Two Dicks in a Bar

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Two dicks in a bar talking with their friends and random people that join Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/jesse403/support

Jesse Walcutt


    • May 29, 2025 LATEST EPISODE
    • weekly NEW EPISODES
    • 1h 11m AVG DURATION
    • 171 EPISODES


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    Latest episodes from Two Dicks in a Bar

    Sports ball, Diddy‘s guests , and whale pee conveyer belts, we serve it up on a warm fresh bun

    Play Episode Listen Later May 29, 2025 88:02


    This week on two decks, Jenna Ortega comes into focus on a Wednesday, bathroom washing becomes a conversation, and a 120 year-old bird takes flight off the lips of the Dicks. On the light side of the cast, get ready for Panther's championship hockey, whiskey dick, and your mom.

    Hikes, humor, and hijinks, get ready for the Dick's take on hysteria.

    Play Episode Listen Later May 22, 2025 100:24


    Join the Dick's for an episode full of trekking the Benton Mackay Trail, the improper use of poison ivy while defecating, and an interesting theories about working bicycles.

    Robots, gorillas, and racist grandmas, find your champion on this week's episode of Two Dicks

    Play Episode Listen Later May 8, 2025 101:20


    The crew debates, humanoid robots and their threat levels, the hundred men verse one Gorilla debate, legal defense funds for killers and racists, and then the Dicks fall into a debate about organized religion. You know, classic bar talk.

    Two Dicks in a Bar: autism theories, hiking, and other ramblings.

    Play Episode Listen Later May 1, 2025 107:24


    Join the chaotic banner as the guys discuss Jesse‘s upcoming 42-mile hike (with questionable preparation), RFK's take on autism, Mike's winning streak, and Putin‘s ambition. The rest of the space will be filled with Pearl Jam fanboying, USSR nostalgia, and whether Burt Reynolds could have pulled off being Han Solo. Get ready for another episode where the bar tab is the only thing longer than the tangent.

    The Pope's Dead, Let's talk about snail butter.

    Play Episode Listen Later Apr 24, 2025 98:36


    The Dick‘s kick things off with Wednesday's breaking news, the Pope died on Monday! Get ready for a deep dive and escargot texture, metaphors, and people who would permanently attach chains around their neck. Join the Dicks as they revisit the glory days opening for Michael Winslow, pitch a police Academy adult film, and ask the hard-hitting questions: Why does the Easter bunny hide eggs? (Spoiler: it's to cover-up an affair.)

    The Gators, Golf, and Golden Showers - alliteration is great!

    Play Episode Listen Later Apr 17, 2025 68:47


    The Dicks dive into the absurd cost of lift tickets, the legitimacy of the moon landing (again, but without Alex), and Nate's golden showers. Either way, you may not want to look up.

    Moon landing conspiracies, political rants, and ball talk; what else is new for the Dicks?

    Play Episode Listen Later Apr 3, 2025 86:16


    Dick‘s display in an eclectic blend of captivating witty banter, wise discussions, and a strong sense of solidarity. Sit back as the Dick's interrogate Trump voters, contemplate conspiracies, and lampoon Elon. So you know, a normal Wednesday.

    You might wanna kick back with a bag of crack for this episode, the Dick's have.

    Play Episode Listen Later Mar 27, 2025 92:10


    Grab your security blanket and get ready to be inundated with the latest and greatest conspiracy theories. Alex takes control of the crazy train, as it teeters on the edge of the thick Colombian white powdered rails. It's so Florida, right?! Then, stick around and meet a new friend of the Dicks, Chris the black racist. Not really?… Anyway, Jesse stops suffering fools, Ed correctly confirms quantum entanglement (within a conversation, not scientifically), and… Nate recounts Jesse‘s disappointment in not having a bidet in more public places. :(

    Politics unplugged: spicy topics and the sweet hard candy of truths.

    Play Episode Listen Later Mar 20, 2025 123:52


    Grab your favorite drink and join the Dicks for a raucous conversation on power, promises, and accountability. The Dicks dive into the absurdities of political promises, budget cuts, and why Musk may be the most overqualified ringmaster of all time. This episode will provide plenty of eye rolls and laughs, hopefully more of the latter.

    Whitty Banner concerning hand jobs, comics, and huffing. Get ready for deep breaths.

