Clemenz With a ”Z” Podcast

In this episode of Clemenz With a Z, I take you inside a sermon that hit me sideways — one of those messages that sounds “biblical” on the surface, but leaves your gut twisted underneath. The pastor said men and women are “equal… but not equivalent,” and that women were designed by God to be helpers while men hold headship. And that's where everything started to unravel. I share how that message clashed with not only my lived experience — as a former elementary school teacher, a husband, and a dad — but also with the marriage I'm in, the family I'm raising, and the partnership I watched my parents model. This episode isn't about rebellion — it's about relationship. It's about pulling back the curtain on so-called “God-designed roles,” and asking what happens when we stop chasing hierarchy and start building love, mutuality, and something real. Your support keeps these honest conversations going. If you're new here, or if you've been riding with me for a while—thank you. Please take a second to rate, review, and share the podcast if it spoke to you. It helps more people find these stories and moments of reflection. If you want to support the show financially, follow this link: https://gofund.me/7ebb0524. or snag something cool from clemenzwithaz.com to help keep the fire lit. And as always— I'm just a channel. I ain't the source.

This episode is another part of the We Were in a Cult? series here on the Clemenz With a "Z" Podcast. I sit down with Eugene, who joined me all the way from Russia to share his story of life inside—and beyond—the International Churches of Christ. In this series, I sit down with former members of the ICOC and ICC to listen to their stories, make sense of what we experienced, and hopefully find some healing along the way. Eugene was a freshman in Saint Petersburg in the early 90s when he first encountered the ICOC. What followed was a years-long journey of devotion, disillusionment, and ultimately, healing. Despite the distance, Eugene's experience mirrors so many of the same patterns we've heard throughout this series: control disguised as discipleship, fear wrapped in love, and the long, quiet work of reclaiming your sense of self after leaving a high-control group. This conversation is a powerful reminder that the impact of the ICOC wasn't confined to one country—it was global. And so is the healing. If you are a member, were a member, or know someone who was a member of the ICOC or ICC and would like to share your story about life in and out of the church, I'd love to hear from you. Together, we can continue exploring the question, “We were in a cult?”—and perhaps find some healing along the way. You can reach me via email at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com, or send me a DM on Instagram at the Clemenz With a Z podcast page. As always, if you enjoy the podcast, please rate and review—it helps more people find these stories. And don't forget: I'm just a channel, I ain't the source. If you'd like to support the podcast financially please follow this link: https://gofund.me/7ebb0524 Also—if you'd like to support the podcast financially, you can head over to clemenzwithaz.com and grab a sticker or something cool from the shop. Every little bit helps keep this going, and I'm so grateful for it. Until next time, take care of yourself, stay grateful, and keep growing. Peace!

Lately, I felt this deep pull to get away—not to escape life, but to find something underneath all the noise. So I packed up and took my first solo trip to a cabin that's been in my wife's family for generations, tucked right up against a river. No Wi-Fi. No distractions. Just silence, cold water, firewood, and whatever was waiting for me in the quiet. In this episode, I share what it was like to face my nerves, to find stillness in the middle of fear, and to reconnect with something I didn't know I'd been missing. There's a bald eagle involved. There's a soap-in-the-river moment. There's a whole lot of wrestling with what it means to "find your wild." And maybe, just maybe, an invitation for you to find yours too. Thanks for tuning in to this episode of Clemenz With a Z. If this episode stirred something in you—if you've been feeling the pull toward stillness, space, or your own version of the wild—I hope you'll listen to that. Even if it's just five minutes of quiet today. Start there. Your support keeps these honest conversations going. If you're new here, or if you've been riding with me for a while—thank you. Please take a second to rate, review, and share the podcast if it spoke to you. It helps more people find these stories and moments of reflection. If you want to support the show financially, follow this link: https://gofund.me/7ebb0524. or snag something cool from clemenzwithaz.com to help keep the fire lit. And as always— I'm just a channel. I ain't the source.

In this episode of Clemenz With a Z, I sit down once again with Alan Allard for a deeper, more honest conversation about the hard work of healing after religious trauma. If you caught our first conversation (EP 126: A Story of Healing with Alan Allard), you know how much insight Alan brings — and this time, we dive even deeper into what it really takes to rebuild your life, your beliefs, and your sense of self after high-control religion. We talk about everything from the danger of certainty, to how toxic beliefs can trap us in shame and self-doubt long after we leave the system. Alan also shares the three core keys he believes are essential for moving from surviving to truly thriving — and why real healing isn't about finding the "right" answers, but about learning how to trust yourself again. Alan Allard is a former psychotherapist and an expert in happiness, human performance, and how to empower agency and well-being after trauma, abuse, and adversity. He works with individuals, couples, churches, and organizations who want to thrive. To find out more about Alan's work and get his contact information, visit: www.alanallard.com Whether you're just starting your journey or you've been walking it for a while, I hope this conversation encourages you to keep going — and reminds you: you're not broken. You're rebuilding. If you are a member, were a member, or know someone who was a member of the ICOC or ICC and would like to share your story about life in and out of the church, I'd love to hear from you. Together, we can keep exploring the question, “We were in a cult?” — and maybe find a little more healing along the way. You can reach out to me by email at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com, or send me a DM on Instagram at the Clemenz With a Z podcast page. As always, if you enjoy the podcast, please rate and review — it really does help more people find these stories. And don't forget: I'm just a channel. I ain't the source. If you want to support the show financially, follow this link: https://gofund.me/7ebb0524. Or — if you want to grab a sticker or something cool from the shop, head over to clemenzwithaz.com. Every little bit helps keep this going, and I'm seriously so grateful. Until next time — be gentle with yourself, stay open, and remember: you're not broken. You're rebuilding. Take care. Stay grateful. Keep growing. Peace.

What happens when the people who preach love don't live it—and the ones you least expect to show up with kindness, do? In this episode, I tell the story of two backstage coffee gigs—one at a major Christian music festival, the other at the Warped Tour—and the surprising lessons they taught me about generosity, humility, and the quiet kind of gospel that doesn't need a spotlight. It's not about bashing anyone. It's about wrestling with expectations, letting people be human, and learning to find sacred moments in the places we never thought to look. Thanks for tuning in to Clemenz With a Z. If this one hit something real in you—if you've ever felt let down by the people or places you thought were supposed to be holy—I hope you know you're not alone. Maybe the real gospel is quieter than we were taught. Maybe it's just presence, eye contact, kindness—no strings attached. If you want to support the show,  follow this link: https://gofund.me/7ebb0524or head on over to clemenzwithaz.com—grab a sticker, share an episode, or leave a review wherever you listen. And as always… tip your baristas. They're watching.

In this episode of Clemenz With a Z, I continue my series on idolatry in the church—but this time, I turn the lens toward something that feels almost untouchable: the cross itself. Growing up, the cross was everything—sacred, central, and surrounded by emotion. But lately, I've been wrestling with what it's actually calling us to do. Is it about guilt? Worship? Performance? Or something deeper? From a deeply theatrical Good Friday service to the theology I've inherited—and now questioned—I'm unpacking how my view of the cross has changed, and what it might mean to follow Jesus without idolizing Him. This one's not about answers. It's about naming what no longer sits right… and maybe, just maybe, finding something more honest in the process. Thank you for tuning in to this episode of Clemenz With a Z. If you've made it this far, thank you for sitting in the tension with me. This one wasn't about clear answers—it was about asking better questions. About the cross. About worship. About what it really means to follow. If you are a member, were a member, or know someone who was a part of the ICOC or ICC and you'd like to share your story about life in and out of the church, I'd love to hear from you. Together, we can keep exploring the question: “Were we in a cult?” —and maybe, just maybe, find some healing along the way. You can reach me at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com or send me a DM on Instagram at the Clemenz With a Z podcast page. And as always, if you're enjoying the podcast, please rate and review—it helps more people find these stories and conversations. And don't forget: I'm just a channel. I ain't the source. If you'd like to support the podcast financially, you can follow this link: https://gofund.me/7ebb0524 Or head to clemenzwithaz.com and grab a sticker or something cool from the shop—every little bit helps keep this going, and I'm truly grateful for it. Until next time— take care of yourself, stay grateful, and keep growing. Peace.

