Joyfully Married After

Last week, Heath told you What A Man Wants! This week, Tracy is telling you What A Wife Wants!Tracy breaks it down to 5 main points: Talk To Me - I need conversation. Open your mouth. "Was the dinner good? Do I look good today?" Converse with your significant other; force yourself if you have to. I Need Some Affection - What really does it for her. What are her love languages. Acts of Service are Tracy's (Gas in the car, Dishes done, Flowers) Show her the love.Be Open And Honest - No Trust, No Peace. Women don't want a liar, share what's going on.Understanding & Respect -  Getting to know her. She is doing a lot. Working, teaching, cooking, she'd tired. Make her bed, Spray lavender on pillow. Empathize, don't criticize.Support - Your wife needs support both financially and emotionally. How are you contributing to the relationship? Give her a break sometimes; pick up the baby, change a diaper, pour her a bubble bath, take her to see her family.Download our Legacy Living Worksheet HERE! Check out our WebsiteConnect with us on Tik TokWatch us on YouTube

Heath is bringing the TRUTH on today's episode of Joyfully Married After. We are talking What A Husband Wants! RESPECT in his house. Can't dog out your husband in front of ppl. Working, being kind, father, providing as best as possible. If he is being a many worthy of respect...then give him some RESPECT!INTIMACY on the regular. Sometimes other things get in the way. Kids, sports practice, tv shows, jobs, you get tired. Don't want to be irritating to your wife. The ask, convey to me when you're feeling amorous. Initiate ladies. COMPLIMENT him. “You look great today!” "I love the outfit!" "Your beard is soft!" If I'm doing the dishes, taking out the trash, counseling the children, let me know you see it and you appreciate. Let me know you're glad you married me.Download our Legacy Living Worksheet HERE! Check out our WebsiteConnect with us on Tik TokWatch us on YouTube

How do you know you've found THE ONE???On today's episode, Heath and Tracy share the 5 things that solidified them know that they were each others THE ONE.Tracy's 5 Things:Heath pursued me.I felt secure and myself around Heath.Heath made me laugh and made our relationship FUN.We could talk on the phone for hours without getting bored of one another.Heath's female friends had so much respect and love for him that I knew he was a keeper.Heath's 5 Things:Tracy was so easy to have conversation with.No drama!I have always found Tracy visually appealing and still do.I couldn't find anything I didn't like.Tracy had a class about her and the way she carried herself was very attractive to me.Download our Legacy Living Worksheet HERE! Check out our WebsiteConnect with us on Tik TokWatch us on YouTube

Is There Too Much Emphasis on the Wedding?Tracy and I explore people's reasons not to have a wedding, especially for budget newlyweds when the marriage is SO much more important than the wedding itself. People delay marriage unnecessarily and end up asking themselves, is it worth spending money on a wedding? Is it worth it to have a wedding? Are weddings overrated? Should we have a small wedding? Since we are budget newlyweds, should we have a budget wedding? Some of the research we did for this article shows that small weddings are best for longevity in marriage. We were surprised when we saw this and maybe that means there are reasons to elope so you don't have to say, I spent too much on my wedding. We outline several solid alternatives for getting married sooner, not putting so much emphasis on the perfect wedding and maybe revisiting it down the road.Download our Legacy Living Worksheet here: https://bit.ly/legacylivingworksheetheathandtracy.com

1. Show Interest.2. Touch your spouse. 3. Tell a joke 4. Cleaning it up(for the married people) unmarried people- do small things. 5. Turn Down the bed for each other 6. Wear something special. Their favorite dress, shirt, pants, color. Etc. 7. Snuggle, while you are watching tv, or touching at the table in a restaurant under the table. 8. Talk, Talk, Talk Women use 1000's words more than men. 9. Compliment them. “You smell good”, Your beard is soft. Etc. Your hair looks good. That meal was good. I am so happy you have helped the kids. 10. Send a great text. Let them know you are thinking of them. Handwritten notes work too. 11. Holding hands. 12.Kiss when you say hello and when you say goodbye. It's a special salutation. 13. Look into each other's eyes. Don't take them for granted. Make it a habit 21 days makes a habit 

HeathandTracy.comLegacy Living Worksheet here: https://bit.ly/legacylivingworksheetThanks for listening!We've got 10 things we wish we knew before we got married. Why? How you will feel after you hear this... 1. Marriage is a marathon, not a sprint. 2. Marriage success comes from repetition. You practice being married every day. Am I practicing marriage or practicing divorce dating 3. Deprioritizing everything over your marriage. Work kids family 4. Always act like you are 35 - lots of people you can model. Ask people that have experience. Take their best practices and use them. Keep that young energy. Date night flirting 5. Marriage is about the other person and it's a daily dying of self. It's a daily practice of working the selfish out. When that happens you will submit to one another. 6. Plan to be married forever. Don't stay if there is abuse, mental physical 7. Never sacrifice your spouse's feelings for the benefit of your family or others. Make your partner feel protected and that you have their back 8. Celebrate your partner's differences. Yin Yang. Don't pick at them recognize they are enhancing your weakness 9. Do put off doing don't nice things. Continually the love bank. Don't expect anything back 10. The magic happens in the failures 

