Podcasts about Sexless marriage

Play Episode Listen Later Jun 5, 2026 15:42

Three years of a sexless marriage. He finally told her it was over if nothing changed. She laughed — then went back to watching TV.Four days later she's acting like nothing happened.In this video I break down what that laugh actually means, why the "normal" behavior after a big conversation is the most dangerous window in a struggling marriage, and what men consistently get wrong in this exact moment.If you're in a sexless marriage and feel like nothing you say lands — this one is for you.

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Sexless Marriage… Now She's Always Going Out

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Play Episode Listen Later May 29, 2026 8:57

A guy sent me an email that starts off like a lot of others…Sexless marriage. No intimacy. Growing distance.But then something changed.His wife started going out more.Dressing up.Staying out late.Acting like a completely different person.And he's sitting at home wondering what the hell is going on.In this episode, I break down what it really means when a woman checks out of the relationship… and starts finding her energy somewhere else.We talk about:• Why behavioral shifts matter more than words• The difference between independence and emotional exit• How attraction gets redirected outside the relationship• Why men often ignore the early signs• What you should (and should NOT) do when this starts happeningIf you feel like your wife is slowly building a life that doesn't include you… this one will hit.Start here:https://deadbedroomfix.comCheck out my Dead Bedroom Fix App! https://studio.com/ralph/deadbedroomfix?c=bGibj96r

The 3 Ways Men Initiate Sex That Almost Guarantee Rejection #430

What I Love about Men!

Play Episode Listen Later May 27, 2026 16:02

Ever turned to your partner at 9:30pm, asked "you wanna…?" and rolled over disappointed when she said no? She didn't reject you... she rejected the way you initiated.In this episode, I break down the three ways most men initiate sex that almost guarantee a "no". None of them are your fault, you weren't taught this. But once you see which one you fall into, you can stop blaming her (or yourself) and start building the kind of connection that makes sex feel inevitable instead of awkward.I'll walk you through what real initiation looks like... the small, intentional moments throughout the day, the touch, the eye contact, the way you talk to her like she's your woman and how that completely changes what happens at night. This is about creating the frame and the energy that sex actually lives inside of.Ready for sex coaching?Join Built Daily

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Maximize PLEASURE in Marriage by Understanding your Wife Better an Interview with Francie Winslow (Episode 294)

