Podcasts about relatedness

Most people don't fear change itself — they fear the moment before they know if they're going to be okay. And according to Dr. Jimmie Williamson, that gap between uncertainty and clarity is where organizations either hold their people together or quietly lose them. In this episode of Your Health University, Jamie sits down with Dr. Jimmie Williamson, Chief Behavioral Health Officer at Your Health, in the middle of a real organizational merger — making this conversation as timely and personal as it gets. Dr. Williamson draws on decades of clinical experience, behavioral health expertise, and his own career pivots (including leaving a 28-year career to step into healthcare) to walk us through what change actually does to the human brain and body — and what it takes to move through it well. Key topics include: Why even positive change triggers a physiological threat response — and what science says is actually happening in your brain The five stages of change people move through (shock, resistance, exploration, and beyond) and why getting stuck isn't a character flaw Dr. David Rock's SCARF model — the five psychological domains (Status, Certainty, Autonomy, Relatedness, Fairness) that determine whether people feel safe or threatened during transitions What leaders most commonly get wrong when communicating change — and the one mistake that always creates a narrative vacuum Why insecurity in leadership is more dangerous than the change itself The one self-care practice you can start today if you're feeling the weight of uncertainty Change is positive. It is good. And it is inevitable. This episode will help you believe that — and act like it. www.YourHealth.Org

Get the free Core Drives in the Wild guide, behavioral design applied to real products: professorgame.com/WildCD Episode Summary Rob breaks down why the most durable loyalty has almost nothing to do with points, contrasting a typical airline miles program with a neighborhood barber who keeps a customer for ten years with no app, no tiers, and no expiring rewards. He shows how the same Core Drive can run in opposite directions: airline programs fake Core Drive 4 (Ownership and Possession) with a points balance they control and devalue, while the barber builds real ownership through a relationship the customer actually owns. Along the way he names the over-justification effect, the moment a relationship becomes a calculation, and how Black Hat motivation can win in the short term while quietly corroding loyalty. Listeners come away with a clear diagnostic and a way to tell a real loyalty program apart from a price promotion on a delayed schedule. About the Host Rob Alvarez is Head of Engagement Strategy, Europe at The Octalysis Group (TOG), a leading gamification and behavioral design consultancy. A globally recognized gamification strategist and TEDx speaker, he founded and hosts Professor Game, the #1 gamification podcast, and has interviewed hundreds of global experts. He designs evidence-based engagement systems that drive motivation, loyalty, and results, and teaches LEGO® SERIOUS PLAY® and gamification at top institutions including IE Business School, EFMD, and EBS University across Europe, the Americas, and Asia. Key Takeaways Most loyalty programs build a transactional dependency rather than loyalty: the customer ends up loyal to the points, not the brand, so the moment a competitor offers more points they defect. Airline miles run on a Black Hat stack of Core Drive 4 (Ownership and Possession), Core Drive 6 (Scarcity and Impatience) through tier status, and Core Drive 8 (Loss and Avoidance) through expiring miles, which shifts the flyer from chasing something they want to avoiding a loss. The over-justification effect is the damage mechanism: a flyer who genuinely liked an airline starts booking the worse flight (longer, worse time, sometimes pricier) purely because it earns miles, the moment the relationship becomes a calculation. A relationship turned into a calculation is trivially beatable. A competitor with a slightly better offer doesn't just win one trip, it reveals there was never loyalty to begin with. A ten-year barber relationship survives real inconvenience (further away, closer cheaper options nearby) using the calm side of the same Core Drives: Core Drive 5 (Social Influence and Relatedness) plus genuinely owned personalization the customer cannot port to a competitor. The diagnostic: strip the points, discounts, and digital rewards entirely. If the honest answer to "why would anyone stay" is nothing, it isn't a loyalty program, it's a price promotion with a delayed payment schedule. Topics Covered 0:00 — Loyalty to the points, not the brand 1:16 — The Black Hat machinery of airline miles 2:25 — The over-justification effect in action 4:13 — The ten-year barber with no points 5:11 — Same Core Drive, opposite direction 6:12 — Inverting Core Drive 8 into a safe choice 7:36 — Run the strip-the-points diagnostic Get the free Core Drives in the Wild guide, behavioral design applied to real products: professorgame.com/WildCD Mentioned in This Episode Core Drives in the Wild (Professor Game free guide) The Octalysis Framework and its Core Drives (Yu-kai Chou) Black Hat and White Hat motivation The over-justification effect Free Resources and Get in Touch Core Drives in the Wild: Professor Game Free Guide Get Daily Value on Your Email Let's chat about your gamification project YouTube LinkedIn Instagram Facebook Start Your Community on Skool for Free Ask a question

