The Overwhelmed Brain

The perfect night... almost. I read a reddit post where a user outlines a scenario where his best laid plans didn't pan out as he hoped, but he almost got everything right. That is, until his wife felt disappointed and unhappy by a single error that changed everything. 

Our inner critic can be our own worst enemy. Knowing where that voice comes from and if what it's saying is actually true can mean the difference between your happiness and your sanity - hopefully you get to keep both! 

The person who has been a toxic presence in my and my family's life has died. It's not necessarily a normal episode, but hopefully you'll gain something from it as I share the story and the lessons. 

Some people seem to be stuck in a cycle of promises and no follow-through. When is enough enough? Some people use delay after delay to get away with never having to follow through with anything. Those people usually never change. 

What do you do when you ask a friend if they would like to be closer, but they say no? The ramifications on the friendship can be anywhere from nothing to complete disaster. Is there a way back to being friends after such an awkward event?

Some decisions have a long-lasting effect. Sometimes that effect is positive; Sometimes it's not. . When you decide to get into or out of something, it's vital you don't set yourself up for failure and regret. 

When you're holding on to that little bit of anger or upset about or toward someone else, maybe someone who is not even in your life anymore, it can decrease the quality of your happiness, maybe even diminishing it to a mere sliver of what it could be.  

Do we have to carry the weight of our past negative experiences into our future? Staying in control and letting go of it have the very same effect. I get into more detail about that in this episode about choice. 

"Go ahead, have a great time! Wait, are you leaving without me? What about my needs? No, I mean go ahead and have fun. I'll be good! Hey, don't feel bad about leaving me alone, I'll be fine. Oh, you don't feel bad? Why are you leaving me alone? How can you do this to me?" Need I say more? 

How you define love will be what you get from it. If you don't have a definition for love, you may get stuck with something that appears to be love, but is really something else altogether. If you are 100% happy with the people you love in your life, skip this episode.  

People who care about you should lift you up, not kick you when you're down. If someone keeps dragging you lower, trusting their words is like giving a vampire the keys to the blood bank.     

Arguing isn't fun, but if it's going to happen, it should at least be productive. But what if it's never productive and you never get anything resolved? That's the question I tackle today. 

There are some life lessons that we have to force ourselves to go through in order to make our circumstances better. Those lessons can feel like a massive leap over a bottomless chasm. But the rewards for such a leap can mean the difference between living a full life or one restricted by fear and uncertainty. 

If you find that you define yourself in a negative way based on someone else's perception of you, you must listen to this episode. Is what they're saying about you really true? If you think that, we need to address that right away.

What are your rights in a relationship with someone who is mistreating you or acting badly? Is it okay to get back at them and reciprocate with similar or worse behavior? What's fair in relationship warfare? Good question!

If you find your mind feels like an overstuffed closet, and your actual closet is also overstuffed, I'll try to help you balance the mental and physical clutter in this episode. It's a special episode that strays away from the norm, but hey, out of eleven years of doing this show, one off the beaten path isn't going to hurt.

Some people can be draining, especially if they play the victim after they've done bad behavior and expect you to empathize with them. Some people are very, very good at doing that. I talk about those people today.

Our childhood coping mechanisms shape our adult relationships. Sometimes the old fears keep us from moving into new, better territory, keeping us stuck where we are. 

Some problems won't go away until you walk away from them. But walking away can be hard... sometimes impossible. And sometimes it involves sacrifice. And is walking away the only answer? 

Sometimes emotional and sexual expectations can be challenging to balance in a long-term relationship... but do they have to be? Or is intimacy just difficult with certain people who seem entitled to receive it instead of trying to build it from the ground up?     

You know the type: They do nothing and you do everything. In this episode, I share the struggle of a woman who has a rocky relationship with her adult daughter who moved back in with her. I share a lot of thoughts and lessons we can learn what we can do, if anything, when the other person in your life is making things unnecessarily harder.

When you live with your romantic partner... And their relatives... And your partner doesn't seem to want that to change... What are your choices? Very hard question! I thought I'd tackle that today. 

Are you trying to reconnect with someone who's unresponsive? Maybe they want nothing more to do with you and maybe you don't know why? And maybe this episode gives you the final step to take with others who seem like all they care about is avoiding you. 

If you've ever found yourself trying to change someone's habits or feeling frustrated by their behaviors, this episode might help you learn what it takes to deal with and maybe even heal with someone you just can't seem to fully accept. 

How you cope with challenges affects... well... your whole life really! It can be helpful to know what your coping mechanisms are and where you learned them so that perhaps you can examine them and choose different responses in the future. If it were only that easy. 

Problems can add up, compound, and create a situation so impossible to get out of that there seems to be no hope. Is it total defeat or is there anything you can do? 

So you get someone special and you're feeling pretty good abou things, but then they reveal something they did in their past that takes all those good feelings away. Now you're not sure what to do about it. Can you get over it? Will you ever look at them the same way again? I tackle that specific issue in this episode. 

What do you do when someone won't share what's on their mind? They're acting very different, but they're refusing to say why. They might even tell you nothing's wrong. But you know something's up... 