The Savvy Sauce

Play Episode Listen Later May 25, 2026 62:27

*Disclaimer: This topic is not intended for young listeners. Please use discretion. Maximize PLEASURE in Marriage by Understanding Your Wife Better: An Interview with Francie Winslow (Episode 294) Proverbs 5:19b NLT “May you always be captivated by her love.” *Transcription Below* Francie Winslow is a wife, mom, and intimacy evangelist. Three fun facts about Francie: NO. 1 I saw a glimpse of Jesus' heart one day as a 19-year-old, when I sat in a Thai brothel with girls my age. My friend and I bought two girls for the night so we could take them to dinner and shower them with REAL LOVE. It was there that I realized there was nothing more that I wanted than to give God all of me. NO. 2 I got married when I was 20, after knowing my husband for only 10 months, and dating him for less than 5 months. Total craziness, I know, but so clearly the way God was leading me. NO. 3 My husband and I have 6 kids, some with special needs and chronic health issues. So yeah, life right now is a bit crazy. But it never lacks for excitement as I learn about the things they really need and how God is working in me as I serve my family in every season. Francie's Website Follow along with her @franciewinslow Thank you to Our Sponsor: WinShape Marriage Questions and Topics We Cover: As moms, how do we go from “touched out” to “turned on”? How can we realistically choose to still prioritize connection, right in the middle of the busy? After diving into this topic for many years, will you share what you have learned about orgasm? Other Savvy Sauce Episode Mentioned: 4. Fostering a Fun, Healthy Sex Life With Your Spouse With Certified Sex Therapist and Author, Dr. Jennifer Konzen 7. Easy Changes to Enhance Your Sexual Intimacy in Marriage With Christian Sex Therapist Pioneers, Dr. Clifford and Joyce Penner 63 Maximizing Sexual Enjoyment During the 3 Most Challenging Seasons in Marriage with Dr. Clifford and Joyce Penner 252. Maximizing Sexual Connection as Newlyweds to Long Term Marriages and Recovering from a Sexless Marriage with Dr. Clifford & Joyce Penner Connect with The Savvy Sauce on Facebook or Instagram or Our Website Gospel Scripture: (all NIV) Romans 3:23 “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,” Romans 3:24 “and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.” Romans 3:25 (a) “God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood.” Hebrews 9:22 (b) “without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness.” Romans 5:8 “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:11 “Not only is this so, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.” John 3:16 “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” Romans 10:9 “That if you confess with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.” Luke 15:10 says “In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.” Romans 8:1 “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” Ephesians 1:13–14 “And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation. Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God's possession- to the praise of his glory.” Ephesians 1:15–23 “For this reason, ever since I heard about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all the saints, I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers. I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his mighty strength, which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every title that can be given, not only in the present age but also in the one to come. And God placed all things under his feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church, which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way.” Ephesians 2:8–10 “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God – not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God‘s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.“ Ephesians 2:13 “But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near through the blood of Christ.“ Philippians 1:6 “being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” *Transcription* Music: (0:00 – 0:11) Laura Dugger: (0:12 - 2:05) Welcome to The Savvy Sauce, where we have practical chats for intentional living. I'm your host, Laura Dugger, and I'm so glad you're here. Today's message is not intended for little ears. We'll be discussing some adult themes, and I want you to be aware before you listen to this message. I'm thrilled to introduce you to our sponsor, WinShape Marriage. Their weekend marriage retreats will strengthen your marriage, while you enjoy the gorgeous setting, delicious food, and quality time with your spouse. To find out more, visit them online at winshapemarriage.org slash savvy. I'm so excited to welcome back my returning guest, Francie Winslow. This conversation is going to be geared a little bit more toward understanding women, but I want you to know it's going to be very beneficial for both husbands and wives. I think husbands are going to appreciate getting a glimpse into how their wife's body works, and how they can love them better and serve them, even in the bedroom, so that they can enjoy a more fulfilling sex life with you as their spouse. And for wives, I believe you're going to appreciate your feelings or your vague thoughts being put into words, because Francie has this way of articulating big ideas and making them bite-sized and understandable through all of her wisdom. So, not everything will apply to every wife, but I hope that everyone gets to find encouragement and enjoy a deeper sexual connection with your spouse after listening to this message and applying the wisdom. Here's our chat. Welcome back to The Savvy Sauce, Francie. Francie Winslow: (2:05 - 2:07) It's so good to be here, thanks for having me. Laura Dugger: (2:07 - 2:20) Well, I'd love to begin with this idea of sharing sparks, because I was so intrigued the first time that I heard you teach on this topic. So, can you just explain more about this concept? Francie Winslow: (2:22 - 5:56) Sure. Well, I think the idea really just came from this experience that my husband and I have had of knowing that, kind of in movies, it's portrayed that romance is just always fiery and passionate, and then you get married, you have kids, real life sets in, and it's like, hey, what does this actually look like to have a sex drive or to have a sense of passion in your marriage? And just for some context, because I think context helps, I have six kids from 18 down to 7, some pretty significant special needs, autoimmune diseases. We've got a lot packed into our little home. And so, then you have a marriage that you want to stay on fire, you want to stay growing, but life is full, life is hard. And so, it's just easy to feel like the fire's just gone out. And my husband and I work really hard on intentionality in our sex life, and we kind of came up with this idea called sparks, because sometimes that's all you have, is like a tiny spark, and that's actually okay. You think about a campfire, really what you need is you just need a spark, and then you just need to blow on it a little bit, and it turns into embers and then can turn into a fire. And so, we talk about rather than like, I've lost my sex drive, or do you have high sex drive or low drive, kind of releasing that concept and the heaviness that can be around that concept and just talk about cultivating sparks. And a spark is essentially just a bit of desire, a bit of arousal, a bit of attraction, and we can kind of be so busy in our day that we might have a fleeting thought of, oh, it would be nice to be together tonight, and then you just forget about it. But rather than having a fleeting thought or a sensation in your body and letting it pass, we talk about sharing our sparks. And so, we'll, if I have a thought of, hey, I'm thinking about your biceps today, you know, like something playful and fun, and how much I am attracted to you, I'll text it to him or he'll text it to me. Or if we're in person, we'll share our sparks by, you know, grabbing each other and pulling each other into the pantry for a second, having a little makeout or having a little, you know, quick, playful petting session, and we're just being playful for 30 seconds here, 30 seconds there in the middle of real life. And it's a way to say, hey, I'm bringing my little spark, you're bringing your little spark, and we're doing, honestly, the best we can in the, in the midst of real life in the midst of real hard to keep our fire going. And it is amazing the impact that that's had on our marriage, because it's just easy to assume, we're just too tired. And then days go by weeks go by and, and really roommate, the roommate rut sets in or disconnection or even pain because you begin to miss each other. And it feels hard to get reconnected. So, we've found it to be really beneficial and simple just to say, okay, if I have a fleeting feeling in my body, a little sensation, a little attraction, a little arousal, a little desire, a little flirtatious energy, I'm just gonna express it as quickly or as sincerely as I can in that moment. Like I said, sometimes it's through text, sometimes it would be a quick phone call, hey, you know, I'm thinking about you tonight, or, you know, playfully, like, what are you wearing, or like a text a little, a little invitation to connection later. And it's those little things that make a really big difference. And I would say the physical things, especially like grabbing each other, hey, we'll say to our kids, mom and dad need to have a quick conversation, like real serious, and then we'll go to the laundry room or go to the pantry. And it's just those literal 30 second exchanges that are so small that make a really big difference in keeping the fire going in our marriage. And it's super meaningful, especially in these really busy seasons. Laura Dugger: (5:58 - 6:21) I love that because you've also pointed out, I think, in the past that you don't buy into the whole who has high libido, who has lower drive. Rather, you see it as energy that can be fostered. And also, then just that connection of we have the spark, but then sharing it, it can ignite faster. So, anything else you'd like to add about? Francie Winslow: (6:22 - 9:35) Yeah, I think that's good to bring it up. I mean, a spark is like a bit of energy. And if you think about like a spark of fire, like that creates something and a spark of desire in your marriage, or a tiny spark of arousal is sexual energy. And so, I think of it as how do I grow sexual energy. And that, ironically, has to be a really intentional thing. It has to be like, I think about being with my husband, I actually spend time, maybe even my planner thinking, okay, I'd like to have sex, we'd like to have sex at some point this week, what day would be best where I'd have the most energy or where he would be, you know, not as stressed out because he had a lighter workday or maybe not have to early morning, you think about your week, your time, in terms of energy. And when you think about sexual energy, when we might have the most sexual energy or creating sexual energy. And so, we've realized that we came to that point of kind of forsaking the high drive and low drive identities, because I think they can become Oh, he's the high, I'm the low, or vice versa. And that can feel heavy. And it can feel like pressure, like I feel ashamed, because I'm low, he feels disappointed, because he's high, whatever it might be. And that can switch for men and women as well. And rather than seeing it as that, and maybe we've just like, life has beat us up. So, neither of us have a high drive at this point. And but yet, we still have a very active sex life without that clinging to who's high and who's low, because we're both committed to growing our sexual energy. And so for me, that looks like thinking about being with him, it looks like tuning into my body in a sensuous way, as a tired mom, and that looks like holding my cup of coffee or cup of tea intentionally and like feeling sensation in the everyday moments from wafts of you know, steam coming from my coffee to the sunlight on my face to washing in the shower, I can actually realize that I've had years where I will do the whole shower routine and not feel a thing like I didn't even notice sensation from shampoo or from the loofah or from lotion, I just did it robotically to get through the chore of caring for my body. And I've switched really to think of it as being paying attention to my body paying attention to sensation paying attention to how nice it feels to wash my face with a soap that smells good. And it's those things of going slow and being embodied and paying attention to my body and sensations that does transfer over to help me remember, oh, I want to foster awareness of my body. And being aware of my body is a way of fostering sexual energy, because I'm thinking about how things feel. And I'm thinking about my body and how it's responding to touch. And then that helps me honestly feel more when my husband touches me. So, we can talk about that later about the issue of kind of feeling numb in our bodies. But I think that that is a reality for marriage later on is that we can become numb in our sex life, because we're just busy, and we're tired, and things are routine, and we're kind of bored. And so fostering sexual energy, getting out of our heads and into our bodies, thinking about our times together, growing our skills, sexually learning about learning about sex, learning about anatomy, all of those things are ways to grow sexual energy, as well as just the playfulness of the sparks and, you know, pulling each other into the pantry and having a quick makeout session, those kinds of things. Laura Dugger: (9:36 - 10:53) I love those practical examples. And I think you're right; we should get to numbing or what it feels like maybe later on in marriage. But let's go back to Newlyweds or especially new moms, because just for all of marriage, sexual connection is going to cement us together. So, of course, the enemy of our soul is going to want to do anything at every stage to make us too busy, too distracted, to have that intimate connection. And many times, new parents have things that make it difficult and challenging to connect. But it's not like it gets any easier, because then other difficulties are going to come in, whether that's raising older children or medical issues that come in or perimenopause and menopause. So, there are always going to be obstacles. But I want us to be wise, whatever season we're in right now, to cultivate our delight and connection in every season. So, I don't know about you, Francie, but the most common phrase I've heard new moms tell me is, I've had people touching me all day. I don't want him touching me at night. And I'd love for you to offer us a healthier narrative. Francie Winslow: (10:54 - 14:47) Yeah. Well, I don't get to speak in person very often because of my commitment to be really invested at home with my kids. But I am speaking a few times this spring to some moms' groups. And the theme is from touched out to turned on. So, I just want to affirm, if anybody is feeling that they are for sure not alone. I hear it all the time as well. And there is this dynamic of I'm so touched out; I don't want to be touched anymore. And the thing I've learned in understanding our bodies, understanding sexuality, and especially female sexuality is that we are not only coming to the table with our bodies and our anatomy, we're coming with our nervous systems. And so there is this thing at play where we have been having stimulation come at us all day through media, through our phones, through needs of others, and we are touched out. And another word for that would be overstimulated. And so, I would say you're not broken, you're not hopeless, you're overstimulated, and you're exhausted. And it is very hard for a woman to come into a place of arousal or desire from that place of what's probably fight or flight, that feeling of I just can't be touched anymore. I am so overwhelmed. I feel like this bubbling over of anxiety or a place of like shut down and disconnected, I want to withdraw. And so those are two nervous system states that we often go in when we are overdone, overcooked, too much has been coming at us. And so, when we're in that place, and we're feeling overstimulated, and like, I don't want to be touched, I would say the invitation is simply to take a minute and realize, oh, I'm not broken. I'm not actually as unavailable, maybe as I think I need to become available to myself for a minute, I need to reset, I need to remember that my body needs rest in order to connect and communicate that rather than it being like, oh, don't touch me, I've been touched out. And it looks like feels like rejection. It's more of an invitation to care for yourself, knowing that, oh, in order to be available for connection, I need to see it not as another chore, but a place to be nourished and a place to reconnect to my own body. And that sexuality was meant to be a place of nourishment, and care and rejuvenation, not just another need to be meeting. And so, I think that's the other mindset shift is we need a minute to rest, reconnect to our bodies, maybe a shower, maybe a bath, a minute to say, okay, I'm very overstimulated, I do need a second. And then to see that. And this is a call out to the husbands to like your job is to love your wife so well that she comes out of a sexual experience nourished. And if that's not happening in your marriage, know that that's actually the design of sexuality. And it might take some communication and work to switch our mindset. Because a lot of times we've been raised with a mindset that maybe X is a man's need. And another thing we have to do as wives, but that's actually a real huge lie. It's not about a man's need. It's about connection. And it's about nourishment. And it's about fully giving ourselves to one another and being cared for. And so what amazes me is the power of sexuality, even orgasm release, pleasure to be able to wash out a woman's nervous system and like a bath like oof, I got reset, I got this sense of the rush of the sexual hormones, the serotonin and the oxytocin and this place of deep connection is God's design for us. And so having this flip a mindset of it's not another need I have to meet, but it's actually a nourishing gift to me to get into my body to receive pleasure. There is a transition I think we need to give ourselves grace for to like, okay, I might want to shower and I might want to get out of my head and back into my body a little bit, but it really was designed to be a gift. And so that's, that's kind of my invitation is for women to receive it as a space that should be nourishing and can be nourishing and actually really healthy for her mind, body and spirit, even in tired seasons. Laura Dugger: (14:48 - 15:10) I appreciate what you said there, because you're flipping it from all day, maybe we are receiving very unpleasant touch. But this is a different type of very pleasant touch to be receiving, or we've been giving all day. This is the refilling, nourishing. And I think if we change our minds first, then our body can follow. Francie Winslow: (15:10 - 16:10) And there is an element to I think, creating an environment that does feel safe to let go. Because I think if you think about moms, they're giving all day, they've got the babies nearby, the monitors on, you know, the laundry piles huge, like there's all these distractions, and it doesn't actually feel like that safe of an environment to be nourished. And so, I would say even take that into consideration of what would make sexual experiences with your husband feel nourishing to you. And it might mean a really nice candle is lit or just a few things to change the environment to signal to your nervous system. Oh, yeah, this is a time of nourishment, not just okay, now I've got to switch, you know, here and meet another need. But this is a time to be beautiful. I would maybe put a noisemaker on for you, you know, to drown out some of the feeling that you're going to be heard, or you might wake up the baby, make sure the door is locked. Just take a minute to feel like you're giving yourself a gift in that time as well. And sometimes that can help to kind of quiet the environment to make it feel like a place where you want to let go and you really want to receive. Laura Dugger: (16:11 - 16:51) That's good. And the husbands can be so participatory with this, even that they have so much strength and usually more energy and sex gives them energy. So, if they can find creative ways to, I think, separate her as much as possible from mom to lover. So, I mean, people are aware of these like put if the husband does the bedtime bath routine or can finish the dishes or just do those physically taxing tasks so that she can have that transition time. I think there are just endless ways to be creative. And I'm assuming husbands would be so motivated to love and serve their wife that way. Francie Winslow: (16:52 - 17:08) Yeah, yeah, I think it's definitely a reality to think, okay, what does it look like for us both to step forward and really love each other? Well, and that will just probably be different for every couple but being able to know that you can use your voice and say that, hey, I really want to connect this would help me. Laura Dugger: (17:09 - 17:25) That's good. So, we've addressed that obstacle then of physical touch. But let's also talk about the constant noise in our minds as women. So, how can we move from getting stuck in our head to waking up our body? Francie Winslow: (17:26 - 21:44) Yeah, well, I mentioned it a little bit earlier. But I'll know for for me, I feel if I'm not very purposeful in the way that I take in technology and take in my phone, I can easily just live in a state of perpetual kind of humming anxiety, and not really know why. I mean, apart from like the parts of life that are really hard, and paying attention to, okay, what am I allowing in? What am I allowing to have access to me? What am I meditating on? How much white space? Am I giving my heart or am I like listening to a podcast 24 hours a day, or, you know, constantly having stuff in versus creating space for quiet in my body. And in my heart, just even to hear myself breathe, or to sit with some instrumental music and just be for a and not be performing or producing or consuming something. That's been a big thing for my nervous system, honestly, in that context. But I think the other thing that I mentioned earlier was our five senses. And I talked to women all the time who say I'm struggling with pleasure, I'm struggling with orgasm, I don't feel a whole lot. And there's a couple reasons we don't. But one of the reasons is we live so much in our head, with all the things we have to think about our to do list that never ends the and I think the part of having a phone is that the Instacart is there, the Amazon is there, the emails from the school are there, it's just always something that we need to be thinking about or processing. And that can cause us to live so much in our heads that we kind of live from our, our head up our neck up, and we neglect the fact that we have an entire body. And so I often be reminding myself, get out of your head and into your body feel, feel even just like your belly exhaling when you breathe, like that's so small, but if you can slow down enough to take five slow deep breaths, you'll feel your heart rate go down, you'll feel the sense of awareness even of God's presence of the sense that He's with you the sense that you know, you can navigate whatever you need to with peace. And so, I do a lot of things like take a walk without my phone. I'll sit on my back porch even just to sit in the sun for a minute to let the sun on my body and I'm always aware at this point, I want to feel things in my body because God gave us five senses to be present to the moment to be present to our kids to be present to Him. There's that classic book, Brother Lawrence, the practice of the presence of God. And it's this practicing awareness of God's nearness. And it's a practice. And not to make a leap that makes two people, people feel too uncomfortable, but to practice pleasure is a thing to get out of your head and into the sense of awareness in your day of sensation, a beauty of love of the presence of your kids, their smiles, their faces, and then in pleasure to be super aware of the presence of your husband, of your own self with him of the love that you're having of the feelings you're having in your body. And the noise that comes at us all day basically robs us of that awareness. And so, I think that the world's system of operating right now is maybe intentionally unintentionally, I'm not sure, bent on making us numb to God, to each other, to ourselves, to our souls, and to true genuine connection. And so, I think it's a real fight for me to live connected to myself, to God, to others. And what does it look like to really be present? And that's actually such a unique key to pleasure, to sexual pleasure that we wouldn't necessarily connect. We would think it's about like, oh, tips or positions, but it's actually about becoming present. And the noise coming at us tries to rob us of that presence, that awareness. And so, I think it's a very integrated conversation, whether it's talking about spiritual intimacy, sexual intimacy, obviously friendship, wherever we're trying to connect with someone or God, but the call is to be present and embodied. And that's what Jesus was. He was an embodiment of God. And He came to actually connect in a genuine face-to-face way. And yeah, so I think of when I think of the noise of my phone, the noise coming at us all the time, it's just draining of my energy, of my sexual energy, of my emotional energy, on all the levels. And it's constantly a reminder of God saying, “that's not your design. Your design was connection and presence and how that hits all the markers in all the relationships.” Laura Dugger: (21:45 - 24:26) And now a brief message from our sponsor. Friends, I'm excited to share with you today's sponsor, Winshape Marriage. Do you feel like you need a weekend away with your spouse and a chance to grow in your relationship together at the same time? Winshape Marriage is a fantastic ministry that provides weekend marriage retreats to help couples grow closer together in every season and stage of life. From pre-marital to parenting to the emptiness phase, there is an opportunity for you. Winshape Marriage is grounded on the belief that the strongest marriages are the ones that are nurtured, even when it seems things are going smoothly, so that they're stronger if they do hit a bump along their journey. These weekend retreats are hosted within the beautiful refuge of Winshape Retreat, perched in the mountains of Rome, Georgia, which is a short drive from Atlanta, Birmingham, and Chattanooga. While you're there, you will be well-fed, well-nurtured, and well-cared for. During your time away in this beautiful place, you and your spouse will learn from expert speakers and explore topics related to intimacy, overcoming challenges, improving communication, and more. I've stayed on site at Winshape before, and I can attest to their generosity, food, and content. You will be so grateful you went. To find an experience that's right for you and your spouse, head to their website, winshapemarriage.org/savvy. That's W-I-N-S-H-A-P-E marriage.org/savvy, S-A-V-V-Y. Thanks for your sponsorship. Getting out of our mind, getting into our body, how you said paying attention to your coffee and those five senses outside the bedroom, then when you're inside the bedroom, I remember Dr. Clifford and Joyce Penner just saying, thank God for every tingly feeling that you get. I think you're more aware of your body in those times of intimate connection if you're practicing that outside of it, which is what you're advising. I guess one other super practical tip, I love it that a friend years ago told me the way she transitioned from work into sexual connection with her husband, they invested in a massage table. She would get 20 minutes or whatever on the table and he would just relax her head to toe and then they enjoyed that connection so much more. Francie Winslow: (24:27 - 28:23) Absolutely. Yeah, there's different types of touch. I talk about this in one of my podcasts, but there's therapeutic touch, which is like, “hey, I think I need a foot rub. I just need to relax.” Then there's nurturing touch. I will walk up a lot of times to my husband and just stand there and that signal of like, just hold me. I just need to be touched in that way, not groped. I don't even need to be playfully touched. I just need to be secure and held. Sometimes that's what we need to let go and let our nervous systems calm down. I will say even like a hug for 30 seconds, you can feel your body, hug until you feel yourself let go because you feel yourself soften. Noticing the sensations of, Wyatt and I went on a date the other day and I could feel myself. I was just noticing the sensations of my body and I'm like, I'm gripping. I'm gripping everything. That's not a great way to go into a date. Talking through like, okay, what is it that my body is gripping onto? It's so much stress, so much pressure. Then we ended up having a great date, but I was able to name those things like, what is my body needing? What am I feeling? Where am I now? That just comes from awareness, and it comes from practicing being present to what's happening in my body, in my nervous system and what do I need? There's therapeutic touch, nurturing touch. There's obviously playful touch like tickling or just being flirtatious. Then there's sexual touch. There's a wide range of what sexual expression and nice and gentle touch can look like that can open you up. I think getting out of your head and into your body and not being afraid of your body. I think as Christian women, we were raised with a real fear of our bodies and a real fear of pleasure. I know I was feeling like the word pleasure was even a really dirty word. It wasn't something I should be thinking about. It wasn't something that I had permission to even explore because it had a real sense of negative connotation to it. God's just really set me free from that because I'm realizing it's my design. There are countless pleasure zones all over my body by his good design, by his orchestration. He made my body. There's not one part of my body he's ashamed of, and I don't need to be either. Realizing that God did make the female body with way more than double the capacity for pleasure than a male body has. That's a gift for us. It's a gift for our emotions. It's a gift for our mental health. It's a gift for our creativity. You said men get more energy from sex, but actually, it's like when a woman really let's go and she really let's go because we have a hard time letting go. That doesn't mean crazy. It just really means you turn off your brain, and you really receive. There is a restart that happens. Usually, creativity does flow because it's the sense of different parts of your brain are reactivated and you are nourished. Sexuality was meant to be a creative act in procreation, but also in energetic movement through your body of what love creates. Love multiplies. Love grows. Not being afraid of our bodies, not being afraid of feeling, but praising God, like the penner said for every tingle. I'll say in terms of awareness in the bedroom, if you're having trouble feeling or you're having trouble feeling pleasure or reaching orgasm, there's three tips that I've heard that I really like is breath, breathing in that moment, coming back to your breath because a lot of times we can be intimate and still be in our heads. Our bodies are there, but our minds are somewhere else. We're thinking about the grocery list or thinking about why am I taking so long or is he having fun or do I look not good? Do I not look good to him? Where our brains are stuck in a lot of different places and getting out of our head back into our body with breath. Slowing down, really conscious, slow breathing, movement, going back and forth, and then vocalization, like using a moan or a hum or a yes. Those three things are often helping you get back in your body, helping bring your attention back to sensation and can enhance the moment through paying attention in those ways. Laura Dugger: (28:24 - 28:59) Those are so good. The only one I would add, I'm sure you would incorporate this as well, is prayer. I've heard a wife tell me before that she will pray every time they come together, whether she's praying just in her mind, not even out loud with her husband, but just, Lord, help me experience orgasm or help us to enjoy this time or whatever the prayer is. You also brought up playful touch then. Can you just unpack why play is so powerful as it relates to our sex life? Francie Winslow: (29:01 - 30:36) Well, I think that we can get so serious in life and we can get so exhausted and overwhelmed and then sex can become a task, or we just are now stressed about it. For us, quite simply put, playfulness has just been an invitation to revitalize our connection and to remember that we don't have to take things so seriously. I think our playfulness has come through even just like silly text messages. I say silly, but they're intimate, they're playful, they're between us. Little things that we've done, like you have certain names for certain positions and so you can speak in code and that can be a fun way to connect where nobody else knows what you're talking about, but you're sharing connection. Getting your heart rate up together, things like playing literally, like playing a sport, exercising together, having playful times together outside of the bedroom is so powerful. Getting your heart rate up together is actually a real libido booster. If you go work out, you just feel this energy together in general or going on a walk, we like to do that. By the time you come back from your walk, if you've walked briskly, you feel this sense of connection and a little bit more drive. You can even make games like, hey, whenever I wear this necklace, it's me giving you a little bedroom wink. We've done that where we have little signs to each other that, hey, I'm thinking about you, I'm so into you, see this necklace I'm wearing. There's just so many playful ways that you can connect that remind you, oh yeah, we're on each other's teams, we're for each other. This is not a have to, this is a get to, and this is a special place just for us to really build the connection. Laura Dugger: (30:37 - 30:52) One step further then with that play and movement, I've heard you talk about for females, nonlinear movement of our body. Can you share about how that, again, outside the bedroom can impact inside the bedroom? Francie Winslow: (30:52 - 35:31) Yeah. I have a membership community called The Circle, and we talk about this a lot because it's a bit like rewiring, especially Christian women's minds to connect to their bodies in a genuine way. Our culture in general has raised us to not embrace the masculine but requires us to be masculine in a lot of ways, just with how what's required is getting stuff done, standing in line, standing in traffic. It's very much task-oriented, get stuff done, stay busy. The female design is much more nonlinear. It's much more creative. It's much more life-giving than just task and just to-do list all day. When we stay in that do, do, do, and go, go, go mode, we lose our ability to flow and to be playful as women. I know when I am in task mode all day, I feel rigid rather than open. By God's design, the female body itself speaks of curviness. It speaks of receptivity and openness, but sometimes in our structured lives that we lead where we have to get stuff done, we close off that space through stress and through just this response of rigidity and overwhelm. Movement is a great way to loosen up, to open up to access playfulness as a woman. I've heard people call it nonlinear movement, and I think that's great because literally you don't have to be a good dancer, but it's just begin moving. I've taught in this membership group that I have just practical ways. We practice and we laugh and we talk about how it's going, but it's really creating new neural pathways in our own brains, new habits, new ways of embodying our own selves in our lives that remind us of who we are and help us access a playfulness. What that looks like for me is I can just be brushing my teeth, and I'll just do figure eights with my hips. That's just nonlinear movement, and it's just a way to move my body and be like, oh, yeah. It's like doing shoulder rolls. You're like, oh, I didn't know I was so tense. I didn't know I was gripping. I didn't know my posture was all hunched over because I've just been tense all day, and our bodies are holding on to that tension. Nonlinear movement is playful. It's also a way to release tension. It's also a way to remember, oh, yeah, I'm a woman, and I have hips, and it's fun to move. I'm not even that great of a dancer. I don't feel super sexy when I move, but then I remember I can be playful, and it kind of unlocks another layer of our sensuality and our beauty and helps us remember that we are lovely and attractive and desirable and not just kind of to-do list on stairways walking around getting stuff done. Nonlinear movement can look like a lot of things. I've spent my 39th year, I decided on my birthday, I'd been thinking, reading, praying a lot about it, but my 39th year, I decided I'm going to befriend my body this year. I did things that whole year, like nonlinear movement, like just cultivating pleasure in my body in a lot of different ways to really befriend and honor my body and call it good, like God called it, because I had lived for so long kind of at a distance from my body and afraid of my body and afraid of, honestly, femininity in a way because I didn't know how to grid that, and I didn't know what it looked like to be holy and to be integrated, to be holy and to be an alive sexual woman. It just kind of seemed like I needed to shut most of it off, and God's been doing a healing work in me for the last several years, and that's part of it, is just simple things like dancing in my room when nobody's looking, turning on music that doesn't have to have like a certain lyric or notion to it, but I just get to move, and there's something about moving our bodies where we get to really let go of a lot and remember the design that we have for creativity and beauty, and yeah, that's just a fun way to do it, but a little practical is trying figure eights while you're doing your toothbrushing or stirring your spaghetti. A funny one that makes me laugh and makes everybody laugh when I have them do it is spelling your name with your hips, and so you just realize, oh, oh my gosh, you know, you're moving your hips in all sorts of directions, but by the time you finish, you feel more open, and you feel more alive and awake in your body, and I think, I know I'll speak for me, I feel many days if I'm not intentional very unalive in my body because I just am exhausted, but it's those intentional places of befriending our bodies, paying attention, and honoring our beautiful bodies allows us to enjoy it more, being a woman, being a wife, being present, and it sure does make it a lot more fun to participate in it rather than just feel like life is happening to us all the time. Laura Dugger: (35:32 - 35:59) Okay, and then speaking of that, life happening to us all the time, we talked about maybe newlyweds or new parents, but as we transition into middle age, maybe we're parenting older children at that point, or we're assisting with aging parents, or facing demands with work or our health. How can we realistically still choose to prioritize connection right in the middle of busy? Francie Winslow: (35:59 - 36:01) Yeah, you mean with our spouses? Laura Dugger: (36:02 - 36:02) Yes. Francie Winslow: (36:02 - 41:05) Yeah, yeah. Well, I think it, for us, I'll say it comes from really just seeing it as a priority. It's one of our biggest rocks, you know, like when you have a jar, and you have rocks, and you only have so much room, you have to figure out what are your biggest rocks, and intimacy together is for sure one of our biggest rocks because we see what we've called, I've called forever the ripple effect of sex, that there is a ripple effect that comes from intimacy and connection, I think by God's design, and it's the same with our connection with God, that there is a ripple effect that comes from our connection with God. When we're connected and we're growing with God, other things benefit, right? We see it in our ability to show up as parents, and at work, we see the ripple effect of intimacy, and I'll say the same thing mirrors in marriage, that there is a profound ripple effect from sexual intimacy specifically, and there's other forms of intimacy in marriage that are really important, but sexual intimacy is the only type of intimacy that is shared in marriage alone, and so you can have deep friendships, and partnerships, and ministry, and prayer teams, and, you know, small group leaders meetings, and you can have growth, and closeness with a lot of types of people and groups, but sexual intimacy is the full giving of yourself, naked, unashamed, fully to another, and it's a real place of vulnerability, and I think as we're aging, as I'm beginning perimenopause, as we have almost, we're launching our first kids into college, we've got a bunch of special needs younger kids, what I'm realizing is I don't just need to have sex because it's good for our marriage, we need it because it's good for us. We really need it for our own nervous systems. We need it for comfort, and for grief, and for trauma processing, and for the bonding of us together, because we're clinging to each other as seasons change, and as dark seasons are on us, it's almost like this refuge that God has given us, and so I think seeing sexual intimacy as a really deep place of provision, not just, oh, it's something we need to do, like exercising, because it's good for us. It is, but there is a deeper invitation to the meaning, and the power of oneness, and union, which is, again, that reflection of our union with God, and it's a gift for our bodies, our nervous systems, in changing seasons as well. It's a real place of connection that we need, and so I think in terms of prioritizing it, it's one of our big rocks, and so this point, 20 years in, it's not unusual for us to have intimacy many times every day of the week. I guess I just say that as our marriage is 20 years in, and it's more deep, and more beautiful, and more pleasurable, and more meaningful than ever, and in my changing body, in our tiredness, I feel more confident, and more awake to my body than ever, and I love that, that I feel more confident than I did when I was 20, right? I feel more pleasure, because we know each other more, and we've leaned in to learn each other, and we've wept together, and we've grieved together, and we've gotten lost together, like we've had the highs and the lows, and that's, I think I want to cast that out as vision for young marriages, like it's worth it to keep growing, it's worth it to lean in, it's worth it to know each other, and to continue to press on together, because there's deep riches in that intimacy, and for friends who are in the older years, I'm walking with women right now who've been married 35 years, and they're waking up to their best marriage ever, because they're waking up to their bodies, and they might be 60 years old, but they're finally confronting the shame that's held back, they're finally confronting the lies about pleasure, and about sex being for a man only, and they're realizing that they have an entire body to get to know, and to share in marriage, and it's like a whole new territory that they're encountering, and there's freedom and healing happening, because they've had to have conversations that are hard, but actually unearth things that need to be healed, and I think that's the other bit of sexual intimacy that doesn't often get talked about, is that sexual intimacy is so intimate, it does not occur without the heart being present, and so if hard things come up in sex, it's usually because hard things need to come up, and vulnerability and intimacy requires, intimacy requires vulnerability, and that vulnerability is the space for the hard things to come up, and then in the presence of God, through prayer, through love, you address those, it might be hard, it might be painful, and then there's space to say, hey, let's work through that, let's lean in, let's keep loving each other, find help, and it continues to grow the marriage deeper, and so that's what I've found in our marriage, and with women I'm walking with, is that it's not always an easy uphill, you know, like ascent, but it's highs and lows, but over time, throughout the seasons, prioritizing oneness, prioritizing sexual communication, prioritizing time together, to practice pleasure, getting to know each other, those are the spaces where actually I've seen God do a lot of healing. Laura Dugger: (41:07 - 42:40) I want to make sure that you're up to date with our latest news. We have a new website. You can visit thesavvysauce.com and see all of the latest updates. You may remember Francie Heinrichson from episode 132, where we talked about pursuing our God-given dreams. She is the amazing businesswoman who has carefully designed a brand-new website for Savvy Sauce Charities, and we are thrilled with the final product, so I hope you check it out. There you're going to find all of our podcasts, now with show notes and transcriptions listed, a scrapbook of various previous guests, and an easy place to join our email list to receive monthly encouragement and questions to ask your loved ones so that you can have your own practical chats for intentional living. You will also be able to access our donation button or our mailing address for sending checks that are tax-deductible so that you can support the work of Savvy Sauce Charities and help us continue to reach the nations with the good news of Jesus Christ. So, make sure you visit thesavvysauce.com. Well, and even with you sharing how often you're connecting, that requires saying no to some other, probably sometimes good things, too. Are there any practical examples you have, again, of what you and Wyatt have not prioritized in order to give this time and space? Francie Winslow: (42:41 - 45:06) Yeah, I mean, I don't want to put ourselves on a pedestal or sound so radical, but we really try to limit screen time and phones a lot. I would say my husband is very radical with this. He really is never on his phone and makes it a point to not be, and I appreciate that in the way he leads in our family. I feel like I'm doing stuff that needs to be done on my phone, and I can easily get pulled into scrolling, but that's been a big thing we say no to. We just really don't do that in our beds. We don't bring it into our bedrooms. We don't, because we just see that it can easily be like it just pulls us away from each other, and so that's kind of a non-thing, which I think is a big culture shifter that phone is not a part of our marriage or our time in the evenings. And yeah, with a lot of kids, we definitely have to prioritize. We do hotel dates quite frequently, which I can't remember if I've talked to you about or not, but that's been a huge gift in busy seasons of parenting. We scoot away to a local hotel for just a day, not even an overnight. We'll do like a long date, like maybe a four-hour stretch, and what that really gives us in terms of not just quantity, because it's not as much quantity, it's the quality of connection that we found, and being in a hotel room for four hours or so, we really get to let go and focus. And so, I think that that's a big part of it is, oh, it's not just about like checking the box, but it's really letting go together and learning. And those have been some of the hours we've spent together. It's like learning what feels good, learning how to linger with each other, learning how to go slow and not be rushed, learning how to communicate and learning how to care for one another. We'll do like king treatment or queen treatment, where you spend 20 minutes on one person, and then the other person gets 20 minutes, and you take turns, and it's just this exchange of care that doesn't happen in a busy life. But we found that sneaking away to do that every couple of weeks has been a real treat to figure out how to prioritize. But yeah, definitely saying no to... And I mean, the truth is, it doesn't take that long to connect. So, it's not like you have to say no to massive things, but I think it's saying yes to putting your energy towards each other and not spending your energy completely on every other thing except your marriage. Laura Dugger: (45:07 - 45:25) Okay, well said. And maybe somebody's hearing this and they're not there right now. So, regardless of whatever season of marriage they're in, how can they revive a sex life that's been asleep or has become complacent? Francie Winslow: (45:25 - 46:44) Yeah. Well, I think if it's a place where you are desiring and you are the one desiring, I think it's saying, hey, I really desire connection. What would it look like if we tried this again, if we leaned in? And if hopefully there's a sense of, yeah, I miss you too. I miss us too. And if not, it's a space where you can grow in your own understanding of your body, how your body works, and you can continue to learn how your spouse's body works and try to love them even without making a big plan, but just showing up more skills or showing up with more investment at times can communicate, hey, I'm showing up with a little bit more knowledge and I'm enjoying it more. Because I think when you learn a little bit more, you can receive more, you can be more present. And sometimes just working on you and your mindset can have a trickle-down effect. But I think definitely an invitation to say, hey, we're busy and I value you and I value us and I just want more connection. What does that look like? Yeah, I think it definitely takes two. It takes two to really grow, to be honest. And so, I think it can be a place where even that can be a hard conversation that has the potential to unearth, hey, are we too busy? It does require a sense of investment. And sometimes that can require conversations. Laura Dugger: (46:45 - 46:56) Francie, also, you are a wealth of knowledge. You've studied this topic for years; you've brought it before the Lord. So, what can you share with us that you've learned specifically about orgasm? Francie Winslow: (46:57 - 50:30) So, orgasm for anybody who is brand new is simply like a fast contraction of your muscles in your pelvic floor and around the nerve endings that are linked to pleasure sensors in your brain. And so, when those contract really fast, it feels like a whoosh or a powerful punch of pleasure, and it brings tingles and contractions, and it feels great. So, people come to me a lot. They're like, I can't have an orgasm. And so one of the biggest keys to having an orgasm, again, is understanding your body and not expecting your body to work like a man's body, not expecting it to just automatically work by penetration, which is a lot of times what men think is if you just have intercourse, you should have an orgasm. But a woman's body is much more intricate, and she has a clitoral structure kind of hidden behind her external anatomy. So, you can't see it all, all the time. I do have one here. I have other models, but this is a clitoris. And so, this is hidden behind your outside vaginal tissues. And so, but this is all pleasure anatomy. And so, your clitoris has over 10,000 nerve endings and that is over double what a man's penis has. We're maybe afraid to touch our bodies, but this is good in God's design, and it is that the clitoris is stimulated. And so, it can be manually, you can touch it, your husband can touch it. Sometimes before sex, you can have orgasms or even during, definitely during, but that comes with stimulation. And so I think sometimes women think I just, it should happen automatically, but it happens through blood flow to your tissues, to your whole body really, because your whole body becomes kind of alive with pleasure, but the blood flow allows engorgement of all of this tissue, which allows it to feel better and allows it to feel pleasure. And so, a clitoris, a clitoral orgasm is one type of orgasms, but there's lots of types of orgasms that your body can experience with also a female superpower. And it happens when we're able to let go and we're able to actually feel, which comes back to our earlier conversation of being awake in our bodies and aware of sensation and connected to feeling in our body and connected to awareness. And so, orgasm is a beautiful gift from God. There's many types of orgasms. Women can have multiple orgasms. That means can peak over and over and over again, not just once, but the bottom line is when God created, he created male and female, but he created woman last. And it seems like when you look at it metaphorically, that woman is like the exclamation point of beauty and pleasure. She was like the final, yes, she has double the amount of pleasure capacity than a man does. And I think it's because it delights God that women are fully alive in their bodies. And so, I do have a pleasure masterclass on my website because it took me and wound up and afraid of my own body, but this is God's design and he's not afraid or ashamed of our bodies. And the more we understand how God designed our bodies, the more we can really celebrate his design. And to me, that's worshipful. And it's honoring to him as our creator, because he made us wonderfully, right? And the Psalm says that my soul knows well, and it's like this catching up. He made us wonderfully. Do we believe it? And part of is education and understanding that our bodies are good. So, orgasm is a great gift, definitely one worth exploring and learning. Laura Dugger: (50:31 - 50:41) It's so wonderful, Francie. And are there any other practical ways that we can maximize pleasure in our marriage, both for husbands or wives? Francie Winslow: (50:43 - 53:59) Yeah, I think this sounds a little bit silly, but practicing pleasure is a real thing. We often feel like I should just know how to do it. It should just work, but it takes communication and it takes time. And going back to awareness, it takes us being able to understand our bodies. And so, I know the pinners recommend this as well. It might push some people's buttons, but it's exploring your own body. You have to know your body to share it well. It's a really awkward and uncomfortable thing to not know what's down there and then supposed to be giving it away to your husband. That's I think a sin against ourselves, to be honest, because we are essentially violating ourselves if we don't even have connection to ourselves. And then we're trying to give it away and expecting our bodies to express or experience something. We have to be embodied, connected to loving, blessing, and agreeing with the fact that our bodies are good. And that doesn't happen unless we know our bodies. And so, I would say that the pivotal thing for me and many women, and it might make people feel uncomfortable, is you must know your body. You must experience your body. You must believe it's good. And in order to be able to share it genuinely without shame, because shame is the biggest pleasure killer. And shame is straight from hell, straight from the enemy in the garden that they were originally naked and unashamed. And in comes the deceiver and the accuser of God's children. And they suddenly become aware of their nakedness and covered in shame and they start hiding. And so, God has an invitation to us to release shame in our sexuality as we bring our sexuality into his light, into the light of his word, into his presence. And part of that is for me, it was definitely realizing my body is good. So, spending time with your own body, getting to know what feels good for the sake of being able to share it with your husband is a big breakthrough point for a lot of women. And even confronting like, oh, when I'm alone with my body, I actually feel so much shame. Talk to God about that. God, do you feel ashamed of my body? Is it a shame that I'm sitting here with my body? Can I look at my body in the mirror and actually say, thank you, God, for this beautiful body? Can I take a mirror down there and explore my body and have joy rather than shame? And if we can't have joy and if we only have shame, that's okay. That's just an invitation to healing. And so that's what I mean when I say sexuality is also this invitation to healing because shame is so tightly wound around the conversation and shame is the opposite of what Christ died for. He died that we would be free and that it's not this selfish freedom. It's this life-giving freedom where love can really be shared and expressed. So, I would say that the number one thing is that women love and know their bodies and then can share them from that place of sharing a gift that they have actually received first. Because until we receive the gift, it's an awkward thing to try to give it away. And I think our husbands are hopefully wanting and willing to learn too. And so, it can be a joint effort that we learn about our bodies together, that we discover our bodies together, learn how to communicate and learn how to love each other well in a place of joy and care. Because that, I think, is a beautiful space of worship to God. Laura Dugger: (54:01 - 54:43) And just to echo what you said, I think it was Dr. Jennifer Kanzen who shared the same sentiment of women, it's really hard to see your private parts. So, get a handheld mirror and look and see what every part is and be aware on your body. I also want to make sure people aren't hearing what you're not saying. And so, I don't want to put words in your mouth, but I don't hear you saying, be selfish and masturbate to take away time from you and your spouse being together. You're saying, learn your body and your parts so that you and or be together with your spouse while you're doing this so that you can both experience greater pleasure. Is that right? Francie Winslow: (54:43 - 56:15) Exactly. But what I'm not saying is satisfy yourself apart from your husband and then don't ever connect. Nobody wants that. That's not what we're talking about. We're talking about building sexual intimacy in your marriage and sexual healing in your journey as a woman who wants to be integrated. And so, yeah, I think there could be a whole conversation on this because it can be a hot button. And I'm glad you're willing to go there because we need honesty. We need our daughters to be able to have this sort of conversation with us and not feel like there's things that we just need to do in secret. Because I think anything you feel like I have to have this as a secret, that's also like, ah, like, let's talk about it. And so, what I call self-cultivation is not a secret. And it's something you share with your spouse. And it's something that, hey, I want to get to know my body. And that's actually in my journey. My husband was like, hey, you need to get to know your body. I bless you to like have some alone time because you're so wound up in shame. You don't even know. You can't even feel. And so, it really, it was rooted in our experience as him commissioning me basically to befriend my body. And I think that that's, it's a different paradigm, but I appreciate the many sex therapists who are believers that agree with that menu, that idea of you have to experiment and explore to know how to genuinely articulate what you want rather than just laying there and assuming your husband can read your mind. And so, it's, again, a place of communication and saying, hey, this is where I'm at. Is this okay? What does this look like for us? And this is my desire is intimacy and connection with you. Laura Dugger: (56:16 - 56:41) And I love how you are explaining how you invite the Lord into that process for every person to ask him, what do you have for me? What do you want me to learn? What do you want to reveal to me about sex? And none of us want to miss out on any good gift that he has to offer. So, France, you could continue teaching us and you have so many resources. Can you just share where you would direct us to go online after this chat? Francie Winslow: (56:42 - 57:19) Sure. Yeah. Well, I have several courses and growth guides on my website. So, franciewinslow.com and just spaces. If you wanted to have these conversations with your husband or maybe just wanted to grow on your own. And if you're looking for conversations exactly like we're having today, ongoing, I have a community membership group that we meet monthly on zoom to literally have conversations like this that are so life-giving because we're all on a journey and it's fun to be able to talk about places that we've had barriers and how we're growing. And that's called the circle. So, I have that as well. So, lots of resources and ways to plug in and keep growing. Laura Dugger: (57:20 - 57:36) Wonderful. We'll add the links in the show notes for today's episode. And Francie, you're already familiar that we're called The Savvy Sauce because savvy is synonymous with practical knowledge. And so, as my final question for you today, what is your savvy sauce? Francie Winslow: (57:37 - 58:14) Well, it's not that fancy and it's going to sound extremely simple, but it's take a walk without your phone every day. It's part of that awareness and that coming back home to God who is in us with us all the time. And those simple deep breaths, remembering that we have him in us. And a lot of times it's just that simple reminder of a minute unplugged in God's creation that helps me to kind of come back home to him and recenter to be filled up for all that comes my way. So, I'm a big fan of unplugging. That's so good. Laura Dugger: (58:14 - 58:42) And it's just always such a joy to get to spend time with you. And God has given you these enormous gifts of teaching and this ability to synthesize knowledge from so many places and then make it beneficial and applicable for all of us as it relates to sexual intimacy in view of what God has for us in marriage. So, thank you, Francie, for sharing all this goodness today and thank you for being my returning guest. Francie Winslow: (58:42 - 58:43) Absolutely. Thanks for having me. Laura Dugger: (58:45 - 1:01:59) One more thing before you go. Have you heard the term gospel before? It simply means good news. And I want to share the best news with you. But it starts with the bad news. Every single one of us were born sinners, but Christ desires to rescue us from our sin, which is something we cannot do for ourselves. This means there's absolutely no chance we can make it to heaven on our own. So, for you and for me, it means we deserve death and we can