What happens when a church stops being about community and starts revolving around one man? In this episode of Clemenz With a Z, I continue the “This Was Supposed to Be the Place” series by digging into the idolization of pastors—starting with Kip McKean in the ICOC, and then zooming out to the wider church culture where pastor worship, branding, and platform-building have taken center stage. I reflect on my own experiences, both in the church and beyond, and explore what happens when our faith is shaped more by charisma than by Christ. This one's about power, presence, and what church could still be—if we're brave enough to imagine it. If you are a member, were a member, or know someone who was a part of the ICOC or ICC and would like to share your story about life in and out of the church, I'd love to hear from you. But also—if something from this episode hit home for you… if you've ever found yourself centering your faith around a pastor, a personality, a system… and you're working your way through it—I'd love to hear your story too. Maybe it's time we talk about it together, out loud. You can reach me anytime at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com, or send me a DM on Instagram at the Clemenz With a Z podcast page. If this episode resonated with you, please take a second to rate and review the show—it helps more people find these conversations and this space. And as always: I'm just a channel. I ain't the source. If you'd like to support the podcast financially, you can follow this link: https://gofund.me/7ebb0524. Or you can head to clemenzwithaz.com and grab a sticker or something cool from the shop. Every little bit helps keep this going—and I'm so grateful for it. Until next time, stay honest, stay grounded, and keep growing. Peace.

In this episode of Clemenz With a Z, I dig into the quiet, heavy weight so many of us carry: the pressure to be who we're supposed to be. From labels like “gifted” to the roles we're assigned in school, church, and family, I unpack how early expectations can shape our sense of worth—and how hard it is to break free from the “land of should.” I talk about the pressure to lead, to be the strong one, the good one, the faithful one—and what it means to start asking who am I, really? This episode is about healing, honesty, and slowly walking away from the roles we never chose. If you've ever felt like you're performing your life instead of living it, this one's for you. If this episode hit something in you—or if you've been carrying a story, a label, or a weight you're finally trying to lay down—I'd love to hear from you. You can reach me by email at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com, or send me a DM on Instagram at the Clemenz With a Z podcast page. And if there's something you wish you could say out loud—something you've been sitting with but haven't found the space to share—I'd be honored to hold that space for you. As always, if you enjoy the podcast, please rate and review—it helps more people find these stories. And don't forget: I'm just a channel, I ain't the source. If you'd like to support the podcast financially, you can follow this link: https://gofund.me/7ebb0524. Or you can head over to clemenzwithaz.com and grab a sticker or something cool from the shop. Every little bit helps keep this going, and I'm deeply grateful for it.

This was supposed to be the place. The place where I'd grow. Where I'd feel safe. Where God would feel close. But somewhere along the way, the church became something else—something heavier. In this episode, I reflect on how the desire for connection slowly got replaced by the pressure to conform… and how the church I was born into started to feel less like a community and more like something we worshipped. Not God—but the church itself. And the more I've looked around, the more I've realized: this isn't just a “my church” thing. This kind of idolatry—where we elevate the system, the brand, the building, the leaders—shows up in churches everywhere. This episode isn't about throwing the whole thing away. It's about telling the truth. Because when we start worshiping the place instead of seeking the Presence… We lose what the place was supposed to lead us toward in the first place. If you are a member, were a member, or know someone who was a member of the ICOC or ICC and would like to share your story about life in and out of the church, I'd love to hear from you. Together, we can continue exploring the question, “We were in a cult? Or If this episode stirred something in you, if you've wrestled with what church has meant in your life, or if you just have a story you want to share, I'd love to hear from you. Whether you want to process something, reflect, or even come on the podcast—feel free to reach out. You can contact me via email at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com, or send a DM on Instagram at the Clemenz With a Z podcast page. If you're enjoying the show, please take a moment to rate and review—it really helps more people find these stories. And remember: I'm just a channel. I ain't the source. If you'd like to support the podcast financially, you can head over to clemenzwithaz.com and grab a sticker or something from the shop. Or, you can follow this link: https://gofund.me/7ebb0524. Every little bit helps keep this going, and I'm so grateful for it. Until next time—take care of yourself, stay grateful, and keep growing. Peace.

In this episode of Clemenz With a "Z," I sit down with former member of the ICOC Greg to unpack the winding road that led him from a Catholic upbringing into the heart of the ICOC. Greg's story is one of spiritual searching, family dynamics, and the slow unraveling of certainty. With honesty and depth, he shares what it felt like to be swept up in a system that promised purpose—but delivered pressure. This conversation is part of our ongoing “We Were In a Cult?” series, and it's another raw, powerful reminder that healing begins with telling the truth. Whether you're deconstructing, recovering, or just curious, this episode is for you. If you are a member, were a member, or know someone who was a member of the ICOC or ICC and would like to share your story about life in and out of the church, I'd love to hear from you. Together, we can continue exploring the question, “We were in a cult?”—and perhaps find some healing along the way. You can reach me via email at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com, or send me a DM on Instagram at the Clemenz With a Z podcast page. As always, if you enjoy the podcast, please rate and review—it helps more people find these stories. And don't forget: I'm just a channel, I ain't the source. If you'd like to support the podcast financially please follow this link: https://gofund.me/7ebb0524 Also—if you'd like to support the podcast financially, you can head over to clemenzwithaz.com and grab a sticker or something cool from the shop. Every little bit helps keep this going, and I'm so grateful for it. Until next time, take care of yourself, stay grateful, and keep growing. Peace!

What happens when the place that was supposed to offer belonging, love, and healing becomes the very thing that teaches you to be small? In this episode of Clemenz With a "Z", I explore how my time in the ICOC—and the broader evangelical culture I grew up in—shaped the way I saw myself, God, and the meaning of worth. From the story of the Garden to the image of the Cross, I unpack how scripture and church culture taught me that I was broken at my core—and how that belief followed me into every part of my life. But I also talk about what happens when you start to question that story. When you realize it wasn't God who made you feel that way—it was people. This is an honest reflection on shame, self-erasure, and the journey toward a more freeing, more loving spirituality. As always, if you enjoy the podcast, please rate and review—it helps more people find these stories. And remember: I'm just a channel, I ain't the source. If you'd like to support the podcast financially please follow this link: https://gofund.me/7ebb0524 or, you know, grab a sticker or maybe even a tank top (because apparently, every scene has merch)—you can head over to my new website:

n this episode, I share the story of attending two very different concerts in the same week—one a high-energy worship night with Phil Wickham, Kristian Stanfill, and Cody Carnes, the other a gritty, laid-back rock show by Pepper. On the surface, these shows couldn't have been more different... but as I stood in both spaces, coffee in hand at one and beer in hand at the other, I started noticing some surprising similarities. This episode isn't about bashing anything—it's about asking questions, noticing patterns, and exploring where the sacred can actually show up. Because maybe God isn't just behind the worship curtain—maybe He's in the pit, too. If any of this resonated with you, please take a second to like, subscribe, rate, or review the show— it helps more than you know, and it helps others find these conversations too. If you'd like to connect, you can reach out to me at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com or DM at the Clemenz With a "Z" instagram page.  If you would like to support the podcast financially please follow this link: https://gofund.me/7ebb0524 or If you'd like to support the podcast financially please follow this link: https://gofund.me/7ebb0524 or, you know, grab a sticker or maybe even a tank top (because apparently, every scene has merch)—you can head over to my new website:

In this episode, I hit a wall—and I don't clean it up. I talk about what it feels like to be doing all the “right” things—therapy, journaling, movement, rest, reflection—and still feel like I'm falling apart. I wrestle with the chaos of life, the illusion of control, and that haunting thought: “Is this how it's always going to be?” Along the way, I reflect on a line from Living Buddha, Living Christ that shifted something in me: “It's not a matter of faith. It's a matter of practice.” This isn't an episode with answers. It's one with questions. The kind that stay with you long after you stop recording. If you've ever felt frustrated by the gap between your effort and your peace—this one's for you. As always, I'm not here to give you answers. I'm just here to ask the questions out loud— and maybe help you feel a little less alone in asking yours. If this resonated with you, please take a second to like, subscribe, rate, or review the show— it helps more than you know, and it helps others find these conversations too. If you'd like to connect, you can reach out to me at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com or DM at the Clemenz With a "Z" instagram page.  If you would like to support the podcast financially please follow this link: https://gofund.me/7ebb0524 or head over to www.clemenzwithaz.com and buy a sticker or something. Take care of yourself. Be gentle with what you're carrying. And I'll see you in the next one.

In this episode of Clemenz With a Z, I open up about the fear-based faith I was raised in—specifically within the International Churches of Christ (ICOC)—and how it shaped my view of God, love, obedience, and myself. From childhood memories of fearing hell, to moments of spiritual panic, guilt, and manipulation, this episode is a raw unpacking of what happens when fear becomes the foundation of belief. But this isn't just about the ICOC. I'm seeing the same fear-based messaging alive and well in churches today—from pulpits to podcasts, just dressed up in nicer language and cooler branding. I talk about the day everything shifted—the moment I realized it wasn't God I was afraid of, but people's version of God. This is an episode about unlearning, about healing, and about daring to believe in a love that doesn't punish. Whether you've been part of the ICOC, another high-control church, or are just trying to untangle fear from faith, this one is for you. Thank you for tuning in to this episode of Clemenz With a Z. This one was personal. It was heavy. And it was necessary. If you've ever been made to feel like fear was love… Like obedience was the only way to be seen by God… I just want to say—you're not alone. This episode came out of my own story, but I know so many of you have lived through versions of this too. And if you've got something to say, if you've got a story of fear, faith, and figuring it out— I'd love to hear it. If you're a member, former member, or know someone connected to the ICOC or ICC, and you want to share what life was like inside—or outside— please reach out. Together, we're still asking the question: “Were we in a cult?” But more than that… we're doing the work to heal from it. You can email me at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com or DM me on Instagram at the Clemenz With a Z podcast page. And hey—if this episode moved you, if it helped you name something, or even made you feel less alone… please rate and review the show. It really does help these conversations reach the people who need them most. If you would like to support the podcast financially please follow this link: https://gofund.me/7ebb0524 Until next time, take care of yourself, stay grateful, and keep growing. Peace!  

In this episode of Clemenz With a "Z," I sit down with Sachiko to hear her story of life inside—and eventually, outside—the International Churches of Christ. With honesty, warmth, and depth, Sachiko shares what it was like to grow up in a high-control religious environment, the internal battles she faced, and how she began reclaiming her voice after years of being told who she was supposed to be. This conversation is part of our “We Were in a Cult” series—an ongoing exploration of faith, fear, healing, and the long, complicated process of finding yourself again. Whether you're deconstructing, questioning, or just curious, Sachiko's story is one you won't want to miss. Thank you for tuning in to this episode of Clemenz With a Z. Your support means the world to me and helps keep these important conversations going. If you are a member, were a member, or know someone who was a member of the ICOC or ICC and would like to share your story about life in and out of the church, I'd love to hear from you. Together, we can continue exploring the question, “We were in a cult?”—and perhaps find some healing along the way. You can reach me via email at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com, or send me a DM on Instagram at the Clemenz With a Z podcast page. As always, if you enjoy the podcast, please rate and review—it helps more people find these stories. And don't forget: I'm just a channel, I ain't the source. If you would like to support the podcast financially please follow this link: https://gofund.me/7ebb0524 Until next time, take care of yourself, stay grateful, and keep growing. Peace!

What happens when everything you once believed starts to fall apart? In this episode of Clemenz With a Z, I dive into the difference between cynicism and skepticism—and why one keeps you stuck while the other helps you move forward. I share my personal journey through faith deconstruction, religious trauma, and healing, drawing from Richard Rohr's Wisdom Pattern (Order → Disorder → Reorder) to explore how faith and life aren't meant to be static. Along the way, I reflect on how my lifelong struggle with ear infections and surgeries became a metaphor for my evolving faith, the risks I took to stay open, and why a growth mindset is essential for healing. Whether you've left a faith system, are questioning what you've been taught, or are just trying to figure out what's next, this episode is about keeping the door open to growth. Because faith isn't about having all the answers—it's about having the courage to keep moving. If this episode resonated with you, or if you've been wrestling with your own faith, healing, or the journey from Disorder to Reorder, I'd love to hear your thoughts. You can reach me at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com or send me a DM on Instagram at the Clemenz With a Z podcast page. And if you've ever felt like you had to stay in something just because that's what you were taught—whether it's faith, a belief system, or a way of thinking—I hope you walk away from this episode knowing that you are free to ask, to search, and to knock on new doors. As always, if you enjoy the podcast, please rate and review—it helps more people find these stories. And remember: I'm just a channel, I ain't the source. If you would like to support the podcast financially please follow this link: https://gofund.me/7ebb0524 Until next time—stay open, keep asking, and keep walking. Peace!

Empathy and compassion should be the foundation of faith, right? So why are they suddenly treated like liabilities? In this episode, I break down the growing fear around "toxic empathy" and ask the bigger questions: Why are so many people—especially in religious spaces—acting like caring too much is dangerous? Why does faith seem to be turning into a fortress instead of a bridge? And if following Jesus is supposed to make us more compassionate, more willing to see the humanity in others, why is so much of modern faith rooted in fear and control instead? We'll dive into the parable of the Good Samaritan, unpack why Jesus made the most hated person the hero of the story, and ask—if he told this parable today, who would be the Samaritan? Immigrants? The LGBTQIA+ community? People from different faiths? And most importantly, if your faith is making you less willing to love, less willing to connect, and more focused on protecting yourself from the ‘wrong people'—then is it even faith at all? Buckle up for a deep, unfiltered conversation on what it really means to love your neighbor. If you've ever wrestled with questions about faith, about empathy, about what it really means to follow Jesus—I see you. These conversations aren't always easy, but they matter. And if this episode made you think, challenged you, or maybe even unsettled you a bit, I encourage you to sit with that. Wrestle with it. Ask yourself, Who is the Samaritan today? And what does that mean for me? If you are a member, were a member, or know someone who was a member of the ICOC or ICC and would like to share your story about life in and out of the church, I'd love to hear from you. Together, we can continue exploring the question, “We were in a cult?”—and perhaps find some healing along the way. You can reach me via email at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com, or send me a DM on Instagram at the Clemenz With a Z podcast page. As always, if you enjoy the podcast, please rate and review—it helps more people find these stories. And don't forget: I'm just a channel, I ain't the source. If you would like to support the podcast financially please follow this link: https://gofund.me/7ebb0524 Until next time, take care of yourself, stay open, stay connected, and don't be afraid to ask the hard questions. Peace!