How to Repair Broken Trust In any relationship trust in one another is key. A key component that threatens trust is fear. Social media Story- Talking to someone on SM about things that you are afraid to talk to your partner about. Give Examples. Give Subject matter How you feel about what's going on at work Their appearance You need more attention that you are getting This action unknowingly break the trust that was built up over the years. Then avoidance and shame avoiding the consequences and confrontation. This is a great analogy for primary or spousal relationships too. 1. Be open to keeping the trust. The person who was lied to gets a pass to ask any questions, check the phone, check whatever at anytime. This seems invasive at first but will minimize naturally with time. The person that lost trust needs to let this happen without getting in your feelings or retaliating. 2. Discuss items that bother you or that you're concerned with. Bring why you are suspicious and what the person can do to alleviate your fear. 3. Talk through issues even if you're scared or uncomfortable; you'll be so glad you did. Do this when there is no emotion involved. During basic tasks, cooking, running errands. Or just sitting down with a glass of wine or over dinner to talk thru it. Not being up and throwing in the other's face but talking thru the issue openly to take trust to the next step. Ask questions and answer them openly and without hesitation. 4. Get help. A coach, a professional, to walk through it with you if necessary. 5. Meet things head-on and never hide from the challenges. If you've already gone down the wrong road, stop. Admit you are wrong and work through it. You can do it. You can push through. 

What would your relationship be like if it was perfect?Myth #1: Perfect relationship partners are totally compatible.Myth #2: Perfect relationship partners have “equal appetites.”Myth #3: Great partners always put their relationship first.Myth #4: Great partners are never attracted to anyone else.Myth #5: Perfect relationships do not have serious conflicts.Myth #6: Perfect relationship partners are always “on the same team.”

We are discussing how couples have different ways of being married.The secret to a great marriage is deciding what you want your marriage to be about – and don't just give me that gauzy, dreamy poetry about love. Be practical. Be specific.Starter MarriageCompanionship MarriageParenting MarriageSafety MarriageLiving alone together MarriageOpen MarriageCovenant MarriageJoin Us Live Every Monday for Joyfully Married After Podcast Live!heathandtracy .com to join Marriage Money Mindset

Listen up! There are things that you are doing that are ruining your relationship. We give you the ones you need to stop.We are discussing 7 ways you are sabotaging your relationship or Self Sabotaging relationships. We also discuss ways to stop sabotaging relationships. So ask yourself " Am I Sabotaging My Relationship?" And What are the Behaviors that Ruin Relationships?Are You ignoring your partner's interests or do you say thank you for the small things?Listen to find out what you are doing that can kill the love in your relationship.Join Us Live Every Monday for Joyfully Married After Podcast Live!heathandtracy.com to join the Marriage Money Mindset Community.

In this episode, we discuss the reasons you want to fix your sexless marriage and the way to avoid a sexless marriage.We talk about the reasons you are in a sexless marriage. And How to fix it.A sexless marriage could be due to a number of causes, including:Low sex driveLack of emotional connectionPoor communicationMedical problems like medications that cause low libido and side effects.DisabilityMental health conditionsChildrenAge-related factors like hormones ebb and flow with different stages of life.Unresolved angerJoin Us Live Every Monday for Joyfully Married After Podcast Live!heathandtracy.com to join Marriage Money Mindset

When it time to seek therapy in your relationship?

Your words are so powerfulGod created the earth with words.You create your world with your words.Create your marriage with your words.Create your finances with your words.Your spouse needs to hear your edify and lift them.They don't need your direction.

Don't you want to be JOYFULLY Married?What are the goals in your marriage?"The goal is to be happily married not just married."Why get married if you aren't going to married because we all know that you don't have to be married. You need to make a distinct choice to be JOYFULLY married.