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Sexless Marriage: She Was Different With Him

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Play Episode Listen Later May 22, 2026 10:40

A guy emailed me something that a lot of men are quietly thinking but don't want to say out loud…“My wife used to be wild before me. Now she barely wants anything to do with me.”This one stings. Because it forces you to compare yourself to her past—and wonder what changed.In this episode, I break down what's really going on when a woman who once had a strong sexual side suddenly shuts it down in a long-term relationship.We talk about:• The science behind the honeymoon phase and why it fades• Why novelty and newness play a bigger role than most people realize• How some people are wired to need “new relationship energy” to feel desire• Why this isn't always about you—but sometimes it is• What men can actually do (and what they can't fix)If you're in a sexless marriage and feel like you're not getting the version of her that other men got… this one will hit home.Start here:https://deadbedroomfix.comIf you want to talk to other men going through this and get real feedback:https://helpformen.com/join

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1463 - Baron Went from a Sexless Marriage to Cheating to a Very Open Second Marriage

Strictly Anonymous

Play Episode Listen Later May 20, 2026 69:30

Baron von Kaiser went from being in a sexless marriage, to cheating, to being in a very open second marriage and he called in to talk al about it. Tune in to hear all the details including how and wy his sex life with his first wife wasn't ideal, how and when she copped to cheating on him, when he started cheating on her, the rules he had for himself while cheating, the actual affair he had and how and why he wound up confessing and how it led to their divorce, how he decided to join an alternative dating sight and met his current wife, how they started off very early on being extremely non-monogamous and open in their relationship, their hotwifing cuck experiences and what he enjoys most about the hook ups, how his current wife feels about him being into guys, the other hardcore things they get into together including their solo play, the self help guide he created to help other guys live a truly authentic life while honoring their sexuality and kinks like he has plus a whole lot more. Check out his book here: https://baronvonkaiser.com GET A COPY OF THE STRICTLY ANONYMOUS BOOK! Strictly Anonymous Confessions: Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers. A bunch of short, super sexy, TRUE stories. GET YOUR COPY HERE: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://amzn.to/4i7hBCd⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ or Pre-order audiobook version ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ To see HOT pics of my Female guests + hear anonymous confessions + get all the episodes early and AD FREE, join my Patreon! It's only $7 a month and you can cancel at any time. You can sign up here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/StrictlyAnonymousPodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and when you join, I'll throw in a complimentary link to my private Discord! To join SDC and get a FREE Trial! click here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.sdc.com/?ref=37712⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ or go to SDC.com and use my code 37712 Want to be on the show? Email me at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠strictlyanonymouspodcast@gmail.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ or go to ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and click on "Be on the Show." Want to confess while remaining anonymous? Call the CONFESSIONS hotline at 347-420-3579. All voices are changed. Sponsors: ⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://RHYTHM.HEALTH.com/STIRCTLYANON ⁠⁠for 15% OFF your first month ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://LoadBoost.com⁠ - To get 10% off LOAD BOOST by VB Health, use code: STRICTLY ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://beducate.me/pd2614-anonymous —⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Click here to take the quiz and get your personalized roadmap to sexual happiness ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://bluechew.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ — Buy 2 months of Bluechew GOLD and get the third month FREE! Use code: STRICTLYANON⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.quince.com/strictlyanon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ — For premium quality Quince clothing plus FREE shipping and 365 day returns! Follow me! Instagram ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/strictanonymous/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ X ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://twitter.com/strictanonymous?lang=en⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Website ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Everything else: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://linktr.ee/Strictlyanonymouspodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Sexless Marriage… Wait, is My Wife Gay?!