Purity culture wasn't just a set of rules—it was a full-blown system of fear, shame, and control that dictated everything from dating to what we wore to whether or not we could even think about smashing without disappointing God. In this episode, I take a deep dive into how purity culture shaped my childhood, warped my understanding of relationships, and made me legitimately believe I was going to hell for shucking the corn at 13. From forced confession sessions to the bizarre ways we were taught to see each other as “brothers and sisters in Christ,” this episode unpacks the weird, uncomfortable, and straight-up damaging ways the church tried to keep us "pure." But this isn't just about the past—purity culture's grip doesn't just disappear overnight. Even today, I catch myself fighting against the messages drilled into me as a kid, and I know I'm not the only one. Whether you grew up in this world or you're just here for the wild ride, this episode breaks down how purity culture ultimately benefits men, how it oversexualizes women, and how we can start to unlearn the shame we were never meant to carry. Buckle up—this one's a doozy. Thank you for tuning in to this episode of Clemenz With a Z. Your support means everything to me and helps keep these conversations going. Purity culture left so many of us with shame, guilt, and confusion—but talking about it? That's how we take our power back. If you were a part of the ICOC, ICC, or any high-control religious group and purity culture shaped your experience in ways you're still unpacking, I'd love to hear from you. You're not alone in this, and together, we can continue exploring the question, ‘We were in a cult?'—and maybe even start to heal from it. You can reach me via email at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com, or send me a DM on Instagram at the Clemenz With a Z podcast page. And if this episode resonated with you, please rate and review—it helps more people find these stories. And remember: I'm just a channel, I ain't the source. If you would like to support the podcast financially please follow this link: https://gofund.me/7ebb0524 Until next time, take care of yourself, trust your gut, and unlearn the shame you were never meant to carry.  Peace!"

"Everyone Wants the Lollipop" isn't just about church—it's about the deep human need for certainty, belonging, and reward. We all want to believe we're on the right path. We want to feel like we're doing life the right way. And when faith gives us a system, a structure, and a sweet little reward at the end? It's hard to walk away. In this episode, I dive into the church boom, the business of belief, and why we keep showing up—even when things don't feel quite right. So, does anyone even care? Or are we all just here for the lollipop? This episode wasn't about tearing down—it was about asking the hard questions. About looking at what we've believed, what we've built our lives around, and wondering: Does anyone even care? Maybe they do. Maybe they don't. But I know I do. And if you've made it this far, I'm guessing you do, too. If you're someone who's been in these churches, who has wrestled with these same questions, or just has a story to share, I'd love to hear from you. You can reach me at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com or send me a DM on Instagram at the Clemenz With a Z podcast page. And as always, if you enjoy the podcast, please rate and review—it helps more people find these stories. And don't forget: I'm just a channel, I ain't the source. If you would like to support the podcast financially please follow this link: https://gofund.me/7ebb0524 Until next time, take care, stay grateful, and keep growing. Peace!

For the first time in the We Were In a Cult? series, I'm sitting down with a married couple who both experienced the pressures of purity culture, mission work, and the relentless push toward marriage inside the International Churches of Christ. In this episode, they share how dating was never about personal connection—it was about proving your spirituality and being deemed "worthy" to move forward. We dive into the concept of "weasel dates," the expectation to fast-track relationships toward marriage, and the exhaustion that came with constantly trying to meet the church's demands. From mission team burnout to the cult-like language of being "souled out," this conversation is a raw, unfiltered look at what happens when a church controls every aspect of your personal life—including who you love and when. Listen now to hear their powerful story. If you are a member, were a member, or know someone who was a member of the ICOC or the ICC and would like to share your story of your life in and out of the church and help us maybe get closer to answering the question "we were in a cult?", and maybe find some healing please contact me via email at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com or you can DM via Instagram at the "Clemenz With a "Z" podcast" Instagram page.  As always, thank you for your continued support and if you like what you hear please rate and review!  If you don't remember, I'm just a channel, I ain't the source. If you would like to support the podcast financially please follow this link: https://gofund.me/7ebb0524 Until next time, take care, stay grateful, and keep growing. Peace!

For generations, fathers were expected to provide, protect, and keep their emotions in check. Love was often shown, but rarely spoken. But does it have to be that way? In this episode of Clemenz With a Z, we dive into the generational expectations of fatherhood, the unspoken rules around masculinity, and why words—especially words like "I love you"—carry more weight than we realize. I share personal stories, explore the impact of silence, and unpack how simple words can change everything. We'll talk about why dads often find it easier to express love to their daughters than their sons, and how cultural norms have shaped the way men navigate emotional connection. But this isn't just about reflection—it's about action. I'll offer practical ways for dads to start breaking the cycle, to show up differently, and to create a new legacy where love isn't just assumed, but heard. Because love ain't gonna say itself.

Leaving isn't always a clean break—sometimes, it takes a few tries. In this deeply personal episode of Clemenz With a Z, I share my journey of walking away from the ICOC... three times. From the pressure-packed Bible studies to the weight of guilt, shame, and trying to fit into a mold that never felt like me, this is the story of what it took to finally say enough. I talk about the fear of leaving, the hope that maybe things would change, and how stepping away felt like wandering into the wilderness—terrifying, but ultimately freeing. Whether you've wrestled with leaving a community, questioned your place in something you thought would be home, or just want to hear an honest journey of self-discovery, this episode is for you. Sometimes walking away isn't quitting—it's the start of something real. If you are a member, were a member, or know someone who was part of the ICOC or ICC and would like to share your journey in and out of the church, I'd love to hear from you. Together, we can keep exploring that question, “We were in a cult?”—and maybe, in sharing these stories, we'll find some healing along the way. You can reach me at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com or send me a DM on Instagram at the Clemenz With a Z podcast page. If this episode spoke to you, please consider leaving a rating or review—it really does help more people find these conversations. And don't forget: I'm just a channel—I ain't the source. When did worship music start to feel more like a concert than a connection? In this episode of Clemenz With a "Z," I dig into the weird, wild world of modern worship and Christian music—where flashing lights, fog machines, and booming bass lines often take center stage. I'm not here to tell you what's right or wrong—I don't have the answers. I just know something about it makes me uncomfortable, and I wanted to talk about it. From childhood memories of reverent hymns led by my dad to walking into churches that look more like concert arenas, I'm exploring how we got here... and what it supposed to be. Tune in, sit with the questions, and maybe even laugh a little as we unpack the line between heartfelt praise and full-blown production. Thank you for tuning in to this episode of Clemenz With a Z. Your support means the world to me and helps keep these important conversations going. If this episode resonated with you, challenged you, or just made you think differently about worship and Christian music, I'd love to hear your thoughts. Conversations like these aren't about being ‘right'—they're about being honest. You can reach me via email at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com or send me a DM on Instagram at the Clemenz With a Z podcast page. If you enjoy the podcast, please consider rating and reviewing—it helps more people find these stories and join the conversation. And remember: I'm just a channel... I ain't the source. If you would like to support the podcast financially please follow this link: https://gofund.me/7ebb0524 Walking away can be scary. Trusting yourself can be terrifying. But it can also be the beginning of something honest. So until next time—take care of yourself, stay grateful, and keep growing. Peace.

