EQ Evolution: Living Emotional Intelligence that impacts self-awareness, purpose, empathy, leadership, parenting, resilience

Durban, South Africa experienced serious civil unrest last week, some suggest an attempted coup and it resulted in a brief time of food and fuel instability and uncertainty.  Liz and Candice have a conversation to give words to this type of experience and what gifts we can find in and through it.  

Are you willing to go behind the doing-ness, to lay down the effort, lay down the trying.  This podcast is a conversation, an invitation to explore the practice of "Pause. Exhale. Be" and discover how differently we experience life when we live from this place. Want to know more about Room to Breathe or join our Waitlist: https://www.eqevolution.co.za/rtb

Ever had something you talking about doing or long to do and yet when it comes to translating words into action ... consistent action appears impossible.  Liz and Candice have a conversation about their  experiences in 2021 and what we can learn and how we can respond to self-sabotage or outdated habits. 

In this episode Candy and Liz discuss finding the beauty in the chaos.  How do we find the 'honey' or beauty in this current climate we live in.  How do we own our beauty and recognise what baggage we are carrying and how do we effectively let go of it.  

Liz and Candice share the insights and take-outs from their journey through 2020. Embodying Emotional Intelligence what does it look like to live it when the world is turned upside down.  Showing up.  Connecting, support and community. Choosing priorities. Surrendering to what is.  Listening to what is arising. 

In this little introduction we answer a few questions. What does it mean to get to the of essence of Emotional Intelligence? What qualifies Candice Dick and Liz Cunningham to be diving into this exploration?We wanted to touch base before we step back fully into recording regular episodes.  Look out for our first episode coming in the next few weeks.  

How present are you to what’s going on in your life? With things heating up, it’s easy to get caught in your head, in your past, in your patterns, things that take you away from being present.In this episode, Liz and Candice talk about being intentional about how we lead our lives.They share: How our physical body can become addicted to emotional patternsHow being present frees up energy and moves you away from a place of reactivityMind mapping and other activities that can help you be present

Candy shares insights and learning from her relationship to sales and marketing. A valuable listen for anyone feeling stuck or wanting to change something in their lives.

Hosts Liz and Candice put on self-love glasses and use reflection as research on your life. What lessons have you learnt throughout 2019. They share on: Meditation, Incremental change, Gut Instinct, Eating well and Exercise

Reflecting with Self-love and kindness. Liz & Candy discuss: the power of reflection. Simple tips to support you in reflecting from a place of self-love.

Episode #71 Candy Dick shares simple practices to cultivate empathy toward yourself and in the process become more empathic towards others and self.

#70 Understand what empathy is. What small steps can you take to grow your empathy skills. Including an Empathy Advent Calendar / Challenge.https://www.eqevolution.co.za/70/https://www.eqevolution.co.za/category/podcast/

#69 Matthew Smith chats through what it means to connect with stillness in our lives and how it benefits us.

So much of our childhood and schooling is learning about following authorities and doing what’s expected of us outside the world “as opposed to connecting to our inner truth. Matthew Shaw Smith shares his journey of exploration of the heart and reveals how we can only feel truly accepted when we are true to ourselves.

Respect may at first appear to be a mundane topic, it’s not shiny or fashionable, it is however a cornerstone to building self-worth, healthy relationships, teams and societies. There is so much juiciness to unpack around respect when you dive into details. 

Armed with years of research, guest Keith Cunningham unpacks aggressive exchanges on the road, and the link to our internal mindset and emotional intelligence.

In this episode, hosts Candice Dick and Liz Cunningham discuss being aware of what structure or routine means to us, how our approach to routine can affect our relationship with our children, and how we can reset and turn routine from our prison into our servant.  Routine and structure can mean different things to people – for some, structure can feel restrictive and so suffocating, while, for others, structure can feel like safety. 

Roots & Wings: Being conscious and intentional with our children and their emotions. There isn’t a parenting book with my child’s name on it so what do I need to learn to be emotionally available to serve my children in the best possible way. 

An exploration, with Donna Joy-Ford, of what is looks like to explore Emotionally Intelligent problem-solving with your children. Better understand your children and your reactivity and what is needed in the moment to respond better. Bonus: Includes 2 role plays to make the learnings more relatable. 