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Play Episode Listen Later May 15, 2026 11:02

A guy reached out to me after 15 years of marriage and a completely dead bedroom.No intimacy. No desire. Nothing.Then one day, he finds out his wife is cheating.But not with another man… with another woman.Now he's trying to make sense of it:Is she gay?Is this just a phase?Why does she suddenly have a sex drive again… just not with him?In this episode, I break down what's really going on when a woman checks out of a marriage and redirects her desire somewhere else.We talk about:• Why female sexuality tends to be more fluid than most men realize• What the research actually says about attraction and arousal• Evolutionary psychology theories behind same-sex exploration• Why sexless marriages don't mean “low libido”• The uncomfortable truth most men avoid facingIf you're in a sexless marriage or feel like your wife has completely lost interest in you, this will hit close to home.Start with my book here:https://deadbedroomfix.comIf you want support from men who understand this and won't sugarcoat things, check out the Brotherhood:https://helpformen.com/join

Sexless Marriage… Then I Saw the Text Messages

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Play Episode Listen Later May 8, 2026 12:30

A husband wrote to me after 16 years of marriage.Their sex life had slowly faded until they were barely intimate at all.Then he noticed something strange.His wife became very protective of her phone.One day he looked.What he found wasn't explicit cheating… but it explained a lot.In this episode we talk about:• Emotional affairs and how they begin• Why sexless marriages create vulnerability• What to do when you discover suspicious messages• Why confrontation often backfiresIf you're dealing with a sexless marriage, start here:https://deadbedroomfix.comIf you want grounded support from men navigating similar situations, check out the Brotherhood:https://helpformen.com/join

Why Women Remember Everything

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Play Episode Listen Later May 1, 2026 11:06

Have you ever noticed how your wife or girlfriend can recall arguments from 10… 15… even 20 years ago with incredible detail?Not just the event itself.The exact words.The tone.Where you were standing.What you said.Meanwhile you're sitting there thinking, “I barely remember last week.”In this episode, I explain why this happens and why women often remember emotional events in relationships far longer than men do. It's not just a stereotype. There are real psychological and biological reasons behind it.We'll talk about emotional memory, rumination, relationship pattern tracking, and why unresolved emotional injuries can stay alive in someone's memory for decades.Understanding this dynamic can completely change how you view long-term relationships and recurring arguments.If you're dealing with a struggling marriage, resentment that never seems to go away, or a sexless relationship, this video will give you some useful insight.If you're struggling with a sexless marriage, check out my book:https://deadbedroomfix.comAnd if you want support from men dealing with the same issues, learn more about the Help For Men Brotherhood:https://helpformen.com/joinWe host multiple live meetings every week where men talk openly about marriage problems, divorce, dating after divorce, and rebuilding their lives.You're not alone in this.

465. 7 Reasons Why Your Wife Is Not Interested In Making Love - With Sex Therapist Austin LMFT

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Play Episode Listen Later May 1, 2026 37:09

One of the biggest perks of having a large audience is that we hear everything—and we mean everything. Every day, we get flooded with messages from couples sharing what's really going on behind closed doors.And one theme shows up again and again:Wives expressing why they're not interested in sex… and husbands feeling confused, rejected, and frustrated by the lack of intimacy in their marriage.So in this powerful episode, Nick and Amy sit down with special guest Austin, a certified sex therapist, to unpack one of the most requested topics we've ever received:The 7 real reasons wives often lose interest in sex within marriage.This conversation is honest, eye-opening, and packed with insight that could change the way you see intimacy in your relationship.If you're in a marriage where sexual connection feels strained, distant, or just not where you want it to be—or if you're a wife wondering why your desire has faded—this episode is for you.

Why That Small Moment Hurt More Than It Should Have: What It Reveals About You

AwakenYou in your marriage

Play Episode Listen Later Apr 28, 2026 22:12

Send us Fan MailA simple anniversary gift…a quiet moment…and a reaction I didn't expect.In this episode, I share how one small moment with Jeff uncovered a deeper belief I didn't realize I was still carrying—and how emotional triggers in marriage often have less to do with what's happening now… and more to do with what we've been carrying for a long time.If you've ever felt hurt, disappointed, or reactive in a way that didn't quite make sense… this episode will help you slow it down, understand what's underneath, and begin creating connection from a more grounded place.✨ Inside this episode:Why small moments can feel so bigThe hidden beliefs shaping your reactionsHow to identify what you're really longing forA simple way to share this with your spouse

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Ep 123: Sexless Marriage?

Midlife Craving

Play Episode Listen Later Apr 25, 2026 27:32

One of the hottest topics ever: sexless marriage! It's more common than you think and I'm sharing options you have, conversation starters, intimacy ideas and the 7-7-7 rule of relationships. Let's get laid Cravers! XOXOGet my favorite toys and wand vibe at TracysDog.com 20% OFF using code: CRAVERS20I'd love to hear your story! Send me an e-mail MidLifeCraving@gmail.com or a DM on IG @midlifecraving

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Sexless Marriage… Now She Wants an Open Marriage

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Play Episode Listen Later Apr 24, 2026 16:34

A husband wrote to me after 18 years of marriage.Their sex life had slowed down like many long relationships.Then one day his wife said something he never expected:She wanted an open marriage.She said it could make their relationship stronger.He feels like the ground under his marriage suddenly shifted.In this episode, I discuss:• Why open marriage conversations often appear suddenly• The role of novelty and new attention• Why agreeing under pressure leads to resentment• What a man should do when the relationship rules suddenly changeIf you're struggling in a sexless marriage, start with The Dead Bedroom Fix:https://deadbedroomfix.comIf you want grounded support from men navigating similar situations, check out the Brotherhood:https://helpformen.com/join

Scheduling Sex Will Not Cure Your Sexless Marriage

The Dr. Psych Mom Show

Play Episode Listen Later Apr 23, 2026 12:49

Scheduling sex works for some people. Listen to this episode to find out who! Hint: it's not going to be the magic bullet that unilaterally makes your wife like sex or repairs your sexless marriage.My newest venture, including ALL BRAND NEW POSTS EVERY DAY: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://buymeacoffee.com/drpsychmom/posts⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Join my awesome Midlife Women's Group here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠drpsychmom.com/mwg⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠To get over 200 more episodes, most recently "You Don't Have To Attend Every Argument You're Invited To," subscribe here! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://creators.spotify.com/pod/show/drpsychmomshow/subscribe⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ For my secret Facebook group, the "best money I've ever spent" according to numerous members: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/groups/drpsychmom⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠For coaching from DPM, visit ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.drpsychmom.com/coaching/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠For therapy or coaching, contact us at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.bestlifebehavioralhealth.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

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Sexless Marriage for Years… Now She Doesn't Want to Be Touched

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Play Episode Listen Later Apr 17, 2026 15:53

A 50-year-old husband wrote me after 20 years of marriage.The sex faded after kids.Intimacy disappeared.Now his wife says she doesn't want to be touched at all.He stayed for their child.He worked out.He dressed better.He read The Dead Bedroom Fix.He tried to lead.But nothing changed.I break down what's really happening when a marriage goes cold and a man slowly becomes passive without realizing it.We talk about:• Why staying “for the kids” often creates long-term damage• How passivity quietly kills attraction• The role of mental health in intimacy• Why you cannot fix a marriage by yourself• What must happen if there's any real hope leftIf you're in a sexless marriage or feel like your wife has emotionally checked out, this one will hit home.If you haven't read The Dead Bedroom Fix, start there:https://deadbedroomfix.comIf you need support from men who understand these dynamics and won't sugarcoat things, check out the Brotherhood:https://helpformen.com/joinYou don't have unlimited time.But you do have choices.

460. Is That Dang "Mental Load" Killing Your Intimate Life? We Talk BOTH Sides!

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Play Episode Listen Later Apr 14, 2026 36:06

In this episode of the Ultimate Intimacy Podcast, Nick and Amy dive into a topic that many couples really struggle with in their marriage, but don't know how to handle... the mental load in marriage. Often invisible and rarely discussed openly, the mental load includes the planning, remembering, organizing, and emotional managing that keeps a household and relationship running smoothly. While it can affect both spouses differently, it is frequently carried disproportionately by one spouse, leading to stress, resentment, and disconnection in the marriage.In this episode, Nick and Amy talk about what the mental load is and what it looks like, why men and women are different in how they handle the mental load, and most importantly, how to communicate about it.If you struggle with holding resentment from the mental load, or you want to keep it from infiltrating your marriage then this podcast episode is for you!If you haven't already, go check out the Ultimate Intimacy App in the app stores, or at ultimateintimacy.com to find "Ultimate Intimacy" in your marriage. It's FREE to download and so much fun! Find out why close to 1M people have downloaded the app and give it such high ratings and reviews!Check out the new UandI App we just released after a year in development.WANT AMAZING PRODUCTS TO SPICE THINGS UP? YES PLEASE... CLICK HEREFollow us on Instagram @ultimateintimacyapp for app updates, polls, giveaways, daily marriage quotes and more.If you have any feedback, comments or topics you would like to hear on future episodes, reach out to us at amy@ultimateintimacy.com and let us know! We greatly appreciate your feedback and please leave us a review. Enjoy the podcast or have some feedback for us? Shoot us a message!

Are You Making THIS Mistake in Your Sexless Marriage? (Fixing Relationships with Frame)

"Come On Man" Podcast

Play Episode Listen Later Apr 10, 2026 74:35

In this Frame Friday episode, we expose the dangerous trap of using 'dread' or manipulation to fix a sexless marriage. Most men approach fixing their relationship by trying to make their wives do something or realize something, inadvertently creating covert contracts and frame loss.We'll dive into a forum post that breaks down why focusing on dread levels, scoreboarding, and ultimatums backfires spectacularly. Learn to shift your mindset about self-improvement and adopt a healthy mental frame focused on your own life, not on controlling your wife's actions. Discover the true path to a fulfilling relationship by stepping out of the Nice Guy mode and reclaiming your own frame.➡️ Practice Dread RIGHT: https://dread.fixdeadbedrooms.comVIDEOS TO WATCH NEXT:Watch this playlist to figure out how to fix your failing marriage: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLEXcvFDdRqPuu_G8-sTLS7eXT7myvidMFWatch this playlist to help you get over your ex for good: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLEXcvFDdRqPsZ9JCTSAIkin-oMnavqNJZWatch this playlist to develop an unshakable frame and take control of your life: https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLEXcvFDdRqPvgN8idHfGfOp3gA8Y0tMxT&si=NccZ6koKYz3hSuUz--------------------------------------------FREE EBOOKS➡️ She's Made You Weak: https://ebook.fixdeadbedrooms.com➡️ Fine... Here's How You Get Her Back: https://ebook.getoveryourex.us--------------------------------------------BOOKS AND WORKBOOKS➡️ Find all of my books here: https://mybook.to/comeonmanpod➡️ Find all of my workbooks here: https://mybook.to/RPWorkbooks--------------------------------------------FOLLOW MEFollow on TikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@comeonmanpodFollow on Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/comeonmanpodcast/Follow on Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/comeonmanpodcast--------------------------------------------COMMUNITIES➡️ Join The W.O.L.F. Pack: https://wolf.comeonmanpod.com/➡️ Become a Spotify Channel Subscriber: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/comeonman/subscribe--------------------------------------------

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459. Why Couples End Up In Sexless Marriages (and how to fix it) - With Austin Ellis (LMFT)

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Play Episode Listen Later Apr 10, 2026 48:16

In this episode of The Ultimate Intimacy Podcast, Nick and Amy sit down with Austin Ellis, a renowned sex therapist who has helped thousands of couples, to tackle a topic many avoid: the sexless marriage.Many listeners reach out about this issue, and the solution isn't just about “having sex again.” Together, they explore why intimacy fades, the common pitfalls that lead to sexual disconnect, and practical strategies couples can use to reignite passion and connection. If you've ever wondered how to bring desire back into your relationship, this conversation is a must-listen.

1421 - Sexy Siren Went From Sexless Marriage to Tons of Crazy S-e-x

Strictly Anonymous

Play Episode Listen Later Apr 8, 2026 74:56

Sexy Siren went from a sexless marriage to tons of crazy sex, and she called in to talk all about it. Tune in to hear al the details including how and why it took her so long to break free from her sexless marriage, how she wound up cheating on him towards the end and what went down, how she went online looking for more guys after that affair ended and the “Uber driver” she hooked up with next, the Monk she hooked up with as well and what went down, the guy who lived in a shed that she hooked up with who made her squirt and what went down with him, how she wound up at her first swingers club and what went down including taking part in a class and a gangbana and what went down, the guy she met on Fetlife who was into kink and what went down with him, her first hook up with a woman and what went down, how opening up sexually has helped her self esteem plus a whole lot more. More info in her book here: An Unapologetic Erotic Memoir of Desire, Power, and Self-Worth GET A COPY OF THE STRICTLY ANONYMOUS BOOK! Strictly Anonymous Confessions: Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers. A bunch of short, super sexy, TRUE stories. GET YOUR COPY HERE: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://amzn.to/4i7hBCd⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ To see HOT pics of my female guests + hear anonymous confessions + get all the episodes early and AD FREE, join my Patreon! It's only $7 a month and you can cancel at any time. You can sign up here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/StrictlyAnonymousPodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and when you join, I'll throw in a complimentary link to my private Discord! To join SDC and get a FREE Trial! click here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.sdc.com/?ref=37712⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ or go to SDC.com and use my code 37712 Want to be on the show? Email me at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠strictlyanonymouspodcast@gmail.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ or go to ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and click on "Be on the Show." Want to confess while remaining anonymous? Call the CONFESSIONS hotline at 347-420-3579. All voices are changed. Sponsors: ⁠⁠https://beducate.me/pd2614-anonymous —⁠⁠ Click here to take the quiz and get your personalized roadmap to sexual happiness ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://Vb.Health⁠⁠⁠ — To get 10% off DRIVE BOOST by VB Health use code: STRICTLY ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://bluechew.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ — Get 10% OFF your first month of Bluechew GOLD! Use code: STRICTLYANON⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.quince.com/strictlyanon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ — For premium quality Quince clothing plus FREE shipping and 365 day returns! Follow me! Instagram ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/strictanonymous/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ X ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://twitter.com/strictanonymous?lang=en⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Website ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Everything else: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://linktr.ee/Strictlyanonymouspodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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When You Don't Know What's Really Going On in Your Sex Life

AwakenYou in your marriage

Play Episode Listen Later Apr 7, 2026 13:31

Send us Fan MailEver feel like you're the only one carrying the intimacy in your relationship?Like you're the one reaching, thinking about it, wondering why it's not happening…while your spouse feels distant or hard to read?Or maybe you're on the other side—feeling pressure, expectation, and not fully understanding why it feels so hard to respond.In this episode, we slow things down and look beneath the surface of what's really going on.Because this isn't just about sex.It's about what's happening underneath it.In This Episode:Why initiation isn't the real issueWhat the “pursuer” may actually be longing forThe hidden weight the “withdrawer” may be carryingHow we create meaning based on our own insecuritiesWhy emotional safety must come before physical intimacyWhat it looks like to begin again—togetherTimestamps:00:00 Feeling Alone in Intimacy00:40 Why Initiation Isn't It03:03 The Pursuer's Deeper Need04:51 The Withdrawer's Hidden Weight06:30 Stories We Tell Ourselves07:45 Build Safety Before Sex09:24 Dig Up the Roots10:10 Starting Over Together11:14 Breaking Pursuer Roles12:22 Next Steps and Coaching12:53 Closing and OutroNext Step:If you're realizing there's more underneath your dynamic than you've been able to sort through on your own…You don't have to navigate it alone.

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Sexless Marriage: “I Love You… But I'm Not In Love With You”

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Play Episode Listen Later Apr 3, 2026 12:24

A 47-year-old husband wrote to me after 17 years of marriage.No big fights.No confirmed cheating.Just slow emotional drift.Then one day she said:“I love you… but I'm not in love with you.”Their marriage isn't completely dead — but it's nearly sexless. Rare intimacy. No initiation. No spark.I break down:• What that phrase usually really means• Why sexless marriages often slide into “roommate mode”• The role of new relationship energy• Why becoming “safer” makes things worse• What a man must do if there's any real chance of rebuilding desireThis is not about blaming women.It's about understanding the dynamic clearly.If you're in a sexless marriage or feel like your wife is emotionally drifting away, watch this all the way through.Start with The Dead Bedroom Fix:https://deadbedroomfix.comIf you need grounded support from men who've been through this and won't let you spiral, join the Brotherhood:https://helpformen.com/joinYou don't want 20 years of polite indifference.You want to be chosen.

456. You Want A Better Intimate Life, But Your Spouse Won't Talk About It - What Do You Do?

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Play Episode Listen Later Mar 31, 2026 26:36

One of the most common messages we hear from our audience is something like this: “I want a better intimate life… but my spouse wont talk about it and I don't know what to do.”For some, the conversation feels too risky, what if it leads to conflict or rejection? For others, they've tried to open up, only to be met with silence or resistance and be told by their spouse that they don't want to talk about it. It's frustrating, confusing, and often deeply lonely.The truth is, so many couples are quietly facing this same struggle, and it genuinely breaks our hearts every time we hear it.In this episode of the Ultimate Intimacy Podcast, we share ideas of what you can do when it feels like nothing else has worked. If you've felt stuck, unheard, or unsure where to turn next, this conversation is for you.