In this Episode we Discuss how to have a happy Marriage. 1.  Invest in your marriage just like your business/career with a weekly meeting with an Agenda- Treat this like you would a valuable client. Make sure you don't miss it.No interruptions. In a quiet place. Ask the question. Where can I improve?2 .Create the Vision of Your Union.Who do you see yourself as the significant other?Think like premier RomanticCater directly to their love language in a big way on a regular basisLook for others to emulateBe with others that have marriage you want or others that want the same for their marriage (community)ALWAYS HAVE SOMETHING GREAT TO LOOK FORWARD TOAre you excited about the futureGive yourself something to be excited about.Is there an annual trip you take.Is this something you like to do together that you can do on a regular basis?Make rules - If I am gone this many days, we do a quick weekend away. Never miss date night, pillow talk on Sunday nights etc. There are so many!! Coffee Day. Get in your 10!It's possible to have a great marriage and a great career or business. Yes you can have it all. Envision it, claim it.Use Do Overs - I know i messed up last time.. Only 1 or 2  yearDo you buy more career books than marriage books? Stop saying you're doing it to put food on the table. Put each other first. For 30 days.14- nights away just the two of you in another town4- If gone more than 4 days then take days off during the week.6- no phone after 6pm

Why do people say that marriage is becoming extinct?1. FEAR -people are afraid of hurt, rejection being vulnerable. FOMO. Something or someone better is around the corner. It’s all fear and you bring it to yourself…2. Bad teaching- Who are you listening to? Online influences, gurus, family members? You reading your word? Your pastor? Following people with fruit on the tree? Modeling marriage/family success? Seeking positive input and wise counsel? Men bashing women and women bashing men and that’s what you’re listening too.3. Communication and unrealistic expectations  - Expectations of a perfect mate from an imperfect you. Work on yourself; make improvements there. Attract what you are/what you want and watch this. What you need. Your spouse is also there to help you and also highlight where you need improvement. But we run from that and it becomes a problem vs you're doing some work in that area.Because the POWER couple, is real.

Invest in your marriage just like your business/careerWEEKLY MEETINGWeekly meeting with an Agenda- Treat this like you would a valuable client.Don’t missNo interruptionsIn a quiet placeAsk to scale 1-10Where can i improveWhat is going on in the business, the Vision of the businessOut of town this week?Anything giving extra pressure this weekWhat is going on with the house, family, kidsWhat important activities are coming upWhat important appointment are coming upCREATE THE VISION OF YOUR UNIONWho do you see yourself as the significant other?Think like premier RomanticCater directly to their love language in a big way on a regular basisLook for others to emulateBe with others that have marriage you want or others that want the same for their marriage (community)ALWAYS HAVE SOMETHING GREAT TO LOOK FORWARD TOAre you excited about the futureGive yourself something to be excited about.Is there an annual trip you take?Is this something you like to do together that you can do on a regular basis?Make rules - If I am gone this many days, we do a quick weekend away. Never miss date night, pillow talk on Sunday nights etc. There are so many!! Coffee Day. Get in your 10!It’s possible to have a great marriage and a great career or business. Yes you can have it all. Envision it, claim it.

We are going to break 4 Myths with statistics.1. Black Women Don’t Marry - 2.Educated Black Women Have It Harder3. Rich Black Men Marry Out4. Black Men Don’t Earn as Much as Black WomenDo Black people get married? That question has been asked in one form or another in a series of news reports about the Black marriage “crisis.” On the surface, such stories seem to be concerned about Black women in search of love, but these media reports have fueled stereotypes about Black people. By suggesting that too few Black men are available to wed, news stories on Black marriage have done little more than predict doom and gloom for Black women who hope to marry.In reality, Black marriage isn’t reserved for the likes of Barack and Michelle Obama. Analysis of census data and other figures has debunked much of the misinformation the media has reported about the Black marriage rate.

In this episode we interviewed Lamar Tyler of Black Married with Kids and TSP.Using his motto "The Gatekeepers Are Gone," Lamar has leveraged social media to build a movement of online brands that support, uplift, and encourage the black community with over 600 thousand social media fans and over 51 thousand customers in all 50 states and 43 countries across the globe. Among the recognition received for his work, Lamar, along with wife Ronnie was named one of Ebony Magazine's Power 100, a list of the top 100 movers and shakers in the black community, finalists for Black Enterprise's Family Business of the Year, finalists for Infusionsoft’s Small Business ICON award and recipients of the ClickFunnels 2 Comma Club Award.https://trafficsalesandprofit.com/FREE Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/TrafficSalesProfit/Lamar reveals what he wish he knew before starting the entrepreneurial journey in this first JMA interview! Learn what couples should do when trying to move from corporate jobs to entrepreneurship, resources you should tap into and the biggest myth about moving from your Corporate job to Entrepreneurship.Find us at HeathandTracy.com

Is it possible to love someone but not feel emotionally close? There is often a gap between the love we feel in our heart and the emotional intimacy we experience with someone. The connection we desire may seem so close, so we keep trying, but it remains elusive.You can love someone but don't experience the trust and safety that are necessary for the relationship to thrive. But this emotional safety is an essential foundation for an intimate relationship.The Ingredients of Emotional SafetyThere are many possible ways to protect ourselves when we don’t feel safe. We shut ourselves down.Building a trusting, non-defensive relationship requires that we give to another what we ourselves desire. Love asks for reciprocal sharing—extending ourselves toward another’s world in a way that lets them feel emotionally safe with us. Being Ourselves and Being TruthfulOne of the blessings of building safety in a relationship is that we feel free to be ourselves. If we’ve been hurt in the past, we may have vowed to never to be so trusting and open again! Life is richer when we find a partner that comes from being ourselves Emotional safety also requires telling the truth and keeping agreements. Of course, no one is perfect, It is inevitable that trust will be broken, even in the best of relationships. There may be times when we don’t feel emotionally safe due to our own unhealed wounds from past relationships, whether in our family of origin or past partnerships.  