Join Liz Cunningham and Candice Dick as they explore their relationship to money: what being wealthy means, how the concept of wealth sits in our bodies, and how we can live in trust and flow and decide to turn a concept from our prison to our freedom.

Liz Cunningham talks about the energy of relationships. Being aware and intentional about how we navigate the four aspects of ourselves – physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual – in relation to our outward world so that we show up with more well-being and resilience than ever before.

Candice Dick talks about being open and using questions to explore our relationships. Exploration requires, no matter how small, a little opening, a little bit of being willing to see things differently.

An interview with Joni Peddi, Behavioural Strategist with a focus on resilience and EQ where we unpack the ingredients of resilience and ways to build it in our daily lives.

In this part 2 of 4 in the “Exploring Relationships” series, Candice and Liz talk about paying attention to who we are within the context of our relationships with others. Exploring Our Relationship with Ourselves Knowing What to Change What is Causing the Discomfort? The Power of Reframing Our Perspective Tools for Overcoming the Pattern of Reactivity Paying Attention to Your Intention When Communicating  

How do we shift patterns in relationships? It takes moving from denial to awareness. Liz and Candice shares insights and tips to make choices and changes that can lead to new outcomes in how we relate to others.  Creating awareness around our relationships helps us to dive deeper into the seat of self assurance, self trust and intuition so that we can find greater coherence between our thoughts and feelings (head and heart).  

Through self-awareness we can use emotional intelligence to navigate our way through commitments. We might calmly commit to plans but when unpredictable circumstances happen, what can we draw on to guide and motivate us to follow through with these commitments in a state of physical, mental and emotional balance?

A conversation with Donna Joy Ford about her personal journey after being diagnosed with Bell’s Palsy two years ago and how the experience expanded her through chaos, calm and stillness.

Living Emotional Intelligence begins with self-awarenss and a big part of that is recognising patterns. Candice discusses how to recognise patterns and reflection exercises to shift those patterns. Dive in and learn more about yourself.

A dive into transactional analysis and the three different mind states we might default to in different situations where we relate to others. Once you’ve identified your patterns you can start to make use of tools that help you to move towards growth and shift relationship dynamic's. 

Introducing the five ingredients of EQ (according to Daniel Goleman) and how they relate to the Change model of Living Emotional Intelligence .Self-awareness, self-control, self-motivation and transactional analysis are part of what Liz unpack's in this episode.

Exploring the tools we can use to help us live from a state of calm, despite the chaos that exists around and within us.

The definition of a calm space changes as we travel through different stages of life. Each situation requires a new level of awareness and intention. In this episode we address the chaos that comes with the inevitability of loss, coming to terms with death/endings and the resulting new beginnings.  We take a look at: Defining your chaos? The power of choice The physical foundations that support our well being and calm How often are we stressed by things that don’t actually threaten our lives?  Remaining calm in life threatening situations that are real How can learn to trust the reality of the present moment and find a sense of safety in it? The world is less scary when we can connect inwards rather than search for safety and security from unreliable and unstable external sources. Take a listen. 

Have you identified where in your life you would like to practice living with more emotional intelligence. We discuss how change affects living with Emotional Intelligence. Understanding what your relationship to change is and the process of change.  There is an opportunity to be conscious and empowered in the process of making change happen.  The result is living with greater Emotional Intelligence and spending less time in denial or resistance. 

Introducing our new podcast series for 2019:  The Living Emotional Intelligence series is created with the intention to share personal experiences in embodying emotional intelligence in daily life.  In this episdose we discuss the courageous conversation it took in order to create this podcast series in a way that we remain in alignment with our own personal goals, while supporting each other and serving the greater EQ community.

GP, Dr Zama Ndlovu, reached burnout at the beginning of 2018 - mentally, emotionally and physically. She didn’t recognise who she’d become. She started looking for a new approach to processing her emotions. This search led her to EQ.