Ep. 337: Can a Sexless Marriage Survive? [REMASTERED]

Meredith for Real: the curious introvert

Play Episode Listen Later Mar 30, 2026 63:34

What exactly is considered "sexless"? What are we counting as sex? What would cause someone to not want to have sex all of a sudden? These are all questions I unpacked with Xanet Pailet. She was a successful healthcare lawyer married to an attorney with two children. She lived in a beautiful home in NYC as well as a sexless marriage. At age 45 and no sex for over 15 years, she considered sex as something she was just done with. Now she is a full time intimacy educator with a fulfilling sex life. You'll hear about resentment caused pain, the stuck place of indifference, what men are afraid of, medical procedures that can cause painful sex & listener Q & A from my Facebook group. This episode originally aired March 11, 2024. If you liked this episode, you'll also like episode 214: WHAT ARE THE RULES OF MONOGAMY? THE PSYCHOLOGIST SWINGER Guest:https://www.passionateintimacyretreats.com/https://www.powerofpleasure.com/ https://www.instagram.com/xanetpop/https://twitter.com/powerofpleasurehttps://www.facebook.com/xanetpop Sponsors: https://www.jordanharbinger.com/starterpacks/ https://www.historicpensacola.org/about-us/ 01:00 — What actually counts as “sexless”03:00 — The “charcuterie board” of intimacy06:00 — Separate bedrooms, separate lives07:00 — Never masturbated… until 4809:00 — When pleasure and anxiety get wired together10:00 — Medical trauma no one talks about13:00 — Circumcision, sensation, and what we lose14:00 — Are some sexual issues permanent?16:00 — The emotional root of physical pain17:00 — Why resentment can make sex hurt18:00 — When your partner feels like your child20:00 — Masculine vs feminine energy in relationships22:00 — Why men stop initiating (and don't say why)24:00 — Consent confusion and modern dating fears26:00 — When no sex is… totally fine27:00 — The menopause “I don't care anymore” myth28:00 — When bad sex kills desire completely31:00 — The surprise return of desire after divorce33:00 — The real answer: can it survive?36:00 — Rebuilding intimacy from zero40:00 — The hidden reality of sex in Japan41:00 — Should you open the relationship?43:00 — Sexless dynamics in same-sex couples45:00 — Porn, gaming, and disconnection48:00 — Rethinking sex after physical limitations53:00 — Outercourse, body mapping, and new pathways55:00 — Menopause, pain, and what actually helps57:00 — Why “working on it” feels overwhelming59:00 — The missing piece: non-sexual intimacyRequest to join my private Facebook Group, MFR Curious Insiders: https://www.facebook.com/share/g/1BAt3bpwJC/Follow me in all the places:https://www.meredithforreal.com/ https://www.instagram.com/the_curiousintrovert/ meredith@meredithforreal.comhttps://www.youtube.com/meredithforreal https://www.facebook.com/curiousintrovert

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He Chose P*rn Over His Wife: Surviving a 15-Year Sexless Marriage

Five's A Crowd Podcast

Play Episode Listen Later Mar 30, 2026 114:17

You've got burning questions, we've got answers! Call or Text us for the worst advice imaginable, and we may feature it on an upcoming podcast! ** 801-513-3373 **In this wild and unfiltered "Ask Men" episode, the guys tackle some of the heaviest and most hilarious questions submitted by the crowd. We kick things off with a heartbreaking question about surviving a 15-year sexless marriage , which leads into a shocking real-life story of a husband who gave up his newlywed wife for a porn addiction.But it doesn't stay heavy for long! The table quickly derails into hilarious debates about sitting versus standing in the bathroom in the dark , defining deeply cursed Urban Dictionary terms like "Alabama Roulette" , and Cam's unforgettable wedding night disaster. We also dive deep into societal double standards, the harsh reality of "conditional love" for men , and why men absolutely suck at taking compliments.Grab a chair, join us at the table, and hit that subscribe button!00:00 - Start!02:08 - Welcome to Ask Men Round 2 02:38 - Surviving a 15-year sexless marriage 04:36 - He chose p*rn over his newlywed wife 13:58 - Walked in on him pooping on their wedding night 14:16 - The great debate: Sitting vs. standing to pee 22:25 - How to handle a completely dead bedroom 31:37 - Urban Dictionary: Alabama Roulette & "Poop Scars" 35:37 - If you could pick your physical features... 42:48 - Does God have a sense of humor about sex drives? 49:45 - What men struggle with but rarely talk about 51:13 - The harsh reality of conditional love for men 55:19 - Did the feminist movement ruin single-income families? 1:06:01 - Why men don't know how to take compliments 1:09:49 - Do men really prefer natural beauty? 1:20:09 - The scariest real-life things we've witnessed 1:25:15 - Should women invade "guy spaces" to meet men? 1:36:47 - The biggest mood killers and unattractive traits 1:52:34 - Terrible jokes to end the podcastReddit- Our Subreddit: https://www.reddit.com/r/FivesACrowd- Our Account: https://www.reddit.com/user/FivesACrowdPodcastFollow Our Personal AccountsAustin - https://allmylinks.com/austinspomerCam - https://www.instagram.com/effinburch/Chris - https://www.instagram.com/thechrishummel/Tony - https://www.instagram.com/theonlytonyc/Zach - https://www.instagram.com/zvanbeekum/Hashtags#JoinTheCrowd #AskMen #PodcastP.O. Box**Please no packages, letters only**Five's A Crowd Podcast1123 N Fairfield Rd #1373 Layton, UT 84041

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How Do I Trust My Husband Again After Years of Affairs? | Marriage Q&A | Ep405

Play Episode Listen Later Mar 29, 2026 26:29

Text us your questions or topics for the show! We got you!Cass Morrow, Author of Disrupting Divorce: The NEW Man. Saving Struggling, Sexless, and Toxic Marriages.Kathryn Morrow, Author of Behind The White Picket Fence.How Do I Trust My Husband After He Had An Affair?37 years married… and Lucky finds out her husband has been messaging women on TikTok, Signal, WhatsApp — and then he finally confesses: multiple affairs for years.On top of that?He spent years accusing her of cheating… withheld sex… punished her… then used his insecurity as an excuse to betray the marriage.So Lucky's question is simple:“How do I trust my husband again?”Cass and Kathryn go straight to the root:You're NOT going to trust for a while — stop expecting instant healingThe affair is often a symptom… the issue is identity + insecurityWhen a man doesn't know who he is, he uses attention and sex as a coping deviceYou can't rebuild trust while you both keep living in the past and blamingThe foundation comes first: gratitude, compassion, empathy, edificationIf truth gets punished, nobody tells the truth — and the marriage stays unsafeStop surrounding yourself with people who only validate your pain… get around people who know how to get OUTIf you want to stay married, you don't start with “proof.”You start by rebuilding safety and taking responsibility for what YOU can do differently.

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When Trauma Destroys Everything

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Play Episode Listen Later Mar 20, 2026 14:38

How does someone hold their life together at a high level for years — career, marriage, kids — and then suddenly blow it all up?I read a message from a follower whose wife unraveled after the death of her father. What followed was extreme weight loss, heavy drinking, multiple affairs, disappearing for days at a time, and eventually abandoning her family.I don't interrupt the story. I read it straight through — then I explain what's actually going on beneath the surface.We talk about unresolved childhood trauma, avoidant attachment, high-achievers who outrun their pain, and why some people seem to “change overnight” when their emotional scaffolding collapses.If you've ever thought, “I don't recognize her anymore,” this video will help you understand what you're seeing — and what it means for you going forward.I also talk about these dynamics in my book REBUILD – The Complete Guide to Starting Over as a Man, and inside the Help For Men Brotherhood, where men work through this kind of fallout together instead of carrying it alone.

Accusations Ruined Trust — How to Fix a Marriage After Years of Blame | Marriage Q&A | Ep395

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Play Episode Listen Later Mar 18, 2026 13:18

Text us your questions or topics for the show! We got you!Cass Morrow, Author of Disrupting Divorce: The NEW Man. Saving Struggling, Sexless, and Toxic Marriages.Kathryn Morrow, Author of Behind The White Picket Fence.I Accused Him For 16 Years… Now He Won't Trust Me!If you accused your husband for YEARS… and now you've “changed”… but he still doesn't trust you?Yeah. That's called CONSEQUENCES.In this Marriage Q&A, a wife admits she accused her husband of cheating for 16 years.Now she's been doing the work for 2 years… but every argument turns into the same vicious loop:“You did this.”“No I didn't.”Past gets dragged up.Trust gets crushed—again.Here's the TRUTH we break down:Two years of change doesn't erase sixteen years of painThe moment you get defensive, he sees the old youInsecurity isn't just about affairs — it's ANY fear (including fear of being attacked)If your partner isn't receiving your “change,” you might be delivering it wrongAnd when you finally get what you want from your spouse… don't be stupid and reject it out of bitternessThis one is for the couples stuck in “too little, too late.”You can rebuild it… but you're going to have to atone, stay consistent, and stop scorekeeping.

The Awkward Middle: What It Takes to Restart Sexual Intimacy in Marriage

AwakenYou in your marriage

Play Episode Listen Later Mar 17, 2026 26:34

Send a textThere's a stage in many marriages that almost nobody talks about.Sex hasn't disappeared completely… but it also isn't happening regularly anymore. Weeks—or even months—go by, and both partners notice the distance but feel unsure how to bring it up.In this episode, Christine Bongiovanni explores what she calls “the awkward middle” of intimacy—that quiet stage where sexual connection has faded and the silence around it begins to feel uncomfortable.Christine shares a personal story from her own marriage and reflects on what she and Jeff discovered along the way about initiation, resentment, healing old beliefs about sex, and why rebuilding intimacy often begins with curiosity rather than pressure.If you've ever wondered how couples move from awkward distance back toward connection, this conversation will help you feel seen and begin exploring what might be happening beneath the surface.In this episode you'll discover:• Why sexual disconnection often develops slowly in long-term marriages• How initiation patterns can quietly create resentment• The hidden stories many people carry about sex and desirability• Why curiosity is the first step toward rebuilding intimacy• A simple reflection exercise to better understand your own experienceIf this episode resonates with you, Christine would love to hear your story. You can share your experience by emailing christine@christinebongiovanni.com.You can also download the Gentle Start Guide to Better Communication to begin opening up difficult conversations with your spouse.And if you'd like personal support navigating your relationship, schedule a Courageous Love Conversation with Christine.CBS News Interview: 6 Tips For A Healthy & Loving Relationship Does communication feel hard in your marriage? Get my Gentle Start Communication Guide, where I share a gentle daily practice that helps you stay present, name what's true for you, and build connection without escalation or problem-solving.Unlock deeper connection in your marriage with my free guide, Daily Prompts for Deeper Connection with Your Spouse—get it now! Start feeling more connected and loved in your marriage today with my free Reclaim More Love in Just 3 Days process. This process will have you learning how to shift your focus, in a healthy way, and nurture thoughts that build connection and transform how you feel about your marriage. More resources and how you can start the process of Awakening(YourTrue)You and being the partner who creates your best version of what marriage looks like for you: https://christinebongiovanni.com/Join my AwakenYou newsletter for weekly marriage tips and early announcements of upcoming offerings. ...

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Sexual Health, Shame, and Communication: Reclaiming Intimacy and Well-Being with Eve Hall

Healthy Mind, Healthy Life

Play Episode Listen Later Mar 13, 2026 18:32

We talk about mental health often, but one part of human well-being still hides in silence: sexual health. In this episode of Healthy Mind, Healthy Life, hosted by Yusuf, physical therapist and podcast creator Eve Hall joins the conversation to explore why sexuality is not something to ignore or feel ashamed about. This episode is for anyone who has ever felt uncomfortable discussing intimacy, struggled with communication in relationships, or believed sexual health problems are simply “in your head.” Eve explains how sexual health connects to physical health, emotional connection, and long-term relationship wellbeing—and why early conversations and prevention matter more than quick fixes. About the Guest: Eve Hall is a licensed physical therapist specializing in pelvic floor and sexual health conditions. She also hosts the Please Me! Podcast, where she educates and encourages open conversations about sexuality, communication, and intimacy. Episode Chapters: 00:00 – Why Sexual Health Still Lives in Silence 02:35 – Eve's Journey from a Sexless Marriage to Sexual Liberation 04:40 – The Biggest Misconception About Sexual Health 07:35 – Why Ignoring Sexual Health Problems Makes Them Worse 10:35 – How Silence Slowly Disconnects Relationships 13:05 – Simple Ways to Start Honest Conversations with Your Partner 17:05 – Removing Shame and Reclaiming Sexual Well-Being Key Takeaways: Sexual health is physical health and deserves the same attention as any other medical issue. Ignoring early symptoms can allow conditions to worsen and become harder to treat. Communication—not silence—is the foundation of intimacy and connection in relationships. Many sexual health challenges have physical causes, not just psychological ones. Simple conversations about desires and boundaries can transform relationships. How to Connect With the Guest: Website: PleaseMe.online Check out her upcoming webinars - https://pleaseme.online/tag/upcoming-webinar/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/please.me.by.eve.creations/ Want to be a guest on Healthy Mind, Healthy Life? DM on PM - Send me a message on PodMatch DM Me Here: https://www.podmatch.com/hostdetailpreview/avik Disclaimer: This video is for educational and informational purposes only. The views expressed are the personal opinions of the guest and do not reflect the views of the host or Healthy Mind By Avik™️. We do not intend to harm, defame, or discredit any person, organization, brand, product, country, or profession mentioned. All third-party media used remain the property of their respective owners and are used under fair use for informational purposes. By watching, you acknowledge and accept this disclaimer. Healthy Mind By Avik™️ is a global platform redefining mental health as a necessity, not a luxury. Born during the pandemic, it's become a sanctuary for healing, growth, and mindful living. Hosted by Avik Chakraborty, storyteller, survivor, and wellness advocate. With over 6000+ episodes and 200K+ global listeners, we unite voices, break stigma, and build a world where every story matters.

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Why Marriages Drift Into “Kids Only” Mode

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Play Episode Listen Later Mar 13, 2026 10:55

Most marriages don't blow up overnight.They drift.They drift from us… to the family… and eventually to two exhausted roommates running a daycare.Once kids enter the picture, something subtle but dangerous often happens: the couple stops being the center of the relationship. Not out of malice. Not because anyone planned it. It just happens.And in most marriages, if nobody actively protects the couple, the marriage slowly disintegrates.From what I see, this responsibility usually falls on the man — and when he pushes for dates, intimacy, boundaries, or adult connection, he's often shamed for it.I break down:Why marriages predictably shift into “kids first, marriage last”Why this creates dead bedrooms and quiet resentmentWhy men get labeled selfish for trying to fix itAnd why a strong marriage actually serves kids better than a child-centered oneIf this topic hits home, you'll want to check out my book The Dead Bedroom Fix and the Help For Men Brotherhood — where guys are having these conversations honestly, without being shamed.

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How to Repair a Sexless Marriage and Reignite Passion with Xanet Pailet

Shine On Success

Play Episode Listen Later Mar 12, 2026 29:58 Transcription Available

Send a textIn this powerful episode of Shine On Success, host Dionne Malush sits down with Xanet Pailet, nationally recognized sex and intimacy coach, bestselling author, and founder of Passionate Intimacy Retreats, for an honest conversation about healing intimacy, rebuilding trust, and rediscovering passion in long-term relationships. Jeanne shares her deeply personal journey from a twenty-six-year sexless marriage to helping couples create emotional safety, stronger communication, and deeper physical connection.This episode explores why so many couples struggle with intimacy, how emotional vulnerability can transform a relationship, and what it really takes to repair a disconnected marriage. Dionne Malush and Jeanne Paylette talk about desire, communication, healing from shame, redefining sex, and creating a more fulfilling love life. If you are looking for insight on relationship healing, emotional intimacy, sexless marriage recovery, and reconnecting with your partner, this episode is filled with compassionate wisdom and real hope.Connect with Xanet here:Website: https://www.powerofpleasure.com/about/https://www.passionateintimacyretreats.com/LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/xanet-pailet-2b464671/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/xanetpop/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/xanetpop/Support the showConnect with Dionne Malush Instagram: @dionnerealtyonepgh LinkedIN: /in/dionnemalush Website: www.dionnemalush.com Facebook: /dmalush LinkTree: https://linktr.ee/dionnemalush

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Sexless Marriage: What Vulnerability sounds like #422

What I Love about Men!

Play Episode Listen Later Mar 9, 2026 13:52

Most men know they're "supposed to be vulnerable." Almost none of them know what that actually means in practice... what to say, how to say it, and why it works.In this episode, I break down what real vulnerability sounds like in a relationship and what it does to your partner when you show up that way.Then you'll hear directly from Danny, a guy who'd been with his wife for 24 years, ended up in a sexless marriage with her, and turned everything around in five months without ever hiring a coach.This is what doing the work actually looks like!Apply for 1:1 Coaching: https://stephanieganowski.typeform.com/to/Fm6LGfa9?utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=audio&utm_campaign=1on1_coachingShow your woman some love right now: https://stephanieganowski.com/lp/texther.html

Sexless Marriage: Your 4 Options (Including Divorce & Cheating)

"Come On Man" Podcast

Play Episode Listen Later Mar 9, 2026 79:36

Discover the four distinct paths a man can take when navigating the challenges of a sexless marriage. From maintaining the status quo to seeking divorce, this episode explores the consequences and potential outcomes of each choice, including the often-overlooked 'Fix It' approach. Learn how to regain your masculine footing and address marriage problems head-on, whether you decide to stay or leave.VIDEOS TO WATCH NEXT:Watch this playlist to figure out how to fix your failing marriage: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLEXcvFDdRqPuu_G8-sTLS7eXT7myvidMFWatch this playlist to help you get over your ex for good! https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLEXcvFDdRqPsZ9JCTSAIkin-oMnavqNJZWatch this playlist to develop an unshakable frame and take control of your life: https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLEXcvFDdRqPvgN8idHfGfOp3gA8Y0tMxT&si=NccZ6koKYz3hSuUz--------------------------------------------BOOKS THAT WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE➡️ Want to learn the life lessons I wish I knew when I was 18? Click here to get started: https://mybook.to/EIWIKWIW18➡️ Want to master your mindset and build an unshakable masculine presence? Click here now: https://mybook.to/psychology-paradigm➡️ Get your wife to bang you again: https://mybook.to/GHTFYA➡️ Move on from your ex FOR GOOD: https://mybook.to/FTB➡️ Keep your woman FOREVER: https://mybook.to/KeepYourB-tch➡️ This Little Book Will Change Your Life: https://mybook.to/littlebook--------------------------------------------FOLLOW MEFollow on TikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@comeonmanpodFollow on Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/comeonmanpodcast/Follow on X - https://x.com/bestmenspodFollow on Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/comeonmanpodcast--------------------------------------------COMMUNITIES➡️ Join The W.O.L.F. Pack: https://wolf.comeonmanpod.com/➡️ Become a Spotify Channel Subscriber: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/comeonman/subscribe

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The Sexless Marriage: 9 Top Tips For Reigniting Your Sex Life With Host Dr. Carla Marie Manly

Imperfect Love

Play Episode Listen Later Mar 6, 2026 35:10

Sex has always been a hot topic, and in today's world, it's getting even more attention. When we think of sex and relationships, romantic images often come to mind. We might think of intimacy, sexual play, and passion-filled nights. Yet many couples--whether married or not – come to a point where a lack of sexual intimacy becomes a major concern. Today, I'll explore this sensitive topic with you openly and in an honest way to help you reclaim and reignite the sexual connection in your relationship. Whether you're feeling unloved, rejected, angry, or resentful about being in a sexless marriage or sexless relationship, this episode will give you powerful tools for moving forward. Topics discussed include marriage, long-term relationships, sex, sexuality, sexual intimacy, libido, sex drive, dating, unresolved trauma, depression, anxiety, mental health, physical health, emotional health, neurochemicals, oxytocin, PEA, dopamine, communication, resentment, apologies, connection, touch, psychotherapy, self-work, vulnerability, safety, security, and attachment style. Sensitive Episode:Please note that this episode contains sensitive material; listener discretion is advised.Emergency Assistance Details: If you or someone you know needs immediate support, please call your emergency services. In the US, 24/7 help is available by calling "911," "988" (Suicide and Crisis Hotline), or SAMSA (Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration) at 1-800-662-HELP (4357). As applicable, additional resources may be provided in the show notes.Non-Emergency Online Mental Health Information: https://www.nami.org/support-education/nami-helpline/and https://odphp.health.gov/myhealthfinder/healthy-living/mental-health-and-relationships IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER: No expert is offering medical or psychological direction or advice; the content is purely informational in nature. Please consult your physician or healthcare provider before undertaking any new regimen or procedure.Connect with Dr. Carla Manly:Website: https://www.drcarlamanly.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/drcarlamanly/Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/drcarlamanly/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/drcarlamanlyLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/carla-marie-manly-8682362b/YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@dr_carlamanly_imperfect_loveTikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@dr_carla_manlyBooks by Dr. Carla Manly:Joy From Fear: Create the Life of Your Dreams by Making Fear Your Friend Date Smart: Transform Your Relationships and Love FearlesslyAging Joyfully: A Woman's Guide to Optimal Health, Relationships, and Fulfillment for Her 50s and BeyondThe Joy of Imperfect Love: The Art of Creating Healthy, Securely Attached RelationshipsImperfect Love Relationship & Oracle Card Deck by Dr. Carla Manly:EtsyAmazonLove the show? Subscribe, rate, review, and share! https://drcarlamanly.com/

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Sex When Your Partner Is Sleeping—Consent, Boundaries & Real Talk | The 'NEW' Marriage | Ep385

Play Episode Listen Later Mar 5, 2026 8:12

Text us your questions or topics for the show! We got you!Cass Morrow, Author of Disrupting Divorce: The NEW Man. Saving Struggling, Sexless, and Toxic Marriages.Kathryn Morrow, Author of Behind The White Picket Fence.Sex When Your Partner Is Sleeping!Nobody wants to talk about it, but sex while your partner is sleeping is more common—and more damaging—than you think.In this episode of The ‘NEW' Marriage (Ep385), Cass and Kathryn get brutally honest about consent, boundaries, manipulation, and why “justifying” your actions is pure bullshit.Real stories, raw confessions, and a wake-up call for anyone stuck in denial.DM PODCAST for real answers.

