Two Dicks in a Bar

This week, the guys dive into the weirdest animal behavior science has to offer—Capuchin monkeys using Howler monkeys as backpacks? Then, they tackle the latest political dumpster fires: Trump's disastrous parade, Supreme Court rulings on gender-affirming care, and whether women are actually stronger than men (spoiler: science says yes). Plus, dating disasters, Florida's unbearable heat, and why you should never trust a politician. Grab a drink and join the chaos!

What starts as a debate over Trump sending troops to LA quickly spirals into… well, everything else. The guys discuss immigration facilities, unions, the 68 banned TV words, and whether tofu tastes like pennies. Featuring: questionable life advice, a deep dive into collar classifications (yes, really), and an unexpected history lesson on Hitler's facial hair. Just another day at the bar.

When asked what they brought to the table, the Dicks were proud to deliver. We were prepared to discuss steel tariffs, TACO love, the price of revenge, Ukraine‘s operation spider-web, 5-year-olds delivering black eyes, facial recognition. Wait until you hear what they decide to talk about.

This week on two decks, Jenna Ortega comes into focus on a Wednesday, bathroom washing becomes a conversation, and a 120 year-old bird takes flight off the lips of the Dicks. On the light side of the cast, get ready for Panther's championship hockey, whiskey dick, and your mom.

Join the Dick's for an episode full of trekking the Benton Mackay Trail, the improper use of poison ivy while defecating, and an interesting theories about working bicycles.

The crew debates, humanoid robots and their threat levels, the hundred men verse one Gorilla debate, legal defense funds for killers and racists, and then the Dicks fall into a debate about organized religion. You know, classic bar talk.

Join the chaotic banner as the guys discuss Jesse‘s upcoming 42-mile hike (with questionable preparation), RFK's take on autism, Mike's winning streak, and Putin‘s ambition. The rest of the space will be filled with Pearl Jam fanboying, USSR nostalgia, and whether Burt Reynolds could have pulled off being Han Solo. Get ready for another episode where the bar tab is the only thing longer than the tangent.

The Dick‘s kick things off with Wednesday's breaking news, the Pope died on Monday! Get ready for a deep dive and escargot texture, metaphors, and people who would permanently attach chains around their neck. Join the Dicks as they revisit the glory days opening for Michael Winslow, pitch a police Academy adult film, and ask the hard-hitting questions: Why does the Easter bunny hide eggs? (Spoiler: it's to cover-up an affair.)

The Dicks dive into the absurd cost of lift tickets, the legitimacy of the moon landing (again, but without Alex), and Nate's golden showers. Either way, you may not want to look up.

Dick‘s display in an eclectic blend of captivating witty banter, wise discussions, and a strong sense of solidarity. Sit back as the Dick's interrogate Trump voters, contemplate conspiracies, and lampoon Elon. So you know, a normal Wednesday.

Grab your security blanket and get ready to be inundated with the latest and greatest conspiracy theories. Alex takes control of the crazy train, as it teeters on the edge of the thick Colombian white powdered rails. It's so Florida, right?! Then, stick around and meet a new friend of the Dicks, Chris the black racist. Not really?… Anyway, Jesse stops suffering fools, Ed correctly confirms quantum entanglement (within a conversation, not scientifically), and… Nate recounts Jesse‘s disappointment in not having a bidet in more public places. :(

Grab your favorite drink and join the Dicks for a raucous conversation on power, promises, and accountability. The Dicks dive into the absurdities of political promises, budget cuts, and why Musk may be the most overqualified ringmaster of all time. This episode will provide plenty of eye rolls and laughs, hopefully more of the latter.

Join the Dick‘s for an episode full of superhero casting, celebrity gossip, and the chaos that is American politics. The Dick's share laughs, insights, and personal banter as stories erupt into wild rides filled with unexpected tangents and plenty of drinks.

Join the Dicks as they dive deep into the current political circus. They debate the merits of tariffs, the state of American democracy, and the bizarre circumstances surrounding Gene Hackman's death. Buckle up for a hilarious and thought-provoking conversation.

Join the Dicks for an episode covering everything from drug-fueled hypotheticals, governmental conspiracies, personal health disasters, and healthy dose of skepticism. They delve into the complexities of AI, the absurdity of political debates, and the ever-present threat of a 24-hour bug.

After debating voice dubbing verse captions, the Dick's get into Valentine's Day capitalism, and why dogs might be better Covid detectors than tests. They also put RuPaul on the three dollar bill, get into a heated tangent on political tipping points, and the ethics of throwing Nazis into canals. Grab a drink and join the chaos!

In this episode, we tackle a wide range of topics, from the history and science of vaccines to the mysteries of UFOs and the controversial idea of Universal Basic Income (UBI). Join us as we debate the role of government, the ethics of scientific funding, and whether humanity is truly better off now than in the past. With heated discussions, unexpected tangents, and a few laughs, this episode is a rollercoaster of ideas and opinions.

What happens when you combine Icelandic humor, geothermal, spas, and a museum dedicated entirely to penises? This episode, that's what! Jesse shared stories from an unforgettable trip to Iceland, including improv comedy shows, freezing cold, plunges, and a deep dive into the countries most unusual museum… The penis museum. The infamous Icelandic, Phallological museum, where animal penises, and penis shaped waffles reign supreme. Get ready for a mix of awe, laughter, and a little bit of WTF as we explore the quirks of this fascinating country.