Chronic Pain and EQ: A Healing Journey Inspired by The Teachings of John Sano Candice Dick chats to innovation consultant and small business coach Paul Smith, about back pain, migraines and the other physical challenges he has overcome through practicing emotional intelligence and other modalities that combat psychosomatic related pain. Paul was on the South African rowing team when he was in his 20s and was training with a view to going to the Olympics. He incurred a back injury which turned into chronic pain and after two years Paul was forced to give up his dream of becoming an Olympic rower. Paul went on to develop pain in his fingers which he thought may be arthritic. The turning pointfor Paul came after reading two of John Sano’s books: Healing Back Painand The Divided Mind. These books suggest that pain is related to emotions rather than to structural abnormalities. Certain personality types repress emotionsand therefore build up anger and other negative emotions which are stored in the body and manifest as pain. This type of pain is known as Tension Myositis Syndrome (TMS) or mind body syndrome. John Sano has a 95% success rate in healing pain in people with TMS. After reading these books and practicing the techniques around emotional awareness that the books suggest, which include daily mantras, Paul was able to start rowing again. A few years later, during a period of work related stress, Paul developed serious headaches and was able to recognise that fear based emotions had been triggered in him and were misfiring as pain in the body. Alan Gordon’s teaching around TMS further helped him work through his pain.Paul recommends using tools such a journaling and meditation in order to become fully integrated with one’s sense of self and emotions rather than shutting down emotions by using intellectualisation as a defensive mechanism. One should learn to value and listen to emotions. Paul has found psychologists to be helpful in interpreting feelings and mastering the over-use of defence mechanisms. Paul’s top 3 tips for healing TMS Get educated Use online resources like TMS wiki. Read teachings or watch YouTube videos by Alan Gordon, John Sano & Carl Rogers. Intelligent journalling Journal about difficult, confusing or significant situations or events. Try to label the feelings experienced therein. Seek guidance and continually work to master emotional awareness (and pain). Work with a psychologist that is familiar with the Carl Rogers approach to healing, which is based on practicing empathy. Psychologists help to identify and label emotions and can teach you how to do this yourself. Continue to integrate EQ with IQ and work towards a holistic way of being that supports your body rather than one that works against the body’s natural intelligence and regulatory mechanisms.  

Driving Emotional Intelligence is a short three part series exploring what it looks like to apply emotional intelligence to driving. In part 3 Liz Cunningham talks to Kerry and Mandy, two drivers, who discovered through Driver Assess more about themselves and the opportunities to use car time to build relationships and build connection. 

Driving Emotional Intelligence is a short three part series exploring what it looks like to apply emotional intelligence to driving. Driving Emotional Intelligence reveals how you can be a competent technical driver and still lack the EQ to really make you a responsible driver.  Gavin Buys is a technical paramedic driver who shares his journey of adding EQ to his driving expertise.   

Driving Emotional Intelligence is a short three part series exploring what it looks like to drive with emotional intelligence. Keith Cunningham, EQ expert focused on driving shares his own journey to dive into the emotions impacting his driving. 

How EQ helps us step into new situations – new home, new job, new relationship, new baby Candice shares her 5 EQ insights and take aways, 5 months into her journey as a new mother. Investing in an education in EQ can be beneficial to navigating any new challenges or changes in life.   Looking at Expectation Developing awareness around our expectations of situations can help us to shine light on unexpected emotions that may arise when it comes time to face the actual situation. Expectations can lurk in our blind spots. Knowing what our expectations are can highlight situations we haven’t prepared for. The awareness of emotions such as overwhelm, confusion or anxiety can help us recognise unrealistic or unhelpful expectations and they can then be shifted. A useful exercise can be to write down what the expectation going into a situation or new challenge such as motherhood may have been and what the actual experience is. It can be useful to talk to a variety of mothers and hear different experiences and perspectives regarding pregnancy and parenting. Chat about what to expect during pregnancy as well as any postnatal changes that may occur in the body - there are often more surprises here as the mother not only births a child but also experiences her own ‘birth’ into motherhood. Rejuvenating breathers   Taking short breaks to connect to oneself allows us to re-centre and re-energise. Take a brief breather (2/5 or 15 minutes) - be realistic about the time you can take so that it doesn’t seem unattainable. Small breaks allow for subtle shifts that create bigger changes over time.   The Gift of Grace Practice unconditional love for yourself. Self compassion paves the way to an ability to flow with the choices you make during early parenthood. When equipped with self compassion, one is able to adapt to changes in choices or methods of parenting outside of expectations, without berating or blaming oneself. Be gentle with yourself and lay judgement aside. Maya Angelou said: when we know better we do better. If we don’t know better yet we can’t do better so we can only learn from experience and grow through it with the grace of self compassion.   What other people think If we worry too much about what other people think is best for us or for our children, we may end up making choices that go against our intuition or motherly instincts. It is difficult to shift out of the ‘mother ego’ of worrying what others think but if we let these thoughts rule our parenting style then we also let others determine our values and in so doing we lose our integrity. Emotional awareness allows us to notice when we might feel overwhelmed, embarrassed or frustrated around others. This awareness can serve as a reminder to us to re-centre and reconnect with our values and integrity (true self).   Investing in EQ EQ has already made me feel that I have more availability of choice to extend patience although I’m in the earliest stages of motherhood. I can exercise self awareness in order to understand where my feelings may be coming from. I’m able to identify when feelings arise from exhaustion and frustration and thereby choose not to project those feelings onto others.

