Podcasts about Disillusioned

A few days ago, my son climbed into the backseat after school holding a small Jesus figurine. He turned it over in his hands for a few quiet minutes, and then, completely out of nowhere asked me: "Why did Jesus die?" I laughed. Then I felt the weight of it. Because for a lot of us who grew up in evangelical or high-control religious spaces, that question was never simple. It carried fear, guilt, and a framework we absorbed long before we were old enough to examine it. In this episode, I talk about how I answered him, the answer I chose not to give, and what hit me a few days later, the realization that mattered more than getting the theology right. If this episode meant something to you, I'd love it if you'd take a second to like, subscribe, and leave a review, it really helps more people find the show. You can head over to https://gofund.me/7ebb0524 every bit helps. And if you're looking for more reflection, honesty, and spiritual wrestling, check out my Substack: Devotionals for the Deconstructing & Disillusioned, it's a space for people who still have soul, but no longer fit in the boxes they were handed. Thanks for being here.

I've ended every episode of Clemenz With a 'Z' with the same line for years:  'thanks for being a part of this messy middle with me.' It became such a reflex that I stopped asking myself what I actually meant by it. This episode is my honest answer. And if you've ever left a system, a church, a belief structure, a tribe and found yourself wondering why you can't seem to land anywhere clean, this one is for you. The messy middle isn't a problem to solve. It might actually be the most honest place you've ever lived. If something in this conversation resonated with you, I'd love to hear from you. You can email me at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com, or send me a DM over on Instagram at @clemenzwithazpodcast. If you want to support the podcast financially, you can head over to ClemenzWithAZ.com, there's a merch store there with shirts, stickers, all kinds of stuff.  And if you're looking for something a little more regular, check out my Substack: Devotions for the Disillusioned & Deconstructing. That's where I share short reflections, devotionals, and some extra behind-the-scenes thoughts that don't always make it onto the podcast. And of course, the best way you can support the show is by subscribing, rating, and leaving a review wherever you listen to podcasts. Share it with a friend, post it on your socials, drop it in a group chat, it all helps more than you know. This podcast keeps going because of listeners like you showing up, engaging, and passing it on. So thank you for being here, for listening, and for being part of this messy middle with me. Until next time, take care of yourselves, and each other.

Heard of "doomspending"? It refers to a feeling of hopelessness about your financial future and spending more freely now than you maybe should. From Marketplace's "This Is Uncomfortable," we dig into the self-defeating financial decisions we sometimes make — from splurging to regain a sense of control to not saving for retirement because it's hard to envision the future — and how to rethink those impulses. But first: new strikes in Iran but the same old market uncertainty.

Heard of "doomspending"? It refers to a feeling of hopelessness about your financial future and spending more freely now than you maybe should. From Marketplace's "This Is Uncomfortable," we dig into the self-defeating financial decisions we sometimes make — from splurging to regain a sense of control to not saving for retirement because it's hard to envision the future — and how to rethink those impulses. But first: new strikes in Iran but the same old market uncertainty.

Phil Ittner is a veteran broadcast journalist now working independently in Ukraine. Currently he's based in Kyiv and produces a weekly interview podcast "On the Edge". Disillusioned with how mainstream media was covering the historic war in Ukraine, Phil decided he had to step in and bring a professional and credible perspective to reporting from Ukraine. ----------LINKS: @PhilipIttner https://x.com/IttnerPhiliphttps://www.linkedin.com/in/phil-ittner-4180271a/https://philipittner.com/about/https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/45-the-big-interview-philip-ittner-on-the-realities/id1617276298?i=1000610636024----------SUPPORT THE CHANNEL:https://www.buymeacoffee.com/siliconcurtainhttps://www.patreon.com/siliconcurtainhttps://www.gofundme.com/f/scaling-up-campaign-to-fight-authoritarian-disinformation----------ACTIVE CAMPAIGN:We are raising funds for 5 of 15 Vampire DronesSilicon Curtain for Kupiansk Vampires. Dzyga's Paw, together with Jonathan Fink, is joining forces to raise $40,000 to provide the Khartiia Brigade with Vampire Drones.https://dzygaspaw.com/silicon-curtain-for-kupiansk-vampiresThese heavy bombers are designed to destroy manpower and equipment, as well as for remote mining. The Vampire UAV, manufactured by Skyfall, has proven itself to be one of the most effective weapons in the Kupiansk direction. Skyfall is one of Ukraine's largest defense tech companies, producing Vampire bomber drones, various modifications of Shrike FPV drones, P1-SUN, Shahed drone interceptors, communication systems, and components.----------TRUSTED CHARITIES ON THE GROUND:Car4Ukrainehttps://car4ukraine.com/en-US/campaignsDzyga's Pawhttps://dzygaspaw.com/projectsSuperhumans - Hospital for war traumashttps://superhumans.com/en/UNBROKEN - Treatment. Prosthesis. Rehabilitation for Ukrainians in Ukrainehttps://unbroken.org.ua/Come Back Alivehttps://savelife.in.ua/en/Chefs For Ukraine - World Central Kitchenhttps://wck.org/relief/activation-chefs-for-ukraineUNITED24 - An initiative of President Zelenskyyhttps://u24.gov.ua/Serhiy Prytula Charity Foundationhttps://prytulafoundation.orgNGO “Herojam Slava”https://heroiamslava.org/----------PLATFORMS:Substack: https://substack.com/@siliconcurtainTwitter: https://twitter.com/CurtainSiliconLinkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/finkjonathan/Podcast: https://open.spotify.com/show/4thRZj6NO7y93zG11JMtqm----------

This episode of Clemenz With a “Z” started with a story that honestly stopped me in my tracks: a pastor introducing another pastor from the pulpit by mocking his rental car as “a little gay.” But the deeper I sat with it, the more I realized this wasn't really about a Prius, or even one awkward church moment. It was about the systems so many men have been raised inside, systems that teach us to fear tenderness, police closeness, and perform strength at the expense of real connection. In this episode, I explore masculinity, emotional safety, church culture, brotherhood, purity culture, and the quiet loneliness so many men carry underneath the performance. I also reflect on my own experience growing up in the ICOC, the complicated beauty of male friendship inside high-control environments, and the example my father gave me of a different kind of manhood—one rooted not in fear, but presence. If something in this conversation resonated with you, I'd love to hear from you. You can email me at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com, or send me a DM over on Instagram at @clemenzwithazpodcast. If you want to support the podcast financially, you can head over to ClemenzWithAZ.com, there's a merch store there with shirts, stickers, all kinds of stuff. You can also donate directly through the GoFundMe, the link's in the show notes. Every bit goes a long way in helping me keep these conversations going. And if you're looking for something a little more regular, check out my Substack: Devotions for the Disillusioned & Deconstructing. That's where I share short reflections, devotionals, and some extra behind-the-scenes thoughts that don't always make it onto the podcast. And of course, the best way you can support the show is by subscribing, rating, and leaving a review wherever you listen to podcasts. Share it with a friend, post it on your socials, drop it in a group chat, it all helps more than you know. This podcast keeps going because of listeners like you showing up, engaging, and passing it on. So thank you for being here, for listening, and for being part of this messy middle with me. Until next time, take care of yourselves, and each other.

This episode started as a Substack article I wrote after receiving a text message that hit something deeper in me than I expected. What began as a reflection on reconstruction and deconstruction slowly became something bigger, a conversation about fear, belonging, external validation, nervous systems, and what it means to rebuild a spiritual life on your own terms after leaving a high-control environment. In this episode, I unpack the pressure to “pick a side,” the reflex to explain yourself, the exhaustion of having your journey policed by both religious and deconstruction spaces, and the slow realization that maybe healing isn't about “coming back” at all. Maybe it's about learning how to stand in something new, something you chose honestly for yourself. If something in this conversation resonated with you, I'd love to hear from you. You can email me at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com, or send me a DM over on Instagram at @clemenzwithazpodcast. If you want to support the podcast financially, you can head over to ClemenzWithAZ.com, there's a merch store there with shirts, stickers, all kinds of stuff. You can also donate directly through the GoFundMe, the link's in the show notes. Every bit goes a long way in helping me keep these conversations going. And if you're looking for something a little more regular, check out my Substack: Devotions for the Disillusioned & Deconstructing. That's where I share short reflections, devotionals, and some extra behind-the-scenes thoughts that don't always make it onto the podcast. And of course, the best way you can support the show is by subscribing, rating, and leaving a review wherever you listen to podcasts. Share it with a friend, post it on your socials, drop it in a group chat, it all helps more than you know. This podcast keeps going because of listeners like you showing up, engaging, and passing it on. So thank you for being here, for listening, and for being part of this messy middle with me. Until next time, take care of yourselves, and each other.

I've been thinking a lot about a lesson from the book "Disillusioned" by Nicholas Binge: we can never see ourselves as our loved ones do. This isn't just about looks—it's about the way our essence shines through to those who care for us. Understanding that our reflection captures only a fraction of our true selves can offer us grace. By embracing this, we navigate life's changes with more compassion, recognizing the unseen beauty in how others perceive us. Preorder Sticky Habits book today! Join the Book Launch Committee for behind-the-scenes and first peeks at all things book. Join the Supporters Club to keep About Progress around for good. Get the free DSL Training. Get the Best Summer Ever Workshop at half-off old pricing!  Sponsors links + codes: Get your AquaTru water purifier with the discount code “MONICA.”  Get your teen Knix with code “PROGRESS.” Go to Quince for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Most of us were quietly trained to hand the Bible over to the experts, to sit in the pew, absorb the sermon, and trust that the people with the seminary degrees had it figured out. But here's the thing: the tools for reading any text responsibly aren't locked inside a degree program. They're the same six questions we hand to eight-year-olds in language arts class:  who, what, when, where, why, and how. In this episode, I walk through all six and show what actually happens when you apply them to some of the most quoted verses in evangelical culture. This isn't about dismantling your faith. It's about reading more honestly, and discovering that the texts are far more interesting, and far more alive, when you actually slow down long enough to understand what you're reading. This originally was a Substack article that I wrote where I go into more detail as well as add some cool takeaways.  If interested, you can check it out here:  https://clemenzwithaz.substack.com/p/the-six-questions-an-elementary-approach?r=3leo1r If something in this conversation resonated with you, I'd love to hear from you. You can email me at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com, or send me a DM over on Instagram at @clemenzwithazpodcast. If you want to support the podcast financially, you can head over to ClemenzWithAZ.com, there's a merch store there with shirts, stickers, all kinds of stuff. You can also donate directly through the GoFundMe, the link's in the show notes. Every bit goes a long way in helping me keep these conversations going. And if you're looking for something a little more regular, check out my Substack: Devotions for the Disillusioned & Deconstructing. That's where I share short reflections, devotionals, and some extra behind-the-scenes thoughts that don't always make it onto the podcast. And of course, the best way you can support the show is by subscribing, rating, and leaving a review wherever you listen to podcasts. Share it with a friend, post it on your socials, drop it in a group chat, it all helps more than you know. This podcast keeps going because of listeners like you showing up, engaging, and passing it on. So thank you for being here, for listening, and for being part of this messy middle with me. Until next time, take care of yourselves, and each other.

