Mistress Wellbeing

EnglishHow many of us have blocked our creative flow because of a negative experience decades ago? The singing teacher who told you to mouth the words. The art teacher who told you cows weren't green. The English teacher who pulled apart your essay. Today I'm inviting you to rekindle your own unique creative flow, because it is a deep store place of wellbeing. Self-expression in any form can be expansive, uplifting and exciting, when we can work with awareness through the deeply held, negative beliefs which hold us back.

How much time do you spend in solitude, silence and stillness? I don't spend much. In fact I've been actively seeking community over the last few years. But when I do allow myself to get quiet, something happens where I feel more connected to my Self and to Nature. It's a quandary because stillness always invites the messy bits of my life to emerge front and centre.  I can't hide from the difficult emotions of sadness, grief, and guilt in the quiet. But I know there's a sweet spot on the other side of them.  Come explore solitude with me today.

I've had a growing epiphany over the last few months about the effort required to create joy.  Joseph Campbell is famous for saying, “Follow your bliss”, and I took it to be simple and easy.  It's not.  It takes effort, will, determination and often the ability to work through dark emotions like despair, frustration and doubt.  I guess that's why Campbell also wrote so much about the hero's journey.  So today, join me as we journey through what it takes to find your bliss and how you might make those first steps.

This is not a new age meme.  It's highly practical, logical and very real.  Stay with me! Would you like to unlock a secret way to make shift happen in your life? Start visualising what you want with feeling and engagement. Really bring it to life. In your mind.  Because your thoughts and feelings are powerful creators of reality.  So next time your mind wants to slide into worry, regret and fear, stop.  Imagine the opposite, the outcome you could only dream about, and build that possibility in your mind.  Make it a practice and watch your life change towards the reality you set for yourself. 

Sometimes comfort zones are not so comfortable. They're just familiar. It's easy to go on in an uncomfortable, familiar way for years and even decades, but when you look back there might be sadness, regret, anger or resentment. Today I'm exploring my own recent transformation, shedding parts of my life which had become heavy and uncomfortable, embracing new, lighter ways of being, and giving myself permission for more joy. After all, my life is about me as well as other people!  

How do you do life? How do you show up most of the time? Our Psyche is an interesting, complex thing which yearns for integration and wholeness, and today I'm exploring the concept of 'parts'. It is liberating to recognise that I choose to show up as the caring doctor most of the time, but there are other parts of me longing for expression.  Integrating all aspects of the self is a lifelong, rewarding process which you can start right now!    

I used to feel that I was indelibly stamped with sadness and grief. I didn't even know where it had sprung from. All I knew was a deep pain and the shame that accompanied it. This is what I hear from my clients very often, and as I reflect on my twenty years as a therapist, it's clear that my healing was  linked  directly to the healing of my clients. When I started the long journey of healing - which is never finished- and realised what my story offered me, I opened to its richness and understood this counterintuitive notion that my woundedness was my giftedness. The metaphor of the lotus rising through mud helps us understand our situation, and to seek the cool water, which is the right condition for flourishing.

I used to power on at the expense of my wellbeing all the time.  I was handy with a mental whip to lick myself into shape and get the job done. But here's the thing. My productivity was poor when I engaged in this behaviour because at its core was self denial and harshness. It was a barren desert. Thankfully, the last twenty years have taught me so much about self compassion, and how to become more creative and productive while also enjoying the journey. Find out how to be kind and joyful while powering to the top with this mindset shift.  

Each of us formulates a set of unconscious 'rules' or beliefs about ourselves and the world, which shape behaviour and, ultimately, the outcome of our lives. Here's a powerful experiment for you to try at home, to release yourself from the limiting beliefs about yourself and the way you show up in the world. If you want to unhook from rigidity and desensitisation, and build more lightness, joy and fun in life, this exercise is a great start.

How do you shift from lack to abundance? It's easier than you  think, and it has nothing to do with physical things. It's a mental attitude first, and the things come second. Join me to explore abundance mindset, and try a short guided visualisation at the end which will support your shift from lack to plenty.

Does anxiety blight your life? It can take hold like a weed and build momentum so easily.   Today, I have a powerful anxiety interruption tool to share with you.   Anxiety is like allowing what you don't want to grow and flourish in your mind and consequently, in your life. But it also gives you a clue about what you DO want! I'll bet what you want is the exact opposite of what you worry about, so here's the hack. When you notice yourself worrying, stop and ask, 'What is it I want?' Now repeat what you want in the present tense as if it's actually happening. There's your mantra, and if you use it every time you worry, life will unfold differently.

