Extruding America

Gerard Armbruster and Stetson Tudd are unaware that their phone call has been recorded.

Photo by Moreau.henri.  Sound effects provided by Freesound Project contributors: laurent, reinsamba, ejazz215, promete, CGEffex. Unbeknownst to the chumps at Extruding America, this has appeared on their website.  (IDA Message #44937: Internet Detection Agency)

The Wallflower 360, a premium received with Gerard Armbruster's workhorse handheld audio recorder, was introduced in the Extruding America episode entitled Preparation for a Journalistically Superior Report, and was described as "a recording device so sensitive it can even record your thoughts and dreams."  It promised the ability to "constantly record your entire life."  It was discarded on a scrapheap but is apparently still in operation, as evidenced here. - Editor*   *Note - The possibility of a listening device with the power of the Wallflower 360 was being investigated as early as 1949 and outlined in scientific literature (see AUDITORY NATURE IN MOLECULAR STRUCTURES by Folger Edelstein, Yuma University Press 1949) and in extrapolative classical works (e.g. THE BED CHAMBER DREAMS OF TIN TIN LIU by the 13th century Chinese poet Ben Joe).

Gerard is hungry and sees something out of the corner of his eye.

Somewhat amazingly, Gerard Armbruster, beset by what some individuals would consider to be emotional and financial difficulties, continues to work at what some professional broadcasters might consider to be an exhausting pace.

Stetson Tudd delivers an open letter to the world from Battersea, Washington.

Has Extruding America returned and is it new and improved and better than ever?  We're voting for "returned"!

Gerard Armbruster and Stetson Tudd are unaware that their phone call has been recorded.

Rejected Title: Disquietude Introduces Itself to Gerard Armbruster's Comfy Chair

Unbeknownst to a frustrated Gerard, his activities have been recorded.

Zowie!  Straight out of the heart of Armbruster Recording Studio Enterprises (ARSE) comes this viral dance sensation.  Take that, Armbruster! - Robert "Bob" Robertson.  Goodnight America! (image © 2004 by Tomasz Sienicki)

Marcus Aurelius was a Roman general.  He was not a rhododendron.

Unbeknownst to Gerard, his preparation for a journalistically superior report has been recorded.

Yet again, Gerard and Stetson are unaware that their phone call has been recorded. (Image: Natxo 68, flickr)

Gerard Armbruster seizes the moment and Stetson Tudd skips it across the pond. (Illustration: Alfanhui, flickr)

Gerard Armbruster successfully teams up with Stetson Tudd over the speaker phone.

(Rejected Subtitle: 10 Cent Scheherezade)While this may not be an example of journalism or even editorialization, if you're listening to this on a podcatcher or computer equipped with speakers, it is affordable.(dedicated to Paul Yamazaki.)

A report is filed.

Is Extruding America’s podcasting host Gerard Armbruster, former host of Happy Trailer Parks To You, What’s Wrong With That Dog? and Out Of My Way, and proud alumnus of The Dwight Bertram Correspondence School of Reporting Technique and Vocal Inflection, becoming slightly unhinged?  Let’s find out.  (Music cue: Aao Twist Karen by the great R. D. Burman, from the film Bhoot Bungla (1965))

Gerard Armbruster has a dream mildly reminiscent of an old radio show.  (Music cues from Suspense, broadcast  12/05/46, probably by the great Bernard Herrmann, possibly by Alexander Semmler, Lucien Morawek, or Wilbur Hatch, also composers for the show.)

Gerard gets a clue and it’s adios Stet!The 87 Club Volume Two Roster:A Dark Night’s Passing by Naoya ShigaA Desire to Learn by Eric MoonSoviet but not Russian by William M. MandelThe Road to Wigan Pier by George OrwellThe Soil by Nagatsuka Takashi (translated and with an introduction by Ann Waswo)

Gerard continues to battle his demons.  Stetson goes on a business trip.(Illustration: Tom Sanislo, for the Washington State Dept. of Transportation)

Gerard smells the smell of fear.  Stetson introduces something new.The 87 Club Roster:The Gods Will Have Blood by Anatole FranceHitler's Army by Omer BartovBest Russian Short Stories edited by Thomas Setzer (The District Doctor by Ivan Turgenev)Mountain of Fame by John E. Wills, Jr.Alice's Adventures in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll

A confluence of events puts Gerard's multimedia multitasking mettle to the test.  Stet states a truth.

With a glorious assist from the Dwight Bertram Correspondence School of Reporting Technique and Vocal Inflection, Gerard Armbruster quells a querulous Stetson Tudd.  A magnificent display of the journalistic arts ensues.

After a brief vacation, Stetson Tudd recalls his brief vacation.  Gerard listens.  (Image: El Palo Alto, circa 1910)

The last M-80 is spent.  So are Gerard and Stetson.

The odyssey that began with the ringing of a phone ends with the harsh scream of a Sea-Tac bound airliner.

The semi-historic meeting of friends Gerard Armbruster and Stetson Tudd proceeds as smoothly as one would imagine.  The gigantitude of the immensity of Gerard's personal journey becomes self-evident, to Gerard at least. (Photo: Carmen Dean)

Terrific news!  People and events collude to engender the greatest transformative odyssey of Gerard Armbruster's life.  Stetson Tudd rides shotgun.

Gerard Armbruster wakes up.  Stetson Tudd goes for a walk.

Gerard cranks up a reverie...

SNAFU begets High Art in this light-hearted romp through the morbid and the unexplained.

A proud graduate  of Dwight Bertram's Correspondence School of Reporting Technique and Vocal Inflection recaptures lost glory with sledgehammer-like precision.

"When you come to a fork in the road, take it!" - Yogi Berra

Gerard's investigation into the formation of thought is interrupted by a pop quiz, per doctor's orders.  (Image: Flag of Sardinia)

Once again, Gerard and Stetson are unaware that their phone call has been recorded.

Gerard introduces the amazing Sound Effects 3000, and Stetson opens a can o’ worms…

Unbeknownst to Gerard and Stetson, their phone call has been recorded.

The oaken doors of the Armbruster Recording Studios are thrown open in a pageant of atonement and celebration of a life well lived.

Gerard conducts an audio tour of the abandoned medieval-themed restaurant The Dark Ages, now the Armbruster Recording Studios, and Stetson concludes his thoughts on Slaughter and Mayhem introduced in the previous episode.

A fuming Gerard is distracted by Stetson's literalist interpretation of the NFL's monstrous mythology.

Zowie!  Straight out of Hollywood and the heart of Armbruster Recording Studio Enterprises (ARSE) comes this wigged-out sample-crazy underground basement sensation!  The Master of Knobs, Robert "Bob" Robertson takes the Ma Po Dofu craze of Episode 2 and turns it into a dance floor riot!  (Sampling copyright violation litigation pending)

Gerard delves into the darker side of the human appetite for the taboo crop, and a new longform format accidentally evolves when hard-hitting journalism collides with movie gossip and a bedtime story. 

An expedition upon the shadowy sea of Superstition flounders in even deeper, darker waters.

Gerard and Stetson explore the landscape of memory, ultimately forgetting the way back.

Christmas comes to Battersea, as a storm hits the American Northwest.

Gerard phones Stetson for his weekly impressions of life in Battersea; Stetson introduces more of the memorable denizens of this hermetically sealed community with an odd culinary detour.

Won't you join me, Gerard  Armbruster, as we search for the heart of a nation in the throats of its people, as they tell the stories that are... Extruding America.  This week, our first call to Stetson Tudd for his Postcard from Battersea sets the stage for all that is to come.