exciting new game where you attempt to navigate uncomfortable social situations with a magic hat and are reincarnated behind a Burger King in the woods every time you die. Other topics include how pretty much every RPG is a fashion RPG, the realization that it's time to start killing off our characters again, and Ethan having to fight the inclination to add more mystery to a story he's supposed to bringing to a close.

Different factions quarrel over how to act upon the Remnant's vision, and the outcome will determine the fate of the Capital Islands and its people.

Shook by the idea that we've taken free will away from the characters in our story, we discuss whether or not we have any free will of our own, or if the reason Jeff eats a turkey sandwich for lunch every day is because he lives inside a simulation. Other topics include Ethan imagining himself as an adorable garbage robot, how Jeff's dad has become the destroyer of worlds, and whether or not we feel emotions when we kill off our characters.

It's the last stand for Finnegan and the Irapa as an overwhelming swarm of Vist make a final push to turn the Northern Plateaus into a column. 

Another year of toil and wasted promise is in the books, so we take a look at stuff we liked, stuff that sucked, and whether or not we should try harder on this podcast in 2022. Other topics include Ethan's bizarre insistence to keep talking about the shortcomings of Resident Evil films, the thrilling highs and unfathomable lows of Nicolas Cage, and preemptively taking care of a  plot hole from our story so vindictive nerds won't bug us about it in the future.

Everyone has gathered at the base of the column from the vision. Will they ascend to a better world, or to a cruel and violent demise?

It's been 20 years since the Shift changed the world forever. Have the survivors actualized the brighter future they saw atop the platform, or have the same old mistakes returned to haunt them again?

We celebrate the end of our first season with a big discussion of the last two chapters and an imaginary casting session for the inevitable big-budget TV series or film adaptation. Other topics include areas where we wish we could get a do-over, some alternate book names that didn't quite make the cut, and how our fantasy story slowly morphed into a collectivist screed about how billionaires shouldn't exist.

Elden Ring is one of the most exciting things to happen to video games in years and we are smitten. Ethan is a veteran of the Dark Souls games and Jeff is new to the series, but we've both been deeply enjoying our time getting killed over and over and over in the lands between. We talk about the sprawling story (which is supposedly co-created by one of the biggest names in fantasy literature), the dauntingly steep learning curve, and what the game means to those who hold fantasy adventure near and dear. 

A new season means a brand new story! In this introductory episode, we roll the dice to learn what kind of story we get to tell. Spoiler alert: this new story isn't going to be anything like the last one. Other topics include not getting frustrated when we can't compete with top-tier art, a dog-minus-whale reality that is just begging to be explored, and how everyone is tired of fantasy stories set in the Middle Ages.

Raised inside a brutal prison compound and subjected to supernatural rituals, Ja has little hope for the future. When a woman named Kaia is exiled to the compound from the community, she teaches Ja about the outside world, and the two form an alliance to keep each other safe.

As the story starts to take shape, we explore the different ways that Jeff's spicy Turkish vacation influenced the first chapter. Other topics include a cursory look at a random assortment of new and old things, Ethan's deep desire to add dinosaurs to anything and everything, and a few too many references to a book that a lot of people haven't read. 

Ja and Kaia wrestle with new fears and old traumas as they traverse the inhospitable jungle outside of the compound. Unequipped to protect themselves in the wild, the two are forced to cling to any semblance of safety they can find.

After forcing our protagonists to traverse through a vicious jungle, we discuss whether either of us has what it takes to survive in dire situations. Other topics include how it feels to write gross things, whether or not parents form strong bonds with their children, and all the nasty things Ethan thought about including in his chapter but decided against. 

Desperate for supplies, Ja and Kaia venture beneath the vine-covered ruins and find that not everything among the countless scattered bones has died.

What drives fear into the hearts of the Cool Story Guys? In this episode, we discuss the tangible and existential dreads that haunt our everyday existence. Other topics include Jeff's general inability to listen to good advice, the impending emergence of the Shrimp Summoner, and an introduction to the physically, emotionally, and temporally separated "Distant Ethan."

The great forest is dying and with it the barbarian Ulvson clan. The decline began with the emergence of the hideous boar faces and their mysterious leader, the Light Eater. To save his people, Torv sets out to destroy the bringer of the Black Night.

Are we loyal friends and family members? Is Ethan the perfect American? In this episode, we explore the depths of our loyalty to others, ourselves, and our countries. Other topics include problematic protagonists, the pervasive propaganda of Libby's Pumpkin Pie Mix, and how it's easier to unlock a door than pull it off its hinges.