How life evolves is a direct expression of our feelings, beliefs, and thoughts. That's a scary idea! Especially as our conscious mind only contributes to 5% of what we feel, believe and think. What I think of as 'Me' is just the tip of the iceberg Freud described, and underneath is the greater 95% of the unconscious mind. This is where conditioning from our life experiences resides, in ideas which rarely rise to the surface of conscious awareness, yet influence everything from our attitude to money to our day-to-day health. And not just our experiences live here. Also, the experiences from at least three generations before us have taken up residence and are impacting the way our contemporary life unfolds. Interested? I am, because these epigenetic changes in our DNA which affect gene expression and give rise to the stories we tell ourselves can shift when we work with them. I refer you to Mark Wolynn's excellent book, 'It Didn't Start With You', which is eminently readable and may just change your life. So today on the pod I'm exploring this idea, and giving you some tools to work with this unconscious imprinting so you can liberate yourself from the limiting beliefs and stories from the past.  

I've been practising yoga at home for the past three months, and today I'm exploring the variety of ways this can support you. During lockdown, I completed a 200 hr yoga teacher training and I teach on my retreats and one to one.   I really enjoy teaching, and have created my unique way to create classes which support inward turning and reflection, while moving the body through poses which allow it to decompress. The after effects of yoga never cease to amaze me! I feel calm and energised, centered and still, strong and balanced. So today I'm exploring how my home practice has become a varied delight to suit how I'm feeling and what I need each day. Between meditation, mantra, pranayama, yin, restorative and vinyasa, there's a lot to choose from, so let's dive in and see how a home practice might support you too!

Are you holding onto an identity that no longer serves you? Often it's a part of your identity which has taken a lot of time, effort and money to win. Like me with my Medical Registration.  I graduated in 1987 and I've been registered as a doctor ever since. Till now. The time is upon me to release this part of my life, so that other, new, exciting opportunities can flood in.  Today I'm exploring how to do this with self compassion and kindness, so that life can flow and emerge organically in the true direction of your desire.

Have you ever become really excited about an idea for a creative project, a business, a holiday, or an adventure, and then come crashing down because it all becomes too overwhelming? It's a thing, and I call it, 'The Speed Wobble'. Today I'm exploring this phenomenon and how to ground yourself so that the speed wobble doesn't derail your excitement and drive. Because when you can hold the energy of excitement in your body, you can do great things! Knowing how to ground your energy will support you to have those wild ideas and take them to fruition, so you can be all you may be.    

Embracing experimentation. Getting unstuck   A year ago, I took up ceramics.   In a very experimental way.   I had little belief that there was much artistry inside me after years of giving myself the message, “I can't draw”. Has anyone out there had a similar experience?   Here's what happened.   I felt driven but lost.

Wellbeing Myths explored in this episode,  

It's completely free.

Hit your mid-forties? Maybe even fifty?   Are you noticing that building career, wealth and status is no longer satisfying, and you're hungry to reconnect with your values and bring meaning to your life?   If so, I'm excited for you.   Because midlife is the time for making exactly this shift, it's a different season of life.   The change involves recognising that you're done with ego building, you've explored the economics of enough, and you're ready to incorporate a new metric into your life.   It's the metric of wellbeing and creating what brings you joy.    Because Mother Nature isn't messing around.   You won't be here forever.      

I turned on a light instead of cursing the darkness.   Every day for the last 28 days I've committed to a short practice of yoga, chanting and breath work.   On my own. In my room. To create abundant wellbeing for myself and my family.   You see, as I arrived home at midnight from five weeks overseas, one of my boys had a seizure.   He's epileptic, but normally well controlled.   It means he can't drive for three months. He can't apply for jobs needing a licence. It could be a big impediment, just as he's finishing his studies and venturing out into the world.   So I decided I needed to reframe and turn towards the light.   I'm exploring this on the podcast today.

I did something last week that made me excited and scared.   I offered a mantra evening at my local yoga studio.   I sang. Played guitar. Held the space. In a group of twenty-five people, most of whom I'd never met before.   I did it because I wanted to share something I love, which I know can touch others deeply.   I really connected with my fear of being seen in the beginning - heart racing, breathless- but I managed to stay and breathe, and gradually the energy shifted to a calm, enjoyable place.   Fear and excitement have exactly the same physiological signature.   Developing my fear tolerance allowed it to transform into excitement, vitality, and aliveness.   Have you had this experience of stepping out of your comfort zone and transforming fear?   It's on the podcast today!