    Play Episode Listen Later Mar 13, 2025 111:24


    Join the Dick‘s for an episode full of superhero casting, celebrity gossip, and the chaos that is American politics. The Dick's share laughs, insights, and personal banter as stories erupt into wild rides filled with unexpected tangents and plenty of drinks.

    End of the world Wednesdays: Sloth skulls, tariffs, and the truth. A Wednesday to remember.

    Play Episode Listen Later Mar 6, 2025 92:15


    Join the Dicks as they dive deep into the current political circus. They debate the merits of tariffs, the state of American democracy, and the bizarre circumstances surrounding Gene Hackman's death. Buckle up for a hilarious and thought-provoking conversation.

    Get ready for a tech-heavy discussion covering AI, Elon, and anything but the ordinary.

    Play Episode Listen Later Feb 27, 2025 121:46


    Join the Dicks for an episode covering everything from drug-fueled hypotheticals, governmental conspiracies, personal health disasters, and healthy dose of skepticism. They delve into the complexities of AI, the absurdity of political debates, and the ever-present threat of a 24-hour bug.

    Subtitles, unfiltered, tangents, and swastikas. Buckle in!

    Play Episode Listen Later Feb 20, 2025 120:36


    After debating voice dubbing verse captions, the Dick's get into Valentine's Day capitalism, and why dogs might be better Covid detectors than tests. They also put RuPaul on the three dollar bill, get into a heated tangent on political tipping points, and the ethics of throwing Nazis into canals. Grab a drink and join the chaos!

    Vaccines, UFOs, and Universal Basic Income: A Deep Dive into Science and Society

    Play Episode Listen Later Feb 13, 2025 125:13


    In this episode, we tackle a wide range of topics, from the history and science of vaccines to the mysteries of UFOs and the controversial idea of Universal Basic Income (UBI). Join us as we debate the role of government, the ethics of scientific funding, and whether humanity is truly better off now than in the past. With heated discussions, unexpected tangents, and a few laughs, this episode is a rollercoaster of ideas and opinions.

    The aurora borealis, lava shows, and penis museum: And Icelandic adventure

    Play Episode Listen Later Feb 6, 2025 88:08


    What happens when you combine Icelandic humor, geothermal, spas, and a museum dedicated entirely to penises? This episode, that's what! Jesse shared stories from an unforgettable trip to Iceland, including improv comedy shows, freezing cold, plunges, and a deep dive into the countries most unusual museum… The penis museum. The infamous Icelandic, Phallological museum, where animal penises, and penis shaped waffles reign supreme. Get ready for a mix of awe, laughter, and a little bit of WTF as we explore the quirks of this fascinating country.

    Jesse‘s northern lights, Mike's southern retribution tour, and women's strap on preferences.

    Play Episode Listen Later Jan 23, 2025 94:04


    Warning: this episode will contain strong opinions, unexpected alliances (one of the Dick's sides with the Cheeto colored Dildo!), and a healthy nuanced dose of strap-on discourse from the female perspective. You've been warned. =) smiley face.

    Ceasefires, LA fires, and Biden's fired. It's official people are horrible.

    Play Episode Listen Later Jan 16, 2025 93:42


    Join the decks as they dive into quick coverage of chaotic current conversations. From the recent Israeli cease-fire to the political implications of the devastating wildfires in California, no topic is off-limits. The Dicks are happy to pontificate on the state of the world, best of luck.

    The Dicks want to get the satellites out of orbit to keep them safe from solar flares. Cause we care

    Play Episode Listen Later Jan 9, 2025 114:13


    Uncontrollable fires in LA, paranormal festivals in South Florida, and the Dick's talk the afterlife, get your snacks. It's time to get comfy.

    New year new us? Absolutely not! Welcome back.

    Play Episode Listen Later Jan 2, 2025 113:57


    After enjoying the holiday season and welcoming in the New Year, the Dicks are pleased to discuss the downfall of humanity. Extinction events, in app purchases, and drawing dicks on Santa, what else can humanity do to encourage God's wrath? --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/jesse403/support

    Have ewe given enough thought to sex with sheep?

    Play Episode Listen Later Dec 19, 2024 128:17


    The Dick's have given up and allowed AI to come up with our conversation topics. So, buckle in and get ready for some repetition. We're going to discover who's ready for treasure hunt, everyone's most embarrassing moments, and how fun it is to be a Krispy Kreme doughnut. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/jesse403/support

    If AI is planning our deaths, we've got plenty of time, just ask Jesse.