The best way to handle money in your MarriageBegin with a plan to move your family and your future in building a legacy.This is the way to solid finances.You want to start with an abundance mindset. Not a scarcity mindset.Be Ok, plan. Watch your spending on the necessities. Rent/Mortgage, Transportation and food. My dad calls it “Food, clothing and shelter. Be Secure. This is where you are going for the 6 months or more savings.Build a Wealth plan. This is when you can have fun. Look for those deals to invest in. Meeting on a regular basis with your partner to go over your Philosophy and what are the goals and objectives you are moving toward. Stop keeping up with the Joneses. This is hard. Why are you buying this? Do you really need it?Overspending. When you use credit, do you pay more than you would if you paid cash. Face the past bad decisions you have made. Lending money to friends and family. Does helping them change their relationship with money? Does it fix their problem? Credit Cards. Build credit with only 2 credit cards. Or are you trying to live beyond your means?  Student Loans- What is it going to really cost you? Figure out how to save your money. Pay yourself first. Talk about money as a couple. Come together. 

Marriage isn’t a fifty-fifty proposition. Conducting your relationship as a business deal will get you in a lot of trouble. Since we live in a competitive culture, we see things thru a capitalist lens, prompting us toward seeing things as quid pro quo or tit for tat rather than giving more freely and less conditionally. Instead of real giving of yourself, you see relationships as an investment, expecting a return,  and if you don’t get a return you feel resentment.What you need to agree on: Finances: Who is going to earn? Both? How much do we need? What is she makes more? What if he makes more? Who is responsible for paying the bills? Children: Main Care giver, Main teacher, Main disciplinarian. Also decide What are we going to share at each phase. Baby, who wakes up, changing, feeding. Toddler, teaching, discipline Teen, Discipline, instruction. Should be a team effort. Who is better at what?When the flow of giving stops, both people suffer and the relationship suffers. The climate of the relationship deteriorates, and a downward spiral can spin out of control.Ask yourself is your relationship person or is it transactional?Figure out each other’s Love Languages.  Our greatest joy begins to come not from getting what we want, but from seeing the delight in our partner’s eyes when they receive our offerings.  It is more important to meet His needs and Her Needs than to focus on splitting finances.Focus on giving 100/100 to the RELATIONSHIP to maintain the connection and intimacy.

If you are doing the following things, you are cheating:If my partner asked me about my chats, comments, and messages to others on social media, do I hide some messages?Do you sometimes like to chat or message ex’s online?Sometimes, instead of going to my partner, Do you share deep emotional or intimate information with others online?Do the above statements apply to you? Spending time with another person outside of your relationship is time spent away from a partner, which is one of the elements that affects judgments of infidelity. The top ways Social Media is driving you apart.Time spent on Social Media is time NOT spent with your partner. Couples spend time on social media, even when they are together.Social Media is the perfect opportunity for you to compare your partner with others.Social Media makes you irritable and annoyed. This is the first sign of addiction.Social Media makes it easier to go beyond what is normally acceptable.Using Social Media to deal with relationship problems instead of facing them head on and talk about them.  

Healthy Relationships vs Unhealthy Relationship What is a Healthy Relationship?The easy answer is that it looks different for every couple. However, I realized a long time ago that if we didn't grow up with parents who had wonderful ways of relating to one another, that there was virtually nowhere else to turn to find a healthy couple to learn from. This leaves the ways that happy and healthy couples relate as secrets that many of us don't get to experience. But First  Unhealthy Relationshipsverbal and emotional abuse (name-calling, intimidation, threats, shaming, belittling);Financial abusepatterns of control and isolation; violence of any kind; violation of boundaries; and emotional manipulation. If you are experiencing things like this in any of your relationships, I would suggest getting help right away to address it.Also think about a variety of relationships in your lifea close friend, your partner, your ex, a family relationship, or others. Each point will work out differently depending on the relationship, and each may also reveal an area for improvement. Also remember that no one can do these perfectly all the time, and most relationships have issues in some dimensions.8 Keys to Healthy Relationships1. Taking Interest2. Acceptance & Respect3. Positive Regard4. Meeting Basic Needs5. Positive Interactions6. Solve Problems7. Rupture & Repair8. Reciprocity