Two Protestants can sound airtight when they critique Eastern Orthodoxy together, until you ask a simple question: do they even agree on what a church is? Jeremy Jeremiah of Cloud of Witnesses pulls apart a popular interview between Dr. Gavin Ortlund and Joshua Schooping, author of Disillusioned, a former Orthodox priest who is now a Lutheran pastor, and we respond point by point from an Orthodox perspective with church history, theology, and plain logic.We spend real time on the practical consequences of Protestant ecclesiology, not just the slogans. If a Lutheran pastor shaped by the Augsburg Confession would refuse communion to a Reformed Baptist who follows the 1689 London Baptist Confession, what does that say about claims of easy unity in the “invisible church”? We talk Eucharist theology, baptism debates, and how sacramental disagreement turns into competing definitions of a “true church.”Then we tackle the biggest claims head-on: Has the Eastern Orthodox Church truly remained unchanged? What counts as doctrine versus liturgical development? How should Christians read Nicaea II and the language around icons and veneration? And when Marian prayers are quoted as proof that Mary replaces Jesus, we slow down and read them in context as devotional, poetic language about intercession, while keeping Christ's saving work central.We respond to a now Protestant discussion critiquing and frankly attacking Eastern Orthodoxy and explain why its framing collapses when you examine Protestant disagreements on the sacraments, the church, and salvation. We also defend Orthodox claims about continuity by separating minor liturgical development from core doctrinal stability across church history.• framing the interview as a strictly Protestant critique of Orthodoxy• contrasting Lutheran and Reformed Baptist ecclesiology on communion, baptism, and sacraments• challenging the idea that Protestantism offers a unified “invisible church” solution• addressing “one true church” anxiety and how mercy and salvation are discussed• separating liturgical variation from doctrinal continuity over 2,000 years• defending icons with early church evidence and the witness of ancient apostolic churches• responding to Nicaea II claims about forced icon veneration• interpreting Marian prayers as poetic intercession language rather than replacement of Christ• pushing back on claims that the gospel is absent from Orthodox worshipIf you care about Eastern Orthodoxy, Protestant apologetics, apostolic succession, icons, Mariology, and what it means to belong to the historic visible church, this conversation is for you. Subscribe, share this with a friend who's debating Orthodoxy, and leave a review telling us where you agree or disagree.Two Protestants critique Orthodoxy, but can they even agree on baptism or communion? We break down the hidden contradiction and what it means for “the true church” claims. Questions about Orthodoxy? Please check out our friends at Ghost of Byzantium Discord server: https://discord.gg/JDJDQw6tdhPlease prayerfully consider supporting Cloud of Witnesses: https://www.patreon.com/c/CloudofWitnessesFind Cloud of Witnesses on Instagram, X.com, Facebook, and TikTok.Audio: https://cloudofwitnessesradio.buzzsprout.comPlease leave a comment with your thoughts!

Aubrey Masango speaks to Prof Ntsikelelo Breakfast, Political Analyst to discuss the growing sense of voter apathy and political disillusionment among the public, how it may shape electoral outcomes, and what it signals about the future of South Africa’s political landscape. Tags: 702, Aubrey Masango show, Aubrey Masango, Bra Aubrey, Prof Ntsikelelo Breakfast, 2026 Local Government Election, IEC, Human Sciences Research Council, Political Analyst The Aubrey Masango Show is presented by late night radio broadcaster Aubrey Masango. Aubrey hosts in-depth interviews on controversial political issues and chats to experts offering life advice and guidance in areas of psychology, personal finance and more. All Aubrey’s interviews are podcasted for you to catch-up and listen. Thank you for listening to this podcast from The Aubrey Masango Show. Listen live on weekdays between 20:00 and 24:00 (SA Time) to The Aubrey Masango Show broadcast on 702 https://buff.ly/gk3y0Kj and on CapeTalk between 20:00 and 21:00 (SA Time) https://buff.ly/NnFM3Nk Find out more about the show here https://buff.ly/lzyKCv0 and get all the catch-up podcasts https://buff.ly/rT6znsn Subscribe to the 702 and CapeTalk Daily and Weekly Newsletters https://buff.ly/v5mfet Follow us on social media: 702 on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TalkRadio702 702 on TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@talkradio702 702 on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/talkradio702/ 702 on X: https://x.com/Radio702 702 on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@radio702 CapeTalk on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/CapeTalk CapeTalk on TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@capetalk CapeTalk on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ CapeTalk on X: https://x.com/CapeTalk CapeTalk on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@CapeTalk567 See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Former Orthodox priest Joshua Schooping makes more baseless claims against the Orthodox Christian faith in his latest interview. Fr Tom responds to every point.

There's a pattern worth naming, one that shows up in sermons, in bestselling books, and honestly, in the way most of us consume content every day. We take something small: a verse, a phrase, a post, a moment, and we build something enormous on top of it. In this episode, I'm looking at a popular men's ministry framework that anchors itself in a single line from First Corinthians "act like men" and asking what's actually there when you slow down long enough to look. What we find raises questions that go way beyond biblical interpretation. Because whether it's a scripture or a scroll, the things we build our identity on deserve more than a surface read. If something in this conversation resonated with you, I'd love to hear from you. You can email me at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com, or send me a DM over on Instagram at @clemenzwithazpodcast. If you want to support the podcast financially, you can head over to ClemenzWithAZ.com, there's a merch store there with shirts, stickers, all kinds of stuff. You can also donate directly through the GoFundMe, the link's in the show notes. Every bit goes a long way in helping me keep these conversations going. And if you're looking for something a little more regular, check out my Substack: Devotions for the Disillusioned & Deconstructing. That's where I share short reflections, devotionals, and some extra behind-the-scenes thoughts that don't always make it onto the podcast. And of course, the best way you can support the show is by subscribing, rating, and leaving a review wherever you listen to podcasts. Share it with a friend, post it on your socials, drop it in a group chat, it all helps more than you know. This podcast keeps going because of listeners like you showing up, engaging, and passing it on. So thank you for being here, for listening, and for being part of this messy middle with me. Until next time, take care of yourselves, and each other.

https://www.bible.com/events/49592769 Church of the Nazarene - East Rockingham Campus Encounters Part 3 The Emmaus Road encounter Today we continue in our Easter teaching series called Encounters. We are looking at different stories in the bible where people personally encounter Jesus. Today we are looking at Jesus' encounter with two disciples walking down the Emmaus Road What did this encounter mean for them? What can we learn for our lives today? ‭‭Luke‬ ‭24‬:‭13‬-‭16‬‬ Now that same day two of them were going to a village called Emmaus, about seven miles from Jerusalem. They were talking with each other about everything that had happened. As they talked and discussed these things with each other, Jesus himself came up and walked along with them; but they were kept from recognizing him. In Lukes Gospel, this is the first post-resurrection encounter of Jesus. As they are walking along, the text says they were discussing everything that had happened. The language here indicates this more than a casual discussion- it was one of passion and perhaps even debate. Disillusioned and confused, they start walking away- trying to sort it all out as they go down the road. And that's when Jesus shows up. ‭‭Luke‬ ‭24‬:‭17‬‬ He asked them, “What are you discussing together as you walk along?” They stood still, their faces downcast. The weight they were carrying becomes clear as Jesus invites himself into their conversation. Literally the emotion, the burden of what has just taken place is written all over their face. ‭‭Luke‬ ‭24‬:‭18‬-‭21‬‬ One of them, named Cleopas, asked him, “Are you the only one visiting Jerusalem who does not know the things that have happened there in these days?” “What things?” he asked. “About Jesus of Nazareth,” they replied. “He was a prophet, powerful in word and deed before God and all the people. The chief priests and our rulers handed him over to be sentenced to death, and they crucified him; but we had hoped that he was the one who was going to redeem Israel. And what is more, it is the third day since all this took place. In the Jewish tradition, 3 days after death was the point of no return- death was final at that point. For these disciples, it was more than Jesus that was dead- their hope of him overthrowing the Roman's and returning the nation of Israel to a place of prominence and freedom was over too. What they had focused on, what they thought was sure to come, what they were excited about- was over. It didn't come, and seemingly never would. Have you ever been there? ‭‭Luke‬ ‭24‬:‭22‬-‭24‬‬ In addition, some of our women amazed us. They went to the tomb early this morning but didn't find his body. They came and told us that they had seen a vision of angels, who said he was alive. Then some of our companions went to the tomb and found it just as the women had said, but they did not see Jesus.” ‭‭Luke‬ ‭24‬:‭25‬-‭27‬‬ He said to them, “How foolish you are, and how slow to believe all that the prophets have spoken! Did not the Messiah have to suffer these things and then enter his glory?” And beginning with Moses and all the Prophets, he explained to them what was said in all the Scriptures concerning himself. Jesus continues the conversation with some stiff words- calling out their resistance to believing all that was written about Jesus. It's interesting here- Jesus doesn't go after them for not believing his own teaching, or his own words about his identity and resurrection. He doesn't even rebuke them for not believing the testimony of the women, or the other disciples, or even the empty tomb itself. He calls them out because they have not believed what the word of God, the bible said about him. ‭‭Luke‬ ‭24‬:‭28‬-‭29‬‬ As they approached the village to which they were going, Jesus continued on as if he were going farther. But they urged him strongly, “Stay with us, for it is nearly evening; the day is almost over.” So he went in to stay with them. Jesus was willing to walk a little while with these disciples as they were walking away. But he stayed with them because they asked. ‭‭Luke‬ ‭24‬:‭30‬-‭32‬‬ When he was at the table with them, he took bread, gave thanks, broke it and began to give it to them. Then their eyes were opened and they recognized him, and he disappeared from their sight. They asked each other, “Were not our hearts burning within us while he talked with us on the road and opened the Scriptures to us?” One encounter is all it took and their hearts were aflame with hope. The scriptures and the stories they couldn't figure out, were now alive and right in front of them. And their hearts were on fire. All of the information, the questions, the thoughts they had about Jesus, came alive in the person of Jesus, right before their eyes. This was the encounter that changed everything for these two disciples. ‭‭Luke‬ ‭11‬:‭9‬-‭13‬‬ “So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened. “Which of you fathers, if your son asks for a fish, will give him a snake instead? Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!” We know from this encounter story that Jesus is alive. We know that he is the fulfillment of God's redemptive plan according to the scriptures. And he is still encountering people who are seeking him in the every day events of life. The question that remains for us is simply this: Will you look for Jesus, right here? Here in the everyday moments and needs of your life? Will you ask, seek, and knock for an encounter with Jesus himself?

My fellow pro-growth/progress/abundance Up Wingers in America and around the world:As a college sophomore, Josh Farahzad assembled a group of students from around the country in an attempt to launch a homemade rocket into space. From there, he ditched the traditional route and scoured the country for the perfect place to build a uniquely American mega-project.Disillusioned with the entrepreneurial atmosphere of the Bay Area, he has since broken ground in central Texas. Caldwell County is now home to Proto-Town—a place Farahzad hopes businesses will have the space to engineer and build world-changing hardware.Today on Faster, Please—The Podcast, I chat with Farahzad about his quest to build America's premier manufacturing town from scratch.In This Episode* Welcome to Proto-Town (1:20)* The Limits of California (5:18)* From the Ground Up (10:46)* The Vision (17:35)(A lightly edited transcript of our conversation will be appear in my Week in Review issue on Saturday. Another option is using the Substack auto transcript function.)On sale everywhere The Conservative Futurist: How To Create the Sci-Fi World We Were Promised This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit fasterplease.substack.com/subscribe

What's up y'all?  In this episode of “We Were In a Cult?” I was able to speak with sisters Sarah and Lauren, who were both raised inside the ICOC. Growing up in the same home, under the same beliefs and expectations, you might assume their experiences would be identical, but they weren't. In this episode, we explore what it means to inherit a system rather than choose it, how language and identity get formed inside environments like this, and what it takes to begin questioning something that was never presented as optional. It's an honest and layered conversation about family, faith, and the complicated process of untangling your life from something that once defined it, while recognizing that it doesn't all just disappear when you leave. If you are a member, were a member, or know someone who was a member of the ICOC or ICC and would like to share your story about life in and out of the church, I'd love to hear from you. Together, we can continue exploring the question, “We were in a cult?” and perhaps find some healing along the way. You can reach me via email at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com, or send me a DM on Instagram at the Clemenz With a Z podcast page. If you want to support the podcast financially, you can head over to ClemenzWithAZ.com, there's a merch store there with shirts, stickers, all kinds of stuff. You can also donate directly through the GoFundMe, the link's in the show notes. Every bit goes a long way in helping me keep these conversations going. And if you're looking for something a little more regular, check out my Substack: Devotions for the Disillusioned & Deconstructing. That's where I share short reflections, devotionals, and some extra behind-the-scenes thoughts that don't always make it onto the podcast. And of course, the best way you can support the show is by subscribing, rating, and leaving a review wherever you listen to podcasts. Share it with a friend, post it on your socials, drop it in a group chat, it all helps more than you know. This podcast keeps going because of listeners like you showing up, engaging, and passing it on. So thank you for being here, for listening, and for being part of this messy middle with me. Until next time, take care of yourselves, and each other.