    Play Episode Listen Later Dec 12, 2024 67:04


    Enjoy contemplating different types of apocalypses, naming sex acts, and rating the sexiness of killers? Then this is the episode for you. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/jesse403/support

    Grinder says he's 3 feet away, the ping is coming from inside the house.

    Play Episode Listen Later Dec 5, 2024 103:30


    The Dick's talk Thanksgiving, the upcoming super-game, and Czech Republic glory holes. Feel like popping in? --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/jesse403/support

    Religion vs Cult, for bathroom wall art? This episode has it all.

    Play Episode Listen Later Nov 28, 2024 80:28


    If you're disappointed that it took 150 episodes to mention dildo races, How do you think we feel? --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/jesse403/support

    Shots! And Conspiracy theories! let's go!

    Play Episode Listen Later Nov 21, 2024 111:49


    Is there really a difference between Switzerland and Sweden? Should babies be vaccinated against the plague? Find out the truth only in this episode of Two Dicks in a Bar! --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/jesse403/support

    Clitorus Interruptus

    Play Episode Listen Later Nov 14, 2024 90:39


    This episode has it all, guests, opinions, and cougars. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/jesse403/support

    Trump WINS!!!! Yay! The Dick's have always been pro-Trump! Please don't deport us.

    Play Episode Listen Later Nov 7, 2024 62:46


    Well, the election is finished. Everyone can unclench their assholes and breathe a deep fresh breath of, we're fucked. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/jesse403/support

    Sorry, we will do better next time

    Play Episode Listen Later Oct 31, 2024 58:29


    Got to admit, this is not our best cast. If you like listening to podcasts for pity, then have we got and episode for you. Oh well, cant't win them all. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/jesse403/support

    Special guests, poker tips, and tax brackets! Stay tuned.

    Play Episode Listen Later Oct 24, 2024 84:09


    Not only do we have a guest, but we've got one who can give Poker tips and talk politics. Seems right up our alley. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/jesse403/support

    Episode 144, the gross episode or the hurricane episode. Either way, it's named Milton.

    Play Episode Listen Later Oct 10, 2024 72:31


    Storms are brewing, political opponents are stewing, and yet those kids from Tampa be canoeing. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/jesse403/support

    New baby, animal joke, and power grids, oh yeah, this episode is shocking!

    Play Episode Listen Later Oct 3, 2024 104:30


    Let's talk debates, break ups, and how governmental control over the electrical grid would or wouldn't boost employees morale and new innovations. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/jesse403/support

    Everybody is officially old & this episode proves it. Stories from the Elder Dicks?

    Play Episode Listen Later Sep 26, 2024 70:08


    The typical south Florida episode, slack hurricane coverage, elderly complaints, and a hit list. What did you expect? --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/jesse403/support

    Don't ask what this episode runs on. Don't ask! Please don't ask.

    Play Episode Listen Later Sep 19, 2024 105:11


    Politicians heat up the rhetoric, Israel steps up the spy game, a Dolphin gets a concussion, and the Dicks argue semantics! --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/jesse403/support

    The dicks go to sex therapy, then the debate. Huzzah!

    Play Episode Listen Later Sep 12, 2024 81:53


    The debate episode! Just kidding, we have a sex therapist throw Josh a bone and give him a free session. Thanks Dr. Lovejoy! --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/jesse403/support

    If you love the podcast podcast updates, then this is the episode for you!

    Play Episode Listen Later Sep 5, 2024 60:46


    While Mike's away the Dicks talk ASMR, that is until our corporate overlords stole our power of choice . --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/jesse403/support

    The Dicks talk tips and taxes, which should they cut?

    Play Episode Listen Later Aug 29, 2024 76:19


    One Dick shares his kill list, one has never seen Grease, and one likes'em with skinned knees. It's an episode. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/jesse403/support

    The Dicks talk magic pills, Viagra honey, and boner bear gummies. Jump on board!

    Play Episode Listen Later Aug 22, 2024 79:21


    Jesse gets deputized and goes out to do his civic duty…as a poll worker! What kind of shenanigans did he witness while performing this thankless job? Wait no longer, “Thanks citizen!” --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/jesse403/support

    The List is dead! Long, live the List!