When did worship music start to feel more like a concert than a connection? In this episode of Clemenz With a "Z," I dig into the weird, wild world of modern worship and Christian music—where flashing lights, fog machines, and booming bass lines often take center stage. I'm not here to tell you what's right or wrong—I don't have the answers. I just know something about it makes me uncomfortable, and I wanted to talk about it. From childhood memories of reverent hymns led by my dad to walking into churches that look more like concert arenas, I'm exploring how we got here... and what it supposed to be. Tune in, sit with the questions, and maybe even laugh a little as we unpack the line between heartfelt praise and full-blown production. Thank you for tuning in to this episode of Clemenz With a Z. Your support means the world to me and helps keep these important conversations going. If this episode resonated with you, challenged you, or just made you think differently about worship and Christian music, I'd love to hear your thoughts. Conversations like these aren't about being ‘right'—they're about being honest. You can reach me via email at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com or send me a DM on Instagram at the Clemenz With a Z podcast page. If you enjoy the podcast, please consider rating and reviewing—it helps more people find these stories and join the conversation. And remember: I'm just a channel... I ain't the source. If you would like to support the podcast financially please follow this link: https://gofund.me/7ebb0524 Every bit helps me keep bringing you these conversations. Until next time—take care of yourself, be kind to your story, and keep asking the hard questions. Peace.

After everything I have heard, after recounting my own life and the lives of others, I can finally say it—yes, this was and is a cult. It's hard to say, and for some, it's hard to hear. But naming it gives me power over it. It makes healing possible. This is just the beginning. In Clemenz With a Z, I will continue unpacking my experiences in the ICOC through a new series of episodes titled This Was Supposed to Be the Place. In these, I'll dive deep into purity culture, fear-based control, and the lasting impact on identity, faith, and trust. If you have a story to share, I'd love to hear from you. You're not alone. Let's keep this conversation going. I reference Steve Hassan's BITE model in this episode.  If you would like to learn more, you can check out a couple of his books here: https://a.co/d/5RQ3Vbl or here: https://a.co/d/7kFVPXs Thank you for tuning in to this episode of Clemenz With a Z. Your support means the world to me and helps keep these important conversations going. I know that for some, this was hard to hear. It was hard to say. But the truth matters, and naming our experiences matters. Healing doesn't happen overnight, and it doesn't happen alone. If you are a member, were a member, or know someone who was a member of the ICOC or ICC and would like to share your story about life in and out of the church, I'd love to hear from you. Together, we can continue exploring the question, “We were in a cult?”—and perhaps find some healing along the way. You can reach me via email at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com, or send me a DM on Instagram at the Clemenz With a Z podcast page. As always, if you enjoy the podcast, please rate and review—it helps more people find these stories. And don't forget: I'm just a channel, I ain't the source. If you would like to support the podcast financially please follow this link: https://gofund.me/7ebb0524 Until next time, take care of yourself, be kind to your story, and keep growing. Peace!

Was I in a cult? That's the question I'm exploring in this episode of Clemenz With a 'Z', but this time, I'm not answering it alone. For this conversation, I'm sitting down with someone who has had a front-row seat to my entire journey—my wife, Carly. Unlike me, Carly didn't grow up in a high-control religious group. She never had to question whether leaving a church meant leaving God. But she did witness me navigate that journey. In this episode, we talk about those first couple of years in our relationship—when I was fresh out of the ICOC, still carrying the weight of my past, still sorting through what I believed, and still surrounded by friends who were very much still in the church. Beyond my own story, we also discuss the role that partners play in supporting their loved ones through deconstruction, healing, and rebuilding a life outside of a controlling religious group. Carly's perspective as someone who wasn't indoctrinated but walked alongside me as I untangled my beliefs adds a whole new layer to the conversation. What does it look like to be there for someone without fully understanding what they've been through? How can partners provide space, validation, and support while also maintaining their own perspectives? What was it like for Carly to watch me process all of this in real time? What did she notice that I couldn't see for myself? And from her perspective… was I in a cult? Let's talk about it. Thank you for tuning in to this episode of Clemenz With a Z. Your support means the world to me and helps keep these important conversations going. If you are a member, were a member, or know someone who was a member of the ICOC or ICC and would like to share your story about life in and out of the church, I'd love to hear from you. Together, we can continue exploring the question, “We were in a cult?”—and perhaps find some healing along the way. You can reach me via email at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com, or send me a DM on Instagram at the Clemenz With a Z podcast page. As always, if you enjoy the podcast, please rate and review—it helps more people find these stories. And don't forget: I'm just a channel, I ain't the source. If you would like to support the podcast financially please follow this link: https://gofund.me/7ebb0524 Until next time, take care of yourself, stay grateful, and keep growing. Peace!

For most of my life, I believed I was a calm person—until a therapist told me otherwise. This episode is about my journey with anger: from growing up in an environment where anger was seen as a sin, to suppressing it until it exploded, to finally learning how to sit with it, listen to it, and find healthier outlets. I talk about childhood, therapy, teaching boys about emotional space, and the things that help me process anger today—whether it's working out, cold plunges, or mosh pits. If you've ever struggled with anger or felt like you weren't allowed to express it, this episode is for you. Maybe anger isn't the enemy. Maybe it just wants to be heard. Thank you for tuning in to this episode of Clemenz With a Z. Your support means the world to me and helps keep these important conversations going. If this episode resonated with you, if you've wrestled with anger, or if you've found your own way to navigate it, I'd love to hear from you. You can reach me via email at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com, or send me a DM on Instagram at the Clemenz With a Z podcast page. If you enjoyed this episode, please take a moment to rate and review—it really helps more people find these stories and be part of this journey. And remember: I'm just a channel, I ain't the source. If you would like to support the podcast financially please follow this link: https://gofund.me/7ebb0524 Until next time, take care of yourself, take care of your emotions—anger included—and keep growing. Peace!

In this episode of Clemenz With a Z, I dive into the powerful metaphor of glass and rubber balls to explore how we prioritize what matters most in life. I share personal reflections on how my passion for teaching, rigid routines, and inability to say “NO” left my family as the forgotten rubber balls—when they should have been my top priorities. Through hard conversations, emotional wake-up calls, and the painful realization that I was spreading myself too thin, I learned that intentionality and honest reflection are key to protecting the fragile, irreplaceable parts of life. Join me as we discuss how to identify your own glass balls, reframe “NO” as a tool for protection, and continuously realign your life with what you truly value. Thank you for tuning in to this episode of Clemenz With a Z. Your support means the world to me and helps keep these important conversations going. If you enjoyed this episode, please take a moment to rate and review—it really helps more people find these stories and be part of this journey. And remember: I'm just a channel, I ain't the source. If you'd like to support the podcast financially, you can find the link to my GoFundMe in the show notes or on the Clemenz With a Z Instagram page. Until next time, take care of yourself, stay grateful, and keep growing. Peace!

Gratitude isn't always easy, and it's definitely not always obvious. Life moves fast, responsibilities pile up, and before we know it, we forget the small miracles holding us up every day. In this episode of Clemenz With a Z, I reflect on a poem by James A. Pearson (The Wilderness That Bears Your Name) that reminded me to pause and see what's been there all along: the rising sun, the steady ground beneath my feet, and the strength we gain when we let ourselves be held by life's quiet gifts. Join me as I explore what it means to slow down, stay grateful, and find light even when the world feels overwhelming Thank you for tuning in to this episode of Clemenz With a Z. Your support means the world to me and helps keep these important conversations going. If you enjoyed this episode, please take a moment to rate and review—it really helps more people find these stories and be part of this journey. And remember: I'm just a channel, I ain't the source. If you liked the poem I read today, it's by James A. Pearson and comes from the book The Wilderness That Bears Your Name.  If you would like to purchase it, here's a link: https://a.co/d/2nF8Djr If you'd like to support the podcast financially, you can find the link to my GoFundMe in the show notes or on the Clemenz With a Z Instagram page. Until next time, take care of yourself, stay grateful, and keep growing. Peace!