The Roommate Marriage Nobody Talks About—Break the Sexless Trap | The 'NEW' Marriage | Ep384

Play Episode Listen Later Mar 3, 2026 13:55

Text us your questions or topics for the show! We got you!Cass Morrow, Author of Disrupting Divorce: The NEW Man. Saving Struggling, Sexless, and Toxic Marriages.Kathryn Morrow, Author of Behind The White Picket Fence.The Roommate Marriage Nobody Talks About!Nobody wants to admit it, but most couples are living in a roommate marriage—zero intimacy, just business partners.In this episode of The ‘NEW' Marriage (Ep384), Cass and Kathryn go raw on trust, erectile dysfunction, sexless marriage, manipulation, boundaries, and why “closure” is a modern myth.Time to break the silence, call out the bullshit, and get your marriage off life support.DM PODCAST for the real fix.

Sexless Marriage: When Desire Is Disconnected from Covenant | 1 Corinthians 7:1-7

Resolute Podcast

Play Episode Listen Later Mar 1, 2026 9:05

Welcome to The Daily, where we study the Bible verse by verse, chapter by chapter, every day. Read more about Project23 and partner with us as we teach every verse of the Bible on video. Our text today is 1 Corinthians 7:1-7. Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: "It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman." But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. Now as a concession, not a command, I say this. I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another. — 1 Corinthians 7:1-7 Corinth celebrated sexual indulgence as entertainment, expression, escape, and even religion. Sex was merely a convenience—not commitment. But Paul doesn't invent a new sexual ethic here. He reaffirms the historic, biblical blueprint of marriage. The sexual ethic the Corinthians had forgotten: Sex belongs in monogamy. Sex outside marriage violates the covenant. Sex inside marriage is a shared responsibility—not one-sided. Here is how he starts: "But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband." — Cor. 7:2 Our sexual desires aren't the problem. Dislocation of sexual desires from the covenant is the core problem. God created us with sexual desires. He is very much pro-sex, but he is also pro-covenant and designed our sexual desires and sexual acts for inside the covenant, not outside it. Sex in the wrong place fractures the plan and design of God and impacts you and others. But sex in the right place fortifies. And then Paul goes where no Greco-Roman man expected him to go: "The husband should give to his wife… and likewise the wife to her husband." — Cor. 7:3 This isn't Paul trying his hand at sex therapy like Dr. Ruth Westheimer—it was ancient biblical wisdom: Her needs matter. His needs matter. Her authority matters. His authority matters. Paul's words shatter the cultural norm: "The wife does not have authority over her own body… likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body." — Cor. 7:4 He is not suggesting domination—sexual devotion. He is not suggesting ownership—sexual surrender. He is not suggesting power—sexual partnership. He is dispelling the myth that sex was designed to be a bargaining chip, a tool of control, or a means of manipulation. It was designed to be a covenant bond. That's why Paul warns: "Do not deprive one another… so that Satan may not tempt you." — Cor. 7:5 Withholding doesn't heal—it harms. Distance doesn't purify—it exposes. Neglect doesn't strengthen—it weakens. Paul is not condemning couples in sexless seasons that they did not choose. He is confronting sexless marriages created by indifference, resentment, avoidance, or false holiness. When intimacy disappears by choice rather than circumstance, the marriage weakens—and temptation looks for an opening. Marital intimacy is spiritual protection. A safeguard. A shared shield against temptation. Then, finally in verse 7, he says: "Each has his own gift from God…" — Cor. 7:7 Marriage is a gift. Singleness is a gift. The assignment differs—the grace is the same. So Paul pulls it all together: Desire matters. Marriage matters. Holiness matters. And God designed them to work together. Sex outside marriage fractures. Sex inside marriage fortifies. Because God made desire holy—and He placed it inside the covenant for our good. DO THIS: Invest intentionally in your marriage today: initiate a needed conversation, express affection, schedule time together, or remove a distraction that's weakening your connection. ASK THIS: Where have I treated desire as convenience rather than covenant? How can I serve my spouse (or future spouse) with greater mutuality and intentionality? What part of my understanding of sex or marriage needs to realign with God's design? PRAY THIS: Father, thank You for designing desire with purpose and placing it inside the covenant for our good. Teach me to honor You—whether married or single—with purity, mutuality, and devotion. Strengthen marriages, protect hearts, and anchor us in Your design. Amen. PLAY THIS: "Goodness of God"

When Vulnerability Ends a Marriage

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Play Episode Listen Later Feb 27, 2026 13:44

I got an email from a guy that perfectly captures a pattern I see over and over again.An anxious man.An avoidant wife.Years of emotional distance.One final attempt to “do the healthy thing” and open up…And then everything collapses.I break down:Why vulnerability isn't the problem — but timing and containment matterHow passivity slowly kills attraction in long-term relationshipsThe anxious/avoidant dynamic so many men get trapped inWhy some divorces turn cold, transactional, and threatening overnightWhat men should focus on after the marriage ends instead of chasing closureIf you're in a dead bedroom, walking on eggshells, or afraid to say the wrong thing in your own marriage, this video will probably feel uncomfortably familiar.I also talk about how men rebuild after this kind of emotional and financial hit, drawing from my book REBUILD – The Complete Guide to Starting Over as a Man, and why having other men around you — like inside the Help For Men Brotherhood — matters more than most guys want to admit.You're not broken.You're not alone.But passivity has a cost — and eventually, it comes due.

DONT MISS THIS Controversial Sex Questions Answered with Dr Juli Slattery (Episode 284)