You can listen wherever you get your podcasts or check out the fully edited transcript of our interview at the bottom of this post.In this episode of The Peaceful Parenting Podcast, my guest is Dr. Justin Coulson, an Australian parenting expert and father of 6 who has his PhD in psychology and is the author of 10 books on parenting and the co-host of the Happy Families podcast with his wife, Kylie. We discuss the psychology behind peaceful parenting, including how self-determination theory explains kids' challenging behavior. Dr. Justin also shared his three E's of discipline.Know someone who might appreciate this episode? Share it with them!And if you love the podcast, FREE ways to help us out:1- Rate and review the podcast in your podcast player app2- “Like” this post by tapping the heart icon ♥️3- Share this with a friend. THANK YOU!We talk about:* 1:45 – Introduction to Dr. Justin Coulson and his personal parenting turning pointHow struggles with anger and discipline led him to rethink everything and study psychology.* 08:20 – Learning to regulate ourselves, practicing repair, and growing over time.* 15:50 – Why peaceful parenting starts with the parent's self-awareness and regulation.* 19:50 – Understanding behavior through compassion and curiosity.* 20:50 – The HALTS frameworkHow hunger, anger, loneliness, tiredness, and stress impact children's behavior.* 23:00 – Self-determination theory and parenting* 33:00 – The 3 E's of Effective Discipline* 41:50 – How to use the 3 E's in everyday parenting moments.Real-life examples: screens, sibling conflict & collaboration* 49:00 – Building trust and the “goodwill bank” with kidsWhy collaborative parenting pays off when tough limits are needed.* 53:30 – Advice to his younger parenting self: “soft eyes”A powerful reflection on kindness, connection, and showing up with compassion.* 56:30 – Where to find Dr. Justin CoulsonHis podcast, books, and upcoming work on boys and healthy masculinity.Resources mentioned in this episode:* Dr. Justin's website and podcast* Yoto Screen Free Audio Book Player* The Peaceful Parenting Membership* Evelyn & Bobbie brasConnect with Sarah Rosensweet:* Instagram* Facebook Group* YouTube* Website* Join us on Substack* Newsletter* Book a short consult or coaching session callxx Sarah and CoreyYour peaceful parenting team- click here for a free short consult or a coaching sessionVisit our website for free resources, podcast, coaching, membership and more!>> Please support us!!! Please consider becoming a supporter to help support our free content, including The Peaceful Parenting Podcast, our free parenting support Facebook group, and our weekly parenting emails, “Weekend Reflections” and “Weekend Support” - plus our Flourish With Your Complex Child Summit (coming back in the summer for the 3rd year!) All of this free support for you takes a lot of time and energy from me and my team. If it has been helpful or meaningful for you, your support would help us to continue to provide support for free, for you and for others.In addition to knowing you are supporting our mission to support parents and children, you get the podcast ad free and access to a monthly ‘ask me anything' session.Our sponsors:YOTO: YOTO is a screen free audio book player that lets your kids listen to audiobooks, music, podcasts and more without screens, and without being connected to the internet. No one listening or watching and they can't go where you don't want them to go and they aren't watching screens. BUT they are being entertained or kept company with audio that you can buy from YOTO or create yourself on one of their blank cards. Check them out HEREEvelyn & Bobbie bras: If underwires make you want to rip your bra off by noon, Evelyn & Bobbie is for you. These bras are wire-free, ultra-soft, and seriously supportive—designed to hold you comfortably all day without pinching, poking, or constant adjusting. Check them out HERESarah: Hey, everyone. Welcome back to another episode of the Peaceful Parenting Podcast. Today's guest is Dr. Justin Coulson. He's an Australian parenting expert with a PhD in psychology, the author of 10 books on parenting, the co-host of the Happy Families podcast with his wife, Kylie, the father of six children, and, last but not least, grandfather of one.We discuss the psychology behind peaceful parenting, including how self-determination theory explains kids' challenging behavior. Dr. Justin also shared his three E's of discipline, which I just loved.If you like this episode, please share it with a friend so more parents can learn about peaceful parenting. If you're a fan of the podcast, you can help us out not only by sharing it, but by leaving a review and a five-star rating in your podcast player app. While you're there, don't forget to follow the show so you don't miss an episode.If you'd like to support us even more, you can become a supporter on Substack to help us offset the cost of making the show. We'll put a link in the show notes.Let's meet Dr. Justin. I hope you enjoy this conversation and get as much out of his insights as I did.Sarah: Hello, Dr. Justin, and welcome to the podcast.Dr. Justin: Sarah, I'm so glad to be with you. Thanks for having me on.Sarah: Yeah, and it's morning for you, evening for me—nice—and I'm just glad that we could make this time to talk to each other. I really appreciate it. Thank you. So, could you just tell us a little bit about who you are and what you do?Dr. Justin: Sure. I grew up on the east coast of Australia, about an hour north of Sydney. Geographically, that kind of locates where I was. I was the teenage boy that every parent hopes they will not have. I don't think I was a particularly bad kid, but I certainly wasn't a good kid.My parents were spending a small fortune—I'm a 1975 baby, I turned 50 last year—but this was in the late '80s and early '90s. My parents were spending so much money to send me to a private school. Because we were on the coast—a very quintessentially Australian thing—I was wagging school.Do you say “wagging school” in Canada? Is that a term Canadians use?Sarah: No, but I think we get the context. I think it means not going to school.Dr. Justin: Yeah, I was truant. They thought I was there, but I wasn't.Sarah: We say skipping.Dr. Justin: I was skipping school. Okay, yeah. We call it a school wag.So I would go to school in the morning and get my name marked off in roll call. Then I would sneak out of the school. Across the road from the school, there were bushes—kind of a forest, or whatever you might call it in Canada and America. I would get changed out of my tie, long pants, and black school shoes, throw on some board shorts and a T-shirt.My surfboard was stashed in the bush, and I'd grab it from the hiding place. Then I'd jump on a bus, go to the beach, and surf all day. Afterward, I'd get a bus back to school in the afternoon, change back into my uniform, and race into the school just in time to get my name marked off, looking like I'd been at school all day.This was in the days before schools communicated with parents via email and text, because none of that existed. I was able to get away with it.So I finished high school. I scored in the bottom 15%—Sarah: Goodness.Dr. Justin: Not just my class, but of the entire state of New South Wales. My parents were devastated.I didn't care. I wanted to have a media career. I wanted to be a radio announcer. So I got into radio. If you've ever listened to the radio—and no offense to radio people—you know you don't have to do well at school to be good at radio. You just have to be able to sit on the microphone and say things that make sense.I knew I could do that, so school didn't matter to me. I didn't care about it. That's what I did.But this is where it intersects with parenting.About 10 years into my radio career, my wife and I were having some challenges, particularly around my parenting. We had a threenager and a newborn baby.That three-year-old—I had always held the opinion that my children would do as they were told, and if they didn't, I would make sure they understood that I was the father and that their job was to do as I said.So I was very punitive. I basically made all of the parenting mistakes you can imagine when I would get angry, frustrated, and ill-tempered. It's not that I was a bad father—I spent a lot of high-quality time loving my kids—but I was also really short-fused and highly aggressive.Frankly, I went from threatening to hitting really fast. You call it spanking; we would call it smacking. I was very, very quick to smack or spank my three-year-old, and it wasn't working.After one particularly bad incident where things escalated, I really did lose control. I didn't just spank her once. There were multiple spankings. This was like a 10-minute escalation session where it just got worse and worse and worse.My wife was out at the time. When she came home, I said to Kylie, “I'm a bad father. I'm not doing this well. I'm making a lot of mistakes, and here's what happened while you were out.”Full confession: Kylie has always been this wonderfully supportive wife—very kind, gentle, compassionate, soft-spoken, thoughtful, considerate, empathic—all of those beautiful attributes that I prize and treasure in my good wife.She was none of those things that day.She had fire in her eyes and said, “You are not living up to the father that I hoped you would be, and you're also not living up to the husband I need you to be.”And it took me back, because I was already feeling downcast. I felt like I was failing anyway, and she just—it was like she picked up a great big lump of wood and whacked me over the head with it and said, “No.”Of course, she didn't actually do that, but that's how it felt. It felt physical. Visceral. Like, Ow. This is serious.I left my radio career shortly thereafter.I was working at one of the biggest radio stations in Australia at the time, and I gave up all the backstage passes with global superstars and hanging out with record company executives at the best restaurants, eating their food so they could bribe me to play their music on the radio station. I went back to school.I became a full-time student. I worked part-time at three different jobs while studying full-time. I'd sleep under the desk at university so I could do the study and the work—Sarah: No surfing this time?Dr. Justin: No surfing this time, no. I was just so committed to it.After eight and a half years of full-time study, I graduated with a doctorate. I had to do a couple of other qualifications first, including a psychological science degree. I graduated with a doctorate in psychology and became a university lecturer.Along the way, Sarah, we went from having our two kids at that point to having our third child in my first year of study, our fourth child in my fifth year of study, and our fifth child while I was doing my doctorate. Shortly after I left the university setting, stopped lecturing, and started writing books and giving talks, we had our sixth child.So we're the parents—Sarah: Amazing.Dr. Justin: —of six daughters. Today, they range in age from 12—the youngest—to the oldest, who is in her mid-to-late 20s. She and her husband have a baby now. They've been married for a few years.Sarah: Wow. You're a grandpa.Dr. Justin: A grand—I'm a grandpa. We have a two-and-a-half-year-old grandbaby, four adult children, one in her teens, and a 12-year-old.So that's kind of my very short version of the journey.Along the way, I've written a bunch of books. We've got a TV show in Australia called Parental Guidance. We've had three seasons of that show on primetime TV. I've got a website and all the things that you'd expect—a podcast and so on.Sarah: What did you do when you had that aha moment—that realization that you weren't being the kind of dad you wanted to be, and your wife also agreed that you weren't being the kind of dad she wanted you to be? What did you change?Because you just mentioned that you spent eight and a half years going back to school. I imagine that you made some changes before you had six kids. So what did you do right away, maybe for anyone listening who can relate to those feelings of rage and feeling triggered by your child?Dr. Justin: Sarah, the first thing I'd say is that there was no linear change, and there were no immediate changes, because I didn't know what to do.I was unskilled. I was uneducated. I didn't know anything about psychology, and I clearly didn't know anything about parenting.But I found a mentor. I have a faith background, and there was a writer who wrote eloquently and compassionately. I just felt like he understood me, and he became a mentor to me.I also discovered a guy called Alfie Kohn. You might be familiar with Alfie Kohn.Sarah: Oh, Alfie Kohn was the first thing I ever read about parenting—Dr. Justin: Oh, great.Sarah: —before I even had kids. And he was on the podcast last year, which felt like a full-circle moment between how influential—I told him on the podcast, “You have probably had the biggest influence on me—not only in my parenting, but in my life's direction—of any single person out there.”So, sorry, fan-girl moment. I'm right there with you with Alfie Kohn.Dr. Justin: Yeah. I've gotten to know Alfie over the years as my academic career advanced and I began to understand where he took his research from.I read his book Punished by Rewards—I think it was a 1993—Sarah: That was my first one too.Dr. Justin: Yeah, it's a 1993 publication or something.Sarah, it was just so influential.What happened was, I was doing my university degree and learning things, and honestly, I'd be sitting there thinking, Hang on, the things they're teaching me in these university courses seem to clash with what Alfie Kohn taught me in Punished by Rewards.So I spent a lot of time in the notes section at the back—you know, all the references nobody ever reads?Sarah: Mm-hmm.Dr. Justin: As I went through them, I discovered researchers named Edward Deci and Richard Ryan from the University of Rochester in upstate New York.They had developed a theory known as self-determination theory.A large portion of Alfie Kohn's work is based on self-determination theory.So I really dug deep into that. I still love Alfie, but I moved very much into the academic side because I became a university lecturer and really got into the nitty-gritty of understanding the deepest depths of what self-determination theory is all about. That has become the foundation of the work that I do.And to your question: nothing is linear when you are trying to make improvements.Whether you're trying to change your diet, exercise, get your finances in order, or improve your relationships, you have insights. You have moments where you think, Oh my goodness, this is what I need to do. I need to show up with warmth on my face and soft eyes.And then three hours later, one of your children does something, and you forget what soft eyes look and feel like. You look at them with hard eyes, frustration in your voice, and short, clipped sentences.Then half an hour later, you think, Oh, self-awareness. I missed that.So it's this gradual process: two steps forward, one step back. Three steps forward, one step back. Four steps forward, three steps back. Eight steps forward, no steps back.Over the years, I had this beautiful experience—and maybe you've had a similar experience in your family as you've raised your kids.We were maybe in my third or fourth year of study. My wife has an early childhood background. She knows child development. She knows what kids need.She was a little skeptical about a lot of the things I was starting to talk about and discover as I went through university and got into the depths of what the research meant—comparing and contrasting it with what was mainstream, but actually not always quite right.We had some tension around how we should respond to the children. I was moving away from that authoritarian bent and developing ideas around exploring their world more.One night, I came home from university a little late. It was probably around 9:00 p.m. Our three children were still awake.As I drove into the driveway, all the lights in the house were on. The windows were open. Looking through the living room window, I could tell the house was—to put it politely—a mess.And as I stepped into the house, the kids—it was just awful.I walked over to Kylie and said, “Honey, it looks like it's been a pretty tough day.”I was trying to be compassionate and empathic. I was really trying to do what psychology says is the right thing to do.Kylie looked at me without hesitation and said, “Don't give me any of that psychology crap. I've had the worst day in the world.”Then she stormed out and said, “You fix it,” and walked into the bedroom and closed the door.Again, this is not how my wife usually is, but it had been a really rough day. The kids were feral. The house was a mess.I looked at my priorities. I sat down with the child who was struggling the most and worked with her for two or three minutes. She calmed down, I gave her a little food, and put her to bed.Within about 20 minutes, I had all three kids in bed, and I was so proud of myself.I stepped into the kitchen and started tidying up. I thought, I'll just give Kylie some space.After another 30 or 40 minutes of tidying, I stepped into the living room and said, “Honey, I know you're really upset. It's been a pretty tough day. I wasn't trying to be judgy or anything.”And she said, “It's fine for you. You're not dealing with it all day. You walk in and think you can just snap your fingers and everything's fine.”Then she looked at me and said, “But tonight, you walked in and it feels like you snapped your fingers and everything's fine.”And we had this beautiful conversation where she said, “I've been resenting the things you've been trying to tell me because it felt like you were telling me I was wrong.“But I've been watching, and I'm actually seeing that the things you're doing are working, and our family is feeling better.”It took four or five years to get there, Sarah.It's not like I had this epiphany—I'm a bad father, I need to change—and suddenly I was a good dad.There were many embarrassing, shameful moments after that epiphany where I still made terrible decisions and treated the children badly.Even today, I still lose my temper, say things I shouldn't, and get frustrated, because kids are kids and we're fallible humans.But we call parenting parenting because it's about us. If it were about children, we'd call it childrening.Which sounds silly, right?Dr. Justin: But what I've really discovered is that if I can learn how to regulate myself—high emotions equal low intelligence—then I can regulate my emotions, turn them up or down appropriately for the context, and keep them in harmony with my long-term goals, which are to have loving, kind relationships with my children.If I can do that, I'm going to approach them with a tremendously different focus than I will if I'm looking for a short-term fix.And that is something—Anger is a habit. Yelling is a habit. Time-out is a habit. Reward charts are a habit.We can create other habits. We just have to understand the processes and principles behind those habits and then practice them, like we practice a song on the piano, until we finally get it right.Sarah: I love that.So you and Kylie really had a journey—a back-and-forth dance of your own processes and your own development.I do love how you say it's really about us. Whenever I'm working with clients, after a couple of sessions they'll say, “You know what? This isn't even about my kid. This is just about me.”Dr. Justin: Yes. Yes.Sarah: Nobody wants to believe that at first, because it's so much easier to think, I've just got to change them and what they're doing.But it's really all about what we're bringing to the moment and what we're bringing to the relationship.Dr. Justin: I get in trouble sometimes for being overly provocative and saying things that are insensitive, so a quick warning:I want to say what I'm about to say with all the compassion in the world and all the tenderness and care in the world, because I work with people every single day who are dealing with exactly the struggles you're talking about.I want to step into the world of neurodiversity—ADHD, autism, trauma—those kinds of areas.What we're talking about applies there as well. It's just harder.Sarah: Mm-hmm.Dr. Justin: But ultimately, if I'm raising an ADHD child or a child who's been through a traumatic experience, once again, parenting is not about them. It's about how I show up for them.So I can say, “Well, my child's like that,” or, “I'm like this because of the diagnosis,” or because of the label, or because of the trauma, or because of the neural networks doing what they're doing.I can say all of those things, and many people do. It's understandable, and I have all the compassion in the world for them when they do.But the key thing I want to highlight is that in spite of all of those challenges your child might be facing—or even that you might be facing—today begins now.It begins with what you put on your face and what you think in your mind.If we can soften our features and go to our children with kindness and compassion while still holding appropriate limits—or working with them to develop appropriate limits—then what we can say is:“Yes, that bad thing happened,” or, “Yes, we are dealing with this difficulty, so what are we going to do about it?”We can fall into the I can't do anything way of thinking, which is really ineffective and doesn't help at all.Or we can step into I have this incredible thing psychologists call agency, or self-efficacy, where I can make a decision now, and if we work on it, we can actually improve things.It might be a longer, harder road. There may be more obstacles to climb over than a typical family without those challenging circumstances.It may be harder.But we can always improve.I never want to be the person who puts limits on what kids can do or what parents can do.If we change our language, change our focus, and recognize that this is a long game—Sarah: Mm-hmm.Dr. Justin: —which requires sustained effort every single day, it's extraordinary the progress we can make and the changes we can create in our home and our family.Sarah: For sure. Yeah.And unfortunately, it's a long game, right? Because I think today we always want quick answers and solutions.Really, it's just showing up every day as best you can and repairing when you don't show up the way you wish you had.And I think another really important part of it—which you were talking around a little bit—is trying to understand our child's experience and see things from their perspective.I was just talking to a client about that today:What's the most emotionally generous explanation you can come up with for their behavior?Because we don't actually know why anyone does anything, since we're not in their brain.But we often jump to, They're being rude on purpose, or They're trying to annoy me.Really, if we can think, Well, I don't know why they're doing this, but there's probably a reason, because kids want to be good. They want to be connected with us.And just reminding ourselves that they're not giving us a hard time—they're having a hard time.That actually makes it easier, I think, to show up as your best, most compassionate self—with, as you say, soft eyes and warm features.Dr. Justin: Yeah.No child wakes up in the morning thinking, Today's the day. I'm just going to ruin everything.This is the perfect opportunity. My parents are tired and frazzled. There's a cost-of-living crisis. There are all these challenges happening, and if ever there was a moment—it's now. I'm going to do it today.They don't wake up thinking that.Like you said—and you said it so perfectly—kids really do want to please us.I know some parents listening to me say that right now are thinking, No, no. My child does not want to please me.And so the question becomes: Why? Why are they struggling?And maybe this is a nice way for me to bring in some of the principles I learned as I went deeper into self-determination theory.There are a couple of times when children are almost guaranteed to be challenging, and this has nothing to do with self-determination theory. This is just general psychology and wellbeing.I always think of Germany. A police officer tells you to stop, but they don't say the word stop because they're German.In German, the word for stop is halt—H-A-L-T.So we add an S to the end, and the acronym becomes:Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired, or Stressed.Sarah: Mm-hmm.Dr. Justin: Those are the five times when you can all but guarantee your children are not going to be doing well.If they are hungry, get some food into them—ideally a little protein, because it's satiating and helps them feel full quickly.If they're angry, then we've got to remember: high emotions equal low intelligence.You can't think straight in a high emotional state.So our job is to get curious, not furious, because if we fight fire with fire, we end up with a scorched-earth policy and everything gets burned.Dr. Justin: Lonely.I could be sitting right next to you, Sarah, and feel disconnected and lonely—Sarah: Mm-hmm.Dr. Justin: —even if we were very close.Our children are sometimes literally sitting at our kitchen bench, and they feel alone. They feel a little lost. Because of the way we're responding to them—with hard commands, correction, and direction rather than connection—they feel lonely.Tired.I don't even need to explain that.Even as adults, I don't know any couple who, at the end of witching hour—or whatever you might call it in North America, that 5:00 to 7:00 p.m. stretch when the kids—Sarah: Yeah.Dr. Justin: —are just oof…It's the end of that period, and you're exhausted, the kids are exhausted, and you look at your husband or wife and say, “You know what? We are so tired. We're shattered. But boy, are we nailing it tonight.”Nobody ever says that when they're tired—Sarah: Yeah.Dr. Justin: —because you're not nailing it. You're just hanging in there.And it's the same with kids.Then the S is for stressed, and that includes sickness, because sickness is a stress on the body as well.Those five indicators are going to let you know when your child is likely to be challenging, and I think they're really good to watch out for.But if we go a little deeper and talk about self-determination theory, it says that each of us has these needs.You have them, Sarah, and I have them, and our children have them—even your mother-in-law has them.We have three basic psychological needs.When we're in environments where those needs are supported, oh my goodness, we thrive. These are environments we're drawn to and attracted to. We approach them with a smile on our face and can't wait to be there.But if the environment is what researchers call need-thwarting or need-frustrating—meaning it frustrates and thwarts those needs—then we avoid it.Sarah: Mm-hmm.Dr. Justin: Or, if we're in those environments, we act in ways that are challenging.So the basic psychological needs are:Number one: a sense of relationship, or relatedness. That's the technical term they use.Relatedness is a sense of mutual belonging.Sarah: So would it be similar to mattering? Like you feel like you matter to somebody?Dr. Justin: Yeah. There's been a lot of talk recently about mattering.But it's reciprocal mattering. It's not just one-way.It's I matter to you, but you matter to me.Sarah: Yeah.Dr. Justin: Let me use Mother's Day as an example.We just had Mother's Day in Australia at the start of May.If I've got a great relationship with my mother-in-law, and it's Mother's Day, I'm probably going to spend the morning with my wife and family while my children celebrate their mum. Then maybe at lunchtime, we head over to the in-laws to celebrate my wife's mum.If I feel like that relationship need is supported at my mother-in-law's—meaning there's mutual belonging, I matter to her, she matters to me, we enjoy one another's company, and it feels good—I'm going to say:“Great. Let's get in the car. Let's go. What do we need to do?”But if I'm going to a need-frustrating environment—if there's tension, antagonism, snide remarks, eye rolls, silence, defensiveness, or wounds from bad things that happened in the past—that environment doesn't feel good to me.So I'm going to say to Kylie:“Honey, why don't you take the kids to your mum's? Have a great lunch. We've made a big mess this morning, and I think the best thing I can do for your Mother's Day”—and I'll frame it nicely, of course—“is stay home, tidy the house, clean up the kitchen, get everything ready, and put dinner on for tonight so you can have your perfect Mother's Day dinner. I'll see you in four hours.”And then I send her out the door.Why?Because my in-laws' home has become a need-thwarting or need-frustrating environment. I just don't want to be there.And if I am there, I'm going to be sullen and sulky. I might try my best for half an hour and then say, “Oh, this is too hard,” and retreat—Sarah: Or text. The adult version of misbehavior.Dr. Justin: Yes, exactly. Exactly.But if I'm a child in a need-thwarting or need-frustrating environment, I'm going to get into fights with the kids I don't like.Or I'm going to say, “I don't want to go to school because everyone picks on me because I don't regulate my behavior properly because I've got ADHD.”Right?So school becomes a place I don't want to go.Or maybe you have a faith background and your child doesn't have any friends at church.Or you've signed them up for soccer, but they don't know anyone on the team.And they're saying, “Yeah, but I don't want to go.”It all comes down to relationship.Relationship is the basic psychological need that's being thwarted.Now, the second basic psychological need is competence.Competence, I would describe as feeling like I can do the thing I'm being asked to do.Sarah: Or that I want to do.Dr. Justin: Yeah. We'll get to want to in just a second, because want-to is the third basic psychological need—autonomy.So stay with me on competence for a second.Competence is capability. Capacity.It's not even necessarily about being able to do something—it's about feeling like you're making progress toward the goal.Let's say I'm joining acrobatics and trying to learn how to do a handstand.That's really tricky. It's a tough skill.If I show up every week to acrobatics, even if I've got great friends there—so my relationship need is supported—and I love my coach, but every time I try to do a handstand my shoulders buckle, my elbows aren't straight, my form is wrong, I fall over, or I can't stay up…After four or five or six weeks, I'm going to say:“I don't like this anymore. I'm out.”I had a daughter who wanted to come cycling with me.I'm a really keen cyclist. I ride on the road. I'm a middle-aged man in Lycra.But I also ride on the velodrome.You've seen those velodrome bikes at the Olympics—the indoor track where they go around and around and around.You might have noticed that after they finish the race, they keep pedaling and do another 10 laps.The reason is twofold.Number one: there are no brakes on those bikes.And second: they use what's called a fixed gear, meaning that when the wheels are spinning, the pedals are spinning.If you stop pedaling, you're going to get thrown over the handlebars because the wheels are still moving, which means the pedals are still moving, even if you try to stop them.So you just have to keep riding until the bike slows down.My daughter wanted to come to Friday night velodrome racing with me.We didn't have the money, but we spent all this cash on a bike, the Lycra, the helmet, the special shoes—it cost a lot, and I was a poor university student.But my daughter wanted to cycle with me, and I wasn't going to miss that opportunity. So we sacrificed and made it happen.Unfortunately, she was competing against girls who had been riding for four, five, or six years.For the first few weeks, she gave it a good go, but she was losing by several laps every race.After about a month, she said:“Dad, I don't want to do this anymore.”And my response was:“But I've spent all this money.”But what was really going on was that as much as she liked the girls and the atmosphere, she didn't feel competent—Sarah: Mm-hmm.Dr. Justin: —and she didn't see progress.She didn't feel like she was ever going to master the activity, so her motivation and wellbeing plummeted.Cycling became a need-thwarting environment for her.Whether it's piano, violin, rock climbing, cycling, swimming, math, PE class—it doesn't matter.If your kids don't feel like they can do the thing, they're going to push back.They're going to say:“This is too hard. I don't like it.”They won't use these exact words, but what they're really saying is:“This is a need-frustrating environment for me. I don't like it. I don't want to be there.”And then they start to act out.My mom got to the stage with me as a 13-year-old boy where she was physically holding me by the arm and dragging me into my piano lessons.Dr. Justin: Which brings me to my third and final basic psychological need, which is autonomy.A lot of people hear the word autonomy and think it means freedom—that kids can do whatever they want. They think it means independence.That's not what autonomy means, certainly not in the strict scientific form we're talking about within this theory.Rather, autonomy comes down to identifying the value of an activity and therefore endorsing the actions required to do the activity.See, if I, as a 12-year-old, looked at piano and thought:This is going to be a lifelong skill that will bring me joy, that I'll be able to share with others, that I can use in service of my family and community. If I can play piano or keyboard, I could be in a band. I could do all of these things.If I identified the value in the activity, then I would endorse the work required to learn it.So autonomy is not about freedom and independence. It's about choice based on values.That's a lot when you're thinking about three-, four-, and five-year-olds, but not necessarily—Sarah: No, I love that.We talk about that all the time in my communities—how important it is for kids to have autonomy.And I think you can have autonomy even when kids can't be independent, right?Because you can't have a four-year-old who's independent, but you can have a four-year-old who can make decisions that matter.Dr. Justin: Yes, yes.And that decision goes well beyond, Do you want to wear the blue suit or the green one?Sarah: I'll quote our friend Alfie Kohn. He says, “Kids should have the ability to make decisions that make adults gulp a little bit.”Dr. Justin: I love it. Yes. Beautiful.Let me give an adult version of this, and then I'll swing it back into childhood, because sometimes parents hear this and think, This isn't quite computing for me.In Canada, you drive on the right-hand side of the road.Sarah: Mm-hmm.Dr. Justin: And it's true that if you choose to drive on the left-hand side of the road, the authorities will probably get involved. You may cause harm to somebody. You could even end up in prison.But even in the middle of the night, when nobody's on the road, I can't imagine there are too many Canadians who get in the car and think:Tonight's the night. Nobody's watching. I'm gonna drive on the left.You are being absolutely controlled by the government and by the law. You're driving on the right-hand side of the road.But because you identify the value in driving on the right-hand side of the road, nobody has to compel you to do it.You just do it because you endorse the idea that driving on the right is safer. It's what you need to do.So our job with our children is twofold.First, when it comes to these basic psychological needs, we want to help them be in environments—or create environments—where those needs are supported.We want to send them to a school where they have good relationships, where somebody says, “Hey, come sit with us,” where teachers know them by name and smile when they see them and are excited to support them.A school where they're able to experience progress—which might mean less emphasis on grades and more emphasis on developing capability.And a school where they feel like they have some say in where they're going and what they're doing.Rather than being forced to attend a school like I was when I was a teenager, they get to say:“No, I want to go to that school because that's where my friends are.”Or:“That's where the teachers help me feel good.”Or:“That's where my interests lie.”That's the basic psychological-needs concept.Now let's bring that into discipline, which is what started this whole conversation.Based on this theory—and I guess it ties back to a lot of what Alfie Kohn has said as well—I developed a little model that's really easy to memorize and even easier to enact.I call it the Three E's of Effective Discipline.The Three E's of Effective Discipline are need-supportive.If you look at the root of the word discipline, it comes from the idea that we teach, guide, and instruct—that we show the way to follow.Sarah: Mm-hmm.Dr. Justin: But if you look at the modern definition of discipline, the modern definition is punish.Punish means exact retribution. It means hurt. It means make someone pay a price.Sarah: Make people feel bad on purpose.Dr. Justin: Yeah. That's exactly right.And I'm interested in disciplining our kids, not punishing our kids.Punishment is need-thwarting, right?If you make someone feel bad on purpose, there goes the relationship. They feel incompetent, and you've taken away their autonomy.So standard discipline strategies—whether it's time-out, spanking, yelling, withdrawing privileges, taking away the iPad, bribery—all of those standard discipline practices trample over basic psychological needs.We've got to come up with something better.So I developed the Three E's of Effective Discipline, which are basically this:On a beautiful bed of empathy, we explore, we explain, and we empower.Sarah: Ooh, I love that.Dr. Justin: Explore basically means I sit down with my child at an appropriate time.Because we always try to fix things right here, right now.Sometimes we need to, but often intervention simply to make sure people and property aren't hurt—that's all you need.Then you can say to your child:“We'll have a chat about this later when nobody's got a head full of steam.”Kick it down the road.You don't have to fix things right here, right now. Most of the time, it's just not necessary.So once everyone is calm, you explore.You say:“Hey, I've noticed there's been a lot of tension in our home lately between you and your brother.”Or:“Have you noticed that for the last few weeks we've had so much conflict about screens?”And your child says, “Yeah.”And you say:“I just want to listen because parenting's about parents, right? I must be getting something wrong here. Can you help me understand what I'm missing? Where am I going wrong? What's the real problem from your perspective?”Now, there are three things that make this better.Number one: never do it with an audience.Kids always want to save face. They don't feel competent when we start these conversations in front of other people.Number two: have some treats.Because once you're feeding them, they're like:“Oh, I'm not in trouble. We're just chatting, and there are cookies,” or a thick shake, or something like that.And number three: take notes.When you're trying to solve problems—and that's really what discipline is—The Three E's of Effective Discipline are about problem-solving.Discipline—meaning helping, teaching, guiding, instructing—is really about solving problems.So if I want to solve problems effectively in my home—if I want to discipline my children well—I'm trying to say:“Where are you coming from? What am I missing?”When you take notes on what your kids are saying, it's amazing how much information they give you because they realize:You're really listening to me.Sarah: Yeah. You're taking me seriously. You're writing down what I say.Dr. Justin: They're blown away by it.So they'll tell you a bunch of stuff.Now, every now and then they won't. Sometimes they'll shrug and say, “I don't know.”And you can say:“Well, if you don't know, that's fine. But if you did know…”This drives kids crazy, but it's my favorite sentence.“If you did know, what do you think the answer would be?”Sarah: Mm-hmm.Dr. Justin: And they roll their eyes.“Well, I don't know. That's what I said. If I knew, I'd tell you, but I don't know.”And I say:“I know you don't know, and I understand that if you did know, you would tell me. But if you did know, what would you tell me?”Sarah: I love that.Dr. Justin: They get this feeling—it's like this horrible psychological trick where:I don't know the answer, but if I had to come up with one, I guess I'd say this…And now the conversation starts.You get momentum.Sarah: You Jedi mind-trick them.Dr. Justin: Yeah. It's beautiful.And you write it down.At no point are you allowed to interrupt.At no point are you allowed to tell them they're wrong.At no point are you allowed to respond with your adult wisdom.You just listen.Sarah: Okay, and we're still on explore?Still on the first E?Dr. Justin: We're still on the first E.You make all these notes, and once it sounds like they've told you everything, you say:“All right. So what you're telling me is…”And then you read the notes back.This is the oldest psychological strategy in the book—I'm not saying anything new here.If they say, “Yes, that's what I'm saying,” you say:“All right. Great. I've got it.”If they say no, then you say:“Oh, what have I missed? How did I get this wrong? Clarify it for me.”And they give you more information.But there's a really valuable question at the end.When they say, “Yes, that's what I'm saying,” you ask:“Fantastic. Is there anything else?”Sarah: Mm-hmm.Dr. Justin: The power of asking that extra question is profound.It forces them to go deeper.Sometimes they'll say, “No, that's it.”But often, their first answers are shallow answers to get you off their back.They're thinking:I'm telling you what I think you want to hear.But when you say:“Got it. You're happy with this answer? Fantastic. Is there anything else going on?”That's when they look at you and think:Oh—you're actually serious about this. You really care.Sarah: And you're really listening to me.Dr. Justin: Yeah.And it's profound what children will give you after you ask, “Is there anything else?”Once you've got everything written down, confirmed, and you're clear, the next step is explain.Dr. Justin: Now, there are a couple of things around explain.Explain is basically the part where you tell them what they need to know. This is the parent bit.But all too often, we step into lecturing, and the kids fall asleep. They're like, “Oh, here we go again. I thought this was going to be different, but it's no different after all.”So there are a couple of things we need to get right here.Number one: if you're going to explain anything to your children, my recommendation is that you keep it to less than 20 seconds.Now, there's no science around this. This is just my experience in talking with parents and kids in my own family. I find that if you talk for more than 10 to 20 seconds, kids really do tune out, and it goes back to the way things have always been.The second thing is that I always ask permission.“Now that I've listened to you, Sarah, there are just one or two things I'd love to run by you about what's going on. Do you mind if I do that?”I want to make this absolutely clear: as a parent, you do not need your child's permission to tell them things. I really, absolutely, honestly believe that. As the parent, you have the right to tell them stuff they need to know.But this isn't about rights. This is about effectiveness.If I launch into, “Well, Sarah, now that I've listened to that, I get it, but I need to tell you these two things,” I'm already bringing defensiveness back into the relationship.Sarah: Mm-hmm.Dr. Justin: Barriers are coming up.Whereas if I say, “Sarah, this is so helpful. As I've listened to you, two things have come to mind. Do you mind if I share both of those with you?” Your instant response, even as I say it—I'm watching your face—Sarah: I'm nodding.Dr. Justin: And you're going—Sarah: Yeah.Dr. Justin: Yeah. I actually want to know.You're opening up your heart and mind to me, and we're just role-playing this.Sarah: Yeah, yeah. Mm-hmm.Dr. Justin: And that's what our kids do. They're like, “Oh, okay.” Because we've given them the courtesy of listening—Sarah: Well, and you're not trying to use your power over them.Dr. Justin: Exactly.This is a non-coercive, really supportive conversation.And I still haven't had this happen. A lot of parents will say, “Well, what happens if they say no?”And I'm like, “I've raised six kids, and they've never actually looked at me and said, ‘Now that I think about it, no, I don't need to know anything that you…'”They've just never done it.But even if they did—Sarah: Well, if they do, it's probably that they're—what did you say? When emotions are high, intelligence is low. Maybe it wasn't the right time to have the conversation.If they're saying no, then they're probably still angry and holding onto whatever was going on for them.Dr. Justin: Exactly.But if they're that angry, they're probably not going to have explored nicely with you anyway.Sarah: Yes, exactly. So pick—Dr. Justin: A different time.You're probably not even going to—Sarah: Get to that point. Yeah.Dr. Justin: So it's very much: keep it really short, ask permission, and then share.Sarah: Okay. So give me examples.You said, “We've been fighting about screens,” was one example. You also gave the example of, “You've been fighting a lot with your brother.”So in the explain—10 to 20 seconds—choose one of those scenarios. After hearing your child, what would you say in that 10 to 20 seconds?Dr. Justin: I did this just the other day with my 16-year-old daughter, Lily, who is on social media more than she should be. There's been some tension and conflict.I listened. She shared some ideas, and I said, “There are just a couple of things I want to run by you. Is that okay?”She said, “Sure, Dad.”I said, “Great. There are certain times when we're trying to connect or have family time, and there are certain contexts where you're on your device and we just can't reach you.”She looked at me and said, “Yeah, I know.”I said, “Okay. The second thing I want to highlight is that we've noticed you're sleeping in because, even though you're not supposed to, you've been taking your phone into your bedroom at night and staying up late scrolling. Unless I'm reading it wrong, I'm pretty sure that's what's been happening.”And she said, “No, I have been, Dad. You're right.”So it's just two really succinct sentences where I'm stating what I'm seeing. I'm sharing my experience.Sarah: Mm-hmm.Dr. Justin: If it were the sibling fighting, I'd say, “Yeah, your brother is really annoying. I get what's going on. Sometimes I wish he didn't live in our house as well.”I might have a joke with them about the challenge associated with that.And then I might say, “So when this happens, can I just share how it feels for me? It breaks my heart. I love both of you so very much, and my dream is for our family to enjoy being in one another's company and to look forward to conversations and jokes and doing the things we do. When this stuff is going on, it feels like that's a pipe dream.“And secondly, psychologically—you know I've got this PhD in psychology—I know that there's damage being done to the way your brother feels about himself. That's what I'm worried about.”So I've had both of those little conversations on two different topics, sharing two different things, and both were about 10 seconds each.Sarah: Mm-hmm.Dr. Justin: Again, it's conversational. It's not lecture-style.Sarah: And it's from the heart.I can feel it, even though this is just an example you're giving. I can feel that it's from your heart—that you're really being open and sharing with your child what your true concerns are.You're not trying to power over or control. You're really sharing a heartfelt sentiment.Dr. Justin: Yeah. Thank you. That's the goal.You won't always do that, but that's the goal.The reason there's a problem is because your values are not being upheld in the home, and you're trying to communicate that in a way that shows you honor them and that they've got a brain.Now, we've used two really grown-up versions—or teenage versions, I guess. But you can have the same conversations with three- and four-year-olds. It's just shorter. It's simpler.Usually, with those conversations, in a pretty tight timeframe—60 to 90 seconds—you've done the whole process.There is a higher-order—Sarah: Okay, so what's the third part?Dr. Justin: Just before I get to that one, if you really want to do the advanced version of explain, what I'll often do after I've explored with my child is say:“Okay, so this is the bit where I'd normally explain what's going on from my point of view. I wonder if you can tell me what you think I'm going to say here.”Sarah: Ah.Dr. Justin: And so I get them to explain the explain to me.The reason that's so effective is that whenever my mouth is the one that's moving, my brain is the one that's working.If I can get their mouth moving, their brain is doing the heavy lifting.Sarah: Love that.Dr. Justin: That's really, really effective.And then the last one—Sarah: Is empower.And you're also helping them see things and develop empathy, right? To see things from somebody else's perspective.Dr. Justin: Yes. Powerful.The last one is empower.That's literally as simple as saying, “Okay, so I get where you're coming from. We've had that conversation very thoroughly. You know what my challenge is here. What do you think we should do?”“Where do we go from here? How do we solve this in a way that we can both feel good about?”It's true that every now and then, your child will shrug their shoulders and say, “I don't know.”Or they'll shrug and say, “Well, we should just do what I want to do.”And as a parent, that's where you step in and say my favorite line:“Don't you just wish? Don't you just wish we could?”Sarah: Mm-hmm.Dr. Justin: Because—well, let me ask you, Sarah. When I say, “Don't you just wish,” or, “Wouldn't it be good if we could?”—same thing—what have I actually said?Sarah: Total empathy. Heaps of empathy.Dr. Justin: Total empathy.But I've also said something else really clearly.Sarah: That that's not going to work.Dr. Justin: Correct. The answer is no.But it's a no with so much love, kindness, empathy, and gentleness in it—Sarah: Mm-hmm.Dr. Justin: —that your child goes, “Oh, yeah. I know.”And then you say, “So let's see if we can come up with a solution that will work.”What else might work for you when it comes to your brother?What else might work for you when it comes to the party on Friday night that I'm not willing to let you go to?What else could work when it comes to our screen challenges? Because this is an ongoing issue for us, isn't it?Every now and then, you won't get an answer right away. You'll say, “Well, let's talk about it again tonight,” or, “Let's talk about it again tomorrow once you've had some time to think about it.”But I'm big on deadlines.“We need to have this worked out by the end of the weekend, okay? I don't want to go through another week of this. We've got to find a solution. If we haven't had another chat by tomorrow night, we're going to sit down and work it out then.”And I also don't have a problem at this point—Laura Walker is a researcher at BYU in Utah, and she did a study published in the Journal of Adolescence where she found that parents who use these kinds of strategies—she's not talking about the Three E's of Effective Discipline, because that's the thing I developed, but it's based on the same sort of theory that she researches—Parents who use these kinds of strategies, even when they do have to step in and say, “All right, well, we haven't come up with a solution, so it's going to be my way,” kids are much more likely to be responsive and compliant—Sarah: Mm-hmm.Dr. Justin: —because we've been through a process with them that is not autocratic. It's not authoritarian.They've felt like they had a voice. Their perspective has been seen and heard. They've had some input.And even though they don't get what they want all the time—because we're the parents, and sometimes the fact that we've climbed 47 rungs on the ladder of life and they've only climbed 13 is all we need.Sarah: That's what I call in my work the goodwill bank.When your kids experience you as collaborative, non-coercive, and not power-tripping—when they know, over the period of their childhood, that they can trust you to take their preferences into account and be respectful of them—then when you do have to say no about something, even if they don't like it, there's this goodwill bank behind you and this level of trust.When you mentioned, “You can't go to the party on Friday,” I never had that issue with my kids because everything was so collaborative.We'd have similar conversations. I didn't have—I'm not very good at thinking of things like the Three E's—but similar kinds of processes where they'd say why they wanted to go, I'd say what my concerns were, and then they'd invariably say, “Oh, yeah, you're probably right.”It was never, “You can't go.”It was, “These are my concerns. This is what I've been thinking about.”Because they experienced that whole process over years of parenting, you don't get the pushback because they don't feel like you're power-tripping them.Dr. Justin: Yeah.Sarah, I had an experience with one of my adult children who was still living at home. I think she was maybe 19 or 20 when this happened.She wanted to go and do something, and I said to her, “You're an adult. You do get to choose for yourself whether you will do this or not, but I've got some really big concerns about you doing it.“I actually think you're putting yourself into a dangerous situation. There's some history, some volatility, and some challenges if you go and involve yourself in this particular activity. Tell me why this is so important to you.”So she walked me through it, and I said, “Okay, I get it. How do my concerns stack up against your desire to be there?”And she said, “Dad, I get what you're saying, but I want to go.”And I said, “Okay, so…”You used that beautiful term, the goodwill bank. I can't remember exactly what my words were, but I'm going to use your term right now, because I essentially said:“I'm going to use the goodwill I've built up with you over the last however many years and step in really firmly and say you're making a mistake.“As your dad, even though you're an adult, I want to forbid you to go. That's how strongly I feel about this. To the degree that I can, I forbid it.“Ultimately, you will choose because you are an adult, but I don't want you there.”Sarah: I'm going on the record.Dr. Justin: Yeah, yeah.“I need you to trust that this is a bad idea. We can come up with any number of other activities you could do instead, with different people in a different location, but this is a bad idea, and you have none of my support should you go.“If you go and something goes wrong, you call me and I'll come rescue you. But it is a bad idea, and I forbid it.”And I couldn't believe I was saying those words. I've never said them in my life, and now I was saying them to an adult.But she looked at me and said, “Okay.”Sarah: Mm-hmm.Dr. Justin: She didn't fight me. She didn't say, “I can do what—”Sarah: No, because you built up the history with her of how she experienced you.Dr. Justin: Yeah. She was like, “Wow, this is serious. He's never said that before. If he feels that strongly, maybe he's right. Maybe I need to find an alternative.”So anyway, that's the Three E's of Effective Discipline.I feel like I've talked too much, Sarah. I wanted to be much more conversational, but I get carried away when we—Sarah: No, no. I love it.I feel like it's very complementary to the things that I teach, and you've given me some new things to teach parents as well.I love having sort of snappy—the Three E's of Discipline. I think that's great. I love it. I'll share it.Dr. Justin: Yeah, please. Absolutely.It's helped so many millions of parents.Sarah: Yeah.Well, I love that we've connected across the world—from the other side of the world to each other—and I look forward to hopefully talking to you again in March of 2027 when your book Boys comes out.I figured we were going to talk about that, but we had such a lovely conversation about peaceful parenting, discipline, and—oh my God, it's gone right out of my head—Dr. Justin: Self-determination theory.Sarah: Self-determination theory.I think it was a really great conversation, and I really appreciate you sharing all of your experience and wisdom.Dr. Justin: I loved the conversation.Like I said, it was too one-sided. I wish we'd been able to go backward and forward a bit more, but let's do it again.Let's chat again next year when the book comes out, and we'll talk about boys and how to help them.There's so much talk about toxic masculinity.Sarah: Mm-hmm.Dr. Justin: Wouldn't it be great if we could give them a view of healthy masculinity—a model of that to follow?That's what my book is all about: how we can guide boys into a healthy form of masculinity.Sarah: Well, for folks in Australia, your book is coming out in June 2026. For folks in North America, it's not coming out until spring 2027.So I will definitely be ringing you up and having you come back on to talk about the book when you've got your North American release. I know we're going to have a great conversation then.Before I let you go, though, I have a question that I ask all my podcast guests:If you had a time machine and you could go back and tell your younger parent self something, what advice would you give yourself?Dr. Justin: Jean-Jacques Rousseau said there is—I can't remember the quote exactly—but: What wisdom is there that is greater than kindness?I've paraphrased it. It's not perfect, but it's something along those lines.Interestingly, Rousseau had, I think, five children—maybe six—and he put them all into orphanages somewhere in the first 18 months of their lives so he could spend more time writing and focusing on how to be a good person, which I just find criminal. I can't believe it.So take it for what it's worth, but “What wisdom is there that's greater than kindness?” is what Rousseau said.I've mentioned this idea of soft eyes a couple of times. If I could go back, I would teach myself about kindness. I'd teach myself about many of the things we've talked about today.But I just want to quickly share the story of soft eyes.As an academic, I want everything I say to be evidence-based. There is no evidence that I'm aware of where people have done any kind of randomized controlled trial where parents are asked to interact with their children with soft eyes, neutral eyes, hard eyes, or anything like that.Soft eyes is this idea—I was giving a presentation at a public library one time, and an elderly lady stepped into the back of the room, sat down, and listened to the last 25 or 30 minutes of my presentation. She must have liked what she could hear from the corridor outside, and she stepped in to listen.After everybody had left, she walked over to me and said, “I really enjoyed what you shared. I'd love to tell you something my grandmother said to me.”So we're going back into the early 1900s.Her grandmother said, “Whenever you're talking to your children about matters of discipline, make sure you have soft eyes.”And I thought, I really like that.Because if you try to have a conversation with somebody and your eyes are soft, you just can't say mean things. You can't say harsh things. You can't have harsh thoughts.If you soften your eyes, your face softens and your heart softens. You have this beautiful compassion and kindness, this ability to see the best in them rather than the worst in them, to assume positive intent.There's something gorgeous about soft eyes.So I would go back and quote Rousseau better than I just quoted him to you, and I would tell my younger self that soft eyes will make a tremendous impact on all of my relationships.Sarah: Ah.There's an American—I don't know if you've heard of him in Australia—but he's a pretty well-known marriage counselor, Terry Real.Dr. Justin: Oh, yeah. I quote him in my book.Sarah: Yeah, yeah. He does a lot of work about—well, he says something like, “There's nothing that harshness can accomplish that kindness can't accomplish better.”Dr. Justin: That's so beautiful.Sarah: Mm-hmm.Dr. Justin: Thank you. That's inspiring. I'm so glad you shared that.Sarah: Yeah. I love it.It's hard to remember, but I think it is true. And I wish that—and I know the world needs a dose of that right now.Dr. Justin: Yeah. Yeah.Sarah: One hundred percent.Well, thank you so much.Where's the best place for folks to go and find out more about you and what you do?Dr. Justin: Probably my podcast, the Happy Families Podcast. My wife and I drop a 15-minute nugget of parenting wisdom every day, five days a week.Sarah: Oh, wow!Dr. Justin: Yeah. It's a lot of content, but it's bite-sized chunks, and it's entertaining. We're fun. We get to do it together.And the Happy Families Podcast. I've got a website called happyfamilies.com.au, but basically, if you like what we've talked about—Sarah: We'll link to all of that in the show notes. We'll link to your website and your podcast, and I'm sure it's easy to find you.Dr. Justin: That sounds great. Thanks, Sarah.Sarah: Thank you so much.Dr. Justin: What a great, great conversation. Lovely to be with you.Reimagine Peaceful Parenting with Sarah Rosensweet Substack is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit sarahrosensweet.substack.com/subscribe