Worship is our whole-life response to the mercy of the risen Jesus. Like the disciples on the road to Emmaus, encountering Him turns us around—our minds are renewed and our steps follow. This week we'll see how gathered worship fuels daily obedience, making Sunday rehearsal for a life on the altar.

Last time we spoke about the Wang Jingwei Regime. During the Second Sino-Japanese War, tensions between Chiang Kai-shek and Wang Jingwei escalated amid Japan's aggressive invasion. Disillusioned by Chiang's scorched-earth tactics, such as the Yellow River flood and Changsha fire, Wang defected from Chongqing in December 1938, fleeing to Hanoi to negotiate peace with Japan. An assassination attempt, likely ordered by Chiang, killed Wang's secretary Zeng Zhongming, deepening the rift and sparking retaliatory violence. Wang's group, aided by Japanese agents like Kagesa Sadaaki, navigated scandals and leaks, including a forged agreement exposed in the press. After grueling negotiations in Shanghai and Tokyo, Wang conceded to harsh Japanese terms, including limited sovereignty and economic controls. On March 30, 1940, he established the Reorganized National Government (RNG) in Nanjing, adopting the nationalist flag with a controversial yellow pennant symbolizing "peace, anticommunism, nation-building." Despite Wang's vision of constitutional democracy, the RNG functioned as a wartime puppet, isolated from Chongqing and resented as traitorous. Wang died in 1944, and the regime collapsed in 1945.   #195 The Xiang-Gan Operation Welcome to the Fall and Rise of China Podcast, I am your dutiful host Craig Watson. But, before we start I want to also remind you this podcast is only made possible through the efforts of Kings and Generals over at Youtube. Perhaps you want to learn more about the history of Asia? Kings and Generals have an assortment of episodes on history of asia and much more  so go give them a look over on Youtube. So please subscribe to Kings and Generals over at Youtube and to continue helping us produce this content please check out www.patreon.com/kingsandgenerals. If you are still hungry for some more history related content, over on my channel, the Pacific War Channel where I cover the history of China and Japan from the 19th century until the end of the Pacific War. In the sweltering grip of August 1939, Chongqing languished under an unbearably hot summer, the air thick with humidity and the weight of impending doom. Perched on a sun-baked hillside along the southern bank of the Jialing River, roughly 10 kilometers from the chaotic heart of the city, loomed a two-story Western-style building. This fortress of stone and resolve, known as the "Huangshan Villa," stood as Chiang Kai-shek's official residence in Chongqing, a sanctuary amid the storm of war. Unless urgent meetings or crises at the Military Affairs Commission demanded his presence, it was here that Chiang orchestrated the fate of a nation on the brink.   One fateful evening, as shadows lengthened across the villa, the Bureau of Investigation and Statistics delivered a chilling report from Wang Pengsheng, the director of the Military Affairs Commission's Institute for International Affairs. Wang was no ordinary operative; he was a knowledgeable, experienced, and sharp-minded intellectual, a master of Japanese affairs, and one of Chiang's most trusted aides, his insights cutting like a blade through the fog of deception. In this urgent dispatch, Wang distilled the latest machinations from Japan. After the traitor Wang Jingwei defected to the enemy, Japan glimpsed a sinister new path to conquer China: ramping up political inducements for surrender, with brutal military offensives reduced to mere supporting roles. On June 20, the Japanese Imperial General Headquarters unleashed "strategy" tasks upon its troops in China—to incite local armies, those ragtag "miscellaneous troops," to betray their own, isolating and pulverizing the central army units. Wang Pengsheng saw through the ruse; this "attacking the heart" and "subduing strategies," drawn from the ancient wisdom of China's military sage Sun Tzu, betrayed the Japanese army's desperate straits, manpower stretched thin, supplies dwindling to the point of desperation.   Chiang Kai-shek's eyes narrowed as he gripped his red pencil, underlining a passage in the report with deliberate strokes, marking it as a thunderclap of importance or urgency: To cooperate with the establishment of the Wang puppet regime and exert military pressure on the Chongqing government, under the direction of the Imperial General Headquarters, the commander of the Japanese 11th Army, Okamura Yasuji, had formulated the "Xiang-Gan Operation Plan" targeting the main forces of the central army in the Ninth War Zone and was intensifying preparations for its implementation. The words hung heavy in the air like a gathering storm. Chiang Kai-shek rose abruptly, his body protesting with a stiff ache from hours of unyielding vigilance. He stretched his weary waist and legs, then pushed open the wooden door beside the vast sun-facing window, stepping out onto the balcony as if seeking solace from the encroaching night.   The balcony commanded a sweeping vista, a momentary escape from the suffocating confines of strategy and betrayal. Gazing downward, the "Fog Capital" Chongqing emerged in rare clarity, serene and layered beneath the fiery embrace of the evening glow. The distant murmur of the Jialing River, flowing ceaselessly like the pulse of a defiant heart, whispered a fleeting sense of ease amid the turmoil. Yet even this pause carried the echoes of war's relentless march. After the Japanese horde seized Wuhan and surged onward to claim Yueyang—only to halt their southward thrust—both Mao Zedong in his Yan'an stronghold and Chiang Kai-shek in Chongqing etched this moment as a pivotal divide in China's War of Resistance Against Japan. Mao proclaimed the war had plunged into the "stalemate phase," a grinding impasse. Chiang, ever the resolute leader, declared the "second phase of the war of resistance" ignited from this very point.   But across the vast national battlefield, the first half of 1939 roared with unquenched fury, the air thick with the acrid smoke of gunpowder. From the year's dawn, the Japanese army, bolstered by five divisions and eight mixed brigades, launched ruthless "security consolidation" operations in North China to fortify their blood-soaked conquests, only to be harried and bloodied by the Communist Eighth Route Army slipping behind enemy lines and the valiant troops of the First and Second War Zones. In late March, the Japanese 11th Army stormed Nanchang, clashing in a maelstrom of fire with the four group armies of the Ninth War Zone under the iron command of front-line commander Luo Zhuoying. For a grueling month and a half, the battle raged, the Japanese claiming the city at a staggering cost in lives. Chiang Kai-shek, his fury mounting, demanded a counterattack from the Ninth War Zone, but it crumbled into tragedy, over 20,000 souls lost, including Lieutenant General Chen Anbao, the indomitable commander of the 29th Army. Nanchang remained in enemy hands, fueling Chiang's rage like an inferno unchecked.   Then, in May, the Japanese Kwantung Army clashed with Soviet and Mongolian forces in the epic conflagration at Nomonhan. What ignited a spark of grim satisfaction in Chiang was not merely the Japanese rout, with nearly 20,000 of their ranks obliterated, but the broader ripple: this Japan-Soviet inferno would heap pressure upon the invaders in China, weakening their grasp. As the war sank into its stalemate phase, Chiang turned his gaze inward, fiercely guarding his military strength while awaiting the winds of change. He clung to a core conviction: the essence of the War of Resistance boiled down to that single, unbreakable word—"resist." Troops could be sacrificed, territories forsaken, retreats endured when battles turned dire, but surrender was unthinkable. As long as resistance endured, the nation would hold its place among the world's powers, and its leaders their rightful thrones. In time, the tides of international intrigue would shift; the imperialist giants, driven by their own insatiable interests, would not stand idly by as China fell to Japan's maw.   With resolve hardening like steel, Chiang Kai-shek strode back to his imposing desk and seized the telephone, dialing Xu Yongchang, the Minister of Military Orders. His voice cut through the line with unyielding command: instruct Deputy Chief of Staff Bai Chongxi, currently in the Ninth War Zone dissecting the bitter lessons of the Nanchang debacle, to hasten and aid Chen Cheng in crafting ironclad military deployments against the looming Japanese "Xiang-Gan Operation" and submit them without delay.   As the last defiant ray of sunlight plunged below the horizon, the sprawl of Chongqing's urban expanse succumbed to an enveloping darkness, a shroud of uncertainty. Since the government had fled southward, Chongqing had become a relentless target for Japanese bombers, their payloads raining death and devastation in waves of tragedy. By night, the city enforced ironclad blackout controls, its citizens huddling in fear behind heavy curtains, their lives reduced to whispers in the shadows. Chiang Kai-shek's mind drifted to the pre-war nights of the mountain city, when thousands of lights danced like stars upon the river's rippling waves. A deep, weary sigh escaped him, carrying the burden of a leader who refused to yield.   Far from the shadowed balconies of Chongqing, as China's War of Resistance Against Japan plunged into its harrowing third year, the misty haven of Guilin clung to its gentle, rain-soaked serenity, a fragile oasis amid the chaos of a nation torn asunder. Farmers, oblivious to the headlines screaming from distant newspapers, trudged barefoot through the lush fields, guiding massive water buffaloes with their backward-curving horns and deceptively gentle temperaments. Verdant tea groves blanketed the undulating hills, their leaves whispering secrets to the wind, while breezes carried the haunting, sweet-and-sour melodies of mountain songs that seemed to defy the encroaching shadows of war. Those weary souls fleeing the bloodied front lines stumbled into this paradise, their eyes widening in awe, as if they had crossed into a dream untouched by the nightmare raging beyond.   Nestled in the northwestern suburbs of the city, the Guilin Office pulsed with the raw energy of command, its operations post concealed within a colossal karst cave, a labyrinth of nature's own fortifications. Amid the jagged stalagmites and dripping stalactites, wires snaked like veins, cables coiled in tense anticipation, and radio antennas reached out like desperate fingers grasping for signals. These were the nerves of war, linking this hidden nerve center to the smoke-choked, blood-drenched front lines where heroes and horrors collided in the unyielding struggle for resistance.   Deputy Chief of Staff of the Military Affairs Commission and Director of the Guilin Office—Bai Chongxi—unfolded the telegram folder thrust into his hands by his confidential staff, his heart pounding with the weight of destiny:   "To Director Bai in Guilin: Telegram received. Deploy operations according to Plan A.   Zhongzheng"   Before departing Changsha, the Second Department had already whispered warnings of the Japanese horde's intent to strike southward, and fatefully, an urgent call from Xu Yongchang had demanded the swift forging of a battle plan to confront the enemy. As Bai Chongxi devoured the enemy intelligence, a bold strategy ignited in his mind like a flare in the darkness. Chen Cheng, the steadfast Commander of the Ninth War Zone, championed the tried-and-true tactic of successive resistance, but with a grim twist: retreat would be capped north of Changsha. Front-line troops would grind down the Japanese invaders, bleeding them dry before slipping to the east and west flanks. There, they would pounce on the enemy's exposed sides as the foes pressed southward, culminating in a devastating annihilation beneath the walls of Changsha with the aid of the garrison. This blueprint minimized troop movements and promised a swift, brutal clash. Yet Chen Cheng, burdened by his dual role as Minister of the Political Department of the Military Affairs Commission, had delegated command to Xue Yue as acting Ninth War Zone Commander. In heated deliberations, Xue Yue tilted toward Chen's vision, his resolve echoing the caution of survival.   But Bai Chongxi, his strategic mind a whirlwind of innovation, saw a bolder path through the storm. The Japanese forces lurking in the Wuhan area were fractured, split between the Yangtze's north and south, facing off against China's formidable heavy troops. Though intelligence on the scale of their assault remained shrouded in mystery, Bai knew their drawable forces couldn't exceed half their might, and their endurance in sustained combat would falter like a dying flame. "To swallow the attackers whole, the battlefield must be vast and unforgiving, our forces luring them deeper while retreating to the Hengyang area, stretching the enemy thin across a sprawling 200-kilometer wasteland." There, the invaders would wither in passivity, their food and ammunition lines stretched to breaking. Then, in a masterful stroke, troops from the Jiuling and Mufu Mountains would surge westward, while those west of the Xiang River drove eastward, severing every land and water escape route in a vise of total annihilation. Both plans stood as ironclad fortresses of logic, each unassailable in its reasoning, and were dispatched simultaneously to Chiang Kai-shek, the arbiter of China's fate.   By rank and protocol, Bai's vision claimed the mantle of Plan A, while Chen's bore the label of Plan B. Bai Chongxi had voiced his conviction and released it to the winds, content to let Chiang's judgment prevail. Bai Chongxi was a master of strategy, whispered among allies as the "Little Zhuge," his intellect a weapon as sharp as any blade. Yet Chen Cheng shared Chiang's Zhejiang roots and the unbreakable bonds of Huangpu camaraderie, drawing him even closer in the inner circle of trust. On such pivotal matters, Bai Chongxi often chose the path of restraint, yielding rather than clashing in futile strife. Five agonizing days after the plans vanished into the ether, Chiang's telegram pierced the tension, affirming the adoption of Plan A. A surge of quiet triumph coursed through Bai Chongxi as he signed the missive and strode toward the operations map, his steps echoing with purpose.   While strategic minds clashed in hidden caves and distant villas, the front lines pulsed with the raw grit of soldiers readying for battle. Guan Linzheng had been assigned a mount since 1930, when he became commander of the 1st Regiment of the 2nd Training Division, during the Central Plains War between Chiang, Feng, and Yan. He led the regiment to cover the retreat of the division's main force under Zhang Zhizhong. Pursued by several times their number of Feng-Yan troops, they fought while retreating in dire straits. From night to dawn, heavy fog descended, obscuring visibility beyond dozens of paces. Guan Linzheng's chestnut horse suddenly neighed loudly and charged back toward the pursuers. After trying to rein it in unsuccessfully, Guan simply ordered the troops to countercharge into the fog. Shouts of killing filled the air, gunfire intense. The Feng-Yan troops, unclear of the situation in the fog, thought Chiang reinforcements had arrived and ordered a retreat. By the time the fog cleared, they were gone. Guan's bold cunning successfully completed the cover mission, and he was promoted to brigade commander of the division's 2nd Brigade after the war.   In July 1932, during Chiang Kai-shek's fourth encirclement of the Hubei-Henan-Anhui Soviet, Guan Linzheng was brigade commander of the 4th Army's Independent Brigade. In battle, he was surrounded by Red Army troops led by Chen Geng and Cai Shenyi of the Red 25th Army Corps in the Anhui town of Zhuanfo Temple. His unit suffered heavy casualties, and a beloved horse was killed, leaving him distressed for a long time. With the outbreak of the War of Resistance, Guan Linzheng's military career entered its golden age. He believed this was truly raising an army of justice, fighting for the people and the nation. After promotions, though equipped with cars, he always kept a warhorse, often riding to survey terrain, inspect work, and command battles. In spare moments, he personally exercised and groomed the horse. That day, he led several staff on horseback to the Xin Qiang River front line, dismounting on the southern bank. 52nd Army Commander Zhang Yaoming and 195th Division Commander Qin Yizhi were waiting.   