The Savvy Sauce

Play Episode Listen Later Feb 23, 2026 58:33

*Disclaimer* This episode contains adult content and is not recommended for young listeners. 284. DON'T MISS THIS! Controversial Sex Questions, Answered with Dr. Juli Slattery 1 Samuel 24:19b NIV “May the Lord reward you well for the way you treated me today.” *Transcription Below* Bio: Instagram Facebook Authentic Intimacy Website Java with Juli Podcast Thank you to Our Sponsor: Leman Property Management Company Questions and Topics We Cover: As Christ followers, should we use a friend's preferred names and pronouns? If one part of Scripture talks about turning the other cheek, is that the same as saying God expects you to stay in an abusive marriage? Is it reasonable to assume that once they have a smartphone, 100% of kids will be exposed to pornography? Previous Episodes on Sexual Intimacy on The Savvy Sauce, Including Past Episodes with Dr. Juli Slattery: Fostering a Fun, Healthy Sex Life with your Spouse with Dr. Jennifer Konzen Ways to Deepen Your Intimacy in Marriage with Dr. Douglas Rosenau Ten Common Questions About Sex, Shared Through a Biblical Worldview with Dr. Michael Sytsma Hope For Treating Pelvic Pain with Tracey LeGrand Treatment for Sexual Issues with Certified Sex Therapist, Emma Schmidt Talking With Your Kids About Sex with Brian and Alison Sutter Natural Aphrodisiacs with Christian Certified Sex Therapist, Dr. Douglas Rosenau Healthy Sexuality, Emotional Intelligence, and Parenting Children with Autism with Counselor, Lauren Dack Pain and Joy in Sexual Intimacy with Psychologist and Certified Sex Therapist, Dr. Jessica McCleese Identifying and Fighting Human Trafficking with Dr. Jeff Waibel Bridging the Gap Between Military and Civilian Families with Licensed Professional Counselor, Cuthor, Podcaster, and 2015 Military Spouse of the Year, Corie Weathers Enjoying a God-Honoring, Healthy Sex Life with Your Spouse with Certified Sex Therapist and Ordained Minister, Dr. Michael Sytsma Enjoying Parenting and Managing Conversations About Sex with Certified Sex Therapist and Author, Dr. Jennifer Konzen Conflict Resolution, Infidelity, and Infertility with Licensed Psychologist and Certified Sex Therapist, Dr. Jessica McCleese Hormones and Body Image with Certified Sex Therapist, Vickie George Passion Pursuit with Dr. Juli Slattery Female Orgasm with Sue Goldstein Erectile Dysfunction, Premature Ejaculation, and Treatments Available with Dr. Irwin Goldstein Turn Ons, Turn Offs, and Savoring Sex in Marriage with Dr. Jennifer Konzen Desire Discrepancy in Marriage with Dr. Michael Sytsma Answering Listener's Questions About Sex with Kelli Willard Anatomy of an Affair with Dave Carder Supernatural Restoration Story with Bob and Audrey Meisner Healthy Minds, Marriages, and Sex Lives with Drs. Scott and Melissa Symington Female Pornography Addiction and Meaningful Recovery with Crystal Renaud Day Building Lasting Relationships with Clarence and Brenda Shuler Healthy Ways for Females to Increase Sexual Enjoyment with Tracey LeGrand Pornography Healing for Spouses with Geremy Keeton Sexual Sin Recovery for You and Your Spouse (Part Two) Personal Development and Sexual Wholeness with Dr. Sibylle Georgianna Our Brain's Role in Sexual Intimacy with Angie Landry Discovering God's Design for Romance with Sharon Jaynes Sex in Marriage and Its Positive Effects with Francie Winslow, Part 1 Science and Art of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage, Part 2 Making Love in Marriage with Debra Fileta Mutually Pleasing Sex in Marriage with Gary Thomas Sex Series: God's Design and Warnings for Sex: An Interview with Mike Novotny Sex Series: Enhancing Female Pleasure and Enjoyment of Sex: An Interview with Dr. Jennifer Degler Sex Series Orgasmic Potential, Pleasure, and Friendship: An Interview with Bonny Burns Sex Series: Sex Series: Healthy Self, Healthy Sex: An Interview with Gaye Christmus Sex Series: Higher Sexual Desire Wife: An Interview with J Parker Sex Series: Six Pillars of Intimacy with Tony and Alisa DiLorenzo 215 Enriching Women's Sexual Function, Part One with Dr. Kris Christiansen 216 Enriching Women's Sexual Function, Part Two with Dr. Kris Christiansen 217 Tween/Teen Females: How to Navigate Changes during Puberty with Dr. Jennifer Degler 218 Secrets of Sex and Marriage: Interview with Dr. Michael Sytsma 222 Pornography: Protecting Children and Personal Healing, Victory, and Recovery in Christ with Sam Black Special Patreon Release: Holy Sex: An Interview with Dr. Juli Slattery Special Patreon Release: His Desires and Her Desires in the Bedroom with Dr. Jennifer Konzen 224 Surprising Discoveries of Sex in Marriage: An Interview with Shaunti Feldhahn 252 Maximizing Sexual Connections as Newlyweds to Long Term Marriages and Recovering from a Sexless Marriage with Dr. Cliff & Joyce Penner 260 Sex After Cancer with Dr. Kris Christiansen 277 Breaking Through Addiction in Marriage with Matthew and Joanna Raabsmith Connect with The Savvy Sauce on Facebook or Instagram or Our Website Gospel Scripture: (all NIV) Romans 3:23 “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,” Romans 3:24 “and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.” Romans 3:25 (a) “God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood.” Hebrews 9:22 (b) “without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness.” Romans 5:8 “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:11 “Not only is this so, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.” John 3:16 “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” Romans 10:9 “That if you confess with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.” Luke 15:10 says “In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.” Romans 8:1 “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” Ephesians 1:13–14 “And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation. Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God's possession- to the praise of his glory.” Ephesians 1:15–23 “For this reason, ever since I heard about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all the saints, I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers. I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his mighty strength, which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every title that can be given, not only in the present age but also in the one to come. And God placed all things under his feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church, which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way.” Ephesians 2:8–10 “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God – not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God‘s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.“ Ephesians 2:13 “But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near through the blood of Christ.“ Philippians 1:6 “being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” *Transcription* Music: (0:11 – 0:11) Laura Dugger: (0:11 – 2:21) Welcome to The Savvy Sauce, where we have practical chats for intentional living. I'm your host, Laura Dugger, and I'm so glad you're here. Today's message is not intended for little ears. We'll be discussing some adult themes, and I want you to be aware before you listen to this message. Leman Property Management Company has the apartment you will be able to call home, with over 1,700 apartment units available in Central Illinois. Visit them today at lemanproperties.com or connect with them on Facebook. My returning guest for today is Dr. Juli Slattery. She has authored another book entitled Surrendered Sexuality: How Knowing Jesus Changes Everything, and we're going to cover a few themes from this book, but I think what you're going to find most helpful are her candid responses to some really tricky questions related to dating and pornography, technology, thought life, shows that we watch as believers, divorce, and just intimacy in general as married couples. So, I think this is an episode that you're going to want to learn from yourself, but you'll also want to share with others because Dr. Juli has offered us such a gift as she directs us back to the heart issues and wisely guides us into sexual integrity in our own lives. Here's our chat. Welcome back to The Savvy Sauce, Dr. Juli. Dr. Juli Slattery: (2:21 – 2:21) Thanks so much for having me back. It's always a joy. Laura Dugger: (2:21 – 2:22) Well, I love that you've been a repeat guest many times. So, we get to just dive right in today because I'm going to link all of your previous episodes in the show notes. But to dive in, I'm just curious, as believers, where does your heart break as you see us compromising on God's design for sex? Dr. Juli Slattery: (2:22 – 3:31) Hmm. That's such a good question. You know, I think my heart breaks the most in that when we compromise God's design for sexuality, or even when we don't understand it or understand His goodness, it means that there is a breach in our relationship with God. And so, I am so passionate about what I do, not necessarily because I love talking about sexuality, but because for a lot of people, sexuality represents a wall between them and God, like an issue they can't resolve, or a place of shame that they just can't quite shake free from, or battle with sin that they feel like they're enslaved to. And so, those things mean that there's a limit to how much they invite God into their lives. And so, for me, that's where my heart breaks the most is, you know, ultimately, we were created for the greatest fellowship with God and anything that gets in the way of that is something that God cares about and something that I care about. Laura Dugger: (3:32 – 4:03) You say that well, and you've written many books, but in this most recent one, you plainly state one issue when you write, “You will not be able to obey God with your sexual thoughts, while binging shows and music that continually display the exact opposite.” And I love how practical that is. So, Juli, why do you think this has become so normalized? And I would say, especially in Christian marriages. Dr. Juli Slattery: (4:05 – 5:58) Yeah, you know, I think a lot of it is that the church has been historically really quiet about sexuality, you know, like we might talk about save sex for marriage, and don't cheat on your husband and that sort of thing. But the gray areas about how we think about our sexuality and kind of what we have the liberty and freedom to engage in, there's kind of silence, or maybe there's legalism. And I think in that space, what ends up happening is the culture is so forthright with a message about sexuality, like woven throughout every single show that you could stream on any platform, you know, your music on Spotify, even the news you consume, the Instagram feeds, whatever, it's consistently showing you a way to understand sexuality that is contrary to God's design, and the messaging can be so subtle, or so repetitive that we don't even realize we're ingesting it. And so, it's normal to talk about with your friends, like the latest season of The Bachelor, or, you know, the latest thing that you're streaming that if you really look at it, there's probably 100 references to sexuality that are outside of God's design. And so, we end up just having our mind conformed to this world. And the scripture says really clearly in Romans 12, that we can't offer ourselves to God while we're still thinking like the world thinks that it requires an act of transformation of our thinking. And I don't know that there's anywhere more than we need this than in the topic of understanding our sexuality. Laura Dugger: (6:00 – 6:59) Okay, so for I'm thinking of married couples, because I was recently at a wedding shower. And I love a friend from church. Her name is Dawn Karius. And she was giving the devotional and just sharing. You know, it's very easy to get married and fall into this trap. She was talking about what you watch specifically. And she said, so many couples will watch something together, watch a show before bed, but be really intentional. If that is what you choose to do, then the shows that you're watching, even though you're with your spouse, is that drawing both of you closer to Christ? Because if it's pulling you further away from Christ, it's also pulling you away from one another. And so, with all of that, and with what you've studied and written about, if a couple's hearing that and or some single person just hearing this, what would be your practical advice or encouragement for them? Dr. Juli Slattery: (7:00 – 9:29) Yeah, some of it is, we can't live in a bubble. You know, it's, I think that there are some couples will have the conviction that, you know, we're just going to get rid of all of our devices, we're going to get rid of every streaming service. And there's nothing wrong with that decision, you might feel convicted to do that. But for most couples, I would say, they're like, okay, we live in this world, we need to understand even the world we live in. And so, it's not like we're going to completely be cut off. But are we being discerning about what we consume? And what are the standards that we might hit where we might just say, “You know what, we don't need to be watching this.” You know, like I can think of one show in particularly that my husband and I were watching. And it was a well-written show. It was exciting. But there was just so much profanity and just gross kind of sexual content that after two or three episodes, we're both just like, “You know what, as good as the show is, we just, this isn't, we're not watching this. Like we need to stop.” And I think you need to have those discussions and you might have a different level of conviction than your spouse does. And that's okay, but at least have those conversations and you need to follow your conviction. But then the other thing I would say that is equally important, if not more important, what are you consuming that helps you get God's perspective of sexuality? And what I've found is that a whole lot of Christian married couples know very little about what it looks like to build a healthy sex life in their marriage. And they're not consuming anything that helps them know how to love each other better, how to overcome differences, even how their bodies work, how to focus on one another and enjoy sex in a holy erotic way. And so, even if you're watching and consuming very little content from the world, but you're not actively pursuing anything that gives you a biblical perspective, you're still going to end up defaulting to what the world says. And so, I think that again, it's equally as important or not, if not more important to be pursuing what's true and what's right and what's good. Laura Dugger: (9:31 – 9:53) I love that, how you flipped it. And that discernment piece is huge because we don't want to be desensitized to then that we're consuming and we also want to feed on the good. So, I think it even leads to a broader question, again, as Christ followers, how can we recognize if our conscience is being pricked? Dr. Juli Slattery: (9:54 – 12:05) Yeah, we can start by asking the Lord. You know, I mean, I think it's in, is it Psalm 139, where, you know, David is basically saying, “Search me, oh God, and know my thoughts, you know, show me if there's any offensive way within me.” I think that's a beautiful prayer as an individual and as a couple, like God, we want to honor you with what we consume in media, with what we think about, would you guide us and would you show us? And then I think we all have that experience of watching something or listening to something or reading something where we're like, “Uh, I don't know, like, this is sort of a gray area. Like, I'm uncomfortable here. I probably shouldn't be watching this.” Or “Wow, that's really, that's really in your face. Like that's really graphic.” And it's heeding the Holy Spirit when you get those prompts, instead of just pushing through and being like, “Ah, it's not that big of a deal. It's not going to affect me.” Like when you feel that sense of prompting, you respond to it and you say, “All right, I'm going to put this down. I'm going to shut this off.” And, um, you know, the scripture says that we can become callous to those promptings of the Holy Spirit if we are in a habit of just running right through that. But we become more sensitive to the Holy Spirit when we yield and when we obey. Um, and so, I think even just keeping track, you know, every day or every week, like where were the times regarding this or anything else that I really felt convicted by the Holy Spirit about maybe something I said about a friend, uh, or about a little white lie I told, you know, where were the times where I really felt the Holy Spirit nudging me and what did I do? Um, where do I need to confess that I didn't respond well? And where do I need to celebrate that? Yes, I listened, I obeyed, I yielded. Um, and so, I think that's a practice we get into of either ignoring that conviction or really yielding to it. Laura Dugger: (12:06 – 12:28) Hmm. And that gets after the heart issue, which Jesus is so concerned about our heart. And that's a very softened heart approach. Yes. I hope we can have. And as it relates to sexual integrity, then what are some other ways that we need to be on guard so that we're careful not to be misled? Dr. Juli Slattery: (12:29 – 13:37) Yeah, boy, I think there's just so much conversation. Um, again, even in Christian circles, sometimes around having a negative attitude towards sex, um, kind of accepting some forms of pornography as normal and even good, you know, husband bashing, wife bashing, you know, like complaining, kind of letting the thought feed in your mind of maybe I should have married somebody else. Maybe that my life would be easier if I, I weren't married to this person. I wish they were this or that. So, sort of that discontent that is natural to feel in marriage. But the question is, what do you do with it? Do you give it space to grow and to nurture, or do you bring that before the Lord? Um, so, I think those are some of the ways that we want to look at, like, how am I giving the enemy space in my life and in my marriage versus how am I inviting God to really reclaim what's broken here? Laura Dugger: (13:38 – 14:01) Well, and then even thinking of the other side to guard ourselves from having a critical and judgmental spirit toward others or just having self-righteous pride. Can you educate us on some common reasons why some people may be predisposed to struggle with some certain sexual sins? Dr. Juli Slattery: (14:02 – 17:20) Yeah, absolutely. I think that's so important, um, because the research really shows that some of us are more, I don't know if I'd say it that way, but we are going to be more predetermined maybe to struggle with things like pornography or same-sex attraction, or even hooking up. And it's never like a one plus one equals two exactly. But there are what we might say indicators or risk factors that make you more vulnerable to those kinds of sexual struggles. And some of them might be unhealthy family dynamics growing up, you know, none of us had a perfect family, but let's say you grew up in a family where one of your parents was like overtly critical towards you all the time. Maybe you went through a divorce with your parents where, um, you know, at a certain age, you just, your family fell apart and you're kind of looking for that stability and love. People who have experienced sexual trauma in childhood or the teen years are going to be more pre-dispositioned to want to understand that or act that out. People who might struggle with anxiety. And, you know, some of it is we got to understand that sex, because it elicits dopamine in our brain and oxytocin and endorphins, which are all really feel good kind of experiences and hormones and neurotransmitters. When we had a sexual experience at a young age, our brain can learn, “Oh, this is how I deal with stress. This is how I deal with depression. This is how I deal with loneliness.” So, a lot of times when you talk to somebody who has an ongoing struggle with a sexual temptation or sin, it's because they've learned as a pattern from maybe the time they were 10 years old or 12 years old or 15 years old, that this is how I dealt with the stress in my family. This is how I dealt with when my father died. This is how I dealt with when I was sexually abused. Like this was the way that I found to self-regulate and to self-medicate and to find comfort. And that can be masturbation. It can be pornography or again, you know, acting out sexually. And so, for people who have that kind of story, and this might be your spouse, or this might be against somebody that you're looking at and judging to just say, “You need to stop that behavior,” is often not going to be enough. They need to do the work of really looking at what am I using sex for? What are the wounds that I'm using sex to cover up? And how do I actually get the healing I need and find healthier and safer ways for me to cope with negative emotions? And that's why groups are really important for people who have sexual struggles. Counseling is really important. And again, that long journey of healing and freedom, not just a one-time decision that I'm going to try to never do this again. Laura Dugger: (17:21 – 20:19) Love that word freedom, even because that hope is available. And just pointing out how you said this is not deterministic. That's not what we're saying is if you experience something, you will act out sexually. But I agree with you that it is fascinating and helpful to hear the correlation of certain things that happen, especially in childhood, and how that plays out long-term. And I am blanking on which guest it was on The Savvy Sauce, but somebody was enlightening me. I think it was for females that if they were sexually abused, typically before a certain age, then they were more likely to struggle in marriage with wanting to completely avoid sex. But then if it was after a certain age, that it was completely opposite where they maybe used sex to medicate, or they were very aggressive and even would act out, let's say in single years, that they would sleep around with a bunch of partners if they had been wounded. And so, I just think it just, it helps us to not be judgmental of one another. We don't know the full story. Dr. Juli Slattery: (20:20 – 21:09) Yes. Yeah. There's always more there than we usually realize at first. And, you know, this plays out a lot in marriage because there are a lot of women who are married to guys who are addicted to pornography. And that's a deeply painful dynamic. That's really hard. But to understand that your husband didn't want to have this struggle, often doesn't know how to get out of it, you know, gives you compassion. It doesn't mean that you look the other way, you need to get help, and you need to insist on getting help. But it does give you empathy and compassion that there's something underlying this and feeding it. It's not just, “Oh, I think I'm going to, you know, look at porn and hurt my wife again,” that there's always a deeper dynamic at work. Laura Dugger: (21:10 – 21:50) Absolutely. And even an example from your book, I'll just read a quote where you said, “I spoke with a man who runs a sexual addiction program. He told me he had never met someone with sexual addiction, who did not also have significant sexual or psychological trauma in their past.” And I think it goes along with what we're saying. But if we also then flip it and look at more of the positive side, how can we rightly prioritize connection and intimacy in marriage as God intended? Dr. Juli Slattery: (21:53 – 24:24) I think first of all, we need to be convinced that this is worth it. You know, when we look at everything there is to do in life, there's so many worthy demands on our time. You know, from I want my house to look nice, and we need to make friends and we need to be an outreach to our community. And our kids are taking a lot of time and they should, and they've got all their activities and our church needs our help. Like when do you have time to do all this? And then, oh yeah, prioritize your marriage. And I think we have to become convinced that if we're not working on our marriage, and specifically if we're not working on the sexual connection in marriage, then all those other things have the potential to fall apart. That the way I've learned it over time is that sex is never going to be a neutral issue in your marriage. It's either going to be something that is bonding you together and causing you to work on the deeper levels of intimacy, even as you talk through sexual difficulties, or it's going to be something not immediately, but over time, that becomes a wedge between you. It might start as a wedge of resentment of my needs aren't getting met, or I feel like you're objectifying me or you're putting pressure on me. Or it might be a deeper wedge of a pornography addiction or something that's not being addressed. Or I don't trust my husband because of my trauma. And those things don't just stay dormant. The wedge becomes bigger and bigger and bigger until you get to the place where now you're not comfortable being in the same room anymore and you feel like roommates. And then now one of you is attracted to somebody else and the story plays on. And there are very wonderful godly men and women who have gotten married with every purpose to stay together. But a wedge like this has grown over time to the point where they're now thinking about divorce or one of them has cheated on the other. And so, we have to be convinced that honoring God in our lives means prioritizing our marriage, and it means working on this intimate aspect of our marriage so that we can be a stable foundation for our families and our churches and our communities. Laura Dugger: (24:26 – 24:39) And so, if we're getting as practical as possible, what are the best practices that you've seen in married couples who are happily married? How have you experienced that? Dr. Juli Slattery: (24:40 – 28:04) Yeah. I'll put it in kind of like a cliche sort of way because I think sometimes that's catchy. Number one, I would say they're couples who will resist the drift, who will repair the rift, and who will adjust to the shift. So, I can kind of break that down a little bit. But you know, the first thing is resisting the drift of you can go weeks without meaningfully connecting with your spouse. And I don't just mean sexually, but I mean like eye to eye, you know, just loving touch, just connecting to their hearts. And so, couples who know how to resist that drift, like they have regular times built into their calendar where this is where we connect every day. Like even for 10 minutes, this is where we hold each other's hands, we look at each other in the eye, we really connect with what's in your heart, how are you? And they have regular rhythms of once a week or once every other week, we're going to go out and do something fun together, just the two of us. We've worked through what sex looks like in this season. Like how many times do we want to have sex? Are we scheduling that? How are we making sure that's a priority? And so, that's the resisting the drift. And the second one is repairing the rift. And at every marriage, there are going to be things that tear you apart. And sometimes those things might be sexual in nature, like a temptation, an emotional affair, pornography use, sometimes it's going to be something else where you have a deep disagreement that you can't resolve on your own. And you need to be courageous enough to reach out for help and say, like, if we don't get help, if we don't address this issue, like it's going to become something that tears us apart. Any couple that you meet who is happily married for like 30 years or more, they can tell you a story of when they had a rift, and the kind of help that really address that. And then I think the third thing is adjusting to the shift. And in even the normal stages of marriage, there are shifts that happen. Like, you know, I'm in the stage right now where me and the people my age are going through biological changes with menopause and with aging. And, you know, some people are going through becoming grandparents and retirement. And there's all these shifts that are happening even naturally. There's other couples that are younger who are going through the shift of pregnancy and battling infertility. And some people are going through cancer. And there are things that happen that require you to shift your expectations. And to not just wish that it is like it used to be. But this is the marriage we have now. Here are the circumstances we have now. Here are the bodies we have now. How do we learn to love each other and embrace this season, given the changes that we're experiencing? And so, I think that's a framework that I've seen healthy couples navigate over time that really fosters intimacy. Laura Dugger: (28:05 – 29:29) That is incredible. I love how you put that. And I've shared with you before that my background is in Christian sex therapy. So, sex is a topic that does come up a lot and people feel comfortable sharing or asking questions. So, just in regular conversation, I want to recap two conversations that kind of show stances on both ends of the spectrum. And I'd love to hear your wisdom on how to respond to each one. So, first, there was a Christian married woman with children, and she was teaching younger women to say yes to every single sexual advance from their husband. And she said, “If your husband has the higher drive, and he wants to have sex twice a day, then consider yourself lucky. And don't ever say no, because your body is not your own.” Yeah, it's hard to recap. So, this is not my perspective. So, sharing both ends. So, that was one person. And then on the other end, I've heard a woman tell me, “You know, I just didn't feel like having sex for about a year and a half after we had our baby. So, I just told my husband, you're going to have to wait.” So, loaded question, but Dr. Juli, how would you respond to each of those? Dr. Juli Slattery: (29:29 – 32:31) Well, Laura, I feel like you probably would have just as good of response as I would to those. Yeah, I like that you're presenting those as two extremes, because they are two extremes. And I think both extremes kind of miss the heart. We want to be able to say yes to sex and intimacy. And being able to say yes means also being able to say no. In that first situation, essentially, what is going to end up happening is that that wife is going to start feeling like my husband wants me for sex. And I don't have the capacity to enjoy it twice a day. I'm starting to feel like an object or used. And the husband is never going to learn that covenant love requires self-denial. And at every level, you know, what did, what did Paul say to husbands in Ephesians 5, like love your wife as you love your own body and be willing to lay down your, your life for your wife. And that means being sensitive to the fact that she doesn't have the same sexual appetite as you do. She doesn't have the same biology you do, that it actually can be physically painful, emotionally traumatic for a wife to have sex when she's not physically ready. Really, that couple is not working on intimacy. They're, they're kind of reinforcing a pattern that sex is about the husband getting his needs and desires met only through the wife without considering her. And that might work for short term, but that's not building intimacy in the long term. And it's not teaching either of them. And that wife needs to learn her own sexual desires and patterns and be able to communicate those to her husband. So, that's what I would say in that first one. And the second one, essentially, you have a wife kind of having that more selfish perspective of, I only have sex when I want it and on my terms, instead of considering the husband. And, you know, how do I focus on him? How do I work on experiencing sexual desire? How do I foster that? Because it's important for my husband, it's important for our marriage. And I don't want to be selfish. And so, I think both of those situations are kind of approaching sex where one person gets to be selfish, and the other person has to sacrifice. That's ministry, that's not intimacy. And so, we really want to be at a place where both of us, the higher desire one and the lower desire one, are learning what does it look like to really love well, to love sacrificially and to communicate the ways that I feel loved. I don't know, what would you add to that or change? Laura Dugger: (32:31 – 33:11) That's why I asked you, you said that beautifully, better than I could have responded. And again, you're getting back to the heart of it and pointing us back to Jesus with each answer. And, you know, commonly people do struggle with having a safe place where they can ask candid questions about sex. So, I am going to throw some more at you. And some of these are ones that you wrote about. But just to give us a little taste, even of the book, or if somebody has a burning question like this, I'd love your healthy response. So, how do you respond when people ask, “How far is too far to go in a dating relationship?” Dr. Juli Slattery: (33:14 – 36:32) Yeah, I think people are looking for a line, you know, like, as long as I don't cross this line, are we good? And of course, I think their traditional line would be as long as you're not having intercourse. But I think that misses the larger context of the purpose of sex. I've had to be convicted of this in my own life. And we talked very early in our conversation about how we've just sort of ingested messages from the culture. And the culture says that healthy sexuality is an expression of how I feel, right? So, so if I feel safe with you, if I feel romantically connected to you, if I feel sexually attracted to you, then it would be healthy for me to engage sexually with you. And then Christians would come and say, yes, but as long as you don't cross this line. So, that's sort of the narrative that I think a lot of us have heard in the church. But if we look at, from a biblical perspective, God did not design sex to be an expression of how I feel. Okay, let that sink in for a minute. God did not design sex to be an expression of how I feel. He designed it to be a seal and a celebration of covenant, of the choice that a man and a woman make to covenant their lives to one another. And for them to say, just like I give you my whole life, I promise faithfulness to you. I promise that we are becoming one as a family. We have now a physical way to symbolize that in becoming one with our bodies. And so, even if I feel romantically attached to somebody I'm not married to, I don't act on that. Or even if I don't feel romantically attached to my husband, we work on our sex life because we're in covenant. And so, when you begin to understand sex from that standpoint, you answer that question differently of how far can I go? Why are you sharing your body with another person when you haven't shared your life with them? And, you know, I think that the standard is not legalistic, but the heart of the question is a lot, that's a harder question. You know, like it says, and I think 2 Thessalonians or 1 Thessalonians, you know, Paul says, the will of God is that you do not engage in sexual immorality. Don't take advantage of a brother or sister. And how many times in dating relationships do you look back and you're like, “Wow, I gave too much of myself to that person or I took too much of myself from that person. Like we engaged in things that now we're broken apart. Like I wish I could take back.” And so, what does it look like to honor each other? What does it look like to honor the Lord? So, I think those kinds of questions help you get to the heart of how do we steward dating relationships a lot better than looking for a line we're not supposed to cross. Laura Dugger: (36:33 – 37:31) When was the first time you listened to an episode of The Savvy Sauce? How did you hear about our podcast? Did a friend share it with you? Will you be willing to be that friend now and text five other friends or post on your socials anything about The Savvy Sauce that you love? If you share your favorite episodes, that is how we continue to expand our reach and get the good news of Jesus Christ in more ears across the world. So, we need your help. Another way to help us grow is to leave a five-star review on Apple Podcasts. Each of these suggestions will cost you less than a minute, but it will be a great benefit to us. Thank you so much for being willing to be generous with your time and share. We appreciate you. As Christ followers, should we use a friend's preferred names and pronouns? So, how would you respond to that? Dr. Juli Slattery: (37:32 – 39:20) Boy, this is a hot topic. There are people who have really strong opinions on this. You're saying, do I use a friend's preferred names and pronouns? And I think the fact that you have a friendship means that you can have a deeper conversation about the meaning of the names and pronouns. And I think that deeper conversation needs to happen. Because, you know, ultimately we don't like, we don't want to just say, “Oh yeah, whatever you want to call yourself is fine with me. Truth doesn't matter.” But on the other hand, we really want to get to the spiritual issue underneath this. And there's a, there's a big difference between somebody who doesn't know the Lord, doesn't know where you stand on any of this, and somebody that you can engage in a conversation with and seek wisdom on. I think there, there's probably more latitude to use somebody's preferred name than pronouns. And I think in friendships, sometimes you can work that through and just say, you know, “Hey, I love you. I understand where you're coming from. I'm going to try my best to use the name that you're asking. But the pronoun is something that I'm not comfortable with. And here's why. And just like I'm, I want to understand where you are. I hope that you would have grace and understand where I am.” So, in a friendship, you're able to have those kinds of conversations. Whereas if it's a coworker or it's a stranger or a neighbor, sometimes we can't have that level of conversation. And so, I, we might choose to handle the situation a little differently. Laura Dugger: (39:21 – 39:36) That's good. A hundred percent truth, a hundred percent love or kindness. And what if somebody asks, how much attention should we be giving these secondary issues as believers? Dr. Juli Slattery: (39:39 – 41:03) Boy, I, I think first of all, the secondary issues come out of the primary issues. So, the primary issue, and you know, the issue I wrote Surrendered Sexuality is about is if my life belongs to the Lord, then my whole life needs to belong to Him, including how I think about cultural issues, including how I treat my neighbor. And so, I don't see them as secondary issues. I see them as an outgrowth of the primary issue. I think when they become secondary issues are when we argue with other believers about it and it becomes the most important thing. Like I put you in a category based on, will you use preferred names and pronouns? And then I think we're missing what God calls us to. The primary issue is that we want to honor God and we want to love each other. And so, let's keep going back to that primary issue. How do I love my neighbor well? How do I honor God's truth well? How do I pursue unity within the body of Christ well, as we're navigating some of these secondary issues? So, you know, like if we're going back to the primary issue, it means that we have to talk about the secondary issues, but we talk about them in light of what's primary. Laura Dugger: (41:04 – 41:17) I like that. And I just have three more of these kind of tricky questions. So, another one, does pornography addiction qualify as reasons for a biblical divorce? Dr. Juli Slattery: (41:20 – 42:50) I would say, first of all, technically, if we look at the word for sexual immorality in the scripture, which is porneia, we would say, yeah, you know, pornography does qualify for that. But for the person who's asking this, maybe the woman who's asking this, I would say, why do you want to get out of the marriage? And what Jesus said is Moses permitted divorce because of the hardness of your heart. And I think a more important question is where's your heart and where's your husband's heart? Because I've seen people with pornography addictions who have really open hearts towards healing, and they're willing to get the help that they need. They're repentant. They're willing to do the work. They're willing to go through even a time of separation to show that they're serious about that work. And then there are people who have very hard hearts of, “This is who I am. I might go through the motions, but I'm really not interested in change.” And so, I think the pornography addiction is less the issue than the posture of the person's heart and their willingness to work. And if your spouse is willing to work, then I think it's on us to have soft hearts too, and to be open to the work that God can do. Laura Dugger: (42:51 – 43:34) That's good because saying you have to zoom out and see more of the story in that stance, because that's very different. Somebody who's working on it and hates the struggle and is wanting to break free versus being married to a narcissist who is abusing you and treating you in a certain way and addicted to pornography. So, you point out well that all of these questions have more to them. Okay. So, two more, if a spouse has had an emotional affair in the past with a coworker, but they still work with this person, what is the wise thing to do and how should they handle it if their spouse is uncomfortable with them still working there? Dr. Juli Slattery: (43:36 – 44:33) Yeah, boy, that's something that I would want to seek counseling on. You and your spouse really need to get with a counselor and talk that through. The generic advice in that situation would be to get a different job, to not have that relationship still a temptation or available. But there are sometimes very extenuating circumstances where that's not a possibility, or at least for now, that's not a possibility. And so, I would really encourage you to meet with a third party to sort through the details of your particular situation. Because it could be that your spouse isn't willing to take that hard step of cutting off that relationship, or it could be that they're willing, but again, there's extenuating circumstances. And I would really want a wise person who is engaging with you to help you navigate that. Laura Dugger: (44:34 – 44:44) But I love that, how you highlight that something to look for though, is that you would hope your spouse would be willing to make that right, especially if they were the offending. Dr. Juli Slattery: (44:46 – 44:46) Okay. Laura Dugger: (44:47 – 45:00) And then also, Juli, because scripture does talk about turning the other cheek, does that mean it's the same as saying God expects you to stay in an abusive marriage? Dr. Juli Slattery: (45:02 – 47:41) Absolutely not. If you were in an abusive marriage, you are not doing your spouse any good. You are allowing your spouse to be in a place where they're destroying their own life and they're destroying the people that they love. Now you say, okay, where biblically do we see this? We see that Jesus, he says in John, he says, “I laid down my life for my sheep. I lay it down willingly. No one has the authority to take it from me. I have the authority to lay it down and I have the authority to take it up again.” And we see Him living that out with religious leaders who were after Him all the time, who wanted to stone Him, who were accusing Him of things. It says over and over again that Jesus escaped from them. He just got out of there until it was time that the Father said, now is the time for you to give yourself for the world. So, we take that principle and we say, Jesus was not abused. Jesus did not let Himself be abused. He gave Himself as a lamb to the slaughter as a sacrifice for the Father and for the world. But that's very different. Up until that time, we see Him have great boundaries. We see Him not get, it even says He didn't entrust Himself to man because He knew what was in their hearts. I mean, He had boundaries with people that could have hurt Him. And I also love when we see this in the story of King David and Saul, when Saul is chasing David, Saul is abusive, right? He wants to kill David. And so, David escapes. And there's a situation where David has the power or the opportunity to kill Saul and he doesn't do it. And then Saul just is struck by his conscience, and he comes back to David. He goes, “You're a better man than I am. I'm so sorry. You know, come back with me and I'll treat you well.” And even though David doesn't take revenge, he doesn't go back with Saul. He's still, he's like, “You go your way. I'll go my way. I'm going to let the Lord judge between us.” And I think that's a great model. If you're in any kind of abusive relationship, you don't take revenge, but you also don't stay in that situation. You go your way, let them go their way, and you let God judge between you. And I think we see that over and over again in scripture. Laura Dugger: (47:42 – 48:19) I think that is so well said. And it reminds me of a somewhat recent conversation in 2025 with Stacey Womack who's saying with domestic violence, really the way God would see it is child abuse. And that kind of helps our paradigm because we are His child. And she elaborates on that. So, I said that that was the last one, but I actually thought of one more as it relates to our children. So, is it reasonable to assume that once a child has a smartphone, 100% of them will be exposed to pornography? Dr. Juli Slattery: (48:21 – 49:15) Yeah, it is. And I would say not just once they have a smartphone, because I know with one of my kids, we delayed the smartphone decision, but he had a learning disability that required him to have an iPad for school. And somehow, even though we locked down all the apps, somehow he's able to access it through that. Or it can be a gaming system, or it can be a friend's phone. And so, having a smartphone or device like that certainly makes it more probable. But you know, like our kids are surrounded by screens and technology, not just what's in our home, but in other people's homes and at school. And so, I think it's safe to assume, unfortunately, that yes, 100% of our kids are going to be exposed to pornography, probably by the time they're 13 or 14. Laura Dugger: (49:16 – 49:31) And sadly, some much younger than that. But even if there's parental controls, or filters put on, it is just something on my heart that we have to be so vigilant against. Dr. Juli Slattery: (49:32 – 50:12) Yeah, no, I felt like when, you know, I have three boys, and when they were all three kind of in those teen years, I felt like I was trying to plug holes in a boat, and there'd be new ones popping up all the time. Whether it's like apps, or you know, things that you think are completely safe. Somehow, pornography can get through. And our kids are smart, like they know the workarounds to the parental things. And that's why we just need to have conversation after conversation, just discipling them, not just protecting them from pornography, but discipling them through what they're inevitably going to be exposed to. Laura Dugger: (50:13 – 51:05) That's a great point that not just being reactive, but proactive. I think why I have such a heart for this is because practicing and doing therapy and having so many people come in those wounds, that if that addiction gets a stronghold, and that pornography use, it just can wreak havoc in people long term. And so, if we can do that hard work of discipling early on, it is such a blessing to our children, to the generation. So, I'm just so grateful for your candid responses. And I think it's also a helpful reminder just to never take on a burden that was never meant for us to carry. So, are there any ways that God has taught you to not try and do His business? Dr. Juli Slattery: (51:07 – 52:16) Yeah. Boy, that's such a great question. I've had to come to the conclusion that I can't convince anyone of right and wrong. You know, like, I can't convince anyone that pornography is wrong, or gay marriage is wrong, or you know, like, that's not my job. My job is to walk with the Lord with integrity and faithfulness and to testify as to who He is. And so much of this work, whether we're talking about marriage or our friends or our children, so much of this work has to be the Lord's work. And you reach a stage with your kids when they hit those teen years, where you realize the things my kids most need, I can't give them. I can't give them a relationship with God. I can't give them the desire to follow and seek the Lord. Like, I can model that for them. I can encourage them. But that is between them and the Lord. And if I try to control that, I'm just getting in the way of the work that God wants to do in their lives. Laura Dugger: (52:18 – 52:33) Goodness, I will need to write that down and reflect on that. That is so good, Juli. And there's still so much more that you could share with us. So, where is your preferred place that we can go online and continue learning from you? Dr. Juli Slattery: (52:34 – 52:48) Yeah, I would say two places. Number one, our website is authenticintimacy.com. And the second one is the podcast that I do called Java with Juli. It goes along with The Savvy Sauce, you know, like they kind of go together. Laura Dugger: (52:49 – 53:11) Yes, absolutely. We will certainly link to all of that in the show notes for today's episode. And you're familiar, I've asked you many times before, because we are called savvy, because savvy is synonymous with practical knowledge or discernment. So, as my final question for you today, Dr. Juli, what is your savvy sauce? Dr. Juli Slattery: (53:13 – 53:58) Oh, I don't even remember how I answered this the last few times. I think I may have said this before, but I think reading the dead old guys is one of my savvy sauce, like reading people who didn't live in this generation who loved the Lord. And learning from them is just, that's probably taught me more discernment than anything, because they just cut right through the cultural noise that I think sometimes can blind us. And they really help me see my heart for what it is and help me really want to pursue God at a deeper level. Laura Dugger: (53:59 – 54:03) Wow. Any specific recommendations that have been personal favorites there? Dr. Juli Slattery: (54:04 – 54:22) Yeah, I love A.W. Tozer. I love many of Andrew Murray's books, particularly Humility and Absolute Surrender. And C.S. Lewis is another great one, Mere Christianity. So, those are some that I would recommend you start with. Laura Dugger: (54:23 – 54:44) That is wonderful. Thank you for sharing that. And Juli, it's just always such a delight to get to share an hour of conversation with you. And you are just this beautiful mixture of bold and gentle and humble, all combined into one. So, thank you for being my returning guest today. Dr. Juli Slattery: (54:44 – 54:49) Oh, thank you. And it's such a pleasure to be with you. Thanks for your great questions. Laura Dugger: (54:51 – 58:33) One more thing before you go, have you heard the term gospel before? It simply means good news. And I want to share the best news with you, but it starts with the bad news. Every single one of us were born sinners, but Christ desires to rescue us from our sin, which is something we cannot do for ourselves. This means there's absolutely no chance we can make it to heaven on our own. So, for you and for me, it means we deserve death, and we can never pay back the sacrifice we owe to be saved. We need a savior, but God loved us so much. He made a way for his only son to willingly die in our place as the perfect substitute. This gives us hope of life forever in right relationship with him. That is good news. Jesus lived the perfect life. We could never live and died in our place for our sin. This was God's plan to make a way to reconcile with us so that God can look at us and see Jesus. We can be covered and justified through the work Jesus finished. If we choose to receive what he has done for us, Romans 10:9 says, “that if you confess with your mouth, Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.” So, you pray with me now. Heavenly father, thank you for sending Jesus to take our place. I pray someone today right now is touched and chooses to turn their life over to you. Will you clearly guide them and help them take their next step in faith to declare you as Lord of their life? We trust you to work and change lives now for eternity. In Jesus name we pray. Amen. If you prayed that prayer, you are declaring him for me. So, me for him, you get the opportunity to live your life for him. And at this podcast, we're called The Savvy Sauce for a reason. We want to give you practical tools to implement the knowledge you have learned. So, you're ready to get started. First, tell someone, say it out loud, get a Bible. The first day I made this decision, my parents took me to Barnes and Noble and let me choose my own Bible. I selected the Quest NIV Bible and I love it. You can start by reading the book of John. Also get connected locally, which just means tell someone who's a part of a church in your community that you made a decision to follow Christ. I'm assuming they will be thrilled to talk with you about further steps such as going to church and getting connected to other believers to encourage you. We want to celebrate with you too. So, feel free to leave a comment for us here. If you did make a decision to follow Christ, we also have show notes included where you can read scripture that describes this process. And finally, be encouraged. Luke 15:10 says, “in the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.” The heavens are praising with you for your decision today. And if you've already received this good news, I pray you have someone to share it with. You are loved and I look forward to meeting you here next time.