Warning: this episode will contain strong opinions, unexpected alliances (one of the Dick's sides with the Cheeto colored Dildo!), and a healthy nuanced dose of strap-on discourse from the female perspective. You've been warned. =) smiley face.

Join the decks as they dive into quick coverage of chaotic current conversations. From the recent Israeli cease-fire to the political implications of the devastating wildfires in California, no topic is off-limits. The Dicks are happy to pontificate on the state of the world, best of luck.

Uncontrollable fires in LA, paranormal festivals in South Florida, and the Dick's talk the afterlife, get your snacks. It's time to get comfy.

After enjoying the holiday season and welcoming in the New Year, the Dicks are pleased to discuss the downfall of humanity. Extinction events, in app purchases, and drawing dicks on Santa, what else can humanity do to encourage God's wrath? --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/jesse403/support

The Dick's have given up and allowed AI to come up with our conversation topics. So, buckle in and get ready for some repetition. We're going to discover who's ready for treasure hunt, everyone's most embarrassing moments, and how fun it is to be a Krispy Kreme doughnut. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/jesse403/support

Enjoy contemplating different types of apocalypses, naming sex acts, and rating the sexiness of killers? Then this is the episode for you. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/jesse403/support

The Dick's talk Thanksgiving, the upcoming super-game, and Czech Republic glory holes. Feel like popping in? --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/jesse403/support

If you're disappointed that it took 150 episodes to mention dildo races, How do you think we feel? --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/jesse403/support

Is there really a difference between Switzerland and Sweden? Should babies be vaccinated against the plague? Find out the truth only in this episode of Two Dicks in a Bar! --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/jesse403/support

This episode has it all, guests, opinions, and cougars. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/jesse403/support

Well, the election is finished. Everyone can unclench their assholes and breathe a deep fresh breath of, we're fucked. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/jesse403/support

Got to admit, this is not our best cast. If you like listening to podcasts for pity, then have we got and episode for you. Oh well, cant't win them all. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/jesse403/support

Not only do we have a guest, but we've got one who can give Poker tips and talk politics. Seems right up our alley. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/jesse403/support

Storms are brewing, political opponents are stewing, and yet those kids from Tampa be canoeing. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/jesse403/support

Let's talk debates, break ups, and how governmental control over the electrical grid would or wouldn't boost employees morale and new innovations. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/jesse403/support

The typical south Florida episode, slack hurricane coverage, elderly complaints, and a hit list. What did you expect? --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/jesse403/support

Politicians heat up the rhetoric, Israel steps up the spy game, a Dolphin gets a concussion, and the Dicks argue semantics! --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/jesse403/support

The debate episode! Just kidding, we have a sex therapist throw Josh a bone and give him a free session. Thanks Dr. Lovejoy! --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/jesse403/support

While Mike's away the Dicks talk ASMR, that is until our corporate overlords stole our power of choice . --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/jesse403/support

One Dick shares his kill list, one has never seen Grease, and one likes'em with skinned knees. It's an episode. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/jesse403/support

Jesse gets deputized and goes out to do his civic duty…as a poll worker! What kind of shenanigans did he witness while performing this thankless job? Wait no longer, “Thanks citizen!” --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/jesse403/support

Theme park highlights, Nate's necrophiliac needs, & an Olympic recap. Tune in to see if The Dicks can get themselves over the pole! --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/jesse403/support

The Olympics, The VP pick, and most importantly, Mike's musical kill list gets recapped. Stay tuned!  --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/jesse403/support

How many times can the Dicks circle back to the vice presidential pick before realizing, just like white guys, they don't matter? --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/jesse403/support

This episode is full of Foamy the Squirrel, Android versus Apple, and Kamala kebabs… enjoy!  --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/jesse403/support

The Dick's talk soccer! But only for a moment before shifting to shootings, project 25, J. D. Vance, and Mike's latest addition to his hit list. Then Jesse unceremoniously cuts off Quiet Chris's explanation of the meaning of life. Thanks Jesse. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/jesse403/support

The Dicks discuss body swapping. Which Dick would rather be Colin Jost, and which would rather be Scarlett Johansson? Or are they both Jesse? --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/jesse403/support

The Dicks lead you on a meandering journey through bad drivers, fascists, and your grandma. enjoy! --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/jesse403/support

What do the Dick's want to talk about tonight? Tomorrow's presidential debates? No. Rank choice voting? Not for long. This week… We're all about coming up second when you search “two dicks in a bar”! --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/jesse403/message Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/jesse403/support

This week, the Dicks give congestion pricing a double take, and tell Broccoli to fuck its feelings! --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/jesse403/message Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/jesse403/support

Hey Mr. Charlie Kirk, the dicks have slapped you across the face with the proverbial glove! Come on down and debate loser! --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/jesse403/message Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/jesse403/support

How many licks does it take until you finally kill someone that puts a non-citizen into the presidency? --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/jesse403/message Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/jesse403/support

The Dicks discuss musical bingo, leaving belongings in elevators, and why caps on salaries should be implemented to save the human race. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/jesse403/message Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/jesse403/support