According to the Ninth War Zone deployment, the 15th Army Group had positioned Zhang Yaoming's 52nd Army and Xia Chuzhong's 79th Army, a formidable force of six divisions along the southern bank of the Xin Qiang River, stretching from Xin Qiang to Maishi beyond the provincial border. This ironclad first line of defense spanned over 100 kilometers, a vast bulwark against the gathering storm of invasion. Fifty kilometers to the south, Chen Pei's 37th Army, with its Divisions 60 and 95, held the Miluo River from Miluo to Pingjiang as the unyielding second line, ready to absorb any breach. Meanwhile, Li Jue's 70th Army, commanding Divisions 19 and 107 along the eastern bank of the Xiang River, was deployed north and south of Xiangyin, fiercely guarding the critical landing points like Yingtian, points that could spell victory or catastrophe.   195th Division Commander Qin Yizhi reported to Guan Linzheng with a voice charged with resolve: troop morale soared like a battle cry, fortifications stood complete and impenetrable, and the army's slogan for this fateful clash thundered: "Fight with the prestige of Taierzhuang!" The division's mobilization slogan echoed even fiercer: "Win fame in one battle!" Guan Linzheng nodded with grim satisfaction toward Zhang Yaoming, his eyes gleaming with the fire of shared history. Guan had once commanded the 52nd Army himself, leading it through a gauntlet of brilliant, blood-soaked battles on the anti-Japanese front. As the Japanese hordes prepared to surge across the Xin Qiang River southward, this was the first, most perilous barrier, a crucible where legends would be forged or shattered. He had entrusted his most loyal unit to the point of greatest impact, knowing full well the stakes. Zhang Yaoming and the division commanders, who had marched at his side for years through hellfire, understood the gravity: Commander Guan was setting an unassailable example, issuing orders that rippled through the ranks, no one could afford the slightest lapse, or face the merciless blade of military law!   "Who's on the north bank?" Guan Linzheng and the others sat on the hard earth, the weight of impending war pressing down; he pointed to the map's symbols for forward positions across the river, his finger tracing lines of fate. "Guarding the Bijia Mountain position is the reinforced 3rd Battalion of the 195th Division's 131st Regiment under Qin Yizhi," Zhang Yaoming replied without hesitation, his tone steady as stone. "Who's on the north bank?" Guan Linzheng repeated as if he hadn't heard, his voice a low rumble, demanding precision in the face of chaos.   Zhang Yaoming hesitated slightly, a flicker of uncertainty crossing his face, and Qin Yizhi stepped in: "3rd Battalion Commander Shi Enhua, Huangpu 8th Class."   The Central Military Academy had held its first five classes in Guangzhou's Huangpu, commonly called Huangpu Military Academy. Afterward, the school moved several times, but students continued using the Huangpu name, partly to inherit the revolutionary spirit against imperialism and feudalism from Huangpu's founding, and partly to indicate their central orthodoxy. Army generals, especially the "old Huangpu" big brothers, approved this practice, calling it Huangpu no matter where the school was.   Guan Linzheng glared at Zhang Yaoming, his gaze like sharpened steel, then pressed his knee and rose to his feet. Guan's left knee had been shattered by a bullet in 1925 during the Eastern Expedition against Chen Jiongming, a wound that had nearly claimed his leg and his future. Doctors had decreed amputation to save his life, but Liao Zhongkai, the party representative, had visited the wounded and intervened strenuously, preventing it. Otherwise, there would be no later glory for Guan Linzheng. After careful treatment and diligent exercise, the leg's function mostly recovered, though rising from a squat was slightly difficult. Zhang Yaoming reached out to help, but Guan pushed him away with a fierce independence born of countless battles. The group descended to the riverbank and stood in heavy silence, the air thick with unspoken tension. The horses either stood patiently with heads held high, vigilant sentinels, or lowered them to sniff the grass, casually plucking some to hold in their lips, oblivious to the human storm brewing.   The Xin Qiang River, an unnamed small river that had flowed quietly for countless years, had no great turbid waves in flood seasons and still shallow clear ripples in dry periods. It flowed peacefully from its source to Dongting Lake over dozens of kilometers. At this moment, it reflected the figures and thoughts of several soldiers, utterly unaware that in a dozen days, its name would leap to the front pages of newspapers nationwide, baptized in blood and etched into history.   Amid these preparations on the front lines, deeper internal conflicts simmered among the high command. Xue Yue regretted taking the position of provincial chairman, a decision that now haunted him like a specter from the battlefield's edge.   After the nationwide shock of the "Great Fire of Changsha," Zhang Zhizhong was punished with "suspension with retention," continuing to handle daily affairs amid the ashes. He sent several telegrams requesting resignation from the provincial chairmanship, expressing to the Executive Yuan his "shameless guilt and deep pain." On January 17, 1939, the Chongqing Executive Yuan passed a resolution to reorganize the Hunan Provincial Government. That night, Zhang Zhizhong received Chiang Kai-shek's telegram instructing him to hand over work and report to Chongqing.   In December 1938, when the Military Affairs Commission issued the order for Xue Yue to act as Ninth War Zone Commander, Chiang Kai-shek personally spoke with Xue, asking: "Brother Boling, do you think this arrangement is acceptable?" Boling was Xue Yue's courtesy name. Chiang, nine years older, addressed him as brother in private. Xue Yue said: "With Changsha in such a state, I truly lack the ability to handle such a major war zone task." Chiang Kai-shek understood Xue's implication about the disunity of military and political affairs making military work difficult. He said: "You go first; we can consider unifying military and political affairs later." According to He Yaozu, then director of the Military Affairs Commission Office who witnessed this: "My impression was that Xue Yue didn't want to avoid the acting commander role, but wanted to combine military and political powers. Chiang knew this, telling me 'If he's willing, let him do it,' words Chiang said to many seeking positions."   On February 1, 1939, the Nationalist Government officially appointed Xue Yue as Chairman of the Hunan Provincial Committee of the Kuomintang and Chairman of Hunan Province. With party, government, and military powers combined, troubles followed incessantly, piling upon him like relentless enemy fire. As war zone commander, he first thought of the troops. Upon taking office, Xue implemented a policy to restrict market rice prices for military grain procurement, proposing "flat prices" to acquire grain cheaply, forcing merchants underground. Upon hearing this, Xue angrily summoned major rice merchants, reprimanded them, and ordered them to deliver quotas. The result: insufficient low-price rice, with black market prices rising daily. After half a year, sharp-tongued Hunanese nicknamed him "Xue Pinggui," a name that became household, a mocking whisper that cut deeper than any blade.   Coincidentally, his father passed away. Whether Xue instructed it or subordinates "handled it," obituaries flew everywhere, sent to county-level units across the province. Each county had at least 20 units sending condolences, and higher-level cities and provincial units all sent, leading some to secretly calculate. After Xue Yue took charge in Hunan, his family members were transferred from other provinces, and arranging work according to their abilities was reasonable in that old society. His uncle-in-law Fang Xuefen became head of the Provincial Grain Bureau, brother-in-law Qiu Weiyi head of the Provincial Bank. His brother continued business, transporting Hunan rice to Guangdong for barter.   Xue Yue's talents shone not in officialdom. Only before military maps, on battlefields of gunfire and flying shells, could one find the general-like Xue Yue; "heaven-born talent" was for warfare. This descendant of an ordinary farming family in Lechang County, Guangdong, who entered Huangpu Army Primary School at 10, became commander of Sun Yat-sen's bodyguard regiment's 1st Battalion at 24, and once carried a machine gun through hails of bullets to protect Madame Sun Soong Ching-ling from rebel encirclement, earned the nickname "Tiger Cub" in blood and fire. What propelled him to life's peak was the Battle of Changsha.   On August 21, 1939, with war clouds over Changsha thickening like a noose, Xue Yue received telegrams and calls from Chiang Kai-shek, Bai Chongxi, and Chen Cheng. Chiang's telegram required immediate deployment according to "Plan A." Bai and Chen urged resolute implementation of the Chairman's instructions. Xue Yue stood motionless before the map, his mind a whirlwind of strategy and defiance.   Many articles recalling Xue Yue mentioned his daily habit, or hobby, of studying maps; he could do so all day. With battles, he looked; without, he still studied avidly. Perhaps map-reading had evolved from a commander's work need to a professional soldier's spiritual requirement, a way to express emotions, dispel worries, a soldier's way of existence. After Chiang's order to execute "Plan A," rather than comparing plans on the map for stronger bases for his preferred view, he was organizing thoughts, adjusting emotions, and gathering courage in this soul's sanctuary. Hours later, he turned and called Chief of Staff Zhao Zili, dictating three reasons to persist with "Plan B," instructing him to draft a telegram directly to Chiang Kai-shek.   He reminded Zhao that the wording should be forceful yet resilient, making the Chairman clearly feel his firm determination. The Ninth War Zone has sufficient forces and confidence to annihilate the Japanese north of Changsha. If our forces retreat to Hengyang, the Japanese 21st Army under Ando Toshikichi in Guangzhou (with 18th and 104th Divisions, Taiwan Brigade, and attached air units) might advance north along the Yue-Han Railway in support, forming a pincer on us, making the battle hard to control. Following Plan A and allowing the Japanese south would lead to Changsha's fall, exploited by enemy propaganda, causing adverse effects domestically and internationally. These three points presented the potential military and political disadvantages of Plan A as tangible, imminent dangers, more argumentative and unyieldingly firm than his original inclination toward "Plan B."   Zhao Zili quickly noted the points, his pen flying across the page with the precision of a seasoned warrior, before retreating to the staff office to draft the telegram that could alter the course of battle. A top student of Huangpu's 6th Class, quick-witted and resourceful, Zhao had risen like a comet through the ranks after a few blistering campaigns, pinning the insignia of major general to his shoulders at the tender age of 31, a feat that stirred envy among his classmates like a storm in their hearts. Zhao Zili, of course, understood Xue Yue's true intent, piercing through the layers of strategy to the raw undercurrent of determination and unresolved fury.   In May 1938, to avenge the stinging triumph at Taierzhuang, the Japanese had massed their forces in a vengeful storm, aiming to encircle and annihilate the Chinese main forces east of the Longhai Railway, striking from both east and north with ruthless precision. The northern route's 14th Division, under the cunning Dobashi Kenji, found itself surrounded in Lanfeng by a pantheon of fierce Chinese generals, Song Xilian, Yu Jishi, Hu Zongnan, Qiu Qingquan, Wang Yaowu, Li Hanlun, Gui Yongqing, Sun Tongxuan, and Shang Zhen, warriors whose names echoed like thunder across the battlefields. Chiang Kai-shek himself descended upon Zhengzhou to supervise the carnage, appointing Xue Yue as 1st Corps Commander to orchestrate the generals in a full-throttle offensive on the morning of May 25, with the ironclad goal of obliterating that longtime scourge of China and his 14th Division before the dawn of the 26th shattered the night.   The odds were a gambler's dream: 150,000 elite Chinese troops against a mere 20,000 second-rate Japanese soldiers. Victory seemed not just possible, but inevitable; Chiang invited journalists to the front lines for live dispatches, while the Wuhan Political Department feverishly prepared celebrations for the "second great Taierzhuang victory." Chiang Kai-shek was exceptionally angry, his rage boiling over in orders that scorched the ranks, reprimanding army commanders for "inept command, cowardly actions, leading to low morale and hesitation," and that "most army, division, and brigade commanders lacked courage and self-motivation, prolonging the battle." After the Lanfeng Battle, Chiang ordered the dismissal and investigation of future Nationalist Navy Commander Gui Yongqing and 1950s Taiwan Army Commander and Provincial Chairman Huang Jie, and executed 88th Division Commander Long Muhan. But he did not hold Xue Yue accountable for leadership responsibility. For a highly self-respecting person, self-blame is more painful than others' blame. Thereafter, Xue Yue spent more time buried in maps, his eyes tracing lines of terrain like a man possessed, seeking a monumental battle to avenge his wounded pride and redeem his tarnished honor.   On March 8, 1939, shortly after Xue Yue assumed the mantle of acting Ninth War Zone Commander, Chiang telegraphed him with urgent resolve: "To secure Nanchang and its rear lines, decide to strike first, take the offensive to thwart the enemy's intentions." Chiang valued Nanchang's strategic position, as did Okamura Yasuji, but Chiang was a step slow, his hesitation a fatal crack. The Japanese, wielding two divisions bolstered by the bulk of their army's tanks and artillery, seized the initiative like predators in the night, storming Nanchang before the Chinese heavy forces could muster. Chen Cheng remained the nominal Ninth War Zone Commander, relegating Xue Yue to a watchful perch in Changsha while entrusting the Nanchang front to his confidant Luo Zhuoying. Xue Yue haunted the command room day and night, monitoring the inferno through frantic phone calls and telegrams, his discomfort gnawing at him like an unhealed wound. He bore witness to Nanchang's fall and the counterattack's agonizing collapse.   The Nanchang Battle loss was not Xue's fault, but it scarred the Ninth War Zone under his watch, with generals' whispers spreading like venom, knotting his heart in a tangle of regret and resolve. Months of intense map study and on-site inspections had etched Hunan's terrain into Xue Yue's very soul, birthing a strategy that was bold, unique, and brimming with promise—a phoenix rising from the ashes of defeat. But as Zhao Zili understood with crystal clarity, Commander Xue's telegram to Chiang, a forceful plea to reverse the decision, sprang less from cold military "strategy" than from the seething "resentment" accumulated through repeated failures and humiliations, a fire that demanded reckoning. With Chen Cheng's help, Chiang finally agreed to change the plan, bending to the tide of persuasion. Xue Yue was delighted, his spirit soaring like a liberated eagle; Bai Chongxi was angry, his frustration simmering like a storm held at bay. After the battle erupted, Bai, dispatched by Chiang to assist Xue Yue, arrived at the war zone headquarters on Yuelu Mountain atop the Xiang River's west bank in Changsha but remained silent like a mute bodhisattva, his words locked away in disapproval. Even decades later, in his Memoirs of Bai Chongxi, discussing the First Battle of Changsha, he still did not consider it a victory, saying the Japanese "conducted a planned retreat without much loss, which is a fact."   I would like to take this time to remind you all that this podcast is only made possible through the efforts of Kings and Generals over at Youtube. Please go subscribe to Kings and Generals over at Youtube and to continue helping us produce this content please check out www.patreon.com/kingsandgenerals. If you are still hungry after that, give my personal channel a look over at The Pacific War Channel at Youtube, it would mean a lot to me. In 1939, amid the Second Sino-Japanese War's stalemate phase, Chiang Kai-shek received intelligence on Japan's Xiang-Gan Operation, aimed at pressuring Chongqing through military advances in Hunan. Deputy Chief Bai Chongxi proposed Plan A for a deep-lure annihilation south of Changsha, while Chen Cheng and Xue Yue favored Plan B for resistance north of the city. After tense debates, Chiang approved Plan B, influenced by Xue's insistence to avoid Changsha's fall and counter Japanese propaganda.   