In this episode, I reflect on a recent keynote I delivered in Singapore, exploring the shared challenges impacting teacher and student engagement. Drawing on Self-Determination Theory, I unpack the three psychological needs that drive motivation—autonomy, competence, and relatedness—and explain how these needs shape what we see as engagement in classrooms and schools. Too often, we treat engagement as a student issue, but teacher and student engagement are deeply interconnected and influenced by the same system-level conditions. I share practical examples to illustrate how rigid structures, one-size-fits-all design, and limited opportunities for connection can undermine motivation for both groups. If we want to reignite engagement, we have to move beyond compliance and intentionally design learning experiences that give both teachers and students a sense of control, confidence, and connection.

Go to www.LearningLeader.com/becoming to learn more about "The Price of Becoming." -- My new book!   Clark Lea is the head football coach at Vanderbilt… He's led one of the best turnaround stories in college football. He got hired as head coach in 2021 to inherit a program that had gone winless the year before. What he's built since is remarkable: a 40–35 upset of No. 1 Alabama, back-to-back SEC Coach of the Year awards, and Vanderbilt's first 10-win season in program history. He's won games and changed the culture. Key Learnings Better people make a better team. Development in one area is development in all areas. We're trained to see life in separate lanes (coach here, husband here, father here, student here, athlete here), but when you live that way, you're in constant conflict. Instead, see each person as a circle where all those roles define who we are, and development in one area is development in all areas. Show up on time, deliver on time, engage resources. If you show up on time, turn your work in on time, and engage the resources that are here to help you, you're not just going to survive, you're going to thrive. This is what it takes to be a great football player and a great student. "We are not victims in this process." After missing the playoffs, Clark told his team: This is the ground we stand on, this is who we are. Let's be really proud of what we accomplished, but also acknowledge we've fallen short, and that is no one else's fault. Vanderbilt football doesn't need to complain loud enough to get someone to change their mind. We need to play better football. The joy we can experience is equal and opposite to the pain we can experience. In athletics, you're suspended between the pain and the joy, and the depths of that pain can be excruciating. But the joy we get to experience together in a shared way is unbelievable. The entry fee is the acceptance of that. ?This is exactly where we're supposed to be because there are no mistakes." Driving into work the day Vanderbilt didn't make the playoffs, Clark realized: this is actually exactly where we're supposed to be because there are no mistakes. As a leader, they have to know who you are. How do you coach a team and make sure your personality shows up on the field? As a head coach, being open, honest, and exposed in front of the team is essential to leadership philosophy. Take new players through your entire story. Clark does an intake meeting with new players every year that runs an hour and a half. He starts with an image of himself as a kid and takes them through high school, college, his career journey, where he met his wife, where they got married, where each of his kids was born, the highs, lows, all of it. Then he takes them through the state of the program when he got here and every team since. Share your family with them. Clark's kids are around all the time, his wife comes out to practice, and they talk about things in an open and honest way. That's a gateway to really meaningful relationships, and that's been the bedrock of this program build. "Change is hard. Change is painful. Are you willing to go to the hard places?" This job has been a personal evolution for Clark, which has allowed for program evolution. He had to change, and he didn't know about going to the hard places until he took this job. When you get so obsessed with long-term goals, you leverage the moment in such a way that makes it impossible to breathe. Clark thought he was going to be a major league baseball player. He went to Birmingham Southern, won the NAIA World Series, but his skills were diminishing. He was experiencing the yips, a mental block, because he was holding it too tight. Even though you change places, your problems will follow you. Clark transferred to Belmont for a fresh start, but his skills diminished even further. It was humiliating and challenging to his identity. That year was really difficult. "Relatedness is our edge." Brotherhood is the most overused word; family is overused. Relatedness is this shared experience we have, a sense of belonging and community, a deep respect, a foundational respect. Once we learn how to see each other at that depth and understand one another and care for one another and fight for one another, we carry that as an edge in our performance. "Belief is a practice." Clark said four years ago that they're building the best program in the country, and everyone laughed except people internally. The phrasing is important: "We are building the best." That means it's early stages. Hope is passive; belief is an active decision. Hope is passive; belief is an active decision. When you hope for something, you kind of sit back, and you go, man, I hope that's the case. Belief is, I believe this is the case, so here's the thing I'm going to invest in that puts me on the pathway to actualizing that outcome. If the belief isn't there, your tolerance for sacrifice won't be there. You're going to see the entry fee, and you're going to hope that it happens. When we take belief into a practice, we make it happen. "I don't have to be bigger, faster, stronger in my role anymore, but I need to suffer." Anyone on an aspirational journey makes sacrifices. Clark's tolerance for suffering shows up in getting in the weight room and training, eating habits, social habits. "Make sure before you give the thumbs up that you get your skis up." Clark's dad taught him water skiing: if your skis are parallel or pointed downwards, you're going to go up and over those skis and just be dragged in the wake of the boat. As a leader, once Clark gets in the building, his time belongs to everybody else. He has to have his skis up in the morning. If you're late at night drinking, you're not going to be able to have that time in the morning to prepare yourself to be what I need to be for others. There's sacrifice, but it's also joyful. Sacrifice isn't something you have to do; it's actually what makes us special. "Head, body, head, body." This is from the movie The Fighter. This is Clark's mantra that puts you in the present: no matter what's happened, I'm not going to focus on what's come before, we're not going to forecast, we're going to be right where our feet are, and we're gonna remember the plan. Body shots accumulate. You can't knock the opponent out in one punch. Be the chief alignment officer and the chief reminding officer. Mike McDonald (Seahawks HC) said these are two of his primary roles. Clark uses the spear as a representation of alignment: the spear has to move in one direction to be effective. It doesn't matter what you say as a head coach in the team room if it's not taken into the tightest echo chambers. That environment's not powerful enough to inspire action. The culture of a school is defined in the classroom. For Clark, if what he says isn't taken to the position groups and reinforced, then driven into behavior, they're going to lose alignment and lose focus. "The culture of a school is defined in the classroom. Good teachers make for a good experience. Poor teachers make for challenging experiences." You can never tire of driving the standards and behaviors. The reminding part is: how tired can you get of driving the standards and behaviors? The skill becomes, can we focus on the things that impact winning? Let me focus on the things that are most important and let me be relentless in making sure those show up. Clark is reminding coaches, players, staff, all of it, and helping them and guiding them into driving accountability within their spaces. Then he has to let the program breathe a little bit. Performance can't be tight, it can't be restrictive. Clark needs his guys to bring their unique personalities and their creative energy that makes it so much more fun, and it shows up on the field. Let me remind you of who we are and what we do and how we do these things and how it impacts winning. But then let me let you be yourself and bring your personality and help us elevate this program, not just be a part of it. "Coach, I look forward to coming to Vanderbilt to help you win championships." When Diego Pavia got off the phone with Clark after their first conversation, he said this in the most genuine way. Clark had spent a lot of time trying to convince a lot of people of what was possible at Vanderbilt, and that felt like the first time that someone was meeting him right where he was. "The world doesn't need a watered down Diego Pavia." When Diego's at his best, he's being himself. It's also important to have boundaries, and without conflict, there's erosion. So you have to fight for those boundaries.  "We really are a group of misfits." Brian Longwell, one of their linebackers, commented during a team building exercise. A five star coming to Vanderbilt is not your typical five star. That choice in and of itself is the acceptance of a challenge. The misfit ignores the external and tends to the internal." As we elevate our people, we don't ever lose our identity. As long as they're true to who they are, the people they accept in this program will quickly get in lockstep with where they're moving. Reflection Questions What area of your life are you treating as separate from the others? Development in one area is development in all areas. How would this shift change your approach? Are you practicing hope or practicing belief? Hope is passive, belief is active. What would change if you made the shift? Do you have your skis up in the morning? What sacrifices do you need to make the night before to be what you need to be for others? More Learning: #062: Jim Tessel - Servant Leadership Through Coaching #325: Ron Ullery - Demanding Excellence & Delayed Gratification #503 - Sherri Coale - The Art of Asking & Winning On & Off the Court Audio Chapters: 00:00 The Price of Becoming 01:10 The Turnaround at Vanderbilt 02:48 Coaching Network and Mentors 04:48 Winning with Academic Standards 07:48 Have a No Victim Mindset 11:56 Leaders Must Share Your Story 17:27 Relatedness Is Our Edge 18:44 Belief Is a Practice 21:30 Belief As Practice 23:13 Sacrifice And Suffering 24:30 Do You Have Your Skis Up? 26:05 The Head-Body Mantra 27:35 Leaders Must Align And Remind 31:53 Quarterback Diego Pavia 34:33 Misfits And Five Stars 35:48 EOPC