Over functioning women and under functioning men.   I have my own story of this AND I see it all the time in my work with professional women.   I know how easy it is to become trapped in a situation which causes so much resentment and pain, and I also know how to bring change to the situation gently and safely.   It's really one of the biggest issues for many professional women.   It can start small, but the gap becomes wider and wider if you don't address it.   You do all the housework You do all the cooking You have the homework under control You both go to work.   The conversations can be difficult, and often start from the POV of asking for help. But actually, these are conversations which build intimacy and trust in your relationship while inviting him to do life better.   Join me for more.

Are you a professional woman experiencing an emotional crisis?   Low mood, anxiety, a sense of despair and no way out.   If this is you I want to tell you two things   You're not alone. The demands of work and family combined with your drive for perfectionism creates an impossible strain. It's entirely human, and not a sign of weakness or vulnerability. Use this experience wisely. It's inviting you to withdraw, do a piece of  awareness work and find support to move your life forward to a much better place.   The French have a term for it. Withdraw to jump better.   Listen in to today's episode for more.

  I threw coins in the Trevi fountain. I visited the Villa San Michele. I drank lemon cello spritz in Amalfi. I had a holiday!   Italy and France were wonderful and I'm so glad to be home after five weeks away.     And I've been reflecting on how the past doesn't have to define us. And it doesn't create our future unless we let it.   I heard a great story recently originally told by Alan Watts.   If you imagine your life as a boat, and you stand at the back looming down into the water, you will see the wake.   It's where you've been, but it doesn't drive the boat.   What drives your life is the present moment energy and direction you give yourself. Like the motor of the boat.   If like me,  stories form the past sometimes engulf and threaten you, it's good to remember this, and I'm exploring it on the podcast today.

‘I should be a better mother.' 'I must keep my house tidy and clean at all times.' 'There must always be home cooked cake.' 'I should work harder.' 'I should eat only nutritious food.' 'I should exercise every single day.' 'I should try harder.' 'I should be better at marketing my business.'   There's a few of mine to be going on with.   Writing that list is strangely relieving and also gut clenching.   All these principles are active in me, and they're not unworthy goals, it's just that they constantly reaffirm that I'm not ok as I am.   I somehow need to ‘earn' worthiness by performing each of these tasks. Every day. It's psychologically exhausting.   What are your rules? Take a moment and write them down. The musts and the must nots.   It's eye opening, and sometimes a little shocking. Join me for more.

When I first came across Martin Seligman and his ideas about happiness it was a game changer as I was so deeply mired in my own negative thinking styles. I thought it was how I was wired

Doe you sometimes leap to the worst possible outcome for a situation? Does your mind like to scare you with exaggerated and terrible possibilities? MIne too. It's called catastrophising, and it's very common. Naturally, anxiety is fuelled by this type of thinking and mood is also affected, resulting in a perfect storm for further catastrophising. Medical students know this syndrome well, as I read pathology books I had every disease described...or at least the beginnings of them.... Join me today as we dive deeply into what it is and how to interrupt the process.      

Undoing these thinking habits will make you happier, emotionally healthier, and more joyful.   Here's my example of magical thinking...   Some aspects of my perfectionism about work had a magical quality to it, I realise now.   If I dressed correctly (like doctors do), had good hair and always turned up on time, nothing could go wrong. I'd somehow be making myself safe.   It made me anxious and harried every morning getting to work. I was tense and tight inside as I dressed and brushed my teeth, not noticing the beautiful morning light, rushing to get on my bike, counting down the minutes it would take me to get into town.   I'm not suggesting that you go to work in your pyjamas or turn up an hour late.   But I am advocating for being professional from a different place.   Joy.   Join me on the podcast.

I'm no CBT advocate, but thinking which fuels anxiety and misery is a real thing and an easy place to shift.   When I read about ‘cognitive distortions' years ago, I could relate to most of them

I'm off today to Nice, where I'll spend a week with my family before joining my retreat ladies in Villefranche-sur-Mer. It's very exciting and uplifting to be at this point. I came up with the idea of adventure-wellbeing retreats a while ago and started off going to Bali every six months. I know that many of you are hungry for adventure, and also hungrey to travel with a group of like-minded women. We will be exploring sights, museums, restaraunts together while also doing a serious piece of wellbeing work. I'd love to invite you into my community so you can experience the joy of adventure while looking after yourself with yoga, meditation and music. Join me today for more.  