There's a moment most of us have experienced; standing in a parking lot, deciding whether to return a shopping cart or leave it behind. It's small. Almost forgettable. But the more I've paid attention to those moments, the more I've realized they might reveal something deeper about how we move through the world. In this episode, I start with a simple observation in a grocery store parking lot and follow it into something bigger, unseen people, invisible effort, and the quiet decisions we make when no one's watching. This isn't really about carts. It's about the ten extra steps, and what they might say about who we're becoming. If something in this conversation resonated with you, I'd love to hear from you. You can email me at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com, or send me a DM over on Instagram at @clemenzwithazpodcast. If you want to support the podcast financially, you can head over to ClemenzWithAZ.com, there's a merch store there with shirts, stickers, all kinds of stuff. You can also donate directly through the GoFundMe, the link's in the show notes. Every bit goes a long way in helping me keep these conversations going. And if you're looking for something a little more regular, check out my Substack: Devotions for the Disillusioned & Deconstructing. That's where I share short reflections, devotionals, and some extra behind-the-scenes thoughts that don't always make it onto the podcast. And of course, the best way you can support the show is by subscribing, rating, and leaving a review wherever you listen to podcasts. Share it with a friend, post it on your socials, drop it in a group chat, it all helps more than you know. This podcast keeps going because of listeners like you showing up, engaging, and passing it on. So thank you for being here, for listening, and for being part of this messy middle with me. Until next time, take care of yourselves, and each other.

This is an episode I recorded about two years ago, and revisiting it now, I realized something, I was already asking questions back then that I'm still wrestling with today. Questions about power, about leadership, and about what it actually means to follow Jesus. In this episode, I explore the moment often called the “Triumphal Entry,” but through a different lens: not as a celebration, but as a contrast. Two processions entering the same city, one built on force and control, the other on humility and peace. Listening back, I can hear the beginnings of a shift in me, and maybe this conversation will invite something similar for you. Not just to understand the story, but to consider which way of being we're actually aligning our lives with. If something in this conversation resonated with you, I'd love to hear from you. You can email me at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com, or send me a DM over on Instagram at @clemenzwithazpodcast. If you want to support the podcast financially, you can head over to ClemenzWithAZ.com, there's a merch store there with shirts, stickers, all kinds of stuff. You can also donate directly through the GoFundMe, the link's in the show notes. Every bit goes a long way in helping me keep these conversations going. And if you're looking for something a little more regular, check out my Substack: Devotions for the Disillusioned & Deconstructing. That's where I share short reflections, devotionals, and some extra behind-the-scenes thoughts that don't always make it onto the podcast. And of course, the best way you can support the show is by subscribing, rating, and leaving a review wherever you listen to podcasts. Share it with a friend, post it on your socials, drop it in a group chat, it all helps more than you know. This podcast keeps going because of listeners like you showing up, engaging, and passing it on. So thank you for being here, for listening, and for being part of this messy middle with me. Until next time, take care of yourselves, and each other.

Welcome to Barn Talk! In this episode, hosts Sawyer and Tork welcome Brian Hula, a Nebraska native with deep roots in agriculture and a knack for helping businesses save money through smart tax strategy. Brian Hula grew up on a farm working in the hog industry and eventually made his way into the world of sales and insurance, but it's his expertise in R&D tax credits that brings him to the barn today. From his no-nonsense Midwest background to his hands-on experience across farming, estate planning, and insurance, Brian Hula pulls back the curtain on a topic that could directly put dollars back in your pocket: research and development tax credits. The conversation is packed with stories from the farm, lessons from the business world, and practical steps farmers and small business owners can take to make sure they're not leaving money on the table. Whether you're looking to better understand how these credits work, want insight into the difference between tax deductions and tax credits, or just need a push to re-evaluate your approach to taxes and estate planning, this episode has something for you. So grab a cup of coffee and get ready to learn to take advantage of overlooked opportunities that can help your business thrive. JOIN THE BARN TALK NEWSLETTER & GET LIVE EVENT ACCESS: We're on a mission to get 10,000 subscribers, and once we do, we're hosting a live event at the barn! Sign up to get exclusive access to tickets and details.