SHOWNOTES:Die 5 Grundbedürfnisse nach SCARFIn dieser Folge schauen wir auf das SCARF-Modell – also auf die fünf sozialen Trigger Status, Certainty, Autonomy, Relatedness und Fairness – und warum Menschen in Gesprächen plötzlich dichtmachen oder aufblühen. Du erfährst, wie Sprache im Gehirn entweder Bedrohung auslöst oder Sicherheit und Zugehörigkeit erzeugt – und welche kleinen Formulierungen dabei einen riesigen Unterschied machen.----------------------------------------------------------------------SCARF-Modell hier downloaden----------------------------------------------------------------------Interessierst du dich für ein 1:1 - Coaching oder ein Workshop-Angebot?⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Buche hier jetzt dein kostenloses Beratungsgespräch mit Michael⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Kämpfst du mit Lampenfieber oder Redeangst?Ratgeber "LAMPENFIEBER ALS SUPERKRAFT" downloaden⁠:Du möchtest mehr erfahren?⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Hier gehts zu ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Michaels Website ⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Your brain doesn't “age out” of growth. With Dr. David Rock of the Neuroleadership Institute, Pauline James unpacks the science showing why learning capacity stays strong well into our later years and how motivation, novelty, and meaningful challenge keep cognition sharp. We share the practical moves that help senior talent thrive: mentoring that activates reward networks, reverse mentoring that speeds up tech fluency, and role design that pairs purpose with autonomy so wisdom spreads across the organization.We also tackle the AI inflection point. David lays out why knowledge capture through expert models can enhance onboarding and decision quality, yet still needs human judgment to assess context and risk. Think of AI like early cars: powerful, fast, and dangerous without rules. Used well, AI becomes a thinking partner that stretches ideas and sparks insights; used poorly, it flattens memory and voice. We dig into three habits—humility, flexibility, vigilance—that keep you creative and accurate while scaling your impact.If you're considering a pivot or planning for retirement, the SCARF model (Status, Certainty, Autonomy, Relatedness, Fairness) offers a map to reduce threat and add buffers long before a big change. Build multiple social networks, choose ways to give back that keep you in novel situations, and design mentoring or teaching roles that feel consequential. Leaders can help by creating formal coaching systems, giving rich context for projects, and encouraging people to cultivate status and relationships a year or more ahead of transitions.We close with resources to go deeper—Your Brain at Work, askNiles.ai, and NLI programs—and a reminder that later-career work can be the most fulfilling chapter yet. Subscribe, share with a colleague who needs a nudge, and leave a review with one insight you're taking into your next chapter.Support the showFeature Your Brand on the HRchat PodcastThe HRchat show has had 100,000s of downloads and is frequently listed as one of the most popular global podcasts for HR pros, Talent execs and leaders. It is ranked in the top ten in the world based on traffic, social media followers, domain authority & freshness. The podcast is also ranked as the Best Canadian HR Podcast by FeedSpot and one of the top 10% most popular shows by Listen Score. Want to share the story of how your business is helping to shape the world of work? We offer sponsored episodes, audio adverts, email campaigns, and a host of other options. Check out packages here.Follow us on LinkedInSubscribe to our newsletterCheck out our in-person events

Exploring Wellbeing, Motivation, and Lifelong Learning with Dr. Oksana BabenkoIn this episode of The Girl Doc Survival Guide, Christine welcomes Dr. Oksana Babenko, an Associate Professor at the University of Alberta, to discuss themes of wellbeing, motivation, and lifelong learning. Dr. Babenko shares her personal journey from the Soviet Union to Canada, her academic inspirations, and how her experiences in sports have shaped her approach to challenges and burnout. The conversation delves into her research on the importance of exercise in managing burnout among medical students and professionals. Dr. Babenko emphasizes individualized approaches to maintaining psychological needs, the significance of a mastery mindset, and the value of staying curious in a complex world.00:00 Introduction and Guest Welcome00:35 Personal Anecdotes and Academic Journey02:36 Path to Canada and Research Interests04:19 Wellbeing, Motivation, and Lifelong Learning05:09 Exercise as a Preventive Measure for Burnout10:27 The Importance of Consistency and Intentionality12:19 Autonomy, Competence, and Relatedness14:36 Mastery Mindset and Need Crafting15:42 Final Thoughts and Staying Curious

In this episode, Oscar is joined in his podquest to 'learn everything about #gamedev you never dared to ask' by Harry Phokou, host of The Gaming Playbook, where we talk about how and importantly why to use LinkedIn and other platforms to build up your profile through Authority; Relatedness and Reciprocation.

In this episode, Dr. Stuart Slavin speaks with Dr. Adam Neufeld, family physician and clinical assistant professor at the University of Calgary. Drawing on his research in Self-Determination Theory (SDT), Dr. Neufeld explains how autonomy, competence, and relatedness—the three universal psychological needs—shape motivation, engagement, and well-being in medical education and practice. Together they explore how supporting these needs can foster authentic motivation, enhance learning environments, and counteract burnout. Dr. Neufeld also clarifies common misconceptions about autonomy, shares practical strategies for educators and leaders, and discusses how small changes in communication and structure can transform both teaching and workplace culture. Podcast Chapters (00:00) – Intro & Guest Background (01:08) – Introducing Self-Determination Theory (SDT) (01:50) – Core Psychological Needs: Autonomy, Competence, and Relatedness (03:25) – SDT and Its Connection to Well-Being and Flourishing (04:46) – Applying SDT to Healthcare and Medical Training (03:25) – SDT, Motivation Quality, and Flourishing (04:46) – Applying SDT in Healthcare and Medical Training (05:36) – Balancing Humanistic Values and Performance Outcomes (06:57) – Redefining Autonomy: Independence, Volition, and Confidence (09:49) – Supporting Autonomy in Learning and Program Culture (13:00) – How Institutional Culture Impacts Motivation and Engagement (16:03) – The Motivation Continuum: From External Pressure to Intrinsic Drive (19:58) – Shifts Toward Extrinsic Motivation in Learners and Faculty (23:50) – Closing Remarks & Resources

In this episode:Listen to the third episode in our Motivation Matters Mini Series. We talk about:We continue our conversation about motivation and why it matters in your upper elementary literacy classroom. We also talk about how to cultivate relatedness and autonomy in your literacy classroom. Links to resources mentioned in the podcast:Black Friday Solutions mentioned in the episode:Done-With-You Mini-Lesson 1:1 Coaching. My Launching Independent Reading On Demand Workshop Teaching main idea and summarizingBlack Friday Bundle.Grab my free guide for keeping your mini lesson mini Book a discovery call for one on one coaching or school professional developmentNext Steps: If this episode resonated with you, take a screenshot of the episode and tag me on instagram @msevamireles. This helps my show remain active in order to continue to help other upper elementary teachers get ideas they can use in their class today.The Reading Teacher's Playbook Search for my show on iTunes or Stitcher.Click on ‘Ratings and Reviews.'Under ‘Customer Reviews,' click on “Write a Review.”Sign in with your iTunes or Stitcher log-in infoLeave a Rating: Tap the greyed out stars (5 being the best)Leave a Review: Type in a Title and Description of your thoughts on my podcastClick ‘Send'Leave a Rating and Review:

Dr James Hewitt is a Human Performance Scientist, speaker, and author. James combines first-hand experience as a full-time racing cyclist with ground-breaking work and research, proven on Formula 1 tracks and with Fortune 500 companies, to provide actionable, inspiring, science-backed insights at the intersection of leadership, wellbeing, peak performance, and the future of work. In this Leadership Enigma conversation, Dr James Hewitt unpacks what sustainable high performance really looks like in an always-on world. We explore how leaders can raise the bar without raising everyone's blood pressure—by designing work around human needs, protecting recovery, and building cultures that get sharper under stress. You'll hear why sleep is a leadership skill (not a luxury), how psychological safety with standards turns candour into results, and why the smartest teams aim beyond resilience toward robustness and antifragility. Expect evidence, practical tools, and the invitations leaders need to hear right now. Key Learning Points (for Leaders)

Send us a textSupport the showEarly Access Membership (for avid listeners and those who want all my podcasts early!) $10/month or $100 a year WhatsApp: +66 (Thailand) 06 3359 0002Emails: Arseniobuck@icloud.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thearsenioseslpodcast/Second Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/arsenioseslpodcastt/ Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCIzp4EdbJVMhhSnq_0u4ntA

In this reflection I consider this podcast and my learning around authenticity and vulnerability. I also discuss my plans for behavioral change.   Supporting themes: Family time; Anger; Trauma and the disconnected self; Digital presentations; Healthy vulnerability vs unhealthy vulnerability.  Note 1: This episode marks the start to Season 11. Note 2: This reflection was influenced in part by Jeanne Ormrod ("Human Learning"). Note 3: I briefly mentioned INTJ-Jon (Just Call Me Jon from YouTube). Typology: INTJ and Type 8 Relatedness; Type 5 Mistyping for INTJs; Big brother Te and Little Sister Fi.

Every parent hits that moment — the eye roll, the “you’re so unfair,” the slammed door. It’s the backchat that drives us up the wall. But what if we told you that this so-called “sass” is actually a sign of something good? In today’s episode, Justin and Kylie unpack why backchat is one of the most misunderstood parts of child development — and how you can respond in a way that strengthens your relationship, rather than wrecking it. We share 3 practical mindset shifts and 4 go-to scripts you can use today to turn attitude into connection and cooperation. Yes, even when the sass is strong. KEY POINTS: Backchat is often a clumsy expression of unmet needs — not a sign of defiance Reframing disrespect as a lack of skills (not a lack of values) changes everything Power struggles escalate when we seek control instead of connection Meeting autonomy, relatedness, and competence needs helps reduce pushback Get curious, not furious — especially when emotions are high Four practical scripts help parents respond with connection, not control QUOTE OF THE EPISODE: “Disrespect often isn’t deliberate — it’s just clumsy communication from a kid who doesn’t yet have the skills to do it better.” RESOURCES MENTIONED: The 3 Basic Psychological Needs: Autonomy, Relatedness, Competence The “Get Curious, Not Furious” principle happyfamilies.com.au for more resources and support ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS: Reframe backchat as a sign of emotional overwhelm or unmet needs Use validating language like “Sometimes it feels like I’m your enemy, doesn’t it?” Offer autonomy with choices (“I don’t mind when you do it — just have it done by dinner”) Give in fantasy what they can’t have in reality to lighten the moment Use the 3 E’s Script: “Sounds like you’re really frustrated... will you help me see what’s bothering you?” Set boundaries with respect: “I’m going to give you a chance to rethink that and try again in harmony with our values.” See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Stephen Grootes discusses Self-Determination Theory with organisational behaviour specialist Siphiwe Moyo, exploring how fulfilling three core needs—competence, autonomy, and relatedness—can drive motivation and engagement, and practical ways leaders can support these needs to foster a thriving environment. The Money Show is a podcast hosted by well-known journalist and radio presenter, Stephen Grootes. He explores the latest economic trends, business developments, investment opportunities, and personal finance strategies. Each episode features engaging conversations with top newsmakers, industry experts, financial advisors, entrepreneurs, and politicians, offering you thought-provoking insights to navigate the ever-changing financial landscape. Thank you for listening to a podcast from The Money Show Listen live Primedia+ weekdays from 18:00 and 20:00 (SA Time) to The Money Show with Stephen Grootes broadcast on 702 https://buff.ly/gk3y0Kj and CapeTalk https://buff.ly/NnFM3Nk For more from the show, go to https://buff.ly/7QpH0jY or find all the catch-up podcasts here https://buff.ly/PlhvUVe Subscribe to The Money Show Daily Newsletter and the Weekly Business Wrap here https://buff.ly/v5mfetc The Money Show is brought to you by Absa Follow us on social media 702 on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TalkRadio702702 on TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@talkradio702702 on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/talkradio702/702 on X: https://x.com/CapeTalk702 on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@radio702 CapeTalk on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/CapeTalkCapeTalk on TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@capetalkCapeTalk on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/CapeTalk on X: https://x.com/Radio702CapeTalk on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@CapeTalk567 See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

You're crushing goals, checking boxes, and showing up for everyone—except yourself. Why do we feel so empty even when we're performing at a high level? In this episode of Love & Life Elevated, we dive deep into the science of motivation (Self-Determination Theory), the soul practice of presence, and how to stop solving everything except what's happening inside of you. This is your permission to come back home to yourself.

BONUS: Why Your Teams Really Resist Change, The Neuroscience of Leadership That Nobody Taught You With Andra Stefanescu In this BONUS episode, we explore the challenges leaders face during transformations with leadership coach Andra Stefanescu. Drawing from her extensive research and coaching experience, Andra shares powerful insights on fostering psychological safety, understanding brain-based responses to change, and developing the emotional intelligence needed to lead effectively. She reveals practical frameworks and techniques that help leaders navigate resistance and build meaningful connections with their teams. The Leadership Challenge of Transformation "People are giving resistance... and in general, leaders are feeling overwhelmed in times of changes, whatever those changes are." Resistance and overwhelm are the two biggest challenges leaders face during transformations. Through her research and coaching work across different industries, Andra has found that leaders often feel powerless when their teams resist change. This resistance stems from basic psychological needs not being met. Leaders can overcome these challenges by understanding the different psychological needs of their team members and adapting their communication accordingly. By using specific frameworks, leaders can address resistance more effectively and rediscover their passion for leadership. Understanding the Brain's Response to Change "When something is changed, whatever that is... what your brain perceives is like a threat because the one question that we put all day long in our brains is: is this safe for me?" The brain naturally resists change because it prefers routine and automation. When facing transformation, people instinctively question whether the change is safe, which triggers resistance. This creates a challenging dynamic where leaders experiencing their own fear and resistance become less able to empathize with their team's concerns. Andra emphasizes the importance of leaders "putting their own mask on first" by acknowledging their own feelings and ensuring they're in the right state of mind before attempting to lead others through change. The Middle Manager's Dilemma "Middle managers are in the middle, they have high pressure from above, high pressure from down... And this is where they arrive in this powerless situation, where they ask themselves, how can I make this work?" One common scenario Andra encounters is middle managers feeling trapped between conflicting demands. They face pressure from upper management to implement changes quickly while experiencing resistance from their teams below. This position often leads to feelings of powerlessness and diminished job satisfaction. Andra notes that despite the depth of this challenge, it can be addressed through techniques that help leaders recalibrate themselves and improve communication with others. Fostering Psychological Safety Through Emotional Intelligence "Employees who report to have a leader with low emotional intelligence are four times more likely to leave the company within one year." Emotional intelligence is increasingly recognized as a critical leadership skill. Andra's research shows that 31% of employees who experience burnout report lacking support or recognition from leadership. She approaches developing emotional intelligence through guided self-reflection rather than external assessment, helping leaders gain insights about their communication patterns and relationships. Psychological safety doesn't happen by default—it requires active work and maintenance from leaders. The SCARF Model for Better Leadership "There are specific buttons that you press positively or negatively, and when you press them positively, you are most probably meeting also the psychological needs of the people." Andra recommends the SCARF model developed by Dr. David Rock as a practical framework for leadership communication. This model identifies five key domains that affect how people collaborate: Status, Certainty, Autonomy, Relatedness, and Fairness. By understanding and addressing these domains positively, leaders can better meet their team members' psychological needs. Additionally, she recommends the Process Communication Model (PCM), which helps leaders identify different personality types and adapt their communication accordingly. Connect Before Collaborate "Put the relationship above your agenda because it's more important to have a long-term relationship than to achieve whatever you wanted to go through with." One powerful principle Andra teaches is to connect before attempting to collaborate. Too often, leaders jump straight into tasks or discussions without first establishing a connection, failing to consider the other person's current state of mind. By asking simple questions like "What's on your mind today?" or "What is your intention for this meeting?", leaders can build psychological safety and maintain relationships that endure beyond immediate goals. This approach recognizes that workplace relationships should be viewed as long-term investments rather than transactional encounters. Sustainable Leadership Development "Ask: why do I get resistance? How can I communicate in a way that I get followers instead of resistance?" For sustainable growth, Andra encourages leaders to reflect on why they encounter resistance and how they might communicate differently to inspire followers instead. Self-awareness is crucial—leaders need to understand their own communication patterns and leadership styles before they can effectively influence others. By learning frameworks based on neuroscience and practicing new communication techniques, leaders can create environments where both they and their teams thrive during transformations. Recommended Resources To better understand how change affects our brain, Andra recommends Your Brain at Work by Dr. David Rock.   About Andra Stefanescu Andra is a leadership coach and facilitator specializing in brain-based ways to foster psychological safety and team collaboration. She helps leaders navigate transformation challenges with playful, neuroscience-driven techniques. Passionate about creating healthy workplace relationships, Andra empowers teams to resolve conflicts, make better decisions, and experience meaningful growth through customized training experiences. You can link with Andra Stefanescu on LinkedIn and follow Andra Stefanescu on Substack.