Emotions at Work How do emotions show up in the work place? How do they affect performance? How we can create awareness around them in order to make them work for us? Evolution of Emotions in the Workplace Historically corporate culture involved leaving one’s emotions at home. Employees were required to show up, hands and feet with a skill set, as ‘human capital’. The human doing instead of the human being. The human being: heart, soul, passion, self-motivation, was considered a potential distraction. Females were labelled as too emotional. How EQ works for us – it enables our IQ Companies should be raising awareness around the fact that our intellectual intelligence (IQ) works best in service to our emotional intelligence (EQ). When we align EQ and IQ we have more efficient access to knowledge, skill and experience because we have the capacity to choose our reactions to a situation as it is unfolding, rather than being at the mercy of a story guided by our subconscious/learned belief system, which activates a reflex type reaction. We can operate outside of the ‘fight or flight’ survival mode which obscures rational thought and doesn’t allow space for engaging in collaborative thought processes among team mates.

Flourishing Family Model with Manuela Berger from Geneva, Switzerland   Manuela developed this model during her Positive Psychology Masters.   The principles of this model can be applied to family dynamics as well as any social group of people. The model aims to shift momentum and dynamics in a family, for the better. Flourishing Family Model (FFM) is a 3 tiered visual model, illustrated using circles.   Inner Circle: beliefs and awareness of these beliefs   What are the thoughts behind unconscious beliefs? Are these thoughts true?  How do beliefs influence the way we act? Becoming aware of thoughts and beliefs that aren’t useful in order to change them. Becoming aware of self-fulfilling prophecies - beliefs projected onto us by others, which we then subconsciously internalise, giving them life and a false sense of truth, moving away from our true selves   Middle Circle: Self determination theory; all humans have 3 basic psychological needs   These needs are interconnected/inter-dependent, therefore they need to receive equal attention in order for an individual to feel fully self-supported. 1. Autonomy: engaging with others and things through choices that are in alignment with our values, interests, personal integrity. 2. Relatedness: feeling connected and accepted; sense of belonging through feeling cared for. Feeling respected and in turn able to behave respectfully towards others, from a place of authenticity.  3. Competence: stepping into one’s personal power; feeling empowered. Having the confidence to influence a situation, therefore developing willingness to take action or initiative. (ie. providing a safe space for a child to grow; not rushing them when learning to tie a shoelace).   Outer Circle: Emotional Intelligence Are there unpleasant emotions (driven by beliefs) that exist? These show up in behaviour patterns, and can be addressed through enquiry into the beliefs that fuel these emotions. The more we meet the emotional needs of others, the more positive reactions we will experience.   Qualities present in a flourishing family Each individual feels they can be themselves. Family members feel connected to each other. Family members easily identify unhelpful beliefs; these are highlighted in cases of extreme reactivity to a situation.   Contact Manuela For further information on the FFM, or for personal coaching, www.manualaberger.com