Each year Tracy and I go through this exercise to plan our year. We break it up into 2 parts. ( The first 6 months of the year and the second)  Additionally we do this with each of our adult children as well to get them accustomed to reflection and goal setting. If have a business or you’re creating a brand, it’s great to create a calendar for your content creation as well so you have dates and time frame targets to keep you on track... Brainstorm Ideas-Business ideas, personal goals-I will drop 20 lbs by June 1st with a healthy diet and exercise while maintaining weight through December. "I will complete my research and launch my podcast by March 1st." Non-Negotiables- That truck will not sit in the driveway all year this year. It will be gone by January 31st. "I’m not cooking 6 times a week this year." How much will we make this year? I will make $300k this year.  Look Back to Move Forward last year I made $100k. I gained 15 pounds, I got a new job. "I wasn’t as happy as I’ve been in the past or I found myself happier, etc." How will we make money in 2021? "I will earn 150k from my job with salary, commissions and bonuses. I will start a Shopify Store and net 50k. I will learn to do F/B ads and hustle on FiVR to earn $50k or whatever your answers are."

Focus on small acts of kindness. Boosts your mood. Do t be stingy with each other. You need some water? Pay attention to your inner voice that creates distance. Don’t listen to negative/critical voice on your shoulder. No self sabotage with the inner voice. Don’t allow it prevent you from being vulnerable. Be aware of fantasies you may form. An illusion of oneness vs 2 distinct people working together to create a great marriage. “We don’t do this”, “we don’t do that”...instead of honoring differences and celebrating yin and yang; respecting and celebrating differences while working together. Help your partner feel secure. Not all the focus on yourself. Breaks down empathy and understanding. How can I make them feel more secure? Cell phone not in bed? Are they feeling heard? Cutting down social life if she feels threatened by it. Finding the balance of feeling understand and balanced. Willing to be vulnerable. We have a lowering tolerance for love than we think. Feel your sadness and stay vulnerable. Great joy comes with great sadness. It is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.

The year of exposure. Brought out the best and worst in our relationships. What we loved grew and what we hated grew. Go back to the beginning and remember what drew you to each other. Think about what happened. Don’t play a blame game. Put yourself in their shoes. Communication but start with how not what. What’s the process to get us back to where we were. Focus on the process. Be the bigger person. Be responsible for your emotions. Don’t take it personally. It’s time to be the responsible adult the room. Think present NOT past. That’s easy to find receipts to fuel your arguments. Ask the question what can you do now? Take baby steps and look for small wins and small improvement.  

We are being asked your most pressing questions by Gary Jones of the "Get With the Program" Radio show. 

A key component that threatens trust is fear. Our son’s action earlier this week broke the trust and its primary cause was fear.  Leaving the house without telling us was caused by “ a fear that we’d say no”. A fear of missing out on some perceived fun with a buddy. This action unknowingly broke the trust that was built up over the years. Then avoidance and shame kicked in about what he’d done ✅ and he hid avoiding the consequences and confrontation. This is a great analogy for primary or spousal relationships too. 1.Be open to keep the trust. The person who was lied to gets a pass to ask any questions, check phone, check whatever at anytime. This seems invasive at first but will minimize naturally with time. The person that lost trust needs to let this happen without getting in your feelings or retaliating. 2.Discuss items that bother you or that you’re concerned with. Bring why you are suspicious and what the person vando to alleviate your fear. 3. Talk through issues even if you’re scared or uncomfortable; you’ll be so glad you did. Do this when there is no emotion involved. During basic tasks, cooking, running errands. Or just sitting down with a glass of wine or over dinner to talk thru it. Not being up and throw in the others face but talk thru the issue openly to take trust to the next step. Ask questions and answer them openly and without hesitation. 4.Get help. A coach, a professional, to walk through it with you if necessary. 5.Meet things head on and never hide from the challenges. If you’ve already gone down the wrong road, stop

What we’re discussing today.   “I said what I said.”- Rules of Communication Question of the week -  Hey if you are married and your spouse doesn’t tell his family what does that mean for your relationship? Doing it Well -A Sexless Marriage is a vulnerable Marriage    3 Rules of Communication that leads towards connection. Many couples make the mistake of assuming that their problems are due to poor communication.  That is not (or rarely) the case. Why do couples think this? Because someone told them, or they read it in blog… But communication is merely the method of passing information. A pipe-a conduit. But it doesn’t change the information you are moving. The connection is the issue… not communication. When we feel connection to someone we are more willing to hear their point of view. Three rules:   Seek to Understand Focus on the perspective of your partner. Admit any difficulty in understanding or explaining.