    Play Episode Listen Later Aug 15, 2024 63:38


    Theme park highlights, Nate's necrophiliac needs, & an Olympic recap. Tune in to see if The Dicks can get themselves over the pole! --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/jesse403/support

    Two Dicks on the couch? No JD! Off!

    Play Episode Listen Later Aug 8, 2024 68:21


    The Olympics, The VP pick, and most importantly, Mike's musical kill list gets recapped. Stay tuned!  --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/jesse403/support

    Kamala's VP pick has been decided… Jesse!

    Play Episode Listen Later Aug 1, 2024 90:45


    How many times can the Dicks circle back to the vice presidential pick before realizing, just like white guys, they don't matter? --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/jesse403/support

    Think I might be looking for… Where is our money, Spotify?“

    Play Episode Listen Later Jul 25, 2024 73:51


    This episode is full of Foamy the Squirrel, Android versus Apple, and Kamala kebabs… enjoy!  --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/jesse403/support

    The Dicks take a shot at a recent tragedy and miss the mark.

    Play Episode Listen Later Jul 18, 2024 58:32


    The Dick's talk soccer! But only for a moment before shifting to shootings, project 25, J. D. Vance, and Mike's latest addition to his hit list. Then Jesse unceremoniously cuts off Quiet Chris's explanation of the meaning of life. Thanks Jesse. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/jesse403/support

    Mike's kill list on full display! Tune in.

    Play Episode Listen Later Jul 11, 2024 57:41


    The Dicks discuss body swapping. Which Dick would rather be Colin Jost, and which would rather be Scarlett Johansson? Or are they both Jesse? --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/jesse403/support

    Starbucks, Dunkin, and Nazi train conductors… One has to be right.

    Play Episode Listen Later Jul 4, 2024 58:42


    The Dicks lead you on a meandering journey through bad drivers, fascists, and your grandma. enjoy! --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/jesse403/support

    The Dick's are excited to congratulate the Florida Panthers national championship win… Go Cats!

    Play Episode Listen Later Jun 27, 2024 58:57


    What do the Dick's want to talk about tonight? Tomorrow's presidential debates? No. Rank choice voting? Not for long. This week… We're all about coming up second when you search “two dicks in a bar”! --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/jesse403/message Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/jesse403/support

    Now that plants have intelligence, What are the vegans gonna eat?

    Play Episode Listen Later Jun 20, 2024 59:40


    This week, the Dicks give congestion pricing a double take, and tell Broccoli to fuck its feelings! --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/jesse403/message Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/jesse403/support

    Kicking someone off the cast is easier than out of Jesse‘s adult campground! Or is it?

    Play Episode Listen Later Jun 13, 2024 57:16


    Hey Mr. Charlie Kirk, the dicks have slapped you across the face with the proverbial glove! Come on down and debate loser! --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/jesse403/message Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/jesse403/support

    What!? Talk about Trump's legal woes? No…not us. Us? Nooooo.

    Play Episode Listen Later Jun 6, 2024 58:47


    How many licks does it take until you finally kill someone that puts a non-citizen into the presidency? --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/jesse403/message Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/jesse403/support

    F Billionaires, yay Memorial Day, and who left a shit in the elevator? Find out on this episode of 2 Dicks in a bar.

    Play Episode Listen Later May 30, 2024 59:20


    The Dicks discuss musical bingo, leaving belongings in elevators, and why caps on salaries should be implemented to save the human race. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/jesse403/message Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/jesse403/support

    Joe Rogan would listen to this podcast, if it was interesting.

    Play Episode Listen Later May 23, 2024 57:14


    Two Dicks times four are eight, if more dicks are what you need, this episode is for you. Come for the quantity, stay for the quality. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/jesse403/message Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/jesse403/support

    Mike's back, labels for stupid people, and the tarot says there's a debate in your future.

    Play Episode Listen Later May 16, 2024 58:29


    The Dicks are excited to reshape America! Get ready to learn the new voting system… let's make A-town Amazing Again! --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/jesse403/message Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/jesse403/support

    How do you get a dog to stop humping your leg? tune in to find out.

    Play Episode Listen Later May 9, 2024 59:43


    The dicks are excited to dive into homelessness, the funniness of the “K” sound, and what Seinfeld thinks is funny. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/jesse403/message Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/jesse403/support

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