Welcome back to Season 13 of the Neuroscience Meets Social and Emotional Learning Podcast! In this episode, we explore Part 3 of our review of Grant Bosnick's book on self-leadership, focusing on Chapters 10 to 13. Discover how the latest neuroscience research can enhance your skills in persuasion, time management, change, and agility. Dive deep into the nuances of persuasion and influence, learn effective time management techniques, understand the brain's response to change, and enhance your mental and physical agility. Join us as we uncover insightful strategies to apply in your leadership journey. And we will now resume PART 3 of our 4-PART review, to sum up last year, 2024, and our entire year studying one book, Grant Bosnick's “Tailored Approaches to Self-Leadership: A Bite Size Approach Using Psychology and Neuroscience” that we first dove into with our interview on EP #321[i] the end of January 2024. The goal was that each week, we focused on learning something new, (from Grant's book) tied to the most current neuroscience research, that builds off the prior week, to help take us to greater heights this year. It honestly shocked me that this series took the entire year. We began with PART 1[ii] and the first 5 chapters of the book. PART 2[iii] we reviewed chapters 6-9 of Grant Bosnick's Tailored Approaches to Self-Leadership, and today, PART 3, today, we will review chapters 10-13. We will finish with PART 4, Chapters 14-16 after we release our FIRST interview of 2025, coming next weekend.                                                                                  ((On today's EPISODE #357 PART 3 of our review of Grant Bosnick's Tailored Approaches to Self-Leadership, we will cover)): ✔ EP 336 Chapter 10[iv]“The Neuroscience of Persuasion and Influence” ✔ EP 337 Chapter 11[v] “The Neuroscience of Time Management” ✔ EP 339 Chapter 12[vi] “The Neuroscience of Change” ✔ EP 342 Chapter 13[vii]    “Mastering Mental and Physical Agility” If you have not yet taken the leadership self-assessment, or if you would like to re-take it to see if the results are different for you than last year, you can click the link here to find the quick test. I re-took the assessment for 2025, and did notice some similarities and some differences. See what you notice about yourself. I noticed that pathways 2 and 3 are my high areas of focus this year, and that I can drop pathway 6 from my focus. What about you? If you have a few minutes to spare, take this leadership self-assessment again, and see if you notice any changes in your areas of focus for 2025. Did any of your pathways shift for you, since last year? This is an incredible way to be laser focused on pathways that will move the needle of success for YOU this year. ✔ EP 336 Chapter 10 “The Neuroscience of Persuasion and Influence” On this episode, we looked at Jack Carew's classic book from 1987 called You'll Never Get No For an Answer that was covered on EP 176.[viii] Carew looked at the unique strategies that American Author and Salesman Og Mandino encouraged us all to read to improve our communication and influence with others and I noticed that Strategy 2 was to stop looking out for number one and always look for how you can help others first. So, after noticing this, I went straight to Chapter 10 of Grant Bosnick's book, on “Persuade and Influence” to see what he had to say on this topic. Right off the bat, in the opening of this chapter, Bosnick asks us to think about how we would persuade someone else to do something, like give you a pen you would like to have, for example, or ask for a promotion, or ask someone to do something you would like them to do. Then he differentiates the word persuade that he says “we can think of as quick, more direct, more for short-term or immediate gain” (Chapter 10, Bosnick, Tailored Approaches to Self-Leadership) while influence he says “is softer, more subtle, much more for longer term and lasting gain.” (Chapter 10, Bosnick, Tailored Approaches to Self-Leadership) Persuasion Bosnick says is “more tactical, whereas influence is strategic.”  He gives us the history of persuasion, explaining its origin from the early Greek Philosophers, and that Aristotle wrote about three modes of persuasion: logos (that's about logic and reason), pathos (that's about emotion and inspiration) and ethos (that's about the speaker's own character and credibility). Thinking of Jack Carew's second tip in his book to improve our influence with others (by putting other people first) I think is a good example of a strategy that builds this concept for long-lasting gain (influence) versus persuading someone to give me something that I need for short-term, or immediate gain (like, to pass me their pen, so I can write down something important that I'll need to remember).  I want to build influence with others, that's long-term, that I think includes logic and reason (logos), emotion and inspiration (pathos) and a person's character and credibility (ethos). All 3 of the modes of persuasion, to me, make up longer term influence with someone. We learned on this episode that “There are 6 short cuts to increase the chances that someone will be persuaded or even better, influenced by us” (Robert Cialdini) We covered the first three is Robert Cialdini's book: 1. Reciprocity: We are obliged to give back, if we have been given something. Use the neuroscience of influence and persuasion, and think of ways to help others first, instead of thinking what you can gain from other people, think of what you can give to them. Always be the first to give and take the time to make sure what you are giving is actually useful to that person. This way, what you will give will have meaning to that person. 2. Scarcity. If something is scarce, we want it more. Use this by highlighting the Benefits, Uniqueness and Possible sense of Loss. Take the time to find out how what you are offering to someone else, will help them. You will need to find out what they are looking for to do this, by asking questions, and listening. Then you can “frame what you are saying/offering, so others will find it to be valuable”[ix] especially if it is something that is difficult to come by, or scarce. 3. Authority. We are more likely to comply with a request if it is coming from a perceived authority/expert. Being introduced by others FIRST is a fast way to have others learn about your expertise, making you instantly more influential and persuasive, rather than you introducing yourself. My take-away from this episode: If I want to improve my influence, it begins with understanding the wants and needs of others first (how can I help them) and then being able to say what I mean, and mean what I say. The words I speak do matter when I'm working on gaining influence.  If I'm speaking with someone, and not being completely honest, or not meaning what I say, I know that this can be felt by the other person, and it will hurt my ability to gain trust, rapport and influence. Our brains really can detect “benefits and threats”[x] and I want to be sure that I'm drawing those I want to interact with towards me, not away from me. Once I have gained influence with someone I am speaking with, then I can take my persuasion skills to the next level, and we can begin to work together on our common goals. REVISIT THIS EPISODE TO REVIEW THIS CONCEPT IN DEPTH ✔ EP 337 Chapter 11 “The Neuroscience Behind Effective Time Management” This topic we covered early on our podcast, with a video from author Kent Healy, who wrote Success Principles for Teens[xi] that he co-authored with Jack Canfield. Kent created a video for me (many years ago) that we used with students in the classroom, and I featured this video on EP 33[iv] of our podcast that was called “Time Management, the Greatest Asset We Have” and Kent gives a perspective to the amount of time we have, in a way that 15 years later, I've still not forgotten his words in this video recording. You can watch Kent's explanation of “time management”[xii] with the visuals that he provided, reminding us that “we all have the same amount of time” and he even breaks it down and tells us how many seconds we have every day (84,600 seconds to be exact) every day. While ALL the experts agree that we can't create more time, or change this number, some will say we can use our time to generate more of something else (like energy) but Kent's message was about using this time (these 84,600 seconds we have each day wisely) and focus on what we can control, and that's our personal growth. He gives an example of adding just 15 extra minutes a day towards learning something new, and that adds up to 3.8 full days a year, and asks us to think of what value we put on 15 minutes of time. I loved Kent's point of view, and always respect people who use their time wisely. Then we looked at the Neuroscience of Time Management and learned that our chronotype “the natural inclination of your body to sleep at a certain time or what people understand as being an early bird versus a night owl”[xiii] should be factored into our Time Management Strategy. We learned that “For those people who go to bed around 9:30pm-11:30pm and wake in the window of 6am-8am that there tends to be an increase in (dopamine, norepinephrine, epinephrine, 0-8 hours after waking, which leads to increases in alertness, attention and focus that are great for analytical work, great for implementation of strategies that you already understand.” Dr. Andrew Huberman with Guest Dr. Adam Grant As we are thinking about the best strategies to manage our activities, projects, the extra time that Kent Healy thinks should go to self-improvement, or even the roles we have in our personal and professional lives, in order to have access to this extra energy, and creative thinking, we will want to plan our “deep” work 0-8 hours after waking (if our chronotype is the wake up early type). So, be sure you understand your own chronotype, and factor the science into your time management strategy. This made me think of Grant Bosnick's Top Energy Drainers: Procrastination Saying Yes to Everything The Perfectionist With this extra energy, and creative thinking, (from better managing our time) I suggested to put it all into creative prolific quality work (the perfectionist in me). I thought, why not use the extra energy to combat against procrastination, while protecting our time by saying no to everything, (at first). I know we can always come back to projects that you would like to do, that have meaning to you, but by truly managing our energy and activities, we are protecting this commodity that we all have in the same amounts: time. This episode also make me think that those 84,600 seconds that Kent Healy reminded me that we all have each day, and how 15 minutes a day (that adds up to 3.8 days/year) can be used even more wisely with this understanding of The Neuroscience of Time Management. Think About These Questions: Do you value your time? Do you value other people's time? Do you think 15 minutes of time really matters? I will also add, have you ever thought of the impact of counting time, down to the amount of seconds that we have each day? How important is 20 seconds of your time? OR, 20 seconds of someone else's time? REVISIT THIS EPISODE TO REVIEW THIS CONCEPT IN DEPTH EP 339 Chapter 12 “The Neuroscience of Change” On this EP we looked at two examples of what happens to our brain when we see something our brain wasn't expecting, like a breathtaking view, or when we land the promotion we worked so hard to achieve, Bosnick explains “we feel like we got a reward. It's a rush. We get a sensation in our brain and a hit of the big neurochemicals” dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin, norephinephrine, adrenaline.” (Page 132, Ch 12, Bosnick, Tailored Approaches to Self-Leadership). However, on the other hand, when we see a bear in the woods, (or snake on the hiking trails), or we are overlooked for a promotion at work, our brain actually sees this “like it's a threat. We feel tense, stressed, pressure…our body physically feels it.” We learned that “Neuroscience has shown us, that the feeling we get from a social or emotional threat (like being passed over for the promotion) is the same as the feeling we get from a physical threat (like seeing a bear or a snake). When we see how our brain interprets “everything and everyone we meet as either a reward or a threat” we can better understand “how our body reacts, (and) our brain and mind think, (leading) to the decisions, behaviors and actions we make.” (Page 132, Ch 12, Bosnick, Tailored Approaches to Self-Leadership). Next on this EP, we reviewed Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs that led to “Self-Determination Theory” around the year 2000 where researchers found that there were “three physiological needs: the need for Competence (feeling valued for our knowledge, skills and experience), the need for Relatedness (collaborating, connecting or serving others) and the need for Autonomy (being able to exercise self-regulation…to achieve our goals.” (Page 133, Ch 12, Bosnick). We learned that when our ACRES are being met, (our autonomy, competence, relatedness, equity, and sureness) it will put us in a toward state and we will fully embrace everything ahead of us; (but) if our ACRES are threatened, it will put us in an “away state” and will then resist or block things ahead of us. Looking at Bosnick's ACRES example, we examined a work experience in our past, that we did not enjoy, to see where it went against the ACRES Model of Needs. With brain science in mind, we can gain more understanding of why we either enjoyed, or didn't enjoy this experience. It all led back to how our brain either interprets the experience as a reward, or a threat. We also looked at triggers to be aware of to mitigate threat, during times of change. Finally, we looked at how to change our nervous system, to change our actions and behaviors, so we can leave behind a legacy (or fossil record as Dr. Huberman calls it) that we are proud of. We learned that “Agitation and strain is the entry point to neuroplasticity” Dr. Huberman This is when lasting CHANGE is happening at the brain level, and impacting our entire nervous system. So when we are working on something, (like trying to learn something new…like understanding the neuroscience of change for this episode) and that limbic friction feeling comes up, (and I'm annoyed or agitated) when something just doesn't click.  I now have a deeper understanding of what's happening at the brain level after this EP. I will now push forward, stay positive and lean into the change that I know is happening in my brain, as I embrace the change that comes with doing difficult work. The Neuroscience of Change is an exciting topic, and it's only going to be strengthened with the next two topics, Agility and Resilience.   REVISIT THIS EPISODE TO REVIEW THIS CONCEPT IN DEPTH EP 342 Chapter 13   “Mastering Mental and Physical Agility” Which leads us to the final EP of our review today. “Mastering Mental and Physical Agility” Before I even review this EP, I thought of something I saw on Twitter/X this morning that caught my attention. It was a post from Chris S Cornell whose handle is @BiggestComeback and he was talking about his first attempt to run a mile, with a kettlebell. He faced some criticism for this post, as some said it was “dangerous” but mentioned that he thought that “spending your life on the couch with a remote in one hand and a beer in the other is far more dangerous.”[xiv] (Chris Cornell) While this pathway came out as a low priority for me last year, and this year, I have to say, it's definitely NOT an area I leave off to the side. I'm always looking to see how I can push my mind or body, just a bit past where I'm comfortable, and when life is difficult, this is actually where I thrive. While I don't think I could run a mile with a kettle bell, I did run 7 miles today with a 16 pound weighted vest. I really do believe in the mind/body connection and that by doing things that are difficult, we strengthen the brain. We did dive deeper into this concept on EP 344[xv] with “The Neuroscience of Resilience” that we will review next time, but we uncovered that by doing difficult things, we increase the size of a part of our brain called the anterior midcingulate cortex. (Dr. Andrew Huberman). I do difficult things because I want to improve my mental and physical strength, and in turn, increase the size of this important part in my brain that Dr. Huberman says “is not just the seat of willpower…but scientists think it holds the secret in the will to live.” If you are like me, and enjoy doing difficult things, you will enjoy when we looked at three terms from the book Antifragile by N Taleb[xvi] where the author says there are three types of systems, organizations or people. The fragile: which is like an egg and breaks under stress. No one wants to be labeled as fragile. The robust: which is like a phoenix, when destroyed comes back exactly as it was before. This is a step in the right direction, but who wants to emerge from challenge the same as before? The antifragile: gets stronger from uncertainty—like the Hydra from the Greek myth where you cut off one head, two grows back in its place. It gets stronger from the sudden change. We learned that when we face challenges, changes and stressors, we want to become antifragile in the process so that we grow from adversity, and become stronger in the process. While we did go deep into the stressors and triggers that can stop our course of action, Bosnick suggested that we rate our stressors (from a list he provided to jog our minds), on a scale of 1-5. Then he reminds us of the three types of people, showing us how we can and most definitely will grow from adversity, sustaining our peak performance, and finally what we want to take away from this chapter is how to “train our brain to be antifragile in order to be more agile in the moment when we face challenges or stressors.” (Chapter 13, Bosnick, Page 149) I don't think that running a mile with a kettle bell is for me (even if a part of me wonders how far I could go before I would lose the grip of something that heavy), I will continue to challenge my mind, as we learned from our most downloaded series, The Silva Method that “Once we learn to use our mind (to train it) it will do some astounding things, as you will soon see.” REVISIT THIS EPISODE TO REVIEW THIS CONCEPT IN DEPTH   REVIEW and CONCLUSION: To review and conclude this week's episode #357 on PART 3 of our review of Grant Bosnick's Tailored Approaches to Self-Leadership, we covered a review of the strategies that can help us to implement each concept, from chapters 10, 11, 12, and 13. EPISODE #357 PART 3 of our review of Grant Bosnick's Tailored Approaches to Self-Leadership, we will cover: ✔ EP 336 Chapter 10[xvii]“The Neuroscience of Persuasion and Influence” ✔ EP 337 Chapter 11[xviii] “The Neuroscience of Time Management” ✔ EP 339 Chapter 12[xix] “The Neuroscience of Change” ✔ EP 342 Chapter 13[xx]     “Mastering Mental and Physical Agility”   We will see you next time, with our PART 4, our final part in this review. Stay tuned as we launch our interview series, with NEW inspiring interviews with experts who are working deeply with the most current neuroscience research. See you next week!   REFERENCES:   [i] Neuroscience Meets Social and Emotional Learning Podcast EPISODE #321 with Grant ‘Upbeat' Bosnick  https://andreasamadi.podbean.com/e/insights-from-grant-upbeat-bosnick/   [ii]Neuroscience Meets Social and Emotional Learning Podcast EPISODE #355 Mastering Self-Leadership REVIEW PART 1 (Grant Bosnick) https://andreasamadi.podbean.com/e/mastering-self-leadership-with-neuroscience/   [iii] Neuroscience Meets Social and Emotional Learning Podcast EPISODE #356 Mastering Self-Leadership REVIEW PART 2 (Grant Bosnick)https://andreasamadi.podbean.com/e/unlocking-the-secrets-of-self-leadership-chapters-6-to-9-review/   [iv] Neuroscience Meets Social and Emotional Learning Podcast EPISODE #330 “The Neuroscience of Persuasion and Influence” https://andreasamadi.podbean.com/e/unlocking-the-science-of-persuasion-and-influence/   [v] Neuroscience Meets Social and Emotional Learning Podcast EPISODE #337 “The Neuroscience of Time Management”  https://andreasamadi.podbean.com/e/mastering-time-the-neuroscience-behind-effective-time-management/   [vi] Neuroscience Meets Social and Emotional Learning Podcast EPISODE 339 “The Neuroscience of Change”   https://andreasamadi.podbean.com/e/embracing-change-the-neuroscience-behind-thriving-in-2024/   [vii]Neuroscience Meets Social and Emotional Learning Podcast EPISODE 342  “Mastering Mental and Physical Agility” https://andreasamadi.podbean.com/e/mastering-mental-and-physical-agility-strategies-for-self-leadership/   [viii] Neuroscience Meets Social and Emotional Learning Podcast EPISODE #176 https://andreasamadi.podbean.com/e/the-neuroscience-of-communication-why-our-brain-doesn-t-like-the-word-no/   [ix] The Neuroscience of Influence https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J-5CZ2AXT1o   [x] The Neuroscience of Influence Leadership Coaching by Dean Newlund https://mfileadership.com/2021/01/27/the-neuroscience-of-influence/   [xi] Success Principles for Teens by Jack Canfield and Kent Healy April 15, 2008 https://www.amazon.com/Success-Principles-Teens-Where-Want/dp/0757307272   [xii] Author Kent Healy on “Time Management: Our Greatest Asset” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w_ibHzu751I   [xiii] Chronotypes Definition https://www.sleepfoundation.org/how-sleep-works/chronotypes#:~:text=Chronotype%20is%20the%20natural%20inclination,bird%20versus%20a%20night%20owl.   [xiv] https://x.com/BiggestComeback/status/1895906308785615336   [xv]Neuroscience Meets Social and Emotional Learning Podcast EPISODE #344 “The Neuroscience of Resilience: Building Stronger Minds and Teams” https://andreasamadi.podbean.com/e/the-neuroscience-of-resilience-building-stronger-minds-and-teams/   [xvi] Antifragile by Nassim Taleb Published Jan. 28, 2014 https://www.amazon.com/Antifragile-Things-That-Disorder-Incerto/dp/0812979680   [xvii] Neuroscience Meets Social and Emotional Learning Podcast EPISODE #330 “The Neuroscience of Persuasion and Influence” https://andreasamadi.podbean.com/e/unlocking-the-science-of-persuasion-and-influence/   [xviii] Neuroscience Meets Social and Emotional Learning Podcast EPISODE #337 “The Neuroscience of Time Management”  https://andreasamadi.podbean.com/e/mastering-time-the-neuroscience-behind-effective-time-management/   [xix] Neuroscience Meets Social and Emotional Learning Podcast EPISODE 339 “The Neuroscience of Change”   https://andreasamadi.podbean.com/e/embracing-change-the-neuroscience-behind-thriving-in-2024/   [xx]Neuroscience Meets Social and Emotional Learning Podcast EPISODE 342  “Mastering Mental and Physical Agility” https://andreasamadi.podbean.com/e/mastering-mental-and-physical-agility-strategies-for-self-leadership/  

Emotional health is deeply intertwined in an ongoing journey with spiritual health. This involves opening to our pain, grieving our trauma, and patiently cultivating a resilience that stabilizes and secures our relationships and our sense of self.With compassion, pastoral presence, and emotional attunement, psychologist Dr. David Wang is using psychological and theological tools to help us understand and adapt to emotional realities, explore the wounds of our past, and find healing and strength through acceptance and grief.In this conversation with David Wang, we discuss:The difference between human development and spiritual formation and how to understand maturityThe centrality of relationships in human life and growth, and how that's grounded in divine relationality and our communion with GodHow to become friends with ourselves, offering self-compassion and being moved by our own sufferingThe impact of childhood trauma on adult emotional, psychological, and spiritual healthAnd finally, how a practice of grief can help us understand and work through traumatic experiences and move toward healing.Show NotesChristian theology and formationA philosophical approach to theologically informed strategies for transformation and growthHow the relational aspects of God ground an approach to therapy and spiritual formationWhat are the markers of maturity?Relatedness and connection to others facilitates the process of human growth and developmentEmotional building blocks and relational capacities for maturityDave Wang on spiritual health and thrivingTheological and psychological frameworks of thrivingHolding the beautiful beside the brokenBecoming friends with ourselvesShow compassion, be moved by our own suffering, and accept limitations as we strive toward the hard work we're all called to.Two paradoxical needs to achieve spiritual maturity and healthWe are made for relationships, but we also need independenceBalanceSpiritual and emotional maturityFormation through practice, education, and healthy developmentCan virtue be taught?Can maturity be educated?Can we learn to thrive and be spiritually healthy?In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts, Dr. Gabor Maté writes that “The attempt to escape from pain is what creates more pain.”When our brains and our bodies go into survival modeAvoidance as a coping mechanism or strategyChildhood trauma in childhood“When the psychic pain is so unbearable, the felt threat so intimidating, we mentally and emotionally try to escape.”Childhood trauma can reemerge in adult behaviors, relationships, habits, language, even physical illness or conditions.Do I have trauma that I haven't dealt with?The symptoms or signs of traumaHow to approach the process of seeking help and healing.Concrete practices that can help and heal traumatic experienceLearning to grieveChristian spiritual practices of prayerThe emotional practice of grief and acceptanceDr. Pam King's Key TakeawaysHuman beings need both relationships and independence. And learning how to balance and integrate them is a marker of our maturity.Though we may try to escape from pain, to deal with trauma we need to practice acceptance and grief. It's a difficult and complex relational process that brings us closer to healing and wholeness.We can befriend ourselves in our pain through a practice of self-compassion.In this life, we have to hold beauty beside brokenness. Cultivating the capacity to do so is the hard work of growth into spiritual and emotional maturity, and the joyful journey of thriving.www.drdavidcwang.comhttps://www.seminaryformationproject.com/About David WangDr. David Wang is a licensed psychologist and Associate Professor of Psychology at Fuller Theological Seminary, where he's also the Cliff and Joyce Penner Chair for the Formation of Emotionally Healthy Leaders and scholar in residence at Fuller's Center for Spiritual Formation. He speaks and trains leaders globally on trauma informed care. And he conducts research and teaches courses in Trauma Therapy, Dialectical Behavior Therapy, Multicultural Psychology, and the Integration of Psychology and the Christian faith. He is also Pastor of Spiritual Formation at One Life City Church in Fullerton, California. About the Thrive CenterLearn more at thethrivecenter.org.Follow us on Instagram @thrivecenterFollow us on X @thrivecenterFollow us on LinkedIn @thethrivecenter About Dr. Pam KingDr. Pam King is Executive Director the Thrive Center and is Peter L. Benson Professor of Applied Developmental Science at Fuller School of Psychology & Marriage and Family Therapy. Follow her @drpamking. About With & ForHost: Pam KingSenior Director and Producer: Jill WestbrookOperations Manager: Lauren KimSocial Media Graphic Designer: Wren JuergensenConsulting Producer: Evan RosaSpecial thanks to the team at Fuller Studio and the Fuller School of Psychology & Marriage and Family Therapy.