Tapping on Emotions Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) - a Positive Psychology tool for regulating our emotional state. What is EFT?   EFT or tapping is a healing practice that connects the language of the body (emotions/feelings, energy) with subconscious thought patterns. Once we identify these thoughts we can explore the potential to regulate them and engage our IQ effectively (conscious choice). Dr Roger Callahan made the first enquiry into EFT 30 years ago. EFT is based on the Chinese meridian system which makes the connection between our physical and our energetic anatomies.   Entails tapping on end points on meridians (energetic lines), while bringing to mind whatever is bothering us. Tapping calms the Amygdala in the brain.    Acknowledging when your body speaks your mind EFT enables us to explore the root of a thought; we may not always know the cause of or thinking behind a feeling in the heat of the moment but we can usually name the feeling. If we tap on that feeling it brings us to the present moment, taking us out of the story in the mind and landing us in the body. This allows space for us to acknowledge and validate the feeling, which sends a message of reassurance to the body enabling us to regain a sense of calm self control. In the moment when you fleetingly realise you’re overreacting, the initial response is to suppress the emotion and that emotion is then stored in the body. Tapping allows us to work with this suppressed language.   Tapping Lowers cortisol levels Stress is brought on by excess cortisol in the body and scientific research shows that tapping can lower cortisol levels for up to 6 hours. Anyone Can Practice EFT  The only ‘tools’ you need are your two hands and your awareness. It allows us to create a connection to our intuition and inner guidance system which is also available to us at all times. Through this practice we can learn to identify when we employ learned experiences and perceptions in anticipation of an event or situation, which allows us to question these thoughts  in relation to the present moment. We have the ability to ‘tap out’ of old thought patterns, creating space to recognise and understand feelings in order to regulate our responses.  6 seconds Think, feel, Act cards can be useful when exploring feelings that arise during tapping.   Go Ahead and Try It What is the feeling? What do I think the thought associated with this feeling is? When I think this thought how do I feel? What do I think this means? When I think this thought how does my body feel? Where in my body do I feel it? Rate how you feel about the situation right now on a scale of 1 -10 (the Subjective Unit of Distress; SUD). Using two or three fingers on the one hand, tap the karate chop point on the other hand and start with the set up statement:   Set up Statement: Point 1 Even though I’m feeling....... (name feeling)........ when I .......( this situation), I’m okay, I love and accept myself (all the while tapping on karate chop point). Repeat the setup statement 3 times.   Tapping points: Points 2 to 9 Now tap 5 to 7 times on each of points 2 to 9 while naming the feeling, where you are feeling it in your body, the sensation of the feeling, validating what you are feeling as you tap on the points  

Matthew Shaw Smith discusses how TRE (tension release exercises) can shift the bodies state and lead to increased rest, relaxation and a state of responsive versus reactivity.   Links & Resources Traumaprevention.com Treforafrica.com Matthew Shaw Smith EQ Evolution Facebook Page Candice Dick

Coach and founder of Feeling Magnets talks about what it takes to support our feeling bodies. How emotions can offer more clarity and contribute toward resillience.   For more information, visit the show notes at https://eqevolution.com/37

Movement and awareness of the body and it's patterns offer another way to shift emotions, the mind and perspectives.  In this conversation Liz Cunningham, EQ expert and Nia & Ageless Grace teacher discusses the many benefits and opportunities for the heart and mind that can be discovered by moving the body.

Presence! How present are you to what is happening in front of you moment to moment? How might you handle stress (business, relationship, family or parenting) differently if you were able to restore peace within? Matthew Shaw Smith, Stress Release Facilitator takes us on a journey leading toward awareness and presence.

The Process is the Content: everyone's EQ curriculum is unique. The only way to discover what you need to learn is by applying what you discover sometimes getting it right and often getting it wrong.  Awareness means you keep taking another step forward in HOW you apply the principals in your life and note what is serving and what is not. 

A simple and yet sophisticated map or model to practice Emotional Intelligence in daily life. This can add value to decision-making, conflict resolution, learning from experiences that don't go well or collaborating and connecting as a team.

Emotional Intelligence can often be seen as additional work being added to an already full plate especially for educators.  Today Candice Dick talks about how EQ is the plate on which we carry everything in our lives.  It's very much about the HOW we do what we do.

Leadership continually means dealing with curve balls. Do you understand your unconscious patterns of responding to curve balls large or small? Understand how your changes in heart rate variability are impacting those around you? And what you can do about it.