Torv learns some hard lessons about acting without thinking things through. Ja is chosen to command a mysterious and powerful ancient relic.

Inspired by a trans-Atlantic viewing of Indiana Jones, we explore the idea of a "leap of faith" and whether or not we're the type of people to take big risks. Other topics include the unstated peril of not naming characters, whether or not we've got too much magic in the story, and an introduction to a sexy bug waifu Bionicle named Zethra.

Ja and Kaia attempt to track down Torv on the other side of the portal, hoping that his brute strength can help keep them safe in a harsh new world. 

Animals can be scary! In this episode, we create a tier list that determines once-and-for-all which animals are the most terrifying. Other topics include Ethan deciding that a brand-new character is unnecessary, how Elden Ring is still infiltrating our creative nodes, and characters who mysteriously know all of the story's secrets.

After a bizarre turn of events, Ja and Kaia find themselves in the upper echelon of Orn society. Have things finally improved for our protagonists, or is life too good to be true?

Who has the hot looks and perfect life and how do we get into those bodies instead of our crummy ones? Ethan wants to be the tallest guy in the neighborhood and Jeff knows he'll never cut it as Beyoncé. Other topics include whether or not we should care about "good storytelling" over fun, getting creative with suboptimal rolls, and having to level up our story challenges as we level up our characters.

The jawbone mirror has transported our protagonists to "a world without men like the Blood Summoner." It offers Ja and Kaia a great opportunity to learn more about their travels; all they have to do first is enjoy a simple meal in silence.

Being forced to write an awkward social faux pas into the story is the perfect excuse to talk about our own devastating personal embarrassments. Other topics include using Fate Index rolls to become an edgelord, creating the Skeleton Bible, and being fine with tropes in our story as long as they were someone else's idea.

Doro excitedly brings Ja and Kaia to the forest of a man named the Harvester. Though the skeleton venerates the powerful stranger, the humans are far less trusting.

Now that we're in the back half of the story, it's time to go back and look at the original rolls from the first episode to see how well we've been following directions. Other topics include the fun of creating insidiously creepy chapters, making fast friends with an UltraBacon at the bar, and the introduction of a new, unexpected pet: former US president Grover Cleveland.

Ja hears a voice in his head that confirms his suspicions about the Harvester and follows it underground to build a questionable new alliance. 

Which animals would we follow into a deep, dark hole? We discuss which of nature's children are the most trustworthy. Other topics include whether or not Ethan is actually a bunch of bugs in a man suit, playing fast and loose with our Fate Index rolls, and not wanting to overwrite a gross scene because someone will inevitably use it to scratch a kinky itch.

The group of unlikely companions travel together to an idyllic island while they wait for the Harvester's return, but even in paradise, Ja can't escape the mistakes of his past.

Forced to use an "eerie" Fate Index submission on one of our protagonists, we discuss how we would cope with similar weird changes in our real lives. Other topics include how farts are a great catalyst for transformation, deciding when a story needs to slow down the pace, and big sacrifices like Randy Quaid in the blockbuster film Independence Day. 

As the group transports the mirror shard back to Orn, they see the devastation they have caused by traveling from world to world. 

Because we have dragged our protagonists back to their miserable home world, we explore the idea of homecoming in our real lives and try to figure out which of our personal traumas we have projected onto the story. Other topics include the futility of trying to explain magic, finding the right balance between being corny and sensible, and how all of Ethan's early courtships started and ended at Applebees.

Before the group can even hope to stop the Ghora, they have to find it first. Following the monster's path, they discover the scale of destruction Ja has inadvertently unleashed on Orn. 

With pretty much all of our bad guys dead following the climax of the story, we take a look back at all of the antagonistic forces from the book and rank them from dumbest to best. Other topics include whether or not we inadvertently made our main character a Thanos, Jeff's asinine internal battle of efficiency versus originality, and Ethan's deep-seated fears concerning other men, bourbon, and barbecue. 

The group prepares to move on to Torv's world, but before they can leave the ruins of Orn behind, they discover what the Harvester had planned for them all along. 

In the Season Two finale, we take a final, comprehensive look at our spooky multidimensional caveman epic: Beyond the Mirror. Other topics include figuring out which “big energies” we tapped into over the course of the story, other titles that didn't make the cut, and why Ethan decided to make the book's final antagonists an army of gentrifying sadness monsters.