Dr. James O'Dwyer is an Assistant Professor in the Department of Plant Biology and the Carl R. Woese Institute for Genomic Biology at the University of Illinois, Urbana-Champaign. The research in James's lab uses computational and theoretical approaches to better understand the patterns we observe in the world. He is an ecologist and is particularly interested in biological complexity. The goal of his lab is to build models and make predictions that will provide us with novel and unexpected information about how nature works. In his free time, James enjoys hiking, traveling, and strategic board games like Settlers of Catan and Ticket to Ride. He was awarded a master's degree in Physics from the University of Durham, as well as a master's and PhD in Theoretical Physics from the University of Cambridge. James was awarded an Engineering and Physical Sciences Research Council Postdoctoral Fellowship conducting research at the University of Oregon and the University of Leeds in the United Kingdom, and he was also awarded an Omidyar Postdoctoral Fellowship at the Santa Fe Institute before accepting his current position. James is here with us today to tell us all about his journey through life and science.

Are you feeling overwhelmed by the daily challenges of raising a neurodivergent child? Do you worry about how to motivate your kid and help them succeed, or perhaps you're frustrated with the constant misunderstandings surrounding their unique needs? You are not alone, and there is hope.In this episode of Beautifully Complex, Dr. Wendy Grolnick and I dive into some myths about motivation that society often perpetuates.We discuss:The essential differences between intrinsic and extrinsic motivation, and why understanding this is crucial for your child's growth.How to create an environment that fosters true motivation by addressing the three core needs: autonomy, competence, and relatedness.The detrimental effects of pressure and rewards on motivation, especially for neurodivergent kids.Practical, step-by-step strategies to build a neuro-affirming environment that empowers your child to thrive.Tune in for practical advice, emotionally supportive guidance, and scientifically-backed strategies designed to make everyday life a little easier for you and your kid. Listen now to unlock the secrets to understanding and nurturing your child's motivation, transforming challenges into opportunities for growth.Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/beautifully-complex--6137613/support.

Dr Justin's 3 E's (explore, explain, and empower) are the pillars of autonomy-supportive parenting. But there are times when they just do not work (we are all only flawed humans after all!). Today's tips will help you calmly and confidently navigate through the heat of these challenging moments. (R) This episode originally aired 3/6/24. In this episode: The 3 Es of Effective Discipline: Explore, Explain, and Empower Self-determination theory Basic psychological needs of every human Relatedness, competence, autonomy Need-supportive parenting High emotions = low intelligence Being ok with our children's discomfort Patience and practice Fast is slow, and slow is fast Neurodiversity Turn towards your child in challenging times Related links: The Parenting Revolution, by Dr Justin Coulson The Secret to Regulating Emotions How to Fix a Problem Child Little People, Big Feelings [The Free Webinar] Find us on Facebook or TikTok Subscribe to the Happy Families newsletter Leave a voice memo here or email your questions/comments to podcasts@happyfamilies.com.au Find out more about joining THE QUEST at our websiteSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Lanni Brown grew up surrounded by basketball. Her father, Dee Brown, was an NBA legend with the Boston Celtics. Her sister is currently playing in the WNBA and her brother is a D1 Basketball player. While she also found success in the sport, she faced lots of comparisons with her family, struggled to separate her self identity from her performance and ultimately realized that she was “not feeling basketball.” Her transition to the D1 level exacerbated her struggle as she felt different from her teammates because she didn't love her sport and even felt selfish, ungrateful and guilty that she was getting a scholarship despite not being fully invested. Lanni chose to shift her mindset and focus on energy, positivity and enjoying the moments and making an impact in her own way.  Since her competitive career has ended, she is pursuing a Master's at Jacksonville University in Clinical Mental Health Counseling with the plan to pursue a PhD in Clinical Psychology She is combining her personal experiences and education to better support student athletes as an advocate, ambassador and future clinician.  @alanni.noelle

Welcome to Growthmates with Kate Syuma — Growth advisor, previously Head of Growth Design at Miro. I'm building Growthmates as a place to connect with inspiring leaders to help you grow yourself and your product. Here you can learn how companies like Dropbox, Adobe, Canva, Loom, and many more are building excellent products and growth culture. Get all episodes and a free playbook for Growth teams on our brand-new website — growthamtes.club, and press follow to support us on your favorite platforms. Listen now and subscribe on your favorite platforms — Apple, Spotify, or watch on YouTube (new!).—In this episode, I chat with Amy Bucher, Chief Behavioral Officer at Lirio and author of Engaged. We delve into the world of behavioral design, exploring how understanding human behavior can lead to more ethical and effective product development. Amy shares her journey from academia to leading behavioral design teams, and how frameworks like the COMBEE model and Behavior Change Wheel are essential tools for influencing user behavior.By the end of this episode, you'll learn how to apply behavioral science principles to your product, understand the importance of ethical design, and gain insights into leveraging AI for personalized user experiences

Welcome back to another episode of Accelerate Your Business Growth! Today, we're diving into the complexities and opportunities of remote work with our guest, Shane Spraggs. Shane is a seasoned expert in operational efficiency, leveraging lean agile methodologies, and has an impressive track record with companies like Acromedia, Disney Interactive, and Minga. He's currently a partner at Virtira and coauthor of "The Power of Remote." In this episode, Shane delves into the foundational elements crucial for building successful remote teams, including the importance of intentionality, proactive communication, and fostering a sense of relatedness among team members. He also offers insightful strategies for leaders on how to effectively manage and communicate with their remote teams, touching on essential practices like one-on-one meetings and setting clear, measurable goals that align with the company's mission. If you're struggling with remote team dynamics or looking to enhance your business operations, you won't want to miss this conversation. Join host Diane Helbig and Shane Spraggs as they explore how to transform the way your organization operates in a remote setting. If you are a small business owner or salesperson who struggles with getting the sales results you are looking for, get your copy of Succeed Without Selling today. Learn the importance of Always Be Curious. Accelerate Your Business Growth is proud to be included on the list of the 45 Best Business Growth Podcasts. Each episode of this podcast provides insights and education around topics that are important to you as a business owner or leader. The content comes from people who are experts in their fields and who are interested in helping you be more successful. Whether it's sales challenges, leadership issues, hiring and talent struggles, marketing, seo, branding, time management, customer service, communication, podcasting, social media, cashflow, or publishing, the best and the brightest join the host, Diane Helbig, for a casual conversation. Discover programs, webinars, services, books, and other podcasts you can tap into for fresh ideas. Be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode and visit Helbig Enterprises to explore the many ways Diane can help you improve your business outcomes and results. "Relatedness is a very important aspect to remote work, and the businesses that do remote work well have processes intentional processes set up in place to, ensure that people feel related to each other." — Shane Spraggs 00:05:50 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Dr. Aaron Ahuvia, a renowned expert on brand love, delves into the powerful concept of brand love and its profound impact on consumer behavior. He illustrates how brand love transcends traditional marketing, emphasizing creating meaningful and lasting connections with consumers. Drawing from his acclaimed book, "The Things We Love," Dr. Ahuvia explores people's deep emotional bonds with objects and how these bonds shape personal identity.In this episode, Dr. Ahuvia also examines the influence of social media, AI, and chatbots on our emotional connections. He reveals the surprising potential for deep emotional ties with digital entities and the broader implications for human relationships, emphasizing the balance between intrinsic and extrinsic motivations in our relationships with objects and people. Relatedness, competence, and autonomy are crucial in building fulfilling connections.Order a copy of my book, "Passion Struck: Twelve Powerful Principles to Unlock Your Purpose and Ignite Your Most Intentional Life," today!  Recognized as a 2024 must-read by the Next Big Idea Club, the book has won the Business Minds Best Book Award, the Eric Hoffer Award, the International Book Awards for Best Non-Fiction, the 2024 Melanie P. Smith Reader's Choice Contest by Connections eMagazine, and the Non-Fiction Book Awards Gold Medal. Don't miss the opportunity to transform your life with these powerful principles!Full show notes and resources can be found here:  https://passionstruck.com/aaron-ahuvia-why-we-love-objects-how-defines-us/In this episode, you will learn:Brand love is about creating meaningful connections with consumers to establish emotional attachments to products, brands, or organizations.Dr. Aaron Ahuvia, a leading expert on brand love, discusses the psychology behind forming emotional bonds with objects and brands.Understanding the distinctions between loving things and loving people can provide insights into behaviors and relationships.The psychology of love can help us understand future relationships with AI, including the potential for deep emotional connections with chatbots.Chatbots with emotional intelligence can impact our emotional lives and relationships with humans and AI.The humanization of products, where we attribute human traits to objects, can affect our personal identity and sense of self.All things Aaron Ahuvia: https://thethingswelove.com/about-aaron/SponsorsBrought to you by Clariton, fast and powerful relief is just a quick trip away. Ask for Claritin-D at your local pharmacy counter. You don't even need a prescription! Go to “CLARITIN DOT COM” right now for a discount so you can Live Claritin Clear.--► For information about advertisers and promo codes, go to:https://passionstruck.com/deals/Catch More of Passion StruckWatch my solo episode on The 6 Key Steps to Bold Risk-Taking for Personal Growth.Can't miss my episode withRusty Shelton on How You Build Your Authority AdvantageListen to my interview withHilary Billings on the Psychology of Attention, Mastering Short-Form Video, and Personal Brand BuildingCatch my interview with Jen Gottlieb on How to Create Your Own Success by Being SeenListen to Seth Godin on Why We Need Systems Change to Save the PlanetLike this show? Please leave us a review here-- even one sentence helps! Consider including your Twitter or Instagram handle so we can thank you personally!

In episode 339, we delve into Chapter 12 of Grant's latest book, exploring the cutting-edge neuroscience of change. Building on seven months of in-depth discussions, this episode aims to equip you with the knowledge to thrive in 2024 by understanding how our brain interprets change as either a reward or a threat. We'll revisit key episodes that have previously tackled the concept of change, including insights from futurist Chris Marshall and renowned neuroscientists. Discover how your brain's response to social and emotional threats can be as powerful as its response to physical dangers, and learn practical strategies to navigate these challenges. Gain a deeper understanding of Maslow's hierarchy of needs and its evolution into self-determination theory. Explore Bosnick's ACRES model—Autonomy, Competence, Relatedness, Equity, and Sureness—to see how meeting these needs can help you embrace change and achieve your goals. Join us as we unpack Dr. Huberman's insights on how to harness neuroplasticity to create lasting behavioral changes. Learn how to manage the agitation and strain that come with pushing past your comfort zone, and find out how to build a positive change network to support your journey. Whether you're looking to enhance your agility, resilience, or overall well-being, this episode offers valuable tools and reflections to help you navigate and embrace change with confidence. Welcome back to SEASON 12 of The Neuroscience Meets Social and Emotional Learning Podcast, where we connect the science-based evidence behind social and emotional learning and emotional intelligence training for improved well-being, achievement, productivity and results—using what I saw as the missing link (since we weren't taught this when we were growing up in school), the application of practical neuroscience. I'm Andrea Samadi, an author, and an educator with a passion for learning and launched this podcast 6 years ago with the goal of bringing ALL the leading experts together (in one place) to help us to APPLY this research in our daily lives. On today's episode #339 we continue with our 18-Week Self-Leadership Series based on Grant Bosnick's “Tailored Approaches to Self-Leadership: A Bite Size Approach Using Psychology and Neuroscience” that we first dove into with our interview on EP #321[i] the end of January.  The goal was that each week, we focused on learning something new, (from Grant's book) tied to the most current neuroscience research, that builds off the prior week, to help take us to greater heights in 2024. So far, it's taken us 7 months to cover the first 12 chapters thoroughly, and we still have 7 chapters to go.  After this week on change, we have chapter 13 on agility, 14 on resilience, 15 on relationships and authenticity, 16 on biases, 17 on trust, 18 on empathy and the final chapter 19 (and one of my target areas to focus on this year), the topic of presence. When we finish each of these chapters, we will put them all together, with a review of each one, in one place. On today's EPISODE #339 we will cover: ✔ The Neuroscience of Change ✔ How our brains sense rewards versus threats ✔ How social and emotional threats are the same as physical threats ✔ Review of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs ✔ Review of Self Determination Theory ✔ Triggers to watch for during times of change. ✔ How to Change Our Nervous System to change our actions and behaviors, and leave behind a legacy we are proud of. For Today, EPISODE #339, we are moving on to Chapter 12, covering “The Neuroscience of Change” which came out as a low priority with 0% (Pathway 5) along with Agility and Resilience. I wasn't surprised to see this topic showing up with a low priority for me this year, mostly because I love change, and am constantly looking for new ways to do things. If I am doing the same things over and over again, I can tend to get bored, so it's important to find new angles, and challenges, daily to inspire the most creativity. If you've taken the leadership self-assessment[ii], look to see if Change  (in Pathway 5) along with agility and resilience, is of a low, medium or high priority for you to focus on this year. We've covered the topic of “change” in many different places on this podcast, most recently on EP 296,[iii] with Futurist Chris Marshall on his book “Decoding Change”, EP 244 “Using Neuroscience to Change our Perceptions”[iv], or EP 209 on “Using Neuroscience to Impact Change”[v] where we looked at a quote from the great, late Sir Ken's famous TED TALK, Do Schools Kill Creativity, where he reminded us that “If you're not prepared to be wrong, (by not fearing change and making mistakes along the way) you'll never come up with anything original.” Think about this for a moment. Think of the times in your life where you embraced change. Would you agree with me that embracing change helps us to have more guts and perhaps stretch more in the future? It helps us to build our future confidence levels. There are many different ways to change our brain, like we found out with Dr. Michael Rousell on EP 159[vi] who taught us “How the Power of Surprise Can Secretly Change the Brain.” So what does Grant Bosnick say about The Neuroscience of Change in Chapter 12 of his book, Tailored Approaches to Self-Leadership? He opens up the chapter with examples of change, asking how we feel when: Example 1: We are in nature and come across a “breathtaking view” (how do we feel) I love seeing water (rivers, lakes or waterfalls in nature). How about you? What do you enjoy seeing/feeling in nature? Or, think of this—we are in nature, and we see a large bear in front of us (how do we feel seeing a large bear compared to the first example of the beautiful river or waterfall)? I've never seen a bear, but we do see rattlesnakes often on the hiking trails with the same effect as a bear! If a rattlesnake doesn't kill you with their venom, they could very possibly bankrupt you, due to the high cost associated with treating snake bites.[vii] Think about how seeing a bear or a snake in nature, makes you feel now? The first example is obviously peaceful, and the second quite stressful. Example 2: We are working hard, and go for our dream position at work, and we are thrilled that we actually land the promotion! (How do we feel) This feels incredible! Or, you don't get the promotion, someone else gets it (how do we feel then)? Deflated is a word that comes to mind. With both of these examples, the breathtaking view, or when we land the promotion we worked so hard to achieve, Bosnick explains “we feel like we got a reward. It's a rush. We get a sensation in our brain and a hit of the big neurochemicals” dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin, norephinephrine, adrenaline.” (Page 132, Ch 12, Bosnick, Tailored Approaches to Self-Leadership). But with the bear in the woods, (or snake on the hiking trails), or being overlooked for the promotion our brain actually sees this “like it's a threat. We feel tense, stressed, pressure…our body physically feels it.” Then Bosnick said something that caught my attention that showed me the difference between these two examples. Bosnick says that “Neuroscience has shown us, that the feeling we get from a social or emotional threat (like being passed over for the promotion) is the same as the feeling we get from a physical threat, (like seeing the bear of the snake) and that the negative (threat) response is stronger than the positive (reward) response.” (Page 132, Ch 12, Bosnick, Tailored Approaches to Self-Leadership). This explains to me why social and emotional threats can have a long-lasting impact on us and deflated just doesn't cover it. If we let these threats impact us, they do have the ability to zap our future confidence levels. When we see how our brain interprets “everything and everyone we meet as either a reward or a threat” we can better understand “how our body reacts, (and) our brain and mind think, (leading) to the decisions, behaviors and actions we make.” (Page 132, Ch 12, Bosnick, Tailored Approaches to Self-Leadership). It's here that Bosnick reviews the five levels of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, where the bottom two are our physiological needs (food, water, shelter) then safety needs (health, emotional security, financial security) that we need first for survival. The top three are our psychological needs, social belonging (friendships and love), the need for self-esteem (confidence, recognition and respect) that leads us to the top, with self-actualization (where we pursue our goals and seek happiness).  Bosnick talks about how Maslow's model evolved into “Self-Determination Theory” around the year 2000 where researchers found that there were “three physiological needs: the need for Competence (feeling valued for our knowledge, skills and experience), the need for Relatedness (collaborating, connecting or serving others) and the need for Autonomy (being able to exercise self-regulation…to achieve our goals.” (Page 133, Ch 12, Bosnick). Bosnick expands on this, calling it ACRES, A=autonomy or the feeling of control or choice), C=competence (feeling valued and respected for our contribution), R=relatedness (a need to belong and be accepted, to also have social connections), E=equity (perceiving actions as fair) and S=sureness (the ability to predict what's going to happen moment to moment).  (Page 133, Ch 12, Bosnick). Bosnick tells us that “if all of our ACRES are being met, it will put us in a toward state and we will fully embrace everything ahead of us; (but) if our ACRES are threatened, it will put us in an “away state” and will then resist or block things ahead of us. IMAGE CREDIT: Figure 12.1 ACRES Example Grant Bosnick Bosnick shows us the ACRES example in his life, showing the reward and threats he felt with a work situation. Understanding our basic human needs, and how they have evolved over the years, helps us to understand why we resist change, whether it's intentional, or from a subconscious point of view. Remembering that Our brain is tied into “everything that we do, and everything that we are.” (Dr. Daniel Amen) I can look at Bosnick's ACRES example, and clearly think of a work experience I did not enjoy, as it went against the ACRES Model of Needs. With brain science in mind, I can gain more understanding of why I didn't enjoy this experience, helping me to seek out a NEW work experience, where the ACRES were all met. When I think of that work experience I did not enjoy, ALL five of the ACRES examples were not met, so I felt the negative threat response in my brain, activated daily, didn't notice any positive reward responses, and even though I felt like I was consciously making an effort, my brain kicked into the “fight of flight response” just like my body was preparing for a threat (like the bear in the woods, or snake on the hiking trail).  At the end of each day, I felt threatened and not rewarded. Can you think of when you have felt the ACRES Model working for you (where you feel rewarded) or against you (where you feel threat) while going through change? Bosnick next explains how open-minded or close-minded we are to change, in his figure 12.2 with an image that was created by Michael Mahoney[viii] the author of The Human Change Process book, who addresses why change is so difficult for people, and how to lean into change, and maximize your chances for success. “The open-minded/closed minded dimension relates to the degree of mental openness to the environment and our level of curiosity. Open- minded represents the level of reward that we perceive and close-minded represents the level of threat that we perceive. With a passive mindset, we will either subtly support or oppose the change; with an active mindset, we will either overtly support or overtly reject the change.” (Page 137, Ch 12, Bosnick). We did dive into the emotion of curiosity on our interview with the co-author of the famous book The Archeology of Mind, Lucy Biven on EP 270[ix] where we looked at Jaak Panksepp's research, and again with Gabrielle Usatynski on EP #282[x] “How to Use Jaak Panksepp's 7 Core Emotions to Transform Your Family, Career and Life.” With this look at effective neuroscience, it makes sense to set out with a “seeking” or curious mindset, while approaching change, to be as open as we all can to what we might learn in the process, while being mindful of what makes you close-minded. Bosnick points out that it's normal to go back and forth between these two states, but just to be mindful of what shuts you down, or puts you in the threat response. We want to be in the “Bring Change On” quadrant from figure 12.2 but what do we do if something is “triggering” us as a threat response? Bosnick lists a few triggers we can be mindful of watching during times of change. Some included: History of this particular type of change: Think about how have you been in the past with the change you are experiencing now? Remember that past behavior can help you to predict future behavior. Beware of the fear of loss that Bosnick says creates insecurity and unsureness. Beware of the fear of the unknown. Lacking a plan. Fear of giving up our freedom. If you are going through a change right now, look at the change response quadrant figure 12.2 and see where you would place yourself. Are you clearly in the Bring it On Quadrant, or are you going back and forth between being open-minded (and ready for change) or close-minded (and unsure of yourself). Look at the list of triggers and see if any of these are causing you to experience a threat response in your brain. What I love about Bosnick's book, is how many reflection activities he has, in addition to the Companion Workbook that goes along with this text. Bosnick suggests to “build a positive change network” so you don't need to face change on your own. He suggests adding in new social connections to increase the positive rewards in your life, and minimize the threat responses you might face. What Else Does Neuroscience Say About Change? Can we really change our nervous system—specifically our actions and behaviors that will lead us to NEW conditions, circumstances and environments in our life? Can we with focus, and with the use of our will, become more open-minded to change in our life? After learning about how our brain either feels threatened or rewarded during times of change, I wondered what Dr. Andrew Huberman would suggest and I found an episode he did back in 2021 on “How Your Brain Works and Changes”[xi] that gave me some insight into how I can change my actions and behaviors to be more open-minded, getting me to that “Bring it on” Quadrant, so that I'll see the change I'm experiencing as a reward, instead of a threat. I think this is brilliant! Using our understanding of practical Neuroscience to actually change our brain, and lean into change, with an open-minded, active mindset, keeping our brain primed for rewards, and aware of how to mitigate threats. Dr. Huberman suggests that in order to change our actions and behavior towards something, we must first of all understand how this part of our brain works in our nervous system. He dives into an hour long explanation you can watch, but I will give you the short-cut version. He explains that our nervous system consists of these five things: We experience sensation (we have neurons that see color, feel sensations, taste, smell). We can't change our sensory receptors. We experience perception (our ability to take what we are sensing or paying attention to) and focus on it. He says we can put a spotlight on something we want to pay attention to, for example. Then we have our feelings/emotions (like happiness, sadness, boredom, frustration) and he reviews how neuroscientists, psychologists, and philosophers argue (like crazy) about this topic, and how emotions/feelings work. Dr. Huberman says that it all goes back to understanding that there are certain neuromodulators that have a profound impact on our emotional state. Dopamine (involved with motivation and reward, and important with things outside of ourselves, things we want to pursue) and serotonin tends to help us to feel good with what we have. Dr. Huberman reminds us that “feelings and emotions are contextual” and that while showing joy/sadness can be appropriate in some cultures, it can also be inappropriate in others. While he says, there are no “happiness” or “sadness” circuits in our brain, but it is fair to say that “certain chemicals, and certain brain circuits tend to be active when we are in a happy/focused state, certain brain circuits tend to be active when we are also in a non-focused, or lazy state” (Dr. Huberman) It makes sense to me here to do our best to lean into the happy focused state as often as we can, knowing we could use the happiness brain chemicals in our pursuit of new things. Then our thoughts: that are like our perceptions, but they draw on “not just what's happening in the present, but also things we remember from the past, and things we anticipate in the future…and our thoughts can be controlled in a deliberate way” (Dr. Huberman). We have spent a considerable amount of time on this podcast talking about how important our thoughts are, with ways to lean into positive thinking, and put a hard STOP on the negative thoughts that come our way. Then finally our actions and behaviors that Dr. Huberman considers to be the most important part to our nervous system. Our actions and behaviors he says are the only things that will create any “fossil record” of our existence. Or I say, they will be what will determine our legacy, or the impact we want to have on the outside world. When we die, our body disintegrates. The sensations, perceptions, feelings and emotions, or thoughts we had in our lifetime “none of these are carried forward” except the ones that we convert into actions (like writing, or actually doing something with the things we THINK about. Our legacy, or “fossil record” is through the ACTION we take in our life. IMAGE CREDIT: Hand drawn from Andrea's notes from Dr. Andrew Huberman's Solo SP Jan 3, 2001 "How Your Brain Works"  At this point, I can draw back on MANY episodes where we have focused on taking action (rather than just thinking of what we want to do) but we are focused on the Neuroscience of Change right now. How can we stay open-minded to bring on change in 2024 and keep moving forward? Dr. Huberman has us reflect back on what builds our Nervous System (our sensations, our perceptions, feelings and emotions, our thoughts) and they ALL lead to this one last part, our ability to TAKE ACTION. He says that we do “have the ability to change our nervous system” and this is when we “deliberately put our focus on something that we want to do.” This is where the work comes in here. When we want to “learn something new, CHANGE something (like a behavior) and he gives the example of learning to resist speaking, or force yourself to be quiet where we want to actively suppress our behavior and CHANGE our BEHAVIOR or ACTIONS. When are suppressing a circuit in our brain, (using our forebrain that is fully developed by age 22) to do something different (that's challenging to us) norepinephrine (adrenaline) is released and it will create a feeling of challenge or agitation as you engage these neurocircuits to push yourself past this threshold of where you normally don't go. In the situation where we are learning to not speak, and withhold something we really want to say, we are putting self-regulation into action. “You will feel limbic friction that comes from this top-down processing.” (Dr. Huberman). Think about any time you have tried to take a new action or behavior. You'll feel annoyed (which is really the adrenaline that's released from your brain). “Agitation and strain is the entry point to neuroplasticity” Dr. Huberman If we can push past this agitation and strain, we will be changing our brain, our actual nervous system, as we create a NEW change of behavior in our life. This brings me to a quote by Peter Senge where he says that “people don't resist change. They resist being changed.” That feeling of agitation will come up during change, and when the change is your choice…or something that you really want to do, you will push past the threshold to overcome the change. REVIEW AND CONCLUSION To review and conclude this week's episode #339 on “The Neuroscience of Change” we looked at two examples of what happens to our brain when we see something our brain wasn't expecting, like the breathtaking view, or when we land the promotion we worked so hard to achieve, Bosnick explains “we feel like we got a reward. It's a rush. We get a sensation in our brain and a hit of the big neurochemicals” dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin, norephinephrine, adrenaline.” (Page 132, Ch 12, Bosnick, Tailored Approaches to Self-Leadership). But when we see a bear in the woods, (or snake on the hiking trails), or we are overlooked for a promotion at work, our brain actually sees this “like it's a threat. We feel tense, stressed, pressure…our body physically feels it.” We learned that “Neuroscience has shown us, that the feeling we get from a social or emotional threat (like being passed over for the promotion) is the same as the feeling we get from a physical threat (like seeing a bear or a snake). When we see how our brain interprets “everything and everyone we meet as either a reward or a threat” we can better understand “how our body reacts, (and) our brain and mind think, (leading) to the decisions, behaviors and actions we make.” (Page 132, Ch 12, Bosnick, Tailored Approaches to Self-Leadership). Next we reviewed Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs that led to “Self-Determination Theory” around the year 2000 where researchers found that there were “three physiological needs: the need for Competence (feeling valued for our knowledge, skills and experience), the need for Relatedness (collaborating, connecting or serving others) and the need for Autonomy (being able to exercise self-regulation…to achieve our goals.” (Page 133, Ch 12, Bosnick). We learned that when our ACRES are being met, (our autonomy, competence, relatedness, equity, and sureness) it will put us in a toward state and we will fully embrace everything ahead of us; (but) if our ACRES are threatened, it will put us in an “away state” and will then resist or block things ahead of us. Looking at Bosnick's ACRES example, we thought about work experience we did not enjoy, to see where it went against the ACRES Model of Needs. With brain science in mind, we can gain more understanding of why we either enjoyed, or didn't enjoy this experience. It all led back to how our brain either interprets the experience as a reward, or a threat. We looked at triggers to be aware of to mitigate threat, during times of change. Finally, we looked at how to change our nervous system, to change our actions and behaviors, so we can leave behind a legacy (or fossil record as Dr. Huberman calls it) that we are proud of. We learned that “Agitation and strain is the entry point to neuroplasticity” Dr. Huberman This is when lasting CHANGE is happening at the brain level, and impacting our entire nervous system. So when I'm working on something, (like trying to learn something new…like understanding the neuroscience of change for this episode) and that limbic friction feeling comes up, (and I'm annoyed or agitated) I now have a deeper understanding of what's happening at the brain level. I will now push forward, stay positive and lean into the change that I know is happening in my brain, as I embrace the change and say “Bring it on!” The Neuroscience of Change is an exciting topic, and it's only going to be strengthened with the next two topics, Agility and Resilience. To close, I'll revisit the quote from the great Sir Ken[xii], who's vision for creativity in our schools and workplaces of the future, is something that left a lasting impression on me. If we are afraid of change, of failing and doing something wrong, we will never come up with anything original.   I hope this episode has inspired you, like it has me, to lean into change, with brain science in mind, and keep working on the legacy or fossil record that you want to leave on the world. I'll see you next time. REVIEW OF OUR MAP (This is chapter 12/19) In this 18-week Series that we began in the beginning of February, (after I was inspired to cover Grant's book after our interview the end of January) we are covering: ✔ Powerful tactics from this Grant Bosnick's award-winning book that illustrates how change and achievement are truly achievable both from internal ('inside out') and external ('outside in') perspectives. ✔Listeners will grasp the immense power of self-leadership and its transformative effect on personal growth and success by applying the neuroscience Grant has uncovered in each chapter. ✔Explore practical strategies for habit formation and the impact of a self-assessment system. ✔Gain insights from Grant's expert advice on maintaining a balance between strengths and weaknesses while chasing after your goals. ✔Embark on an intellectual journey that has the power to elevate personal achievement and self-awareness to uncharted levels while we map out our journey over this 18-week course. REFERENCES: [i]Neuroscience Meets Social and Emotional Learning Podcast EPISODE #321 with Grant ‘Upbeat' Bosnick  https://andreasamadi.podbean.com/e/insights-from-grant-upbeat-bosnick/   [ii] Self-Assessment for Grant Bosnick's book https://www.selfleadershipassessment.com/   [iii] Neuroscience Meets Social and Emotional Learning Podcast EPISODE #296 with Chris Marshall on “Decoding Change”  https://andreasamadi.podbean.com/e/futurist-and-behavioral-scientist-chris-marshall-on-decoding-change/   [iv]Neuroscience Meets Social and Emotional Learning Podcast EPISODE #244  https://andreasamadi.podbean.com/e/brain-fact-friday-using-neuroscience-to-change-our-perception/   [v]Neuroscience Meets Social and Emotional Learning Podcast EPISODE #209 “Using Neuroscience to Impact Change”   https://andreasamadi.podbean.com/e/using-neuroscience-to-impact-change/   [vi] Neuroscience Meets Social and Emotional Learning Podcast EPISODE #159 “Using the Power of Surprise to Change Your Beliefs” https://andreasamadi.podbean.com/e/dr-michael-rousell-on-the-power-of-surprise-how-your-brain-secretly-changes-your-beliefs/   [vii] Rattlesnake Bites in Pima County Pose Costly Consequences Bri Pacelli April 2, 2024 https://www.kgun9.com/news/community-inspired-journalism/midtown-news/rattlesnake-bites-in-pima-county-pose-costly-consequences   [viii] Human Change Processes by Michael Mahoney https://www.amazon.com/Human-Change-Processes-Foundations-Psychotherapy/dp/0465031188   [ix] Neuroscience Meets Social and Emotional Learning Podcast EPISODE #270 “A short-Cut to Understanding Affective Neuroscience” with Lucy Biven https://andreasamadi.podbean.com/e/lucy-biven/   [x] Neuroscience Meets Social and Emotional Learning Podcast EPISODE #282 “How to Use Jaak Panksepp's 7 Core Emotions to Transform Your Family, Career and Life” https://andreasamadi.podbean.com/e/gabrielle-usatynski-on-how-to-use-jaak-panksepp-s-7-core-emotions-to-transform-your-relationships-family-career-and-life/   [xi] How Your Brain Works and Changes by Dr. Andrew Huberman 2021 https://open.spotify.com/episode/6wuY0R571xaBTbNOX4yuqY   [xii] Do Schools Kill Creativity? Sir Ken Robinson TED Talk https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iG9CE55wbtY        