What happens if you marry into a family that doesn't really honor your presence or your boundaries? Sometimes their family doesn't feel like yours, especially when you feel like a total outsider because of how you are treated. 

If you find yourself caught in misunderstandings over seemingly simple matters like where you should store your house paint, you're not alone. Can clear communication prevail during an argument? There's a challenge in expressing emotions and maintaining balanced relationships. Hopefully I can help you guide through those challenges in this episode. 

If you find you can't get certain people from your past out of your mind, the deep connections we form might go a lot deeper than we think. 

Some relationships can be shallow and superficial. Some can be toxic and harmful. Then there are those that are quite meaningful. Why can't they all be meaningful? There might be a way to do that... but it comes at a risk. 

Some people like things we don't. Some get excited over the things we find uninteresting. What happens when their interests become more exciting to them than us? Do we accept our place in their line of priorities? Or is there a win-win in here that we may not have considered? 

Learning and growing is a natural part of life. Some people embrace those changes in you, but what about those who don't? What if all they see is who you've always been and aren't willing to see the new you? 

Can love keep the relationship together and override all? A loving person can also hurt you. But is love alone enough to resolve the deeper issues and provide long-term happiness? It's a very important question worth addressing.

If you find yourself frustrated by divisive political or values conversations, this episode might be for you. Is there a way to maintain positive interactions despite opposing views? Hoping I can help you get off the merry-go-round of frustration and find solid ground in your relationships and discussions.

Have you ever wondered why some people just won't change no matter how much you try? Don't they see that they are hurtful and toxic? Why can't they just be "normal"? I try to answer all of these questions and more in this episode. 

If you find yourself questioning the value of your existence or struggling with deep-seated negativity, this episode addresses those heavy, existential questions that might be weighing on your mind. How do you cope when life feels overwhelmingly difficult, and is it possible to find peace amidst persistent inner turmoil? Today I address that and more.  

When certain people in your life prefer the old you instead of the new one, you may face their resistance and maybe even their frustration. When you learn, heal and grow, you let go of old dysfunctions and sometimes even old relationships if they can't adjust to the new you. 

Relationships require empathy. Without it, you will have an imbalance that will not only feel lonely, but also emotionally toxic. 

Why do obsessive thoughts take over our minds? What keeps them there? And why can't we stop them after they start? There are so many questions about something so pervasive and invasive that I try to answer in this episode. If you're struggling to let go of past events and find yourself caught in cycles of regret and anger, I will help you get off the hamster wheel and on to steady ground again. 

Do you ever wonder why it's so hard to show your true self to others? I explore how hiding parts of yourself can affect your relationships and what it takes to foster deeper emotional connections by embracing authenticity.

Leaving a toxic upbringing and the dysfunctional family home can bring about anxiety, fear, and even loneliness. Trauma bonding is real. Childhood experiences deeply impact adult behaviors and coping strategies, often unsuited for adult relationships. Stepping into a new life after you've known nothing but the old has its own set of challenges. 

Relationships shouldn't be hard, but we know they can be. When they are more challenging because of their issues, or ours, or both, it's helpful to find the glimmer of light to shine on a seemingly dark situation. In this episode, I answer three different types of relationship questions. From pining over an ex to jealousy to compatibility and more. 

Sometimes, happiness requires a loss. Many people aren't willing to take that loss, which might be the very reason they are unhappy. Getting to happiness isn't always just doing what makes you happy. It can be deeper than that, and some people don't want to go there. 

Sometimes we have to make a tough choice and give someone the bad news about our next step. That next step? Could be telling your boss you quit or a partner you're leaving. Some people can't handle bad news so you may be hesitant to tell them. Or maybe you are afraid of their reaction so you procrastinate.  After you listen to this episode, you'll know what the most important thing to remember is while telling someone what you need to do for yourself. 

Sometimes making new friends or romantic partners takes more than compatibility and similar values. There's an important ingredient to making connections at a deeper level and keeping those connections in your life. At the end of this episode, I share the results of a relationship survey I created. Where do many couples people meet? How do they meet? Lots to talk about. 

Unexpressed emotions can amplify inside you, causing you to build a tolerance for bad behaviors. What happens when you can't hold any more negative energy? Are you inadvertently building up resilience to things you should be addressing instead? 

There's a good reason to manage emotional triggers to prevent damaging reactions in relationships. In this episode, I share a five-step process to visualize and prepare for these moments. There are long-term consequences when you're always jumping to conclusions and reacting to things that, perhaps, aren't as bad as you think. 

How many chances should you give someone before you realize that chances are only delaying the inevitable? Whether it's a friend, family member or partner, some people won't change. And when they won't, we may have to in order to find more peace and happiness in our lives. 

When you hurt someone, whether intentionally or not, there are several things that could happen: Maybe they forgive you, maybe they don't. Maybe they are willing to move on. Maybe they take a while to heal but eventually come around. Maybe they never want to talk to you again. Or maybe, just maybe, they want to hurt you back just to make you feel a tiny portion of how they feel.