In this episode Heath and Tracy discuss 1. Getting your husband or wife back after separation. 2. Question of the week - "My husband is always checking for an Ex on Facebook, Is this a problem?" 3. Doing it Well - Kill the routine. “Inside or Outside?”  Discussing the DO’s of how to save the relationship, we talked about the DON’Ts last week. The first thing we want to say is NO Manipulation. There are many out there that make manipulative suggestions and we don't abide by ANY. It will only lead to destruction. Stay Calm, try not to be reactive. Panic is the enemy. You have to stay calm, even if your partner is not. There is no excuse to not control your emotions. Would you stomp into your boss’s office and yell and scream at them? Probably not, but we do it with our partners all the time. We all choose how we are going to respond. Be Consistent Be Constant Work on Yourself Try not to separate Slowly Reconnect If none of this works you are still in a good place. You've worked on and improved yourself, reconnected with friends and family. Seen a therapist. You thought about what you want out of life, and how to handle crisis. This is good. If you don’t get your marriage back on track it will at least help improve YOUR life. Try and we wish you great success! If you enjoy this episode and it inspired you in some way, We’d love to hear from you and know your biggest takeaway. Take a screenshot of you listening to our show, post it to your Instagram Stories and tag us, @heathtracy or tweet @HeathandTracyTV. We want to invite you to contribute to this podcast. Help us by submitting a question for the Listener Question of the Week edition of Joyfully Married After. All you have to do is click http://bit.ly/VoiceMailtoHeathandTracy HERE and record a question (under 3 minutes or less) that could be featured on an upcoming episode!

What we’re discussing today.  5 Things NOT to do when your partner wants out of the relationship.   Question of the week - "Is it appropriate for a married man to be part of private group chats with other men that share nothing but VERY pornographic/explicit videos and pictures of women?" Doing it Well  - Is it “Hump” day yet? Scheduling Sex    

Two people marry more than each other – they marry a set of circumstances.52 Becoming aware of how their two worlds combine on a practical level is essential to making sure they don’t collide on an emotional level.  Booth, A., Johnson, D., & Edwards, J. (1983)  Social - Financial - Expectations Social- There are four aspects of a couples social world. Friends and Family Support - In- Laws Relationships -Level of Investment - Faith Community Page 49. Financial - Money Style(Spender/Saver) - Budget Skills - Financial Fears - Debt According to a survey by the American Institute of CPAs, more than 27% of people who are married or living with a partner cited money as the topic most likely to cause an argument. That makes it the most volatile topic for couples – far more sensitive than children, careers or friends. Expectations - Roles Perhaps the biggest piece of baggage that a person brings into a marriage is their bundle of expectations. Uncovering these expectations – especially the ones that are rarely articulated or even unconscious – is an instant insight for engaged couples. 

What is WellBeing? It is measuring the psychological health for both individuals + caution flags as well as the emotional health of your marriage together. Why does it matter?Your relationship can only be as healthy as you and your partner.

What we’re discussing today.  5 Marriage Mindsets   Question of the week - He is still on a dating website, but asked me to get off. What should I do? Doing it Well     Top of Mind Mindset of our Relationships - every person brings a mindset to marriage - What they say, think, and believe when it comes to tying the knot. Basically it’s your attitude toward marriage. You already have beliefs, thoughts, feelings and attitudes about the concept of marriage. If you know your marriage mindset it can reveal a wealth of information about you and the future of your relationship. Research reveals that you have one of the five distinct marriage mindsets: Resolute Rational Romantic Restless Reluctant Why should you try to figure out your marriage mindset? By identifying your Marriage mindset you can then compare to your partner’s mindset it can reveal much about the probable course of their marriage.   Doing it Well - Is there a surefire path to her orgasm? https://www.the-generous-husband.com/2017/10/14/sure-fired-path-to-her-orgasm/

Variety may be the spice for Passionate Life Injecting variety and surprise into even the most stable, seasoned relationship is a good hedge against such temptation. In a classic experiment by Arthur Aron and his colleagues, researchers gave upper-middle-class middle-aged couples a list of activities that both partners agreed were “pleasant” (such as creative cooking, visiting friends, or seeing a movie) or “exciting” (skiing, dancing, or attending concerts) but that they had enjoyed only infrequently. Researchers instructed each couple to select one of these activities each week and spend 90 minutes doing it together. At the end of 10 weeks, the couples who engaged in the “exciting” activities reported greater satisfaction in their marriage than those who tried “pleasant” or enjoyable activities together. Surprise is apparently more satisfying than stability. The realization that your marriage no longer supplies the charge it formerly did is then an invitation: Eschew predictability in favor of discovery, novelty, and opportunities for unpredictable pleasure. “A relationship,” Woody Allen proclaimed in his film Annie Hall, “is like a shark. It has to constantly move forward or it dies.” A marriage is likely to change shape multiple times over its lifetime; it must be continually rebuilt if it is to thrive. Top of Mind for US What’s the point of getting married? “The point of marriage is not happiness. The point of marriage is growth.” The growth that forces you to confront your weaknesses, insecurities, and fears is exactly what leads to the periods of happiness, trust, connection, passion, and commitment only a small handful of persistent and dedicated couples ever get to experience.   Growth - Something that makes you better. If you don't grow, you don't feel alive.   Question of the week My wife of 14 years doesn’t want to have sex with me. When ever I bring it up we get into an argument and she yells..It’s not her problem. It’s my problem. I feel like she has some leftover resentment from things in the past. What can I do?   Dopest Couple in the World Harry and Meghan - The Duke and Duchess of Sussex   Doing it Well Ladies what does your husband want from you in the bed? Smile Be enthusiastic Be playful Get completely naked Touch him down there Try something new every now and then Give him signals Let go and enjoy. Let him please you Help him please you by telling him what you like Suggesting a new technique Have fun!   One Minute Word Develop a passion for learning. If you do, you will never cease to grow --Anthony J. D’Angelo