In this latest episode of Clemenz With a "Z":  "Black Coffee, Camo Bibles, and Sissy Sticks: Faith, Fragile Manhood, and the Things That Shouldn't Matter", I dive into the unspoken (and often ridiculous) rules about masculinity that churches and culture push on men. From black coffee and camo Bibles to the fear of looking "soft," I explore how these narrow definitions shape our identities and why they fall apart under real scrutiny. Through personal stories, faith, and a search for a fuller, healthier masculinity, this episode challenges what it really means to be a man—and asks: what if we let go of the performance and embraced something real? As always, thank you for your continued support and if you like what you hear please rate and review!  If you don't remember, I'm just a channel, I ain't the source. If you would like to support the podcast financially please follow this link: https://gofund.me/7ebb0524 Until next time, take care, stay grateful, and keep growing. Peace!

In this latest episode of Clemenz With a "Z", part of our ongoing We Were In a Cult? series, we sit down with Ann to explore her remarkable story. Born in Northern China and later moving to Singapore, Ann's path eventually led her to the ICOC, a church she believed would offer community and purpose but instead brought manipulation and control. Through courage and vulnerability, Ann shares the emotional and spiritual journey of her life within the ICOC and the pivotal moments that helped her break free. This conversation is a powerful reminder of the resilience of the human spirit and the importance of finding your voice. Whether you're seeking understanding, connection, or healing, Ann's story will leave a lasting impression. If you are a member, were a member, or know someone who was a member of the ICOC or the ICC and would like to share your story of your life in and out of the church and help us maybe get closer to answering the question "we were in a cult?", and maybe find some healing please contact me via email at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com or you can DM via Instagram at the "Clemenz With a "Z" podcast" Instagram page.  As always, thank you for your continued support and if you like what you hear please rate and review!  If you don't remember, I'm just a channel, I ain't the source. If you would like to support the podcast financially please follow this link: https://gofund.me/7ebb0524 Until next time, take care, stay grateful, and keep growing. Peace!

In this episode of Clemenz With a 'Z', I dive into a subject that sparks heated discussions and deep reflections: the relationship between churches and money. From the high production value of Sunday services to the tax-exempt status that many churches enjoy, this episode peels back the layers to examine how finances influence the modern church experience. Drawing from my personal visits to various churches over the past year, I share insights and ask tough questions about how money shapes the way faith is practiced and presented. Tune in as we explore whether these financial practices uplift communities—or cross ethical boundaries. As always, thank you for your continued support and if you like what you hear please rate and review!  If you don't remember, I'm just a channel, I ain't the source. If you would like to support the podcast financially please follow this link: https://gofund.me/7ebb0524 Until next time, take care, stay grateful, and keep growing. Peace!

In the latest episode of Clemenz With a Z, we continue our series, We Were in a Cult?, with a deeply personal and eye-opening conversation featuring Liz, a former member of the International Church of Christ (ICOC). Liz shares her journey of being drawn into the church as a college student and the lasting impact it had on her life. This episode delves into the ICOC's influence on marriage dynamics, including rigid roles and expectations that shaped her relationships and personal growth. With honesty and resilience, Liz reflects on her path to healing and self-discovery after leaving the church. Tune in for a compelling exploration of faith, control, and the courage it takes to reclaim your identity. If you are a member, were a member, or know someone who was a member of the ICOC or the ICC and would like to share your story of your life in and out of the church and help us maybe get closer to answering the question "we were in a cult?", and maybe find some healing please contact me via email at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com or you can DM via Instagram at the "Clemenz With a "Z" podcast" Instagram page.  As always, thank you for your continued support and if you like what you hear please rate and review!  If you don't remember, I'm just a channel, I ain't the source. If you would like to support the podcast financially please follow this link: https://gofund.me/7ebb0524 Until next time, take care, stay grateful, and keep growing. Peace!

In this latest episode of Clemenz With a 'Z', I dive deep into the evolving practice of baptism in modern churches and ask some hard questions: Has something sacred turned into a spectacle? Drawing from my own baptism experience, which was meant to be transformative but left me feeling exposed and disconnected, I explore how baptisms are often presented as high-production events with promotional t-shirts, branded backdrops, and curated social media moments. Together, we'll reflect on how these trends may overshadow the intimate, spiritual essence of baptism and discuss ways to bring back the focus on personal faith and transformation. Let's start a conversation about honoring the sacredness of these moments in a way that truly uplifts the individual and their journey. As always, thank you for your continued support and if you like what you hear please rate and review!  If you don't remember, I'm just a channel, I ain't the source. If you would like to support the podcast financially please follow this link: https://gofund.me/7ebb0524 Until next time, take care, stay grateful, and keep growing. Peace!

In this episode of Clemenz With a Z, we continue our powerful series, We Were In a Cult?, with a compelling conversation featuring Diana. Diana shares her story of being introduced to the International Churches of Christ (ICOC) during her college years in Boston. What began as a chance encounter at a grocery store turned into years of involvement in a high-control religious group. Diana reflects on how her initial search for connection and faith led her to the ICOC, the subtle pressures that kept her engaged, and the journey of self-discovery and healing that followed. Her insights shed light on the complexities of seeking meaning, belonging, and the courage it takes to break free. This is an episode filled with vulnerability, wisdom, and hope. If you are a member, were a member, or know someone who was a member of the ICOC or the ICC and would like to share your story of your life in and out of the church and help us maybe get closer to answering the question "we were in a cult?", and maybe find some healing please contact me via email at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com or you can DM via Instagram at the "Clemenz With a "Z" podcast" Instagram page.  As always, thank you for your continued support and if you like what you hear please rate and review!  If you don't remember, I'm just a channel, I ain't the source. If you would like to support the podcast financially please follow this link: https://gofund.me/7ebb0524 Until next time, take care, stay grateful, and keep growing. Peace!

In the latest episode of the We Were In a Cult? series here on the Clemenz With a "Z" podcast, I was able to speak with former member of the International Church of Christ, or ICOC, Nat to explore her journey of self-discovery and healing after leaving the high-demand religious group. Together, we unpack the emotional toll of manipulation, the challenges of reclaiming personal identity, and the transformative power of reflection and resilience. This thought-provoking conversation sheds light on the subtle ways control can masquerade as faith and offers hope to those navigating their own paths to freedom and healing. If you are a member, were a member, or know someone who was a member of the ICOC or the ICC and would like to share your story of your life in and out of the church and help us maybe get closer to answering the question "we were in a cult?", and maybe find some healing please contact me via email at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com or you can DM via Instagram at the "Clemenz With a "Z" podcast" Instagram page.  As always, thank you for your continued support and if you like what you hear please rate and review!  If you don't remember, I'm just a channel, I ain't the source. If you would like to support the podcast financially please follow this link: https://gofund.me/7ebb0524 Until next time, take care, stay grateful, and keep growing. Peace!