Personality has huge of momentum. The stories we tell ourselves have often been running for decades, and consolidate into who we think we are. But actually, they're just that. Stories. Which arise from experiences and meaning-making when we're small, vulnerable and prone to another of our unhelpful thinking styles, personalisation.  This is where we make the event all about us. I'll be exploring this in more detail in a few weeks time, but for now, let's feel into the momentum these stories develop, and how they can come to feel rigid, stuck and inescapable. 'I'm just a depressed person' 'People don't like me" 'I don't belong.' These are some of the fundamental beliefs which can arise from our meaning-making and the repetitive stories we choose to tell ourselves. The good new is, this can change. Join me today on the podcast to hear more.

How did you spend your Easter break? How often do you do what lights you up? Whether walking in nature, camping on a deserted (except for 1000 4WD's) island, making music, playing sport; how do you find pleasure in life? I can hear the sharp intake of breath. Is it ok for us to take pleasure or should it be all hard work? It's not an uncommon belief that taking pleasure is too much, too lax. It will make us soft and it will lead to failure. Nothing could be further from the truth. So today I'm exploring how do you find fun and enjoyment in life and how often do you make this a priority? Come join me.

Yoga calms the fluctuations of the mind. Today I'm talking about 'Poser', a novel about life in 23 yoga poses. It's a joy to read, and really sets out the benefits of yoga during difficult times of growth and learning. I relate to many of the experiences Claire had as she developed her practice, and I'm sharing this over the Easter weekend because you might just have time to read the book! PS It's available as an ebook on Libby

Joy is a simple thing.   I experience it every day when I let myself.   And there's the rub. Most of us are actively pushing joy away. I know I did, for the longest time.  

Self-judgement and shame. It's a potent dynamic. I know it well first-hand and see it a lot in my work. Are you quick to judge yourself when you have a 'difficult' emotion, like anger, fear, rage, jealousy? Do you rush to hide them away where no-one will ever know you could be so out of character? I would answer yes and yes to both those questions, and today in the podcast I'm exploring how to exchange this self-judgement with curiosity. Because all our emotions are information towards growth. They are emergy which is supposed to move us. Our challenge is to allow them and find a skillful way fro them to move us! When we hide them away we make ourselves stuck, becoming rigid and uncomfortable. One way to work with this is to take a step back, examin the whole situation and engage your interest and curiosity instead. A healthy dose of self compassion can also be helpful! Join me for todays episode.        

I made a boundary this week, and it feels so good. It's one reason this episode is 'late'. Today I'm exploring how I made the boundary and why, as well as how I'm feeling afterwards - spoiler alert - I feel good! Our boundaries shape our lives. If your life isn't looking the way you want it, where do you need to make a better boundary? Sometimes the boundary is with yourself. Exercise daily, eat better, walk in nature once a week. Sometimes it's with other people or screens or social media. We are bombarded with data, like never before, and good boundaries with the digital world have never been more needed.  How many of you would flinch if I suggested checking facebook once or twice a day instead of 1700 times a day? No judgement, I've been there too! I'd love to hear where in your life you've made a fresh, shiny, sparkling boundary, and how thats working out for you! Here's the link to the webinar replay on boundaries.    

I have a secret

‘Absolutely no problem at all. I'd love to help you with that.' Internal groan.

Running on empty? I know how hard it can be to truly allow yourself to rest.

Vibrant happiness anyone?

I want more connection in my life, and I'm taking steps to make that happen. Good quality connection. Where we come together around a common cause or interest. Where everyone is present and engaged. Where there is an excitement about creating growth. Because something is afoot in our society, which is creating isolation. The loneliness epidemic is upon us. Australia and the UK now have a minister to tackle it. Lack of social connection is the new smoking. It carries a greater health hazard than smoking 15 cigarettes a day and can decrease life expectancy by 15 years. Join me on the podcast and in the Facebook group, Creating Vibrant Happiness for Midlife Women    

The road to success is up and down, not a straight line. Today I'm sharing a little about my process in the lead up to tomorrow's webinar. How I've had to really stay 'present at the edge' with my anxiety and use the breath to turn it into excitement. I've forced myself into this interesting, alive place between my critic and my inner mentor for the past two weeks and it feels awake, alive, stretched, and exciting. I feel I'm growing and glowing! I've also started a private Facebook group called, 'Creating Vibrant Happiness for Women in Midlife'.  Do come over and join me there. Here's the link to the webinar, Thursday 2nd February, 12 pm. AEST   How to Shift From Self-Criticism to Self-Compassion.  