What’s next? Navigating Passion to Compassion The good news is that if couples get past that two-year slump and hang on for an another couple of decades, they may well recover the excitement of the honeymoon period—at a most unlikely time: 18 to 20 years later, when their children have typically left home and, with the freedom of the so-called “empty nest,” partners are left to discover one another—and, often, their early bliss—once again.Familiarity may or may not breed contempt, but research suggests that it does breed indifference. Or, as Raymond Chandler wrote: “The first kiss is magic. The second is intimate. The third is routine.” Sonja Lyubomirsky Ph.D.- When love is new, we have the rare capacity to experience great happiness even while being stuck in traffic or getting our teeth cleaned. We are in the throes of what researchers call passionate love, a state of intense longing, desire, and attraction. In time, this love generally morphs into companionate love, a less impassioned blend of deep affection and connection. The reason is that human beings are, as more than 100 studies show, prone to hedonic adaptation, an innate—and measurable—capacity to become habituated or inured to most life changes, positive or negative.There are evolutionary, physiological, and practical reasons why passionate love is unlikely to endure for long. If we obsessed, endlessly, about our partners and had sex with them multiple times a day—every day—we would not be very productive at work or very attentive to our children, our friends, or our health. When married couples reach the two-year mark, many mistake the natural shift from passionate love to companionate love for incompatibility and unhappiness. For some, the possibility that things might be different—more exciting, more satisfying—with someone else proves difficult to resist. Top of Mind for US Jeff & MacKenzie Bezos’ Divorce - Billions won't fix this marriage. Sorry for a legacy lost. Question of the Week Q&A- What is your opinion on the MGTOW movement that has become so popular and the family court laws that have pretty much scared men from venturing into that union? Blessings to both of you. Glad to see a couple that has made it. Dopest Couple in the World The Carter's Beyonce’ and Jay Z Happy 11th Anniversary! Doing it Well- Try the "Pause and Rub" technique. Nothing wrong with Lube and toys either.   One Minute Word Be the flame not the moth. Giacomo Casanova

Theme of the month Passion Definition of passion - strong and barely controllable emotion, the suffering and death of Jesus. Being passionate is key to the marriage relationship. You can display passion about your life together, about the one you love, about specific parts of life; however the most important thing you should be passionate about is survival and thrift of the marriage itself. Be locked into what's best for the marriage as your north star and you’ll always be lead to the proper place. In 2003, American and European researchers tracked 1,761 people who got married and stayed married over the course of 15 years. The findings—confirmed by recent research—were clear: Newlyweds enjoy a big happiness boost that lasts, on average, just two years. Then the special joy wears off and they are back where they started, at least in terms of happiness.   Top of Mind for US Nipsey Hussle (And Lauren London) “...I have no words.” -Lauren London   Q&A What advice do you have for my husband and I in this season of marriage, being married 4 years with a child? Came from our #tbt post on IG. Married 4 years and still excited! Believe it or not, we still had PASSION and we were in the first growth phase of our marriage trying to figure out how to buy a house, buy a nice “expensive” car, not work a job and just be rich. We had strong FAITH and were Grateful for our status in life. Also we only had one child and you couldn’t tell us anything!   Dopest Couple in the World-Jason Momoa and Lisa Bonet Doing it Well-Try a sex pillow like a liberator for some fun new spins on sex positions! I’m about to order one! One Minute Word You may think the grass is greener on the other side. But if you take the time to water your own grass, it would be just as green.  