In this episode, I sit with a passage from Thomas Merton that I can't seem to shake and the uncomfortable realization it stirred in me: I don't think I trust happiness that comes easily. We live in a world built on chasing more growth, more clarity, more success, and I'm right there in it. But what if the peace we're looking for isn't something we achieve, but something we don't trust? I unpack the “I'll be happy when…” loop, how my background shaped that mindset, and why even the good things: self-help, growth, faith can keep us running. This isn't a message from someone who's figured it out. It's me, a couple steps in, trying to understand why something that feels like it should set me free… is so hard to believe. If something in this conversation resonated with you, I'd love to hear from you. You can email me at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com, or send me a DM over on Instagram at @clemenzwithazpodcast. If you want to support the podcast financially, you can head over to ClemenzWithAZ.com, there's a merch store there with shirts, stickers, all kinds of stuff. You can also donate directly through the GoFundMe, the link's in the show notes. Every bit goes a long way in helping me keep these conversations going. And if you're looking for something a little more regular, check out my Substack: Devotions for the Disillusioned & Deconstructing. That's where I share short reflections, devotionals, and some extra behind-the-scenes thoughts that don't always make it onto the podcast. And of course, the best way you can support the show is by subscribing, rating, and leaving a review wherever you listen to podcasts. Share it with a friend, post it on your socials, drop it in a group chat, it all helps more than you know. This podcast keeps going because of listeners like you showing up, engaging, and passing it on. So thank you for being here, for listening, and for being part of this messy middle with me. Until next time, take care of yourselves, and each other.

What happens when you trade a stable corporate job in Singapore for a gap year for a tropical island? That's what Shi Han Pang did at 25.Since then, she's best known for being the co-founder of Human Edition, a storytelling platform that has captured the hearts of over 138k followers by documenting the hidden, un-Googleable stories of Malaysia and beyond.Shi Han takes us through her journey - from growing up in the quiet "tuition culture" of Alor Setar to working as an architectural designer in Shanghai, KL & Singapore. Disillusioned by the industry, she decided to f*ck it and quit her job at 25 to pursue her masters as a way of buying more time to ‘figure life out.'That eventually led to a permanent move to Langkawi island to document extraordinary local stories that can't be found in any tour guide book or Google search with her partner, Jie Xin.To learn more about how Shi Han followed her passion and made it work:04:12: Growing up in Alor Setar09:45: The Architecture Trap14:20: Feeling "successful" but unhappy19:10: The "F*ck It" leap & m to an island.25:35: The Bon Ton Residency: How six weeks in Langkawi changed everything31:05: "Un-Googleable" Malaysia: Why Human Edition focuses on the stories you can't find online36:50" The ‘magic' of the island42:15: RM1500/month.48:40: The Transformation: From corporate attire to finding a "glow" through boho freedom.

In this episode of We Were in a Cult?, I sit down with Katja, who shares her experience of being introduced to the ICOC in Germany, not as someone born into it, but as someone searching. As a young mother trying to find her footing in life and faith, she was met in a moment where community, clarity, and certainty felt both needed and welcome. What unfolds is an honest and thoughtful conversation about how environments like this can shape identity over time, how questions can quietly build beneath the surface, and what it takes to begin seeing things differently. Katja's story is a powerful reminder that these experiences aren't limited to one place or one kind of person, they're often closer to home than we think. If you are a member, were a member, or know someone who was a member of the ICOC or ICC and would like to share your story about life in and out of the church, I'd love to hear from you. Together, we can continue exploring the question, “We were in a cult?” and perhaps find some healing along the way. You can reach me via email at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com, or send me a DM on Instagram at the Clemenz With a Z podcast page. If you want to support the podcast financially, you can head over to ClemenzWithAZ.com, there's a merch store there with shirts, stickers, all kinds of stuff. You can also donate directly through the GoFundMe, the link's in the show notes. Every bit goes a long way in helping me keep these conversations going. And if you're looking for something a little more regular, check out my Substack: Devotions for the Disillusioned & Deconstructing. That's where I share short reflections, devotionals, and some extra behind-the-scenes thoughts that don't always make it onto the podcast. And of course, the best way you can support the show is by subscribing, rating, and leaving a review wherever you listen to podcasts. Share it with a friend, post it on your socials, drop it in a group chat, it all helps more than you know. This podcast keeps going because of listeners like you showing up, engaging, and passing it on. So thank you for being here, for listening, and for being part of this messy middle with me. Until next time, take care of yourselves, and each other.

I went to a church back in December because it reminded me of something. Growing up in the ICOC, we had what were called Special Missions contributions, big Sundays centered around giving, sacrifice, and faith. So when I heard about a “Legacy Offering,” I was curious. Not cynical. Curious. I wanted to see what it would stir up in me. What I didn't expect was how much my body would remember. From the production and messaging… to the moment a second offering bucket passed through the room… something deeper surfaced. Not just frustration, but memories. Of childhood. Of pressure. Of learning that giving could feel less like freedom and more like proof. In this episode, I reflect on that experience, what it brought up, what I'm still untangling, and how my understanding of generosity has shifted over time. Because this isn't really about one church. It's about a bigger question: What happens when generosity becomes something we're told to do… instead of something that flows freely from who we are? I still believe in giving. I just want it to come from a different place. If something in this conversation resonated with you, I'd love to hear from you. You can email me at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com, or send me a DM over on Instagram at @clemenzwithazpodcast. If you want to support the podcast financially, you can head over to ClemenzWithAZ.com, there's a merch store there with shirts, stickers, all kinds of stuff. You can also donate directly through the GoFundMe, the link's in the show notes. Every bit goes a long way in helping me keep these conversations going. And if you're looking for something a little more regular, check out my Substack: Devotions for the Disillusioned & Deconstructing. That's where I share short reflections, devotionals, and some extra behind-the-scenes thoughts that don't always make it onto the podcast. And of course, the best way you can support the show is by subscribing, rating, and leaving a review wherever you listen to podcasts. Share it with a friend, post it on your socials, drop it in a group chat, it all helps more than you know. This podcast keeps going because of listeners like you showing up, engaging, and passing it on. So thank you for being here, for listening, and for being part of this messy middle with me. Until next time, take care of yourselves, and each other.

Every generation inherits something from the one before it, wisdom that helped people survive and wounds that shaped how they saw the world. In this episode, I reflect on a quote from philosopher John Dewey: “If we teach today's students as we taught yesterday's, we rob them of tomorrow.” What begins as a thought about education opens into a deeper conversation about parenting, faith, and personal healing. How do we honor the past without letting it dictate the future? And how do we make sure our wounds don't quietly become the worldview we pass on to others? This episode explores the tension between learning from yesterday and leaving space for tomorrow. If something in this conversation resonated with you, I'd love to hear from you. You can email me at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com, or send me a DM over on Instagram at @clemenzwithazpodcast. If you want to support the podcast financially, you can head over to ClemenzWithAZ.com, there's a merch store there with shirts, stickers, all kinds of stuff. You can also donate directly through the GoFundMe, the link's in the show notes. Every bit goes a long way in helping me keep these conversations going. And if you're looking for something a little more regular, check out my Substack: Devotions for the Disillusioned & Deconstructing. That's where I share short reflections, devotionals, and some extra behind-the-scenes thoughts that don't always make it onto the podcast. And of course, the best way you can support the show is by subscribing, rating, and leaving a review wherever you listen to podcasts. Share it with a friend, post it on your socials, drop it in a group chat, it all helps more than you know. This podcast keeps going because of listeners like you showing up, engaging, and passing it on. So thank you for being here, for listening, and for being part of this messy middle with me. Until next time, take care of yourselves, and each other.

JP Dinnell answers questions from Reddit.  Get your free training from First In Nutrition: https://www.firstinnutrition.com/jppod More from JP Dinnell: https://www.jpdinnell.com/ Therapeutic Recreation Group: https://www.therapeuticrg.org Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/therapeutic_rec_group/ Echelon Front Leadership Assessment: https://tinyurl.com/y3v22car Join the conversation on instagram JP Dinnell: http://instagram.com/jpdinnell/ Lucas Pinckard: https://www.instagram.com/lucaspinckard Bruiser Arms: https://www.instagram.com/bruiserarms Echelon Front: https://echelonfront.com/ Little Cattle Co: http://littlecattle.co On The Path Printing: https://www.instagram.com/onthepathprinting JP Dinnell is a former U.S. Navy SEAL and now a Leadership Instructor, Speaker and Strategic Advisor with Echelon Front, where he serves as Director of Experiential Leadership Training Programs. J.P. is also a pro team athlete and spokesperson for Origin Maine and Jocko Fuel, an American clothing and supplement company. J.P. has a signature Energy Drink flavor "Sour Apple Sniper" with Jocko Fuel. Jeremiah spent nearly a decade in the SEAL Teams with three combat deployments. Sent to the violent terrorist stronghold of Ar Ramadi, Iraq in 2006 with SEAL Team Three's Task Unit Bruiser, J.P. served as point man, machine gunner, and lead sniper for Delta Platoon opposite the American Sniper, Chris Kyle, who was in Charlie Platoon. For his leadership and courage under fire, JP was awarded a Silver Star, 2 Bronze Stars with Valor and the Army Commendation Medal with Valor helping Task Unit Bruiser to become the most highly decorated special operations unit of the Iraq War. He worked closely with SEAL Officers Jocko Willink, his Task Unit Commander, and Leif Babin, and was the driving force on many of the daring combat operations Jocko and Leif wrote about in Extreme Ownership. Upon his return, J.P. again worked directly for Jocko as a training instructor at Naval Special Warfare Group One Training Detachment, where he orchestrated realistic and challenging training scenarios for Special Operations Urban Combat training and Close Quarters Combat training to better prepare SEAL units for the real-world battlefield. He also served as a Combatives Instructor, Marksmanship Instructor and earned his Master Trainer Specialist qualification while helping Jocko rebuild and enhance these training programs into the highly effective platforms they are today. J.P. brings exceptional experience and frontline leadership perspective from the winning mindset and culture of Task Unit Bruiser. 00:00:00 Intro 00:09:29 How To Detach 00:13:54 When To Detach 00:15:29 Balancing Detachment and Engagement  00:18:32 JP's Speech Impediment 00:22:14 How to Prepare for Presentations 00:30:20 How Do You Know When You're Ready 00:35:15 Leading a Disillusioned and Burned Out Team 00:41:15 Knowing Your People 00:44:48 Managing in the Age of AI 00:46:40 Most Impactful Book 00:51:40 Gi vs No-Gi Training 00:53:38 Self Defense vs Sport Jiu-Jitsu 01:05:39 Final Thoughts

What if everything you were taught about money is keeping you trapped in the grind? Tune in for an empowering discussion with Chris Miles, the anti-financial adviser on his new book The Work Optional Blueprint: Live Free. Be Wealthy. Make A Difference. Moments with Marianne airs in the Southern California area on KMET1490AM & 98.1 FM, an ABC Talk News Radio Affiliate!  https://www.kmet1490am.comChris Miles is the Cash Flow Expert and unapologetic Anti-Financial Advisor who helps high-income earners break free from the grind and achieve financial freedom—without gambling on Wall Street. Disillusioned by the broken financial industry, Chris built multiple streams of passive income and retired—twice—before 40. As founder of Money Ripples, author of Work Optional Blueprint, and host of the top-rated Money Ripples Podcast, he has helped clients create over $300 million in immediate cash flow and long-term passive income. Featured in CNN Money, BiggerPockets, and Entrepreneurs on Fire, Chris reveals how to stop working for money—and start living free, wealthy, and abundant. https://moneyripples.com Order now on Amazon https://a.co/d/0iom5v5E To learn more about the shwo and interview opportunities contact us at: https://www.mariannepestana.com 

In this episode on Clemenz With a "Z", I reflect on the doctrine of original sin and the story we tell children about who they are at their core. Beginning with a quote from the book "Original Sin Is a Lie" and moving through Genesis, Romans 7, and even a scene from Harry Potter, I am wrestling with the difference between capacity and essence between being capable of harm and being defined by it.  Reflecting on my own childhood and the experience of watching my kid instinctively show generosity, I am ask whether starting with shame shapes a different nervous system than starting with dignity. This isn't an attempt to burn anything down, but an invitation to widen the space and reconsider the foundation we build on. If something in this conversation resonated with you, I'd love to hear from you. You can email me at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com, or send me a DM over on Instagram at @clemenzwithazpodcast. If you want to support the podcast financially, you can head over to ClemenzWithAZ.com, there's a merch store there with shirts, stickers, all kinds of stuff. You can also donate directly through the GoFundMe, the link's in the show notes. Every bit goes a long way in helping me keep these conversations going. And if you're looking for something a little more regular, check out my Substack: Devotions for the Disillusioned & Deconstructing. That's where I share short reflections, devotionals, and some extra behind-the-scenes thoughts that don't always make it onto the podcast. And of course, the best way you can support the show is by subscribing, rating, and leaving a review wherever you listen to podcasts. Share it with a friend, post it on your socials, drop it in a group chat, it all helps more than you know. This podcast keeps going because of listeners like you showing up, engaging, and passing it on. So thank you for being here, for listening, and for being part of this messy middle with me. Until next time, take care of yourselves, and each other.