Self-compassion means not beating yourself up about ‘failures' and understanding that they are learnings.   It means being gentle with yourself when things don't go well instead of shouting at yourself when you're down.   It means opening your heart to yourself instead of being perfectionist, demanding and unrealistic.   It means appreciating your unique, vulnerable humanity and the vulnerabilities of others.   It means being kinder to yourself and others.   It means staying connected to yourself and believing in yourself instead of abandoning and punishing yourself.   I'm exploring this and the support I've needed to make big shifts in 2023.   Here's the link to the Day Retreat!    

Crushing self-criticism, spiralling anxiety and superhuman standards. Does this sound familiar?   It's what I hear from many clients in my practice, and it's my passion to support a new narrative so that you can stop using pain as a motivator and create a vision which propels you instead.   Allowing self-critical internal talk to run unchecked creates a downward spiral of mood and self-destructive behaviour, which can eventually result in serious mental illness such as panic disorder, generalised anxiety and depression.   These conditions show up with much higher frequency among professional women than in the general population.   This is why I'm offering my first (courageous) free webinar of 2023 on this topic. I'd like it to be a conversation rather than a tutorial, so come and join me for a discussion and learn some real life tools to use.   Sign up for the free webinar here   Thursday February 2nd, 12 pm

Welcome back to Mistress Wellbeing for another year of adventure, growth, and connection. Last weekend I attended a Dao Cultivation meeting and was interested to find much of the teaching echoed the journey of psychotherapy I experience with my clients. So today, I'm exploring the concepts shared in the teaching about how we are tempered by difficult emotions and challenging experiences. This speaks to the heart of my beliefs about my work.  That challenges are actually gold dust for learning, growing and finding peace, contentment and inner calm. That we all have access to a true self, a bigger self, the Big S Self that Jung described, beyond ego. Why do this work? Because being a better human means less suffering for you and for everyone you encounter!

Emotions can seem messy and overwhelming. Better kept at bay and preferably never seeing the light of day. Emotional expression can feel a little like washing your dirty linen in public. But keeping ourselves in an emotional straitjacket has consequences which I'm exploring today, along with some tips about how to access emotion safely and create stability in your system so it can allow emotions to pass through.  Emotions last 30-90 seconds when they arise, yet we spend a lifetime defending against them. So today, let's jump in and start the process! (Please note that extreme trauma is the exception, where expression can re-traumatise, and this needs to be held much more tightly.)  

How many times do I hear this from the mouths of amazing women? "I should stay small, in the background, looking after others and not expect recognition for my work". It's a common belief that stems from conditioning in family, religion and culture, and it leads to resentment, anger and burnout. So, what to do? It's counterintuitive to ask you to step into your magnificence when this belief is rampant. But what if we changed the narrative, chewed up the concepts and rearranged them? Today I'm exploring this, and the multiple polarities of staying small, being good, and unseen.

This may seem controversial, but your happiness is right next to you, waiting to be seized. The thing is, it gets drowned out by the incessant negativity bias of our minds, and the ease with which we reach out for not enough, not good enough and not ok. So today we will explore exactly how to reach out for that deep wellspring of joy which is literally at your fingertips. You can build this muscle over time and it will take you to a much better place! Imagine having a deep river of contentment available to you. Imagine feeling wholly ok about yourself, your life, your kids. Imagine being relieved of the not ok, not enough, not good enough, just for five minutes a day! It's a gift and it's waiting for you to unwrap it, so I hope today's episode lands for you!    

I've had a heck of a year in 2022. Six friends have passed away unexpectedly, and it's sent me on a deep dive into how to make sense of death. Today I'm talking about the Top Five Regrets of the Dying, a book by Bonnie Ware. I know it sounds a little maudlin, but actually, death has made me plunge wholeheartedly into life, taking risks and finding courage to launch my biggest rockets of desire. The Provence retreat 2023 is happening thanks to these experiences, and I now have a group of amazing women to take on a 10 day retreat in Provence next May. That's what I call living! If you want to join us, there is one place remaining and the early bird rate expires today!  

Sometimes the way forward in life is to take a leap.   A careful, supported leap, that will transform the way you see your life and who you have been for decades, so that you can create a vibrant, potent way of being in the world, and realise your genius.   I explain it as an upgrade of the operating system, just like a phone or computer.   Most of us are operating from a set of beliefs which arose in childhood and adolescence, it's called conditioning, and it consists of limiting beliefs which keep us safe, small, and limited.   I have a few beauties of my own which I've been undoing this last weekend at the Brisbane visual arts pop up where I sold much of my ceramic work to people who responded to, and loved it as much as I do.   It was so affirming!   And blasted my belief that, ‘I don't do art' and ‘I'm not creative', into the stratosphere.   Today I'm exploring this and more on the podcast.