Compassion- A strong feeling of sympathy and sadness for other people’s suffering or bad luck and desire to help. How to rebuild broken trust In any relationship, trust is key. You have to have it. It is foundational.1. If trust is broken, you have to rebuild it. If you don’t, the relationship will probably wither away and die. 2. In order to repair it, you have to be open to keep the trust. Be open to rebuilding the trust in a way that helps the person who the trust was broken with. If you’re the one who was hurt, it’s key for you to compartmentalize your feelings and emotions, so that you can focus as best you can on the exercise of being open in the process of rebuilding the trust. “What does it mean as to how you will engage with each other? Do I need to be able to see into your phone? It’s history? I may ask, “who are you talking with?” Where are you going? I may need to track your phone. You need patience, transparency, understanding, and the conviction to get through the tough, uncomfortable period, while working on it, until things get better. You’re the offender and you have to take your medicine and help the other party feel better.3. Be prepared to talk about the offense, openly and honestly. What were you thinking? Have you thought about how you are going to handle your emotions and not do this again? What were you thinking? How frequently was this happening? What were you getting out of this? 4. Sometimes you may need professional help with navigating reestablishing trust. You may need a counselor, therapist or some type of professional advice to assist in getting back there...5. If there is fear anywhere, it will lead to a misuse of trust. Q&A-Question of the week- Why should you have joint bank accounts when you marry? Dopest Couple in the World-Todd & Kandi (Ace) Doing it Well-Sex is a skill like any other. The more you practice, the better you get... One Minute Word-Compassion is the keen awareness of the interdependence of all things.~Thomas Merton

What we’re discussing today. Theme of the Month-Compassion, A top of mind topic for us; Choosing, not just a soulmate for marriage but a good teammate. Answering a burning question from our audience, We’re going to bless you with a one minute word, And even have an adult conversation about getting what you need in the bedroom from your mate. Theme of the month -Compassion- A strong feeling of sympathy and sadness for other people’s suffering or bad luck and desire to help.Empathy- the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. So stop thinking about yourself so much. Six Rules to be a good teammate in your marriage Choosing your life partner is of vital importance. Remember, not only are you looking for a soulmate, you also need to identify someone who will be a good teammate. No one should ever hear anything bad about your spouse from you. No one. Over Communicate Try new things together Be each other’s champion. Celebrate wins and encourage each other. Be grateful for each other’s contributions. Trust and respect each other. Particularly in front of others, including your children. Question of the week A comment from, Don’t Give Your Boyfriend Husband Privileges Video How long is too long when a man hasn’t proposed yet? Answer: When YOU feel its past time. When men know what they want, they go after it without hesitation. If he is hesitant, he doesn’t want it..You only need one. Don’t waste time wondering. Dopest Couple in the World  Russell and Ciara. Love their Brazilian jaunt, being transparent with their faith and recognizing these miraculous life moments and embracing them completely. Taking a minute from busy lives to relish in the moment. Doing it Well-What’s the best way to get what you want in the boudoir? Answer-Asking for what you want is the best way to get what you want.

We Walk through other ways to help people get there…   But just how do I do that?   Be open when receiving criticism from your family, friends and partner. Try to look at things from another’s point of view. Know that there is room for improvement and seek it out fearlessly Ask someone that loves you, family or friend, for advice and constructive criticism and Have an open and loving conversation with your partner, admitting your weaknesses in self-awareness, and share that they may want to look at themselves as well, for bettering the relationship.    

In this episode We’ll be talking about how Ways to Help You Find Better Self Awareness   You ever ask yourself, “How can I be more Self Aware”? What can I do? Well, we dive into it in this episode.   Self Awareness, How can you be more self aware is an episode you don’t want to miss!  Are you ready to be Joyfully Married After? Be the first in line when the program opens by joining the waiting list HERE! If you enjoy this episode and it inspired you in some way, I’d love to hear about it and know your biggest takeaway. Take a screenshot of you listening on your device, post it to your Instagram Stories and tag us, @heathtracy or tweet @HeathandTracyTV.We want to invite you to help contribute to this podcast by submitting a question for the Listener Question of the Week edition of Joyfully Married After. All you have to do is click HERE and record a question (under 3 minutes or less) that could be featured on an upcoming episode! In the episode you’ll hear: Key questions you can ask yourself to become more self aware. We walk through other ways to help people get there…   Be open when receiving criticism from your family, friends and partner.   Try to look at things from another’s point of view. Know that there is room for improvement and seek it out fearlessly Ask someone that loves you, family or friend, for advice and constructive criticism and Have an open and loving conversation with your partner, admitting your weaknesses in self-awareness, and share that they may want to look at themselves as well, for bettering the relationship.   LINKS: If you missed the last Episode on Self Awareness Part 3, How We Deploy it in our own relationship, Click Here! Watch the Rise of Marriage Intelligence – Click Here! Connect with US on Instagram & Join the Facebook Group HERE!

We discuss how we knew we were choosing right the first time in marriage and red flags you should avoid.

We discuss why we are grateful for one another and why you should be too. There is always someone hoping for what you have.

We discuss the issue of not letting yourself go. Just because they love you does not mean they want to look at you.