In episode #130 I hang out with Dr. Tarryn Hoff. Tarryn holds a PhD in  Performance Psychology and is an adjunct doctoral Chair at UAGC & Grand Canyon University as well as running two personal training brands: GoTarryn & Peachtree City Personal Training.HighlightsSelf-Determination Theory (SDT) can help you make sense of your worldWe have three basic human needs - all of which are challenged during the doctoral journey Autonomy - having independence Competence - mastery over your environment Relatedness - relationship with othersIf you are feeling overwhelmed, pause and ask if one of your basic needs is being thwarted and if it is, ask yourself what you can do to resolve that (e.g., call a friend, talk with your Chair about how to implement the feedback you just received, take a course on the research method you plan to use, etc.)Own your research. This takes time - plan for 15-20 hours/week when you are cognitively on top of your gameRemember that only an estimated 2-3% of the population hold a doctoral degree (it's not going to be easy)It will take sacrifice (and if you decide other things are more important than your degree - that's OK!  Check out this episode: The Good Goodbye: How to End Your Doctoral Journey with Grace & Ease, with Dr. Gladys Ato)Embrace SMART goalsFind a tribe (see episodes below for tips)Utilize the power of accountability "It's your time, it's your investment, and it's your life." Related Episodes Learn about the 1-page alignment worksheet here: The Best Dissertation is a DONE Dissertation with Dr. Melanie ShawThe 4 H's of Doctoral Success with Dr. Todd FioreThe Dissertation Shift with Dr. Todd FioreThe Doc Journey: Things You Need to Know (that they probably won't tell you) Doctoral Journey: Building a Community of SupportReality Check: Is a Doc Program for You? with Jamie HillmanWhen You Want to Quit with Dr. Jodie HemerdaConnect with Tarrynhttp://www.Facebook.com/GoTarrynhttp://www.twitter.com/GoTarrynhttp://www.youtube.com/GoTarrynhttp://www.instagram.com/GoTarrynCheck out Tarryn's  Journal Articlehttps://www.nu.edu/wp-content/uploads/2022/08/Journal-of-Performance-Psychology-Issue-16.pdfSupport the Show.Support this free content: https://www.buzzsprout.com/1547113/supporters/new Get The Happy Doc Student Handbook: https://www.amazon.com/dp/0578333732Other resources at: http://Expandyourhappy.com Treat me to a green tea: https://www.buymeacoffee.com/expandyourhappyWant to make my day? Rate, review, subscribe & share with someone you love.

In this episode, Ricardo explores the SCARF model, a powerful framework developed by neuroscientist David Rock to understand and manage social behaviors in projects. He examines the five key domains of SCARF: Status, Certainty, Autonomy, Relatedness, and Fairness—and discusses how each of these elements can significantly impact team dynamics and project outcomes. By recognizing and addressing these social drivers, project managers can create a more positive and productive environment and ultimately achieve greater project success. Listen to the podcast to learn more. *Image generated using PMOtto.ai for ChatGPT.

Embark on an enlightening journey into the world of leadership psychology with our latest episode of "Stepping into Your Leadership," featuring the insightful guest Elaine Porcher. Dive deep into the SCARF model—an acronym for Status, Certainty, Autonomy, Relatedness, and Fairness—which serves as a framework to understand key emotional triggers in workplace dynamics. Learn how addressing and balancing these factors can greatly improve motivation, cooperation, and overall job satisfaction.In this episode, Elaine shares compelling personal anecdotes and the impactful benefits she experienced from autonomy in her career. Christine Courtney, your host, enriches the conversation by linking these concepts to intrinsic motivation factors discussed in Daniel Pink's renowned book, "Drive." Together, they explore practical strategies to foster an environment of trust, belonging, and fairness, especially in remote work settings.From delving into the nuances of status and its influence on team interactions to strategies fostering certainty through clear communication, this discussion is packed with valuable insights. Whether you're a new manager or a seasoned leader, understanding and implementing the principles of the SCARF model can set you on a path to more effective and empathetic leadership.Tune in to "Unwrapping the SCARF Model: Leading with Emotional Intelligence" and empower yourself to create a more motivated, engaged, and harmonious workplace.Books:Your Brain at Work: Quiet LeadershipListen to Strength Finder Podcast Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

How do language and psychology impact leadership behavior and financial performance in organizations? Are we overlooking the influence of corporate language? In this episode of The Trending Communicator, host Dan Nestle sits down with psychologist, neuroscientist, speaker, consultant, and author of Neuroscience for Organizational Communication: A Guide for Communicators and Leaders, Dr. Laura McHale.  Dan and Laura explore the intersection of neuroscience and organizational communication, looking into Laura's background in executive communications and her journey into neuroscience for leadership psychology. They delve into how status affects the brain, the SCARF model, and the concept of power distance in workplace dynamics before examining the complexities of employee engagement, the impact of social exclusion, and the importance of relatedness for a sense of belonging. They touch on the challenges of absentee leadership and the significance of inclusive communication practices for a positive work environment.  They also discuss the intricate relationship between language, communication, and AI within organizational contexts. Laura emphasizes the significance of "pronoun agility" and the problematic nature of weasel words in corporate communication. Using Enron's internal communications as a case study, they explore how language can reflect a company's financial health. The conversation also addresses the potential of AI, like ChatGPT, to revolutionize the communications field while also considering the risks of misuse and the importance of understanding psychology and neuroscience. The episode concludes with reflections on the future skills needed by communicators in an AI-influenced landscape.  Listen in and hear… The importance of understanding psychology and neuroscience in communications within organizations The complexity of communication in remote interactions and interpreting cues The neuroscience behind followership and cultural influences on behavior Impact of status on the brain and the SCARF model Leader distance or power distance and its effect on communication dynamics Complexity and challenges of measuring and understanding employee engagement Impact of social exclusion in the workplace and fostering a sense of belonging Implications of absentee leadership on employee communications and internal communications The relationship between corporate language and financial performance Concerns about the erosion of language and acceptance of weasel words Potential impact of AI on the communications profession and political discourse Notable Quotes [27:56] - "When our relatedness is threatened, it lights up so many pain centers of the brain; it's an extraordinarily painful phenomenon." -Dr. Laura McHale [22:28] -"Absentee leadership is reported seven times more than any other destructive leadership behavior; it is absolutely epidemic in our organizations and a big problem.” - Dr. Laura McHale [45:03] - “It really doesn't matter how perfect a communication is if the leadership behavior doesn't back it up; actions speak louder than words.” - Dr. Laura McHale [45:30] - “We as communicators can be brilliant at drafting words, but it ultimately needs actions and behaviors backing it up, otherwise it just becomes an exercise in cynicism.” - Dr. Laura McHale [47:55] - “We can only go so far in helping the leaders to frame what they're going to say, but ultimately it's going to be their behaviors that truly matter.” - Dr. Laura McHale Resources & Links Dan Nestle The Trending Communicator | Website Daniel Nestle | LinkedIn Dan Nestle | Twitter Dr. Laura McHale Dr. Laura McHale | Website Dr. Laura McHale | LinkedIn Dr. Laura McHale | Email Laura's Book Neuroscience for Organizational Communication: A Guide for Communicators and Leaders by Dr. Laura McHale   Timestamped summary for this episode (generated by Capsho, my AI assistant) 00:00:00 - Introduction to the importance of neuroscience in communication  Dan introduces the importance of understanding neuroscience in communication and the impact it has on leadership and organizational success. 00:01:15 - Laura's journey from communicator to psychology doctorate Laura shares her career journey from being a communicator to pursuing a doctorate in leadership psychology, driven by her fascination with leadership and human behavior. 00:06:39 - Laura's introduction to neuroscience Laura shares her introduction to neuroscience during her academic journey, where she developed a deep interest in the subject and its application to organizational life and communication. 00:13:14 - Differentiating psychology and neuroscience Laura explains the relationship between psychology and neuroscience, highlighting how neuroscience focuses on the physiological aspect of behavior, providing a deeper understanding of human communication and interactions. 00:15:27 - Impact of Zoom fatigue on communication Laura discusses the impact of Zoom fatigue on communication, highlighting the neuroscientific and psychological effects of excessive screen time and self-reflection during virtual interactions. 00:16:19 - The Impact of Zoom on Self-Image and Sociological Effects Laura discusses how our self-image impacts our focus and how the increase in dentistry and plastic surgery is related to the COVID Zoom epidemic. 00:17:07 - The Physiology of Behavior and Cultural Differences Laura delves into the physiology of behavior and how it leads to anxiety and stress, especially in different cultural contexts and power dynamics. 00:18:23 - Power Distance and Relatedness in Leadership The discussion explores the neuroscience behind deference to leaders and how it varies across cultures, emphasizing the importance of relatedness and its impact on the brain. 00:23:00 - Complexity of Constructs in Work Laura highlights the complexity of constructs in the workplace, such as leader power distance, and the challenges in understanding and measuring them, emphasizing the need to acknowledge this complexity. 00:27:29 - The Pain of Social Exclusion and Impact on Communication The conversation touches on the pain of social exclusion and its impact on workplace dynamics, emphasizing the importance of understanding and addressing relatedness in communication to avoid potential harm and misinterpretation. 00:33:43 - Inclusive and Exclusive "We" Laura discusses the use of inclusive and exclusive "we" in language, how it impacts social exclusion in organizations, and how politicians and leaders deploy them. 00:36:15 - Absentee Leadership Laura delves into absentee leadership, its impact on social exclusion, and the neglectful nature of this behavior in organizations. 00:37:10 - Understanding Absentee Leadership Laura emphasizes the prevalence of absentee leadership in organizations, its impact on employees, and the need for dialogue between leaders and their teams to address this issue. 00:39:01 - Recognizing Absentee Leadership Laura shares personal experiences of absentee leadership, the signs to look out for, and the importance of proactive communication and engagement to address this issue. 00:45:50 - Leadership and Communication Laura highlights the symbiotic relationship between leadership behavior and communication, the significance of words in corporate discourse, and the impact of language on company performance. 00:51:49 - Importance of Authentic Leadership Communication Dr. Laura McHale discusses the importance of aligning a leader's language with their behavior in order to avoid a disconnect. She emphasizes the need for transparent and direct communication without using negative messages padded with positive messaging. 00:53:10 - Impact of Weak Modal Words in Communication Dr. McHale points out how weak modal words and weasel words have influenced the acceptance of ambiguous language in communication. She stresses the importance of clear and direct communication, encouraging communicators to use concrete words and active voice. 00:55:38 - Influence of AI on Communication The conversation shifts to the impact of AI, specifically chat GPT and large language models, on communication. Dr. McHale shares insights on the potential implications and concerns related to using AI to craft messaging, highlighting its ability to generate hate speech and manipulative content. 01:01:10 - Communicators' Superpower in AI Era Dan Nestle expresses optimism about communicators leveraging their expertise in words and language to harness the potential of AI, particularly in prompt engineering. He emphasizes the importance of understanding psychology and neuroscience in working with AI. 01:05:36 - Cynicism and Optimism in AI Application The conversation delves into the dual nature of AI as an enabler and a potential manipulative tool. Dr. McHale discusses the need for vigilance in utilizing AI for communication and its potential impact on social cohesion and pro-social behavior.  