In this special episode of Clemenz With a 'Z', we welcome back Keisha, the very first guest of our "We Were In a Cult?" series. Keisha's initial interview sparked a movement, inspiring 50 episodes that have reached listeners across six countries. In this follow-up conversation, we reflect on the impact of her story, the growth of the series, and the healing journey we've embarked on together. Join us as we dive deeper into the question that started it all: Were we in a cult? This is a must-listen for anyone exploring life after high-control environments and seeking hope and understanding. If you are a member, were a member, or know someone who was a member of the ICOC or the ICC and would like to share your story of your life in and out of the church and help us maybe get closer to answering the question "we were in a cult?", and maybe find some healing please contact me via email at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com or you can DM via Instagram at the "Clemenz With a "Z" podcast" Instagram page.  As always, thank you for your continued support and if you like what you hear please rate and review!  If you don't remember, I'm just a channel, I ain't the source. If you would like to support the podcast financially please follow this link: https://gofund.me/7ebb0524 Until next time, take care, stay grateful, and keep growing. Peace!

In the latest episode of Clemenz With a 'Z', we bring you a powerful conversation from our series We Were In a Cult?. This week, Max shares his unique perspective as someone who grew up within the International Churches of Christ (ICOC) and remains a member today. Despite his deep ties to the church, Max opens up about the challenges of recognizing the trauma and manipulation many have experienced in this environment. His story sheds light on the complexities of maintaining faith while approaching difficult truths with an open heart and mind. Join us as we explore Max's journey and the delicate balance between belief and questioning, offering hope and understanding for those navigating similar experiences. If you are a member, were a member, or know someone who was a member of the ICOC or the ICC and would like to share your story of your life in and out of the church and help us maybe get closer to answering the question "we were in a cult?", and maybe find some healing please contact me via email at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com or you can DM via Instagram at the "Clemenz With a "Z" podcast" Instagram page.  As always, thank you for your continued support and if you like what you hear please rate and review!  If you don't remember, I'm just a channel, I ain't the source. If you would like to support the podcast financially please follow this link: https://gofund.me/7ebb0524 Until next time, take care, stay grateful, and keep growing. Peace!

In this segment of the "We Were In a Cult?" series here on the Clemenz With a "Z" podcast, we're joined by former member of the ICOC Chris, who shares his deeply personal journey through and beyond the International Churches of Christ. In this conversation, Chris opens up about the psychological remnants of his time in the ICOC, from internalized guilt to the challenges of embracing his own story. We'll explore the concept of "little t" traumas—those subtle yet profound experiences that leave lasting marks—and discuss how the church's teachings, like the idea of "denying oneself," shaped Chris's sense of self-worth and identity. This episode is an honest reflection on healing, self-acceptance, and the courage it takes to reclaim your narrative after leaving a high-control environment. If you are a member, were a member, or know someone who was a member of the ICOC or the ICC and would like to share your story of your life in and out of the church and help us maybe get closer to answering the question "we were in a cult?", and maybe find some healing please contact me via email at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com or you can DM via Instagram at the "Clemenz With a "Z" podcast" Instagram page.  As always, thank you for your continued support and if you like what you hear please rate and review!  If you don't remember, I'm just a channel, I ain't the source. If you would like to support the podcast financially please follow this link: https://gofund.me/7ebb0524 Until next time, take care, stay grateful, and keep growing. Peace!

In this episode of Clemenz With a 'Z', I reflect on the power of poetry to connect us to our roots, our struggles, and our freedoms. I'll be reading a poem that speaks to me deeply—a piece that reminds us of the generations who came before, those who endured unimaginable challenges to carve a path to the lives we live today. As I read, I think about the choices they made, the sacrifices, and the strength that flows through the family tree, down to us. This episode invites you to pause and consider the freedom we have now—not just to exist, but to truly become—and how we can honor our ancestors by using it meaningfully. So, as we approach a season of gratitude, let's explore the depth of what it means to be free and how we can grow to deserve that freedom. The poem is titled:  "I am one of the free (for my ancestors)" by Steve Taylor.   If you would like to purchase a book of his poetry, here's a link: https://a.co/d/aSll2Va As always, thank you for your continued support and if you like what you hear please rate and review!  If you don't remember, I'm just a channel, I ain't the source. If you would like to support the podcast financially please follow this link: https://gofund.me/7ebb0524 Take care, Stay grateful, and Keep growing. Peace!  

In this emotional and powerful installment of We Were In a Cult?, Emma Fellows shares her deeply personal journey of healing after her time in the International Churches of Christ. Emma opens up about the challenges she faced, including navigating trauma related to her gender identity, mental health struggles, and the pain of being invalidated by those who caused harm. Trigger Warning: This episode discusses sensitive topics, including self-harm, suicide, and trauma related to gender identity. We encourage readers and listeners to take care of themselves and seek support if needed. Emma's story is a testament to the power of speaking out, reclaiming your voice, and finding hope amid difficult circumstances. If you are a member, were a member, or know someone who was a member of the ICOC or the ICC and would like to share your story of your life in and out of the church and help us maybe get closer to answering the question "we were in a cult?", and maybe find some healing please contact me via email at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com or you can DM via Instagram at the "Clemenz With a "Z" podcast" Instagram page.  As always, thank you for your continued support and if you like what you hear please rate and review!  If you don't remember, I'm just a channel, I ain't the source. If you would like to support the podcast financially please follow this link: https://gofund.me/7ebb0524 Peace!  

As we approach Thanksgiving, I'm continuing my project of sharing poetry with a focus on gratitude. In this episode of Clemenz With a 'Z', we explore Steve Taylor's Savor This World, Savor This Life, a poem that reminds us to slow down and appreciate each moment as a gift. Taylor's words resonate in those hectic times when life feels overwhelming, inviting us to see our brief presence as a rare privilege and to live with wonder and gratitude. Join me as we pause, reflect, and savor this life together. If you would like to purchase the book, here's a link: https://a.co/d/aSll2Va As always, thank you for your continued support and if you like what you hear please rate and review!  If you don't remember, I'm just a channel, I ain't the source. If you would like to support the podcast financially please follow this link: https://gofund.me/7ebb0524 Peace!  

In this episode of We Were In a Cult?, I'm joined by Lian, who shares her story of growing up within the ICOC after being adopted into a family devoted to the church. Raised with the ICOC's strict beliefs and expectations, Leanne opens up about her journey from childhood innocence to an intense struggle with guilt and self-worth under the church's pressures. From confronting the demands of ‘sin studies' to redefining her faith, she reveals the courage it took to walk away from the only life she knew. This is a powerful conversation about resilience, identity, and the freedom of self-discovery beyond control. If you are a member, were a member, or know someone who was a member of the ICOC or the ICC and would like to share your story of your life in and out of the church and help us maybe get closer to answering the question "we were in a cult?", and maybe find some healing please contact me via email at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com or you can DM via Instagram at the "Clemenz With a "Z" podcast" Instagram page.  As always, thank you for your continued support and if you like what you hear please rate and review!  If you don't remember, I'm just a channel, I ain't the source. If you would like to support the podcast financially please follow this link: https://gofund.me/7ebb0524 Peace!  

In this latest episode of Clemenz With a 'Z', I take listeners along on my journey through the contemporary evangelical church landscape. Having grown up in both the ICOC and traditional Church of Christ, I've seen church as a place of deep engagement, community, and connection. But now, after visiting multiple churches over the past few months, I'm questioning if modern church culture has shifted from a space of spiritual participation to a consumer-driven experience. With concert-like worship, brand-heavy atmospheres, and meticulously orchestrated services, are churches today more about what we consume than how we connect? Join me as I unpack these observations, diving into the heart of what church and faith mean in a world that often feels more polished than personal. As always, thank you for your continued support and if you like what you hear please rate and review!  If you don't remember, I'm just a channel, I ain't the source. If you would like to support the podcast financially please follow this link: https://gofund.me/7ebb0524 Peace!  

