Podcasts about robert weiss sex addiction

Dr. Rob and Tami answer a painful question from a listener about whether he should tell his child and relatives about the reason why he and his wife are divorcing after formal disclosure. They also answer whether it makes sense for couples to practice celibacy while in recovery, and share their thoughts on whether an addict has to be in a 12-step program in order to succeed.   TAKEAWAYS: [:30] My wife wants a divorce and to tell my son the reason why. [3:15] You will traumatize your children if you tell them about your betrayal. [5:50] Everyone needs to have boundaries, not just addicts. [7:40] Do you recommend a celibacy period for couples in recovery? [12:45] My husband had a bad 12-step experience, but he's doing other things for his recovery. Will he still succeed if he's not going to 12-step meetings? [19:15] Therapy groups will end, but addiction is a life-long thing. [21:25] How can you work on your core beliefs?   RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss

Dr. Rob and Tami share their thoughts on what to do if none of your friends or sponsors are picking up the phone in times of crisis. It's a horrible situation to be in, but the urges do pass. Whatever you do, do not go out that door to go act out. If the people in your life aren't showing up for you in a way that you need, then go out and find the right sponsor and people for you.   TAKEAWAYS: [:30] We signed a commitment letter. He's broken it. Now what? [10:15] Our children are in therapy. Should we tell the therapists about my husband's sex addiction? [13:00] My job has been stressful and a big trigger. What can I do? [20:15] Addiction is a disease of disconnection. If you disconnect, you're probably going to act out. [23:50] My anger is so intense. I am so angry. How can I feel better? [29:45] When you're in your anger, you're in your healing. Dr. Rob explains what he means.   RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss

Dr. Rob and Tami answer a painful question from a listener. Should you get back with your partner that continues to act out? A relationship is a two-way street, if he is not putting in the effort to be a better husband and father, then you need to start taking care of yourself and do what's best for your children. An addict will always find an excuse to “put it off.” It's painful and tragic, but Dr. Rob and Tami have a support group for betrayed spouses who need to heal from the pain their addict has caused.   TAKEAWAYS: [:30] Can a SA be a sponsor even when they haven't completed all the steps? [4:45] Acting in service of others is always going to be a good thing. [5:45] Dr. Rob, can you tell me a little bit more about DBT? [7:40] Is there a specific order for recovery when you have more than one addiction? [12:10] How many meetings a week should an addict attend? [17:20] I separated from my addict. Now what? Should we divorce or try to keep working on it? [23:45] Why would someone fantasize having sex with strangers? [26:40] No one can control their fantasies! [29:50] You can set expectations but you can't make them happen.   RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weissmklllkkkjlj

Dr. Rob and Tami bust a common lie addicts often tell themselves; that they can go through the recovery process “by themselves.” Think again! Addiction is a disease of disconnection. The only way out of it is learning how to connect, that is the essence of what recovery is. Addicts have to learn how to be vulnerable, learn empathy, and uncouple the narrative that they're terrible people.   TAKEAWAYS: [:25] My betrayed girlfriend of 10-plus years will not participate in the recovery process. Is there anything I can do? [2:35] Not everyone wants to go to therapy. You can't make them go. [6:40] Everyone can make lemonade out of lemons! [7:25] I'm terrified to leave my house because my SA said he'd act out anytime I was gone. How can I be strong in my boundaries? [15:05] What is “Three Circle” and should we do it? [19:10] I relapsed and my partner is going through trauma from it. How can I help? [22:00] It all boils down to trust. Your partner found out before you disclosed it. Of course, she's upset! [29:00[ My husband wants to do all of this work “by himself.” What do I do? [31:10] Addiction is a disease of disconnection and isolation. Nobody recovers alone. The cure is connection!   RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss  

Dr. Rob and Tami help define what the definition of true recovery is in this week's episode. If you or a spouse is ‘sober' that doesn't always mean they're on a path of recovery. Dr. Rob shares some signs that show you're actually making progress towards becoming a better person. Dr. Rob and Tami also talk about why it can take so long for a sober addict to actually ‘be' a good person that can connect empathically with their spouse.   TAKEAWAYS: [0:25] Is remorse necessary for recovery and healing? My SA hasn't demonstrated any remorse throughout his recovery.  [4:35] What is the definition of recovery?  [6:25] My husband has trouble connecting emotionally. Will he ever be able to authentically connect with me?  [10:30] Just because they're sober doesn't mean they're automatically going to be nice to you. This process takes time.  [11:05] My heart still aches that my SA acted out for the last 15+ years with friends of mine. I'm having trouble pretending it never happened.  [12:00] Dr. Rob can tell based on how an addict in treatment talks and whether they're talking sobriety seriously or not. When they leave treatment, that's just the first step on a long journey.  [15:00] Unfortunately, you won't be able to look at this person again.  [18:10] As a betrayed spouse, your whole world has been poisoned. It makes sense why the brain can't just ‘forget' that.  [19:25] What is hyperphantasia?  [23:10] An affair partner reached out to me. I blocked her. My spouse is still upset that this woman reached out and wants to verify whether one of this woman's children is biologically mine. This would mean unblocking the affair partner to ask her. What can I do to comfort her?  [25:25] Betrayed spouses can hyper fixate on the why and get stuck in the process. They want to bring the affair partner in thinking it'll lead to closure. It won't.    RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss

Dr. Rob and Tami talk about some of the warning signs when an addict is trying to manipulate you in their recovery. If he is threatening suicide, if he is not listening to your boundaries, it, unfortunately, might mean it's time to take drastic measures and kick him out of the house. Many addicts use the suicide word to purely manipulate, and often don't have intentions of doing the act. You might feel hopeless, but it's time to take care of yourself.   TAKEAWAYS: [1:00] I don't think my addict has any remorse. Seems he's in sobriety but not in recovery. What do I do? [4:55] My husband is sober for four months but has not shown any commitment to his recovery. Is there hope for him? [8:25] Belief in God is not an action! This man is trying to manipulate you and he's breaking your boundaries. [13:55] How long does it usually take an SA to remember the things they've done? Do they really not remember? [20:25] As a sex addict, I always feel like my partner is going to leave me. What can I do? [23:55] I was diagnosed with OCD, does this contribute to my addiction? [27:35] How do I forgive myself for betraying my partner? I don't want to tell her I had a slip.   RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss

Dr. Rob and Tami talk about a common mistake sex addicts often do not consider and that's the recovery of your betrayed spouse. You might be in recovery and doing all the work, but your spouse is going to feel the ripple effects of your addiction long after D-day. Showering your partner with gifts and affection is not what's going to cut it, and it takes much more to build the trust back up in the relationship. In this episode, Dr. Rob and Tami share how you can work on your recovery and be a better person to your betrayed spouse.   TAKEAWAYS: [:50] My husband is on week four of Out of the Doghouse, what changes should I expect? [4:55] You need to understand your own self, and why you have a sex addiction before you can seek forgiveness from your spouse. [6:50] When you've destroyed the trust in a relationship, it's not going to come back overnight with a bunch of flowers. [7:11] Three months of sobriety means nothing when you've hurt your wife for the last 20 years of marriage. [8:00] My husband sees a CSAT weekly but he's dragging on everything else. Should we just separate? [12:55] What is a sex addict really seeking? Is it validation? My husband had everything, I just don't understand it. [16:30] A lot of men say they love their spouses but addicts don't truly know what it means to love somebody. [19:25] What do true remorse and guilt look like? [22:05] My SA husband got sexually aroused from seeing a young girl at our home in a bikini. Is he a pedophile? [24:40] As an SA,  I'm having reservations about sharing certain things with my partner. How can I get over this?   RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss

Dr. Rob and Tami open today's conversation about what psychological abuse really is. Many people in recovery do not realize that their form of persuasion can be incredibly abusive until they've been educated on it. Unfortunately, the spouses can receive the blunt of that abuse if they're not actively working on it and setting boundaries. Dr. Rob and Tami also talk about the deep betrayal a spouse can feel when they find out their addict brought sexual partners into their home.    TAKEAWAYS: [:30] Can you help me understand more about what psychological abuse is?  [5:20] Dr. Rob has seen many sex addicts not understand that they're abusive.  [6:10] My husband has relapsed with drugs, but I also just found out he's also a sex addict. Why is he doing this? [10:00] True recovery means you've stopped all forms of acting out.  [13:00] I found evidence that affair partners have been brought into our home. How do I manage this?  [18:20] As a betrayed spouse, you need support. Reach out to Tami for more info.  [19:00] My husband is in recovery, but I don't think he's taking it seriously.  [22:55] Talk to his therapist directly. Is he lying to you or is the therapist really saying those things?  [26:25] Addicts lie to their therapists all the time just to ‘check off the box'.   RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss

Dr. Rob and Tami address several partners of addicts who are projecting blame onto them and advise them on what to do to protect themselves. A spouse who is deflecting or getting angry is not taking on accountability and could be damaging your family in many ways. Dr. Rob and Tami also emphasize the importance of treating your addiction like any other dire health condition; you HAVE to carve out the time for recovery and find the right professional help. Plus, a listener writes in with a raw and vulnerable plea about how to come clean to his partner about his addiction.   TAKEAWAYS: [:24] I recently discovered my husband has been secretly using escorts. He reacted by blaming and being angry with me. Is it worth trying to work it out or should I contact an attorney? [5:14] Why does my partner blame me when he gets inappropriate text messages? [7:45] I am a male addict with a very busy work schedule. Are there affordable therapists that work flexible hours? [15:17] I'm just recently sober from both addictions, and I'm having anxiety and panic attack side effects. Is that normal? [20:13] Dr. Rob clarifies how to use his system and book Out of the Doghouse. [21:40] I'm a gay male who has struggled with porn addiction for 15 years. My first-ever partner supports my recovery but doesn't know I've sexted a few strangers. How do I tell him?   RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss SRH Webinars

Dr. Rob and Tami offer some helpful resources for those in recovery who want to reintegrate and reengage in healthy sex.  They also focus on betrayed partners and give them permission to put up boundaries.  For both addicts and their partners, it's important to understand that support is key to healing.  There are many places and resources to seek help, and you don't have to go it alone.   TAKEAWAYS: [:24] How do you reintegrate healthy sex after porn addiction treatment?  And what are some books to use as a resource? [3:18] Having an accountability partner or support group is a way to curb obsessive thoughts. [6:44] Can porn addiction cause psychological impotence/erectile dysfunction? [11:45] I'm a betrayed partner whose partner has relapsed again.  What are the pros and cons of living together vs. separately to rebuild trust?   [17:03] There are a number of places where betrayed partners can seek more intensive care; as victims they need support in addition to the addicts. [19:18] As a recovering addict, it doesn't mean you have to put yourself down but you do have to put in the work to empathize with your partner.  It's about shifting perspective and attitude.   RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss The Couple's Guide to Intimacy:  How Sexual Reintigeration Therapy Can Help Your Relationship Heal, by Dr. Bill Bercaw Lust, Men, and Meth, by David Michael Fawcett What is Sensate Focus and How Does it Work? SRH Online Support Groups

Dr. Rob and Tami answer some of your questions on this week's episode. One listener had relapsed over the weekend and doesn't know where to go from here. Dr. Rob has some helpful and encouraging advice to help you contusion on this path of sobriety and recovery. Dr. Rob and Tami also answer the question of how trauma and abuse relate to addiction, and if it's truly possible to recover from multiple addictions at once.   TAKEAWAYS: [:30] How do you create safety and intimacy? [2:25] Addicts need to learn a whole new way of connecting. [3:50] Is addiction recovery handled differently when you're a child of trauma? [10:00] A workshop or a retreat is not going to address your deep trauma wounds. [10:30] I have relapsed. How can I bounce back? [11:35] So many men who relapse don't go back and ask for help. Good for you for asking for help! [14:40] My husband is addicted to multiple things. Is recovery possible for him? [18:40] The power dynamic has shifted in the household ever since I cheated. What do we do? [23:30] It's not about having “time” heal all wounds. It's about taking action. [24:35] How often should my SA and I do check-ins? [27:10] Connection is all about building intimacy.   RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss

Dr. Rob and Tami talk about how you can process your hurt and anger after you've found out about your spouse's infidelity and addiction. When Tami began her recovery journey, she also had to process a lot of angry emotions and she discovered that it was triggering hidden abandonment wounds. Your initial emotions might not be what they seem, and Tami offers advice on how you can dive deeper within yourself to help process the pain.   TAKEAWAYS: [:35] The cheating is now just gone to porn masturbation. Is this still cheating? [1:40] Tami shares her thoughts on harm reduction. [4:20] How does Dr. Rob define sex addiction? [6:30] At the end of the day, what do you want? There's a clear line on what sobriety is. [6:50] As a betrayed spouse, I'm mad at so much. How can I process this? [10:45] What is “brain spotting”? [11:55] Whenever my SA husband touches me, I feel sick to my stomach. How do I fix this? [16:30] Should I tell our respective family members about my addiction? They know my wife has been depressed. [24:05] Is commitment phobia connected with sex addiction? [28:20] How easy is it for someone to get over a 50-year addiction?   RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss

Dr. Rob and Tami talk about how betrayed spouses can take care of themselves, especially if their addict is not showing up in a way that they need to. They also answer a question from an emotional man, who has been in recovery for the last two years, and use it as a showcase on why recovery really does work when you put in the work. When you commit 100%, you will see the results.    TAKEAWAYS: [:45] My SA husband never wants to have sex. What gives? [6:10] As a betrayed partner, you need to do self-healing work. Your partner has lied to you for over 2 decades.  [7:20] It's common for addicts to gaslight you and confuse you whenever you stand up for yourself.   [10:25] My betrayed spouse doesn't seem as invested in this recovery journey as I am. I am trying my best, what can I do?  [13:10] I'm interested in taking the Out of the Doghouse course. When does it start? [15:50] I've been in recovery for two years. I'm more emotional than ever, and my wife thinks this is strange. How can I help her understand what's happening?  [20:30] ADHD and addiction? Is there a connection?    RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss

Dr. Rob and Tami talk about what to do when you've caught your addict watching some really uncomfortable and ethically questionable porn. They also discuss how betrayed spouses can move through grief and forgiveness in a healthy way without holding on to resentment. All this and more in this week's episode!    TAKEAWAYS: [:35] Caught my husband watching incest porn. What do I do?  [2:15] You need to find a specialist in this field and not a general therapist.  [3:40] I've lost a lot. As the betrayed partner, I'm going through grief, how do I forgive?  [6:10] Where are you in the stages of forgiveness? It takes time to grieve and forgive. [9:00] My husband has been sober for 2 years, but I still don't trust him.  [13:30] The opposite of love is not hate. If you still love them, you're passionately engaged. Opposite of love is indifference. [15:15] If you leave, do the work you need to do to heal.  [17:00] How important is community as part of your recovery process? [20:15] You need to lean into others to find true healing.  [22:15] Finding the right home group is much like dating.  [25:20] Is it normal for sex addicts to be exhibitists?    RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss

Dr. Rob and Tami talk about attachment theory and why understanding how this affects addicts differently than a “normally” attached person. Tami also explains what the FANOS acronym is and how you can incorporate it with your partner to be better in tune with your needs and their needs. All this and more on this week's episode!   TAKEAWAYS: [:45] Can you please help me understand attachment theory? [1:55] Addicts lack trust. Why call somebody for help when I can just drink? [2:55] Dr. Rob learned that he had to make himself feel better on his own. [3:55] Addicts have attachment issues because they don't turn to people. [7:40] What is the FANOS acronym? [10:25] Why do people cheat? [12:55] How does Dr. Rob define addiction? [17:55] What do you do if he's not taking action and accountability? [19:50] Dr. Rob has seen it time and time again. Addicts go into recovery once they've been  “found out.” You need to go for YOU. [21:55] Tami has given spouses and addicts resources. And, they refuse to do them! [26:15] Dr. Rob has learned the hard way about his narcissism.   RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss

Dr. Rob answers today's questions without Tami as she is off making snow angels with her grandkids. He talks about how addicts do what they do, not because of their feelings towards their partners or loved ones but as a way for them to escape their reality and have control over their deep troubles.   TAKEAWAYS: [:25] I'm having a very hard time believing that my sex addict husband can love me and do these things. Can you tell me your view on this? [1:00] If the person knew how to stop their addiction, they would. Dr. Rob shares how addicts are deeply troubled people. [5:00] In your experience, when do you find the betrayed spouse's ambivalence begin to dissipate? [5:40] Dr. Rob doesn't think you can make yourself trust somebody and it comes over time. He expands on this further. [7:15] I was referred to a CSAT but the therapist I spoke to is not a CSAT. Will this therapist be effective or how should I proceed? [8:00] Dr. Rob explains that everyone that comes on staff with them gets the CSAT certification. He explains what this means and why it's important. [8:45] He explains what a partner needs is completely different from what an addict needs. [11:50] Is OCD a common diagnosis with sex addicts? Is this gonna be handled separately in therapy? [12:05] OCD vs. addiction. Dr. Rob describes the difference. [15:00] How much input should my partner have in my circle plan? If there is a disagreement, should I take a stand and completely own it or let her take control? [15:15] Dr. Rob shares what a circle plan is and what goes in it. [20:00] I don't understand spouses and the wives of alcoholics that don't involve themselves with different partners. [21:40] If addicts didn't love you, they wouldn't try to hide it. Dr. Rob explains further. [22:05] I'm a betrayed partner with a question and example of compartmentalization. How can my partner be thinking of two people at the same time? [24:05] Dr. Rob explains what compartmentalization is and how it doesn't apply to this situation. [25:15] Discovery vs. disclosure. Dr. Rob explains the difference. [25:50] My SA husband claims he has no cravings for euphoric recall. How common is this? [26:30] Dr. Rob thinks it's impossible for someone to just abruptly stop what they have been doing for so long. He shares what you can do about it.   RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss

Dr. Rob answers today's questions on disclosures, setting up healthy boundaries, and the impact of trauma in addiction. He describes the difference between bottom-line and middle-circle behaviors and what to do to heal your relationship. He shares that Seeking Integrity exists to help addicts go to the underlying issues that drive their addiction.   TAKEAWAYS: [:25] My addiction is MB with porn and fantasy. At the disclosure, can you tell how much detail to disclose and when and where? [:55] Dr. Rob advises against doing disclosure without the support of professionals and what to share and not share during one. [3:45] What do you suggest when a CSAT, a sponsor, and the spouse all disagree on a particular situation? [4:10] Dr. Rob provides an example of objectification to share his insights. [6:16] Spouses don't need to know every sexual thought, what is important to share are the slips. [8:30] While every spouse may want to know every detail, addicts need to set a healthy boundary for their recovery. [8:50] How can a husband, who does the recovery work consistently, suddenly drop out and say it's all too overwhelming for him? [10:20] Insanity when acting out vs. commitment to healing. Dr. Rob explains the difference. [11:35] What types of non-sexual trauma can manifest as addiction and why? [12:30] The number one driver of sexual acting out is neglect. Dr. Rob shares his own experience. [16:00] Our experience with trauma through early life is that if we reach out and try to get attention, it's not going to be met. So addicts choose controllable situations even though they are superficial. [19:20] I'm a chemsex addict and I have difficulty setting boundaries. How do I set boundaries when I have immense shame because of my cheating? [20:45] Your recovery is focused on you and your healing, not your acting out. [23:00] It is good for addicts to see the pain that they've caused someone they love. [24:00] Dr. Rob shares more references that can be useful that are free. [25:25] After discovery, the compliments I make to my wife seem to have the opposite or no effect. Is this normal? [27:35] During the first year of recovery, Dr. Rob shares what you should not say to someone you love or are married to. {29:25] Dr. Rob reminds addicts to plan out their time for the holidays. Primary triggers for acting out is unstructured time.   RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss

In this episode, Dr. Rob and Tami answer questions about what to disclose to family members, what dissociations are, and how to get to telling the truth faster. They also highlight that despite the fact that they enjoy answering these questions, their treatment programs can really help someone in active addiction get unstuck.   TAKEAWAYS: [:25] I'm in the early hypersexual stage of my journey. Am I postponing his recovery by continuing to have regular sex with my SA husband? [1:30] Dr. Rob has a message for every spouse that has been cheated on. [2:50] Tami also asks what the husband is doing for his own recovery. Being a substitute for his fantasy does not help. [4:30] Can you share some best practices of who and what can we disclose to our family and friends for emotional support? [5:40] Dr. Rob advises against talking about this to family members. He shares why and some best practices. [9:30] He also talks about their treatment programs online. He asks listeners to be fair with their expertise and level of experience. [11:40] Dr. Rob adds two things about treatment centers: many of them are focused on the addictive piece and the larger programs tend to be a cookie cutter. [14:00] We would love to hear Dr. Rob's opinion on dissociations. [13:35] To act out itself is dissociation. Dr. Rob explains further. [17:30] With the holidays coming up, how do we face spending time with family and loved ones without feeling like a facade? [18:15] Tami shares her thoughts of how to deflect family members from her own experience. [19:40] Dr. Rob shares what he does whenever he visits family. [22:25] Can you speak about the emotional struggle that SAs have in early recovery? [22:55] Tami talks about Dr. Rob's book, Out of the Dog House and the workgroup they will start in January. [25:10] Dr. Rob explains how you can be compassionate and empathetic to your spouse to win them back through his book. [27:10] I'm a sex addict in recovery and my spouse found out about my slips before I could tell her. Any advice? [28:00] Dr. Rob defines what slips are and how they can affect your sobriety period. [30:20] Tami advises to tell the truth and tell it faster. You shouldn't wait regardless if it's a slip or not.   RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss

Dr. Rob and Tami talk in this week's episode about dealing with your addiction first before being able to get into a successful relationship that you want and deserve. They also talk about how integrity from your partner is important and why you need to set up healthy boundaries for yourself as your partner goes through recovery.   TAKEAWAYS: [0:25] Do you treat addiction to sexual fantasy like addiction to porn? What are the recommended next steps to achieving real-life romance and/or sex? [1:10] Disappearing into fantasy is porn. Dr. Rob explains further. [2:30] Dr. Rob also shares how you can get into a successful relationship. [6:25] Therapy is helpful over time but having a group helps further to really recover from addiction. [7:35] Would erectile function return for a 70-year-old man? How long would it take to return? [8:35] Sex for older people means men may not get an erection. Dr. Rob shares his advice. [10:00] Tami shares her insights about how to not make sex the focus. [11:35] Can you help us structure our weekly progress meeting to work well? [12:25] Dr. Rob talks about empathic listening and how it is essential to improve relationships. [14:45] Tami also talks about how communication should be a give and take. [17:10] Dr. Rob shares two ways on how not to get into conflict with each other during these meetings. [18:20] My husband says he is not homosexual. Is he acting out with same-sex relationships due to childhood trauma? [20:44] If you have been abused, you might reenact it, but Dr. Rob explains further how it's different when dealing with homosexuality. [22:55] Tami adds that your husband is still cheating on you and explains why. [24:40] My boyfriend is a professional musician who cheated on me. How do I stop being triggered by women who still attend his concerts? How do I start to be able to focus on my own life again? [25:25] The women did not do this to you, it was your boyfriend's choice to cheat on you. [28:05] Dr. Rob talks about two situations where sex addicts are most likely to act out: unstructured time and travel.   RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss

Rob and Tami discuss some of the challenges a betrayed spouse might go through when learning to love and trust their addict again. Tami shares her thoughts about polygraphs and why they're not the end-all solution many betrayed spouses are hoping for. All of this and more on this week's episode!   TAKEAWAYS: [0:55] My SA has been lying to his CSAT. What should I do to prepare for our CSAT session together? His birthday is also coming up. How can we still have a good time? [3:45] What do you need to do to take care of yourself? [5:55] Do you currently trust your addict? If not, do not celebrate his birthday. [6:30] My SA has cancer. Doctors say his libido will decrease. Does that mean he is less likely to objectify women? [10:00] Dr. Rob, can you talk more about the polygraph and how accurate it is? [17:05] I am in recovery from chem sex. Am I improving or am I still objectifying my partner? [20:15] The affair will always feel exciting, but it is not real. [22:00] What is the definition of a love addict? [26:10] Dr. Rob offers his thoughts on couples therapy and why it still always starts and ends with you.   RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss

In this episode, Dr. Rob and Tami talk about focusing on your internal recovery first before seeking to make peace with your spouses. It's important to face your truth,  build on your recovery journey, and build emotional resilience to manage the day-to-day things that happen in life.   TAKEAWAYS: [0:20] My SA husband confessed he felt aroused when he saw our nine-year old granddaughter wearing a bathing suit. Does that mean he is attracted to children? Or is it triggered from adult pornography he has viewed? [1:45] Tami shares her discomfort with polygraphs. [3:25] Dr. Rob adds that people who admit to something like that often have something more they have not yet said.  [7:55] What is a restitution letter? [9:30] Restitution is not only lip service, but there also needs to be a recovery plan. Tami explains further. [11:05] My husband is having trouble finding a twelve-step group that works with his work schedule and it isn't so religiously based. [11:45] Spirituality and religion mean different things for different people. Dr. Rob explains the twelve-step program. [16:10] Dr. Rob shares that internal recovery is important to achieve first before making peace with your spouse.  [17:15] Should all slips be discussed with the wife, the therapist, and the sponsor? [18:05] Dr. Rob shares to value honesty despite dealing with being cheated.  [20:10] Can you please explain reenactment? To be specific, why would an addict act out 99% with the same sex?  [22:20] A duck that walks like a duck must be a duck. Dr. Rob shares what he said to a couple he once counseled.  [27:03] How do you build psychological resilience? Is the lack of it the cause of addiction? [28:00] Dr. Rob explains what is a lack of psychological resilience that can lead to addiction.    RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss

Dr. Rob and Tami answer this week's questions that focus on how to deal with relapsing addicts coming out of treatment. Betrayed spouses shouldn't accept too much from the recovering addict's behavior. They need to take care of themselves first and need to think about their own future, assessing if they would be happier staying or leaving to focus on themselves. Everybody gets to choose.    TAKEAWAYS: [1:15] In your experience, do you find people with porn addiction to have a tendency to relapse and what is the best way for me to handle it?  [2:00] Tami talks about what is a porn blocker vs. a filter and which of the two options can work best. [3:25] Slip vs relapse. Dr. Rob talks about the difference between the two. [6:30] Spouses shouldn't be too nice and should pay attention to the deception an addict is causing around them.  [10:15] Some addicts out of treatment could be overwhelmed as they are vulnerable but that's part of the process. [11:00] After 40 years of marriage and 3 years of separation, my husband hasn't rebuilt trust. My counselor says my husband is ‘remarkable' for supporting me financially during the separation. Any suggestions for me?  [12:10] The counsel from your therapist is an abuse. Dr. Rob explains how.  [13:55] Dr. Rob advises to focus on having a good life rather than having a person constantly leaving and mistrusting. [14:50] How can I help my husband become more transparent? Sometimes he leaves pieces of his story out because he believes they aren't important but when I ask questions he reveals info that I feel is so incredibly important. [16:25] It is not your job to make someone be more transparent.  [19:45] What healthy boundary do you need to set? Tami asks to set your safety boundaries and meet your needs first.  [20:55] My SA husband primarily acted out through fantasy and masterbation. We have a full therapeutic disclosure coming up in a few weeks. I'm wondering how much detail I should ask about?  [21:20] Dr. Rob advises to write all possible questions you have and bring it to your therapist or support groups to ask for feedback. [24:15] If the answers you get does not help you feel good about yourself and your relationship moving forward, you are best to avoid the question.   RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss

In this episode, Dr. Rob and Tami share from their own experience about recovery not being an absolute but a constant effort of working through your struggle. Growing honesty and owning up to your recovery every day is very important in order for change to happen and make a positive difference.   TAKEAWAYS: [0:25] How do you create a healthy sex plan?  [2:40] Dr. Rob explains what sex and intimacy looks like within recovery.  [5:00] Are there tips on how to regain trust and emotional sobriety so my wife can see me differently? [6:05] Acting out is a symptom. Tami talks more on the importance of addressing the underlying issue. Polygraphs are not a reliable method of truth detection. [7:25] Dr. Rob explains how growing honesty and giving someone a chance to fail is important. [9:20] It's on the betrayed spouse to set comfortable boundaries for the addict in recovery to follow. [10:45] Addicts can change. Tami and Dr. Rob are living proof of that. The difference is taking action. [13:10] Dr. Robs asks to reflect on how you treat others and the rules you live by which requires a constant reevaluation of your decisions. [17:35] Recovery is not absolute. It's a struggle for the rest of our lives and the key to regaining trust is honesty not perfection. [18:25] My SA husband confessed that he had been aroused when he saw our nine-year-old granddaughter in her bathing suit. Does this mean he is a pedophile?    [20:15] Dr. Rob advises to pay attention to the confession but not jump into conclusions. There are definitely issues and further evaluations can help to understand this better. [21:05] Dr. Rob shares the difference between being an addict and a sex offender.   [22:20] Dr. Rob talks about Ouija Mystifying Mints that his spouse bought for him from a Halloween store and what it means. [24:00] My SA spouse moved out of the house on Friday. I still hope for a reconciliation, but I needed boundaries from his continued anger, blame shifting, and lying to me. He relapsed last week, and I can see that he's trying to cover his tracks. Do I tell his CSAT? [24:30] Your sanity is worth more than the sadness that you feel when you are not together. [28:05] Do you have a suggestion on how to navigate dual addiction? I am a sex and meth addict. [29:00] Dr. Rob explains what treatment programs exist for people with dual addicitons.   RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss

In this episode, Dr. Rob and Tami answer a question from a betrayed spouse that is having a hard time moving forward a year after her SA's disclosure. She wants to know the names of the women he cheated on her with. Dr. Rob and Tami explore why knowing more answers does not give you the closure and healing you are seeking, what to do, and some of the best ways you can move forward in your marriage despite the hurt.    TAKEAWAYS: [0:35] I have been in recovery for the past 10 months.  [8:10] Every guy I've dated watches porn and tries to keep it a secret. Are they addicts? [11:40] My disclosure was a year ago and I want to know who my husband's affair partners were. Can I ask for their names? [15:00] I've been in recovery for a long time and now I've been triggered. All I want to do is act out. How do I keep sober? [20:30] As someone in SA recovery, can I explore kinks?  [23:30] My betrayed wife is getting triggered. I've been falling on my sword, but it's also triggering me. What do I do?  [31:00] The moment you get the names of your husband's affair partners, it'll just be like a rock rolling down a hill.   RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss

Dr. Rob and Tami understand that being with a sex addict for years can be hard to accept. They answer a question from a betrayed spouse who has been separated from her partner for over three years, and still sees no progress in his addiction despite him going to CSAT meetings. What should she do? Dr. Rob and Tami also answer a question on what good and healthy couples therapy looks like, and what they should do prior to going into a session in this week's episode.    TAKEAWAYS: [0:30] My addict says he has the same feelings for me as he does the affair partner. What the hell does that mean?  [4:40] I am having sexual performance issues with my partner. What can I do?  [8:15] When Dr. Rob got sober from drugs, he didn't want to have sex at all.  [10:00] My husband, who I am separated from, still acts out. What can I do? [15:10] My spouse wants me to attend men-only meetings. The ones I go to are working, what do I do?  [19:15] What does couple's therapy look like? [23:15] My wife wants a divorce and I am struggling to show up for her. How can I show her I care about her?    RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss

In this episode, Dr. Rob and Tami answer questions around betrayal trauma and how to help your betrayed partner find safety. They invite you to read Dr. Rob's books, listen to podcasts, join support groups and workshops to not only work on your recovery but find the right support group as well!   TAKEAWAYS: [0:25] It has been 10 months since I disclosed to my wife my use of porn and lies. She has tried to work things out with me but has been asking for a divorce back and forth. How do I know if this is my wife in betrayal trauma?  [2:15] Dr. Rob shares that he hears from spouses who ask for a divorce that they see a lack of empathy from their partners for what they're going through.  [3:05] With Dr. Rob's book, Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught, men can get a clue on how to make up for the pain of betrayal to a woman. [8:30] Tami shares about the Sex Addiction 101 Workgroup starting this Saturday and the last opportunity for the year for the Couples Healing From Betrayal Workshop!  [10:00] I'm male, gay, 51, married and a sex addict. I've been unemployed since April 2020 and want to go back to work but my husband says I was acting out while I was working. Should I make going back to work a personal boundary? [10:50] Dr. Rob explains on how not to keep doing things that put our partners in pain.  [13:25] Tami also shares that looking for a different workplace and being engaged in recovery can help make your partner feel safe.  [15:40] My husband revealed that he had acted out with my best friend of 40 years many years ago. I have decided to end the friendship as I no longer see her the same way. He offered to make the call for me to end the friendship and part of me wants to take the offer so he feels the consequence of his actions. What are your thoughts? [17:10] Dr. Rob shares the importance of having professional support and people behind you when making these decisions. [23:00] My SA/LA husband left for treatment three weeks ago at the Gratitude Program in Mississippi for eight weeks. I'm trying to focus on my recovery while also working a full time job and taking care of our four month old son. It seems as though he is making progress but I am still fearful that he will come home and nothing will change. Any recommendations on how to stay positive? [24:35] Before recommending anyone going to a program, extensive research must first be done. Dr. Rob shares more of his insights on this. [28:10] Tami adds that worrying about what happens after eight weeks is not going to help you with your stress level so your primary focus should only be your self care and your baby. [32:05] How do you deal with constant sexual fantasies on a daily basis? Is there a way to turn your thinking around? [33:55] Dr. Rob advises to focus on other people and get support. Stop trying to get your thinking around and instead think about what you can do that makes you feel good about yourself.   RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss

Dr. Rob and Tami talk about how you can help someone when they refuse to see themselves as an addict. Dr. Rob has unfortunately seen this happen with recovering addicts, who one day have a revelation that they're not an addict, they're just ‘sexually librated'. Dr. Rob and Tami also talk about the difference between casual porn use vs. when it's a problem, and ho to handle shame and guilt when you're on a path to recovery.    TAKEAWAYS: [0:25] My partner doesn't think he's a sex addict. He thinks he has an integrity disorder. What do I do?  [5:25] What kind of marriage do you want at the end of the day? You can set the rules too! [8:20] As a betrayed spouse, I am grieving the loss of the beautiful memories we shared together. How do I process this pain?  [12:00] Addicts are mentally ill.  [12:45] I am obsessed with my ex's affair partner. How do I get over this?  [15:50] 90 days clean. My wife has seen everything on my phone. How can I build trust with her?  [19:20] How do you know the difference between casual porn use vs. addiction-level porn use?  [22:20] As a betrayed partner, when can we have sex again?  [26:15] I always feel shame and guilt after sharing in meetings. What can I do? [29:55] Your best thinking is what got you here in the first place.  [31:00] Addiction is just a symptom. Therapy helps you get under the service, but not everyone can afford it.    RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss

Dr. Rob and Tami dive in and answer questions about healthy sexuality, working through triggers and grief, sociopaths and more. Seeking help and knowing when to walk away are important factors into your recovery. They're also starting an online series specifically for porn addicts. Tune in to find out more!   TAKEAWAYS: [0:25] How would you describe healthy sexuality for singles who want to wait for marriage? [2:15] No one is required to have sex and in a certain circumstance. You get to do what is right for you and for your partner. [3:15] Testosterone levels are affected by age. [4:25] My husband is a porn addict in recovery. I'm constantly triggered when he looks at other women. How can I get past these triggers? [5:50] Dr. Rob and Tami talk about their online series about porn addicts. Check out their website to know more! [8:10] The more you focus on your own recovery, the less you are triggered about what he's doing or not doing. [10:50] How often are sex and porn addicts also sociopaths? [11:15] Dr. Rob compares narcissistic people with sociopaths to answer this question. [16:55] I separated from my addict husband after 37 years of marriage. After 2 years of leaving him, I still feel grief and loneliness. Should I start dating again? [17:35] Dr. Rob and Tami commends the listener for leaving and for taking care of herself. [18:45] We don't stop our connection with someone because something happened. Grieving is natural. Dr. Rob and Tami share what you can do to get past this. [22:25] Can you describe the concept of eroticized rage? [23:25] Is sex and addition more difficult to recover from for someone who ranks higher on the sex addiction assessments?   RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss

In this week's episode, Rob and Tami talk about the 12-step program, ambivalent love and how partners can support addicts through their own roller coaster of emotions during betrayal. Rob and Tami reiterate that only you can take care of yourself and get to control how you feel in any situation.   TAKEAWAYS: [0:25] My boyfriend sexualizes strangers on Tinder. Is this behaviour healthy or normal? [1:10] Dr. Rob explains that not all people see the underlying issue and justify their behaviours. [4:10] What's the best way for an SA and PA to learn rigorous honesty and how long does it take to get there? [05:11] Dr. Rob and Tami talk about the 12-step program and how it helps you become a better person. [09:18] SA's husband is still in denial. How can they help him get past this? [14:00] Only you can take care of yourself. Dr. Rob and Tami expound on this further. [16:15] Dr. Rob shares more advice on how to deal with the roller coaster of emotions for betrayed partners of sex and porn addicts. [21:05] I'm a female sex addict since I was five years old. I'm in recovery but have had 16 relapses. Do you have some tips for me? [25:50] I do not trust my husband to not lie to me. How can I better recover more and get to a point of trusting again?   RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com 12-Step Videos Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss

Dr. Rob and Tami talk about how to find intimacy again after being married to your partner for more than 30 years. They also share their thoughts on impatient programs and why an addict might come back worse than they were before. As a betrayed partner, there's nothing wrong with loving someone who's broken.    TAKEAWAYS: [0:35] I got an STI from my cheating husband. There's been very little change in his behavior. Should I stay or should I go? [6:05] You love someone that's broken. There's nothing wrong with you.  [7:10] Is having a sex or love addict sponsor necessary for recovery or can any sponsor be good for me? [10:40] My partner has returned from an  impatient program and has broken several of my boundaries already. I feel like he's gotten worse. What should I do? [12:50] Recovery is not about stopping your addiction, it's about relearning a whole new way of living.  [16:25] People's lives can change if they want it! You get what you put into it.  [19:45] I have been married for 33 years and have replaced my wife with porn. How do I reconnect again? [26:00] Sexual sobriety means rediscovering your partner again, instead of trying to change them to fit your desires.    RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss

Dr. Rob and Tami walk you through the steps you need to take to have healthy boundaries as a sex or love addict that's going through the dating process. They also explain what intimacy looks like, and how you know you're picking an open and healthy partner for you as you go through sober dating. Dr. Rob also shares when it's a good idea to reveal to your new partner that you're an addict in this week's episode.    TAKEAWAYS: [0:35] 22 months into recovery, what should I expect as a partner?  [4:50] As a betrayed partner, what's the connection between relationships and sex addiction?  [9:00] I am starting to date sober and have healthy boundaries. When is it a good time to have sex in a relationship?  [14:40] Dr. Rob shares what healthy sex looks like as a sex addict.  [17:50] How do you know if you're dating the right person?  [20:50] Should I fully disclose to a new partner that I'm an addict?  [22:50] I've contradicted 3 STDs from my partner. Why wouldn't he wear protection to cover up his infidelity?  [25:00] When we're activating acting out our addictions, we're not thinking about safety.    RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss

Dr. Rob and Tami answer a question from someone in recovery who can't stop himself from relapsing. He has been to outpatient help, and he's in the process of losing his job and family, yet he can't seem to stop. How can he really get the help he needs if he keeps reverting back to ‘default'? Dr. Rob and Tami share their tough love and also answer questions on how to stay in integrity and truthfulness, and how to set healthy boundaries with yourself.    TAKEAWAYS: [0:25] How do I be more honest? I'm so used to being anxious.  [3:55] I just found out the disclosure was not complete. Where do I go from here? [11:20] My SA says it's too early to do a disclosure, and he still wants sex. What should I do?  [18:50] If you're not sure who your partner has been with, please please get an STD test. The both of you! [20:25] Why do I keep relapsing? I keep playing the victim very well.  [24:20] Despite messing up your life in several ways, there is a way out. [26:45] I have a problem. Where do I go from here?    RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss

Dr. Rob and Tami talk about victim shaming when an SA spouse has been acting out, what to do, and they also dive into what a good formal disclosure looks like. It's highly important that you find a good therapist that can walk you through this process, and also understand what's ethical and not ethical to ask on a polygraph test. They also offer advice on how to find a good sponsor, and so much more!    TAKEAWAYS: [0:40] My CSAT recommends I do inpatient care. What should I be prepared for?  [4:55] When you go through treatment, you want to let go of all your secrets.  [6:10] My husband told a family member about his addiction, and now I am getting victim shamed. What do I do? [11:25] My SA husband wants to be intimate with me in a completely new and lustful way than before. Is this normal?  [15:05] I am about to go through formal disclosure, what should I be aware of?  [19:10] We both disagree on what our boundaries are. What do we do?  [21:45] What's the best way to go through recovery to increase your chances of success?  [25;40] When is enough enough? He hasn't been working the program and I'm fed up.    RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss

Dr. Rob and Tami answer your questions on this week's episode. What do you do when your partner's CSAT doesn't feel like you're ready to receive a formal disclosure? How do you handle your husband's addiction + his cross dressing tendencies? All of this and more on this week's episode.    TAKEAWAYS: [1:00] How likely is reconciliation with my partner? I heard it's only 25%? [5:20] Who are you in recovery for? You or for your partner?  [7:00] What consistent behaviors can I do to prove to my spouse I am serious about my recovery?  [9:55] D-day was five months ago. We are going to go on vacation. How can I make my wife feel safe?  [14:10] My spouse's CSAT won't allow us to go through disclosure until I've addressed my addiction. I have my own CSAT as well. How do we move forward? Also, I'm getting triggered by my friends. How do I fix that?  [18:55] 45 years of being together and I found out my husband is an addict and a cross dresser. I am struggling with all of this. What can I do?  [25:25] When and how do fetishes form?  [28:10] Tami explains what the FANOS acronym is.    RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss

Dr. Rob and Tami talk about why affair partners don't ever feel the same as ‘normal' and ‘stable' partners. You're living in a fantasy world with your affair partner, and it can only end badly because you're simply not living in the present. Dr. Rob and Tami also talk about the reason why addicts chase a high; they're constantly chasing the illusion of fun and the price they pay is often in shame and guilt, which then continues their cycle. Find out more in this week's episode.   TAKEAWAYS: [0:30] I found out my husband has been acting out for 40 years. What do I even do now? [7:00] My husband is bi-polar. Is he a sex addict or is it because he has this condition? [11:00] I recently ended an affair and I'm struggling to reconnect with my spouse again. Do I even want to be with this person? [15:20] Dr. Rob asks a personal question. His husband just gave him some water in a sippy cup. What does this mean? [19:15] My husband seems to be compartmentalizing his recovery. Is he taking this seriously? [22:55] If sex addicts are looking for pleasure to avoid intimacy, then how is it not about sex? [26:55] As an addict, you're always chasing the illusion of what it could be.   RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss

Dr. Rob and Tami talk about what happens after someone has been molested as a child, and some of the traumatizing effects it can have on a person in older life. They also talk about why addicts are constantly running away from home while simultaneously trying to create/seek one.   TAKEAWAYS: [0:20] If a child has been molested, will they always end up with sex issues? [3:20] People who are molested often are not in environments where they can talk about it. [3:40] Sex offenders don't harm healthy children. [4:40] As a sex addict, do I have the right to ask for more support from my partner? [8:40] As a betrayed partner, I'm struggling with trust and intimacy. How do I trust him? [11:50] It takes time to regain trust again after being betrayed. [15:15] My ex-husband and current partner are both sex addicts. I found porn on my daughter's computer. How do I talk to her about the dangers of these things? [20:00] My partner has ED, would that be fixed in recovery? [23:00] My SA has been sober for 9 months. Do sex addicts ever get enough sex? [25:55] What can hold an addict back? My addict slips/relapses every 3-4 months. He just can't seem to stay sober. [30:15] Healthy people create healthy homes. Addicts try to create stability from their chaotic past, and then run away from it. Addicts run away from home.   RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss

Dr. Rob and Tami talk about whether it's true that all addicts eventually relapse, they also talk about the difference between a slip and a relapse, and why relapses tend to happen in addiction. People in recovery can find joy and fun again when they're living a sober life. It's a myth that you'll ‘become boring' the moment you get sober. All this and more on today's episode!    TAKEAWAYS: [0:30] Does my SA really love me? Is there such a thing as restitution/amends?  [6:45] I've been in recovery since early April. I am trying my best to not relapse. Is it true that all addicts will relapse?  [9:10] What's the difference between a ‘slip' and a relapse?  [11:05] People in sobriety think life is just not going to be fun. That's just not true.  [13:15] I need a therapist, who do you recommend?  [13:40] Are addicts usually void of emotions and empathy?  [17:10] Is the intimacy with a sex addict real or is it the same ‘feeling' as when they're with a prostitute?  [19:50] Is there a difference between limerence and love addiction?  [25:00] Can addiction be ‘functional' or does it eventually manifest to a point where it gets out of control?  [27:25] We are adaptable and we can live endlessly with a lot of misery. However, that's not what life's about.    RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss

Dr. Rob and Tami go a little bit deeper on why addicts seek intensity over meaning. They also offer insight into why a man goes from one night stand to one night stand and then ‘suddenly' decides to give it all up for an 18 month long affair. Dr. Rob and Tami also understand the frustration betrayed partners have when it comes to their addict's journey, and answers a question from a listener on how he can better support his betrayed partner.    TAKEAWAYS: [0:30] My addict doesn't want to have sex. What's going on?  [3:50] Sex addiction is based on intensity. It's based on the ‘new'. A wife of 10+ years is not new.  [5:10] How could my SA partner go from one night stands to an 18 month affair?  [10:05] She is constantly watching my every move to protect herself from further trauma. Is there anything I can do to help her?  [12:50] How long does it take a recovering SA to feel comfortable with sex?  [16:55] I'm in a crisis. I don't think I can be the man she wants me to be.  [22:25] You can't read one book and think everything is ‘fixed'.  [26:30] My wife is burning out as she walks this recovery journey with me. How can I support her?    RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss

Dr. Rob and Tami dive into why a treatment center is sometimes more encompassing than going to an addiction therapist specialist in this week's episode. What do you do when your spouse is still so hurt in her anger two years after being in recovery? And, as a betrayed spouse, will my addict ever experience intimacy? Dr. Rob and Tami offer advice, extra information, and hope on this week's episode!    TAKEAWAYS: [0:25] My SA spouse keeps objectifying people in public. He says he's not aware of this. Is this common?  [3:50] As a partner, if you're uncomfortable, you need to tell him at the moment.  [4:40] My SA partner is both the best person and the worst person. I'm not sure if I can get past this. How can I reconcile these two versions of my partner?  [7:15] I am 90 days past discovery. I have so-so memories about all the betrayals. How worried should I be about this when I talk to my partner about what I've done?   [11:35] So many people have a therapist, but they don't understand the stories behind addiction, grief, relapse, and more.  [13:00] Is addiction to porn a sign of love addiction or is it something else?  [14:45] Will my SA ever feel comfortable with intimacy?  [20:55] My wife has expressed her anger at my betrayals for the last 2 years. I feel ashamed. How can I work through her on this?    RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss

Dr. Rob and Tami dive right into today's burning questions. What do you do when your addict starts setting hard boundaries and threats to leave if the betrayed partner doesn't follow through? Can psychedelics work towards bettering you as a person and your addiction? All these questions and more on this week's episode!    TAKEAWAYS: [0:30] Are sex offenders also sex addicts?  [2:40] I'm afraid of pushing my partner's boundaries. How do I get better at this? [6:30] How do I know if my addict is actually working on his addiction? [11:10] I have tinnitus, is this due to my chronic stress and what's been going on with my addict?  [12:25] How does a betrayed partner deal with their own sexual needs during their partner's recovery? [15:10] Do psychedelics work to help your addiction?  [17:20] How do I make progress if my spouse doesn't believe in my addiction?  [20:35] My addict keeps pushing back. What do I do?  [24:05] My addict was arrested for sex trafficing. I can't believe I still care! How do I get over it?  [25:30] My SA husband sees setting boundaries as ‘ultimatums'.    RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss

Dr. Rob and Tami answer a question from a distressed betrayed spouse. Despite being sober for eight months, her addict is still hanging out with the same crowd. What does this mean? Is he strong enough to not act out again? She feels uneasy and Dr. Rob and Tami both agree on why.   TAKEAWAYS: [0:30] How important is it for a sex addict to analyse their arousal template? [3:25] My addict has been sober for eight months but still socializes with a bad crowd. What do I do? [6:15] After discovery, I was diagnosed with HPV. How do I move forward with physical intimacy? [9:10] Why do addicts shame spirals all the time? [11:10] My husband has no empathy and does not understand why I don't want him hanging around his enabler friends. What do I do? [14:35] As a betrayed spouse, don't be afraid to call up your addict's therapist and just talk to them! [17:35] Addicts are not very good at not doing things. They're better at doing things. So you need to set up boundaries around that. [21:50] Are sex addicts also love addicts? [24:55] The addictions are just the tip of the iceberg. You have to dive deeper to really see what's underneath. [27:55] At what point in the sex addiction cycle does an addict experience the high?   RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss

Dr. Rob and Tami answer a question about being gaslit. If your addict is constantly making you feel like you're in the wrong, you're at fault and takes no responsibility for his own actions, his own addictions, then what are you getting out of the relationship? It's important to take care of yourself first because there's only so much you can give before you hit a breaking point.   TAKEAWAYS: [0:30] My husband of 35 years does not feel guilty for cheating. Is this normal? [3:35] Addicts spend their life escaping their guilt. Addicts live in denial. [4:40] If you go to a 12-step meeting and all you do is feel humiliated. You're missing the point. [8:25] Feeling humilitated is not an excuse. [8:40] What do I do as a betrayed partner in a 34-year marriage? He's been emotionally avoidant during the entire relationship. [13:45] The man who is not emotionally supportive of his spouse is also hurting his children. [15:30] No matter how hard you want to fix things, you can't create motivation in someone else. [16:00] I'm the youngest and the only male out of 4 siblings. How do I fix my relationship with my siblings? [20:00] Rob runs free meetings because he wants to help people who can't afford treatment. [20:45] Is he gaslighting me? [22:20] If you're the only one in the wrong if the addict is always blaming you, what benefit are you getting out of that relationship? [26:50] Go see a lawyer and know your rights. [27:35] I'm disgusted by my addict's actions. I don't want to be intimate with him. What do I do?   RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss

Dr. Rob and Tami address some questions from betrayed partners and talk about some of the frustrations that they are having. If you believe your addict's CSAT isn't doing a good job, then there's nothing wrong with setting up a meeting to let them know personally what the addict has been up to, and how they've been treating you. Addicts lie. Addicts paint themselves as the victim all the time. If you don't see progress with a CSAT, check in with them.   TAKEAWAYS: [:30] How do I communicate to my SA that he has to do the work consistently if he wishes to have a chance with me again? [7:10] Will my SA even respect me if I continue to stay with him after such a deep betrayal? [10:55] I moved out and he accuses me of abandoning him, but he hasn't been doing the work! Why isn't his CSAT doing his job? [20:15] Over two decades of us being together, my husband is now seeing sex workers. What should I do? [22:45] Why don't addicts understand that, by doing the work and being remorseful, we will forgive them? [26:10] You might be in recovery, but it can take a long time to learn how to be a good person.   RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss

Dr. Rob and Tami answer some of your burning questions. Everything from betrayal, understanding whether your relationship was all a lie, and other tales of recovering from addiction. One female listener asked if he's asking for specific sexual activities, is it an indicator that he is a gay man in hiding? Dr. Rob and Tami share their thoughts in this week's episode!    TAKEAWAYS: [0:30] How do I help my spouse with her feelings of betrayal?  [2:35] Is my husband idolizing strangers when he is acting out? [4:55] How do I do sober dating?  [7:05] My partner wants to do anal. Does that mean he's gay?  [10:55] My husband has been lying to me while in couple's therapy for the first 15 months. I feel like our entire relationship was a lie. Was it ever real?  [14:30] Grieving your past relationship is part of the process. You can grow stronger together, but you both have to be willing to do the work. [14:40] What kind of activities can I do with my wife to build a new connection? [18:15] My identity was intertwined with a love addiction I had with a man. Now that we're no longer together, I feel lost.  [21:40] My husband has been acting out with the same prostitute for the last 14 years! What?! Is this a love or sex addiction? Is there hope for us? We've been married for 30 years.   [26:15] Need support or resources? Email Tami! She's here to help.    RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss Deeperdating.com

Dr. Rob and Tami share their thoughts on prenup and post-nup agreements. Do they work? Are they a good indicator that the relationship is moving forward? Dr. Rob and Tami also talk about when it's time to separate from an addict and focus on yourself, especially if he has crossed certain legal boundaries.    TAKEAWAYS: [0:30] What are your thoughts on postnups for the addict and the betrayed spouse?  [3:00] How do I have sex without disassoiating? I don't know how to have sex while being emotionally sober. [6:15] My addict is worried he'll become non-sexual if he works the program. He feels a lot of shame. What should we do?  [9:35] My husband has been acting out and I got an STD. He's now a convicted sex offender and says he'll never do it again, what do you think? [14:00] My addict hasn't reached out for help, but he keeps promising to do so. Should I stick with it or separate from him?  [18:15] Couples therapy doesn't solve addiction issues. You need additional support.  [20:35] I want to reconcile with my wife. How can I support her during this painful time?  [23:40] Am I a love addict?    RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss

Dr. Rob and Tami answer some of your burning questions in this week's episode. A listener writes in and asks if experiencing sex withdrawals after 13 days is normal, another is seeking advice and solace for being ridiculed by their siblings that they go to therapy, and Dr. Rob and Tami weigh in on what to do when a partner wants to manage all the finances, especially after a large betrayal. All this and more!    TAKEAWAYS: [0:30] I grew up in a dysfunctional household and my siblings are punishing me for going to therapy. They think they're perfect. Is it really just me that's got problems?  [4:10] You're in recovery now. You get to choose who you hang out with.  [7:10] Dr. Rob, what are your thoughts on impulsive, abusive sexual disorders? [8:40] I'm 13 days in, are sex withdrawls real?  [12:55] My betrayed partner wants to manage all of my money. How do I rebuild my finances?  [15:40] We're so focused on ourselves that we've missed the kind of harm that we've caused.  [17:50] My betrayed spouse thinks I'm still hiding my addiction. What do I do? [26:25] Spouses can't handle the constant lies. They just want to know the truth and feel safe again.  [26:50] I'm having trouble working past fear and shame issues. What should I do?   RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss

A listener writes in and asks Dr. Rob and Tami about what to do after finding out that her partner of seven years still sleeps with his ex-wife, and is unwilling to cut her off because she is still the mother of his kids. Dr. Rob and Tami offer advice on best steps forward, but if a partner is unwilling to put his recovery first and foremost to live a life of integrity, this is a bad sign that he's still not ready for a relationship with you.    TAKEAWAYS: [0:25] How does a sex addict treat their affair partner so well, but their married partner so poorly? [2:10] My partner of seven years is an addict and cheated on me with his ex wife for the last three years. She also has some health conditions and he doesn't want to cut her off, so what do I do?  [6:35] My addict won't admit he's an addict. How do I help him? [11:05] My addict doesn't want to do a formal closure! Does this mean he is still lying?  [16:00] I can't seem to find a sponsor in my group. Any advice?  [18:40] I still struggle with sexual desires. Will I ever be able to recover? [21:25] My husband is a sex addict and doesn't believe he has gaslit me. Can someone be a SA without gaslighting?  [27:15] We're about to start a formal closure. What should we prepare for?  [33:10] My wife is still upset after two years. How can I best comfort her?  RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss

A listener asks how they can overcome their religious shame, move forward in their addiction, and develop a sense of healthy sexuality. No matter what the religion might be, if you've grown up in a very conserative background, it can be incredibly hard to normalize sexual behaviors. You put sex addiction on top of it, it can be a very confusing space to navigate in. Dr. Rob and Tami share their thoughts on some of the best ways to work through this shame while also respecting your sobriety in this week's episode.   TAKEAWAYS: [0:25] How do we rebuild trust when my addict was in recovery and still lying to me? [1:30] Trust is built by honest and reliable actions over time. [3:55] Need support? Reach out to Tami. She is here to help! [7:35] We did a formal disclosure. I am in shock. Who is this person I married? [12:50] Often times, we use sex as reassurance. [13:45] I'm on my way to recovery, I have slipped up, but how do I improve my communication with my spouse? He doesn't believe my addiction is real. [17:40] How do I work with my religious shame? [22:35] Spouses are often looking for reasons to not leave. This is why honesty, even when it hurts, is important.  [23:25] He feels micromanaged and needs space. Is this normal? [26:20] How involved should the betrayed partner be involved in the addict's recovery? [27:30] My betrayed spouse is pushing back on therapy. What can I do to help her?   RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss

Dr. Rob and Tami dive in and answer questions about the recovery community, the differences between sex addiciton and being a sex offender, and why addicts have intimacy disorders. Connection is scary for an addict, this is why they often seek external forces to escape and numb out. On your journey to recovery, it's about uncovering your blocks to intimacy and re-learning how to connect with another human being in a healthy way again.    TAKEAWAYS: [0:25] What is a relapse and why is a recovery community important?  [2:40] Therapy ends, but 12 step meetings do not.  [6:00] What's the difference between a sex addict and a sex offender?  [9:55] My partner is a sex addict. Are addicts responsible for their actions or do they have no control?  [11:10] Acting out is just a symptom of the problem.  [14:00] Prodependence seems a bit complicated. Is there a simplified version?  [15:55] All addicts, including alcoholics, have intimacy disorders. They want to escape and numb out.  [17:05] Is sexual abuse common among love addicts? [21:20] What's the difference between an addict vs. someone who just cheats repeatedly?  [23:55] Your husband is regularly cheating? Please, please protect your health.  [24:15] What's the difference between sobriety vs. recovery? [27:30] Dr. Rob explains the saying: ‘Whatever I put in front of my recovery. I will lose'.    RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss

Rob and Tami dive into sexual orientation and whether it's a byproduct of childhood abuse or not. Why do ‘straight' married men cheat on their wives with gay men? What's going on there? Rob and Tami also offer advice on what to do as the betrayed spouse when your addict is finally calling it quits and they want to leave the relationship.    TAKEAWAYS: [0:30] How do you distinguish between sex addiction and sexual orientation childhood truama issues?  [1:25] Sexual orientation is defined before birth.  [3:45] The problem is not being gay or homosexual. The problem is how you live with it. [6:20] What kinds of tools can we use to avoid being triggered?   [7:15] Your desire to have sex with strangers is not about sex. It's about escape. [9:05] My addict wants to leave me, but I still want to help him. What do I do?  [12:25] Unfortunately, the moment you try to ‘help' and bring up difficult problems that the addict doesn't want to deal with, they're running into the arms of another person.  [14:55] Does mother/son enmeshment impact the recovery of the addict?  [16:10] Demands from a demanding parent can betray your romantic relationship.  [17:45] Why am I so cranky when trying to get sober?  [20:50] I'm an addict. How do I learn empathy?  [24:05] Dr. Rob, can you clarify on what you said about the Atlanta shooter?  [26:55] My husband is in recovery and he is finding himself ‘burnt out' from all the work he's doing. What can I do to keep him motivated?  [30:45] You deserve someone who is proving they've changed through their actions.    RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss The Sex, Love, and Addiction Podcast Overcomingenmeshment.com

Rob and Tami first want to clear the air on how addicts are not bad people, they are broken people, but inherently they are not evil. This is a common misconception because of all the harm and destruction they've caused in people's lives. It's just a way for them to cope with their own insecurities and demons. Rob also answers the question on ‘who' your addict truly is. A betrayed spouse doesn't know which version to believe anymore and Rob offers some insight on what to expect next.   TAKEAWAYS: [0:25] My partner is an addict, but I'm frustrated by the lack of progress. What do I do? [6:25] You have every right to be frustrated by his lack of progress! Protect yourself. [8:45] The less progress you see from him, the less engaged you should be. [9:05] Is porn and sex addiction always a progressive illness? [12:15] Did I marry a mask of a man or was he always the person I loved just the addiction finally took over? [16:55] Dr. Rob can you talk about the Atlanta spa shooter who claims he is a sex addict? [21:00] Can I change my sexual arousal template? [23:30] I've been clean for 3 months, but my partner doesn't think I'm doing enough. How can I convince her I'm on the straight and narrow? [29:45] Find a therapist that specifically deals with sex addiction.   RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss

Rob and Tami dive into how an addict's brain works and why it can be frustrating as a betrayed spouse to see your addict lie and cheat for years, but only try to change after they get caught. Why does this happen? Why can't they just do the right thing? Rob sheds some light on this and also answers some of your burning questions about addiction, intimacy, and finding a good sponsor.     TAKEAWAYS: [0:30] Do addicts trust themselves?  [2:05] During the first week of treatment, addicts go through a lot of confronting and learn to stop being in denial.  [3:15] My sex addict acts like ‘such a good person' around our children. Everyone in the family knows why we're separated. How should I react?  [6:10] How can my addict cheat and lie and feel no guilt...until he's caught?  [9:10] Addicts tend to only have tunnel vision. It's a reaction to the adrenaline they're experiencing.  [11:30] How long should we wait after disclosure to be intimate again? [13:10] Betrayed spouses can take up to a year, maybe more, before they feel safe enough to have sex again with their partner. [15:20] What should I look for in a sponsor? [19:15] Dr. Rob shares some of the free resources he has that are available to addicts. [23:15] Addiction hurts everyone. You can do this. You can change. [25:00] Every addict has a justification on why they did what they did. They blame everyone except themselves.    RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss

Rob and Tami received an alarming question from a betrayed spouse who is also the sex addict's accountability partner. Ouch! Save yourself the emotional and physical pain and get out of that position. An accountability partner is supposed to keep your addict accountable. You have a different role to play as a betrayed and hurt spouse. Rob and Tami also talk about why it can be so hard to stop loving someone who has repeatedly hurt you throughout your marriage. Why do you keep going back? What's wrong with you? There's nothing wrong with you. It's just called love.   TAKEAWAYS: [0:35] What does a typical treatment plan look like? [2:15] Your partner should not be your sponsor/accountability buddy. No! [3:55] If you want to repair your relationship, it's about having a bit of humility and showing your partner that you are doing the work. [6:45] Should I be worried that my addict and his affair partner are both drug addicts? [9:00] Rob works with a lot of men who have had repeated affair partners. They have a decision split and they don't know how to decide between their marriage or the exciting new person. [11:40] I am struggling with reconciling with my partner. Married for over 35 years. I love him, but I don't trust him. What should I do? [14:40] Before you get back with your addict, you need to see him rebuild himself into a respectable man with integrity. Don't go back until he does. [16:00] Should you tell your kids about your sex addiction? [18:15] You might want information from your husband about who he's been with, but it's going to hurt you more than help you. [21:15] I trusted him so much. How could he have done this? He won't open up and talk to me. [25:55] What is your addict doing? Is he showing up to therapy and support groups? He needs to show you he's working on himself. [27:00] I want social media transparency with my sex addict, but he's got mother enmeshment/incest trauma. What should I do? [31:10] How do we deal with and fix intergenerational addiction?   RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss

Rob and Tami discuss everything from conversion therapy, turning into a workaholic while in recovery, and so much more. Rob and Tami also talk about how to build an emotional connection again with your addict when he's in recovery. If you feel like he's emotionless, not empathetic, and uncaring, realize that it takes time for an addict to reconnect with themselves. They've been so closed off and have adopted unhealthy ways of coping for so long, that they don't even know how to love you the way you need to be loved. Recovery is a process.   TAKEAWAYS: [0:35] Is same-sex attraction a form of addiction?  [2:50] If you're in recovery, you shouldn't be hanging out with men who are cheating on their wives. [3:45] Does conversion therapy work? [4:50] My SA husband seems to have become a workaholic. What do I do? [6:25] It's a rule for Dr. Rob that his patients do not work more than 45 hours a week. And they have demanding jobs! [7:50] Addiction is like a game of whack-a-mole. [10:15] I think I'm a love addict. I'm so desperate for the affection of other people. How do I manage this? [12:45] Dr. Rob was single for 9 years while he worked on his recovery. Now, he's been married for over 20+ years. [15:10] When you're in such desperation to fill a gap in your life, you find the wrong people. [16:25] I feel bad when I have sex. I don't get it. Is it my partner or is it me? [21:30] How can I ask for more care and empathy while he's in recovery? [23:15] Becoming a more empathic person takes a long time! [26:25] What do you mean the relationship I know and love is gone after D-Day? [28:30] Going back to the way things were is just not going to happen. [30:45] Your partner needs to feel safe.   RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss

Rob and Tami talk about the tricky balance recovering sex addicts experience when they want to be in an intimate and caring relationship, without falling back into their addiction. Being in recovery and not having sex deprives us of our most basic desire, and that's connection. As humans, we yearn for intimacy and closeness. We are meant to have a partner by our side, and here's how you can do it in a healthy way without relapsing!   TAKEAWAYS: [0:35] My SA husband doesn't want to talk about his addiction. ‘What's in the past is in the past.' What should I do? [1:55] Who has the power here? It's you! [3:15] Why can't some SAs perform within the marriage but yet have no problem doing it with people outside of the marriage? [8:20] Do addicts turn their partners into their mothers? [10:45] I don't have any childhood trauma, yet I ended up with a sex addict. What happened? [13:30] I've been clean for 2 years, but I don't want to connect with anyone sexually because I don't want to relapse. Please help. [16:25] My mother is schizophrenic. How can I have a healthy relationship with her without relapsing? [21:55] I lost my marriage due to my addiction. How can I process this without acting out? [26:30] My partner found out about my addiction. How do I show my partner I am working on it?   RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss

Rob and Tami talk about breaking the pattern of impulsive acts, discovering you've fallen in love with someone who doesn't love you back as an addict, and so much more on this week's episode! Dr. Rob has seen breakthroughs with couples who have been betrayed for years as well as people who've fully recovered from chem sex addiction, recovery IS IN the cards for you. Just keep making progress one day at a time!    TAKEAWAYS: [0:25] Wouldn't it just be easier to leave the addict? I don't trust him alone with the kids. [3:30] Trust can be restored. Dr. Rob has seen people repair their relationship after it being broken for 30 years.  [6:45] I'm acting impulsive and breaking agreements. How do I fix this?  [11:25] I'm a chem sex addict and I realize I have to let my partner go. How do I say clean?  [14:45] Dr. Rob shares a story of a partner leaving him and the grief he felt.  [19:45] People don't do drugs and have sex at the same time for no reason.  [21:00] Am I a sex/love addict? Am I narcissistic?  [23:45] How do I proceed with my betrayed spouse?  [26:10] What's the purpose of disclosing with your partner?    RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss

Rob and Tami talk about how to deal with family conflict, especially if the family dynamics are unhealthy and riddled with addiction. Dr. Rob offers a different perspective on how you can forgive, and be grateful, for the caretakers in your life despite all of their shortcomings. Remember, addiction is a mental illness and your caretakers were just mentally ill.    TAKEAWAYS: [0:30] I find myself feeling sad when I have feelings of joy. What's going on? [3:50] My dad is a sex addict and my mom is a gambler. How do I be grateful vs. distance myself from these people? [9:15] I'm a love addict and my ex is now engaged. How do I cope? [13:10] My husband had an ongoing love relationship with a prostitute. I'm not sure what to do? [20:15] Can a love addict also practice prodependence? [22:45] What's the difference between love and sex addiction? [25:20] Can you be asexual and a sex addict at the same time? [27:25] Our teenage daughter knows we have problems. When is it a good time to tell her why?   RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss

Rob and Tami talk about prodependence and share why broken people seek other broken people. If you're an emotional 4, anyone higher on the ‘healthy' scale is going to seem too boring to you, or vice versa, they see you as someone with too much drama. You are not a victim for loving who you love.   TAKEAWAYS: [0:30] Dr. Rob, can you please clarify something in your book, Prodependence? [7:25] If you're an emotional 4, you're going to find other emotional 4s because emotional 8s are going to appear ‘too boring'. [9:30] What's wrong with the addict vs. what's wrong with the partners loving their addicts? [13:25] We didn't come into the relationship with issues, our addict just masked a better version of themselves to us. Dr. Rob shares his thoughts on this. [18:05] I'm a single man with sexual needs. I see escorts. Am I a sex addict? [22:40] Are you running away from intimacy? [26:20] I'm a love addict and a lot of people have left my life. I feel really alone, what do I do?   RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss

Rob and Tami talk about betrayal in a marriage and how it takes the spouse a lot longer than you might think to ‘get over it'. It is frustrating seeing your significant other in so much pain, but the best way to help him or her overcome that hurt is through showing them day by day that you're committed 100% in your recovery process and you are becoming a changed person.   TAKEAWAYS: [0:30] I've been sober for a year and 8 months. Married for 28 years and still working on it. My wife is still angry. How do I help her? [4:45] What are the different ways ‘love addict' is used? [9:40] I feel stuck in my journey. It's been over two years since d'day and my wife is still upset. What can I do? [13:45] Addiction is a 24/7 issue. You have to always be working on it. [18:00] Dr. Rob and Tami talk about God and spirituality and how that helps with healing. [18:55] I just found out my husband has slept with over 70 women over the course of our marriage. I am in shock. What do I even do? Can he be fixed? [22:15] How do I know if my addict is ‘just going through the motions' or if he's committed to recovery? [26:40] I'm 28 and I have never been on a date. I feel like I can't do it until I am ‘catch'. Is this wrong?   RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss

Rob and Tami talk about the biggest emotion you should fear in your marriage is not hate, it’s indifference. When they no longer care, that’s when you know the relationship can not be salvaged. They also share how you can recover from a betrayal, and how long it truly takes to ‘heal’ an addiction.   TAKEAWAYS: [0:30] Dissociation and decompartmentalization, how does it work? [3:50] Addicts don’t trust that people can soothe and comfort us. [6:25] At the end of the day, reality is what wins. [8:00] How long does it take to really heal from sexual addiction? [15:35] Been with your addict for a long time? Tami and Rob have a support group for you. [16:35] How does an addict’s emotional abuse get addressed at Seeking Integrity? [20:45] When should I tell my daughter about our toxic relationship? [23:40] My wife is hurt beyond belief. She wants to know how to make the pain stop? [29:15] Partners are searching through everything you have because they’re looking for reasons to stay. [29:45] The opposite of love is indifference.   RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss   QUOTES “Addicts don’t trust that other people can soothe and comfort us. We’re the only ones who we believe can make ourselves feel better.” “We don’t ever heal addiction. Addiction is a form of mental illness.” “If you pursue your recovery with the same energy you pursued when you’re acting out, you’ll do really well, but it’s going to take a lot.”

Rob and Tami answer this week's burning questions. Can you forgive an addict who has raped someone? This is a tough situation to be for anyone, but Rob and Tami share their thoughts on what it means to have a second chance. They also answer questions about childhood neglect, and why it's so heartbreaking to see an addict with so much potential choose their addiction over their family/friends/their life.   TAKEAWAYS: [0:50] Is it too late to see the good in an addict, even if they raped someone? [3:25] Forgiveness is what you do for yourself, not for the other person. [6:15] Recovery is all about honesty. [8:20] My addict keeps acting out with very successful women. Is this need for approval connected to childhood neglect? [13:45] Why do addicts keep getting stuck in their addiction? [18:40] How do you discern misogynistic behavior vs. sex addiction? [21:00] Why do some men have to get the attention of any pretty girl that walks by? [26:00] What do healthy men do, on a normal day? [28:50] Why is it important to not sleep around so often? [35:00] 95% of all self-help books are bought by women! Men think they've already got it figured out.   RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss

Rob and Tami share why recovery is so important and that you cannot go through this journey alone. For many people who are in recovery, they have seen the long-lasting effects it has had on their life and it's completely changed their whole life outlook and outcome. Rob and Tami also talk about the differences between addictive behavior and compulsive behavior, and why an addict might become paranoid after he's been ‘outed' by a spouse.   TAKEAWAYS: [0:30] My husband has a new ‘best' female friend. I'm uncomfortable with this relationship. [2:35] This man is abusive! You as the spouse need to set boundaries. [5:45] He says you're jealous and controlling. No. He is in the wrong here. [8:00] I got COVID from a sex worker. How do I cope that I've put others in danger because of my addiction? [11:45] Recovery changes the trajectory of your life. [12:35] What is the difference between hypersexuality and OCD? [14:55] What is the difference between addictive behavior and compulsive behavior? [17:30] My husband is paranoid and is collecting evidence to use against me in case I'll ever take legal action against him. Is this normal? [21:25] You need a support group for your unique challenges. [22:55] It can take 3-4 years to grieve the loss of your relationship, and the person you fell in love with. [24:50] My husband still can not accept himself or be accountable for his actions despite his addiction revealed in 2019. Can he change? [26:40] You deserve love and support, but not all addicts know how to give it. [28:10] An addict is afraid you're going to react badly to them.   RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss

Rob and Tami share their thoughts on what to do when a trusted friend or family member is threatening to ‘out' your addict. This is cruel behavior, but not everyone understands that addicts can recover. Unfortunately, you can not control what others do, only how you can react to it. Rob and Tami also share why it takes so long for addicts to develop intimacy, and how to overcome compulsive lying when in recovery.    TAKEAWAYS: [0:30] I told my sister that my husband is an addict. Big Mistake. She's threatening to tell the rest of the family. What do I do?  [7:00] Tell your sister what the cost of this would be. She is going to damage the relationship beyond repair. [8:25] Intimacy and connection are uncomfortable for my SA husband. What do I do? [10:55] Addicts need to be trained on how to develop intimacy. This might be the first time they've ever had to undergo this process. [11:40] If a husband cheated on his wife, is he not responsible for feeling angry at him?  [17:00] I struggle with trusting others, even my sponsor. How can I overcome this and stop lying to people?  [23:35] My husband has been acting out. When will he stop?  [27:25] There are different forms of therapy. Rob explains the different methods and why it's important to seek out the right one for your needs.    RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss

Rob and Tami talk about when to call it quits in a marriage, even if you spent over 4 decades with your addict. Is your addict showing signs of improvement? Does he want to get better? Or does he keep lying? Rob and Tami also talk about the military's stigma to mental health issues and how to help a member of the military that's so obviously in pain with their addiction, depression, and thoughts of suicide.    TAKEAWAYS: [0:30] My husband is tired of recovery. What do I do?  [5:45] My husband is in the military and if they find out about his mental health struggles, it could be career ending. How do we do an intervention? [9:25] Sex addiction is often just the tip of the iceberg. There are underlying issues occurring.  [12:25] My addict has no empathy and this whole recovery process has just gotten worse for me. [18:05] My husband has relapsed. Should I stay in the home or separate for now?  [21:00] What does it take to really maintain a relationship?  [24:05] I didn't get help for my addiction and now my girlfriend is gone. Did I really cheat?    RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss

Rob and Tami share their thoughts on some of this week's questions. Why does a man fall in love with a sex worker? And if he keeps going back to the brothel, but swears he hasn't acted out, does that still count as him acting out his addiction? Rob and Tami explain why it's important to set boundaries as the betrayed spouse, and stick to them when an addict starts to relapse.   TAKEAWAYS: [0:30] I was sexually abused by my cousins and my brother, I've done work on myself, am I still a sex addict? [5:00] Are you a sex addict? Does the label really matter if your recovery is working? [5:20] I'm a betrayed spouse, together with him for 31 years, when will this all be over and we can be normal again? [13:45] Sex workers know how to play on the ‘hero syndrome' of men. This is one of the many reasons why men keep coming back for more. [16:00] What filtering and blocking software should you use? [20:00] My addict keeps relapsing, what do I do? [24:55] Addicts often ask for forgiveness first (and not permission) after they've acted out. [27:15] How do I keep up with being sober?   RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss

Rob and Tami talk about the biggest emotion you should fear in your marriage is not hate, it's indifference. When they no longer care, that's when you know the relationship can not be salvaged. They also share how you can recover from a betrayal, and how long it truly takes to ‘heal' an addiction.    TAKEAWAYS: [0:30] Dissociation and decompartmentalization, how does it work?  [3:50] Addicts don't trust that people can soothe and comfort us.  [6:25] At the end of the day, reality is what wins. [8:00] How long does it take to really heal from sexual addiction? [15:35] Been with your addict for a long time? Tami and Rob have a support group for you.  [16:35] How does an addict's emotional abuse get addressed at Seeking Integrity?  [20:45] When should I tell my daughter about our toxic relationship?  [23:40] My wife is hurt beyond belief. She wants to know how to make the pain stop?  [29:15] Partners are searching through everything you have because they're looking for reasons to stay.  [29:45] The opposite of love is indifference.  RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss

Rob and Tami answer some of your burning questions about addiction, building intimacy, and the steps needed to fully heal from your past traumas and wounds. If you don't work on yourself, then you will forever be caught in an ‘addiction' cycle where you just replace one drug for the next.    TAKEAWAYS: [0:30] What's the difference between how sex addicts fall in love vs. non-sex addicts? [2:35] What is avoidant attachment style?  [4:50] Want something different? You have to take a step into vulnerability.  [6:15] Addicts cut themselves off from the love they might get.  [8:25] Rob has worked with crack addicts who have taken their child's college fund to go buy drugs.  [10:10] Just because you've stopped drinking and acting out of your marriage, that doesn't mean the other problems are fixed.  [12:45] If you don't work on yourself, then you're just playing whack-a-mole on your addictions. [13:40] How long till ‘no empathy' becomes a red flag?  [18:30] You're the person closest to him, which means you're the scariest person to him. [22:25] Do sex addicts repeat things in therapy like a parrot but don't fully ‘understand' what they're saying yet?  [26:00] What are the stages of healing?  [29:50] No one can force an addict to cheat or not cheat. They are responsible for their actions.   RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss

Rob and Tami answer a question from someone who is struggling to understand if he should choose his wife, or continue with the woman he cheated with. Many addicts are faced with this question, even men who are on their second or third marriage have struggled with this. Rob and Tami talk about how you can determine whether your marriage is worth saving or not after a terrible betrayal.   TAKEAWAYS: [0:30] Sex addiction isn't always about intimacy issues. How correct is this? [4:15] Can a sex addict really, truly, fully be recovered? [8:15] My wife wants a divorce. I want to be with her, but also with my mistress. I'm confused. What do I do? [11:55] Are you leaving the relationship for the right reasons? Really take time for yourself to figure this out. [15:45] I always want a healthy relationship with abnormal people. What do I do? [20:45] My Addict's CSAT said addiction is never a problem and is not the symptom of a divorce. The problem is the inability to cope with emotions. Is this true? [22:25] Addiction takes all the juice out of the relationship. [24:50] Do you have to do a disclosure and a polygraph in order to get over betrayal?   RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss

Rob and Tami talk about how to give yourself realistic boundaries when you know your addiction is easy to access. They also go into talking about how addicts lie to therapists and how this can sometimes cloud their judgement and their opinions on the betrayed spouse but keep in mind, as the betrayed spouse, you are not to blame for your spouse's addiction and poor behavior. The responsibility is on him/her to own it, work through it, and maintain it.   TAKEAWAYS: [0:25] How does someone cope with the fact that porn will always be a click away? [4:15] I've been told that I turn to porn because I have a high sex drive, is this true? [9:05] Would a therapist ever openly lie to the betrayed spouse? [12:10] There's nothing a spouse did or didn't do that would force someone else to act out on their addiction. That's on the addict, not you. [16:15] Is it common for addicts to display ‘Peter Pan' symptoms? [22:00] At the beginning of recovery, we can be difficult, difficult people. [22:15] Can a porn addict ever use the computer again? [24:15] What's the difference between a sex therapist vs. a sex addiction therapist? [30:10] The more specialized you can get, the better it'll be for your addiction.   RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss

Rob and Tami dive right into why addicts refuse recovery and consciously walk away from a wonderful family and life they've built. It can be so tough as a spouse to witness this happening to you, but at the end of the day. It's not you your addict is walking away from, it's himself.    TAKEAWAYS: [0:25] Why do some addicts do recovery, and others do not?  [4:30] In therapy, the only person you can change is yourself. No one else can do it for you.  [6:55] Recovery is a daily thing.  [9:30] I want to help my husband, but he has no empathy for me. What do I do? [11:35] Addicts are responsible for their own healing. Spouses get to be angry.  [12:05] What does trauma work look like?  [16:00] How do I control my self-destructive behaviors?  [18:45] My addict is still in denial and won't consult with a CSAT. What do I do?  [23:20] Keep lying! How do I stop?  [26:00] How can I let people get close to me?    RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss

Rob and Tami discuss whether you should get an SA professional to do a formal disclosure with your partner or if it's better to go with your regular therapist. They also dive into what to do if you have obsessive thoughts for a particular woman (who has already said no) and how you can move on from this obsessive loop. All this and more on today's episode!    TAKEAWAYS: [0:25] What is erotic rage? [1:40] I'm getting out of an abusive relationship, but I miss them. What do I do?  [4:10] Can any therapist do a disclosure or do they have to specialize in SA?  [10:00] How can I help my partner with his mother enmeshment?  [15:00] I feel anxious when I'm around women, how can I fix this?  [19:40] There are three types of porn users.  [25:45] How can you help/support someone with a porn addiction?    RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss

Rob and Tami discuss whether it makes sense for a sex addict to invest in a dating coach, how to tell if your addict is really genuine in their feelings, and share how to have the right mindset when you're going through a treatment program for the first time. Trust and intimacy take time to build and it's important to trust the process and journey you're going on. The one thing addicts hate is taking things slow, but that's exactly what you need to do to build trust.   TAKEAWAYS: [0:30] Should I invest in a dating coach? [4:25] My husband has been sober for a year. How do I know his lust for me is genuine? [8:45] I'm a serial cheater and I keep thinking about the last person I cheated on my wife with. Why? [12:45] What are my first steps to restoring my relationship when I get home from treatment? [16:25] My husband's CSAT refuses to do a disclosure because I don't want to work with his recommended counselor. What do I do? [23:40] My SA is a behavioral therapist for drug and alcohol addiction. He knows the steps but isn't ready to face his own addiction. What should I do? [26:35] If there are no consequences for him to change, then he won't. [28:15] Does my spouse have the right to go through my things?   RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss

Rob and Tami discuss what it means to grief and forgive when we're going through this recovery process. The same is true for betrayed spouses who feel so hurt by the actions of their addict. They also answer questions on how to best handle when they're addict is dodging the question or avoiding accountability, and what to do when an addict blames the spouse for their addiction.    TAKEAWAYS: [0:30] Should I go on a sex fast? [1:55] What does ‘regain intimacy' look like? Dr. Rob explains.  [3:35] My husband is in therapy. He is furious that I ‘withheld' sex from him, but this is untrue. Can someone recovery from sex addiction without help?  [5:40] My SA husband feels trapped by all these ‘marriage rules', which prepratiates his addiction further. Why does he keep using?  [8:15] I saw my spouse's trauma therapy workbook and it was alarming. What do I do? Q [10:40] Are they a porn addict or just a borderline addict?  [15:10] Tell someone you're close to about all of your behavior and see if they're concerned about it or not.  [18:25] What makes an addict choose their addiction over their loved ones?  [23:20] Grief is a process for the betrayed spouse and forgiveness is too.  [27:40] In early recovery, we have to get used to having to stop lying to ourselves for the very first time.  [32:15] You got to live in reality.    RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss

Rob and Tami go right into today's questions. How can you tell whether someone is an addict vs. someone who likes to have affairs? Rob offers a very simple answer that might surprise you. Rob and Tami also shed some light why some addicts find it completely easy to lie to their loved ones, and also share strategies on what to do when you're faced with temptation.    TAKEAWAYS: [0:30] How do I prevent myself from watching porn on my work computer? [4:40] Addicts like to focus on all the things we're giving up, but we don't focus on all the things we are gaining.  [6:25] When do you know if it's a sex addiction vs. just a man trying to hook up regularly?  [11:20] I found a loophole on my phone. Everything I want is a search away. How do I not give into temptation?  [14:45] How in the world can my addict just blatantly lie to me?  [17:25] When is it a good idea to start dating in recovery?  [21:05] What are some childhood attachment wounds that end up leading to sex addiction?  [23:00] Addicts are broken people who did not learn healthy coping strategies.  [24:20] Drugs, alcohol, and sex do not let you down, but you feel terrible after. [27:25] There are a lot of free resources for you. You can do it.    RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss

Rob and Tami go right into the community's questions this week as they cover topics like whether a spouse should see a CSAT, trying to navigate recovery alone, and if someone truly is capable of recovery without relapse. They also talk about some of the common myths between sex abuse and its correlation with addiction, and why someone might develop an addiction but their rest of their family seems to be ‘fine'.   TAKEAWAYS: [0:25] I'm a recovering addict. I can't remember any sex abuse as a child, but it might have happened. Is this why I'm an addict? [4:10] How long should the spouse of an addict see a CSAT? [6:55] My husband is an SA. My CSAT said I have a lifelong recovery of working on myself. Is this normal? [9:55] My husband is doing well in sobriety but I'm struggling to believe that he won't relapse. [11:25] How do I know he's completely in recovery? [12:50] Nobody has perfect sobriety. This is a hard thing to hear. [15:45] What happens to chemsex addicts who opt out of a recovery program? [17:15] Meth is one of the hardest drugs to recover from. [22:15] All addictions, at their root, have challenges with intimacy, relationships, and connection. [24:15] If you're in a healthy relationship, can you still hold on to secrets? [27:15] My SA husband says being in our marriage makes his addiction worse. Is he just blame shifting?   RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss

Rob and Tami answer questions from their audience about sex addition, when it make sense to change CSATs, and they also explore what ‘sexual anorexia' is. Addicts have a tendnacy to make their partners feel guilty about their sex lives, but it's important to remember that healthy indivuidals use proactive communitation to grow together, and not tear your down. Keep following your boundaries.    TAKEAWAYS: [0:35] Why do I feel so close to my SA partner when he is so distant?  [2:25] Trauma shows up in our adult lives whether we realize it or not.  [3:15] What kind of interaction should an SA partner have with the addict's sponsor?  [5:00] My husband is part of a 12-step program and wants to stop seeing his CSAT. [9:50] A good therapist can always gain more skills.  [10:15] I am sexuallly anorexic. What resources are out there for me?  [13:25] Addicts love to blame their partners for not being sexual enough.  [16:55] He treated me poorly, so why do I still miss him?  [18:40] How do we keep the intimacy open after a betrayal?  [21:00] Rob and Tami talk about upcoming programs they have for addicts.  [22:40] I'm so hurt and angry. How do I detach my love for my addict?  [26:15] How can I talk to my addict about her addiction?  [30:10] There's nothing wrong with loving an addict.    RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss

Rob and Tami answer questions on how betrayed spouses can best navigate their feelings of insecurity when they've found out their husband has an addiction. They also discuss the best ways to navigate a relapse from your husband and the resentment he might feel towards you. Rob and Tami also answer a question from a female sex addict on how to build intmiacy without the sex.    TAKEAWAYS: [0:30] What do addicts need to do to better empathize with their partners?  [3:15] I'm a female sex addict and recently met someone. How do I respect my boundaries? I'm starting to unravel.  [5:55] My wife wants to know about any of the ‘new memories' I have. I have done a disclosure and my CSAT and sponsor tell me not to do it, but she keeps wanting to know more.  [10:20] My husband has had multiple relasapes. I feel so much resentment from him. Is he resentful because he's in a relapse or because he's uncovering childhood trauma?  [14:45] It's critical to join a partner group!  [15:50] What is recovery fatigue? And how do you keep going when you're mentally exhausted?  [19:20] If you don't make recovery fun. You're not going to make it.  [20:25] I'm a porn addict, but have been sober for 18 months. When will things get better with my wife?  [22:20] My wife and therapist want a 3-day disclosure workshop. What should I do? [23:50] “We're just friends.” But we're acting like we're in a relationship. It feels strange and I don't know how to navigate.  [26:55] You might have to date 16-20 people in a year to figure out the right person for you. Don't give up too soon!  [28:10] I have a trauma bond with my husband. He has a mother enmeshment. Is he trauma bonded with her and not with me?    RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss

Rob and Tami have a discussion on how to best manage your triggers as you go through recovery. Focus on the things you can control. Focus on how you want to react to temptation, instead of being derailed. So much about life are things you can't control, but you can choose to be a better person and make better, more intentional and more conscious decisions every single day! It does get better!   TAKEAWAYS: [0:20] How do I handle my fears and my triggers? [1:20] Trust the process. Keep finding accountability for yourself. [6:00] What's a good game plan for handling my triggers? [7:15] How do I heal resentment? [11:55] I'm 90 days sober. How can I develop true empathy for my spouse? [15:55] Your spouse will not care that you are 90 days sober if you've been hurting her and cheating on her for the last 8 years. [17:10] Should the addict be in recovery for himself or his family? [20:40] My relationship recently ended. How do I redefine my sexual sobriety? [25:15] Everyone has sexual thoughts. Addict or not. [31:45] You know when you're off because you're unhappy and you're stressed. You rely on the tools you build in recovery to keep you on the right track.   RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss

Rob and Tami dive into ADHD and its connection with trauma and addiction. Dr. Rob understands it can feel good to pinpoint something you were ‘born with' to your addiction, but it's rarely that easy. Rob and Tami also share resources for spouses whose addict has chosen their addiction over their family. Looking for help? There are support groups for partners of addicts to help you vent, feel heard, and know that you're not alone.   TAKEAWAYS: [0:35] I'm a love addict and separated from my husband. How do I stop obsessing over him? [2:10] Dr. Rob, please share a success story. I'm losing hope my marriage won't survive. [5:35] Is ADHD a response to trauma? [9:10] I'm a recovering SA. My wife wants sexual intimacy and I do too, but I'm afraid of triggering her. What can I do? [12:45] My addict has chosen his addiction over our family. What resources are there for me? [15:35] You deserve love. TRUE love. [19:40] I met someone at an online recovery meeting and they approached me sexually. He disclosed everything to me within a few hours of meeting. Is this normal? [24:15] I feel like my husband needs to address his trauma. Are my feelings correct? [27:45] You're not a bad person.   RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss If the Buddha Dated by Charlotte Kasl If the Buddha Married by Charlotte Kasl

Rob and Tami answer some questions from betrayed spouses. It's important to remember that addicts have a tendency to lie to try and protect their addiction as much as possible. Is what your addict saying the truth or a fragment of the truth? Rob and Tami also answer questions on how to rebuild your family, and trust, when you've been discovered or recently undergone a relapse.   TAKEAWAYS: [0:30] My SA husband doesn't remember why he hired prostitutes. He doesn't remember anything. Is that normal? [3:40] Dr. Rob does do consultations. It's not therapy, but it has helped people get a clear head. [4:55] I'm a gay sex addict. I want to break the habit, how can I have more discipline? [9:10] How can I set strong boundaries with my addict? [10:50] My daughter found my nudes and because of this, I had to confess to my wife my relapse. What do I do now? [16:25] Your family is in crisis. You need someone to help guide you. [16:50] I'm afraid to connect with my addict again. How can we rebuild? [20:55] My therapists recommend full disclosure, but I don't want to hurt my wife further. I know what I did. Help! [24:55] My husband relapsed and all I'm hearing is excuses. Is he just lying? [29:10] What effect does porn have on the brain?  [31:25] Need help? Reach out. Dr. Rob and Tami can refer you to someone.    RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss

Rob and Tami explain in depth what a betrayed spouse is going through during the first year and a half after a reveal, and what a person in recovery can do about it. They also answer listener questions about porn addiction since the age of 10, and what to do when a CSAT therapist sides with the addict and not with the betrayed spouse.   TAKEAWAYS: [0:25] My wife hates me. When will it stop? [2:25] Dr. Rob explains why it's important for betrayed spouses to find a place to vent outside of your home with the addict. [4:25] He's just not getting it! Will I ever get empathy from my addict? [8:00] I have been a compulsive user of sexual fantasy since I was 10. I'm struggling. How do I become normal again? [13:15] As a betrayed spouse, I'm seeing red flags with my husband's current therapist. The therapist blames me! [15:40] Not all therapists are good therapists. You do get a mixed bag and it can be a journey to find the right one. [18:45] My addict broke my boundaries. What do I do? [25:35] At Seeking Integrity, Dr. Rob and his team turn boys into men. [27:35] Is there something wrong with me that I want to be intimate with my untrustworthy addict?   RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss

Rob and Tami share how you can rebuild trust and how to recover from intense trauma and abuse. They also answer how you can discover what your true emotional needs are and how to express them in a healthy way to a partner, and what to do if your addict threatens to leave you in this week's episode!   TAKEAWAYS: [0:25] How can I rebuild trust again?  [2:25] First, create strong boundaries for yourself.  [3:35] How can the betrayed spouse heal, especially when the addict chooses to not go into recovery?  [5:00] Choose life. Choose your own life.  [7:00] There's nothing wrong with missing your addict, even if you've been separated for a long time.  [7:15] My addict is reluctant to look at his childhood trauma and the root of his addiction. What do I do?  [10:10] How do you treat narcissism?  [11:15] As a single gay man in treatment, what should I focus on?  [15:55] Does porn addiction change the way the addict sees a relationship? Why does the addict keep threatening divorce?  [18:55] I'm a victim of incest and a sex addict, I'm struggling with expressing intimacy. How do I discover what my needs are?  [21:35] My husband and I are operating on different pages. He relapsed six weeks ago and things haven't improved. How do I set new boundaries?  [26:20] I love anonymous sex with strangers. Is this just part of my sexual template?  [30:10] Ask yourself: Is your current lifestyle making you happy?    RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss

Rob and Tami talk about codependency and why the term actually shames betrayed partners, not supports them. They also dive into some of the misconceptions people have about the partners of addicts. In this week's episode, they share how you can find a therapist that understands you and what you're going through, and not shames you.    TAKEAWAYS: [0:25] Is it a good sign my addict is apologizing or is this a manipulation tactic?  [2:15] Dr. Rob, are you offering partner meetings?  [3:50] Can codependency delay the addict's recovery?  [8:00] Your partner stays with you because they love you! Not because they love your addictions!  [9:10] I can't find a CSAT in my area. What should I do?  [12:50] My therapist told me I am addicted to my sex addicted partner. Can betrayed spouses be addicts too?  [17:35] What have been some of the biggest changes Dr. Rob sees from the people leaving his treatment center?  [21:25] When addicts go through treatment and realize the damage they've caused, they become so afraid that their spouses will leave them.  [24:45] I am struggling to understand addiction. Why do people do it?  [29:30] Do addicts have moments of clarity?    RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss

Rob and Tami discuss how to best manage your addiction when the outside world is so tempting. It's easy to fall into traps and feel like you ‘deserve it', but your actions have consequences and they not only hurt the people you love, but they're hurting you too. Find out in this week's episode how to manage the outside world without feeling like you're just taking on the whole world.    TAKEAWAYS: [0:25] I'm not sure about my CSAT therapist yet. What questions should I be asking her?  [8:00] Have you ever been so deep in temptation where the only choice is for you to give in?  [13:50] My wife found out about me two weeks ago. What do I do?  [21:05] Saying I'm sorry and asking for forgiveness only makes it about you.  [25:30] Support groups are not a pity party for betrayed spouses, they are a place to find strength and encouragement.  [28:30] My brother has a laptop for work and I am having a hard time resisting to use it for my addiction. What do I do?  RESOURCES:  Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss

Rob and Tami discuss what goes into the mind of an addict when they have a close bond or relationship with their partner, yet strays and look elsewhere to meet their sexual needs. They also discuss how a spouse can explore sex again after a betrayal, and so much more on this week's episode!    TAKEAWAYS: [0:30] How can I get my sex addict to stop threatening divorce?  [3:35] Why is my sex addict not interested in sex with me?  [6:20] Addicts are afraid of intimacy, they don't want to be vulnerable in that way. [12:05] My addict is coming home in two weeks. How do I reintroduce sex into our relationship?  [17:20] Discovered my husband's sex addiction for younger women. Should I forgive him?  [19:25] It's normal for men to be attracted to younger women, but that doesn't mean you act on it.  [23:05] Can a partner of a sex addict contribute to their addiction?    RESOURCES:  Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss

Rob and Tami get some really insightful questions this week. They answer everything from if it makes sense to get a pet to help with trauma and recovery, when enough is enough and it's time to walk away, and how to be healthy adults and think about the future of your children and grandchildren.   TAKEAWAYS: [0:30] Can an affair lead onto a more serious sex addiction? [1:45] Is he an addict or just a jerk? [4:25] I think my best friend is a sex addict. What do I do? [6:30] My husband still talks to his best friend after lying that he doesn't. Should I talk to his friend about this? [7:35] My husband has an unwillingness to commit to recovery and I don't know how to talk to him about it. [9:15] My husband is an addict, how will it take for him to stop being a narcissist? [12:25] I'm in a 12 step program, how do I have healthy sex that goes beyond abstinence? [14:30] Would getting a pet help my wife heal? [18:55] My husband relapsed after 8 years and blames me for putting him into recovery. What's going on? [24:55] My husband stopped seeing a therapist and now has relapsed. I feel so emotionally done. How do I trust him again?   RESOURCES:  Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss

Rob and Tami dive right into how a betrayed spouse can work with their addict during times of close quarters and covid, how should a CSAT therapist interact with a betrayed spouse and addict, and whether or not a betrayed spouse should meet with her husband's past affair partners.    TAKEAWAYS: [0:30] Is there a way to co-exist without feeling triggered?  [3:00] Would talking to a lawyer about our marriage be helpful or hurtful?  [5:10] I feel like my partner is blaming me, when I call him out on this, he says I'm not listening. What should I do?  [7:30] I want to meet some of my husband's affair partners. Would this make this worse or better?  [11:25] My husband speaks about the prostitute as if she was his wife. What should I do?  [14:35] When should my addict and I go into couple's counseling?  [16:00] I developed an unhealthy bond with my mother. How do I regain control as an adult?  [19:45] What are Dr. Rob's thoughts when an addict makes excuses and does not take his therapy seriously?  [23:05] How do I create a dating plan?  [27:05] Should my CSAT therapist talk to my addict about my codependency?   RESOURCES:  Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss Overcomingenmeshment.com

Rob and Tami answer questions about when it makes sense to keep fighting for a relationship with your addict vs. walking away for good. It can be a hard journey filled with grief, but you have every right to be angry and upset about the betrayal they've done to you. In this week's episode, your hosts discuss how you can best manage this pain.   TAKEAWAYS: [0:35] I'm a betrayed spouse that wants to stay together. My partner thinks it'll be easier to walk away. What do I do? [4:05] My husband has difficulty discussing his sex addiction. What's happening here? [9:05] If your addict pursued their recovery with the same amount of energy as their addiction, they'd do great. [12:40] I'm struggling to stop trying to prove that my betrayed partner is in the wrong. [16:15] How can I find resources to help my betrayed partner? [19:25] How can I build empathy and stop causing my partner pain? [22:20] Men are not the only people who cheat. Tami and Rob will have more resources for women addicts coming soon. [23:25] What are some self-care responses when your addict breaks boundaries? [27:15] My husband didn't get better, so I left. Should I keep hoping he'll change or should I finally leave him?   RESOURCES:  Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss

Rob and Tami discuss how to best keep boundaries with your mother, how to work through betrayal as a betrayed spouse in a way that encourages your addict to be honest with you, and Rob explains how sexuality works and why you might be attracted to men vs. not.    TAKEAWAYS: [0:45] How can I communicate my boundaries without making it into a threat? [7:25] There's three rules you want to keep in mind when you want to make it work and there's been a betrayal in the relationship. Dr. Rob explains.  [9:50] How do I sent boundaries with my mother who subjected me to covert incest?  [15:05] Can a man be bi or gay without being sexually arrosed by male bodies? [21:45] My wife caught me and is now hypersensitive to stress. How long will this last?  [28:20] My boyfriend has a porn addiction. What's next?    RESOURCES:  Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss

Rob and Tami dive into whether you can rewire your sexual tastes after being exposed to hardcore porn. They also discuss how to have a successful open relationship (when you're not an addict) and so much more on this week's episode!   TAKEAWAYS: [0:30] Can I rewire my sexual tastes? [6:10] I don't think I can handle my partner relapsing. What can I do? [10:45] How can we have a successful open relationship? [13:45] Should addicts reveal their addiction to their family members? [18:00] I stumbled upon child porn and I felt guilty ever since watching it. How do I get over this? [19:45] How do you create healthy boundaries as a sex addict? [24:15] My husband of 28 years has paid for prostitutes for the last 8 years. Will this pain ever end?   RESOURCES:  Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss

Rob and Tami answer the community's questions and cover topics like having empathy in the betrayed partner, creating healthy love boundaries, and why men seem to cheat more than women do. Rob and Tami also discuss whether there should be anonymity in recovery.    TAKEAWAYS: [0:25] My husband has been emotionally distant with me after he cheated on me. What's going on?  [3:50] How to create boundaries as a love addict?  [6:15] Should I keep reading books about codependency?  [9:25] How can I empathize more for the partners of sex addicts?  [13:30] Now that I'm sober from porn, I have a food addiction! What do I do?  [16:55] Suggested literature for mother enmeshment?  [18:30] What can I do to build emotional intimacy with the betrayal partner? [20:55] Why should there be anonymity in recovery? [23:35] Why does it seem more men cheat than women do?    RESOURCES:  Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss Dr. Kenneth M. Adams