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How Men Drift Into Sexless Marriages

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Play Episode Listen Later Feb 20, 2026 10:25

I want to read you a short email from a married man in a dead bedroom.There's no cheating.No screaming fights.No dramatic collapse.Just a quiet decision to stop bringing it up.I break down how a lot of men end up in sexless marriages not because they chose them — but because they slowly became passive. They stopped rocking the boat. They stopped advocating for themselves. They let things happen instead of taking control.We'll talk about:Why men confuse passivity with patienceHow avoiding conflict slowly erodes self-respectWhy guilt replaces desire in long-term relationshipsHow silence becomes the unspoken agreementAnd why wanting intimacy doesn't make you selfishThis isn't about demanding sex or blaming your partner. It's about agency — and what happens when a man quietly gives it up.If you've ever felt like your relationship just drifted into something you didn't choose, this one will probably hit close to home.Join the Brotherhood! https://helpformen.com/join

DELUSIONAL Feminist DEFENDS Sexless Marriage, It BACKFIRES INSTANTLY

DailyRapUpCrew

Play Episode Listen Later Feb 18, 2026 89:40

Sexless marriage sparks a heated debate on modern feminism, gender roles, and accountability. Panelists clash over withholding sex, loyalty, and whether feminism helped or hurt relationships.Full discussion breaks down marriage expectations, resentment, and why these conversations explode online. Watch till the end

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Why Doing Everything Right Fails

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Play Episode Listen Later Feb 13, 2026 10:21

A lot of men reach a point where they say something quietly and honestly:“I did everything right… and it still fell apart.”I hear this all the time from men who showed up, stayed loyal, worked on themselves, went to therapy, avoided conflict, and tried to be good partners.And yet the relationship still deteriorated.The attraction faded.The resentment crept in.I explain why “doing everything right” often becomes the problem.We'll talk about:How being patient, understanding, and accommodating can slowly erase youWhy avoiding conflict kills attraction and self-respectHow over-functioning turns good men into manageable menWhy some men work on themselves and suddenly see the relationship clearlyAnd why doing the right thing doesn't always mean doing the healthy thingThis isn't about blaming women.And it's not about becoming cold or selfish.It's about understanding how self-abandonment sneaks into long-term relationships — and why some men outgrow a relationship the moment they stop disappearing.If you've ever felt exhausted, resentful, or confused about how things still went wrong, this one will probably hit close to home.Join us! https://helpformen.com/join

Why Your Marriage Became Sexless

Sarah and Vinnie Full Show

Play Episode Listen Later Feb 6, 2026 12:06

Most men in sexless marriages did exactly what they were told to do.They opened up more.They communicated better.They became more emotionally available.They went to therapy.And somehow, the sex life didn't come back.In many cases, it disappeared completely.In this episode, I explain why that happens — especially when you're married to a dismissive-avoidant partner.We'll talk about:Why “more emotional connection” can actually create less attractionHow anxious and avoidant attachment styles quietly kill desireWhy many men work on themselves and then realize the relationship itself isn't healthyWhy dismissive-avoidant partners often resist getting helpAnd why effort and effectiveness are not the same thing in long-term relationshipsThis isn't about blaming women.It's about understanding dynamics most men were never taught — and why doing everything “right” can still lead to a sexless marriage.If you're confused, frustrated, or starting to question your relationship, this conversation will likely hit close to home. Check out my book! https://deadbedroomfix.comJoin the Brotherhood! https://helpformen.com/join

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Hour 2: Are You In A Sexless Marriage?

Play Episode Listen Later Jan 30, 2026 42:50

The President of San Francisco Bay Coffee, Lisa Smoot, joins Sarah and Vinnie to solve your problems! Today's Bad Advice council is talking about friendships - how to lose them and how to keep them. Why aren't people pumped about the Winter Olympics this year? MORE disgusting habits that everyone secretly has. How often are we all having sex?

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Why Men Believe Women Cheat More

Play Episode Listen Later Jan 30, 2026 15:22

A lot of men end up believing things like “women cheat more,” “women want sex more than men,” or “most women cheat”.Those beliefs don't usually come from careful analysis.They come from pain.I break down why these stories feel so convincing — especially for analytical, system-oriented, and neurodivergent men — and why certainty often feels safer than ambiguity after betrayal, dead bedrooms, and relationship failure.We'll talk about:why men gravitate toward black-and-white explanationshow hidden-truth and conspiracy-style thinking sneaks into relationship beliefswhat the data actually says about libido differenceswhat long-running surveys show about infidelitywhy “women just lie on surveys” isn't the argument people think it isand why flattening an entire sex into a slogan quietly keeps men stuckThis isn't about defending women or blaming men.It's about understanding how the male brain copes with uncertainty — and why rigid, comforting stories often cost you more than they protect you.

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Your Avoidant Wife Had an Affair (Here's Why)