In this episode, Higher Ways?, I wrestle with a question that's been quietly sitting with me for a long time: What if some of what we call “deep theology” is simply human logic dressed up as divine wisdom? From heaven and hell to reward and punishment, from obedience to atonement, I explore the framework many of us inherited and ask whether love really needs a threat to function. Drawing from my own experience in a high-control church environment and revisiting the teachings of Jesus with fresh eyes, this isn't an attempt to tear faith down, it's a thoughtful dismantling meant to clear space. Space for a version of faith less rooted in fear and more grounded in restoration, honesty, and love that doesn't keep score. If something in this conversation resonated with you, I'd love to hear from you. You can email me at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com, or send me a DM over on Instagram at @clemenzwithazpodcast. If you want to support the podcast financially, you can head over to ClemenzWithAZ.com, there's a merch store there with shirts, stickers, all kinds of stuff. You can also donate directly through the GoFundMe, the link's in the show notes. Every bit goes a long way in helping me keep these conversations going. And if you're looking for something a little more regular, check out my Substack: Devotions for the Disillusioned & Deconstructing. That's where I share short reflections, devotionals, and some extra behind-the-scenes thoughts that don't always make it onto the podcast. And of course, the best way you can support the show is by subscribing, rating, and leaving a review wherever you listen to podcasts. Share it with a friend, post it on your socials, drop it in a group chat, it all helps more than you know. This podcast keeps going because of listeners like you showing up, engaging, and passing it on. So thank you for being here, for listening, and for being part of this messy middle with me. Until next time, take care of yourselves, and each other.

In this episode of Clemenz With a “Z,” I reflect on what happens on the other side of healing. We talk a lot about wounds and unraveling, about leaving and deconstructing, about anger and survival. But what about integration? What about the quiet phase where you're no longer bleeding yet you're not who you used to be either? Through the metaphor of physical scars and the unseen marks we carry in our minds and nervous systems, this episode explores the idea that healing doesn't erase the mark, it transforms it. If you've ever wondered why certain words still make your chest tighten, or why tenderness lingers even after growth, this conversation is for you. Scars don't shout. They hum. And that hum might just be wisdom. If anything in this episode resonated with you and you would like to reach out to me you can drop me a line at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com or drop a DM at the clemenz with a "Z" instagram page.   You can head over to https://gofund.me/7ebb0524 every bit helps. And if you're looking for more reflection, honesty, and spiritual wrestling, check out my Substack: Devotions for the Deconstructing & Disillusioned, it's a space for people who still have soul, but no longer fit in the boxes they were handed. Thanks for being here.

See this video also on Philip Ittner's channel 'On the Edge': https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s0kyqkmliqo----------Phil Ittner is a veteran broadcast journalist now working independently in Ukraine. Currently he's based in Kyiv and produces a weekly interview podcast "On the Edge". Disillusioned with how mainstream media was covering the historic war in Ukraine, Phil decided he had to step in and bring a professional and credible perspective to reporting from Ukraine. ----------LINKS: @PhilipIttner https://x.com/IttnerPhiliphttps://www.linkedin.com/in/phil-ittner-4180271a/https://philipittner.com/about/https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/45-the-big-interview-philip-ittner-on-the-realities/id1617276298?i=1000610636024----------SUPPORT THE CHANNEL:https://www.buymeacoffee.com/siliconcurtainhttps://www.patreon.com/siliconcurtain----------TRUSTED CHARITIES ON THE GROUND:Save Ukrainehttps://www.saveukraineua.org/Superhumans - Hospital for war traumashttps://superhumans.com/en/UNBROKEN - Treatment. Prosthesis. Rehabilitation for Ukrainians in Ukrainehttps://unbroken.org.ua/Come Back Alivehttps://savelife.in.ua/en/Chefs For Ukraine - World Central Kitchenhttps://wck.org/relief/activation-chefs-for-ukraineUNITED24 - An initiative of President Zelenskyyhttps://u24.gov.ua/Serhiy Prytula Charity Foundationhttps://prytulafoundation.orgNGO “Herojam Slava”https://heroiamslava.org/kharpp - Reconstruction project supporting communities in Kharkiv and Przemyślhttps://kharpp.com/NOR DOG Animal Rescuehttps://www.nor-dog.org/home/----------

Are you feeling disillusioned? Disappointed? Bitter? Sour? In this final installment of the Winter Soul Care Series, Alexander Blue Feather offers a powerful closing reflection on self-compassion as medicine for modern life. Opening with Rebecca Del Rio's poem Prescription for the Disillusioned, this episode explores how the overly critical mind contracts the soul. Be inspired to learn how compassion creates space for ripening, renewal and fresh beginnings. Drawing from Francis Weller's teachings on the “generous heart,” Alexander reflects on self-judgment, the muscular agenda of self-improvement, and the quiet violence we sometimes direct toward ourselves. Through personal story (including the one-year anniversary of his father's passing and a new chapter in South Bay) this episode becomes both teaching and testimony. What if the soul does not demand perfection or acceleration, but instead asks for mercy? What if compassion means “to suffer with," especially with yourself? This is an invitation to soften, to include your ancestors, to release rigid expectations, and to befriend your life as it is unfolding now. For spiritual explorers navigating grief, transition, and change, this episode offers a gentle and grounding prescription.

On this episode of Clemenz With a “Z,” I'm stepping outside my usual conversations about church and control and into something that's been quietly sitting with me for years: the way we define success for our kids. Every June, neighborhoods fill with yard signs celebrating college commitments, and I can't help but ask, where are the yard signs for future carpenters? In this episode, I reflect on my own high school experience with “two tracks,” the subtle tone that labeled one path as less than, what I saw later as a teacher, and why all of this ultimately comes down to purpose. Drawing on Viktor Frankl and even a surprising moment from Home Improvement, this conversation isn't anti-college, it's about dignity, meaning, and making room for every kind of intelligence. Because not every boy wants to build… but every boy deserves a world that believes he could. If anything in this episode resonated with you and you would like to reach out to me you can drop me a line at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com or drop a DM at the clemenz with a "Z" instagram page.   You can head over to https://gofund.me/7ebb0524 every bit helps. And if you're looking for more reflection, honesty, and spiritual wrestling, check out my Substack: Devotions for the Deconstructing & Disillusioned, it's a space for people who still have soul, but no longer fit in the boxes they were handed. Thanks for being here.

In this episode of We Were In a Cult?, I sit down with Stef, a fellow “Kingdom kid” who grew up inside the ICOC to explore what it was like to be born into a system where church wasn't just something you attended, but the entire framework for how you understood God, authority, obedience, and belonging. This conversation isn't about sensationalism or tearing people down. It's about memory. It's about untangling fear from faith. It's about what happens when reverence and anxiety get braided together in childhood and what it takes, as adults, to slowly learn how to trust our own voices again. Whether you were part of the ICOC, the ICC, another high-control church environment, or you're simply curious about what that world felt like from the inside, this episode is an honest window into that experience. If you are a member, were a member, or know someone who was a member of the ICOC or ICC and would like to share your story about life in and out of the church, I'd love to hear from you. Together, we can continue exploring the question, “We were in a cult?” and perhaps find some healing along the way. You can reach me via email at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com, or send me a DM on Instagram at the Clemenz With a Z podcast page. If you want to support the podcast financially, you can head over to ClemenzWithAZ.com, there's a merch store there with shirts, stickers, all kinds of stuff. You can also donate directly through the GoFundMe, the link's in the show notes. Every bit goes a long way in helping me keep these conversations going. And if you're looking for something a little more regular, check out my Substack: Devotions for the Disillusioned & Deconstructing. That's where I share short reflections, devotionals, and some extra behind-the-scenes thoughts that don't always make it onto the podcast. And of course, the best way you can support the show is by subscribing, rating, and leaving a review wherever you listen to podcasts. Share it with a friend, post it on your socials, drop it in a group chat, it all helps more than you know. This podcast keeps going because of listeners like you showing up, engaging, and passing it on. So thank you for being here, for listening, and for being part of this messy middle with me. Until next time, take care of yourselves, and each other.

What does it mean to grow up inside something that calls itself the Kingdom of God? In this episode, I reflect on what it was like to be a “Kingdom kid” born into the International Churches of Christ, shaped by its language, boundaries, fears, and promises from my earliest memories. This isn't a takedown. It's an honest look at safety, identity, fear of being “out,” and the long process of learning to trust myself again after realizing the place that formed me wasn't what I thought it was. If you grew up in a high-control church environment or if you've ever had to untangle your identity from the system that raised you, this conversation is for you. We weren't crazy. We were kids. If something in this conversation resonated with you especially if you were part of the ICOC, or you were what we called a “Kingdom kid” I'd really love to hear from you. Tell me where you're at. Tell me how you're healing. Tell me what this journey has looked like for you. You can email me at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com, or send me a DM over on Instagram at @clemenzwithazpodcast. And if you'd ever want to share your story more publicly maybe as part of the "We Were in a Cult?" series here on the podcast let's talk. These stories matter. And I think there's a lot of us still untangling what this all meant. If you want to support the podcast financially, you can head over to ClemenzWithAZ.com, there's a merch store there with shirts, stickers, all kinds of stuff. You can also donate directly through the GoFundMe, the link's in the show notes. Every bit goes a long way in helping me keep these conversations going. And if you're looking for something a little more regular, check out my Substack: Devotions for the Disillusioned & Deconstructing. That's where I share short reflections, devotionals, and some extra behind-the-scenes thoughts that don't always make it onto the podcast. And of course, the best way you can support the show is by subscribing, rating, and leaving a review wherever you listen to podcasts. Share it with a friend, post it on your socials, drop it in a group chat, it all helps more than you know. This podcast keeps going because of listeners like you showing up, engaging, and passing it on. So thank you for being here, for listening, and for being part of this messy middle with me. We weren't crazy. We were kids. Until next time—take care of yourselves, and each other.