Shane Spraggs, the CEO of Virtira, a consulting company focused on accelerating sales and enabling channel partners and remote teams. Shane is also the author of The Power of Remote. We discuss about the 3 components of Trust, the Relatedness framework, how to facilitate an event in a remote setup, the collaborative journal and Shane's goal for writing his book “The Power of Remote.”   (01:16) Shane's entrepreneurial journey (06:36) The 3 components of Trust  (10:48) The Relatedness framework. (16:43) How to facilitate an event in a remote setup (22:34) The collaborative journal. (28:40) Shane's goal for writing The Power of Remote  (30:01) Parting Thoughts   Links and Resources Steve and Greg Cleary's Book Pinnacle: Five Principles that Take Your Business to the Top of the Mountain Work with Steve - Stevepreda.com Connect with Steve on LinkedIn Shane's LinkedIn Virtira

https://youtu.be/MaGbSbRbsU8 Shane Spraggs, the CEO of Virtira, a consulting company focused on accelerating sales and enabling channel partners and remote teams. Shane is also the author of The Power of Remote. We discuss about the 3 components of Trust, the Relatedness framework, how to facilitate an event in a remote setup, the collaborative journal and Shane's goal for writing his book “The Power of Remote.” --- Energize Your Remote Team with Shane Spraggs Our guest is Shane Spraggs, the CEO of Virtira, a consulting company focused on accelerating sales and enabling channel partners and remote teams. Shane is also the author of The Power of Remote. Shane, welcome to the show. Thank you for having me, Steve. So, Shane, you're the CEO of Virtira. Can you describe how you got here and ended up running this company that focuses on remote enablement? Well, I'm sure every CEO's got a longer story about how they arrived at where they are now today. Mine started way back when, back in 1998, I was in software development. Myself and three buddies from work, we left work, started our own entrepreneurial venture called Acromedia. And they were designers. I was the sole software developer and we, they were three designers. And, you know, website development was new at the time and wouldn't you know it, the ratio of three designers to one software developer was exactly wrong. We had far too much work for the designers, which meant even more work for me. And before we knew it, we had to start hiring software developers and that forced me into a management role. And in that role, I started learning all about project management, the basics of operations, and then about 12 years later, I left Acromedia and joined Disney, which was a studio here in Kelowna. They bought the product Club Penguin and I worked to become the senior manager of production operations where I was running the roadmap and making sure all the projects were aligned and in order. And then from there I went on a series of small startups in Kelowna where I live and related to education, one really high tech one, which kind of mirrored the TV show Silicon Valley, where we were literally trying to find better ways to reduce video sizes, and we had a magic way of doing it. And then the pandemic hit. And so like many people, that caused the startup I was with to start faltering. And I joined Virtira, who was looking for operational support at the time. I joined Cynthia Watson who who was also looking for someone to start taking over the company. So I worked as the operations person for a while at Virtira. Virtira has been working remotely for over 15 years. And so I had an opportunity to learn from Cynthia Watson all about the best practices for running remote teams. Between her remote experience and my operational experience, we wrote the book, I'll throw a little plug in. And yeah, as they say, the rest is history. So it's been a journey, it really has been, mostly through the operational side of things. And now I'm getting a chance to really dip my toe into the sales and marketing side of the business and financial side as well. Ok, so what I'm wondering about this, obviously this company probably transformed during the pandemic because helping remote workers be effective is such a big part of the company. How did how did this kind of this mission evolve and why is it important? So like many companies, so most companies when they did the switch in 2020 from remote from in office to remote, I'd say that the employees were ready. Most employees had a laptop, they could set up, stand up and they can go to their house, they could work for from their office in their house without any, it was not too much trouble. It was natural for most of them, you know, a lot of them just did the same thing they did in the office. Downside was that there was three groups of people who weren't ready to go and work from home. Managers were not ready, HR wasn't ready,

✨ About This Episode: In a world that often feels like a mosh pit, Aaron Holesgrove stands out as a maestro, conducting a symphony of leadership, family, and innovation. Join us as Aaron, a beacon of agility and innovation, shares his extraordinary journey from a tech-savvy professional to a paradigm of emotional intelligence and leadership

Join us for a thought-provoking episode featuring an interview with Jason Palmer, delving into his article exploring the intricate world of Peruvian Mormon kinship. In “Tiny Papers: Peruvian Mormon Substances of Relatedness,” Palmer challenges conventional… The post Tiny Papers: Peruvian Mormon Substances of Relatedness appeared first on Dialogue Journal.

In this episode, LaRon E. Nelson, PhD, RN, FNP, FNAP, FNYAM, FAAN, discusses the role that healthcare professionals (HCPs) may be playing in their patients' pre-exposure prophylaxis (PrEP) persistence and strategies to modify their approach to encourage persistence, from Clinical Care Options (CCO), including:Racial disparities in the PrEP care continuumConsideration that PrEP persistence may be less about relationship to the drug than the environmentExamples of HCP implicit bias regarding PrEP responsibility based on racism and sexual prejudiceImpact of HCP implicit bias on PrEP persistenceImpact of racism on clinical cognitionThe demonstrated effects of stereotype threat and the potential healthcare implicationsWays to improve clinical conversations about PrEPProviding person-centered care to encourage PrEP persistence using the Client‑Centered Care Coordination (C4™) ModelFacultyLaRon E. Nelson, PhD, RN, FNP, FNAP, FNYAM, FAANIndependence Foundation ProfessorSchool of NursingYale UniversityNew Haven, ConnecticutFollow along with the slides: https://bit.ly/497cahKLink to full program:https://bit.ly/3ZlICsLGet access to all of our new podcasts by subscribing to the CCO Infectious Disease podcast on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, or Spotify.

Dr. Rick joins Forrest for a deep dive into harnessing our natural generativity. How can we become more productive and creative, experience greater satisfaction, and lean into our biological drives to get more of what we want out of life?They explore what a drive is, our natural drive states, and what we can learn from models of motivation like self-determination theory, before moving on to what we can do if generativity doesn't come naturally to us. Rick and Forrest share how we can lean into enjoyable experiences, feel more competent and autonomous, and learn to brave experiences of failure. The second half of the episode focuses on psychological tools that help us activate, enjoy, and hang out in generative states more often.You can watch this episode on YouTube.Register for Rick's Yearly Program! The Foundations of Well-Being 2.0 is a year-long, science-backed journey through developing 12 key inner strengths like compassion, mindfulness, confidence, motivation, and courage. It's Rick's flagship program, and if you like Being Well you'll probably love it. Visit FWBProgram.com to learn more, and get 20% off with coupon code BeingWell20. Key Topics:0:00: Introduction1:10: Rick's ability to stay generative.3:25: Motivation, aggression, and our interdependence with others12:10: A theoretical framework for generative drive 14:50: The process of making something as a form of healing19:30: Confidence, autonomy, and relatedness23:55: The way we think of ourselves28:10: Agency, and what we can and cannot influence34:30: Comfort with aggression40:55: Work ethic, the role of passion and enjoyment, and finding your why47:45: Competency and flow50:55: Having positive associations with effort57:10: Enriching vs. absorbing our experience1:01:30: The little things that make a big difference1:04:30: RecapSponsors:Zocdoc helps you find expert doctors and medical professionals that specialize in the care you need, and deliver the type of experience you want. Head to zocdoc.com/being and download the Zocdoc app for FREE.Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world's largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month!Want to sleep better? Try the Calm app! Visit calm.com/beingwell for 40% off a premium subscription.Connect with the show:Subscribe on iTunesFollow Forrest on YouTubeFollow us on InstagramFollow Forrest on InstagramFollow Rick on FacebookFollow Forrest on FacebookVisit Forrest's website

“Things that are outside your control, be transparent — because oftentimes those collisions of change can create innovation.” Carol Fusek is a Neuroleadership Institute brain-based coach who works with individuals, organizations and families to help them thrive. Currently based in Singapore, Carol was P&G's Asia's Associate Director of Customer Service & Logistics, where during her 26-year career with P&G she held various leadership roles. As a coach, Carol's coaching is influenced by brain science and how it can shape leaders and teams. In this candid conversation, we discuss how brain based coaching can bring about lasting change. Carol shares about the SCARF model — which involves five domains of human social experience: Status, Certainty, Autonomy, Relatedness, and Fairness — a powerful neuroscience based model for coaching. We explore hot topics - inclusion, psychological safety, trust. We talk about how leaders and organizations can prepare for change and a lot more. This is a continuation of our series with P&G Alumni Coaching where leading Alumni will dive deep on relevant topics. Just as professional athletes have a coach to help them perform at their best, coaching can help you thrive in career and life life, through powerful questioning, exploration, and action planning. P&G Alums can learn more and sign up for their first free first session @ coaching.pgalums.com.

Your training matters, but so do the friendships you make along the way. Those who listen and put this mindset shift into practice will be rewarded greatly.

Ep. 103 (Part 2 of 2) | “What if I lean into the pain and come out the other side and survive it—and what if I take you with me, as the reader, and together we deal with our pain?” asks Tyson Yunkaporta, author, senior research fellow, founder of the Indigenous Knowledge Systems Lab. Tyson embodies this era of metacrisis, actively working with the global issues of our time in his work and in his personal life. His books are paradigm rattling and his whole life is a contribution—bringing forth ways in which Aboriginal Indigenous knowledge can help us, stating the need to find a collective narrative we can all agree on in order to survive, expressing himself with utter authenticity, and pointing out emphatically that each one of us is a web of relations, and that's what matters most.In his own uniquely raw, unguarded, authentic (and funny) way, Tyson describes his personal challenges with mental health and bipolar disorder and the states of mind he was in when he wrote his two books. Sand Talk: How Indigenous Thinking Can Save the World, was written in just weeks while manic. In dramatic contrast, Right Story, Wrong Story: Adventures in Indigenous Thinking was written while wrestling with depression. Tyson talks about disinformation and how we collectively need to get to the “right story;” about Aboriginal culture and what it means to be living in a colony; the amazing psycho-technologies Aboriginals have to deal with grief; the radicalization and polarization exacerbated by COVID lockdowns in Australia; the similarity between Indigenous knowledge and the scientific method; the sacredness of magic and how this cannot be scaled. Tyson is a window into Aboriginal Indigenous knowledge and a brilliant translator of that wisdom for the rest of us. Recorded September 21, 2023.“Everything you are is a web of relations – you are a relational net.”(For Apple Podcast users, click here to view the complete show notes on the episode page.)Topics & Time Stamps – Part 1Introducing artist, academic, author, podcast host, and founder of the Indigenous Knowledge Systems Lab, Tyson Yunkaporta (01:21)Aboriginal & white Australia is really just one world, with Australia squatting on top: living in the overlap space of the Venn diagram (02:50)How we survive: Aboriginal culture has amazing psychotechnologies of mourning and excels at cultivating humor to effectively heal the grief from facing death so often (05:45) How the Aboriginals were indirectly responsible for the first corporation after spearing Dutchmen 500 years ago (06:57)Tyson's new book, Right Story, Wrong Story spends a lot of time refuting his first book, Sand Talk (09:20)Sand Talk was written in a bipolar/manic episode in 2 weeks flat—it includes a lot of solid Indigenous wisdom as well as propaganda about Western institutions (09:51)Right Story/Wrong Story was written in a state of suicidal depression modeled on Dante's Inferno (13:14)The effects of COVID and the harshest lockdowns on the planet on Aboriginal Australia & on Tyson (14:11)Right Story/Wrong Story looks at disinformation: how can we collectively get to the right story? (16:10)Tyson explains his mental health challenges and the paradox of being dependent on Western medicine and other Western institutions (17:55)The capacity to laugh is what gets you through (22:16)The neurological capacity of an echidna (22:58)How secular gurus, influencers, are nudging people in horrible directions like fascism, autocracy, exclusionary politics (24:31) People get...

Ep. 102 (Part 1 of 2) | “What if I lean into the pain and come out the other side and survive it—and what if I take you with me, as the reader, and together we deal with our pain?” asks Tyson Yunkaporta, author, senior research fellow, founder of the Indigenous Knowledge Systems Lab. Tyson embodies this era of metacrisis, actively working with the global issues of our time in his work and in his personal life. His books are paradigm rattling and his whole life is a contribution—bringing forth ways in which Aboriginal Indigenous knowledge can help us, stating the need to find a collective narrative we can all agree on in order to survive, expressing himself with utter authenticity, and pointing out emphatically that each one of us is a web of relations, and that's what matters most.In his own uniquely raw, unguarded, authentic (and funny) way, Tyson describes his personal challenges with mental health and bipolar disorder and the states of mind he was in when he wrote his two books. Sand Talk: How Indigenous Thinking Can Save the World, was written in just weeks while manic. In dramatic contrast, Right Story, Wrong Story: Adventures in Indigenous Thinking was written while wrestling with depression. Tyson talks about disinformation and how we collectively need to get to the “right story;” about Aboriginal culture and what it means to be living in a colony; the amazing psycho-technologies Aboriginals have to deal with grief; the radicalization and polarization exacerbated by COVID lockdowns in Australia; the similarity between Indigenous knowledge and the scientific method; the sacredness of magic and how this cannot be scaled. Tyson is a window into Aboriginal Indigenous knowledge and a brilliant translator of that wisdom for the rest of us. Recorded September 21, 2023.“If you can get a fellow like me to line up and share a narrative with everybody else and an agreement on what is real and what is not in the world, then I guess there's going to be hope for everybody.”(For Apple Podcast users, click here to view the complete show notes on the episode page.)Topics & Time Stamps – Part 1Introducing artist, academic, author, podcast host, and founder of the Indigenous Knowledge Systems Lab, Tyson Yunkaporta (01:21)Aboriginal & white Australia is really just one world, with Australia squatting on top: living in the overlap space of the Venn diagram (02:50)How we survive: Aboriginal culture has amazing psychotechnologies of mourning and excels at cultivating humor to effectively heal the grief from facing death so often (05:45) How the Aboriginals were indirectly responsible for the first corporation after spearing Dutchmen 500 years ago (06:57)Tyson's new book, Right Story, Wrong Story spends a lot of time refuting his first book, Sand Talk (09:20)Sand Talk was written in a bipolar/manic episode in 2 weeks flat—it includes a lot of solid Indigenous wisdom as well as propaganda about Western institutions (09:51)Right Story/Wrong Story was written in a state of suicidal depression modeled on Dante's Inferno (13:14)The effects of COVID and the harshest lockdowns on the planet on Aboriginal Australia & on Tyson (14:11)Right Story/Wrong Story looks at disinformation: how can we collectively get to the right story? (16:10)Tyson explains his mental health challenges and the paradox of being dependent on Western...

Part two in the three part mini series on starting the year strong and building a motivated classroom: In this episode we look at what happens in week two of the school year, once we have done the admin tasks in week one and set out some basic routines. Specifically I discuss the first picture talk of the year, the first time we push all the chairs back and focus on intent listening, how we build our free reading library, how we reinforce routines daily and what (if any) tasks are given as home contact with the language. Please let me know what you think! Keep in touch and share widely! Full programme notes are available on ⁠⁠⁠⁠www.liamprinter.com/podcast⁠⁠⁠⁠. Follow The Motivated Classroom on Instagram ⁠⁠⁠⁠@themotivatedclassroom⁠⁠⁠⁠, Twitter ⁠⁠⁠⁠@motclasspodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠ and Facebook ⁠⁠⁠⁠@themotivatedclassroom⁠⁠⁠⁠. I'd love to know what you think, please get in touch! Join the conversation with the hashtag #MotivatedClassroom. Enjoying the podcast? Leave a review on ⁠⁠⁠⁠Apple Podcasts⁠⁠⁠⁠ or ⁠⁠⁠⁠Facebook⁠⁠⁠⁠. Become a Patron of The Motivated Classroom podcast on ⁠⁠⁠⁠patreon.com.

Path of Sacred Relatedness - Undoing the Blocks to Loving Presence - We long for soul friends, and yet often engage with each other in reactive ways - caught inside the experience of a wanting, guarded, fearful self. This talk explores practices that release identification with these scales that confine us, so we can remember the sacredness living through ourselves and all beings.

Self-Determination Theory suggests that there are three fundamental psychological needs humans have in order to thrive: autonomy, competence, and relatedness. But what do those things mean in terms of our day-to-day lives? In the third and final installment of our Two Guys on Your Head series on Self-Determination, Dr. Art Markman, Dr. Bob Duke, and Rebecca McInroy […] The post Self-Determination Theory: Relatedness appeared first on KUT & KUTX Studios -- Podcasts.

It's Truth + Tequila Tuesday! And mmmm, mmm! It's some very fine agave spirit this week happening at Mojo Central. Cheers to you! Glad you're here. This week's episode is inspired by something Ram Dass said. TUNE IN for the conversation

It's Truth + Tequila Tuesday! And mmmm, mmm! It's some very fine agave spirit this week happening at Mojo Central. Cheers to you! Glad you're here. This week is all about reconnecting with you and sharing the Mojo 411. TUNE IN for the news

Show notes: https://designbetterpodcast.com/p/donna-lichaw-the-leaders-journey “Management is a job, whereas leadership is a quality you have to earn,” as we learned way back in Episode 21 from our guest Julie Zhuo. Today, we're diving deeper into the topic of leadership with Donna Lichaw, author of the new book The Leader's Journey: Transforming Your Leadership To Achieve the Extraordinary Donna is also the author of The User's Journey: Storymapping Products That People Love.  We chat with Donna about why leadership often gets conflated with management, how to find your own narrative, and why your product isn't the hero. One more thing before we get to the show: our newsletter this month is going to feature a new column by Margaret Lee, who founded the UX Community & Culture program for Google's global User Experience organization, and who is now an executive and leadership coach. If you're looking for solid leadership advice from someone who's been in the trenches, subscribe at designbetterpodcast.com so you get the newsletter when it comes out later this month. Thanks for subscribing, and for listening. Bio Donna Lichaw is an executive coach, keynote speaker, and author of the bestselling books, The User's Journey and much-awaited follow-up, The Leader's Journey. She helps high-growth startup CEOs, tech executives, and senior leadership teams scale their leadership so that they can amplify their business growth and make a positive impact in the world. Before coaching, she was a product leader and consultant working with some of the most successful companies on the planet. What she found was that teams would bring her in to help solve product problems…and that their biggest challenges were actually people problems that could be easily solved with a little bit of design thinking, psychology, and ingenuity. This episode is brought to you by: Fable: Build inclusive products: https://makeitfable.com/designbetter/ Methodical Coffee: Roasted, blended, brewed, served and perfected by verified coffee nerds: https://methodicalcoffee.com/ (use code "designbetter" for 10% off of your order). Freehand by InVision: The intelligent whiteboard that's half the price of Miro and Mural: https://freehandapp.com/ Help us make the show even better by taking a short survey: www.dbtr.co/survey If you're interested in sponsoring the show, please contact us at: sponsors@thecuriositydepartment.com If you'd like to submit a guest idea, please contact us at: contact@thecuriositydepartment.com Links SCARF: Status, Certainty, Autonomy, Relatedness, Fairness The Coddling of the American Mind: How Good Intentions and Bad Ideas Are Setting Up a Generation for Failure by Greg Lukianoff and Jonathan Haidt

This talk was given by Gil Fronsdal on 2023.01.02 at the Insight Meditation Center in Redwood City, CA. ******* Video of this talk is available at: https://youtu.be/76GofEBVMpQ. ******* For more talks like this, visit AudioDharma.org ******* If you have enjoyed this talk, please consider supporting AudioDharma with a donation at https://www.audiodharma.org/donate/. ******* This talk is licensed by a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 4.0 License