"In this latest episode of Clemenz With a Z, I dive into a powerful piece by Stephen Taylor called The Mask. This poem, which explores the protective façades we wear, is part of an ongoing segment where I share poetry that has helped shape my journey. Inspired by Robert Frost's words, 'Poetry is when emotion has found its thought and the thought has found the words,' this reading invites us to reflect on the masks we carry and the freedom that can come from setting them aside. Join me as I explore the deeper connections that are possible when we allow ourselves to be vulnerable and real. This episode is an invitation to drop the mask and discover the richness of life beyond the barriers we build." If you would like to purchase the book, here's a link: https://a.co/d/aSll2Va As always, thank you for your continued support and if you like what you hear please rate and review!  If you don't remember, I'm just a channel, I ain't the source. If you would like to support the podcast financially please follow this link: https://gofund.me/7ebb0524 Peace!  

In this episode of Clemenz With a 'Z', I sit down with Dwan, a former member of the International Churches of Christ (ICOC). As part of our series, ‘We Were in a Cult?'.  Dwan shares how a chance reconnection with a high school friend led her to join the ICOC, at a time when she was searching for a sense of belonging and connection.  As she opens up about the subtle ways people are drawn into the church, we explore the emotional impact of this journey, the moments of self-reflection, and the motivations that pulled her in as well as the motivations that solidified in her the need to leave this group.  This conversation sheds light on the vulnerabilities that cult-like organizations often exploit and challenges us to think critically about the meaning of community, connection, and faith." If you are a member, were a member, or know someone who was a member of the ICOC or the ICC and would like to share your story of your life in and out of the church and help us maybe get closer to answering the question "we were in a cult?", and maybe find some healing please contact me via email at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com or you can DM via Instagram at the "Clemenz With a "Z" podcast" Instagram page.  As always, thank you for your continued support and if you like what you hear please rate and review!  If you don't remember, I'm just a channel, I ain't the source. If you would like to support the podcast financially please follow this link: https://gofund.me/7ebb0524 Peace!  

In this episode of Clemenz With a Z, we're unpacking one of the most challenging and transformative journeys many of us face: healing. Inspired by our recent conversation with former ICOC member Alan Allard, who shared his path from spiritual trauma to self-recovery, this episode delves into what it truly means to heal. Healing isn't a straightforward process, and there's no universal approach or quick fix. Here, I share personal reflections, experiences from others, and practical insights on navigating the messy, often non-linear road to recovery. Whether you're grappling with the weight of past beliefs, personal losses, or just the complexities of life, this episode offers support, understanding, and hope for anyone on their own healing journey. If you are a member, were a member, or know someone who was a member of the ICOC or the ICC and would like to share your story of your life in and out of the church, a father and want to share your story on a DADTALK, or anyone who wants to come on and just share your story please contact me via email at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com or you can DM via Instagram at the "Clemenz With a "Z" podcast" Instagram page.  As always, thank you for your continued support and if you like what you hear please rate and review!  If you don't remember, I'm just a channel, I ain't the source. If you would like to support the podcast financially please follow this link: https://gofund.me/7ebb0524 Peace!  

In this episode of Clemenz With a Z, I dive into the concept of “The Pressure to Do,” exploring how relentless demands impact our well-being. Drawing from Steve Taylor's poignant poem in The Calm Center, I reflect on how this pressure to always be "doing" invades our quiet moments and fuels a cycle of perpetual activity. This isn't just about productivity; it's about questioning the need to fill every moment and redefining what “enough” truly means. Join me as we uncover the grace of simply being and the strength in letting go. If you would like to purchase the book, here's a link: https://a.co/d/aSll2Va As always, thank you for your continued support and if you like what you hear please rate and review!  If you don't remember, I'm just a channel, I ain't the source. If you would like to support the podcast financially please follow this link: https://gofund.me/7ebb0524 Peace!    

"Welcome to Clemenz with a Z, where we explore the powerful stories of those who've broken free from high-control religious groups. This latest episode is a kind of We Were in a Cult? segment as well as talk on healing from spiritual trauma.  I was able to speak with Alan Allard, a former member of the International Churches of Christ (ICOC). Alan shares how his experiences within the ICOC shaped his journey of spiritual abuse recovery and inspired him to become a coach dedicated to helping others heal. Through his story, Alan offers insight into the resilience needed to rebuild and the transformative power of reclaiming one's identity.  Through his website, AlanAllard.com, he provides resources, coaching, and support for individuals seeking freedom from the psychological and emotional scars left by spiritual trauma.  This episode sheds light on the strength required to overcome spiritual trauma and the hope that healing can offer to others on similar paths." If you would like to reach out to Alan for more information on what he does or to get guidance, you can reach him at his website:  AlanAllard.com. If you are a member, were a member, or know someone who was a member of the ICOC or the ICC and would like to share your story of your life in and out of the church and help us maybe get closer to answering the question "we were in a cult?", and maybe find some healing please contact me via email at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com or you can DM via Instagram at the "Clemenz With a "Z" podcast" Instagram page.  As always, thank you for your continued support and if you like what you hear please rate and review!  If you don't remember, I'm just a channel, I ain't the source. If you would like to support the podcast financially please follow this link: https://gofund.me/7ebb0524 Peace!  

Welcome back to Clemenz With a Z! In today's episode, we dive into a special poem that found me when I needed it most—The Laughing Heart by Charles Bukowski. This piece has been a constant source of light for me, especially during darker times. As we continue our exploration of poetry, I want to take a moment to reflect on its power to help us slow down, connect, and find meaning in life's toughest moments. Whether you're new to Bukowski or familiar with his wild life and words, this poem speaks to something universal: the quiet resilience within us all. I dedicate this episode to the incredible guests and listeners who have shared their stories and struggles on this platform, specifically in the "We Were In a Cult?" series. Here's to holding on to that little bit of light, no matter how dim it may seem.

In this episode of the Clemenz with a Z podcast, we continue our series "We Were in a Cult?" with a powerful and raw conversation with Nicole, who grew up as a ‘Kingdom Kid' in the International Churches of Christ (ICOC). Raised within a high-control religious group, Nicole shares her journey from a childhood immersed in faith to a deep questioning of everything she once believed. Her path led her not only to leave the church but to ultimately identify as an atheist. Nicole's story is one of courage, self-discovery, and the struggle to break free from the pressures of conformity. Tune in to hear her experiences and insights as we ask the big question: Were we in a cult? If you are a member, were a member, or know someone who was a member of the ICOC or the ICC and would like to share your story of your life in and out of the church and help us maybe get closer to answering the question "we were in a cult?", and maybe find some healing please contact me via email at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com or you can DM via Instagram at the "Clemenz With a "Z" podcast" Instagram page.  As always, thank you for your continued support and if you like what you hear please rate and review!  If you don't remember, I'm just a channel, I ain't the source. If you would like to support the podcast financially please follow this link: https://gofund.me/7ebb0524 Peace!  

"Hey everyone, it's Roy, and welcome back to Clemenz With a Z! Today's episode kicks off a new series I've been working on, asking a big question—Are churches cults? In this exploration, I'll be diving into the similarities between churches like Hillsong and Mars Hill and the ICOC, which has often been labeled a cult. This week, I'm sharing my experience at a local church, where the preacher's sermon took an unexpected turn. He warned the congregation against listening to the song Landslide by Stevie Nicks, framing it as spiritually dangerous. The way he used this example to manipulate fear in the audience really got to me. I'll break down his tactics and talk about why discouraging critical thought and open exploration like this can be harmful. Join me as we look at the power dynamics and manipulative strategies some preachers use, and ask the question—is church just an accepted cult?