Hasan sits down with actor, Kal Penn, to talk about his new podcast, HERE WE GO AGAIN, his disillusionment with the Democrats, and what Zohran Mamdani fans need to do to help him now that he's in office. Let's cut through the noise together. Go to https://groundnews.com/hasan to subscribe and get 40% off the unlimited access Vantage Plan, which breaks down to just $5/month with my discount.Taste the love all month at Whole Foods Market!Find exactly what you’re booking for at https://Booking.com. Book today on the site or in the app.Co-Creator & Executive Producer: Hasan MinhajCo-Creator & Executive Producer: Prashanth VenkataramanujamExecutive Producer/Director: Tyler BabinExecutive Producer/Showrunner: Scott VroomanProducer: Kayla FengProducer/ Writer's Assistant: Annie FickCinematographer: Austin MoralesEditor: Zae JordanTalent Coordinator: Tanya SomanaderExecutive Assistant: Samuel Piland Thanks so much for listening to Hasan Minhaj Doesn’t Know. If you haven’t yet, now is a great time to subscribe to Lemonada Premium. Just hit the 'subscribe' button on Apple Podcasts, or, for all other podcast apps head to lemonadapremium.com to subscribe. That’s lemonadapremium.com.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

In this episode, I wrestle with a claim I've been seeing more and more in Christian spaces: that “gentle parenting” is not the same as “godly parenting” and that starting from empathy or believing kids are inherently good is somehow dangerous or unbiblical. Instead of turning this into another parenting culture war, I slow the conversation down. I explore what gentle parenting actually is, what people mean when they talk about godly or gospel-centered parenting, and why these two ideas keep getting pitted against each other. Drawing from my own experience as a parent, a former teacher, and someone shaped by fear-based faith, I push back on the either/or mindset and make the case for a more honest, relational approach to raising kids, one rooted in love, empathy, consistency, boundaries, and the humility to admit we're all still learning as we go. If anything in this episode resonated with you and you would like to reach out to me you can drop me a line at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com or drop a DM at the clemenz with a "Z" instagram page.   You can head over to https://gofund.me/7ebb0524 every bit helps. And if you're looking for more reflection, honesty, and spiritual wrestling, check out my Substack: Devotions for the Deconstructing & Disillusioned, it's a space for people who still have soul, but no longer fit in the boxes they were handed. Thanks for being here.

What do we do when reality doesn't meet our expectations? How does God help us when we need a reality check?

What's up y'all! In this episode, I explore the growing tendency within evangelical church culture to confuse critique with persecution and why that confusion can be so damaging. This conversation grew out of a recent church experience, a sermon that reframed fear as rebellion, and my own attempt to engage in private, thoughtful dialogue that never quite materialized. Drawing from personal experience, theology, and lived impact, I reflect on what happens when churches prioritize defensiveness over listening, certainty over curiosity, and ego over humility. This isn't an attack on the church, but an honest examination of how faith communities can lose their capacity for dialogue, and why reclaiming that capacity matters for real healing, growth, and care. If you would like to reach out to me you can drop me a line at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com or drop a DM at the clemenz with a "Z" instagram page.   You can head over to https://gofund.me/7ebb0524 every bit helps. And if you're looking for more reflection, honesty, and spiritual wrestling, check out my Substack: Devotions for the Deconstructing & Disillusioned, it's a space for people who still have soul, but no longer fit in the boxes they were handed. Thanks for being here.

“And I will lead the blind in a way that they do not know, in paths that they have not known I will guide them. I will turn the darkness before them into light, the rough places into level ground. These are the things I do, and I do not forsake them” Isaiah 42:16Support the show, a product of Hope Media: https://hope1032.com.au/donate/2211A-pod/See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

In this episode of Clemenz With a “Z,” I'm not talking about co-sleeping or parenting techniques as much as I'm talking about access:  who gets it, when, and what we teach our kids about belonging long before they have words for it. Sparked by two very confident but completely opposite Christian takes on kids sleeping in the bed, this episode moves past certainty and into something more human: fear at 2 a.m., Hot Wheels offered as currency for closeness, the exhaustion of real parenting, and the quiet ways children learn whether love is conditional or not. Hot Wheels at 2 A.M. is a reflection on presence before principle, discernment over formulas, and what it means to raise kids and build families without outsourcing our humanity. If you would like to reach out to me you can drop me a line at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com or drop a DM at the clemenz with a "Z" instagram page.   You can head over to https://gofund.me/7ebb0524 every bit helps. And if you're looking for more reflection, honesty, and spiritual wrestling, check out my Substack: Devotions for the Deconstructing & Disillusioned, it's a space for people who still have soul, but no longer fit in the boxes they were handed. Thanks for being here.

Lately, I've been struck by how many of our religious conversations seem to turn into debates that leave us more divided, more entrenched, and more certain, but not more understanding. In this episode, I explore the idea that the problem might not be our disagreements, but the questions we've been trained to ask in the first place. Looking at the way Jesus consistently redirected the conversations people wanted to have, this episode reflects on how faith has become more about camps and certainty than curiosity and connection and what might change if we learned to ask better questions instead. If you would like to reach out to me you can drop me a line at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com or drop a DM at the clemenz with a "Z" instagram page.   You can head over to https://gofund.me/7ebb0524 every bit helps. And if you're looking for more reflection, honesty, and spiritual wrestling, check out my Substack: Devotions for the Deconstructing & Disillusioned, it's a space for people who still have soul, but no longer fit in the boxes they were handed. Thanks for being here.

We live in a world of constant noise and increasingly, our churches mirror it. In this episode, I reflect on what happens when worship never pauses, when silence feels unwelcome, and when space is something we're quick to fill. This isn't a critique of music or emotion, but an exploration of why silence matters, in church and in everyday life. Drawing on personal experience and a poem that helped name what I was feeling, Let It Breathe is an invitation to notice how much noise we carry, and to consider what might heal, clarify, and return to us if we made a little more room for space. If you would like to reach out to me you can drop me a line at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com or drop a DM at the clemenz with a "Z" instagram page.   You can head over to https://gofund.me/7ebb0524 every bit helps. And if you're looking for more reflection, honesty, and spiritual wrestling, check out my Substack: Devotions for the Deconstructing & Disillusioned, it's a space for people who still have soul, but no longer fit in the boxes they were handed. Thanks for being here.

I'm Back! After an intentional pause, this episode is a return, a re-orientation, and an honest reflection on why this podcast exists and where it's going. What began years ago as conversations about masculinity and fatherhood has grown alongside me into something deeper, a space to unlearn, feel, rethink what we were told, and become whole. This episode is about remembering the “why,” honoring the evolution, and inviting you into the next chapter of Clemenz With a "Z" wherever you find yourself in your own becoming. If you would like to reach out to me you can drop me a line at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com or drop a DM at the clemenz with a "Z" instagram page.   You can head over to https://gofund.me/7ebb0524 every bit helps. And if you're looking for more reflection, honesty, and spiritual wrestling, check out my Substack: Devotions for the Deconstructing & Disillusioned, it's a space for people who still have soul, but no longer fit in the boxes they were handed. Thanks for being here.

Dr Glenn Livingston, Ph.D. was the long time CEO of a multi-million dollar consulting firm which has serviced several Fortune 500 clients in the food industry. Disillusioned by what traditional psychology had to offer overweight and/or food obsessed individuals, Dr. Livingston spent several decades researching the nature of bingeing and overeating via work with his own clients AND a self-funded research program with more than 40,000 participants. He earned his Ph.D. is in psychology from Yeshiva University in 1991. To learn more about Dr Livingston and to get a free copy of his latest e-book and other free giveaways, see defeatyourcravings.com In this podcast we address: - Overcoming Food Cravings Effectively - Understanding Brain's Role in Eating - Causes and Strategies for Overeating - Decision Fatigue and Well-being Strategies - Healthy Eating and Habit Transformation - Success Strategies and Resilience - Craving Extinction Strategies Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

About Dr. Glenn Livington: Dr Glenn Livingston, Ph.D. is a veteran psychologist and longtime CEO of a multi-million-dollar consulting firm which has serviced several Fortune 500 clients in the food industry. Doctor Glenn's work, theories, and research have been published in major periodicals like The New York Times, The Los Angeles Times and The Chicago Sun Times. Disillusioned by what traditional psychology had to offer overweight and/or food obsessed individuals, Doctor Livingston spent several decades researching the nature of bingeing and overeating via work with his own patients AND a self-funded research program with more than 40,000 participants. Most important, however, was his own personal journey out of obesity and food prison to a normal, healthy weight and a much more lighthearted relationship with food. Show Notes: If food feels like it has power over you — whether that means occasional overeating, persistent cravings, or feeling stuck in a cycle of "starting tomorrow" — this episode offers a radically different and compassionate approach. In this powerful conversation, Glenn Livingston, psychologist and author of Defeat Your Cravings, explains why willpower is not the solution to food struggles — and how lasting freedom comes from learning to quiet the brain's emergency response around food. Dr. Glenn shares how cravings are rooted in the nervous system, why deprivation backfires, and how nourishing your body properly allows the rational brain to regain control. Together, we explore the science behind cravings, binge urges, and emotional eating — including the concept of the cravings extinction curve, why cravings intensify before they disappear, and how self-care, sleep, and nutrition play a critical role in calming the brain. This episode offers hope, clarity, and practical tools for anyone who wants peace with food — without dieting, restriction, or shame. ✨ What You'll Learn ·         Why willpower fails — and what works instead ·         How cravings are driven by the fight-or-flight nervous system ·         The science of the cravings extinction curve ·         Why nourishing your body reduces binge urges ·         How sleep, stress, and decision fatigue impact cravings ·         How to stop "starting tomorrow" and work with the present moment ·         Why extreme diets make cravings worse, not better ·         How to regain calm, control, and choice around food

Feeling insecure, crabby, or a bit disillusioned with your piano teaching lately? You're not alone. In this episode, we explore why these feelings show up, why common “fixes” like scrolling social media, watching YouTube, or even taking a break often don't fully help, and what actually makes a difference: connecting with other teachers—especially in person. Plus, get an inside look at the first-ever Irish Piano Pedagogy Conference (IPPC), happening June 6–7 in Dublin, and learn how sharing your ideas with colleagues can be a game-changer for your teaching mindset.If you've been wondering how to beat burnout, overcome imposter syndrome, or just feel reinvigorated in your teaching, this episode is for you.Find out more about membership at vibrantmusicteaching.com.

Hayley Williams' grandpa Rusty nurtured her musical dreams – now, she's returning the favour.As the lead singer of American rock band Paramore, Hayley Williams has won three Grammy Awards and toured the world. Behind the scenes, her grandad Rusty has been her biggest supporter and musical hero, nurturing her childhood passion and later her career. Rusty is the one who taught Hayley how to play the drums and the piano. He even followed Paramore's tour bus around the US in his car with Hayley's grandmother, his childhood sweetheart Sharon. It turns out this very sentimental member of Paramore' s entourage was so supportive of his granddaughter's ambitions in part because his own attempt to make it as a musician was cut short. In the 1970s, Rusty sent his demo recordings to a music boss in Nashville who wanted him to mould his soul-inspired songs into the country music genre. Disillusioned, Rusty ended up quitting the music industry, and got a job in a lumber yard and eventually ran a store installing car stereos. He focused on being a father and a provider for his family. For 50 years, his songs lay hidden on a collection of old tapes, gathering dust. That is until Rusty's long-lost recordings were rediscovered, and the dreams he'd packed away and long forgotten were revived – with the help of his granddaughter. This time around, Rusty gets his big break - and releases his debut album, Grand Man, at the of 79.Presenter: Asya Fouks Producer: Elena Angelides and Maryam MarufLives Less Ordinary is a podcast from the BBC World Service that brings you the most incredible true stories from around the world. Each episode a guest shares their most dramatic, moving, personal story. Listen for unbelievable twists, mysteries uncovered, and inspiring journeys - spanning the entire human experience. Step into someone else's life and expect the unexpected.   Got a story to tell? Send an email to liveslessordinary@bbc.co.uk or message us via WhatsApp: 0044 330 678 2784   You can read our privacy notice here: https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/articles/5YD3hBqmw26B8WMHt6GkQxG/lives-less-ordinary-privacy-notice

Michigan Sen. Elissa Slotkin stepped into the spotlight when she delivered the Democratic response to President Donald Trump's joint address to Congress earlier this year, and has remained there ever since. Now, on a mission to help rebuild the Democratic Party, Slotkin is hearing from people across the country just how deep the fractures go. Playbook's Adam Wren and national politics reporter Samuel Benson dig into the existential threats facing both parties, and how the hot-button issues playing out in Washington are reverberating across the West.